Your Autistic Friend would like you to watch this Video
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- Опубліковано 16 вер 2024
- I can't speak for all Autistic people. We are unique individuals, but we do share some common traits. They may not present exactly the same way, but let this video be a conversation starter. Disclosing Autism is hard for many of us because we are scared of losing friends and family. After masking ourselves for so many years, as we unmask we may seem different. We are still the same person, but now we are our true self. Which is all you want for us, right?
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I am NOT a medical channel. This is a personal vlog coming from a lived experience point of view.
#unmaskingautism
#autisitcadvocate
#autistically
I’ve heard the term “high masking” used a lot recently, which I like because it acknowledges the effort involved
During the pandemic I lost most of my masking skills, and now I'm learning not to bother with them. People can stay or go as they choose, I've decided that anyone who doesn't want to know me because I'm being closer to my true self isn't worth having as a friend.
The corollary of this is that I've made a bunch of new friends who are mostly all on the spectrum and we have way more fun because none of us is trying to impress.
The lockdowns were a blessing for me, as it meant I was not alone in staying out of circulation. The world went quiet, a major blessing. No expectation of social activities etc. Big relief. When they switched the world back on, I felt exposed and not safe.
Same! And all the mundaners started talking about their mental health suddenly as all of their self-regulators like the gym, the bar, affairs, shopping, dining out, parties, and the list is long, all came to a stand still... It is ok to self-regulate at the gym but not quietly shutting off at home not wanting any stimulants? I am happy with the world being on slow mode, lights down low, quiet, with access to a noisy busy space for anyone who would like that but so long as it's not everywhere!
As a contrasting view to emphasize our differences, The Plandemic caused me to become a total hermit. I am working on balance in this area. I hate that I was changed so negatively but I also see a revelation in my own unmasking in the process. I love these videos. I am gaining so much here!
I have become feral. A total hermit. And I am attempting to flow with it. I came into my own during lockdowns.
It's so interesting that you talk about your "flat affect". I never thought about it that way, but I love that your voice is so peaceful to listen to. At the end of a hard day, when I am all "worded out", your voice is one of the few I can listen to. It doesn't scramble my brain. 😊
I love this, thank you for sharing it with me. ❤️
I go out in public and hang around my NT friends and look “high functioning” or “normal” and then I go home and shut myself in my room and my heart is pounding and I start crying and the next day I can barely function AKA “low functioning”.
Whoever thought up the terms high and low functioning and whoever still uses “high functioning” and “low functioning” unironically has no idea what they are talking about.
i have a thing that sometimes botheres me: when someone has a new shirt i would say "oh hey a new shirt" but then sometimes people will consider it either a copliment or an insult. its a statement! im just stating things to process them, the same way that i at my big age of 33 still say "kitty" when i see a cat on the street. but nts often thinks there are hidden meanings to statements where there arent any
Yes, I do this too, say things outloud to process and then people assume I'm making some sort of judgement about it. Nope, just processing things. Haha
Hahahaha i 1000% have seen a full grown cat and still called it "kitty"
I work a 40 hour work week. I am always tired. But I have to. If I didn’t I’d be homeless. And to be honest, that’s sounding better and better.
I don't know you or your situation. It sounded great to me when I was at my lowest point. From experience, please consider not going that route. I'm a stronger person, but the things I've seen people do to themselves or others will scar me for life. Please, instead, accept this bit of love, from one person to another.
😔❤️
@@humanbeing4995 thanks
Homelessness would be very bad. Stay strong.
Hey buddy, it might not be avalible for you if you have a spouse and/or kids but i so highly have to reccomend you look for a 3rd shift plant style job, i make a little over 18 an hour to sit in a room all night and reload machines every few hours. I understand you may have bigger and better things going that you dont want to just give up on, im only offering what saved me from your very situation
My wife has an uncle who was DRASTICALLY into fungus. He passed many years ago.
To be fair, fungi is fun. 😜 🍄
At 68, I'm just now realizing that I'm autistic. Listening to these videos helps me understand my life before now. Figuring out that I must have been fairly successful at masking, have struggled with PDA, etc have been enlightening. However I have a 20 yo grandson who hasnt been tested for autism. He needs to be evaluated. He is struggling like crazy right now. And I sure hope he can have a better life than the trajectory he is currently on.
Maybe he'd be open to watching some of my videos. This Autsim 101 is another good starter video.
ua-cam.com/video/BIImL2Q9Mj0/v-deo.html
I'm myself and it costs me financially and socially. I had to quit another job because I got too involved in unmasking myself. Some people said You can't keep a job. Some people blame ethnic differences(an interesting family story ALL true). My few true friends give me a boost said You can't quit. I'm being submissive girl stereotype like my past due to history. I meltdown so bad like ARE you needing to change it out? Know what I mean? Melting down with some guys you want (insert Asian slang). Like he's acting. No I didn't wet my panties. Can I say that? Because they frightened me. And they call me that. If you corner me wai khruang( high kick). I'm disabled I needed that money. Thanks I didn't edit.
Quiet space. Major. There is no quiet space where I work. There is music piped throughout. Can’t get in a Power Nap. Drives me nuts.
I worked at a place that played music all day and by the end of my day I was so exhausted from having to try and tune out the music to concentrate.
Another wonderful video that I wish all NTs would watch. There’s so much that I could say, but I’ll try to be brief and expand on how autism can look my my perspective.
Special interests can change (Johnny/Kate used to like dinosaurs, but now they’re into trains.). Like you, I enjoy cooking and for a long time I was obsessive about ‘Chopped’ and watched it all the time. I still love to cook, but my ‘interests’ have moved to other areas.
While I don’t have a photographic memory, I have a great referential memory and can remember the most obscure facts on a variety of subjects/special interests. I can also see connections between things that most other people seem to not see.
I’m a counter. I count steps, actions, things, motions, etc. I also sometimes hum, say my thoughts out loud, and sometimes make vocal noises, so I can be both interesting and confusing to be around.: “Were you talking to me?” “No, just myself.”
Social interaction can be the most exhausting thing in the world. I tend to avoid parties and large social situations because it just takes so much out of me. Too many people, too much energy generated by them (I’m very energy sensitive). I’ll usually try to find a corner/spot where I can become invisible and unnoticed. I have become an expert at being invisible, which is really the ultimate masking. So if you see me at a party and I’m not very talkative, I’m not being rude or antisocial, I’m just overwhelmed and trying to sooth myself by going inward.
Eye contact. I have learned to do it, but like may Autistics, I find it very distracting. When I look away from you while you are talking to me, I am purposely NOT FOCUSING on anything so I can listen to you better. I was always punished in school for not looking at the teacher or other authority figure when they were talking, either directly to me or in a group/class, when all I was doing was trying to focus and listen.
Many Autistic people cannot filter out background noise when trying to listen to someone talk. I find this very difficult at a noisy restaurant or party. I will just stop talking because it’s too hard to listen to individual voices among all of the noise. And sometimes I can be very noise sensitive too, which just adds to my discomfort.
I love and need alone time! I’ve never had a problem being by myself. Again, it’s not me being antisocial, but me finding being alone a lot more comfortable than being with others. Being with other people comes with a lot of social expectations that can be difficult to deal with at times.
What’s so bad about stimming? If I decide to twirl around or play with something in my hands, I’m not hurting or bothering anyone else. I think a lot of us have learned to hide stims or make them less obvious. I almost always have a folded up paper towel or napkin in my coat or sweatshirt pocket (or my jeans), because I like the stimulation of having something in my hands. I like the texture too. So a paper towel is an ordinary object that no one really pays attention to.
Un masking after a diagnosis: yeah, you’re not MORE Autistic, you just understand that you’ve been masking this whole time and now you can consciously take the mask off and be yourself more. For me, getting diagnosed with Aspergers back in the day, was the best thing that ever happened, because I was able to understand why I did the things I did, realize I wasn’t wrong or bad, and make important adjustments to my life. For example, I used to have a lot of meltdowns of various types, but after diagnosis, I was able to understand these meltdowns and find out what triggered them. Now I can avoid these triggers or know when a meltdown is approaching so I can remove myself from the situation.
I’ve turned the masking thing around bit and when I need to be social, I look at it as ‘acting’ and I have to play the part of an NT. This really helps when I have to teach, which is something I do. I look at it as playing a part for a while and I can be anyone I want. It’s just a sort of ‘make believe’ to enable me to function around NTs.
Sorry, I said I would brief (I knew I wouldn’t), but your videos get my mind going 100 miles an hour with so many thoughts. I had an Autism blog years ago (147 posts) where I rambled on in even more detail than this. Thanks for letting me ramble a bit here.
I really appreciate this comment. It adds so much to the discussion. ❤️ I relate to so much of this. I often have a small button, stone or penny in my pocket to play with.
Looking in someone's eyes can also be ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING!!!!!!!
I can look people in the eyes. But don't ask me to.
Amanda, you are such a good advocate for autistic people! I felt everything you said!
Thank you!
I enjoy watching your face, especially when I get a little flash of smile that shows you are seeing the (ironic?) humor in the situation you are describing. That is an example of little clues you can get about additional information being offered when someone is talking.
Interesting, I'll have to watch back and see if I see what you are talking about. 🙂
@@i.am.mindblind The more neutral and unconscious your aspect is, the more contrast there is, when emotions leak through. The social point of facial expression is not to display some expected expression, but to let your face do some of the communicating to reduce the work load on your words. Facial expressions are the communication back-channel. Little hints about the vast thought puzzle going on behind the face. Expressions are thought leaks.
Amanda another excellent video. I learn more each time I watch/listen to you and it makes me a better best friend to my wife. Thank you.
I love this. Thank you. ❤️
Imposter syndrome is a big thing in late diagnosis tho, I am not diagnosed yet but I am both happy with getting one and very scared because society has taught me that the child like , creative , theatrical, curious, questioning me is weird and not normal and I want to be me and not hide but then I feel ashamed when I have big feelings and more like a child than an adult. I feel pathetic and stupid. So I feel like I’m searching for adults to take care of me if that makes sense
💚💚💚
excellent reference for our community- thanks so much
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it.
Yes, been here about a month. I want you to know that I get a couple good chuckles each video. And then I say, there am I.
😂❤️
"What? But you don't seem autistic" oof. When I told my mother I might be autistic or have adhd, I got this from her. Even though growing up I was always told that I act weird (or my family would literally joke that I'm "sooo ADHD 😂" whenever I was particularly distracted). They'd rather my eccentricities stay within the realm of neurotypical, so they can joke about them without feeling bad. Because if it turns out I am in fact autistic/ADHD, they were making fun of someone with a disorder/disability.
And you know what? Even if I do turn out to not be autistic or have ADHD, I should still be treated with respect and not be judged for the harmless things I do.
Well said. Are you going to pursue a diagnosis? Self diagnosis is valid in the community because medical ones can often be inaccessible. That being said, there are lots of neurodivergencies or personality/cognitive disorders that have overlapping traits. Some, like adhd and bipolar, can use medicine to help, but you'd need an official diagnosis.
I need a link to this video on a shirt. 😁💛
With a QR code! Lol. 😁❤️
OMG! I watch people’s s mouths rather than their eyes too, in part because I have tinnitus, but also, most people talk faster than I can hear.
A lot of people with Autism have auditory processing disorder. I thought I couldn't hear well but it's really just that I process slowly. Watching lips helps me process. Although I did get my hearing tested and I do have some loss in low tones. I had temporary tinnitus for a while and that is so miserable, I'm so sorry.
Thank you so much! I am a teenager trying to be a better friend. This video is very informative and although I had heard of most of the things mentioned, I hadn't known how to apply them in order to help out or accommodate my friend. I really appreciate this as my friend is very dear to me and I don't want to accidentally do anything that would cause discomfort. Again, thank you do much! 😁❤️❤️❤️
This makes me want to cry. Thank you for really seeing your friend and wanting to know how to make things easier for them
@@luvleeaddi Thank *you* for saying that! I only speak for myself, but I feel like this kind of thing should be a given, like, included in general education considering it's frequency. Me and my friend had a great time and this really helped a lot with planning different activities they'd like. I don't really deserve any thanks, rather, the creator of this video does. Thank you nonetheless, you're so sweet!
Bravo!!!!!!!!
I’ve been 21 yrs stay at home mum because I was bullied at school and then in the workplace so I had my first child at 19 . I also home educated, instead of go to work I’ve started in uni doing art, I started because I wanted to do it as therapy, to find who I am outside of my family responsibilities and didn’t feel like I could go into the workplace
Relatable. ❤️
Hi Amanda,
Thank you heaps for explaining these traits. I especially am grateful for you talking about being "high functioning"!!!
After quitting work I was on potty a week. I quit bloated and tired. I'm NOW back to Hindi sass! Listened whole thing. I miss Hari Krishna Hari Rama. He worked it out. I'm safe but sad. THEN I'm happy. Kitty is happy nap. He loves mommy is home
I found what you said about Portland, OR funny because that's exactly how I feel going into Portland, except the Portland I'm going to is in Maine!
That is funny!
Brilliant thank you Amanda. This all makes really good sense.
Thank you for the “functioning” label awareness! I will remember this. Thank you for being brave and telling me this uncomfortable truth.
God knows how I survived 11 years on a factory floor, doing horrendously demanding shift work. All completely wrong for autistics
Excellent video and insights! 20:00 I find that support needs can vary from day to day, moment to moment, just like the sensory and energy examples you mentioned earlier in the video. ❤👍🤟
100% ❤️
Hi Amanda. I would like you to cover the topic of ego please. I am autistic, married to an allistic husband and he's been helping me see things from a neurotypical point of view.
I've studied psychology for the past 10 years because I'm fascinated in how the mind works. But I'm now realising that all my books were probably written by allistics for allistics. What I'm looking for is information about the comparison between the allistic brain and the autistic brain.
One difference I think I can see is a difference in ego between the two.
Have you noticed that? Have you studied that? Could you shed some light on the subject please.
Thanks. Your channel is great. X
Great upload again and thank you for all your help and teaching ⭐️🙏
You're welcome!
Thank you (happy cry)
I'm so happy this video is helpful. ❤️
I'm one of your new subscribers, here because i have friends with autism. I totally get you about bad apples of a group! I am trans and for God's sake, whatever you do, don't judge me by Caitlyn Jenner!
Bad Apple! Thanks, I couldn't think of the best term. But exactly. Thank you for subscribing! ❤️
The verbal check-in with my kids to see if they’re listening is something I do, too. My older one (19 as of writing this comment) especially often looks elsewhere or is doing something else while I’m talking or trying to impart some important information, and I eventually realised that I can just ask if they’re listening and believe them when they say they are, even if it doesn’t look like it.
We do the verbal check ins on the daily! Lol.
thank you for sharing - I wish people would listen to autistic people more - sadly I am at the 'let them' stage in my life where I simply cannot get through to anyone - an incident over the weekend highlighted this
Sending hugs, hope you are feeling better. It really can feel like a losing battle sometimes. ❤️
In many Asian cultures, such as Japanese one, making eye contact can be considered rude - It must be a paradise for autists.
I think each culture is going to have difficulties with Autism in different ways.
Psychology Today says: Autistic people may act in ways that are seen as disturbing and impolite by strict Japanese standards. As a result, according to one study, autism is stigmatized to a greater degree in Japan than in the United States. And also that Japanese is high context language, leaving people to infer meaning and autistic people struggle with that.
You have great ways of explaining your perspective!
I like to say that we are made better by mixtures of minds - like alloys of metals - where the addition of elements into iron changed it into steel and stainless steel - it makes us all amazing!
Hi im here cuz my friend recently got diagnosed with autism and i watch this because i wanted 2 know them better and stuff
Hey glad you're here! I know it'll mean a lot to your friend too. ❤️❤️❤️ Remember all Autistic people are different, but we do share a lot of similar traits.
Thank you, again, for another fantastic and informative video. ❤️
You are so welcome!
Thanks
You are very welcome.
Ty my friend is austic and they had 2 meltdown today it was my 1 time seeing it and I didn’t know what to do she didn’t share it ever me tho and I’m her 1# bestie
Hi lady ill probably edit this comment a million times as i watch.
I hope you address the new science showing eye contact or faces actually trigger our fight/flight response.
Lol yes the "oooooh what's your special magical talent" .... I see extra colors? (They lookdisappointed) .... not exactly rainman but .... (🙄)
Yep we're interesting until we have no party tricks.
My fidget is a crystal to brush clean so I'm the weird lady walking around with a toothbrush and a rock.
There are so many different nerodivergant conditions that we are as varied as a build a bear.
I agree with you on Portland. I love it there but I will get lost 100% of the time.
I was born and raised in Snohomish County it will always be the home I won't visit until my mother is Dead. She's the devil so anywhere she is becomes hell. Lol.
Look forward to your thoughts. I didn't talk about the flight or fight response in this video but something to note for a future one! ❤️
@I am MindBlind my phone had a data issue I promise I'll finish it by later today 😆 🤣 😂 🤦♀️
If I look "high functioning" today it just means that I was really struggling yesterday.
Love your videos! And the channel has almost doubled in size over the past few months! It’s so awesome!
I relate to a lot of these things and shared the video with some friends. Thank you for everything you do, Amanda! 🥰
Yes! It's been so exciting to see how many people relate to the things I'm saying. Thank you for your support! ❤️
Off-topic, but I noticed the striped cushion beside you. Is it velvet and ribbon? That looks like it would be so lovely to touch.
It does have velvet & silky stipes of fabric. The textures are nice to me. 😊
I can’t handle my autistic friend anymore.. sometimes he ask a question. I answer. And then.. days goes by without him reaching out. He was in love with me for years. But he doesn’t shows he cares. I’ve showed tons of patience understanding. But he is in his own world. Im dried up.. i love him but I don’t want to feel this way anymore. Sitting waiting for a text that doesn’t come. Or receiving a text that is like robot-ish. 😢
You need to be direct with him. He either cares very deeply and you just don't get his signal or maybe he doesn't. But we do typically need very direct communication. We do not pick up subtext or read between the lines. We also often mimic. So if I have a friend that only texts me once a week, I figure that's her tolerance level for texting so I'll only text her once a week. Unless we talk about it.
It's okay to have a boundary and not be compatible with an Autistic person, but if you want to be in a friendship/relationship you need to learn just as much about communicating with him. Depending on his level of Autism is how much he may be able to reciprocate neurotypical communication.
Communicating this with him is key for having a good relationship. I would assum they likely don't realize how difficult this is for you. Im sure with a little back and forth you may be able to work this out! Unless you just don't feel it's right for you then that's also fine
My “special talent” is I’m real good at making dumb cartoons on my phone. Ha ha (true)
Great video! Thanks for making this for us to share! 😁💌
You're welcome!
Yes to cooking!!! I was into Wok with Yan when I was in grade school!
Then I got super intense with MacGyver in highschool! I know then that I want to marry him! I even had a mcgyver haircut sophomore year. 😂😂
I used to watch Yan Can Cook on PBS when I didn't have Food Network. 😂
Wonderful! You hit everything spot on. Thank You!!!!!!
So good to hear!
Fantastic video...thank you immensely for creating 🤗 I could literally listen to you all day 💖 Your kids are so lucky to have you as their Mom. 💗A parent who gets them. You understand them.
I appreciate you and your channel so much❤ I am learning so much from you.
I hope you have a fantastic rest of your weekend and week ahead🌈❤️🌈
You are so kind. I really appreciate your support! ❤️
Just like a physically disabled person from birth, doesn’t want to be judged/use as an excuse their disability and autistic person feels the same?
From your wording, I'm not quiet sure what you are saying, but autism isn't an excuse, it's a reason for why we do what we do. It's a disability. So while you wouldn't expect a wheelchair user to climb a flight of stairs there are some things an Autistic person also can't do.
i may have some of your symptoms
I hope this video and others on my channel help you. ❤️❤️
I do not like sports balls either
Thanks SO Much for destroying label! You don't seem autistic.. No. My friends were in the theater. I'm simply marvelous. If I come outside in pigtails and my stuffed dinosaur in my arms..shes autistic
Good Afternoon!
Happy day! Hope yours is too.
I always look up and around and sometimes look the person in the eye when talking. I almost always have a flat affect. I have every thing you say on your channel.
I also am direct in my talking to others. I don't recognize hints and give them. I think people try and read between the lines to figure out what I actually mean when there isn't a hidden meaning there, I've said exactly what I mean already. So people think I don't make sense. Does this happen to you? I also have frontal lobe brain tumor damage and not sure if that's what's causing it or if it's an autism trait.
Yes, often times I say what I mean and people try to read between the lines. Apparently Neurotypical people do a lot more nonverbal communication than we do, and also communicate in an indirect manner in many cases.
Autism isn't a disability.
From Depart of Labor (USA) : Autism is a neurological developmental disability with an estimated prevalence of one to two percent of the American and worldwide population. The diversity of the disability means that each person's individual experience of autism and needs for supports and services can vary widely.
Amanda - At 14:30 or so, I think the term you were seeking is stereotypical.
Your low support needs because you have family near and at least one person that believes you
I don't think the support levels are determined that way.
Support levels have to do with assistance on tasks and adaption to environments, broadly speaking.
17:55 haha yes they struggle so hard to tell when we are sarcastic because theyve probably assumed we were being sarcastic at once when we were dead serious, its like asking a woman if shes pregnant, youd much rather just wait till the baby comes out to know the answer😂
Yep, good call, never ask a woman about a suspected pregnancy unless she brings it up first.