Adult with Autism | Autism & Being Creative | 13
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- Опубліковано 24 чер 2021
- Bones lyrics at the bottom
Apologies are due... Firstly for the out of focus camera, then for the out of tune guitar, and the missed chord, but it's all down to being tipsy. I needed the courage to upload the video with a song on, so I was impaired but it was the only way!!
Creativity and Autism go hand in hand, but for it to benefit us and have a positive effect, we need to find the reason of 'why' we want to do it. It took me until last year to find that answer for myself.
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|| LYRICS ||
Sneaking around to avoid myself,
Stop my heart beating to spare your health,
Hated by most and only loved by some, and then by none.
Sent out alone I will find my way,
Temptation alluring to lead me astray,
If I stay tonight I will sleep a few hours and then I’ll be gone.
Say I’m a user, abuser, the last to be known,
If I defend myself then I’m emotional,
But I’m okay, I feel fine,
Sticks and Stones may break my bones.
Counting your blessing but it’s not my fault,
Leave me with nothing of the things I want,
Preaching by forfeit spell my name in blood and cast me to the cold.
Say I’m the preacher, teacher, of all that is known,
If I offend your ilk then I’m emotional,
But I’m okay I feel fine,
Sticks and stones may break my bones.
Hide in the crowd that alludes me and taints my name,
I will numb the feeling with Novacane.
Tell all who listen the secrets that I gave you to share,
And I’ll meet you with silence when no one cares.
For I’m okay I feel fine,
Sticks and stones may break my bones.
Sticks and stones may break my bones.
Sticks and stones may break my bones.
Sticks and stones.
© Adult with Autism 2021. No permissions given to use/re-use any of the videos or sound without written permissions from the owner.
People that are creative are like this. They have to wait until they are inspired. Before they start on any creative work that they want to do. They even have periods of time of burnout, even if they really love what their doing. Most creativity is spontaneous other times it's well-thought-out before actually starting the project. Creative people have to find that motivation/inspiration first. Some are even perfectionist. Some don't even like sharing their talented work with others. I'm one of those people, that's how I know.
True enough. My guitar is my 'comfort blanket', so even if I am not being creative, I just like to have it to mess around on. Perfectionism ruined my hobbies, now I am more forgiving of missing chords, being out of tune, not doing EQ etc, as I am not Andrea Bocelli so I can get away with it! I never share my music outside of with my friend Craig, so it was a massive thing for me to do.
@@AdultwithAutism My main special-interest/ talent is Art. I have a talent in drawing, painting, and arts and crafts (making things). I would create things and give them away as gifts. A few years ago I decided to share my many talents on Facebook. Everyone really liked all my kinds of artwork. They said it all looked store-bought or professionally done. They were saying I needed to start a business and sell my stuff. I did need the money at the time and I did know some things about business. So I started taking requests with paintings and various artwork. Within a short amount of time it became really stressful for me. My hobby and therapeutic talent turned into a burden and something I just didn't want to do anymore. I went almost a year after that before I did any kind of artwork for myself. Even though I have dyslexia, I've always been a writer. I love writing poetry and other kinds of writing. I love telling story's like you do. I've actually written three books, but I've never got them published. Don't know if I ever will. I'm working on a book right now, a autobiography of my life. I totally agree with you when you say, do it for yourself and not for others.
Your song is so awesome - I really like the mood it is transporting, although it makes me feel melancholic. Thank you for letting us hear it!
No problem (well, it was a HUGE problem but I am trying to get over it!). I appreciate your kind words.
Fantastic song, I really like it. The words are great, I like the singing and the music is lovely. Wonderful. I had to listen to it twice and I’ll probably come back to hear it again. Haunting and good at the same time. (My outlet is painting.)
Thanks Catherine, I appreciate that!
Is this an aspie thing? I am 50+, and I work harder than the kids on my shift. They will team up and work with each other, chat and distract each other, and I am by myself. Management will put me where there is MORE work that needs to be done. I have to bust my bottom to get things done, usually without tools to complete it. So I don't get the satisfaction of meeting the end of the task. No help for me, but I always offer to help others. I am so exhausted, every day, the same thing. Congratulations on your bravery to share your life and art. It's inspiring.
It probably is! I know that feeling all too well, especially recently.
Awesome Paul. Amazing that the song just came out! I think that’s why it is so powerful! Creativity is the single thing that has kept me moving forward in life. Well that and my partner! In my old age I feel that autism has been a gift. Its a hard thing to bare sometimes, but so far it has been worth it. Thanks for you videos!
Thanks Bryan, appreciate the endorsement to add the song to the video in the first place!
Firstly, your anxiety made me anxious - it was so palpable BUT also relatable. As a tiny kid I wanted to be an ‘artist’ 🙄 and when I got older an illustrator. Never shown anyone my work because I couldn’t get past what you just described. So thanks for this, it’s good to hear someone put the feeling in to words. I still draw as I love the feeling of ‘getting in the zone’ and tuning the world out and just seeing what comes out the other end. Maybe someday il be as brave as you just were and take the leap you just did.
Secondly, I really really liked the song and hope you will share more with us when you’re ready to. The line ‘tell all who listen the secrets that I gave you to share, and I’ll meet you with silence when no one cares’ hit particularly hard tbh. Listened to song twice, second time with the lyrics in front of me (cheers for that too btw, I sometimes get auditory issues with words -but not instruments weirdly). Anyway, I noticed on one of the lines the written lyrics is different to the song - counting you blessing but it’s ‘..not..’ my fault. Just a heads up. Hopefully at some point you will feel ok with us sharing links to this song as I think it would resonate with a few people but going from your anxiety, I’m guessing you’re not up for that yet? If we have your permission then great, if it will make you too uncomfortable then no worries. Thanks for sharing with us x
Please don't let fear stand in the way of doing something with your artwork!
My mother was an established artist, she had had many paintings in art galleries, they've been sold all over the world by now, I'm sure.
She was a watercolor teacher both two children and adults,
She also illustrated for several authors,
And yet,
Every time she painted a picture she always had fears that it wasn't just right or maybe they wouldn't be pleased with it,
Etc. She also never knew what to charge and had a tendency to price her paintings too low.
Haha thanks, I'll amend the lyrics! Problem is, they change every time I sing it! I am fine with anyone sharing anything from the channel for the right reasons. I am uploading it to the 'requests' part of my channel...probably sing different lyrics again when I upload it!!
@@deanasnarky3903 it's interesting to know that it's a problem that's not just limited to amateurs and hobbyists. I guess when it comes to creating things, quite often the harshest critic is yourself. Thanks for sharing, il seriously think about it :)
@@AdultwithAutism hahaha if you're lyrics change whenever you sing it then ignore what I said because the advice is irrelevant to you then :) I mentioned it mostly outta habit and attempting to be helpful - I hung around with musicians when I was younger, and that's something they'd like to know is all x
Thank you for the song: a total moment of feeling like you get who I am. I can call you my brother. You expressed me in your entire video. Thank you. And your encouragement in creativity blessed me for I do the same as you with music only on piano for my creativity. Thank you for sharing you because it helped heal my own self, gave me courage, and let me know Im not alone.
Thank you Bobbi, really appreciate that!
WOW, hit me from the first note! Great!
Thanks Arno, I appreciate that.
I’m going to be listening to your song all morning 😍 I would legitimately buy your music. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you, I appreciate the positive comment!
Thanks for uploading, Paul. Glad we got to hear your song.
You're more than welcome.
What I love most about this song is that it doesn’t “go” anywhere. It stays. right. here. Beautiful! Please publish more 🙏🏼 of course I’m listening to your videos from the beginning, so perhaps you have already shared more songs. I’m teaching myself house to sing and I hope to be as brave as you to share my voice one day-yours is MUCH needed, thank you! -Meryn
Thank you, I appreciate that. I only share one more here, and some others on SoundCloud
Beautiful. Haunting but beautiful. Your voice is lovely, you can hear the passion in it. Very talented. Thank you for sharing. 😊
Thank you. That's kind of you to say 👍🏻
The more of your videos i watch the more seen and less alone I feel. Before I realized I was autistic, I went to college and studied music; music was the only mechanism I could find to express myself. Then when was pregnant with my firstborn I got very sick and almost died; my vocal cords were damaged in the process of the effort to save me. It's been over 2 decades since I've been able to sing, and I have never found a way to capture what I'm trying to express. I appreciate your stick figure analogy tremendously. My art was ALWAYS for me, I'm not sure why I ever let myself lose sight of that.
Also, the lyrics to your song cut me so deep. I relate in the truest sense. Even when you were discussing the lyrics I started to cry. I have to pull it together before my partner gets home and get my mask back in place. Stopping my heart to spare pretty much everyone else is the story of my life
Thanks Joy. It took a lot to share, but glad it went down well. And scrambling to put the mask back in place! Do I ever remember that feeling!
So far I've listened to your song five times! I want a copy of this song too. It's starting to make me cry the more I listen to it 😢. If I can't get a copy, I'm just saving this video. I'll refer back to it, whenever I want to hear the song. ❤
Thanks Kris, ua-cam.com/video/JFn3Bt0l15A/v-deo.html. You'll have to excuse the video with my Stevie Wonder impression...I can't sing with my eyes open!
@@AdultwithAutism You're welcome and I'll watch it here in just a few. LOL Stevie Wonder! I've always loved Stevie Wonder. I'm an older millennial, but I've always enjoyed the music and everything that was way before my time. Some people have called me an old soul. The truth is I've spent most of my life around old people so I've mimicked them, lol. Most people my age are weird.
You are going to upload “Bones” separately so we can add to our music playlists right ? Please?
I am now I have seen the comments that people actually like it! ua-cam.com/video/JFn3Bt0l15A/v-deo.html
Adult with Autism Excellent. I follow a variety of independent songwriters who will give commentary on a piece of work then upload the song separately that we might add to our playlists and enjoy. Truly a selfless act ❤️❤️❤️. Many request they upload to one of the buy platforms but some reply this actually cost the producer money. And they just want to share their songs. Truly grateful!
Not me. I only put it on as a way of trying to show that it's okay to have your individual creative process, and that it's fine! Doesn't need to be for everyone else. I don't mind sharing it with individuals for listening if people want it.
Finally got around to watching this and the big thing that rung true for me and is something you may want to read up on is "executive dysfunction." While most of the papers and research focus on brain injury and ADHD, it is also extremely prevalent in those on the autism spectrum, myself and most definitely yourself included. To me learning to recognize the signs that I'm starting to lose my executive function skills is the best indicator that I need to abandon anything extracurricular so to speak and just be mellow for a day. It actually happened to me yesterday that really tanked my energy and interest level and made me hypersensitive to noise so I told my GF I'm fine today even though I'm quiet, just an "off" day where I need to be "off." Feeling fine today, but in the past I would've tried pushing through it and like when you were trying to record when you weren't in it nothing you do is going to work.
Regarding creativity; 100% agree with you, autism and creativity go hand in hand, never been a doubt in my mind. It is often far easier for autistic people to create or invent circumstances that make sense to them and are controlled by them. Music is widely used as a therapy for children on the spectrum (and my biggest regret of missing a diagnosis until my late 20s was the lack of that music therapy). I think your revelation regarding Craig's Genre is also a wonderful step forward. There's a huge struggle I've found with the realization that you're autistic. Once you have your diagnosis and you start to understand what it means almost always the first thing people do is try to find a way to bridge themselves to neurotypical society. Like you with your music tailored to known genres and other artists, it is a way to bridge that gap and feel like you belong which echoes the isolation we feel. But the revelation you had is the turning point when self confidence and identity finally begins to cement itself and you realize you don't need to build that bridge because you're a part of society whether you pretend to be something else or not. That is when you can start embracing yourself and putting that out there and that's all anyone ever needs to do to belong. Be authentic.
As for your music, not at all surprised you killed it, you're a talented bastard whether you like to show it or not. I think you nailed the emotion in the chord choice and tempo, mixing, and your singing pitch. All of it merges perfectly to bring forth the pain of, as you said, being an empath in a world that isn't made for you. Also you nailed it in another way, you're far from alone feeling like this. As many other comments have said this song brought me to tears and it gives words and an emotional expression to the feelings I experience myself. I'm glad you shared it with us. It is beautiful.
Thanks Remy, I appreciate that, really do. I will look into executive dysfunction in Autism as it may help me learn who I am am a bit more.
Sharing the music is really strange. As you have said, other comments say similar things for a reaction and I just cannot comprehend how MY song could do that. As hard as I find it to take a complement, the one thing it has shown me ironically through a song where you feel alone is...I am not, and neither is anyone else who has listened to it and it resonated with them because there is that connection between all of us who sit in our pocket of the spectrum. And that has been so ridiculously humbling for me.
@@AdultwithAutism I think it actually goes a bit further than you realize. Music, at least to me, is primarily an emotion-based medium. To a degree I suppose a lot of art is but I especially consider music to be because even if you listen to a song that is sung in another language you can still get to the same place emotionally as if you listened to a song in your native tongue. There's certainly far more depth if you understand a song with lyrics' deeper meanings but being grounded in using instruments and harmonizing your voice to evoke those feelings of repetition and isolation can bring people who don't normally understand us to the same emotional battlefield we experience.
Most people have the capacity to empathize with us, they just may not understand what our emotional baseline experience is (and lets face it, a lot of autistic people have a hard time verbalizing and sharing their emotions as is anyway) but Bones does an excellent job portraying it. My girlfriend who isn't autistic got pretty close to crying listening to it because she resonated with the emotions as well. I've explained to her in the past how alone autism feels but words can only do so much, art on the other hand has that natural "in" to evoke emotion. This actually gave her a stronger perspective and personal experiences that she could point to and say, "this is what your life feels like, I understand now." That level of empathy is powerful. Even if you consider yourself not talented you should be very proud of this song and the reception you're getting backs this up. You put yourself in this song and whether we see ourselves in it or not we can feel you in it and we understand you.
I certainly agree words can only do so much, and a lot of the time...I can never find the words to explain accurately. I've got several songs about Autism that were written before I ever had a diagnoses, then I revisited the music at a later date, and came to realise what my words were actually about. That was an odd feeling.
I like that your girlfriend listened and it made sense to her too. I didn't once wonder how it would be viewed by someone close to a person with Autism. But that will occupy my thoughts for days now.
I tell you Paul, the longer I listen the more I identify with the vast majority of what you are saying. I am going to ask my wife to watch this to help her understand. Thank you.
Hi Sam, glad my waffle resonantes. If you want me to cover any topics just let me know 👍🏻
Music have always been a great way for me to purge pain from all of this. Thank you for your music 🤗
No problem, I know exactly what you mean.
Amazing song! You are very talented.
Thanks Michael, I appreciate that.
Wow. I am speechless.
Thank you.
exceptional thank you :)
Thank you
Wow Paul! I'm not watching your videos in chronological order so it's a surprise to me to hear your music. When the whole song is cohesive like that it doesn't matter that there's only 2 chords. I feel simplicity gives space to the listener to take part in the song. I harmonised with your voice on the second time I listened, it feels like if your voice was taking me by the hand.
I tried to write lyrics in the past but it's hard for me, melody comes easier. I used to compose (piano) little pieces for myself and seriously it was the best fulfilling feeling I ever had. It was just for me, my choices, my tastes, no compromise, no obligations. I hope I will have the time to do that again in the future.
I hope you enjoy your music again too. Good for the soul 👍🏻
Thanks for sharing Paul, it takes real guts to put yourself out there, especially in this world that we feel we don’t belong. You are the only person who does videos on autism that I can truly relate to and you are able to put in words how I feel most of the time, I went to the doctors a couple of times when I was younger but could never make them understand how I was feeling, it was only when I went through a really bad time at the age of 42 and watching the programme Undateables that made me realise that I had autism, and insisted that they sent me for an assessment, I am so glad that I was persistent. I now realise why I have always had this deep Loneliness inside me no matter how many people are around me.
You're welcome Jason. Comments like this remind me why I started the channel, as I wanted to be out there should someone with a similar mindset find them...as it was something I didn't have when I first looked.
It's tough when in a world you don't belong in, then you also don't belong in the camp you're put into!
The Undatables was a great show. I agreed with a lot of the boundaries people had too.
You have a beautiful voice, Paul. The song is lovely, haunting.
I am an artist by trade. Worked in commercial graphics until I burned out. Now I paint a little yellow dog, who is pretty much the only thing I am interested in painting. Thing is. . .even when I am feeling creative, and WANT to paint, I manage to come up with a load of stuff to keep me from it. "Gonna paint, but first I better take the dog for her walk. Oh, and I should have a bite to eat. oh look, the dishwasher needs emptying. . . And on and on. . .trying to avoid the thing I most want to do. What do you suppose that's about?
Wonderful song. It resonated. Please upload separately!
Thank you, ua-cam.com/video/JFn3Bt0l15A/v-deo.html
Wow! I did not expect that. Excellent playing and singing, your voice might not be 18 anymore, but it's still great! The words spoke to me, I also do the work of many, and get little recognition and a decent amount of abuse. Thanks for sharing. I put away my writing for a long time now, maybe it's time to get back to it...
It's always worth getting back at it Michael, without it, I wouldn't know how to speak! 👍🏻
Your thumbnail pic drew me in, i think because it resembles Shaun from Seether (fav band). Thank you so much for sharing your talent.
Thank you, and Seether have some great tunes. Breakdown being one of them 👍🏻
"Excuse me for a minute, it's the weekend, I've got an alcoholic beverage" 😄💖 That sentence warmed my heart lmao, sounds odd I'm sure, but I ALWAYS say "beverage" and it was just endearing to hear you say it 😂 I realise this is one of your older videos but I'm having a good ol' binge of your awesome channel 👌
Edit: writing this after seeing the whole video - I absolutely love your song! I wish there was a lyric version I'd love to learn it 🥰 Amazing, dude I hope you're really proud of your song 🎵🤩
Always beverage! 😂
I uploaded the song separately and put the words in the description if that helps? It's in the request part of the channel 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism Ah I found it! 😃 Thank you so much 😁
Good stuff 😁
I came back around to this video for a listen to find the part where you say why you left off the “but words can never harm me”. Another content producer was addressing this proverb in regards to narcissistic abuse. The words are so painful and lasting. In the playback listening to you speak to being creative in your music for you, not others and I remembered something I like to remind myself about my desire to express my voice and doing it for me not for others... “The flower in the field doesn’t bloom because someone is watching, the bird in the bush doesn’t sing because someone is listening. The flower blooms, the bird sings. This is my bloom. This is my song. It’s not for you. It’s for me. God is watching. God is listening. It is enough.
I like that a lot. But wow to the narcissistic abuse thing! My positive and negative is, I keep well away from almost everything this world has to offer! So when I wrote the song, it was simply to reference that it all gets through somehow...mainly dependent on how you feel at the time. I never feel the need to 'dissect', and like to keep things as simple as possible. We are only human, the only species stupid enough to pay to live on this planet. So I wouldn't have the nerve to try and pick something apart to try and sound like I knew what I was on about.
I started writing this a minute ago and already wonder where I am going with it!
Thanks Karen.
@@AdultwithAutism wonder where I’m going with it.... that’s just it isn’t it. Everything resonates a different chord within each of us and that’s alright
Bravo! Such courage. I almost had to pour a vodka to get me through your jitters lol. Audibly I feel too much and I could feel the anxiety grow as you moved along. Thank God you didn’t leave us hangin. Love the lyrics, love the tune, wait... was that really you singing? Lovely. The lyrics resonate Paul. Lots of things you say resonate and often make me laugh out loud. But the song is not a laugh. Thanks for showing us that side as well. Courage. Mine is drawn from the same well. Cheers!
Thank you Karen, there were MANY jitters...still not recovered fully!
Adult with Autism Yes. I know this is true. From someone who writes a comment then waffles and deletes it, even waking up in the night to go back and erase my very existence I get it. I exercise great control here just not erasing my comments on your channel lol least you take offense 🤗. I can’t imagine throwing up a truly revealing work of art. But, you got skills and we are thankful you did! I got chills when you read the lines in the commentary and shared the name of the song, truly. Great stuff. Be brave little toaster !!!
Never been called a toaster before, but it makes toast, and toast is awesome!
Adult with Autism Well then, you must search out “The Brave Little Toaster” movie here on UA-cam. My littles watched it on repeat for years. They know exactly what I mean when I say “such a brave little toaster”. Enjoy!
@@SweetiePieTweety haha, I'll look out for it.
Hello there, Carol at Mindful Divergence gave me this link as I am in the UK and just starting the long process of getting an ASD assessment at 54. I've only just learnt of Sensory processing Disorder, of which I believe I've always had (Tags and scratchy clothes, food textures and light/sounds overload. Love your content and the song is brilliant, thanks for sharing. PS, subbed
Thanks Shane, and welcome. I appreciate Carol pimping me out 😂
Maybe I need to look into that, I have socks with logos on the side, if I wear them on the wrong feet I swear I trip myself up!
Awesome song Paul!!!
Thank you 👍🏻
Ok, I know this will sound weird - have you tried putting sparkling water in your gin instead of tonic water? If you want something to dilute your drink down without changing the flavour of it like you said then I recommend sparkling water (I hate the taste of tonic too). It's also great if you're dieting because it's just water, nothing in it but because of the fizz it feels like you're using a mixer.
Also I wrote this comment 5mins in to the video, would have deleted it and condensed it down to one line on my second comment but you’ve mentioned how you feel about people deleting comments before and didn’t want you wondering what waffling I’d deleted 😊🙃
Haha, brilliant! Well done for keeping it on! I've been avoiding reading the comments after uploading the song through fear! Never had water with gin, I'll try it with sparkling water and see how I get on. But if it's gross...you own me one!
@@AdultwithAutism hahaha fair enough, il owe you one if I wasted your drink. So was it nice or gross? Iv never had it with plain gin admittedly, though it's really nice with southern comfort or lemon gin. Awful with J.D.
I made my first comment before I finished listening to your video. I know you're not looking for praise or a compliment concerning your song. I'm going to give you one anyways and tell you how it made me feel. It's a wonderful song, it's so inspiring, and hit me to my core! I love everything about it! It's my kind of music and you are my kind of person. Your song actually reminded me a little bit of Metallica. It kind of reminded me a bit of hippie music too. I used to listen to Metallica when I was a teen lol.
I'm not good at singing or playing a instrument. All of that kind of talent belongs to other people in my family. I can't read music notes or any of that. However I'm good at writing songs and I love doing interpret dancing to it. I love to listen and be inspired by it. My brothers used to have a band. They wanted me to be the dancer for their band. I've always wanted to learn how to play the violin though. Thank you for sharing this wonderful video and your song, you truly are an inspiration.
So I'll go ahead and tell you what my favorite Metallica song was. It's called The Unforgiven 2. I had a boyfriend and he got me into Metallica. That was our song back in the day. I liked it because it expressed how I felt and about letting people into my life. Allowing myself to open up to them and giving them the key to my heart. The meaning of the song is more then just that though. If you read the lyrics it actually relates somewhat to a person with autism. I haven't listened to Metallica for many years. You mentioning it took me back to my teenage days. Add on: So I listen to Unforgiven from Metallica after all these years. It was the first song they made with this title. It is totally autistic, it is a reflection of an autistics life! It even refers to some Masking in autism.
The Unforgiven II is an amazing song, Metallica are definitely a favourite of mine. Think I will have to give it another listen with an open mind as I usually just relax to it rather than hear the lyrics. Interesting!
@@AdultwithAutism Yes, I searched the video where I could read the lyrics. The first song titled Unforgiven mostly, but the second song as well. I'm sure you will find yourself within those lyrics. It is very interesting!
Hi Paul, I'm just catching up on some of your videos that I have missed. I really liked your song. I liked your style of playing and singing, and the sound mix.. I hope it's not rude to say that I was surprised by how you sounded! More Bon Iver than the kind of hard rock, even death metal style I was half expecting based on your talking about Metallica, your beard, and your sometimes slightly growly speaking voice.
Haha, all my music is soft these days. I blew my voice out years ago from rock bands, so its all I've got left now.
Metal!🎉 But love a lot of different stuff... But I practice the violin. I want to learn to scream. so much fun. But my hobby is crocheting. And working on cars. I'm a jack of trades. 😅 It recharges me but it feels good to me to succeed at something because im learning disabled....well I dont learn like everyone else.
🎉👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 Great song great singing. I know you aren't looking for it, but it was great.
Crochet and cars...I have visions of knitted seat covers.
Beautiful 😍🥰💙❤️💜
Many thanks 👍🏻
Good song
Thanks Jensen 👍🏻
I am a writet😊😊😊
Good stuff 👍🏻
I wrpte some horror stpries narrated on yputube 😊