Fighting For Love: Borderline Triangulation

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  • Опубліковано 27 січ 2025

КОМЕНТАРІ • 111

  • @mrfake675
    @mrfake675 4 місяці тому +18

    Once you unhook you're filled with disgust for what they put you through. Gross.

  • @kams_corner
    @kams_corner 6 місяців тому +44

    My ex did this to me and I didn’t even realize and I kept telling her to stop talking to him and she lied to me saying she did and gaslit me so much

    • @Jackmcars12
      @Jackmcars12 6 місяців тому +5

      I had a crazy cheat and triangulate tons

    • @a.d.b535
      @a.d.b535 6 місяців тому +4

      My ex BF did this with me and his ex BF. I think he was secretly satisfied, though denied doing it. I accused him of that saying I didn't want to be part of this sick game. He eventually dumped me and believe me, I'm not pounding on his door.

    • @boop79
      @boop79 6 місяців тому +4

      Been there too you’re not alone

    • @almor2445
      @almor2445 Місяць тому

      My gf has been with another man for 2 years. I found out 6 months ago and left. I met someone else myself, it wasn't working and the ex promised to leave him and be with me. But when I broke up with my new gf, she backed off her own promise. Now she's refusing to leave him or to just let me go.

    • @almor2445
      @almor2445 Місяць тому

      Wow the gas lighting was strong with her. First she had a go at me for picking a jealous fight when I knew she was cheating. Then she said it wasn't very sexual. Then it was that we hadn't been physical for years (because she said she was unable to!) But they were physical at least 3 or 4 times. Now she said it's because I refused to get engaged. So confused!

  • @L.RaeHoldt
    @L.RaeHoldt 12 днів тому

    What I despise is when they triangulate then play dumb. "I never said that, it never happened. "

  • @donaldsodav290
    @donaldsodav290 6 місяців тому +15

    My ex would say things like "you are like my best male friend who I slept with but he isn't funny and you are". I often forget how gross my ex was with her bringing orbiters into the mix and then pitting me against them.

    • @jonathanbaum6867
      @jonathanbaum6867 6 місяців тому +4

      I didn’t even know what triangulation was, but orbiters, “friends“ as they say lol. If they are your friends can I meet up w them?? lol

    • @a.d.b535
      @a.d.b535 6 місяців тому +2

      ​@@jonathanbaum6867He didn't want me to meet her when I said I wanted to meet her.

    • @DeMarsCoaching
      @DeMarsCoaching  6 місяців тому +1

      That can be so damaging, I'm sorry.

    • @a.d.b535
      @a.d.b535 6 місяців тому +1

      @@donaldsodav290 Wow, your ex was totally disrespectful of you and your relationship.

    • @jonathanbaum6867
      @jonathanbaum6867 6 місяців тому +1

      @@a.d.b535of course, it’s so terrible. It’s not you

  • @IvyAAngel
    @IvyAAngel 6 місяців тому +17

    David you a Beautiful person i wish i knew of more people like you in the world. You've been through trauma through out your life but you didn't allow it to change the way you think or feel and you still have love in your heart. You are doing a Wonderful job with your channel you've changed my life keep doing what your doing you are truly making a break through difference.

  • @jrozinek87
    @jrozinek87 6 місяців тому +10

    You're 100% right, you can't even make up the things these vile people say and do. It's something I will NEVER forget about unfortunately

  • @adamfarmwald66
    @adamfarmwald66 23 дні тому

    Thank you for being real. You have saved me from entertaining her lies. I’ve been up all night just trying to get her to own up to something after it’s been over for 2 weeks. She’s still trying to say that she never cheated. But when I left her friends house to take my son home from the Christmas party he forgot something and we had to go back not even five minutes later and within those 5-10 minutes her friends bf went to pick up his brother while I was gonna be gone for 2 hours to take my child back to his moms then come back. And mind you this was a guy that they had previously attempted to set her up with. 😅 would love to hear some perspective on this. Thank you again for your content🙏❤️

  • @zhzhan3166
    @zhzhan3166 6 місяців тому +9

    Been there, been done to exactly like what you described in the video. I've been to hell and come back alive to tell you all the audience there that among all the maladaptive behaviors a borderline can inflict upon her partner, triangulation is the worst of the worsts as a form of narcissistic manipulation. It can be so heart-wrenching Everything said here is so right on the issue. Thks 👍

  • @Ppsy777
    @Ppsy777 6 місяців тому +12

    After his second devaluation my ex bpd started triangulations first via men from his past. No matter how much I told her about my pain, She told me that if I didn't adapt, she'd leave me. Eventually I realized that She needed reassurance about my feelings for her. These triangulations were fictitious... Except for the last one. After several months, when everything seemed to be going well, She started up again. It all started with one of her insults. Her fear of abandonment made her as paranoid as ever; we argued (she has a gift for creating Dantesque conflicts). In a few days she split me up. I caught them together, screamed and she blackballed me. Slander, police, you can guess the rest...

    • @DeMarsCoaching
      @DeMarsCoaching  6 місяців тому +2

      I'm so sorry, I hope you are fully recovering.

  • @williamgoldenvi8150
    @williamgoldenvi8150 6 місяців тому +8

    Hey David. My bpd ex completely split on me back in December and broke up with me very suddenly. She gave me less than a ten minute conversation and gave me zero closure. A few weeks after the break up I found out that she had most likely been cheating on me with a guy she knew from her past. The evidence I had was pretty damning so I broke no contact and confronted her about it. She completely denied it but admitted she had started talking to this guy “after we broke up” and that they were not dating. She said “I know how being cheated on feels so I would never do that to you.”
    She told me before we broke that her doctor suspected she had bpd. I’m 95% sure I was being gaslit and made out to be the bad guy when I confronted her. She really made me doubt if the cheating actually happened despite the evidence I had. It sucks not knowing the full truth. I think in a way that would’ve at least given me some closure.

    • @jonathanbaum6867
      @jonathanbaum6867 6 місяців тому +6

      She was definitely cheating or seeking attention if she has cluster B traits. It’s not you !

    • @jrozinek87
      @jrozinek87 6 місяців тому +6

      The not getting answers to questions and trying to figure out what's real and what is not, is difficult to accept. The question also is, would knowing the actual truth help or hurt with "closure"? I ask myself that often.

    • @yannisdontas745
      @yannisdontas745 6 місяців тому +3

      She’s a liar put it this way and think this way ,everything she ever said to you since day one was a lie simple as that

    • @DeMarsCoaching
      @DeMarsCoaching  6 місяців тому +5

      I'm sorry William. Whats most important is how you feel and it sounds like she could never make you feel secure in your relationship.

    • @pythonpatrol1110
      @pythonpatrol1110 5 місяців тому +3

      They are very good at making you doubt your completely accurate intuitions. She absolutely was up to no good even if she didn't actually physically cheat on you.
      From what you're describing, she sounds like she could have BPD. And now she's admitting her own doctor believes she has BPD. That is your closure right there, bro. You can now take comfort in the fact there was literally nothing you could have done to change the outcome. She's a very sick person who takes no accountability for her actions.
      And don't believe for one second that she won't abuse and manipulate this new guy in the same manner. She will. She won't be able to help herself. And she'll most likely die miserable and alone.

  • @KenFlo1000
    @KenFlo1000 24 дні тому

    When I first met my ex, she was engaged. I didnt know. We stopped talking once i found out her fiance was extremely upset. Then she told me they were breaking up, and her and I started dating. Yet, she still lived with him...I told her that was a no go. But that guy was part of our relationship for like a year. Just a thorn in my side. She kept him around too long. Now we're broken up after all of the abuse. Trauma bonds ruin your life for a while.

  • @void1718
    @void1718 6 місяців тому +6

    ‘You’ve got to fight ‘ I asked for what ? Things got vicious . Horrible , absolutely terrible.

  • @L.RaeHoldt
    @L.RaeHoldt 12 днів тому

    This ruined my relationship. It's emotional abuse.
    He still can't grasp why it hurt so much.

  • @JustinHopkins-n7z
    @JustinHopkins-n7z 5 місяців тому +3

    I've been in several of these with my BPD girlfriend . She seems to enjoy it . Starts off as gaslighting during the grooming . Then boom she is gone and you don't know where she is or what she is doing . Tells you it's a friendship then always turns into more . She usually does this if I ever questioned the toxicity in our relationship and then it gets sick and stressful . It's degrading to through this people and it gets harder every time you take them back.

    • @jamessanders145
      @jamessanders145 5 місяців тому +1

      Imagine this, you hear for weeks about how this person he's trying to help is driving him up the wall, is dry, is uninterested, is a bad person, is a cheater, is unworthy of any relationship. Then you get devalued hard for the first time, he has a huge episode that I won't get into but requires 3 days of round the clock attention, then you meet the so called terrible person because they too are worried about the episode and you find out what he's been saying about you. When the episode ends he chooses to have a long late night conversation with this "horrible person" and you get shunned. You learn everything that had been going on from this person who has no respect for his secrecy so you hear and learn things that horrify you. Then as if that weren't enough, he shares with both of you screenshots of him love bombing someone new and just dropping a "look, someone who actually cares".

  • @gingersnap108
    @gingersnap108 6 місяців тому +13

    My daughter took her bpd sister in when she was pregnant. Took care of everything, baby clothes and equipment, medical care, helped after birth with night feeding. Then she didn’t make it home quickly enough with cigarettes. An uproar ensued, police had to be called. Bpd played victim , got authorities to believe it, her sister became the perpetrator in the eyes of the law . Bpd knows perfectly how to manipulate police and those associated.

  • @olegal
    @olegal 6 місяців тому +5

    Excellent video. So packed with truth.
    Thank you David.

  • @sungam71
    @sungam71 Місяць тому +1

    Went out with a BPD, told me within the first couple of weeks.
    Pure chaos, i was like a frog in slowly boiling pot, gaslighting, manipulation, triangulation, split up and got back more than i can recall, $$$’s in support, suicide attempts, drug use, cheating, ultimately monkey branched to an ex,blocked and ghosted me
    Betrayal trauma manifest. Left me gutted, not needed anymore
    Ultimately I betrayed myself and better judgment
    Thank you for Your videos

  • @AdaptorLive
    @AdaptorLive Місяць тому

    Have been watching a ton of videos about abuse these last couple of days because I was in the middle of a triangle until today. Your, completely justified, anger was so cathartic that I finally got the courage to cut ties. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  • @pythonpatrol1110
    @pythonpatrol1110 5 місяців тому +3

    "Why would you tell me?"
    That's a very pertinent question I should have been asking my girlfriend every time she told me about her ex or every other guy that was blowing up her inbox for a hook-up. This was pretty much on a daily basis.
    I didn't even know what triangulation was back then, but after watching these videos, I'm definitely seeing it now.
    Well, fortunately, I got out after only three months.

  • @CarlDelaney-b3e
    @CarlDelaney-b3e 6 місяців тому +5

    Phenomenally good video. Have lived it and can confirm the level of pain and confusion is true. To be cheated on and then be told it wasn’t really cheating and that even if it was cheating it was all my fault anyway. Just awful.

    • @DeMarsCoaching
      @DeMarsCoaching  6 місяців тому +1

      Its so damaging but we can heal from it and I wish you a full recovery. Thank you.

  • @jarettc.2500
    @jarettc.2500 6 місяців тому +2

    Your knowledge and virtue are beyond measure, thank you for putting these valuable info packed videos together perfectly n educating me n the masses about these deep seeded issues that exist amongst lovers and friends n the scary underbelly of what can be ghastly outcomes n how to overcome n rise above the dirt that is ever so prevalent in society 🏆

  • @JKDVIPER
    @JKDVIPER 2 місяці тому +1

    7:12 Narcissistic triangulation, one of the worst means of scaring people beyond recognition.” If you aren’t strong, don’t have a good solid sense of self, have the ability to keep grinding while fighting off urges to help, placate or satisfy the perpetrator, you’ll wind up in a gooey quagmire state of perpetual confusion and anxiety!” 😬🧠💯coach DEMARS says “Who loves you that constantly riles you up, puts you in corners, places heavy duty guilt trips passive aggressively. Yucky. 🤢💯toxic.

  • @grikmyr
    @grikmyr 6 місяців тому +3

    Great video, David. To me, the cluster b personality disordered individuals are the users, abusers and controllers in relationships. Instead of being four separate disorders, all four are just the manifestation of the same thing, sociopathy. Hope you've been well, David.
    Much love, Alec from Melbourne Australia

  • @elleonard9568
    @elleonard9568 6 місяців тому +2

    Tasmania.
    Hello! David.
    Thank you so much!! for doing this video.
    You have greatly covered all they do.
    😢 So very sorry that you had been subjected to that type of horrifying and such a frightening living nightmare of an experience and brutal crime.
    Very glad that you are here!! with us.
    I/ We appreciate you so very much and all you do.
    Take care of yourself! HUGS ❤
    True, "how they don't have any emotional connection and don't care, until we're hooked and do say how much they love you so much"..
    When they have someone else, behind the scenes, they will say: "I know you don't love me."
    🙏💜

    • @DeMarsCoaching
      @DeMarsCoaching  6 місяців тому +2

      Thank you and I'm sorry for everyone that ever mistreated you too. We heal together!

    • @elleonard9568
      @elleonard9568 6 місяців тому

      @@DeMarsCoaching Thank you so much! David 🙏💜

  • @SurnaturalM
    @SurnaturalM 6 місяців тому +8

    Very interesting information as always. It's something I've never tolerated. You have someone else ? I'm gone there and then.

  • @catherinekatyakapralova5169
    @catherinekatyakapralova5169 6 місяців тому +3

    this is why I don't have a relationship Friendship is hard enough

  • @melodysanquist4834
    @melodysanquist4834 2 місяці тому

    Wow! I’ve been here. Thank you for posting

  • @scottoz7891
    @scottoz7891 6 місяців тому +2

    THANK you David. ❤..

  • @SenSakura-dj6bq
    @SenSakura-dj6bq 5 місяців тому

    This was a very good video. Thanks. I needed to hear some of these things.

  • @darthvader78441
    @darthvader78441 6 місяців тому +3

    Brilliant video. Inspired.

  • @cowboynohorse
    @cowboynohorse 4 місяці тому +1

    He's stalking me. Then she goes back to him.

  • @luv04angels
    @luv04angels 5 місяців тому +1

    My bf doesn't tell me, he does it behind my back with his ex who is engaged and she is also doing the same to her finance. When confronted, she smiles and loves the game. It's sick. She keeps saying there's nothing wrong with being friends. As i find out later, she was at my bf house, when my bf and i supposedly broke up or on a break. Her fiance doesn't know they are doing this she tells him, my bf is contacting her. They go on a app to talk and delete it later. So much deceit! He later comes to me with frustration and says, if this is going to work i should leave the past behind and move forward and not question anything about his ex because he cant stand her and by me bringing her up, annoys him and he cant stand me cuz im causing him stress. It's exhausting and horrible. Everytime he stays away from her, she does things to provoke him vice versa.
    I know, i deserve better. I wish everyone the best.

    • @windysmith7367
      @windysmith7367 3 місяці тому +1

      Yes, you deserve better. None of them want you to discuss the past (although they are still in it) because this works to their advantage.

  • @Stephanie-o8z
    @Stephanie-o8z 6 місяців тому +3

    Thank you, David ❤️‍🩹

  • @loulastname5437
    @loulastname5437 6 місяців тому +2

    When I found out about my ex being with someone else she said, "It's not like I've never had sex with anyone else before...". Unreal...

  • @eaksgeeks8674
    @eaksgeeks8674 6 місяців тому +2

    Thank you David

  • @jasec2252
    @jasec2252 6 місяців тому +12

    Day 1 you hear all about how nasty her exes were and that she's a victim......
    Week 10 you find out she's in regular contact still with most of them!
    They are incredible.

    • @pythonpatrol1110
      @pythonpatrol1110 5 місяців тому +3

      We must have dated the same undiagnosed Borderline. She did nothing but talk trash on most of her ex-boyfriends or hook-ups. She would even embarrass some of them in front of me. But the one thing she never did was block them from contacting her. She always wanted those guys in her orbit. That was a huge red flag I overlooked.

  • @weronikanijs950
    @weronikanijs950 6 місяців тому +2

    Hi David,Weronika here
    I am still healing,,and I feel destroyed
    I have help,a psychotherapist
    And I trust him
    Love your video's

    • @DeMarsCoaching
      @DeMarsCoaching  6 місяців тому +1

      Hi Weronika, it's so good to see you. Please let me know if I can help you in some way.

  • @MycSailor
    @MycSailor 6 місяців тому

    I love how you play the characters. Cheers from San Juans Washington! Chilling on anchor staying in the truth…Not letting the devil steal my joy.

  • @milenIV
    @milenIV 6 місяців тому +2

    Thanks David!

  • @weronikanijs950
    @weronikanijs950 5 місяців тому

    Hey David,Weronika here🎉
    Nice to see you
    To everybody,healing is a process,with ups and downs,but you can do it❤
    Greetings from the netherlands😊

  • @gingersnap108
    @gingersnap108 6 місяців тому +2

    I don’t know of any therapist in my area that understands BPD. I am struggling with guilt. We called the police on my BPD daughter when her 5 lb preemie was only 10 days old . We took her back for her birth, she had been out of state for 20 years. It was reasonable to hope she was better, especially because she had been in therapy. High school had been hell, lots of police visits . I read the ‘Continuum Concept’ when I was pregnant with her and devoted myself to bonding with her . However I was married to a BPD/NPD and we endured a LOT of angry chaos. Besides kicking her out at such a vulnerable time of her life, the response from social services was what really has me in a knot . She of course had a story of abuse. After a day in jail she was put in a domestic violence shelter and given a 2 year protection order against us. We called the police because she was screaming, breaking things, banging doors and we feared for the baby. She has a tiny apartment and is alone 22/7 with the baby. People don’t understand BPD. No one felt she was a threat to the child . Indeed someone from DV shrieked at me to GET BACK! Because I looked at the baby in a court hearing. Like I am the danger ? It’s horrible and I have no one to talk to .

    • @DeMarsCoaching
      @DeMarsCoaching  6 місяців тому

      I am so sorry for how must have fealt for so long. There are people who understand, there are people to talk to. You are worth finding that person and telling your story.

  • @AdamGidman
    @AdamGidman 2 місяці тому

    This is spot on…❤great video..!

  • @alexk6859
    @alexk6859 6 місяців тому +1

    so true..... A few quotes from my BPD ex:
    "but we broke up, so when I slept with that guy the very next day, I wasn't cheating on you. It's different! Yes, I want to be back with you, but I didn't cheat!"
    "I thought you don't care anymore, so I slept with someone else. But I want to be with you and you only, let's talk it over!"
    This is so messy and painful...

  • @elizabethschreindl5079
    @elizabethschreindl5079 6 місяців тому +1

    SPOT ON! You are telling my story with a BPD ex

  • @traveluniversity7867
    @traveluniversity7867 4 місяці тому +1

    I’m literally there right now. I share a young daughter with my ex wife. Just like you said she can’t care for herself l. She was abandoned as a child and I have been taking care of her since she was 19. We divorced 6 years ago and she has been in and out of my home 5 times. She has slept with friends of years of mine, sold them nudes. We are technically not together but she is so jealous that I just don’t date. However she goes out and I find condoms in her bag.
    I don’t want my child to deal with abandoned if I kick her out since there is no way she can keep her own home.
    It’s hell. I let her move in a year ago when I was doing great and in a year I’m a mess.
    I wonder what age is right for my daughter not to deal with abandonment issues so I can finally kick her out.
    She may think she has it all figured out but I’m just waiting for the day that I can be me again without my daughter also getting BPD

  • @user-oi3lt7nu8g
    @user-oi3lt7nu8g 2 місяці тому

    Exactly, you cannot make that up. I won`t write it down over here. But I can only say, from a psychological perspective, you cannot make that up. NPD comorbidity, is what you may be dealing with as well and at the receiving end. They may actually tell you they love you, the next moment, in a different self state (BPD), they may torture you with the sickest and meanest words and - in full control of their emotions, deriving pleasure from your suffering (NPD or rather even sadism).

  • @ShannonB-p7z
    @ShannonB-p7z 6 місяців тому +1

    You are the shit Dr. D! Don't be a stranger 😊

  • @cindyc
    @cindyc 6 місяців тому +2

    🤗🕊👍Have a wonderful weekend.

    • @DeMarsCoaching
      @DeMarsCoaching  6 місяців тому +2

      Hi Cindy, have yourself a beautiful weekend!

  • @Universal_exports87
    @Universal_exports87 6 місяців тому +1

    Sounds like she hates herself. Go no contact and take a risk. If she thinks she can do better. There's the door.

  • @MemeJustme-t8y
    @MemeJustme-t8y 6 місяців тому +1

    Love them the most been there the most- right on. Your fault because you work too much; meanwhile they are hiding money from their family. The worst when they blame you for what they do. It’s best to know everything they say is a confession. Btw short note: the court system doesn’t see this at all!

  • @stephenedmunds6560
    @stephenedmunds6560 5 місяців тому

    Good talk, did the tri-thing , walked away from her 47 years ago, just what you said, entitled-about her what a devalve, yAh ,greener grass for her with a dominating narc msyingist mother, no fear love and know its better off for me!

  • @rorywright5692
    @rorywright5692 6 місяців тому +1

    Hi, David! Don’t know where my comment went that I made earlier! I commented that Triangulation reminds me of Stran(ulation because that’s what it can do to your very spirit over time. Kinda what YT tries to do to you when picking words they deem inappropriate at the moment for some people, but not others! No rhyme or reason! Have a great evening, David!😎❤️

    • @DeMarsCoaching
      @DeMarsCoaching  6 місяців тому +1

      Lol hi Rory! I know, its bad but thank you for typing your comment again!

    • @rorywright5692
      @rorywright5692 6 місяців тому

      @@DeMarsCoachingThank you, David!😎❤️

  • @emilemerten6535
    @emilemerten6535 6 місяців тому +2

    from south africa
    Keep having to act dumb so that the narcissist doesn't get angry at you, or being a threat.

  • @ghostplaymakers3681
    @ghostplaymakers3681 3 місяці тому

    Holy… borderlines hit like an earthquake on honeymoon night.

  • @NicholasCampanella
    @NicholasCampanella 6 місяців тому

    Thank you for using that four letter word evil. Psychology makes exuses for these people if you can call them that.

  • @danielhale8884
    @danielhale8884 2 місяці тому

    9:30. I've watched a lot of videos on B.P.D but I have never heard that they are incapable of emotionally connecting with people. Is that true? Anyone have a resource or explanation to further elaborate. Please ty

  • @SenSakura-dj6bq
    @SenSakura-dj6bq 5 місяців тому +1

    How do you heal from this?

  • @ghostplaymakers3681
    @ghostplaymakers3681 3 місяці тому

    Any difference between triangulation and monkey branching?

  • @funkymonk542
    @funkymonk542 Місяць тому

    Watch the movies UTurn with Sean Penn and Jennifer Lopez , Lopez character reminds me of your typical borderline, she’s sweet , charming and extremely sexy and will drive you crazy , spoil alert : In the end it’s revealed that she had all these men crazy about her as she plays these games of letting you get close and intimate but then pushes you away and you wanting more of her , also watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind another borderline woman who plays out those dynamics with Jim Carrey , for those that experienced a borderline woman those movies will make you feel uncomfortable ❤