A few months ago I was driving on a road with very little traffic and when I glanced out my window, I noticed an English muffin. Rolling. Just rolling down the center of the highway, going about 10 mph. It never wavered, it never fell over, it never slowed down. I have no idea where the hell it came from or how that was even possible. But no one believes me when I tell them that I saw an English muffin just commuting to work like the rest of us
A few months ago I randomly had a distinctive dream where all the desks in my French class had been changed from rows into individual desks, low and behold I’m walking to school and tell my friend about this dream, and our first lesson happens to be french. We go in and; boom. All the desks have been set individually for the first time ever, exactly how they were in my dream the night before. I was losing my mind for the rest of the day
I received my mortician license earlier this year, and during my internship there was an incident when we picked up a body, who wasn't dead after all. The funeral director (I'll call her T) who was on call picked her up shortly before 8:00 AM (when our office opens). She took the woman into the embalming room, where our embalmer (K) and a student (P) were preparing to move the woman from the cot on to a table. I had stepped into the room right when K and P were preparing to unzip the body bag. We heard what we thought was a death rattle, but nope. K unzipped the bag, and lo and behold, the woman's chest was rising and falling. We were all caught offguard, to say the least. Poor T was in tears, not sure what to do. We moved the woman into the chapel, while T called our manager, who told her to call the medical examiner, nursing home where she picked up the lady, hospice agency, and 911. When the first responders arrived, a firefighter/EMT took the lady's vitals. Her blood pressure was really low, which is why we weren't able to detect a pulse at first, and her pulse rate was 108. She didn't wake up between the time we discovered she wasn't dead yet after all and when they loaded her up into the ambulance. The woman was returned to that same nursing home, and K demanded that at least 2 people from the hospice agency be with her at all times this time, which was agreed to. She died for real a couple days later.
I went to see Lacrimas Profundere live a few weeks ago. The singer happens to be a friend of mine. I travelled to the Free & Easy Festival in Munich from the UK to watch the show. Half way through the set, they start playing the opening riff for one of my favourite songs, and then the singer dedicated it to me by name in front of at least 600 people. Then he ran off stage to give me a big hug and continues with the show. The girl next to me stared at me and her jaw dropped, and she said, "THAT WAS SO COOL". I lost my shit. I had no idea he would do that. This is the craziest, sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.
Skid through a light doing a 360 caught the eyes of another guy looking at me w his mouth open in amazement. While locking eyes w him in the middle of the spin I took a sip of coffee and continued on.
@@fappingfoopaMr. Ballen, whose actual name is John, is a medically discharged Navy Seal who was injured in the Middle East, I think Afghanistan but don't remember for sure. He's an excellent story teller. He also started a nonprofit that uses 100% of donations to help victims and survivors of violent crimes. He doesn't take a cut and he has no overhead so every penny is used to help pay for funerals, counseling, food, shelter, whatever they need. Real good guy. 🙂🙂🙂 Edit: typo
I worked night shift in a convenience store in a bad neighborhood. I worked with a Muslim dude name Mohamed who was a 3rd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. One night I refused to sell beer to three teenagers. They smashed a window. Mohamed knocked two of them out with two punches and the third ran away. Later that night they came back with their friends. There were 13 of them, and I know that because a witness counted. They all had baseball bats. Mohamed went out to meet them in the parking lot. He kicked the shit out of about half of them in a matter of seconds, and they all ran away. He literally kicked one guy so hard he flew through the air and knocked a second guy down. It was like an epic battle from a Bruce Lee movie except that it all happened so fast.
I’ve met and known lots of celebrities. I used to live in a resort town that stars have flocked to for decades. (This was all before cell phones had cameras. It was mostly those OG indestructible Nokias.) The couple times I have talked about it online nobody believed me. “Pics or it didn’t happen”, they’d tell me.
My family and I ran into my brother’s teacher (at the time) and her family at a random 3 star resort in Mazatlan, Mexico. We’re Canadian and we had never brought up the trip to the teacher, we just randomly crossed paths in a foreign country. Well I went on to get my foot stabbed by a sharp piece of concrete in the pool so the awesome moment didn’t last too long lol
Tl;dr: I got lost for several hours in China's most populated city during the World Expo and managed to find my way back to my panicked mom without the aid of technology or a taxi. Population at the time: 23 million. Land area: 2400 square miles. This was only the second time I'd ever been to the city, as I would usually only visit family in Beijing and Jilin Province during my trips to China. I was there with my mom and a couple of people from my cousin's extended family to attend the Shanghai World Expo, the most heavily attended of any expo to date. We were staying at the home of my mom's childhood friend, who lived in a nondescript residential building in an area I had never visited before. After a day of standing in long lines for hours behind loud, rude, and sweaty people just to spend maybe 15 minutes in each building struggling to see past the throngs of gawkers, I was so done with the whole experience that I just walked off. Without my companions, or a means of communication. (IIRC, my companion had a phone, but I did not. IF I did have a phone, it was a loaner that had very limited capabilities.) The sun was setting at the time I left the site. By the time my frustration gave way to worry, I could no longer locate my companions, so I decided to find my way back rather than wait. I had to locate a nearby subway station - Shanghai's subway system was ranked 9th most complex in the world by Bloomberg - and then find the correct subway lines to take me back to the general area I knew the residential block to be located in. I recall having to walk through dimly-lit streets, some of which had dark, empty storefronts that gave a sense of foreboding. At times, I got disoriented and had to pause to reorient myself based on what little I could remember of the route from my journey to the expo site earlier that day. Somehow, I found my way back to this nondescript residential building, where my mom and her friend were waiting, both in a state of panic. If you are wondering why I hadn't just called the taxi, there were a few reasons. The top reason I didn't take a taxi was that I didn't trust that the driver would not kidnap me or take me on a long, winding route just to make more money off a hapless tourist. Another was that I couldn't understand the Shanghai dialect well, so communication would have been an issue. Lastly, I didn't remember the exact address of the building or even the apartment complex, so I'd probably have been stuck walking some distance regardless.
Haha! @@personmchuman3367 we guys can be SOOO dense about these things. I listened to it 5 times and still couldn't figure out that he, "Asked Her" the wrong thing, either!
Re. the first story, I hate precocious people who are immediately the best at everything. He holds the record at the 100 and 200m. He's an amazing swimmer. Got 100% in his mathematics exam and 90% in his German exam. Super-confident and has never been single. Won debating competitions and is a champion archer. Black belt in Judo and played violin in a symphony orchestra. The best home chef you ever knew. Went to university where he made 5000 friends for life within his first half hour, studied English Literature, but now earns £150k a year leading a team of City Of London fintech software engineers because he learned C++ in the womb. Really makes me feel like my own life is a waste of time. "We all have challenges in life" etc. - those people don't. It's edgy for them to lie and claim that they do.
Oh god lets see i got a few. Drove from daytona beach florida to san Diego and back over the course of a week with 4 friends. We partied pretty hard in New Orleans on the way back and my idiot friends left me there and had driven over an hour in my car before they realized I wasn't in the car. It was a 86 trans-am. They managed somehow to find me and we got back a day and a half later. This happened in 1999.... So this was 2000/2001i took 4th place in a nascar simulator competition at the daytona beach dog track during speed weeks before the daytona 500. The three guys ahead of me were all arca drivers. The rest of the top 10 were also arca drivers. Get into a conversation with them and we all take another round to see if it was a fluke. I managed to improve my time. One guy was an owner driver and had a second car he wanted a driver for the arca race. Up until then i had only run a handful of local circle track races. He offered me the seat we were working on getting me licensed for the race when his sponsor asked him to instead hire a veteran driver who was a washed up busch series driver. He was forced to take him. The other driver wrecked the car. If things had played out differently i might have been a nascar driver in the 2000s era 🤣
A friend we will call him Mike because I will not use real names. He was dared to go into Walmart with just his boxers and a Spider-Man mask to make a long story short he had to haul butt out of the store after a few minutes.
28:50 *Someone please explain what I am missing with the Monster question??* Why did something die inside her? Dammit I might have to look up the post...
Tonight I saw Pulp Fiction for the first time. Just finishing up the movie thinking about the ending and the philosophical ideas around acts of God. I turn on this vid to fall asleep and the Christmas coincidence story plays. It gets me thinking about the Pulp Fiction ending. Then, the story right after is a reference to Pulp Fiction... spooky
So one of my craziest stories. I'm touring with a band back in probably 2000-2001 we're in Washington DC in like the deep deep bad neighborhood part, some dude gets pulled over right across the road from us while we're loading in he's only like one of those little like kids like mini bikes. So the cops like hey dude let me see your ID the guy pulls a 45 probably about 5 ft from the cop then proceeds to turn the cops head into a Red Mist. Turns out the guy was in MS-13 and I tried to get us to testify against MS-13 which was a big hell no. However the rest of my band chose to go ahead and play the gig because there was free beer. One of the worst experiences I have ever had I wanted to be out of that s*** hole we call Washington DC right then.
When I was a kid, I dreamt that my mom shot all of siblings and I point blank dead. Then she shot my dad in the head… twice. Woke up to my baby brother telling me mom had just died. 19 years later, my dad reveals to me that my mom had asked to him to help her kill herself and that why he went crazy after she died. I then realized why in the the dream she shot my dad twice.
I forgot how to spell "I" for 2 hours. I think I came up with "aie" or "ei". This happened yesterday. I have no idea how I became a fighter pilot with my brain.
I received fellatio in the back of a cop car on the way to jail!! Was stopped at a DUI checkpoint in Kentucky with my cousin and a chick I'd just met earlier( We were headed back to her place) We all 3 get arrested and they transport all 3 of us in the back of the same squad car. They sat the girl between me and my cousin and it was a 40 minute drive to Pikeville County Jail. She sat her head on my lap and I pulled out and it went down! True Story.....What's up Becky!! 😂
My cashier dropped a big bottle of lube in front of me, which hit the ground & bounced.. without even looking I caught it on the bounce ..wouldn't be able to do it again if I tried.. but blew her mind that I just stuck my hand out and caught it without looking..
When I was about 12 Me and my degenerate mates were hanging over my back fence and noticed what we thought was a old man running away from him wife turns out he was having a heart attack and was falling over we jumped the fence to assist him and he stopped breathing I started cpr from what I had watched on Bondi rescue and managed to keep him stable until the ambulance got there I stayed in contact with him and his wife he died a few years ago
A few months ago I was driving on a road with very little traffic and when I glanced out my window, I noticed an English muffin. Rolling. Just rolling down the center of the highway, going about 10 mph. It never wavered, it never fell over, it never slowed down. I have no idea where the hell it came from or how that was even possible. But no one believes me when I tell them that I saw an English muffin just commuting to work like the rest of us
“Rolling rolling rolling down a river dododododododododododododododododo”
Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffn?
I believe you
A few months ago I randomly had a distinctive dream where all the desks in my French class had been changed from rows into individual desks, low and behold I’m walking to school and tell my friend about this dream, and our first lesson happens to be french. We go in and; boom. All the desks have been set individually for the first time ever, exactly how they were in my dream the night before. I was losing my mind for the rest of the day
I received my mortician license earlier this year, and during my internship there was an incident when we picked up a body, who wasn't dead after all. The funeral director (I'll call her T) who was on call picked her up shortly before 8:00 AM (when our office opens). She took the woman into the embalming room, where our embalmer (K) and a student (P) were preparing to move the woman from the cot on to a table. I had stepped into the room right when K and P were preparing to unzip the body bag. We heard what we thought was a death rattle, but nope. K unzipped the bag, and lo and behold, the woman's chest was rising and falling. We were all caught offguard, to say the least. Poor T was in tears, not sure what to do. We moved the woman into the chapel, while T called our manager, who told her to call the medical examiner, nursing home where she picked up the lady, hospice agency, and 911.
When the first responders arrived, a firefighter/EMT took the lady's vitals. Her blood pressure was really low, which is why we weren't able to detect a pulse at first, and her pulse rate was 108. She didn't wake up between the time we discovered she wasn't dead yet after all and when they loaded her up into the ambulance. The woman was returned to that same nursing home, and K demanded that at least 2 people from the hospice agency be with her at all times this time, which was agreed to. She died for real a couple days later.
this guy fist bumped a lion, he's definitely the MC of a race of lion tamers
I went to see Lacrimas Profundere live a few weeks ago. The singer happens to be a friend of mine. I travelled to the Free & Easy Festival in Munich from the UK to watch the show. Half way through the set, they start playing the opening riff for one of my favourite songs, and then the singer dedicated it to me by name in front of at least 600 people. Then he ran off stage to give me a big hug and continues with the show. The girl next to me stared at me and her jaw dropped, and she said, "THAT WAS SO COOL". I lost my shit. I had no idea he would do that. This is the craziest, sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.
Skid through a light doing a 360 caught the eyes of another guy looking at me w his mouth open in amazement. While locking eyes w him in the middle of the spin I took a sip of coffee and continued on.
I was enjoying a picnic or something in the gazebo, and a cat just fell through the ceiling. How does this happen?
well.. cat
Just clicked off of a Ballen video for this. Let's get it.
Ballen is better tbh
What's Ballen? Is that the full channel name? Or is it something else. I'm interested
@@fappingfoopa MrBallen, "true" mostly scary stories retold pretty dramatically. I like it
Don't get me wrong I love Ballen, I just love this specific topic more ☺️
@@fappingfoopaMr. Ballen, whose actual name is John, is a medically discharged Navy Seal who was injured in the Middle East, I think Afghanistan but don't remember for sure. He's an excellent story teller. He also started a nonprofit that uses 100% of donations to help victims and survivors of violent crimes. He doesn't take a cut and he has no overhead so every penny is used to help pay for funerals, counseling, food, shelter, whatever they need. Real good guy. 🙂🙂🙂
Edit: typo
I worked night shift in a convenience store in a bad neighborhood. I worked with a Muslim dude name Mohamed who was a 3rd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. One night I refused to sell beer to three teenagers. They smashed a window. Mohamed knocked two of them out with two punches and the third ran away. Later that night they came back with their friends. There were 13 of them, and I know that because a witness counted. They all had baseball bats. Mohamed went out to meet them in the parking lot. He kicked the shit out of about half of them in a matter of seconds, and they all ran away. He literally kicked one guy so hard he flew through the air and knocked a second guy down. It was like an epic battle from a Bruce Lee movie except that it all happened so fast.
I’ve met and known lots of celebrities. I used to live in a resort town that stars have flocked to for decades. (This was all before cell phones had cameras. It was mostly those OG indestructible Nokias.) The couple times I have talked about it online nobody believed me. “Pics or it didn’t happen”, they’d tell me.
My family and I ran into my brother’s teacher (at the time) and her family at a random 3 star resort in Mazatlan, Mexico. We’re Canadian and we had never brought up the trip to the teacher, we just randomly crossed paths in a foreign country. Well I went on to get my foot stabbed by a sharp piece of concrete in the pool so the awesome moment didn’t last too long lol
Tl;dr: I got lost for several hours in China's most populated city during the World Expo and managed to find my way back to my panicked mom without the aid of technology or a taxi.
Population at the time: 23 million.
Land area: 2400 square miles.
This was only the second time I'd ever been to the city, as I would usually only visit family in Beijing and Jilin Province during my trips to China. I was there with my mom and a couple of people from my cousin's extended family to attend the Shanghai World Expo, the most heavily attended of any expo to date. We were staying at the home of my mom's childhood friend, who lived in a nondescript residential building in an area I had never visited before. After a day of standing in long lines for hours behind loud, rude, and sweaty people just to spend maybe 15 minutes in each building struggling to see past the throngs of gawkers, I was so done with the whole experience that I just walked off. Without my companions, or a means of communication. (IIRC, my companion had a phone, but I did not. IF I did have a phone, it was a loaner that had very limited capabilities.)
The sun was setting at the time I left the site. By the time my frustration gave way to worry, I could no longer locate my companions, so I decided to find my way back rather than wait. I had to locate a nearby subway station - Shanghai's subway system was ranked 9th most complex in the world by Bloomberg - and then find the correct subway lines to take me back to the general area I knew the residential block to be located in. I recall having to walk through dimly-lit streets, some of which had dark, empty storefronts that gave a sense of foreboding. At times, I got disoriented and had to pause to reorient myself based on what little I could remember of the route from my journey to the expo site earlier that day. Somehow, I found my way back to this nondescript residential building, where my mom and her friend were waiting, both in a state of panic.
If you are wondering why I hadn't just called the taxi, there were a few reasons. The top reason I didn't take a taxi was that I didn't trust that the driver would not kidnap me or take me on a long, winding route just to make more money off a hapless tourist. Another was that I couldn't understand the Shanghai dialect well, so communication would have been an issue. Lastly, I didn't remember the exact address of the building or even the apartment complex, so I'd probably have been stuck walking some distance regardless.
The guy that lost the pizza a rat garbed it lol! My sister lost a drumstick that way!
Absolutely fantastic 😍.
I had trouble swimming during lessons. And while in my lessons my brother pulled down my trunk. In 5 seconds swimming skills improved like magic.
Legit just started Suits today lol 2:39
I don't get the last story
I think the serving cashier was trying to get OP to ask the girl out, but he asked her about monster energy instead
@@personmchuman3367 oooh... that makes sense. Guess I'm also dense XD
Haha! @@personmchuman3367 we guys can be SOOO dense about these things. I listened to it 5 times and still couldn't figure out that he, "Asked Her" the wrong thing, either!
Re. the first story, I hate precocious people who are immediately the best at everything.
He holds the record at the 100 and 200m. He's an amazing swimmer. Got 100% in his mathematics exam and 90% in his German exam. Super-confident and has never been single. Won debating competitions and is a champion archer. Black belt in Judo and played violin in a symphony orchestra. The best home chef you ever knew. Went to university where he made 5000 friends for life within his first half hour, studied English Literature, but now earns £150k a year leading a team of City Of London fintech software engineers because he learned C++ in the womb.
Really makes me feel like my own life is a waste of time. "We all have challenges in life" etc. - those people don't. It's edgy for them to lie and claim that they do.
Everybody hates these people. Mind you, should've gone to a casino after, guy was on a roll.
Last guy is gonna be kicking himself for a long time for that one. Of all the times to have a brain fart.
Oh god lets see i got a few.
Drove from daytona beach florida to san Diego and back over the course of a week with 4 friends. We partied pretty hard in New Orleans on the way back and my idiot friends left me there and had driven over an hour in my car before they realized I wasn't in the car. It was a 86 trans-am. They managed somehow to find me and we got back a day and a half later. This happened in 1999....
So this was 2000/2001i took 4th place in a nascar simulator competition at the daytona beach dog track during speed weeks before the daytona 500. The three guys ahead of me were all arca drivers. The rest of the top 10 were also arca drivers. Get into a conversation with them and we all take another round to see if it was a fluke. I managed to improve my time. One guy was an owner driver and had a second car he wanted a driver for the arca race. Up until then i had only run a handful of local circle track races. He offered me the seat we were working on getting me licensed for the race when his sponsor asked him to instead hire a veteran driver who was a washed up busch series driver. He was forced to take him. The other driver wrecked the car. If things had played out differently i might have been a nascar driver in the 2000s era 🤣
What was the problem with the monster drinks?
wtf happened in the very last one, im not native so i really dont know what is implied
A friend we will call him Mike because I will not use real names. He was dared to go into Walmart with just his boxers and a Spider-Man mask to make a long story short he had to haul butt out of the store after a few minutes.
28:50 *Someone please explain what I am missing with the Monster question??* Why did something die inside her? Dammit I might have to look up the post...
*DAMMIT* *_"This account has been suspended"_*
Is it as boring as she was expecting him to ask her out on a date? 😑
Oooooooooooohhh
She was expecting to get asked out....
Yep, that had to be it
Tonight I saw Pulp Fiction for the first time. Just finishing up the movie thinking about the ending and the philosophical ideas around acts of God. I turn on this vid to fall asleep and the Christmas coincidence story plays. It gets me thinking about the Pulp Fiction ending. Then, the story right after is a reference to Pulp Fiction... spooky
So one of my craziest stories. I'm touring with a band back in probably 2000-2001 we're in Washington DC in like the deep deep bad neighborhood part, some dude gets pulled over right across the road from us while we're loading in he's only like one of those little like kids like mini bikes. So the cops like hey dude let me see your ID the guy pulls a 45 probably about 5 ft from the cop then proceeds to turn the cops head into a Red Mist. Turns out the guy was in MS-13 and I tried to get us to testify against MS-13 which was a big hell no. However the rest of my band chose to go ahead and play the gig because there was free beer. One of the worst experiences I have ever had I wanted to be out of that s*** hole we call Washington DC right then.
23:45 May you just drive people insane.
When I was a kid, I dreamt that my mom shot all of siblings and I point blank dead. Then she shot my dad in the head… twice. Woke up to my baby brother telling me mom had just died. 19 years later, my dad reveals to me that my mom had asked to him to help her kill herself and that why he went crazy after she died. I then realized why in the the dream she shot my dad twice.
I forgot how to spell "I" for 2 hours. I think I came up with "aie" or "ei". This happened yesterday. I have no idea how I became a fighter pilot with my brain.
Last dude....Bro nooooooo
can someone explain tye last story?
❤❤❤❤
Bruh
damnnn dude
I received fellatio in the back of a cop car on the way to jail!! Was stopped at a DUI checkpoint in Kentucky with my cousin and a chick I'd just met earlier( We were headed back to her place) We all 3 get arrested and they transport all 3 of us in the back of the same squad car. They sat the girl between me and my cousin and it was a 40 minute drive to Pikeville County Jail. She sat her head on my lap and I pulled out and it went down! True Story.....What's up Becky!! 😂
My cashier dropped a big bottle of lube in front of me, which hit the ground & bounced.. without even looking I caught it on the bounce ..wouldn't be able to do it again if I tried.. but blew her mind that I just stuck my hand out and caught it without looking..
And then you took off your clothes, covered yourself intirely in lube and rolled on the floor like a ....
I legit saw a ghost but I don’t believe in ghosts. People are weird.
That last guy wtf bro 😂
i don’t get it
When I was about 12 Me and my degenerate mates were hanging over my back fence and noticed what we thought was a old man running away from him wife turns out he was having a heart attack and was falling over we jumped the fence to assist him and he stopped breathing I started cpr from what I had watched on Bondi rescue and managed to keep him stable until the ambulance got there I stayed in contact with him and his wife he died a few years ago