Etiquette Chat Bad Language in Public
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- Опубліковано 18 вер 2024
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In today's etiquette chat, we discuss bad language in public. I have an etiquette horror story for you, and share some examples from my life that pertain to this subject. This week I would love to hear from you. What are your thoughts on bad language in public? Are you noticing this more and more? Or is it not an issue where you live? Leave a comment below and yours could be chosen as comment of the week on The Daily Connoisseur blog. #MADAMECHIC
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every lady is a woman but every woman is not a lady.
Yes, and I will add that every woman has the potential to be a lady.
Who cares? I care! I thank you for this video and all your books ( which I own). In my head I hear my mom saying " Ladies do not use bad language." Acing like a "lady" was and is very important to me.
There is a line from X-Men, the comic, which says "Language like that (swearing) betrays a good vocabulary. " It doesn't matter the situation or feelings, when a person turns to swearing and cursing, they reveal a lack of control over themselves and it always makes them appear less intelligent; especially when there are far superior words available to describe our emotions. The saddest thing is, as you said in your video, that kind of behavior completely shows a lack of regard for those around the person engaging in the behavior. It's selfish, self-serving, and in the long run self-damaging, as it causes others to view one's character in a way that may not be desired. I'm not claiming perfection or anything, that's just my humble opinion on the issue.
Very well said!
Exactly!! Have you ever read lists of Shakespearean insults? They really convey the sentiment VERY effectively, but with no foul language at all. Not that insults are the standard by which we should judge, but it indicates to me that a good vocabulary can eliminate the need for vulgarity and still allow us to express any feelings we have, good or bad.
Yes! I've heard several employees at different businesses curse in conversation like it was no big deal. Drives me crazy. It's so unprofessional.
I agree with you completely. When did it become ordinary to use coarse language in public? I wouldn't say in private what many people say as a matter of course. Good manners also include a decent vocabulary. And thank you for your opinion that we need to dress for the occasion!
Beautifully said. I have to confess that I have been known to swear . However, I am always conscious of when and where I use bad language. Never in a public setting, absolutely never in front of or in earshot of children. If I do curse it is in the privacy of my home and for (what I feel is) a good reason. I have a group of friends ranging from 50 to 70 who like to go out and have cocktails at happy hour. After the first time out with them, I never joined again. They were loud, offensive, and cursed liked sailors. I was so embarrassed that I left early. I'm no saint and no angel but I wouldn't want to sit next to a group like that much less be a part of it.
I love this. Keep posting videos like this Jennifer. No one talks about this stuff. Acting appropriately in public seems to be a dying art.
My son once got in an argument with a classmate after he said his parents never swear. HIs friend did not believe him and said "everyone swears!" I didn't grow up in a house with a lot of swearing and never made it much of a habit, except for when I was in college. There I developed a real potty mouth, but cleaned it up after graduating and returning to the real world. I also had a creative writing professor who said writers who rely on curse words to shock, titillate or convey emotion are lazy writers.
I agree. I once took my kids to a casual sit down restaurant and realized after ordering the food that the music playing over the speakers was hard core rap complete with foul language... my husband and I sat giving each other looks as the f bombs kept blaring and I wished he would say something to the employee but he wasn't willing to do it for embarrassment. We couldn't leave without the food we had ordered and already paid for so I decided I'd take a stab at being a good example to my girls by politely asking the young man to change the music for my children's sake. I was mortified and so nervous that the man would be rude to me or refuse and then what? But to my great surprise he was eager to please and immediately changed the music... I spied his mother (I think) looking through the kitchen window at him with an I told you so look at him. It turned out wonderfully. I hope I showed my daughters how to stand up for what's good and do it in a polite classy way but I have to say it was very stressful on this introvert LOL.
Have you ever heard the phrase "we've lost the ability to blush"? You are a breath of fresh air a "polluted" culture! Keep your stance! You are right!
I am right there with you with the cursing in front of children. That is just unacceptable! I am enjoying these videos so much! Hope you have a lovey week 😊
I very much agree with you. One should be able to convey thoughts and feelings without resorting to foul language. I have known people who use profanity liberally in everyday speech and I do not find them pleasant to be around.
It is great to hear a positive voice on topics like these because we get so many other messages from pop culture and TV on a daily basis that imply otherwise. Yes, we do as a society need to think of others more and by all means, watch our language around children. Great points in this video!
Thank you Jennifer! I am really peeved by being forced to listen to other people's cell phone conversations, especially if they are stressful.
At the root, swearing for many people is a way of expressing strong emotions that they do not know how to express otherwise, if not talking about those who want to be "cool", be "real", and such. But there ARE other ways to express those emotions and connect with people! I do very strongly agree that many of those people are not much aware of the whole circumstances, and they see so little. And all these is back to what you talk about the other day, the general "laziness" in the society, the "good-enough" "whatever-will-do" attitude. Also what you said reminds me of many popular inspirational quotes, those quotes are probably what they stand by, like "do whatever you want", "don't care about what other people think". Those quotes by themselves are of no harm really, if people do understand them including what circumstances are those quotes talking about, but some people use them as a way to shield of their social anxiety, confusion, emptiness, insecurities, or the likes, that is when it become a problem. Many of the people who swear maybe use it as a way of saying, " I am like this, so be it." But to me, that is almost a way of giving up themselves, of too afraid to face and deal with their problems. So continue standing on your ground, spreading awareness, and creating such a comforting and thought-provoking space here in UA-cam. Would love to see you soon.
Oh my goodness, Jennifer. This video is so timely for me!! My husband and I took our five children out for ice cream on Sunday night. We were sitting outside on a beautiful evening enjoying our dessert...at a table next to a group of people (all men and one woman) who looked to be in their 20s and 30s, every other word a swear word. At first it was more crude joking and a couple rough words here and there, and it escalated from there until the f-word was shouted across the table a few times. I had been trying to keep things light at our table, chatting with my kids and keep their focus away from the other table's (LOUD) conversation, but at the point there wasn't anything I could do. My husband and I just looked at each other, and both turned around and looked at them with shocked looks on our faces. One of the guys saw us and elbowed his friends and told them to quiet down, which I later thanked him for as he walked past our table. But I just couldn't believe it. Here we were, a table full of children, and they thought it was appropriate to speak that way in front of them. My husband and I had such an interesting conversation about how unfortunate it is that people don't even think about that anymore, about how not too long ago there would have been so much consideration of the fact that there were two ladies and several children around, and cleaned up their act. I don't want to set the clock back by any means, but it does seems like we've lost such important social graces along the way.
Haven't you said your husband is originally from England? I can't imagine it was easy for him to get used to the brash behavior of all of us Americans!
I think society as a whole has become immune to a lot of things that we would be better off without. Speaking for myself, cursing becomes a habit and it's a hard habit to break. I concentrate on using words that are more descriptive and imaginative, but sometimes the old habits just burst forth from of my mouth. I always vow to do better next time. Very timely reminder, Jennifer.
Vulgar language is... well, vulgar.
Agree 100%! I teach school and am aware of my language since I am in front of children all day long and I need to be a positive role model. I must admit I said a bad word in front of my dr., and immediately apologized. He laughed. I was not cursing at him, but the word just came out when describing a situation. I was mortified but he seemed amused. I am not proud of that moment but I moved on.I have redoubled my efforts to avoid bad language. Btw..for your next book, could you do your own narration? You have a great voice! :)
Sometimes the words just come out... it happens! :)
I got so excited when this video popped up in my feed. I feel that you are absolutely right, Jennifer! I personally try not to swear at all. As a writer (in my spare time), I'm always trying to cut excess words out of my writing and speech; I want to be an effective communicator. I don't think that swear words are necessary or becoming for anyone, least of all a lady who wants to show grace and to others. I also see not cursing as an exercise in self-control, which is always a good practice. You never know who is watching you.
I also feel that it's important to think of others when you're in public and they may have young children or may not want to hear them. I'm sure people will disagree with that but that's where I am.
Once again, thank you for bringing up these etiquette issues. They ARE important. They way we treat others and present ourselves to others IS important.
PS Even though I don't swear, I'm not bothered if other people choose to and I'll never tell them not to. Others are free to conduct themselves as they see fit.
I agree with you - especially your thoughts about being considerate of those around us. That's what it boils down to a lot of the time - thinking of others and the impact of your behavior on them. Do what you want in your own home, but be aware of others when out in public. Thank you for another great video, Jennifer!
Thank you!
It's so refreshing to me for you to bring up these points of behavior in public! I feel comforted in that at least I'm not the only one seeing the degeneration of regard for others as a society. I think it's a self-centered behavior to not care about offending others. I am so surprised at the change of acceptable language in public in only a few short years it seems. Most of the time when I am out with my children, I can see that others try to be careful with speech around me but I still can't help but notice that bad language is becoming more prevalent and accepted in our society. I am appalled at bad language, especially around my children, and even would go so far to say that I disapprove of other words that are replacements to bad words. I don't allow my children to say words like "crap" and "freakin". I have heard these words even at church and don't approve. Kids are obviously hearing these words because my oldest child is 20 and never knew or heard a bad word until he was in upper elementary school. I currently have a 7 year old and he knew and heard swear words as a 5 year old. It's sad. But I find hope in you and others like you who stand up for their standards and encourage others to not lower their standards as society has done.
I completely agree with your stance on swearing and etiquette. People who are not concerned with their swearing only show that they have no self control. They take the liberty to do as they please without considering others.
I remember as a teenager, my mother and I overheard another teenage girl cursing throughout her conversation with a friend. My mom said to me in a regretful tone, "That girl is too pretty to have such ugly language coming out of her mouth." That made such an impression on me...and I always thought that saying something like that might be appropriate if I ever needed to (kindly) confront someone about their language. ;) I have small children, too, and I do not appreciate careless profanity in their presence (or mine, for that matter!). Thank you for bringing this topic to the public table, Jennifer. :)
I don't like this video, I LOVE it! You have verbalized something I have been thinking for years, and I thought I was the only one thinking it. I always try to teach my kids (they are now in their early 20's) that cursing makes it sound like you don't have a proper vocabulary. Telling someone you feel doesn't sound nearly as educated as saying that you feel . What ever happened to basic civility?
Thanks for the video !!! Thanks for your book !! You are doing a great service to people like us !!
I think you are allowed to be in these situations so you are able to give real life examples and share how it made you feel. I think when we are able to share our experiences, good and bad, it's much more relateable for people and our message goes further. I also wanted to bring up bad language in comment sections. I see people often attacking the commenter vs the comment. That use lewd language when someone posts an opinion that someone doesn't agree with. Why aren't people entitled to their opinions anymore and why can't people agree to disagree instead of verbally attacking and swearing? I just don't get it... Thanks Jennifer for the reminder and keeping it real! ;-)
I completely agree with everything you said. I am a teacher and once had a parent volunteer come in who answered her cell in class and said a few not so nice words. I was appalled.
Yikes!
I think self awareness is key. I used to have quite the potty mouth. One day, I heard my daughter use the "s" word and it horrified me. I couldn't blame anybody but myself because my husband doesn't swear. I didn't realize my habit was so bad that it got to the point that my kids were swearing. I decided I needed to change asap. I made a rule that ANYBODY who swears gets a time out. My kids loved it because they got to put mommy in time out!!! I spent more time in time out than both kids put together. This helped me become aware of my words. Now, I do try my best to not use offensive language. Not just in public, but also in private. I believe if you have a bad habit in private, it will spill over into the public realm. Thank you for your video and I do appreciate your views on etiquette.
I love your honesty! And I love the time out story :)
It is something we are losing, courtesy, manners and respect. Refreshing to have you share about poise, betting many have no idea what your talking about.
I'm also surprised by how many bad words I see in print for anyone to read, including children. I see swear words on magazine covers and other places that are right at a child's eye level. It's so inappropriate! I also do not like to see bad words printed in books. I would think that people who care enough about language and literature to write a book would use beautiful words rather than crude language.
Yes! Not to mention Barnes & Noble putting Playboy and Sports Illustrated at the checkout area right at kids eye-level. Their excuse was "there's no nudity in the magazines anymore". It's horrible. My daughter could easily try to flip through one while I'm paying for our books.
I think not using bad language is a huge part of people who have self-control! Every time something bad happens,i try to take a deep breath and think "it's ok,it happens.". Swearing brings SUCH a bad energy,it stresses me out only to think about it!
I always told my daughters that swearing was for people with a small vocabulary--there are better ways to express your feelings than with the same old vulgar words over and over. I now teach nursing students, and I'm shocked that we have to work so hard to teach professional behavior and speech. Swearing is such a part of life for some that they don't even notice when they do it in school or clinical settings--not acceptable for nursing students caring for patients! Thanks for encouraging higher standards!
I COMPLETELY AGREE!!!! My husband says the biggest turn off for him when he was dating was bad language by his dates. As soon as she would swear he would automatically cross her off his list. On another note, just recently my husband and I were out of town and were eating at the hotel breakfast Buffett and on 3 different occasions three GROWN(over 30yrs old) women came down for breakfast in full pajamas. They didn't grab something and run back to the room......NOOOOO they sat down and ate. One lady had on a nightgown with leggings and flip-flops. I will not say the name of the hotel just know that it was a very nice hotel with valet service. I was appalled and immediately posted on my Facebook and was glad to know that my close friends thought it was in bad taste as well. It seems that casual used to mean jeans and a nice tshirt but now means you can walk out the house with your pajamas, hairnets/scarfs/rollers and no bra!!!! My grandmom would have kicked my butt back to the room.LOL
I 100% agree! I absolutely loathe swearing and will not apologise for finding it offensive. I cannot believe how prolific and commonplace this behaviour has become.
A refreshing channel, thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I don't like bad language or attitudes. Just bad manners, and examples. Love this! Tfs 👌🏼❤
I like to talk about parking lot etiquette. Today I was at a big box store and watched a man in his mid 60's take his cart and push it up into the landscaping, he was just a few feet away from the cart corral. I don't understand this behavior. After shopping at another store, someone left their cart right in front of the car door.???? It doesn't take much to return a cart and we all benefit from it.
People who say to get over it are probably feeling guilty for doing those poor etiquette things. I have certainly sworn in public when I was a teen and didn't realize how it could effect others. I certainly don't do that anymore. Talking about it and becoming self aware helps!
One day I was at the doctors office with my 4 young kids and the receptionist was having a loud conversation with another receptionist. It was very unprofessional and then to my disgust the one receptionist used God's name in a curse. I was so mortified with her lack of consideration for the patients able to hear her and the children who were in ear shot of her. I have 2 daughters and 2 sons, they are young and I hate when people talk like that around them
I strive to not use bad language in public, including gossip. Talking badly about people when they are not present and unable to defend themselves is a habit I am trying to break. I feel that the general world-view of profanity is that it is generally accepted and normal, and because of this I have learned how to tune it out. However, racial slurs and comments that insult a religious group I cannot ignore, and will immediately react, maybe even in a not-so-poised way. The big JC exclamation will get me fired up quicker than any F bomb will. I feel that Courtesy is becoming less and less common, the more we place importance on our social media image and relationships. Thank you for the video.
I agree, not just the bad language, but the long drawn out loud conversations we are forced to listen to in situations like you mentioned at the hair salon! I absolutely hate being trapped and having to listen to others blathering on their cell phones!! Too many people living in their own worlds with no regard for others.... Sigh.
In every culture/country and every time period there are words/expressions/gestures that are offensive. Good manners are not just 'rules' to follow, they are expressions of respect for people around us. I agree with you, Jennifer, these conversations about rising to the best that is within us are vital to maintaining a civilized society. We can read history and see clearly that when people do whatever they want or feels comfortable, society slides down a slippery slope towards coarseness.
I absolutely agree with you, Jennifer. I have noticed the trend of employees swearing on the job, which I find quite shocking. They, however, seem completely oblivious. I am also appalled by open swearing in public, especially in front of children and older people. Unfortunately, decorum is no longer valued in our society.
Thank you so much for doing this video! I completely agree with you and wish that others would begin to realize the need to behave appropriately in public.
I recently worked a temporary job at a company local to me and was warned day 1 that if the preside t got mad, the president usually shouted the f-word from his office. It definitely flowed down through the ranks.
Here here! Agree with you on all counts!
Completely agree. I think our society on a whole has gotten to loose and anything goes.
(Congratulations on your 10th year anniversary!)
This video comes just at the right time!!!!! I have an opposite story to yours, haha!
I work in high end retail and today a customer said the b word to me (she said: get me this, b****). I couldn't believe it. I actually froze and didn't know how to act, what to say, what to think. I gathered from colleagues that she always uses those kinds of words towards sales people but it still definitely disturbed me. It took a lot of strength and self control to get through that sale. What I can thank her for, however, is teaching me how people feel when we are vulgar in public. Whether or not she meant it in a jokingly way is irrelevant--the sheer vulgarity of her speech is what made me, and other customers uncomfortable. It made me reflect on my own behaviour (I also occasionally swear and am trying my best to stop completely) and just how rude, disrespectful, and unnecessary it is to be vulgar. Compassion and empathy are essential to understand just how much vulgarity (in whatever form) affects others. Thank you for keeping the conversation alive, Jennifer. It made me so happy to see this topic in my subscription box!
In my younger pre-poise years, I was out with my grandmother and I met one of my friends from work. The friend and I began discussing another coworker, specifically, her ungenerous spirit. I observed that the person in question wouldn't p*** on us if we were on fire. My grandmother was horrified at my language and lectured all the way home. She hated vulgarity. Every once in a while, a damn or hell would slip out, but only at murmur level.
I loved finding your videos (yep, it started with your orchids) I stand shoulder to shoulder about this. I was recently cking out at our local food store when a gentleman who is very high up in our school system comes in holding the hand of his 4 year old son and he was swearing and talking very loud and I was horrified!!!
you are doing something so important ! I was having lunch with my 80 year old mom and this man next to us kept using f word! I finally turned to him and said excuse me sir do you mind I'm having lunch with my mother, wow did get the message and apologized. You are. 1000 percent correct .
Jennifer, you are so right! I agree wholeheartedly! Maybe it's time businesses put "No Mooning the Customers" signs up. I am so tired of seeing backsides of men & women. It used to be a joke about the repairman bending over...now they're EVERYWHERE! Why? Loved your story about attracting exercise clothing. My husband says the same about me attracting the loudest, close talkers in the vicinity. Keep up your wonderful refreshing vlog...love it!
"No mooning the customers" now that is too funny. I agree!
I completely agree that this topic needs to be discussed. My question for you is - How do you keep quiet in these situations? Unfortunately, I cannot, and often say something to the other party when confronted with rude behavior. Not always - but frequently. I never come away feeling any better for having said something, and often end up being perceived as the rude one. One of my recent ettiquete nightmares was at my son's high school graduation. There was a family sitting behind us who acted like animals during the entire ceremony. I cannot stress how bad it was. I did not say anything in this instance because I didn't want to cause a scene-- but it was the worst public rudeness I have experienced, and is unfortunately, partly how I remember that day. Also, if your girls end up doing theater, or orchestra, like my daughter -- be forewarned -- ettiquete is almost non-existent at the performances. Apologies for the long comment, but this really strikes a nerve with me, and I appreciate this forum, as so often talking about these things causes others to view the observer as "negative" or "snooty."
I must admit that sometimes my fiance and I have the same impression as yours Jennifer - when we go out we "attract" swearing people who don't care - they swear and behave badly. When I was thinking about it I discoversd something: It is not about attracting the people. The moment we start thinking about being aware of our language and behaviour we start noticing the lack of it in other people - when you are unconsious you don't "see and hear" the people - when you are consious you bump into them all the time.
My husband and I took our 4 year old daughter out for brunch before church, and unfortunately we had to sit next to this obnoxious couple, who sounded like they were still drunk from the night before. They were SO loud, swearing with no thought to there being a child at the next table, belching- just really unbelievable behavior for a public place. I said come on let's get out of here and get in church before I say out loud what I'm thinking in my head!!!
Thank you so much! You're such a breeze of fresh air.
i just got the book 'polish your poise' i love it so far and your videos
You should not ignore such crass behavior from your "nice" brunch, shopping experience, and so on. I have noticed , as you have, an increase in uncouth behavior; my adult daughter now swears from picking it up from her co-workers. There are no others words.
Agree with you Jennifer! I find bad language harsh, even in a movie. Most of the time it's so unnecessary. And it sounds just as bad coming from a man, as a woman. It's also shocking to see it used so much on social media. This should not become the norm.
The young woman at Geoffreys was supremely UNconscious of her self and her surroundings. It always surprises me how many people simply don't think how their actions affect others. You described someone who was so caught up in her own bubble that the fact that she was impinging upon the space of others apparently never crossed her mind.
Yes, you are exactly right.
Hello Jennifer. Thank you for this video. I completely agree with you. I have had similar situations happen to me and as for bad language, forget it! There is simply no need. I have just finished Polish your Poise and loved it!!!! I was wondering if you had any tips on maintaining poise when you are sick. I was all about improving my poise and then got a terrible cold which threw me off. Any tips you have would be great.
Here here! It just goes along with having poise and a classiness to not drop sailor language everywhere. I used to have an awful potty mouth when I was younger. But seeing these lovely young women nowadays interspersing their regular conversation with the worst of curse words in such a casual way. As though they are saying daisy or ice cream instead of blank & blank has really woke me up. It seems very incongruent and inappropriate and you suddenly feel you've entered the Twilight Zone. That's exactly what it's like when you are working or shopping, or in a nice restaurant, in a professional environment, and someone's parading a potty mouth. It's absolutely the wrong place for that, if you must do it then do it in private, or a seedy bar where it belongs. It unfortunately is becoming the norm like wearing too sloppy and casual of clothes everywhere. I like that you ask for more of our society, I wish more did.
I agree with you 100%. It is so common anymore to hear the "F bomb" that our friends who are new to the county, started saying it in everyday conversation not realizing that it was a nasty word. My husband gracefully took our friend aside and told him it is not a good word to say and that it probably should not be a part of everyday conversations. He understood and thanked my husband for the course correction. We are by no means saints, but we do try to cultivate a curse free home and instill it into our daughters. I personally feel that I can get my point across or disdain for something using a more expansive language than cussing. Just sayin...😀
I think maybe sometimes it just comes down to habits. Some people just seem more prone to the habit of swearing, where it's F-ing this and F-ing that. As a completely grown woman, I'm still bothered by it. My husband swears a lot, just casually in conversation, or when telling a heated story. Probably a lost cause as far as breaking his habit, but it definitely encourages me to avoid swearing because I find it so silly. Wasted words and breath. :)
I believe that swear words are not "bad" words, unless they're used to degrade someone else. I do swear casually, but I don't in public out of respect for others. I work at department store and while I was folding tables once, I was visiting with a friend. He was talking very loudly, and it seemed like every other word out of his mouth was the "F-word." I told him that he needed to stop swearing or he needed to leave, because his choice of language was making me look bad by association. I ended up having to walk away because he just would not stop.
Thank you for this post. I agree wholeheartedly with your assessment of self-awareness (or lack of). Unfortunately, I find that it is now unique to observe behavior (language, cell-phone etiquette, driving etiquette) that IS respectful of others. I am the Human Resources Director of a large medical office and it is not uncommon for applicants to arrive for an interview in jeans and sneakers and to use profanity during the interview. By far, the worst offenders I have are the high school students that apply for a job shadow. They arrive (after having been dropped off by a parent) to observe a licensed medical professional wearing gym shorts or flip flops with their belly button exposed. After having to ask several of these students to leave, I now provide every job shadow applicant with a description of appropriate attire, since they are certainly not provided with this guidance at home or at school.
That is very interesting... thank you for sharing your experience!
Bravo to you!
I totally get it... it is 8:40 pm and the neighbors' kids just came out to play basket ball. They are screaming and bouncing the ball and it is so noisy. I just want to rest, but it is impossible with the screaming. Of course their mother does not care and even though it does not imply using bad language it has to do that a neighbor does not care about others. So frustrating!!! And no, I cannot just ignore it!!!
Hear hear!!! I always have those situations with people just being off in their own world not caring about others at all!!! Esp. with standing in the way, getting in your space on the bus, not closing the restaurant door when it is cold etc.... I really can't stand it!!! Now the bad language is something I really have to work on myself :)
I have a horror story....
I was in a supermarket and a woman pushed her shopping cart past me with two very young children sitting in the cart. She literally screamed at one of them "If you don't f****** shut up, I'll leave you in this f****** shop!!". I was so shocked that I commented on it on my Facebook status and one of my friends defended the mum saying she could have been having a bad day! I'm sorry but bad day or not, there is never a valid reason for talking to a child like that! My friend said I was being very judgemental.... I don't care, the woman's behaviour was unacceptable!!
There will always be someone defending that behavior. I'm with you on this one. Not appropriate to children!
Also, not appropriate in a store!
Plus, even if the language were cleaner, to express that kind of hostility to your own child is shocking. Even young kids deserve to have their dignity bolstered by their parents, not shattered.
I also respectfully disagree - and agree. I really watch my swearing for two reasons. The first is that profanity can be lazy. It's like banishing words like "awesome" and "unbelievable" from your vocabulary because they're overused and boring. Let's make language fascinating! The second reason is that so much swearing is centered around sex-shaming, which is just another way for our society to tear people down unintentionally. I'm perfectly fine with *shoot or *darn - and in fact I've been trying to let myself be more free with words like that since I we raised a "goody two-shoes" and it makes me a bit unrelatable sometimes. But *fudge and all the others that attach meaning to a situation you don't like... Those should always be off-limits to a feminist!
Kate I wouldn’t find you unrelatable but cool and elegant, someone who can express the situation or her feelings about it without imposing a foul mood on others. I hope that you are not suppressing your emotions because of your up bringing ( mine was the same) but accept that you have a full range and can express them appropriately. This is the challenge I think. Do you agree?
I have to ask...Did you contact the business where the employees were cursing or did you just let it slide? The tellers at my bank drive -thru would just push the drawer out to my vehicle and give no verbal greeting whatsoever. I let it slide a time or two and then decided to keep count. 3 out of 5 times, this happened to me at this bank. I finally contacted the bank to let them know what was happening. I also switched banks over this. It irritated me that much! How does one with poise handle these situations? Do we let everything slide, or do we stand up for our values and insist that, at the very least, businesses uphold some semblance of etiquette??
You look really well Jenifer, this is so hard as in Spain people swear a lot , it's difficult to teach my boys not to follow the trend .
I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this. I just moved to a house across from my town's middle school. I find that the kids swear as they walk by my house. One group of three boys paused in front of my house, two of them crossed the street, and the first yelled the 'F' word loudly across to the other two, not realizing I was standing right there in my yard. That was so blatant that I admonished him, he looked sheepish and as if he knew he'd done wrong, and I don't think they'll be swearing in front of my house again. But just last week, two other boys who walk by every day were crossing in front of my driveway, with me in the back doing yard work, and I could hear them talking loudly about 'weed' and saying the 'F' word. I thought, am I going to have to listen to this every day? Should I have to? Should I say something? Will I be the crabby old lady down the block (I'm not THAT old but to them I am!). I haven't decided yet, but luckily school's out soon so I'll have the summer to think about it!
My daughter and I were walking through the mall last week and passed by a group loudly swearing. She said, "Did you hear that, Mom? That's what middle school sounds like all day, everyday."
Wow, that's shocking, isn't it? Sounds like you have a lovely daughter, though :-)
I'm with you. I go to the salon or out for a meal to relax. If I were to have someone next to me cursing on a cell phone or sticking their butt in my children's faces, I would feel cheated out of what should have been a pleasant and relaxing experience.
So linguistically, swearing can be a form of bonding, especially among adults. Essentially, we are comfortable enough with each other to swear with each other--that's the subtext. Granted, articles pertaining to the subject are set in an office where it's only adults and there are no children around.
Myself, I tell my 18 and under students that I don't allow them to swear, so I can't swear myself. In a college setting, it's a little looser. I started hearing swear words in the classroom during this time and it did have a similar affect: a sense of bonding. But even as a professor, I don't say swear words (probably out of habit). But if a video has a swear word, I don't freak out too much because they are adults.
I do not like to hear swearing at any time. What really surprises me is that none of the other women in the group noticed or even cared to tell the panic stricken woman that her behind had become a part of your dining group!
Any funny suggestions for words I can use instead of you know what? Sometimes the F word feels like the only word that will express exactly what I need to express at that moment, although I don't like it when I use it, sometimes it just comes out, help!
I like to use 'Fizzle Sticks' instead of the F word . Sometimes I forget but I really try . I hate bad language in public or in company when out somewhere nice !
About 25 years ago when my daughter was in middle school, I was having a meeting with her gym teacher in reference to behavior. As the teacher was explaining the problem with her behavior he made the comment that he was "pissed off". Frankly I don't remember if I mentioned what I was thinking to him or if I mentioned my reaction to the principal, but I remember thinking, "Is this an arbitration between two teens?" I think he was closer in actual age to her than he was to me (just out of college?). Anyway, I wasn't usually confident enough to say much but I think I said something about if he wants respect he needs to act respectfully and not use words she, or her age group, might use, especially in his interaction with her. "Pissed" may be a mild word even back then but it wasn't to me, and still seems very vulgar.
I absolutely agree with you and just listening these words are disgusting
Our public discourse has become so coarse. Someone who would click on this would not do this anyway. We need a way to object, tricky. But someone waiting on people in business! I say “language please!” Maybe because I’m older they say oh sorry. Sure it won’t always be so
Here, here! I couldn't agree more:)
I just want to add that most of us Are not Aware of the impact we have on other people. As a Psychologist, writer and mother I Almost never swear but I noticed that if I spend some time with people who swear After that I struglle few days not to swear! Same is with positive impact we have - some people who swear when in my company they feel embarassed to swear.
Bad Language. I have truly come to believe, that society has accepted "it", as the new, normal way to speak. You hear it everywhere you go, in front of everyone and spoken by all ages. I feel like wearing ear muffs. Now I hasten to add, that I am no prude at this age or when I was younger. Given certain situations, my tongue is no stranger to an "inappropriate" word. And I always feel bad after, wondering if there are small little minds around. But, it happens.I make a concerted effort to mind my words at all times. This is not the point though. I'm referring to the obvious breakdown of appropriate language, by a society who has seemingly, already adapted an entitled attitude. Speaking how they want, inappropriately or not, matters little to so many. Sad, but that's my observation. Our hope must be in our very young.Wanda.
It seems to me that rather than using their vocabulary and expressing the idea they are trying to convey, people abbreviate their sentences and punctuate what they are saying with expletives. Why not say "I don't understand why she behaved that way" rather than "WTF" ?
My mom used to say that people who don't know enough words use bad words
which means that they are really simple ,and don't know other words to use it just the simple one . it's really disgusting to hear it from other people ....
hmmm.... apparently linguistic researchers haven't made it out to the hood.
Yes, that's what I understood from what you said about those findings, which is why I question the size and what cross sections were used in the sample. Because, while, say for example, those findings might be true for liberal arts professors (since I'm familiar with the trend that they like to swear), they're not going to be true for blue collar factory workers. Both can know and use a variety of profanity, but the latter is generally not going to have as an expansive vocabulary. I believe factors like social class and education expand regular (or clean) vocabulary. The higher one's social class or education level, the more one tends to read. I firmly believe that reading is what expands your vocabulary, not an expansive familiarity and use of profanity in and of itself. I know you're simply stating research that you're familiar with, so I hope you don't think I'm disputing you. And, yes, I can see language serving for the purposes you stated in marginalized groups.
Amen!
Ugh, my husband swears a lot and I find it embarrassing. He doesn't seem to care how I feel about it or that our two boys hear everything he says. So frustrating!
Man or woman, swearing demeans the individual using it and shows a lack of character.
LOL!!! That is horrible. I despise swearing in public. My fiance and I never swear and I can't even stand hearing someone else do it. My daughter is 8 now and she knows which words are swear words thanks to her wonderful classmates. When she was younger, when we were in public, if someone started swearing I'd start talking to her loudly, whatever I could think of to drown them out. Lol. That no longer works and she is a bookworm so I told her people that swear lack the vocabulary skills to appropriately convey what they are thinking so instead of using more adequate words to describe their feelings, they default to bad words, hoping people will understand their emotions. So we should really feel sorry for these people when we see them in public. Lol. It's worked so far..
Road Rage.Yikes. I can't believe the bad manners on the road. People cursing and making vulgar gestures just because you are driving the speed limit. My husband has really strong language when he is encountering a whacky driver.. He uses the term " Biscuit Head" .. lol Wonderful Topic.. as alwaysInner grace and elegance.
Respectfully, I disagree. Being in public (without, but especially with your kids) means acknowledging that not all people share your values, including about certain kinds of language, and they are free to express themselves, as you are. Maybe it's a teaching moment for you as a parent, to explain to your kids that your family doesn't use those words. But you are not entitled never to experience language in public that you don't like. Other people should be free to speak as they want, you're free to not like it, or to leave.
Well said Steph W, well said.
+April D. I completely agree with you. To say there are "bad" words is to put power into those words. I recall, as a child I would curse in my room when I thought my mom wasn't listening as a form of rebellion. When I have kids I'm not sure if I'll limit their word usage to only "good" words and instead try to guide them to have a wide vernacular making sure they understand the denotation and connotation of those words. From there they can censor themselves however they choose.
I also agree with Gloria, there will be people in this world that I wholeheartedly disagree with on many levels and teaching your children the behavior you prefer is a positive action you can take as opposed to teaching your children to be embarrassed of others and possibly judge them for a faux pas. Jennifer has clearly taught her daughters not to use certain words and to respect others personal space which is great however I do not appreciate the tone of this video.
I completely agree with this video on all points. Jennifer, is there ever a point when you will politely bring someone's attention to their behavior? such as in the case of the woman at the salon? I struggle with this because I feel they should know but chances are, they'll be combative regardless of how you approach them.
The s-word is not a curseword in my language and regional dialect. You could say that you feel like shit, and not be cursing. Or that you are shit-wet, meaning soaked. It means "very" in many context. But hey, my country consisted of only peasants 100 years ago. And (cattle) peasants deal with poop every day ;) I know that we possibly sound crass compared to people who live in the capitol, but people take pride in their regional dialects (which have much longer roots than the imported capitol-dialect).
I agree - I hate using and hearing bad language ANYwhere. Of course, I am not a saint myself, and sometimes as you say, Jennifer, something bad slips out (but RARELY) - but not as part of my general day to day language. I also hate when people use words that are "adaptations" of bad language, made to sound like people are NOT swearing, when in fact the INTENT was there, and they are using words that sounds similar. I am explaining badly, but I am sure you all know what I mean? (Like when I hear people saying "OH SHOOT" instead of "OH S***" etc. We all KNOW what they meant to say... ) I hate this almost as much as the bad word itself.
Oh shoot is an expression I have heard all my life in the South. Adults use it, children use it, ladies use it. It has been used much longer than the similar but only 4-letter "s" word. It is not a substitute here, but its own word. I never even heard the "s" word until jr. high. Of course I am older than dirt. I took German in high school and learned the German word and would use that. When I visited Germany the high school and college kids would curse in English!
But I had to tell you that shoot is not a euphemism for the word you are thinking of.
Thank you very much. love love this video :)
Thank you for another great video Jennifer! I cringe when I hear people swear in public. I am not a saint either but people are getting way too lax in their language skills. I tried to watch the movie 'Sister's this past weekend but had to stop as it seemed like every other word was the 'F' bomb. I am not a prude but the swearing did not add anything to the movie. I don't know if they thought it was making it funnier or what. I was terribly disappointed in the two well known actresses that starred in it. Swearing does not make things more funny. If they have to add it in to the movie, then it's already a bad script!
Jennifer, as always up love your videos. I come from a very working class family in England and I was the first person in my family to go to university and get a 'career'. Because of this I have mixed with people from all backgrounds and all walks of life. Anyway, I suppose the point I'm trying to get to is that whilst I always try to maintain poise and rarely swear, the family and friends I was brought up with don't necessarily have the same values. I would never look down on anyone but would feel uncomfortable asking these people who are very decent, kind and loyal people to stop swearing without sounding like a condescending snob. Any advice would be much appreciated x
My ears sting! Especially when there are kids around! Like, have you no regard?
1 million "thumbs up" to you!!