"Many victims of narcissistic abuse have made a pledge to never be with another person again and to remain solitary for the rest of their lives. They have learned that hell is the other person. That sometimes a wrong choice, a wrong mate selection could lead to a togetherness that is a concentration camp." You have done it again... spot on!
Omg, perfect analogy. I was living in a concentration camp for 27 years. Now I live alone and will never involve myself romantically again. But I have a lot of loving relationships. It feels like coming back from the dead.
Exactly what is happening to me, spiritual death, i don't feel like myself anymore. Narcs kill your innocence. Your view of humanity changes. And one feels so disintegrated.
The most glaring aspect of my experiences is that every time I listen to content like this from a qualified source like Prof Vaknin, it is like a play-by-play of my experiences, and he describes exactly how I feel and the state I am in. Yet, after 10 years with a covert malignant narcissist, I still doubt myself, blame myself, gaslight myself, make excuses for my ex, etc. This content is extremely valuable and important. Not just for education, but for the validation and vindication of victims of narcissistic abuse. Thank you Prof Vaknin!
I think it comes down to making the decision of what your willing to live with & what your not going to tolerate. In my own case, I've went no contact from those who hurt or destroy me. I never said a word to them about it, I just went no contact & they figure it out after a while. Then you've got to watch out & guard yourself from their retaliation. Every case is individual while being similar to most narcs. I guess 😮 ❤❤❤
I met this guy at a local coffee shop in early june 2024. He had no boundaries or filters. I was taken back by how vulgar he was at times. He told me he was a busy man. I am a great listener and he was a non-stop talker. He started to be very judgmental me eg: he called me I was controlling, lonely, always right, too sensitive, negative, disliking his friends vain, judgmental, analyzing everything he says, I don't see myself for what I am in a negative light, in denial these are just a few comments. I told him too many times that I did not like his abusive ways. He finally stopped going to the same coffee shop. He was trying to control my mind, voice and thoughts my reality....this has been very scary, confusing experience
Going on 29 years of healing. Major insights at year 28. “Changed but okay”, as he says. In this, my actual experience, Mind or God (as one pleases or prefers) will only allow enough insight into the prior (or ongoing) narcissistic experience, as the victim/subject can psychologically withstand at any one time. There are two interesting conjectures to be drawn from this. One, after a major insight or revelation from within, you will feel you are 98% healed. But the missing two percent will hold great significance when it is revealed in the future. It will still rock your world. But you will have a foundation by then (which is why it will be revealed, remember). Two, and this is the shocker. At some deep level, Self, Mind or God *knew* and was aware of everything that was happening to you, every secret of the narcissist, every betrayal, at the time it was happening. At some deep level there was awareness. The task for the higher self was to get you out of the mess with your sanity and wisdom intact. Because the entanglement with (textbook) evil (a totally amoral deceptive being) is a huge potentially fatal problem to resolve and escape from. . Thus, the blinkered blindness and the periodic earth-shaking revelations in the years after you leave the narcissist. But, never forget, at a deep level, all along, you knew. It was a kind of hidden power, if you like. Because for sure the narcissist would have crushed that as well if they could have.
25:00 “When you have graduated from the narcissistic abuse University, the higher education of the narcissist” 🤣 The curriculum is harrowing Wonderful video, Sam, thank you.
Thank you for the candid discussion on the NAC abuse post-traumatic state. People keep avoiding this discussion and giving uninformed toxic positivity advice. It is not that there is no healing, it is that this abuse changes us, so we have to see healing through a different lens
I've learned alote & healing, since tuning in to all these (how to deal with narc abuse) sites on you tube. I've been learning for 4 years now & have things ever turned around! I'm so grateful for these good Doctors like Sam❤❤❤
Thank you, Professor Vaknin. This breakdown helped me a lot. The narcissist thought he could crush my spirit forever but I’m the best version of myself in spite of him. The family and friends that he tried to isolate me from, remind me daily that I’m lovable. I don’t take anything for granted.
After the abuse I suffered, I have noticed that I'm stronger and I can spot a narcissist as soon as I ( or they) start to speak; its an eye opener and I now walk away from them with a silent smile and a knowing that they didn't destroy me. I'm nolonger afraid to say NO! . I think it could be that in knowing whose a narcissist I've lost my love for and trust in humanity.
Two years of the most horrific borderline alcoholic drug addict experience with a younger woman leads me to four days since what I believe to be the final discard following my mirroring her. I’m in court to obtain a non molestation order tomorrow. Videos of her cheating with men in their late 60s but still she denied. triangulating, multiple cheating, physical and verbal abuse discard rate reached every two days , I guess she really is one of the worst kinds of borderlines. Ive found myself again after what seems a living hell where I lost myself. Therapy awaits. This channel helped save my soul. Thank you
Thank you. So Very Much For Sharing This I Needed To Hear This Im A Victim Of Narcissitic Abuse After Experiencing Emotional And Psychological Abuse Very Horrific. I'm Learning To Love Myself Again And Forgiving Myself. This Person Destroyed My Life My Health My Self Confidence. After Going Through Narcissistic Abuse I Feel Like An Infant Again Learning How To Love Myself And Self Caring. Narcissistic Abuse Is Brutal....
'Hell is other people' is a funny saying because if you read what Sartre ment by it, it is not the other people that are hell. But and I am paraprashing here: 'because we see our own reflection in their eyes'. Only someone as brilliant as Sartre was, could come up with something like this. It is still self-referential in conclusion, no escape from oneself. Hell is not the other people surrounding us, but seeing ourselves back that makes it hell. Just brilliant.
Thanks for reminding us Dr Vaknin that one does not have to lose faith in the goodness of humanity after being let down horribly by the narcissist. Love you mentioning that Nature at best or worst is indifferent and we can strive to create our reality by our own investment of ideas, actions, etc...
7:05 truly appreciate how you talk about crisis and how we react to it. Like animals playing dead, or using camouflage.. I am going through a similar journey where I am distancing myself from my toxic family, starting to actively dissociate with my childhood trauma (after truly processing it and acknowleding it) and being very stubborn on my journey to stay the course...there is no other way..
Professor Sam Vaknin, thank you so much for giving me so much hope, right now while I already got into the believe that I will be in this broken pieces for the rest of my life... Thank you so much!!!
I feel completely ruined and broken since finding out I was in a relationship with a covert narcissist. I was discarded 9 months ago out of nowhere and after being heavily love bombed the whole week prior. She had it all planned out and love bombed me like she did in the beginning so I would be hooked all over again, reassured how much she loved me and she gave me the best sex the last weekend we spent together. She said we were still going to get married and grow old together. I dropped her off at her mom's and then she text me and said she was going to a 60 day rehab the next day and she thinks it's the end of the road for us and proceeded to block my number and Facebook. It didn't really effect me that much at first I think I was in shock and kinda glad to be able to do my own thing but about a week or 2 later it hit me hard and I felt like I would rather die than live without her. I obsessed every minute of everyday, I started using hard drugs to try to escape my thoughts and I started self destructing rapidly. She also had kids I loved and was attached to so not only did I just lose her I lost my little family. I lost everything I loved and cherished piece by piece, my house, my job of 10 years, my car, my clean criminal record, my self esteem and my identity. I still haven't been able to get over her and I don't want to have sex with any other woman on this planet except my ex narc. It doesn't help she was absolutely beautiful like way out of my league and everything I ever wanted in a woman, my absolute dream girl.. to my face. Behind my back she was a sick, evil monster and got off on humiliating me behind my back, sleeping with my brother in the same house while I slept. Slept with my friends, snuck men in our home and hid them in the basement while I would be home. Anyway I'm completely different person and I've regressed into a homeless drug addict with no friends and my family has pretty much disowned me. I contemplate suicide all day.
Thats a horrible women...I hope you are at the stage now where you realise you don't need people like that in your life ...I hope you are healing from the trauma ❤
I bought your book Self Malignant Love, I am still scared to read it. You have been one of my biggest sources of comprehending and defining these creatures. I have been to 3 therapist, great help. They say by time I finish my healing process, I will have less friends & family members and I will be lonelier. King David said Wisdom is more precious than rubies, nothing compares to her, Amen. Thank you for your videos & thank you for coining the terms for us all. I truly your videos, your on point and concise with your explanations. I am 17months away from a 26yr fake & phony marriage. I blew her cover, went no contact, unmasked her and left many of her family with their antennas up in the air. May Elohim always bless you Dr. Vaknin, again thank for everything. Shalom, Servando Navia Jr. Hernandez
I'm so incredibly grateful for you, your knowledge, wisdom and how you share them with us freely like you do. Thank you so much for all that you've shared and all that you've done for the world.
I don't understand how people suffer so much with this I have been through various disengagements and got over them very quickly, within a couple of months, maybe I'm a monster HAHAHAHAHA 😂 Love your channel and your humour Prof
Sam, can people pick up on this victim’s feeling of inner death? You talk about the uncanny valley in the narcissist that signals you’re in the presence of an absence. Is there something similar in the victim? I think many people mistake the victim for the narcissist
I’m so broken emotionally & psychologically honestly, I’m not sure I’ll ever recover. I hope but I don’t see how it’s going to happen. I’m so guarded and vigilant I push everyone away 🖤💔
First of all I wanna hug you so tightly my sister you're not alone yes it feels really really dark but you know it does get better you'll shine like a diamond in the end you'll be a lioness and a resilient person I love you so much and you're not alone in this you're loved this is just a change process go through it and embrace the new version of you more power to you my powerful girl 🫂💛💚🤍
This is very comprehensive, thanks. I felt the image at the end of the video. ".. broke you into pieces..". This is exactly how I felt. I still feel the urge to contact different people and reaffirm myself but then I feel guilty that I am only seeking validation and that they could see me as weak and that they could be of the same opinion as the person who discarded me and and and
Upon reading Sam's title only, I recalled that last week, I felt like my old self for about 5 seconds and it escaped me. I lost my mental grip. To be myself is going to be very difficult, having been married 46 years in a gradual, ever worsening tornado.
You just spoke to me. Been alone 4 years now. Traumatized still. 37 years I gave him. I used to believe it was his PTSD. Until he devalued me for years and then discarded me, did I figure out he is a Covert Narcissist. Thank you…
Professor, my husband, over the last two years, has flown off the rails. We have been together 24 years. He started drinking again after 8 years of sobriety and all his lies came down around him. I found out he has been visiting prostitutes for at least the last 10 years. Lying to people about his life. He even started lying about easily provable things and laughing when he was confronted. I have finally ended things with him and... I am happier, but it feels like I have been living with a really, painful noise for the past 24 years and it's suddenly silent. It's really disorienting, and even though it feels good it's uncomfortable. I am also afraid the noise will start up again and I won't be able to stop it. I am afraid. I have cut off all communication, but I'm scared. He is so manipulative I am scared... so scared. I wish he would just leave me alone Edit: I forgot the most important part of my comment. Your videos have helped arm me. I have stopped being the Echo to his Narcissi. Thank you for sharing all of this with us. I listen to Dr. Ramani too, but your way of speaking just gets through to me just right. Thank you
Big hug to you. Hang in there. You can see it, that’s the most important step. F$&k him! Stick to your own feelings, beliefs and boundaries. They are right, even when you’re questioning them. Wishing you all the very best.
Hi Dr. Vaknin! Great video as usual, but I prefer another outcome. After a life time of narcissistic abuse from our mother and brother, my sister and I have matured to the point where they can’t surprise us, break us any more. Brother maybe got away with stealing our inheritance from our parents estate, but we know how to carry on with our own families and life. He is old and alone, unwell, and I can’t wait to see how he blows himself up again (figuratively of course), and no one left to bail him out.
Being raised by, have extended family, three marriages (one to a sociopath - diagnosed while I was pregnant with my second daughter; once to a covert narcissist), I've learned not to trust ANYONE! After this last relationship with a malignant-vulnerable narcissist, I don't plan on trying again. Apparently, I'm the problem, or I wouldn't keep getting involved with them.
Great organisation of content! Thank you for the encouragement (Knowing that brokenness is fixable and damage can be rendered into valuable lessons and healing is very hopeful!) and the precious advices!!! ❤
Both my parents are, and my ex of 20 tears (a B.P.D.) ...As an 'Aspie'? It caused imposter syndrome which I am recovering from and I battle Cptsd. Being a goth singer from the 80s and 90s, I am also deep into sociology and was in college a few years but still an 'understudy'. ----Great points.
What about those of us who didn’t choose a narcissistic partner, but were given a narcissistic parent? If you never trusted yourself ever from all the gaslighting, is there a way back to healthy self trust?
OK, we will never be the same and I’m just going through my healing process thanks to radical acceptance. But maybe we can be better in someways more discerning wiser. Let people earn our trust rather than just giving it away for free. There’s so many comments, I won’t see the reactions to mine butwhat does everyone else think?
Following for 2years, and believe that this video is probably most powerful in recognising toxic with npd person. Cant thank you enough. Had seriuose doubts whatever I am too needy for simple decent kind behavior or it is actual abuse.
I think I would be healed mostly from my narc ex-bf from 20 years ago if it weren't for having a narc SIL in my life. I hate that I have to stay away from my brother and his kids to avoid her as much as possible.
To meet a narcissist it is the best thing what can happen to you if you survive! You”ll never become the same and that’s the best growth you can never ever get from the life :))
@olga Narcissists are the best teachers, but school is pretty difficult. Victims must learn to survive at first, then their task is fight to victory. ❤
Relationshit that’s what it is. Thank you for truth telling Professor. Everything you speak is exactly how it was. The outcome, I am Healed, Awake but more importantly an educated empath. Be well and love yourself to everyone listening 🙏🏽❤️🩹🙏🏽
No. You will never fully trust again nor be a victim. After that kind of mental games without any answers...Just find peace within yourself. Once you have that, you just won't wanna again once things are good...or at least I have't. Coming up on 7 years and...I still read all but, When life is good...why mess it up?!
I had a friend help me put the pieces back together after I forced myself through the trauma bond to block that narc. She was taking joy in devaluing me and using multiple covert narc tactics to try get a reaction out of me. Year later she still tries to get info about me through other people and still has the same toxic mindset. Life is unfair to her that I dared to leave and not put up with her bs but she still makes it sound like I am a bad friend. Whatever makes her sleep better. Her narc partner was the main catalyst of her madness. He had quite the field trip in playing with her emotions and portray me as her Disney villain to the point she believed his 2 years long nonsense more than her own 16 years knowledge of me. I even set her up to go for other supplies so she would be too busy to not bother me anymore with her bread crumbing nonsense. Its just interesting that when you know the dynamic, its pretty easy to predict and fool these clowns. Just make them believe they got you and their mask drops. It did left me with this anxiety of expecting her to dare try hoover me again so I write whatever is on my mind into a diary just to process my thoughts and then move on doing something more productive with my life and energy
Afterwards you see the world through more open eyes, you realise how many of these monsters walk among us & that they ultimately control the world.
Absolute facts it’s actually insane
yes.unfortunately.......
I just say i started pointing at them and is fucking working
Professor Sam Vakinin is one of my favorite external objects 🎁
😂👍
😂😂😂
Idk I'm always alone when I listen to him, to me he's internal 🤣🤣🤣
❤
😂
"Many victims of narcissistic abuse have made a pledge to never be with another person again and to remain solitary for the rest of their lives. They have learned that hell is the other person. That sometimes a wrong choice, a wrong mate selection could lead to a togetherness that is a concentration camp." You have done it again... spot on!
Not only narcissistic, I would say same for hystrionic, bpd or covert narcissist
You are right ! Also me I choose to be solitary.In my case loose any trust in females.I know are a lot many genuine females..but I become more awere.
Omg, perfect analogy. I was living in a concentration camp for 27 years. Now I live alone and will never involve myself romantically again. But I have a lot of loving relationships. It feels like coming back from the dead.
It takes time. But there is peace, light, and calmness at the end. Therapists never helped by the way. I had to fix and heal myself. It took years.
Same. I’ll never heal completely. These folks say you will heal, no, I disagree. You get stronger but never heal completely it’s not logical.
Exactly what is happening to me, spiritual death, i don't feel like myself anymore. Narcs kill your innocence. Your view of humanity changes. And one feels so disintegrated.
The answer is No, you will never be the same again. Thanks Doc❤❤❤
Definitly no now when I look at someone thay get chils if thay cross boundery
I know I will never be the same again. I am now stronger.
This information should be taught to all children - save some souls 🙌✨
I'm not the same person and I'm so happy I'm nor
And to adults...children are not able to truly understand the abuse until much much later
The most glaring aspect of my experiences is that every time I listen to content like this from a qualified source like Prof Vaknin, it is like a play-by-play of my experiences, and he describes exactly how I feel and the state I am in. Yet, after 10 years with a covert malignant narcissist, I still doubt myself, blame myself, gaslight myself, make excuses for my ex, etc.
This content is extremely valuable and important. Not just for education, but for the validation and vindication of victims of narcissistic abuse. Thank you Prof Vaknin!
I think it comes down to making the decision of what your willing to live with & what your not going to tolerate. In my own case, I've went no contact from those who hurt or destroy me. I never said a word to them about it, I just went no contact & they figure it out after a while. Then you've got to watch out & guard yourself from their retaliation. Every case is individual while being similar to most narcs. I guess 😮 ❤❤❤
Thank you Sir. Beautiful and so, so true
The loss of innocence. My own words after the relationship with certain person. Maybe all people feel that kind of relational trauma in similar way.
I met this guy at a local coffee shop in early june 2024. He had no boundaries or filters. I was taken back by how vulgar he was at times. He told me he was a busy man. I am a great listener and he was a non-stop talker. He started to be very judgmental me eg: he called me I was controlling, lonely, always right, too sensitive, negative, disliking his friends vain, judgmental, analyzing everything he says, I don't see myself for what I am in a negative light, in denial these are just a few comments. I told him too many times that I did not like his abusive ways. He finally stopped going to the same coffee shop. He was trying to control my mind, voice and thoughts my reality....this has been very scary, confusing experience
Confusing and intrusive experience indeed.
It is well known he has NPD thus is not surprising what you experience . Regardless,he know his stuff better than anyone I have come across.
Did you meet Sam Vaknin or just some guy? Your post is very confusing.
Pushed me into my awakening. So in someway I'm appreciative. Thank you for the insight. Going on 3 years of healing.
Going on 29 years of healing. Major insights at year 28. “Changed but okay”, as he says. In this, my actual experience, Mind or God (as one pleases or prefers) will only allow enough insight into the prior (or ongoing) narcissistic experience, as the victim/subject can psychologically withstand at any one time. There are two interesting conjectures to be drawn from this. One, after a major insight or revelation from within, you will feel you are 98% healed. But the missing two percent will hold great significance when it is revealed in the future. It will still rock your world. But you will have a foundation by then (which is why it will be revealed, remember). Two, and this is the shocker. At some deep level, Self, Mind or God *knew* and was aware of everything that was happening to you, every secret of the narcissist, every betrayal, at the time it was happening. At some deep level there was awareness. The task for the higher self was to get you out of the mess with your sanity and wisdom intact. Because the entanglement with (textbook) evil (a totally amoral deceptive being) is a huge potentially fatal problem to resolve and escape from. . Thus, the blinkered blindness and the periodic earth-shaking revelations in the years after you leave the narcissist. But, never forget, at a deep level, all along, you knew. It was a kind of hidden power, if you like. Because for sure the narcissist would have crushed that as well if they could have.
Me too! I hope you’re doing ok.
@@raegen5618more than I can ever voice! Hope ur well
@@raegen5618 fabulous
Me too! I believe that was the blessing in disguise
25:00 “When you have graduated from the narcissistic abuse University, the higher education of the narcissist” 🤣
The curriculum is harrowing
Wonderful video, Sam, thank you.
Thank you for the candid discussion on the NAC abuse post-traumatic state. People keep avoiding this discussion and giving uninformed toxic positivity advice. It is not that there is no healing, it is that this abuse changes us, so we have to see healing through a different lens
I've learned alote & healing, since tuning in to all these (how to deal with narc abuse) sites on you tube. I've been learning for 4 years now & have things ever turned around! I'm so grateful for these good Doctors like Sam❤❤❤
@@teresadvorak6145 Wonderful. Let's keep learning and growing.
Thank you, Professor Vaknin. This breakdown helped me a lot. The narcissist thought he could crush my spirit forever but I’m the best version of myself in spite of him. The family and friends that he tried to isolate me from, remind me daily that I’m lovable. I don’t take anything for granted.
Was the worst experiance of my life , but has turned out to be the making of me 🎉❤🙏
After the abuse I suffered, I have noticed that I'm stronger and I can spot a narcissist as soon as I ( or they) start to speak; its an eye opener and I now walk away from them with a silent smile and a knowing that they didn't destroy me. I'm nolonger afraid to say NO! . I think it could be that in knowing whose a narcissist I've lost my love for and trust in humanity.
Two years of the most horrific borderline alcoholic drug addict experience with a younger woman leads me to four days since what I believe to be the final discard following my mirroring her. I’m in court to obtain a non molestation order tomorrow. Videos of her cheating with men in their late 60s but still she denied. triangulating, multiple cheating, physical and verbal abuse discard rate reached every two days , I guess she really is one of the worst kinds of borderlines. Ive found myself again after what seems a living hell where I lost myself. Therapy awaits. This channel helped save my soul. Thank you
I am becoming a lion from the prey it once was . Big love from Manchester UK ❤️🙏❤️🃏
@Fuckthepolice-x6e ❤️🙏
Thank you. So Very Much For Sharing This I Needed To Hear This Im A Victim Of Narcissitic Abuse After Experiencing Emotional And Psychological Abuse Very Horrific. I'm Learning To Love Myself Again And Forgiving Myself. This Person Destroyed My Life My Health My Self Confidence. After Going Through Narcissistic Abuse I Feel Like An Infant Again Learning How To Love Myself And Self Caring.
Narcissistic Abuse Is Brutal....
'Hell is other people' is a funny saying because if you read what Sartre ment by it, it is not the other people that are hell. But and I am paraprashing here: 'because we see our own reflection in their eyes'. Only someone as brilliant as Sartre was, could come up with something like this. It is still self-referential in conclusion, no escape from oneself. Hell is not the other people surrounding us, but seeing ourselves back that makes it hell. Just brilliant.
Early in my recovery. The world feels evil at times.
Thanks for reminding us Dr Vaknin that one does not have to lose faith in the goodness of humanity after being let down horribly by the narcissist.
Love you mentioning that Nature at best or worst is indifferent and we can strive to create our reality by our own investment of ideas, actions, etc...
7:05 truly appreciate how you talk about crisis and how we react to it. Like animals playing dead, or using camouflage..
I am going through a similar journey where I am distancing myself from my toxic family, starting to actively dissociate with my childhood trauma (after truly processing it and acknowleding it) and being very stubborn on my journey to stay the course...there is no other way..
Sam…I don’t need to tell you this, but you are the best at demystifying the mechanics of narcissistic abuse. So much gratitude for your sharing!
I Love listening and suffering with you.
Realized so much through your lessons.
Professor Sam Vaknin, thank you so much for giving me so much hope, right now while I already got into the believe that I will be in this broken pieces for the rest of my life... Thank you so much!!!
Congratulations on your new appointment, Professor Vaknin!
I feel completely ruined and broken since finding out I was in a relationship with a covert narcissist. I was discarded 9 months ago out of nowhere and after being heavily love bombed the whole week prior. She had it all planned out and love bombed me like she did in the beginning so I would be hooked all over again, reassured how much she loved me and she gave me the best sex the last weekend we spent together. She said we were still going to get married and grow old together. I dropped her off at her mom's and then she text me and said she was going to a 60 day rehab the next day and she thinks it's the end of the road for us and proceeded to block my number and Facebook. It didn't really effect me that much at first I think I was in shock and kinda glad to be able to do my own thing but about a week or 2 later it hit me hard and I felt like I would rather die than live without her. I obsessed every minute of everyday, I started using hard drugs to try to escape my thoughts and I started self destructing rapidly. She also had kids I loved and was attached to so not only did I just lose her I lost my little family. I lost
everything I loved and cherished piece by piece, my house, my job of 10 years, my car, my clean criminal record, my self esteem and my identity. I still haven't been able to get over her and I don't want to have sex with any other woman on this planet except my ex narc. It doesn't help she was absolutely beautiful like way out of my league and everything I ever wanted in a woman, my absolute dream girl.. to my face. Behind my back she was a sick, evil monster and got off on humiliating me behind my back, sleeping with my brother in the same house while I slept. Slept with my friends, snuck men in our home and hid them in the basement while I would be home. Anyway I'm completely different person and I've regressed into a homeless drug addict with no friends and my family has pretty much disowned me. I contemplate suicide all day.
Thats a horrible women...I hope you are at the stage now where you realise you don't need people like that in your life ...I hope you are healing from the trauma ❤
Congratulations, Professor Vaknin, on your new appointment at SEEU! 🎉
Sam this is the most important thing I needed in this moment
I bought your book Self Malignant Love, I am still scared to read it. You have been one of my biggest sources of comprehending and defining these creatures. I have been to 3 therapist, great help. They say by time I finish my healing process, I will have less friends & family members and I will be lonelier. King David said Wisdom is more precious than rubies, nothing compares to her, Amen. Thank you for your videos & thank you for coining the terms for us all. I truly your videos, your on point and concise with your explanations. I am 17months away from a 26yr fake & phony marriage. I blew her cover, went no contact, unmasked her and left many of her family with their antennas up in the air. May Elohim always bless you Dr. Vaknin, again thank for everything.
Shalom,
Servando Navia Jr. Hernandez
I'm so incredibly grateful for you, your knowledge, wisdom and how you share them with us freely like you do. Thank you so much for all that you've shared and all that you've done for the world.
Another great lecture in The Defense against the Dark Arts 👌
I don't understand how people suffer so much with this I have been through various disengagements and got over them very quickly, within a couple of months, maybe I'm a monster HAHAHAHAHA 😂 Love your channel and your humour Prof
Sam, can people pick up on this victim’s feeling of inner death? You talk about the uncanny valley in the narcissist that signals you’re in the presence of an absence. Is there something similar in the victim? I think many people mistake the victim for the narcissist
Yes, there is. This is why some people avoid victims.
I think this is the best Sam Vaknin video I’ve seen and I’ve watched many of them.
Love you, Professor! Keep up your fantastic work, and screw those plagiarizers! Call them ALL out!!
(Hi, Minnie! 👋🏻)
I’m so broken emotionally & psychologically honestly, I’m not sure I’ll ever recover. I hope but I don’t see how it’s going to happen. I’m so guarded and vigilant I push everyone away 🖤💔
O kay shoshanim.
I say ok shoshanim to myself constantly as I switch from one task/thought to the next 😂 😂😂
He has become an introject in your mind! but same lol
I am going through it right now and it's so hard
First of all I wanna hug you so tightly my sister you're not alone yes it feels really really dark but you know it does get better you'll shine like a diamond in the end you'll be a lioness and a resilient person I love you so much and you're not alone in this you're loved this is just a change process go through it and embrace the new version of you more power to you my powerful girl 🫂💛💚🤍
@@emmasuo272 thank you for your kind words
Sending much love and light 🤍
This is very comprehensive, thanks. I felt the image at the end of the video. ".. broke you into pieces..". This is exactly how I felt. I still feel the urge to contact different people and reaffirm myself but then I feel guilty that I am only seeking validation and that they could see me as weak and that they could be of the same opinion as the person who discarded me and and and
Upon reading Sam's title only, I recalled that last week, I felt like my old self for about 5 seconds and it escaped me. I lost my mental grip. To be myself is going to be very difficult, having been married 46 years in a gradual, ever worsening tornado.
You just spoke to me. Been alone 4 years now. Traumatized still. 37 years I gave him. I used to believe it was his PTSD. Until he devalued me for years and then discarded me, did I figure out he is a Covert Narcissist. Thank you…
Professor, my husband, over the last two years, has flown off the rails. We have been together 24 years. He started drinking again after 8 years of sobriety and all his lies came down around him. I found out he has been visiting prostitutes for at least the last 10 years. Lying to people about his life. He even started lying about easily provable things and laughing when he was confronted.
I have finally ended things with him and... I am happier, but it feels like I have been living with a really, painful noise for the past 24 years and it's suddenly silent. It's really disorienting, and even though it feels good it's uncomfortable. I am also afraid the noise will start up again and I won't be able to stop it.
I am afraid. I have cut off all communication, but I'm scared. He is so manipulative I am scared... so scared. I wish he would just leave me alone
Edit: I forgot the most important part of my comment. Your videos have helped arm me. I have stopped being the Echo to his Narcissi. Thank you for sharing all of this with us. I listen to Dr. Ramani too, but your way of speaking just gets through to me just right. Thank you
Big hug to you. Hang in there. You can see it, that’s the most important step. F$&k him! Stick to your own feelings, beliefs and boundaries. They are right, even when you’re questioning them. Wishing you all the very best.
❤
So brilliant, yet easily explained to the average Joe or Jane.Not a stuffed shirt, even silly at times.Thankyou,. Dr. Vaknin.
So incredible precise explained. Thank you Dr. Vaknin.🙏🏽
One of the best yet. Thank you Professor.
Hi Dr. Vaknin! Great video as usual, but I prefer another outcome. After a life time of narcissistic abuse from our mother and brother, my sister and I have matured to the point where they can’t surprise us, break us any more. Brother maybe got away with stealing our inheritance from our parents estate, but we know how to carry on with our own families and life. He is old and alone, unwell, and I can’t wait to see how he blows himself up again (figuratively of course), and no one left to bail him out.
Good evening Dr. Vaknin! Greetings from Canada!
Congratulations! 🎉
Im different now and i will keep changing
I learned good lessons with narc and I'm looking forward to fresh start!
Thank you Sam Vaknin…very very brilliant explanation 🙏🏼👍✋💯
Being raised by, have extended family, three marriages (one to a sociopath - diagnosed while I was pregnant with my second daughter; once to a covert narcissist), I've learned not to trust ANYONE! After this last relationship with a malignant-vulnerable narcissist, I don't plan on trying again. Apparently, I'm the problem, or I wouldn't keep getting involved with them.
Thank you Dr Sam for the insightful life wisdoms!
Many thanks for giving me this decent hope 🙏....God bless you !
Great organisation of content! Thank you for the encouragement (Knowing that brokenness is fixable and damage can be rendered into valuable lessons and healing is very hopeful!) and the precious advices!!! ❤
Always getting the right topic at the right time, thanks professor ❤
Came at a perfect time this news! Thank you.
Both my parents are, and my ex of 20 tears (a B.P.D.) ...As an 'Aspie'? It caused imposter syndrome which I am recovering from and I battle Cptsd. Being a goth singer from the 80s and 90s, I am also deep into sociology and was in college a few years but still an 'understudy'. ----Great points.
What about those of us who didn’t choose a narcissistic partner, but were given a narcissistic parent? If you never trusted yourself ever from all the gaslighting, is there a way back to healthy self trust?
Yes. Watch the NA Healing playlist.
Thank you for this so clear and true reading. It waa yust what happend.
Recovering is possible. Very happy now. Its a project indeed. .
OK, we will never be the same and I’m just going through my healing process thanks to radical acceptance. But maybe we can be better in someways more discerning wiser. Let people earn our trust rather than just giving it away for free. There’s so many comments, I won’t see the reactions to mine butwhat does everyone else think?
Yeees absolutely! I’m a brunch now😁 Love to learn from you professor!
Thank you Prof. Vaknin
I believe we can be the same, as we never lost our core identity. If we did, we have become one of them?.....
Following for 2years, and believe that this video is probably most powerful in recognising toxic with npd person. Cant thank you enough. Had seriuose doubts whatever I am too needy for simple decent kind behavior or it is actual abuse.
I think I would be healed mostly from my narc ex-bf from 20 years ago if it weren't for having a narc SIL in my life. I hate that I have to stay away from my brother and his kids to avoid her as much as possible.
Thank you for this video! Very helpful and hopeful…
This was amazing! Thank you for this, it has been so helpful!
❤You Are on the One! Gratitude.
Dr Vaknin is a little introject. Love the material … good channel.
This was a very good and informative talk! Good list of ten points!
To meet a narcissist it is the best thing what can happen to you if you survive! You”ll never become the same and that’s the best growth you can never ever get from the life :))
@olga Narcissists are the best teachers, but school is pretty difficult. Victims must learn to survive at first, then their task is fight to victory. ❤
Spot on Professor😊
Thank you for your wisdom.
Another insightful episode. thank you
Your videos have helped me so much🎉 thank you.
Relationshit that’s what it is.
Thank you for truth telling Professor. Everything you speak is exactly how it was. The outcome, I am Healed, Awake but more importantly an educated empath. Be well and love yourself to everyone listening 🙏🏽❤️🩹🙏🏽
No. You will never fully trust again nor be a victim. After that kind of mental games without any answers...Just find peace within yourself. Once you have that, you just won't wanna again once things are good...or at least I have't. Coming up on 7 years and...I still read all but, When life is good...why mess it up?!
Thank you for your kindness 😢
Thank you so much. I needed this right now, thabk you prof sam.
Someone saw the silhouette from the another room in the left side of video? By the way so much I love this video, greetings from Romania
I think it's his wife or kid photo bombing his video...😂
Yes - 😅😅😅
Yes. It was very distracting.
I had a friend help me put the pieces back together after I forced myself through the trauma bond to block that narc. She was taking joy in devaluing me and using multiple covert narc tactics to try get a reaction out of me. Year later she still tries to get info about me through other people and still has the same toxic mindset. Life is unfair to her that I dared to leave and not put up with her bs but she still makes it sound like I am a bad friend. Whatever makes her sleep better. Her narc partner was the main catalyst of her madness. He had quite the field trip in playing with her emotions and portray me as her Disney villain to the point she believed his 2 years long nonsense more than her own 16 years knowledge of me. I even set her up to go for other supplies so she would be too busy to not bother me anymore with her bread crumbing nonsense. Its just interesting that when you know the dynamic, its pretty easy to predict and fool these clowns. Just make them believe they got you and their mask drops. It did left me with this anxiety of expecting her to dare try hoover me again so I write whatever is on my mind into a diary just to process my thoughts and then move on doing something more productive with my life and energy
This was very clear....and very useful 💚
Very nice content, well done Sir. I went almost all the assumptions one by one listed by you. Nothing less nothiing more
great lecture Sam. thank you❤
I feel better already. ❤
Thank you for a very hopeful message
Not the same. Now aware of codependent behaviors and able to choose to be toxic or not.
I’m definitely not the same. I’m far more aware now and won’t fall for it again 😊
Thank you again Sam
Love this guy!!!
Thank you so much Dear Sam❤
Unreal how the narc could have framed me. I disregarded my intuition.😢
Огромное спасибо из России. 25 лет брака с абьюзером. Желаю Вам здоровья и счастья.
I am new and improved. A shade of ruthless - with humour
😅
"Humpty Dumpty" here. Wow. Smh. Onward!
Thanks for the brillante analysis .❤❤
Wow. Thank you.
Thank you doc. Vaknin for this video. That do you think about Neville Symington theory on narcissism?🤔
Nothing new about his "theory".