Centering My Husband Ruined My Relationship With My Kids - Must Watch
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- Опубліковано 14 чер 2024
- CENTERING MY HUSBAND RUINED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY KIDS -
In This Video A Woman Shares How Centering Her Husband And Putting His Needs First Before Her Kids Ruined Her Relationship With Her Kids And She Regrets Not Building Her Relationship With Her Kids.
#mustwatch #badmom #decentermen - Розваги
So every single weekend for years he was too tired to do anything with her or the kids? That's crazy that he said the real reason why and she just accepted it. He is most likely one of those men who just got the wife and kids because that is what is "expected".
That sounds like my father, but he always have time to go out with friends 🙄 . At a young age I always wonder why my mother put up with bullshit form my father.
She was nagging him about it causing more fatigue that’s why he didn’t do it lol
He did it for the check.
And he’s in the military. They cheat a lot. He’s probably tired of cheating and stressed out by his other women also
Yeah MANY men do that cuz is SO easy for them, they do nothing later, and they get all those sweet society points for being a father .... But as a woman is the hard part ...thats why i never agree to that, i knew all responsabilities would fall on me, only if i think is ok to raise a kid by myself is when that would be a plan....if not then no, i dont want to sound rude but some women are very delusional, they country with the non existance help of their man in child raising as if they NEVER knew men or society in general and if they decide to help is like 10% still the 90% in on them.... Is better to be realistic and make choices on that, are You ok to raise a kid alone (Even if You have a husband)
The first girl’s take is complete BS. The SAHM is also putting everyone’s needs first. So where is her time off? Where is her decompression time? She doesn’t get it, ESPECIALLY when the husband comes home and holes up in the man cave until he has to go back to work. It’s not gonna kill that husband to give couple of uninterrupted hours to his family on his off day and give his wife a few hours to herself by taking over with the kids.
Right women work full time jobs as well and still show up for their kids. These men do not spend all day breaking big rocks into little rocks. Dude probably had a damn office job.
Having a pick me for a mom is detrimental.
That first girl take was absolute garbage. Since when is working a full time job an excuse for neglecting your children and ignoring them? Having children means that your life isn’t yours to live as you please. You have to make sacrifices and be present for them, even when you’re tired and would rather unwind and be alone. May he rot in a VA hospital when he’s old, since his kids are such a burden to him.
Like do SAHM not sacrifice their life
Either?😒 it’s literally what you sign up for when becoming a parent!
Dude just should’ve stayed a bachelor. Then he wouldn’t have had to _worry_ about having a family he couldn’t stand to be around.
Exactly @@attitudeproblem6462
Yep, he’s such a selfish prick. But honestly, why do women marry these losers?
Exactly, and that mom was talking about how he refused to set aside a single hour to go to the park or have a walk with them. A couple of hours within 48 of a weekend shouldn't be such a hard thing to do, she was just lazy.
The 1st woman is still married to a man who told her spending time with her and their kids is a chore? He doesn't even like her? Wtf?!
Listen😭 when she said that, I was like “wait a minute now…” 😮🤔 am I missing something? The man basically said I don’t want to be a husband nor a father and her and her kids still live with him. Being a woman is something else 🚮😑
Stating at home means she can’t leave. Has no income of her own.
She trapped with no income of her own
Yeah that man is an overall red flag,he seems to only love and care for himself.
No, we have actually let men get away with too damn much wtf. AND STILL HE'S BEING REFFERED TO AS "MY HUSBAND". This is why I roll my eyes when my mom asks me why I'm so "mean" to these males, just absurd.
He’s in the military. He married her for the check. They pay you more when you’re married.
Yep
Not by that much though
And by how many kids they married couple has too. Not a lot but the pay does go up
And for the emotional support and company too
Exactly
I learn from my mother that staying with your husband doesn't make the family happy. My father completely ruin our future and because he was providing mother had to listen to what he said. Me and sister was doing well in school and because of my father selfishness 😢we had to move because my mother always kissing up to my father. He is the reason why I am very careful of the men i get involved with. They dont like my standards so im single and stress free.
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She's not too late to make up for lost times as she can still make beautiful memories with her kids alone especially the with 14 year old. Take them where they really want to go and hang out with them.
He doesn't like her OR his family. He feels obligated and trapped.
My desire to show my kids a good time exceeded my desire for him, so for yrs, i did it without him. Im not really a home body, so i can't sit in the house day after day just bc he wanted to. He "excused" himself bc he paid for the outings but after about 7 yrs i didn't care. I got a job, start paying for them myself & divorced him. If you don't wanna do life with me, then DON'T, BYE✌🏾😃👋🏾
The first response. He is not a provider man. If the only thing he can provide is money. If he cannot provide happiness, time, energy, expectations, communication, community...STOP CALLING HIM THAT.
At most this man is working a 40 hour a week job just like everyone else. If women can work 40 hours a week, and still find time to spend with their children it's no excuse.
He isnt a single parent feeling burnout. He is coming home to a woman who took care of his children all day, who cleaned, and cooked. Did he have to do any of that work when he got off after his work shift?
Like women really need to stop with this overvalue of a man with a paycheck. And start to value an ACTUAL provider.
She literally said "this why it will never be enough". You said you understood this woman..and said yeah maybe things could have been different. Ma'am if it could be different and the wife and children are all NEGATIVELY effective by it...HE DIDNT DO A GOOD JOB AND HE WASNT A GOOD HUSBAND.
Thank you!💯💯💯❤
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That first take was whack. Imagine if it were the other way around. A working mom still has to be there emotionally for her family, but a working man doesn't?
Yep. Women work, spend time with kids and do everything for men. It’s not worth it
Was looking for a comment like this. Not to mention that he literally doesn't like/love his own family because people who do would consider spending time with them as fulfilling and rejuvenating. I'd bet his kids could sense that energy from him and he'll still be wondering why they don't visit him at his nursing home. You get what you give. If he only provided money to care for them, that's probably all they'll do for him (providing by paying for his nursing home at most)
& they'll wonder why their kids ignore them or won't make time for them once they're old enough to take care of themselves.
My dad work 6 days and found time to spend with us and he had hobbies
Honestly this reminds me of safaree and erica. He acted like he wanted a family but when he got it he couldn't really handle the "reality" part of having a family.
He should have just remained child free in this case…
He wouldn’t be able to trap her, which looks like it was a part of his plan. Sad
This man is comfortable with doing the bare minimum. It's not like this woman wasn't being a home maker and an active parent when he was at work. She had to do household chores and still be a mom & wife. He is just using "provider" as an excuse to give his family subpar treatment. Being a housewife and a mom is a full time job.
I PERSONALLY know women who have quite demanding and stressfull FULL time careers who are also the main caretaker for their children. It CAN be done!
Just because it can be done, doesn’t mean it should be done. I’m sure your friends who do that feel burnt out all the time. With that being said though, I think part of having kids is being burnt out all the time. The guy in this story doesn’t get to just check out because he works a full time job. I think if you’re not ready to sacrifice your personal life (male or female), you shouldn’t have kids because they basically take up all of your previously free time.
The first girl will end up having to do mental backflips to explain how single moms AND good fathers have time for their kids *while* still working their physical full time jobs. That’s crazyyy
I remember she mentioned in a previous post that her husband didn’t want to get married and only did because she wanted to. I think that’s important to note here. If he had wanted to get married (he could have also just said no) I believe he would have been more involved. In conclusion marital counselling before marriage is important
Sound right. This on her but the one lady saying men practice group think is right.
Most men don’t want marriage. Women push it on men
That’s an important thing to consider. He still could’ve said no BUT if she did pressure him until understanding he didn’t want to, she should take accountability in creating the situation.
Visiting an attorney prior to marriage is the most important. If this was a requirement very few would get married. Stop letting society and your pastors determine your life. Divorce exists and all that is talked about is assets and dividends not love.
That first woman is using her husband as an excuse. She is a free thinking adult.
But so many condemn women who want to raise their children without a partner and only have children when a man is in the house but men can be in your presence and not be present. I believe having a person there but absent is a different type of rejection and damaging.
This. Simply having a man in the house means nothing. If he’s anything other than loving, involved, and active, then he’s most likely just making everyone’s lives worse.
I had a roommate who told me her father was in the home but never really spoke to her.Their family was total dysfunctional.
@@IAMHERE486 Many of us were told "Children were to be seen and not heard." Many parents would go further and clearly indicate to their children that they were to be barely seen as well.
I think overall having a present AND active father is better than not having one but for me, the resolve is foregoing children altogether rather than intentionally having a child with a man who you assume isn’t going to be present.
Exactly. I'd rather be a single parent surrounded only by people who actually care about me. How is someone sh*tty tying themselves to you making your life better? Even if they have money, they are detracting from you AND your children's well-being. And you're teaching your kids that this type of relationship is what love looks like. That's creating more generational trauma right there.
If he doesn't want to spend time with family, then why have kids? When does she get a break, huh?
This man can't read his book on a Disneyland bench?
She is a desperado to still ne married to him. He told her that he didn't want to be around her and she liked it.
i think that is the same
lady who waited till 35 to be married and didn’t think her real life started then idk😢
First girl opinion is ridiculous. He did what he wanted and still got to have a family to look like a father. Efff him. He did it for his own benefit
This is a realization my mom has never and probably will never come to. She kicked me out when he told her he wanted me gone.
They don't realize until it's too late sometimes.
I'm really sorry for you😢
they can spend their aged years without any help from you ... enjoy your life and they can be in a nursing home
There is a reason that Mother's Day is a huge deal, but Father's Day barely gets a mention. Just saying. I just hope her kids are more mature than their parents and are able to put what their parents did/did not do in perspective and not be too resentful. 8:50 is 💯right ON THE DOT.
Young ladies please listen! You have been warned! Also remember if you do get into a marriage or relationship and see it is not good, reach out to a trustworthy woman that can help you free yourself immediately! Don’t waste time hoping and wishing that things will get better! Love you first!
I have an amazing father and grandfather, but both of them have always told me (only half-jokingly) that all men are no good 😅 and if it’s coming straight from a man’s mouth I believe it lmao
Did he explain why? They have to go into detail why!
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My ex- husband was military and nearly the same, except when he saw us pack up and do stuff without him he starting coming along 😂 csuse im having fun with or without you
That part! You can come with us or not but I’m not waiting around 😂
😂😂😂
When you start a family it’s not just about you anymore, i think a lot of ppl think they have to start a family when that’s not what they really wanted
The unspoken part is that the wife obviously didn't like her kids either since she chose to abstain from activities with them. She felt bad her husband didn't do stuff with the kids/family but there was no reason she couldn't do things with just the kids. She decided her kids experiences/wants weren't important enough but "regrets" it now?
Facts that's what I'm thinking neither wanted them and they probably have seen the video
Her children are still fairly young so I hope she’s making memories now.
It was. You shoulda just did things yourself. Black women have been working, hanging with kids, and bringing home all the money. How many women can do this now?
It’s harder to do it now because of the economy. They want women to need men. The government is changing laws and trying to make women run back. I just posted a video where they are trying to outlaw roommates unless they are family. This is an agenda against women because they see us talking about building communities with other women and the west4bmovement is growing,they are desperate
It's because we're the blueprint!
This is why women who really want kids should marry a guy who came from a large family and also REALLY wants kids. Even then, he may change his mind after having them. Men tend to barge ahead and think it’ll all turn out ok. This works great in jobs and makes you a “go-getter,” but it does NOT work in relationships. Having kids is such a gamble… where you’re betting their lives and happiness as well as your own.
First Lady I relate to, just w/o kids. In 14 years I didn't go bowling, play pool, karaoke, hiking, biking, go to a pool or beach, go on photography trips, to an amusement park, to a CONCERT (and I loved concerts!!!), hardly hung with friends which I lost a lot of them, and hardly saw my family, hardly did _anything_ I wanted to do because "he didn't want to" and would pout or rage out on me/pick a fight.
DONT. DO. THIS. LADIES!!!
I left and have sooooooo much regret. That is time I cannot get back, although now I'm making up for lost time ❤ I learned a LOT the past 6 years but I'd hate for another human being go through this crap. It's SELF ERASURE.
This is triggering for me because my father resented his family. He threw my mother (who also worked outside the home) to the figurative dogs to deal with everything alone while he went and played sport. He even resented Christmas and birthday presents.
I've gone no contact with him.
This is very true.
My mom was the only reason why as a kid I was able to have vacations and visit amusement parks.
I can recall only like 1 time my father went to an amusement park with us and we went nearly every summer.
And on vacation, he mostly wanted to stay in the hotel room or go to the bar.
It was our mom taking us to the museums, water parks, festivals, etc
And my mom was a full time worker herself and owned several businesses , so him being tired was no excuse.
What is that lady talking about the man is taking care of everything else. Lmao. He goes to work and comes home. In marriages like these that’s all they do. I would also like to take a break on the weekend. How cool would it be to just be able to checkout of family after a certain time a day or on the weekends. The jokes on him though. We separated and now I finally have some free time.
Isn’t it interesting how getting rid of them often makes women’s lives EASIER 🤔 says a lot about how much these providers are actually “providing”
Same😂🎉🎉🎉
Ok, but are those women who marry those guys blind and deaf? You have 1 kid, the father does not engage... So you have another kid?
They're playing the game right along with him. As long as they can smile with the kids in an occasional holiday pic, everyone will say, "They're so happy/she's such a good woman!" and they'll gain society's acceptance. The truth only ever comes out when it's over. That's why it always comes as a shock because "they seemed so happy."
This vexes me too! Why would you do the dummy more than once?!
@@Scott0588yes!!
🎯🎯🎯 this is why I only have one kid.
If the kids are back to back then it might not show as much. It might be a situation where he gets less engaging over time, or there are so few things to meaningfully do with really young kids that it goes unnoticed. Esp if you factor in the fatigue that comes with a toddler and new pregnancy and/or you are already male identified and primed to ignore small red flags like doing all the labor in the household. Not saying it’s factual or what went down in her case, just giving out potential reasons for why.
This is exactly how my husband is. He wants all his free time to be for himself. But not to improve himself. Just to sit around. I’ve made sure to keep my kids active though. We do a lot together.
You need to put your foot down. Tell him directly that he can have time to himself to do what he wants but X number of hours he’s going to spend doing things with the family. Or he can invite his kids to participate in his hobbies.
You sound like a single married woman.
@@tonyharvey9637he doesn’t have hobbies.
A lot of people say “put your foot down”, but never answer the second half of the “or what?” Question. Does she threaten divorce if he says no?
@@tonyharvey9637 I put him out is what I did. I long done with him. I’m in the process of rebuilding and a renewed sense of self.
@@victorias5272 exactly. I put my foot down all over the place. I even went so far as to put my hands on the game system once and me and the kids ended up running into a room and locking the door because he got so aggressively angry. And no I didn’t throw it. I picked it up and moved it into another room for him to play so we could use our living room.
I do wonder how often people come online asking for help before they’re ever talked to their spouse because so often you get a you need to tell him type comment like I didn’t already tell him for 10 dang years. I’m not telling him anything except thank you when the divorce papers are signed.
It's unfortunate the kids had to suffer. That Man dislike her from the beginning. His distain for her trickled down to the kids. Ma'am I'm inclined to believe you knew that Man didn't want you or them kids.
So when does she get to have days off and time away from him or his children?
When I got divorced this was the same thing. Im so ashamed of the way I centered him, granted i was groomed into the behavior but when it affects my kids theres just no excuse. I fucked up.
I’m listening and chilling on the couch. My toes curl when I think about my fabulous singleness in DELIGHT and my kid is now grown and house all tidy! It’s Saturday night and the plethora of movies, videos, and dinner choices has me excited. Not sorry at all! #realmodernwoman
This is why it's important to have your own hobbies, likes, etc outside of a marriage/relationship. I feel like people expect to do things together all the time as a couple..if a man wants to go play golf with his buddies or spend Sunday afternoon alone in his man cave, he's gonna do it since he's the 'provider' of the family and 'deserves it' but if a woman wants to go have lunch with her friends or spend 2 hours by herself, it's a problem, it's a hassle, especially if they have kids because she's supposed to be tethered to them 24/7.
Say it louder for the folks in the back 😤
I experienced this as a child - my mother married an emotionally distant military man that had no interest spending time with us unless it was for the validation of his family/friends. I hope she spends time with her children now. It is never too late!
It sounds like either she is divorced and the children are grown and do not really interact with her because of her choice OR the children are grown and she's still married and his neglect of her is more noticable now. Either way she needs to focus on repairing the relationship with her children
She said in the video they’re 14 and 11
She is Absolutely right. That mom guilt is painful b/c a conscientious woman that cannot go back to correct things feel badly for her children's lives
😢you hit the nail on the head!
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This is the result of turning your husband into a Demi-god and that results in the children being abandoned by both parents at the expense of the children. This is why people like this shouldn’t have children and bring them into their marriage where he’s the center King Baby with a mommy wife. He’s selfish and entitled. I bet his kids hate him and want nothing to do with him like he did them.
I’m a single mother of one that’s almost an adult now. When my child was a toddler through middle school I took my child to everywhere museums, fairs, other kid events, movies, vacations and staycations. With lots of pictures to memorialize the outings. I went on every elementary school field trip, those years flew by and you can’t get those years back.
Women provide for their families and do everything at work and home, men like her husband are lazy she was a married single mother. That woman should have gotten a job and prepared to leave and divorce him at some point. He didn’t want to participate in parenting and being a husband. Smh
That 3rd speaker said a mouth full. Literally said what women are facing when choosing to engage with a man. Most men perform for each other and women and children are accessories. Then when they get in the marriage that start looking for ways to escape but also continue the marriage for status. That’s also why they will cheat but won’t actually break up or file for divorce. They don’t know themselves. That’s another reason why I don’t see it for long term relationships that started during teen years.
7:01 I just like when a pick me mascarades as an open-minded woman!
Women do it all all the time, they provide and spend as much time as they can with their kids. Many fathers who work full time, actually love spending time with their family.
I don’t think this is a decentering men thing as much as it’s him just being a shitty husband/dad. My husband owns several businesses and on his only day off he’s always initiating for us to do something together with the kids. He’s a hands on dad as soon as he comes home and doesn’t expect to be the centre of the universe.
I agree. Like one of women in the video says, some men see women and kids as accessories. They want a family just to check a box, not to connect or enjoy their life together
She’s saying that she centered her husband by not doing anything because he didn’t want to. She could’ve and should’ve provided experiences for her children despite the feelings of her husband. Her children suffered because she didn’t want to go out without him. And I’m sure, judging by the way she described him, he wouldn’t have cared. He’s an awful husband but she leaned into his behavior rather than away from it. That’s the centering.
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A lot of men don’t actually want or love kids they just want legacies .
Knowledge is power. My children are grown and have children of their own. I wish I had this knowledge years ago. It also makes me look at myself and see how I could have been a better mother. I'm happy to see my children are doing better than I did. Women of today, you are blessed to have this truth that past generations of women didn't have..
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being able to see the past in a light that doesn't paint you perfectly and still have love and respect for yourself and your children says you are a great mother, even if in the end. you're only human and it is very true that women of the past were in much more difficult times and deserve grace for it if they can grow beyond them
I was thinking about this the other day, as I’m currently going through all of the Disney movies that I have watched as a kid, and overall just don’t have the strongest memory through and through about; and what I noticed is in some of the older ones Snow White Sleeping Beauty etc. women will go throughsome of the most traumatic things to have a fucking man show up at the end and things be called a happy ending. No love, just more trauma.😂 Now in some of the later films Pocahontas, Princess and the Frog, Mulan, etc. Simply a bunch of films about women dealing w/ hard headed men. I’m so glad Frozen depicted a man and his true nature to take by any means necessary for self gain as the villain.
Good take. Frozen is actually very accurate to reality, I never thought about that.
I love Maleficent also
When he's old and sick, he'll wonder why his kids won't want anything to do with him. He is not worthy of having a family, and why is she still there.
Women needs to stop saying “provider” when he’s a workhorse for the family and dassit
Some men are mood swingers and y’all have to walk on eggshells I refuse
She was busy centering her husband and he was busy de-centering his family
I’m hope everyone who comments about destiny being married and making this type of content is actually listening, it feels like this is addressing them personally.
I got into it with some people on an influencer’s page. The dad was getting on his toddler’s case who was crying . I guess the child got into some kind of trouble and the Mom was recording the dad saying “you realize that’s my wife right”? the comments were filled with people saying “this is how it should be” . Saying the parents should always come before their kids and stuff like they never set right with me . As a parent you don’t even come first so how the hell does that even work ? stuff like that are the reason why this video is a thing .
As a Christian, the only one person centered on my marriage is Christ. Outside of that, both your partner, yourself and the kids should be the priority. You need to take care of all. And your partner needs to take care of all. It's a partnership. Trust me, I'm not waiting for my husband if I want to take his kid out. If I want to take the kids out, I'm going with or without my husband. But when I need a break, I'm not giving my husband a choice either. Those are his kids as well.
Still male centered because christ has a penis.
Dummy yourself and your goals are priority. Not a disease husband and liability kid 😂😂. That’s a burden for women.
This comment needs to be pinned. God should be the centre of our lives not any other human being. Someone who is here today and gone the next. NOPE.
Just because he is tired doesn’t mean y’all should take him withyoall
Well the good thing is her kids are still young she can make up for it.
Not really because she’s still married to him and will continue doing the same thing.
@@IAMHERE486 she made the realization, and she can do something about it.
what i find funny, as someone who never really dated, when i was younger (like senior in high school) i was very male centered not b/c i wanted to be but b/c I thought that it's what i was supposed to do. As i grew and found that i didn't really wanna do what i was supposed to I would do what I wanted or what i thought was best for me, centering my life on the whole naturally happened.
I'm on my second marriage with kids. I was young and naive for the first. I should not have married or had kids with him, BUT I do not regret my children from that marriage. I learned ALOT about myself as well as the growth I needed to do. I did just that in therapy and taking the time to really learn myself.
My current husband and I decided that we aligned on how we can make both our lives fulfilling and easier. Marriage was for us to have our assets together and commit to raising our family together. We both cook, clean, get time for ourselves, together and with the children. Though no relationship is absolutely perfect, this is my ideal dynamic. My first two boys have their bio dad every other weekend to do fun things with as well.
Girl bye. If he’s such a provider I would’ve been taking his money and showing my kids a good time without his selfish ssa.
"His free time is his free time." Then sir, you want to be single and childless....
There is definitely a healthy need and a time for me-time for every person, but there is a balance when you CHOOSE to have a family.
The saddest part is her finding out in a round about way that the man doesn't truly love the family (wife/kids) he created... because that's what he's saying, whether she realizes it or not.
well then either you leave him because none of you are important to him or stop complaining.You know this so fix it!
When my ex husband and I were in the military, we never did anything fun. It does drain all of your energy, and if you're not careful, you just want to give into your depression and sit around on the weekends doing nothing. I went through the same exact struggle as this lady, only I confronted my ex about it and ultimately ended the relationship because you might as well be single if your spouse doesn't want to spend quality time with you. Women should try dating themselves before they prioritize a man's interests above their own needs. Another more accurate terminology for "centering" a man is "codependency". It's an extremely unhealthy way to live your life and it's technically classified as a mental disorder!
6:57 a stay at home mom is also living a selfless life as well... like it's literally in the job description lmao... i feel like dumbass takes shouldn't be featured but that's just me
This topic is so relatable for me right now.
I’m 60 and have been married 31 yrs. I’ve learned, men often marry to get the attention they feel they never received as a child and this leads to jealousy when kids are born.
🎯 this was exactly my experience. It was a wild realization
6:24 Cut the BS! A single mother is a provider and working all the time even more and no one would make excuses for her children turning to the streets because she was tired and wanted to prioritize herself. Stop being ridiculous and coming up with excuses for these bums who should've never had the privilege of finding someone to spred their DNA with. Smfh!
I love that I have discovered this channel and I love listening to the various opinions and perspectives. It is truly helping me build myself more and more to identify what I want within myself and any future partner.
Welcome aboard!. Glad you are enjoying it 🫶🫶🫶❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm struggling to understand why a husband and father "doesn’t want to spend time" with his wife & children? Sure, relax, play video games, nap & read books but *your children and wife are an essential part of your life. You can't compartmentalise them.*
Where is the balance? He had to spend EVERY weekend doing personal hobbies? He couldn't spend a few hours to go to the park or beach? How much time did this woman/mother get to spend on hobbies?
My dad never took a day off even when he was sick to provide for our family, he spent lots of time and activities with us. The hi light of our day was when Daddy got home, two little kids burst through that door and wanted a hug. He must have been very tired, but he kept us occupied so Mom could finish supper in peace, that was a great help for her. One of the guys asked why we were so happy to see him, his kids just ignored him. Dad asked him if he spent time with his, not any more than I have to was his answer. Well, than why should they care then? I grew up in the 60’s with two parents who spent a lot of time teaching us but also doing fun stuff as well. I know that was not always easy , they were tired but still made time for us. Once we got older we told them to go out for coffee without us and just have time five with each other. No talking about kids was allowed. They first protested but came to appreciate that time as a couple. As older children, we could see how little time they took for themselves and realized they needed time for each other and time for just them to relax as individuals. It is hard with children to put time in your marriage and time just for yourself. It is important to keep the balance.
My mom was married to my step dad since I was 8, they got together when I was 5.
Anyway, my mom did a weird hybrid of centering her husband yet not centering him. She would say stuff like “you have to pretend like what he says matters or he’ll get upset.” Or she would let him make a decision, and when everybody hated it, she would still make us do what he wanted, make it clear (to us, the kids) that we were doing whatever because it’s what he wanted and then later do what everyone else wanted. So act like he was important to his face but undermine him all the time too. Needless to say, it took me a while to figure out how healthy relationships work. We acted like a family unit and her husband was just kind of like a +1. I concluded they were married because you’re supposed to be married and not necessarily because they really liked or loved each other.
Parenting is work. Period. You get down time when they are asleep or you carve out time to do your favorite things.
I feel like humanities lost common sense for example I haven’t watched the video yet but I can get the vibe of what the story is my opinion already would be that if you have a family unit containing multiple people and you center one person probably you are going to affect the relationship you have with the other people that are in the family unit that would be called favouritism and if it was done with children obviously people would have a stronger opinion about it or at least a different opinion favouritism or centering one person even if it’s yourself is never okay
Ok so I wholeheartedly agree with a lot of things being said by the stitches. As a person who has lived the military life as a wife and a service member doe over 20 years, she told no lies! As. Mom no matter what that is what it is. You are in uniform with a husband in uniform and it doesn’t make a difference. Thank God I woke up early before my lack of motivation to do things because I was waiting on him consumed me. I was tired and providing as well but again as a mom it doesn’t matter, you have to keep things going. The best thing to do is focus on your children and yourself. If he wants to come along great, if he doesn’t oh well.
For the people saying the military pays you to have a family, yes and no. Yes if you are below a certain rank and you aren’t eligible for the entitlements, you will get housing allowance as a basic benefit. It doesn’t go up based on how many children you have. So thats false information. Now if you are in particular service situations then yes there are special pays for that but the amount doesn’t change because you have a wife/husband and 3 kids or 1 kid. If you move up in rank without a family you will still get bah after a certain time and if you gain a family you get a boost but after that it doesn’t change unless you make rank.
So there is an increase for having a family. It’s true. Thanks
Ok, now she is aware and the kids are 14, and 11 what’s the point of guilt? Go out now and do stuff with them or am I missing the point?
2. So when it comes to men need sex, she isn’t tired? Doing all the work and being mother and father?
Idk! Every day I hear a story about men I am like why?
Honestly that’s why I’ve spent 7 years with my husband and married 6 years before even TTC children. I did this because I wanted to make sure he was truly ready for children. I center my husband in all things but I see he does the same for me. We are selfish with our time and eachother. I just think holding off on kids until you are BOTH ready to sacrifice is the only right option. Being a good wife or husband is so much easier than being a good father or mother.
So, many stories of married women enduring...😢 it's a reason to celebrate single status.
To the first stitch…a stay at home parent is a full time job. When does the mom get time to herself?! Especially if the dad always spends his free time alone, doing what he wants to do. Ridiculous
If someone posts the link to Mel Hamiltons videos that she's talking about, I'd greatly appreciate it.
A woman should center her husband and vice versa. 90% of the time, the only way that works out well is if she centers herself way before she gets married. That way, when she starts taking applications, she can choose based on the requirements of her own self-love❣️
If she wants children, she now has the ability to spot and eliminate a man incapable of the emotional and mental output necessary for that arrangement.
If she wants child-free she can spot a man who’s aware of his needs, and knows that children do not fit in there. Then they can marry and center themselves respectively, and have the energy to center each other, without having to expend energy performing lopsided or obligation-based activities which leaves them depleted at the end of the day.
There is nothing wrong with the OP’s husband wanting to center himself on his days off. He’s trying to practice his own self-love. He just didn’t bother to think beforehand of what that would do to the relationship; to his wife, and to the children they created. He’s irresponsible regardless of how much he provides materially. That’s what happens sometimes when you do things out of order. No shade to either of them.
LOVE AND CENTER YOURSELF BEFORE YOU SIGN THESE CONTRACTS❣️
It’s crazy because when women work 40 hour work weeks still do things with their kids on the weekend. I’m sorry, being the only working parent DOES NOT excuse this. Men don’t like their kids, and they don’t want to admit it 🤷🏽♀️
oh wow very interested in this topic - something unique
We have to take time to analyse the men in our families too. One can be a great dad/brother/uncle/cousin/SON but an absolutely abysmal person to women they aren't related to. We often downplay or overlook and human the poor behaviour of men we are related to. It gives them a safe space to continue and believe they are good people and it's women who are at fault. So as much work we do, we are still a part of making life a nightmare for our sisters in humanity.
That beautiful feeling that you have is because you have the best of both worlds. You have a husband that allows you to be yourself. You can bask in your individuality but when you need it you have someone to share that part of you with. Its a good balance. When you are too far on either part of the spectrum it can be miserable, at least that is my experience.
@destiny umeh, i noticed that all the feedback responses had a part of the initial video. You could just cut those parts out to reduce the redundancy.
Y'all see how ppl BLASTED Kim K because she DARED express mild disappointment that her entire birthday was spent doing what her kids wanted? If it's a dude, tho, some pick-me shows up saying "He NeEdS tO rElAx He WoRkS aLl DaY nOtHiNg'S eVEr EnOuGh FoR y'AlL." I'm a single mother working FT and, sometimes, I'd LOVE to spend a day playing video games instead of parenting. But there are no days off for parents. If your husband is a giant teenager, you're better off alone fr
This is so sad!
AMEN!
Centering men is why i dont deal with my mama now
Oof! The car comparison!!! How true is that?!
I'm sorry but he did not love you or probably his kids as hard as that sounds. When he met you, he had the same job, but he made time to date you, woo you and get you as his wife but now out of a sudden he has no time? no he just does not see you as a priority anymore. My now ex-husband whom i divorced when i had my first two with him 11 months apart he never held them, played with them etc and his excuse they are too young when they get older I'll be able to play with them the way i want, however when my first two got older that time of him playing, talking etc with them never came his two days off in a week was spent on playing video games or going out with his friend. face forward i was pregnant with my third and last child and is also his kid and i left him while pregnant i worked at the post office plant for 6 days a week and 10 to 12 hours a day and still made time for me at that time 10- and 11-year-old. he was not a person who wanted kids or a wife he just wanted a maid and accessory and now that man is remarried and has a son and is still the same way, he never changed, and I am doing everything I can to teach my oldest son and my youngest son to be a real man. oh, and that man is probably cheated on you so the side of him that wants to be romantic or intimate with a woman is being spent on other women and so to him you are now a choir because he has to as you are his wife not lover think deeply about that.
Pickmesia’s …I could never and would never..as women our kids will be there before and after these men ..she signed up to be his personal servant and give him a legacy..theses men are wild …ladies know your worth and without you he would not have a life..just die alone like the dustie he is ..And men are supposed to protect serve and provide..hello duhhhh