How do you stop attracting people like that? Do you mean you’re no longer attracted to people like that? Or you just don’t entertain them so their efforts stop?
And the more you reinforce this pattern, the more difficult becomes to recognise and break it later in life. I agree, these things need to be taught in school... instead they only teach us how to become good employees...🤷
OMG! I thought I had myself all worked out until I met a fearful avoidant for the first time in my life which I knew nothing about this behaviour. What a long, drawn out mess until I hit videos for self-help like this one. So much thanking you :)
I’m in a place where I feel the need to hide that I’d like to be a healthy partner from anyone I have genuine interest in for the reasons laid out in this video. So frustrating!
Thanks Jeff, this makes so much sense! As a middle school teacher who is interested in becoming a counselor myself, I would love to see more videos about childhood attachment traumas (abandonment, enmeshment, etc,) and anything related to "self-love" and that whole cliche that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. Thanks friend, love your videos! You're going to go viral!! Top quality content. 😊
OMG Jeff, you're an absolute light in the darkness. Just when I thought there was nothing better than your TikTok account, I came to visit your channel and love your work even more by the second. Thank you so much for the clarity. Best regards from Mexico.
So how do we get away from this psyche? I don't want to be addicted to toxic drama 😔 I feel like in safe relationships, I've been bored and confuse that with there being zero sexual chemistry..to where they just felt like friends. Can you create chemistry and get out of the Rollercoaster mindset??
I'll make a video about how to create more chemistry. But you first need to be aware of how we get pulled into the drama and make a conscious choice to stay away from it. Or at least know what you're getting into if you wanna take a chance.
@@TherapyJeff thank you for the reply. Would you say if you didn't have sexual chemistry from the start of a relationship that it's doomed for good? Or can a friend like relationship turn into lovers?
@@TherapyJeff what if I told you I tried for thee years because she was a good person and checked a lot of boxes.. But our sex life was NEVER smooth. There was no spark. 😔 I stayed for so long thinking it would just develop one day. 🤦♀️
I hate my drama psique 🙄 it's exactly like you say, if I found a good guy I don't feel enough interest even if I know he's good, but I'll try harder to avoid the other kind of guys
Thanks Jeff, I find your content so consise which I haven't found before! I definitely struggle with what you spoke about in this video. I would like to hear your pov regarding a struggle/ inability to experience intimacy, but happy to tune into your content nevertheless!
absolutely my case. PLUS they're unavailable. and I just continue saying NO to normal guys.. no chemistry.. no desire.. nothing what I try to do: forgive my daddy who was absent (talks and hugs in meditations) , make list of qualities of the man of my dreams (who is present and dedicates me enough time but at the same time has his hobbies and stuff to do) and a list of the qualities of the girl that he would be in love with (for me to follow) and finally affirmations like "I permit myself to fall in love with a person who loves me, I accept his love and give him mine". Is it ok? should I add something else? what do u think about my list? HELPP😚
Yeah that's a really good list. Keep meditating on it. If you attract another dude who's unavailable try your very best to not fall into the narrative of "this always happens to me!" and quickly end the relationship. You'll find your good match!
Ok I absolutely LOVE your tiktok!!! What are some practical steps when we are in that in between of knowing someone is bad for us but we can’t move on?
Can you do a video about attracting unavailable men? It seems that I can only find men who are unavailable emotionally or married. I don’t know what kind of vibe I’m putting out there.
At this point if a man was to validate my feelings, I would likely rip his clothes off. 😂😫 How do we figure out which people are going to continue to validate us?? It seems like as soon as I am invested, I become invisible to them. (My mom is an avoidant). And suddenly, when I complain, they seem to lose all memory of social norms and will not be held accountable for their behaviors. Yet they knew how to behave the first few months.
Me heading over to your other videos about creating healthy and safe relationships lol. This breadcrumbing and intermittent reinforcement has me emotionally anorexic.
If anyone is looking for genuinely free self help, look into Vipassana meditation.. 10 day silent meditation retreat, yes free. Take control of your own mind, you wont actually need a therapist.
What about participating in drama 🎭 with them getting the emotions flowing. Writing together and finding a local theatre to spicing up things emotionally kinda being mean but not too mean. Making emotional artwork together building up but when it comes down to it and they genuinely need you be there. Method acting. One day they’d be the hero and you’d be the villain next day switch it up. Actually sounds hot having someone a bit mean to you intermittently of course nothing too serious though😉
Thank you for explaining why a twenty-two-year-old led this 58 year-old Grandma astray....and I took a psychology class incollege......38 years ago🤒🤪🤪🤪🤪
I used to be like this. Learning why I was doing it has helped me stop attracting people who act like turds.
🚫💩
That's amazinggg what did you do!
How do you stop attracting people like that? Do you mean you’re no longer attracted to people like that?
Or you just don’t entertain them so their efforts stop?
I must have healed myself because inconsistencies turn me Off. I’m ready for someone Healthy who brings me Peace 🙏🏻
They need to teach this in schools because every young person falls into this trap these days and doesn’t even know what’s happening
And the more you reinforce this pattern, the more difficult becomes to recognise and break it later in life. I agree, these things need to be taught in school... instead they only teach us how to become good employees...🤷
OMG! I thought I had myself all worked out until I met a fearful avoidant for the first time in my life which I knew nothing about this behaviour. What a long, drawn out mess until I hit videos for self-help like this one. So much thanking you :)
I’m in a place where I feel the need to hide that I’d like to be a healthy partner from anyone I have genuine interest in for the reasons laid out in this video. So frustrating!
I am with you there...
Now we have a new place to be attacked on our psychological issues. Lol love your work!!
Congratulations on your YT Channel ! thank you for doing this job and sharing info for free! Wish you all the best
Thanks for being here! Looking forward to posting more content.
Thanks Jeff, this makes so much sense! As a middle school teacher who is interested in becoming a counselor myself, I would love to see more videos about childhood attachment traumas (abandonment, enmeshment, etc,) and anything related to "self-love" and that whole cliche that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. Thanks friend, love your videos! You're going to go viral!! Top quality content. 😊
Aww thanks for your support and encouraging words. I'd love to make more videos about attachment and old cliches. Keep an eye out!
You should have made a UA-cam channel yesterday year. So happy to have you on here
Happy to be here!
OMG Jeff, you're an absolute light in the darkness. Just when I thought there was nothing better than your TikTok account, I came to visit your channel and love your work even more by the second. Thank you so much for the clarity. Best regards from Mexico.
So how do we get away from this psyche? I don't want to be addicted to toxic drama 😔 I feel like in safe relationships, I've been bored and confuse that with there being zero sexual chemistry..to where they just felt like friends. Can you create chemistry and get out of the Rollercoaster mindset??
I'll make a video about how to create more chemistry. But you first need to be aware of how we get pulled into the drama and make a conscious choice to stay away from it. Or at least know what you're getting into if you wanna take a chance.
@@TherapyJeff thank you for the reply. Would you say if you didn't have sexual chemistry from the start of a relationship that it's doomed for good? Or can a friend like relationship turn into lovers?
@@shelbotron09 No it's not doomed. It's not the best sign ever. But chemistry can develop over time.
@@TherapyJeff what if I told you I tried for thee years because she was a good person and checked a lot of boxes.. But our sex life was NEVER smooth. There was no spark. 😔 I stayed for so long thinking it would just develop one day. 🤦♀️
Sorry to hear that. Yeah, the spark is probably just not there.
This so crazy and so true!
Holy Wow. This really addresses my immediate dilemma. Thank you.
I’m so happy you finally made a channel! 😍
Thanks! More to come!
I’m most attracted to my man when he’s safe, secure and predictable.
Hahaha love your language :) turd, barf and sweetie 🤩 all is very helpful 🙌 thank you
Ugh, thank you for this info!
I appreciate you Jeff. Where were you like 10 years ago when I was needing answers. Wow.
I hate my drama psique 🙄 it's exactly like you say, if I found a good guy I don't feel enough interest even if I know he's good, but I'll try harder to avoid the other kind of guys
Thank you so much for making a UA-cam channel!!
Great video! Kick the mix messages to the curb!
Thanks Jeff, I find your content so consise which I haven't found before!
I definitely struggle with what you spoke about in this video. I would like to hear your pov regarding a struggle/ inability to experience intimacy, but happy to tune into your content nevertheless!
Thanks! My goal is to be concise. I'll think about your question for a future video.
absolutely my case. PLUS they're unavailable. and I just continue saying NO to normal guys.. no chemistry.. no desire.. nothing
what I try to do: forgive my daddy who was absent (talks and hugs in meditations) , make list of qualities of the man of my dreams (who is present and dedicates me enough time but at the same time has his hobbies and stuff to do) and a list of the qualities of the girl that he would be in love with (for me to follow) and finally affirmations like "I permit myself to fall in love with a person who loves me, I accept his love and give him mine". Is it ok? should I add something else? what do u think about my list? HELPP😚
Yeah that's a really good list. Keep meditating on it. If you attract another dude who's unavailable try your very best to not fall into the narrative of "this always happens to me!" and quickly end the relationship. You'll find your good match!
@@TherapyJeff I'll add your advice to my list. and please keep creating videos on this topic. thanks a lot🥰
This 5 minute video just broke down my whole life. Lol!! So true
So happy you are on YT, in love with your TikTok! Thank you for all your explanations! 🥳🥳🥳 So helpful and so well explained!
Ok I absolutely LOVE your tiktok!!! What are some practical steps when we are in that in between of knowing someone is bad for us but we can’t move on?
I'm gonna have to make a whole other video for this. It's such a good question. Stay tuned!
@@TherapyJeff yes do that so I can talk about it in my next therapy session as this one gave me so many points to bring up 😆
@@TherapyJeff please do!!!!
Can you do a video about attracting unavailable men? It seems that I can only find men who are unavailable emotionally or married. I don’t know what kind of vibe I’m putting out there.
Great topic. I'll work up a video on this soon!
Love these videos!!
So glad!
At this point if a man was to validate my feelings, I would likely rip his clothes off. 😂😫
How do we figure out which people are going to continue to validate us?? It seems like as soon as I am invested, I become invisible to them. (My mom is an avoidant). And suddenly, when I complain, they seem to lose all memory of social norms and will not be held accountable for their behaviors. Yet they knew how to behave the first few months.
Are there any tricks to getting out if the obsession? Like focus in on how unstable they are with their friends and family and past exes?
Yeah that's one way to do it. I'll make more videos about how you can release yourself from the obsession.
I have recently discovered Donald Curtis' books & am loving what I'm reading ❤️ thank u for sharing this audio!
I have one of those inconsistent FWB’s and he’s a widower. I make too many excuses for him but I really want him. Trying to find someone else.
❤️
I needed to hear this today. I follow you on tic tok and just learned about your UA-cam. Thanks for putting out your content
Me heading over to your other videos about creating healthy and safe relationships lol. This breadcrumbing and intermittent reinforcement has me emotionally anorexic.
You are great!
You are insightful
I feel like my spirit guides lead me to this bc they do not want me to repeat that shit 😆😆 no worries angels
Im not sure i am actually human anymore 😂
So, are we totally and utterly fucked?
If anyone is looking for genuinely free self help, look into Vipassana meditation.. 10 day silent meditation retreat, yes free. Take control of your own mind, you wont actually need a therapist.
so how do u let the unpredictable unattainable guy go? 😩
End it however you'd like and grieve the relationship. It's hard but once you make the decision and get a little distance you'll feel relief.
Anxiety!
So much anxiety.
damnnn wish i found this vid months ago
I'm interested in nonviolent communication and anything you might have to say about that.
Sure I can make a video about that.
What about participating in drama 🎭 with them getting the emotions flowing. Writing together and finding a local theatre to spicing up things emotionally kinda being mean but not too mean. Making emotional artwork together building up but when it comes down to it and they genuinely need you be there. Method acting. One day they’d be the hero and you’d be the villain next day switch it up. Actually sounds hot having someone a bit mean to you intermittently of course nothing too serious though😉
I’m trying to spice up my sex life without the drama lol
It's so tempting to spice it up with drama but not a great long term plan.
I’d like to hear about recovering from erotic transference.
Thank you for explaining why a twenty-two-year-old led this 58 year-old Grandma astray....and I took a psychology class incollege......38 years ago🤒🤪🤪🤪🤪
👀