Please stop my parents from fighting every day! [Hello Counselor/ENG, THA/2019.02.25]
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- Опубліковано 24 сер 2024
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Hello Counselor EP.401
- Guests : Park Jiyoon, Bae Yoonjung, Hyomin, Rowoon, Chani
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Ironically the daughter is much more mature than both parents combined.
I agree
Yes and they are lucky to have her in their life.. Mature enough to think for her parents and bring them to a show to indirectly help them... I wish that hello counselor would be here in my country so that I could also help my parents because our family is not stable...
But, in this case.... The weight is more to be blamed by the husband. After hearing the side of wife... What she faces everyday is not easy... i have been there that you are like a middleman or act like one to relay things and explains things to the other side and that is too stressful...
@@yachishairclips2250 yea. Unfortunately hello counselor only at korea. Most middle age guy like him not become mature but more childish as time flies by. Hope he understand and try to understand his wife and daughter's concern
So true and the father keeps on blaming the wife. Why can’t he include himself for the blame since he gets aggravated too. I say go ahead and divorce. Healthier for all of them. Most man doesn’t realize it but woman are a lot stronger than man no kidding. Man thinks they can handle being alone for the first few months but they will eventually feel depression after.....while woman goes thru a stage right away and get better in less than a year. I know, I’ve been there and it’s not very pretty. I don’t like the divorce idea because who would want a broken family right? But if it involves healthy living for each and everyone of them then I say go go go fighting!!!
i kinda excuse the mom she already has alot on her mind i dont think she's capable of tolerating more stress .. at some point she will explode and it'll be bad..
It's funny, parents are supposed to protect children from harm, but the older sister is protecting the child from the parents.
Deep
@@aeriexol2080 1
1
I think that's rather sad
If he doesn’t like her cooking then he should cook himself! She’s cooking you a meal even though she’s tired. Be grateful! Man.. if it were me I’d divorce him. I could not stand that. Bad for mine and children’s mental health.
Yeah it's ridiculous. I wouldn't go so far as to recommend divorce as I think divorce hurts the children way more than domestic fights, statistically speaking. But I cook for my gf all the time and I know that sometimes she pretends to like my food even though I think it's too salty. I love her more for it, and it makes me try harder the next time. It's about being grateful... He looks down on his wife and doesn't see her as his equal. That's the problem. If his boss made him bland food, I bet he would lie and say he loves it.
She might be staying because he could get the kids. Korea still has poor divorce laws
Bruh my parents are much more worse that that.....I can't explain ._.
Poor children, if her cooking so bad then just buy food, why so hard* sigh
My parents are the same it started when i was only 5, it was upsetting my sister would protect me, i asked my sister one day why don't our parents just divorce she said my name and said because mom loves dad so its hard to actually like leave him, its not easy to leave a person that you loved that quickly..
once the lady opened up abt her job then I kind of understand her ... she gets emotionally drained then comes home to a grumpy man who doesn't help but complains... he already looks like a control freak and has temper... the daughter looks heart broken and the five yr old is cute but the dad needs to get his stuff together..
p.s. why are husbands so lazy after marriage its annoying
When the husband started talking I knew right away that he was the problem.. He complains all day and gets angry and aggressive, I can't imagine having to live with someone like that. Tbh she should just divorce him, then he can cook his own meals and have things his way :)
not all husbands are like lazy, my dad hes a amazing father, he cleans the house and hes always saying i love you..hes very sweet C:
yess, i feel like its some kind of traditional mindset - where husband just go out to work and earn, while leaving everything else to the wife.. such a toxic mindset
Salma Speaks not all husbands :(
my dad is really awesome
he takes cares of us
works
supports the family and even other poor families
cleans the house
and makes food sometimes
Fr sometimes the consulors don’t get it in my opinion there is konzipiert for this man to change poor wife and children she should get a divorce
Hyowon: He cries so I take him to my room
???: What about you, Uju? (Chani)
Chani : "The opposite. My little brother took me to his room"
ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
8:51
yungja
Okay so when the hosts were tasting the food they said it was perfectly seasoned but the husband said it was bland. I don’t think it’s the case of him preferring very salty food. If a person has been a heavy smoker for a long time they can kill their tastebuds. So to taste the same flavours they NEED higher amounts of it. I think his smoking has killed his tastebuds so he says its bland not because he prefers salty food, but because he can’t taste the normal amount of salt.
Maybe
Also, once you develop a habit of constantly nagging in everything you won't find any good in it. My brother does that to my mother no matter how food she cooks. He will nitpick one food but then after a few days say that why can't she cook like she did the other day and she can't cook anything right.
true, also as you get older your sensitivity to salt decreases. the fact that he’s smoking and eating food with high amounts of salt really isn’t good for the body
yeah
@@anisatajy9445 i really hate someone like your brother. cause its just like my dad. at some point he even buy food for himself rather than eat my mom's cooking, when i find my mom's cooking mostly delicious. if i make new eating combination from her cooking my dad suddenly finds it tasty again. its all about creativity and being grateful but all they gonna do is nag.
The little bro looks so much younger than 5, I hope he doesn't lose his innocence.
Angel Angel its using the Korean age system so he is probably 3/4
@@mariaa560 Naeun from TROS is 5yrs old in korean age but she's a little matured than this boy..
@@kpopfans7284 Apparently Naeun is big for her age though.
@@ragamuffin1588 who's Naeun?
Angel Angel I don't know if this is true but I've heard that some really young kids who have parents that fight can have delayed responsrs due to trauma...I'm no physiologist tho and so I can't confirm this
I like how Yeongja explained things for the husband. I don't understand how he couldn't have known this himself but sometimes people need things broken down and explained simply.
Michelle D I think it’s cause people are innately selfish. You know? Like the world we live in is from our perspective so we never stop to think we are in the wrong or what we say hurt other people and it’s always about how “I’m suffering” or something
Kristina Chao I agree.
@@kristinachao350 Some people are, others aren't innately selfish. That's what creates so many 'give but never receive' abusive relationships.
Yeongja is inspirational honestly
@@kristinachao350it is very simple he is a narcissist and of things go bad for him everyone has to suffer you know fr this is way too toxic I hope they got a divorce
"If you're both working to earn money, you should both raise the kids. Why only me? Why am I alone need to do all house chores?" - lee yongja
deep words, every married women that is facing the same situation must be thinking the same thing
I can relate to this girl....my parents fighting almost everyday too and i think my personality has change so much since i can never open myself to them and i always keep it in my heart. And actually its really hurt my heart seen them fight....and all i want is just disappear from them
I feel you. That also happened to me five years ago when I was only 16years old. After my mother died, my father and my sister fight a lot. Since then I have turned into a more closed person and it is not easy to tell my problems with others. Even now I prefer to be alone, doing the things I like makes me feel much better. Cheer up, do the things you like to make yourself feel better😊✌
Stay strong. I don’t know how old you are but please try to talk to your parents about it, and bring up such issues. It’ll take time and a lot of courage but unless you try to do something something or the other will snap.
i know the feeling
Aww.. I hope you will be able to have a better day ;-;
😭
So how she cooks is more important than the family's mental health and wellbeing? He's talking about how they've been married for a long time yet her cooking hasn't improved, but he hasn't improved as a person either even after all those years. His priorities are all messed up.
its so foolish to assume children dont know anything just cause they are young..
my parents fought everyday until they separated when i was 6..
i remember those fights more than anything.. it's still the most vivid thing in my memory..
truthfully, parents who fight in front of their children are terribly affecting their children without even realizing..
they lose alot of trust in people at a young age and that carries over to adulthood..
even worse if when they use you as a excuse to fight..
children will start blaming themselves, i know i did..i still do even though they tell me otherwise..
this problem just reminded me of my childhood..
I feel the same. Me myself keep blaming myself if anything bad happen. My sibling keep said that I need to love myself more not be hard to myself but I can't help it. It indeed vivid memory. I always think that it my fault that my parent divorce.
@@mujakim2889 yea.. i blamed/blame myself for my parent's fights and divorce too..
Sometimes i think, maybe if i wasnt born..they would still be married..
15:22 lmao I cried when her brother ran and hug her .😭❤️
Having A Bias Is Better Than Having A Boyfriend ME TOO SIS
Only now that I'm older I understand what Yeongja was doing when she was eating all that food. The dad always said mean things about the food she made saying that it wasn't tasty and refusing to eat it. She wasn't being glutinous or funny. Yeongja did what the mom wanted to see. Someone eating her food deliciously without leaving anything behind. Such a simple yet touching gesture
I noticed that too. It's a nice gesture.
My logic is you have hands right? Use those hands to make yourself food. No one is going to cater to your needs 24/7. Learn how to take care of yourself. I know that it is nice to eat with your family. If you cannot take care of yourself how are you going to take care of others?
This is true but this is also a matter of culture, Im pretty sure theyre used to the women doing these things, Im not saying it's right but sadly this is the reality of a lot of cultures
@@sonialopez1919 It is also the reality of some cultures that 7 year old children get married off to 30 year old men. Culture will never be and has never justified wrongdoing.
That man would be begging her to come back if she ever left him....she does everything and he lounges around
Yoongi'sThreeDollarChain you right👏🏼👏🏼 that guy doesn’t deserve her tbh🤷🏻♀️👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🤧
I hope I will never see a man like that. I literally cursed many times while watching this😤 the way he kept sighing, repeating 짜증637372847x and playing victim made my blood boiled🔥🔥🔥
Okay so because you are impatient and used to getting your way, your daughter cant make decisions and is becoming indecisive and unable to think for herself. Be better....ugh....the parents sound like children.
But I understand the mom, I don't understand their dad...
the dad only
This is a typical product of a boy, growing up thinking that a wife will take care of everything in his life a.k.a "perfect wife" and becomes emotionally lazy. Luckily the husband of this subject is willing to change but what about the children who never had the courage to confront their parents like this girl? Or everything is too late to be saved and everyone in the family had to live with scars caused by the father-- someone who is supposed to protect and guide the family? Dear mothers around the world, please train your sons to HELP with the house chores (including cooking). Believe me, in the future, their wives and your grandchildren will be so thankful to you for raising your sons like that.
The mcs try to save the situation as much as they can by saying things like “u didn’t mean it right” but in this kind of situation staying together as a couple will only aggravate and make the situation worst than ever...
I love the look that the 5 year old had when he saw his big sister
It seems that he wasn't talking from heart in the end. He just want to keep his maid.
The mom should divorce, this man is useless
My mom and dad got separated when I was about 3. The fights between my mom and step dad were huge. They had two children together. I remember my mom crying in the room while she locked my step dad out with us three inside. I had to grow up quickly. Not only did I have to comfort my brother's, I had to comfort my mother as well. It was those moments I wanted someone to comfort me. My dad knew this was going on, but I didn't want to move in with him. I didn't want to leave my brother's or my mother behind. Situations like these do get better, even if the progress is small. The fights are still happening, but they aren't as big or threatening as they used to be. My brothers, they cry everytime they see someone cry because they used to see my mother cry all the time. It's concerning how these types of things are common, and the ones that are the most affected are the innocent ones, the children. I'm sorry it's long 😅
Parents are children's world. When you are fighting each other, you are tearing their world's apart.
Why can't he cook
Marilyn Blaine fat mood
the real question. why dont he cook for himself.
Exactly
Or BUY A MEAL
when i was her age i PROBABLY wanted my parents to make amends
but sometimes people can't change, so even if her parents did make amends, their urges wouldn't change
for the last few years i wanted and STILL want my parents to get a divorce more than anything
My mom and dad fighting a lot through mine, my lil bro and sis childhood until they divorce I was 14 years old ,my lil bro 11 and sis 7
namie Aguilar I’m shook, my parents fight and I’m 13, my sister is 10, and my other sister is 5.
Hello Counselor: the show that makes you realize, “Huh, divorce isn’t as bad as I thought it was”.
8:10 tbh aside from the show not having professionals appear, i DO like how they always remember to praise the kids when they mention that they get high scores or awards or whatever
This show is for entertainment, and to increase general awareness of these issues. I'm pretty sure they have professionals behind the scenes, or refer people to them.
I really feel bad for this girl, me and my little sister are ten years apart too. My mom was in soo much pain and had problems with even going to the washroom during the last months of her pregnancy and after my sister was born, my dad was the one who took care of my mom and our house throughout that entire time.
Having a peaceful home gives you a lot of relief after a stressful day, and we will always have faith in relationship and know that your family will be there for you no matter what.
I hope this poor girl and her brother gets to experience that and not a violent and abusive family.
1. The father blaming the mom and daughter for being indecisive when choosing something, yet insisting on his choice on eating something else when the daughter decisively wanted to eat bulgogi pizza
2. Saying that he's sleeping in and watching kdrama when he neglected to feed the toddler son, leaving him starving the whole day. Yet the father said that "i haven't even eaten, why could my son eat?" Like bruh he clearly, for some reason, just refused to make food for himself and his son
3. Saying that the father is addicted to PC room games as the reason of neglecting his wife who was in a hospital for a severe sickness
This guy just doesn't have his family as his top priority and keeps making excuses for neglection wtf
So relatable. And that was the reason why I'm afraid to get married.
T-ara was my girl group obsession in middle school, I can’t believe it’s been so long. It’s nice to see SF9 is doing good.
Yo that baby brother of hers was so cute when he ran to her my heart melted omg
When I see something like this I can't stop thinking about the future.😪
The husband seems like he has no emotional investment for his family 🙄
He keeps complaining about her cooking as if he can't do anything about it. How about cooking your own damn meal for once, the father is childish af
I think it's because he smokes...but yea I agree he should cook his own food if he doesn't like it
My sister ex is like this. Play game all day, waited for her to come home and cook him a meal. Glad she dump him, he's a deadbeat.
The girl and her mother is so pretty !
I grew up this way. I used to pray for my parents to divorce. They fought in public, ruined special events for me either before or after they occurred and just embarrassed us with it. I never invited my friends over because I was always afraid they'd start arguing.
I hope mama leaves him so that her and her children have PEACE.
During the whole episode, I was waiting for someone to offer the mother some tissue. She was wiping her tears with her hoodie sleeves so uncomfortably.
he need to order take out if he doesn't like her cooking there are many ways to solve that situation. poor girl
I watched lot of stories in Hello Counselor and i got one thing that almost every suffer in marriage happened because of one of the person that related to the marriage relationship is still EGOISTICAL. Thinking all about them self but not for other people that related to the relationship.
The husband just so ego, when the wife working that hard in the office and in the family tho, but he's not even helping. Thinking that he always right and be a victim over his wife cook that fine for the mcs. What the heck that ego attitude?!
Dont get married if you still only think about yourself. Get the life lesson, people. Unless you wanna suffer in your marriage then.
She may as well be a single mother. All he does is eat, sleep and complain.
She'll be better off that way.
I feel like he has learnt helplessness. He's so used to his wofe nagging that he stopped caring and became helpless and became subject to complaining as well. Them the wife fell into depression for not understanding the husband's behaviour. They need to talk,, like really talk
You just described my parents
I dont want to say it’s all the husband’s fault but uk the only think the wife needs is a simple “good job honey, you have it hard”
"if me, my young bro picking up me on the room" why i laugh with this part xv
My father was exactly like this for 21 years while he was married with my mother. Once she started to rebel a bit he exploded and she decided to break off the relationship. After she divorced him she told me she has never felt happier.
It's so funny that Chani was mini Yuchun from DBSK. He has grown up well and I'm glad he is doing well.
This is so close to what I went through all my life growing up. My parents used to fight all the time and it could start over nothing and my father would throw things. The MCs were right when they said for kids growing up it’s like being afraid of a war. I was afraid of saying anything to them thinking they might yell at me. I’m almost 20 years old now and this episode just makes me wish I had a sibling. The younger brother is very fortunate to have a mature sister like her.
when the husband said after 16 years of marriage her cooking hasn’t improved. i laughed at Chani because he instantly put his anger towards tracing what’s on the pillow
At first I thought the parents were immature but after knowing what her mom had to face at her workplace. I kind of understand her. The biggest problem is the husband.
You gotta throw the whole man away
I don't know if I should thank Yoonjung for making Rowoon do that 'dirty wave' or just die already 😩😂😂
Sometimes is better a good divorce than a bad marriage. Read their body language. They are always showing their back to each other.
I cried cuz I can really relate to this. I grew up watching my dad abuse my mom, and it was 1 of the scariest things to watch. And because I was alone and had no one to talk to, I became closed off and would cry alone. In my opinion, they need to go to a marriage councillor, they both need serious help. I’m rooting for their kids :D
parents should understand that fighting in front of their kid will leave a permanent scar, the younger the age, the worsened. Most kid can understand things since age 3 and at that age is the time where your character start to built. I can still remember my parent fought badly almost everyday when I was a lil kid. Now I got startled and panic everytime someone raised their voice at me, my breath became irregular and my heart beat fast. People thought I'm weak and I guess they are right. I want to change but I can't. My parent rarely fought now, but the damage was done and unfortunately I'm the victim.
His reading in the beginning was hilarious 🤣
Things are always "flying" in my house, and here i am, watching this while eating my squids. I feel you girl 😂
상담일 하시는구나..어쩐지 목소리가 너무이쁘시더라
Is it just me or anyone else also thought that the husband really looked like JYP😂😂
22:52 LMAO Yeongja is such a mood
pregnancy last year?! I can't believe shes still intimate with that man.
The kid is 3/4 (5 in Korea) use your brain.
@@ragamuffin1588 if you watch the video she made a comment that she was in the hospital for ectopic pregnancy. No need to come at me like that.
@@ragamuffin1588 @25:15
Parents should’ve given a chance to the kids to think, to make choices, and hence the kids can be independent and be responsible of their own choices. If the parents decide everything without giving chances or let the kids decide for themselves, of course the kids can be indecisive, or not even dare to make any decisions and just “no, my choice / decision must be wrong, i must wait for my parents’ decision because they must be right.” Or “i can’t trust myself to make decisions because mine’s always wrong.” They kids will most likely have one or all these thoughts throughout their lives.
And this is just one of the problems. Not to mention about the husband and wife’s communication problem, shared housework responsibilities, lack of child rearing, arguing in the right way (sometimes arguing is inevitable, but do it *outside* the house, not after dinner like the wife suggested because THE KIDS STILL CAN HEAR IT), how to appreciate each other including not shame the other while in the presence of other people, etc. *THEY NEED FAMILY THERAPY*
This is like a mirror of my own family, how great
온종일 일하고 와서 저녁 까지 해서 주는데 짜다 싱겁다 탓다… 어떤 누가 말을 좋게 합니까? 짜증나지, 아저씨!!! 쫌!!!
He is the cutest thing i have ever seen
This is really sad. I hope my future husband will not be like him. I'm glad my parents were never like this. They help each other in the kitchen sometimes and my dad sometimes washes the dishes for my mom. They talk out things with each other wether it's about work or other things. They rarely fought with each other. Sometimes I would hear them late at night in the kitchen arguing about stuff but it wasn't screaming or throwing stuff. Just raising their voices (this is while me and my brother were in our rooms "sleeping").
Divorce him girl you deserve better and deserve to be happy. Being alone doesn't mean you will be sad and miserable actually being with someone that just weighs you down is worse. Take your kids with you and restart your life.
"her cooking didn't improve during marriage" that's why you nag? you married a girl you didn't hire a chef >>> such a selfish man
RIGHT!!!! what if she complain, your salary didn't improve during marriage? i feel like punching this man on his face. if it doesnt suit your taste, cook by yourself! or hire a maid,or eat outside or whatever there's other like thousands of choice other than complaining every single day! or is it so hard to tell it nicely that you want it a bit more salty or whatever you want. just die eating that all salty food by yourself! gahhh so annoying. this type of men that think that their job is only to work and earn money, while actually the wife ALSO works, but do all other house chores need to end.
She loves and cares for her brother so much :(
남편이 저딴식으로 내도록 잔소리를 하면 없던 짜증도 나겠다. 내가 알아 저런걸. 나도 이제 대놓고 남편 뚫어지게 노려봐 준다. 아봐 남편. 밥먹을 때만이 아닐거야. 평소에 모든 곳에서 그럴거야. 자기가 그렇게 했다고 기억도 못하잖아.
여행 가서 하아… 알만하네. 분명 애들 앞에서 엄마라는 사람 무시 하면서 그랬겠지.
결국 상처받은 엄마는 그럴 애들한테 풀고.
내 아들이 나한테 이러다 아빠한테 또 혼나 라는 소리 듣고 그날 난 내 남편 잡았었지. 니가 잘못했으니까 니가 고쳐. 가정 지키고 싶거든
힘들게 일하면서 애 키우는 니 부인 불.쌍.하.다. 너가 말투를 부드럽게 해. 잔소리를 하지말고. 이…… 욕나와
i understand how the kids feel bcs i have been in the daughter's place, she is at least a teenager but the son is only 5 years old it could affect him when he grows up
Parents fighting in front of the children is a big no no- 😑
Oh god I'm sooooooooo so so mad!! I can't believe this man! I'm so shocked so that I can't even talk.. Let me chill down first and take a breath
First of all let's be honest I don't think that there is a great solution except "Divorcing" And I also think that the parents can't handle each other anymore.. Like I know divorcing is such a hard thing especially for their kids but there isn't any clear solution except this. I'm on the wife's side I'm sure she feels stressed and as I can see the husband doesn't care whatever happenes to her, What a bad and harsh man! I feel sorry for the girl it must have been difficult for her.
man, if you don't like your wife's cooking, then cook yourself! she does way more than her husband yet he expects her to cook perfect, delicious food. what is wrong with him?
her brother is so adorable
All those sky castle references gets me all the time 😂😂😂
Her little brother is so cuteeeeeeeeee omgggggggggggg
22:52 I love this part, she's so funny!
My family is the same... they yell about the dumbest things. I used to get scared when I was little and hid in a closet 😂 I’ve gotten used to it now, I can relate to this girl so muchhh
I thought the father was JYP with glasses when they first showed him!!
2:50 lol I’m American and I find this cleaner than anything I’ve seen here in LA like take a look at the music videos this is innocent compared to some of the things here
they should divorce
I know this has nothing to do with the concern but I just have to say. Hyeonsu is so cute💙 and handsome . He could be an idol/actor when he'll grew up.
Rowoon is soooooooooo cute !!!!😆😆😍😍😍😍❤️❤️
The girl want their parents still together; but as a kid who grow with the same concern, I can say that she will wanna in the future 😔
아내가일하고 애 픽업해서 저녁까지 차려주면 남편도 일 끝나고 퇴근해서 빨래하고 청소하면 되겠네. 본인 드라마 볼 시간은 있고 애 밥 챙겨줄 시간은 없으면 그건 아버지가 아니라 남이지 남. 앞만 보고 댓글 달았는데 뒤를 보니까 보면 볼수록 가관이네. 가족으로 살 자신이 없으면 결혼을 하지 말고 혼자 살았어야지 결혼을 왜 해서 아내한테도 딸한테도 아들한테도 피해를 주면서 사냐고.
I think that instead of aggressively arguing back and forth that they should speak in a respectful manner to each other. They should solve their differences by communicating like adults. When I went for my checkup the pediatrician noticed that I had anxiety and she asked me why. I told her about my parent’s issue with arguing and she told my mom that my parents should resolve their issues in a calm manner. This happened a few years ago and I recalled it as I watched this episode. A piece of advice that I would give is to try to resolve conflicts in front of your children to teach them problem solving. Kids are much smarter than parents may think that they are and they know when tension is present. This would not only help the couple but also teach their children how to solve an argument.
I would say the husband is definitely the main problem. He needs to realize that nagging isn't the way to start a conversation, he should ask about her day, try to comfort her and help out with the chores.
the biggest fault here goes to the dad...u can see hw he behave the whole time in the video...and somehw made me feel like he doesnt love her at all.
sure the mom is also at fault, cuz she shouldnt bring home the stress from work but since she doesnt has any way to release then she juz throw them at the family members.
훌륭한 프로그램 입니다
방송인들 너무 훌륭해요
While Everyone's Complimenting The Mother's Cooking
*Yeongja Over Here Is Having A Full Course Meal--*
Omfg he gets on my nervesssssss
when hyeonsu ran to his sister that was so cute 😭
*okay first of all, my ship looks so cute together*
Her lil brother so cute ♡ I mean ♡ Really cute ! ♡
Concern starts at 4:56
Children are the mirror of their parents . They should both changed for their children's sake. I cant imagine how scary it is to witnessed incident especially for a child.
The parent need to learn how to respect each other . They need to learn how to communicate with each other without shouting or criticizing each other . One must first listen in order to understand. Since they are husband and wife , they should also learn how to tolerate each other .Give and take .
Dont ruined other people's life because of your own selfishness . The kids deserved to live in a peaceful happy environment. They are emotionally distressed because of the fear . Its so sad :'(
This is look very stressful. But, my parents marriage worst than theirs. And they still together. And i am alone try to defence myself from their shits