How to handle your Christian parents after you come out

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  • Опубліковано 7 лип 2024
  • If you're LGBTQ and your Christian parents aren't supportive, it can be incredibly painful. Here are 7 DOs and 7 DON'Ts for maintaining a relationship with them without losing yourself in the process.
    For more resources:
    My page for parents - geekyjustin.com/parents/
    Articles and videos about the Bible - geekyjustin.com/bible/
    Other LGBTQ Christian articles - geekyjustin.com/lgbt/
    Torn - geekyjustin.com/torn/
    Talking Across the Divide - geekyjustin.com/tatd/
    New resource list coming soon!
    Contact me for more - geekyjustin.com/contact/
    A great online community for LGBTQ Christians is on Reddit at / gaychristians . I occasionally post there also.
    By the way, if you'd like to support videos like this, you can become one of my Patreon patrons and get early access to new videos. Learn more here:
    / geekyjustin
    Follow me on social media:
    / geekyjustin
    / geekyjustinlee

КОМЕНТАРІ • 80

  • @musiqchild007
    @musiqchild007 3 роки тому +270

    I hate that we have to be psychologists in order to facilitate these conversations with parents. Though this is super helpful this is overwhelming.

  • @zPencilPirate
    @zPencilPirate 3 роки тому +137

    Boy I wish I'd had this advice when I came out to my mom.

  • @KennyVert
    @KennyVert 3 роки тому +153

    I will be 32 in October, and my mom still makes me feel like I’m a 13 year old boy who is confused about my sexual orientation. I have a very accepting dad, and for that, I’m thankful. I have 3 siblings that have not been great at engaging with me on this or really, most topics. I have definitely felt like the oddball in this family of mine, but I’m holding onto the hope that Jesus loves me just as I am. Thanks Justin. I know you’ve helped a lot of LGBTQ youth. Much love, -Kenneth

  • @lollybell47
    @lollybell47 2 роки тому +43

    As a Mama Bear, it hurts my heart that there are people out there who don't have loving and supportive families to be there for whatever you need, especially if claiming Christian values.

  • @rlyhot
    @rlyhot 3 роки тому +43

    Not me coming out during an argument... and debating the Bible... and her finding out through one of my tweets instead of me telling her... and not having a big story to tell because I’ve just now accepted my sexuality myself... holy fuck am I screwed

    • @rlyhot
      @rlyhot 3 роки тому +5

      After watching this I don’t think I handled anything right and I don’t know what to do from here and I’m so scared that this is going to harm our relationship

  • @Aceofspadess7756
    @Aceofspadess7756 3 роки тому +132

    This really helped me! I am planning to come out to them on my birthday! This helped me so much.

  • @hpe9597
    @hpe9597 2 роки тому +59

    I’m bi and my parents are Christian and homophobic, I’m really scared to come out to them

  • @BreadofLifeChannel
    @BreadofLifeChannel 3 роки тому +38

    Dear Justin,
    Wow! This is such a helpful video for those who are struggling with how to come out to their parents. Thank you for being such a godly example and a source of help to people in need. God bless you, brother!

  • @priscillatellado2065
    @priscillatellado2065 3 роки тому +38

    My dad is very Christian but I’m am lesbian my parents have had very very hard lives and I just want to make them happy so I play the part as the straight Christian daughter to make them happy every time I try to tell them I chicken out I just love them so so much I can’t hurt them like this

  • @Xenonmorph__
    @Xenonmorph__ 3 роки тому +18

    I've studied theology for almost my entire life before I left the church. I've argued theology until I was blue in the face. If God is love, and we are called to love one another, we are called to love everybody and every soul. After being sent to conversion camp/ mental health 'treatment', I had to leave the church. Their church does have a LGBT support group but they will not go because it's not biblical. My chosen family is super accepting of me and I love them. Even if my family will not accept me as a bisexual cisgendered woman, sometimes we have to radically accept that we cannot change them. I love you for you and be your authentic self. ❤️

  • @Fairy_dabnugget
    @Fairy_dabnugget 2 роки тому +20

    My parents are very homophobic.. when we were watching Dateline, one person was gay and they immediately changed it and said “Gross, right?” And I said yeah because I have to fake being Homophobic. I’m Pan and NonBinary and when I said the Bible says to love everybody, she said “they made Adam and Eve for each other not Adam and Joe” and my friends are all LGBTQ+ (My friends are pan,non-binary and gender fluid) I’m really nervous about telling them because my dad gets upset easily and we’re going through moving stuff

  • @simamarcus3673
    @simamarcus3673 3 роки тому +23

    I'm considering coming out to my family and I'm really nervous about it, so thanks for this video.. It's super helpful and your voice and presentation are really calming and supportive

  • @sleepyghost4055
    @sleepyghost4055 2 роки тому +14

    My mom always brings up the bible when it comes to mental health and/or me being part of the lgbtq+ community

  • @thatyellowyoshi8158
    @thatyellowyoshi8158 3 роки тому +22

    ngl I had thoughts of them disowning me for this..

  • @microwavemicrowave1811
    @microwavemicrowave1811 2 роки тому +9

    I’m a Christian but I’m trans and queer,, uh,, this will be scary

  • @cammrennn
    @cammrennn 3 роки тому +12

    it’s father’s day and i can’t help but think about how once my dad finds out about me he won’t love me anymore

  • @gregvest67
    @gregvest67 3 роки тому +16

    Thank you for everything you are doing ❤️ and Thank you for being selfless and allowing God to use you❤️🙌🏻🙌🏻🙂

  • @tartarus1478
    @tartarus1478 3 роки тому +18

    Came out about 10 years ago and my relationship with my parents never really healed. My biggest piece of advice is to wait until you are financially independent from your parents. That was my mistake and I ended up homeless for a while.

  • @tofu6968
    @tofu6968 3 роки тому +67

    I needed this video my parents are Christian and I want to come out the closet

  • @stfnknbb
    @stfnknbb 3 роки тому +17

    You are doing God's work. Thank you so much for this channel and your videos. God bless you!

  • @cindyhawes4628
    @cindyhawes4628 3 роки тому +11

    Wonderful, as your videos always are, Justin! You have helped me, as a mom, immeasurably. Hope to meet you some day to express my appreciation.

  • @kristalefler4931
    @kristalefler4931 3 роки тому +12

    This is beautiful work you’re doing, truly making a difference for many people. Bless u for what u do!❤️

  • @tw1398
    @tw1398 2 роки тому +3

    Yes! This is spot on. If only I had this resource when I was coming out. I'm ordering your books.

  • @stabbamonroll
    @stabbamonroll 3 роки тому +8

    Yall are loved

  • @timothymartinez7894
    @timothymartinez7894 3 роки тому +5

    Really great video Justin. I love how you present these issues and scenarios with love and understanding and encourage your audience to do the same.

  • @izukumidorya9880
    @izukumidorya9880 3 роки тому +5

    Thank you so much for this! I'm coming out VERY soon to my parents!

  • @lucasmbarbosa
    @lucasmbarbosa 3 роки тому +9

    Thanks for this video
    I will remember him when it comes time to tell my mom that I changed my position and accepted my sexuality. It will be difficult to explain, but your video helped me!

  • @samty54
    @samty54 3 роки тому +3

    Love this....Thanks Justin!

  • @spencer8844
    @spencer8844 3 роки тому +4

    this was actually very helpful, thank you❤️

  • @thevictoriousjh
    @thevictoriousjh 3 роки тому +3

    New video! Great as always :D

  • @sus-sg7kb
    @sus-sg7kb 2 роки тому +11

    Hi! I've always pretended im homophobic to make my parents proud and now they think I'm homophobic too so I'm not sure what to do now😅

  • @robinmurray5032
    @robinmurray5032 3 роки тому +3

    Thank you-you are amazing Justin!

  • @livlujan1379
    @livlujan1379 3 роки тому +4

    Thank you for this!

  • @CadenceDavisDoesLife
    @CadenceDavisDoesLife 3 роки тому +3

    I love your content and I just want to thank you so much! You have no idea how amazingly you’ve impacted my life 💕

  • @Neonnostagia
    @Neonnostagia 2 роки тому +2

    This is really helpful!!!! I'm not sure if I'll ever come out, but if I do ill have some helpfull tips. Thank you so much!

  • @Arelyyyy1
    @Arelyyyy1 3 роки тому +15

    I'm so grateful for this. I was thinking about coming out I'm really happy you created this video keep up the great work

  • @cloudsncats
    @cloudsncats 3 роки тому +1

    Incredible and encouraging advice. The world needs more voices like yours. Thank you!

  • @stefanosalim4396
    @stefanosalim4396 2 роки тому +2

    i've just came out on this 30 of August, hearing you and your story makes me feel calm as well
    actually when i told them, we had a lot of tears coming out and somehow i feel blessed but also not fully cant get off from this burden that ive been carry on for 27 years
    well yes when i said it through them my all relatives say that , Hey we all still love you and it's not gonna change us.
    just some part of my mum still cant accept it till now and i think it's gonna be a hard day for us in front
    i just wanna find some way to explain more to her, but it just seems like she trying wanna fix me and i told her and all my relatives please, when i came out it means all of me and what i've said already the truth and i want you guys to believe and appreciate they way that i take.
    well now after i came out, i mean all family members still okay with me, its just my mum that needs more time
    and i really love all of them but it doesnt mean that i'm gonna change back to bcome what they want
    i just need courage too, So shout out to all of my LGBT friends
    stay strong, cause i'm also gonna pass this moment
    LOVE YOU GUYS ALL!

  • @natashaa8590
    @natashaa8590 3 роки тому +1

    Thanks for this!

  • @_ha.riaz_
    @_ha.riaz_ 3 роки тому +16

    Could I like try tell my teacher that I feel like I am LGBT (btw half my teachers are LGBT and my favourite teacher is LGBT)

  • @MariCornell
    @MariCornell 3 роки тому +15

    So like what if my parents don’t understand the concept of me growing up and they put me through therapy at the age of 19 because they think I’m “broken”?

  • @NoOne-bz7hv
    @NoOne-bz7hv 3 роки тому +9

    Dude. This helps.
    😔🤞
    I’m coming out in October on the 11th, which is national coming out day.

  • @jamesdioneda1477
    @jamesdioneda1477 3 роки тому +5

    Godbless you Brother!

  • @DannyDorito1037
    @DannyDorito1037 2 роки тому +2

    THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!

  • @isallgod6
    @isallgod6 15 днів тому

    So good ! I just came out 😂😄but I feel she didn’t get it 😄🥰I will keep coming out , and I will take your advice ! God Bless you friend 🙏🌈

  • @MN-go7rh
    @MN-go7rh 3 роки тому +23

    My whole family is Christian. None of them exept me support LGBTQ. Today, actually just an hour ago I asked my mom, What if her children are gay? she said she wouldn't love them any less. So I asked her another thing which was, How would you react? She said she would be upset in disappointed because that's not what God wants you to believe, but she repeated: I wouldn't love them any less. So I'm relieved and soon might come out to her sooo

  • @johanntheron8877
    @johanntheron8877 5 днів тому

    I wish your videos were available 30 years ago when I came out to my parents. Thank you, your videos are great

  • @OBJECTives.0
    @OBJECTives.0 3 роки тому +4

    Me Seeing An Animal Crossing Shirt: “You Have Pleased Me”

  • @ItTakesCourage
    @ItTakesCourage 3 роки тому +19

    And remember kids, if you want to come out, just ask yourself "What would dodos do?"

    • @GeekyJustin
      @GeekyJustin  3 роки тому +15

      Speaking of which, officially Flick and CJ are roommates and "business partners" to explain why CJ keeps raving about his "partner" Flick's amazing art, but come on, Nintendo... ;)

    • @ItTakesCourage
      @ItTakesCourage 3 роки тому +8

      @@GeekyJustin Oh, Nintendo is not fooling ANYONE with that whole "roommates" bit. We all know what they really mean XD

  • @Melanie.martinezs.heartindeath
    @Melanie.martinezs.heartindeath 22 дні тому

    Tysm I’ve been in relationships with girls (I’m a girl) and I got caught but now I’m ready to fully come out, well when I’m ready and this motivated me! I’m so grateful for this advice!

  • @cheyenne8008
    @cheyenne8008 2 роки тому +1

    Thank you for this. It helped a LOT. I’m trying to come out to my grandma as trans bc I hate hiding myself from her bc I love her and I want her appart of my life.

  • @ec1570
    @ec1570 3 роки тому +8

    Hi, do you know any Christian communities who are positive towards LGBTQ ? I'm having a hard time here in Europe finding any. I'm in France... Trying to find a community that shares my values.

  • @user-iy7xw1jq2r
    @user-iy7xw1jq2r 2 роки тому +2

    Thank you for this video!I really needed this advice!Im coming out to my parents in 3 days :)
    Im Gonna come out To my cousins First because They asked me If I liked Woman(What Im trying to say is they asked me if Im lesbian)I wasnt ready to tell anybody But now I am,Wish me luck!

  • @caraboska
    @caraboska 8 місяців тому +1

    I am mindful that about half of the homeless people in the United States are such because their families kicked them out for being some variety of LGBT. So I always recommend that people not come out to their parents until they are over 18, have completed their education, stopped taking any money from their parents, found another place to live (if only a rented apartment), moved all of their stuff out of their parents' home, understood that there is a substantial risk that they will be cut out of the parents' lives and decided they are OK with that.
    I admit that I would probably not have been so nice if my parents had been unsupportive (which thank God they were not). Sure, I would have tried to anticipate what their issues would be. But in the end, I would make it very clear that the matter is not open to discussion in the sense of my changing my mind. It is what it is, and their continuing to have a relationship with me will be conditional on their behaving in a respectful manner toward me.
    I admit that with certain Christian friends whom I have caught spreading disinformation about trans people, I have written to them privately, pointed out their error and asked them when they intend to repent. If they do not see fit to do so, I unceremoniously remove them from my life. It's sad, because some of these people were once close friends. So I pray for them. But the situation is what it is. I am not going to tolerate abuse.

  • @veggiet2009
    @veggiet2009 Місяць тому

    I feel like my mom doesn't ask any questions, just denies, denies that orientation can be a thing, and denies that accepting churches are really Christian. Definitely shares her fears, I've tried to listen, i share her faith. I'm waiting for something to change to really pursue a relationship, but i really don't know if any change will happen

  • @Memegirl716
    @Memegirl716 3 роки тому

    thank you

  • @Soleial
    @Soleial 3 роки тому +7

    Alot of Christians say its not okay and speak about the Bible and my response is didn't God say to love everyone equally?

  • @mymultifanass2822
    @mymultifanass2822 3 роки тому +3

    my mom just told my grandpa when they were reading the newspaper ......" Pope has refused blessing for you know " gay couple " cuz they are evil".....(my grandpa laughs slightly)....my mom said" good thing" .....it s my grandpa 's bday and i can't swallow this lump of guilt ......because i kno im too young ....and they are pretty conservative ....also believe in arranged marriages ...like they said they'll be the ones who 'll decide who im gonna marry...im not gonna let that happen .....so how will i ever make them understand that liking a person from the same sex is alright ......how will i ever come out to them as a bisexual person

  • @kadyadams2297
    @kadyadams2297 3 роки тому +2

    I love the mha behind him

  • @jeremywilliams3465
    @jeremywilliams3465 3 роки тому +1

    I would love to speak about abstince, sexual ethics, and dating. These are things we do not mention especially if we date guys who are not christain?

  • @katien3245
    @katien3245 3 роки тому

    It’s not my parents for me it’s my aunt and uncle my dad was fine with it but I don’t know How they are gonna react not gonna come out now but maybe later in life

  • @MariCornell
    @MariCornell 3 роки тому +2

    I mean they haven’t done that yet but I know my mom

  • @ConstantSurprises
    @ConstantSurprises 2 роки тому +2

    I wish this message had been around in the 90s.

  • @CK_love_sosa.
    @CK_love_sosa. 3 роки тому +4

    I might come out on my birthday or on the first day of June

  • @chloeanne4473
    @chloeanne4473 2 роки тому +1

    This video is awesome

  • @jacksmales4973
    @jacksmales4973 3 роки тому +7

    You're videos are so much more edifying than those fake ex gay testimonies that you find on the internet

  • @hibye12345
    @hibye12345 3 роки тому +2

    im scared to👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

  • @zeng58
    @zeng58 2 роки тому

    my parents didn't want to be parents didn't accept me and start a bible debate. i still did and they don't agree with me