Battered Not Broken: The journey of redemption after abuse | Marica Phipps | TEDxYearlingRoad
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- Опубліковано 14 лис 2016
- Marica’s experience along with her voice to share her story inspired her and created a platform for her to reach, motivate & advocate for others. This platform has a name, called ‘Battered Not Broken, Inc.; it is 501(c)(3) organization providing education, crisis support, empowerment, and resources for individuals currently in crisis or recovering from the physical, emotional and psychological trauma of domestic abuse & violence. Marica uses this platform in to provide programs in the community for youth/ young adults, that aid in the prevention of victimization and perpetration of interpersonal violence. To find out more about Battered Not Broken visit the organization's website at www.batterednotbroken.org.
Marica Phipps is a survivor of domestic abuse. Through her experience, her faith and patience were tested many times as she navigated through layers of the judicial system; she overcame her internal struggles, and supported the healing process of her children’s journeys. Through her talk, she will address the societal perception and logical belief that abuse is a random, uncontrolled act where the person has no control over their violent behavior.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
“On average, a woman will attempt to leave 7 times..” its easy for people to say just leave, but for the person going through this with a man she loves, it is never easy and it would seem, sadly, like coming back to him would be the best thing to do... thank you for sharing your story. In so many ways you have answered questions and doubts that only a person who has been through the same thing can answer. Its not about playing the part of the victim, its being a survivor when the person you love victimizes you, and having the courage to get out. Love and gratitude to you.
Thank you so much for your comment, . I love when you said " Its not about playing the part of the victim, its being a survivor when the person you love victimizes you, and having the courage to get out" Thank you XOXOXO
“When somebody shows you who they are, believe them.”
I've heard this saying before & it IS TRUE ! Jekyll & Hydes !
Although some say they will never hit you again, It's very rare that a person will change and seek help. Get out while you still can!!!
I agree 100% I was on of the ones that also thought they were the exception; despite my mom warning me and telling me " if they his you once, they'll hit you again".
Interesting how you never 💭 of why anything went that way first, you started with the effect not the cause
🤔
🤦🏻 That is the problem.
I am leaving today. God help us.
I hope you got away from your abuser, and are living your best life. And if you haven’t gotten away, it’s ok. YOU WILL GET AWAY.
FEELING DEAD INSIDE......is sooo real
You are an awesome person,and i love you
HUGS
that's how my sister knew and told me I was being abused
At first I felt guilty about having to go to trial and testify against my ex-boyfriend who also nearly killed me and put me in the hospital and after watching this video my mind is back focus and I can't wait to testify to put him away for good..Thank u 4 this video!!!❤❤❤
I'm soon to testify this week after 5yrs of Dv and family court..Im so terrified of doing so..
@@cathydejesus6408 I hope that you can arrange for a safe place to be and can get people to support you over this difficult time.
I left my very abusive ( physical, mental, emotional) husband. Together 24yrs and 6 kids. I gave my life to Jesus. Without my husband in my daily life, I've completely surrendered to God and have drawn closer to Him. I attend church, read Bible and pray. I'm in total awe & tears of joy everyday for how God has got me through this. Supernatural peace, strength & provider. God is healing & restoring me to a better version. I keep my husband in my prayers and leave it in God's hand now. GLORY BE TO GOD!🙏🛐🙌❤
I will keep sharing my testimony. And I pray for those that read it will come to Jesus and you too will find refuge in Him. I ask this in Jesus name, 🙏
Never run back to what tried to break you !!! I have to post that!
remember domestic violence is about power and control. it also isn't just when you are physically hurt. look up what domestic violence is.
J N I agree with you 100%.. I dont have to look up what domestic abuse is I lived it, as I said in the talk,domestic abuse is a process..its manipulation, narcisssim and mental abuse. The purpose of sharing my experience is to share that long before the physical ever occurred.. I experienced the mental. I share a little of my own experience so that others can understand their own. ❤️
When she said I called Jesus,my hair stood up! So powerful
In a room full of social workers I was emotionally abused and he was given love and support as I was told I'm too sensitive. Yes the denial in our society runs deep and loved ones put you down rather then support you in leaving. You are completely alone when you're an abused woman and alone in indescribable pain. It's so deeply sad and unjust.
My cousin was murdered by her partner while trying to leave, in front of their 2 children, on Mothers Day. Thankfully, he died in jail.
I'm sorry.
@@missmodern Thank you. Those boys are grown up, successful, happy young men now.
My Abuser got released 3 days ago. I was with him for 2 years, we were ready to get married. I still love him - but my mind is clear now. I will never ever take him back. He punched me, slapped me, kicked me, spit on me... and that was only for the last 6 months. Before that, he emotionally and mentally abused me. He was 17 years my senior and i was convinced we were soul mates. It is SO hard to leave, to comprehend. This women is so brave - thank the lord I ended the relationship and got out while im at 22. I pray pray pray he wont hurt me again.
what made you fall in love him? i'm curious.
I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE FREE! STAY FREE! YOU ARE WORTH FREEDOM!
Don't pray...hide!
Take concrete steps to be safe.
@@tracesprite6078 Wish I could get these poor women moved to a different town, county, or state.
It’s not easy to leave when you have a child and no where to go and no job and no resources to think you could get through a week without him.
Better to leave with nothing than to stay and loose your life
She mentioned at the beginning , how one argument ran into another. This is trauma bonding. Thank you for sharing. You are bold and brave and helping many women . No one deserves to be abused. The violence in my family, conditioned me to accept the unacceptable . Abuse!! Domestic violence. In all my realationships , I've experienced Abuse. There's been physical, verbal , emotional, phycological, spiritual,& financial abuse. I stayed too and gave my boyfriend excuses and we stay for many reasons. I ask all women, and especially younger women to learn everything about Red Flags. It's very sad that victims go back to abuse. I took him back dozens of times. Excuses and minimizing abuse is what is normal when you grew up with abuse. I didn't even know it was abuse because looking back ... I believe I was in so much denial. ( To survive) we stay also because we feel a constant defending of truth and I also would speak my truth when he constantly was accusing me of cheating on him. Not surprising that when he died from his addiction, the truth of him cheating on me and finding out he was on the down low. I didn't see the red flags because of his manipulation and defending myself that I wasn't cheating myself. Soo much trauma, you are an inspiration thank you. Please be aware of red flags. I'm single now for 3 years. I need time to heal so I will never repeat the visciouse cycle of abuse.
I love you. U are spot on. I'm going to court tomorrow and now I'm not scared..he's did it to someone else. I'm 41 and beat cancer since. I feel as if I'm on a life lesson. Iv got this. Thankyou xx
A casual ex broke into my home a month after I ended things and tried to strangle me in my sleep. This was such a powerful presentation and I hope this woman is thriving now.
Oh my god, that's horrible. I hope you're safe from him now.
It's ashamed that some women feel that the only way out is death. Stay strong! Cause I love you.
I told my girl if I ever abuse her in any way, or cheat on her, she should walk away from me and the kids. I love her more than anything, harming her means I have lost myself. Why should she stay with a stranger she no longer relates with?
hmmm
@@MsMusicmaniac2 right?
'She should walk away from you AND the kids'?? Surely she AND the kids should go!
@@dannifauntleroy6102 damn right!!!
I AM GLAD YOU ARE STILL ALIVE. AS A SURVIVOR OF DOMESTIC ABUSE, I THANK YOU FOR STEPPING OUT AND SPEAKING ON THIS PROBLEM. I PRAY EVERY YOU FIND HEALING AND HAPPINESS. GOD BLESS YOU, MARCIA. FOR HELPING OTHER WOMEN. I LOVE THE NAME OF YOUR ORGANIZATION.
I have never been physically hurt by my husband, but his emotional and mental abuse is definitely hard for me to deal with. This abuse has been going on for about 8 years. You can't just leave. I'm 49 and disabled and everything I own is mine and I have no way to buy everything again. My disability check doesn't go that far. The 1st time I left my husband, I did it while he was at work and went 1800 miles away. I will be going again for the last time and 1800 miles away again and will not look back next time. I also got accused of cheating everyday. It was so crazy. Cheating never had crossed my mind at any point
So did u do it?
I cried because I was going through the exact situation. Your talk have given me soo much encouragement. Thank you so on much. By the way I am a social worker. I am glad you shared this. You save me. THANKS.
Sending you so so so much love alice
Praise God for you I'm a Survivor too! I understand how you feel 100% ..
I am too ! Praise God! It's NOT easy to leave ! 1 of the hardest things ever, but, I DON'T regret it !
I still cant understand the depravity of the Justice system-woman and men have been failed so many times- Attempted murder is what its call -she is a hero by sharing her horrific trauma and helping others God bless her and her family
Wow... This is my story at the present... Trying to escape now...
vavavoomsp1 please tell everybody please before it’s too late
please leave. you deserve better
It's not as easy as just leave, there are steps to safety. I hope you're on your way to safety
@@Ritzyquilting you are so right . :(
how do u get out? somebody
I am grateful that you survived
I’m ready to heal . Thank you 😊
There are many complex reasons that a victim of this type of violence cannot or does not just leave as the average, emotionally and mentally healthy person would. Particularly if the brainwashing, for lack of a better term , has taken hold.
You founded "Battered but not Broken." Great !
I think I left 8 times before I finally left for good
Glad you survived and got away
First time happening and being angry and dead inside has become my norm these last few weeks praying for direction 🙏🏽
Is there a marriage counsellor that you can go to together or just you alone?
You're worthy of being loved.
THIS! Just set me free😌
He got SIX YEARS?!?!? After being free for 2. For attempted murder. For splitting her head open; twice. As a society, we are enabling this with little to no consequences whilst there are nonviolent people in prison for life for an ounce of weed.
Can we all agree that these men should always be on probation especially when having relationships. Life time counselling after their jail time.
thanku sooo much for this video ,im also a survivor
I was severely beaten several times and my husband got away with it everytime. They made him do programs. He needed jail.
I am sooo sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, our judicial system is awful.
Im so sorry for you r u ok now are u safe
I hope you are no longer with him. You deserve to be safe. Life is so short, being with someone that hurts you and abuses you is not worth it...it’ll make your life shorter if anything. You deserve real love, which is patient, and kind, and equal and free. Love yourself. Loving yourself means never accepting such deep disrespect from anyone. People get comfortable, be afraid to leave, etc., but I promise you, being free from abuse is the best thing. You deserve to live a life free from cruelty.
Wanting to prove that you can get a relationship right is so detrimental... It's part of the struggle to stay or leave 😔
I think that was the hardest part.
To all the survivors out there, you're incredible! Give yourselves a round of applause. You deserve it!
I emphasize with these survivors, and wished they had the courage of my mother who left her abuser the second time he hit her. She did this with four small children and no family support. I'll admit that my mother was the exception since there were other family members who chose to stay in their DPV relationships. When I asked my mother why she left, she said, "I didn't want my children to see me that way. I want them to know they have a choice." So, based on this concept, I can't help but wonder if these women, particularly those with children, gave any thoughts to the children who are the unintended witness to these violent traumas. This is especially true at the start of abusive relationships. How will they respond if they find themselves in an abusive relationship? If not, their relationships in generally. Will they stay in the DPV relationships to their demise? How will they navigate future relationships? Children are most adept at learning behaviors
So, seeing these types of behaviors will have a profound impact on them in their relationships.
I will say the most significant lesson my mother taught me by leaving her abuser is...you never stay in ANY relationship that causes pain.
Thanks, Mom, for being so monumentally and phenomenally courageous.. You raised us well and your children appreciate this lesson.
GOD BLESS YOU FOR YOUR COURAGE. XXXX
When you said you called on Jesus, 😭😭😭
Hallelujah 💛
He is Power!!!
YES !!!!!!!! 🤩😍🤩😍
You are an amazing woman! ❤️ It can be isolating existing as a survivor.
Thank you so much :)
Thank god for the internet. I don’t feel so alone now. Or judged
Indeed!
I left 24 times. I would go to my parents were rationalizing for him... I feel horrible. They still blame me! They ask me why do I act like this... Well
Natasha - The Singing Flower I hope you left him. Please hun, do what is right for you. You deserve to be safe. The abuse is NOT your fault. Please reach out to a women’s shelter, a domestic violence hotline...please never go back to an abuser.
I had some of the same ! Thankfully I got out & have more for me than against me !
I am so sorry that you aren’t getting the support you need and deserve. Please get help for yourself and God bless you
I had a guy try to strangle me too. You never know your strength until you are in this situation. When it’s not your time. It’s not your time. I get it. I went through this when I was 17.
Thank you for sharing your story so courageously. You are so spot on when you say that society also rationalizes and blame the victim. Hugs!
Sadly, so relatable. Especially the rationalizing and describing the relationship like an addiction-there is no making sense of that "desire" to stay.
Thank you Jesus omg thank you Jesus I needed to hear this thank you for sharing your story you answered so many of my questions thank you and God bless you
I let it go on with my husband for 5 years he was my first everything and i never though he would hurt me until he did and it never stopped I finally made the decision to leave with our 4 children under the age of 4 and we are currently in a shelter and although it’s not ideal having 4 kids under 4 in a shelter I feel so much less stress being here than being in house where I had to walk on eggshells everyday wondering if I was going to be hit, accused of cheating or lying, or if there would be another hole in the wall or door that I would have to look at everyday reminding me that he wasn’t changing
Thank you for trying to empower women who do not have voice I really look up to you
All i remember from the abuse i had to go through is being saved by praying and God answering by taking away the fear giving me another choice to live and the wisdom to go forward to live as a surviver.
So much truth and courage in your sharing
I left after 11 months, and because I heard all these stories I stayed away. I'm healing from hidden abuse, but it's mostly not from my marriage but from the hands of my mother decades earlier. These stories, over and over, are so similar to my second marriage, but I only had 3 months of very troubling abuse. I'm grateful for all the survivors of emotional abuse in my life getting me out quickly. Thank you.
Im so happy to hear that others sharing there testimonies of surviving abuse will help others to protect themselves and take steps to move away from any form of violence. Knowledge is power. You are using good wisdom. Peace to you.
@@kimmathe6701 thanks, you too!
So much love and respect for this lady. She is courageous and clearly a good person. And she is honest as she is advising both sexes to take the lesson, not just women: "If someone shows you who they are, believe them." True.
I remember his dragging me to marriage counseling and the therapist just looking at me like "Are you serious???". He broke his hand hitting me and even his mom helped cover it up repeating "he's changed" over and over and over. I had called his mother during domestic violence and she always told me I wasn't forgiving enough of her son. . .No, I'm not anymore. It took him hurting our kids for me to wake the F up.
That took real strength & courage to do what she did then and now, to fight back as well as heal!
My husband pissed I was dying too after he broke my hand infront my family n neighbors...he did his most I took him back thou n guess wat 3 days ago he was about to hit me with a chair n I took my self n my kid n we got out n there is no goin back I know all this she is goin thru
Please stay strong it maybe hard but stay away
Words fail me Queen
“Don’t ever put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket”. This goes for any kind of relationship. I’m glad she touched on emotional abuse. It’s something you can’t prove and makes many feeling crazy and feeling deep shame to come out of the shadows. So much education is needed to empower women with childhood wounds to believe in the red flags that our body gives us.
yes! believe them when they show you who they really are. my abusers were very sneaky in the beginning. i'm doing so much better now and was so lucky
Yep, addicted to a person. I call this “Hopeless Hope”
Omg wow this is truly horrific. How does a man call this love???
I know. I've always wondered. Is this how a man shows love?
Some men/people are abusers regardless of having a submissive wife/spouse.
In their minds love is someone giving their all to them. They don’t think they need to give back. Entitlement to the max. They deserve the world at their feet.
I admire your courage, honesty and simplicity. Thank you for sharing my sister is in abusive marriage. Just realized it! so the ending of your talk left me with its impact. Thank you and your Guardian Angel!
Sofia, thank you. I am so happy that my testimony was able to shed some light on understanding for your sister's situation. I pray for her to find her way though and out of her situation safely- mentally and emotionally.
Police officers must start taking these women seriously there are too many dieing while trying to seek help. Like she said you have a 70% chance of being murdered when you do decide to leave. This is why I have trained and educated myself and those around me to look for the signs!
"When some one show you who they really are, believe them"! This is gold.
I love your strenth, Thank you so much. 🤗
I don’t know why I felt such intense rage when she said “ I took him back”
Strong Courageous Lady Marcia, wishing you All the Happiness you Deserve
Courageous woman !!! Woww
I am going through this situation currently. Trying to find the strength and courage to love me more and to walk away from this marriage.
Winnebago county, Illinois is using the 1st 18 minutes of this video for a domestic violence victims panel for offenders. Literally that is all they do to help make sure abusers are aware. More needs to be done to help the victims!!!
Wow. Thank you so much for sharing your story. The impact is immense.
Beautifully said.
You are so incredibly BRAVE to share this story that happens to so very many..
I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. Thank God you're alive today to tell your story.
Thank you Jessica :)
This has hit home with me I want to say you are one of the first that i can say you rock you stand tall and you made a difference
Wendy your comments have truly touched me/ my heart. Thank you so much. Sometimes we wonder if what we really do does make a difference and if anyone is really listening or we are heard. I really appreciate your comment because it just confirmed for me why I will continue to use my voice in the best way I can to help others find their own too.
I agree 100% beautiful baby in profile pic
I cried twice...
Even at 60 abuse never leaves you even in Australia! Janet XX
Clinton Thompson there is time....get out love. Sending you love and strength x
You are so right Clinton, domestic abuse has no age limit and boundaries. Praying for you and your situation and the courage to leave.. its in there( your strength) , you just have to remember you are strong enough. Sending prayers and strength to you .
I hope you’re safe now, Janet. Please call a domestic violence hotline, go to a women’s shelter, please please do something. You deserve a happy life and I know it is possible for you...God bless you miss. Love from Canada
Thinking of you , I’m in Australia also...Get Out And Leave Safely, get supports in order first, then GET OUT..thinking of You x
She is an amazing speaker. So glad she and the children made it out!
Thank you so much for your testimony
Ohhhh my goodness, God bless your soul Marcia and may God bless each and every one of your children. ❤️✝️
Thank you for sharing your experience
Thank you for your service and courage ❤️🙏
I’m crying. My utmost gratitude that I came across your divine speech as I truly needed to listen to each words.
I so respect you for sharing your incredible story. I want to share mine as well some day. May God bless you.
I’m sorry that happened to you. 🙏🏾❤️
Listening to this story makes me sick to my stomach, why did I stay so long? I too was battered but not broken!
Thank you for sharing this story. It has made a huge impression on me, and is something I needed to hear. I am so grateful to you. You’ve explained the fog, the denial, the shame, etc. There is so much relatable truth to everything you’ve said. I just left my abuser for the final time a couple of weeks ago. He doesn’t realize it yet since we’ve been on and off for five years. I do wonder how he will react once he sees it’s definitely over. Regardless, I’m dead set on providing my children with the home environment they should have. They’re the main reason I made this decision. Since I’ve left, to stay strong in my choice, I have read through journals and whatnot to remind myself of the things he has done and why I don’t want him around; in doing that, I realized I was in so much more danger than I ever allowed myself to believe. I will never take him back. He will not change. I believe he is who he has shown me so many times. I did not want to believe it. I really wanted our family to be whole and functional, but that’s not the reality of it. And thank God I am finally out of the fog because these children need their mother to protect them. My shame runs so deep. When I realized how I let them down by allowing him to keep coming back, I felt overwhelming shame. But I’m awake now and I cannot change the past but I can give them everything moving forward.
What a beautiful testimony! I’m happy you’re a warrior and survivor. Many don’t make it out and become a statistic. We got out and are the lucky ones! Stay safe!
When you were saying as hard as he was trying to kill you, he couldn't do it...I was thinking God was putting a wall of defense upon you, and then you said you called upon Jesus. I thought, yes! There is actually a powerful force that comes into play from the unseen world into this realm we live it, his name brings protection and deliverance. He had a plan for you and knew something in you believed in him. Amazing what God can do for us! I've been delivered myself from what the Bible calls "the violent man". Never look back. God is faithful!
Anybody who is going through domestic abuse LEAVE when it's safe to do so never look back 💯
i am so very proud of you. Bless your amazing little girl for that wise call to your momma. So many positives.. in this all too common story.. i have shared on my facebook page. Thank you for alerting .. so many and sharing your Truth. LOVE katherine
Thank you for sharing your story. Touched my heart and I commend you for having such a positive look at your situation. Great message at the end.
Thank you M J ;)
What a amazing woman ! Thank you so much for helping other woman and men to know when to leave and what’s good and whats not ! You just helped me a lot and opens my eyes I never knew that It really can go that far ....❤️
The person abusing uses control and power ( which isn't love). From my personal experience of 30 years with my boyfriend , the abuse. Got worse as his addiction progressed . I got very unhealthy with depression, anxiety, low self worth, helpless ness , hopelessness. And isolation . A big warning sign is active addiction. But , he was abusive when he was using. As well. I lost myself by hoping, praying , and trying my best walking on egg shells and believing that the abuse would stop. It never did ... It escalates and worsens. The tearing down with intermittent love bombing or a period called the honey moon stage keep us stuck . Many of us go back because we believe we love this person and are very forgiving and hope the visciouse cycle of abuse won't continue. So it's a visciouse cycle. Only the grace of God go I. His love protected me and helped me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. As survivors we are very beautiful and strong to have survived. I hope this helps someone realize there's absolutely Nothing they can do, to stop the abuse accept. Remove yourself from it , safely. Nobody deserve abuse.
Atta girl...you've come a long way. Take care and stay in the light. Be there for your children and yes...Its God's hand that we must reach out to in the hours of despair.
You are amazing. Thank you. ❤
Brittany Ross thank you ❤️
I am in tears! I've been going through this for 6 yrs I just left him again and I pray I don't repeat this cycle. Thank you for inspiring me ❤
Karina V please never go back to him. Please. You deserve to be in a loving relationship, and until you can be in one and find the right guy, it is better to be alone...please take care of yourself.
@Karina V I am so sorry to hear you have been going though this for year... I know its a painful and isolating place to be. I am praying for you, your strength and your safety. I pray that you know just how valuable you are and how much you deserve.
PLEASE don't EVER go back ! If anything, it will get worse ! I'm glad you're out, cuz, YES , it's HARD, but , WILL GET BETTER ! I'm there!
I can relate to this story so much
This was transformative. Thank you
I know it must have not been easy, I can feel your tears..you did it girl.♥️💖👍👍♥️♥️♥️♥️
*"When someone shows you who they are, you've got to believe them"* Memorize this phrase! It might just one day save your life.
I stand and applaud you Marica. You have a courage probably even beyond your own understanding. Thank. You. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your fantastic wisdom and insight. You are a special and brave soul, and I am applauding you ♥
So well said..Thank you for sharing..the reality.bless your amazing heart for being a survivor.👍👍♥️♥️♥️♥️🤗🤗🤗💯💯
I’m going through this situation now Ifeel lost, depressed and sometimes don’t wanna live. I getting belittled and treated like an animal I’m hit on, spit on and called names daily. I wanna leave and get out but I’m infearier of my life pleas PEOPE PRAY 4 me. I don’t sleep or eat good and my faith is going I’m a mother of 4 and 2 is with the abuser he has even put a gun to my head and I did call the police and they didn’t believe me because I wasn’t bruised bad when they got there they arrested him however I got scared and went to court and recanted my story. Please 4 me.
Hannah Willis I pray in Jesus name that you get the strength to leave, I pray that the strength and demonic thoughts that gets through your abuser be disabled when trying to hit you in Jesus name. You will live, you will get away from this and you will find strength from this and you will be a testimony. I pray that you leave for good, may the Holy Spirit give you the strength, capacities and enlighten you how you need to get away. Stay safe. Xx
Thank you