@@SSFighter1701 I understand what you're saying. But there's a moral/ethical line that needs to be drawn. Trying to track down a closed adoption should get on the 10ft pole list for PIs . I know it's an unpopular opinion, they put the kid up for a closed adoption for a reason.
People don't want SA victims to interrupt unwanted pregnancy, then don't want the former kid, traumatized for life, to not have contact with the reminder of the worst experience she had in her life.
All the commens criticised OP seem to ignored the fact that she was a child too, a child who was robbed of her innocent and childhood. 12/13 years old is the time you explore curiosity about the world to hang out with friends, ... Not carrying and pushing out another human being. These people made me sick.
Because they don't see a child who was SA'd and forced to carry an unwanted pregnancy. They see a cold, neglectful ADULT who won't make herself uncomfortable for a stranger who has been lied to by the people who raised her.
...so OP, who as a child, was not only raped, impregnanted, and forced to csrry the child to term by her parents, has to show the child, a 19 year old, she birthed, grace and understanding, but should simultaniously expect none of thst herself given her own trauma
@@andrewnotyet8825 she should have just gotten an abortion dude. IDC what you think, but it horrifying to tell a child, instead of terminating a pregnancy that resulted from rape, you have to carry the pregnancy to term and give birth...all at around the age of 13
ST1 Disgusting that commenter is telling op to essentially get over herself, the girl has been told not to contact op, that op doesn’t want a relationship but won’t stop her having a relationship with OP’s other family minus the one brother, the girl has stomped several times over OP’s boundary.
Story #1: Despite what Redditors think, "trauma" does not give anyone a free pass to infringe on someone's boundaries. The fact that this all happened _during the pandemic_ makes the bio daughter showing up at OP's home, uninvited, even worse. And her reaching out to OP's brother and being rebuked, and still not getting the picture? Adoption issues or not, 19 is old enough to understand when you aren't welcome.
"She's just a child." At 19, I didn't go hounding off after people who obviously wanted to be left alone, especially not to the point of banging on people's doors in the dead of night during the holidays while yelling. Girl sounds unhinged. 19 is old enough to get a tattoo and vote, she can start acting like a damn adult. The lady said she wanted to be left alone, multiple times, you leave her the hell alone.
The update made things significantly worse. The fact that the daughter was so concerned about things like OP's political beliefs and her religious affiliation makes it very clear that this young woman is far too invasive to belong in OP's life.
At 19, I can understand wanting to find her mom, but she's old enough to take no for an answer, especially after OP explained that all they share is blood, nothing more
Exactly. In an attempt to be compassionate toward one person, they are being disgusting toward another. Teaching the biological daughter who she is and where she came from? Not OP's responsibility.
I don’t like how they’re all dismissing the op trauma for a child who has trauma thanks to her parents. Why would you tell a child her birth mother hated her? Why make op the villain in this story? Why not tell her truth? She’s being way more hurt by her parents lies than her birth mothers truth. The adopted parents are the ones at fault here. Op did nothing wrong and it’s messed up ppl are trying to make her feel bad for not wanting to open herself back up to the pain and trauma she finally got over.
@@chinaking918 OP brought the child into the world OP could allow her bio child to meet her it's not the child's fault what her father did and OP is punishing her for that all the kid wants is to meet her bio mum and OP could be the bigger person and allow it
@@Twilight24682 the thing is she’s not punishing her at all. She don’t owe her an explanation she don’t owe her a damn thing nor do she have to be the bigger person. How much more do op have to suffer after being forced to carry a pregnancy she NEVER wanted. So no she shouldn’t have to keep putting up with what everybody else want. If it was up to op the daughter wouldn’t even be in the world stop placing even more burden on op. Her parents should’ve been truthful instead lying to their daughter.
That commentator act the same way as OP biological daughter so it no wonder they demand ridiculous thing like that. If OP was truly cure she would have cruse her daughter out already and force all the relative to stunt her too. If I was OP in that situation I would definitely be extremely trigger and feel like this girl is trying to re-traumatize me by forcing herself in my life.
Don’t really blame OP, if you were SA’d and that resulted in an unwanted pregnancy, adoption is the best option. If her daughter can’t accept that, than that’s on the daughter. OP has the right to not want a rxpe child in her life and she didn’t even get an abortion. The child still ended up having a good life.
@@scp-redacted2851 exactly. OP owes her nothing. She went above and beyond already, giving her access to medical records, some watercolours and even writing to her. She shouldn't be pushed to accept her into her life just because she wants contact with her. It's not her fault the adoptive parents gave her the wrong impression. She didn't have any obligation to help her out and even after the girl stepping all over her boundaries she was still kind to her but she kept coming back.
It wasn't the child's fault the child didn't get to chose who her parents are you shouldn't punish a person for something their father did OP was being harsh towards them
Story 1: It’s tragic and I feel sad for Op. As a child she should never have been forced to go through with the pregnancy. Telling Op to just get over the trauma is just cruel. She had her innocence and childhood robbed. The daughter needs to take a hint and understand it’s nothing against her. Story 2: Screw the homophobic parents. Good on Op for rescuing her sister.
As a gal that was adopted, I agree with you. Folks that are adopted were either purposely put up for adoption or they were taken from their family. In general, neither are good situations. Unfortunately, majority of adoptee's looking for Bio family have a fairytale vision. They have a hard time letting go of their vision. The parents that adopted OP's child need to get her under control.
@@laquietagray9323Likely, considering nurses and doctors are mandated reporters. Then again, the family likely blamed OP for the family member's actions.
Wouldn't the daughter ever wonder that her birth mother, who was SA'ed and was a literal child at the time, would have good reason to not want to see the product of that horror?
I'm disgusted about how much the peoples in the first post were only thinking about the girl but not OP... Probally just because they see more stories about adoptions than what OP went through, ignorant people. The girl needs therapy and OP just need peace.
I see where Op is coming from in the first story. Biological daughter is pushing Op's boundaries about not wanting to see her. Those who are trying to pressure Op into seeing her biological daughter is disgusting.
No blaming your child for something their father did and wanting nothing to do with them is disgusting not the child's fault what happened to OP don't blame a kid for the actions of their father
@@Twilight24682 I'm not blaming the child. It's just that what the biological daughter is doing is not right. Op doesn't exactly want to have a relationship with her but the biological daughter keeps on insisting on wanting to talk to Op. She doesn't want to be reminded of the trauma.
@@deadsouljaguar7041 What OP is doing is not right either she brought the child into the world she could speak with the child and make contact but is punishing her child for their fathers actions yeah she had trauma but it's not her child's fault what happened to her
@@Twilight24682 No, OP is fully right. It might not be the childs fault that it happened, but nonetheless that child is a constant reminder of something op would rather forget and has taken years of therapy to get over with varying amounts of success, and that letter should've been the end of the matter, and depending on how like the perpetrator of the horrific act the child looks it could undo the years of healing she went through to get to where she is right now. As cold and horrible as it might sound to others, when it comes to situations like the OP went through, I believe that not all parents need to know and/or love their kids.
That kid needs support from someone outside this mess. No, OP is not obligated to any relationship, EVER, but the person exists, and the way they're handling it seems like they're trying to disavow she ever existed at all. She needs an outside person to intervene and take this away from OP's plate. OP has no obligation at all.
A young relative used to say he had 3 moms - his birth mom, his God mom, and his mom. His birth mom was SA'd and decided to give him up for adoption. She included a picture of her but did not want a relationship. Her wants were respected.
When it comes down to giving sympathy to someone who is a grown adult versus somebody who's younger, you can almost always bet that Reddit is going to be against the adult.
@@SnowyWolborg "Somebody who's younger" i.e. another grown adult. Reddit needs to stop infantilizing the 19 year old woman. She has all her cognitive functions and she has other means of working through her trauma, like therapy for example, than to just invade the life of her unwilling bio-mother.
When someone say, " I don't want a relationship with you", that doesn't give you the right to pound on their door and demand they talk to you. No doubt she's acting on bad info, but OP was very direct. Hopefully she leaves OP alone from here on and goes to therapy.
@@Snowstorm_ICE 100% agree. Unfortunately, a lot of people on these subreddits still subscribe to the idea that you are a child that needs to be sheltered at 19. If somebody makes it clear that they don't want anything to do with you, the last thing you need to be doing is driving across state lines and banging on their door in the middle of the night. That's just straight unhinged behavior.
the commenters in story 1 are insane - this was a child, barely in her teens that was sexually abused and forced to give birth - she owes no one anything
This reminds me of another similar story, where a boy was grape by an adult woman and she got pregnant... Years laters, the child reached out to him asking to be apart of his life, but he didn't want that as it brought brought bad memories... Everyone in his life, family included, basically told him to get over what happened to him and it's not her fault 🙄. He never posted a update iirc
Its so weird and jarring to see people trying to convince her to cater to a spoiled entitled brat. Yes, she is spoiled and entitled when she came to OP's house during a raging pandemic. Asking someone who was raped as a child whether she will forgive her SA'er and other absolutely insensitive questions. And OP's parents and the girl's adopted parents are the most vile people.
That young woman is going to show up on her "Father's" doorstep, be invited in, and be SA's herself. That man has shown a taste and a preference for his own family members, what's going to be tastier or more preferred than his own daughter? Also, I'm getting the vibe that there a Lot of adoptees in this thread.
@Firegoesboom legally, no 19 in not a child. The damage done by the adoptive parents is in no way ops responsibility, she didn't raised a damaged adult
I totally agree with op not having anything to do with the daughter since she's a result of SA and my heart goes out to victims of it.... I was one myself.... I know it's probably trivial, but the "young woman" is still a person. Addressing her as "something" instead of "someone" just seems to be diminishing to me.... She may have had a great life, but she never asked for the circumstances of her conception. While she definitely shouldn't be harassing op and her husband, I feel like she was definitely done a disservice by those meant to care for her(adoptive parents). No one should be lied to like that for the greater good, it always does more damage than what it was intended to prevent. Just sharing a bit of empathy for the her, even though she has presented herself to be a bit of a menace. She is probably hurt and confused about a lot in her life as she matures and no amount of "good upbringing" will curtail that... She needs and sadly should have been in therapy from the moment she was able to understand....
Reddit is *extremely* pro child. Oftentimes to the point of being flat out irrational. The adoptive parents need to be the one taking care of whatever issues she has, not OP.
@@SnowyWolborgComments like that aren't just in Reddit unfortunately. There's a guy in this comment section agreeing that what the OP is doing is horrible and telling people it too by the name of twilight24682. They might comment under this comment too saying that OP is the cruel one.
@@creepynoone7437Already called that one out for being an idiot. When someone says they don't want to see you, there is nothing else to talk about, and any push from the unwanted person automatically makes them wrong. Does the bio daughter need help? Yeah. But she will not get it from OP.
Story one, don't blame OP for her choice, l was twenty six when this happened to me only it was a family friend. I kept the child & today l wish l had not he had made my life a living hell!
2nd OP is great for helping her sis and shouldn’t worry they way she did at the end. Sis now has 2 supportive guardians/parental units, she’s survived direct conflict with the enemy and she has her first gf. Other than some almost certain heartbreak OP’s sis has the core of what a young woman needs to build a beautiful stable fulfilling life. Not to candy coat it just seeing the glass is half full for sis at worst. Far too many young queer people have less. 😢
Story 2 Conversion camps are often @buseive and might end up unaliving the kid, if they don't drive them to ending it themselves first. Parents like these, of course do not care what happens to their kid, they only care about looks and results. If something happened to the kid, they would milk the drama for pity points while secretly thinking the kid deserved their fate.
The first story is just horrible OP had every right to not want to see her and the 19 year old also has a right to see her bio mom but not at the expense of bio mom. But her seeing bio mom will not heal trauma it could open more wounds what she needs is therapy not pushing basically a stranger to spend time with her.
Story 1: Bio daughter got her bio father's tendency to overstep boundaries and disregard the agency of OP. NTA. She doesnt want contact. Leave her alone. A restraining order would be in place. That girl needs to move along and get on. She has two parents. Or go find her bio dad if she is that desperate to find out where she came from
Personally nah (no assholes here). Neither mother nor daughter had a say in this. Op did not choose to be sa'd, daughter did not choose to be born. The ass holes are the rapist (for obvious reasons), op's parents, and bio daughter's adoptive parents. Daughter is still young and immature, she's obviously manipulated by her adoptive parents, which led her to become the "lunatic" y'all perceive her to be. Op, understandably does not wanna see her but it's not her fault. Even then op acknowledges it, and separates the actions of the sa'er and their daughter. PS. The original post was three years ago (I visited this on reddit). Op did comment that it was just bad timing due to the stress of pandemic, stress of pregnancy, and reliving her trauma but she also said that maybe, years from now, (she made this comment on Christmas Eve, 2020) when she and her daughter is healed, they can be friends, but not mother daughter, as she herself was a kid when her daughter was born
Doesn’t matter, if you give them up at birth they have nothing to do with you, you may hate them but they have no reason to hate you, I see no problem with what OP did, especially since she was assaulted
Hi! Adopted kid here. Those reddit comments were absolutely infuriating. OP was a child and a victim, the subject of horrific violence. I understand far too well the pain and longing, the idea you might not be good enough, the sense of alienation. None of these are an excuse. I was an utter shithead at nineteen, but I could never imagine acting like this.
Story 1: those commenters are self righteous, even after the update most still had the same attitude. Apparently you have to deal with trauma in a specific way according to these people, otherwise you’re “spiteful”. I wonder how many of them would appreciate that kind of advice if any of them went through the same thing op went through?
Story 2: conversion therapy not only does not and never has worked, but it is insanely traumatic and one of the worst things you can do to someone. Absolutely disgusting
To the advocate who kept explaining to OP that the path of least resistance was the best , and the other who kept insisting the 19 yr old was a child, and OP was being cruel to a child she bore and gave up at 13 , enough! Stop piling on more trauma onto Op. She is just starting to live a healthy life and was being stalked and harassed by someone who is unhinged. OP , I hope your life and your family have a wonderful happy life.
Closed adoptions are *closed* for a reason. This should have never happend!!! I feel for OP, forced to have a dangerous pregnancy, and birth. I know I will get backlash, but a child that age is not fully grown yet, making a pregnancy and birth potential deadly, a abortion should have been an option, how horrible that is. I am against abortion, it's murder, but in this case the pregnancy could had resulted in 2 deaths: OP and baby, they are VERY lucky ❤ However, again, a closed adoption is closed. Is there not any law that could be in favor of OP?
Honestly, the whole thread of this post's comment section is gross, and I am STEAMING. -- OP wasn't even a teenager when she was assaulted, and forced to give birth. Holy f-ck. The fact that they have more sympathy for the child who was adopted out, and had LOVING PARENTS is wild to me. So f-cking wild. 19 wanted to meet, OP said no. End of. OP is under no obligation to give this girl any sort of closure AFTER she showed up at OP's home, and demanded to see her.
S1: I feel bad for op and that daughter the whole situation is F*cked. it would be a nice thing to do for that child to raise her but the situation behind the whole thing it’s also clearly obvious why she wouldn’t have the capacity to do so. that commenter telling her to basically get over it is wrong It’s a complicated issue the daughter and op are better off just living they’re lives separately to best of they’re abilities. and you never know it’s not likely but possible when the daughter grown they could maybe at least have a conversation about why op felt how she felt at some point and maybe come to an understanding or something idk. and if not the daughter should just take that and live the life she’s ben given that’s all she can really do. But man is this situation f*cked. op isn’t a bad person for feeling how she felt and doing what she did trauma can do that to you.
S1: some guy going on and on about how cruel it is. Like no 13 and SA mental health. I'm sorry........ adopted people no. That woman is probably hanging on by a thread for a normal life. she's currently high risk pregnant. NO. just leave her alone. She did enough having to deal with the forced birth. Her parents are disgusting people. The adopted parents are disgusting people. The only person who isn't at fault here is the kid. But honestly, her parents should have took her to therapy and a shelter so she understand when people from that say mental health issues they'd probably come close to suicided so many times. There's so many people at fault here and it's time to get an RO on both parents and kid. Somethings deeply wrong with that girl and I hope she gets help. Because maybe some day if she wasn't pushing it she might have got that meeting but trying to be annoying and forcing it isn't how you get things. Had she did therapy and worked up to this meeting. So many things and ways she could have went about "maybe" getting that meeting or vid call or anything.
The first story's hard because I see both sides but you have to do what's good for you and your family sadly the daughter clearly needs mental help plus screw those parents
Story 1: I feel so bad for OP, despite the agreement she made with the foster parents to keep the r*** baby away from her, they decided to break that rule. OP doesn't even feel safe in her own house, I hope everything works out for the kid but she's just too persistent, give poor OP a break😔
Being pregnant when your young is traumatizing and changes literally everything about your life. This poor girl was lied to her whole life and just wanted answers and closure, yes she was emotional, she was a teen.
I hope people realize the trickle downeffect of their policies because with roe vs wade overturn many more stories like #1 are about to happen....this could be your sister, daughter or yourself.
I believe that cases like op, the closed adoption should be sealed and ops indentity sealed to prevent trauma happening again. Also people like op should have legal leeway to sue for finding her when she wanted nothing to do with her first bio kid
Children can cut off their parents and parents can cut off children ESPECIALLY when they were never wanted and from a rape at 12 years old I feel horrible first op had to even talk to the kid on the phone and the kid asked if OP would meet the literal pdf file
What's seems to be lost is that both OP and the biological daughter are both victims of the SA. While Op does not owe the biological daughter to be in her life. I can understand the daughters want for closure. It is OP decision and a difficult one at that. Op doesn't seem to still be in a dark place and justifiably so while no one knows her trauma it has nothing to do with showing someone her compassion who is a victim of the same man? I agree with Op not seeing her daughter as they seem to be two broken people just one is better in hiding the cracks. Hope they both find their peace.
Reddit is a delusional place, 1. My husband Does not open my jars in the kitchen redditers verdict: leave him 2. My Parents are Fighting with each other over me for a week, because I flunked in my exam redditers verdict: go NC
Maybe I'm being too tired and too unsympathetic, but childhood trauma stops being an excuse after a while. Inbefore anyone tries the "oh so you support child SA then", no, nor do I have to to make this point. I think the third comment or whatever it was hit the nail on the head, that what OP was doing was "understandable, but cruel". Just the same way a drug addict who became addicted due to childhood trauma is screaming at the top of his lungs to some random children passing by, is doing something that is entirely understandable (he is high, he is frustrated, he got there due to childhood trauma etc), it is not at all good, laudable, or something that should be enabled by those around him. I feel the exact same way here.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Exactly! "Trauma" stops being a justification for certain behaviors after a while. The bio daughter came to find OP, _in a whole dofferent state_ after it was already made clear OP wanted no contact. It isnt OP's fault she was lied to by her adoptive parents, but one thing you never, EVER compromise on is who you associate with and who you allow in your home. That is 1000% non negotiable. I acknowledge that this kid needs help, but despite what she may think, she isn't going to get it from OP.
@@SnowyWolborg sure, but that's before the whole parent and unwanted child dynamic kicks in. There's, to my mind at least, a clear responsibility here that's not being acted upon
That and OP’s trauma, as real as it is, was centered in the past. Meanwhile OP is over here traumatizing her daughter NOW and using that to deflect criticism. She’s not a good person and could choose to grow but rather would deflect blame. Had a long term friend who pulled the same Stunt with familial abuse, acting like it justified them treating me like trash when I desperately needed someone ten years afterwards…. No, it doesn’t, and that’s why you’re out of my life
@@mylifewithautism3958 Bro what how is to being horrible person for not talking to walking reminder of her SA even the little boundary hopper harassing op and showing up to her house twice. Sorry that you think your entitled to people and that there evil for not wanting anything to do with you.
Gonna but honest the cruelty is from the Adoptive Parents, they should have got the medical records from OP, & a letter then sat their daughter down to explain her mother's mental issues & trauma require her mother to have zero content for both of their well beings. That reaching out to her is dangerous & not something her mother wants. OP gave the kid 2 letters, contact to other blood relatives, & medical records. Not sure what else is needed from her realistically. OP is an ass multiple times in the stoey but in reality, she gave the daughter multiple things & spoke to her to give the kid closure.
4:20 "...and funny enough, I experience a little bit of what you describe doing to her." Can't imagine why. Who wouldn't want a gem of a human like Go_Kauffy in their lives?
I know. If someone, anyone asks a rape victim if they'd be willing to play happy families with their rapist, I'd be like--and now I have to defenestrate you. WtF. This 19 yo 'child' is acting pretty rapey herself.
I like how in story 1 OP automatically associates religion with cult. Op had made up her mind long ago that she didn't want the child, but still made a post on reddit claiming she wanted advice. I think in reality she didn't get SA but instead got into a relationship with someone, regardless of whichever cult you are from you wouldn't keep a PDF file around your children if you are an adult would you It's sad how people can't see through the terrible lies of others. Nail in the coffin has to be when she said that one expects the cops and medics knew, in reality that would be the talk of the town as you can easily tell if someone was pregnant especially if they are young. I don't know why OP has to go through the process of lying to defend herself from the "thing" she made and is also responsible for
We'll never know who's lying and who's not. Just wish them both peace cause honestly, I'm sick of people taking sides, regardless if it's OP's side or her daughter's. Look, neither of them chose to be in this situation. Plus daughter is in therapy now (according to comments section on the new update)
When she said she's a "socialist" and "anti capitalist" all my sympathy for this commie went out the window. Go to North Korea and see just how find and dandy a socialist country is.
talk about no win situations. ultimately situations like this will continue to be an argument for legal A. and of course, in the girls childish delusions, now she has some real mind destroying reality to cope with. should be interesting over the long term to see what that does to her sanity. bet she'll need therapy after that one. which should be done no matter what
I keep hearing that the daughter was "unwanted" like it's ok for her to be put down for it It's not her fault They're acting like she's evil She is hurting I 100% understand why OP doesn't wanna have a relationship with her but she has not fully healed from what happened. There is a time where you CAN get to the point where you overcome trauma. I have severe trauma and mental illness and I'm slowly overcoming it There is a point where it won't hurt or trigger you like it did before but YOU have to do the work to get that way OP has not done that. She doesn't have to have her in her life but she should have been a lot nicer. You can hear the bitterness in her voice. She needs to go and heal. She refuses to forgive the father and by me saying forgive, I'm not saying that the man shouldn't suffer consequences because he should. She doesn't have to have him in her life or deal with him at all. But she needs to let it go in a sense that she needs to accept that it happened, that it wasn't her fault, that the way her parents did everything wasn't her fault. That the parents weren't fair in lying to the child. She's taking it out on the child. She's not being honest with her emotions. She refuses to deal with this part of her life. I'm not talking about having a relationship with the daughter. I'm talking about her fully FULLY dealing with it. She refuses to. She won't be able to get past it without forgiving the father Talk to the adoptive parents. The daughter is broken. She's hurting and wants to reach out and wants to feel wanted. What would you do if you were told by your birth parent that you weren't wanted or that you were going to be aborted. You don't think that affects her? The adoptive parents have their part. Never should have lied. But her saying she's a communist is exactly why she's the way she is. I'm gonna get hate for this but having dealt with the community for years, from what I've seen, there is 0 push for forgiving the ones who did you wrong This isn't for the ones who hurt you This is for you. If you don't forgive you CANNOT fully heal. Again she has no requirement to have a relationship with the daughter at all. She has never fully grieved her childhood. You can't heal if you don't fully grieve
Story 1 sounds fake. Like it exists just so people can be hostile to an innocent woman (the daughter) while (falsely) having an excuse to claim they are not morally bankrupt. OP changed her story multiple times to exaggerate the daughter's wrongdoing, while downplaying the cruelty and utter disregard she had for the daughter. A lot of what comes later sounds unrealistic, and shouldn't be taken at face value. Then she ends it by saying she plans to move, turn off her phone, and stuff like that, even though she said it seems to be over, which makes those extreme overreactions nonsensical. Also, she just had to slip in a bunch of political commentary that had no reason to be mentioned, even if they really did occur in a conversation with daughter (Though that conversation itself sounds unrealistic, and just so happens to be crafted exactly so she can be painted as some radical). Plus OP is an admitted socialist, who most definitely believe lying is justified if it furthers their own agenda. This story doesn't pass the smell test. Sounds a lot more like a vehicle for political grandstanding, with a side of excused hostility.
Mom is not an ah but she's wrong for telling her daughter she does not love her as much as her other kids Daughter is not an ah but is wrong for disrespecting her mom's boundaries and letting emotions lead her rather than being open minded Both sides are wrong for not analyzing the other person's POV but neither are assholes. Mom will never know what it's like to be put up for adoption, daughter will never know what it's like to give birth as a kid to your rapist's child. Overall none of them are evil, they're just victims trapped in a situation, neither asked to be in.
OP is TA, it sucks what happened to her but come on, think about how she feels, especially with how you now have your own kids, I’d feel like crap if my parents did that to me, though it seems others here too have a disturbing view
Her biological mother is crewl but it is her choice not not want to meet her child and she has to go thru therapy and understand that some people have this view point it will always be cruel no matter ur choice she never ask to be born but u dont get to change the out come which is that its cruel and guess what its cruel either way .
There is something seriously wrong with you. What you do with your life is your business but you don’t get to tell other ppl what to do or how to feel mega disgusting Karen
She will always be a victim because SA is a life long trauma that never truly move on from. You would know if you were capable of basic empathy and not someone trying to garner attention via rage bait.
@4disndat2unme And that's not that kid's fault, No one denied she was a victim. My point was she doesn't want to share that status. She's more interested in keeping the status of being a victim than anything else
@@andrewnotyet8825” She’s more interested in keeping her status as a victim” Holy shit! The fact that you typed that out is embarrassing. She’s ALWAYS going to be a victim. Whether or not she chooses to accept the daughter back in her life. Nothings going to change. She doesn’t want her daughter back in her life because the daughter is a stark reminder of her assault and trauma. Not the daughter’s fault, obviously. But not good for OP who clearly hasn’t healed from said trauma. And won’t magically heal from it just because she has her daughter back in her life. The real world doesn’t function like a cheesy hallmark movie. Also the daughter and OP have nothing to offer each other. OP has a supportive husband and is about to start her own family. And the daughter has parents who clearly love and support her (even though they’re immensely misguided). OP has given the daughter all the information she needs with access to her extended family and records. She doesn’t owe her anything. And the daughter needs to learn some fucking boundaries.
@@4disndat2unme Listen to The Words they actually say. And that's what it is, She goes back-and-forth back and forth about how much she doesn't want to deal with this person because it might trigger something. Meanwhile, it's not bothering them to continually. Talk to them to tell them to go away
@@andrewnotyet8825Now you’re just talking out of your ass because you’re desperate to have the last word. The OP established a boundary, explained herself and her situation respectfully, and the daughter continued to try to force herself back into OP’s life. OP literally had to leave her home because she felt unsafe.
Story 1: Poor daughter, she deserves better than having op as a bio mom. Hopefully, she gets in contact with her bio grandparents so she can have more family in her life who will actually give her a chance.
Oh, you mean the ARSEHOLE grandparents who FORCED a SA child victim to have a baby when it isn't THEIR body and health and mental wellbeing in the mix, THOSE grandparents. ?? BAH
@@mylifewithautism3958so op deserves to be in hell cause she doesn't want contact with someone how entitled are you people that you think Victims of Abuse owe you people something
OP in story 1 YTA the child didn't get to chose who her parents were it wasn't her fault you were SA'd you were harsh on her punishing her for something her father did don't blame a person for something their father did
See that's why I disagree with you. You're focusing on the wrong thing let's simplify the situation. Op does not want any contact with her bio daughter. She's made that clear on three separate occasions. For if you include Opie's husband threatening to call the cops on her when she showed up at their house. This girl who is 19 regarding how many times people want to say she's a kid she's a legal adult. Refuses to accept no for an answer. That's all we need that's enough reason to not blame op. Also her not wanting contact doesn't mean she's punishing the girl she's doing what's best for her own Mental Health. Last time I checked one of the major phrases on Reddit was no is a complete sentence. She said no and many other words but apparently this girl doesn't want to listen to any of that. The situation between these two was a no-win situation. This is the best outcome that that young lady could have hoped for. She needs to go to therapy and move on with her life. Not harass a bio mother who gave very legitimate reasons why she doesn't want contact
I don't know if you missed the part that OP tried to be respectful even trying to hide how she came to be but OP doesn't want anything to do with that person why else do you think she put her up for adoption.
Because she'd want to be reminded of something traumatic that happened when she was a child. Younger than how old her daughter is. She was pretty nice to her. Her daughter just wants to disrespect boundaries. OP is a great person and she shouldn't be forced to relive her trauma.
@@gabriellemeche992 It wasn't the child's fault OP was SA'd she didn't choose her father or her parents OP is disgusting for how she is treating her bio daughter
@jestersreign7530 No I'm focusing on the right thing OP is treating her bio daughter like s**t because her father SA'd her she could be the bigger person and meet the kid she gave birth to she brought the kid into the world
Do people just not understand the meaning of 'closed adoption' anymore?
I guess they don't
This needs to be an ethical barrier that PIs won't touch with a 10 ft pole.
That word meant nothing to religious people who think forgiveness is the birthright of people who do wrong.
@@WardenSpectreCommanderWhat’s the point of a PI if they can’t investigate. It sucks, but this sort of service is necessary sometimes.
@@SSFighter1701 I understand what you're saying. But there's a moral/ethical line that needs to be drawn. Trying to track down a closed adoption should get on the 10ft pole list for PIs . I know it's an unpopular opinion, they put the kid up for a closed adoption for a reason.
People don't want SA victims to interrupt unwanted pregnancy, then don't want the former kid, traumatized for life, to not have contact with the reminder of the worst experience she had in her life.
People think killing babies is the solution to anything
All of this is a recipe for a miserable life, both for the victim and the child who results from it.
All the commens criticised OP seem to ignored the fact that she was a child too, a child who was robbed of her innocent and childhood. 12/13 years old is the time you explore curiosity about the world to hang out with friends,
... Not carrying and pushing out another human being.
These people made me sick.
Because they don't see a child who was SA'd and forced to carry an unwanted pregnancy. They see a cold, neglectful ADULT who won't make herself uncomfortable for a stranger who has been lied to by the people who raised her.
@@SnowyWolborg💯👍🏿
...so OP, who as a child, was not only raped, impregnanted, and forced to csrry the child to term by her parents, has to show the child, a 19 year old, she birthed, grace and understanding, but should simultaniously expect none of thst herself given her own trauma
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Imagine saying you were forced to not kill someone
@@andrewnotyet8825 she should have just gotten an abortion dude. IDC what you think, but it horrifying to tell a child, instead of terminating a pregnancy that resulted from rape, you have to carry the pregnancy to term and give birth...all at around the age of 13
@@jsanto210 Not every young teen could get an abortion due to the parents beliefs or whatever.
@@jsanto210 lol It's really horrifying that you don't realize how disgusting that is to tell someone they should have just died
ST1
Disgusting that commenter is telling op to essentially get over herself, the girl has been told not to contact op, that op doesn’t want a relationship but won’t stop her having a relationship with OP’s other family minus the one brother, the girl has stomped several times over OP’s boundary.
Story #1: Despite what Redditors think, "trauma" does not give anyone a free pass to infringe on someone's boundaries.
The fact that this all happened _during the pandemic_ makes the bio daughter showing up at OP's home, uninvited, even worse. And her reaching out to OP's brother and being rebuked, and still not getting the picture? Adoption issues or not, 19 is old enough to understand when you aren't welcome.
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"She's just a child."
At 19, I didn't go hounding off after people who obviously wanted to be left alone, especially not to the point of banging on people's doors in the dead of night during the holidays while yelling. Girl sounds unhinged. 19 is old enough to get a tattoo and vote, she can start acting like a damn adult. The lady said she wanted to be left alone, multiple times, you leave her the hell alone.
The update made things significantly worse. The fact that the daughter was so concerned about things like OP's political beliefs and her religious affiliation makes it very clear that this young woman is far too invasive to belong in OP's life.
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At 19, I can understand wanting to find her mom, but she's old enough to take no for an answer, especially after OP explained that all they share is blood, nothing more
Absolutely, she is bonkers and entitled! This sounds like one of those Hallmark movies! Hope OP is okay.
Absolutely, she is bonkers and entitled! This sounds like one of those Hallmark movies! Hope OP is okay.
I fucking hate how some commenters are mad that OP doesn't want her daughter in her life. Like? She didn't even consent...
Exactly. In an attempt to be compassionate toward one person, they are being disgusting toward another. Teaching the biological daughter who she is and where she came from? Not OP's responsibility.
It wasn't the kids fault what her father did you shouldn't blame a kid for something their father did
I don’t like how they’re all dismissing the op trauma for a child who has trauma thanks to her parents. Why would you tell a child her birth mother hated her? Why make op the villain in this story? Why not tell her truth? She’s being way more hurt by her parents lies than her birth mothers truth. The adopted parents are the ones at fault here. Op did nothing wrong and it’s messed up ppl are trying to make her feel bad for not wanting to open herself back up to the pain and trauma she finally got over.
@@chinaking918
OP brought the child into the world OP could allow her bio child to meet her it's not the child's fault what her father did and OP is punishing her for that all the kid wants is to meet her bio mum and OP could be the bigger person and allow it
@@Twilight24682 the thing is she’s not punishing her at all. She don’t owe her an explanation she don’t owe her a damn thing nor do she have to be the bigger person. How much more do op have to suffer after being forced to carry a pregnancy she NEVER wanted. So no she shouldn’t have to keep putting up with what everybody else want. If it was up to op the daughter wouldn’t even be in the world stop placing even more burden on op. Her parents should’ve been truthful instead lying to their daughter.
Story 1 how terrible that first commenter telling op to basically getting over herself and think about her feelings.
that’s how reddit is and it’s disgusting
@@MercilessJoeytypical Reddit mods. So detached from reality that they don’t even seem like real people.
It's so much worse bc they're not the only one.
They were projecting their own experiences with hers😅 they might have been as pushy and inconsiderate as the daughter
That commentator act the same way as OP biological daughter so it no wonder they demand ridiculous thing like that. If OP was truly cure she would have cruse her daughter out already and force all the relative to stunt her too. If I was OP in that situation I would definitely be extremely trigger and feel like this girl is trying to re-traumatize me by forcing herself in my life.
Don’t really blame OP, if you were SA’d and that resulted in an unwanted pregnancy, adoption is the best option. If her daughter can’t accept that, than that’s on the daughter. OP has the right to not want a rxpe child in her life and she didn’t even get an abortion. The child still ended up having a good life.
I agree. why would you be around something that reminds you of your trauma
@@scp-redacted2851 exactly. OP owes her nothing. She went above and beyond already, giving her access to medical records, some watercolours and even writing to her. She shouldn't be pushed to accept her into her life just because she wants contact with her. It's not her fault the adoptive parents gave her the wrong impression. She didn't have any obligation to help her out and even after the girl stepping all over her boundaries she was still kind to her but she kept coming back.
@@scp-redacted2851someone*
It wasn't the child's fault the child didn't get to chose who her parents are you shouldn't punish a person for something their father did OP was being harsh towards them
Wild how my comment was removed
Story 1: It’s tragic and I feel sad for Op. As a child she should never have been forced to go through with the pregnancy. Telling Op to just get over the trauma is just cruel. She had her innocence and childhood robbed. The daughter needs to take a hint and understand it’s nothing against her.
Story 2: Screw the homophobic parents. Good on Op for rescuing her sister.
The commenter pushing their own agenda as an adoptee is really disgusting.
I have to feel like that commemtor was the child
@@honeydroptheunicorn6557 my exact thoughts
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As a gal that was adopted, I agree with you. Folks that are adopted were either purposely put up for adoption or they were taken from their family. In general, neither are good situations. Unfortunately, majority of adoptee's looking for Bio family have a fairytale vision. They have a hard time letting go of their vision.
The parents that adopted OP's child need to get her under control.
"Get over of being abused as a literal child because she deserves a mom" Some people should not have rights to free speech.
NTA We are not in Disney people , honestly, the adopted parents are 100% AITA
No winners in story 1. Everyone suffered becsuse of OP's SA'er and parents
I hope the pervert went to prison for it.
@@laquietagray9323He did
@@laquietagray9323Likely, considering nurses and doctors are mandated reporters. Then again, the family likely blamed OP for the family member's actions.
@@laquietagray9323 The cretain only got 16 years.
@@cecejamesable that's a joke they should've gotten life with no parole.
Wouldn't the daughter ever wonder that her birth mother, who was SA'ed and was a literal child at the time, would have good reason to not want to see the product of that horror?
She would’ve gotten those answers if the adoptive parents hadn’t lied and tried to push their delusional happy ending on both of them.
I'm disgusted about how much the peoples in the first post were only thinking about the girl but not OP... Probally just because they see more stories about adoptions than what OP went through, ignorant people. The girl needs therapy and OP just need peace.
I see where Op is coming from in the first story. Biological daughter is pushing Op's boundaries about not wanting to see her. Those who are trying to pressure Op into seeing her biological daughter is disgusting.
No blaming your child for something their father did and wanting nothing to do with them is disgusting not the child's fault what happened to OP don't blame a kid for the actions of their father
@@Twilight24682 I'm not blaming the child. It's just that what the biological daughter is doing is not right. Op doesn't exactly want to have a relationship with her but the biological daughter keeps on insisting on wanting to talk to Op. She doesn't want to be reminded of the trauma.
@@deadsouljaguar7041
What OP is doing is not right either she brought the child into the world she could speak with the child and make contact but is punishing her child for their fathers actions yeah she had trauma but it's not her child's fault what happened to her
@@Twilight24682 No, OP is fully right. It might not be the childs fault that it happened, but nonetheless that child is a constant reminder of something op would rather forget and has taken years of therapy to get over with varying amounts of success, and that letter should've been the end of the matter, and depending on how like the perpetrator of the horrific act the child looks it could undo the years of healing she went through to get to where she is right now. As cold and horrible as it might sound to others, when it comes to situations like the OP went through, I believe that not all parents need to know and/or love their kids.
@Twilight24682 Forgetting that child is a constant reminder of the worst and most traumatic moment of her life?
That kid needs support from someone outside this mess. No, OP is not obligated to any relationship, EVER, but the person exists, and the way they're handling it seems like they're trying to disavow she ever existed at all. She needs an outside person to intervene and take this away from OP's plate. OP has no obligation at all.
A young relative used to say he had 3 moms - his birth mom, his God mom, and his mom. His birth mom was SA'd and decided to give him up for adoption. She included a picture of her but did not want a relationship. Her wants were respected.
I seriously hate the comments supporting the adopted kid. No sympathy for the oop
When it comes down to giving sympathy to someone who is a grown adult versus somebody who's younger, you can almost always bet that Reddit is going to be against the adult.
@@SnowyWolborg "Somebody who's younger" i.e. another grown adult. Reddit needs to stop infantilizing the 19 year old woman. She has all her cognitive functions and she has other means of working through her trauma, like therapy for example, than to just invade the life of her unwilling bio-mother.
When someone say, " I don't want a relationship with you", that doesn't give you the right to pound on their door and demand they talk to you. No doubt she's acting on bad info, but OP was very direct. Hopefully she leaves OP alone from here on and goes to therapy.
@@Snowstorm_ICE 100% agree. Unfortunately, a lot of people on these subreddits still subscribe to the idea that you are a child that needs to be sheltered at 19. If somebody makes it clear that they don't want anything to do with you, the last thing you need to be doing is driving across state lines and banging on their door in the middle of the night. That's just straight unhinged behavior.
Yea it was pretty disgusting. She needs to leave OP alone
the commenters in story 1 are insane - this was a child, barely in her teens that was sexually abused and forced to give birth - she owes no one anything
This reminds me of another similar story, where a boy was grape by an adult woman and she got pregnant...
Years laters, the child reached out to him asking to be apart of his life, but he didn't want that as it brought brought bad memories... Everyone in his life, family included, basically told him to get over what happened to him and it's not her fault 🙄. He never posted a update iirc
Its so weird and jarring to see people trying to convince her to cater to a spoiled entitled brat. Yes, she is spoiled and entitled when she came to OP's house during a raging pandemic. Asking someone who was raped as a child whether she will forgive her SA'er and other absolutely insensitive questions. And OP's parents and the girl's adopted parents are the most vile people.
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That young woman is going to show up on her "Father's" doorstep, be invited in, and be SA's herself. That man has shown a taste and a preference for his own family members, what's going to be tastier or more preferred than his own daughter?
Also, I'm getting the vibe that there a Lot of adoptees in this thread.
So glad OP hold her ground like... people in the comments? they're delusional and wanting OP to revive her trauma.
NTA. No one has any right to force a relationship between a rape victim and the result of it. Thats retraumatization all over again
The audacity of commenters to fight with this woman
19 is not a child.....get out of here with tharlt bs
19 is absolutely a child...
@Firegoesboom legally, no 19 in not a child.
The damage done by the adoptive parents is in no way ops responsibility, she didn't raised a damaged adult
@@Firegoesboom 19 is the middle ground between an adult and a late teen, therefore not a child.
I totally agree with op not having anything to do with the daughter since she's a result of SA and my heart goes out to victims of it.... I was one myself.... I know it's probably trivial, but the "young woman" is still a person. Addressing her as "something" instead of "someone" just seems to be diminishing to me.... She may have had a great life, but she never asked for the circumstances of her conception. While she definitely shouldn't be harassing op and her husband, I feel like she was definitely done a disservice by those meant to care for her(adoptive parents). No one should be lied to like that for the greater good, it always does more damage than what it was intended to prevent. Just sharing a bit of empathy for the her, even though she has presented herself to be a bit of a menace. She is probably hurt and confused about a lot in her life as she matures and no amount of "good upbringing" will curtail that... She needs and sadly should have been in therapy from the moment she was able to understand....
Story 1: Commentors really pissed me off. I’m so sorry for the Op and the 19yrs old.
What's wrong with the commenters undermining OP's trauma? They are no better than OP's parents.
Reddit is *extremely* pro child. Oftentimes to the point of being flat out irrational. The adoptive parents need to be the one taking care of whatever issues she has, not OP.
OP's parents are bad because they didn't let her murder another human being? lmao
@@SnowyWolborgComments like that aren't just in Reddit unfortunately. There's a guy in this comment section agreeing that what the OP is doing is horrible and telling people it too by the name of twilight24682. They might comment under this comment too saying that OP is the cruel one.
@@creepynoone7437Already called that one out for being an idiot.
When someone says they don't want to see you, there is nothing else to talk about, and any push from the unwanted person automatically makes them wrong.
Does the bio daughter need help? Yeah. But she will not get it from OP.
there also seems to be an anti adoption movement
Story one, don't blame OP for her choice, l was twenty six when this happened to me only it was a family friend. I kept the child & today l wish l had not he had made my life a living hell!
2nd OP is great for helping her sis and shouldn’t worry they way she did at the end.
Sis now has 2 supportive guardians/parental units, she’s survived direct conflict with the enemy and she has her first gf.
Other than some almost certain heartbreak OP’s sis has the core of what a young woman needs to build a beautiful stable fulfilling life.
Not to candy coat it just seeing the glass is half full for sis at worst. Far too many young queer people have less. 😢
Story 2 Conversion camps are often @buseive and might end up unaliving the kid, if they don't drive them to ending it themselves first. Parents like these, of course do not care what happens to their kid, they only care about looks and results. If something happened to the kid, they would milk the drama for pity points while secretly thinking the kid deserved their fate.
Those camps should never existed in the first place and there's nothing wrong with being who you are.
I get both sides of this story. The OP's parents and adopted parents all suck. They need to be held responsible for all of thia mess.
The first story is just horrible OP had every right to not want to see her and the 19 year old also has a right to see her bio mom but not at the expense of bio mom. But her seeing bio mom will not heal trauma it could open more wounds what she needs is therapy not pushing basically a stranger to spend time with her.
Story 1: Bio daughter got her bio father's tendency to overstep boundaries and disregard the agency of OP. NTA. She doesnt want contact. Leave her alone. A restraining order would be in place. That girl needs to move along and get on. She has two parents. Or go find her bio dad if she is that desperate to find out where she came from
Personally nah (no assholes here). Neither mother nor daughter had a say in this. Op did not choose to be sa'd, daughter did not choose to be born. The ass holes are the rapist (for obvious reasons), op's parents, and bio daughter's adoptive parents. Daughter is still young and immature, she's obviously manipulated by her adoptive parents, which led her to become the "lunatic" y'all perceive her to be. Op, understandably does not wanna see her but it's not her fault. Even then op acknowledges it, and separates the actions of the sa'er and their daughter.
PS. The original post was three years ago (I visited this on reddit). Op did comment that it was just bad timing due to the stress of pandemic, stress of pregnancy, and reliving her trauma but she also said that maybe, years from now, (she made this comment on Christmas Eve, 2020) when she and her daughter is healed, they can be friends, but not mother daughter, as she herself was a kid when her daughter was born
Doesn’t matter, if you give them up at birth they have nothing to do with you, you may hate them but they have no reason to hate you, I see no problem with what OP did, especially since she was assaulted
At 19 she’s “just a child” except she’s not she’s a young adult and should be expected to behave like one
Hi! Adopted kid here. Those reddit comments were absolutely infuriating. OP was a child and a victim, the subject of horrific violence. I understand far too well the pain and longing, the idea you might not be good enough, the sense of alienation. None of these are an excuse. I was an utter shithead at nineteen, but I could never imagine acting like this.
Story 1: those commenters are self righteous, even after the update most still had the same attitude. Apparently you have to deal with trauma in a specific way according to these people, otherwise you’re “spiteful”. I wonder how many of them would appreciate that kind of advice if any of them went through the same thing op went through?
Story 2: conversion therapy not only does not and never has worked, but it is insanely traumatic and one of the worst things you can do to someone. Absolutely disgusting
😮 whew. That's rough.
To the advocate who kept explaining to OP that the path of least resistance was the best , and the other who kept insisting the 19 yr old was a child, and OP was being cruel to a child she bore and gave up at 13 , enough! Stop piling on more trauma onto Op. She is just starting to live a healthy life and was being stalked and harassed by someone who is unhinged. OP , I hope your life and your family have a wonderful happy life.
Closed adoptions are *closed* for a reason. This should have never happend!!!
I feel for OP, forced to have a dangerous pregnancy, and birth. I know I will get backlash, but a child that age is not fully grown yet, making a pregnancy and birth potential deadly, a abortion should have been an option, how horrible that is. I am against abortion, it's murder, but in this case the pregnancy could had resulted in 2 deaths: OP and baby, they are VERY lucky ❤
However, again, a closed adoption is closed. Is there not any law that could be in favor of OP?
Honestly, the whole thread of this post's comment section is gross, and I am STEAMING.
-- OP wasn't even a teenager when she was assaulted, and forced to give birth. Holy f-ck. The fact that they have more sympathy for the child who was adopted out, and had LOVING PARENTS is wild to me. So f-cking wild. 19 wanted to meet, OP said no. End of. OP is under no obligation to give this girl any sort of closure AFTER she showed up at OP's home, and demanded to see her.
S1: I feel bad for op and that daughter the whole situation is F*cked. it would be a nice thing to do for that child to raise her but the situation behind the whole thing it’s also clearly obvious why she wouldn’t have the capacity to do so. that commenter telling her to basically get over it is wrong It’s a complicated issue the daughter and op are better off just living they’re lives separately to best of they’re abilities. and you never know it’s not likely but possible when the daughter grown they could maybe at least have a conversation about why op felt how she felt at some point and maybe come to an understanding or something idk. and if not the daughter should just take that and live the life she’s ben given that’s all she can really do. But man is this situation f*cked. op isn’t a bad person for feeling how she felt and doing what she did trauma can do that to you.
S1: some guy going on and on about how cruel it is. Like no 13 and SA mental health. I'm sorry........ adopted people no. That woman is probably hanging on by a thread for a normal life. she's currently high risk pregnant. NO. just leave her alone. She did enough having to deal with the forced birth. Her parents are disgusting people. The adopted parents are disgusting people. The only person who isn't at fault here is the kid. But honestly, her parents should have took her to therapy and a shelter so she understand when people from that say mental health issues they'd probably come close to suicided so many times. There's so many people at fault here and it's time to get an RO on both parents and kid. Somethings deeply wrong with that girl and I hope she gets help. Because maybe some day if she wasn't pushing it she might have got that meeting but trying to be annoying and forcing it isn't how you get things. Had she did therapy and worked up to this meeting. So many things and ways she could have went about "maybe" getting that meeting or vid call or anything.
The first story's hard because I see both sides but you have to do what's good for you and your family sadly the daughter clearly needs mental help plus screw those parents
Story 1: I feel so bad for OP, despite the agreement she made with the foster parents to keep the r*** baby away from her, they decided to break that rule. OP doesn't even feel safe in her own house, I hope everything works out for the kid but she's just too persistent, give poor OP a break😔
Being pregnant when your young is traumatizing and changes literally everything about your life. This poor girl was lied to her whole life and just wanted answers and closure, yes she was emotional, she was a teen.
I hope people realize the trickle downeffect of their policies because with roe vs wade overturn many more stories like #1 are about to happen....this could be your sister, daughter or yourself.
Man, reddit really messed up here.
I believe that cases like op, the closed adoption should be sealed and ops indentity sealed to prevent trauma happening again. Also people like op should have legal leeway to sue for finding her when she wanted nothing to do with her first bio kid
The comments on this story were disgusting. I hope OP doesn't let any of them get to her.
Children can cut off their parents and parents can cut off children ESPECIALLY when they were never wanted and from a rape at 12 years old
I feel horrible first op had to even talk to the kid on the phone and the kid asked if OP would meet the literal pdf file
This story #1 is horrible.
What's seems to be lost is that both OP and the biological daughter are both victims of the SA. While Op does not owe the biological daughter to be in her life. I can understand the daughters want for closure. It is OP decision and a difficult one at that. Op doesn't seem to still be in a dark place and justifiably so while no one knows her trauma it has nothing to do with showing someone her compassion who is a victim of the same man? I agree with Op not seeing her daughter as they seem to be two broken people just one is better in hiding the cracks. Hope they both find their peace.
Be brutally honest. Cruel to be kind
Reddit is a delusional place,
1. My husband Does not open my jars in the kitchen
redditers verdict: leave him
2. My Parents are Fighting with each other over me for a week, because I flunked in my exam
redditers verdict: go NC
Wow, that daughter is unhinged, but I guess that’s what happened when you are raised Abrahamic and can’t free yourself.
Religous nuts are the worst .
Maybe I'm being too tired and too unsympathetic, but childhood trauma stops being an excuse after a while. Inbefore anyone tries the "oh so you support child SA then", no, nor do I have to to make this point.
I think the third comment or whatever it was hit the nail on the head, that what OP was doing was "understandable, but cruel". Just the same way a drug addict who became addicted due to childhood trauma is screaming at the top of his lungs to some random children passing by, is doing something that is entirely understandable (he is high, he is frustrated, he got there due to childhood trauma etc), it is not at all good, laudable, or something that should be enabled by those around him. I feel the exact same way here.
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Exactly! "Trauma" stops being a justification for certain behaviors after a while. The bio daughter came to find OP, _in a whole dofferent state_ after it was already made clear OP wanted no contact. It isnt OP's fault she was lied to by her adoptive parents, but one thing you never, EVER compromise on is who you associate with and who you allow in your home. That is 1000% non negotiable.
I acknowledge that this kid needs help, but despite what she may think, she isn't going to get it from OP.
@@SnowyWolborg sure, but that's before the whole parent and unwanted child dynamic kicks in. There's, to my mind at least, a clear responsibility here that's not being acted upon
That and OP’s trauma, as real as it is, was centered in the past. Meanwhile OP is over here traumatizing her daughter NOW and using that to deflect criticism. She’s not a good person and could choose to grow but rather would deflect blame.
Had a long term friend who pulled the same Stunt with familial abuse, acting like it justified them treating me like trash when I desperately needed someone ten years afterwards…. No, it doesn’t, and that’s why you’re out of my life
@@mylifewithautism3958 Bro what how is to being horrible person for not talking to walking reminder of her SA even the little boundary hopper harassing op and showing up to her house twice. Sorry that you think your entitled to people and that there evil for not wanting anything to do with you.
Gonna but honest the cruelty is from the Adoptive Parents, they should have got the medical records from OP, & a letter then sat their daughter down to explain her mother's mental issues & trauma require her mother to have zero content for both of their well beings.
That reaching out to her is dangerous & not something her mother wants.
OP gave the kid 2 letters, contact to other blood relatives, & medical records. Not sure what else is needed from her realistically.
OP is an ass multiple times in the stoey but in reality, she gave the daughter multiple things & spoke to her to give the kid closure.
ADULT WOMAN NOT A CHILD, KID,BABY, BUT A ADULT WOMEN
4:20 "...and funny enough, I experience a little bit of what you describe doing to her."
Can't imagine why. Who wouldn't want a gem of a human like Go_Kauffy in their lives?
S1: I get she’s a child, but seriously? Would op ever come with her to meet her bio dad?? She is sheltered and delusional. And entitled.
I know. If someone, anyone asks a rape victim if they'd be willing to play happy families with their rapist, I'd be like--and now I have to defenestrate you. WtF. This 19 yo 'child' is acting pretty rapey herself.
Everyone there needs therapy.
Unlucky.
I like how in story 1 OP automatically associates religion with cult. Op had made up her mind long ago that she didn't want the child, but still made a post on reddit claiming she wanted advice. I think in reality she didn't get SA but instead got into a relationship with someone, regardless of whichever cult you are from you wouldn't keep a PDF file around your children if you are an adult would you
It's sad how people can't see through the terrible lies of others. Nail in the coffin has to be when she said that one expects the cops and medics knew, in reality that would be the talk of the town as you can easily tell if someone was pregnant especially if they are young. I don't know why OP has to go through the process of lying to defend herself from the "thing" she made and is also responsible for
We'll never know who's lying and who's not. Just wish them both peace cause honestly, I'm sick of people taking sides, regardless if it's OP's side or her daughter's. Look, neither of them chose to be in this situation. Plus daughter is in therapy now (according to comments section on the new update)
When she said she's a "socialist" and "anti capitalist" all my sympathy for this commie went out the window. Go to North Korea and see just how find and dandy a socialist country is.
North Korea isn't socialist wtf you talking about
Hello op 1😢
talk about no win situations. ultimately situations like this will continue to be an argument for legal A. and of course, in the girls childish delusions, now she has some real mind destroying reality to cope with. should be interesting over the long term to see what that does to her sanity. bet she'll need therapy after that one. which should be done no matter what
I keep hearing that the daughter was "unwanted" like it's ok for her to be put down for it
It's not her fault
They're acting like she's evil
She is hurting
I 100% understand why OP doesn't wanna have a relationship with her but she has not fully healed from what happened.
There is a time where you CAN get to the point where you overcome trauma. I have severe trauma and mental illness and I'm slowly overcoming it
There is a point where it won't hurt or trigger you like it did before but YOU have to do the work to get that way
OP has not done that.
She doesn't have to have her in her life but she should have been a lot nicer. You can hear the bitterness in her voice. She needs to go and heal.
She refuses to forgive the father and by me saying forgive, I'm not saying that the man shouldn't suffer consequences because he should. She doesn't have to have him in her life or deal with him at all. But she needs to let it go in a sense that she needs to accept that it happened, that it wasn't her fault, that the way her parents did everything wasn't her fault.
That the parents weren't fair in lying to the child.
She's taking it out on the child.
She's not being honest with her emotions.
She refuses to deal with this part of her life. I'm not talking about having a relationship with the daughter. I'm talking about her fully FULLY dealing with it. She refuses to. She won't be able to get past it without forgiving the father
Talk to the adoptive parents.
The daughter is broken. She's hurting and wants to reach out and wants to feel wanted.
What would you do if you were told by your birth parent that you weren't wanted or that you were going to be aborted. You don't think that affects her?
The adoptive parents have their part. Never should have lied.
But her saying she's a communist is exactly why she's the way she is. I'm gonna get hate for this but having dealt with the community for years, from what I've seen, there is 0 push for forgiving the ones who did you wrong
This isn't for the ones who hurt you
This is for you. If you don't forgive you CANNOT fully heal.
Again she has no requirement to have a relationship with the daughter at all.
She has never fully grieved her childhood. You can't heal if you don't fully grieve
Story 1 sounds fake. Like it exists just so people can be hostile to an innocent woman (the daughter) while (falsely) having an excuse to claim they are not morally bankrupt. OP changed her story multiple times to exaggerate the daughter's wrongdoing, while downplaying the cruelty and utter disregard she had for the daughter. A lot of what comes later sounds unrealistic, and shouldn't be taken at face value. Then she ends it by saying she plans to move, turn off her phone, and stuff like that, even though she said it seems to be over, which makes those extreme overreactions nonsensical.
Also, she just had to slip in a bunch of political commentary that had no reason to be mentioned, even if they really did occur in a conversation with daughter (Though that conversation itself sounds unrealistic, and just so happens to be crafted exactly so she can be painted as some radical). Plus OP is an admitted socialist, who most definitely believe lying is justified if it furthers their own agenda. This story doesn't pass the smell test. Sounds a lot more like a vehicle for political grandstanding, with a side of excused hostility.
Mom is not an ah but she's wrong for telling her daughter she does not love her as much as her other kids
Daughter is not an ah but is wrong for disrespecting her mom's boundaries and letting emotions lead her rather than being open minded
Both sides are wrong for not analyzing the other person's POV but neither are assholes. Mom will never know what it's like to be put up for adoption, daughter will never know what it's like to give birth as a kid to your rapist's child. Overall none of them are evil, they're just victims trapped in a situation, neither asked to be in.
She's half of you too.
The half that had her innocent taken.
OP is TA, it sucks what happened to her but come on, think about how she feels, especially with how you now have your own kids, I’d feel like crap if my parents did that to me, though it seems others here too have a disturbing view
Her biological mother is crewl but it is her choice not not want to meet her child and she has to go thru therapy and understand that some people have this view point it will always be cruel no matter ur choice she never ask to be born but u dont get to change the out come which is that its cruel and guess what its cruel either way .
There is something seriously wrong with you. What you do with your life is your business but you don’t get to tell other ppl what to do or how to feel mega disgusting Karen
Abandoning a child is just as bad as r@pe
bait used to be believable
Op realizes that she deals with this extra person then she no longer has a monopoly on being a victim
She will always be a victim because SA is a life long trauma that never truly move on from. You would know if you were capable of basic empathy and not someone trying to garner attention via rage bait.
@4disndat2unme And that's not that kid's fault, No one denied she was a victim. My point was she doesn't want to share that status. She's more interested in keeping the status of being a victim than anything else
@@andrewnotyet8825” She’s more interested in keeping her status as a victim”
Holy shit! The fact that you typed that out is embarrassing. She’s ALWAYS going to be a victim. Whether or not she chooses to accept the daughter back in her life. Nothings going to change.
She doesn’t want her daughter back in her life because the daughter is a stark reminder of her assault and trauma. Not the daughter’s fault, obviously. But not good for OP who clearly hasn’t healed from said trauma. And won’t magically heal from it just because she has her daughter back in her life. The real world doesn’t function like a cheesy hallmark movie.
Also the daughter and OP have nothing to offer each other. OP has a supportive husband and is about to start her own family. And the daughter has parents who clearly love and support her (even though they’re immensely misguided). OP has given the daughter all the information she needs with access to her extended family and records. She doesn’t owe her anything. And the daughter needs to learn some fucking boundaries.
@@4disndat2unme Listen to The Words they actually say. And that's what it is, She goes back-and-forth back and forth about how much she doesn't want to deal with this person because it might trigger something. Meanwhile, it's not bothering them to continually. Talk to them to tell them to go away
@@andrewnotyet8825Now you’re just talking out of your ass because you’re desperate to have the last word. The OP established a boundary, explained herself and her situation respectfully, and the daughter continued to try to force herself back into OP’s life. OP literally had to leave her home because she felt unsafe.
Story 1: Poor daughter, she deserves better than having op as a bio mom. Hopefully, she gets in contact with her bio grandparents so she can have more family in her life who will actually give her a chance.
Ikr, what the heck are the comments on this video? So many heartless people here it puts kingdom hearts to shame in that department
Oh, you mean the ARSEHOLE grandparents who FORCED a SA child victim to have a baby when it isn't THEIR body and health and mental wellbeing in the mix, THOSE grandparents. ?? BAH
If there’s a hell, the grandparents belong there.
@@LunarRaven so true, can’t say OP should get into heaven either, maybe stick her in limbo since I feel hell is a bit too extreme
@@mylifewithautism3958so op deserves to be in hell cause she doesn't want contact with someone how entitled are you people that you think Victims of Abuse owe you people something
Gay
why
yes, yes you are
How were you able to post this 2 hours before it was uploaded 😮😮😮
OP in story 1 YTA the child didn't get to chose who her parents were it wasn't her fault you were SA'd you were harsh on her punishing her for something her father did don't blame a person for something their father did
See that's why I disagree with you. You're focusing on the wrong thing let's simplify the situation. Op does not want any contact with her bio daughter. She's made that clear on three separate occasions. For if you include Opie's husband threatening to call the cops on her when she showed up at their house. This girl who is 19 regarding how many times people want to say she's a kid she's a legal adult. Refuses to accept no for an answer. That's all we need that's enough reason to not blame op. Also her not wanting contact doesn't mean she's punishing the girl she's doing what's best for her own Mental Health. Last time I checked one of the major phrases on Reddit was no is a complete sentence. She said no and many other words but apparently this girl doesn't want to listen to any of that. The situation between these two was a no-win situation. This is the best outcome that that young lady could have hoped for. She needs to go to therapy and move on with her life. Not harass a bio mother who gave very legitimate reasons why she doesn't want contact
I don't know if you missed the part that OP tried to be respectful even trying to hide how she came to be but OP doesn't want anything to do with that person why else do you think she put her up for adoption.
Because she'd want to be reminded of something traumatic that happened when she was a child. Younger than how old her daughter is. She was pretty nice to her. Her daughter just wants to disrespect boundaries. OP is a great person and she shouldn't be forced to relive her trauma.
@@gabriellemeche992
It wasn't the child's fault OP was SA'd she didn't choose her father or her parents OP is disgusting for how she is treating her bio daughter
@jestersreign7530
No I'm focusing on the right thing OP is treating her bio daughter like s**t because her father SA'd her she could be the bigger person and meet the kid she gave birth to she brought the kid into the world