How to Take Space From Difficult People FOR NOW (While You Decide If It's Forever)
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- Опубліковано 27 лип 2023
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Getting distance from your family of origin can be a powerful way to accelerate your healing from past trauma. You may be clear you want it to be permanent. But if you're feeling guilty and unsure if you should do it, there's a way to take space for as long as you need -- without drama, without debate, and without committing to a permanent boundary. You get to decide, one day, or one year at a time. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who suspects she needs to end contact with her mother, but the guilt she feels is blocking her clarity.
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Alana, My heart goes out to you all while seeing you as a very strong person to establish the boundaries you need. I understand sensing that others may see you as being evil bcz you don't enable her emotional manipulation of you. I loved the fact that you set boundaries to stay in the present with her & know what it's like as mother cannot stay in the present. I am 62 & 3 yrs ago set a similar boundary with my narciccistic guilt ridden mother. Like Anna said, they just don't change. My mother is 82 & I've come to terms that I will likely never see her again in this life. Alana, I am rooting for you to find the peace you are seeking. It's sad you experienced so much heartache in your life, but since you did I am glad you found a tribe here online who supports you. ❤
I don't want to see mine in the next life either. Even God has a "no contact" place😏
Alana, your story sounds almost exactly like mine. Except I am now 52 and went no contact with my mother who didn't protect me from my dad & his friends sexually abusing me. I only retrieved these memories when was 30. For 2 decades I tried to make my parents see how much they damaged me. I was a mess. I couldn't take care of myself emotionally, financially or otherwise. My parents always gave me money and a place to stay. Even during my divorce I stayed with them for a couple of months together with my 6 month old baby twins. It was pure hell.
I have two siblings who are convinced I am insane and telling lies about our childhood. As you might have guessed by now I was the scapegoat. I cut off all contact with my mother (my dad died 4 years ago) and the enabling siblings. I sometimes still feel fear, obligation and guilt but mostly I am out of the FOG. I encourage you to keep the focus on your own healing and growth. I wish I had the insight and courage to move away sooner from these people who had nothing but pity, hatred, contempt and/or judgement towards me. They don't change. I am out and staying out. Nothing good can come from making contact with Narcissists again.
Thank you for sharing your encouragement! -TeamFairy
I went no contact with my parents siblings and extended family over 10 years ago and honestly it was the BEST thing I ever did and wish I had done it sooner.
I did from 1993 to 2015 and it was the BEST decision of my entire life hands down.
Will never regret it as my siblings all ended up screwed up big time.
I strongly recommend it when the situation is so toxic.
Yes, we’ll said…
I recently went "no contact" with my toxic siblings. It is so wonderful to be FREE from the pain caused by those relationships. I have no desire to go back.
@@X3N0_M0RPH3 Stay strong. You deserve a happy life. You just deserve it!❤
Same. Tried everything I could think of to get along with them for 58 years, then said "screw it."
Having personally experienced the damaging effects of narcissistic relationships, I can't stress enough the importance of prioritizing your own well-being. It's disheartening to realize that I had once convinced myself that my situation was somehow different or could change. I was caught in a cycle of self-gaslighting, hoping for a transformation that would never come. If you find yourself in a similar position, I implore you to consider going no contact if necessary. Don't second-guess your decision or waste any more precious time. Save yourself from these soul-sucking individuals. Sometimes, the best way to heal and protect yourself is by creating distance and focusing on your own growth. Remember, you deserve love, respect, and peace in your life. Don't let the darkness of narcissists overshadow your light.
One thing I have learned over the years is that it’s okay if people think I am a bad person. Them thinking it doesn’t make it so. You have the right to do what you have to do to save yourself. Especially from a parent who didn’t do anything to protect you.
Anna - I have lived my whole life being hurt by other people’s devaluation of me. I now realise that I have been walking round with a self CONcept that was not true - with shoots of my real, beautiful, spiritual self fighting for existence. I’m taking A LOT of space to breathe and grow in abundance. Thanks for your brilliantly helpful channel 🙏 Much love 💕
The damage they do! 😳 I'm so glad you're taking care of yourself. Anna's guidance to the letter writer was so kind, understanding and spot on. I recently realized how I dress. All my life, what I consider comfortable, but not flattering at all, kind of like my uniform, but it's also mirrored how I see myself and influenced how people treat me. 🤔 One of the many things I'm addressing as I parent myself. I wish you all the best. 🌹🙂
@@sharonthompson672 Thank you - all the best to you too 💕
NO CONTACT was the ONLY answer for my NARC. Best decision I've EVER MADE!
Wow!! I’m 40yrs old. I’m my mothers only child. The same thing happened with me at 5yrs but by my stepfather that she’s still with today. She knew what was going on. I acted out the same way this lady in the letter did. I’m just now trying not to make it my identity anymore. She just emotionally triggered me over the phone. I was just talking to God about this, about how I don’t want to cut her completely out, but I have to protect myself also. Then 15mins later I get the notification for this video. Thank you Jesus and thank you for sharing this!!!
I'm so very sorry. 😔 Anna is truly a gift for so many of us. I too appreciate all she does.
Go no contact as soon as possible. You will start to have a clarity you never knew you could have. Then, like Anna said, you can make decisions one way or the other. I went no contact completely four years before my mother died. Started to have memories that came in the form of bad dreams. It was rough at first I'm not going to lie. But I saw clearly that she chose to be as awful as she was. She wanted to take the focus off of herself so she created an alcoholic (my brother) when he was 11. Then she played victim. She was a monster.
You are absolutely allowed to cut her out. She knew you were suffering, and she did not help you. She is a co-perpetrator, she is guilty for denial of assistance. She doesn't deserve you and even more imprortant is that it will make you ill if you keep contact. I even say it is going to make you ill. All the best to you and all the strength you need to rescue yourself one more time.
On the cat analogy. Through kindness, patience and showing creatures the opposite of lack. I have personally taken care of dozens of strays who started out hissing and unapproachable to creatures who hold a special place in my heart.
I think it's because that's how I was treated by others. Damaged and unworthy of redemption. Not on my watch.
Those creatures have become a personal project for me.
I allways look for the neglected strays too as i can relate well to them and find it healing to see the way they respond to love and kindness. ❤
The part where the mother tries to pressure her daughter to make amends with the sexually abusive father, shocked me the most.. That´s just sick! Beyond all boundaries, after all that has happened. Very indicative of the mom´s inability to be a responsible parent. I was surprised Anna didn´t go into this.
Keep trusting your inner compass, Alana! It knows exactly what´s right or wrong, and will definitely protect you in the future ❤
Your comment is validating & healing. Thanks
One powerful lesson here is make your own money. Maybe Alana’s mother is economically dependent on her husband. Alana will also need to become financially independent to be free. That’s tough in these times, but I hope she gets education or career training. Many people take one class at a time but get through community college. It’s worth it. ❤
YES omg - can we PLEASE talk about just how HEALING it is when we focus on not neglecting our financial life?! It's CRUCIAL!!! I'm currently reading "Smart Women Finish Rich" - if anyone has other book recommendations please drop them below, or, Ms. Fairy- please do an episode on this unless you already have!!
@@Embers167 Thank you for the book recommendation.
@@Embers167she talks about it often in her videos, I'm not sure there has ever been one letter that was the sole focus to make it a main topic of a video. But it could be useful to attract people who need specific help with that healing and growth.
@@Embers167 thanks for the rec and i agree absolutely. In fact it was through doing financial healing and work on my money mindset (a work in progress, but making progress!) that i began healing all my other self-worth issues stemming from childhood with a narcissistic (and financially manipulative) mother. It's all so inextricably linked.
There are many books and courses now aimed at empowering women financially. One i haven't read yet, tho i follow the author in other channels, and hear recommended so often is: "Prince Charming Isn't Coming: How Women Get Smart About Money" by Barbara Stanny (now Huson). I also love Lynne Twist's work, and Denise Duffield Thomas' work has been the game-changer for me to actually start healing and turning around my financial situation, alongside my inner healing. She has lots of content available for free online - yt/podcasts/downloads etc. I would also love to see a video on this subject as it is so, so important.
unfortunately that lesson isn't accessible. many of us are disabled and have no choice. I haven't had a choice for years. It's why so many of us end up in financially abusive situations. They know we need it to access healthcare.
This mother deserves no contac for the sake of self helaing. There is nothing soft to say about this and this young lady is unbelievable smart und strong!
My parents are both gone, my died when I was 18, dad when I was 40. I'm the youngest of 7, molested by 3 brothers, my only sister shut me out. 6 years ago I moved away from all I ever knew and went to the other side of the country. I have moved again since then but I cut off all communication and will never speak with any of them again. This was the best thing for my mental health.
Congrats on getting away!!
When my parents died, I really had a hard time grieving much because I had already cried for years. I realized at a young age that I would never have what I needed from them. So I grieved. And eventually stopped contacting them. They rarely contacted me.
Best thing I ever did was no contact with my mother, it was just not healthy physically or mentally. She's gone now, and the heart breaking part was we never had a healthy or loving relationship. I have tried to educate myself about boarder line personalities and narcissism, which is very helpful.
That’s the hard part. My parents never got to know me because they just couldn’t heal themselves. I feel like my parents missed out on having a relationship with me because I turned into a very talented person and I was able to get myself together enough to have good relationships and a good life. They never healed or understood why I had to leave and find that ok person that was buried under all their dysfunctional crap. Every one wants their parents to love them and be proud of them but when you are in a dysfunctional family you just can’t have that expectation.
After my verbally abusive, narcissistic mother died I fell into a deep depression. I was surprised because I worked on this bad relationship my whole life with psychotherapy. Some say you grieve twice-once for your real mother and again for the mother you never had. These feelings are primal. I admire that you took care of yourself. Maybe I was grieving for the time I wasted on my mother.
@@lillianbarker4292 perhaps you just had to go through it the way you did. Just because they are damaged doesn’t change the love you have for them. Every person grieves in their own way and if you had to grieve for the relationship you tried to have than that’s what you needed to do.
That takes a lot of guts. Good for you!
Havent seen my.mother for long time. Last time was 2019 and it was brief. I do not miss her and feel.no love for her. Its sad but i dont like her because all the things she did to me. If she dies i wont miss her. Sad but im better without her.
Alana, you are not a b@d person, you are a HERO. Some people should NEVER have had kids. My parents included.
I get your point. But don't say that. It's like committing sui... through words. A lot of people are glad that you were born. You are important for this world!
Wow, the whole video, but especially the section from 5:20 to 5:32 .... "a pathetic woman who chose this man over her children..." yeah that hits home for me. Alana, if you are reading this I feel very similarly to you regarding my mother. I also see my _own_ mother as someone who's choosing to waste her life being attached to someone who treats her like dirt, instead of trying to build a better, healthier relationship with me.
I will build on this a little: my own mother has the same maternal qualities as Alana's, and she has three major blind spots:
*the trauma bond she has with her husband and how she's overfunctioning
*she does have "vulnerable" feelings (we all do), but doesn't go talk/work through them - instead she uses anger as a cover-up and lashes out verbally
*can't fix relationship ruptures, and tends to blame the other
I certainly would like to have a better relationship with her, but unless she decides to try therapy and work on those blind spots, I can't make it happen. Even if she had a friend to hug and cry around I believe that would help. She _does_ have people she talks to, but the main emotions that come up are anger, disappointment, and contempt.
No the writer did the correct action for her. Her mother was complicit in her abuse.
Appreciate this as always Anna and co. It sounds like with the purse thing, sometimes parents know on some level that they failed their kids, but they can't fully integrate it into their life and make the changes they need to make it safe for their kids. My mom was a little like that.
I was abused as a child as was my brother....i choose to have no contact with my family as it was/is toxic.My father passed away 2 years ago from gunshot wounds/my brother shot and killed him...he was trying to choke my mom to death...your channel has helped me tremendously thankyou and god bless 🙌 ❤
~I handled a boundary in a better way yesterday~I expressed myself, and stopped things, without creating a fight, or a fallout of friendship~Im really pleased i was able to do that!~I did this last year with another person, too!~Id never been able to do this till recently~Usually, i lose my temper & blow up at them, instead~Ive also improved expressing my side of things to my Mom without her getting angry, too, which is a major accomplishment!~Im sure these videos have helped me get to this point!~Thank you, Anna!!!~♡~
Good Job! I'm so proud of you! Controlling fight responses is tough.
@@roralyn ~Thank you so much!!!~☆~
I think mom's a covert narcissist. That's the only thing I can conclude from this. So very sad. 😔🌹❤️
🫂
I’m sorry….my MIL is also….we slowly receded from her since ‘15….it’s beyond worth it…..you deserve happiness & healing 🌺🐦⬛
I don't think her mother really feels guilty. There are a lot of things I want to say but I won't say mean things about her mother because she seems to still be loving towards her mother. I will say the letter writer is better than me though.
Worse, she is using her guilt to emotionally blackmail her daughter into attending to her needs. True remorse would be realizing the topic is painful for the daughter and letting her be the one to bring it up if necessary.
I had to do this. I healed tremendously HOWEVER my family retaliated. My own mother called CPS on me, telling them I did all that SHE did raising us... I was cleared after the initial interview and sharing of my mother's texted threats to call CPS if I didn't talk to her. That was the start of all she did. A year later I am on the other side of the country and keep her at a great distance. She will NEVER be allowed in my life again. She's dangerous. 😢
I'm so sorry. I understand -- personally. Some people (including parents) are truly awful, and we have no choice but to distance ourselves for our own good, sometimes even our own survival.
Julie@TeamFairy
I do the same thing ie block and delete people who keep triggering my C-PTSD. I just don't have the strength to deal with them as all my energy is now going into healing myself so I can be a good mother to my children. Unless you are adding value to my life and we can have a mutually reciprocal relationship, I am out.
I went ‘NC’ with my mother before I knew it was a thing. I just couldn’t take it. I didn’t tell anyone I just did it. I lived 800 miles away and would visit g’m and aunt with them promising not to say I was there. No questions were asked. She passed 20 years later and I never saw her. As her health declined I helped financially and supported my other sister behind the scenes. I was there when she passed at a hospice facility. It was the distance I needed.
Alana, You're amazing!! You're so smart at such a young age! I wish i was as intuitive as you at your age. I think you're on the right path. You are strong! 💪 keep on truckin! 👍 🏆
I went no contact with my extended family when I was 12. It was complicated by the fact I grew up in a very small town and was a social worker. I'm sure you can imagine the rest of that story. My parents and my sibling did not go no contact. I think it was the right decision for me.
My heart goes out to every person who has been affected by abuse. Oh, Alanna, please do not give up. You have done so much better for yourself. You have a whole life ahead of you and I am going to tell you: it is beautiful, much more beautiful than you think. Experience it and believe in it. Namaste.
No contact doesn't have to mean forever. Parents do know how to push your buttons. I learned to go no contact when necessary. There are times when life throws a lot at you and eliminating what stressors you can is necessary. Then when life calms down and it is easier to cope it's okay to have
limited contact again. I am glad I did it this way because I was able to be present and say good bye when they died which has given me great peace of mind and even c!osure.
Often very painful for me to watch your vids, but they are always appreciated.
Others can install our buttons, and we have the option via therapy and self-awareness to remove the fuse so those buttons can be pressed but no longer activate a response.
I'm heartsick for the trauma and abuse Alana has experienced. There was one tidbit that didn't get spoken to in the video which was that her mom mentioning she was going to counselling. While I don't agree Alana should have to relive all the experiences for her mom's counsellor I do hope that her mom seeing someone does help her and the situation should Alana try to connect at some point in the future. Her mom sounds horribly broken with such a horrible background as well.
At 23, she's so strong ... 💜
I have a tendency to block people in my life who trigger me. The only problem is when you unexpectedly run into them ie in the supermarket or other places and they confront you about it and are angry.
I found a reply they are not prepared for that "I did it for the sake of my mental health, Complex- PTSD". (They have no reply.)
However many times after blocking someone for a period of time, I begin thinking I need to connect with them again and that's the hard part. How does one do that??? Or should one even do that? After all, you blocked them for a reason! And chances are they trigger you again and again.
Does forgiving someone for their crimes against you mean you need to make them part of your life again, especially when they haven't apologized and taken any responsibility.
You forgive for yourself so that you don't carry the anger or disappointment. Most will never apologize.
I find that those people are incapable of changing, and will even draw you in so they can "punish" you when you least expect it.
These situations only continue because of the excuses of the abused.
NO!
I’ve done that too. I wish I knew a better way to get out of some unhealthy friendships. You can’t explain it to the person without getting caught up in it again. It’s easier if they did some specific bad thing but it’s more subtle than that sometimes.
I have trouble with boundaries when I just want to connect so bad. But I've found when I set a good boundary with someone, I just make it firm and it's like they're not an option. I'm still in the space of working with these boundaries, but I'm so proud of myself for finally setting them and it's help me avoid a few bad situations.
Hi Ms. Anna. This was so releaving. I actually spaced out my Mom without even realizing it... This video is a reassurance n so liberating
Oh my God… This woman herself was abused by this man and severely traumatized… Not complicit, but trauma bonded, and felt helpless to help her own children! Yes, failed in her duties as a mother, but she obviously did not have the ability because she was shackled by the same monster! And for all anyone knows, he might’ve been threatening her with the children at some point. I know my husband would threaten me. So what the abuser across the street threaten me if I ever told anyone
Yup, which objectively is being complicit to some extent which makes it worse, because a part of you *knows* but can’t fight it. I’m guessing it was probably a lot worse than just threatening the kids too.
A grown woman is never trapped in the same way as a small child. These excuses just keep kids trapped in abuse.
@@amberinthemist7912 agreed. Same with a grown man in a relationship with a narcissist etc. there is a responsibility there a kid doesn’t have. However, trauma bonding is real too. It’s both necessary to recognize the trapped adult is at fault too, and also necessary to recognize the adult has less agency than we want to think they do. Ultimately, if they don’t leave, they’re part of the problem. And no one can ‘rescue’ them. They have to ‘rescue’ themselves.
@@villaineramatriarchy bwahaha. This is so divorced from reality it would be hilarious if it wasn’t going to get people killed. I’ve had someone pull a knife on me and start stabbing the counter, among other things, because I asked them how they were doing.
Anyone saying this has no clue what it really looks like being anywhere near this kind of situation.
This is what I needed! Thank you! ❤
I went no contact with my adoptive family. They were abusive and dismissive of everything they did, what I went through. I never had much family anyhow. My adoptive mother died after I cut her out of my life. Part of me feels bad that I wasn't there in those final moments... I know she was scared. But the way she hurt me in a very severe way, the way she was, the things she said. I just couldn't be around her denial. Never able to talk about what she did, no apology or acknowledgement. I wonder if she felt bad about the hell she put us through. I hate her with every fiber of my being. But there is love there, I grieve for what could have been.
I'm trying to heal but it hurts like hell and it's hard feeling like you have to do it alone.
Is it weird that I forgive my parents? Even feel sorry for them?
Not to me. To me it shows growth. Just put those guardrails up so they don't hurt u again
Not weird at all! That is part of your grieving process I suppose. I have been through those emotions and thoughts as well for my situation. Sending you healing energy
@@kimbers1238 they have both passed on. But left a lot of scars behind. On my journey to heal I saw their wounds.
I have also forgiven my parents and yes, I too feel sorry for them. However, sometimes I feel that the way they abused me is unforgivable. My point is my thoughts and feelings change from time to time but what is important is that I am making progress in my own healing and recovery.
My forgiveness also came in the form of pity for my mother, but I still had to have protective boundaries.
Thank you Anna. I feel thorn apart. I don't have a concrete story of what happened to me. My mom invested much energy to show the world a normal family (in fear that her kids would be taken away... I believe this is fearful and selfish) and that's what I adapted to. For me it's considered normal what happened, due to isolation I had no reference markers, while lots of story's in your videos are resonating. All has been kept under the rug. Never allowed to ask about.
Your videos are insightful and I feel overwhelmed or what else is starting my masking reactions including a black out in my brain?
Thank you for your work. May I ask, when lots of disturbing stuff happened way before speach development. Is there a way to get this cared for and on paper? Maybe with painting?
I use your day practice for three years now, offering me to get the daily stressors out, ending up very fast and not yet controllable in a shut down and partly freeze response. My brain feels like being hit by a freezing and levitating spell. I also feel puzzled, completely fragmented. But it's without words. It's within myself emotionally and embodied. Like being scattered and levitating without any contact point, unable to move, floating in numbness with the undefined thread underneath.
But even writing that down it's continuing, keeping me unable to answer lives questions with my best interest in mind.
Perhaps some Clinical Hynotherapy, or EMDR work may help?
I went no contact with my mum, and decided that I don’t want to see my dad at all. I am back in contact with mum and she has grown too. We had an enmeshed relationship it was so unhealthy. But boundaries and understanding are now in place 🙏🏻
That's great that boundaries are helping you have a healthier relationship! Thanks for sharing. Julie@TeamFairy
Wow 🤩!! Powerful video
I’m 52
❤Miss Anna❤ugh this is for me for sure! 😮Thank you for listening to my hang ups.
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I'm going through this now with a best friend right now, it's been over a week, this is the longest she's gone without talking to me in five years. I have no idea why she's upset, all she did was ignore me the last night I was visiting with her in her home, then the next morning when I had been planning to leave, all she physically said to me (she said nothing else) was she wasn't ready to talk but when she was she would reach out.
I really am trying hard to stay secure and know my wants and needs, recognizing my feelings about it and being patient. It's hard to say how long I will wait or if I'll ever hear from her again at this point, I guess time will tell if she comes back to actually tell me why she was upset. I really don't know why, the only thing I can imagine, it would be very immature to be this upset about that unless it's based out of old trauma wounds. My other best friend was staying with us in her home that week, he thinks she's being unreasonable. My heart is sad, I'm confused and disappointed. ❤ Thanks for your video fairy, they help me often and I share with others frequently, they also got help from them.
My mom went No Contact with me and my sibs when she took off with her paramour.
The No Contact idea was aided and abetted by Paramour and her nifty new friends.
Years later when she got sick, she reestablished contact, but it has wrought havoc on all of us.
She later referred to the No Contact time period as one of “growing and becoming more accepting of others”.
Those “others” apparently didn’t include her kids.
I'm so sorry she did such a terrible, terrible thing to you and your siblings. And also that she still takes no responsibility.
I went no contact from my father for 10 years.
After that, I renewed the contract.
@@villaineramatriarchy
I realized there no point having contact with him.
So, I made sure not to contact him for a least another ten years.
The mom had no boundaries and may never develop them.
❤God bless you for your time.
Alana the best thing that helped me was daily meditation where you imagine yourself in third person as a young child & tell her (in your native language) “may you be free, may you be loved, may you be happy.” The you imagine yourself as an adult now & repeat it. Then you imagine your mom as a young child & tell her the same. Then you imagine her as an adult now & repeat it. Good luck ❤
Thank you for sharing your experience and encouragement! Julie@TeamFairy
My daughter is on year 4 of no contact with me, her siblings, extended family.💔
💔this is heartbreaking to listen to
I took my mother to the criminal court for larceny, and breaking and entering. She'd intrude on my newly rented flat, as a property owner in the building she is allowed to have the keys. The way she spoke of my body and sexuality (I am an intersex woman in transition MTF) as well as some of her comments on disinheriting her only child, for not doing enough for her, made one of the officials state this could be the most toxic, non-physically abusive mother-child relation she has seen. Some of her words were graphic enough to be considered hate speech.
And this was the normal to me for literal decades. It felt like abuse, but I had no idea it could be taken to the police. That's how deep gaslighting goes.
I'm so sorry. "Difficult" sounds like an understatement for her behavior. Glad you are here now.
Julie@TeamFairy
Maybe recommend this channel to her if she is in therapy already....why else go to therapy if you aren't willing to " change "?
i wish i knew this at 20 yo :( love CCF!!!
Very sad! Alanna you are way too generous about your mother.
If she knew what was happening to you and did nothing, she is as guilty.
Mind yourself x
Can u share a bit about compartmentalization? How is that helpful with CPTSD?
Is there a support group for us?
Yes! Here's a link to the membership program: bit.ly/CCF-Membership -Calista@TeamFairy
Can someone explain the phrase "hold space"for me? I've heard it a lot, but never defined.
@@PreYeah thank you. I wish I could say that about my mom.
It’s another overused term…similar to “safe space.” The word SPACE needs to retired.
In short, it’s similar to “please consider.” At least that’s what I’ve been told!
@@thatbemefool Interesting. Applying that to biblical stories, Eve held space for the serpent, but didn't hold space for God. Cain didn't hold space for God either, or anyone else, especially his brother Abel. Taking the time and mental energy to consider other viewpoints (or other options) is apparently not an automatic reaction, but a learned and developed skill. I like how you, or whoever gave you that definition, narrowed it down to just two words, and that "please" indicates that there is indeed a choice.
Yes its so important for kids to feel their feelings are acknowledged. At 72 i am now learning to do that for myself instead of expecting it from others. Its very hard work but empowering to listen to your own inner childs need to express itself. Listen to the grief and the pain and hold your inner child and let her/him have a tantrum or cry or just feel safe and loved. Never abandon yourself❤
@@sallyflavell6221I'm also 72 and agree with all that you have so perfectly expressed.
The mother seems as though she wants to solve her own inner turmoil so much she HAS to do it through you. In a way she is right, she will never solve her issues since they are so buried within herself. It would require you to help her understand some things for her to start finding ways of becoming better. She seems like she wants to be a good mother but is so incredibly consumed and confused in herself. Looks like she needs you. She needs your help to free her.
It's not the job of a child to "help her mother understand herself". There are trained professionals to do that.
@heidik1757 Haven't read such a stup.. comment for a while. Her mother is guilty for a lot of things. She is a bad person. She deserves nothing. And children are not responsible for their parents. Never. Whether they were mistreated or had a happy childhood.
@@lauraohlrich5977 Difference of opinion. It is what it is.
Villianeramatriarchy. Yep. Enablers right here in the comments. I find these people having sympathy for an abuser and giving advice that their children need to save their parents to be abhorrent. Please don't reproduce.
I don't think this for all situations. For this paritular situation yes. You think what you think. I think what I think. It is what it is.
Maybe the mom thought it was the husband stealing her money and didn't want to risk asking her or accusing her daughter.
Alana sounds like she has Cold Mother syndrome...😢
Wow this writer has been through a lot. I don't know everything of course but i was sexually abused and my mom didn't know. Im just saying its possible. Sounds like the mother is trying to make amends but doesn't know how like cfc said. Like i said im sure we only know a small percentage but blocking her mom because she sent an i love u message? Sounds like the mom is in therapy. Hopefully the therapist helps her. There would be zero chance of me ever wanting to be around my father. To me this writer needs therapy. She is young but has only been taught by her mother how to handle emotions. Idk. Please remove if ive said something offensive
It doesn't matter if the mother knew or didn't. The daughter told her it happened and the mother kept the father around and still keeps the father, who is a demon, in her life. That makes the mother a monster also.
You can't firmly stick your head in the sand and then say "but I didn't know".
This is a great
Hi Anna I’m back ❤@lorraineamicothemakeupartist