Attachment - secure
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- Опубліковано 23 бер 2013
- These videos are posted for scientific purposes, including course instruction and research training. Comments should focus on the science of attachment. Although I understand individual experiences and anecdotes are personally important and sometimes compelling, I thank you ahead of time for not posting personal stories.
- Наука та технологія
I am a father of two boys and was able to take parental leave during the early months. As they grew up, whenever they were upset they would cry out with a made up word: "Mommydaddy". In their minds, both parents were equally able to comfort them
watching this and SEEING how the attached mom talks to her kid and just holds them and comforts them and treats them is really really helpful.
I have disorganised attachment, and I see how huge of a difference there is between the ways in which my mother treated me and the way this mother is treating her child. I can truly feel the genuine love the mother feels for her child here - wanting to give love to her without wanting anything in return, and the mother is also is respecting her child by talking to her with kindness and sincerity... I can see how big the difference is when I compare to how I was treated growing up... My mother would end up angry if I cried, she would cry herself, she would leave me and walk away until I ran after her (I remember how awful I felt, that horrible fear mixed with frustration and this hard to express feeling of loss) My mother used such terrible tactics for her own needs to be met - I am almost 33 years old and only now coming to begin releasing all of my anger and hurt that I could not express as a child... Thankfully my wife has a secure attachment, so she really shows me I am worth loving...
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I’m not sure what my attachment is but it’s definitely not secure and I also struggle with the feeling of not being worthy of love. Repeat this to yourself every time you can: what happened to you it’s not your fault and you deserve to be loved, just like everyone else does ♥️
I want to wrap infant you up in a huge hug, I am SO sorry. 😞
Me too. This would be me as a mother, but I've learned about attachment theory and arrested that pattern. I'm still very triggered by crying, but breath work helps me gain calm, and it allows me to be present and safe for my children.
You may don’t exactly know what your mother went through-it’s easy to judge a mother-after having babies their hormones… change so much! And personally and physically they get destroyed as well.
Just mentioning what I think as a father
So this is what a securely attached baby is like. Their mother actually interacts with them. My mum was busy with work when I was growing up, feel like mother’s should have more time off to care for their child.
I would say parents should have more time to care for their children, not just mothers. To put all the burden exclusively on mother’s is problematic in my opinion. Babies can and do attach to fathers too and they have an important role to play as well.
@@baileycoleman3387 true, however babies need mothers most up to the age of 5. Babies KNOW mom, mom was home from the beginning of creation. Its instinctual and moms are the preferred parent by babies. Fathers are necessary in the later developmental years. But with that being stated. As long as the baby/child is with a stable loving engaged adult, they should be fine.♥️
@@jessicaflo5126 sorry but that’s just not true. Research has shown children just need nurturance and it doesn’t matter who the provider is. There isn’t an instinctual want for a biological mother or even necessarily a woman. Check out the research done by Harold Skeels for more on this
@@baileycoleman3387 Tahnks for sharing and will look into that. I personally would rather raise my own children than have my parents, in laws or babysitters/community do it. That bond is important in the long term.
@@jessicaflo5126 Research says you’re wrong. Attachment to the *primary caretaker* is the priority among babies, not to mothers specifically. As a mom I value my bond with my son more than anything, but it is not in any way shape or form stronger or more important than his bond to his father. This is why we share an equal 50/50 role in parenting.
My first born is 3 years old and if I left the room she'll cry and when I returned she'll hug my tight and be happy to see me. Am pregnant with second and secure attachment has proven to be the best of all. Don't let anyone tell you how to parent or hold your child just follow your heart and listen to your baby's cry. That's how they communicate and form attachments
"Generally speaking, attachment styles tend to be transmitted down through the generations." - Brown & Elliott 2016. AAI is shown to be a predictor of SS so "following your heart" is dependant on one's attachment pattern, for example, an avoidant caregiver is wired to resist and following their heart will tend to result in disregarding their baby's cry.
What interests me is that the video that depicts an insecure attachment got more views and comments.
The baby with a secure attachment at first hand seems to be the baby that is insecure. After watching the video you will realize it’s perfectly normal for a baby to cry once it’s mother is not around due to the emotional connection. Children who grow up with a self defense mechanism to not cry have difficulties creating meaningful relationships in the future. 😢
Its true. I never had emotional connection with my mother and was put in daycare at just 8 weeks old. Ive always had issues connecting with people.
Karmen Fox same
Yes. We have thousands of adults that cannot have relationships due to being brought up in a day care situation.
Daycare kiddies, thats so sad. Im so sorry. You didnt have a choice.
Thank you for explaining this to me. I was not attached to my mother and couldn't see what was wrong with the other baby. Of course a baby would be upset to be apart from mom in a strange place.
I notice that when the mum is comforting her, she also makes the attempt to redirect the child's interest to the toys. In another video I watched about this topic, the child specialists advise this. This is a perfect example of a parent who actually did her homework on child rearing. So many people who call themselves parents could benefit from doing the same.
its actually just a different type of parenting called distal parenting! not necessarily the right way but one of them
That was a vital part of the experiment that all parents were required to do :)
You can do that but first is important to acknowledge how the child feels and why
It’s strange that our society thinks the things people need to learn can be fully quantified by standardized texts. Why isn’t there more focus on things like child development, relationship styles, and conflict resolution. It seems to me that if these developmental and inter-relational skills were taught and modeled from an early age, learning everything else would be much easier. I think teachers and parents end up spending most of their time managing the children rather than teaching them.
I have Avoidant Attachment And watched it before hand. A big difference I noticed is this momma actually plays with her baby in the floor. I didn’t have that. Makes my Attachment style more obvious
Today this exact scenario occurred. I wanted to go to gym after 2 year of taking care of my baby. I left her in that play area and she cried hysterically then I came back she stopped crying and would play with the toys. She didn’t let me leave and it looked like she had attachment problems. All and all she is securely attached and we never did cry out!
See this is what happened with mine. When we left her at gymnastics for a parents night out this happened and everyone acts like something is wrong with us or our kid. Now I see that no, she actually IS attached and there isn't anything wrong with her, that it's completely normal. I actually feel a lot better now knowing that.
It really gets on my nerves when a person tells a baby to shush. A baby is crying because they are upset. I feel telling a crying baby to shush is invalidating their feelings.
It’s also used as a lullaby to calm them down, depending on how the sush is used
The shush sound imitates the sound they would have heard in the womb. It’s not actually telling them to be quiet but is to help calm them instead.
Yes! Thankyou.
Agreed
Agreed
I was definitely a secure attachment kid
Now i know why my kid always cry whenever i first time visit my relatives and they said my daughter is too afraid to people
Such amazing quality
I was born 2 months premature and was in the hospital in an incubator for a good amount of time with limited handling (it was 1966). I wonder how that affected me.
Research would say that it probably affected you, however if you had warm and responsive care givers once you were out of the incubator you probably got "good enough mothering" to be secure. We can not undue all emotional trauma but we can build tremendous health even after emotional trauma in many cases. How do you do in relationships? If you do well you probably recovered nicely. If you struggle I would guess your unfortunate start got coupled with other problematic dynamics. Hoping the best for you!
This reminds me of my first day of preschool. But the teachers were that nice or comforting
Thanks alot for the video
the baby did not cry when mom left he asked wheres mom? once but was hard to sooth with the stranger when she offered comfort to the baby but as mom came back her son immediately began to still re engage and was not crying when mom entered the room which this kind of message was quite mixed
Hi! i watched the insecure attachment video and im really curious about the rabbit. Did she really died in the insecure video? :(
I don’t think so , I think people were only saying it because it was in such a small pen.
Awww 😭😭😭😭😭😭
This is secure and not Ambivalent?
That raspy screeching voice!
Ikr
In the end the child becomes a bit ambivalent.
Ambivalent attachment tends to mean that the child will throw things and act angry if the mother left. It's natural for 1 yr olds to experience stranger anxiety and separation anxiety, its more about who and how they react. This child was clearly distressed but didnt throw the toys or hit the mother. She's evidently a securely attached child
I don't know the mother comes across as cold to me 🤷
But the stranger is worse ! Like I would be mad if that’s all they did/said to comfort my child lol