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I am 50......Dear God...why didn't I do this 20 years ago? Please God...give me a chance to have peace in my life...all i want is peace...and stability...i feel so used / ignored....
This was my life for years, along with a covert narcissist sister, until I finally quit playing along. That's when all Hell broke loose. A narcissist doesn't like it when you stop being her emotional supply. I've moved far away and have little contact and I don't have any expectations or desires about having any familial ties with them. What they do or say has no effect on me anymore.
I need to give myself permission to not need to have the family that I’ve always wished I had. I want to not want them. I need to look outside all the hurt and start living the life that I can create. I have a long ways to go.... I am done being miserable and stop being addicted to this misery!
This is one of my favorite videos because It has all you need to overcome your problems. Acknowledging the inner child's influence in your present days problems is the key. Reminding yourself that you are an adult now, you have choices that that helpless child (that you were)never had is sometimes all you need to keep yourself in the present. The present is where you want to be! Thank you so much Jerry Wise for your wonderful videos that help so many people to be happier.
I had to go no contact with my family of origin because I no longer wanted to be their scapegoat. My narcissistic DIL launched a smear campaign against me because of her injury and rage and turned my family against me. There were problems long before she entered the picture but after grieving, I had more inner peace. Because of some issues with our estate, I will have to go home for a short visit but boundaries are in place and will have an exit plan if necessary. Expectations are low and will not engage in any discussion that incites irrational reaction. I am not wrestling with pigs and getting dirty. My son is married to a malignant narcissist who can convolute reality and people are duped. He is so blindsided and trauma bonded but we are communicating better but my boundaries are firmly in place. I no longer need the approval of the family system or their flying monkeys but aware that members of my family of origin will not change. Observing and not absorbing is the best way to avoid the drama especially this holiday season.
The thing that bothers me is when lies are told about me and other people believe those malignant lies. I have lost friends and even some family members due to the lies. I want to defend myself and desire for the truth be told. But it does not work, these narcs have such a hold over people.
It is soooo hard but justifying and defending just creates opposition, we get sucked into their game. To the people believing their smear campaign, you stand proud and stay in your power and simply say (even if it’s just energetically in your own head ❤️) “those things aren’t true and I’m sorry your listening to that.”
@@dawnacoxon3111 You are absolutely right and this is exactly what I have been doing. I actually was in a position to leave all that negativity behind and walk away from that toxic situation. Thank you for your wise words.
Hey I am happy about anything that works, that really works, I am happy anyone feels better using any method. EFT has not worked for everyone, but does work for many. Jerry
What ever I have done in my life was to impress my family, I worked and gave money and everything I had. I build my life around my father he was like God to me. Until I moved away then I started to realise that was me that used to reache to them, it was me that phoned and cares. They stabbed me at the back but I allways looked for them for excuses. But now I can't anymore, my glass is full of pain and rejection. I still question myself why, I know I will never get answers. This video is helping me a lot I watch it over and over and I m still watching it...because I m still hurting. Its been a month now since I stoped talking to them.....
True! I felt neglected, emotionally traumatized. It hurt. Sometimes I wonder if I just expected too much.....Or was it too much? It doesn't matter really. Whether I was too entitled/selfish or too neglected/ignored- it hurts either way due to unmet needs/wants/expectations. I miss my parents so much. I feel like I never had enough of them. But they are who they are. It was my illusion and fantasy that one day they'd pay attention to me and my feelings and would naturally want to be interested in me. What a stupid idea it was! It will never likely to happen if it hadn't already occurred in the last 4 decades. Chances are that in the next 4 decades they'll wakeup and realize they want me in their life are so small that I'd better stop waiting. They are too busy with their own life to even think about me - and I need to let go of that idea that parents must naturally desire to stay connected with me and to stay in touch with me forever. It is my one-sided attachment, one-sided yearning and longing and missing them that causes the pain in me. The only way to stop the pain is to stop missing them and wanting them to miss me too. For that to happen, I need to cut off my attachment to them. I'm working on it now. I'm grieving the death of my illusion of my parents and I wish to release the emotional pain. Then, once I finish grieving, I will be able to accept reality in peace and become my own self-loving parent.
Sorry about the sad events from the past and your trauma Thank you for watching... “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
i agree and disagree... i agree that we shouldnt let our relatives bother us however i think we should all be around people who celebrate us, not just barely tolerate because we are related to them. if being happy and healthy means having little or no contact w/ ur blood relatives then so be it. im slowly healing from a narcissistic and if i can do it so can anyone else, its possible!
Let go of toxic family, yet always pray for them to receive Wisdom and Godliness. We want all to be in Heaven! Hopefully we don’t become selfish, hedonistic and use “letting go of family” to be an excuse to be evil and live in sin.
Jerryyyyyy wiseee!!!!! OMG i was feeling rage and anger for what my mother has done to me,,you just opened another window to my freedom through this video..i am mature, i can unmesh with them, and not feel sorry. Also not waste time in understanding or changing them as they are just imperfect people who refused to change..my heart is lightttttt through this video thank you soo much..i was hated very much by her, i shamed her, she only saw me to be a maid..surprisingly i am building a business of class of which i am turning out to be veryyyy much wanted by my clients due to my skills and offers..i should drop what she put on to me,and simply take off with this beautiful mature life of mine i am building😊😊😊
I'm glad this videos was helpful to you and brought to you lightness, self differentiation is about maintaining that lightness in the relationship with yourself and also in challenging relationships with others. keep up the good work ❤️
Incredibly clear! (And, for me, quite timely). Thank you, again, Jerry! Your videos should be getting tens of thousands of viewers! I feel fortunate to have your guidance.
Jerry WISE ....indeed your name fits you, bless you Jerry your vids are making me feel comfort , like a nice deep breath of cool clean air....i need that and i want that.(o; have a great day Jerry.
So what I am going through right now. I wish I had a real family. A family that loves unconditionally and not only when I am behaving the way they want me to be like. Who, if I stick up for myself when someone is attacking me, and I stick up for myself, I am not the bad person who causes trouble. Basically everything you said.
feeling sad , just listening and absorbing all his wisdom ... then the “ two bald men fighting over a comb” comment and I LAUGHED so hard out loud by myself . I visualized it. I needed a laugh thank you !
Wow, this sounds exactly like my situation for many years, until I drew back from all of them. I now have an very mean older brother who is attempting to come back into my life after losing my parents as his narcissistic supply. I confronted him years ago to tell him all the ways he hurt me, he yelled at me, never apologized for anything and continues his same antics. He has tried to draw my husband to his side through guilt tripping me and very "nice" to my husband while continuing his sneaky rudeness against me. I have visited with him twice and decided that he is not coming back in, unless there is a blatant apology, in the proper brokenness over his sin against me. I do not expect this to happen, because he has been using the "sweet/mean" cycle off and on all our lives, it always turns out badly. I have lost all desire for family after 65 years of ugly, I feel like running when anyone tries to come back into my life.
try learning to take the reigns by turning the accusations and judgement back on him. if you're "mean" for saying no or telling the truth. ask him if he's ever been "mean" by telling the truth.....this forces them to look at themselves instead of being your judge. jesus did this with the religious pharisees...who were "looking through the log in their own eye at the speck in someone elses eyes. boundaryless people project the blame and scapegoat others instead of owning their badness. if they bring up your badness to control you then get freedom by switching the subject to "are they guilty of the same thing themselves" they may be angry but you've take the power back and turned the accusations back to their own conscience. give them grace when they are humble and non judgemental. God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. "judgement without mercy will be shown to everyone who has not been merciful"
give them the choice to love or deal in good, bad, right wrong. you can't love and judge and criticize at the same time. if they judge you hold them to the same standard they hold you to. and show kindness and mercy to humble people in front of them.
make sure you yourself are trusting jesus to justify you and forgive you. the Law will condemn you and your conscience if you are not first freed from its condemnation. so make sure you admit your own faults and bring them to God to be justified first.
Wow, I relate to your sibling experience. I moved and my sister has sent text messages to check up on me and see what I'm doing, but before I left town she was mostly avoiding. Lots of sweet/nice cycles. As I read your post, it reminds me that it's not likely to change.
So many parallels in your opening story about the client from the fragmented family who felt used and abandoned. As my mother moves closer to dying, this being despite the fact that she was the perpetrator for much of the family problems, she did bring us more together but it's superficial. My siblings really hate me surprise I the youngest but that does not always mean the maligned one. In my case it does. Adding to this comment as I view this video. How these heightened hope and expectations were woven into the tapestry of my life outside family of origin. This is timely and that I have been working on lowering my expectations fairly recently and discussing it with other people who I know and who are interested in personal growth. I like the examples of differentiating between wants and needs. This is providing me ways to soothe myself in a constructive way and not become the crisis,or event,problem Thankyou so much 💐
Same thing happened to me with daughter. She has cut me off-- She (and her dad in another state) secretly flew into the town where I live with my son and her half- sister. She wanted my son and other daughter to keep it from me. I eventually expressed my hurt to my son and damaged my relationship somewhat with him. I have moved from that town and the same daughter recently moved her family to son's town and made him and other sister keep secret from me .. younger sister in tears from keeping the secret again. I recently told son to please don't worry about my feelings. I continue to learn.
the strange thing is (am an artist) i wanted my mother support with my art and career. The moment i stopped needing her affection and continie with my work she begin to praise me. But i don't need it now it's too late for me. She was not with me in my darkest moments and now she is and i really don't need it :)
Acceptance! So wise Gerry, literally! I think many people who get stuck on forgiveness (me) do better to practice acceptance. I find it good practice to be grateful for anything you can feel gratitude for and to work on not being entitled, we are not entitled to anything. It is best to accept things as they are in reality and to walk away from things that are hurtful and harmful to us because it is them with the toxic personality/abusive behavior. Usually all we need to work on is seeing the (usually) dark truth and accepting it! Thank you for the video.
omg...Who ever sent you this letter...they are my twin....I so feel their pain...yes yes and yes....I so wish i had just knew this years ago...and made a life on my own. This is so hard...i don.t know how to make a life..so what do you do? Write a letter? they wouldn't care...its like you are damned if you do...damned if you don.t...its so hard...
When I am with my family or origin I feel emotionally dead, almost zombie like, a shell of a person going through the emotions in a physical sense because that's how it dispose to look but not what I feel. For example if someone tells a joke and others are laughing I will laugh too even though I am not feeling the happiness of the joke. When with my famipoy of origin I just cannot feel.
Just in time. The message I needed to hear. Been a scapegoat and always wished I had a loving relationship with my mum instead she always been narcissistic and me a scapegoat fiat for the family. Time to let go Thanks Jerry.
I’m at the point where I’ve completely let go of the idea of what my family will be for me. I’ve given up on them, similarly to how they gave up on me. It’s just that now, I still feel my family hunger sabotaging me. I look for a family in my friends, and of course they can’t be that, because they already have their own family. I want them to throw away their own for me… I feel a part of me say that that’s the least I deserve after everything but I know realistically they won’t do that for me. So I leave them. It’s a cycle, and I can’t end it. I don’t know another way to fill this hole
I’m so sorry to hear this. I wish you the very best INNER HEALING by Margaret Paul might be a start. Jerry Thank you for watching my videos. If you would like to donate to help produce more free videos, it would be greatly appreciated. Any amounts helps us produce great videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
Thanks for the video made perfect sense I now understand that I don't need to react to how they treat me and not to expect much from them at tis point. Very helpful information.
Thank you Jerry I’ve been watching a lot of your videos they’re helping me breakthrough and listening to you helps me sort out so many emotions from my narcissistic family.
I hear you and agree. Maybe you could do another video on the inner child. Don't forget that we will always have a inner child. Love, wonder, imagination, fun, friendship and spirituality will always be needed.
Family hunger. Yes. They plan family gatherings without me, since my Dad died. I felt like at least he could acknowledge reality with me; i miss him a lot.
OMG. I've been working through a difficult time after realizing my older brother and my mother have always worked as a team to do almost exactly what Jerry's client experienced. I can understand and do gray rock to manage, and I feel I've made great strides in the practical sense of how to get through actual interactions. But I was just wondering why, even with this understanding, I still think about getting the chance to explain to Mom how much it hurt that she mocked me in front of my nieces and nephews at Thanksgiving, "forgot" to invite me on the extended family vacation, shows no interest in major events in mine and my own family's life, etc. Viola: I have family hunger! This describes it perfectly. My hunger is the result of Mom's persistent, irrational expectation of the Norman Rockwell family. Ironically, my grandiose narcissistic older brother's bullying of me, Mom, cousins, aunts and uncles (Mom's siblings) has always been the flaw in her "perfect" inner fantasy, and I always assumed the role of compensating for that alongside Mom. Since childhood I've had that role, with family, teachers, coaches, etc who expected me to be as problematic as he was. I've never realized that in the process,, I adopted Mom's irrational standard as my own. Thank you, Jerry!!
You are so welcome I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
May I add, something to this wonderful talk of yours. TD JAKES preached on if they do not want to be part of you, let them go....and i believe that. In the bible 1 John 2:19 They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us, but their going showed that none of them belonged to us. Dont beg people to stay in your life, if they leave they were never there for you in the first place. WONDERFUL SERVICE OF T D JAKES., God has something better for us, then people who do not want to be part of us.
Thank you so much 😀 “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more... Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q& A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event s
I am 50 years. I recently did a 7 water fast. Did you know we can go 2-3 months without food? - Not that you have to, but you can if needed. The media is continuously telling us to stock up on food, "just in case". Anyway, I relate to your work - my need for love and approval is not a real need. :) - Go within!
OMG you have described my family, me and more exactly my expectations. I may jumping the gun here but just occurred to me that.. if I stop blaming my self, if I break the chain system create an extreme fear. Because is no use to believe my family will change. But if I change i won't be of use for them any more. Won't change my life or wounds to be heal... but will confirmed all the years of hearing that I am unlovable, unworthy. Feel heartbreaking to realise yesterday I was a supply ... now I am not even that as I am sure they find another
I'm the youngest of 10 children. Zero contact for 30+ years except with our mother...and now she is 91, they have stopped contact with her. The competition and jealously between siblings toward me is sickening. I have 5 grown children of my own, and due to divorce poison 17 years old, we have no contact either. Graduations, marriages, moving away, and even deaths have occurred and still, nothing. I'm the only common denominator. I've struggled with cancer, homelessness, and all sorts of needs but does nothing to heal my family or draw them near. In fact, we do not even know where one another live, phone numbers, etc. My mother will die soon. That will leave me 100% alone in this world. Is there any way to ever begin healing any of these relationships? All these years have passed without me chasing anyone... or one person reaching out to me. I have asked for a Facebook chat from extended family and not responded to. So... I just don't know.
Truth I am also the youngest.....left to take care of both parents while they go on in self-absorption. Many excuses are given for their zero assistance and lack of care. The only One we can be sure of and count on is God/Jesus. He is VERY real. He is our true home and true family is found only there with Him and those who also choose Him. That is where Heaven is! No joke.
@@dailybread300 couldn't agree more. Matthew 10; 36 ( Jesus speaking), Man's enemies will be members of his own household. Remember, Sun is alone; yet it shines!
There are good, sweet, sane people out there, who are relaxed about their own flaws and can be accepting of your flaws. I haven't found terribly many of these extremely safe people, and it takes some searching, but they do exist! I think it is better to seek these safe people than to knock yourself out reaching for emotionally withholding, unkind, controlling people.
Lower your expectations. Your family has no obligation to care about you, you have to let it go. We can't force anyone to care about us. That bitterness and resentment towards them keeps you down.
It’s very hard I need to physically move I’m trying . I have four younger sisters and mom that are so sweet fake keeps me confused I finally figured it out. I working on cutting ties it is hard all we want is normal family love but you can’t care My ex narc 34 year Marriage kids grandkids he’s turned them against me so I’m on my own .., I’m slowly picking myself up took years to figure this out it’s taken a tole. My dad passed he was good to me. I’ve been invited but not going because I’ll have to endure all the little giving supply comments and stuff
Had massive problems with my Inlaws - both Narcs. Trained/modelled my Husband into Narc.traits. I got rid in 2015 - after calling them out BIG STYLE ! Husband rarely sees them ... avoidant...but sometimes when after being on the phone with them ... he is tense and distracted to the point of being quite negligent and dangerous. This ... I address promptly - even though it is met with some anger, I am very sure - I am not the target anymore.
I listened to 2 of these videos while I was playing a game. I might blend the videos with my comment. I would just say my denial was so thick that I do not want to get my family out of me. I think I commented on my previous comment about how I am recreating my family dynamic. I really do think the pain causes me to do a different action now. You talked about conflict. You also talked about accepting them and not changing them. I think I get free from the dynamic knowing that I can't win but also that they can't control me. I can choose how I spend my time and energy.
You are so welcome! I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional
Your, this obviously Hard Earned wisdom is currently saving my mental heart with single mother of grown son withholding toddler grandaughters. Ha! I’m a mentor health “ expert” and still the ache to be with and no these angles is a littler almost biological ache... thank you Mr Wise - beyond words. I must liberate myself... ( done and taught inner child work, recovery for DECADES and doubled down with this most recent brutal nine-sense began over granddaughter’s hostage ;) situation!!. 😌I have to gleam humor every single moment I’m able!!! Again, Thank You !!!’ May all your generosity and wisdom and a convertible Roll-Royce great you in your garage this fine day... 🙏🦋💫
As I listen, I can think of how I would handle it. So, it actually helps to see the problem as someone else's family. I feel the same things. And, want to get my family out of me.
Glad it was helpful! Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, Please sign up for the upcoming workshop “Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You” Workshop Date: February 6, Saturday Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST Zoom www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events [Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]
Great suggestion in #12. When my dad was dying I was in 12 step recovery programs or had been for a while they were very helpful. When somebody finally dies I guess that's going to be the real test for me right now with my mom and then dealing with my sisters or not dealing with them anymore by their choice probably more than mine. I'm looking into grief groups I'm doing a lot of grief work on channels like yours. There's a lot to see here but I've narrowed it down to less than a handful of wise ones. Lol I like the way you close I feel less reactive viewing here.
Good to hear it was of help... Please join as a support member here on UA-cam for only 1.99/month. This will help keep the free videos coming. They are time consuming to make and take many hours. Thanks for your support of this channel. I have a workshop coming up February 6, 2021 Saturday 1-5pm EST hosted on Zoom GETTING YOUR FAMILY OF ORIGIN OUT OF YOU, please sign up. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/getting-your-family-of-origin-out-of-you-workshop
Oh how nice of you... Please join as a support member here on UA-cam for only 1.99/month. This will help keep the free videos coming. They are time consuming to make and take many hours. Thanks for your support of this channel. I have a workshop coming up February 6, 2021 Saturday 1-5pm EST hosted on Zoom GETTING YOUR FAMILY OF ORIGIN OUT OF YOU, please sign up. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/getting-your-family-of-origin-out-of-you-workshop
Families are not perfect, I think we should know and understand that, People, should not except cinderella stories...I just wanted to ask you, are you still a minister, do you still believe in God???Thank you, for your advice and your lectures. I am following them. One a day.
wow, what a reply, first of all, I live in europe, and most aware of its customs, and paradoxes, however, I will never be ashamed, to say I am a believer, and I will never be shy of stating so. quite the opposite we are taught biblical to always profess the name of the lord. Please do not put me in the same catagory of those flying monkeys and the people who hurt you the most. RELIGION, is hated by God and is manmade, and please also do not put God in the midst of things. It is not his fault that He has followers, who are false. People are supposed to sin, and if you expect someone not to sin, then you have the problem, we should be ever forgiving, and ever paticient, so please put this where they should be. If its rude to tell people who their God is, THEN THE WHOLE HAS LOST ITS PLOT IN LIFE. That should be our alpha and omega, and then the rest including all that is said in this video. So I will not apologise for asking someone if they believed in God or not, as to me that is the most important thing of all.
I think this is all well and good if you have the level of toxicity where there’s just bitching, moaning and gossiping. But if there’s constant disrespect of boundaries and abuse I think it is important to absolutely stay safe and cut yourself off. That’s not a time where you should be neutral or gloss over whether or not your feelings are real.
Every situation is unique and could have unique circumstances. Often when we learn to differentiate our real feelings vs the feelings we were taught to feel by our (dysfunctional) family, the family's toxicity could be less threatening to us.
Your neutrality is not always so much for them or to change them (though it makes things more likely) neutrality is more to maintain your self differentiation. Thank you for watching
Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇
Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027
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I am 50......Dear God...why didn't I do this 20 years ago? Please God...give me a chance to have peace in my life...all i want is peace...and stability...i feel so used / ignored....
I don't think there was quite so much awareness of Narcissism in the past so please don't beat yourself up about it.
He's doing a class on this soon 2023.
I am 62 so don’t feel bad I am happy to learn this regardless of my age I at least heard this
me too, same questions, I hats myself
I feel the same way, why didn't I cut them off 20 ,30 years ago
This was my life for years, along with a covert narcissist sister, until I finally quit playing along. That's when all Hell broke loose. A narcissist doesn't like it when you stop being her emotional supply. I've moved far away and have little contact and I don't have any expectations or desires about having any familial ties with them. What they do or say has no effect on me anymore.
Karen P. Teri Cole videos, too.
Same scenario for me
Same here.
Wow you too. If you challenge the cult, boy do they object
I need to give myself permission to not need to have the family that I’ve always wished I had. I want to not want them. I need to look outside all the hurt and start living the life that I can create. I have a long ways to go.... I am done being miserable and stop being addicted to this misery!
Same here.
This is one of my favorite videos because It has all you need to overcome your problems. Acknowledging the inner child's influence in your present days problems is the key. Reminding yourself that you are an adult now, you have choices that that helpless child (that you were)never had is sometimes all you need to keep yourself in the present. The present is where you want to be! Thank you so much Jerry Wise for your wonderful videos that help so many people to be happier.
Love the recap. I’m happy you’re finding it helpful, thanks for being part of the community 🤍
I had to go no contact with my family of origin because I no longer wanted to be their scapegoat. My narcissistic DIL launched a smear campaign against me because of her injury and rage and turned my family against me. There were problems long before she entered the picture but after grieving, I had more inner peace. Because of some issues with our estate, I will have to go home for a short visit but boundaries are in place and will have an exit plan if necessary. Expectations are low and will not engage in any discussion that incites irrational reaction. I am not wrestling with pigs and getting dirty. My son is married to a malignant narcissist who can convolute reality and people are duped. He is so blindsided and trauma bonded but we are communicating better but my boundaries are firmly in place. I no longer need the approval of the family system or their flying monkeys but aware that members of my family of origin will not change. Observing and not absorbing is the best way to avoid the drama especially this holiday season.
I absolutely understand your situation created by these toxic individuals, I have similar problems. Take care
Having my own life is crucial. Having my own rituals with my own family and not my extended family is crucial.
The thing that bothers me is when lies are told about me and other people believe those malignant lies. I have lost friends and even some family members due to the lies. I want to defend myself and desire for the truth be told. But it does not work, these narcs have such a hold over people.
It is soooo hard but justifying and defending just creates opposition, we get sucked into their game. To the people believing their smear campaign, you stand proud and stay in your power and simply say (even if it’s just energetically in your own head ❤️) “those things aren’t true and I’m sorry your listening to that.”
@@dawnacoxon3111 You are absolutely right and this is exactly what I have been doing. I actually was in a position to leave all that negativity behind and walk away from that toxic situation. Thank you for your wise words.
I’m over the idea of having a family but the damage is almost impossible to heal.
Don't give up. Jerry
have u tried EFT? i hope im not offending the creator of this video by saying this, but it is helping me a whole lot. also fasterEFT
Hey I am happy about anything that works, that really works, I am happy anyone feels better using any method. EFT has not worked for everyone, but does work for many. Jerry
What ever I have done in my life was to impress my family, I worked and gave money and everything I had. I build my life around my father he was like God to me. Until I moved away then I started to realise that was me that used to reache to them, it was me that phoned and cares. They stabbed me at the back but I allways looked for them for excuses. But now I can't anymore, my glass is full of pain and rejection. I still question myself why, I know I will never get answers. This video is helping me a lot I watch it over and over and I m still watching it...because I m still hurting. Its been a month now since I stoped talking to them.....
I've lowered my expectations so much that I now just ask that they don't actually physically kill me.
True! I felt neglected, emotionally traumatized. It hurt. Sometimes I wonder if I just expected too much.....Or was it too much? It doesn't matter really. Whether I was too entitled/selfish or too neglected/ignored- it hurts either way due to unmet needs/wants/expectations. I miss my parents so much. I feel like I never had enough of them. But they are who they are. It was my illusion and fantasy that one day they'd pay attention to me and my feelings and would naturally want to be interested in me. What a stupid idea it was! It will never likely to happen if it hadn't already occurred in the last 4 decades. Chances are that in the next 4 decades they'll wakeup and realize they want me in their life are so small that I'd better stop waiting.
They are too busy with their own life to even think about me - and I need to let go of that idea that parents must naturally desire to stay connected with me and to stay in touch with me forever. It is my one-sided attachment, one-sided yearning and longing and missing them that causes the pain in me. The only way to stop the pain is to stop missing them and wanting them to miss me too. For that to happen, I need to cut off my attachment to them. I'm working on it now. I'm grieving the death of my illusion of my parents and I wish to release the emotional pain. Then, once I finish grieving, I will be able to accept reality in peace and become my own self-loving parent.
Sorry about the sad events from the past and your trauma
Thank you for watching...
“Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
Workshop
Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC
July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
On Zoom
Topics:
The Illusions of the Narcissist
The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
Living in the War Zone
7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
And more…
Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
Q & A
Role Plays
Volunteer participation
You will receive the recorded workshop
You will receive the notes for the workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
I have given up on that long ago. I rely on myself now as my support system.
When you have a family full of psychopaths distance and cutting off family really is the best. The book the Psychopath Next Door describes it well.
It’s a good book
Being on your own...some times is the best...have positive people around you and no expectations is aways the best..
i agree and disagree... i agree that we shouldnt let our relatives bother us however i think we should all be around people who celebrate us, not just barely tolerate because we are related to them. if being happy and healthy means having little or no contact w/ ur blood relatives then so be it. im slowly healing from a narcissistic and if i can do it so can anyone else, its possible!
nothing said and confused
This spoke to me! I felt 60% lighter when listening. Going to listen to
More from this guy. It all struck a cord, needs and wants etc thank you xxxx
I always feel more positive about myself and my potential for growth after listening to one of your videos. Thank you!
Let go of toxic family, yet always pray for them to receive Wisdom and Godliness. We want all to be in Heaven! Hopefully we don’t become selfish, hedonistic and use “letting go of family” to be an excuse to be evil and live in sin.
Two bald people fighting over a comb! This made me laugh out loud. Thanks for another great video, Jerry!
Jerryyyyyy wiseee!!!!! OMG i was feeling rage and anger for what my mother has done to me,,you just opened another window to my freedom through this video..i am mature, i can unmesh with them, and not feel sorry. Also not waste time in understanding or changing them as they are just imperfect people who refused to change..my heart is lightttttt through this video thank you soo much..i was hated very much by her, i shamed her, she only saw me to be a maid..surprisingly i am building a business of class of which i am turning out to be veryyyy much wanted by my clients due to my skills and offers..i should drop what she put on to me,and simply take off with this beautiful mature life of mine i am building😊😊😊
I'm glad this videos was helpful to you and brought to you lightness, self differentiation is about maintaining that lightness in the relationship with yourself and also in challenging relationships with others. keep up the good work ❤️
Incredibly clear! (And, for me, quite timely). Thank you, again, Jerry! Your videos should be getting tens of thousands of viewers! I feel fortunate to have your guidance.
Tell the world Suzanne! LOL Glad you enjoyed it.
I second that comment! And I will tell the world, or my Facebook friend list, for starters :)
Jerry WISE ....indeed your name fits you, bless you Jerry your vids are making me feel comfort , like a nice deep breath of cool clean air....i need that and i want that.(o; have a great day Jerry.
I really appreciate your UA-cam videos. They help me heal so much.
So what I am going through right now. I wish I had a real family. A family that loves unconditionally and not only when I am behaving the way they want me to be like. Who, if I stick up for myself when someone is attacking me, and I stick up for myself, I am not the bad person who causes trouble. Basically everything you said.
Same with me. I'm ignored and only validated when I do as narc relative says.
Great teaching Jerry. The 2 bald men fighting over a comb sums it all up with great humor.
Glad you enjoyed it
Jerry wise ur vedios are very good and helpful even if one person is helped u have done ur job pls don't stop helping . Keep making vedios
Sometimes I joke that I need a family exorcism. ;)
So well Said !
I so desperately wanted a mother I could love that I felt guilty about not giving in to Her narcissistic,authoritarian manipulation.
feeling sad , just listening and absorbing all his wisdom ... then the “ two bald men fighting over a comb” comment and I LAUGHED so hard out loud by myself . I visualized it. I needed a laugh thank you !
That is great, sometimes I need to laugh :)
Wow, this sounds exactly like my situation for many years, until I drew back from all of them. I now have an very mean older brother who is attempting to come back into my life after losing my parents as his narcissistic supply. I confronted him years ago to tell him all the ways he hurt me, he yelled at me, never apologized for anything and continues his same antics. He has tried to draw my husband to his side through guilt tripping me and very "nice" to my husband while continuing his sneaky rudeness against me. I have visited with him twice and decided that he is not coming back in, unless there is a blatant apology, in the proper brokenness over his sin against me. I do not expect this to happen, because he has been using the "sweet/mean" cycle off and on all our lives, it always turns out badly. I have lost all desire for family after 65 years of ugly, I feel like running when anyone tries to come back into my life.
try learning to take the reigns by turning the accusations and judgement back on him. if you're "mean" for saying no or telling the truth. ask him if he's ever been "mean" by telling the truth.....this forces them to look at themselves instead of being your judge. jesus did this with the religious pharisees...who were "looking through the log in their own eye at the speck in someone elses eyes. boundaryless people project the blame and scapegoat others instead of owning their badness. if they bring up your badness to control you then get freedom by switching the subject to "are they guilty of the same thing themselves" they may be angry but you've take the power back and turned the accusations back to their own conscience. give them grace when they are humble and non judgemental. God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. "judgement without mercy will be shown to everyone who has not been merciful"
give them the choice to love or deal in good, bad, right wrong. you can't love and judge and criticize at the same time. if they judge you hold them to the same standard they hold you to. and show kindness and mercy to humble people in front of them.
make sure you yourself are trusting jesus to justify you and forgive you. the Law will condemn you and your conscience if you are not first freed from its condemnation. so make sure you admit your own faults and bring them to God to be justified first.
Wow, I relate to your sibling experience. I moved and my sister has sent text messages to check up on me and see what I'm doing, but before I left town she was mostly avoiding. Lots of sweet/nice cycles. As I read your post, it reminds me that it's not likely to change.
So many parallels in your opening story about the client from the fragmented family who felt used and abandoned.
As my mother moves closer to dying, this being despite the fact that she was the perpetrator for much of the family problems, she did bring us more together but it's superficial. My siblings really hate me surprise I the youngest but that does not always mean the maligned one. In my case it does. Adding to this comment as I view this video.
How these heightened hope and expectations were woven into the tapestry of my life outside family of origin. This is timely and that I have been working on lowering my expectations fairly recently and discussing it with other people who I know and who are interested in personal growth.
I like the examples of differentiating between wants and needs.
This is providing me ways to soothe myself in a constructive way and not become the crisis,or event,problem
Thankyou so much 💐
Same thing happened to me with daughter. She has cut me off-- She (and her dad in another state) secretly flew into the town where I live with my son and her half- sister. She wanted my son and other daughter to keep it from me. I eventually expressed my hurt to my son and damaged my relationship somewhat with him. I have moved from that town and the same daughter recently moved her family to son's town and made him and other sister keep secret from me .. younger sister in tears from keeping the secret again. I recently told son to please don't worry about my feelings. I continue to learn.
This was life changing. Thank you. May you be granted that convertible!
Oh my gosh, thank you LOL hahaha I'm glad the video was of help.
the strange thing is (am an artist) i wanted my mother support with my art and career. The moment i stopped needing her affection and continie with my work she begin to praise me.
But i don't need it now it's too late for me. She was not with me in my darkest moments and now she is and i really don't need it :)
Acceptance! So wise Gerry, literally! I think many people who get stuck on forgiveness (me) do better to practice acceptance. I find it good practice to be grateful for anything you can feel gratitude for and to work on not being entitled, we are not entitled to anything. It is best to accept things as they are in reality and to walk away from things that are hurtful and harmful to us because it is them with the toxic personality/abusive behavior. Usually all we need to work on is seeing the (usually) dark truth and accepting it! Thank you for the video.
omg...Who ever sent you this letter...they are my twin....I so feel their pain...yes yes and yes....I so wish i had just knew this years ago...and made a life on my own. This is so hard...i don.t know how to make a life..so what do you do? Write a letter? they wouldn't care...its like you are damned if you do...damned if you don.t...its so hard...
God is using you in a mighty way, Jerry! Thanks.
When I am with my family or origin I feel emotionally dead, almost zombie like, a shell of a person going through the emotions in a physical sense because that's how it dispose to look but not what I feel. For example if someone tells a joke and others are laughing I will laugh too even though I am not feeling the happiness of the joke. When with my famipoy of origin I just cannot feel.
Just in time. The message I needed to hear. Been a scapegoat and always wished I had a loving relationship with my mum instead she always been narcissistic and me a scapegoat fiat for the family. Time to let go Thanks Jerry.
I'm glad it resonated and was helpful ❤️
I’m at the point where I’ve completely let go of the idea of what my family will be for me. I’ve given up on them, similarly to how they gave up on me. It’s just that now, I still feel my family hunger sabotaging me. I look for a family in my friends, and of course they can’t be that, because they already have their own family. I want them to throw away their own for me… I feel a part of me say that that’s the least I deserve after everything but I know realistically they won’t do that for me. So I leave them. It’s a cycle, and I can’t end it. I don’t know another way to fill this hole
I’m so sorry to hear this.
I wish you the very best
INNER HEALING by Margaret Paul might be a start.
Jerry
Thank you for watching my videos.
If you would like to donate to help produce more free videos, it would be greatly appreciated. Any amounts helps us produce great videos.
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Thanks for the video made perfect sense I now understand that I don't need to react to how they treat me and not to expect much from them at tis point. Very helpful information.
Thank you Jerry I’ve been watching a lot of your videos they’re helping me breakthrough and listening to you helps me sort out so many emotions from my narcissistic family.
You’re very welcome, I’m glad my videos are helpful
great weight loss, look great
Diogo Martins Mota more importantly it looks a lot healthier. Good you managed it Jerry, it is not easy!
I hear you and agree. Maybe you could do another video on the inner child. Don't forget that we will always have a inner child. Love, wonder, imagination, fun, friendship and spirituality will always be needed.
Frankly speaking cptsd and trauma gave ruined millions of lives in this universe!!!!! I need help please !!!!!
i love the term self differentiation
Family hunger. Yes. They plan family gatherings without me, since my Dad died. I felt like at least he could acknowledge reality with me; i miss him a lot.
This is a brief workshop on Systemic Approach.. Thanks a bunch Sir Jerry for such a precious gift to us❤😊🙏
OMG. I've been working through a difficult time after realizing my older brother and my mother have always worked as a team to do almost exactly what Jerry's client experienced.
I can understand and do gray rock to manage, and I feel I've made great strides in the practical sense of how to get through actual interactions.
But I was just wondering why, even with this understanding, I still think about getting the chance to explain to Mom how much it hurt that she mocked me in front of my nieces and nephews at Thanksgiving, "forgot" to invite me on the extended family vacation, shows no interest in major events in mine and my own family's life, etc.
Viola: I have family hunger! This describes it perfectly. My hunger is the result of Mom's persistent, irrational expectation of the Norman Rockwell family. Ironically, my grandiose narcissistic older brother's bullying of me, Mom, cousins, aunts and uncles (Mom's siblings) has always been the flaw in her "perfect" inner fantasy, and I always assumed the role of compensating for that alongside Mom. Since childhood I've had that role, with family, teachers, coaches, etc who expected me to be as problematic as he was.
I've never realized that in the process,, I adopted Mom's irrational standard as my own.
Thank you, Jerry!!
You are very welcome...
The best advice of 2020.
Yes I agree. Blessings to you
This is my story with my sisters. I was just talking to my therapist about this the other day. How prophetic to finding this video at this time!!
Thank you for all the great information!
This is great material... TY.
I'm done grieving it's a new start with new people.
Thank YOU Jerry! This is revelational!
I understand your points. You always give good points. Thanks for your good advice, Mr. Wise!! And thank for sharing this message and this video!!!❄⛄
Thank you, Jerry. We ❤️ you. May God bless and keep you.
You are so welcome
I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021
“Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work
It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom
Sign up on website to get info on workshops
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop
Sign up now for early bird price
I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website:
• Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop
• Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop
• Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
This is exactly what I have. Christmas and birthdays haven’t existed for so many years now, it’s so cruel..
I’m sorry this is your situation. I hope you find my videos helpful
Thank you Jerry!
😭🤧I needed to hear this so badly. I've been looking for answers. Been treated as the 'crazy' one. Such a relief to hear the truth.
Your videos really do impact life in a positive way. Thank you so much!
Glad you like them! Thank you so much ❤
May I add, something to this wonderful talk of yours. TD JAKES preached on if they do not want to be part of you, let them go....and i believe that. In the bible 1 John 2:19
They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us, but their going showed that none of them belonged to us.
Dont beg people to stay in your life, if they leave they were never there for you in the first place. WONDERFUL SERVICE OF T D JAKES., God has something better for us, then people who do not want to be part of us.
But sometimes even if they want to stay in your life, you still to have to let them go because they may have impure intentions.
I can live and thrive without any of those needs.
Thrilled I found your channel! Thank you 🙏
You are the best for talking to our hearts... congratulations
Thank you so much 😀
“Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop
Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC
July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom
Topics:
The Illusions of the Narcissist
The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
Living in the War Zone
7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing
Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection,
Self-abandonment
Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No
Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists
Have
And more...
Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
Q& A
Role Plays
Volunteer participation
You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event s
My family of origin does not need to accept me in order to be happy. They do not need to understand me in order for me to be happy.
I am 50 years. I recently did a 7 water fast. Did you know we can go 2-3 months without food? - Not that you have to, but you can if needed. The media is continuously telling us to stock up on food, "just in case".
Anyway, I relate to your work - my need for love and approval is not a real need. :) - Go within!
This is SO good!
OMG you have described my family, me and more exactly my expectations.
I may jumping the gun here but just occurred to me that.. if I stop blaming my self, if I break the chain system create an extreme fear. Because is no use to believe my family will change. But if I change i won't be of use for them any more. Won't change my life or wounds to be heal... but will confirmed all the years of hearing that I am unlovable, unworthy. Feel heartbreaking to realise yesterday I was a supply ... now I am not even that as I am sure they find another
Thanks Jerry. This was really helpful. Xx
Glad it was helpful Elaine!
I'm the youngest of 10 children. Zero contact for 30+ years except with our mother...and now she is 91, they have stopped contact with her. The competition and jealously between siblings toward me is sickening.
I have 5 grown children of my own, and due to divorce poison 17 years old, we have no contact either. Graduations, marriages, moving away, and even deaths have occurred and still, nothing. I'm the only common denominator. I've struggled with cancer, homelessness, and all sorts of needs but does nothing to heal my family or draw them near. In fact, we do not even know where one another live, phone numbers, etc. My mother will die soon. That will leave me 100% alone in this world.
Is there any way to ever begin healing any of these relationships? All these years have passed without me chasing anyone... or one person reaching out to me. I have asked for a Facebook chat from extended family and not responded to. So... I just don't know.
Truth
I am also the youngest.....left to take care of both parents while they go on in self-absorption. Many excuses are given for their zero assistance and lack of care. The only One we can be sure of and count on is God/Jesus. He is VERY real. He is our true home and true family is found only there with Him and those who also choose Him. That is where Heaven is! No joke.
@@dailybread300 couldn't agree more.
Matthew 10; 36 ( Jesus speaking), Man's enemies will be members of his own household.
Remember, Sun is alone; yet it shines!
There are good, sweet, sane people out there, who are relaxed about their own flaws and can be accepting of your flaws. I haven't found terribly many of these extremely safe people, and it takes some searching, but they do exist! I think it is better to seek these safe people than to knock yourself out reaching for emotionally withholding, unkind, controlling people.
Lower your expectations. Your family has no obligation to care about you, you have to let it go. We can't force anyone to care about us. That bitterness and resentment towards them keeps you down.
It’s very hard I need to physically move I’m trying . I have four younger sisters and mom that are so sweet fake keeps me confused I finally figured it out. I working on cutting ties it is hard all we want is normal family love but you can’t care
My ex narc 34 year Marriage kids grandkids he’s turned them against me so I’m on my own .., I’m slowly picking myself up took years to figure this out it’s taken a tole. My dad passed he was good to me.
I’ve been invited but not going because I’ll have to endure all the little giving supply comments and stuff
Thank you…
It’s perfect 🙏🙏🙏😇
You’re welcome Bengisu, I’m glad you enjoyed 😊🤍
Had massive problems with my Inlaws - both Narcs. Trained/modelled my Husband into Narc.traits. I got rid in 2015 - after calling them out BIG STYLE ! Husband rarely sees them ... avoidant...but sometimes when after being on the phone with them ... he is tense and distracted to the point of being quite negligent and dangerous. This ... I address promptly - even though it is met with some anger, I am very sure - I am not the target anymore.
I listened to 2 of these videos while I was playing a game. I might blend the videos with my comment. I would just say my denial was so thick that I do not want to get my family out of me. I think I commented on my previous comment about how I am recreating my family dynamic. I really do think the pain causes me to do a different action now. You talked about conflict. You also talked about accepting them and not changing them. I think I get free from the dynamic knowing that I can't win but also that they can't control me. I can choose how I spend my time and energy.
Thank you!!! ❤
You are so welcome!
I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021
“Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work
It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom
Sign up on website to get info on workshops
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop
Sign up now for early bird price
I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website:
• Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop
• Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop
• Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional
I am grateful for your videos.
Your, this obviously Hard Earned wisdom is currently saving my mental heart with single mother of grown son withholding toddler grandaughters. Ha! I’m a mentor health “ expert” and still the ache to be with and no these angles is a littler almost biological ache... thank you Mr Wise - beyond words. I must liberate myself... ( done and taught inner child work, recovery for DECADES and doubled down with this most recent brutal nine-sense began over granddaughter’s hostage ;) situation!!. 😌I have to gleam humor every single moment I’m able!!! Again, Thank You !!!’ May all your generosity and wisdom and a convertible Roll-Royce great you in your garage this fine day... 🙏🦋💫
As I listen, I can think of how I would handle it. So, it actually helps to see the problem as someone else's family. I feel the same things. And, want to get my family out of me.
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/getting-your-family-of-origin-out-of-you-workshop
Beautiful video, thank you so much!
Thank you :)
Thank you. I needed to hear this.
Thank you so much, because of you I m healing
Ariel Genevieve Stanley lee marsh Rd thank u so much I'm greatful to u . This is my biggest problem .
Very important information again!!! Thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information.
Also,
Please sign up for the upcoming workshop
“Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You”
Workshop
Date: February 6, Saturday
Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST
Zoom
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
[Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]
It's ok to let go.
Great suggestion in #12. When my dad was dying I was in 12 step recovery programs or had been for a while they were very helpful. When somebody finally dies I guess that's going to be the real test for me right now with my mom and then dealing with my sisters or not dealing with them anymore by their choice probably more than mine.
I'm looking into grief groups I'm doing a lot of grief work on channels like yours. There's a lot to see here but I've narrowed it down to less than a handful of wise ones. Lol
I like the way you close I feel less reactive viewing here.
Good to hear it was of help...
Please join as a support member here on UA-cam for only 1.99/month. This will help keep the free videos coming. They are time consuming to make and take many hours. Thanks for your support of this channel.
I have a workshop coming up February 6, 2021 Saturday 1-5pm EST hosted on Zoom GETTING YOUR FAMILY OF ORIGIN OUT OF YOU, please sign up. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/getting-your-family-of-origin-out-of-you-workshop
I do still need to get the family out of me.
Sir, you are Wise indeed.
Oh how nice of you...
Please join as a support member here on UA-cam for only 1.99/month. This will help keep the free videos coming. They are time consuming to make and take many hours. Thanks for your support of this channel.
I have a workshop coming up February 6, 2021 Saturday 1-5pm EST hosted on Zoom GETTING YOUR FAMILY OF ORIGIN OUT OF YOU, please sign up. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/getting-your-family-of-origin-out-of-you-workshop
My other problem DCF steeling my food giving it to unknown ppl in my home and it making me sick I'm so mad I end up hating them .
Families are not perfect, I think we should know and understand that, People, should not except cinderella stories...I just wanted to ask you, are you still a minister, do you still believe in God???Thank you, for your advice and your lectures. I am following them. One a day.
wow, what a reply, first of all, I live in europe, and most aware of its customs, and paradoxes, however, I will never be ashamed, to say I am a believer, and I will never be shy of stating so. quite the opposite we are taught biblical to always profess the name of the lord. Please do not put me in the same catagory of those flying monkeys and the people who hurt you the most. RELIGION, is hated by God and is manmade, and please also do not put God in the midst of things. It is not his fault that He has followers, who are false. People are supposed to sin, and if you expect someone not to sin, then you have the problem, we should be ever forgiving, and ever paticient, so please put this where they should be. If its rude to tell people who their God is, THEN THE WHOLE HAS LOST ITS PLOT IN LIFE. That should be our alpha and omega, and then the rest including all that is said in this video. So I will not apologise for asking someone if they believed in God or not, as to me that is the most important thing of all.
Great video Jerry. Thank you.
Thank you.
You're welcome!
the comb - lol!!! :)
I think this is all well and good if you have the level of toxicity where there’s just bitching, moaning and gossiping. But if there’s constant disrespect of boundaries and abuse I think it is important to absolutely stay safe and cut yourself off. That’s not a time where you should be neutral or gloss over whether or not your feelings are real.
Every situation is unique and could have unique circumstances. Often when we learn to differentiate our real feelings vs the feelings we were taught to feel by our (dysfunctional) family, the family's toxicity could be less threatening to us.
You are the best Jerry. Hope your doing well.
This is the best video ever! 😊
Glad you enjoyed it!
Even someone who didnt knew me or me family said im the misfit. And i even talked about it neutraly 🤷♀️
Your neutrality is not always so much for them or to change them (though it makes things more likely) neutrality is more to maintain your self differentiation. Thank you for watching
Thank you
Very helpful 👌