Same here. He was a 'gentleman' until he moved in, then he knew he had me and the beatings started. The mental stuff had been going on already but I was blind to that until I looked back.l
People love to judge. They say "I'm too smart to ever get in that situation, those women are just weak". They don't get it. I used to think the same thing, until it happened to me.
I understand what you’re saying but can I offer a different perspective? My mom was abused by my dad… she got away and got into another relationship… when she got with the man I claim to be my dad I remember them arguing outside and he threw his coffee mug she said it scared her and he apologized and said he was just upset and he said he would rather have a broken coffee mug than ever touch her and promised to never put his hands on her and even tho it was a fight and it was a stressful situation and a heated moment it brought me such comfort.
@@rachelfreeders356 no. just no. You don't think throwing things eventually doesn't lead to accidents? My abusive ex husband, first time he busted my face was by throwing something to express his frustration. My whole face was busted. Then, more bravery, to backhand me..... ect. Destroying stuff is never a mature or collected reaction to emotion. That means you shouldn't be in a relationship. Just because you have some small anecdotal story doesn't mean its not a GLARING red flag for most situations.
@@rachelfreeders356 okay, so was your mom abused or not, since you literally said your mom was abused by your dad. Abuse is abuse, no matter how much the person will minimize the action done or words said in the heat of rage. Don’t confuse what he did with an accident, which would be your “dad” knocking over the mug or, taking it a step further, unintentionally broke the mug since he was frustrated and it was a result of bringing a fist down on the table or something. The difference and big red flag is how the rage is directed. You clearly said they were arguing. This already says a lot. He might’ve had ENOUGH control to not throw the mug AT her but he clearly manifested his anger into physical violence which is throwing a literal object. While he didn’t actually throw it at your mom that time, who’s to say he’s not capable of doing so next time. Words are empty especially if you have no control over your emotions. Rage makes you very irrational. Nothing in immediate reach is safe if you’re going to go as far as using physical force to try and end an argument. I’m not trying to discount your intention to provide another perspective, your comment just rubbed me the wrong way because it sounded more like excusing bad behavior just because a person may say some sweet words like “I’d rather break an object than to ever put my hands on you”. There is no excuse for abuse, period. If you’re more than comfortable destroying an object, you are very much capable of harming a person whether you meant to or not. If you knew beforehand you were going to get hurt, people like Andrea in this case wouldn’t have died to the hands of someone who can’t keep their emotions in check. That’s what makes the abuse a silent killer and dangerous of all is when people ignore the signs and make excuses for that kind of behavior.
@@jessigirlrae1688 sometimes it can go further sometimes it doesn’t. she offered her perspective you can have a differing one without being rude or acting like she’s on the abusers side just because she said something you don’t agree with
this guy is an absolute monster. His lack of remorse or regret is astounding and he really thinks he’s going to get away with it too when there is a mountain of evidence against him.
yes yes yes... i am so disgusting to hear him saying like broken things doesn't mean he was abusive, and saying it as if people would relate to his thought 😵😵
@@jeanny4204 He even puts forth his breaking of things as “proof” that he’s not violent. “See? I’m such a great guy that I can destroy the whole house but I’d never touch a hair on her head. Where do I pick up my medal?”
I'm a domestic violence survivor, and can explain a little bit. I was abused as a child by my parents, and so when I grew up I had none of the alarm bells a person would typically have with an abusive person. I couldn't tell when someone was a creep to begin with. Abuse also felt normal to me, and I was used to just having to take it without having a choice because that's how I grew up. The worst of the abuse also doesn't happen right away. Even I would have run away fast if he did that stuff on the first date. They lure you in with charm, then slowly groom you, slowly working up your tolerance for abuse. They do a small test of abuse on you, that you think was just a mistake and you forgive them for it. Then they do something slightly worse, and you forgive them again. It gets worse and worse until they can finally do everything they want to you, and by then it doesn't seem to you to be as alarming as it should. The only reason I left is because he got excited one time and turned the notch too far, too fast, and it was beyond unacceptable. After I left he bought a new gun (the police confiscated his other guns) and bragged to everyone about it online, then proceeded to stalk me and try to make good on his earlier threats to kill me if I tried to leave. I had to hide from him, because he came looking for me and he came with his gun. In the end I escaped him safely and moved far away. But I had no idea how terrifying and dangerous it would be to actually leave in the end. This guy could have killed me.
How are you now? Are you able to recognize red flags etc? For me it's control. I remember telling my wife and stepkid long ago, they have no more or less authority than me to change the radio or air con.. its not my car i am driving, its we are driving in our car. I remember the first time she said a bad word, i said dude im not your word police if you stub your toe and say oh fuck, im gonna know it hurt more than gosh darnit
Thanks for sharing. It’s so crazy because nobody really understands unless they’ve been through it. You can explain until you turn blue, and they can think they “get it”, but understanding it and surviving it are two different animals. I’m glad your doing better now🙏
I'd ask you if you are doing ok, but I've experienced the same. It has a lifelong impact. I hope you find moments of pure joy in the little things that keep you going. Good luck.
last week my aunt was murdered by her husband. She was a very private person and never told anyone of how badly it was. Me being very interested in true crime always saw this as a possibility but never thought he would actually go through with it. I was those type of people who had the same belief on not understanding why people stay in abusive relationships but now I truly understand. Thank you for highlighting that.
Yeah, people don't even consider that some ppl just....manage to outlive their abusers. I feel like that should make it obvious that it's never as easy as "just leaving." I'm very glad you're here with us today, Marti.
To all my guys out there: don't forget that yall can be sucked into abusive relationships too. Most men don't know how or are too embarrassed to admit they are being abused by a woman, but it shouldn't be that way. While I can't recommend to go to a shelter as in most cases, there are none for men, I can at least recommend opening up to someone, anyone, even if a stranger. Please, guys out there, don't be afraid to open up about abuse and remember, a woman should NEVER put their hands on you either.
you killed him and afterwards conveniently claim he's abusive. you're lucky in the west you will not spend a single in jail because of the gender you were born with
The night I cut ties with my abuser, he became the most violent and dangerous I had ever seen him. Looking back, I know he would have killed me if given the chance. He destroyed the house, breaking doors down, punching holes in the walls, breaking large and expensive aquariums, smashing anything and everything he could get his hands on. All the while, I was screaming for my life locked in the bathroom. The neighbour we shared a wall with was home. I remember hearing his TV on and screaming for him to call the police. Police never came. I wound up running outside in the dead of winter in bare feet and pajama shorts to get away. This neighbour later came by to flirt with me since he hadn't seen my ex around. Curious, I asked him about that night. Did he hear me?He said he did hear the commotion and heard my screams, but didn't call police because "it wasn't my business". I could have lost my life that night, and all he had to do to save me was make an anonymous call. If you ever find yourself in his shoes, please make the call. Get involved (safely). Be nosy. Make it your business. You could be the one who makes the difference between life and death. Don't let domestic violence take yet another life. Edit: Just to be clear, don't put yourself at risk to get involved! Go somewhere safe and call the police. If you don't want to be roped in afterwards, you can remain anonymous and decline to share your name and info with the dispatcher. Look out for your fellow humans, but protect yourself too.
@@J0SHUAKANE so sorry I didn't do what you would have done while barricaded in the upstairs bathroom. "Two to tango"? Really? You think there's something I did to contribute to my then boyfriend destroying the house and breaking down a door to get to me? You know jack about my situation but feel comfortable making assumptions. Maybe try asking for info instead of pulling stuff out of the air.
@@J0SHUAKANE I hope you get trapped by someone bigger and stronger than you without weapons or a phone, and I hope nobody helps you when that time comes. Good luck!
Not that people shouldn't call the police, but witnesses would be putting themselves in danger by interfering in a situation where the victim is likely to return to the abuser and continue to cause trouble.
It's such a sad, terrifying fact that the most dangerous aspect of an abusive relationship is when one tries to leave. I was once taught to do it slowly, discreetly save up some cash if possible, remove items such as clothing, etc, little by little so it's not noticeable and then try to get to a women's refuge/shelter.
The problem is that abusive victims often give in and answer texts or calls after they leave. If you’re in fear for your life, just leave. Don’t worry about what to bring or sneaking things out slowly. Get to a shelter, change your number, tell friends and family not to give the abuser the new number. Don’t answer unknown numbers. Change everything you can and wait it out until they can be arrested or they move on. Edit: I never said it was easy. And what i described is not easy, but you don’t look for easy when it’s saving your life and the lives of your kids. You just do what you have to do to survive, I know bc I’ve been there. You don’t get a 2nd chance when that day comes. JUST GTFO as soon as you can and never look back.
Being a man who was in an emotionally abusive relationship I didn't even know what was happening to me until somebody who was experienced in seeing it told me I was a "Victim" of domestic abuse but It can't happen to me it happens to someone else Trust me it can happen!!
@@larettabrown8037 Thank you and that is so true you think it can't happen to me but you can't see emotional abuse coming and like you said suddenly your in deep! But I now have full custody of my Son and that's all I need he's my world but I'll always have the wounds and I'm very careful who I let into our lives!🙏💯
I’m so sorry you had to go through that but so happy you got out with your son! I also really want to thank you for sharing. It’s just as important for men to speak up about abuse as it is for us women to do so when it happens to us. It’s difficult to realize that you are being abused/victimized, but hearing/reading the experiences of others can and often does create an opportunity for people to recognize when the same thing is happening to them. It can help empower them to open up to loved ones and reach out for support….maybe even begin to take steps to escape the abuser in their own lives as well.
I am very sorry this happened to you, you deserved better. ❤ It happens all the time and people often choose abusive partners because they or their go-to parent was abused and they witnessed it. Abusive households do a lot of damage to kids and as adults they wonder why they aren't in happy relationships.
For all those people out there who think domestic violence only happens to those less educated women, notice in this case, and many thousands of others, this woman was in the Navy for 20 years! Working in what has been an historically predominate male institution. Which makes her educated, strong, brave, and dedicated. And yet, she was a victim and still was murdered. Domestic violence can happen to anyone.
Exactly. What most people don’t realize is you are selected at times for your strength, capabilities, resources, beauty, etc. Then they hide their abusiveness until your in. Perish the notion abuse victims are weak.
It has nothing to do with education just common sense to see something a big red flag and peacefully leave not try to look over the red flags cause u blinded by dik or love that ain’t love if they abusing you
It’s always ‘why didn’t they just leave if they were being abused then?’ Instead of ‘why were THEY being abusive to the person or persons they “love”?’.
Easy, there are many bad people. But that why a woman shouldn’t walk by night in the park. So I still don’t get the holding on to such a „partnership“.
Not me... I wonder, 'how don't they plot to make their lives, an unbearable Hellscape?- why don't they ever turn the tables and stalk, the stalker...?' I just don't understand why so few people had my reaction, to abuse. I get so goddamn mad. I would never treat anyone that way and I understand the motivation - they want an outlet, they are emotionally inept. They Like it. That's why. That doesn't, just piss everyone off and I DONT understand. These people would feel safe, Nowhere if my perspective was, the most common. People Say they 'hate this'.. but they must not know what that word means.
@@TheApp9 did you watch the video you commented on? Andrea attempted to leave and get police involved and was murdered. Many people stay because they're afraid of that.
Before the abuser makes their target feel unlovable, they make their target feel loved. Then, they slowly manipulate their target into feeling like the abuser is the only person who could ever love them. Then, they work on making their target feel like they need the abuser to survive. After all of this, the abuser strikes. And then, the victim wonders what they could have done to deserve it, and how they can change so that it will never happen again. So, by the time the abuser is abusing their target regularly, the target feels like it's their fault, something fundamentally wrong with them. It's not abuse if I deserve it, right? Wrong. You don't need them and they don't need you. And you won't ever been able to change into the person they tell you that you could become so that they won't abuse you. Run. I promise the world is safer for you than your abuser wants you to believe.
@@marynehra502 exactly. And even if they haven't, a lot of abusers will manipulate people into defending them, or even dropping friends who won't. Abuse is so deeply complicated. It's never as simple as your partner just whacking you out of nowhere
This dude irked my damn soul to the core. As much as I'm an advocate of "ask for a lawyer then shut your mouth", this guy worked every bit of my nerve the entire interrogation and I'm glad he tripped himself up so many times he can't pick himself back up.
Yeah, there's something really irksome about him. I don't know if it's the obvious stupidity or just his annoying mushmouth, it''s baffling that any woman could find anything attractive about him.
" Your phone was at her house and you admit to being at her house around the time she was murdered so you did it. " " Where is the proof? " * Pulls out CVS length receipts of proof * " That don't mean I did it. " Dude come on. You're practically in 4k here.
@@briannumme9337that’s completely inaccurate. I will say it doesn’t matter because it doesn’t. Highly educated people kill people all the time. My grandparents both have 7th grade educations and are very smart and great people. You can’t judge someone based on education alone.
"That's just what men do." No, little Danny, that's what immature boy do. It infuriates me that he was only indicted for 2nd degree murder. This murder was clearly pre-planned! He told her and other people multiple times that he was going to murder her. He went to her house and killed her the day before a court hearing regarding the domestic violence injunction she had filed. While she lay dead on the floor, he used her phone to send messages to himself that would work in his favor in court, and also tried to establish alibi. He was thankfully dumb so he didn't understand that his life-threatening texts to her was still going to show up on her Facebook messenger in spite of him deleting them kn his own phone. He also seemed to believe that the cops wouldn't be able to check her messenger because he got rid of her phone... It's very good with criminals that aren't the best in class!
Abusive relationships are so heartbreaking and dangerous, I wish there was more done to prevent them. I love the animation at the beginning. If you could link the artist that would be awesome. Thanks for sharing this, dreading!
You can’t rely on anyone or anything else to save you… you need to save yourself, 911 will be to late and a piece of paper will definitely not stop anyone who has intentions to harm you, you need to arm yourself and learn how to use it. No one else is going to be there except yourself when you’re in desperate danger!!! Po po won’t just come running in, they gather up and plan before approaching a violent situation.
Education! Passing the knowledge of what constitutes abuse within a relationship is vital. It should be something that's taught in school along with the puberty talks. It's surprising how many people aren't aware of the different types of abuse.
What a disgusting coward of a man. He really got triggered when they started telling him they talked to his ex. He can't stand that he doesn't control her anymore.
Victims of abuse often have more to think of then just themselves. Kids, no job, sole support is your partner, they've tracked you down before when you left, convince you your crazy or its your fault... think of ALL that, on top of the fear for YOUR OWN life and possibly your kids too. It's not black and white, stay or go... and the reasons aren't always the same. Many have to plan escape and go into hiding. Have compassion... you never know what you would do UNTIL it actually happens to you. Thanks for all your hard work.... again! ✌️❤️😁
Speaking from experience in abusive relationships.. if you don’t leave soon enough, (and usually you don’t bc you don’t realize what’s happening UNless they punch you in the face or something like that) it wears you down so much emotionally and physically and basically freezes you into place. Your like no longer there in your mind, your a shell. Also, if you don’t know and love yourself you’ll allow anyone to treat you however they want to.
You’re like no longer there in your mind. You’re a shell* You're. "You're" is short for "you are." For example: You're rich now! correct tick Does she think you're happy? correct tick Your. "Your" is to show something belongs to "you" or is related to "you." For example: Your answer is correct. correct tick ("Answer" belongs to you.) Your uncle has a Roman nose.
You’ve just described myself to a T. I am in an extremely toxic relationship and I don’t see any way out. My husband is not physically abusive but he abuses me in every other way and I have no support system to try to get out. Even worse, I have no formal education beyond high school and I have almost no employment history due to me becoming a stay at home mom 13 years ago. I have a 19 year old son from a previous relationship and my son is profoundly developmentally disabled; he’s completely nonverbal, has a low cognitive level (he plays with baby toys like shape sorters and he loves watching Baby Einstein), and he’s only partially toilet trained and wears a diaper most of the time. I’m trying to get him placement in a facility that can meet his needs and keep him safe but this is an incredibly difficult process if you’re relying on the state to fund the majority of the cost. This kind of care is so expensive that only those who have a substantial amount of disposable income would be able to afford on their own and without any other type of grant or state waiver. We also share 7 year old twin girls together and I’ve been trying to shield them from developing trauma from this dysfunctional and toxic family dynamic; I genuinely didn’t think that my husband would hate me so much that he’d allow his daughters see their mother fall apart at his hands. Sorry, for this oversharing; I had no intention of sharing all of this but your comment was as if you wrote it about me.
I left after the first assa*lt, he threatened to kill me a clothing iron, I packed my bags and left the next morning, whoever you are, please stay strong, and please save yourself my love ❤️
Can I just say THANK YOU for the first two minutes of this video.... For more than ten years, I suffered the horrible consequences of what you so eloquently and succinctly describe in your answer (the best I have ever heard) to the question: "Why do women stay in abusive relationships?" So, thank you for that introduction. To those who haven't experienced it, please pay close attention to his words. Thirty years later, I still suffer from PTSD daily, and the ramifications of that marriage for both me and my children are life-long and painful; but at least we escaped before it was too late.
Ditto. I can't even maintain a normal relationship now. I'm happy being single and having my alone time with no one to tell me what to do. Good luck to you and your kids!
What makes a man (usually a man but women do it too) think he can abuse a woman and it’s ok? I mean typically these men would never condone those things being done to any woman they loved so why is it ok for them to decide to do it? I’ve never really understood what makes them feel so good about themselves when they physically abuse women who’re usually shorter and much more physically inferior than they are. It’s actually very cowardly to me. Thank goodness you ladies got away from your abusers before it was too late.
You're not alone. Unfortunately... there are so many men exactly the same that it's just tangible evidence of hellish demonic EVIL walking this earth. I'm alive, living as well as I can & will probably never trust another human being until the end of time. I am grateful for my life & that my kids are living well 😊 nothing short of miracles that we're even sane. Some day they'll answer for their misdeeds...
Just sending you love. You are absolutely worthy of being respected. Anything less isn’t worth your time, as I’m sure you are aware. All the good things to you and your kids. ❤️
Stay strong friend, i know its Extremely hard even days, weeks, years, once you get away from the abuser, but you are a very strong, beautiful human being, and don't underestimate yourself, it takes, alot of strength and courage to do what you did, stay strong , much love and respect from northern Ireland
I watched the entire video and the one thing I'm still chuckling about is that someone in 2018 (who isn't elderly) believed that if he deleted text from his phone that would also delete the text from the other phone. 😂
This genuinely made me feel sick. It’s like listening to my narcissistic ex with the intelligence of my 15 year old son argue with two experienced detectives. The self obsession and ability to twist everything to protect himself is nauseating. Even when presented with irrefutable evidence his only reply is “well we will see in court”…. Damn right they will!
This is exactly how it is arguing w a narcissist you're right! They will literally spin everything even blatant facts rather than admit any fault, ever
If you can, please look into the death of Janette Roberson. She was murdered in my hometown of Reed City back on January 19th of 1983 and her case has still not been solved. It’s a small town and there’s not much coverage anywhere at all. I don’t know the family personally, but I find it still very upsetting that her family and children never got any closure. Any exposure to her case would help. Thank you for reading, and amazing job as always. I’ve been here since near the beginning and I haven’t missed a single video, you cover cases so well and I look forward to every upload.
I was sexually molested when I was 4 years old by my mom’s cousin that was older than 16 years old. I was forced to see him every time I had to go to my grandmas and great grandma’s house, navidades, acción de gracias and other holidays. To survive, my brain protected me by dissociating and self harming by scratching and picking on my skin and scabs until they bled. My parents and family failed to protect me. My mother’s family protected him and kept it shut. I’m now 22 years old and thoughts of revenge still cloud me. CPTSD, Major Depressive Disorder and Chronic Anxiety is debilitating and have altered my brain functioning and chemistry since I was a child
You should absolutely seek revenge. Your anger gives you strength Strengh gives you power. You mustn’t resist, give in. Seek a mentor who will teach you the ways of the dark side of the force 😈
Words fail me because I can’t put into words what I feel after reading this. Saying “I’m sorry” just doesn’t seem to be enough, but I am TRULY sorry that this happened to you and that your family did not protect you. Know that there is a stranger out there praying for you right now. I pray that you’re able to find a way to work through this and live your best life! You deserved much better than this…God bless
@@J0SHUAKANE not my place to judge so I won’t, but if you call yourself a Christian then you know vengeance is God’s, not ours. It will only come back to kick you in the butt and will only hurt her more, so I say “no” to revenge and let being a survivor and living your best life be your revenge. Take care
The fact that people are still taking their phones with them when they commit crimes is baffling to me. But this case is incredibly sad, and this story plays out much too often
I stumbled on a friend who I developed a relationship with. I found out later that she's in an abusive relationship and living with him. He's threatened her life and mine so we've been extremely careful but I'm doing everything I can to help her get out and stay safe. DV is no joke. One thing people don't tend to realize is that when there's abuse, there's almost always financial control, resulting in it being extremely difficult for the victim to sustain a life without that financial support since they can't access the money needed to stay free.
The most dangerous time for the victim, is when they decide to leave. They subconsciously telegraph their decision to their abuser. They think they are being careful, but the abuser is finely tuned to what’s going on in their victims heads
Often it's not even because the abuser is good at picking up on subtle changes in the victim or good at reading them, often it's because they're fully aware of how BADLY they've been treating them recently and this get more and more proportionally aware of the possibility of the partner getting to breaking point and deciding enough is enough Because yes, they're fully aware of how abusive they're being, they're not delusional to the point they think they're doing nothing wrong, even if they make excuses for themselves and defend their actions, blame the victim and feel like they're entitled to abusing them etc, they still do know that they're being abusive and that what they're doing is unacceptably wrong So they're more and more paranoid and on high alert because they KNOW their behavior is fully worth leaving over Hence why they'll isolate you, because having friends and family around to remind you that it's not acceptable behavior means you're not able to be gaslight into thinking that his behavior is all your fault, that he's the victim of your "hysterical" "selfish" behavior triggering him
I think that you’ve got one of the best true crime channels on this entire platform. The respect that you have for the victims, and their families is truly touching and the way you explain certain concepts and situations that take place in the story are extremely detailed and always help it to make sense. I just really appreciate all the hard work that you and your team must put in. Keep fighting the good fight my friend. ❤️🔥
Scary to hear an interview sounding so much like people you were around and thankfully got away from, I'm sure his ex girlfriends were equally horrified and grateful they were able to leave
I used to think that people in abusive relationships were idiots. LEAVE! Yeah... that was until I got into one myself. It didn't start out abusive. It started out beautiful! It was perfection! Then, little by little, over the years, things... changed. A decade later I was crazy & worthless & not allowed to dress myself, speak to anyone on my own, listen to my choice of music, or leave the house without permission. I was constantly accused of touching the guns (which I never did), or not being affectionate enough (I was available to him 24/7 but I never did things "right"), or not knowing what he liked/disliked therefore forcing him to have to say it out loud (Zeus forbid I say I wasn't a mind reader lest I be... punished). I did eventually escape. But he continued to punish me through our children. They've since "left him" but my legal costs have left me over 80 grand in debt. I'm disabled, so I will never pay that money off. But while I know he thinks he's "won", I'm happy to keep living @ these means because our children are free from him! Something they've begged for for years!
Thank you for addressing the oft repeated question “Why didn’t they just leave?” The implicit victim shaming/blaming when people assume others have the means to leave an abusive partner is really upsetting. While awareness has grown, it’s an understated truth. I applaud you for taking time to highlight why some people do not or cannot leave. Also thank you for pointing out how dangerous that process can be, and unfortunately was in this case. Another well done video. Thank you, and I look forward to the follow up as the case goes to court.
@@mjanny6330 I’m appreciative of your take. When it is a genuine question I wholeheartedly support people asking. You are correct, more understanding is needed if we are ever going to be able to get people the resources they need. There are however some instances of this question being asked rhetorically, and there in lies the problem.
@@mjanny6330it may be asked without intent to be malicious, but the ignorance on the topic leads to an unintended cruel implication nonetheless It's possible to be cruel or shitty in some other capacity whether you intended to or not Hence the focus being on the question asked being bad, not every person who said it
Damn! Chief (Petty Officer at the time) Washington brought me into the navy back in 2012! I only knew her for a couple of months but she was a great person and incredibly helpful! She definitely had a hand in changing my life for the better! I was shocked when I heard of her horrific death! Fair winds and following seas Chief!
Step in by calling the police but don’t get too close. I know people who did that. One was murdered and one was so beaten up that he never fully recovered. Get help but stay safe.
Yes, if you see something that feels dangerous, call the cops. Even to report it anonymously. There should always be a "just in case" in the back of our minds.
I understand what you're saying but I can't blame them for feeling that way and making that decision because it is so common that a neighbor, friend, sibling, parent or even child attempts to step in to protect the victim and then that victim turns against that person, lies, gets angry, use and even abuse that person who tried to protect them! Now the abuser and victim is against the person and targeting them now for what they know and for trying to help! I know first hand how the person who tried to help was made out to be the villain, jealous, miserable, crazy, nosey, made out to be a liar by the victim to protect their abuser and the abuser! Smh. It's hard in family dynamics so a neighbor wouldn't want to get involved and face retaliation when they have to live there! Why get involved when they are going to stay together anyway and now you just have two enemies all because you wanted to help!? I myself I had to deal with this concerning 3 separate couples in my life! One victim finally told me it makes her feel loved and they actually liked the abuse. I decided I don't care to be pulled into the drama anymore! I warned one that it will continue to escalate and end in the death of one of them if they don't get therapy, anger management etc or end things and that if at any time she decides she is done be extremely careful and I will help her, be there for her etc.. I'm done now! I no longer care, I'm no longer being pulled into their toxic webs, I'm no longer being stressed, in fear, trying to mediate and all that shit! I have come to terms with the possibility of getting a horrible call someday! There is nothing I or anyone else can do! They have to want to live and want out themselves to help them!!
Yeah, I tried to do that with my friend who is horribly emotionally & verbally abused. She defended him fully and is now angry at me for " saying something". So sad. I will just watch from afar as he completely destroys her.
I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years (2009 - 2012). I stayed thinking I’d love him hard enough for him to treat me right. He ended up leaving me for what he considered the greatest upgrade. I don’t know how he treated her but him leaving me was the greatest thing. Fast forward to many years and lots of healing / self love later, I’m getting married next month (April 2023) to a man who is the most considerate and loving gentleman I’ve ever met. Anyway, I was lucky that my abusive ex left me, but I hope that anyone who thinks they could love the abuse out of their partner, think again. They will stop hurting you if THEY want to. Gather the strength to seek help and leave. I know it’s easier said than done. Edit: twice, since I'm in my relationship with my fiancé, my abusive ex has messaged me hateful things on Facebook from different now blocked accounts. People with happy lives don't do this, I think.
01:54 - Case of Danny Ray Beard II, charged with murder of Andrea Lea Washington, found dead Sept. 17, 2018 inside her Jacksonville, FL home 02:35 - Details of Andrea Lee Washington 04:00 - Marlon Jones, friend 05:29 - finding the body, details of crime scene 07:17 - inconsistencies in Danny’s story, details of investigation 08:13 - phone records 09:04 - arrest warrant and police interview
@@DPSFSU yes. I’m still editing. So what? It’s helpful to future people who will listen, especially when they want to go back and delisted to a section of confused or want to hear details again, etc. Calm down their killer. 🤦🏻♂️
I love this channel. As an adult that grew up with a step-father that put my mother through this, I feel a such a connect to women that are in this position. I find myself posting a lot about the answer to these questions with the same love and understanding you highlighted in your intro. Thank you so much for that. Your education is spot on and is much appreciated.
Watching this video and reading through the comment section two thoughts came up: First of all I am incredibly lucky that I never experienced domestic abuse and am grateful for it. Second, it makes me angry, sad, frustrated, how many women have experienced domestic violence or were murdered by their abuser 😞
I am a trained mandated reporter and a social work graduate student. Unfortunately, domestic violence is not a mandated reporting issue unless the situation involves a protected class, such as a child, elderly person, or person with disabilities. It is really sad that this is the case, but it means that violence against an adult by an adult is not related to mandated reporting, and since it is not covered by Adult Protective Services or Child Protective Services, it would handled by the police, should they choose to investigate. As established in Tarasoff v. Regents of the University of California, mandated reporters must report if a client (key word: client) of theirs is going to harm themselves or someone else in the state of California. Laws for reporting self-harm and harm to others vary in each state as well. I hope that clears things up a little, since some people may be confused about why a mandated reporter letting authorities know about a violent crime may not be treated in the same proactive manner as a CPS case.
I am a Marine (department of Navy). These rules are different in the military. There are many standards that don't apply to civilians. For instance, cheat on your spouse, is a chargeable offense. One of your soldiers, sailors, whatever, comes to you and tells you about ANY illegal activities, you should and must report it.
@@geniemememe5936 That's a good point. I think the issue still stands, though, right? Since the perpetrator was a civilian, the military mandated reporter informed his superiors or police of the issue, but it's still up to the police to investigate. That's different than with CPS or APS, who have different determining factors for carrying out an investigation.
Thanks for clearing that up. I didn't even know of such a thing until I saw this video. I think it's sad that governments even have to have a 'mandated reporter' system. Humans should have the common sense to report any abuse of anyone to the authorities and do whatever they can to help the abuser. I suppose from a legal point of view, for lawyers and people who work within certain agencies, it helps to have such a law.
@@Yosetime Sure, I hear what you are saying. To clarify, anyone working with protected classes (children, elderly, and some mental/physical disabilities) is a mandated reporter. It's a protection for these vulnerable populations, so it's a way to hold certain professionals liable - and attempts to ensure safety for people who need it most (and may not be able to help themselves). There is nothing that stops someone from reporting abuse - but mandated reporting laws add an extra layer of protection. We also undergo training to learn what qualifies as abuse and what to look for.
This was me for many years. The vicious cycle started when I was a little girl and at 39yrs old I finally broke free from DV and many other kinds of abuse. It's crazy how it took that long for me to realize I don't deserve to be treated less than a queen.
You had me until the queen comment. You deserve to be treated like a normal human being, to have your freedoms and rights respected enough, and not to be abused. Don't like this "queen" or "king" bullshit turn you narcissistic. I don't deserve to be treat like a King, and you don't deserve to be considered a Queen.
I've been perplexed for some time now as to why this case, w/ full interrogation available, hasn't gotten much, if any, coverage by the true crime content creators. This man is the classic POS woman abuser to the fullest, and it's such a tragic shame what this monster put her through and ultimately did to end her life. His interrogation clearly shows he has ZERO remorse for what he did. The Jacksonville local news showed several clips of his arraignment, and he's smiling and waving at the victims loved ones in the courtroom. What a waste of earth's fresh air this pathetic excuse for a man is able to inhale with every breath.
"That's what men do". He'll be spending long days being terrified of bigger, meaner men and what they do to pathetic sniveling cowardly bullies like him.
Finances are another factor that makes it hard to leave sometimes. I was unable to leave my abuser for 3 years because I knew Id be homeless if I did. Having a physical disability and being homeless was terrifying to me. I finally got to the point that the abuse was so bad I said to hell with it. Id rather be homeless. With the help of a VERY large friend and my landlord, I was able to get my abuser out. I managed to keep my apartment but it was two years of no heat, intermittent electricity, having to steal food from the dollar store because with the cost of rent, I would often only have 20 dollars for food each month. This meant a LOT of instant noodles. My health suffered terribly...I ended up severely anemic and sick all the time. Which, on top of my disability which causes chronic pain, made it a rough go. But despite all that, I was happy. I was free. I wouldn't trade a thing for that feeling. It was the best thing I ever did.
I’m in this boat rn. My abuser has guns. He won’t let me leave his house without him. I have a disability where I need expensive meds and a prescription to get them. Financial shit is what he holds over my head. He chipped my front teeth slapping me and punched a hole in a door I was trying to shelter behind. He doesn’t think he’s abusive. Idk what to do.
The narrative of“ why didn’t you leave?” Is so antiquated and tone deaf. Never mind the psychological & physical reasons but even in 2023, the law doesn’t protect DV victims. Stop victim blaming and punish perpetrators. Pedos, rapists, & murderers get less to time an a drug offenses & non violent offenses. Think about it.
It took me 6 months to plan my escape.I should have been an actress, pretending everythings great. I told him i was going to the grocery store, I drove (his car lol)to the airport with only the clothes on my back. I've never been so scared and relieved!! Stash as much money as you can to get away with. Trust noone he knows. It's so crazy looking back at this monsters madness!
That animation in the beginning touched my spirit. I so much needed to see it as validation for what I have felt inside. As a survivor of DV thank you so much for your truthful portrayal of these crimes. 💓
This is heartbreaking. RIP Andrea Washington. 💜 I was in an abusive relationshit a little over 15 years ago and still have PTSD & panic attacks from it to this day. Even after sending my abuser to jail, years of therapy, and marrying a wonderful man who loves me unconditionally (and treats me very well) the mental scars of physical, mental, financial, sexual, spiritual, and emotional abuse remain.
It's really just ridiculous the mentality here. He flat out thinks in his mind, that since noone actually watched him murder that poor woman that they cant prove that he did it. And as far as any other evidence goes, or lies hes caught telling none of it is enough to convict him of it.
@macysondheim7260 Have you listened to the whole thing? They can place him AT THE SCENE thru his phone ping for 2 hours during the time she was murdered. And the interrogation footage, his credibility is gone, history of domestic abuse, violence to past gf's...a jury is going to convict him before lunchtime.
So many people are sharing their stories and advice on this video. This is an amazing community that cares for each other despite being strangers. So many strong people in theses comments!
The way they steal your life, your soul your confidence is slow methodical and insidious, they instill a level of fear that can only be truly understood by someone who has lived that life. I know its easier said than done, but please try and get out early and never say you're leaving. One night, no plan, no word, no idea where we was going, we, my mum me and 2 other kids, left with the clothes on our back and nothing else, I was 10 years old at the time. Rumours were rife for months, one in particular was that my dad had killed us. No one knew when we left or where we went. We built a whole new life, but I carry the trauma of my early life to this day.
I've been with my husband 27 years. Getting ready to celebrate our 24th anniversary. He too is in the military and getting ready to retire later this year and we have NEVER "tussled" over our phones. Nor has he ever broken doors or put holes in our walls while we were disagreeing. What a moron. He legit thought he was getting away with this. Also seeing how he's gaslighting the cops imagine dating this loser.
from the bottom of my heart, thank you for that opening monologue about domestic abuse. i know i speak for many women and men when i say you spoke of it so delicately and truthfully. in a way that is hard for some of us to explain to others. your channel deserves all the love it gets, you are excellent at what you do.
I thank God every time I hear a story like this that I was able to get out of mine with my life. It's a very scary situation being trapped in an abusive relationship and the fear of dying if u stay or if u leave. It feels like a no win situation 99% of the time.
The intro is spot on, I hope more people will realize the signs, stop judging, and maybe some partners will get out sooner if we make it all well known. Thank you for the hard work and well researched content
Honestly can't thank you enough for continuing to educate the lucky ones who've never been abused. It's something that's hard for someone to understand who hasn't experienced it- similar to depression. People being judged as harshly as people do is one reason victims don't speak up
I loved your intro and I also routinely push for women with children to remember their children are to be protected at all costs. The moments I heard and saw my mother being beaten by my father are still _crystal clear_ and even more painful while I'm 50 than they were when I was 5. It is imperative that women leave at the FIRST moment they are physically abused or threatened with death. Or at the very least they need to get the children out of the home at that first sign. I understand when women are inextricably enmeshed but we've got to get out children out. If we can do nothing else let's get children away.
The problem with people asking “why didn’t they leave?” Is that they usually *NEVER* ask “why is that person abusing someone? Why are they an abuser?” Or anything similar and I find that extremely sad! It’s victim blaming in a way, to me! I get some people are genuinely asking from a sincere place sometimes, and those people I excuse. However, the people asking in a “they’re so stupid for staying” way that’s like asking “well why did they get r@ped? Why didn’t they get away from the r@pist?” instead of saying “that person is a disgusting r@pist! An absolutely abhorrent piece of crap!”
At 11:15 I think the voiceover (right after the detective says he’s going to read him his rights) may accidentally be out of place? Your VO says Danny just admitted he was lying in his initial police interview but the interrogation hasn’t even really begun yet. Figured since this vid is still in Patron only mode that it might be worth mentioning before it goes fully live on the channel. Anyways you’re the best thanks for everything you do
This is his second interview. Narrator mentions that the first interrogation tape is not available to the public. He told all lies in the first interview and when in this one, when detectives said, they know the truth, he starts agreeing that he went to house etc etc.
@ReidGirl the narrator references things he "just said". It is clearly a misplaced sound bite. If this was supposed to be providing context for missing footage, the narrator would have made that clear like they did in other videos.
Thank you for describing the situation people in abusive relationships find themselves in, and why they can't just leave. A lot of people struggle to understand, so explaining this is really important. Thank you. Appreciate your content!
I felt the first minute of this video so much. I was that “y don’t u just leave” person. I didn’t get it until I was there. By the time he started hitting me he had already broken me mentally, made me feel like nobody would care or want me or that I would b treated worse with someone else. It’s always so much more than “just leave”
Kudos on the intro. This is why it’s so important for people to understand the red flags that are almost always present at the beginning. It’s easier (not to be confused with easy) to leave before becoming ensnared.
Thank you for the intro. So many people don't realize how precariously we balance on that edge between two different forms of doom when we live in an abusive home. I'm out now, and my abuser was a parent, not a partner, but it's still so hard to get out and do so safely. Thank you for respecting and understanding victims. It is through that compassion that we can actually help empower victims and get them the help they need, not through shame and judgement.
I was in an emotionally/verbally abusive relationship. I didn’t even realize it. The cycle between anger, threats of suicide, and love bombing made me unable to get my bearings. I thought I had to help him and stay or he would die, and anytime I became upset at his abusive outbursts of rage he would turn to faking suicidality so I would drop everything to sooth him. He knew I struggled with self harm and mental health and used it against me. It wasn’t until I came out as Bi that he let slip during a homophobia-fueled argument that he had been faking everything. That finally snapped me out of it and I cut him off and threatened a restraining order when he tried to corner me in public. It has taken a lot of time to process how abusive that time was. I still am, and it was 8 years ago.
Man, it will never cease to amaze me how much these people overestimate their intelligence. So much hurt would be avoided if they had awareness of their stupidity and limitations.
as a child and teen, i kept love and sympathy in my heart for my abuser. it wasn't until i deconstructed things as an adult that i realized i had done that. this man is an absolute monster & i hope they throw him away.
As someone who got out and away from my abuser this was hard to watch. My heart goes out to her family. And I look forward to when he this monster is sent to prison
Loving the new artwork. Sentient. I've struggled to leave an abusive relationship lasting years, the reverse of this is a woman threatening to kill herself if you leave... It's effing terrifying. I loaned money never dated anyone for 4 years after leaving... Interestingly I truly loved her at the same time. Now, I'd NEVER, interesting again, I can't see how I ever did.. Stems from insecurity originating in childhood. My entire dad's side of the family was outright physically and mentally abusive...
This totally made my day seeing you upload a video. At the same time, I have experienced domestic violence and it totally took everything away from me as the person I once was. I kept holding on to hope he would change because I was living in a dream world and loved him more than I loved myself. That was the first problem. He showed me the person he could be but it was that same person who made me feel so worthless and abused me in every way. This was hard to listen to, but so necessary. Thank you 🙏
I really love and really appreciated your thoughtful and well-stated points made about abuse and domestic violence survivors in the beginning. Not enough people understand and make the points that you did. Thank you.
You know what time it is when Dreading uploads 🤗❣️. I was in an abusive years ago in my early twenties and very much over it. He was emotionally abusive and gaslit me. All while being married (I truly didn't know). I was 18;and he was around 35 when we met and fell DEEPLY in love. Fast forward several years and I'm completely over him and look at it in disgust. .
I was watching a psychologist analyze Darrell Brooks. She highlighted so many manipulation tactics he used in court, and how they can be used in abusive relationships. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought he was just being annoying but she explained how his behaviors are very deliberate and intended to wear you down. It was very eye opening.
Very true, I can't get my sister to open her eyes to the abuse her narcissistically toxic husband has perpetrated upon her. Instead she's pregnant with triplets, thinking that'll change everything and he'll suddenly become the perfect husband and father : | He may end up actually killing her, the punishment for that in the country they live in is appallingly light, as in its NOT a deterrent. But she shut me out (and most of the family as well) he's forced her to choose between her family and him, living alone in a foreign country with only him for support. I massively fear for her, even went to go visit to check up on her and got yelled at for my trouble : ( It's beyond maddening and saddening but at this point all I can think is - you can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink, all you can do is drown it. I don't want to drown my sister, so all I can do is wait for a phone call from the police or the morgue.
Men can certainly be abused by women in relationships... but one of my favorite quotes is that the reason that women are way more likely to be called crazy is because the men are still around to talk about it.
Thank you for all the context you give at the beginning of your videos, the nuance you make sure to apply to these cases is really refreshing and the main reason i am able to enjoy your channel so thoroughly, thank you so much❤
he says "okay well if y'all did your job and could find [INCRIMINATING PIECE OF EVIDENCE] then you can convict in court" and the cop goes "we have it and also video of you outside the house so" and he's like "yeah exactly! and? what about it? take me to court then" it's mind-boggling to listen to someone agreeing with their incrimination but thinking they're actually exonerating themselves
thank you for covering this topic, such a terrible thing to watch all of this happen to the victims of domestic violence. you're easily the best true crime channel on UA-cam due to your respect towards each case. keep up the good work!
Reminder that when people slam doors, break things, throw things, drive recklessly, etc when they're mad or upset, it is directed at you. They are taking the anger and force they want to use on you but directing it to a inanimate object. It is a major sign of physical abuse
Thank you so much for literally STARTING the video by addressing the “bwehhhh why didn’t they just LEAVE dumb abuse victim” fallacy. As someone who grew up in that environment it means so much.
I appreciate your adding that intro. It is critical to understand just how and why a DV situation can be so hard to get out of. The entire thing is designed for the person to never be able to leave- phsycially, financially, emotionally, etc. It is hard to comprehend without experience, but important to helping effectively. Also because of the incredulity that sometimes is placed on seemingly successful, "smart" people in DV. It doesn't discriminate, and there is ALWAYS an element of shame in it for anyone who has experienced it. Being "smart" or successful isn't a shield.
Hats off to these investigators. They remained calm and spoke to him in a respectful manner while simultaneously putting on pressure. Danny sure kept his cool, too, though. It's horrifying to think of what Andrea went through, especially at the end of her life. 💔
Thank you SO much for that intro. I wish more creators would do similar things, it often feels like there's a split between survivors and "well *I* wouldn't have stayed" types in the comments. Love y'all.
another gripping story told in a straightforward way by the dreading brothers. keep up the amazing content! i did want to comment, though, that this killer is very hard to understand in the interview. i understand that it's an issue of the original recording being improperly balanced, and the fact that he mumbles, but i wonder if you would consider adding captions/subtitles specifically for the interviews? i absolutely love this channel, but i have sensory processing issues and at times i have absolutely no clue what is being said... if not, no worries!!! keep the videos coming!
Thank you so much for the intro. I spent years being victim shamed for staying in an abusive situation. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but people need to withhold judgement, sometimes you gotta walk that mile to understand something.
This interview happened on my birthday and as a DV victim who had a particular evening where my life was in danger from my ex, i hope this dude gets his every single day by every single person sharing breathing space with him.
I really appreciate the intro. I was raised in an abusive environment and didn’t even realize how bad it was until I temporarily moved away (covid unfortunately caused me to move back because I had nowhere else to go). In the time I was away, I unfortunately fell victim to a mentally abusive relationship and it took me years to even realize what had happened… because I was raised in abuse it’s extremely difficult for me to recognize it happening again… thankfully Ive had years of therapy now and am doing better
If you’ve survived abuse, you understand that you don’t even realize you’re being abused until you’re in “too deep” to get out.
this. I had no fucking CLUE how bad it was until I got out of it. Looking back...holy hell.
Same here. He was a 'gentleman' until he moved in, then he knew he had me and the beatings started. The mental stuff had been going on already but I was blind to that until I looked back.l
Exactly. People don't think about that, though. I think they're of the opinion that an abusive partner is abusive from the beginning.
People love to judge. They say "I'm too smart to ever get in that situation, those women are just weak". They don't get it. I used to think the same thing, until it happened to me.
How dumb must you be "not realize you're being abused?"
His logic is insane. You can tell he’s been raised with excuses his whole life. “I kicked the doors in but I didn’t kick her”. What a hero
I understand what you’re saying but can I offer a different perspective? My mom was abused by my dad… she got away and got into another relationship… when she got with the man I claim to be my dad I remember them arguing outside and he threw his coffee mug she said it scared her and he apologized and said he was just upset and he said he would rather have a broken coffee mug than ever touch her and promised to never put his hands on her and even tho it was a fight and it was a stressful situation and a heated moment it brought me such comfort.
@@rachelfreeders356 no. just no. You don't think throwing things eventually doesn't lead to accidents? My abusive ex husband, first time he busted my face was by throwing something to express his frustration. My whole face was busted. Then, more bravery, to backhand me..... ect. Destroying stuff is never a mature or collected reaction to emotion. That means you shouldn't be in a relationship. Just because you have some small anecdotal story doesn't mean its not a GLARING red flag for most situations.
@@rachelfreeders356 okay, so was your mom abused or not, since you literally said your mom was abused by your dad. Abuse is abuse, no matter how much the person will minimize the action done or words said in the heat of rage. Don’t confuse what he did with an accident, which would be your “dad” knocking over the mug or, taking it a step further, unintentionally broke the mug since he was frustrated and it was a result of bringing a fist down on the table or something. The difference and big red flag is how the rage is directed. You clearly said they were arguing. This already says a lot. He might’ve had ENOUGH control to not throw the mug AT her but he clearly manifested his anger into physical violence which is throwing a literal object. While he didn’t actually throw it at your mom that time, who’s to say he’s not capable of doing so next time. Words are empty especially if you have no control over your emotions. Rage makes you very irrational. Nothing in immediate reach is safe if you’re going to go as far as using physical force to try and end an argument. I’m not trying to discount your intention to provide another perspective, your comment just rubbed me the wrong way because it sounded more like excusing bad behavior just because a person may say some sweet words like “I’d rather break an object than to ever put my hands on you”. There is no excuse for abuse, period. If you’re more than comfortable destroying an object, you are very much capable of harming a person whether you meant to or not. If you knew beforehand you were going to get hurt, people like Andrea in this case wouldn’t have died to the hands of someone who can’t keep their emotions in check. That’s what makes the abuse a silent killer and dangerous of all is when people ignore the signs and make excuses for that kind of behavior.
@@jessigirlrae1688 sometimes it can go further sometimes it doesn’t. she offered her perspective you can have a differing one without being rude or acting like she’s on the abusers side just because she said something you don’t agree with
@@SubxZero94 when did I ever say to report them?
this guy is an absolute monster. His lack of remorse or regret is astounding and he really thinks he’s going to get away with it too when there is a mountain of evidence against him.
yes yes yes... i am so disgusting to hear him saying like broken things doesn't mean he was abusive, and saying it as if people would relate to his thought 😵😵
He’s a peace of 🤬 I’m so frustrated right now
I mean he might if he remains silent
@@jeanny4204 He even puts forth his breaking of things as “proof” that he’s not violent. “See? I’m such a great guy that I can destroy the whole house but I’d never touch a hair on her head. Where do I pick up my medal?”
Yes very dalia-esque
I'm a domestic violence survivor, and can explain a little bit.
I was abused as a child by my parents, and so when I grew up I had none of the alarm bells a person would typically have with an abusive person. I couldn't tell when someone was a creep to begin with. Abuse also felt normal to me, and I was used to just having to take it without having a choice because that's how I grew up.
The worst of the abuse also doesn't happen right away. Even I would have run away fast if he did that stuff on the first date. They lure you in with charm, then slowly groom you, slowly working up your tolerance for abuse. They do a small test of abuse on you, that you think was just a mistake and you forgive them for it. Then they do something slightly worse, and you forgive them again. It gets worse and worse until they can finally do everything they want to you, and by then it doesn't seem to you to be as alarming as it should. The only reason I left is because he got excited one time and turned the notch too far, too fast, and it was beyond unacceptable.
After I left he bought a new gun (the police confiscated his other guns) and bragged to everyone about it online, then proceeded to stalk me and try to make good on his earlier threats to kill me if I tried to leave. I had to hide from him, because he came looking for me and he came with his gun. In the end I escaped him safely and moved far away. But I had no idea how terrifying and dangerous it would be to actually leave in the end. This guy could have killed me.
How are you now? Are you able to recognize red flags etc? For me it's control. I remember telling my wife and stepkid long ago, they have no more or less authority than me to change the radio or air con.. its not my car i am driving, its we are driving in our car. I remember the first time she said a bad word, i said dude im not your word police if you stub your toe and say oh fuck, im gonna know it hurt more than gosh darnit
When you're in an abusive relationship, the most dangerous time is leaving. That's when the majority of ppl are murdered.
Thanks for sharing. It’s so crazy because nobody really understands unless they’ve been through it. You can explain until you turn blue, and they can think they “get it”, but understanding it and surviving it are two different animals. I’m glad your doing better now🙏
I'd ask you if you are doing ok, but I've experienced the same. It has a lifelong impact. I hope you find moments of pure joy in the little things that keep you going. Good luck.
nice creative writing exercise. B-
last week my aunt was murdered by her husband. She was a very private person and never told anyone of how badly it was. Me being very interested in true crime always saw this as a possibility but never thought he would actually go through with it. I was those type of people who had the same belief on not understanding why people stay in abusive relationships but now I truly understand. Thank you for highlighting that.
My condolences to you and your family. I am so sorry!
@@jennzifur thank you so much 💗
I'm sorry for your loss .God bless your Auntie 🙏🌹
Thank you for your honesty and I'm so sorry to you and your family.
@@oneluckygirlandherdog thank you for your kind words 😙
Your intro was spot on. That was me for too many years, from age 16 to 52. Thankfully, I outlived him.
Thanks for speaking for others with no voice.
Yeah, people don't even consider that some ppl just....manage to outlive their abusers. I feel like that should make it obvious that it's never as easy as "just leaving." I'm very glad you're here with us today, Marti.
To all my guys out there: don't forget that yall can be sucked into abusive relationships too. Most men don't know how or are too embarrassed to admit they are being abused by a woman, but it shouldn't be that way. While I can't recommend to go to a shelter as in most cases, there are none for men, I can at least recommend opening up to someone, anyone, even if a stranger. Please, guys out there, don't be afraid to open up about abuse and remember, a woman should NEVER put their hands on you either.
you killed him and afterwards conveniently claim he's abusive. you're lucky in the west you will not spend a single in jail because of the gender you were born with
That happened to my best friend she finally outlived him
Bless your heart. I'm so sorry you had to go through that for so long. I'm so happy you're finally free 🥰
The night I cut ties with my abuser, he became the most violent and dangerous I had ever seen him. Looking back, I know he would have killed me if given the chance. He destroyed the house, breaking doors down, punching holes in the walls, breaking large and expensive aquariums, smashing anything and everything he could get his hands on. All the while, I was screaming for my life locked in the bathroom. The neighbour we shared a wall with was home. I remember hearing his TV on and screaming for him to call the police. Police never came. I wound up running outside in the dead of winter in bare feet and pajama shorts to get away.
This neighbour later came by to flirt with me since he hadn't seen my ex around. Curious, I asked him about that night. Did he hear me?He said he did hear the commotion and heard my screams, but didn't call police because "it wasn't my business". I could have lost my life that night, and all he had to do to save me was make an anonymous call.
If you ever find yourself in his shoes, please make the call. Get involved (safely). Be nosy. Make it your business. You could be the one who makes the difference between life and death. Don't let domestic violence take yet another life.
Edit: Just to be clear, don't put yourself at risk to get involved! Go somewhere safe and call the police. If you don't want to be roped in afterwards, you can remain anonymous and decline to share your name and info with the dispatcher. Look out for your fellow humans, but protect yourself too.
"all the while i was screaming for my life", real productive. It takes 2 to tango.
@@J0SHUAKANE so sorry I didn't do what you would have done while barricaded in the upstairs bathroom. "Two to tango"? Really? You think there's something I did to contribute to my then boyfriend destroying the house and breaking down a door to get to me? You know jack about my situation but feel comfortable making assumptions. Maybe try asking for info instead of pulling stuff out of the air.
@@J0SHUAKANE I hope you get trapped by someone bigger and stronger than you without weapons or a phone, and I hope nobody helps you when that time comes. Good luck!
@@J0SHUAKANE what do you mean?
Are you victim blaming?
Not that people shouldn't call the police, but witnesses would be putting themselves in danger by interfering in a situation where the victim is likely to return to the abuser and continue to cause trouble.
It's such a sad, terrifying fact that the most dangerous aspect of an abusive relationship is when one tries to leave. I was once taught to do it slowly, discreetly save up some cash if possible, remove items such as clothing, etc, little by little so it's not noticeable and then try to get to a women's refuge/shelter.
The problem is that abusive victims often give in and answer texts or calls after they leave. If you’re in fear for your life, just leave. Don’t worry about what to bring or sneaking things out slowly. Get to a shelter, change your number, tell friends and family not to give the abuser the new number. Don’t answer unknown numbers. Change everything you can and wait it out until they can be arrested or they move on. Edit: I never said it was easy. And what i described is not easy, but you don’t look for easy when it’s saving your life and the lives of your kids. You just do what you have to do to survive, I know bc I’ve been there. You don’t get a 2nd chance when that day comes. JUST GTFO as soon as you can and never look back.
@@tinydream You’re making it sound way easier than it actually is.
Good point. A lot of people assume "why didn't they just leave?" when in reality, it's usually never that simple.
Or just don’t date black dudes.
@@bicgohill8756 Bad bait
Being a man who was in an emotionally abusive relationship I didn't even know what was happening to me until somebody who was experienced in seeing it told me I was a "Victim" of domestic abuse but It can't happen to me it happens to someone else Trust me it can happen!!
I’m sorry that happened to you. One of the worst parts about abuse is that when it becomes noticeable, people find themselves in too deep
@@larettabrown8037 Thank you and that is so true you think it can't happen to me but you can't see emotional abuse coming and like you said suddenly your in deep! But I now have full custody of my Son and that's all I need he's my world but I'll always have the wounds and I'm very careful who I let into our lives!🙏💯
I’m so sorry you had to go through that but so happy you got out with your son! I also really want to thank you for sharing. It’s just as important for men to speak up about abuse as it is for us women to do so when it happens to us. It’s difficult to realize that you are being abused/victimized, but hearing/reading the experiences of others can and often does create an opportunity for people to recognize when the same thing is happening to them. It can help empower them to open up to loved ones and reach out for support….maybe even begin to take steps to escape the abuser in their own lives as well.
I am very sorry this happened to you, you deserved better. ❤
It happens all the time and people often choose abusive partners because they or their go-to parent was abused and they witnessed it. Abusive households do a lot of damage to kids and as adults they wonder why they aren't in happy relationships.
My brother was stuck in an abusive relationship...emotionally and physically....it happens more than anyone thinks....
For all those people out there who think domestic violence only happens to those less educated women, notice in this case, and many thousands of others, this woman was in the Navy for 20 years! Working in what has been an historically predominate male institution. Which makes her educated, strong, brave, and dedicated. And yet, she was a victim and still was murdered. Domestic violence can happen to anyone.
Thank you, this is an excellent point
Exactly. What most people don’t realize is you are selected at times for your strength, capabilities, resources, beauty, etc. Then they hide their abusiveness until your in. Perish the notion abuse victims are weak.
It has nothing to do with education just common sense to see something a big red flag and peacefully leave not try to look over the red flags cause u blinded by dik or love that ain’t love if they abusing you
Less educated Women? My ex wife hit and kicked me a few times. Women abuse too!
They DIDN'T STATE "men don't get abused" at ALLLLLLLLLLLL. Stop putting words in other's mouth.
Hard case to listen to. He’s so confident he’ll get off and never wants to take responsibility for anything he’s done.
Far from isolated cases , this kind of crap is almost the norm.
Textbook narcissist. I love how he keeps saying that the police needs to do their job even though they're literally doing it at that very moment 😅
Let's not mistake utter stupidity for confidence
I can’t believe he got caught. He sounds so smart.
@@LieutenantTickles 😅
It’s always ‘why didn’t they just leave if they were being abused then?’ Instead of ‘why were THEY being abusive to the person or persons they “love”?’.
There’s no good enough reason as to why
Easy, there are many bad people. But that why a woman shouldn’t walk by night in the park. So I still don’t get the holding on to such a „partnership“.
Not me... I wonder, 'how don't they plot to make their lives, an unbearable Hellscape?- why don't they ever turn the tables and stalk, the stalker...?'
I just don't understand why so few people had my reaction, to abuse. I get so goddamn mad. I would never treat anyone that way and I understand the motivation - they want an outlet, they are emotionally inept. They Like it. That's why.
That doesn't, just piss everyone off and I DONT understand.
These people would feel safe, Nowhere if my perspective was, the most common.
People Say they 'hate this'.. but they must not know what that word means.
How about "what made him attractive to begin with?"
@@TheApp9 did you watch the video you commented on? Andrea attempted to leave and get police involved and was murdered. Many people stay because they're afraid of that.
Before the abuser makes their target feel unlovable, they make their target feel loved. Then, they slowly manipulate their target into feeling like the abuser is the only person who could ever love them. Then, they work on making their target feel like they need the abuser to survive.
After all of this, the abuser strikes. And then, the victim wonders what they could have done to deserve it, and how they can change so that it will never happen again.
So, by the time the abuser is abusing their target regularly, the target feels like it's their fault, something fundamentally wrong with them. It's not abuse if I deserve it, right? Wrong.
You don't need them and they don't need you. And you won't ever been able to change into the person they tell you that you could become so that they won't abuse you. Run. I promise the world is safer for you than your abuser wants you to believe.
Well said.
So well said 👌🏽
Trouble is by then they've distanced you from all your family & friends, they isolate you very quickly
@@marynehra502 exactly. And even if they haven't, a lot of abusers will manipulate people into defending them, or even dropping friends who won't.
Abuse is so deeply complicated. It's never as simple as your partner just whacking you out of nowhere
Faaacts. Wait until schools start teaching folks about what a trauma bond is . Also when financial abuse becomes commonly used in this discourse
This dude irked my damn soul to the core. As much as I'm an advocate of "ask for a lawyer then shut your mouth", this guy worked every bit of my nerve the entire interrogation and I'm glad he tripped himself up so many times he can't pick himself back up.
Me while watching interrogation: what an absolute creep just stfu already
Also me: No.. keep talking. Incriminate yourself some more
Yeah, there's something really irksome about him. I don't know if it's the obvious stupidity or just his annoying mushmouth, it''s baffling that any woman could find anything attractive about him.
"I wiz goon graf da Targer tea"
Stupid loser speaking like he has a mouthful of marbles.
“She didn’t open her mouth” probably isn’t the best phrasing when trying to convince the cops you’re *not* a domestic abuser
Exactly, he essentially said “she was too scared to snitch on me”
" Your phone was at her house and you admit to being at her house around the time she was murdered so you did it. "
" Where is the proof? "
* Pulls out CVS length receipts of proof *
" That don't mean I did it. "
Dude come on. You're practically in 4k here.
CVS😂😂😂 talk about a damn list now 😅
Cvs tho
He is obviously not that smart.
Who would ever get involved with someone with an 8th grade education?
And don’t say ‘it doesn’t matter.’ It does.
@@briannumme9337that’s completely inaccurate. I will say it doesn’t matter because it doesn’t. Highly educated people kill people all the time. My grandparents both have 7th grade educations and are very smart and great people. You can’t judge someone based on education alone.
"That's just what men do."
No, little Danny, that's what immature boy do.
It infuriates me that he was only indicted for 2nd degree murder. This murder was clearly pre-planned! He told her and other people multiple times that he was going to murder her. He went to her house and killed her the day before a court hearing regarding the domestic violence injunction she had filed. While she lay dead on the floor, he used her phone to send messages to himself that would work in his favor in court, and also tried to establish alibi.
He was thankfully dumb so he didn't understand that his life-threatening texts to her was still going to show up on her Facebook messenger in spite of him deleting them kn his own phone. He also seemed to believe that the cops wouldn't be able to check her messenger because he got rid of her phone...
It's very good with criminals that aren't the best in class!
no, men do this. we can’t downplay his actions by saying only “boys” do it, because the truth is MEN do this! they are grown men.
men do this all the time.
@@tir3d_al1za exactly idk why people are so obsessed with infantilizing men
Abusive relationships are so heartbreaking and dangerous, I wish there was more done to prevent them. I love the animation at the beginning. If you could link the artist that would be awesome. Thanks for sharing this, dreading!
After scrolling through and googling around, artists name is Yàel Reisfeld!
@@katlynn3d Thank-you
Indeed, very captivating for this video... As a survivor of abuse myself, I found the animations to be so on-point and accurate. 💖
You can’t rely on anyone or anything else to save you… you need to save yourself, 911 will be to late and a piece of paper will definitely not stop anyone who has intentions to harm you, you need to arm yourself and learn how to use it. No one else is going to be there except yourself when you’re in desperate danger!!! Po po won’t just come running in, they gather up and plan before approaching a violent situation.
Education! Passing the knowledge of what constitutes abuse within a relationship is vital. It should be something that's taught in school along with the puberty talks. It's surprising how many people aren't aware of the different types of abuse.
What a disgusting coward of a man. He really got triggered when they started telling him they talked to his ex. He can't stand that he doesn't control her anymore.
Victims of abuse often have more to think of then just themselves. Kids, no job, sole support is your partner, they've tracked you down before when you left, convince you your crazy or its your fault... think of ALL that, on top of the fear for YOUR OWN life and possibly your kids too. It's not black and white, stay or go... and the reasons aren't always the same. Many have to plan escape and go into hiding. Have compassion... you never know what you would do UNTIL it actually happens to you.
Thanks for all your hard work.... again! ✌️❤️😁
Speaking from experience in abusive relationships.. if you don’t leave soon enough, (and usually you don’t bc you don’t realize what’s happening UNless they punch you in the face or something like that) it wears you down so much emotionally and physically and basically freezes you into place. Your like no longer there in your mind, your a shell.
Also, if you don’t know and love yourself you’ll allow anyone to treat you however they want to.
Exactly what I wanted to say. Took me several years to finally be able to leave. It's especially hard if the woman is young.
You’re like no longer there in your mind. You’re a shell*
You're. "You're" is short for "you are." For example:
You're rich now! correct tick
Does she think you're happy? correct tick
Your. "Your" is to show something belongs to "you" or is related to "you." For example:
Your answer is correct. correct tick
("Answer" belongs to you.)
Your uncle has a Roman nose.
You’ve just described myself to a T. I am in an extremely toxic relationship and I don’t see any way out. My husband is not physically abusive but he abuses me in every other way and I have no support system to try to get out. Even worse, I have no formal education beyond high school and I have almost no employment history due to me becoming a stay at home mom 13 years ago. I have a 19 year old son from a previous relationship and my son is profoundly developmentally disabled; he’s completely nonverbal, has a low cognitive level (he plays with baby toys like shape sorters and he loves watching Baby Einstein), and he’s only partially toilet trained and wears a diaper most of the time. I’m trying to get him placement in a facility that can meet his needs and keep him safe but this is an incredibly difficult process if you’re relying on the state to fund the majority of the cost. This kind of care is so expensive that only those who have a substantial amount of disposable income would be able to afford on their own and without any other type of grant or state waiver. We also share 7 year old twin girls together and I’ve been trying to shield them from developing trauma from this dysfunctional and toxic family dynamic; I genuinely didn’t think that my husband would hate me so much that he’d allow his daughters see their mother fall apart at his hands. Sorry, for this oversharing; I had no intention of sharing all of this but your comment was as if you wrote it about me.
A complete shell is exactly what you turn into. They take everything away from you.
I left after the first assa*lt, he threatened to kill me a clothing iron, I packed my bags and left the next morning, whoever you are, please stay strong, and please save yourself my love ❤️
Can I just say THANK YOU for the first two minutes of this video....
For more than ten years, I suffered the horrible consequences of what you so eloquently and succinctly describe in your answer (the best I have ever heard) to the question: "Why do women stay in abusive relationships?"
So, thank you for that introduction. To those who haven't experienced it, please pay close attention to his words.
Thirty years later, I still suffer from PTSD daily, and the ramifications of that marriage for both me and my children are life-long and painful; but at least we escaped before it was too late.
Ditto. I can't even maintain a normal relationship now. I'm happy being single and having my alone time with no one to tell me what to do. Good luck to you and your kids!
What makes a man (usually a man but women do it too) think he can abuse a woman and it’s ok? I mean typically these men would never condone those things being done to any woman they loved so why is it ok for them to decide to do it? I’ve never really understood what makes them feel so good about themselves when they physically abuse women who’re usually shorter and much more physically inferior than they are. It’s actually very cowardly to me. Thank goodness you ladies got away from your abusers before it was too late.
You're not alone. Unfortunately... there are so many men exactly the same that it's just tangible evidence of hellish demonic EVIL walking this earth. I'm alive, living as well as I can & will probably never trust another human being until the end of time. I am grateful for my life & that my kids are living well 😊 nothing short of miracles that we're even sane. Some day they'll answer for their misdeeds...
Just sending you love. You are absolutely worthy of being respected. Anything less isn’t worth your time, as I’m sure you are aware. All the good things to you and your kids. ❤️
Stay strong friend, i know its Extremely hard even days, weeks, years, once you get away from the abuser, but you are a very strong, beautiful human being, and don't underestimate yourself, it takes, alot of strength and courage to do what you did, stay strong , much love and respect from northern Ireland
Strong, intelligent woman serving her country, she deserved much better. RIP young lady
I watched the entire video and the one thing I'm still chuckling about is that someone in 2018 (who isn't elderly) believed that if he deleted text from his phone that would also delete the text from the other phone. 😂
He has an 8th grade education , he's simply too stupid to realize how stupid he is.
That moment also caught for quite a surprise. I could tell he thought he was smarter and safer than he really was but wow that's just incredibly dumb.
This genuinely made me feel sick. It’s like listening to my narcissistic ex with the intelligence of my 15 year old son argue with two experienced detectives. The self obsession and ability to twist everything to protect himself is nauseating. Even when presented with irrefutable evidence his only reply is “well we will see in court”…. Damn right they will!
This is exactly how it is arguing w a narcissist you're right! They will literally spin everything even blatant facts rather than admit any fault, ever
The fact he only got 30 years and the ~5 years he's served counts towards that...
He's been bro-splanning his whole life women are just crazy in his mind
If you can, please look into the death of Janette Roberson. She was murdered in my hometown of Reed City back on January 19th of 1983 and her case has still not been solved. It’s a small town and there’s not much coverage anywhere at all. I don’t know the family personally, but I find it still very upsetting that her family and children never got any closure. Any exposure to her case would help.
Thank you for reading, and amazing job as always. I’ve been here since near the beginning and I haven’t missed a single video, you cover cases so well and I look forward to every upload.
i hope dreading reads this and makes a video on her
Reed city? Omg thats a tiny town. Ive had family live there during that time.
@Panda Angry you really dont know about much.
@@imsellingtoday Huuum sounds like you know this person 🤣
Please also leave this comment on Annie Elises (10 to Life) recent community post!
I was sexually molested when I was 4 years old by my mom’s cousin that was older than 16 years old. I was forced to see him every time I had to go to my grandmas and great grandma’s house, navidades, acción de gracias and other holidays. To survive, my brain protected me by dissociating and self harming by scratching and picking on my skin and scabs until they bled. My parents and family failed to protect me. My mother’s family protected him and kept it shut.
I’m now 22 years old and thoughts of revenge still cloud me.
CPTSD, Major Depressive Disorder and Chronic Anxiety is debilitating and have altered my brain functioning and chemistry since I was a child
You should absolutely seek revenge. Your anger gives you strength Strengh gives you power. You mustn’t resist, give in. Seek a mentor who will teach you the ways of the dark side of the force 😈
Words fail me because I can’t put into words what I feel after reading this. Saying “I’m sorry” just doesn’t seem to be enough, but I am TRULY sorry that this happened to you and that your family did not protect you. Know that there is a stranger out there praying for you right now. I pray that you’re able to find a way to work through this and live your best life! You deserved much better than this…God bless
@@macysondheim NO!!!!!
@@CoExist64 oh hell yes. Revenge doesnt have to turn you into a monster to.
@@J0SHUAKANE not my place to judge so I won’t, but if you call yourself a Christian then you know vengeance is God’s, not ours. It will only come back to kick you in the butt and will only hurt her more, so I say “no” to revenge and let being a survivor and living your best life be your revenge. Take care
The fact that people are still taking their phones with them when they commit crimes is baffling to me. But this case is incredibly sad, and this story plays out much too often
I don't get it either, but thank God most of them are too dumb to know they should leave it at home so they get caught!
He's dumb enough to abuse, then he's dumb enough to take a phone
They don't watch videos like this so they don't know
@@boldfacedtruth No they’re just dumb
Low intelligence people. You can tell with this guy after five seconds that his intelligence, wit etc are very low
I stumbled on a friend who I developed a relationship with. I found out later that she's in an abusive relationship and living with him. He's threatened her life and mine so we've been extremely careful but I'm doing everything I can to help her get out and stay safe. DV is no joke. One thing people don't tend to realize is that when there's abuse, there's almost always financial control, resulting in it being extremely difficult for the victim to sustain a life without that financial support since they can't access the money needed to stay free.
The most dangerous time for the victim, is when they decide to leave. They subconsciously telegraph their decision to their abuser. They think they are being careful, but the abuser is finely tuned to what’s going on in their victims heads
Often it's not even because the abuser is good at picking up on subtle changes in the victim or good at reading them, often it's because they're fully aware of how BADLY they've been treating them recently and this get more and more proportionally aware of the possibility of the partner getting to breaking point and deciding enough is enough
Because yes, they're fully aware of how abusive they're being, they're not delusional to the point they think they're doing nothing wrong, even if they make excuses for themselves and defend their actions, blame the victim and feel like they're entitled to abusing them etc, they still do know that they're being abusive and that what they're doing is unacceptably wrong
So they're more and more paranoid and on high alert because they KNOW their behavior is fully worth leaving over
Hence why they'll isolate you, because having friends and family around to remind you that it's not acceptable behavior means you're not able to be gaslight into thinking that his behavior is all your fault, that he's the victim of your "hysterical" "selfish" behavior triggering him
I think that you’ve got one of the best true crime channels on this entire platform. The respect that you have for the victims, and their families is truly touching and the way you explain certain concepts and situations that take place in the story are extremely detailed and always help it to make sense. I just really appreciate all the hard work that you and your team must put in. Keep fighting the good fight my friend. ❤️🔥
Scary to hear an interview sounding so much like people you were around and thankfully got away from, I'm sure his ex girlfriends were equally horrified and grateful they were able to leave
I used to think that people in abusive relationships were idiots. LEAVE!
Yeah... that was until I got into one myself. It didn't start out abusive. It started out beautiful! It was perfection! Then, little by little, over the years, things... changed. A decade later I was crazy & worthless & not allowed to dress myself, speak to anyone on my own, listen to my choice of music, or leave the house without permission. I was constantly accused of touching the guns (which I never did), or not being affectionate enough (I was available to him 24/7 but I never did things "right"), or not knowing what he liked/disliked therefore forcing him to have to say it out loud (Zeus forbid I say I wasn't a mind reader lest I be... punished).
I did eventually escape. But he continued to punish me through our children. They've since "left him" but my legal costs have left me over 80 grand in debt. I'm disabled, so I will never pay that money off. But while I know he thinks he's "won", I'm happy to keep living @ these means because our children are free from him! Something they've begged for for years!
Cool story. I hope this work of fiction gets you the internet attention you desire
@@trashfire9641 I don't know why people like you exist.
chill out man@@trashfire9641
so proud of you for leaving!!! Much love to you and yours!! I will be praying for you!!
Thank you for addressing the oft repeated question “Why didn’t they just leave?” The implicit victim shaming/blaming when people assume others have the means to leave an abusive partner is really upsetting. While awareness has grown, it’s an understated truth. I applaud you for taking time to highlight why some people do not or cannot leave. Also thank you for pointing out how dangerous that process can be, and unfortunately was in this case. Another well done video. Thank you, and I look forward to the follow up as the case goes to court.
It's literally just a question, asked simply to help someone else understand.
@@mjanny6330 I’m appreciative of your take. When it is a genuine question I wholeheartedly support people asking. You are correct, more understanding is needed if we are ever going to be able to get people the resources they need. There are however some instances of this question being asked rhetorically, and there in lies the problem.
@@mjanny6330it may be asked without intent to be malicious, but the ignorance on the topic leads to an unintended cruel implication nonetheless
It's possible to be cruel or shitty in some other capacity whether you intended to or not
Hence the focus being on the question asked being bad, not every person who said it
Damn! Chief (Petty Officer at the time) Washington brought me into the navy back in 2012! I only knew her for a couple of months but she was a great person and incredibly helpful! She definitely had a hand in changing my life for the better! I was shocked when I heard of her horrific death! Fair winds and following seas Chief!
Please use her influence on her to protect other victims, we need more allies. ❤❤❤
“They felt it wasn’t their place to step in…” tricky situation but I wish people were more their “neighbors’ keepers” so to speak 😢
Step in by calling the police but don’t get too close. I know people who did that. One was murdered and one was so beaten up that he never fully recovered. Get help but stay safe.
Yes, if you see something that feels dangerous, call the cops. Even to report it anonymously. There should always be a "just in case" in the back of our minds.
I understand what you're saying but I can't blame them for feeling that way and making that decision because it is so common that a neighbor, friend, sibling, parent or even child attempts to step in to protect the victim and then that victim turns against that person, lies, gets angry, use and even abuse that person who tried to protect them! Now the abuser and victim is against the person and targeting them now for what they know and for trying to help!
I know first hand how the person who tried to help was made out to be the villain, jealous, miserable, crazy, nosey, made out to be a liar by the victim to protect their abuser and the abuser! Smh. It's hard in family dynamics so a neighbor wouldn't want to get involved and face retaliation when they have to live there!
Why get involved when they are going to stay together anyway and now you just have two enemies all because you wanted to help!? I myself I had to deal with this concerning 3 separate couples in my life! One victim finally told me it makes her feel loved and they actually liked the abuse. I decided I don't care to be pulled into the drama anymore! I warned one that it will continue to escalate and end in the death of one of them if they don't get therapy, anger management etc or end things and that if at any time she decides she is done be extremely careful and I will help her, be there for her etc..
I'm done now! I no longer care, I'm no longer being pulled into their toxic webs, I'm no longer being stressed, in fear, trying to mediate and all that shit! I have come to terms with the possibility of getting a horrible call someday! There is nothing I or anyone else can do! They have to want to live and want out themselves to help them!!
Why didn’t you step in?
Yeah, I tried to do that with my friend who is horribly emotionally & verbally abused. She defended him fully and is now angry at me for " saying something". So sad. I will just watch from afar as he completely destroys her.
I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years (2009 - 2012). I stayed thinking I’d love him hard enough for him to treat me right. He ended up leaving me for what he considered the greatest upgrade. I don’t know how he treated her but him leaving me was the greatest thing. Fast forward to many years and lots of healing / self love later, I’m getting married next month (April 2023) to a man who is the most considerate and loving gentleman I’ve ever met. Anyway, I was lucky that my abusive ex left me, but I hope that anyone who thinks they could love the abuse out of their partner, think again. They will stop hurting you if THEY want to. Gather the strength to seek help and leave. I know it’s easier said than done.
Edit: twice, since I'm in my relationship with my fiancé, my abusive ex has messaged me hateful things on Facebook from different now blocked accounts. People with happy lives don't do this, I think.
Congrats on your engagement!! I wish you two an abundant and harmonious marriage!! 🥂💕
@@ArtemisUnderscoreJ thank you! 🥰
You’re absolutely correct… I have experienced something similar. Congratulations gyal ❤
He’s so jealous. Congrats to you 🎉🎉🎉
No, people with happy lives don't do this.
Glad you got another chance at true love!
01:54 - Case of Danny Ray Beard II, charged with murder of Andrea Lea Washington, found dead Sept. 17, 2018 inside her Jacksonville, FL home
02:35 - Details of Andrea Lee Washington
04:00 - Marlon Jones, friend
05:29 - finding the body, details of crime scene
07:17 - inconsistencies in Danny’s story, details of investigation
08:13 - phone records
09:04 - arrest warrant and police interview
Incredible breakdown of an almost hour long video 🤣
Editing on the fly I guess!
@@DPSFSU yes. I’m still editing. So what? It’s helpful to future people who will listen, especially when they want to go back and delisted to a section of confused or want to hear details again, etc. Calm down their killer. 🤦🏻♂️
@@ttrestle notice my edited comment, work in progress, no need to reply until work is done. GL
@@ttrestle I don't think that comment was made to sound rude. I believe it was a thank you.
I love this channel. As an adult that grew up with a step-father that put my mother through this, I feel a such a connect to women that are in this position. I find myself posting a lot about the answer to these questions with the same love and understanding you highlighted in your intro. Thank you so much for that. Your education is spot on and is much appreciated.
Watching this video and reading through the comment section two thoughts came up: First of all I am incredibly lucky that I never experienced domestic abuse and am grateful for it. Second, it makes me angry, sad, frustrated, how many women have experienced domestic violence or were murdered by their abuser 😞
It's horrible to find out how many... it's insane.
I am a trained mandated reporter and a social work graduate student. Unfortunately, domestic violence is not a mandated reporting issue unless the situation involves a protected class, such as a child, elderly person, or person with disabilities. It is really sad that this is the case, but it means that violence against an adult by an adult is not related to mandated reporting, and since it is not covered by Adult Protective Services or Child Protective Services, it would handled by the police, should they choose to investigate. As established in Tarasoff v. Regents of the University of California, mandated reporters must report if a client (key word: client) of theirs is going to harm themselves or someone else in the state of California. Laws for reporting self-harm and harm to others vary in each state as well. I hope that clears things up a little, since some people may be confused about why a mandated reporter letting authorities know about a violent crime may not be treated in the same proactive manner as a CPS case.
I am a Marine (department of Navy). These rules are different in the military. There are many standards that don't apply to civilians. For instance, cheat on your spouse, is a chargeable offense. One of your soldiers, sailors, whatever, comes to you and tells you about ANY illegal activities, you should and must report it.
@@geniemememe5936Cheating in the military is a chargeable offense??? INTERESTING!
@@geniemememe5936 That's a good point. I think the issue still stands, though, right? Since the perpetrator was a civilian, the military mandated reporter informed his superiors or police of the issue, but it's still up to the police to investigate. That's different than with CPS or APS, who have different determining factors for carrying out an investigation.
Thanks for clearing that up. I didn't even know of such a thing until I saw this video. I think it's sad that governments even have to have a 'mandated reporter' system. Humans should have the common sense to report any abuse of anyone to the authorities and do whatever they can to help the abuser. I suppose from a legal point of view, for lawyers and people who work within certain agencies, it helps to have such a law.
@@Yosetime Sure, I hear what you are saying. To clarify, anyone working with protected classes (children, elderly, and some mental/physical disabilities) is a mandated reporter. It's a protection for these vulnerable populations, so it's a way to hold certain professionals liable - and attempts to ensure safety for people who need it most (and may not be able to help themselves). There is nothing that stops someone from reporting abuse - but mandated reporting laws add an extra layer of protection. We also undergo training to learn what qualifies as abuse and what to look for.
This was me for many years. The vicious cycle started when I was a little girl and at 39yrs old I finally broke free from DV and many other kinds of abuse. It's crazy how it took that long for me to realize I don't deserve to be treated less than a queen.
You had me until the queen comment. You deserve to be treated like a normal human being, to have your freedoms and rights respected enough, and not to be abused. Don't like this "queen" or "king" bullshit turn you narcissistic. I don't deserve to be treat like a King, and you don't deserve to be considered a Queen.
I've been perplexed for some time now as to why this case, w/ full interrogation available, hasn't gotten much, if any, coverage by the true crime content creators. This man is the classic POS woman abuser to the fullest, and it's such a tragic shame what this monster put her through and ultimately did to end her life. His interrogation clearly shows he has ZERO remorse for what he did. The Jacksonville local news showed several clips of his arraignment, and he's smiling and waving at the victims loved ones in the courtroom. What a waste of earth's fresh air this pathetic excuse for a man is able to inhale with every breath.
Bravo, well said!!!
Great comment!
It's because the victim is a black woman. There doesn't tend to be as much coverage of black victims
"That's what men do". He'll be spending long days being terrified of bigger, meaner men and what they do to pathetic sniveling cowardly bullies like him.
Finances are another factor that makes it hard to leave sometimes. I was unable to leave my abuser for 3 years because I knew Id be homeless if I did. Having a physical disability and being homeless was terrifying to me. I finally got to the point that the abuse was so bad I said to hell with it. Id rather be homeless. With the help of a VERY large friend and my landlord, I was able to get my abuser out. I managed to keep my apartment but it was two years of no heat, intermittent electricity, having to steal food from the dollar store because with the cost of rent, I would often only have 20 dollars for food each month. This meant a LOT of instant noodles. My health suffered terribly...I ended up severely anemic and sick all the time. Which, on top of my disability which causes chronic pain, made it a rough go. But despite all that, I was happy. I was free. I wouldn't trade a thing for that feeling. It was the best thing I ever did.
I’m in this boat rn. My abuser has guns. He won’t let me leave his house without him. I have a disability where I need expensive meds and a prescription to get them. Financial shit is what he holds over my head. He chipped my front teeth slapping me and punched a hole in a door I was trying to shelter behind. He doesn’t think he’s abusive. Idk what to do.
@@Shy-xm4knthere’s womens shelters
Call the police
Thank you for that intro. The compassion and understanding for the victims is what makes your channel stand out among the rest.
The narrative of“ why didn’t you leave?” Is so antiquated and tone deaf. Never mind the psychological & physical reasons but even in 2023, the law doesn’t protect DV victims. Stop victim blaming and punish perpetrators. Pedos, rapists, & murderers get less to time an a drug offenses & non violent offenses. Think about it.
Thank you so much for explaining how abusers are and how/why the victim stays. One doesn't know, unless you were in an abusive relationship.
It took me 6 months to plan my escape.I should have been an actress, pretending everythings great. I told him i was going to the grocery store, I drove (his car lol)to the airport with only the clothes on my back. I've never been so scared and relieved!! Stash as much money as you can to get away with. Trust noone he knows. It's so crazy looking back at this monsters madness!
You made a good decision but Im sure you already know that
That animation in the beginning touched my spirit. I so much needed to see it as validation for what I have felt inside. As a survivor of DV thank you so much for your truthful portrayal of these crimes. 💓
This is heartbreaking. RIP Andrea Washington. 💜 I was in an abusive relationshit a little over 15 years ago and still have PTSD & panic attacks from it to this day. Even after sending my abuser to jail, years of therapy, and marrying a wonderful man who loves me unconditionally (and treats me very well) the mental scars of physical, mental, financial, sexual, spiritual, and emotional abuse remain.
It's really just ridiculous the mentality here. He flat out thinks in his mind, that since noone actually watched him murder that poor woman that they cant prove that he did it. And as far as any other evidence goes, or lies hes caught telling none of it is enough to convict him of it.
He hasn’t been convicted yet…
@macysondheim7260 Have you listened to the whole thing? They can place him AT THE SCENE thru his phone ping for 2 hours during the time she was murdered. And the interrogation footage, his credibility is gone, history of domestic abuse, violence to past gf's...a jury is going to convict him before lunchtime.
So many people are sharing their stories and advice on this video. This is an amazing community that cares for each other despite being strangers.
So many strong people in theses comments!
We are here because we have been there....sharing helps heal. Also...it helps knowing we are not alone in our experience.
The way they steal your life, your soul your confidence is slow methodical and insidious, they instill a level of fear that can only be truly understood by someone who has lived that life. I know its easier said than done, but please try and get out early and never say you're leaving. One night, no plan, no word, no idea where we was going, we, my mum me and 2 other kids, left with the clothes on our back and nothing else, I was 10 years old at the time. Rumours were rife for months, one in particular was that my dad had killed us. No one knew when we left or where we went. We built a whole new life, but I carry the trauma of my early life to this day.
I've been with my husband 27 years. Getting ready to celebrate our 24th anniversary. He too is in the military and getting ready to retire later this year and we have NEVER "tussled" over our phones. Nor has he ever broken doors or put holes in our walls while we were disagreeing. What a moron. He legit thought he was getting away with this. Also seeing how he's gaslighting the cops imagine dating this loser.
from the bottom of my heart, thank you for that opening monologue about domestic abuse. i know i speak for many women and men when i say you spoke of it so delicately and truthfully. in a way that is hard for some of us to explain to others. your channel deserves all the love it gets, you are excellent at what you do.
I thank God every time I hear a story like this that I was able to get out of mine with my life. It's a very scary situation being trapped in an abusive relationship and the fear of dying if u stay or if u leave. It feels like a no win situation 99% of the time.
100% feel ya on this, I was 10 yr's in hell!
Even a 'normal' relationship can turn violent and abusive when one partner tries to end it and the other doesn't want to seperate.
@@vladimirsolovyov666 I completely agree however it happens more often in relationships where domestic violence is already present.
The intro is spot on, I hope more people will realize the signs, stop judging, and maybe some partners will get out sooner if we make it all well known. Thank you for the hard work and well researched content
Honestly can't thank you enough for continuing to educate the lucky ones who've never been abused. It's something that's hard for someone to understand who hasn't experienced it- similar to depression. People being judged as harshly as people do is one reason victims don't speak up
I loved your intro and I also routinely push for women with children to remember their children are to be protected at all costs. The moments I heard and saw my mother being beaten by my father are still _crystal clear_ and even more painful while I'm 50 than they were when I was 5. It is imperative that women leave at the FIRST moment they are physically abused or threatened with death. Or at the very least they need to get the children out of the home at that first sign. I understand when women are inextricably enmeshed but we've got to get out children out. If we can do nothing else let's get children away.
The problem with people asking “why didn’t they leave?” Is that they usually *NEVER* ask “why is that person abusing someone? Why are they an abuser?” Or anything similar and I find that extremely sad! It’s victim blaming in a way, to me! I get some people are genuinely asking from a sincere place sometimes, and those people I excuse. However, the people asking in a “they’re so stupid for staying” way that’s like asking “well why did they get r@ped? Why didn’t they get away from the r@pist?” instead of saying “that person is a disgusting r@pist! An absolutely abhorrent piece of crap!”
It's interesting that this channel is called Dreading, being the that's the exact opposite reaction I have when a new video pops up
At 11:15 I think the voiceover (right after the detective says he’s going to read him his rights) may accidentally be out of place? Your VO says Danny just admitted he was lying in his initial police interview but the interrogation hasn’t even really begun yet.
Figured since this vid is still in Patron only mode that it might be worth mentioning before it goes fully live on the channel.
Anyways you’re the best thanks for everything you do
Was thinking the same thing. i thought i missed something lol
Agreed. I had to rewind because I was sure i had accidentally skipped ahead.
This confused me as well haha
This is his second interview. Narrator mentions that the first interrogation tape is not available to the public. He told all lies in the first interview and when in this one, when detectives said, they know the truth, he starts agreeing that he went to house etc etc.
@ReidGirl the narrator references things he "just said". It is clearly a misplaced sound bite. If this was supposed to be providing context for missing footage, the narrator would have made that clear like they did in other videos.
Hello. I'm a Survivor of D. V. Thank You for your Compassion, and Understanding.
Thank you for describing the situation people in abusive relationships find themselves in, and why they can't just leave. A lot of people struggle to understand, so explaining this is really important. Thank you.
Appreciate your content!
I felt the first minute of this video so much. I was that “y don’t u just leave” person. I didn’t get it until I was there. By the time he started hitting me he had already broken me mentally, made me feel like nobody would care or want me or that I would b treated worse with someone else. It’s always so much more than “just leave”
Love the new animation at the beginning. Tough to listen to this story. Thanks for all your hard work.
Kudos on the intro. This is why it’s so important for people to understand the red flags that are almost always present at the beginning. It’s easier (not to be confused with easy) to leave before becoming ensnared.
I just sent my abuser to prison for 14+ years. That man tried to kill me, I hope he rots in jail!
Good....when I called the cops on my abuser...after he chased me around the hillside with a shotgun...they asked me if I was on my period.
What’s the point of having mandatory reporters if the police aren’t going to do anything when they report something?
This guy must not be very tech savvy if he thought deleting his texts would make his texts disappear everywhere
no shit, captain fuckin obvious ova here …🤦🏻♂️
Thank you for the intro. So many people don't realize how precariously we balance on that edge between two different forms of doom when we live in an abusive home. I'm out now, and my abuser was a parent, not a partner, but it's still so hard to get out and do so safely.
Thank you for respecting and understanding victims. It is through that compassion that we can actually help empower victims and get them the help they need, not through shame and judgement.
I was in an emotionally/verbally abusive relationship. I didn’t even realize it. The cycle between anger, threats of suicide, and love bombing made me unable to get my bearings. I thought I had to help him and stay or he would die, and anytime I became upset at his abusive outbursts of rage he would turn to faking suicidality so I would drop everything to sooth him. He knew I struggled with self harm and mental health and used it against me. It wasn’t until I came out as Bi that he let slip during a homophobia-fueled argument that he had been faking everything. That finally snapped me out of it and I cut him off and threatened a restraining order when he tried to corner me in public. It has taken a lot of time to process how abusive that time was. I still am, and it was 8 years ago.
More MUST be done to keep victims of abuse safe and the perpetrators punished.
Man, it will never cease to amaze me how much these people overestimate their intelligence. So much hurt would be avoided if they had awareness of their stupidity and limitations.
as a child and teen, i kept love and sympathy in my heart for my abuser. it wasn't until i deconstructed things as an adult that i realized i had done that. this man is an absolute monster & i hope they throw him away.
The intro to this video is so thoughtful and well-spoken, thank you for bringing more light to this issue
As someone who got out and away from my abuser this was hard to watch. My heart goes out to her family. And I look forward to when he this monster is sent to prison
Loving the new artwork. Sentient. I've struggled to leave an abusive relationship lasting years, the reverse of this is a woman threatening to kill herself if you leave... It's effing terrifying. I loaned money never dated anyone for 4 years after leaving... Interestingly I truly loved her at the same time. Now, I'd NEVER, interesting again, I can't see how I ever did.. Stems from insecurity originating in childhood. My entire dad's side of the family was outright physically and mentally abusive...
This totally made my day seeing you upload a video. At the same time, I have experienced domestic violence and it totally took everything away from me as the person I once was. I kept holding on to hope he would change because I was living in a dream world and loved him more than I loved myself. That was the first problem. He showed me the person he could be but it was that same person who made me feel so worthless and abused me in every way. This was hard to listen to, but so necessary. Thank you 🙏
I really love and really appreciated your thoughtful and well-stated points made about abuse and domestic violence survivors in the beginning. Not enough people understand and make the points that you did. Thank you.
You know what time it is when Dreading uploads 🤗❣️. I was in an abusive years ago in my early twenties and very much over it. He was emotionally abusive and gaslit me. All while being married (I truly didn't know). I was 18;and he was around 35 when we met and fell DEEPLY in love. Fast forward several years and I'm completely over him and look at it in disgust. .
My thoughts. Women are the DUMBEST creatures God ever made.
Some victims don’t even notice they’re being abused. Abuse doesn’t always present itself in monstrous violent and obvious format.
Well said. 👏
I was watching a psychologist analyze Darrell Brooks. She highlighted so many manipulation tactics he used in court, and how they can be used in abusive relationships. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought he was just being annoying but she explained how his behaviors are very deliberate and intended to wear you down. It was very eye opening.
Very true, I can't get my sister to open her eyes to the abuse her narcissistically toxic husband has perpetrated upon her. Instead she's pregnant with triplets, thinking that'll change everything and he'll suddenly become the perfect husband and father : |
He may end up actually killing her, the punishment for that in the country they live in is appallingly light, as in its NOT a deterrent.
But she shut me out (and most of the family as well) he's forced her to choose between her family and him, living alone in a foreign country with only him for support.
I massively fear for her, even went to go visit to check up on her and got yelled at for my trouble : ( It's beyond maddening and saddening but at this point all I can think is - you can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink, all you can do is drown it. I don't want to drown my sister, so all I can do is wait for a phone call from the police or the morgue.
Especially when it's verbal because they weren't hit.
Men can certainly be abused by women in relationships... but one of my favorite quotes is that the reason that women are way more likely to be called crazy is because the men are still around to talk about it.
Thanks! For covering cases throughly and explaining things before the interview/interrogation
Thank you for all the context you give at the beginning of your videos, the nuance you make sure to apply to these cases is really refreshing and the main reason i am able to enjoy your channel so thoroughly, thank you so much❤
he says "okay well if y'all did your job and could find [INCRIMINATING PIECE OF EVIDENCE] then you can convict in court"
and the cop goes "we have it and also video of you outside the house so"
and he's like "yeah exactly! and? what about it? take me to court then"
it's mind-boggling to listen to someone agreeing with their incrimination but thinking they're actually exonerating themselves
..oh you're a white girl, let me clear this up for you. He just doesn't care. (yt friendly words)
thank you for covering this topic, such a terrible thing to watch all of this happen to the victims of domestic violence. you're easily the best true crime channel on UA-cam due to your respect towards each case. keep up the good work!
I am so sorry to her children , family and friends. Thank this brave woman for service.
Reminder that when people slam doors, break things, throw things, drive recklessly, etc when they're mad or upset, it is directed at you. They are taking the anger and force they want to use on you but directing it to a inanimate object. It is a major sign of physical abuse
Thank you so much for literally STARTING the video by addressing the “bwehhhh why didn’t they just LEAVE dumb abuse victim” fallacy. As someone who grew up in that environment it means so much.
I appreciate your adding that intro. It is critical to understand just how and why a DV situation can be so hard to get out of. The entire thing is designed for the person to never be able to leave- phsycially, financially, emotionally, etc. It is hard to comprehend without experience, but important to helping effectively. Also because of the incredulity that sometimes is placed on seemingly successful, "smart" people in DV. It doesn't discriminate, and there is ALWAYS an element of shame in it for anyone who has experienced it. Being "smart" or successful isn't a shield.
You’re*
@@macysondheim no. I didn't mean "you are." I meant your. Thanks!
The artistic storyline opening the video is Oscar Worthy. 🏆 💐
Hats off to these investigators. They remained calm and spoke to him in a respectful manner while simultaneously putting on pressure. Danny sure kept his cool, too, though. It's horrifying to think of what Andrea went through, especially at the end of her life. 💔
Thank you for explaining this in the beginning. Leaving is not easy ❤️
Thank you SO much for that intro. I wish more creators would do similar things, it often feels like there's a split between survivors and "well *I* wouldn't have stayed" types in the comments. Love y'all.
another gripping story told in a straightforward way by the dreading brothers. keep up the amazing content! i did want to comment, though, that this killer is very hard to understand in the interview. i understand that it's an issue of the original recording being improperly balanced, and the fact that he mumbles, but i wonder if you would consider adding captions/subtitles specifically for the interviews? i absolutely love this channel, but i have sensory processing issues and at times i have absolutely no clue what is being said...
if not, no worries!!! keep the videos coming!
Thank you so much for the intro. I spent years being victim shamed for staying in an abusive situation. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but people need to withhold judgement, sometimes you gotta walk that mile to understand something.
“why doesn’t she just leave?”
people should be asking “why does he hit her” instead
This interview happened on my birthday and as a DV victim who had a particular evening where my life was in danger from my ex, i hope this dude gets his every single day by every single person sharing breathing space with him.
I really appreciate the intro. I was raised in an abusive environment and didn’t even realize how bad it was until I temporarily moved away (covid unfortunately caused me to move back because I had nowhere else to go). In the time I was away, I unfortunately fell victim to a mentally abusive relationship and it took me years to even realize what had happened… because I was raised in abuse it’s extremely difficult for me to recognize it happening again… thankfully Ive had years of therapy now and am doing better