Has this topic ever been discussed before on you tube ???
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- Опубліковано 28 сер 2024
- A collective discussion of 6 filipina wives and their husbands journey/challenges in supporting their filipina family.
@buildingthephilippines
#culture
#ofw
#traveling
Great topic Greg and Wilma, I can totally relate to all what you said and could tell you many stories of the same. We support the parents and in an emergency situation will provide money for the hospital bills if needed to other family members. My wife has eleven brothers and sisters, when it comes to them putting the pressure on my wife, that’s when I step in and put a stop to it. Now we are living here in the Philippines, my saying is walla quarter, no money when they ask for money. Sometimes you have to man up and set the rules. Cheers.
Thanks George for commenting and sharing your approach.
About time someone discussed this topic. My Filipina and myself have been married for 26 years. We met and were married in the States. Our life is very similar to you and Wilma's. I have been through every experience that you have described. Oh, the tales I could tell. My wife bought a house for her family, and they mortgaged it and used the money because of a niece that had started a nefarious business and got in trouble with the law and used the money to keep her out of jail. Then the other family members used the remaining money for silly things. Long story short the house is gone and the family is mad at my wife because she got angry with them. I now control all monies going to PI. I've had it. Her parents are gone only 2 sisters left there. But the nephews continually asking for money to start a business. Oh yeah, they borrow it and not one has ever paid us back. We've sent thousands upon thousands. We will continue to help but only as we feel necessary for food and health care. My wife does feel guilty. Also, have you noticed that the Filipina's are the ones sending money back, the brothers that were in the US Navy sent very little, and I understand that is standard in PI. So, the poor Filipina is bearing the bulk of the sending money home. Good topic. Should be talked about more.
Appreciate the comment and you sharing your experiences. Appreciate it.
Great topic!!! I seen one or two videos on this subject, but not addressed in the detail you both have. Thanks!
Besides "culture," why is the oldest single daughter (not any son), the "breadwinner" for the family, to the point of guilt and obligation?
I realize dating one of these breadwinners will require some frank and honest discussion, with some serious boundaries for it to work and the problem not get out of hand.
Also, it's possible the family will always be #1 for the filipina, even over the relationship / husband.
I can understand why your dinner guests were become emotional over this matter.
My take is that any financial help is temporary, only for the parents (if elderly, unable to work, or ill), and a fixed, reasonable amount. Any more requests need to come to me, so the pressure is off the filipina. We cannot be afraid to say NO.
One more thing: If the family are practicing Christians, have them read and explain II Cor. 12:14 and Phil. 4:19.
Any further thoughts from you or others?
Thank you for the well thought our response. Appreciate it. Need to go to read those verses.
Hi Greg & Wilma. Thank you for raising awareness of this topic. Just like any topic of abuse and others is considered ‘taboo’, these topics need to be openly talked about more. But I understand, these topics are often not ‘pleasant’ or ‘positive’ topics of conversation, so they are often avoided. Unfortunately, avoidance doesn’t make the problem magically disappear. Every country, society and culture has it’s own problems, including Japan where I’ve been living for almost 13 years now.
Yes, I felt it needed to be discussed as it's a real issue with so many Filipinas we met here with foreigner husbands. In every case , hey have been bullied and felt pressured to relinquish their hard earned money.
Wilmas story is almost exactly like my filipina wifes, fortunately my wife has family here in the US that helps send money home to her immediate family.
Recently my wifes cousin had asked my wife and her sister for $1000 USD so he could purchase a franchise for a nutritional drink business. My wife and her sister were very clear that he would have to pay back the $1000 as soon as he could or else they wont continue to invest in his business ventures. Lo and behold he had paid it back to them in less than 6 months. Was very surprised, thought they would never see that money again.
It does happen that males in the family choose not to work when an OFW is sending money home to the Philippines. Fortunately my wifes family hardly ever asks for extra money. Maybe when her mother is in the hospital and they need extra money for that and medicine, they will send money.
Feel for those OFW's who are pressured and are looked at like a cash cow. It is sad but understand it does happen.
Interesting topic Wilma and Greg, my wife and her sister did build a concrete home for her family and am very proud of her for wanting to take care of her family. ...JIm
Thank Jim, so many similar stories out there. So many have been made to feel guilty. Unfortunately, part of the culture here for many families. It's a shame.
Totally can relate to this conversation.
Thanks for putting it out their.
Thanks John, appreciate it.
My wife and I have learned, there's always a situation in Philippines. Sometimes we help but most of the time we don't. And our priority is her mother cause she's to old to work, so we take care of her.
Great approach, well said and thanks for commenting.
Here is a stat from way back in 2004. Surely much larger now.
It must also be noted that government raked in P14.4 billion pesos from the government fees charged to all the 933,588 workers who were deployed in 2004. An OFW applicant pays an average of P15,400 in government fees before he or she leaves the country. This does not include the astronomical charges of recruitment and manning agencies.
Simply said, labor export is also one big revenue generation scheme of the government.
Sure is, they definitely get a piece of the pie. Oddly enough it's still a higher salary than back here in the Philippines. Thanks for sharing.
Great subject and not covered enough!
Headed to the Philippines today for 3 weeks, will visit my wife's family in Batangas. Three large suitcases and one is full of Pasalubongs. Also renting a BnB on the beach for her birthday, but this is a one time good deal! Made it firm at the start, lending money is on a case by case basis and If I lose family member so be it.
Thanks for covering a difficult subject.
Travel safe James, very smart to have boundaries drawn early on. Enjoy your stay in the Philippines.
Most people appreciate kindness BUT their are those that see kindness as a weakness to be exploited!
Very true, they see it as an opportunity to pounce. Not good and sad really.
Spot on! This is happening to us. It has gotten so bad, conversations have virtually stopped breaking my bosses heart.
I hear you, sad but true. Seems to build over time. Thanks for commenting.
My Filipina is always guilty about any help I can provide. Thanks for speaking to the topic, and providing your perspective.
Thanks for commenting.
Absolutely great topic. I personally experienced the same thing in California-USA. I bought my ex-wife over to the States, and maybe 18 months later, we started sending more and more money to her family of 5 people. Brother, uncle's, friends started to ask for more and more money. I ask my ex-wife..why does everyone in your family ask us for money..she said because they think we are rich. I told my ex-wife , we live comfortably, but we are not rich. We are trying to pay our bills and may be save a little money to go on a small vacation. Every little extra money we had my ex-wife would ask for that for her family. Hence, to say, I am no longer with her because she really put respect for her family over me. Allowing anyone in her family to take advantage of our financial situation. If a person doesn't stand for something, they will fall for anything.
Well said, thanks for sharing your story.
Good for you on having the balls to take a stand, how many times do I see guys put up with shit for years and years.
@georgevernham2784 lol yeah. Already had 2 troll comments. Boy they don't know Wilma, obviously they don't watch our channel.
Excellent video Greg and Wilma. I continue to be so impressed by how well you communicate. To answer the question you posed, of course it is wrong to guilt trip your family member. Quite cruel actually, especially for a young person who is just trying to do the right thing. Thanks for another good vid.😊
@davesmith9916 thanks Dave appreciate the comment
I agree with your conclusions. My wife is contacted all the time by family members and school friends that she has not seen or talked to in many many years for some $ help. We or I came to the decision/idea that I would be the bad husband and she is to tell them that I control all the money and I refuse to help anyone. Now we have built homes and other things such as medical expenses, college everyday expenses for her mother, shipping boxes, birthdays, Christmas and new years celebration meals. We want to make sure her nephews and nieces wil not become squatters . We are lucky that they have never tried to take advantage of our hearts for them, her mother confirms everything we give or send. We are blessed that when she speaks it is truth and we trust her 100%. I'm not sure what a true ofw can say but it has work for us for her to tell them I'm not helping and I control the money, so I take all the bad responses and she gets to be in the clear. The old saying I live by: teach a man to fish is very true to the concept.
Thanks for sharing your experiences, appreciate it.
Hi Greg and Wilma I heard a couple of those stories from some friends here. I live overseas and my wife is a filipina and we agree to help the family in order for them to help themselves.. ..Teach a man to fish so he can help himself.. what we have done so far is send money to build chicken cages and green house for the vegetables. We will provide the money for the chicken feeds and a Freezer for storage....Send two boxes a year with spam or pasta or whatever is on sale.
That should fill basic needs of a family. Everything else must be a need not a want for us to help.
Take care Guys
Thanks for sharing your approach Gary.
Actually this is much more comprehensive than the peas. Well done, Tony from Australia.
Thank you, I'm glad she tackled the topic. Hard to see hard working Filipinas getting taking advantage of and made to feel guilty.
I tend to help support the young family members going to College some if I can. If they don’t get that done, their life will be much harder. Pay a little now so it will be better for the whole family later. Also, we try to help Mama out a bit with meds. Honestly, we send about the same amount to my wife’s family that we help my US parents. The most frustrating one is when one of my family members takes out these high interest loans and then comes to me to help them pay it off. The answer is no. I tell them never take a loan and if you do, don’t come to me. Some of the older sisters to my wife try to control her, but we have stepped aside from that and have accepted the guilt trips. My wife has cried so many times over her older sisters trying to manipulate her. We just decided those days are over and she is now living her own life. We talk about each need as it arises and decide together. It isn’t easy to navigate, but we make it work.
Very good a level approach. Such a shame they have to feel bad when they are consistently assisting the family. Instead of feeling proud, they feel guilty and sad. It's a shame. Thanks for commenting.
Great topic you guys. Our situation is a little bit different as we are a single income household with a stay home mom, so help comes out of my paycheck. This relieves my Filipina spouse of direct responsibility as she can always say that I said no. That being said, I’ve drawn the line at helping my wife’s sibling’s families and my direct nieces and nephews, no cousins or distant relatives except in some special circumstances. Also, I emphasize help around education or other areas that contribute to eventual self sufficiency. On the flip side, when my nephew kept messaging me for funds to finish at the police academy, it was my wife that stepped in and put the brakes on it (he has finished however). I responded to subsequent messages by telling my nephew that I deferred all financial help decisions involving his tita’s family to his tita. I guess the lesson would be to blame the spouse, lol. Both my sister in law’s husband and my brother in law work. I paid for my brother in law’s passage to Europe as a truck driver so he support his family moving forward. Vigilance helps you avoid being taken advantage of. Require receipts and other relevant proof.
Thanks for sharing your story, appreciate it.
Damn almost missed being first. GIVING THE DOG ITS EGG!!
Got to be quick, thanks for watching.
This is one of the reasons I advocate for Universal Basic Income UBI in the Philippines. Resources rarely make it to the very individual who lives in the Philippines. OFW is prevalent in Philippine culture because resources do not make it to the lowest level.
We should not have to burden the future to live in the present and the past!
Great subject!
Great point and perspective. Thanks for commenting.
If you gave them a UBI, there would be no work being done in the whole country. Most would just stay at the family compound and just hang around. The OFWs provide a service to their families, the country and to the people and countries they serve as well. It is a good system, but it is sad to see so many getting railroaded by their families into extended life overseas.
@@Landmantx Please do not tell people what they will do. Please only say what you will do.
In your statement, you will do no work and just hang around. Your statement is very telling...
Resources and means to do things is what's lacking. If UBI is implemented and relatives ask for money then a person can say, "what's up with your UBI? Use that...
@@vondoromal7016 well, you seem quite happy telling me what to do, so there’s that. Who will pay for this UBI? My wife’s family’s Barangay can’t even deliver running water to her family’s house for a period of years. The money to put in the infrastructure keeps getting looted by corrupt officials. You think these same corrupt officials could somehow be trusted to properly tax whoever has to pay for it and distribute this money to the poor people? I doubt it. I guess we would all love to not have to support our wive’s family and just let the government do it for us, but it all has to come from somewhere and this would drag, not expand the overall economy. Giving people good education, roads, airports, electricity, water and internet access would far better help the people imo. It would also expand the economy and drive up the overall quality of life. Look at areas like BGC and see how good infrastructure improves lives and economic opportunity overall. Many of those people working in call centers in BGC would have otherwise gone overseas as an OFW. It may take some time, but the Philippines is definitely on the upswing. Good luck.
Thank you for bringing this topic to the fore. I'm one of those ozies you related to.
My partner worked for many years in Taiwan, earnt and sent millions back to the family to improve their lives. All gone, all wasted. And it became almost like a life sentence that she would continue to work and provide for them. Working 13 days a fortnight 14 hours a day. They received 3 times the average monthly salary making them reasonably well off, but wasted everything and prepared for nothing. After sixteen years working overseas often treated as a no more than a paid slave they were no further ahead than at the beginning. This same process would have continued until my partner worked herself into the ground. Fortunately we were introduced, shared our experiences to each other and made a commitment to build our own future, she was 45 me 60. We have been together for 6yrs but just starting our journey. We help where and when appropriate and in an emergency for sure. But the constant handouts have stopped.
Your story has repeated many many times over. Amazing that it happens to so many hard working Filipinas. I will be doing a part 2 to recap what I have learned.
Great topic Greg.
Thank you.
Difficult topic but so true, you handled it well. Question is, how to respond to those asking, you need to be a bit of a psychologist to make the requester realise their error. Old rule 3 strikes and your out but applied to the family not the individual. Let the family guilt trip the problem individual/s. But it's super difficult to say no
Thanks for commenting Michael. Appreciate it.
My friend here in Ohio says his wife is expected to pay home , she is a nurse here now 28 years.
he said its always more more .
Unfortunately that seems to be the case. More and more expected. That's taking advantage in most cases. Thanks for commenting.
Thank you for your openness, I have a Filipina fiancée and we discussed this topic. On my side, I said that I think that when you come to the United States, you should send your parents the equivalent of your salary that you have as a teacher, and if it comes to your siblings, we canhelp to a small extent, but the main point is that when we come back after seven or eight years to settle permanently in the Philippines, then we will probably open some business and they could be part of that business.
....I visited the Philippines 4 times I love this country and now we are obout to buying a few hectares of land where the beneficiary will be mainly her family because they can collect coconuts and other things.
I really like your channel guys❤ you provide great knowledge, and I think you have a wonderful gift of eloquence and a way of conveying information.
God bless YOU GUYS
Thanks for the nice comment appreciate it. Good luck with your retirement journey.
Excellent video Greg & Wilma. My wife's parents are both retired school teachers living on small government pensions. My wife and her two sisters are all college educated and all three reside outside the Pinas' and have been for 20+ years. The wife and her sisters all send a monthly stipend back to their parents and in my opinion I think it is great. The parents are 85+ years old and deserve to live a comfortable life in their twilight. My bride of 19 years this June was sending money back home before I met her and that continues to this day. She has always worked (RN) and makes a great salary. I also make a great salary. I don't feel it's my place to tell her what she can and cannot do with her earnings. As a matter of fact I'd be a steaming piece of S!@% if I tried to stop her. It does make it easier knowing her parents are great people and never take advantage or spend frivolously.. They live in a western style house with live-in caretakers who do a great job taking care of her parents.
Great subject matter. Keep up the good work.
Thanks for sharing your story, appreciate it.
I’m
Married to a filapino We had simalar problem. We ended it. Long time ago. Let them find their own way. Now they all work and take care of them selfs. Tough love it works
Thank you for commenting.
It’s been a trend for many years. But the world is different now We still don’t forget mother day mama,s birthday , xmas. ThTs important in cnd tradition. I think it shows love in a good way
Greg and Wilma, I support a Filipina family from Australia with a monthly allowance. I would be interested to know and compare the amounts we send. That would be interesting and good discussion for your video. Thank you
I have never asked a Filipina here how much they send as an allowance. One would think to pay for food, utilities and a little left over. I think that comes down to the amount of money the OFW or Filipina wife makes. Kind of a personal item.
Greg, it would be interesting to benchmark a monthly cost of living for a family compound in PH. Agree, but good to know.
@Planty3125 average household in my area makes 400 pesos a day, so $7.27 a day, $43.60 a week or $174.40 a month. Average family of wife, husband and a few kids.
Thank you for putting the truth out there I had this experience and lost my wife of 30 because of this situation as my wife could not cope with this or could I so we split and are now just good friends both of us are hart broken.
That is truly heart breaking. I hope you are both able to see past financial difficulties to the other good parts of your lives together. We have a Filipina friend that was a big gambler and shopper and dragged her marriage apart. Sad to see.
Yes, this is said to hear. Sorry outside influences could not be overcome. Real tragedy.
I think it's disgraceful of her family to put such pressure on her that they ruined her happiness, all in the name of selfishness, greed, and laziness. Layabouts should be kicked out, so the mother and father should have raised their son right. If he was a man, he would not be sponging off of his sister and her husband. If he doesn't want to work, then neither let him eat. Let's see if he gets up to work then.
@serenepeacefulrelaxingmusi3874 everything you said is correct. However, it does happen here a lot. We see it and hear about it often. We are sheding light on this topic with no real chance for things to change.
The two cents I will chime in with is this. It’s a tricky situation as boundaries need to be set, which is often hard to do and many of us get wrong. The part that stuck out in my head was the example of the younger male living at the house to me the Filipina is supporting the parents/family but the parents should not allow the young male to take a free ride.
Thanks Ray for the comment. My observation, with just under 3 years here, is parents like to send the daughters to work and sons to lay around. Obviously, not everyone, but I have seen this repeat. The six Filipinas also discussed this very thing. I'm not sure why.
My late Wife was an OFW and between contracts, when I met her in the U.S.
I can relate to your topic!
She ended up over-staying her tourist (temporary) U.S. visa, because of the money she’d been sending back. We still sent many Balik Bayan boxes each year, though.
Great video Wilma and Greg! 👍
Thank you for the comment, appreciate it.
Great video guys. I’ve heard so many stories similar to the ones you’ve described from friends of my Filipina wife. But yet you’re the first ones I ever seen discussing it on UA-cam. I think the guilt trip is mainly due to the fact that some families do everything they can to make the eldest child successful just for this purpose for them to support the family afterwards. The problem is the rest of the family has no need or desire to work towards anything due to the fact they have what they need already. I think of it the same as I see spoiled brat kids in Canada , no manners no respect towards others and they keep getting rewarded from the parents without discipline. Something I admire about the Philippines culture is that they can live an entire life with just basic necessities and they still have a smile , nothing like the way western culture is nowadays.
Thanks for the video, keep up the great content.
Well said Cory, thanks for commenting.
I’m one of the Filipina sending money to the Philippines,supporting my mama till she was gone.
Very nice to hear, your a hero in my eyes. Think about other cultures that are greedy. You should be very proud of yourself. I am.
I petitioned my parents to come here in the States. They stayed for 13 years and worked while here. They're the ones sending money to my siblings, therefore saving me from all that heartaches. I did built a house for them though, but that was it.
Thanks for commenting and sharing your experience, appreciate it.
Greg/Wilma, Yes I can't recall this subject matter being addressed by any UA-camr. The issue of family members applying pressure on their children to uplift the family is real. The amount varies due to their particular need and is driven by the degree of poverty within the family and the age of the family members. The younger the family the more likely there will be an increased need for the one who has come into means to help uplift the family. The foreigner who enabled the Filipina is lumped into the situation due to the opportunity that was opened up. There is no Ironclad societal must do either due to Filial Piety or otherwise that exist in Philippine society. It's very much up to each couple how any situation is handled. I personally would never support a Lazy shiftless family member if they have the ability to "Walk" able bodied. Enabling those who can do for themselves is on you.
Level headed approach, thanks for commenting.
Good topic, Filipina pea has covered it before, regards Tony from Australia.
Ahhh did not know that. Glad I'm not the only one.
the topic is not really openly discussed but you blew the lid off it . . . good for you 👍🏻
I felt like it needed to be discussed as so many Filipinas are starting to talk about it and they are quite emotional about the hurt and disappointment they feel.
Love this topic, the reality of our culture, If you said yes 100 times and once you said no one time all that words you mention are being through to you and they cut you off because you're bad 😢 They don't even think how we struggle to make life in abroad😅
Perfectly said. So easy to take the easy road. OFWs work so hard and are under a lot of stress. They need to enjoy their own money.
Man o Man, how this hits home!! I see it with my wife, always sending back home and each time the list grows. Its not a hand up as you said, its a HAND OUT!! its never enough and the pressure and guilt is unreal, easy for me to say no but my wife struggles with it
It seems to be a much bigger issue than I ever knew. Lots of pressure and guilt placed on the Filipina. Thanks for commenting.
What this boils down to is a difference in cultural beliefs and values. Filipinos are expected to support their family, not just their immediate family (spouse and children), but also parents and to some extent siblings and other family members. That is embedded in their DNA to help and support each other, especially if you're the bread winner. Americans are somewhat the opposite. There's no expectation that individuals help out anyone outside their immediate family. It is imperative that if you're an American man and you marry a Filipina that you have understanding between each other and set expectations on who you're comfortable supporting. Filipinas will naturally want to support their parents in the Philippines, unless you draw that line if you're willing to and if so how much. It is a virtue that Filipinos are very caring and supportive of other family members. But on the other hand, Americans have a more individualistic belief that you pull yourself up by the bootstraps and support yourself. Cultural differences could be an issue if you don't talk it out. It's best to have a clear understanding with your partner before you settle down.
You are 100% correct, however when a older sibling (usually a female) feels pressured and given a guilt trip to pay for a sibling who refuses to work (my sister supports me). He lays around, drinks beer all day and makes babies. That culture should be examined.
Thanks Greg and Wilma for sharing. Vicky and I are still LDR, waiting for her visa. Even living in the Philippines and me in the States there is undo pressure on Vicky. Many times she hears the, you’ve changed, you think your better then us. She still works her same job and makes the same as before meeting me. Although her status hasn’t changed, the family has elevated her status because of me. Just something we deal with regularly.
Yes, that's unfortunately true. Something you guys will need to deal with probably forever. Thanks for commenting.
That is true. I hope you can talk also about the contrast of that situation. Some of the OFW's are so flashy to their families back home. We called it 'yabang' throwing cash to their family without the family asking just to show off to their other family members, relatives or friends of the family. They are usually the victims of the 'guilt trip' as what they arey are saying. Sometimes it's not 'guilt trip' and it is actually an 'ego trio' to their self. Most ofw's are coming home being flashy.
That very may be true and may be happening. From the 6 Filipinas that sparked this video that wasn't the case. It was strongly swayed to family asking and sometimes demanding more and more of their money. My follow up video will be discussing all the comments from all the folks who commented. Your point is noted for sure. Thanks for commenting.
Hi Wilma and Greg. I really don't like speaking about this subject because I'm a southern breaded man, and we are really straightforward and direct with our statements. I live my life by Faith and I clearly express this to my Filipina that if you are going to be with me, then you will have to understand how I live and you shall live the same way for this relationship to work between us. I have had a Filipina who tried to exploit money for her family and siblings, but that relationship didn't even last several months. I'm like this, if we are a couple and married, I will be OK helping out her parents from time to time and even fixing up their residence to make it more livable. One thing she will understand is that my retirement is my retirement and that the priority is our family and our children. I have to set our children up for success because I will not ask them for support or need them to support us. Somehow, families in the philippines will have to break this generation curse with supporting the family that refuses to help themselves and only take advantage of the OFW or the married Filipina wife to the foreigner. God created us all equal, and the world has to realize that we must first help ourselves so that we can help others who are not so well off. The topic that you spoke on today is just not happening in the philippines, but it is happening in the US as well. So many people and families are taking advantage of the ones who go out and try to make a better life for themselves, but I always try to explain this to my Filipina, we might not see what is really and truly going on with the money that we send or give to them, but our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father sees all, and those who think that you will get away with treating people like this, God's punishment is much more worse. God's blessings to guys, and have a great sunny weekend.
Well said, very thorough and thought out response. Appreciate it.
Hello! Fortunately for me, my siblings asked for assistance only on emergencies, of course I do inform the hubs first so he is not in the dark and how much money I’m going to send. (Yes, I do work) Oh yeah, also on Christmas and Special occasions.
I rather teach them how to catch a fish, instead of giving them fish consistently. The last thing we want to do is to be an ENABLER! To help is a noble thing to do. However, there’s a limitation to everything.
Great approach, thanks for sharing the way you handle this topic. Nice balanced approach.
My Filipina wife, 2 children and I are now living in the USA. We send approximately 50k pesos a month home to help her mother and 5 siblings. Out of that approximately 10k is for her brother’s college tuition, 10k for her mother to pay rent, 5k for retirement for our nanny and 5k misc expenses. My wife, an accountant, earns $6k USD monthly so we can easily afford it and we feel good about it. She has 4 sisters who also help their mother, their father is deceased.
Very nice to hear. Sounds like you have a set number and you stick to it. Makes a lot of sense.
Thank You as Many tears and Emotions come out from this conversation as we who are involved with a Filipina Must Navigate this topic and set Boundaries as it can put so Much pressure and Stress on the Filipina as she is the go between as they will work on her mentally thru Guilt and threats etc. and the Man has to set a Cap. A Never go over said amount as setting up a separate account and consider it the family account and tap out of that only. Always remember They ALL were surviving Before you and will Survive After you so Only give what Extra you can afford to "Give Away" and Emergencies are case by case of Life Threatening and NOT for Life Improvement !!!
Well said, thanks for sharing your opinion. Appreciate it.
This is what disables a society and keeps everybody down.
It is simply deep-rooted culture, very hard to change.
When I was in the Philippines to travel with my wife back to the US on K1 visa, her sister caught me alone and cried that my wife was responsible for the financial in their house of 5 able-bodied adults. That was my first inkling that of what was to come.
Very bold and telling. This seems to happen a lot here.
❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😊😊😊😊
Thanks
I've been married to my Filipina wife for almost 20 years living in the US. We unfortunately have many stories of family asking for money and not being truthful. Starting a business, dying in the hospital, toothache, etc. We bought a scooter for one cousin (single mom) so she could get to a job. She never got a job and we decided to sell the scooter. She extorted 15000php to agree to the sale since it was in her name. We still support some family living expenses there, but prefer to put a hammer or broom into open hands.
Thanks for commenting and sharing your story. These stories are amazing to me. Very bold and entitled on there part.
Would love to sit with you guys and discuss more about this subject, when we’re in the Duma area (2/08-2/10).
Let's attempt to sync up when in town.
@@buildingthephilippines We’ll be meeting with Mike and Janet on the 9th at Tom and Tom’s for coffee, between 9:30-10am. We’d love to meet you and Wilma! Lunch, dinner? It’s on us.
We’ll be in Duma 8th (afternoon) until the 10th (5pm flight).
Dauin fascinates me, and we were hoping to have the opportunity to see it. I may rent a scooter so we can travel.
It’s part of our Honeymoon trip, after Boracay (6th-8th).
I Vlog all on Jerry’s Life Journey
I told my wife that it was ok for her to send money back home because there was nothing wrong with it. I also said that I wouldn't allow other family members to call her or message her and keep asking for money. If they did and tried to guilt trip her, I would just have her tell them you can say whatever you but I'm not going to do that. Besides she would only send money home to her family and maybe one cousin and one best friend. I know all of them personally and I know they all would never do anything like that, they would only ask if it was really needed. They had already told her that she didn't need to send any money back home but I insisted that we send something to them. She is the eldest Daughter and while everyone has already graduated from college and they all work, she really doesn't need to send anything, but just to help out with the finances at home we decided that we would still send money to help out.
Thanks for sharing your experience regarding this topic. Appreciate it.
I would tell my siblings. I’m doing the best I can, but you can always travel abroad and earn money too.
Very true.
It's really hard to say no to her and family. But I would draw a hard line with paying anyone's gambling debts. This video is spot on.
Thanks for commenting, appreciate it.
I'm one of those Filipina in America sending 90% of my income to the Philippines. My parents just died and my youngest brother lives at home with his wife and 6 children. Currently I'm financing my brother P45,000.00 a month for a store capital. I will financed up to P1 million pesos. I told him that I will stop sending him money when time is up. I put a stop on some nephews and nieces already. I'm looking forward to donate my jewelries and money to church. I will not leave it to them because they do not deserved it.
You supported your parents that is awesome. Brothers is another thing, but definitely your money and your decision. You sound like an awesome lady.
@@buildingthephilippines Yes I supported my parents when they were alive. I hired a maid to clean and cook for them. Besides maid and food that costs me $500 dollars a month plus $100 dollars for my mom and $100 dollars for my dad allowance for something they wanted to buy for themselves. I paid all the funeral and burial expenses. I bought a wheel chair, cane and walker for them. I bought 32 inches television, 2 burner gas stove, a freezer and refrigerator for them. They have 7 children. I'm the only one who supported them. It's a lot of money. But the blessings I received from God is bigger.
@user-xy8ol7sj8v your an awesome daughter and yes you will be rewarded for all you did.
I don’t know if I have shared with your channel how my wife and I handle this exact thing. I think it is truly an important issue. Philippine culture is not the same as other cultures. I truly love the Philippines and their culture but I understand that there must be limits to your generosity. We have put at least 4-5 of my wife’s nieces and nephews through college for various training. Most of them did well and were able to do something with the help. At least one, not so much. But that’s ok. We both have learned to say no although we do still send money from time to time. In this case I think it is important to let the husband be the bad guy. It is obvious that this abuse is wrong. The Filipinas need to blame their husbands for not being able to send money. Although I’m sure, that is what my wife has done, the truth is that I am probably a bigger pushover at times than she is. But I don’t mind the occasional generous check and if it is for parents it would be ok send more. Other than that, they need to learn to just say no, my husband won’t let me.
Great approach to this difficult topic. Thanks for sharing this with everyone. Appreciate it.
Filipino culture and how close we are to our family, i believe it is our way paying it back to our parents. This type of culture is so envious amongst American citizens simply because they know their children will put them in old people homes to die alone. But i do believe this newer generation coming up is clearly taking advantage of this. Sending money back isnt there to support your sibling, cousins, aunts or uncles. Its there to pay tribute to our parent’s sacrifice. Every child within the family should be striving to do the same thing. When you watch Filipino movies or TV shows, its always a competition between siblings to who can give the most. This is the cancer in our society that we are ashamed to admit when our own family members refuse to work and 100% rely on their family members working abroad.
Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective regarding this topic. Appreciate it.
That’s the OFW problem because they enable it. I sent siblings to college and we take turn taking responsibility. When they start asking and borrowing money I told them to get a job. I have family and child to feed.
When cousins or relatives borrowed money I just simply NO. It’s not being selfish it’s making sure we take care of our own first. We send grandm allowance every month because she can’t work so that’s about we do or sometimes we send when there is special occasions. It’s a given freely and not. Demand from them.
Thanks for sharing your approach. Appreciate it.
it brought back memories of my own experience which still makes me feel hurt & anger, you're correct it's enabling, I say this culture is one that is easily abuse by I call PAL members or PALAMUNIN, I know all about the guilt trip, horrible to carry that
Yes, that's the worst part. Filipina working so hard abroad, sacrificing and then get told your not doing enough/your selfish etc. Really pretty disgusting.
My spouse was OFW in Hong Kong. She has 6 kids and sent 95 percent of her earnings back home. $450 every month. Now she works in the US and sends home $500.00 + $250.00 for car payment.
Wow, generous lady. Curious to know if the people she sends $750 a month to works or lives off your wife's generosity.
@@buildingthephilippines 4 of the children are in the US and all are on there own now. Oldest daughter in the Philippines we are paying for nursing school which she graduated just recently and is now doing her board. The oldest son and his wife who we are paying for her college are not really employed he does work on a farm and has received awards for starting his own green house. So he wants a career in farming. He isn't making enough to support his family. But he does take care of our home and does all the maintenance and pays bills and utilities with money we send. He also makes sure grandma gets to doctor. My wife feels sad sometimes because she was always gone when the kids were growing up.OFW in Hong Kong and only came home one month out of the year. So I think she is trying to make up for that. I support her in it but told her we are only 5 years from retirement and so He will need to step it up. He is young 27 years old. ♥️
@@buildingthephilippines She has 6 children and 4 came over on fiancee visa but the two oldest were older than 21 and could not come. The 4 that came to the US are thriving and take care of themselves. Our daughter in the Philippines just graduated from college for nursing which is what the money and then some was used for. She is now working on her board exams. The son in the Philippines is married with one child and does not make enough on the farm to support his family. He is still young 27. He also pay the bills and takes care of the house repairs, remolding,and ect.He also makes sure Grandma gets to the doctor which is why we bought the Small SUV. They all live in the province in my wives home. My wife sometimes feels sad because she wasn't around when the kids were growing up because she was OFW in Hong Kong and only got to come home 1 month out of the year. So she tries to make up for that by paying for what ever they need.
@@rexlaughlin3897 thanks for sharing your story.
So true
Thanks for watching.
Yes, this was brought up by the filipina Pea. She was straightforward like you guys about this being wrong. It's one thing to help and it's wrong for them to demand it ask.
I'm glad we are not the only one to discuss this difficult topic. Thanks for that information.
@buildingthephilippines I think you guys did a great job. By the way, you got a winner in Wilma. You are a lucky man to have this woman by your side. Take care guys.
@@spmrosepi1 you got that right. I've known that very thing for many years.
Ya, I had to give 20 thousand peso the my wife’s mom to marry. I was 65 my wife was 62. Didn’t like that! My wife now 64 pays all her moms expenses and my wife’s son and his pregnant girlfriend lives at my wife house? The only they pay is water and elect I think? My wife is not always tell me the truth! my wife lives at my condo and I pay all of are bills and I help her mom with repaired to her home!
The men here are lazy and live off of there mom in my case!
Don’t like that at all we fight about this all the time!
Hi Rick, thanks for sharing your story. Appreciate it.
I’ve been watching UA-cam channels from the Philippines for about the last 5 years. The smart girls from the Philippines slow play their foreigner and eventually get the most. I knew from day one of watching that there was no way that a beautiful 20 some year old would want someone so much older because of attraction.
I don’t blame them because there is no opportunity.
Your comment refers to a filipina draining a foreigner of his money over time. That does happen, and if the foreigner allows it, it's his problem. I'm speaking of hard working Filipinas that goes overseas and their families expect her to share a large portion of her salary to the point of her being labeled, pushed, manipulated and guilt tripped into paying for her entire families expenses. Two different things.
I know but you got me on a roll. haha@@buildingthephilippines
I'm 61yo and very loveable and it just so happens that I'm up for adoption...!
This is a limited time offer so... act now!
That sounds like a great opportunity.
🤥
@@bobbyb2491 lol
Good for you guys to talk about this, especially your wife. They treated their daughters as 'slaves', as I see it. YES, help the family, but this is ........I better not say anything, of what I think. These Filipinas are like saints, doing these with no gratitude from their OWN family.
I agree 100%, should be treated as queens. However, often treated horribly.
My experience is that any money you send to family that says they will repay is gone. You’re not going to ever see it again.
That is very much true 99% of the time as explained by so many comments regarding this topic.
It’s very unfortunate to have your family strong arm a Filipina, or OFW male worker, be belittled and disrespected, over money. I know of this by talking with other Filipinas, and in fact a friend of mine married an OFW Filipina over a year ago. She was working because she had been married and her husband left her, and she had a son to take care of. So she left the son with other close family members, and was able to get him through school, and college, and was able to build a small home for him to live in, and he did much of the work building it. He is a good kid, and doing okay, and I talk with him sometimes. My friend and his new wife are doing well, and she found a job as a part time babysitting, and she sends money to him. She wants to get him here in the US, and they live in Harriman, NY. Many OFW are trying to get their kids through school, but some are being used, to have the life without working. I have had that conversation with Elvira, and since we are older, her family understands we will not be an ATM for them, and in fact they were not in her previous marriage as well. They know already that we will be taking care of her disabled Mother, and I was good with that from the start. Good topic Guys😊
Thanks Steve for sharing your story. It happens the way you explain all the time.
they will sit on their hands first chance they get if you let them , i think a lot of it boils down to these woman not being strong enough to saying no the first time they say no it will change the hole dynamic, they need to be stronger easier said than done ,men just wont put up with it like woman do .
Yes, that is true. Tough thing to do for such a young person thats is naive. Thanks for commenting.
I am curious to know one thing - How did it effect family relationships when you say no to frivolous money requests? I am moving there in hopes of being a part of my Filipina's family. I am feeling guilty already. I am the poorest of all of my friends here in Connecticut. They see me as very wealthy. I am sacrificing a great deal and taking enormous risks to start a new live in Negros Occidental. I want to be generous and help out but I am concerned that it will never be enough.
Very tough question to ask. It's obviously different by family. We told Wilma's family about one year before we retired that once we retired, we had no more income. We needed to budget our money now that we are retired.
The other day my Filipina climbed up one side of our son and down the other side because he went over his monthly budget while studying for his Civil Engineering board exam in Manila. All I heard that 23-year-old kid say was "Yes mama...yes mama...yes mama...🤣🤣🤣🤣 Cross that woman by not doing right or ask for money as an abled body person and you will feel her wrath. On the flip side, I have seen that woman give to struggling street workers and the like many a times.
We and her siblings send monthly support to her parents in equal amounts so that no one couple is burdened. Same for any type of hospitalizations of the parents. We all get together and split the costs. We already have a medical savings account established for her parents, but nobody knows it but us. And we share none of our financial information. We loan no money, we borrow no money, and we do not involve ourselves in any business ventures whatsoever.
Thanks for sharing your experiences regarding this topic. Appreciate it.
I use the same word I don't want to enable her family to not look for a Job.
Yes, being an enabler is what causes the younger generation to say, why work if the money keeps flowing in.
My wife is Filipino and she says if you don’t give money to your parents your ungrateful
I agree with her 100%. What about your wife's siblings, uncles, aunts & cousins. Should/does she send them money as they need & request?
The Filipina Pea has commented on this. Terrible guilt trips by parents and family members.
Thanks for that information, appreciate it. It's definitely sad to hear these stories.
What happens to that dream house (built by your OFW), when both parents die? oh, it will be split equally by all siblings (who never paid), in accordance with hard-coded, Ph (spanish) inheritance laws (presumably)... So looks like if OFW is doing that, then (peppercorn) rent back.
That is correct, again usually young Filipinas not knowing the law and being taken advantage once again.
This method is enabling the people who is getting something for nothing. Imagine what they would do for themselves if they couldn't depend on free money.
Definitely part of the problem is people enabling family to remain unemployed. Why work if money is flowing.
My wife sends almost all of her weekly paycheck home. I'm lucky if I can get 140 a week to go towards our expenses. I am retired and it's a struggle to keep up with our home expenses. She can not even save any money for herself. She already built her parents a home, nothing spectacular bu 1000 times better than than the plywood and tarp shack they were living in. She has 2 sisters and 4 brothers, 10 nephews and nieces that they are always needing something for....what do I do??
Just say no and stick to it.
Sorry to hear your real life struggle. Advice is hard to give in this situation. Need to sit down with wife and rework your budget. 20% of wives' salary per month seems very generous to me. However, the percentage would have to be agreed upon by husband and wife equally. My 2 cents.
I would recommend you go through a financial program like financial peace by dave ramsey. It will allow you to start thinking and budgeting as a team instead of two individuals. As long as her money is hers, it will all go to the Philippines. Once she starts to gain some financial wisdom, you can start to make good decisions together and not have so much stress. Good luck!!
That's sound advice.
@Building the Philippines I understand the culture but should the Filipina tell her foreign spouse which family member she is sending money to and how much?
My wife and I discuss everything. It is a marriage and we are one person with one bank account. If we were to break financial trust it would not be good for the health of our relationship imo.
In my opinion, it should be discussed and agreed upon by both parties before hand. Marriage, you become one correct. That's my 2 cents.
100 % correct, joint decision. 50/50 proposition.
Nobody works in my Filipina wife's family and we have been married for 22 years 🤦🏾
Sorry to hear that, such a shame.
Married to a Filipino and the drama from the family (outside of her Mom) is terrible from 2022 to now. Everyone of them want something from my wife due to the fact she is now married to a American. SO - with that I say "NO"... Not giving a dime ! Her Mother lives at the house that my wife built as a OFW when her father was alive. The first Christmas was t-shirts and beach parties - but now - nothing... Don't bite the hand that may have given you a peso ! HA.... By the way - I just bought a NEW MG ZS and boy are their mouths open.... HA !
Yeah, it's amazing how certain things are expected. The guilt tripping and constant pressure is simply wrong. Thanks for commenting.
I hope Wilma kept the property and house she built for her parents in her name. After all she paid for everything and after her parents pass she should retain sole ownership and not have to share with siblings.
She did.
I feel tell them like you side pond sand. I am in the Philippines here with my wife and her one son is like that will not work his wife is working my wife is not working and i am on SSA from the USA and it's not a lot of money but i feel like a ATM sad.
Yes, Walter feeling like an ATM is something that many foreigners feel. Thanks for commenting and sharing your thoughts.
I can see 2 fundamental sides of this topic among others: 1) the family members in the PHs naturally want to escape a life of poverty & 2) families end up putting far too much pressure and guilt on the OFW to the point of being extremely abusive. I can also understand the OFW wants to help by providing financial assistance, especially if parents are very elderly and incapable of taking care of themselves. However, before parents are complete geriatric patients, I really think they and relatives in the PHs have extremely unreasonable expectations of the OFW. Rather than sending 90% of their salary back home, parents and family members could be extremely grateful to receive 5~10%. In general, imo the OFW is simply enabling the family to be reliant on them, so a form of ‘ learned helplessness’ on the part of the family. How does the saying go...? “...give a man a fish... vs. teach a man how to fish... “. Giving handouts is not the answer. It’s like medical doctors treating the symptoms, rather than the cause of an illness. David in southern Shikoku, Japan.
Well said, ungrateful is a great word to describe this process. Never enough in many cases. Putting guilt, usually on a young filipina, is unacceptable to me. Thanks for commenting.
@@buildingthephilippines Yes, unacceptable. Parents and family should be grateful for receiving anything, but should not demand, expect or rely on any financial assistance imo. Typically, every family member has the freedom to move overseas and become an OFW unless they are physically or mentally handicapped. If they want out of poverty, they have the freedom to work for it like the rest of us. Also, Filipinas need to learn to say, “No”.
I agree, however, I think this practice will continue for many for years to come. Raising the issue is a good first step.
It eventually evolves into some kind of scam. that's when it's time to stop calling or answering their calls.
Unfortunately you are correct, it does often lead to that. Thanks for commenting.
what does OFW stand for?
Overseas Foreign Worker.
@@buildingthephilippines I was wondering the same thing, I thought it stands for Overseas Filipina Worker. 😅 Thanks for your informative videos.
You bet, appreciate it.
Putting a guilt trip on anyone is plain evil. I hope those guilty recipients will realize they are not responsible to support someone else’s family. Christmas, birthday Gifts are fine . Who cares if they call you selfish etc.
Yes, most westerners can handle that mean spirited approach. Young, inexperienced Filipinas usually can't. They are guilted into sending way more than they can afford. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
A man becomes one with his woman not with her family.
Once married,
your priority is the family you're creating with your man.
No more sending money to family.
It's time to start building together as husband and wife.
It's time for them to get jobs and find their own way.
If a Filipina doesn't understand and commit to this idea 100%,
BYE!!!
It's definitely a fine balance. I agree most need to find their own way. I guess it needs to be a case by case basis, not just a free for all. Thanks for commenting.