I just, no lie, stood in front of the hallway mirror and said, "you and me are all we've got. so no matter what happens, I'm here for you best buddy." A little silly but I'm committing to this.
hello, your videos helped me get better in life overall, I'm getting a nice body, my social skills are higher than ever, and I'm mentally healthy, everything is going nice in my life, for all this I want to thank you, you are a nice person that deserve the best; keep up with the great work.
lol, he just said that he is happier and better in his life right now, thats great! dont come here with your negativity, its not worth listening, nobody cares, go back to tumblr.
Dude, what you do with your channel is absolutely awesome. Always reasoning and given useful advice for people to become happier. Absolutely so glad I found your channel a couple months ago!
That 'best friend brain' thing is really useful. A few years ago I was on a pause with my wife (basically we broke up without divorcing, she moved etc.) and I fell into a pretty deep depression. Not waking up to see her face or waiting for our kids to come home was hell for me. But then I started talking to myself with her voice in my head and I actually got through it. I solved the problems in my life that made her distance herself from me and we got back together. So basically it was life saving for me. To hear that other people are using this technique is really nice. I was under the conclusion I've gone mad in that period of time. Now that you of all people say it's a good thing I'm happy :D
Your spot on It doesn't matter how hard life gets If you are committed to improving and changing you have more going for you then majority of people in the world Self talk is the key
I've been trying to go through the hard time for two years which is really difficult to get along with myself. I almost got depression and still fighting with reality. Luckily I figured out how to talk myself out of the darkness. This is a really great perspective.
I'm actually going through the same thing. I realized the way I talked to other people was waaaay nicer and more encouraging than how I talked to myself so I made the conscious decision to stop and be as nice to myself as I was to others. I've been doing it for about a week now and so far it's prevented me from emotional paralysis. But my process is different, I actually talk to myself (I know I look crazy) whenever I start feeling emotionally clogged up. Hopefully this keeps up and soon I'll be able to completely stop mentally bullying myself.
Mind if I use your voice as my best friend brain, Charlie? It just hit me now how much impact your channel has had on my life the past few months since I've subbed.
You're full of so much wisdom its amazing and I just wanted to say you've really helped me. And don't even get me started on your speaking skills. One of my goals is to be at your level one day.
I'm 4 minutes in but I had to say this. I have, for many years, already seen myself and my brain as separate entities. The part that beats me up is a bully that lives inside my head, and I usually deal with it by telling it to go away and leave me alone. I've never thought to try taking control of the voice and making it say nice things instead. I'm gonna try this.
Just got out of a 2yr relationship where the most important thing learnt was to love and be happy with yourself first. Good to come across this vid at a time like this. IM IN.
Carlos Rodriguez so go and meet new people being your most charismatic version, you will meet many interesting guys and they can become your best friends
I'm going to commit to this for a week! With your videos I find myself rewatching it again but then taking notes and making a little outline for myself so i remember the points i need to focus on! Thanks Man!!!!
It kind of seems like you're describing prayer exactly. Talking to another entity with a different voice, seeking comfort, looking for a solution, has high standards, doesn't necessarily answer back literally. Seems like what I do when I pray.
Mr. Michal, I thought of the same thing! I thought about making a comment about God, but thought, without it being a response to a comment, it would've been out-of-place. Yes, I think your "best friend brain" should be God. He definitely makes me more positive. It works! Prayer is a link to someone that thinks we're valuable, and that we can be great!
I've been using this for 10 years now. It changed my life. I went from homeless to successful. My in on the process was this, I gave really good advice to my friends but never followed my own advice. So I decided to approach problems by seeking advice from my best friend self. It works great. Another way to approach this is to be the best friend and allow the real you to be someone else for awhile. I would pick a friend and pretend they were in the situation and then wrote them a letter. Later I would read that letter as addressed to myself.
In a similar way I use the voice of an older version of myself looking out for my present self; much like the nurturing of an older sibling. Start by writing out your problems as if you were explaining them to a friend and really get into it - the whys and hows of what happened. And keep rewriting and going over it because initially I noticed I wrote as a victim taking pity on myself but eventually it turned into codes to live by and read whenever I needed that mental pull out of my dwelling. Just type it up on your phone so it's always there when you need it. It's all about rewiring your brain because the better you know yourself the better you can take care of yourself - you always know the solution. Great videos by the way, keep it up!
I'm in. "I love you too much to be unhappy over this" also is something I'm going to use a lot in the future when helping my friends and myself through things for sure.
Never thought someone would address this! I picked this "Best Friend" brain up several years ago and it pulled me out from depression. I use it whenever I feel down or confused. Definitely helps to feel less lonely especially if you're single. Thanks for putting this on video and reminding us that we're not as lonely as we tell ourselves :)
This sounds like prayer! Often times David in the psalms would pour out his pain and frustration to God but then relay to himself the beauty and love of his God and tell his own soul to worship Him and never to forget any of His benefits. God would play the role of a best friend and often times this is where we of faith remember that we have an advocate in Heaven that is for us and sees us for who we are and wants the best for us! Community is so important but like you say, we need to give ourselves permission to rehearse these positive voices in downcast moments that leave us feel a little hopeless, and remember that sometimes times we are our own worst enemy and voice. Great video !!
I swear everytime I am going through an issue, you always upload a video that is relevent to what I'm going through. It's freaky but each of those videos has really helped me. Thank you so much for making these videos.
I cant tell you How much i needed this video today! I have been stressed all week about stupid things, and then right after I used this technique it was like I was focused and full I of energy and willpower
needless self criticism is such a common and corrosive problem. it really saps self esteem and robs so many people of their potential. good video, and great idea to involve others. I also find it amazing how talking to ourselves is much more effective when we use a voice,image or persona belonging to someone else (whether a friend, mentor or personal hero). it really allows me to more effectively hear and accept the ideas I otherwise find it impossible to take onboard.
Perfect timing for this video, I've been going through the same mental change! One of the key phrases I've been telling myself is a reversal of the Golden Rule, "Treat Yourself The Way You'd Treat Other People." Thanks for the video, Charlie, great work as always!
I think I've got the charisma thing down ages ago by carefully observing people and not particularly studying emotions but practicing what I've seen. Still watching you talk about it is superbly entertaining.
I'm joining in! I'mma stop whining about my problems and actually work on getting the solutions because I know I can, and I'm Awesome, and I should acknowledge that more often. You All Rock! Keep Rockin'!
This totally works. I pretend that I have sports broadcasters in my head evaluating my progress. "He's worked really hard this season and he has a lot of heart, but that play was just not NHL level hockey." kind of thing. Because sports broadcasters really want the players to do well it is really easy to take their conversation style and insert yourself in there. Thanks for another inspiring video!
I totally agree with each and every word u said , at times a person could torture himself in the worst way ever. But also on the other hand side u find ppl with a spoiled best friend mind in which I mean they pamper themselves so much and never carry responsibility for there actions. I guess that both edges r wrong and we must stay balanced .
The best self appreciacion move you can do after achieving something is to tap your own shoulder while congratulating yourself This goes so well because your unconsious mind takes this gesture as a gesture of praise without carrying where it came from, even if it is your own hand
The need to live in the moment for me. I burrowed deeply in the last few months, I hope this method will help. This is my main problem! I'm with you Charlie!
I really needed to watch this video. Your example about the friend being upset over roommate messiness is like to a T one of my biggest frustrations right now, and I hate it. It's caused me so much stress and I can't figure out quite why, but the words you spoke about "You're better than this. Are you going to let your hour or day being ruined because there are plates where you don't them to be left by someone who you're really close to, etc." hit home so hard, I may have to watch this on a loop for it to register because my own voice and best friend brain were not getting out these exact words. Thank you for your videos and I can't wait to watch more! :)
I'm looking at this in hindsight what you are advising is what I eventually figured out the hard way and it has made a world of difference in my confidence and how I feel each day. Not a day goes by when I don't complement myself at least once and I catch myself early when I start to 'mentally terrorise' myself. Thanks for sharing
I was doing my homework and browsing through youtube because i really didn't want to do my homework, i thought my homework was so hevy and so boring but after watching this video i literally created a random voice in my head and told myself that is not hard to finish this homework at all! and i believed it!!! thank you so much, you are literally helping me and hundreds of thousands of other people become better people.
oooohhhhhhshizzzzzz every time I feel lazy like that i think to myself do I wanna be successful or do I wanna be pushing carts at Costco, hope this motivates you good luck!!
That was a life changing advice! I now think about the times i could do something but said to myself you just can't do it,give up. It was a big mistake! We shouldn't be the limit of ourselves. And we shouldn't expect someone else to encourage and support us we should do that on our own.
It's almost been 4 years since this video was published, but I'm in!. I've recently been binging and taking notes from all your self improvement videos and I hope that you do plan to do some more in the future, because these are pure gold! It's a shame that not as many people watch them as much as the charisma breakdowns.
I think this is a great idea. I mean you're the only one who can really connect and understand yourself. You're always going to be there and, well, you have to be there for yourself for you never know when all you'll have is Yourself.
@@IAmAFamel I know I'm late to the party, but I have to say, there are introverted people who are charismatic and confident. Introverted doesn't mean your automatically not self-confident or aren't charismatic. It's how they get their energy. Extroverted people get their energy from outside themselves, ex. groups of people. Introverts just need time alone to recharge. It doesn't mean that they can't go out with others and be charismatic. It just takes more energy. And, I know plenty of extroverted people who aren't charismatic.
Okaay, I should accept that you talk clearly and in detail about those things I thought about, but never said to anyone. Thank you for bringing this useful info in an understandable way to the society. Great job, dude:)
be your own best friend be kind to yourself . slide yourself a break and compliment yourself all sounds very counterintuitive very important our parents should have taught us this.
There is a TED Talk "How to practise emotional first-aid" and I've heard about this best-friend mindset amongst several other improvements for a better self-care. And since watching that I've started to pay attention to my inner critic. It's unbeliavable for me (a benevolent and conscious one, ayayay) how strongly repressed the presence of that energy was. I couldn't sense it and yet, when I started to pay attention, it became obvious that it ruled most of my decisions!!! Shocker - shadow work at its best. So I dragged this critic out into the sun, examined its motives and learned a lot about this power I can exude now in my life, with the critic's force within, hand in hand, in a heartbeat unisono.
Thank you so much! As someone who´s been going through, and in some ways still am going through the same thing, this helps on a level nothing else has been!
I personally don't have any problem with socializing and stuff like that but your videos definitely have a really positive philosophy. I like that when you say for more tips you put a link to another one of your videos and not some $50 seminar DVD or stupid thing like that so good stuff
I've been doing this for about over a year now, and it most definitely works. Personal story aside, I basically have no more "best friends" I can rely on, but I had to keep going, so I did exactly what you proposed in this video and became my own best friend. There are a bunch of things that make this easier to do, from using someone else's voice to having a pet that's always with you (a bird fits perfectly). Find what works for you. And the thing that worked the best for me is to give up on modesty. Being modest is comparable to finding 10 bucks on the street and thinking "sweet! 5 bucks!" *Give yourself all of the credit you think you deserve*. Create that self-esteem is you don't have any, but do not undervalue your achievements. This way even if things seem like the end, you will have made it easier to look back and think "nah, I'm awesome," and pick yourself up from the dumps.
Thank you for the amazing video, these have really helped me to be more positive and improve myself. This best friend voice is a great tip and I will definitely apply from now. Please keep more great videos coming, I really appreciate and enjoy watching them. Thank you Charlie!
This is SO very true! I had to go through few difficulties and heartaches in life to find that best friend within me. This may sound crazy, I self talk a lot when I go through challenges in life. When I feel depressed or stressed out, it is that inner Best friend who motivates me to be productive, look after myself and do workouts instead of binge eating and binge watching movies. I can say I'm my own worst critic but the voice inside of my head will help me to calm my self and understand things. I like to think it's a chat between my heart and mind, it seems like my mind shows tough love and try to discipline my emotions when I follow my heart foolishly and be all emotional and miserable. I am usually at peace when both choose to agree with each other. Haha :)
At the right time. Usually I am very sure of myself bat In the last two weeks I have lost all confidence in myself and I do not know why. Maybe because I do not find the job what i want. The only thing I do is criticize myself and when my friends make me compliments I think they make fun of me, I can not take them seriously. I do not care absolutely the thoughts of other people, but I feel that I no longer dare to do anything. I will follow your advice, I'll try to become a best friend to myself I listening to your videos here to learn better English (native Russian speaker).
i used this method a lot 2 years ago. it wasn't my friend's voice, it was a voice that came from some place inside and i overcame anything that went my way
Just stumbled on this video from a year ago (I’ve watched a ton of your content already)... Charlie, thanks for doing what you do. every video I watch from you gives me another new mindset or perspective
Daaaaang Charlie, back at it with the awesome video! Amongst all the time-wasting videos on UA-cam, your channel is like an oasis where you always come out of refreshed and a better self!
Yo im in it for a week! I really needed to see this video today. I just returned to college, and noticed that I have been extremely critical of my actions in social situations, to the point of really being hurtful to myself, so I think this will really be helpful!
Charlie, I LOOOOVE your videos I've been binge watching for longer than I should've, but I disagree with one thing here. When men vent about their problems, they want solutions. When women vent, we want to be understood and agreed with. We're different in that way (im not making this up I heard this from a psychiatrist there are studies on this). I remember being so frustrated with my guy best friend because whenever I had a problem he'd immediately try to fix it and it made me so frustrated. But when I earned that it really made sense. Sometimes, that venting and dwelling for a SHORT time (longer than 30 seconds though) is necessary and helpful especially for women. We need that confirmation that what we think is messed up really is messed up and then we'll think about the solution once we've calmed down. Or maybe we already have the solution, but we still just need to sit in our feelings. It helps us process. So well intentioned idea, but for myself personally I know rushing to the solution and not restricting how much I vent and/or feel is unhelpful. So as my own best friend brain, I'll keep that in mind when problems arise ^-^
I would like to thank you for doing what you do. You have changed how I view myself, and how I treat myself. It's not easy, but you have inspired me to start to change my attitude to myself. 😊
I like the part about not lingering on negativity and will take that part of the challenge. However I feel the need to point out that thinking like your best friend puts a ceiling on your thoughts equal to the quality of your friends. Not everyone has wise friends and not every friend has your best interest at hearth. Love your neighbor as yourself sums it up.
That's quite useful. I've only done it two days yet, but those days were tough. Imagining what my best friend would tell me or how I would talk to her really helped a lot. I don't understand why we always beat ourselves up like this.
I'm in! This may help with anxiety I get from time to time. I have a lot of goals and I try so hard to work toward them, but sometimes I forget to step outside of my own tough thoughts and cut myself the same slack I would for my best friend. Thinking of how my friend would respond to me (or how I'd respond to her if she were venting to me about the same problem) sounds like it would help me be kinder to myself, while still being able to move forward in a constructive way.
Thanks man. This video came just at the right moment (really difficult exams coming up). I'll try to adopt my thought patterns and I'll be doing this for the next week together with you.
l hope that you have the best in this life and the next. you're helping me and other people through this channel. I can't thank you enough for it but thank you very much
This is the best thing I ever developed, even before watching this video, thanks for conceptualising it!! What I would recommend is making your future-self the 'Best Friend Brain': People often don't believe in there present-self, creating selfdoubt all over again but when they take things in perspective (God, I love that word), and look on how much they have progressed, they can often be proud... In other words, they know their past-self will overcome whatever the situation at that time, they believe in their past-self. Now try imagininng yourself, 5 years from now... 20 years from now... Or lying on your deathbed... What would you wanna say to your present-self? How will you reach your goal or what would you wanna become? And how would you say it to your younger past-self? That's still you, an older more wiser version of yourself but still you believing in yourself... ;)
This is a practice I have done a long time, this helps me a lot I'm going through some stuff right now and I've used this tactic, best friend brain is a good name for it.
Hi Charlie! This best friend brain, as I've found, is actually something I've already been doing for myself without even realizing it. But the difference is that the 3rd component wouldn't be there. But would take the form of an overly critical self. And they would be at constant odds with each other, like an angel and devil on my shoulder. I've never thought about combining them into one entity. This may just be what I need. thank you
Hey thanks man, I love this you being your best friend, It does help to imagine a person who is dear to you and then project you situation onto him and be supportive with the points made in the video and then turn around and try to feel the presence of a very supportive friend...
i feel i can easily put myself in other peoples shoes so sometimes im just thinking over things as if im someone else, like what would some other person think about this matter? what counter arguements are there etc..and i find this has made me much more logical in everything
Thanks for another dope one. I don't have a bff so my best friend voice might be sounding like you. Hope you don't mind. Wishing you a million subs soon You deserve it!
Thank you for making this video. I so needed this. My life has been pretty challenging this year and I've just been in a funk; thinking negatively, the whole works. I'm committing to doing this. I really think it will help. Thanks again.
The second step really helps being a better league player as well x) Really like the video, I'm constantly in this situation were I talk myself down when I'm alone, I've dealt wiith it for a long time and I'm getting better everyday for 2 years now. I'm not done and I might never will but adapting a sort of best friend brain like you described it is really helpful. Keep improving!
great video! ironically I did this about a year ago and I've never felt so good! perspective is good, being objective is difficult to get the result but it's great when you do!
This method has been super effective for me. I have been using it for several years, and it helped me build mental toughness that makes it much easier for me to face difficult challenges. At this point the method comes almost natural to me, like a part of the way I think. Although I always called it 'the be my own parent method.' I visulize the same challenge happening to my metaphorical child, in my own voice (because I learn how to trust myself). I think of what I would advise that child to do in that situation, or whether it makes sence to feel a certain way.. I coach the 'child' to be positive and what there is to be grateful for.... Then I apply all that to myself.
This was spot on, our psyche want this voice in our head and it wants it to be disconnected form your regular ''you'', it wants to talk too you and tell you what your regular you should think thereby ''splitting'' the responsibility of any actions or feeling that might be in order. Talking to ourselves is easy and while it seems crazy it is not, allow yourself to have this best friend but keep him/her in check folks the voice will if allowed make you sad, doubt yourself and keep you in a endless cycle of negative thinking. It has to be managed properly. They say that every product that has been a huge success has something that hits a bullseye in our subconscious mind and tells us that ''I need this, this will make everything better and life will be great'' Religon and thereby God is one of those products that have made a homerun with us people, it gave people a image of this ''vocie'' and the ''best friend'' now had a name and a story. I am not religious so I call my best friend ''Frank'' :)
the way you described how you assume Many of ur viewers are, it's like you were talking about me like you personally knew me. the sad truth is that I am, & perhaps many other people like me, tough on myself. don't give myself much credit or justice. there's a difference between being humble and blindly self-judgemental.
I just, no lie, stood in front of the hallway mirror and said, "you and me are all we've got. so no matter what happens, I'm here for you best buddy." A little silly but I'm committing to this.
Lamar Gordon I love it! Feels goofy but I think it will be hugely helpful :-)
Lamar Gordon That's quite beautiful actually :)
Thanks guys :)
Some say that if you do that long enough the person in the mirror might ask for help.. To help him out of his prison...
Mirror on the wall, here we are again...through my rise and fall, you've been my only friend - Lil'Wayne
hello, your videos helped me get better in life overall, I'm getting a nice body, my social skills are higher than ever, and I'm mentally healthy, everything is going nice in my life, for all this I want to thank you, you are a nice person that deserve the best; keep up with the great work.
I'm the complete opposite, but it doesn't bother me. :P
***** and people like you are just too weak to make a major change in their lives, can just tell.
lol, he just said that he is happier and better in his life right now, thats great! dont come here with your negativity, its not worth listening, nobody cares, go back to tumblr.
Same for me. Since I discovered this channel I feel so much better about myself because I feel like everyday I am growing. Thank you Charlie
+Clearoot Well you just explained what other people have been saying so you must be 'listening'
LET'S GO VOICES INSIDE MY HEAD. WE GOT THIS
HECK YEA BRO. YOU ARE THE GREATEST
DA WORLD BETTER WATCH OUT, HERE COMES A STUD
Jeremy Lakey hey man can I come?
Don Key, sure, but Jimmy is a jerk
the voices in my head vs the voices in your head
"Mental Terrorism"..video length is 9:11..nothing weird here.
the NSA just added that comment to your file.
Reading your comments was the BOMB.
Wish I hadn't been informed!! 😂
Or is it? *v sauce music starts*
It was an inside thought.
1. I try hard to do the right thing.
2. I have within me, the capacity to accomplish that which I wish to.
Amen, Jesus.
Dude, what you do with your channel is absolutely awesome. Always reasoning and given useful advice for people to become happier. Absolutely so glad I found your channel a couple months ago!
That 'best friend brain' thing is really useful. A few years ago I was on a pause with my wife (basically we broke up without divorcing, she moved etc.) and I fell into a pretty deep depression. Not waking up to see her face or waiting for our kids to come home was hell for me. But then I started talking to myself with her voice in my head and I actually got through it. I solved the problems in my life that made her distance herself from me and we got back together. So basically it was life saving for me.
To hear that other people are using this technique is really nice. I was under the conclusion I've gone mad in that period of time. Now that you of all people say it's a good thing I'm happy :D
Dude that’s awesome
Your spot on
It doesn't matter how hard life gets
If you are committed to improving and changing you have more going for you then majority of people in the world
Self talk is the key
This is why Sherlock always talks to friends like Mycroft, Molly, etc. in his mind palace to solve a problem.
I've been trying to go through the hard time for two years which is really difficult to get along with myself. I almost got depression and still fighting with reality. Luckily I figured out how to talk myself out of the darkness. This is a really great perspective.
I'm actually going through the same thing. I realized the way I talked to other people was waaaay nicer and more encouraging than how I talked to myself so I made the conscious decision to stop and be as nice to myself as I was to others. I've been doing it for about a week now and so far it's prevented me from emotional paralysis. But my process is different, I actually talk to myself (I know I look crazy) whenever I start feeling emotionally clogged up. Hopefully this keeps up and soon I'll be able to completely stop mentally bullying myself.
Mind if I use your voice as my best friend brain, Charlie? It just hit me now how much impact your channel has had on my life the past few months since I've subbed.
That's gay.
Bitch, please. *flicks wrist*
No, but seriously it's gay man.
I say go for it :-)
lmfao awesome!
if it's gay to use Charlie's voice as my best friend brain, consider me Ricky Martin.
You're full of so much wisdom its amazing and I just wanted to say you've really helped me. And don't even get me started on your speaking skills. One of my goals is to be at your level one day.
I'm 4 minutes in but I had to say this. I have, for many years, already seen myself and my brain as separate entities. The part that beats me up is a bully that lives inside my head, and I usually deal with it by telling it to go away and leave me alone. I've never thought to try taking control of the voice and making it say nice things instead. I'm gonna try this.
Is Tyler Durden Charisma breakdown coming? Have you thought about it?
Soham Salunke 8:16 its coming next week!
He already did the multiple personality thing in this video.
Thanks, now I feel like Gollum-Sméagol.
😂
Merloki❧ lol
hail daenerys
best comment of the day hahahaha
Just got out of a 2yr relationship where the most important thing learnt was to love and be happy with yourself first. Good to come across this vid at a time like this. IM IN.
That moment when you realize you don't have a best friend...
Carlos Rodriguez so go and meet new people being your most charismatic version, you will meet many interesting guys and they can become your best friends
Carlos Martínez I think we just became best friends
Carlos Rodriguez cool
Same here
You have to be your best friend first.
I'm going to commit to this for a week! With your videos I find myself rewatching it again but then taking notes and making a little outline for myself so i remember the points i need to focus on! Thanks Man!!!!
What I love about your work is how practical, open and real your advice is. My life has gotten a lot better since watching your videos.
It kind of seems like you're describing prayer exactly. Talking to another entity with a different voice, seeking comfort, looking for a solution, has high standards, doesn't necessarily answer back literally. Seems like what I do when I pray.
Michal Purzycki Thanks for that perspective.
It's the other way round, praying seems like you're just talking to yourself. And it is.
Zac ZM You have to be so rude? Grow up.
Michal Purzycki didn't he describe talking to yourself? You do get an answer, from yourself
Mr. Michal, I thought of the same thing!
I thought about making a comment about God, but thought, without it being a response to a comment, it would've been out-of-place. Yes, I think your "best friend brain" should be God. He definitely makes me more positive. It works! Prayer is a link to someone that thinks we're valuable, and that we can be great!
I've been using this for 10 years now. It changed my life. I went from homeless to successful. My in on the process was this, I gave really good advice to my friends but never followed my own advice. So I decided to approach problems by seeking advice from my best friend self. It works great.
Another way to approach this is to be the best friend and allow the real you to be someone else for awhile. I would pick a friend and pretend they were in the situation and then wrote them a letter. Later I would read that letter as addressed to myself.
I like it. It sounds a lot like stoicism. being your own best friend, being solution oriented, focusing on what one can control etc.
In a similar way I use the voice of an older version of myself looking out for my present self; much like the nurturing of an older sibling. Start by writing out your problems as if you were explaining them to a friend and really get into it - the whys and hows of what happened. And keep rewriting and going over it because initially I noticed I wrote as a victim taking pity on myself but eventually it turned into codes to live by and read whenever I needed that mental pull out of my dwelling. Just type it up on your phone so it's always there when you need it. It's all about rewiring your brain because the better you know yourself the better you can take care of yourself - you always know the solution. Great videos by the way, keep it up!
How did you become so self-aware? So full of wisdom at such a young age. I am very impressed with this young guy.
I'm in.
"I love you too much to be unhappy over this" also is something I'm going to use a lot in the future when helping my friends and myself through things for sure.
Never thought someone would address this! I picked this "Best Friend" brain up several years ago and it pulled me out from depression. I use it whenever I feel down or confused. Definitely helps to feel less lonely especially if you're single.
Thanks for putting this on video and reminding us that we're not as lonely as we tell ourselves :)
This sounds like prayer! Often times David in the psalms would pour out his pain and frustration to God but then relay to himself the beauty and love of his God and tell his own soul to worship Him and never to forget any of His benefits. God would play the role of a best friend and often times this is where we of faith remember that we have an advocate in Heaven that is for us and sees us for who we are and wants the best for us!
Community is so important but like you say, we need to give ourselves permission to rehearse these positive voices in downcast moments that leave us feel a little hopeless, and remember that sometimes times we are our own worst enemy and voice. Great video !!
I swear everytime I am going through an issue, you always upload a video that is relevent to what I'm going through. It's freaky but each of those videos has really helped me. Thank you so much for making these videos.
I cant tell you How much i needed this video today! I have been stressed all week about stupid things, and then right after I used this technique it was like I was focused and full I of energy and willpower
needless self criticism is such a common and corrosive problem. it really saps self esteem and robs so many people of their potential.
good video, and great idea to involve others.
I also find it amazing how talking to ourselves is much more effective when we use a voice,image or persona belonging to someone else (whether a friend, mentor or personal hero). it really allows me to more effectively hear and accept the ideas I otherwise find it impossible to take onboard.
Perfect timing for this video, I've been going through the same mental change! One of the key phrases I've been telling myself is a reversal of the Golden Rule, "Treat Yourself The Way You'd Treat Other People." Thanks for the video, Charlie, great work as always!
I think I've got the charisma thing down ages ago by carefully observing people and not particularly studying emotions but practicing what I've seen. Still watching you talk about it is superbly entertaining.
Thankyou for inspiring me to be a better person my friend
I'm joining in!
I'mma stop whining about my problems and actually work on getting the solutions because I know I can, and I'm Awesome, and I should acknowledge that more often.
You All Rock!
Keep Rockin'!
This totally works. I pretend that I have sports broadcasters in my head evaluating my progress. "He's worked really hard this season and he has a lot of heart, but that play was just not NHL level hockey." kind of thing. Because sports broadcasters really want the players to do well it is really easy to take their conversation style and insert yourself in there. Thanks for another inspiring video!
I totally agree with each and every word u said , at times a person could torture himself in the worst way ever. But also on the other hand side u find ppl with a spoiled best friend mind in which I mean they pamper themselves so much and never carry responsibility for there actions. I guess that both edges r wrong and we must stay balanced .
The best self appreciacion move you can do after achieving something is to tap your own shoulder while congratulating yourself
This goes so well because your unconsious mind takes this gesture as a gesture of praise without carrying where it came from, even if it is your own hand
The need to live in the moment for me. I burrowed deeply in the last few months, I hope this method will help.
This is my main problem! I'm with you Charlie!
I really needed to watch this video. Your example about the friend being upset over roommate messiness is like to a T one of my biggest frustrations right now, and I hate it. It's caused me so much stress and I can't figure out quite why, but the words you spoke about "You're better than this. Are you going to let your hour or day being ruined because there are plates where you don't them to be left by someone who you're really close to, etc." hit home so hard, I may have to watch this on a loop for it to register because my own voice and best friend brain were not getting out these exact words. Thank you for your videos and I can't wait to watch more! :)
I'm looking at this in hindsight what you are advising is what I eventually figured out the hard way and it has made a world of difference in my confidence and how I feel each day. Not a day goes by when I don't complement myself at least once and I catch myself early when I start to 'mentally terrorise' myself. Thanks for sharing
I was doing my homework and browsing through youtube because i really didn't want to do my homework, i thought my homework was so hevy and so boring but after watching this video i literally created a random voice in my head and told myself that is not hard to finish this homework at all! and i believed it!!! thank you so much, you are literally helping me and hundreds of thousands of other people become better people.
What an accomplishment!!
oooohhhhhhshizzzzzz every time I feel lazy like that i think to myself do I wanna be successful or do I wanna be pushing carts at Costco, hope this motivates you good luck!!
aaaahahaha that actually pretty good motivation :)
That was a life changing advice! I now think about the times i could do something but said to myself you just can't do it,give up. It was a big mistake! We shouldn't be the limit of ourselves. And we shouldn't expect someone else to encourage and support us we should do that on our own.
These are amazing. I never thought about complimenting myself. It usually ends up negative. Thank you. I’m gonna try this.
I needed this SO MUCH today! Thank you man.
You have a very nice way with words. Love the way you explain things so freely and coherently :)
It's almost been 4 years since this video was published, but I'm in!. I've recently been binging and taking notes from all your self improvement videos and I hope that you do plan to do some more in the future, because these are pure gold! It's a shame that not as many people watch them as much as the charisma breakdowns.
I hear my best friends pep talks long after she gives them to me. Her encouraging words keep me grounded. :)
I think this is a great idea. I mean you're the only one who can really connect and understand yourself. You're always going to be there and, well, you have to be there for yourself for you never know when all you'll have is Yourself.
My best friend is also a mentor to me so I can relate. I'm totally taking up these habbits with you
Can you please make a video about introverted people?
Or ambiverts. Although that one would be seriously boring :)
What do you expect him to say? Introverted people are introverted? Watch his other videos if you need help with confidence.
***** Heh, so talking to a stranger is magic in your analogy? :)
Well all of his videos are for introverted people. He makes charisma videos for people who aren't as charismatic and would like to learn how to.
@@IAmAFamel I know I'm late to the party, but I have to say, there are introverted people who are charismatic and confident. Introverted doesn't mean your automatically not self-confident or aren't charismatic. It's how they get their energy. Extroverted people get their energy from outside themselves, ex. groups of people. Introverts just need time alone to recharge. It doesn't mean that they can't go out with others and be charismatic. It just takes more energy. And, I know plenty of extroverted people who aren't charismatic.
Okaay, I should accept that you talk clearly and in detail about those things I thought about, but never said to anyone. Thank you for bringing this useful info in an understandable way to the society. Great job, dude:)
your videos are one of the few that are actually worth watching on this platform
I'm doing this now gotta speak it into existence.
be your own best friend be kind to yourself . slide yourself a break and compliment yourself all sounds very counterintuitive very important our parents should have taught us this.
There is a TED Talk "How to practise emotional first-aid" and I've heard about this best-friend mindset amongst several other improvements for a better self-care. And since watching that I've started to pay attention to my inner critic. It's unbeliavable for me (a benevolent and conscious one, ayayay) how strongly repressed the presence of that energy was. I couldn't sense it and yet, when I started to pay attention, it became obvious that it ruled most of my decisions!!! Shocker - shadow work at its best. So I dragged this critic out into the sun, examined its motives and learned a lot about this power I can exude now in my life, with the critic's force within, hand in hand, in a heartbeat unisono.
Thank you so much! As someone who´s been going through, and in some ways still am going through the same thing, this helps on a level nothing else has been!
I'm into this! I'll do it with you, hell yeah!
I personally don't have any problem with socializing and stuff like that but your videos definitely have a really positive philosophy. I like that when you say for more tips you put a link to another one of your videos and not some $50 seminar DVD or stupid thing like that so good stuff
I've been doing this for about over a year now, and it most definitely works.
Personal story aside, I basically have no more "best friends" I can rely on, but I had to keep going, so I did exactly what you proposed in this video and became my own best friend.
There are a bunch of things that make this easier to do, from using someone else's voice to having a pet that's always with you (a bird fits perfectly). Find what works for you.
And the thing that worked the best for me is to give up on modesty. Being modest is comparable to finding 10 bucks on the street and thinking "sweet! 5 bucks!"
*Give yourself all of the credit you think you deserve*. Create that self-esteem is you don't have any, but do not undervalue your achievements. This way even if things seem like the end, you will have made it easier to look back and think "nah, I'm awesome," and pick yourself up from the dumps.
Thank you for the amazing video, these have really helped me to be more positive and improve myself. This best friend voice is a great tip and I will definitely apply from now. Please keep more great videos coming, I really appreciate and enjoy watching them. Thank you Charlie!
This is SO very true! I had to go through few difficulties and heartaches in life to find that best friend within me. This may sound crazy, I self talk a lot when I go through challenges in life. When I feel depressed or stressed out, it is that inner Best friend who motivates me to be productive, look after myself and do workouts instead of binge eating and binge watching movies. I can say I'm my own worst critic but the voice inside of my head will help me to calm my self and understand things. I like to think it's a chat between my heart and mind, it seems like my mind shows tough love and try to discipline my emotions when I follow my heart foolishly and be all emotional and miserable. I am usually at peace when both choose to agree with each other. Haha :)
I `ve actually done that best friend voice for a long time and it really works well when you`re fealing sad and cant talk to anybody
At the right time. Usually I am very sure of myself bat In the last two weeks I have lost all confidence in myself and I do not know why. Maybe because I do not find the job what i want. The only thing I do is criticize myself and when my friends make me compliments I think they make fun of me, I can not take them seriously. I do not care absolutely the thoughts of other people, but I feel that I no longer dare to do anything. I will follow your advice, I'll try to become a best friend to myself I listening to your videos here to learn better English (native Russian speaker).
i used this method a lot 2 years ago. it wasn't my friend's voice, it was a voice that came from some place inside and i overcame anything that went my way
His videos are great for learning to read lips. I just discovered this because I remembered how well he enunciated. Also great content keep it up.
Just stumbled on this video from a year ago (I’ve watched a ton of your content already)... Charlie, thanks for doing what you do. every video I watch from you gives me another new mindset or perspective
Daaaaang Charlie, back at it with the awesome video! Amongst all the time-wasting videos on UA-cam, your channel is like an oasis where you always come out of refreshed and a better self!
This channel is amazing, but this video in particular has been invaluable. Thank you so much! ❤
You're a gem of UA-cam. You're changing so many lives including mine (in a positive way). Keep up the good work! :)
Yo im in it for a week! I really needed to see this video today. I just returned to college, and noticed that I have been extremely critical of my actions in social situations, to the point of really being hurtful to myself, so I think this will really be helpful!
Charlie, I LOOOOVE your videos I've been binge watching for longer than I should've, but I disagree with one thing here. When men vent about their problems, they want solutions. When women vent, we want to be understood and agreed with. We're different in that way (im not making this up I heard this from a psychiatrist there are studies on this). I remember being so frustrated with my guy best friend because whenever I had a problem he'd immediately try to fix it and it made me so frustrated. But when I earned that it really made sense. Sometimes, that venting and dwelling for a SHORT time (longer than 30 seconds though) is necessary and helpful especially for women. We need that confirmation that what we think is messed up really is messed up and then we'll think about the solution once we've calmed down. Or maybe we already have the solution, but we still just need to sit in our feelings. It helps us process. So well intentioned idea, but for myself personally I know rushing to the solution and not restricting how much I vent and/or feel is unhelpful. So as my own best friend brain, I'll keep that in mind when problems arise ^-^
I would like to thank you for doing what you do. You have changed how I view myself, and how I treat myself. It's not easy, but you have inspired me to start to change my attitude to myself. 😊
Dude.. Your videos really do have a reason. Im loving it
I like the part about not lingering on negativity and will take that part of the challenge. However I feel the need to point out that thinking like your best friend puts a ceiling on your thoughts equal to the quality of your friends. Not everyone has wise friends and not every friend has your best interest at hearth. Love your neighbor as yourself sums it up.
That's quite useful. I've only done it two days yet, but those days were tough. Imagining what my best friend would tell me or how I would talk to her really helped a lot. I don't understand why we always beat ourselves up like this.
I'm in! This may help with anxiety I get from time to time. I have a lot of goals and I try so hard to work toward them, but sometimes I forget to step outside of my own tough thoughts and cut myself the same slack I would for my best friend. Thinking of how my friend would respond to me (or how I'd respond to her if she were venting to me about the same problem) sounds like it would help me be kinder to myself, while still being able to move forward in a constructive way.
Thanks man. This video came just at the right moment (really difficult exams coming up). I'll try to adopt my thought patterns and I'll be doing this for the next week together with you.
l hope that you have the best in this life and the next. you're helping me and other people through this channel. I can't thank you enough for it but thank you very much
im brazilian and u are so special!!! thanks for all those words, ive been whatting you and have been great! ❤
This is the best thing I ever developed, even before watching this video, thanks for conceptualising it!!
What I would recommend is making your future-self the 'Best Friend Brain':
People often don't believe in there present-self, creating selfdoubt all over again but when they take things in perspective (God, I love that word), and look on how much they have progressed, they can often be proud... In other words, they know their past-self will overcome whatever the situation at that time, they believe in their past-self.
Now try imagininng yourself, 5 years from now... 20 years from now... Or lying on your deathbed... What would you wanna say to your present-self? How will you reach your goal or what would you wanna become? And how would you say it to your younger past-self?
That's still you, an older more wiser version of yourself but still you believing in yourself... ;)
Just watching you on the screen make me feel better.. you really have that effect
I honestly really really needed this video right now
This is a practice I have done a long time, this helps me a lot I'm going through some stuff right now and I've used this tactic, best friend brain is a good name for it.
Hi Charlie!
This best friend brain, as I've found, is actually something I've already been doing for myself without even realizing it. But the difference is that the 3rd component wouldn't be there. But would take the form of an overly critical self. And they would be at constant odds with each other, like an angel and devil on my shoulder. I've never thought about combining them into one entity. This may just be what I need.
thank you
I'm in! I love your work and your channel by the way! Thank you so so much for what you do and all your hard work!!
Hey thanks man, I love this you being your best friend, It does help to imagine a person who is dear to you and then project you situation onto him and be supportive with the points made in the video and then turn around and try to feel the presence of a very supportive friend...
i feel i can easily put myself in other peoples shoes so sometimes im just thinking over things as if im someone else, like what would some other person think about this matter? what counter arguements are there etc..and i find this has made me much more logical in everything
Thanks for another dope one. I don't have a bff so my best friend voice might be sounding like you. Hope you don't mind. Wishing you a million subs soon You deserve it!
Thank you for making this video. I so needed this. My life has been pretty challenging this year and I've just been in a funk; thinking negatively, the whole works. I'm committing to doing this. I really think it will help. Thanks again.
~ Glad to hear it Julie! Best of luck :-)
The second step really helps being a better league player as well x) Really like the video, I'm constantly in this situation were I talk myself down when I'm alone, I've dealt wiith it for a long time and I'm getting better everyday for 2 years now. I'm not done and I might never will but adapting a sort of best friend brain like you described it is really helpful. Keep improving!
great video! ironically I did this about a year ago and I've never felt so good! perspective is good, being objective is difficult to get the result but it's great when you do!
Hey Charlie, just wanted to say your videos are great! Have a nice day
I actually have been working on this the last few weeks! I love the extra tips the video gave me.
Please make a video about Travis Kimell's endless charisma! That man is so magnetic!
This method has been super effective for me. I have been using it for several years, and it helped me build mental toughness that makes it much easier for me to face difficult challenges.
At this point the method comes almost natural to me, like a part of the way I think.
Although I always called it 'the be my own parent method.'
I visulize the same challenge happening to my metaphorical child, in my own voice (because I learn how to trust myself).
I think of what I would advise that child to do in that situation, or whether it makes sence to feel a certain way.. I coach the 'child' to be positive and what there is to be grateful for.... Then I apply all that to myself.
love ur vids bro
keep it up!
*This is gold, so simple yet so useful!*
This was spot on, our psyche want this voice in our head and it wants it to be disconnected form your regular ''you'', it wants to talk too you and tell you what your regular you should think thereby ''splitting'' the responsibility of any actions or feeling that might be in order. Talking to ourselves is easy and while it seems crazy it is not, allow yourself to have this best friend but keep him/her in check folks the voice will if allowed make you sad, doubt yourself and keep you in a endless cycle of negative thinking. It has to be managed properly.
They say that every product that has been a huge success has something that hits a bullseye in our subconscious mind and tells us that ''I need this, this will make everything better and life will be great''
Religon and thereby God is one of those products that have made a homerun with us people, it gave people a image of this ''vocie'' and the ''best friend'' now had a name and a story. I am not religious so I call my best friend ''Frank'' :)
the way you described how you assume Many of ur viewers are, it's like you were talking about me like you personally knew me. the sad truth is that I am, & perhaps many other people like me, tough on myself. don't give myself much credit or justice. there's a difference between being humble and blindly self-judgemental.