My Recovery Journey-Matthew
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- Опубліковано 5 бер 2022
- Soft White Underbelly update interview and portrait of Matthew, a fentanyl addict now staying in Los Angeles.
Here's a link to a GoFundMe campaign to help some of the people seen in SWU interviews: gofund.me/07701ccd
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4th times a charm 😂 thanks again for everything Mark you’re the man ✌️
So proud of you, Matthew!! Keep fighting every day, I've been clean a week. I tried Subs and Methadone multiple times to get clean. This time cold turkey. Praying for you man ❤️❤️
Proud of you man, your journey has stuck with me and i will sometimes wonder what your upto these days. Glad to see you’re doing better than ever. Keep up the great work :)
Thanks for sharing your story w/ us, Matt. It's a pleasure to follow your progress!
It's up and down, you're doing great
Bro I know firsthand myself about the struggles of addiction. I've been hooked on and fighting everything from alcohol to heroin/fentanyl. I've stolen from every friend, family member and loved one. Been to treatment several times and did the sub and methadone plan. You know as well as I do that we're MASTERS at lying and manipulation. Addiction is a MOTHERFUCKER! The only thing that helped me was EMDR, it literally stopped me from hanging myself. The reason we relapse so many damn times is because we think we know our limit. We think we can stop right on time before we wake up and we're sweating and puking and needing our drug of choice. The best advice I can ever give you or anyone reading this is, "DON'T DABBLE"! I hope you really do kick it this time for good bro. Semper Fi 🤙
The woman that has funded his treatment is a saint. Truly!
Or a fool.
@@firstsun5208 If you work with addicts, sometimes you're a bit of both. You are going to be taken advantage of. You will also have the chance to save someone's life.
@@Forgiveiolord He's not wrong took me only 3 tries luckily but if my mother didn't support me through it no matter what I wouldn't have a little over 3 years clean with a nice house and things and we'll over 10k in the bank....you sound like a fool.👍💯
@@firstsun5208 Maybe it’s you who’s the fool. Spreading senseless negativity to make yourself feel better about your sad life 😂 Good luck out there bro, you’re gonna need it
what an amazing person
For those judging this guy: If they did an interview with every addict who was thirty days clean, you would get far worse than this. I thought he did well. He's just starting the process. How about we don't predict failure for his life and send positive vibes instead? Just a thought.
agreed.
Seriously. All of these judgmental comments are super shitty, and I’m guessing are coming from people who haven’t personally experienced addiction and recovery. “He needs to do this”, “he needs to do that”… he’s a month in. Recovery is LIFE LONG. He’s got time to figure it out and people should just cheer him on for the incredible progress that he has made.
THAT 👏🏻 PART 👏🏻
I understand relapse is part of addiction. I personally think he needs a huge attitude adjustment. The way I felt before about him has changed, I think he's a cry baby!
Given such a wonderful gift and hearing him say how uncomfortable his bed was, complaining about the other people, getting in fights with those in charge, etc. etc.
I think he's got a long way to go.
@@lipglosskitten26 lol, you’re an idiot
I’ve never wanted someone to break free as much as I do for this guy.
He deserves a better life for sure. Fights to be who he wants to be, honestly inspiring
I've worked all my life and never touched a drug. Society does nothing for me and my mental health. I suppose being a loser and a bum is the way to go
@@mstirlzL
The fact that there is people out there that are paying out of pocket for strangers recovery is absolutely mind blowing.
Almost gives you that little piece of hope that humanity hasn't gone completely to shit. People with a genuine heart still do exist i guess.
Silent Night33, I live in the South, it's harder to get help here.No one offering help, especially for free. It's harder to get Suboxone than it is drugs. Even in treatment clinics, they are stricter than pain clinic. Its like they don't want people to get help.The doctors at pain clinics are just drug dealers, they charge 4 to 5 hundred dollars to write prescriptions. But, Suboxone clinics do the same. Having a medical problem that requires me to take them, doesn't help. It takes everything I have to just get by. But, there is no where to turn for help.
@@loriedwards4953 in the south where?
@@dree35 ,Tennessee
@@loriedwards4953 I'm sorry to hear you can't get a script for suboxone, it litterally saved my life. My regular Dr doesn't beleive in it , I was lucky a friend referred me to the best clinic where I get it from, they have me come in once a month to make sure I'm doing ok on my dose ect, their my angels.Drs need to educate themselves on drug addiction, I'm so sick of their arrogance, I don't wish drug addiction on anyone but one day it may be their own child who suffers from it. I wish you luck getting the help you need. Strength and love to you.
I just binged this mans entire life. What a rollercoaster. What a strong individual.
You've got it all wrong. He's weak af.
@@erichagan7153 🤣 good1
Im binging his series rn! He’s such a good soul.
Not his whole life or even close. They are strong though.
ong lmao
I’ve been waiting for Matthew to acknowledge that there is no such thing as a functional addict. He finally did that here. It’s an illusion. A lie that we tell ourselves for a long time even as we sink further. Wishing you the best Matthew on your journey. Really pulling for you.
its crazy how much Matthew has changed from interview to interview. I cant imagine what he has gone thru physically, emotionally & mentally. He mentioned he reads the comments sometiems, I am rooting for you Matthew!
me too! love him!
@@EphemeralProductions Its the cloths and he started talking faster.
That lady whoever she is, is very patient and understanding. God bless her.
@Bobby57south GTFO hahaha, It is not Glenn fucking Close......is it?
@Bobby57south … what made you say that lol
As a recovering fentanyl addict myself, this is part of my therapy, watching an episode of SWU to get my day started. Reminds me I'm not alone, and the struggle is too real.
Thank you for everything you do brother Mark!
I’m still an addict, but good job man! I’d like to cheer you on with ‘Let’s go Brandon’ but the Republicans ruined that one….huh.
I do the exact same thing. I’ve been clean long enough to have avoided Fentanyl, but I’ve found that if I start losing that spirit of thankfulness, that’s the first step to screwing up and becoming a nasty person.
I had the opposite experience. I found that spending too much time listening to people talk about being sick and getting well leads me to obsessing about it and romanticising about relapsing
We can do this Brandon 🤘🏻
same here, two years and I never miss a day!
hey mark would love an update on matthew in 2023. Really hoping things worked out for him.
Bro he's gonna die he obviously doesn't give a fuck about his program
I’m gonna go ahead and guess it didn’t work out. He obviously has an addictive personality. He’ll be dead within a few years.
@@johanneswestman935 the fuck is wrong with you. Even with an addictive personality he can still overcome his addiction. How gross of you to speak like that.
@@johanneswestman935That’s a heartless thing to say.
the thing is with these people, guy seemed honest a bit but he for sure doesn't want to stop fking himself. if you truly want to stop you just would, fucking pussies.
I forgot how crazy it is to be an addict. It’s been a long time. Matthew brings it all back.
I send strength to you brother
Im on my own journey, brother. I wish to say what you have commented one day.
@@User-5amk1m0 I should have said, I forgot how crazy it is to be an active addict. Even sober, I’m still an addict. That said, my sanity has been restored.
That “thanks man” after mark said he was proud of him just hit so much different
Touched my cold dead soul. I had a little flicker of an emotion for the first time in a long while.
♥️
@@MatthewAndrewDrake lets play call of duty bro fk the drugs you dont need em🤜
@@hitmantv1454 I’ll do goldeneye on n64
My incredible therapist struggled with _raging_ alcoholism that stemmed from PTSD from Vietnam War. He told me that he had gone through about a dozen round of programs. But now, he celebrated over 40 years of sobriety. The key is to never give up and keep trying no matter what. I’m proud of Matthew and I’m rooting for him!!
Matthew is an excellent example of someone who professes to have a strong desire to quit and lead a “normal” life, and yet how difficult and obstacle laden that journey is.
PLEASE PLEASE LET THE NEXT UPDATE BE A HAPPY ONE ❤️
Right now If your interested he is at a treatment centre called Graceland ranch
All I can say is never give up & it’s one day at a time. My best friends sponsor was sober since 1971. She lost her sister last week. She relapsed the next night. 51 years of sobriety. It can happen no matter how old you are, no matter how many years you’ve got under your belt, no matter how much you’ve helped others. It’s still a disease. We are all still human. And never be afraid to reach out to us. Because no matter how many times you fall, we’re here. We’ve been there too.
Wow. What a reminder, that we are never above our addictions. We can put space and time between us and it, but it's *always* waiting, lurking and ready to take us down. I hope she's back on track. 🌹
reminds me of stage 4 cancer. treatment can put the disease to sleep but it never goes away. stress, a broken routine or lapse of treatment things can turn ugly again. one day at a time is all we can do.
Oh gosh, you made me tear up 🥺😢…thanks so much for the kindness you are bestowing on those of us who fail often and need some grace
Wow I’m sorry to hear that. Life is nuts especially in and out of recovery for us addicts. Best to you and your friends and family ♥️
@@MatthewAndrewDrake I feel your pain and frustration, being an addict is a fucking nightmare. Ahhh your outfit is dope!! Did you buy them like that or did you draw or embroider on them yourself? Sending you huge love Matthew!
Love to see people winning against their struggles with addiction.
This doesn't sound like winning to me 💔
He still have a ton of work to do.
@@chaseriderthetruthchaser5988 agreed.
A desire to get clean is winning enough. Nobody needs your negativity
@@2fiddy_squiddy There's a difference between negativity and being realistic.
Addicts often carry a facile sort of "positivity," presenting hope when, as genuine as it may feel, it's still mostly fantasy. Matthew demonstrates this throughout his interviews. Actual progress takes a long time and a lot of work. Wishing him well doesn't require fantasy. He seems to be doing the best he can.
I'm not saying there isn't such thing as toxic positivity, I'm just saying this isn't it. He's a month off heroin, which even on Suboxone is better than nothing. I'm simply saying he's not "losing," as it was implied above that he was. Still doing much better than if he was on the streets shooting up.
It’s not about how many times you fall, but how many times you get back up. So proud of ya Matthew 🙏
A measure of a man is how he bounces back, not how far he fell. 🖖🏻
I love how all his thumbnails look like different eras, but mostly I love that he's doing well.
Keep focusing on your goals Matt
💜💜💜
Matthew hasn't learned the humility part of recovery yet.
When you mentioned the lady funding all of this he immediately moved past the subject and continued on about him. I was/am the same way. Learning humility, being honest in my self-assessment and not feeling the need to portray who my thoughts tell me I am has been very big for me. I see myself in this man, as a heroin addict, 35 w/ 6 clean. For me it stemmed from trust issues from feelings used/not appreciated. Keep chaining the right decisions together, Matthew. I believe in you.
The last video he was emotional over being helped and felt bad because he knew so many others need it ....i do not agree with your statement that he is not humble. Interviews are not easy
@@jillianlea9690 And what has happened since the last video and this one? From the story he told there is a lot of blaming others leading up to him making a single wrong choice when in reality there are many choices he didn't make. If you're in a sober living house and someone is selling meth and fentanyl why would you not tell someone? At some point accountability comes into play.
@@jillianlea9690 Nope. He has a LONG way to go. He'll be back because people want to see train wrecks. And he'll be a good one.
@@stanislouse4168 i never said he did not have a long way to go . Of course he does , he is in recovery . Recovery is constant . I just do not think we can make a whole and complete judgement based off of this. That being said , every addict has a problem with coming to terms with their situation . And as far as not snitching on people in the home , that is a tough dynamic to navigate
@@jillianlea9690 he was saying Mark...
"It's like 'Real World' extreme". He hit the nail on the head with this description of sober houses.
Agreed, I left one place within an hour because one of the residents was bragging about having sex with an intellectually disabled woman from the facility next door. He was openly bragging about it in a room with several other residents, and I could see none of them were even having a negative reaction to him having done this.
I left to avoid the whole situation.
10 years later or so, I'm about halfway through what I hope will be my last taper. I've done a few iop stays, but nothing longer than a couple weeks.
@@bgilley8199 Yuck!! There are some truly deplorable people...Many of them will stay in the cycle. Rise up, friend! You got this! ❤️
So awesome seeing this and Mark how you spotlight people and their journey is beautiful. Matt awesome job brother. Life becomes beautiful when we choose to see that side of it
Brought a tear to my eye when he started crying. Bless you mark for changing lives. And the lady who helped even though there were bumps throughout the process. Matt if you're reading this, keep up the recovery brother! Maybe some time down your journey you can become a sponsor, heard that helped some other ex-addicts to stay on the right path.
Did you get serotonin tho
The key is being able to deal with people, problems, and setbacks WITHOUT substances. I see this over and over, as soon as there is any sort of pushback in life, it's back to the drugs. I think the programs have to focus more on problem solving skills
Or the problem is an excuse. For me anyway, I’ve been an addict for half my life. Sixteen year methadone patient and Junkie, it sounds to me this dude is like, “I was so strong in my sobriety, but somehow I never said no to one single thing.”
The problem is opiods feel fucking amazing. Not like hehe oh I'm drunk I feel kewl. No like you feel right. Like this is heavenly. Godly. Righteous. That is the issue.
That's pretty much what any 12-Step program is designed around. "Emotional sobriety" is a common term for what you're talking about. Like anything, you can teach it to someone, but it's up to them to actually process it and implement it.
Yes!!!! I was just about to comment something like this. I think a lot of us will be better off dealing with so many issues (addiction, anxiety, depression, low esteem, etc.) by learning how to ignore certain situations and people that aren’t really a big deal. I think most people today take stuff toooooo seriously. Idk. Maybe people today are just mentally weak lol. I was molested as a child but I can’t let that situation that occurred years ago at one small moment of my whole existence just destroy me or anything really. Shit is the thing guaranteed thing to happen to you mostly in life 😂
I'm going to have the unpopular and real comment here based on my own experiences. Matthew is still blaming others for his behavior and then quickly saying something along the lines of "but its my fault" Until he truly accepts that he holds all the responsibility for his behavior, the cycle will continue.
Thankkkkyouuuuuu! , I love Mathew , but your tellin the truth , he blaming da wrong ppl
I think he knows
sometimes you know what is right, but it takes time to really understand and feel it
Yeah Matthew’s hella dumb and insincere I bet he’s high during this interview let’s get him hung drawn and quartered in the town square immediately upon sundown 😁
@@MatthewAndrewDrake more deflection I see…
Thank you Matt for being so vulnerable and transparent. Someone need to see this!
Good to see he's still trying and making his way. He didn't totally give up, and that's the key. Gotta keep that hope alive that it'll get better. You gotta stick with it. wish the best for the dude, everyone deserves a chance.
Oh man. I've been in recovery for...a long time. I thought this guy was gonna be one of those first times a charm.... But wow. His personality changed a LOT. He's just going though the normal paces and bad decisions a lot of us do in recovery. It's almost paint by numbers. But if you stick it out, keep trying, you can make it. Keep taking your lumps but ALWAYS try again. ALWAYS reach out for help. Even if it's a 12 stepper, someone will be there to help you brother.
❤
Not that it is funny but I was chuckling to myself, thinking yup, the pathway of a recovering addict trying to navigate the world, stumbling and bumbling but damnit, we finally are able to stay upright and become ourselves again
Thanks man I appreciate it
Spot on observation.
Good luck and hang in there Mathew 🤙
I was so excited to see an update from Matthew. I've been watching since his first and could relate to a lot of his "functioning addict" mentality because I'd tried to convince myself that's who I was for years. Anyways, when Mark first mentioned the "angel" that's helping him and the fact that nobodies made it a success story/maybe he can be the first one" I almost yelled "Mark Nooooo!" At my phone because putting that kind of pressure on someone in recovery/active addiction is the WORST thing you could do. The 2nd time he mentioned her and "all the money she's spending on you for these places" I actually did yell "Mark Noooo!" At my phone because again, guilt and pressure can f*ck with an addicts self esteem and make them feel super guilty and desperate to escape their current reality or take the edge off with "one little taste" because in their mind they're doing great and have been sober for a number of days in a row, what's a little bit gonna do right? Wrong! That's how most people relapse because the weight of the world they spent so much money and time on escaping from with drugs DOES NOT go away with the drugs. It's still there and even heavier compared to when their senses were dulled and perception muddled. Man I hope Matthew doesn't dwell on him putting that in his head and it eats away at his conscious and self esteem causing him to escape the only way he knows how. Dang..I love Mark for what he does but sometimes he reminds me that he's just a photographer/content creator/humanitarian and not a registered drug counselor or anything (I'm not but have been an addict most of my life). Wishing nothing but the best for Matthew and Mark as well though regardless of what happens. He's truly there to remind everyone that these people exist. Without him we wouldn't have a chance to be inspired or relate to their stories and situations. Good vibes to anyone reading this.
This
yeah honestly, pressure and guilt are the worst ways to help someone in recovery. especially if he feels like hes responsible for this person continuing to help people. it's not his resposibility! someone who helps addicts has to understand how hard it is. i hope matthew knows that he deserves this help even if he relapses.
This proves thathe has no elemental knowledge about the addiction biological and psychological causes . You would not put a pressure on a cancer patient for not being a “success story” for us the tax payers who fund their therapy
@@arbuznafiji damn..exactly! You couldn't have made a more relatable analogy my friend. I remember one, out of the many, times I was in active addiction and frikin just strung out hard. I was riding in my dad's truck with him and going to pickup a t.v. that he bought me that I'd pawned for something like a 1/4 of what it was worth so that I could actually get it back but my dad (as do all parents) knows when somethings up and will bully his way into a situation while both helping and berating me at the same time. Hence, we're on our way home with the t.v. and I thanked him for paying the $50 or whatever it was to get it out of pawn and he turned to me and said something along the lines of, "yup..next time it can just sit in there". This is after he'd basically shoved his way into my apartment to look around and saw the t.v. was gone then offered to get it back for me. Like..bruh..I didn't even ask him to do that but he's gonna say some shit like I'm 12 years old and got my slingshot taken away by the police for putting a neighbors window out?? Guess how long that t.v. lasted? Yup..fuck that t.v. . Just staring at it pissed me off and ate away at my conscious enough to where I'd felt so horribly guilty over who I was I couldn't even look at it anymore. That's the type of little petty comments can take someone who's been on the right track and fucking DE-Rail their entire vibe right back to junky of the year. Thanks for the replyman, It's cathartic to know there're others out there who know how it is.
@@kermasooda you know I think like with Amanda and that whole situation and how she got better for a bit but then passed away while still in treatment didn't give Mark enough insight into how addicts handle being on their own for real after the schedule, structure, free food and safety a state funded rehab offers. I could have talked my way into a brand new car my last week of rehab if it meant I could drive it the hell away from that place and everyone in there. The fact that she died of natural causes/pre drug use didn't really give him a chance to understand addiction and the psychology of treatment/sobriety isn't as black and white as "I'm sick, now I'm better" but rather "I need someone to help me not think about selling anything that's not bolted to the floor for drugs even though I've been sober for 3 months." I've been newly sober before and the counselors gave me the rest of the $ I came in there with plus medication (all the good sh*t) for the next 30 days 5 minutes before I left. Let's just say I didn't go home for about 4 days and was the furthest thing from sober you can imagine. Thanks for the comment. I really appreciate your point of view and understanding of what I was trying to explain.
Mark you are doing an incredible thing by shining a light on the human aspect of addiction and other things that are very rarely given any airtime.
Mathew, I wish you all the best. I truly hope you come through this and see just how much you have to offer to the world. It’s yours to offer so don’t feel any pressure to offer it. Take care of yourself buddy. I’ve watched all your interviews in one sitting.
Man, so many people around the world would benefit from this type of forum. I live in Toronto and know so many people that have such amazing stories but have to struggle to survive. Getting to know people in these situations helps other see a way out. I wish I had someone to talk to like this, SWU is a beautiful thing.
Matthew is extremely fortunate to be able to check into so many rehabs in such a short time. The seed had been planted and a "wanting to become clean" is really important. Lots of things I don't agree with but everyone is different and that is perfectly "OK." In my case suboxone gave me a chance to get out of the cycle of chronic relapse, and then into complete sobriety. The human brain takes who knows how long to recover and I am of the opinion of it never does. Life on Life's terms is a real bitch, Hang in there Matthew and I will do the same. Peace and Love.
He didn’t say that Suboxone prevents you from having the chance to get out of the cycle of chronic relapse, though? All he said was that because it’s an opioid, he doesn’t count it as real clean time. He didn’t say anything negative about it.
You can't have the mind set of thinking your better than suboxzone or that it's a bad thing. I think it's a necessity in the beginning of sobriety. Stick with it for a few months.
@@dgrelli Suboxone is poison though; it gets in your bones. If only doctors would prescribe natural remedies - I'm a strong believer in kratom instead of pharmaceuticals; obviously only if it has been tested for purity - not prepackaged.
@@moejuggler6033 kratom isn't all sunshine and rainbows either though
@@lukearduin4692 It's objectively better than taking methadone or suboxone though; and that was my point.
14 months clean and sober here. Celebrate each milestone and the steps saved me. I honestly think gaining that self awareness and learning my whys helped a ton. Congrats on one month 🤗
That's amazing! Keep going and remember to be proud of yourself. Shit is hard af
I love seeing other people in the rooms in the comments. God bless!! ❤️
Congrats to you but each person is different,I am prescribed opioids for pain and they improve my life so will be on them forever
Matthew I am 35 and had spent roughly two years in rehab over a 9 year heroin addiction. Most of the things you are saying I can completely relate with. But I am here to say that this can be done. Being clean and happy is difficult but worth the work and effort. I nearly died have had open heart surgery and a pulmonary embolism. I should not be here today but God saved me and I decided it was time to listen lol. I wish all the best for you and know deep down you have what it takes to become the person you want and should be. Anyway sorry if this sounds preachy it was not meant to be. Have a good day everybody!
I never thought I would become so invested in a strangers life documented on the internet. Matthew you're an inspiration, life is tough but you've manged to keep going through it all. I really hope you're doing well a year and a half after this interview was posted!
Mark I'm from Australia and I just want to say your work has been incredibly inspirational to me and helped me move towards a career in helping those in need. Thank you for all you do!
Your description of the “itch” brought back memories of my recovery. You get clean, start being productive, get your shit together and then you get bored or lonely and things fall apart again. I wish you the best Matthew. I’m ten years sober from opioids- beating addiction is possible, just don’t give up. Having a family that loves you - be they blood or chosen - seems to be the key. Having people you live for and goals to work towards are powerful incentives to stay on the right path.
Matthew, you probably don't realize that by talking about your life, you help people like me who are not using. I listen and learn, so THANK YOU for sharing your story. I am rooting for you. It takes a lot of humility to be open for Mark and us viewers. I hope you read this one day and realize that you are loved by soooo many people. I am so happy that you are trying. You are a good man.
Took me 7 hospitalizations, 2 OD's, and many years to get there!!!!! Keep it up!!!
Matthew's first video was how I found this channel about a week ago. Seeing a new update for Matthew (with good news nonetheless!) was a highlight on the day. Thank you, Mark, for giving people like Matthew a voice. Thank you, Matthew, for being brave enough to talk about your life and hardships and for being so open. You got this!!!
It’s common in first months of sobriety especially opiates to have overwhelming surges of emotion like that. Don’t overthink it... a lot has been buried and suppressed for a long time now. Good for you for your courage to be vulnerable.
Do your best to keep it under control and express it at the right times w the right people. I hope to see Matthew be a success story from this channel, it really changed his entire life.
The emotions are crazy .. Even 1 day clean you can literally feel it all. The suppressing is real with opiates, especially Fent. Shits mad wicked how it literally cuts off your thought process and emotions. Gotta live life on life's terms. I say I'm ready everyday but .. It's so hard' being a fent addict. ✌💔
From what i understand, and have experienced myself, when you start using heavy opiates your brain just stops developing in a lot of ways. Like if you start using at 17 and get sober at 30, you're basically a 30 year old with the emotional development of a teenager.
Pulling for you, Matthew. I think the 'one day at a time' attitude will really serve you well. Thank you for sharing your story so honestly.
You represent the every day working person and so many people relate to you and want to see you win, keep it up bro. Your story inspires millions.
Matthew I’m so proud of you…sending love from New York. You have truly inspired me to take things one day at a time. Thank you for sharing your journey
He needs to learn that all these "reasons/excuses" will be there EVERYTIME to try and make you use. You have to put it ALL on YOURSELF.
Very well said. I watched this and notice hes blaming everything but himself.
Your amazing Mark, never stop. These amazing people need to tell their stories
So much love to the angel putting money up to him and whoever else. You're an AMAZING person.
I’m only 19 and have addiction troubles and watching this made me realize I relapsed again and I’m signing into in-patient so I can get off and get myself back together. The one day at a time stuff is a great piece of advice, it’s very hard for me to see any progress or happiness in my future and that really holds me back but listening to this helps a lot.
Bro you have an amazing future ahead of you, it’s hard to see anything clearly when you’re in the grip of addiction, but trust me give clean life a try and see how much amazingly fucking better it is, you’ll be blown away. Good luck homie 🙏
"Only 19" can turn in to "only 30" real fast. Keep your shit together, you can do it.
You'll be a lot better off when you cut that "dumb idiot stupid" stuff out . Good Luck man you got this
you got this.
Trust me, life will suck. And it will suck more than you'll think you can handle sober, but you tried handling it completely wasted and drugged out of your mind. It still didn't get better or easier. Being clean gives you the opportunity to control yourself and your situation, and you'll get to be aware of the trauma and use tools that you will have learned in therapy in those tough situations. And you'll be able to look yourself in the eye and be proud. And not feel shitty or giving in to the 'flight' response, and that is powerful. I don't believe in any Gods, I'm agnostic, I love myself and I know the people who love me too. So when I stray away from myself and who I am, they help me to get back on track best they can. I am also incredibly stubborn, and that is my greatest strength in recovery, I know not anybody is stubborn like me. But fuck no am I going to let my anxiety and trauma ruin my life! Even though I know exactly where to go and what to do to get my mind to shut up and my body to relax. But fuck no, I'm choosing the fight. The right against myself, and tomorrow is always a better day, cause I get to have my morning coffee clean and sober. And I get to decide how that day is going to look like. Me ; not drugs. Me ; not alcohol. But me. And that is enough for me, knowing that what I went through didn't end me. So really, how bad can it get? Fucking very bad! But I can handle it. Because I choose to. E v e r y day I choose myself.
You are such an amazing filmmaker, storyteller, and interviewer. Can't stop watching your videos!
I can’t either. I stumbled upon Mark’s videos last night and I cannot stop. They are beautiful. They are sad. They are important.
I agree.. Thank you Mark! You're an upstanding dude...Stay blessed my friend.
You got immensely blessed. U have a true angel and I hope you've thanked her more in person than you ever did here publicly. God speed man.
What a ride through these interviews. Hope you are well and peaceful, Matt.
Alcoholic in recovery going on 9 months here. Relapse is also part of my story, and I 100% believe the last time I went back out is what kept me sober for good.
I know I can never again drink safely and hope that Matthew feels the same about his recovery. In the rooms of AA/NA we’re all rooting for each other, and I hope to see him get the relief & serenity all of us work hard for
Binge watched his videos this past week so I love the timing. And it's so nice to see the change in the mindset, I really hope this time he can take one day at a time and make the best of it. Hang in there, Matthew!
just watched all the videos of Matthew in one sitting, wow what an amazing series, good luck Matthew. I wish you the best
I will say, as a social worker, I love your videos because it touches so many different people I work with in a broad spectrum. It gives me a different outlook and understanding to the population I work with.. I truly love and admire your work. I share your account as often as I can because I think you’re making such a huge impact .
As a child who's live was ruined by a social worker I really hope you're not one of the ones taking kids from good mothers and fathers and putting them into random family's who get paid alot and don't care about kids and alot of times rape and abuse them , I hope you're not one of them who keep they'reouth shut seriously I don't even trust you if you say you're unaware of this
@@jungleninja8415 I don't know what generation you are from but social work today is quite different. CPS's main goal IS reuinification and working with families to accomplish this.
God bless that angel that stuck by him over and over again. Whoever you are you deserve recognition for your work
I love interviews with this guy. He has a gift for storytelling, his story is always a breath of fresh air.
Congratulations Matthew. I know that "who knows what the future holds", but I'm happy for you and wish you the best. I have really enjoyed all your interviews. I appreciate your sensitivity, intelligence, awareness and humor. And your honesty! I love stories that really give the full picture, especially from someone with an intelligent voice, insight and the courage to be honest. Also, I could relate to the problems you had at all the recovery and sober houses. I was thinking how difficult (actually, unbearable!) that would be for me (as someone on the autistic spectrum and with many health issues)... I could feel how annoying other people and the lack of truly helpful support seemed to be for you. And I was so relieved when you finally ended up at the one in San Diego, which sounded like it had a much more compassionate and effective approach for you. I'm glad that you managed to realize that you do deserve help, support and the opportunities to sort your life out and live authentically for yourself. It's also nice to see someone who expresses gratitude, shows growth and humility. Best to you!
Thanks Matthew. For sharing your story. The good, the bad and the ugly. It helps people more than you know to see that being resilient is possible.
Rooting for you Matthew! Recovery is up and down, backwards and forwards, and it looks like you're doing great
I’m not a crier, but when Matthew chokes up there at the end, that got me. You can tell he’s a genuinely good person. It takes a lot to own up to your mistakes and learn from them, taking things one day at a time. I wish him all the best and aspire to be like the woman that gave money to help him. What an angel.
It makes me so happy to hear the jump to one year at the end.
looking forward to the next one :)
Binged this guy's interviews over the last day or so and what a guy. Hats off Mathew
Matthew, I'm so glad you have an angel helping you. She sounds amazing and so are you!
Thanks Sandi I appreciate it!
@@MatthewAndrewDrake Soft white underbelly clone ua-cam.com/video/pLYSeUGu5YA/v-deo.html
Very inspiring! You are on the right path, Matthew! Thank you Mark and thank you "mysterious lady" for all the help you are giving to many!
Great job Matthew! Keep up the good work! I’ve got 7 years and it does get easier over time. Sounds like you’ve found a path that will work for you! Keep owning your recovery and life gets so much better with each passing year. Proud of you!
Great to see the progression of this guy from the first video. Peeling away those layers to really get to know himself.
I love Matthew. I’m rooting for you. So proud of you though cause you kept trying. You didn’t give up at all.
Love to see recovery, I just hope he’s working on his anger. I’m hearing a lot of blame or how other people were acting in these facilities. The real world is worse. You really only need to worry about how you react. I wish him all the best. We can and do recover!
Yeah I think in one of the previous stories he talked about how he’d irritated a rehab counselor. Getting the sense he’s not the easiest guy to be around. Agree that if he works on that he might not end up being in these stressful situations that cause him to use. Hope he does well
Yeah I thought the same thing…. but at the same time it’s HARDDD to not be bitchy when your on and off the rollercoaster of drug and alcohol abuse. If you just look at what nicotine withdrawals do to people’s mood then multiply it by 1000 for fentanyl then it starts to make sense. Also, the rehab industry is a very seedy and sketchy place so I understand him seeing through their “sales pitches” etc. For a long time there were rehabs that would plant ppl outside of their building to get ppl hooked again as soon as they got out of the program just so they’d go back in along with lots of other very unethical business practices.
I can sense him doing a lot of blaming and finger pointing as well and he did not seem like that type of person in the first interview video by mark. Also I think he has a lot more mental health problems to work on and probably needs some meds for depression/anxiety but It’s not fair of me to judge or make assumptions either.
Super happy for you dude! Keep taking everything in and processing day by day and try to recognize and appreciate your good days as they happen. And eventually the momentum will be so strong that it won’t feel like such a battle any more. You’re a warrior man!
Matthew, dunno if you'll read this but I really wish you all the best on your journey. Thank you for sharing your powerful story and thanks to SWU for making this series.
Thank you Matthew for sharing, and big thank you also to everybody who’s been a part of Matthew’s journey. ❤️🔥
Matthew, if youre reading these ,. Man 30 days is huge ! You gotta stay in communication with your support group constantly man to stay accountable and to keep you from making these snap decisions. As someone in the same battle, I'm rooting for ya . Get that 90 days man!!!!
This guy gives me hope that I can change my life around too. Its so relieving hearing someone come from the same walk of life. Good luck matt, im rooting for you.
Thank you Lora ♥️ you can and don’t lose the hope
Loved watching Matthew telling his story, stay strong man you've got this
No matter what Matthew I’m proud of and love you, drugs or no, it takes a special person to be so vulnerable for so many to see. Ty for sharing your stories.
Good job Matthew! I'm 199 days sober today (functional raging alcoholic). When you said "thanks man" at the end I could see the happiness in your eyes. I know bc I've felt it when staying clean and sober is recognized by someone. Keep your chin up and kick life's ass! Good luck to ya!
congratulations!
Good onbya mate, trying to do the same here hope i suceed
@@morgoth1946 it won't be easy but i promise its so worth it. Get through that first 3 weeks
Matthew You are inspirational, and real asf.. I have been following your story and I pray that you never give up! God Bless you man.. Thank you for sharing your story. You look a lot better, I pray you continue to stay clean. You ARE so worth it!
You are incredibly brave to be so open and talk about this issue. You have made the steps to change your life and re learn new coping strategies. I have CPTSD and also struggle with these issues, but I am learning I picked up these poor coping strategies as my naive foem of survival. You have to be kind to yourself, especially in recovery, no one is perfect and we all still make mistakes. Its how we deal with those mistakes and learn our triggers and boundaries. Most importantly, learning we are worthy of this self care and love. I have a lot of respect for you, you can do this because you know its what you really want. x
Thank you Alyson
This is “recovery with money and support.” As a support person I’ve lived this story with addicts too many times. The thing I had to keep reminding them was that their only other option would be Salvation Army. I never had unlimited resources, so free or do it yourself were the options. Never give up, but if you are a support person don’t exhaust your resources on someone. They have to work for their recovery. You can’t buy it for them.
💯
Detox then outpatient program then a Job guaranteed to work if he really wants to live a normal life
If people only knew how bad the Salvation Army really is. It’s not that much better than prison.
You don't need money to recover I am proof their are plenty of free low-income programs and rehabs that will help you but you have to want to help yourself.
Yeah I heard about a guy last night that ended up in bumfuck Alaska working on a “rehab” farm with no detox meds or therapy. Then he relapsed and went to Salvation Army because he had no help. He definitely didn’t relapse about 5 times after that. No not at all. We all have our own process and journey.
Great content mark. Your really helping spread a great awareness 🙏🏼
1st- the woman that reaches out to help, is an angel!! Thank you for being kind, generous, selfless, and a true blessing!
2nd- I'm really pulling for you, Mathew! Sobriety looks good on you, I know you can do it.
And finally- Has Mathew been diagnosed/ treated for A.D.D? I really think that might be the root of the problem with relapsing.
This guy went from being a "functional" addict to doing fentanyl and meth without giving it a second thought. It seemed like he had the desire to get clean and all he needed was some support, but it shows how difficult and complicated the road to recovery is even when it seems you have it under control. Sometimes things need to get a lot worse before they finally get better and I'm really rooting for him.
True that Cristina. Gonna do an update interview soon
He didn’t do meth with his fentanyl, he only did meth once and that was when he was in treatment and he had Covid
Matthew is one my favorites, he wants the sobriety so bad and hasn't stopped trying ❤️
“I want to unapologetically be myself”
Thanks Matthew, your words seem to really resonate. Good luck in your journey.
Thank you 😊
The fact that he can (and is willing to) start videos with "so I was wrong....." is so incredibly refreshing. I hope this humble & retrospective nature of yours continues to build throughout your journey. Keep fostering that self honesty, Matt! :)
p.s. a piece of unasked for advice: when you are around people you don't trust in a centre, try to be the person others can trust. Trust and care is reciprocal.
Man Mathew u seem like such a cool ass dude and your journey is amazing to hear , like man your so transparent you don’t get that a lot your straight up truth and tell it how it was and that helps more than h know brother I’ve been in recovery 5 years now from fyntinol and and haven’t heard a story this good ever !!!
Matthew I have wondered about how you were doing many times. I'm sorry it's been a struggle and you had a hard first few goes. You seriously have so many people cheering you on! You are so lucky to have the support of so many around you even us unseen cheerleaders..lol.
I do feel your emotion of being grateful and continuous learning everyday. I can't even image the pain and worry your parents have had. And thank you to Mark if it wasn't for your biography, Matthew might have not had these options of support for sobriety. Please dont give in, keep fighting and allow your emotions they have been blocked for a long time. All the best I hope to see another update soon.
The problem is you have high and mighty addicts that think because they could function while using, they are somehow different, than all the other addicts. Not just different, but better than others. There in lies the fault. Until you completely let go and accept that you are an addict and that you are no better than any of the others, no matter what you think your status in society is, no matter what class of people you think you belong to, your never going to fully understand how to beat your addiction. Its that exact thinking that contributes to what is keeping you an addict.
This a fact he won't never make real connections with people thinking he's better drug addiction is not just about drugs it's about fixing you as a person .... His whole rehab experience was about everybody else how they acted or they been to prison ...he seems like a really hard guy to get along with js
@@573semobulls3 notice the part where he's now learning those lessons...to cool down, walk away, don't act on emotions, let shit go. So many need to learn the hard way. Matthew is no different. He is learning and has learned. Life will keep kicking your ass until you decide to learn the lessons it throws at you.
Exact, learn to love yourself and accept your surroundings, accept people nothing seems perfect for you. Please remember addicts is an addict your not above others, meet everyone where your at and their at!
@@573semobulls3 yes … that was part of his story. He IS taking responsibility now. He was just telling the story about what he thought and felt at that time. Very different than now. I was concerned about that mind set too until getting to the end of the interview.
exactly! when I was a "functional" addict I was one bad choice away from being selling my body on the street for heroin. I try to look at other addicts like a mirror showing me myself, in a different situation, with less privilege
Wow Mark what a magnificent person you are reaching out to the broken people of this world to facilitate and assist them. I deeply admire and respect you. Blessings always Sue ❤️✝️
I am intrigued by your journey because it parallels my own, in ways to numerous to mention. We both have those who are rooting for us. I'm rooting for you, buddy!
Let’s GOOO!!! It’s so joyous to wake up and see this video, you look like a totally new person. God bless you and those who have helped you, we all believe in your strength and your ability to keep improving your life. There is no limit to how much better things can be, now.
Love the honesty, the transparency and the self-awareness Matt has :) Life is a lesson, I hope he can continue on his path to recovery.
Rooting for Matthew! Good for you Mark, for reminding Matthew that he needs to be accountable too. Each place he went, it was someone else’s fault. I was taken aback when Matthew said he’s a clean freak and likes things tidy. I sensed a little entitlement. I would hope that these recovery homes are clean and livable for everyone. But that should probably be the least of your worries, man. Wish you the best - good luck with your recovery, you got this!
Super happy for you Man proud that you finally got your shit together! I can relate totally with your story. I appreciate you sharing ! Gives me motivation and encouragement
I remembered him immediately!! I prayed for him after seeing his initial video a year ago! Wow what a difference! I know the AA program he’s in and it’s wonderful! I pray he continues to succeed and learn more about himself! 🤗
It’s so nice seeing Matthew back and looking so healthy! ❤️
He looks absolutely incredible, this channel is a wonderful thing
Very happy for you and wish you the best. Slips and setbacks can be very heavy and it's very difficult to get back up and try again. Very proud of you for keeping at it. You have the right attitude and seem to know that you can't let up and think it's all behind you. It is you. Always will be, and that is perfectly okay. It's wild, as an addict you spend so much time telling yourself that life sober would be miserable and you'd rather die, yet the only way for an addict to be happy is to be sober. From one now sober addict to another, I am proud of you, I love you, and I wish you the best.
Also, the lady who is helping fund treatment for you and other is an incredible person and hope she is healthy happy and feels fulfilled everyday of her life.