3 Reasons People Don’t Believe Emotional Abuse | Dr. David Hawkins
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- Опубліковано 10 чер 2024
- Much like victims of physical or sexual abuse, victims of emotional abuse rarely tell their stories because they fear no one will believe them. For years, they have been made to believe that what’s happening to them is their fault. The abuser is skilled at making them look like they are crazy, confused, irrational, and they are the one causing the problem. Victims of emotional abuse have been dismissed, blamed and silenced for so long, even by their own pastors, counselors, and others they’ve confided in, that they’ve come to the conclusion that it’s safer to stay silent then try to tell their story. In this video, Dr. Hawkins gives 3 reasons why people dismiss and overlook the emotional abuse victim’s cry for help.
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Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.
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About
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.
Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.
#emotionalabuse #emotionalabusesurvivor
1. Dismissed - not believed, told by counselors to believe more, pray more, or submit more
2. Denied - their voice is denied - abuser says it didn't happen
3. Dominated - abuser rewrites history, powers over
Emotional abuse is not one incident but a long pattern of being dismissed.
Emotional abuse is dehumanizing to the target.
Thank you! After 40 years of suffering and pretending it’s all fine, I told my best friend about the emotionally abusive behavior… she asked if he had ever hit me. When I said no, the subject was dropped. Thankful for information that has bolstered my faith in myself. It’s a lifeline.
Like you may have first, your friend likely views abuse as ‘only’ physical. Society thankfully are now gradually being educated to know better. Knowledge can’t come soon enough! Try now dear one to focus on your recovery. (Acceptance of: who he is, that due to your qualities of ‘trusting & seeing the best in people’ as well as his manipulation and coercion, he was able to fool you.) Accept this new World View this experience has given you, though painful initially. And then use the experience to go forward enlightened and secure in the knowledge you’ll never be duped by this ‘type’ again. And you will also be enriched with a deeper gratitude for decent honest honourable people. ❤
@@Lisa-ee6tf Thank you for your helpful reply. Acceptance isn’t defeat; it’s using reality to plan my future.
I've been through 7 years of heavy narcissistic abuse (I didn't know he was a narcissist, or what narcissism was).
nobody believed me, because in public he was such a sweetheart, ( to me too), so we looked like good friends, but behind close doors - he abused me emotionally, and Gaslighted me to the level that he tried to get me to have a mental break down - so i would commit suicide - he failed. until today - nobody but my own tiny family and 2 friends, believe me, they all believe him and stayed on his side, left me all alone. if it wasn't for my little family, i don't know what would have happen.
My sick husband did the same to me and my beautiful son. How are you now?
Silent suffering of the worst sadistic , It goes to show you the evil that operates in these meat suits with
Dismissed denied enslaved oppressed ripped off dominated accused slandered drugged bullied raged at humiliated embarrassed belittled criticized picked at. And more I can’t say.
They try to brainwash you and lead you to death
Demons after your mind heart soul and resources
Please add to your list the fact that some of these people are very, very covert abusers - they are too cowardly to abuse you in the light of day, in ways that are obvious and could be pointed out, so they do nasty, cruel things to you, but cover their tracks to pretend they didn't do anything. Which can leave you very shaky and traumatized the longer this sort of abuse goes on. (ex. I had boxes of medical records and other documents disappear that I am certain he had copied (because we are divorcing), then they just as mysteriously reappeared - and he denied it - like boxes enter and exit the house on their own!) If you are fully aware of an abuse they did to you and try to address it with them, they will call you crazy instead of showing some courage and mental health by admitting they treated you badly and need to seek help to behave better. No, they'd rather continue covering their abusive behavior - and do even more. Again, very cowardly and/or cruel behavior. Thus, the awful things they do to you are things that may be very distressing to you, but that you would have difficulty proving or explaining to someone else - and they'd be mocking you while you did.
My sick husband abused me to have nervous breakdowns.. Yes he did. I finally started to figure things out as things were adding up.. And I believe, like someone else said, that he was trying to get me to commit suicide. I believe it without one doubt. He is that sick. The laws need to catch up more quickly. They are.. They are catching on. Hang in there everyone. And don't care who doesn't believe you... I only suffered much more for years.. Now I could care less!
I’m so sorry for your pain, you’re not alone. I told my husband that people commit suicide from people who treat people the way he treats me. He said “don’t think you are going to prove a point by committing suicide, people all know you are the crazy one, not me” There was evil in his eyes. His hatred is awful. Hang in there, I don’t know what to do, 4 kids and I don’t want to leave them or have him have 1/2 custody or worse, him lie and take them away from me. I’m stuck in it.
My wife is the one that controls and dismisses me , please give men of emotional abuse some support too
I understand; I grew up with a Father that was emotionally abused daily. He always shrugged it off and said " Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me." How untrue that harmful phrase is to the soul.
@sallybyrd3712 my mother was the abuseor to my dad and I was damaged by her too , she made me a codependent
@@zurub537 Narcissists don't just abuse their spouse but their children also; no one is safe from their anger.
My 17 year old son and I are in a similar situation, my wife being the abuser. I bear the brunt of it, he catches some occasionally. I’m concerned for the impact this will have on him long term, watching her behavior towards me. He’s also high-functioning on the autism spectrum, social skills and cues are a weak area for him. Wonder if this puts him more at risk. We also have a 19 year old non-verbal, multiply disabled son who is high maintenance. I’m not ready to leave at this point, feeling trapped at times. We’ve been together 31 years.
In 7 years of marriage I never received an apology without my wife withdrawing afterwards. I was NEVER able to be vulnerable without her turning it back on me. My opinions were never considered. Was told why I shouldn’t be angry and that I’ll never be happy. Any time I brought up a hurt that she caused it was always turned around on me. I had anxiety where I’d never had before, felt like I was going crazy questioning EVERYTHING I was feeling, felt like I had been castrated, constant anxiety whenever I wanted to speak about hurts, been gaslit and all my beliefs and morals were ignored or been made to believe that I was wrong for believing that way. I allowed bitterness to come into my heart and I acted poorly. I received counseling and was able to free myself of my bitterness. I had a reason for being bitter but I didn’t have an excuse. Once God freed me from my bitterness I started seeing things (the way I was being treated) for the way they were. When I brought them up to her she ghosted me for an entire weekend (spent it with her girlfriend) and when she came home she immediately left me. Her last conversation with me was telling me all the amazing things about me and needed to get away and find out why she was treating her that way. But now she still blames me because she thinks I’m still bitter. I think she lost her excuse of blaming me for everything wrong in my marriage and is unable to accept any responsibility. So terribly confusing and painful. I’m a Christian and don’t believe in divorce. My wife is also a Christian but certainly has no grounds for a divorce. We’re presently separated. I can’t see how God can fix this. I can’t imagine the amount of healing that would be required to reconcile. I don’t believe we will. All I can do is pray that she is drawn to God. He’s the only way for this to happen.
County social workers case workers & doctors dismiss , refuse to believe their clients Patients in URGENT NEED TO BE Believed heard & action to fix the problems causing discomforts 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢 SO true. 😮
I only ask that you acknowledge in your videos that men also get emotionally abused. And that female narcissists exist. Please do a video on how to deal with female narcissists whether a mother, a sister, a daughter or a wife. Thank you. Valuable information.
5 Traits of Female Narcissists
ua-cam.com/video/HksJxJyqpdw/v-deo.html
Thank you Doctor, you get it, you bring hope🙏🥰Not only what you say, but expected to do everything pay for everything, spin in circles to please just to have peace and rest, you aren’t allowed to get hurt cry talk get angry stand up for yourself they write the story of lies about you. Afraid to talk
Yes need to talk let it out
It’s why there is very few people I trust
Thank you for this ❤
And THEY still do it electronically. 😢
Very worthy video, thankyou. I am wondering Dr Hawkins, if you know of the Cassandra Syndrome. Im living with a spouse on the spectrum, fully diagnosed, many many elements of the spectrum, and what Ive had to llive with is leaves me in disbelief, so I now understand why others dont believe me. Wives with partners with ASD, are known As "Cassandras" - from the Greek mythology of a Greek Goddess with huge beauty, but was skillled with being able to predict the future but her eternal curse was that no one would believe her story. So in our own support circles we are known as Cassandras, and we never have to justify ourselves to each other - we just know.
God bless you for putting into words what I have not been able to say.
Is it possible to get help from you 😢 I've researched and gotten myself help and tried to research and dissect my husbands behavior and how it affects my PTSD and mental illnesses. And I genuinely feel like without a professional... Then I'll just silently suffer and keep my kids 100%. Which is so risky and scary with me having BPD :( I already lost half my family to BPD double homicide/ suicide. And I wish my husband actually understood how dangerous and serious his type of abuse is to me, who's already been sexually abused as a child. He minimizes so much and makes me feel crazy sometimes and I have to watch my triggers and be on my toes with my facts to not let him get the upper hand in arguments where I'm trying to be heard and understood:(
I know i know some thank you.
Hi, this is resonating with my situation... is it possible that my spouse doesn't mean to be an emotional abuser? A lot of the anger and defensive responses came from unaddressed depression. We are in therapy and medication now, though, I still find myself overall traumatized. I don't think my spouse reacted this way maliciously though. There wasn't any sabotaging per se. Is that possible?
I’m so sorry-
I feel your hesitation to believe or not believe -.
My spouse has a severely disfunctional autistic 27 year old-and I’ve read it can be hereditary.
I can’t give you advice other than- be true to yourself-don’t let them take away your voice.
Your concerns are important-your wants Do matter.
Disclaimer: As long as you’re not using / imposing your wants ON Them to the detriment of causing them pain, & are they are attempting to discuss it with you?
(Technically even if you are OR if they want that…are they having open communication on the subject? giving the other person a choice? Or is manipulation involved?
Is it inflicting pain on another, while the other is being dismissed?
Red flag 🚩
Hopefully my comments helped and didn’t bring more confusion!
Don’t let them change who you know God created you to be- you are precious and loved!
If they treat you so bad it leaves you “reacting” all your life?! Talk to them, counseling (hopefully)- an intermediary will help you decipher what the next steps are.
I’m sorry your going thru this- I pray your steadfastness grows and trust the process of getting to know the real you and what you want to tolerate and accepting who they really are- it can be depressing sometimes- .
I pray God lift up your heart and give strength to your spirit, mind & body!
😢
You're describing me!
❤❤❤
I’m told I’m always to obey the Bible no matter what. I’m to respond in a Christ-like manner. If I don’t, I’m sinning. I’m also told that no matter what, I’m still supposed to be giving him sex, no matter what. I’ve dealt with 28 1/2 years of emotional and spiritual abuse 😭
Great video and very often true. Sometimes, however, the responses classified as “emotional abuse” in this video can be maladaptive coping mechanisms a partner develops as a form of management behavior and self preservation in the face of emotional disregulation and/or repeated manipulation by emotional means. This is often the case for those with partners who suffer from personality disorders (including narcissistic), impaired reality testing, and severe anxiety. The person resorting to these behaviors in this way is usually depressed, apathetic, and exhausted. Any suggestions for those of us in this set of circumstances? Thank you!
Sounds exactly like my wife. Soon to be ex wife. I feel like I’ve been castrated.