The Myth of Heroic Masculine Purpose, and How it’s Harming Men
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- Опубліковано 4 тра 2024
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About this video essay:
A critical analysis of the myth of heroic masculine purpose, and its effect on men’s perception of manhood, and on their connection to others and to the world.
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When I think of a real life example of heroic masculinity, I think of my grandfather. He taught at our town's middle school for decades. He was involved in the community. Sometimes it seemed like he knew everyone. I couldn't go anywhere without someone learning my last name and going "oh, are you related to the math teacher? I loved being in his class!" He was a devout Christian of the kind that his non religious friends and acquaintances would say "I'd never darken the door of a church, but if I did, I'd want to be his kind of Christian." He and my grandma went out for coffee every afternoon and at each restaurant they frequented, they got to know all the staff and really cared about them as people.
Grandpa never did anything that made the national news, but he did bring me a milkshake when I had my wisdom teeth out.
He loved us.
He made a difference in his little corner of the world.
I think that was heroic.
idk. I feel like the men who do get to go on their own little adventure in their youth-- a crisis, a sacrifice, a journey of discipline; something that's at least incredibly significant in their own lives -- can return from their experience changed for the better. If they've really gone through a genuine transformation, they can recontextualize the heroism of their liminal spaces into the ordinary and real, acting with service and generosity without a sense of entitlement. If we frame them carefully, I think heroic narratives/experiences can tame our desire for significance, so long as they have learned to not be greedy for meaning.
Sounds like your gramps was one those guys who might have had that experience, but didn't need to talk about it. He was content living it out.
Your story is very moving, however I don't think has anything to do with masculinity. You could have easily swapped grandfather with grandmother and it would have had the same exact impact. Or swapped heroic masculinity with community, faith, good Samaritan, etc.
@@333_studiosYou’re projecting your own vision on to the poster’s grandfather, because your own fragility demands it. You didn’t think about what he said or who his grandfather might have been - you used his story as an excuse to air your fixations and set conditions on his grandfather. You need to project hidden heroism on to a dead man you never met to allow yourself to respect him.
Your Grandfather is a brilliant example of positive masculinity.
I miss or forget things that happen on the national news every day. I'd remember my grandpa bringing me a milkshake when my wisdom teeth were out possibly forever. Little things do make a difference ❤
"I thought I'd make one for the boys" was so unintendedly hilarious to hear lol
One for the boys! Hell yea haha. I love how his voice seems more relaxed and natural now.
Ferdaaaaa!
@@derek96720 Came here to say this, but you beat me to it!
BOIZ!
Jesus
"Heroic men die but they don't do laundry." Brilliant, simply brilliant.
As a mother, when ever asked if it's worth having kids, I would answer: "It's worth it if you're aware that you will sacrifice your life for your child. Most likely not in any big, heroic way like stepping in front of a bus or wrestling a crocodile to save it, but in a very simple, mundane way: You will give up your time, your energy, your own interests, your needs, your sleep, your peace of mind, most of the space inside your brain, your comfort, literally everything, and you can't even expect a "thank you", because by the time your child becomes aware of what you've done for it, it will be too late. And no one, ever, will highly praise you for all of this, or put up your statue anywhere, or make you the subject of a song, a novel, or a movie, because this is just your ordinary, freakin' duty."
@@basilmagnanimous7011"next step automated loadign , unloading, dryign and ironing" AKA having a woman that does that for you, right?
Wow 👏 the invisible sacrifice of literally every mom
Thank you for all your work Dolores.
@@Serty2428 Thank you.
Except for the millions upon millions of deadbeat mothers.
I think you failed to get it, *massively* , you just projected the myth of heroic motherhood onto the video.
Not every mother is an "invisible hero" a lot of them a terrible humans, some even homicidal.
Not everybody has to be an exceptional man, most of the time it is more than enough to just be a good man, a good friend, a good father, a good son.
I agree, I see many comments missing these points
A good partner?
Yes but at the same time being a "James Bond" is a once in a lifetime "masculine" honor lol.
@@asadhafeez7713…and one that ultimately means nothing.
Nobody has to be anything.
I remember, as a teenager, telling myself how much I preferred being a "lone wolf". The quiet guy sitting in a corner of the cafeteria by himself, not talking to or acknowledging anybody, because it was cool, edgy and mysterious. I was okay being alone because I knew that, one day, I'd become someone important and I would make up for all the time I spent alone after that point. After I'd fulfilled my "destiny". I look back at that point and cringe. I wasn't cool, edgy or mysterious, I was just an introvert with massive social anxiety. My "destiny" wasn't real, just an excuse I made for myself. Now as an adult I realize how much I dislike being a "lone wolf", and that my loneliness back then was really my mind screaming at me that I had a problem that needed to be addressed.
Your comment reminded me of a quote I once heard:
"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go further, go together."
Lone wolves definitely have more maneuverability and look cooler, but they are just that... "Lone".
A scripture I often think of says "It is not good for man to be alone." Thank you for sharing your comment.
@@rawls101 Don‘t mean to sound edgy, I‘m 31 and well-adjusted, but it‘s NEVER that easy. People have consistently let me down and showed me that the only thing I can count on is me. Eg: I dated a girl for five years and every time we meet now she treats me like a stranger. Even blood is not thicker than water. My family have given up on me, and I them. For some people, isolation is not chosen. It is the only way.
@@MGSVxBreakpoint Not "edgy" at all my friend. I would say "totally understandable". One of the hardest things about love is the state of vulnerability. And once a persons vulnerability is exploited, which sadly happens more often than it should, it can take years for that person to trust or love or "feel vulnerable" again. I think the only thing I would tweak (phytologically speaking) is the idea that "isolation is not chosen, it is the only way." While your statement is 100% accurate in terms of 'emotional self-preservation', I would suggest adding onto the end of it; "but not forever." Healing is always vital when damaged, and sometimes that healing comes from stepping away. But other times, it can and often does come when we allow others back in.
Either way, thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences. I really appreciate it.
@@MGSVxBreakpoint That's ok. I actually am of the belief that we're all a little "damaged". Thanks again for sharing Luke! And I love the idea of someone or something being "too well put together". ha ha.
You are not alone, my friend.
I remember something I saw a while ago, a post about "Lord Of The Rings Masculinity", as opposed to action movie masculinity. Like, don't be afraid to tell your friends that you love them, don't be afraid to cry or be moved by the small yet meaningful gestures, things like that. Maybe The Lord of the Rings movies were trying to teach us the right way about being a man, and we just weren't listening.
Because, like the other heroes mentioned, Frodo takes on this "Heroic Masculine Purpose"... and it breaks him. It is too much for him, and he is only able to make it because he had a friend by his side to support him. Aragorn and the rest of the Fellowship go to war with Sauron, not for their own personal glory or because they believe they can overcome him, but to distract the enemy from Frodo and Sam so they can fulfill their mission. The strongest and most heroic characters of trilogy... are nowhere near where the true fight to end Sauron is taking place, but just a sideshow. The ones who deal the decisive blow aren't the returned kind, the sturdy dwarf, or an elf that's like a radioactive spider bit a ninja, it's the smallest and most humble of them all.
We need more stories about Lord of the Rings Masculinity, honestly. Because abandoning everything for some "glorious purpose" is easy. Waking up every morning and going to work so that your family has food on the table and the bills stay paid, working and suffering hardships for the sake of your friends and loved ones, that is real masculinity. That's putting in the work that matters.
Maybe your heroic masculine purpose was to be a good father to your children, a loving husband to your partner, a respectable son to your parents, a reliable brother to your siblings, a supportive companion to your friends. Maybe it was right here, doing what you've been doing, and you never realized it. Maybe you are sacrificing yourself for the sake of a better world, but smaller sacrifices for the part of the world that's yours.
Sounds like Cinema Therapy’s video on Lord of the Rings
I find no greater purpose than being the best husband/father/friend I can be. It is the only thing I've ever wanted. I never really desired fame or wealth, women or power, just a loving wife, kids, and some good friends.
Another great example is Newt Scammander from Fantastic Beasts. He's not boastful, all-encompassing, or powerful. He's actually very timid, quiet and reserved. But what makes him Masculine and heroic is his utmost courage, Empathy and understanding that no other character in that entire universe. His goal is to just take care of and protect beasts because he loves to. And same with the others around with. Neither does he hide trying to act mysterious or interesting, he's literally just a shy person and he has no intention on changing it
100% agree
The books too. Tolkien was big on this sort of thing.
Like chief Hakoda said to Sokka, being a man is knowing where you're needed.
And where we are needed is usually the mundane
i love sokka so much:’)
Yup, but men don't like the mundane. That's why they abandon their kids way more often than women
That's literally what it means to be a servant.
@@zinjanthropus322 we all serve something or someone in the end, don't we? Just make sure it's something good.
@@FrancisCastiglione That's just slave morality. You can choose yourself.
You saved my life a long time ago by introducing me to Viktor Frankl through your “review” of the grey. I was going to kill myself and I had no hope. I earned a degree and changed careers due to that one video and an introduction into Man’s Search for Meaning. I love you always. And I will be never be able to repay this debt of character.
I too read Frankl and found I could quote it years later. My father would quiz me sometimes and was always surprised by my understanding of the book. I had read Man's Search for Meaning in a single sitting.
Beautiful story..
He does have a Patreon link you know 😄
thank you
Grey was an amazing movie and that review came at a time when I associated the movie to Viktor Frankl
Also the guy has a Patreon man. You know what to do. Help him help others like you.
That's a very brave confession. Well done :)
Great video. Although Aragorn is a great character, I feel the character in LOTR that fits "facing challenges in our lives without a promise of glory" is Sam, not Aragorn. Frodo and Aragorn are kinda similar characters, where the heroic journey is forced upon them whether they like it or not, but Sam chooses to be one. Nobody would have thought less of him for not following Frodo, nobody bows down on him as the hero, but still he's there every step of the way, doing the things he can.
100%
And in the end he still has the responsibility of his family
His words on the stairs of Cirith Ungol illustrate your point, quite well.
"The brave things in the old tales and songs, Mr. Frodo: adventures, as I used to call them. I used to think that they were things the wonderful folk of the stories went out and looked for, because they wanted them, because they were exciting and life was a bit dull, a kind of a sport, as you might say. But that’s not the way of it with the tales that really mattered, or the ones that stay in the mind. Folk seem to have been just landed in them, usually - their paths were laid that way, as you put it. But I expect they had lots of chances, like us, of turning back, only they didn’t."
Jesus did it first.
John 10:17-18 " For this reason the Father loves Me, because I lay down My life so that I may take it again.
" No one has taken it away from Me, but I lay it down on My own initiative I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again This commandment I received from My Father. "
Wow, never thought about it like that...
Incredible video!! The greatest hero I know is my Granddad, who looked after my unwell grandma (Ona) for over a decade without ever complaining. When you have kids, this shift in perspective is almost unavoidable.
Woah! Great to see you here. I have to get back to Anakin now.
Love your videos man, you're helping the people!
woah didnt know this
Based bioneer
That is precisely why having a family drags people down to eternal mediocrity. Many a promising soul upon having a family can from thenceforth never be an interesting or worthwhile person. That is precisely why you see so many people who have made that mistake coping here with their worthlessness.
I just turned 27 and have been actively looking for my "heroic masculine purpose" the past few years. Recently I realized that I have become withdrawn from my everyday life and live in a fantasy: "Some day I will have discovered my purpose and then I will be able to reallly show up and give my gifts to others." By the end of the video I was crying aloud since you expressed what I felt so well that it touched something deep inside me.
I am beyond grateful for your videos.
Wow I'm 27 and I'm not that pathetic as you. Either u have a purpose or not (like me). My purpose is to make this world a worst place then it is
@@lvrdqhris689
Oooh... so edgy.😂🤡
Purpose is a life long pursuit. Be prepared that the road to that destination could be quite long. At my 53 years more than half of my river of time is gone. I’ve spent most of my life preparing for what lies ahead. All the little things - good and bad - have played a part in my preparation. All the little things and slow growth have brought me to the first waypoint of action. Be patient in your preparation and live in the moment with those around you. Meaningful relationships are the real purpose and meaning to life.
I had never heard of "Heroic Masculine Purpose," but I do know that being a "hero" is never about "wanting" to be a hero, but "having" to be a hero. The "superhero trope" is just that, a trope - an unsustainable role that should inspire us to be better, while being mature enough to realize that it's impossible to be THE hero.
There is very little discussion about how exactly these things affect a person 'personally'. LIke everything its complicated. When Batman or Iron Man became alcoholics in the comics, not many, I hope, thought "well, that inspires me to do better".
As for 'morality' the superhero themselves have always mostly been protectors of the status quo. Which might be why we see a LOT of young white males thinking that the end of the world is nigh because OTHER demographics are pushing their way to equality. Young guys were losing their shit because they were makind a female superhero who seemed stronger than the male ones.
There is a reason superheroes spent little time helping the poor. Bruce Wayne could have literally resolved the drug problem by funding treatment centres in Gotham, instead he used his wealth to buy cool gadgets that made it easier for him to beat up drug dealers.
Superman was LITERALLY called a protector of 'the american way'. And like americans, he was an immigrant to the country. He could have LITERALLY used his super speed to build EVERY american a home in no time at all.
This of course is why they quickly needed to come up with super villains, who wanted to destroy everything....just cus.
So the moral cues of superheroes are actualy not that simplistic. Like superman COULD do, PEOPLE can build affordable housing. IN fact they DO that, and with no superpowers and considerable difficulty. So that easily puts superheroes WAY down on the morality totem pole.
Hollywood is trying to impose the fantasy of strong heroic girl bosses, which is even more pathetic.
@@mikearchibald744batman or Bruce Wayne in this case contributes more to Gotham than anyone. Bro has spent billions into trying to improve Gotham. What's wrong with the American way. Freedom justice and Liberty are things that must be protected.
Superman and Batman do more than just take out criminals. You probably believe just putting more money into building affordable housing and such would immediately fix the problem but that really doesn't do that what's the point of affordable housing if people don't want to live in them? What's the point of increasing welfare if they are just going to spend it all on drugs anyway? It's not a simple problem to solve no societal issues are easily solved
@@Wayne-jh4mi Well you can tell your american because in fact those problems ARE easily solved. You do know most of europe and asia resolved those problems.
So making excuses like 'shit is complicated' doesn't wash. Hell even in AFRICA people can set up shanty towns without the government giving them the bums rush.
If you think that superman building a homeless person a house is going to have that person say "well, its nice enough, but nah, I prefer it out in the rain and freezing cold"
Thats just some bizarre shit. I haven't read comics in years, but I'm talking about the movies, but I'd still be surprised if that was in the comics, because most certainly the billions that Bruce Wayne has would resolve homelessness in Gotham EASILY. And drug treatment centers cost money, but a billionaire could easily lobby the government into ponying up an equal amount.
So apart from spouting a few tired cliche's, your argument seems to be "why would heroes build homes for people becaseu they won't live in them" and "the american dream consists of poor people so you have to have them".
Both of which sound like pretty crazy arguments, and probably from somebody with a roof over their head.
@@Wayne-jh4mi You've defended Bruce Wayne by saying he donated money, you then say that money is not the answer. Which is it?
And liberty and freedom mean the same thing.
"Some belive it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I found. I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love."
-Gandalf
W Quote
It's also catcher in the rye.
that was a fantastic message. At 36 years old, I have been through many of the same realizations as you mentioned, and found that the hardest heroes journey is indeed the day to day life, and being present for those who need us
I'm honestly speechless right now. Every time I read a comment like yours it validates the fact I can't be misinterpreting what I just realized/saw in this video. Surely not, surely that's not what he means.. yet it resonates so deeply. I'm 24 and feel like I've been tricked.. heck, unconsciously have adopted an ideology that I didn't even know existed. I thought it was normal, natural to want these things and to see the daily opportunities to be a hero as 'minor inconveniences' that don't need to be attended to in the 'grand scheme of things', because of 'what awaits me', when I'll truly be called.
The way he describes it.. self preservation or excuses for not taking an opportunity to do something for someone else because of how little reward it will give me and how it doesn't contribute to my 'ultimate purpose.' Jesus Christ I'm processing all of this like a madman right now. There's just so much, I feel like I'm doing a full 180, but in the best possible way.
Feelsweirdman.
@@TJ-ml8tt also right now due to proliferation of social media, it is easy to be distant from real world and seek a "higher perpose of your choice" and form a "community" there. Another reason for increased polarization of our society.
Day-to-day life, the true antagonist of the heroic masculine purpose. Well said.
Nicely put. I feel the same way. Around 5 years back I started practicing zen and once the ordinary day to day started smiling at me, I realized that there was a flaw in my previous narrative. But ya still ironing that out haha
Same here as a 34 year old. I’m realizing that that hero’s journey was mostly just a marketing lie we’ve been sold, for the purpose of making us feel inadequate and need to escape into entertainment and materialism. People who follow a true higher purpose don’t look like Batman, they often are stuck in their office drowning in paperwork or something similar.
This is why I loved the Christopher Reeves Superman. If anyone was born to have heroic purpose, it was he, but his purpose was purely in the service of others, not just in big, saving the world type ways, but in small things too. It was the small courtesies, helpful favours and perfect politeness that defined Superman for me.
I love those movies, and some of the best Superman comics follow the same idea. Sure he can fight universe ending gods and world destroying invasions, but that's not who he really is. Superman is the guy who helps an old woman cross the road, who fixed a child's broken bike, who talks a depressed man who just needs a friendly ear and someone to lean on. He's a hero because he is always willing to take the time to be there for people.
That's also why I think Kevin Conroy's animated Batman is the best version of Batman. He's not perfect, and he definitely a flavor of the heroic masculine purpose, but he cares. He has a hard time fitting in with the world, but he tries his damnedest. He loves and cares for Alfred, for Robin and Batgirl. He won't be with Diana (again a tinge of the HMP), but he does it because he's afraid she'll get hurt. Not just by his enemies, but by him. Rather than running away completely, he maintains his friendship with her because he values her as friend, a woman, and a hero. The animated version got to the heart of the character: He's a deeply depressed and scared man, but he tries to fight that pain just enough to help others. He doesn't make a lot of friends, but he's fiercely loyal to the ones he has. To us, he's a superhero, but among his peers in the Justice League he isn't special. If anything he's weaker, slower, and less Earth-shattering that any of them. He may not be a man to emulate entirely, but he's certainly the kind of man a lot of people can identify with.
Whatever world saving he might do, he's the guy who will sit with a scared and dying girl and hold her hand to the end for no other reason than because it was the right thing to do.
There are many superheroes who are the very personification of the toxicity of the heroic masculine purpose. But the very best comic heroes are just like Christopher Reeves. He's a husband, a father, an activist, and an inspiration. That's what makes him a hero.
And that's why Superman is the best superhero. He might not be as cool as Batman or Wolverine but he sends a message that everyone needs
@@mustang8206Superman is pretty darn cool
I just finished reading the Epic of Gilgamesh, which is broadly considered to be the earliest written story ever. It has a lot of super masculine themes, the characters of Gilgamesh and Enkidu being physically huge and powerful, but they both also:
- Cry
- Get scared (a lot)
- Hold hands
- Get lonely
- Feel grief
The desire for greatness and exceptionality is not new, it's old. But imagining man as an emotionless vacuum is a more modern creation and modern problem.
I also found it interesting that the Epic of Gilgamesh had a lot of female characters (a lot more than films/books from recent history, like the 1940s-1990s).
This whole channel is consistently some of the most genuinely insightful and vulnerably honest critique of the modern human experience available anywhere right now. Somehow both intimately personal and universally applicable. I go in with high expectations on every video and I'm still blown away by how my understanding of myself and the world around me are challenged. Much appreciated.
And just so you know, they are females who love this channel as well. ;-)
So true.
That is 100% the best comment/description of this channel
You said it better than I could.
Well said.
You played a scene for a second toward the end from "It's a Wonderful Life" and I think that movie perfectly encapsulates your greater point. George Bailey is a man that constantly gave up what he thought was his heroic quest of worldwide meaning and exploration to help the people that were in front of him. His habit of sacrificing what he thought was going to be his next big step in his own masculine pursuits ended up making him the legend that his small town reveres.
As always, love the content!
The true heroes are those who sacrifice, not expecting reward and never receiving it
That's an interesting takeaway, given that the movie makes it pretty clear that Bailey's relentless self-sacrificing altruism ultimately led him to a life of mediocrity and unfulfillment, albeit one still filled with appreciative people who value him.
@@derek96720 I don’t think that’s what the movie is saying at all. A life of mediocrity and unfulfillment? His actions improve the lives of everyone in the town, including himself, that’s the whole point of the movie. He isn’t rich or able to take lavish vacations, but the message is that you don’t need that stuff to be happy
I agree, "It's a Wonderful Life" illustrates this video's point very well. The character George Bailey followed his conscience and his duty, forsaking what he imagined a heroic life to be. And he became resentful and ultimately suicidal, I think, because he experienced the insidious inadequacy that comes from comparing his life to the more fantastic, unreal, selfish, narrow definitions of heroism that this video highlights. George Bailey is a complex character in that he usually did what was right, but was not resolved to appreciate the subtle, real heroism of a life of conscience and integrity (even though under-rewarded or even punished) -- instead, he was insecure and envious of what we might know today as "the perfectly curated social media persona," and thus failed to appreciate just what a wonderful life he had lead.
I highly recommend this video on "It's a Wonderful Life" by the UA-camr, Empire of the Mind: ua-cam.com/video/akY-UhQIpB4/v-deo.html
@@derek96720 it showed what George failed to see. Life doesn’t have to be an epic odyssey of adventures to be fulfilling. He changed an entire towns fate with every decision he made. His whole character arc explores it throughout the whole time where he didn’t “exist”.
He made true sacrifices for his community and Family and in the end he was “the Richest man in town.”
The thing about Aragorn (the film version at least) is that his acceptance of "responsibility" is entirely the fault of others. It was Denethor's failure to do right by his people that led the Steward's line to fall. Otherwise, Aragorn would've been happy to let Boromir or Faramir take the little chair. Aragorn's heroic qualities was due to a rejection of himself, a refusal to be who he was for fear of the danger it posed to those people he would have responsibility for. His coronation isn't a moment of triumph, it's a moment of loss, and you can see the grief in his eyes for the life was living. At least as a Ranger, he could rest knowing that he could do great good without great harm. But as a king, that assurance is gone, and if it hadn't been for other people failing their responsibility, he wouldn't have had to take it up on himself.
Spent almost a decade as a cop. Setting aside the ACAB stuff, I still regularly struggle with the “serving a higher purpose” vs neglecting all of the real world things (escapism in self-righteousness). Also, doing good vs being seen as good.
I was probably terrible (or at the very least absent) as a husband and father.
And not being a detective anymore, I have no idea who I am. (That job became my personality, or I’d become a hollow archetype).
I think this is a challenge a lot of men face with their work/life balance. I once worked in a machine shop where all the machinists would compete for who could work the most hours while bragging about how they never see their families much and don't really know their kids. I always felt that it was extremely masochistic and tragic; their kids probably could have used less money and more of a father. Needless to say, I got out of that shop before it destroyed my life.
I think that the keyword here is balance. I know that it is easy for me to get caught up in the moment and view everything as an All-or-Nothing dichotomy, but it doesn't have to be that way. I believe that it is possible for a man to feel that he is fulfilling his heroic purpose without sacrificing or neglecting the simpler virtues in life. While it may not be easy, and I am constantly finding myself on the other side of the line that I want to be on, I do feel that it is working, at least for now.
As E.B. White said, "I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve (or save) the world and a desire to enjoy (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”
@@shanequastunningbrave5376 I did.
I was a detective who investigated crimes of physical and sexual abuse, primarily of women and children (investigating those atrocities was the reason I signed up).
An 11-year-old once told me, “Thank you for believing me.” (No one else had).
That was my first purpose: believing the truths of underrepresented and marginalized people who are routinely victimized and silenced. My second purpose was removing the thing that victimized them from their lives.
Yeah, I was a bastard. I was probably always a bastard. But I was a bastard *for* (not to) people who needed one on their side.
@@shanequastunningbrave5376 Check your biases
@@shanequastunningbrave5376 There’s nothing nice about the reality of investigating violent sex crimes against children. At all.
I think it’s possible that ya might be more than a little tone-deaf to my statements/comments. I’m certainly not singing the praises of law enforcement; the system itself is inherently flawed. But a person can try.
I might not have changed or saved the world, but I know that I made a difference in the lives of some individuals and families. I know that I affected positive change for some of the victims I worked for (because I worked for the victims; the department just signed my paychecks).
I worked for a nonprofit law firm in a mental health, disability, and elderly protection and advocacy role 8 years prior to joining law enforcement. A lot of that felt like pushing a bolder uphill, but there were some small victories.
Small victories and even losses in service of the right causes might be all that we can hope for.
Take care.
@@shanequastunningbrave5376 Normally when someone insults me, gets rude, or makes things personal, I ignore and move on. Every now and then, I get curious and ask about it. What exactly has led to your insulting me and attacking my character? I’m genuinely curious.
The Man in Black from Westworld feels like a PERFECT example of what these myths can ultimately do to a person
God I love that show and character
Came here for this comment.
Correct!
lol so accept what others state as
"harsh realities", so our idealistic selves wont later become broken and morph into something malicious?
I'm a therapist who supports men in understanding the NUANCES of the masculine psyche & striking a balanced approach to expressing both their mythic internal life & their 'more boring everyday life' in a way that attempts to harmonise both worlds... without getting too lost in the clouds or stories.
Having researched and experienced plenty of the theory and practice of masculinity in modernity, I can say with confidence that your videos are an absolute treasure!
Thank you, LSOO - I'll make sure to be sharing your work with more with clients
Seriously? What nuance? Masculinity represents the control of self. It is Bushido, Kong Fu, true Chivalry, a way of life that already balances one's Shadow with their Light. Aggression is not the definition of masculinity, controle over aggression is. It is the same as in nature.
@@brandonandreski1709 I agree with what you're saying about various warrior codes and ancient systems - surely to balance all of one's shadow with one's light requires a tremendous amount of nuance?
@@jordanthornton I am sure, but I do not think that the nuisance variables stem from masculinity. I think that the Masculin part is the control and the nuisance comes from the expectations we build up within ourselves. There may be expectations that others project on us as well and those can be a nuisance but if we avoid allowing those projections to become our own without strict reflection. Then you get into the concept of social constructs and Universal morality.
@@_TB808 Nuance. It was a talk to text message while I was making bread.
@@brandonandreski1709 No, it means be able to agnowledge what you need emotional and not b scared of what lingers withing yourelf, the vunribility.
Seriously, the berst male role models, can b open about themselves and not act stoic in face of emotions.And yeah arnie aside his cheating, how can you be strong without being in tune with yourself.
And to really have a grapon it you have to alo and agnowledge it. Then you can healthy regulate it. When you know yourself and accept it.
And if its harmful, yes its hard work, and scary but isnt that strengh, tackle the scariest things, your psyche. I mean yeah disipline is good, but so is being accepting and compaionate to yolurself, and reflect and be willing to look at yourself. And be nice to yourself.
Hi! I loved this video! When I look at my dad, who worked as a police detective (mostly human trafficking, sometimes drugs and violent crime) for many years and helped solve quite a lot of crimes, I'm obviously proud of him and his 'heroic deeds', but (maybe quite selfishly) my heart swells the most when I think about how he has always invested so much time in my upbringing. I recently found this box in the attic with this witch's potions recipe book and treasure maps that we made together: he would spend entire afternoons playing with me and he was always there for me. Both my parents made sure they were there to pick me up from school; both cooked and did housework. And now that I am in my twenties, I love that our relationship has changed so that we can still have fun together and he still takes care of me every now and then, but he is also open-minded and respects me as an adult individual. My dad is a masculine man: he enjoys more stereotypical masculine hobbies such as classical cars, working and creating things with his hands and video games but he also loves more stereotypically female hobbies such gardening, drawing, art and music, and he hates strong liquor and football/soccer :)
My dad has always despised being told what to do (idk why he joined law enforcement tho but it seemed to work out for him) and I do think that did count as well for it meant to be a man. As a woman, I've always admired his form of masculinity.
Your father sounds like a wonderful man ♥️
That sounds awesome, you have an amazing dad
SOunds like a chad. Although gardening is very definitely gender neutral.
Your Dad sounds remarkable! I honestly hear of so few admirable men that I primarily believe they don't exist. I hope he is all you have described - cuz I like the idea of truly good human-capable men being out there even if I very rarely meet any, not that I've ever done an exhaustive survey lol
Wow! As a man in armed forces it would be honor to meet your dad over a cup of coffee (since he doesn't drink lol) and actually learn something from him. God bless your family
This is part of why "Free Churro" is my favorite episode of Bojack Horseman. He talks about exactly these things: "Everything I ever learned about being good, I learned from TV." And how he was so attracted to the idea that you could just show up at the end of the day with some grandiose gesture and make everything all right. But no, he says, "You have to be consistent." You have to show up every day and do the little things in order to actually be a good person.
Thats hands down my favorite episode too
I often find myself wondering what the hell I'm meant to do with my life. I'm nearly 27 and found myself in a deep, dark hole for about 2 years after several incredibly negative events hit me within a few weeks of each other.
I am finally crawling my way out of it, started exercising again, started to learn a new language, done a few courses to be able to get better work. But even still, it feels like I'm treading water and wasting my time.
I don't really know why I'm even writing this comment, I suppose I want to vent some of the fears and insecurity that watching this video have exposed. But I'm gonna keep trying to find something that gives me meaning while aiming to be the best man I can be.
Edit: Still struggling, but fighting to keep a healthy and positive mentality. I've also taken up Taekwondo this week and am loving it.
Thanks for all the encouragement, brothers. Keep doing your best.
Your voice is heard brother. Best of luck to you.
Stay on that path. We’re all struggling to keep it together.
Follow Me. I am the Way. I am the Light. Imitate Me. Be My disciple. I love you.
- Jesus
you're not meant to do anything. you decide what you want, and how hard you want to work to achieve it. it's easy to resign yourself to a "higher power" that would decide what you're supposed to do - the real challenge is choosing for yourself. personal freedom is scary, and there's no shortage of people that want to take it away, with both good and ill intent.
I know exactly where your coming from my situation is very similar been through some terrible events and I’m still digging my self out the hole, but I would say being on your purpose doesn’t have to take over your life and make you weird to be around, just live a life of abundance and take vacations, that’s where being on your purpose comes in, you don’t have to save the world just do what makes you happy and screw everybody else. On another note life itself is basically pointless maybe when we die we’ll figure what it’s all about
Great Video with a balanced view of Masculinity. One thing I think you missed is the pain men feel when they don't live up to these ideals or when they realise they are not in fact the star of a movie. Male Suicide between the age of 35 and 50 happens more than any other age group by far precisely because this is the age where it's so easy to feel like a failure just for living a 'normal' life. Instagram or Social media shows you the life you think you should be living so when you're not rich, not overly desired by women, not heroic, not 'special' it can make life seem not worth living
If you are reading this and you feel that way know that you never know the impact you have on others lives and remember there is always something to keep fighting for.
See his earlier video: ua-cam.com/video/j5bEQC6TTeM/v-deo.html . It covers what you speak of really well
As a 30 year old guy, this hit home. A fee years ago I was planning on Law school and going off to DC to help break up monopolist corporations or or some other noble thing. Then I worked in an office for 40 hours a week, saw that lawyers mostly just do paperwork and are expected to put in 50 hour workweeks at the minimum. With depression and anxiety, work life balance is really important or I get really screwed up in the head. Once I dropped that idea, I've constantly felt like I'm not living up to my "potential", that going and having a life where I work a normal job, have a normal life, would be selfish. Like I'd had the Hero's Calling and walked away. I even say about other people, "Hey, there's nothing wrong about living a simple life and making the people around you happy" yet refused to let that be me. I did secretly look down on that life. But really I'm probably like that detective, rambling on about all these philosophies and just being disconnected. Which is actually a relief; like why do I have to be the "tragic hero"(I seriously thought I'd be dead by the time I was 50 when I was 16) who has some grand sacrifice to make? It doesn't make me heroic to obsess over it; it just makes me obsessed over a delusion of grandiosity.
@@kylewilliams8114 I know exactly what you'r saying. It's very easy to say 'the right thing' but in your heart still believe you are somehow Luke Skywalker and not one of the thousands of faceless Stormtroopers shooting wildly in someone elses story. It's why in times of depression men often turn to video games - At least there you're always the hero.
This sounds utterly ridiculous (And i honestly mean no offense to anyone) but a small part of me envies the Men in Ukraine right now. Fighting for their Families, fighting for their lives, fighting for their future, fighting with a purpose, knowing this is one of the most important things they'll ever do in their lives. It must be hard and scary and Shit but there's No Bullshit, no trying to impress random people you barely know on social media, no consumerism making you think your slightly cooler than your are, no 5 year career plan just live.
I wish them and you all the best
If there's any consolation for not being the star of the film, it's that there's no film. Which is disconcerting on a whole different level.
@@tyeng1295 what a blessing just to know I’m not the only one feeling that envy…I’m currently trying to use mine as fuel to keep myself trying to be a decent person. One who is working towards the goals I set for myself during Covid lockdown before the war broke out. I just push myself a bit more harder now.
I'm not a man, but I have definitely been drawn into the fantasy of being "burdened with glorious purpose". As a Christian, I definitely get bogged down in thinking myself virtuous for having purpose. I don't think that the idea of each person having a calling and pursuing that calling in order to become better is a bad thing. But a lot of people, including myself, mistake it for something epic, like from a story. I always thought that to love my enemy, I would have to die in their place like Jesus did. But God never said that. He said to love them. And love, in it's truest sense, is not a flashy thing. It can be as simple as forgiving someone for purposefully stepping on your toe, or taking a minute to admire a child's drawing and encourage them to keep doing it. In reality, lives are not changed through dramatic events. They are changed by small, almost incalculable influences over a long period of time. It has taken me a while to realize this and even longer to accept it.
Thank you so much for doing this video. It is priceless.
Really echo your feelings here. As I watched this video all I could think about is how much Jesus is the Antithesis to the "men of heroic masculine purpose": ALL the power, HUGE purpose, yet nothing but humility, self-sacrifice and NEVER separate from the people and community He was saving. The Bible doesn't speak of how He washed His robes when given the chance, but I have no doubt that Jesus did His own laundry :). Jesus is the idol all men should have (and all of humanity, of course)
I think thats why Paul is actually more popular with a lot of christians. The fact of Jesus not even fighting back really gnaws at a lot of people.
Christians are fictional…
@@purplealien640 Well, thats not REALLY 'fighting back' is it? I think you are confusing your metaphors. I'm not sure how you come to the idea that getting betrayed, giving up quietly, then being crucified is 'swordlike'. Thats one pretty wothless sword.
What makes more sense is the fact that Jesus knew the old testament, where its said 'they will beat swords into ploughs'. Jesus was bringing the sword to be beaten into ploughshares. In other words, HE is the spiritual material to be molded into a tool to replace violence. Which certainly has had MIXED interpreteations but as I often say, it was the POLITICAL arm of christianity that became violent, not the spiritual or ethical one.
@@purplealien640 Swords into ploughshares is actually from the book of Isiah in the old testament.
What you are giving is 'your opinion', which is fine, but I don't tend to take ANYBODYS opinion who says "this is what jesus meant". Nothing personal.
His pacifism is clear, and even clearer if you read the sayings attributed to Jesus in the dead seas scrolls found last century.
In the bible the notion is "if a poor man asks for your coat, give him your shoes as well". Thats EXTREME pacifiism. And its very easy to explain when you look at the sayhings in the dead sea scrolls, where Jesus says a very buddhist thing which is "if a poor man asks for your coat give him your shoes as well BECAUSE THAT BEGGAR IS YOU".
There is a reason that Jesus spends as much time on political and social parables as on personal ones. Pink Floyd sang it in Echoes "two strangers passing in the street, by chance two separate glances meet, and I am you and what I see is me".
Thats from the I Ching but essentially jesus was preaching the communal nature of man. THAT is why pacifism is necessary, YOUR life is insignificant, you are a social being in connection with all other people. Whether you live or die is irrelevant to the social organism of society, or if you prefer, christianity.
Of coures christianity then became and IMPERIAL religion at work for the politial power of the state so then you get all kind of malarky seeping in there and people paying more attention to what Paul says than what Jesus says.
"He was a man whose heroic quest, whose grand purpose ultimately led him not toward exile, nor toward death by sacrifice, but toward an act of true commitment, toward a life of real responsibility, and of everlasting purpose."
Thank you, LSoO.
I got hurt real bad by the woman I loved about a year ago. Since then I’ve embraced the stoic philosophy, and ended up taking this “heroic purpose” stance. I truly shut myself out from most friends and family, and focused on my “grand purpose”, believing this heartbreak was part of some grand design in order to prepare me for my heroic life. While for a while it helped me
Heal, helped my business grow, and helped my fitness skyrocket, it eventually made me completely pull away from others, while believing my purpose is to help others. This video was amazing. And somehow, therapy as well. Thank you, for helping me realize how out of touch I may have become on this journey of healing and discovery.
I was the exact same way, because constant heartbreak and people believing I’m not good enough, so I did everything to better myself, eventually I said fu b****es I did this for myself.
I’m currently going through that phase, except I ghosted this girl in my school and I’ve felt guilty ever since (I’ve done this to others due to me being a afraid to talk to girls). After a while, I took to studying and gaining knowledge because I thought I had a purpose in life, and I still feel like I do. Now I believe my purpose is to make films that could help people heal spiritually and mentally.
You forgot to make new successful friends after leaving old friends behind.
One of your 15% female audience here 👋 Love all your content. This is a great insight into my husband and for my son.
I love you. Be My disciple. Tell them I love them also.
- Jesus
Am in the "great part " of the UA-cam again?
Britta, I applaud your motivation. Nothing completes a man like a woman looking out for him at the level of his essence. And that's just one reason why the roles of mother and wife will always be priceless.
I know for a fact that my Dad and I wouldn't be the men we are today if it weren't for my Mom
Oh God, they know!
'Heroic men die, but they don't do laundry' is the most perfect encapsulation of this complex trope I have ever heard. It also reminded me starkly of Evelyn's husband in Everything Everywhere All At Once -- when he said "in another life, i would like doing laundry and taxes with you". That line took my breath away. Love in itself can and should be a heroic strength to be celebrated. And not just the great sacrifice of pushing away people you love that is so often glorified in cinema. I'm glad people are talking about more representations of male characters and protagonists beyond the Lone Burdened Hero. This was a quality analysis ❤❤
What you are missing is that while doing laundry is noble, men are supposed to shoulder other burdens that only they can. It's not higher/lower, but a different set of calling
A society where males are neutered to do dishes and laundry won't last long when barbarians arrive at gates. So, A man's job is already chosen for him, by biology that is, to be a protector & provider, a shield and a sword. Then it's just unfair to make him do laundry as well, imo
@@kirathekillernote2173 the roles defined by society were founded in times and places where such roles made sense. The same rules cannot be applied to every single male or female across every single community and time frame. there are specific instances where it makes sense for men to be "expendable", to do the dangerous work, if that society lives in precarious situations where survival of a population depends on the fertile females surviving to bear and raise children. I doubt many of us here in the comments section live in such situations. Rather, we are living in times where we're learning the any things we're capable of if we're able-bodied and put our minds to it. We're discovering that it is possible for men and women to do more than what we may have been ascribed. We are finding out that "survival" favours those most able to adapt...and in fact, if Nature is anything to go by, always has. Sometimes, a man's burden may be to bring home the bacon. In other times, it may be to make sure laundry is done or the kids are fed. Neither one of these tasks is less noble or important than the other. The problem arises when we see house chores as "neutering", when house chores are incredibly important for the very functioning of our daily lives. (Yes, house chores are also tedious -- all the more reason the people who do them well should be respected) :)
Heroic men do laundry without projecting their own model of other people’s perceived contempt for bathos on to themselves.
As you said should be respected but reality is they are not. What society and most people respect and look up to is the grandious ,important roles , ones of power,wealth and influence.
Another interesting thing is even tho we are not fighting for survival but that some modern societies are dying ,south korea and japan for example. Harsh worklife balance,economic situation but also most women want men who earn more and if they are equally present in workforce then that will logically lead to many men unable to start families and many women ending lonely due to their expectations. What do you think about this?
@@arete7884 your observations are not wrong. We do, as a capitalist society, tend to value financial clout & success, those who are seen to work hard to rake in the cash; and these things, in such a society, has power. But sometimes society can be wrong. Sometimes the system can be wrong. And yes -- women too can hold sexist views. Women, too, need to do the work of being more accepting and less rooted in the ways they have been brought up in. A more equitable and kinder world requires a change in mindset from everyone. Do you think we are capable of it? I'd like to believe we are :)
There is a lot of emphasis right now on good representation of female characters who express the wide spectrum of what it means to be feminine, but as a woman I find myself appreciating discussions on good representation of male characters who express the range of masculinity even more. It's hard to explain, but somehow the idea that men can be their best selves by not limiting themselves to only certain traits, good or bad, while still retaining their masculinity frees me to more fully embrace my femininity. I guess it's that, in the modern ideal, men have to be one thing to its ultimate degree, while women have to be everything in perfect balance. Men have to be "real men" or fulfill their male heroic purpose, or whatever a man is told his one thing has to be. He is not allowed anything outside that. Women, on the other hand, are criticized if we are not strong, gentle, in control, yielding (not bitchy), self sufficient, able to ask for help, beautiful but not caught up on our looks, on and on all at the same time. While well intended, the emphasis on showing a wider range of good female characters often just makes me feel like more is being added to the list of things I'm supposed to be. When I watch videos, like this one, on a healthier prospective of what it means to be a man, it makes me feel calm. Gender ideals can be disassembled in healthy ways. I can appreciate a wider range of good female characters without felling overwhelmed by simply embracing my femininity as it is, not as I'm told it should be, and recognizing that EVERYONE has room to grow.
That 'nth degree' seems to be the main problem. Superheroes are amped up to extremes, even heroes in movies are usually amped up.
Frankly I learned LONG ago that 'society', mainly led by media, has almost EVERYTHING wrong. THe reason for strong normative values on EVERYBODY is simply for CONTROL. And now we are finding out just how much control is necessary.
Tribal societies generally never have such strong norms on much of anything, its too hard. There's a good video on youtube about how nomadic cultures differ from stationery cultures and how 'fixed' societies have become mostly control freaks, starting about ten thousand yesrs ago when cities began to develop.
I always remind people these are POLITICAL norms that are enforced, and in general, when have you EVER trusted the politics aroudn you?
Interesting perspective
Woah there dude or dudette you have the inthusiasm of a conspiracy theorists not insulting you just saying ya dont need to be dramatic to get points across.@@mikearchibald744
Interesting and reminds me of the speech from _Barbie_ movie. We are living in a very strange time. Hoe_Math UA-cam channel has been deconstructing a lot of these ideas for both men and women.
Andrea with the Bangs has an interesting take in her video discussion: Feminine Role
Models within Stories
The biggest hero will be the man without a name, with no fame, with no trophies, but he carried the world in his heart. Thank you for the video guiding my mind into my heart.
This alleviates the type of pressure to be "someone" from my shoulders. It shines a heroic light on the common day chore, such as hanging my wee family's washing out on the line, as the sun shines on me, telling me I'm a hero. Unseen, unthanked, but fulfilling my destiny. (I'm not joking, too) :-) Absolutely love your work on this channel!
Yeah you need more bud, don't be so lame and ignorant.
you're the hero your family needs and you're a good man for giving them that (:
As you were talking about the smaller acts of kindness I immediately thought about the LOTR. One of its main message is that the everyday small responsibilities and small acts what makes real virtue. But Aragorns decision to take responsibility is also a great example.
I remembered Into the Wild.
"The only true happiness is shared" Something along those lines.
He was searching for his ultimate meaning and not truly seeing those around him. But only realized that his journey needed to be communicated when it was too late. I believe we all need to discover that ourselves: the our inner journey is related to others. I really hope that everyone will make it in time to share it, like you.
Thanks for your videos.
It is but noone can walk our inner journey through abyss beside us that is step we have to walk
He was a dumbass that got in way over his head doing things he knew nothing about.
This is your best one yet. As a former solider with years in the 82nd as a infantrymen, you are surrounded by heroic men who all have their own issues but your socially pressured to keep quiet about it. This video gives life and meaning to what a real hero not only does but what endure. Life happens even for hero’s.
I watched this video 4hrs after it got out, and I can truly say I has changed my life. In the 11 days since I've watched it, I have slowly started letting go of the man-hero mentality I wasn't even aware I was holding. I no longer wish it was the middle of the night and I could go back to sleep when it's morning. I now actually get to the "small" tasks I used to see as diverting me from my Purpose. I'm finding meaning in doing things that make the house/my family's life slightly better. My days feel a little more filled with meaning.
Thank you. For your confessions and such clear definition of a pithole a lot of men now are falling into like me.
supporting a wife and children and raising children who can succeed is a pretty damn heroic purpose. And Rusty changes his own view by the end, it was his character journey that he learns to believe and trust
That doesnt occur outside of fiction. Slaves are often forced to use that fiction to market things that happen outside of the fiction its from.
Do you think and act as if thats untrue?
Nothing heroic about doing what basically everyone has done since the beginning of time. Even animals raise descendants.
I remember how different my experience was while watching Breaking Bad in my early 20s and rewatching it in my early 30s. While the first time I felt admiration and towards Walter for conquering his dark side and contempt towards Skyler for being an obstacle in his way, in my second watch these perceptions flipped 180º. Were I saw heroism before, now I saw egoism in self-growth, and were I saw egoism in trying to protect your family, now I saw responsability toward those you love. Great video.
Yeah, sure. You totally didn’t just watch some TikTok’s and parrot their shallow half-baked talking points about BB.
@@ez6888Nah Walter is just unlikable, and purposely so. Obviously there are multiple dimensions to his character which is what makes the show so great, but just straight up Walter White is a horrible, ego driven and selfish person.
That's a little scary that you didn't realize that the first time 😳
Longhoused
@@ez6888I haven't even watched the show, just seen clips and he's spot on. If I'm not mistaken, he even gives up the deal with gray matter that would have given the financial stability he needed for his family to continue to sell meth. Walter was selfish and egotistical
"The thing about fighting for a cause, is that the cause will always betray you"-Darkseid.
I think he meant the tragic life of a single purpose person who have no place in a world he have helped to create.
Ouch. That’s so true it hurts.
I interpret that in regards to how every ideology has failed.
@@Kaiserboo1871 If it is true that Christ died to 'bring many sons to glory', and that the final step of that is a future divine act, nothing else will substitute.
@@davidhawley1132 I apply it to political ideologies, not religions.
Life and death of Socrates.
Lockdown
The thing is, James Bond isn't selfless, it's just that his interests usually align with his workplace's. James Bond needs to WIN, first and foremost. He's competitive.
And that makes him admirable in another way, but he isn't selfless. Far from it. His constant property damage during his chases show how little he cares about day-to-day people.
I knew i was a hero the day i became a step father. This tiny human went from hating me. Thinking I'm going to take her mom. To realizing she now has two parents. That i would die to protect her. She started doting on me and I her. That's the only purpose I've ever needed. Being a good dad. Loving her. Loving our family. I don't see myself as one. But she treats me like a hero.
Simp
🥺💕
The part where you were self-reflecting really got to me. I tried to hold back the single tear welling up because I realized I also am not meeting quite the standard I expected myself to meet. Whether due to kindness, heroics, or effort and perseverance. I just hope that reminder sticks with me enough to make a change in my virtues/habits.
Don't hope. Never works. Use science! Check out a book called Atomic Habits.
Never wait "till you're better" to help someone. If someone needs help, they need it now, not in 5 years time when your groovy, eight-pack, "Superman look" is ready. If you help someone when they really need it, especially when you know you're not perfect yourself, you're practically Superman in their eyes already.
Be extremely careful with this statement. The vampires and The escalator individuals would love this.
@@orangechucky8813 True, and fair, I am assuming a relatively "normal" person in this instance. But I would hope the average person would realise that I am not advocating the actions for other more predatory peoples (heck, if that sort of person takes this as out-of-context justification for their own personality flaws, then that kinda proves this point inherently). But I mainly intended this to come from a personal place of self-worth and willingness to help others, both of which go hand-in-hand I find.
@@Nikelaos_Khristianos I agree with your statement but I also agree with don't self sacrifice yourself for the betterment of another person. Knowing your worth doesn't mean helping someone with their issues and problems when your not in the best mental, physical or spiritual mindset. Knowing your worth means if they can't understand your not in the best space than they should accept that and figure out their own solutions to their problems. Now if your referring to people who count on you like kids, family members etc. That you are taking care of because they can't take take care of themselves then I fully agree but if it doesn't pertain to that and it's not a equal balance between you and that other person than no the response "till I get better" is the best response, which is why i stated be careful with this because some people will take your statement and try to be overly selfless and end up putting themselves in a deeper hole, debt, depression, major stress, and even death, and probably won't ever get that time, energy or attention back. So just watch it if your going to make it a General statement like this.
Why the fuck do you even care about helping people at all. Social frameworks are a deadly web that kill the light within people and make them stupid, sensitive, and justificatory of underachievement. Most people's beliefs are a direct byproduct of their social environment and have little to no basis in actual thought. You must cast off the net to be able to move.
@@neo-filthyfrank1347 Lol
"Let us, together, rebuild this world," thank you for making this, analyzing masculinity, and being inspiring
You are 30 cranking out intelligent, deeply thoughtful, expertly-crafted video essays that encourage all of us to think more deeply, not just about movies, but about our lives. And you do all this not from a pedestal but amongst us. The personal journey of self-awareness and realization that you describe in this video, one clearly experienced by so many people, is the natural process of the phases of a healthy human life. From helpless to selfish to confused to searching to self-righteous, sanctimonious, self-serving to realization and acceptance to commitment and selflessness. You are right on time. Thank you for sharing your journey with us in this way.
Many wealthy end in selfish or at best savior complex to save the world and get praise for it.
For what it's worth, you're a hero for putting together these contents and sharing it. And, well thank you
With all the significantly darker incarnations of our male heroes in recent decades like James Bond, Doctor Who and Batman, it's indeed most timely to finally understand what is truly masculine about our heroes and about ourselves. Thank you, Tom, for probably your most important video.
Counter point, I don’t think that Doctor Who ever fell into this trap. Yes, Peter Capaldi got a bit darker, and questioned whether he was a good man, but all of S8 shows him and us that that really doesn’t matter. In fact, his pursuit of this darker identity actively pushes Clara away. And so, at the end of the series, he realised that he is ‘an idiot with a box and a screwdriver’ because that’s all he ever needed to be. And going forward 12 was far more jovial and comfortable in his own skin, becoming what the Doctor always aught you be, a man/woman who embodies the best traits of empathy and kindness, for whom violence is never an answer. Sorry, that went on a bit long, I just love Capaldi’s Doctor so much and I think he gets a tough time from people.
I don't think I've ever seen a bigger collection of cringe in the comments section of a video in awhile, and that's saying something. You're all in your 30s trying to justify why you haven't accomplished anything. Obsessed with morality because that false value system is the only one under which you can possibly look at yourself and not feel disgust. "Past Life" is a soyboy in every sense of the word. It's just pathetic individuals all around.
@@neo-filthyfrank1347 Gotta say dude, you seem like the one with the problem here. Leaving paragraph after paragraph of shaming comments which conveniently place YOU as the mature enlightened one who's got it figured and has "accomplished so much". If that's true, one might wonder why you aren't doing that more important work right now, rather than raging on UA-cam while you write your manifesto.
@@julianmarx2002 "you seem like the one with the problem here"
Appearances can be deceiving. You'd be dumb to assume correctness due to group approval. Reality is not a democracy.
"If that's true, one might wonder why you aren't doing that more important work right now, rather than raging on UA-cam while you write your manifesto."
These comments do not take any significant amount of time to type and you miss the point of what I say anyway.
I mean if you pick the examples to suit your point he will obviously sound 100% correct. But he's in some imaginary conspiratorial world I feel like. Escapist fantasy is most popular genre among both men and women. And ofc kids. Most consumers are perfectly normal people with families and relationships. Fictional characters with relationship building just aren't popular to explore, especially in short runtimes like movies hence they're given reasons to cut it out while also making it a focal point of the character. It's not terribly deep. You see this in anime as well. How many people are actually following that lifestyle?
0:11 "How do we really know if we are acting to better the world around us?"
*Dr. Manhattan* : [left the chat]
Rust Cole is mirror reflection, an outlet and a cautionary tale as well as a glimpse of hope of finding relief from the overwhelming depression of existance. There's nothing glorified about this character. We only watch him in hope he succeeds so he can be freed from his self destructive obsession hoping that if he can do it, maybe so can we.
I’m glad you got the point.
This video seems to have missed his moment at the end. His revelation at the hospital parking lot.
Lovely to see you growing. Your videos are incredible, like moving poetry. They're inspiring, reflective and so beautifully made. This one spoke to me like a commentary on my early life. I'm 53 now but there was a time in my 30s when commitment to self actualisation caused all the problems you so eloquently identify. Then, in my 40s, I became a father. Wow, when that happens, a new software system installs and your true heroic purpose loads up powered by a love of incomprehensible magnitude and beauty. Looking after those rabbits is your training. If you become a dad, you'll be amazing. Great to see The Bioneer two comments down. Amazing videos too! I've learnt so much from both of you!
Many men go through hero purpose stages. One you didn't address was being a father. It is hard being a good father when society wants to portray you as a baffoon. I was constantly reminded that I had a minimal involvement, even though I tried to be involved in my children's activities when I was home. I always had a sense that many wanted me to fail and were disappointed when I didn't
I can't imagine living a purposeful and fulfilling life without being connected to the world and people around me. The things I do as a man I do out of love. My purpose is intimately tied to my relationships and I can't imagine my life without the people I love. This video really helped put into words something about the masculine purpose that's been on my mind for a while. I'm so thankful for men coming in and talking about these things. Thank you.
Self-validating mediocrity
I mean he's talking about some really niche minority of people. That might not even be affected by these movies to begin with. They just are like that. Escapist fantasy is the most common and most popular genre consumed by almost everyone men and women. You can enjoy it but most consumers are perfectly normal people with families, relationships. People just want to turn their brain off for a while. He makes it sound like some conspiratorial thing destroying society or whatnot.
@@lancevance6346 I don't know. I didn't get the impression he's arguing this is all a grad conspiracy to ruin men's psyche. What I saw and heard was a criticism of what is commonly referred to as "the hero's journey" from the male perspective. And just using these movies and stories as foundational examples. I think it's healthy to critically examine tropes in stories and where they come from. But I believe you are also right in that for most of us this is simply a fantasy to allow us to escape the reality of our own lives if only for a few moments. Nothing wrong with that either.
Man, I still don't know what "growing up" really means, but thank you for reminding me to constantly check myself for any and all forms of self-importance disguising itself as morality.
I've just turned thirty (watching a year after release) and have also been consciously catching myself turning down mundane favors for people I love to pursue my mythic, "heroic masculine purpose", but realizing that- most times- this is just an excuse I disguise with an ideology I've internalized allowing me to justify laziness and escapism. I say this because- as you alluded to- mundane favors are not mundane at all. In fact, one could make a very good argument that many of the things I label as "mundane" are- more often than not- simply areas of my life where I have, in a self important and grandiose manner, unduly absolved myself of responsibility to something which requires my upmost attention. And, that by not paying attention to such matters, I may rob myself of a part of the very essence of life itself. Especially if one (such as myself) is under the conviction that the "essence of life" has something to do with being present for others in times of need (no matter how little or large that need is).
And so ya,
Thank you, is too small of a term to accurately express the gratitude I feel for the content of this particular video which came to me in a "time of need", which put words to unspoken thoughts, and which I feel for this channel and it's creator at large.
Much love and best wishes from CO
Thank you a thousand times! Oh, I can relate to you so much... And it got lonely on the way, BUT I work on it and now I'm writing a more personal book about a character learning exactly what you were talking about. I want my hero to be very heroic at first just like the heroic men you named and then I want him to realize that while reaching his goal he was completely oblivious to those around him. His friend and even his self. What you said really helped me.
I think I experienced this awakening during the last two years. I cared for the man that raised me, as he faded away on his deathbed. Once my actual parents left us, I let go of everything I had to take care of my sister as she finishes her studies. And, I don't feel proud. I always thought I'd tackle these hard circumstances with a stiff upper lip, like a greek champion charging into battle, but I didn't. I feel broken, constantly, almost aimless. I just felt it was right to do so, and I hope maybe soon, I'll be able to find a place for my own, rather than fight for other's to have their own place.
I am Strength. Follow Me. Imitate Me.
- Jesus
Great video, as always. It resonated with some thoughts of my own, where I couldn't help but think that one major flaw of these stories was that they never show some sort of long term commitment, nor they are accessible, as they always talk of a chosen one, set apart from the rest, as someone unique. This kind of discourse ends up building some sort of hierarchy of lives, as if only ones were worth living, and on top of that, those are short lived and self centered.
How can a world, a country, or a community thrive if each and every one of its individuals thinks in that way as the "best way of living their lives"?
Just as virtue is characterized by consistency rather than one shot, it would also apply here. For the vast majority of cases, one shouldn't "aspire to die for something", but rather to work everyday for something, helping the ones around him.
Agreed.
No one should die for something.
Everyone should live for something.
Dying is nothing
Living is building something around this one single time.
The strongest people I've ever met, are people who humbled themselves and showed me how to say; "I am sorry, how did it lead to this and what can we do to prevent this from happening again"
The people with the obsession of winning, they are always almost alike, women and men alike- it eventually leads to degrading the humanity out of their opponents at the cost of protecting their pride
Thank you so much! I lost so many little things while pursuing "my purpose in life", that destroyed me when I realized they were gone forever. You put the words to my inner struggle. Thank you!
This, to me, has been one of the most "valuable" things every to come out of youtube. This concept really did impact my life too much, and hearing it put this way adds so much perspective.
Hey everyone! I really hope you enjoy this essay, it was a tricky subject to tackle, but I hope it all falls into place towards the end :)
Also, if you want to help me make more videos, and get access to exclusive content, please check out my Patreon page: www.patreon.com/LikeStoriesofOld
As a video editor myself I love your narration and style of story telling. Very inspiring! I hope you'll upload video about yourself so we can get to know you better. Thank you!
Your definition of what you think is heroic masculine purpose need not be at odds with what you posited in the conclusion of your video.
What you are feeling and realizing about yourself is what a lot of men realize right around the age of 30. I can say thats when i started to notice these things. Wait until you have children, itll help you understand the world so much more. I cant wait till you do and put it those experiences into a video expressing in words what we all know and feel, but cant express as eloquently as you. Your videos are great. Keep up the great work, been a watcher of your channel for a couple years now!
Really love this video and all your videos. I would really like your viewpoints on character Guy Pierce plays in the movie lockout. I think would make a good video I would definitely watch
My donations go to Ukraine now
Man i teared up in the end.
I definitely neglected the people around me and detached myself from reality by drowning myself into a delusional fantasy about being this grandiose great person who's fully focused on his purpose no matter what. And i rationalised being selfish and cold towards my family and friends by telling myself that in the end they'll appreciate and understand why i couldn't be present. That me fulfilling my grand purpose in life would eventually benefit them too.
But no more.
I've learned, through this video and my own experience, that balance is key. And that ultimately, what matters is who we become as people, our loved ones around us and the little things like laughing with friends or helping a stranger down the road.
I definitely still have much much to learn about this topic.
But I've started to detach myself from the need to have a grandiose purpose, to spending more time with my family and making new friends.
This might be the most powerful and beautiful video I've ever seen on this platform. To hear so many of my deepest and messiest internal conflicts put so eloquently, to consider the subtle societal notions that have driven me through my worst and best moments, and to philosophize on what makes me the man I am... I loved this video. Thank you so much.
Concering the detective stories and heroes; one of my favorite quotes:
"But down these mean streets a man must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid. The detective in this kind of story must be such a man. He is the hero, he is everything. He must be a complete man and a common man and yet an unusual man. He must be, to use a rather weathered phrase, a man of honor, by instinct, by inevitability, without thought of it, and certainly without saying it. He must be the best man in his world and a good enough man for any world. I do not care much about his private life; he is neither a eunuch nor a satyr; I think he might seduce a duchess and I am quite sure he would not spoil a virgin; if he is a man of honor in one thing, he is that in all things. He is a relatively poor man, or he would not be a detective at all. He is a common man or he could not go among common people. He has a sense of character, or he would not know his job. He will take no man’s money dishonestly and no man’s insolence without a due and dispassionate revenge. He is a lonely man and his pride is that you will treat him as a proud man or be very sorry you ever saw him. He talks as the man of his age talks, that is, with rude wit, a lively sense of the grotesque, a disgust for sham, and a contempt for pettiness. The story is his adventure in search of a hidden truth, and it would be no adventure if it did not happen to a man fit for adventure. He has a range of awareness that startles you, but it belongs to him by right, because it belongs to the world he lives in.
If there were enough like him, I think the world would be a very safe place to live in, and yet not too dull to be worth living in."
- Raymond Chandler (the simple art of murder 1950)
*"Without hope, without witness, without reward."*
- a truly decent and kind man
The Heroic Masculine Purpose mentality has so pervaded our culture and institutions, yet it leaves men trapped by an ideal they can’t attain while denigrating any other pathway. This creates an inner frustration that proves harmful. One of your best videos, Thomas. Keep asking the hard questions about how we are told to think and live
You are an amazing creator. I have been watching your videos for a few years now and each time I find myself in a deep state of self-reflection. Thank you so much. Much love from Nanjing, China.
Wow, absolutely touching piece and one that I'm glad exists in this day and age. I loved your depiction of Aragorn in the final minutes as man who possessed many of those purposeful, masculine qualities, but ultimately became more accountable to the wellbeing of others rather than separating himself from the rest of mankind.
Viktor from Arcane put it best: "We lost ourselves, lost our dream. In the pursuit of great, we failed to do good."
Your content has matured so well over the years. It's rewarding because I feel that I've grown with it too. My idea of what it means to live heroically has changed drastically, and the way I understand it now would be completely unrelatable to the person I was 10 years ago. I'm no longer as concerned with big answers and grand aspirations as I am with having a feeling of contentment in the moment, having enough self awareness and being as authentic as I can be, being responsive to the demands of daily life, no matter how trivial they are to my personal endeavors and pursuits.
Thank you for taking the time to make the video. The act of doing so embodies the very point your video advocates.
Bravo, Bravo, Bravo. This is one beautiful piece. Each part feels like a movement, and the crescendo is exhilarating. Breaking down our heroic masculinity delusion while restoring it, with a practical, useful purpose. Amazing.
I started watching your videos when I embarked on my own self-improvement journey three years ago. After a while UA-cam started recommending certain videos to me, including ones featuring Jordan Peterson, and I started getting a weird feeling that I was being sorted into a certain category of dude. The first half of this video really nailed this discomfort I've been feeling with this ideal that seems to be marketed to men right now, to be in a state of constant self-improvement and self-actualization at the expense of relationships and simple pleasures. Amazing video. I let Aragorn down too, smh.
Constant self-actualization is the path to being a more enlightened individual, it's just that 95% of humanity is worthless and lacks the ability to go that way. You are one of these individuals, actually succeeding is hard, so you'd rather justify your own laziness.
@@neo-filthyfrank1347 With that knee jerk reaction, you just confirm how juvenile, obnoxious, arrogant, self righteous and shallow many of you ''self improvement'' preachers actually are. How about you read again what the guy said instead of jumping to berate him without even knowing him? He didn't disgregard self actualization, he put it in its right place: one more aspect of human life, not the one that would invariably lead you to life fulfillment.
Many a man you would call insignificant and ''worthless'' actually died feeling happy and fulfilled. More than a genius/exceptional man of history died unhappy, ill, alone, ostracized, hated, poor, leaving a dark legacy or all of those together. That's the point of the video: success is not just about a fantasized heroic purpose, it takes more balance in life. It takes a mature person to get it, which seems you are not.
It took the sacrifice of 95% of humanity to breed, sustain, save and carry on what the uberschmen you drool for produced, so I would not be so quick to look down on them, specially when many if not most did not have as many opportunities as I did.
@@cybermidas3973 Are you serious?
Cause no offense but from what I've been looking at with this comment section, it looks like a bunch of people trying to basically use this guy's video as a way to excuse not wanting to improve themselves. The fact that the OP was actually indirectly slamming Jordon Peterson is proof of this. As much as Neo is being rude, they're ultimately right. Nobody is saying that you HAVE to be perfect or not to help people or anything like that, but going the opposite extreme of just not giving a shit isn't the solution either.
Peterson wasn't placing you in a "category", dude. His point was that you should try to improve yourself, FOR YOU and your life to improve. How is giving advice and steps on improving your life correlate to putting yourself in a "category of men"?
@@gamemediafan1714 Yes, I'm darn serious.
Because from what I can see, you seem to be the kind of person the video speaks about. Someone so darn full of himself, so into the ideology he considers anyone daring to criticize it, as constructively it may be, as another ''enemy'', another ''slacker'', another ''weak modern'' man. When did the original poster or anyone in this comment section argued for not giving a shit about self actualization? If you don't see the strawman youre making, try harder.
First, its Jord-A-n Peterson. You have arguably read the name enough times not to mis-spell it. The original poster never slammed Jordan Peterson, Neo and you seem to assume that out of pure hypersensitivity. Dude slammed the ''category of dude'' who may watch Jordan Peterson among many other content creators in order to justify his own heroic purpose dellusions. He did'nt say JP was sorting him into any category, but UA-cam and the media. Peterson may not support the ideas of many unbalanced folks out there, but the later may still believe he endorses them. It happens with a big deal of content creators.
Second, Neo's comment was a knee jerk reaction to a strawman argument. Nobody dissed self improvement, the original poster was putting it into a balanced perspective, yet Neo gets triggered and berates him with ignorant assumptions. He also spoke like a true blowhard, looking down on most people just for the sake of not sharing his toxic worldview.
You really a fan of self improvement and cleaning your room? Start by not reacting so defensively when someone dares to criticize your ideas.
"Isn't what that true responsibility comes down to, the acceptance of your place in a greater whole?"
Love you. Love your videos. Keep on keeping on.
Watching your videos actually makes me feel better on so many different levels, and changed my perspective of life, thank you. And please, keep it up 🙂
One of the most profound things a close friend of mine said to me after becoming a father (I'd been for several years at that point) was the realization that we don't get to die anymore. It was something I had realized but failed to articulate to myself so well. It's the mature masculinity of our 30s and beyond that I think everyone most of us do eventually internalize. It's what makes Aragorn such a good example for masculinity. He goes to war, does the fighting, then takes up the day to day responsibilities of a father, husband, and king willingly and happily.
Took me a second to understand but I got it with the book tie in
Another masterpiece. My sincerest compliments. You help me a lot with constructing my own stories, defining my main characters and stepping back, critically reviewing my own work. For that, I thank you.
I truly love all of these videos. They’re all so beautifully introspective and I always gain so much from them. Thank you!
This might be the best video I've seen on youtube. The message here is ever so important and feels now more significant than ever. If everyone of us does a part in helping, not acting selfish all the time and just simply being kind towards others, the world becomes a better place. You don't have to throw yourself infront of a gun to save others, sometimes a simple act of kindness and genuine help is enough to be a hero
I was on the cusp of becoming rock star, and had a few big names ready to collab, but I left it 'cause I knew it wouldn't make me fulfilled. Nowadays I'm working as a teacher. The angle of being unknown but doing good everyday is far more fulfilling, and I'm getting through to more people at a deeper level than I would as a rock star. Lookin' back at the people I idolised as a teen, none of them matter anymore as an adult. Those who taught me things have stuck in my mind more.
Teachers are great. A good teacher for 30-60 kids or so a year, gets to be a rockstar of learning every school day.
That's a pretty foolish way of thinking. "Leaving an impact" is irrelevant, and "doing good" is a worthless and self -validating endeavor. You've just found principles behind which to justify your mediocrity, a mental cage you've trapped yourself in.
On the contrary, Neo, he did not "leave his principles behind", he found and actualized them. He refused to pursue what was the most socially convenient, and that's the opposite or mediocrity.
You always leave the same idolatry for grandiosity under comments of people who chose to live their own lives. It's as if their choosing something different from yours triggers a strong feeling out of you. Your idolatry for heroism is actually conformity, and you react when other choose to go against it. But I guess grandiosity is talking, on youtube comments, about how other people are mediocre.
@@hfbhfb4806 Lmao
"he found and actualized them"
No that is definitely not what's going on here. He was not "socially pressured" into becoming a somewhat interesting human, he's making one of the most egregious and common mistakes people can make, giving up all ambition, all motivation, all their meaningful interests and sense of self, and then trying to rationalize all that as being okay, trying to justify failure by saying it was wrong to ever even attempt such things.
"people who chose to live their own lives"
And their choice is a poor one, inherently giving in to laziness and becoming an impotent, unsightly frogfish as opposed to a dynamic, shimmering marlin. It's a reduction in dynamism.
"It's as if their choosing something different from yours triggers a strong feeling out of you"
You'd be wrong to assume I'm angry or upset, but I do believe what I believe for reasons that have come from me thinking about them. To blindly act like all lifestyle choices are equally valid is to admit you've never even put much thought into it.
"Your idolatry for heroism is actually conformity"
Lol no
1. I do not value heroism, I value dynamism
2. Dynamism genuinely makes for more interesting organisms and to value it is inherently against conformity given 95% of people choose conformity over doing anything. This is your worst point by far and is completely delusional. Furthermore it does not even really matter whether my beliefs are conforming or non-conforming. I believe them for reasons and not out of an instinctual desire to reject or accept what others are doing. Stop assuming everyone else is burdened by your flaws.
"But I guess grandiosity is talking, on youtube comments, about how other people are mediocre."
I sincerely hope you didn't mean this as some epic "ha! gotcha, epic counter" moment. These comments take no significant amount of time to type such that even when very busy, as I am now, I can still write this out and not hamper my productivity in any notable way.
Each video of yours that I've seen has left me with much to think of. I thank you for spending the time to make these videos. I've found them immensely helpful.
Thank you so much, i've always been confused about this and you just laid it all out there, i can't believe how much I can relate to your perspective and this video truly helped me, Thanks a lot for researching and doing work around this topic.
Thanks for making this video. It is a nice reminder that we are not alone on the path of life.
I remember watching the last Bond movie (No Time to Die), during the scene where he is depicted as a "potential great father" by peeling off an apple for a young lady, and thinking how wrong this is. In his case, the "tragedy of not being able to be with his family" was useful because no one wanted to see him succumb to real-world obligations, and the one-minute effort with the apple replaced a life-long commitment.
It would be great to see how James handles loosening his muscles "because Daddy can't go to the gym everyday and do laundry at the same time," sleeping poorly because his child is sick, not drinking at all because "Daddys do not drink and drive, as it is extremely dangerous to be numb when taking care of a child," and not even thinking about flirting with other women because he doesn't want his baby girl to think he disrespected mommy, or that women are objects...... And worst of all, to sport a "baby on board" sticker on his beautiful Aston Martin.
Disclaimer: I like Bond films, specially the ones with Daniel Craig because offers a more complex character. And about the flirting, it is hilarious when your baby girls ask loudy " Papa, why that woman is smiling at you" at the supermarket.
Thank you so much for this video, it had me reflecting all morning on the films that influenced me growing up. I came close to tears when you brought up the Lord of the rings and Aragorn at the end. The heroes in LOTRs aren't heroic just for the sake of satisfying their own ego, they start off just wanting to help their friends and play their part. The true cost of the quest only becomes clear much later in their journey, but they rise to the challenge because it's the right thing to do
it might seem odd, but i am happy to see you struggling with the issue of heroic masculinity. i will try to be brief, because it is a gigantic theme, and interests me greatly.
a problem with almost all of the stories that you shared is one of immaturity. these are male heroes whose heroic arcs lead towards death or failure, because movement to a more mature phase of life isn’t even given as an option. those who create new stories and teach others to do so, i.e. write books on story for screenplays, novels, etc., have become stuck in one phase of the hero’s journey, that of the young adventurer. the only way to quit being a hero is to become a failure or to die a heroic death. this type of storytelling lacks wisdom.
i have come to see it archetypically like this: characters can go through the archetypical arcs of the maiden, hero, queen, king, crone, and mage. note, see k.m. weiland’s site or podcasts for a great take on all of this. a lot of what i’m trying to describe is much better explained by her.
so, what happens to a hero who completes his heroic task? he has the option to stay a hero, or he can move on to the next phase of maturity, the queen’s archetype: nurturing and learning how to take on responsibility for others (be they rabbits, hobbits, or the knights of the round table). in a similar way, a successful king can remain a king, and eventually succumb to a shadow type: weakling or tyrant, or they can move on to the more mature arc of the crone. completing the crone’s arc leads to the mage arc.
lotr is such a powerful story for reasons i never understood as a younger man. for much of the story, aragorn is in the archetypical queen’s arc while gandalf the grey is in the archetypical crone’s arc. eventually aragorn accepts his kingship while gandalf the grey becomes galdalf the white (crone to mage). the shadow mage saruman is overthrown. the shadow king of rohan is restored by the mage gandalf the white, the tyrant of minas tirith is brought down, bilbo (king of the shire in all but name) steps down and begins the crone’s arc, while frodo begins in the maiden’s arc and is saved by gollum from dying as a shadow mage…depending on how you interpret things.
i hope this isn’t too unclear. it is often difficult to explain abstract concepts succinctly. i am open to more discussion on this topic if you care to discuss it. thank you for the video, and best wishes to you
Well put
This reminds me of the work of psychologist Bill Plotkin at the Animas Valley Institute. He formulated an 8-stage model of human development, starting from the innocent in the nest (early childhood) and ending with the sage in the mountain cave (late elderhood). You might want to check it out.
@@hrvojebutkovic thank you, i will look for it.
Follow Me!
- Jesus
As an admirer of myths and a dabbler in psychology, I think you may be on to something here.
I forget where I first learned about it, but there is actually a masculine equivalent to the Maiden-Mother-Crone triad, so instead of the Three Faces of Eve, you have the Three Faces of Adam: Hunter, Lord and Prophet. If you're at all familiar with the _Assassin's Creed_ series of games, the Ezio Trilogy is an excellent illustration of this motif. The basic cycle is that a man begins his life as the Hunter, a soldier, a seeker of fortune and glory, the archetypal Hero. Later, he becomes the Lord a king, a father, one who settles down to build and defend his hard-won holdings, his home, his family, his people, _a man who nurtures._ Finally, he retires as the Prophet, a sage, a wizard, a man of wisdom who relinquishes much of his wealth and power in favor of guiding the next generation of young Hunters.
As you say, once the Hunter has completed his heroic task, he can either continue on as a Hunter or mature into a Lord. Oddly, there does seem to be some _resistance_ in the majority of our modern male heroes to mature into the Lord stage; they appear to much prefer remaining a Hunter, even dying as one. Some may put on the facade of the Lord as protector, but still desire the freedom of the Hunter, and so remain detached from the world as described in the video. But a Lord must be _involved_ with his people if he is to be effective; the root of the word itself refers to one who distributes bread to his community. Indeed, both Aragorn and Samwise are both shining examples of this, albeit at much different scales.
I get the impression that there are a lot of young men today who also would rather stay in the Hunter phase, forever living strong and free and seeking glory, and seeing any form of direct emotional involvement and nurturing as inherently weak and undesirable. It's hard to say for certain why that is (though I have some hypotheses), but I fear it will prove detrimental to both the health of the larger society and for those young men who are unable to progress in their own story.
(Also, I share your worries about making abstract discussions clear and succinct. Hopefully I've managed to make some sense as well... :) )
I can't express how much this resonated with me, almost cried at the end. Thank you.
I whole heartedly appreciate you and your content. It is grounding and thoughtful in a way that I genuinely crave to listen to.
i'm surprised there is such an imbalance of gender in your viewers, to me your videos seems pretty universal as long as you like movies. I am a women and I struggle a lot with those issues, heriosm, altruism, morality and purpose. I've done the right thing for the wrong reasons a lot. Thanks for your work it make me think and see myself through a new lens.
Same here
azerty6792 as a man I'm pretty sure women can find these characters cool, or something to aspire to be or deeply relatable because Batman and James Bond (daniel craig) have existential crises but a clear purpose at the end of the day and that's relatable to everyone. But let me know if I'm wrong. I find it hard to believe women don't love Batman because they relate to him. Stoic masculinity is a universal trait that anyone can relate to because it's the control of emotion. Feminity can be nurturing or caring so that's universal but it can also be freedom and emotion and expression. I'm not saying women are free and men are not I'm saying these are things unrelated to gender. But I don't really ever find myself imitating a female character I like except maybe Jessica Jones of the Netflix show. And Orphan/Batgirl Cassandra Cain. There are PLENTY of female characters I like... idk why I'm trying to analyze this it doesn't matter. The emotions characters with an existential crisis have are relatable to anyone. This wasn't about me, I was just trying to understand the differences between men and women but this is a pretty cringey comment so I'll just end it with emotions are universal and men like me have felt true feminity at times too. But feminity and masculinity are essentially in my context just emotions and everyone has emotions. Mostly.
as someone who also a woman, i totally get where you’re coming from. i think a part of the problem is how typical feminine qualities, are portrayed in media vs typical male qualities. the woman is perceived to be soft, caring, empathetic, where the man is usually shown to be stoic, non-feeling and heroic. growing up, seeing the “damsel in distress” portray these qualities really influenced me to be the exact opposite, and tried to emulate the “hero”. i was young when i started to learn to push away my feelings, and as i grew up took to more, i guess, more extreme? ways of hiding my emotions, to not appear “weak”. to push away those typically female associated qualities and emulate more masculine ones. its only now that i’m realizing how harmful that was, and now starting to undo all those years of repressed emotions. and of course, it wasn’t just shows that influenced me, but i think the media we consume (especially while still developing) plays a large part in how we start to view the world. these tropes ultimately hurt everyone. young boys are taught that “acting like a woman” and exuding feminine associated traits are a weakness, which just leads to more repressed and emotionally stunted boys who adopt a toxic view of what masculinity is. and young girls are taught that their femininity is to be considered a weakness, and that you are to be saved, not the one to do the saving. you’re to be the caretaker, responsible for regulating mens emotions because it isn’t expected of them. that’s not what the hero does, but its what you do. i think as a society, when we stop expecting men to act one way, to “act manly”, and stop expecting women to act another way, “act like a lady” and abolish these stupid roles will be a large step in the right direction. anyways those are just my ramblings, and something i’ve been thinking about for awhile now.
Jesus is the embodiment of God, Hero, Inspiration, Gentleman, Love, Justice, Focus, Strength, Human, Light, Compassion, Joy, Friend, Example, The Man!
I mean all sacrificing-type-hero fiction look up to Him as inspiration. He is the true one from start to finish, every other hero is false and made up.
Matthew 20:25-28 (WEB) But Jesus summoned them, and said, “You know that the rulers of the nations lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them.
It shall not be so among you, but whoever desires to become great among you shall beyour servant.
Whoever desires to be first among you shall be your bondservant,
even as the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
As one of your 15% audience I must say all was amazing but especially I loved the ending part that you talked about true meaning of life and maintaining all other roles with the masculine heroic purpose and Dr. Frankl's words❤️ Thank you ❤️ Everytime you post a video I feel so peaceful because I know I'm gonna listen to something that makes sense and is honest and gives hope in this chaotic world.
(I'm actually amazed that we are only 15%) ...... wonderful essay, thank you yet again, Like Stories of Old xxx
@@jylyhughes5085 exactly, I was like "where are my girl's at?" Lol
I was looking for this comment lol
It makes me a little sad that there are so few women here, though
Hallo Girls! :)) Nice to see some of that 15% enjoying the always enjoyable content of Like Stories of Old. It's not the first time I'm being accused of liking men stuff (like sci-fi), but I would never thought this channel of something specifically for men but rather to the whole of Humanity. Anyway Like Stories of old never disappoints, thanks for the best 33 minutes of my day ^^
Here here! I was also surprised by how small the female portion was. I wonder if the reason is because women fulfill their philosophy cravings in other places? As when I joined a philosophy group, I stopped watching this types of videos less. There is also the fact that that group consisted of more women than men (which might have to do with women being socialized/taught to be more social). So maybe there are less women viewers in this channel because they discuss philosophy in more social settings than more insular ones like a UA-cam video (not that there is anything wrong with discussion philosophy this way, both have their benefit and negatives. I have found this insular way more focused.)
First time commenting on one of your videos, but just want to say you are hands down one of my favorite UA-cam channels and with each and every video I leave with more thoughts and new exciting conversations on life. Can’t thank you enough for all the amazing work you do!
Loved the video. Great ideas and raised a question I have myself asked. I have been a Stoic for over 4 years now but have gotten to something of the same issues when really digging deeper into what complete control over emotions and thoughts can do. As a Stoic I have 4 virtues I’m supposed to always rely on, but disregard a few and this “detachment” from those around you including your responsibilities, can quickly take over. It’s a fine line and one anyone, that is really trying to be a good human and find your purpose in life, can accidentally or purposely, fall into.
This is so beautifully done. Thank you! Your story resonates so strongly with my story. I too read Deida in my early 20's and I too fell in love with and lived much of my 20's and early 30's chasing the myth of the heroic masculine purpose (and loving the same movies ;-) ). I am now 38 and a father of two beautiful children and I am trying my best to live a life of service to them while still being true to my own authentic yearnings and attemping to be of service to the world at large. Yes, fatherhood has definitely rubbed my face in my own selfishness (and laziness) masquerading as noble and idealistic altruistic visions of making my "dent in the universe". It's hard. And, yes, it's hard sometimes to know when I am truly being of service vs. being trapped in my own delusions of grandeur. I have obviously not figured it all out (do we ever fully?) of course, but this video helped me to articulate some of my own intuitions around this and, honestly, it just felt really good to hear someone else put a voice to it. Again, thank you!
Well said! I second that! And can relate to much of what you’ve said.
Rust is actually more realistic depiction of "real life superhero", despite being obviously written in a certain way, he feels more like a real life human because there's more to him than just his ramblings and stoicism. Great video still.
True. Also, unlike other characters, he doesn't really believe that he's making a difference, he thinks the world is impossible to fix, and he doesn't really like his job. He does it because he probably couldn't do anything else.
Thank you for the work you do. Your integration of scenes from current movies to reinforce your message is very effective.
This is such a great episode because you guy the nail on the head about purpose, heroic masculine purpose and for part 4 what it did for you. You wouldn't give up what you have now so there is value to the masculine. That's growth.
Great video, I have an 8 year old daughter that I took over full time at the beginning of Covid...a lot of this video resonated with me as I internalized the latter part of the video where it mentioned "your name won't be remembered for it"....I've put off indefinitely other goals and aspirations to focus on my child and in so doing have consciously given up of some career growth with the goal of being more present in her life. I think true masculine purpose comes from properly supporting his family and that's what we lack in all societies today. My point is supported by the data on this channel...85% of subscribers are men...this channel goes over stories that in my humble opinion aim to help us find connection and purpose via stories...we are all looking for more that this life is not giving us as men (and women to be fair). I think often of the phrase..."by small and simple things shall great things come to pass"...while that's a scripture reference I think it applies to this discussion. It's by the small simple acts that are consistent in our lives that drive for the good as a collective...if we all did that day to day consistently imagine the world we could live it.
Another beautiful video from my favorite UA-cam channel. 😍
I'm also reminded of this zen saying:
“Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.”
Wow. This video hit the spot. The masculinity you portrayed was, in every nook and cranny, the same I experienced. I am glad I can look back at that time now and merely feel cringe at my grandiose thoughts. I know a lot of them had it a lot tougher than that, and might not have made it out with their lives even.
Thank you for your video, you are truly a master of words to have summed up 10 years of my life in 30 minutes. Subscribed.
Thank you so much man, you have no idea the impact this video has had on me. I too was thinking and obsessing over finding my heroic purpose not realising that in doing so I was ignoring the people close to me. I will not make this mistake again. Thank you!