32 Years Old: Lonely, No Friends - 18 Month Update
Вставка
- Опубліковано 24 жов 2024
- Join the Newsletter - tinyurl.com/3cz...
Twitter : / thejaywallace
My Camera - amzn.to/3uFfL7Q
GoPro - amzn.to/3OKZzsM
Tripod 1 - amzn.to/3uFfL7Q
Tripod 2 - amzn.to/3OKZzsM
Update on my loneliness journey 18 months in
For the algorithm - mensmentalhealth, self improvement, stoicism, spirituality, connection, lonely, friends, loneliness, social anxiety
As a 63 year old watching this it reminds me that being in your twenties and thirties is not an especially happy time. There is a lot of comparison going on, and judging oneself against what you think you ought to have and ought to have achieved. My best advice is the same as it is for people of all ages : 1. the more you can direct your attention outside of yourself toward everything that there is in the world the happier you will be. There is a reason that teenagers think everything is BORING . It is that they lack the capacity to enjoy it. You do not . GET ON WITH IT.
2, Do not regret your age . If you are 30 and think you are aging, remember that when you turn 40 or 50 you will think that 30 is a youthful age and a great age, so ENJOY IT NOW. It s a privilege to be alive and to be young.
3. When people tell you to count your blessings do not consider it tedious and banal advice. It is wisdom. DO IT.
4. This is my final point added after pressing Edit : STOP WATCHING all kinds of You Tube films posted by people who are feeling as negative as yourself. Emotions are INFECTIOUS for human beings, so make a determined effort to seek out videos , situations and people who are up beat, positive and enjoying stuff. Not boasters and posers but folk who are warm, open, and interested in the world.
Good Luck.
32 and totally friendless and alone, it feels weird.... i'm afraid to let people in my life because they'll see how empty my life is and be disappointed and turned off, it's why i'm still single, i'm ashamed of my situation and don't want anyone to know about it , it's bad enough that some relatives and family friends know and i have to deal with that once in a while, this is one complicated unpleasant situation to be in
Brother, there is no reason to be afraid. Go to some sports, go to gym, swimming, let people in your life. I know you can do this. Sending love ❤
researchers consistently fail to address the magnitude of this issue.
People ultimately need love and validation. When a man doesn't matter to a woman, when she doesn't gaze at him with a loving smile, tell him she wants him/needs him, that he matters to her.
A lot of guys have never had that.
This will cause disillusionment/isolation/soul sadness and mental health issues in men. No amount of material things, por* will be able to replace that.
The problem in the west is 2 fold. Incels can't get a woman and the ones that do get one, end up in divorce/breaking up or being cheated on and losing more than the lady. So they swear off relationships and end up lonely all the same. (Mgtow)
Both have the effect of creating lonely, angry, atomised ppl and broken society with plummeting birth rates. And can spell the end of that society.
What are we seeing in the west now?
Falling sperm counts, falling testosterone levels, births, marriage, anomie and a rapidly ageing society, with catastrophic debt levels.
White ppl used to have close family bonds but now they no longer keep ties with family and send old ppl to homes.
Jobs for life are a thing of the past, from where they used to form friends.
White ppl lost their matchmaking culture and used to marry form within their own tried and tested social circle.
With all that now gone, internet dating and cold approaching/PUA random women that u know nothing about is the way. Which can be dehumanising and toxic.
Peace
@@nielsvdw6141perhaps u can start with getting a driver's license.
Could you start doing something significant and meaningful to fill that void? A hobby, charity work, picking up a side-hustle?
U should be afraid to let people In most people are not worthy of a good persons time
I often think of Saint Augustine’a famous quote when I am pursuing happiness, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You.”
You are helping people bro. As a 28 yr old man, my eyes started to water watching this and the previous video. For better or worse, you're not alone in your situation and you're helping others know that as well. I'll keep myself updated on your journey and wish you the best.
But he is alone
Thanks for the support and hope you're good Brother
Oh man , I think I am a cool guy but situation has been similar with me, life happens, and have been putting away social life, and lost almost all friends ...
Have you considered joining the gym?
Sounds like you’re depressed, even if it’s just situational, and weightlifting releases endorphins in your brain causing a natural sense of euphoria. And you’ll also look and feel way better, giving you more confidence, and even attracting more people. Working out alone will do a lot in your life if you aren’t doing so already, weightlifting inparticular. It’s what helped me overcome heroin and crystal meth addiction.
And there’s a lot of motivated people at the gym, and those are the best types of people to have in your life. Not to mention, there’s some really attractive women there too, and maybe you can find an amazing girlfriend at the gym, or even somewhere else from looking that much more fit.
It’s completely normal for guys to have less and less friends as they grow older. I think as you get older, your family, a wife or significant other, and your kids is what becomes most important, not necessarily friends. I think you finding a wife, and having a family with her would solve all your problems. But make sure she’s a good woman with good morals, preferably a religious girl that actually takes relationships and marriage seriously. Because a divorce and child support will only make your problems substantially worse. Don’t ignore red flags in a relationship! I can’t express that enough.
And most importantly, definitely try to find Jesus in your life. Read the New Testament, or watch the Chosen (99% on rotten tomatoes). Pray and develop a good relationship with Jesus. You are never alone when you have Jesus in your life as corny as that may sound. Jesus will guide you to where you need to be in your life. And good moral women are at church, women that aren’t going to cheat on you, divorce you, take half your stuff, and hit you with child support.
Weightlifting, gym, and God is a good start for anyone struggling.
Good luck on your journey fellas. Brighter days are on the way, just keep doing the right thing, and everything will fall into place.
guys before you go out looking for social circles or your significant other, you need to learn how to enjoy spending time alone. Only then, can you successfully create meaningful relationships. If you're depressed and you force yourself to look for relationships, you will turn people off because you will be projecting neediness and a desperate yearning for validation. love yourself first, go to therapy, go on a solo trip, do some mushrooms. then create relationships.
Hey im 31 and have like...one or two friends apart from my brother and my mrs of 12 years.
But, im totally fine living in solitude - going to work, punching out, gaming, working out in my garage gym, playing bass, jamming in my band, spending time with my mrs and my dogs.
Infact, if i had no outside connection apart from my mrs id be indifferent. Still fulfilled.
I'm 36 and am right there with you friend! I have one friend and that's it. I only see him maybe once a month if even that. He's married and has a family. Other then that I go to work, come home and that's it. We have to have hope though. God bless you!
Omg, sorry to hear
Thanks for the message. It's hard and I too only have one good friend who is the same as yours. I'm starting to learn that I feel a lot less lonely when I have a focus or a goal and that's helping me a lot lately.
Life certainly does change into adulthood. It really is all about finding your person and creating a family. Problem is many generations have been burned by divorce or marriages/families that lack closeness. Then everyone becomes a lone ranger at heart. Commitment and family is where you find purpose, but first you have to see it modeled correctly growing up. Many of us never had that blessing.
What I can say - I am feeling the same. I am almost 32- childless, single - not by my choice. Changed my career path 4 years ago so I came back to be a student... student loan and everything ... guys crosses me down because of age- mostly they prefer younger ones, or because of my health issues. I have heard so many bad comments. I kind of step out from my social circle because I felt different - everyone is married with kids and I feel worse and worse. I guess I gave up? Lately very close person wounded me super deeply, so I have ended friendship. You seem so great guy and humble! You have qualities that in todays world we are missing - empathy, simple kindness and BEING REAL. I am really supporting you without knowing you :) Big hugs! We all need that form time to time
That's tough 😞 I know how you feel, beacuse We are in the same boat. Over 32 and still living with my parents, I work 3 shifts in a factory (I feel this akward or shame 😕), no one wants to come and have fun or drink with me, No one wants to seek my company, they prefer to avoid me. All my acquaintances are either getting married, starting their own families, or expecting children. I feel like my life is over at 30. I've tried to change my life soo many times, but I always fall back in the same place. I tried to switch to a healthier lifestyle, go to workouts, but I didn't achieve anything. For others, it turned out much better. I tried to change jobs, take courses, but I failed there every time. Unfortunately, I'm not as good as other people. I tried to change my mindset, read a lot of self-help books, but none of them helped. So it seems like I'm always in the same place at the end of the road, like I'm walking the same hoop over and over again. I don't really see a way out of all this anymore, I've given up on some level, but I hope things get better with you.
32 is still pretty young even for a woman. You will probably end up with a guy in 40s as guys in thrir early 30s tend to want girl in their 20s.
I don’t know you, what you’ve been through or if you even need to read this, but I’ll write it anyway:
Society, regardless of where it stems from, has this problem where it limits a persons’ identity through generalisation. Society will often establish this baseline of behavioural averages based on statistics and research but will always neglect the outliers that defy the norms. We don’t get to live our lives without being subjected to or even prescribed these norms and statistics, and if we dare to deviate from them, we are met with barriers. These barriers eventually pressure us into giving up on who we are and push us down the same path as anyone else; be it because we are afraid of social exclusion, of running out of time, of being judged, of standing out, of missing out or any other number of understandable fears related to deviating from the norms.
The reality is though that we don’t have to be defined by societies, or even other peoples’ expectations and norms. Generalisation is often just statistical and when it isn’t, it’s purely personal ignorance because a philosophy// lifestyle// idea of how you live life doesn’t match with someone else’s. The truth is that every single one of us is part of a diverse spectrum of psychology and some of us just don’t or can’t operate the same way others do - because we simply aren’t built that way.
So it’s okay to take your time to construct your own path, be childish, be single, be a student or just be older (heaven forbid we are allowed that) because you are only doing what you’ve been capable of doing in life up until this point. There is no use in comparing the merit of your life to that of other peoples’ because your journey is yours alone. You get to decide what makes you happy. Sure, It’s always helpful to take lessons, criticism and even be humbled by the differences of other people but letting that define how we succeed or progress through our life is just regressive. Everything you’ve done up until today should be celebrated and respected by everyone but unfortunately this level of mutual understanding isn’t quite there yet, for everyone.
Even if life keeps throwing barriers up at you, remind yourself that you aren’t alone in feeling this way and that’s it’s perfectly acceptable to be who you are and not who others want you to be. Also, don’t let the men you’ve bumped into put you off dating. While many men seem to evolve at a slower pace or want younger woman, there are plenty men who value more than that. Life is about finding people who match our brand of madness, and the men you met were simply not your brand. Don’t give up! ✊😁
You are really beautiful
@@Syuss4 I am speechless. Especially last part was straight to the point :) thank you
With getting older it's harder to bond with people. As a kid there was no hesitation towards other kids, friendship was raw and imediate.
All those years on our back, memories, stuff we've been through and burnt bridges, all those thing naturally left a mark in a way or the other. Prejudices grow over time - hence the barriers to selfprotect. True friendship often changes to a more subject based relationship, like co-workers or fans of a sportsclub - when these subjects or ones interessed in these subjects vanish, more often the "friendship" ends, too.
I feel you, Bro.
You seem like a great friend to have, you resonate alot and reflect. It is a great value to have imo
Thank you, I appreciate that.
@@JayWallace keep your chin up man!
I am 33 & single. stuck in different city for job, away from my friends & family. I can totally relate with this. I would like to tell you that all it takes is one organic conversation and it all flows back. some people can only change when they feel that the things are happening in an organic way. You can't force that change. Hang in there. 2024 will be good. Knowledge never goes to waste.
Omg hit the nail on the head “there’s always a barrier to being happy” that’s how I always feel.. I’m 35, no kids through choice, I have an alright job, I’m renting a house.. can’t afford a mortgage because i like to save money to travel and go on holidays, days out/ hikes .. See the world in my spare time, but feel like I’m somehow a bit of a failure because I haven’t got a mortgage or kids or a fancy expensive car.. like I haven’t grown up in some way in comparison to everyone else, makes me feel lonely and unaccomplished, even though my travels are my accomplishments, I don’t know life is confusing
It is tough, I think these standards come from the previous generations where home ownership was achievable on even a modest salary and you didn't have the anxiety of bringing a child into an uncertain world. I think the best thing we can do is share our lives with other people, let them know that there is no "normal" path and you just need to do what feels right for you.
You might as well be my doppelganger 😅 not having kids by choice and all those social expectations sometime give me that same feeling of being a failure. On the other hand though, having a decently paid job, I don’t have that same ‘financial anxiety’ I know so many are dealing with, even if I’m not exactly flagging it with some high-end lifestyle. It gives me peace of mind not worrying about making ends meet and that in itself is enough for me. But I do understand where your coming from.
@@assgear6650 Similar situation with me. But to be fully honest, seeing more money on my bank account makes me feel nothing (apart from the secure feeling). I am thankful for not having that "financial anxiety" but at the same time i realize that only deep social interactions will make you happy in the long run. I like to think that i am ok with being alone but most people who think like that are lying to themselves i guess. We are social creatures and it is not wise to ignore or fight that.
i feel the exact same@@Schaufelor
Shutting yourself off from kids is a mistake.
You are very brave speaking out about it!
Thank you
I'm about to enter my 30s and I'm feeling lonely af too. I can't openly talk about it like u do, but I pretty much relate with the things u've mentioned. That makes me want us to be friends so bad, maybe we can help each other too.
30 is tough age. I felt like I needed to have it all figured by the time I reached 30 and the deeper I get into it, the more I'm starting to realize that everyone walks their own path in life, you just have to have an open heart and follow your instincts.
Thank you so much for your candid take on this. After moving, changing jobs, a breakup and losing the few friends I did have in my life, I’ve gotten so accustomed to being lonely that the thought of anything social feels so foreign. My birthday is around the corner and I don’t even want to think about it, much less celebrate.
I am at the same spot. I wake up in the middle of night sometime out of restlessness and that's how chanced upon your video. But I am hopeful of better days always.
Never lose your optimism. I'm glad you found the video helpful :)
Good on you for being vulnerable. Lonliness is an epidemic in todays world, and it predominantly affects men. You are not alone.
Thanks I appreciate it. I'm hoping by being a bit more vulnerable I might encourage other people to do the same. I think the world would be a much more connected place if we weren't so afraid to show our ugly sides as well as the nice shiny ones we show on our social media
Hope you are ok Jay. I'm sure 2023 will be great for you. I watched your first video when I was away for work and alone in a hotel and it really helped me to know someone else was feeling lonely. I'm 33 and I can relate to a lot of the things your are going through with mates going in a different path to you.
Thanks so much for reaching out and it really makes me feel good to know that my content is helping people in some way :)
@@JayWallacevery relatable video. Please do an update eventually. Hopefully it’s a positive one, but do so either way.
Have you considered joining the gym?
Sounds like you’re depressed, even if it’s just situational, and weightlifting releases endorphins in your brain causing a natural sense of euphoria. And you’ll also look and feel way better, giving you more confidence, and even attracting more people. Working out alone will do a lot in your life if you aren’t doing so already, weightlifting inparticular. It’s what helped me overcome heroin and crystal meth addiction.
And there’s a lot of motivated people at the gym, and those are the best types of people to have in your life. Not to mention, there’s some really attractive women there too, and maybe you can find an amazing girlfriend at the gym, or even somewhere else from looking that much more fit.
It’s completely normal for guys to have less and less friends as they grow older. I think as you get older, your family, a wife or significant other, and your kids is what becomes most important, not necessarily friends. I think you finding a wife, and having a family with her would solve all your problems. But make sure she’s a good woman with good morals, preferably a religious girl that actually takes relationships and marriage seriously. Because a divorce and child support will only make your problems substantially worse. Don’t ignore red flags in a relationship! I can’t express that enough.
And most importantly, definitely try to find Jesus in your life. Read the New Testament, or watch the Chosen (99% on rotten tomatoes). Pray and develop a good relationship with Jesus. You are never alone when you have Jesus in your life as corny as that may sound. Jesus will guide you to where you need to be in your life. And good moral women are at church, women that aren’t going to cheat on you, divorce you, take half your stuff, and hit you with child support.
Weightlifting, gym, and God is a good start for anyone struggling.
Good luck on your journey fellas. Brighter days are on the way, just keep doing the right thing, and everything will fall into place.
Just wanted to thank you for being so vulnerable. Most people would not be willing to and its refreshing. I am dealing with a lot of the same issues. Deep loneliness, difficulty making new connections, etc. I am going to try harder to put myself out there.
I was in the same situation as you are. When you get older, the circle of your friends tends to shrink. Specially when you are introvert like me. I believe God, so I prayed to get more friends for several times and it worked. I also learned that I have to be open myself and appreciate friendships a little more. So I´m less critical now. Everybody has their own problems and quirks and I don´t need to judge people.
god does not exist apart from in the imagination - this is not a good suggestion
The majority of people are unhappy, particularly after their 20's. It's a sad uncomfortable truth.
It may be a fact but doesn't mean we have to accept it and conform. I think many of us are not prepared to go through the discomfort that will come with changing that and I think it all starts with us being honest with ourselves and vulnerable to the people we care about.
Just watched your last video and now this one , I can relate and it’s also been nearly a year for me where I’ve told myself I need to go out and make new friends but the anxiety makes it so difficult. Going for a routine walk always help me , I also like hiking in snowdonia although I don’t get to do it that often because I live so far away. Another heart felt video, appreciate it 🙌
I have no friends too since the pandemic started. I used to beat myself up for it but now I've accepted and I'm only focusing on myself and working on my goals. There's so much peace in solitude. 😉❤️
Bro, it's really hard. The challenge is real. Trying to piece together a social life out of disparate friends, with whom you only have a few specific things in common, when everyone is off leading their own insular family lives ... it's tough. You also come across as a deep-thinker and empathetic, which means connecting emotionally with people to a degree that you're satisfied with will be hard. It's the same for me, my mates either moved away (sometimes halfway around the world), or just lost interest in having fun. To be fair, I think we all lost interest in the things that used to entertain us ... like going down the park to kick a football around. Literally nobody would even consider that fun now (except me). They got kids and died inside too. Many of them are in unhappy/moderately happy marriages and have demanding careers, so are low-level depressed, and thus low on energy.
I just remember the best times were the days of housemates, where you had mates right there, all the time, and you didn't have to organise things 6 weeks ahead ... you just put a movie on, went to the pub, went down the park, went out in the car etc. Moving away from our friends to get into insular romantic relationships is probably one of societies biggest lies. It probably only works for a minority of people.
I've come to a few conclusions during this battle:
1. Lower your standards. High EQ people want proper connections, but they are very rare. You need to appreciate imperfect, less cool friends, with whom you maybe only feel 25% connected, because if they're available and they want you in their life, that is something to build on.
2. Concentrate on local available friends with social energy. It's better to get closer to someone you might not have as much in common with, but you can ACTUALLY SEE, than focus on people you just message and only see a few times a year. If you need to lower your standards for connection to have consistency, it's worth it. People who are reliable and consistent are better than people with amazing energy who constantly drop off the radar, live miles away, or change how they treat you day to day.
3. Guys really need shared activities, but women are more willing to socialise just to hang out ... they don't need an agenda, so female friends are good. Try and find ones who aren't single, because if they are single they'll likely drop off the radar when they meet someone. You'll be filling their "male energy" void, and when that's filled by another guy, you will likely lose that friendship.
4. Since guys need shared activities, find activities you genuinely enjoy and start doing them. Don't take up new things with the idea you might meet people, as that won't lead to a genuine passion or friendship. Do the things that excite you and you would do by yourself anyway, then look to do those things in social settings. You'll be there for the thing and not for the people, so you relationship connections will be more legit.
Is this advice working for me? Yes, to an unsatisfactory but measurable degree. I've doubled my investment in friends who are available, but not perfect for me, and now I see people regularly. I've started volunteering in something I genuinely enjoy (dog charity), and I'm building friendships there slowly, and it doesn't matter if they last because I'd do it regardless. If the loneliness scale goes from 0-10 and I started at maybe a 3, I'd say I'm upto a 5. What I'm doing is sustainable and so are the friendships, so although the progress is a bit lame, it's on firm ground.
Hope this helps man. Thanks for your videos and encouraging me to reflect on my journey too.
Thank you for sharing this man. I will definitely take some time to contemplate on that.
You've to love yourself first. I feel like thats one of the biggest issues that many ppl here have. It's the same concept for almost anything else: You can't rely on other ppl or your surroundings to make you feel better and happy. Sure a Friend or Partner can make you "feel" better ie. But true happiness comes from yourself. It's about how you see things, your perspective on life. It's about beeing aware and thankfull of what you have and not just seeing what you don't have or currently can't get. People or a potential new Friend/Partner will sort of sense what kind of person you are and if you seem to be depressed or happy etc. For most People its normal that they will choose to spend time with someone who seems to be happy with themself.
ie. Don't go to a sports group because you want to meet new ppl. Go there because you're interested in that sport, maybe you're new to it and interested how it is or maybe you've done that sport before. Because the majority of those ppl who will be there, go there because they are interested in that sport and not because they want to find new friends. In that way you'll instantly have something that will connect you to those ppl, you can have a chat, meet again next week for sport and then maybe meet for a coffee the next sunday because its clicking.
I know that having a chat may be difficult, but trust me if you're happy and in peace with yourself, it will be a lot easier. You will automatically be more confident. And yes, it's normal to be nervous when you're starting to pick up chats but you'll get better at it. The trick is to start doing it and not giving up if someone isn't interested in you. Not everyone will like you and thats okay, you don't like everyone either right?
Let me tell you a trick for Goals: Let's say your goal is buying a new car. Don't see getting the money together for that car as a barrier, something you've to overcome, something bad or annoying. Don't think: Urghh I HAVE to work so many more days until I can finally buy my new car.
Think: Nice, I've just finished another day of work, I'm happy with myself that I got up this morning and went to work. Tomorrow will be a challenge to get up so early again but I know I can do it!
It may sound cliche but the journey and walking this path, going through the process of achieving your "set Goal" should be your actual goal. You've to learn to feel good about every challenge this journey will offer you and overcoming that challenge will spreat out dopamine and make you feel better every time. You're naturally motivating yourself. And that motivation will carry over to your new "set goal" after you've been able afford your new car. You'll notice that you enjoy those challenges on your journey more than achieving the actuall Goal you've set in the beginning.
But if your "set Goal" is your goal, you will feel happy for a short time once you've achieved it and after that you will feel lost and you dont know what to do next. The challenges you had to overcome and you saw as enemies or something bad which were standing in your way to achieve your goal, will demotivate you on setting a new goal. You simply don't see a reason to set another goal and go for it.
It's work to change your habits but that's just some aspects I had to learn myself on my journey so far. I hope I was able to give you a new point of view and an idea on how to change your perspective on life. Keep your head up and seek for that inner happiness!
This was so deeply relatable...Thank you so much for having the bravery to post such a vulnerable topic. It really is so healing to know that this feeling is quite common and that we are actually not alone in feeling this way.
Thank you, it's been really humbling having such a positive reaction to opening up to strangers on the interest and it feels great to know that it's helped other people too
+1 - Braver than I for doing this
Good on you, Jay.
Thanks
Jay you really don't deserve to be alone, dude your very genuine and mate alot of us feel like this rn
Keep going bro, it's a very hard process, you are not alone in this.
Thanks, appreciate the support
Hello Jay. I've watched your 1st video (Lonely at 30 - because it resonated) and I'm here for the update! As i listen to you, I'm aware that you may have "Fearful Avoidant" attachment style - brought about by trauma in childhood? or PTSD for reasons only you know.. Im on my own healing journey as an FA - and it's difficult! What you're going through is hard, but you'll grow and develop and get stronger. It's OK to feel the way you do. Best wishes, Simon.
Thanks Simon, I appreciate the guidance and kind words. I think you're right, I do fear getting close to people and being vulnerable but I'm definitely getting better and glad to hear you are too
Thank you for being authentic. I am very proud of you 💫
Thanks I appreciate the comment :)
Thank you for making these. Nice to know I’m not alone being lonely. Hi everybody! You are loved! *bear hugs!*
Welcome to the channel :)
Saddest thing I’ve heard today. I saw your first video and I was hopping to hear about improvement here…
😢
you are saying the exact things that I am thinking as well...never stop making these videos bro. You have a way of delivering the message and wording it in a way that resonates. Keep going. You are going in the right direction, I can feel it. I'm 33 now and have 2-3 friends but that's pretty much it. Nothing else, no hobbies no activities
I'm a few years older then you. But I'm glad I came across your channel. You are helping ppl everyday. So thank you for being you!
You are nice! Keep on looking for happiness and peace!!! Pray and be positive!
What helps me a lot is living in shared apartments with other people. Not always easy and not all people match living together, so open connection on important. But if you find nice roomies, there is always people home, you get to know their friends, they get to know your friends. I'm 30 now, studying again and I can't imagine to ever live on my own again.
I'll be happy when... that's spot on! I need to change that for myself. I am blessed with a wonderful wife, two fantastic kids, high income.. but still I am telling myself that "I'll be happy when.." Thank you so much for uploading this video!
'm 37 and have never felt lonelier in my life, but at the same time I'm more okay with being alone than I've been before. I've realized that I'd rather be alone than being with people who judge me and make me feel like I need to be somebody else.
I’m heading into 30 feeling very similar to everything you’re going through. Thank you for being so brave to talk about the crap parts of life!
I have always had social anxiety, it gets even harder when everyone is coupling up. But what’s helping me is to try to fall in love with me. Make myself someone I want to spend time with.
My psych also told me not to worry about the leaves of your tree (social, relationship, job etc.) but focus on watering your trunk (you) otherwise nothing grows. I hope you feel supported by the lovely people in these comments! Take it day by day 😊
Unfortunately, same here... 32 with 3 friends, although, they all live in different countries by now, and we chat maybe once in 3 months, so it's just me and my 11 year old cat.
It's "refreshing" to hear the same words that i say about this, but only in a relatable sence, not in a sence that you are also struggling. Stay strong, bud, wish you the best
Thanks. Great that you're still in contact with those friends, even if only once every few months. Welcome to the channel
I feel I'm in a similar situation as I'm sure many men our age, in the UK are, in sort of inbetween state and we don't talk about it as much as we should; the stereotype still is that men should not discuss their feelings openly. I too pursue things which don't actually make me happy and I honestly don't know what does make me happy at this point, buying things definitely doesn't improve my life for the most part, nor has almost doubling my wage or saving money. I feel like what a lot of men in our position lack is meaningful connection, a reason to do something or a problem to solve. In a way society doesn't 'need' men anymore in the same way that it used to, and many of us are still lost trying to find our place. I think for generations that follow, this is only going to be tougher, millennials are imo the first wave of this mass change. Great video.
Yeah couldn't agree more, go back a few generations and you had more traditional dynamics. A man could have a job, even a lower-payed one, and support his family. My Granddad supported his wife and 5 kids on his wage as an agricultural engineer alone.
Women today are encouraged to be independent which is great, I understand why a woman would not want to be entirely dependent on one person for her survival but it feels like we've gone too far the other way. Now women are told they don't need men and in many ways but also robs them of the experience of having a masculine energy in their lives which makes them feel supported, safe and wanted.
I've had this conversation with girls in the past and the funny thing is, a lot of women don't like the pressure of having to be fully independent and I've heard many time that, given the chance, they would happily settle into a more traditional dynamic.
Nowadays, we're told masculine energy is "toxic". That somehow being determined, direct and uncompromising in the pursuit of our goals is harmful to society. And if we can't act on our natural, basal instincts, if we can't protect what is ours and stand up for what we believe in then what is our purpose?
Starting this channel, I've been so humbled by the amount of guys that have come forward to say they're feeling the same. I honestly think the start of fixing this is vulnerability. It starts with us all being open and honest about who we are and how we're feeling.
Glad you enjoyed the video Brother
You are good Jay, I hope things feel a little bit better now. If 2023 wasn't your year, 2024 will be better, I'm sure of it
Thanks for the encouragement, appreciate it :)
Im looking at the video, and I see the recommended video strip to the right with several other youtubers making videos like this. 25 with no friends, to anyone that's lonely, I have social anxiety, etc all these videos with this similar thing. Its such a weird paradox that so many of people are lonely but have that in common. I know as we get older it becomes tougher to make friends, etc. Let's all agree to cut ourselves breaks when meeting each other, know we're all struggling to balance everything in our lives and have time to socialize. I know its not all that simple of course, but we can remember that a lot of our brothers and sisters are struggling just the same and take some comfort in that
Thank you so much for posting this update it opens the eyes of people in your shoes too!
I hope so!
Jay, you have bigger balls than most. Well done.
I relate so much to the weird sort of social anxiety about joining clubs and such. For some reason, I just convince myself that it's not even worth it for all sorts of reasons - I won't keep going, I'll probably move away in a year so why bother making friends anyway, everyone there will be better at the activity than me, everyone will be younger/older than me, I won't be able to make the time commitment, etc etc etc. And then I sit at home alone and wonder why I'm feeling so lonely.
Keep going bro. It will get better.
Thanks, I feel like I've already made a lot of progress since I recorded this, probably time for an update video.
My god, I thought I was one of the rarest. Now seeing all comments I just want to say thanks a lot for your courage and abnegation in continuing to share this, you make it easier for all pf us to share it. I am wondering if a group somewhere could help us all. Maybe organize a safe discussion or so where we can share reasons for this loneliness and try to overcome it together…
Hey buddy, you responded to my comment on your last video but I never saw it until just now. I regret to say that I’m in the exact same spot I was back then.
Your story resonates with me so much it’s actually eerie. Good group of friends, they got married and had kids and i expected them to just be my people forever. The thought of making new friends or joining new groups is just absolutely daunting. So when we all started to drift 3 or 4 years ago they moved on and I’m sitting here picking up puzzle pieces that’ll never quite fit right again.
The worst part? We’re intelligent enough to know that a large part of our loneliness is our own fault. It should make it easier to stomach but it just makes it worse knowing I’m paralyzed by potential rejection and I won’t allow myself to put myself out there.
It is tough Brother, but then anything worth having is never gained easily.
I'm what I call a productive procrastinator. I'm very good at filling my day with lots of "important" things and I'm wildly successful at avoiding the things I really need to be doing - like increasing my chances of growing a friendship circle by joining groups etc.
I fell off the wagon massively with my own personal development recently and what's helped is talking to a counselor and meditation. Meditation to observe what's going on in my mind and the counsellor to discuss it.
Wishing you luck on your journey Brother.
Thats true, situation is same even for the people of 25-30 😢
Seems to be getting younger and younger. I remember being a kid and "being lonely" was associated with old people because they couldn't get around as much, completely different now.
Perfectly said couldn’t have said it any better myself very inspiring video
Thank you, glad you enjoyed it and hope it helped in some way
Great, i am a big fan of accountability and humility. You paved the way to do my best to share my story too, man. Good job accountability leads to happiness
Thanks for sharing, this world needs more vulnerability
Yo man i just stumbled across your vids and feel exactly the same. Im 32 and havent had a proper friend ither than my partner for about 5 years. Its hard getting older and focusing on work, particularly when you're the breadwinner. Constantly feeling dissatisfied with life and that nothing is ever good enough or that there are barriers to happiness. Ive found a lot of sollace in nature recently which i would recommend
Hey, thanks for sharing your story, loneliness is tough. I'm really fortunate to live in a very green area and get out as much as I can through hiking and running, I agree it's a massive help.
Man I feel sad for you, I really wish you the best, it really breaks your heart 😢
I feel you, I'm a single mum of 2 and in my 30's, but still feel lonely even though I'm busy all the time.
Brother, it's never too late to pick up your plans. Sometimes the time just wasn't right. Go boxing, go join a social club or 2, and if after 2 months it's not for you then that's ok, on to the next. And don't be too strong on yourself, small steps forward and stay realistic - nobody has a social circle in their garden every day. ✌️
Thanks, I needed to hear this, I'm definitely too hard on myself and create these unrealistic expectations. It's my goal this year to be more authentic and try to get to a few groups in the evenings.
Hey man, your video just popped up, and i can say that i totaly understand you. I'm not completely alone. I have only one real friend, a stable relationship with my girlfrend, ocasionally meeting up with my brother who already has a family, but still, i'm feeling lonely. I'm 30 years old and i feel like, more people should be in my life. I'm working remote job, the whole day could pass and i'm not talking to anybody, nobody doesnt even asking me how i am. One "friend" just decided not to speak with me anymore and i still dont know the reason, he just left, like we dont know each other for more than 10 years. It's hard to get around the people, especially if you are around 30+
I didnt even realised that there are so many lonely people, until i checked out the comments. Keep up! At least you have the balls to speak about it in public.
I left a comment on your previous video and I am sorry you are still in a rough spot. I had similar issues and doing some charitable work in my spare time really helped me. I met a lot of nice people and it feels fulfilling partially filling that constant void I felt. Just always felt tired and bored with life essentially. Wish you the best.
I'm 48, and I have good friends. But all of them locally are married and/or have children, so not about much and the rest are not local to me. I never wanted children myself. Since COVID lockdowns, loneliness is so much worse as people don't socialise as much. I spent my 30s in Uni doing several degrees, so wasn't lonely really as I didn't have time. But my 40's has been very much different. Looking for a partner is a waste of time as men only want hook ups these days. I am content on my own thankfully, a companion would be nice but it seems these days that any kind of commitment is not on offer from most men, and I am not interested in hook ups, so keep away. This seems to be so much more prevalent since lockdown.
Agreed, I feel like it's got worse since the lockdowns but I try not to hold on to the belief too much. Just look at the comments on my videos and similar ones on YT and it's obvious that so many people want to connect, as friends and romantically. I think maybe we've just become more afraid of being vulnerable.
@@JayWallace Yes I agree. No one wants to let anyone else in these days
I saw your first video and now this is the second, its the same as the first.
Don't be concerned about the past, stop worrying what people think about yourself, stop trying to help other people- you aren't ready yet. You're only negative because you are doing what I think you're doing, yes... I've been there, it wont help, it will take a while for you to stop but you will get there eventually. Get your self in the gym, go on holidays, meet new people that way. I have very little friends also but I've learnt to be happy with my own time, its just the way it is. Good things come to those who wait. the way to make new friends now is through networking, sit in bed for a day a figure out your passion, what makes you happy, through shared passions is where you may find new acquaintances at first. it doesn't have to be in person join a like minded community online, perhaps they have a discord, engage... Stop spending your money on those two things, its hard but as you progress they will become less and less.
Great advice thanks for sharing and I think you are right. Sometimes we need to think less and do more.
You’ve got so much to do in your 30s. I’ve seen people in there 70 and 80s wishing they could go back and re live. Live the life now.
It's terrifying to think you could wake up one day and your best years are gone
I'm 28, pretty successful, fit 6 pack the whole package right, and I still too feel lonely sometimes. I'm incredibly disagreeable which means I refuse to bens my values to the culture (Catholic), which means I choose loneliness over inauthenticity. However, I LOVE going to mma. I train at one of the best mma gyms in the world, home of the #1 pound for pound fighter in the UFC, and the level of brotherhood, comradery and genuine emotional connection is INTENSELY strong. I fucking love it. I get to be competitive, dp high intensity physical exercise, and I develop authentic genuine connections with people. I look forward to it every week. I recommend EVERYONE to go to an mma gym and try it for yourself!
Thanks for sharing and welcome to the channel Brother. I really want to try some kind of martial art and it's on my list. I guess I've always struggled to bond with other guys and if I'm honest, that's why I makes excuses and haven't been so far.
If I went to an MMA gym I would not like anyone there lol
Jay. Nothing we ever cherish or love in this world ever comes without struggle. Relationships (i.e. family, friends, co-workers) are no different. Seeking good relationships is like playing the lottery. You'll always lose if you never try and you win more you try (and fail), the more you stand a chance at winning one day. Make a genuine concerted effort towards making friends because competency (because you're great at your job) brings confidence. You're in my thoughts man. Best of luck.
Thanks for the kind words, really appreciate it :)
Have you ever tried with a pet? I'm really shy and since I got my puppy I feel less lonely, I have someone to take care of and, because she's really sociable, I get to talk with a lot of people on the street. Maybe it could be a good way to start to open up. My best wishes for you on this new year.
Thanks, yes I have had pets and I love dogs, I'd get one in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, I live in a top floor flat, spend a lot of time working and I'm not actually sure I'm going to stay in the UK so it wouldn't be fair for me to get one at this point. Hopefully in the future though :)
@@JayWallace I was going to suggest that you move away for some time somewhere far away. It can be easier to make friends in your late 20-early 30s in that situation especially if their is a community of people with similar backgrounds. Everyone is seeking to make friends, peoples calendars are a lot more open because they no longer busy with their family and old friends. There is also a bunch of new things everyone wants to try like you said camping etc. Things that are so hard to get people to do at "home" because there is no urgency.
If you are considering just make the leap. It will be worth. Hope you feel better, this shit is hard. I did all of that and I still clicked on your video so not saying you wont ever feel lonely again but a change of location can be a great fresh start and I found it really helped me get out of my head and live more.
I think it's quite interesting that you say you fear talking to people in the supermarket or starting going to a hobby, though you have the courage to be so honest in a video like this! I would be way to scared to open up in a video about loneliness!
I don't know why, but loneliness seems like the hardest thing to admit to others. Feeling depressed or anxious or whatever negative feeling is somehow more accepted ... maybe.
Anyways, just wanted to say that I feel the same way. Loneliness crept into my life so unforeseen that I had no clue for a long time. I just felt this sort of boredom and emptiness. I too, like you, spent a lot of time percieving some career goal. But now I realize that what should always be number one in your life is friends and family. (Not to say you can't have big dreams, but those dreams should never cast a shadow over the people closest to you)
Yeah I guess it just feels different talking to a camera than it does talking to someone in real life! I work in sales and come across as a very confident person day to day, that's how I earn my money. But if the opportunity to be vulnerable and take off the mask comes up, I will avoid it at all costs.
Love what you said about it creeping it, this really describes exactly what happened to be. When I was 18, I had a pretty big circle of friends and was always out and as I got older, I slowly started losing friends until I got here, and it happened so slowly that I never recognized it as loneliness, more like boredom as you said. I couldn't watch films or play games or anything and I would sit there for hours sometimes wondering what to do next.
Yet, every time I had a social event, I would always feel great the next day. I think we all deserve to have friends around us and that's something I really need to work on.
You got this! *bear hugs!*
Fear will impact your life and it’s easy to place work ahead of you and your personal life because it’s financially rewarding and at some point validation. How ever it is when you realise that you been avoiding and placing work and study ahead of life and your left with a single day at home on the weekend. I took a small collective of men away on bikes we rode two days and camped at a campground ⛺️ we some about issues and problems they were having and many struggled with finding the time to socialise with others in a way that didn’t make them feel uncomfortable or like they didn’t belong.
We need mates and to communicate with other males in a way that’s positive and non judgmental that aligns with ourselves and give us respect and room to be ourselves.
I can feel you my brother , I have always the feeling that environment doesn’t want to make friends , always much harder when you in 30 s
It's just a lot harder to meet people theses day and when you do, everyone is quite guarded. I'm trying to work on being more open and vulnerable and then maybe going to a few local groups.
@@JayWallace i quit smoking cannabis
This stuff is so hard man. Starting to realize that love and connection might just be the only thing that actually makes life worth it has made this the worst year of my life mentally, at a time when I've never been more successful in other areas. It feels impossible to even get started with things like dating or just being social
I know how you feel. Dating is a cess pool these days. Apps have made a lot of people treat others as disposable
Saw your previous video just moments ago. I was hoping you would feel happier but life is not that easy. At the age of 39 I've understood that only the very simple things in life make me happy. The problem is that I don't get to enjoy those especially in the past 6-7 years since I started my own business. With regards to what you said about avoiding social interaction and convincing yourself that work, for example, is more important is exactly what I've been doing as well.
You said something here that really helped me: "I'm more focused on things that really matter". I think this is me. I've identified the problem and I'm not wasting time on things that aren't really important but are just fun (travel for me).
I think a lot of us are in the same boat, my brother. I am 31 - US citizen - and it's pretty bleak, dog. I can't lie. I miss EVERYTHING, and I can't break out of it. I miss xbox live, exgirlfriends, old friends I can't find! It really is hard. I really can't imagine what being 60 years old will be like - as negative as that sounds.
But foreal, your content provides value and relatability to a lot of men and probably women as well. Just keep your head up (worthless advice) and move onward and upward best you can. Much love. God IS good.
I must admit and it's the first time i have said this but, I relate to this in so many ways and i'm 43.
Hi Jay, I hope you're well mate. What you and a lot of others (including myself) are experiencing is completely normal, and absolutely isn't a reflection on yourself, or anyone else. we live in a world that creates an environment for young people whereby in most cases, you have to prioritise work, and/or kids over your social life, in my case, I got myself into a situation where I moved away from my hometown, had a toxic relationship and made some mistakes, didn't enjoy the life I was living and had to go through a pretty rough patch to give my life back on track, and since then life's been even more turbulent and I had to focus a lot on my relationship, and now I have a young child who takes a lot out of both of us, and with the high cost of childcare and that's if you can even find it which in our case we can't. I rarely if ever speak to my friends anymore, I have one or two who I speak to every now and then but life's just led me down a path where I don't have the time or money to commit to a social life that I left behind years ago.
If anyone reads this, or if anyone wants to go for a beer, coffee, whatever else - the only way we change this mentality and/or build ourselves back up again is actually spending time with people and talking about things, let me know, you can find me on Instagram @wgk90_ - and Jay if you read this pal, chin up, and reach out if you need someone to talk to bud. All the best.
I hope the first few months of 2023 have gotten brighter for you. I saw your original video , both that and this one definitely resonate with me as a 33 year old woman turning 34 in a couple weeks. For me it seems the last four-five years have been stressful, and lonely often. I somehow managed to hold on to a handful of amazing childhood friends that are also chosen family but like you said all moving in their own directions etc. I feel frozen like a shell of myself. Anyway truly wish you the best! I too hope to make more real, genuine friends :).
Thanks for reaching out :) It's definitely harder to be vulnerable and reach out to new people when you get older. Being a kid, you would just walk up to someone and ask them to be your friend, hmmmm maybe an idea for a future video? Anyway, thanks for your message and glad to know you have people around you that love and appreciate you.
My goal this year is to be more open and vulnerable with people then try to join some groups and see what happens.
I am in my 33 working as associate Professor in China on "Environment Science". Not married yet, I have many friends but almot none now. Although I maybe top1% among my all class fellows but still foggy mind about life and future. I can understand to some extent. I hope you are much better now. I think as we are age fellows, we must learn 1 thing, which every year change we gonna have new set of feeling and outlook on life. we should embrace it. Second, start family Jay things will be better!
Thanks for sharing your story. Things are always getting better and you're right, I think you become more comfortable with who you are as time goes on.
Thanks, Wallace for sharing your thoughts. I agree with you. I think once we age fellows talk about these ups & downs and things in life we share a lot of things. I have also started to work on UA-cam making content on "Environment, Health, and Climate". Planning to come in the USA for research associate/teaching at Indiana Uni bloomington and at the same time thinking about starting family. I also think a lot about the future and become hopeful and sometimes clueless. anyway, life goes on and we embrace it. I got a few plans and hope it would work. I had a few US friends during my PhD in Shanghai including English Teachers. I always had very interesting talks overnights. what a time it was about 7-8 years ago. Most of my PhD fellows moved back to their countries and I am still here working. I wish you @@JayWallace
Jay, extremely relatable. You're speaking my mind.
Wonder if you should start a discord group for us to discuss and share.
Just started a new job realised how lonely I am. Spend most days without seeing or talking to anyone just turned 40 can relate to everything you say. Done a lot of courses for my job investing so much into work and realised hasn’t got me anywhere.
People also generally see the worst in others, even a small little nuance can put off people. There is also a mentality of what can i attain from this friendship from a materialistic viewpoint. We are spiritually bankrupt and have little tolerance as well.
I think people are just generally pretty guarded. When people, they tend to want to be everyone's best friend and I think that's what most people are like at their core. I guess connecting with someone is letting them know it's OK to drop their guard around you.
@@JayWallace very good point. I don't think social media helps or even the things we watch news in particular. Everything is common too. For example sports cars, being pumped up or even a good uni education. Not sure if that is conveyed well.
Power to you for making yourself vulnerable like that, that is very brave and lights the way for others to step out and reflect. It sounds like you have made some very deep realisations about your life, the current situation, how they align with your needs and values. You have mentioned that your current job really drains you and prevents you from taking the steps necessary to live a life thats more aligned with your needs and values. Sounds like you're onto something there!
Friends and family can be extremely double-edged. I have and have had friends. Social connection is an easy way to create meaning out of nothing. Making memories with one another is an easy way that we allow ourselves to be persuaded to sit down and go, "what we just did has meaning."
With some of those people, we look back, and I see happiness, and they only see sadness. They don't remember the good times we shared. Some would regret not having more materialistic things, such as goals developed out of self-pity in later stages of their life, as if they forgot how happy they were before. "I'm a failure because I didn't socialize in high school." They said this to my face when we were in college together. I waved it off and gave them some words of encouragement, but it wasn't until later that I realized this was a warning sign. If the years of evenings we spent together wasn't "socializing," what were they? Even worse, would my friend ever find their dream scenario if such happy things weren't "the real thing"?
They felt so comfortable with my presence that they projected their sadness onto me and considered them one in the same. Was this the fate of every joy they found in life? To be less than some fantastic "real thing," a standard developed as a defense mechanism against their father who always knew best? Because I was their friend, their self-pity and anger had been conflated with me so much that I had no grounds to comment on it. They thought we shared victimhood, not friendship. The more and more they reached for the stars and sacrificed their worldly comforts to do so, the more and more depressed they became. All I could do is watch. Even my words of comfort would be dismissed, because they had come to try and become a soothing, motherly voice in their attempt to suffocate their fellow victims. Clearly, I was trying to do the same.
They were neither the first nor the last who had been this way. It is with this experience that I realize that our friends are not only miracles, but we ourselves are miracles too. Sometimes that magical feeling of connection really was just you all along, persuaded into believing in yourself for just that moment.
Yet the more we try to believe in ourselves, the more likely we are to hurt those who believe they know what's best for everyone. That's one of the toughest things for me. I want these people to believe in themselves, but I'm not going to lie and say I know what's best for everyone off the cuff. You literally can't. Many people don't even know what they want. Validating their sadness is only going to make it grow if done irresponsibly.
There is no meaning to life. For me, it's all about injecting some personality into the grind when I can. Realistically-speaking, you need a roof, and you need to eat, and you need a few dollars beyond that to oil up the gears which keep you alive in the system. As simple as it seems, it's also very hard. We're all trying to get our cake and eat it too. It's only been a few hundred years since some of the hardest stages of "modern" civilization. It's sheer arrogance to believe we're beyond the fight to survive just because we have computers that let us talk to each other and ourselves really well.
Meaning is, fortunately or unfortunately, what you make of it. So long as we're flexible and don't get too upset about our unmet expectations (either of ourselves, the world, or others) we can make miracles out of the mundane.
Wish you luck.
I understand this man and what he is living trough cause I was the same but I was granted a gift. The only and most important thing in my life that can fill the hole in my hearth is meditation. Im so grateful that Supreme granted me this gift so I can continue live my life and actually feel it. Every day i remind myself how I felt before learning meditation and how I feel now, this alone makes me feel so much gratitude and gives me more and more happiness. God thank you , Thank you for giving me this priceless gift!!!!
Meditation has been invaluable to me too and I think it why i can be so introspective. I actually traveled to India to do a Vipasana course, would fully recommend if you're into meditation.
I can say that anything that helps and improves one's meditation is worth doing !
Deciding to do counselling in the prev video was a great idea. Did you follow through? How did it go? You might need to try different ones to find the right help, so don’t give up.
Don’t give up on keeping up with old friends, my best ones from youth, school, twenties, i am still in touch. I see them rarely because I’m an expat, but when I see them is like I never left, despite we all have kids now.
I know some people here, mostly through my partner, but we isolated from them so I mostly am in touch with people via messages.
I’m too busy to feel really lonely (I had a boss in a job abroad that observed that I’m very good at staying by myself), but I do miss social occasions, particularly sport related (I used to play basketball).
I would suggest joining a team sport rather than boxing or similar, because that forces you in a social situation, you all work for the same objective, etc.
I know it’s very hard to put yourself out there, I considered myself a big introvert until I did a couple jobs that forced me to interact a lot with people (ospitality, serving, interpreter)
Hey, how's it going? I can relate to you with being lonely. I have no family that care about me and have had no friends for a few years 😩 it seems really difficult making friends as an adult. I'm introverted as well which doesn't help the situation🤷🏼♀️
Hi Alice, thanks for sharing, I know it's not easy. It is hard to make friends as an adult. All I can suggest is that you join meetup or find some local groups near you where an activity is the focus. Really helpful if you're introverted because there's no pressure on you to talk, everyone's focused on the activity.
@@JayWallacewhy don’t you both just connect and become friends? 😅
@@producerdevelopmentexcellent suggestion. Problem solved!
I'm introverted too, but I'm 46, I've kinda accepted that I'm going to be alone. I'm learning to like my single life. Love and relationships are hard work if you're with the wrong person.
How come that a beaty like you seem to have Problems?
I guess ur talking about friends, not a bf?
I relate to this. Thank you for the video
You are not alone at being lonely. Just take is as easy as you can. I understand. I am lonely also.
You are so right when you say its easier to do things that don't ask you to step out of your comfort zone.
Like just the thought of me saying hello to the same people i see in the gym every other day is just scary.
No one has ever said hello to me there so its just hard to take that step. I feel like i've been there too long to start doing it now.
But in comparison i say good morning or hello or at least give them a nod to everyone i see at work now and somehow that feels way easier. Because its expected.
Feels like everyone has their own private friend groups already and they don't need me as another friend. I feel like such an outcast everywhere, like i don't belong.
It would be impossible for me to barge in their group without being embarrassed or feel unwelcome. I have a lot of acquintances from work and from hobbies but i don't know how to make friends.
How do i ask them out to do something when the only thing i can think of is they don't see me as a friend, they have their own friends and they're not interested in hanging out with me?
Hey, I appreciate these videos bc I have the same problem. I will be subscribing and I wish you good luck on your journey 🍀
Hey thanks for reaching out! It's not easy to be vulnerable but I hope that by doing so, I might encourage others to do the same and get the help they need. I hope to be posting more content this year and I hope you find it helpful. Welcome to the channel :)
I felt lonely for most part of my life. What really helped me was going to gym. It changed my life in so many ways. I started liking myself. And I started drawing attention of ladies 😅 it may sound so simple yet so effective. The only thing is it's better to have a personal trainer. Because most probably you would give up just by yourself quickly. Unfortunately I have health issues now. But I dream about being fit and healthy when I fix my trauma
Where you live man. Let's go to a grade 2 pub and chill. I'm pretty lonely also but I enjoy going to old school English pubs
I’m 37 female, history of separation anxiety as a kid so always found it difficult to make friends or join groups and what you are going through really resonates with me. Like you any mates I have had have moved away or are absorbed in their own lives with partners and kids. Any relationship I have never seem to get past the 2 year marker so it’s that starting from square one situation whilst others have a catalog of memories with one person. I have so far found it impossible to change my life in my 30s mostly because of the point hours I work and lack of opportunities to build bonds with people from shares experiences. I particularly can relate to what you said about shifting the expectation of things being the same as they were 10 years ago. I really feel so left behind in life and that life is passing me by. It’s true for me at least that loneliness brings depression and I sometimes can feel the bitterness setting in. Thanks for sharing what you are going through. It’s sad that there are so many lovely lonely folk. All the best, Kate
I Know how you feel but from the other side. I have grown up with a close circle of friends. We all had children around the same time, family and careers took us off into different directions. Yes the first years of parenthood or marriage is call encompassing but when the dust settled I was feeling just like you. I had a family around me but i was lonely, those nights out or hanging and just laughing with my friends seemed like just memories, something I used to do. Until I reached out to them, it took a few times but eventually we realised we were all feeling the same and now putting effort into being mates again. Its not the same as care free younger days where time is no object and responsibilities are few. Hanging out is few and far between but knowing that people are making an effort is consoling. So what I'm sorta saying is don't write off those friends who are on a different path, be that person to reach out, they may be feeling just the same.
Pretty sure social anxiety is the reason behind how you feel. I suffer from anxiety and my thoughts match yours.
Definitely become anxious when I have the chance to connect with someone, it's something we just have to keep exposing ourselves to until it becomes normal
The only thing that matters in this life is the present. The present is the only thing you can change. The past has already gone. And the future doesn’t exist yet! I learned that in meditation class. Something I wish I had known many years ago.
Yeah it's very true, also very not to try and look at the future through the lens of the past too. Thanks for sharing
I just turned 32 yesterday and I'm in my apartment now lying on my bed f ing lost I just don't know what to do I'm absolutely lost very depressed have no friends or nothing have no social life at all 😢
Have you tried counselling? Changed my life massively just being about to speak openly to someone I know won't judge me.
Get yourself a puppy, you won't be single for long. I guarantee you won't feel lonely anymore.
@@hiramabiff225 Na that's not going to fix it because I'll only start talking to the dog then 😅
@@stevequinm2296 you don't need to worry about talking to the dog unless the dog starts talking back to you. Then worry! 😝
@@hiramabiff225 that's why I'm worried 😅
Hang in there fam
This year’s going to be so good for you, I can feel it! I’m so excited to see where it takes you ❤
Thank you, I hope so too :)
I been trying to find happiness in dating sites online. I been lonely and don't have any idea to fix it
I'm slowly learning that there's nothing on my phone that has ever brought me happiness except maybe looking through pictures.
When I was dating, I used to find myself endlessly swiping and feeling really empty at the end of a session. I don't know if you relate but if you do, the best thing you can do is delete those apps.
Did you know the guys that make those apps are the same ones that design casino slot machines? They have no interest in you finding "the one" any more than they want someone to win the jackpot, they just want to keep you on there as long as possible.
From my experience, the best way to meet people (not just dates) is through groups and clubs and because there's no pressure there you'll have the time to build a real solid friendship and maybe meet the right guy/gal with none of the expectations that come from those apps.
@@JayWallacewhat kind of groups and clubs? I wouldn’t know where to start.
@@oldschool8330 Check out meetup.com