Since my diagnosis - three years ago at the age of 56 - I've developed a little habit while watching ADHD podcasts and the like: When someone describes a behaviour that I also exhibit, I raise my hand high in the air as if to say to the universe at large, 'Yeah, me too. I do that'. The more it resonates with me, the faster my arm shoots into the air. After watching this, my shoulder hurts. Thanks for your honesty, Shappi. And thank you, Alex. You're helping people like me more than you know.
I say "me too" to myself but you've given me a whole new idea!! These podcasts are life changing; it's incredible to know you have a tribe having spent so long feeling alone x
@@juliemarie9320 Soon there will be thousands of us with our arms in the air, waving like maniacs at the universe. My dastardly plan to give everyone shoulder problems and corner the Deep Heat market is finally working. Mwahahahahaha... (cough)... ahaha!!!
Can you imagine someone saying they've been diagnosed with cancer and we roll our eyes and respond " jeez everyone has something nowadays. It's sooo boring" . Those reactions to ADHD/ADD are ridiculous.
I recently experienced this with my sister in law. Actually, I was diagnosed a year and a half ago at 35. I told her about it in detail. She was interested and said "hmm maybe I have it too!” and although she doesn't give me the impression that she has it, I told her she should talk to her doctor. Fast forward to recently, my sister was talking about her son's (my nephew's) behaviour. I suggested she go to a doctor because he might have ADHD, and revealed to my sister for the first time that I was diagnosed with ADHD and it answers a lot about my life, and that I don't want him to go through the same pain. My sister in law, the one who was originally kind of supportive, rolled her eyes and said "everyone has it now". Keep in mind she works in a school with special needs kids (mostly autism but also severe ADHD). She kept fighting back everytime I talked about it. Some people are so disgusting.
Thank you Shappi ... You have just helped me identify a new way my ADHD effects me and helped me make sense of it. I appreciate you so much and the shame of telling someone else that they might think you at over reacting or jumping on the band wagon! This fear for me is so bad that I don't tell anyone!
@wowwee0 I'm so sorry this happened to you. You'd think she would be someone that you could count on for support given her career! Well done advocating for your nephew ❤
At 43 (my current age) I found out I had adhd, I am also bipolar 2 but diagnosed in 2014. Finding out I have adhd was such an eye opener, such a mirror into myself and I finally understood EVERYTHING about why my life has been the way it's been. Meds to control the balance of being bipolar were great, but meds for adhd and connecting with others in the neurodivergent world has absolutely changed my life. For the first time in my life I dont hate myself.
Such a great conversation. A large part of my masking is pretending to be dumb. I remember doing it to try to “fit in,” but I also think it has a lot to do with having a spiky profile, not wanting to disappoint anyone when I can’t perform a task, and being less adept at verbal communication than writing. I also very much relate to putting up with people who I don’t share values with.
When Alex asked Shappi about how many screenshots on her phone, unread whatapp messages, number of domains she owns, tabs open on her PC and clothes on her floor - I wondered if he is a clairvoyant or had been snooping in my house hahaha. And a friend doesn't believe I have ADHD lol. Thanks for another great interview and thanks Shappi.
Resonated hard with so much of this. I loved when Shappi said she doesn't let people take the mick out of her anymore. It gives me hope that there's a level of self-acceptance that is achievable out there.
OMG the bit about returning stuff hit home. I’ve thrown stuff away, rather than returning it, so that it won’t keep reminding me of the money wasted. I’ve also bought new stuff rather than dealing with warranties of the existing broken stuff. Thank you for a podcast that helps me to understand and accept myself.
Hi,Newly diagnosed with Autism and Adhd in June 2024 and July 2024,respectively.New Subscriber too,Thankyou ,this podcast made me feel not so alone as I navigate through the neurodivergent world.
I’m sick to death of being bullied for having ads and combined adhd along with anxiety depression RSD CPTSD and maths disabilities all my life too I’m not going to be bullied anymore either
Understanding narcissistic behaviour will help ADHD and autistic people stop taking things personally. Understanding rsd is that a lot of people are too interested in themselves and just say do what suits them. And just will put their feelings first. And these people like to manipulate on people to get what they want. A lot of people with ADHD and autism might say and do something out of the ordinary. That might be stupid. And people might laugh or be snobby. Which triggers my rsd. I had to understand that people especially intelligent people dont like stupid behaviour because they notice stupid behaviour.
@@Mr_Penguins_Pet_Human maybe I have this! Sometimes I can't even count my loose change in front of the till girl when I'm tired and stressed. I'm tired of feeling like an imbecile.
I'm 49 and in the middle of seeking help. As I was watching this and nodding and relating to so many things you were saying, a package arrived from Amazon that I don't really want. The struggle is real. Great video, thank you for the info you give.
O M G I mean OMG you are everything, thank you Alex for talking to Shappi. Shappi thank you for speaking your words out loud, the school biscuit plates and the squash in metal jugs. It's like you're explaining so much of my life. Thank you to you both, Alex without you doing what you do we would be locked in feeling weird for ever more - so bloody grateful. Please do a tour/an audience with in the UK and come to Banbury or Oxford so we can meet you ❤
Amazing interview. I was diagnosed at 42 as a direct result of an interview Shappi did on BBC breakfast last year about her ADHD. Just watched the interview and amazing to hear so many similar things that have affected me. The mess and the messy partner making it worse. The perfectionism and overwhelm, the massive tantrums in private, the moving country as a young child ( I moved from Saudi) , the using sex impulsively, the social anxiety and masking to try and fit in, using running to feel better...and on and on.
After listening to you Shappi I honestly can see so many of these traits in the adults in my family. I have 5 grandchildren 3 youngest are diagnosed 2 Autistic and 1 ADHD we also think maybe one of the older ones my daughter says she has OCD but she is a hero bringing up her family, im now after listening to you wondering if i should get a diagnosis but im 80 I feel so familiar with a lot of what you said i think you are already a psychologist ❤. Thankyou
I have been diagnosed for 4 months now at the age of 44 and have listened to so many of your podcasts. I found myself 99% in shappi's descriptions! thank you very much for this great contribution! I learned so much about ADHD here and how to start forgiving myself for things in the past. Please go on like this, it's so valuable!!! ❤
Wow! First Sara Pascoe now Chappi! I'm in good company, at least. Your opening quote is my fav quote of all time. So me. Ty, for your work, I've learnt about my ADHD 10 years ago, but only recently understood its effects.
Shappi has so so opened my eyes to my own struggles. What a wonderful, kind and honest human being. Her children are blessed to have her. Painful mirror for me to see myself, but I needed to hear everything she’s said. ESPECIALLY about friends! That’s been such a reality about my own friendships what what I’ve accepted in my life . A MUST listen for anyone who wants to understand the lives and experience of ADHD. Xxx
@@markjaramillo3509 Haha. Right now i am really trying to figure out work conditions. I have a really awesome employer but this week is difficult because my eyesight is so bad i can't even drive. Yesterday i had a split lamp test. Eyes are still sore. I had an allergic reaction to the drops..Thursday another eye exam. Hopefully some good news and by Monday hopefully able to drive to work. Need to move to a bigger house so i can make it ADHD friendly. Since i moved to a small flat with non stop noise, that's when the burnouts started. Before that i subconsciously had layed out the interiors so i could function like a neurotypical person. So i didn't have to many issues up till that point actually.
@@nathalievandijk Noise has become an issue for me too. Especially when my meds wear off in the evening. Haha. I’m really sorry you’re having problems with your vision. I hope you’re giving yourself a lot of patience and compassion. I say that because I would catastrophize the situation and not ask for help. Haha
@@markjaramillo3509 i have an outstanding gp now. that helps. also, i didn't keep it a secret. but going back to work while still dealing with the after affects of the 2nd eye exam has been rough this week. today i am working from home to give my eyes a bit of a rest from driving. got a fl41 glasses, to go over my normal glasses. came yesterday, hope it helps.
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, at the age of 45. Another failure in our healthcare system, as I was also diagnosed with stage 4 Hodgkin's Lymphoma when I would have had 6 months left to live. I'm in the process of getting my story out there. Like you Shappi, suddenly everything, my whole life made sense. I got fixated on things as a child, and I still do as an adult. I also struggled in school. I also have a history of men, and I found confidence in performing arts, theatre in education, theatre schools and teaching singing etc. Our lives sound so similar 🤣 How can we meet? 🤔
I totally relate with struggling with admin and replying to emails and sending stuff back. And when I eventually build the momentum to return said product (after a few weeks), it has gone past its return date. Then the guilt of the waste of money. It sounds simple to do, but the mental capacity and concentration it takes and the avoidance when you try and force it takes so much energy. But also, the relief and sense of achievement of getting it done is such a weight lifted.
I feel like I have reflects upon my own ADHD for years now but never had I married it up with the sheer aggression I feel while doing admin tasks and people want to interrupt me! ♥ This is so helpful!
Great interview btw. Love late diagnosed mums sharing their stories. My strong opinion is we need to screen mums for neurodiversity prior to giving birth. We need special support in managing the demands of motherhood. And the hardest job on earth is motherhood .... My sister is a neurosurgeon and she says motherhood is way harder and demanding than neurosurgery. I was really blindsided by my adhd diagnosis because i am a sloth not hyperactive in anyway ... But oh yeah attention disregulation i had in spades
Yeah, I completely agree. I'd go as far as to say that both parents need to be looked at. I grew up struggling as an only child to 40+ parents in a family where everyone was struggling. My dad could never fit in, could not hold down a job and only ever wanted to do what he wanted to do on his terms and I had a mother who was a people pleaser, who was overwhelmed everyday because she would just take on what anyone asked her to (Look after me, Look after her mother, do everything for my dad, cook every meal, clean, pay the bills, work her part time job, arrange work events, work her second job and care for my mentally and physically disabled cousin). As for me? I was struggling with school from around 5 years old. Behind in reading, behind in writing and behind in maths. To cut a long story short, I failed highschool, Had very few friends and way fewer romantic interests than my peers. As an adult I can't clean my house, I lose so much money because I often forget or lose things that I need to pay my bills. In my 30's I'm essentially alone. No family, no friends. I exist as a loner. If something goes wrong, it's up to me to fix. (Not looking for charity here, please don't message me). It took my own random, hopeless searching for answers to find out there is something called ADHD (Which I never thought could be an issue because I knew kids with ADHD and I was never loud and disruptive as a kid) I was quiet, well behaved, polite and yet I always failed at everything. School, friendships, relationships etc. I'm in my 30's now and I'm finally trying to put my life together. I have an ADHD assesment scheduled for next month. Regardless of the outcome, there is one thing that I've always been certain of: I'm Never going to have children of my own. If I can't even look after myself, How could I ever justify bringing a child into this world? The idea of fathering a child is insane to me, as is getting into a relationship with someone who has kids. "I'm looking for someone for me, my kids already have a dad". Thats great and all but, what about after a few years of us being together? (God forbid) What if something happens to the father of those kids? Am I the new dad now? Yeah, that's not for me, thanks.
From the first moment I saw Shappi on TV I felt like she needed a hug, even though she was being as funny as hell. Thanks for helping me to understand why.
Thanks Alex for all your input ….i have recently been diagnosed with adhd at 63 years old and suddenly my life is starting to make sense and all the issues that I faced as a young lad then into adulthood and am still facing but….i am moving forward with a completely different perspective…….thankyou…
Shappi, Thank you for this. I trigger my adhd /Autistic son when we are out in busy places. I use a walking stick, I have chronic health problems, people wil charge into me/past me, they ignore it or just can't see it or me. So I shout at them because people aren't paying attention. This triggers him because he's got massive social anxiety. We have been talking about this issue and I think because it was literally slapped into me as a kid to stop and allow people to pass who have disabilities, mothers with prams.l anyone in need. Meaning when people don't do it I lose my sh*t. So I need to try and hack my reactions.... calmer .. my diagnosis happened at age 41 and I'm figuring it out with help from podcasts just like this. Thank you again, Deb, Bristol ❤
My adult (now) son has undiagnosed ADHD and when he was at school he used to take a tissue in his pocket with my perfume on it so that he always knew I was with him. Shappi's advice reminded me of that.
This interview was incredible; thank you Shappi and Alex 💙💜. Shappi, you have said some stuff here that will be life changing to many, including me. I have avoided conflict my whole life thinking it would make me likeable etc; I have also struggled with setting boundaries (same reasons, wanted to be 'likeable' and didn't want conflict). I have allowed my ex husband to walk all over me for over 20 years - as bullies see people who don't like conflict as easy prey. I thought being 'nice' and avoiding arguments plus being kind to everyone would ensure I had lots of friends, a great life and be an awesome parent; but in reality, it's made me miserable, constantly criticised and walked all over. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so open and enabling people like me to make the necessary changes in their lives (I so hope to see you during your tour Shappi but you're not visiting West Midlands so I may struggle!) xx
Oh wow this is so relatable, feeling under water, even down to the Tarzan film this is so true and I also loved Christopher Lambert! I love your honesty and support for others struggling with ADHD
Epic insight 1. Tears come not because you feel upset but as a reaction to feeling misunderstood. 2. At school, I was good. I shouldn’t speak in a middle class accent. I can’t be late, not know what class I’m in AND have a cockney accent. 3. I never trusted myself so I blew up.4. ADHD + Airports = kryptonite.5. I can’t open my post. 6. I have ADHD - I didn’t know what day of the week it was. 7. I felt so immobilized by what I’d been asked to do, I would cry out of frustration because I was bewildered by what I’d been asked to do so I didn’t have a prayer of understanding what they were saying.8. it’s not that he forgot. He was wasn’t listening.
I moved from the UK to the US when I was about the same age she was when she moved TO the UK, so it wasn't quite as dramatic as learning a new language, but the culture shock was definitely there. I think that cultural differences can often mask ADHD and make it take even longer to realize what's going on because as an immigrant child you have this other obvious reason why you don't quite fit in either at home or at school. It was honestly so cathartic to hear that experience explained in my mother's accent, but by someone who actually understands ADHD and mental health stuff. 😅 I'm fairly sure I'm not even that much younger than her, but I think I just found my new imaginary internet combination mum/best friend. 😆
Fantastic interview. Just knowing has been the greatest drug. Now, I can mask with a thought process. I spend a lot of time pausing before I do x, often not even bothering because it's not actually important. Though, I'm never going to lose the injustice thing. If something is wrong, the ape in me has to swing into action through the jungle of misinformation and put it right (ref Tarzan). Yes, the conversation has changed from being all different to being on various spectrums and distorted lenses. It's a giant mash-up!
Absolutely love your content Alex ❤️ thanks so much for everything u do. I'm a school counsellor and started realising I was neurodivergent over the last year. I make so much sense now🎉❤
As a non british person living in the uk for the last years ..i some times think I come across even more weird than an adhd person.It is making me cry every time i see your podcasts .So many people feel how i feel .At last i am not the lazy ,motiveless person
Thank you for this podcast. I have commented so much on your videos in the last two days. As a 42-year-old woman, diagnosed a week ago, I am Fragile right now. Your videos have been SO helpful in coping with the barrage of emotions I'm feeling right now. So a huge thank you for all that you do. You're supporting so many people that need to know they are not alone. 12:12 so Relatable! Second grade had a reading tutor. Couldn't understand math. Could not pay attention to English concepts. It's as if school was a dream. I could hear words but my brain wasn't computing. It destroyed my self-esteem. I thought I was stupid. About the age of 30 I realized I was not stupid. I thought well maybe I'm a late bloomer. My brain just thinks differently. I Had no idea at the time it was related to ADHD. If only I had known… 😢
It is definitely not a superpower when you are undiagnosed. Life is distressing when you constantly feel different, you know you are different, you get into trouble and don't mean to cause drama but you do. Jobs are lost, children taken because you are too overwhelmed to know how to fight the ex from the relationship you messed up, you don't know where to start. It is empowering, once you are diagnosed, for everything to finally make sense. I told my husband that I literally understood my whole life in that one moment when my psychiatrist said: "That's ADHD." I was 41. Now I can be a better me.
🌪️💡Separating boundaries from judgmental & being critical of others. Can relate as a person with ADHD who pretend to be less intelligent 😊in order to make others comfortable.
I'm speechless as I thought I was the only one... So much punishment over the years for these things. Just painful to reflect on. I feel a little robbed of my youth. Misunderstood. Unseen. Unheard. Ridiculed. Goodness.
I rememmber when i was 8 and kids where making fun of my fidgeting and gestures and were calling me disabled .I decided to sit on my hands from that time to stop moving.
Argh I hate that we tell others to stop fidgeting.... Sometimes I tell my kids to stop their stims because it's too loud or too disruptive... But I try to divert them to another stim that helps them but doesn't bother me
I wonder if I have this condition, I never had patience to watch a movie start to end. Only the excited parts and I have understood the story. I never engage in hobbies because I don't have the patience to complete. I am super good at noticing people with hidden disabilities and mental health. I often quote this " I see dead people ". Makes feel deeply alone. But I am very good listener.
Great interview, very relatable. I'm waiting for my assessment- long road. I was interested in the comments about comedy bookers, agents etc. I'm seeing some very high profile performers (well, one in particular) on the circuit who definitely shouldn't be. I imagine comedy is a dark place when you're not in a good place.
Do you know, we don’t talk enough about ADHD tax regarding making the most of your life, since I’ve been a parent to my second child (he’s now 11) my life has been so overwhelming that we have barely had a holiday. If I had been better with money and forwards planning we could have afforded some amazing family holidays and had some great memories to look back on! That is forever going to be my biggest regret! My eldest is now 16 and we still have not planned or saved for a holiday 😢
Hi, I haven't been on any real vacations except for road trips and weddings out of town. I still had good memories. It's not the cost, but spending time with family, seeing something new, etc. Try to plan a long weekend trip if you can! It's not as much effort or cost.
So, you’ve dedicated this vid to my BFF who has blinders on where ADHD is concerned yet displays SO many symptoms. 🙄 Trying to remember what the convo started with is really tricky for my own ADHD. 😑
Talking about masking anger really hits hard for me, as I have a 3yr old and honestly I have never shouted at another human being like I have shouted at him - I am ALWAYS reasonable for oh, the first 10 requests to not do something or behave but as most parents know 3yr olds have this amazing ability to persistently push your buttons. And it's awful because I lose my temper and shout then immediately feel guilty - because firstly this is the last human being on earth I want to shout at, but also because I let the mask slip that I've managed to maintain with adults since I was a child myself. On the other hand despite what the above might imply, 99% of the time I have a wonderful relationship with my son because I'm dealing with someone with no executive function (he might be ADHD later but right now it hasn't even developed yet) and I kinda get that.
Great discussion. And I notice you both sit with 'blocking' leg/thigh positions (if there's any science in body language). Sort of being friendly but at the same time cautious. Interesting.
the inability to return things hit me hard! so much money sitting around me. If my husband hadn't told me that the noise would drive him mad, I'd probably be surrounded by bobbin lace making right now after seeing some shorts on it. I might still go there, but i've held off so far :D
screenshots of rotten ginger is one thing. and the intention of complaining at the store, but never do, the other. I hate myself for ALL these unfinished tasks (jumping upside down in my head and piling up). and best of all: the pictures/screenshots I leave behind when I die. what will THEY think of me. I think that makes me so slowly in life. constant THINKING about stuff a „normal person“ wouldn‘t give a rip abput… I have such a hard time accepting that I am not one of THEM. but it feels relieving, that there is more of my kind. thanks, shappi ❤.
Half of me is Earl of Greystoke. The other half of me is Wild! Relate.. Feel so seen.. I don't have diagnosis because of funds situation.. Can anyone recommend supplements, research materials, sources of information, to manage emotional dysregulation, overwhelm, finding employment, interviews, managing female adhd? Something that makes a difference / shift.. that works without ability of getting official support atm.
@@OneLove4eva there's a subreddit called ADHD where I've seen threads of people recommending all sorts of things. Walks in the mornings, wearing shoes inside, lions manes, definitely worth checking out
From the symptoms she is describing, it seems like she might also have Autism... My partner has both and some of her symptoms seems more like Autism than ADHD.
Adhd don't need to buy drinks we are already drunk. Edit: not literally drunk as in blood alcohol count but lower inhibitions Asd/ADHD - late diagnosed In a chat group for a hobby and a few of us came out AU/ADHD ... One person expressed it as "yes I also have the double woozy" Yes it's totally true ... Woozy Have never been drunk or smoked ... Blessings of being too much of a Nigel to have enough friendships to pull me into that peer pressure stuff. I get to one or two drinks in and I my mood plummets ... So I just always said I was the designated driver. Love how drink culture is changing no one cares if you drink zero alcohol around alcohol drinking friends. Maybe neurotypicals are easier to manage when they are buzzed and ADHD folk are sober .... Lololol
Since my diagnosis - three years ago at the age of 56 - I've developed a little habit while watching ADHD podcasts and the like: When someone describes a behaviour that I also exhibit, I raise my hand high in the air as if to say to the universe at large, 'Yeah, me too. I do that'. The more it resonates with me, the faster my arm shoots into the air.
After watching this, my shoulder hurts.
Thanks for your honesty, Shappi. And thank you, Alex. You're helping people like me more than you know.
Thank you for sharing that, and thank you for supporting the podcast 💚
Thank you for the great idea ,I will start doing it ❤
I say "me too" to myself but you've given me a whole new idea!! These podcasts are life changing; it's incredible to know you have a tribe having spent so long feeling alone x
@@juliemarie9320 Soon there will be thousands of us with our arms in the air, waving like maniacs at the universe. My dastardly plan to give everyone shoulder problems and corner the Deep Heat market is finally working.
Mwahahahahaha... (cough)... ahaha!!!
Omg , same !
Oh dear god. These pod casts are killing me. I’m at work trying to cut a wedding dress pattern and I’m crying as it all just resonates
Can you imagine someone saying they've been diagnosed with cancer and we roll our eyes and respond " jeez everyone has something nowadays. It's sooo boring" . Those reactions to ADHD/ADD are ridiculous.
I recently experienced this with my sister in law. Actually, I was diagnosed a year and a half ago at 35. I told her about it in detail. She was interested and said "hmm maybe I have it too!” and although she doesn't give me the impression that she has it, I told her she should talk to her doctor.
Fast forward to recently, my sister was talking about her son's (my nephew's) behaviour. I suggested she go to a doctor because he might have ADHD, and revealed to my sister for the first time that I was diagnosed with ADHD and it answers a lot about my life, and that I don't want him to go through the same pain. My sister in law, the one who was originally kind of supportive, rolled her eyes and said "everyone has it now". Keep in mind she works in a school with special needs kids (mostly autism but also severe ADHD). She kept fighting back everytime I talked about it. Some people are so disgusting.
Thank you Shappi
... You have just helped me identify a new way my ADHD effects me and helped me make sense of it. I appreciate you so much and the shame of telling someone else that they might think you at over reacting or jumping on the band wagon! This fear for me is so bad that I don't tell anyone!
YES!!
Yes, the dismissive laugh then some minimising comment. When it’s “everyone is jumping on the bandwagon”, I want to say “I’m 63, I am the bandwagon”.
@wowwee0 I'm so sorry this happened to you. You'd think she would be someone that you could count on for support given her career! Well done advocating for your nephew ❤
At 43 (my current age) I found out I had adhd, I am also bipolar 2 but diagnosed in 2014. Finding out I have adhd was such an eye opener, such a mirror into myself and I finally understood EVERYTHING about why my life has been the way it's been. Meds to control the balance of being bipolar were great, but meds for adhd and connecting with others in the neurodivergent world has absolutely changed my life. For the first time in my life I dont hate myself.
That's really nice to hear 😊
Such a great conversation.
A large part of my masking is pretending to be dumb. I remember doing it to try to “fit in,” but I also think it has a lot to do with having a spiky profile, not wanting to disappoint anyone when I can’t perform a task, and being less adept at verbal communication than writing.
I also very much relate to putting up with people who I don’t share values with.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS INTERVIEW... Shappi is literally a mirror..Thank you both for showing up.. I recognise I need support..❤
💚
What a beautiful woman Shappi is. Honest and kind. ❤️
When Alex asked Shappi about how many screenshots on her phone, unread whatapp messages, number of domains she owns, tabs open on her PC and clothes on her floor - I wondered if he is a clairvoyant or had been snooping in my house hahaha. And a friend doesn't believe I have ADHD lol. Thanks for another great interview and thanks Shappi.
‘I never trusted myself angry’ is such a big issue
Are you also a militant faminist?
I deeply feel that
i need to let this sink in. It was the most relatable history i've heard
Resonated hard with so much of this. I loved when Shappi said she doesn't let people take the mick out of her anymore. It gives me hope that there's a level of self-acceptance that is achievable out there.
OMG the bit about returning stuff hit home. I’ve thrown stuff away, rather than returning it, so that it won’t keep reminding me of the money wasted. I’ve also bought new stuff rather than dealing with warranties of the existing broken stuff. Thank you for a podcast that helps me to understand and accept myself.
Absolutely amazing interview, almost feels like a therapy session at times, like we're all healing together.
Amen
Hi,Newly diagnosed with Autism and Adhd in June 2024 and July 2024,respectively.New Subscriber too,Thankyou ,this podcast made me feel not so alone as I navigate through the neurodivergent world.
I’m sick to death of being bullied for having ads and combined adhd along with anxiety depression RSD CPTSD and maths disabilities all my life too I’m not going to be bullied anymore either
I hear you x
Understanding narcissistic behaviour will help ADHD and autistic people stop taking things personally. Understanding rsd is that a lot of people are too interested in themselves and just say do what suits them. And just will put their feelings first. And these people like to manipulate on people to get what they want. A lot of people with ADHD and autism might say and do something out of the ordinary. That might be stupid. And people might laugh or be snobby. Which triggers my rsd. I had to understand that people especially intelligent people dont like stupid behaviour because they notice stupid behaviour.
@@Mr_Penguins_Pet_Human maybe I have this! Sometimes I can't even count my loose change in front of the till girl when I'm tired and stressed. I'm tired of feeling like an imbecile.
I'm 49 and in the middle of seeking help. As I was watching this and nodding and relating to so many things you were saying, a package arrived from Amazon that I don't really want. The struggle is real. Great video, thank you for the info you give.
O M G I mean OMG you are everything, thank you Alex for talking to Shappi. Shappi thank you for speaking your words out loud, the school biscuit plates and the squash in metal jugs. It's like you're explaining so much of my life. Thank you to you both, Alex without you doing what you do we would be locked in feeling weird for ever more - so bloody grateful. Please do a tour/an audience with in the UK and come to Banbury or Oxford so we can meet you ❤
Thank you! I'm happy to hear the podcast is helping. Hopefully I'll do a tour sometime and come to Oxford!
I could cry from how much I related to this video.
This was a brilliant interview. Brought me to tears a few times.
Thank you to you both xx
Amazing interview. I was diagnosed at 42 as a direct result of an interview Shappi did on BBC breakfast last year about her ADHD. Just watched the interview and amazing to hear so many similar things that have affected me. The mess and the messy partner making it worse. The perfectionism and overwhelm, the massive tantrums in private, the moving country as a young child ( I moved from Saudi) , the using sex impulsively, the social anxiety and masking to try and fit in, using running to feel better...and on and on.
After listening to you Shappi I honestly can see so many of these traits in the adults in my family. I have 5 grandchildren 3 youngest are diagnosed 2 Autistic and 1 ADHD we also think maybe one of the older ones my daughter says she has OCD but she is a hero bringing up her family, im now after listening to you wondering if i should get a diagnosis but im 80 I feel so familiar with a lot of what you said i think you are already a psychologist ❤. Thankyou
I have been diagnosed for 4 months now at the age of 44 and have listened to so many of your podcasts.
I found myself 99% in shappi's descriptions! thank you very much for this great contribution!
I learned so much about ADHD here and how to start forgiving myself for things in the past.
Please go on like this, it's so valuable!!! ❤
OMG you are me. Every single thing . I can't believe, how articulate you are.
U r amazing
Wow! First Sara Pascoe now Chappi! I'm in good company, at least. Your opening quote is my fav quote of all time. So me. Ty, for your work, I've learnt about my ADHD 10 years ago, but only recently understood its effects.
Shappi has so so opened my eyes to my own struggles. What a wonderful, kind and honest human being. Her children are blessed to have her. Painful mirror for me to see myself, but I needed to hear everything she’s said.
ESPECIALLY about friends! That’s been such a reality about my own friendships what what I’ve accepted in my life .
A MUST listen for anyone who wants to understand the lives and experience of ADHD. Xxx
29:55 i am trying. diagnosed not a month ago. 49 years. this interview is inspiring!
Same. 49. ADHD has explained so much of my past. How do you see your future?
@@markjaramillo3509 Haha. Right now i am really trying to figure out work conditions. I have a really awesome employer but this week is difficult because my eyesight is so bad i can't even drive. Yesterday i had a split lamp test. Eyes are still sore. I had an allergic reaction to the drops..Thursday another eye exam. Hopefully some good news and by Monday hopefully able to drive to work. Need to move to a bigger house so i can make it ADHD friendly. Since i moved to a small flat with non stop noise, that's when the burnouts started. Before that i subconsciously had layed out the interiors so i could function like a neurotypical person. So i didn't have to many issues up till that point actually.
@@nathalievandijk Noise has become an issue for me too. Especially when my meds wear off in the evening. Haha. I’m really sorry you’re having problems with your vision. I hope you’re giving yourself a lot of patience and compassion. I say that because I would catastrophize the situation and not ask for help. Haha
@@markjaramillo3509 i have an outstanding gp now. that helps. also, i didn't keep it a secret. but going back to work while still dealing with the after affects of the 2nd eye exam has been rough this week. today i am working from home to give my eyes a bit of a rest from driving. got a fl41 glasses, to go over my normal glasses. came yesterday, hope it helps.
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, at the age of 45. Another failure in our healthcare system, as I was also diagnosed with stage 4 Hodgkin's Lymphoma when I would have had 6 months left to live. I'm in the process of getting my story out there. Like you Shappi, suddenly everything, my whole life made sense. I got fixated on things as a child, and I still do as an adult. I also struggled in school. I also have a history of men, and I found confidence in performing arts, theatre in education, theatre schools and teaching singing etc. Our lives sound so similar 🤣 How can we meet? 🤔
Any Londoner who would like to chat and share experiences?
Great podcast! Thank you for your work spreading awareness
90% of your experiences, I felt with my whole chest - Thank you for saying all the things that's in my head
I totally relate with struggling with admin and replying to emails and sending stuff back. And when I eventually build the momentum to return said product (after a few weeks), it has gone past its return date. Then the guilt of the waste of money. It sounds simple to do, but the mental capacity and concentration it takes and the avoidance when you try and force it takes so much energy. But also, the relief and sense of achievement of getting it done is such a weight lifted.
I feel like I have reflects upon my own ADHD for years now but never had I married it up with the sheer aggression I feel while doing admin tasks and people want to interrupt me! ♥ This is so helpful!
Omg you just described my life
Great interview btw. Love late diagnosed mums sharing their stories.
My strong opinion is we need to screen mums for neurodiversity prior to giving birth. We need special support in managing the demands of motherhood. And the hardest job on earth is motherhood .... My sister is a neurosurgeon and she says motherhood is way harder and demanding than neurosurgery.
I was really blindsided by my adhd diagnosis because i am a sloth not hyperactive in anyway ... But oh yeah attention disregulation i had in spades
Yeah, I completely agree. I'd go as far as to say that both parents need to be looked at.
I grew up struggling as an only child to 40+ parents in a family where everyone was struggling. My dad could never fit in, could not hold down a job and only ever wanted to do what he wanted to do on his terms and I had a mother who was a people pleaser, who was overwhelmed everyday because she would just take on what anyone asked her to (Look after me, Look after her mother, do everything for my dad, cook every meal, clean, pay the bills, work her part time job, arrange work events, work her second job and care for my mentally and physically disabled cousin).
As for me? I was struggling with school from around 5 years old. Behind in reading, behind in writing and behind in maths.
To cut a long story short, I failed highschool, Had very few friends and way fewer romantic interests than my peers.
As an adult I can't clean my house, I lose so much money because I often forget or lose things that I need to pay my bills.
In my 30's I'm essentially alone. No family, no friends. I exist as a loner. If something goes wrong, it's up to me to fix.
(Not looking for charity here, please don't message me).
It took my own random, hopeless searching for answers to find out there is something called ADHD (Which I never thought could be an issue because I knew kids with ADHD and I was never loud and disruptive as a kid)
I was quiet, well behaved, polite and yet I always failed at everything. School, friendships, relationships etc.
I'm in my 30's now and I'm finally trying to put my life together. I have an ADHD assesment scheduled for next month. Regardless of the outcome, there is one thing that I've always been certain of: I'm Never going to have children of my own.
If I can't even look after myself, How could I ever justify bringing a child into this world?
The idea of fathering a child is insane to me, as is getting into a relationship with someone who has kids.
"I'm looking for someone for me, my kids already have a dad". Thats great and all but, what about after a few years of us being together?
(God forbid) What if something happens to the father of those kids? Am I the new dad now?
Yeah, that's not for me, thanks.
From the first moment I saw Shappi on TV I felt like she needed a hug, even though she was being as funny as hell. Thanks for helping me to understand why.
😮
Thank you so much for this podcast. It’s like my life is finally starting to make sense. It’s stunning.
Thanks Alex for all your input ….i have recently been diagnosed with adhd at 63 years old and suddenly my life is starting to make sense and all the issues that I faced as a young lad then into adulthood and am still facing but….i am moving forward with a completely different perspective…….thankyou…
Shappi, Thank you for this. I trigger my adhd /Autistic son when we are out in busy places. I use a walking stick, I have chronic health problems, people wil charge into me/past me, they ignore it or just can't see it or me. So I shout at them because people aren't paying attention.
This triggers him because he's got massive social anxiety.
We have been talking about this issue and I think because it was literally slapped into me as a kid to stop and allow people to pass who have disabilities, mothers with prams.l anyone in need. Meaning when people don't do it I lose my sh*t. So I need to try and hack my reactions.... calmer .. my diagnosis happened at age 41 and I'm figuring it out with help from podcasts just like this. Thank you again, Deb, Bristol ❤
My adult (now) son has undiagnosed ADHD and when he was at school he used to take a tissue in his pocket with my perfume on it so that he always knew I was with him. Shappi's advice reminded me of that.
You are so wonderful at explaining things and you have come so far. Thank you for being so open 😊
She was brilliant, wasn't she!
This interview was incredible; thank you Shappi and Alex 💙💜. Shappi, you have said some stuff here that will be life changing to many, including me. I have avoided conflict my whole life thinking it would make me likeable etc; I have also struggled with setting boundaries (same reasons, wanted to be 'likeable' and didn't want conflict). I have allowed my ex husband to walk all over me for over 20 years - as bullies see people who don't like conflict as easy prey. I thought being 'nice' and avoiding arguments plus being kind to everyone would ensure I had lots of friends, a great life and be an awesome parent; but in reality, it's made me miserable, constantly criticised and walked all over. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so open and enabling people like me to make the necessary changes in their lives (I so hope to see you during your tour Shappi but you're not visiting West Midlands so I may struggle!) xx
I was diagnosed at 47 as well. I relate to SO much of her experience!
I was diagnosed at 42
To me adhd will always be a cruel joke, a never ending curse that ruined my life.
I know that feeling, a life of mental turmoil. 57 now, fighting challenging thoughts instead of just getting on with life, like the majority do.
God be with you! Truly
Oh wow this is so relatable, feeling under water, even down to the Tarzan film this is so true and I also loved Christopher Lambert! I love your honesty and support for others struggling with ADHD
OMG! That description of not knowing what to do at the fax machine?!?! I'm bawling. Am 54, just diagnosed, this is the story of my life!!!
Epic insight 1. Tears come not because you feel upset but as a reaction to feeling misunderstood. 2. At school, I was good. I shouldn’t speak in a middle class accent. I can’t be late, not know what class I’m in AND have a cockney accent. 3. I never trusted myself so I blew up.4. ADHD + Airports = kryptonite.5. I can’t open my post. 6. I have ADHD - I didn’t know what day of the week it was. 7. I felt so immobilized by what I’d been asked to do, I would cry out of frustration because I was bewildered by what I’d been asked to do so I didn’t have a prayer of understanding what they were saying.8. it’s not that he forgot. He was wasn’t listening.
I moved from the UK to the US when I was about the same age she was when she moved TO the UK, so it wasn't quite as dramatic as learning a new language, but the culture shock was definitely there. I think that cultural differences can often mask ADHD and make it take even longer to realize what's going on because as an immigrant child you have this other obvious reason why you don't quite fit in either at home or at school. It was honestly so cathartic to hear that experience explained in my mother's accent, but by someone who actually understands ADHD and mental health stuff. 😅 I'm fairly sure I'm not even that much younger than her, but I think I just found my new imaginary internet combination mum/best friend. 😆
Fantastic interview. Just knowing has been the greatest drug. Now, I can mask with a thought process. I spend a lot of time pausing before I do x, often not even bothering because it's not actually important. Though, I'm never going to lose the injustice thing. If something is wrong, the ape in me has to swing into action through the jungle of misinformation and put it right (ref Tarzan). Yes, the conversation has changed from being all different to being on various spectrums and distorted lenses. It's a giant mash-up!
Thank you thank you for sharing Shappi, so many things you have put into words that I have felt and experienced that I have not been able to do. ❤
Gorgeous interview, thankyou. So much that resonated here, but hearing about your divorce was like a piledriver to the heart. Thankyou for sharing.
They’re not tantrums they’re meltdowns completely different thing
I totally understood the "night Mommy love you" routine 🥰❤️
I used to do the same with my mum
Absolutely love your content Alex ❤️ thanks so much for everything u do. I'm a school counsellor and started realising I was neurodivergent over the last year. I make so much sense now🎉❤
As a non british person living in the uk for the last years ..i some times think I come across even more weird than an adhd person.It is making me cry every time i see your podcasts .So many people feel how i feel .At last i am not the lazy ,motiveless person
😮
Wow there was so much in this I relate to! Just nodding my head every 5mins. Thank you Shapi xxx
Thank you for this podcast. I have commented so much on your videos in the last two days. As a 42-year-old woman, diagnosed a week ago, I am
Fragile right now. Your videos have been SO helpful in coping with the barrage of emotions I'm feeling right now. So a huge thank you for all that you do. You're supporting so many people that need to know they are not alone.
12:12 so
Relatable! Second grade had a reading tutor. Couldn't understand math. Could not pay attention to English concepts. It's as if school was a dream. I could hear words but my brain wasn't computing. It destroyed my self-esteem. I thought I was stupid.
About the age of 30 I realized I was not stupid. I thought well maybe I'm a late bloomer. My brain just thinks differently.
I Had no idea at the time it was related to ADHD. If only I had known… 😢
Shappi, we might be twins. Thank you for taking your mask off and blurting it all out. 🥰
Oh my word, I am almost you to a ‘t’ ( or you, me? 😂). I can so relate to what you’ve shared. 43 and currently waiting for my diagnosis.
I'm so pleased they are helping 💚 Alex
It is definitely not a superpower when you are undiagnosed. Life is distressing when you constantly feel different, you know you are different, you get into trouble and don't mean to cause drama but you do. Jobs are lost, children taken because you are too overwhelmed to know how to fight the ex from the relationship you messed up, you don't know where to start. It is empowering, once you are diagnosed, for everything to finally make sense. I told my husband that I literally understood my whole life in that one moment when my psychiatrist said: "That's ADHD." I was 41. Now I can be a better me.
Nice one Alex. Was waiting for it... 😃
Thanks! Had a few tech issues this week so the upload was delayed but we got there! 💚
🌪️💡Separating boundaries from judgmental & being critical of others. Can relate as a person with ADHD who pretend to be less intelligent 😊in order to make others comfortable.
Yup - everything Shappi describes is me. Diagnosed at 53 🤦🏽♀️
This was brilliant, and so relatable, thank you!
Absolutely fascinating, thank you ❤
I'm speechless as I thought I was the only one... So much punishment over the years for these things. Just painful to reflect on. I feel a little robbed of my youth. Misunderstood. Unseen. Unheard. Ridiculed. Goodness.
❤
I rememmber when i was 8 and kids where making fun of my fidgeting and gestures and were calling me disabled .I decided to sit on my hands from that time to stop moving.
Argh I hate that we tell others to stop fidgeting.... Sometimes I tell my kids to stop their stims because it's too loud or too disruptive... But I try to divert them to another stim that helps them but doesn't bother me
I wonder if I have this condition, I never had patience to watch a movie start to end. Only the excited parts and I have understood the story. I never engage in hobbies because I don't have the patience to complete. I am super good at noticing people with hidden disabilities and mental health. I often quote this " I see dead people ". Makes feel deeply alone. But I am very good listener.
It’s freaking me out right now this lady speaking my whole life very insightful and helpful 💚
I relate so much to this interview
Thank you both so much for this interview 😊. It really has helped me
Omg just saw a comedy clip and she’s amazing!
❤loved this interview! ❤
Really good this one.
She was amazing, wasn't she!
@@ADHD_Chatter_Podcast just want to say as someone diagnosed at 37. Your podcasts are really helpful.
Admin is the bane of my life
But, I can do admin well for other people, just as well though as I'm a EA! 😂
Exactly @@dikennard4313 I worked in admin for ten years
Shappi you are such a beautiful lady hugs
This was a good one 👍
Thankyou so much. That’s my life
This is so me…❤
Just saw you at Stroud! Well done! 🎉
Great interview, very relatable. I'm waiting for my assessment- long road.
I was interested in the comments about comedy bookers, agents etc. I'm seeing some very high profile performers (well, one in particular) on the circuit who definitely shouldn't be. I imagine comedy is a dark place when you're not in a good place.
2:15 I think i saw a show of her before online and i loved her. This 1 hour video seems long but i'll give it a go.
She went from snappy shappy to happy shappy! 🎉
😅
Thank you so much I really wish you both were my real life friends
Do you know, we don’t talk enough about ADHD tax regarding making the most of your life, since I’ve been a parent to my second child (he’s now 11) my life has been so overwhelming that we have barely had a holiday. If I had been better with money and forwards planning we could have afforded some amazing family holidays and had some great memories to look back on! That is forever going to be my biggest regret! My eldest is now 16 and we still have not planned or saved for a holiday 😢
Hi, I haven't been on any real vacations except for road trips and weddings out of town. I still had good memories. It's not the cost, but spending time with family, seeing something new, etc. Try to plan a long weekend trip if you can! It's not as much effort or cost.
So, you’ve dedicated this vid to my BFF who has blinders on where ADHD is concerned yet displays SO many symptoms. 🙄 Trying to remember what the convo started with is really tricky for my own ADHD. 😑
Talking about masking anger really hits hard for me, as I have a 3yr old and honestly I have never shouted at another human being like I have shouted at him - I am ALWAYS reasonable for oh, the first 10 requests to not do something or behave but as most parents know 3yr olds have this amazing ability to persistently push your buttons. And it's awful because I lose my temper and shout then immediately feel guilty - because firstly this is the last human being on earth I want to shout at, but also because I let the mask slip that I've managed to maintain with adults since I was a child myself.
On the other hand despite what the above might imply, 99% of the time I have a wonderful relationship with my son because I'm dealing with someone with no executive function (he might be ADHD later but right now it hasn't even developed yet) and I kinda get that.
So many things I identify with it's quite scary. How did we slip through the cracks. ?
Great discussion. And I notice you both sit with 'blocking' leg/thigh positions (if there's any science in body language). Sort of being friendly but at the same time cautious. Interesting.
the inability to return things hit me hard! so much money sitting around me. If my husband hadn't told me that the noise would drive him mad, I'd probably be surrounded by bobbin lace making right now after seeing some shorts on it. I might still go there, but i've held off so far :D
screenshots of rotten ginger is one thing. and the intention of complaining at the store, but never do, the other. I hate myself for ALL these unfinished tasks (jumping upside down in my head and piling up). and best of all: the pictures/screenshots I leave behind when I die. what will THEY think of me. I think that makes me so slowly in life. constant THINKING about stuff a „normal person“ wouldn‘t give a rip abput… I have such a hard time accepting that I am not one of THEM. but it feels relieving, that there is more of my kind. thanks, shappi ❤.
27:06 me too! i was little but oh my god so in love!!!😂😂😂😂😂
Also... Alex, is there a video that documents your life with ADHD like this INTERVIEW documents Shappi's? I'd love to hear more about your journey. ❤
Half of me is Earl of Greystoke. The other half of me is Wild! Relate.. Feel so seen.. I don't have diagnosis because of funds situation..
Can anyone recommend supplements, research materials, sources of information, to manage emotional dysregulation, overwhelm, finding employment, interviews, managing female adhd? Something that makes a difference / shift.. that works without ability of getting official support atm.
@@OneLove4eva there's a subreddit called ADHD where I've seen threads of people recommending all sorts of things. Walks in the mornings, wearing shoes inside, lions manes, definitely worth checking out
Is she talking about me?! OMG sister from another mister 💕
We all been there, when we cannot even face people who we know.
Talking of difficult characters, I could never be a youtuber or a streamer, every "negative" comment or feedback would have my RSD explode 😅
oh that is funny.. I thought that was a ME thing " I'll answer it in my head but not the actual text or message"
It's similar to seeing something on the shop shelf that's on my shopping list, and my brain then thinks I've purchased it.
Great comment about being unable to articulate needs.
My current ADHD fixation is finding out if i truely have ADHD. I'm pretty sure I have it. lol
From the symptoms she is describing, it seems like she might also have Autism... My partner has both and some of her symptoms seems more like Autism than ADHD.
I noticed this straight away. You can have both.
You can have both together I do
Adhd don't need to buy drinks we are already drunk.
Edit: not literally drunk as in blood alcohol count but lower inhibitions
Asd/ADHD - late diagnosed
In a chat group for a hobby and a few of us came out AU/ADHD ... One person expressed it as "yes I also have the double woozy"
Yes it's totally true ... Woozy
Have never been drunk or smoked ... Blessings of being too much of a Nigel to have enough friendships to pull me into that peer pressure stuff.
I get to one or two drinks in and I my mood plummets ... So I just always said I was the designated driver.
Love how drink culture is changing no one cares if you drink zero alcohol around alcohol drinking friends. Maybe neurotypicals are easier to manage when they are buzzed and ADHD folk are sober .... Lololol