Do you recognize any of these tactics from your encounters with narcissists? Or do you have more that you'd like to share? I've listed the more common ones here, but I'm willing to bet you have more. Thanks for watching! 🙏❤
Fab video 100% accurate I experienced all of these as well as: deliberate misunderstanding of a lot of what I am saying, to make me feel that I make no sense and am the most inarticulate person out there. I also get jokes at my expense in front of others that are designed to make me feel embarrassed and small, followed up with a devaluing smile. Plotting my escape early next year but channels like yours keep me strong in the meantime. Thank you 😊 🥰
I regognize everything. My mother is a covered crazymaking narcissist , and she is extremly good. When I listened, I felt like a tornado inside,, because she uses every tacric you describe. But beeing brought up, by her have made it very difficult to discover,, I have no contact today , but I am still traumabond, and she knows me far to good of course, so she knows how to pull strings where I am vulnerable. Your video have learned me even more again. Thank you. 😍
The tunnel vision one is so relatable for me! Also, the person I was in a relationship with would accuse me of lying if I didn't respond quick enough and was putting thought into my response.
Another one for me that used to knock me off guard was when Id be talking about something important to me and he would laugh. Also he sometimes just wouldn't respond, Id ask if he heard me and I know he did but he pretended he didn't and I had to repeat myself.
Thank you for your videos, this particular video hits hard for me! I’m dealing with someone who’s constantly painting herself as a victim or a healer. It’s been rough to just be quiet about it for the sake of mutual people we both know. But If you are only ever allowed to listen to them and never allowed to express your feelings with a unhealed individual in a one to one relationship, and are constantly looked at as the only one in this particular relationship as needing healing. Possibly when others are taken in by this individual’s behavior, I know I was for a short while, either they just don’t want to rock the boat, ( sometimes walking on glass is easier with some for a time ) which is likely, or unfortunately some have accepted the outcome from this individual as real without thorough investigation. At least there is awareness now. In my situation, I should of just picked my battles with an individual close to me. Lesson learned, now I know where I stand. It’s a not a equal or fair relationship and never was, when I spent time and energy excusing years of rumors and things that were said about me, only to have her totally dismiss her involvement. She sent letters with horrible things said about me to people close to me. Telling people close to me not to have faith in me then behaving like a friend to my face. C-PTSD and the long term effects can destroy relationships! Over the years I’d see internet groups and forums with her tag name and her using my name in them, telling strangers private things about me as a troubled child, all the while she never mentioned anything about her own dysfunctional involvement, many of the stories exaggerated from a small truth of how I behaved as a child, a child who was traumatized, and abused just like her! I was an adolescent who was repeatedly raped in her early teens by a close friends father. If she understood child psychology like she claims to then she wouldn’t use my adolescent behavior against me behind my back! My intuition was absolutely bang on from the get go with this individual, I wish I had listened to my gut but I’ve accepted this outcome. I’m ok with it, and actually relieved. At first I was hurt and just let my hurt fester for years, sweeping it all under rug because somehow I knew she’d react like a victim. You know what, it all came spilling out during a vulnerable time! I wish I hadn’t exposed her and now I see I just did what she wanted me to do, now she is telling everyone how right she was. I’m finally getting over the hurt. If you find yourself in my situation please try to learn from your intuition, instead of just sweeping it away to a corner like I did! If you handle it healthier than I did you too can be done, hopefully sooner than I was. Sometimes it’s subjective. I choose to be objective now and I’m telling you that’s not easy at times for me since I like to solve puzzles; some puzzles can only be solved by itself. The healing process has taken on ❤️ moving on to peace, away from toxic behavior is the only way ☮️
Narcissists love to self-sabotage! You'll be there trying to build a strong and healthy relationship like a jenga tower and midway through the building process they'll pass by and knock it down. Laugh and watch as you struggle to rebuild it...block by block... And then the process repeats itself 🤦🏾♀️
@@CommonEgo Yay!! I'm glad you liked it. It popped into my mind and I thought to myself 'I better comment this!' The tower will never be completed because 1. You are building the tower alone. 2. The narcissist is working against you.
Narcissist > psychopathic liar posing as one of the group. Narcissism stems from a desire to control and subjugate others through "clever" means. Though, a narcissist may lie, a narcissist is, at least, somewhat honest. A narcissist doesn't care if everybody knows what he or she is up to as long as he or she is getting his or her way. In fact, narcissists want people to catch onto what they're doing and they want people suffering under their thumb, playing by their rules. Like anybody else playing an angle, neither want to be confronted with their behavior. A psychopathic liar posing as one of the group is based on deception for, usually, far more insidious purposes than control.
Great points. Another one I notice with a family member is that when you are talking about something they don't say anything whereas a healthy person would say something affirming to you. This would fall into the heading 'withholding behavours". A lack of emotional support, enthusiasm, curiosity and good regard.
Yes, that’s the most covert cause it’s so unseen, the non response and lack of curiosity. Strangely it can make you try to package your ideas in a more interesting way, talk too much, or completely give up on talking about yourself at all and just ask questions about them.
Yes! Like if you tell them happily about someone giving you praise or a gift that's big from appreciation at something you did well, and all the narc gives you is a blank stare. They aren't happy for your happiness. They seem to be trying to hide how deeply annoyed they are at your success or accomplishment? Those blank spaces are revealing to me as well; not just the overt needling. If they aren't happy at your happiness (unless it's a caring person who is just very distracted by their own life during the conversation or something), to me the blank stare is a red flag to notice.
I hope anyone dealing with a narcissist is able to use these tips to get out of that hurtful dynamic and find more loving, nurturing ones 💗 thanks for sharing!
My now-ex did the sensitive subject thing with me and that's what finally made me leave. He mentioned going to a party, not outright saying "and you're not invited" but speaking in terms that made it very clear he'd be going alone. In 3 years I was never invited to anything and not allowed to meet his friends, so he knew it was a sore spot for me. Half of them didn't even know he had a girlfriend and the ones that did didn't know my name or how long we'd been together. It was so obvious he was keeping me a secret yet he swore up and down he wasn't and was SO offended that I'd even think he would do such a thing. Anyway, after he mentioned the party I asked if I'd ever be included in his social life and oh boy, he blew UP. The gist of his dramatic fake-crying meltdown was he's told me MANY times that he's totally NOT hiding me from anyone and he's tired of feeling bad about it. In 3 whole years of dating, somehow the 'logistics' had just never lined up right for me to attend a party with him. LOL. I just grabbed my pocketbook and left. I was so tired of his lies and his "how dare you make me feel guilty for hurting you" attitude, the fog lifted and all my love and understanding was replaced with "F this, I'm done" That was a month ago and I've been low-contact since then. We unfortunately work together so no-contact is not an option, but I've resisted all the love-bombing. He writes me these long emotional paragraphs over work chat and maybe I'm just lucky but it has no effect on me anymore, I just see it for the manipulation that it is and I respond with 1-2 neutral sentences if necessary. Grey rock FTW. Feels really good after being subjected to years of manipulation!
If he's sending personal messages with work accounts it could be a good idea to save them and, if he isn't the manager, let the manager know that it is unwanted. "Cover Your Ass". That's what a wise person told me. Now I make sure to clarify things to my manager or mention it to someone who might be reliable. You never want individual conversations with a covert narcissist. Kindly tell them you can not speak at the moment, then ask what they were wanting to talk about later- with witnesses. Realize that they may say, "Oh it's okay, I went ahead and did-- for you." Setting you up to look badly while leaving witnesses with the perception that the narcissist is so giving.
Write down each and every instance of his abuse that you can recall.. read it daily because this will keep you out of the trap of falling back into his clutches which is what he's trying to do.. he needs a supply after all.
God dam after 11 years my brains reprogrammed its self to constantly think ahead , think before you speak 1 wrong word can set them off remember ? But also say if your planning a trip away you start strategically planning , thinking , of anything any likely flash point from arriving to leaving you go over so many potential issues that could / would kick off. I served as a British Soldier for several years I’ve never forward planned so much constantly and so forward.
Thanks for covering covert narcissism because they are a different breed from grandiose. My sister is covert and it’s taken me years to pinpoint her behaviour to this. I have known her for so long as my big sister that I have always overlooked her ways until she turned on me when I started to retaliate, then I met the storm! When you have been manipulated and gaslit from an early age it is difficult to see . Thanks for your enlightenment xx
Same exact situation only she was the youngest sister and she was the golden child. I overlooked it for a long time and just did not interact with her much. But she was always there in many group settings and she did her damage just fine from there!
Being autistic, I find it's kind of a blessing that I can willingly turn off my social-emotional processing whenever I want; makes dealing with narcissists much easier.
Acting flattered by their backhanded compliments and laughing it off has been my tactic and it's worked like a charm to disarm the narcissists in my life. Normally because I know its out of their jealousy and insecurity and laughing it off with a self aware joke makes me the comedian and in turn more likeable in the eyes of others witnessing the exchange. Being completely comfortable in yourself flaws and all gives you an impenetrable armor from those trying to knock you down.
I remember a "Raymond" episode that also really helps me understand how all this applies for me. It was the one where everyone is trying to cover up the "flaws" that Marie had pointed out on their physical body. I have always felt flawed but did not connect it with my mother picking at me (little digs). I am finally seeing that even though those tiny flaws were there, they are nothing compared to my contributions, presence, and abilities as well as my immense value as a spirit. With this video you really helped that one "POP" wide open. I did not know how she was slowing me down and causing doubting myself excessively with the lie that I "was deeply flawed". I was made to be "overly conscientious". You are helping me a lot!
Christina, I just got out of a relationship with a narcissist a couple mos ago and I am so thankful I found your channel! I have seen just about all your videos, you have a very calming way about you and these videos and have helped me tremendously. I have dated this guy three different times and each time he left me devastated and so confused. I never even realized he was a narcissist until I started researching aspects of his behavior. Thank you for the videos!!
I just went out with my friends this Friday and one of my friends keeps doing this. I keep ignoring her because I know if I react she will just love it. Thank you!
You really nailed it!!! I see this going on with my husband clearly now. I’m just astounded really! The bad thing is that he has been doing this to my daughter (and all of us) for years. I had her write down what he said to her yesterday. He victimized himself several times, brought up something old, and gaslighted her. It’s sick!!! I don’t know if this is the right thing to do but I’m teaching her a few coping strategies.
This video eloquently illustrates how gaslighting is about the undermining of your self-esteem so that things that you thought/feel wrong seem right. The little voice in the back of your head will always tell you the truth as will that cramped/knotted gut feeling that won’t go away no matter what the gaslighter tells you. I know now that I was gaslighted eleven years ago before that term came about. I had history of good relationships ending mutually after running their course but then through internet dating entered a relationship with someone who had two ex-boyfriends still hanging round. She always repeated that they were just friends but with hind-sight they were both holding a candle for her and she was playing the situation. She gradually made me think it was fine for her to go on a one to one snowboarding holiday for a week with one of them sharing a twin hotel room. I ended the relationship the day after they got back (the week had given me breathing space; funnily enough to regain focus and emotional strength). I would also add to never put up with someone who doesn’t care about your feelings
I learned from these videos, my own narcissistic behaviors when i was younger which i never thought would hurt people. So i have to own up and change. Makes me understand other narcissists too. Thank you
Another thing you can do is whenever they try to get a reaction of you by a back handled compliment ( in public), look them in the eyes and starting to talk extremely good of someone you know they hate that are better than them in anything. They can't take it , they find a way to keep conversation short and leave because they are glitching like a robot.... Oh the mask falls soooo fast....
honestly, enlightening. I didn't know the friend I'm dealing with is a coverted narcissist but now it so obvious for me. Going to go with the grey rock method, because just cutting them off will in the end have more negative results for me. Just doing my best to resist any love-bombing!!
The journal is a great idea. It helped me figure out her machinations, my reactions and what she really is ten years later and acts as a point of reference when she tries to be clever.
Thank you for this Video.. I had my suspicions I was dealing with a narcissist.. You hit the nail on the head with these 5 points.. Now I know I'm dealing with one.. # 5 especially.. Thank you!!
You certainly can...nice one Amanda....the look on their face when you "show that you know" is utterly priceless. "RESIST THE NARCISSIST..."show that you know" and observe and glow at the way they GO!!!"....stick that on a T-shirt!!! Amusing moment to share with you Amanda and other subscribers on COMMON EGO. One such narcky one decided to invite himself to my table, when seeing me enjoying a pizza and a coke(in my own company) recently. Hadn't had any contact for this crazy, lazy foolish excuse for a human being for six blissful months. He started bad-mouthing his recent ex(who had rid herself of him..good on her!!). I listened to this fool with his astonishing... "o.m.g...where have you been?...it's like you dropped off the map". I DID..in HIS WORLD. I wondered at what point in this one-way conversation, this fool would come into his own and the narcissism would rear itself....it didn't take long. Within the space of ten minutes of his one-way bull-crap...with the odd, "WHY AREN'T YOU SAYING ANYTHING?"to me, the Manager and two members of staff(witnesses, so obviously), arrived at our table to confront the fool about his behaviour the night before with a Security Guard and also, "how did he think he was allowed back in to this establishment when he was banned?"...............i never said a word as he argued with staff, despite them saying.."we have video proof". To some this might be an awkward moment until i asked the Manager if i could speak. She said.."sure, no problem". Having never caused any problems, i asked her if it would be a reasonable request if i might take responsibility for THE CLOWN and could they give him ten minutes to finish off his drink(and i might finish my pizza) and that i would happily ESCORT and ENCOURAGE him OFF the property...thus "killing an awkward situation". The Manager smiled and me and said..."Thank you very much sir...you are a gentleman". My response, i swear to God....."MY GREAT PLEASURE".....ten minutes later i did escot him away, which coincided with my bus turning up, two minutes later...GHOSTING the narcky one once again. TWO YEARS of recovery...and the above comes naturally(and i become stronger by the day, hour, minute and seconds)....thank you for your channel Christina..hope you read this!!..and it helps folk in the early stages of a discard...you will get your life back from these CLOWNS...and their CIRCUS. Stay well Amanda..your "not taking back-handed compliments totally shows your strength of character. Superb, no other word. Total respect and regards, Sonic.
Yr spot on as usual.. the examples really help to validate. Odd how they seem to all do and say almost verbatim their comments and can’t seem to alternate from the repetitiveness of their games so once u cotton on it’s a neon light but still even then it takes time to get the hell out
I was in a relationship with a narc for 3 yrs who fit all of these traits to the tee. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, still I cannot understand how I was caught up by this person for so long and how it occurred. What I am working now is how to address why I was a magnet for this, and how I can avoid such a person in the future and be healthy again
Thanks again for all you do on this channel. I was thinking about my situation how it started with my narc mama and bro but now its getting "mobbed" by whoever when I go around the family. I never know who will start it. This year holiday will be a bit lonely but Id rather eat in peace then be around folks that want chaos and strife.
I Love you so much - at minute 11- I have found myself scream to my self - it is (and then the name of the person)- you are so so acurate describing those people who are mentaly tormenting us under the cover of good caring people
Omg the tunnel vision!!!!! I never knew it was a thing. While you were talking about it, I had a lot of flashbacks when it happened to me. Glad I discarded him first. 😅
Thank you for these helpful tactics. Their hideous behaviors don't fit my schema of humanity. The solution clarifies with the understanding that we are dealing ruthless hyenas - not human at all. The tactics these hyenas use are frustrating, but it's very important to learn how to counteract them, so thank you so much for these helpful tools.
Great video! This was routine in my relationship. She would use all of them in various ways constantly. Ruined my family life and my dreams. I do not know what healthy normal family relationship interaction feels or looks like at all. I am now full of regrets of staying in the relationship for years to help raise three children. I stayed because I knew it was going to be a nightmare to even get shared custody with her. I was hoping that in the future things would get better. It did not; it got worse. The children are just like her, except they are adults now. I’m free of her now, and licking my wounds. Its not worth waiting that long for your children to grow up and hoping they will be supportive; found that was a bad decision on my part. Get away from these types of fiends, as soon as possible; the earlier the better, not 30 years too late. Screwed my mind up big time.🥴
Sympathize. Almost 26 years of marriage here. Haven't left yet. Financial reasons currently. But I've hit the ground running planning my independent future. I'm responding to you because it hard reading your comment about family, dreams, healthy relationships. It's crushing to not be able to obtain dreams because your partner sabotages them all. Pretending to want the same but bit by bit slowly destroys while you're watching with your eyes wide shut!! He pretends to be a great husband and father and nothing is further from the truth. Only the dark evil jezebel spirit can perform like this. Peace and healing to you. Thank you for sharing. God blesses us!!
Oh goodness the tunnel vision! My narcissist ex would pick out my word choices and grammar (in texts) and divert the argument to arguing semantics instead of whatever we were previously arguing. It makes it even worse that I’m an English instructor 🙄 Edit: grammar, ironically 🤣
Now I know that red flags were when my ex banned the word “drama” as applied to her (this wasn’t “respecting her emotions” and was sexist) and wouldn’t let me say “Whatever” to shrug off a disagreement. Zing!
I have experienced the staring part. If someone is talking about something that is remotely connected to me, that guy used to give a contemptuous smile. At other times, he used to very aggressively accuse me of things I don’t hold and make me defend myself. In those cases, what used to effect me was the rude condescending and patronizing behavior. This guy used to think he pushed a button and has something against me and laugh constantly to show that got you kinda thing :D. I guess the best way at that time if to say that I am not going to engage in a conversation if you patronize or condescend me and walk away. His strategy was this: Bait by accusing and then use it later. Initially I used to think he was being playful and laugh. But in a few seconds he used to go switch on the rude mode.
I know so very many people who behave this way. I don't get it. They live to hurl their antagonisms at each other. I find their presence to be emotionally exhausting. I'll take being alone and friendless over incessant, preditorial socialisation.
I learned that people suck early in life. I have a unusual yet heard of name. It used to make me cry angrily when somebody would tease me about my name. One day I came at them with making better fun of my name and catching them before they got to me. I like it when somebody says "I love your name..."
I do love your name!! 💙💙 And the way it is spelled. I have a soft spot for people with unique and uncommon name...hint hint, just like meeeee!!! Lol 😂 Let me ask u a question. What name where u just hell bent on wanting to be named when you were younger and struggling with your beautiful and lovely name?? Mine was LISA!!! Lol 😂 like Lisa Simpson! Before the Simpsons came out! And an ironic turn of events I grew up to play Alto Sax 🎷 just like Lisa Simpson!!! 😂 Too funny!!
That’s interesting about the journal. I started keeping a journal and when I mentioned to her I had one to jot down events to help me heal. She got quite dismissive in an abrupt manner in a private message. It didn’t occur to me at the moment why, but now I’m more aware.
Very wise. Over 15 years ago I began journaling because reality was be altered constantly. After a thirty year marriage and experiencing a final discard I looked at my old gernals. It keeps me sain.
I just had a covert narc I haven't talked to in like a year try to tell me that she was worried about me after she was the one that discarded me. I did stand up for myself which I'm proud of but now I literally want to punch her in the face
I feel sorry for any kind of Narcissists and people that suffer because of them. But it will always blow my mind how one person can hurt another via the way of the Narcissist. Iv always believed in knowing your self and if you have an issue with someone just tell them why to their face. Anything else is just childish in my view and being a coward. I really see Narcissists as bad news and cowards as they wont look at them selfs and solve there issue. They are either mini Gods in their minds or just cowards.
My mom’s go-to line was, “I know you’re not stupid” in a tone of voice and at a time and circumstances where you knew she was saying you did/said something she thought was stupid
I remember after my father died, my sister tried to talk me into giving our brother, with whom she shares a close relationship, my share of the family home. When I ignored that request, she dogged me the whole time making me feel unwelcome in the house I was raised in. I was afraid to be in the same room with her because when she was not acting like a hired prosecutor trying to get me to break on the stand so to speak, she became histrionic, adopting a strange posture as if she were standing on a podium to tell the whole world she was in charge. I honestly feel I have PTSD over that one event. She came after me when I was grieving and that is what she has always done, come after me at my weakest. I feel sorry for her, but I dread the sound of her voice. It changes from baby talk to a serious adult. It is at once alarming yet fascinating.
Everything you spoke of here is exactly what I have encountered with family members. One of the tactics of our narcissistic daughter is to love all over my husband, her father, and ignore me to show me how much she likes him and hates me. When I talk about what her dad is doing she is all over it with enthusiasm, but when she asks me how or what I am doing she gives me what I call "disapproving grunts" or completely ignores me as though I said nothing. The other day I called her out on it and her response was to cry as if she were the victim. Then she continued to refuse to address it. I know by these things that she is doing it on purpose. A sort of like, "inviting you to the party so you can see them ignoring you." My entire narcissistic family uses these tactics, I believe it's out of jealousy. I am a happy friendly person, they hate that I enjoy life and want to destroy that joy. I believe she learned these things from the family dynamic. She saw these mean-spirited actions all her life and just took them on, but I also think its partly genetic. The extended family act so much alike about a lot of things. This daughter will rarely do a nice thing for me but it always has strings attached, such that she comes out being in control of everything. If I decide for myself what I will be doing she act like I did something wrong by not doing it her way. God told us to do good to those who persecute us, I believe this is so that the narcissist will only have themselves to see, you are innocent but they are guilty. I don't trust even her good deeds toward me. One example was just recently I texted our daughter about something her dad was doing and in the same text something I was doing.. She was chatty about what dad was doing but mentioned nothing about what I was doing. Normally a person would not think about this except that it happens often. She seems to want me to know she loves dad and has none for me. The Gaslighting is the biggest thing I have seen in this family.
I live the dream, oh yeah, why? I don't have any contact with my covert narcissist ex partner for almost two years now. Altough she is working for the same organization I don't see and speak her anymore, that is soooo nice. Covid-19 is one of the reasons. Work at home, working on other projects (not in her field of experience). So lovely, no shit to listen to, no issues, not being bored by her, no discussions where you think off afterwards: what was this all about! Good luck everybody. I wish you all peace.
My narc keeps tabs on me through fb I have gone NC for 3 mo. I have been 100% this time!! 😱👍🏻🤩 He sees I’m not giving in even while he is commenting nicely. So now he has moved to unfriending me (which I never accepted his friend request🤩) and deleting sweet comments that I never reacted to. And I’m not gonna react to this mellow drama either!! I have began to respect myself and I deserve better than someone trying to force me into talking to him. With his lil arrogant forced tactics! I learned a lot from that 3 1/2 year relationship. Be strong ladies. 💕🤩👍🏻
A friend of mine used to give me hidden insults. I would say, "Thank you!" and then wait a few seconds, then say, "Wait a minute... was that an insult?" We were having fun, though.
Amazing videos. Can you please relate/create videos particularly about narcissistic friend/ best friend who is not out of your life yet but have witnessed the abusive discard behavior from ?
I can’t pretend to know what it feels like to have zero options for going no contact . But I can speak to how going no contact did “not “feel like a luxury to me . It felt challenging to say the least because I a share a child with that covert narc . It was fairly simple to go no contact with his narc family members and the flying monkeys in that family who are dangerously manipulative . But it was very hard to go no contact with the ones that I had known for decades as they were a child and now as an adult . It hurts your heart when you have to cut someone out of your life who has done absolutely nothing to harm you in any way . It felt unfair and cruel . Not at all luxurious . It was painful to admit that my X didn’t love his child the way a normal father would and that there would be no benefit to the child if he and I stayed in contact ( although he wanted to be friends , eww ) . The easy part is the social media blocking . No contact on social media is as easy as hitting a button . Instantly your life becomes better . Stopping people you know in common from talking about or wanting to tell you what stupid thing your x narc has done now , also easy . Just say No to that subject if it comes up . Trust me people will get tired of you shutting them down when they try to tell you what the narcs up to now . I can only imagine how much harder the healing would be if I still had to have contact because of a shared child . So the one who losses big here is the child who’s father doesn’t want any custody and has no fight in him for her in his life . It’s so cruel for your child to be rejected in this way . I have a co worker who’s raising her child with her x narc in the complete opposite way of mine . And both ways Are damaging to the child and equally hard to watch . I’m sorry if I went off on a tangent over the word luxury . I appreciate your content and I know you are truly here to help and inform us all . Much gratitude 🙏🏻
No worries. It's never easy and I didn't mean to imply that it was. Every situation has its own unique twists and frustrations. It wasn't meant to be a comparison really. It was more to address people who feel stuck and pray daily that they could go no contact. And it's always sad when kids are involved. We all can only do our best, and that often feels impossible when only one person is taking responsibility. I hope things are going more smoothly for you now.
Thank you i have this king of experience with a director oh my Goodness so jealous tried to upset me invites me to her drama but i do not accept the invitation 🥰🥰🥰
He used to let me accompany him to his gigs, and then ignore me. Not so much that it would be evident, just enough to make you feel unconfortable. I didn't realise for ages. Then it was all clear. I'd get upset or offended. I tried to keep it to myself but he'd start saying "something wrong?" until I'd mention his behaviour. And then all hell was let loose. He was working! Yes, right. I wasn't allowed to go again unless there were colleague with girlfriends I was friends with. And not always.
constant gaslighting during my marriage and still trying after 3 years of separation/divorce. It's mind blowing how insecure and pathetic they are!! They ride off the backs of their victims. I actually feel sorry for his current victim.
"Oh thank you so much, I like rolls that way too!" With a sickeningly sweet smile would drive them mad. Enjoy their petty pain while killing them with kindness. 😁
Is it bad that like, I shut down the tactics and find it amusing? I always feel bad but it’s like, I’m not gonna let you gaslight and abuse me. I didn’t know it was narcissism to begin with(none of us do, am I right?). So before I left the relationship, I basically shined a light on everything they were trying to do without reacting too much emotionally and without knowing it was narcissism and their reaction was kind of amusing. At first I thought they were just in their own way and I wasn’t going to give it to them but it got old and I realized they were just a toxic person.
Thank you! this does not have to be romantic. My neighbor with a similar house floor plan decided to compete/remark how my house is not the best. Went on for 12 yrs. Like the TV show. No contact for 1.5 yrs peaceful! PS Never say anything about their pad! LOL ! Rage!!!
Check, check, check, check...and check. All five all the time. Well not anymore since I've gone no contact. Oh and then there's also the fun, "world salad". Ugh I feel exhausted just thinking about this stuff.
What do you suggest when its your own daughter and can plainly see they interact with not just now even being myself thrown into the mix, but I've watched her gaslight or underhand so many others who are supposed to be her close family & friends? I am only hoping to guide her to maintain healthy and long relationships. Personality traits I have and find important are things like respect, self-worth, compassion, and ones integrity are all of key importance to me that I con only hope to redirect her towards as a 20yr old adult that Im seeing that her actions are ranging from rude to hurtful, even petty. And yes, all of these types of reactions she has even dealt towards myself as her mother, which on any level is Never appropriate or acceptable. Which is why I am asking what might be suggested as ways to have her self reflect her actions, and ideas of how to help change her mindset....saying its not a permanent part of her personality that I know doesn't do anyone any good in this world. Thank you in advance for any and all advice that is suggested!! 😊🥰
It’s So Correct He has a “Housekeeper Carer” He Delights Sending Me Showing Photos,She’s Brought Tiny Shorts,He’s Cleaning Her Car, O was Excluded From All Family Functions & Christmas Long Text About Log Fires,Board Games So There In Another Lockdown For 8 Weeks I’m Out Off There Sue-Ann
@@PristineTangerine lol, my brain and mouth lost communication 😂 I think "underhanded insult" probably would have made more sense I was going to call it out in editing, but I decided to roll with it. And no worries... I always welcome constructive comments!
here is one for you.. What would you do if you just found out a family member died. and the narcissist in your life made it about her. saying let me tell you about my brain tumors.
I had a relative that had just died and the family narcissist was saying " let me tell you about my brain tumors" She does not have any brain tumors. Now a friend of her's did but not her. So she wasn't crying or anything she just wanted the attention on her.
@@natashagraham9040 they must be. I broke a piece of my hip in August, my parents dropped me off at home, with a wheelchair and all the other equipment and as my mom was juuust about to leave without being a total twat, she turned around and said "my hip hurts too you know, arthritis". Previously, in trying to explain to her why using my disability as evidence of mental illness was evil and wrong, that I "wasn't keeping up my house" because I literally couldn't stand up for more than 5 minutes, she says (with the most disgusting want-to-slap-it-off-her-face-pout) "my leg hurts too you know, and I don't even know why". She also exaggerated a chronic cancer she was diagnosed with and told me and everyone else it was terminal AND lied about her chemo dose...which is LOW, which is why she was on it for 4 years, saying she was "lucky" her hair didn't fall out. Apparently not realizing or understanding that half the people she was saying that to, have conquered life-threatening cancers after enduring ACTUAL chemo, ie short term, high dose that always makes your hair fall out and made a damn fool of herself. She also exaggerated the chills and fatigue it causes...I know that because I have been on the same dose for immune disease for 16 years now. It's like a mild hangover, not soul-draining the way chemo treatments are. Subcutaneous, not IV. UGH. Like, if you've made it to the age of 75 before having any major health problems, you should be GRATEFUL, brave and STOIC, not use it to manipulate sympathy from people, especially when you've abused half of those people most of your life. No sympathy from me, whatsoever.
My x husband is without a doubt ... a narc. I am just thrilled he's found another woman to lie to instead of me. THANK GOD everyday......he's just a horrible human being. I was contemplating sending her all the text messages he sends me begging for sex but l just let shitty people do what they do and smile with the knowledge that they will get theirs. Karma is a #!*# no contact is the ONLY way to avoid them trying to drag you back into their dysfunctional bs.
In my case I'm not sure if my ex is covert he's another type I'm stuck in shared custody for now, but minimal contact or he doesn't respond or if he does It's all lies It's very difficult he's trying to piss me off taking all the furniture or close 3 yrs later? I'm trying to not to react, but yeah he's nasty. I've been keeping a journal about his behavior towards the kids that's the only thing court looks at I don't think hes going to settle fighting over petty vindictive nature 3 yrs later trying to leave me with nothing I live in our old place he's disguarded this completely I just want to go to court claims I owe 5000 Horrible person I won't respond directly only through lawyer.
A phycho at work who won’t ease up will eventually have papers drawn up on my behalf from a lawyer next, she’s already documented for harassing myself and another worker . She’s acting like she wants to have a serious problem and that’s just what it’s going to be if she doesn’t find something meaningful to do with her life.
I've found the Matt Dilahunty on the Atheist Experience channel does this quite often on his show - 'Tunnel Vision', although I'm not saying he is a covert NARC. The callers do need to backup their position.
When you go to a terrace have some coffee with the narcist..he says when there are people next to me and can listen to our conversation, he says like this..you don't have no patience isn't....now I now at last a answer to that..but the first times I get confused. Later on I was fuck up inside. On gaslighting..I say this I remember this different, You see that this way I don't have a clue where you talking about You mixed me up with you're girlfriend
So mines invited me to a party and when the day came called me and made a comment that went like oh where can I buy a sundress and I’m thinking what then goes on to say when I didn’t give a reaction was yea I hope some women at the party have on sundress’s with big butts and I’m thinking really clearly he was looking for a reason to make me mad because he didn’t want me to go smh the things narcissistic people do
Her black nail polish kind of matches with her polka-dotted blouse. I got kind of dizzy watching this. I'm just making a fun observation here folks. p.s. why is she apologizing again and again about this video topic? One may say the topic here can be annoying to address but why apologize? We're all adults here not kids.
Did you unsubscribe? Or never subscribed? I can only see like 3 cause they are public lol You usually respond and when needed a response most, you didn’t.. I was around when you had like 2,000?subscribers. That’s still a lot just saying.. You spoke a lot more on a personal level to me back then. I went through worst lately and just thought we were always cool. So just hoping everything is okay And not to throw me in whichever lol I have a whole county doing that toward me as is just because I’m not allowing whichever to continue. I’ll be around woman Been listening to your video as typing this comment.. Well texting it lol On iPod cause my iPhone crashed as usual when I come back in music but I gotta keep going I’ll be around >SEEK Thanks for another video Helps a lot
Hi Brae, I subscribed but I don't see any notifications. I almost always respond to comments within the first hour of a video release, but it's difficult to respond to everyone after that. I know you've been around for a long time and I appreciate your support 🙏 I hope things have improved and are going well for you now. I hope all is well!
Do you recognize any of these tactics from your encounters with narcissists? Or do you have more that you'd like to share? I've listed the more common ones here, but I'm willing to bet you have more. Thanks for watching! 🙏❤
Fab video 100% accurate I experienced all of these as well as: deliberate misunderstanding of a lot of what I am saying, to make me feel that I make no sense and am the most inarticulate person out there. I also get jokes at my expense in front of others that are designed to make me feel embarrassed and small, followed up with a devaluing smile. Plotting my escape early next year but channels like yours keep me strong in the meantime. Thank you 😊 🥰
I regognize everything. My mother is a covered crazymaking narcissist , and she is extremly good. When I listened, I felt like a tornado inside,, because she uses every tacric you describe. But beeing brought up, by her have made it very difficult to discover,, I have no contact today , but I am still traumabond, and she knows me far to good of course, so she knows how to pull strings where I am vulnerable.
Your video have learned me even more again. Thank you. 😍
The tunnel vision one is so relatable for me! Also, the person I was in a relationship with would accuse me of lying if I didn't respond quick enough and was putting thought into my response.
Another one for me that used to knock me off guard was when Id be talking about something important to me and he would laugh. Also he sometimes just wouldn't respond, Id ask if he heard me and I know he did but he pretended he didn't and I had to repeat myself.
Thank you for your videos, this particular video hits hard for me! I’m dealing with someone who’s constantly painting herself as a victim or a healer. It’s been rough to just be quiet about it for the sake of mutual people we both know. But If you are only ever allowed to listen to them and never allowed to express your feelings with a unhealed individual in a one to one relationship, and are constantly looked at as the only one in this particular relationship as needing healing. Possibly when others are taken in by this individual’s behavior, I know I was for a short while, either they just don’t want to rock the boat, ( sometimes walking on glass is easier with some for a time ) which is likely, or unfortunately some have accepted the outcome from this individual as real without thorough investigation. At least there is awareness now.
In my situation, I should of just picked my battles with an individual close to me. Lesson learned, now I know where I stand. It’s a not a equal or fair relationship and never was, when I spent time and energy excusing years of rumors and things that were said about me, only to have her totally dismiss her involvement. She sent letters with horrible things said about me to people close to me. Telling people close to me not to have faith in me then behaving like a friend to my face.
C-PTSD and the long term effects can destroy relationships! Over the years I’d see internet groups and forums with her tag name and her using my name in them, telling strangers private things about me as a troubled child, all the while she never mentioned anything about her own dysfunctional involvement, many of the stories exaggerated from a small truth of how I behaved as a child, a child who was traumatized, and abused just like her! I was an adolescent who was repeatedly raped in her early teens by a close friends father. If she understood child psychology like she claims to then she wouldn’t use my adolescent behavior against me behind my back! My intuition was absolutely bang on from the get go with this individual, I wish I had listened to my gut but I’ve accepted this outcome. I’m ok with it, and actually relieved. At first I was hurt and just let my hurt fester for years, sweeping it all under rug because somehow I knew she’d react like a victim. You know what, it all came spilling out during a vulnerable time! I wish I hadn’t exposed her and now I see I just did what she wanted me to do, now she is telling everyone how right she was. I’m finally getting over the hurt.
If you find yourself in my situation please try to learn from your intuition, instead of just sweeping it away to a corner like I did! If you handle it healthier than I did you too can be done, hopefully sooner than I was. Sometimes it’s subjective. I choose to be objective now and I’m telling you that’s not easy at times for me since I like to solve puzzles; some puzzles can only be solved by itself. The healing process has taken on ❤️ moving on to peace, away from toxic behavior is the only way ☮️
Narcissists love to self-sabotage! You'll be there trying to build a strong and healthy relationship like a jenga tower and midway through the building process they'll pass by and knock it down. Laugh and watch as you struggle to rebuild it...block by block... And then the process repeats itself 🤦🏾♀️
That's a great analogy ❤🙏
@@CommonEgo Yay!! I'm glad you liked it. It popped into my mind and I thought to myself 'I better comment this!' The tower will never be completed because 1. You are building the tower alone. 2. The narcissist is working against you.
@@semionwalker4 exactly!
Narcissist > psychopathic liar posing as one of the group. Narcissism stems from a desire to control and subjugate others through "clever" means. Though, a narcissist may lie, a narcissist is, at least, somewhat honest. A narcissist doesn't care if everybody knows what he or she is up to as long as he or she is getting his or her way. In fact, narcissists want people to catch onto what they're doing and they want people suffering under their thumb, playing by their rules. Like anybody else playing an angle, neither want to be confronted with their behavior.
A psychopathic liar posing as one of the group is based on deception for, usually, far more insidious purposes than control.
@@viriknavarro3165 I agree with most of that, but did you mean to post that as a general comment instead of a reply?
Great points. Another one I notice with a family member is that when you are talking about something they don't say anything whereas a healthy person would say something affirming to you. This would fall into the heading 'withholding behavours". A lack of emotional support, enthusiasm, curiosity and good regard.
So true
Yes, that’s the most covert cause it’s so unseen, the non response and lack of curiosity. Strangely it can make you try to package your ideas in a more interesting way, talk too much, or completely give up on talking about yourself at all and just ask questions about them.
Exactly! You described to my mom
Yes! Like if you tell them happily about someone giving you praise or a gift that's big from appreciation at something you did well, and all the narc gives you is a blank stare. They aren't happy for your happiness. They seem to be trying to hide how deeply annoyed they are at your success or accomplishment? Those blank spaces are revealing to me as well; not just the overt needling. If they aren't happy at your happiness (unless it's a caring person who is just very distracted by their own life during the conversation or something), to me the blank stare is a red flag to notice.
I hope anyone dealing with a narcissist is able to use these tips to get out of that hurtful dynamic and find more loving, nurturing ones 💗 thanks for sharing!
I do too. We all deserve to be happy. Thanks for watching! ❤🙏
If not codepend.
Thank you 💗
My now-ex did the sensitive subject thing with me and that's what finally made me leave. He mentioned going to a party, not outright saying "and you're not invited" but speaking in terms that made it very clear he'd be going alone. In 3 years I was never invited to anything and not allowed to meet his friends, so he knew it was a sore spot for me. Half of them didn't even know he had a girlfriend and the ones that did didn't know my name or how long we'd been together. It was so obvious he was keeping me a secret yet he swore up and down he wasn't and was SO offended that I'd even think he would do such a thing. Anyway, after he mentioned the party I asked if I'd ever be included in his social life and oh boy, he blew UP. The gist of his dramatic fake-crying meltdown was he's told me MANY times that he's totally NOT hiding me from anyone and he's tired of feeling bad about it. In 3 whole years of dating, somehow the 'logistics' had just never lined up right for me to attend a party with him. LOL. I just grabbed my pocketbook and left. I was so tired of his lies and his "how dare you make me feel guilty for hurting you" attitude, the fog lifted and all my love and understanding was replaced with "F this, I'm done"
That was a month ago and I've been low-contact since then. We unfortunately work together so no-contact is not an option, but I've resisted all the love-bombing. He writes me these long emotional paragraphs over work chat and maybe I'm just lucky but it has no effect on me anymore, I just see it for the manipulation that it is and I respond with 1-2 neutral sentences if necessary. Grey rock FTW. Feels really good after being subjected to years of manipulation!
If he's sending personal messages with work accounts it could be a good idea to save them and, if he isn't the manager, let the manager know that it is unwanted. "Cover Your Ass". That's what a wise person told me. Now I make sure to clarify things to my manager or mention it to someone who might be reliable. You never want individual conversations with a covert narcissist. Kindly tell them you can not speak at the moment, then ask what they were wanting to talk about later- with witnesses. Realize that they may say, "Oh it's okay, I went ahead and did-- for you." Setting you up to look badly while leaving witnesses with the perception that the narcissist is so giving.
It's funny how they get so offended with the truth. They are so delusional and liars at the same time
Write down each and every instance of his abuse that you can recall.. read it daily because this will keep you out of the trap of falling back into his clutches which is what he's trying to do.. he needs a supply after all.
Narcissist also like to collect dirt on people and use it against them.
They certainly do! ❤🙏
100% agree everything anything that can be used is stored in there female terminator computer brain !
They store it like you would ammunition ready for battle when needed !
God dam after 11 years my brains reprogrammed its self to constantly think ahead , think before you speak 1 wrong word can set them off remember ?
But also say if your planning a trip away you start strategically planning , thinking , of anything any likely flash point from arriving to leaving you go over so many potential issues that could / would kick off. I served as a British Soldier for several years I’ve never forward planned so much constantly and so forward.
Give them fake dirt on you but don’t let them know it’s fake dirt
Thanks for covering covert narcissism because they are a different breed from grandiose. My sister is covert and it’s taken me years to pinpoint her behaviour to this. I have known her for so long as my big sister that I have always overlooked her ways until she turned on me when I started to retaliate, then I met the storm! When you have been manipulated and gaslit from an early age it is difficult to see . Thanks for your enlightenment xx
Same exact situation only she was the youngest sister and she was the golden child. I overlooked it for a long time and just did not interact with her much. But she was always there in many group settings and she did her damage just fine from there!
Some not so easy ways to deal:
1. Know your worth.
2. Control your emotions.
Being autistic, I find it's kind of a blessing that I can willingly turn off my social-emotional processing whenever I want; makes dealing with narcissists much easier.
I turn off my hearing aids!!!
@@djw8591😂
I don’t get triggered anymore. Makes all the difference in the world. 🙏
Acting flattered by their backhanded compliments and laughing it off has been my tactic and it's worked like a charm to disarm the narcissists in my life. Normally because I know its out of their jealousy and insecurity and laughing it off with a self aware joke makes me the comedian and in turn more likeable in the eyes of others witnessing the exchange. Being completely comfortable in yourself flaws and all gives you an impenetrable armor from those trying to knock you down.
I remember a "Raymond" episode that also really helps me understand how all this applies for me. It was the one where everyone is trying to cover up the "flaws" that Marie had pointed out on their physical body. I have always felt flawed but did not connect it with my mother picking at me (little digs). I am finally seeing that even though those tiny flaws were there, they are nothing compared to my contributions, presence, and abilities as well as my immense value as a spirit. With this video you really helped that one "POP" wide open. I did not know how she was slowing me down and causing doubting myself excessively with the lie that I "was deeply flawed". I was made to be "overly conscientious". You are helping me a lot!
Christina, I just got out of a relationship with a narcissist a couple mos ago and I am so thankful I found your channel! I have seen just about all your videos, you have a very calming way about you and these videos and have helped me tremendously. I have dated this guy three different times and each time he left me devastated and so confused. I never even realized he was a narcissist until I started researching aspects of his behavior. Thank you for the videos!!
Keep strong was it a Gemini narc
@@pieluvr7362 he's a Leo!
I just went out with my friends this Friday and one of my friends keeps doing this. I keep ignoring her because I know if I react she will just love it. Thank you!
You really nailed it!!! I see this going on with my husband clearly now. I’m just astounded really! The bad thing is that he has been doing this to my daughter (and all of us) for years. I had her write down what he said to her yesterday. He victimized himself several times, brought up something old, and gaslighted her. It’s sick!!! I don’t know if this is the right thing to do but I’m teaching her a few coping strategies.
This video eloquently illustrates how gaslighting is about the undermining of your self-esteem so that things that you thought/feel wrong seem right. The little voice in the back of your head will always tell you the truth as will that cramped/knotted gut feeling that won’t go away no matter what the gaslighter tells you.
I know now that I was gaslighted eleven years ago before that term came about. I had history of good relationships ending mutually after running their course but then through internet dating entered a relationship with someone who had two ex-boyfriends still hanging round. She always repeated that they were just friends but with hind-sight they were both holding a candle for her and she was playing the situation. She gradually made me think it was fine for her to go on a one to one snowboarding holiday for a week with one of them sharing a twin hotel room. I ended the relationship the day after they got back (the week had given me breathing space; funnily enough to regain focus and emotional strength). I would also add to never put up with someone who doesn’t care about your feelings
I learned from these videos, my own narcissistic behaviors when i was younger which i never thought would hurt people. So i have to own up and change. Makes me understand other narcissists too.
Thank you
Another thing you can do is whenever they try to get a reaction of you by a back handled compliment ( in public), look them in the eyes and starting to talk extremely good of someone you know they hate that are better than them in anything. They can't take it , they find a way to keep conversation short and leave because they are glitching like a robot.... Oh the mask falls soooo fast....
honestly, enlightening. I didn't know the friend I'm dealing with is a coverted narcissist but now it so obvious for me. Going to go with the grey rock method, because just cutting them off will in the end have more negative results for me. Just doing my best to resist any love-bombing!!
The journal is a great idea. It helped me figure out her machinations, my reactions and what she really is ten years later and acts as a point of reference when she tries to be clever.
Perfect timing 👌 just had a discussion with a narc that turned my brain into scrambled eggs lol
I can relate ❤🙏
Only takes a few words and your heads fucked square 1 all over again
Thank you for this Video.. I had my suspicions I was dealing with a narcissist.. You hit the nail on the head with these 5 points.. Now I know I'm dealing with one.. # 5 especially.. Thank you!!
Can I say “I’m not accepting back-handed compliments today?”
👍
You certainly can...nice one Amanda....the look on their face when you "show that you know" is utterly priceless.
"RESIST THE NARCISSIST..."show that you know" and observe and glow at the way they GO!!!"....stick that on a T-shirt!!!
Amusing moment to share with you Amanda and other subscribers on COMMON EGO.
One such narcky one decided to invite himself to my table, when seeing me enjoying a pizza and a coke(in my own company) recently. Hadn't had any contact for this crazy, lazy foolish excuse for a human being for six blissful months. He started bad-mouthing his recent ex(who had rid herself of him..good on her!!). I listened to this fool with his astonishing... "o.m.g...where have you been?...it's like you dropped off the map". I DID..in HIS WORLD.
I wondered at what point in this one-way conversation, this fool would come into his own and the narcissism would rear itself....it didn't take long.
Within the space of ten minutes of his one-way bull-crap...with the odd, "WHY AREN'T YOU SAYING ANYTHING?"to me, the Manager and two members of staff(witnesses, so obviously), arrived at our table to confront the fool about his behaviour the night before with a Security Guard and also, "how did he think he was allowed back in to this establishment when he was banned?"...............i never said a word as he argued with staff, despite them saying.."we have video proof".
To some this might be an awkward moment until i asked the Manager if i could speak. She said.."sure, no problem". Having never caused any problems, i asked her if it would be a reasonable request if i might take responsibility for THE CLOWN and could they give him ten minutes to finish off his drink(and i might finish my pizza) and that i would happily ESCORT and ENCOURAGE him OFF the property...thus "killing an awkward situation".
The Manager smiled and me and said..."Thank you very much sir...you are a gentleman". My response, i swear to God....."MY GREAT PLEASURE".....ten minutes later i did escot him away, which coincided with my bus turning up, two minutes later...GHOSTING the narcky one once again.
TWO YEARS of recovery...and the above comes naturally(and i become stronger by the day, hour, minute and seconds)....thank you for your channel Christina..hope you read this!!..and it helps folk in the early stages of a discard...you will get your life back from these CLOWNS...and their CIRCUS.
Stay well Amanda..your "not taking back-handed compliments totally shows your strength of character. Superb, no other word.
Total respect and regards,
Sonic.
Change the subject and tell them something you are happy for them about. Buyah!
Yr spot on as usual.. the examples really help to validate.
Odd how they seem to all do and say almost verbatim their comments and can’t seem to alternate from the repetitiveness of their games so once u cotton on it’s a neon light but still even then it takes time to get the hell out
Precisely stated. It's the real reality how we came into this kind of world we live in today. Thank you so much and God bless you.
I was in a relationship with a narc for 3 yrs who fit all of these traits to the tee. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, still I cannot understand how I was caught up by this person for so long and how it occurred. What I am working now is how to address why I was a magnet for this, and how I can avoid such a person in the future and be healthy again
Thanks again for all you do on this channel. I was thinking about my situation how it started with my narc mama and bro but now its getting "mobbed" by whoever when I go around the family. I never know who will start it. This year holiday will be a bit lonely but Id rather eat in peace then be around folks that want chaos and strife.
I Love you so much - at minute 11- I have found myself scream to my self - it is (and then the name of the person)- you are so so acurate describing those people who are mentaly tormenting us under the cover of good caring people
Omg the tunnel vision!!!!! I never knew it was a thing. While you were talking about it, I had a lot of flashbacks when it happened to me. Glad I discarded him first. 😅
YAAY you are learning more about the narcissist. Nice to see you comment, great way to share and validate your experience. Stay happy!
@@scottp2462 Yes!!! Haha you found me. Knowledge is power! 😆 Watching all of these videos reminds me that I did the right thing. Stay happy too!!! 😄
Thank you for these helpful tactics. Their hideous behaviors don't fit my schema of humanity. The solution clarifies with the understanding that we are dealing ruthless hyenas - not human at all. The tactics these hyenas use are frustrating, but it's very important to learn how to counteract them, so thank you so much for these helpful tools.
Great video! This was routine in my relationship. She would use all of them in various ways constantly. Ruined my family life and my dreams. I do not know what healthy normal family relationship interaction feels or looks like at all.
I am now full of regrets of staying in the relationship for years to help raise three children. I stayed because I knew it was going to be a nightmare to even get shared custody with her. I was hoping that in the future things would get better. It did not; it got worse. The children are just like her, except they are adults now.
I’m free of her now, and licking my wounds. Its not worth waiting that long for your children to grow up and hoping they will be supportive; found that was a bad decision on my part.
Get away from these types of fiends, as soon as possible; the earlier the better, not 30 years too late. Screwed my mind up big time.🥴
Sympathize. Almost 26 years of marriage here. Haven't left yet. Financial reasons currently. But I've hit the ground running planning my independent future. I'm responding to you because it hard reading your comment about family, dreams, healthy relationships. It's crushing to not be able to obtain dreams because your partner sabotages them all. Pretending to want the same but bit by bit slowly destroys while you're watching with your eyes wide shut!! He pretends to be a great husband and father and nothing is further from the truth. Only the dark evil jezebel spirit can perform like this. Peace and healing to you. Thank you for sharing. God blesses us!!
Oh goodness the tunnel vision! My narcissist ex would pick out my word choices and grammar (in texts) and divert the argument to arguing semantics instead of whatever we were previously arguing. It makes it even worse that I’m an English instructor 🙄
Edit: grammar, ironically 🤣
my ex used to do that in mid argument...it was nerve racking...then i would "raise my voice" and now she's the victim...smdh
Now I know that red flags were when my ex banned the word “drama” as applied to her (this wasn’t “respecting her emotions” and was sexist) and wouldn’t let me say “Whatever” to shrug off a disagreement. Zing!
Also when I agreed in part with her but added, “But …” this got major eye rolls and “but but but, always but …”
I have experienced the staring part. If someone is talking about something that is remotely connected to me, that guy used to give a contemptuous smile. At other times, he used to very aggressively accuse me of things I don’t hold and make me defend myself. In those cases, what used to effect me was the rude condescending and patronizing behavior. This guy used to think he pushed a button and has something against me and laugh constantly to show that got you kinda thing :D. I guess the best way at that time if to say that I am not going to engage in a conversation if you patronize or condescend me and walk away. His strategy was this: Bait by accusing and then use it later. Initially I used to think he was being playful and laugh. But in a few seconds he used to go switch on the rude mode.
I know so very many people who behave this way. I don't get it. They live to hurl their antagonisms at each other. I find their presence to be emotionally exhausting. I'll take being alone and friendless over incessant, preditorial socialisation.
Practical advice that is doable. Thank you.
I learned that people suck early in life. I have a unusual yet heard of name.
It used to make me cry angrily when somebody would tease me about my
name. One day I came at them with making better fun of my name and
catching them before they got to me. I like it when somebody says "I love your name..."
That sort of thing can really leave a mark. I'm glad you learned to deal with it in a way that made things better ❤🙏
I do love your name!! 💙💙 And the way it is spelled. I have a soft spot for people with unique and uncommon name...hint hint, just like meeeee!!! Lol 😂 Let me ask u a question. What name where u just hell bent on wanting to be named when you were younger and struggling with your beautiful and lovely name??
Mine was LISA!!! Lol 😂 like Lisa Simpson! Before the Simpsons came out! And an ironic turn of events I grew up to play Alto Sax 🎷 just like Lisa Simpson!!! 😂 Too funny!!
That’s interesting about the journal. I started keeping a journal and when I mentioned to her I had one to jot down events to help me heal. She got quite dismissive in an abrupt manner in a private message. It didn’t occur to me at the moment why, but now I’m more aware.
Such great info and well articulated! Thank you :)
Very wise. Over 15 years ago I began journaling because reality was be altered constantly. After a thirty year marriage and experiencing a final discard I looked at my old gernals. It keeps me sain.
I just had a covert narc I haven't talked to in like a year try to tell me that she was worried about me after she was the one that discarded me. I did stand up for myself which I'm proud of but now I literally want to punch her in the face
I feel sorry for any kind of Narcissists and people that suffer because of them. But it will always blow my mind how one person can hurt another via the way of the Narcissist. Iv always believed in knowing your self and if you have an issue with someone just tell them why to their face. Anything else is just childish in my view and being a coward. I really see Narcissists as bad news and cowards as they wont look at them selfs and solve there issue. They are either mini Gods in their minds or just cowards.
My mom’s go-to line was, “I know you’re not stupid” in a tone of voice and at a time and circumstances where you knew she was saying you did/said something she thought was stupid
Another excellent job, C! Spot on! :)
They may have that fake smile. Red flag waving.
I remember after my father died, my sister tried to talk me into giving our brother, with whom she shares a close relationship, my share of the family home. When I ignored that request, she dogged me the whole time making me feel unwelcome in the house I was raised in. I was afraid to be in the same room with her because when she was not acting like a hired prosecutor trying to get me to break on the stand so to speak, she became histrionic, adopting a strange posture as if she were standing on a podium to tell the whole world she was in charge. I honestly feel I have PTSD over that one event. She came after me when I was grieving and that is what she has always done, come after me at my weakest. I feel sorry for her, but I dread the sound of her voice. It changes from baby talk to a serious adult. It is at once alarming yet fascinating.
I hear you! Wow! My older sister did/said things like this to me when my twin sister died three years ago..I knew then that she is evil
Also..I’ve often heard myself say,”If this weren’t my life, it would just be fascinating.”
Everything you spoke of here is exactly what I have encountered with family members. One of the tactics of our narcissistic daughter is to love all over my husband, her father, and ignore me to show me how much she likes him and hates me. When I talk about what her dad is doing she is all over it with enthusiasm, but when she asks me how or what I am doing she gives me what I call "disapproving grunts" or completely ignores me as though I said nothing. The other day I called her out on it and her response was to cry as if she were the victim. Then she continued to refuse to address it. I know by these things that she is doing it on purpose. A sort of like, "inviting you to the party so you can see them ignoring you." My entire narcissistic family uses these tactics, I believe it's out of jealousy. I am a happy friendly person, they hate that I enjoy life and want to destroy that joy. I believe she learned these things from the family dynamic. She saw these mean-spirited actions all her life and just took them on, but I also think its partly genetic. The extended family act so much alike about a lot of things. This daughter will rarely do a nice thing for me but it always has strings attached, such that she comes out being in control of everything. If I decide for myself what I will be doing she act like I did something wrong by not doing it her way. God told us to do good to those who persecute us, I believe this is so that the narcissist will only have themselves to see, you are innocent but they are guilty. I don't trust even her good deeds toward me. One example was just recently I texted our daughter about something her dad was doing and in the same text something I was doing.. She was chatty about what dad was doing but mentioned nothing about what I was doing. Normally a person would not think about this except that it happens often. She seems to want me to know she loves dad and has none for me. The Gaslighting is the biggest thing I have seen in this family.
Are you based in Australia? Australian here and everyone loves Raymond is on TV alot!
Also much love to you and all the people you help ☺️
So many answers in this one video
I live the dream, oh yeah, why?
I don't have any contact with my covert narcissist ex partner for almost two years now.
Altough she is working for the same organization I don't see and speak her anymore, that is soooo nice.
Covid-19 is one of the reasons.
Work at home, working on other projects (not in her field of experience).
So lovely, no shit to listen to, no issues, not being bored by her, no discussions where you think off afterwards: what was this all about!
Good luck everybody.
I wish you all peace.
7 thumbs down are from covert narcs showing passive aggression lol.
Thank you. This is helping!
11.59 wow, this is getting real for me.
My narc keeps tabs on me through fb I have gone NC for 3 mo. I have been 100% this time!! 😱👍🏻🤩 He sees I’m not giving in even while he is commenting nicely. So now he has moved to unfriending me (which I never accepted his friend request🤩) and deleting sweet comments that I never reacted to. And I’m not gonna react to this mellow drama either!! I have began to respect myself and I deserve better than someone trying to force me into talking to him. With his lil arrogant forced tactics! I learned a lot from that 3 1/2 year relationship. Be strong ladies. 💕🤩👍🏻
A friend of mine used to give me hidden insults. I would say, "Thank you!" and then wait a few seconds, then say, "Wait a minute... was that an insult?" We were having fun, though.
Would you be open to making content regarding siblings and parents? I love your videos!
Please narcissistic siblings!
Amazing videos. Can you please relate/create videos particularly about narcissistic friend/ best friend who is not out of your life yet but have witnessed the abusive discard behavior from ?
Thank you.
Love your videos! Thank you! 😊
I remember that show!!! The relationship of the grandparents was so bad 🤣 Very funny show
Thank you ❤❤❤
I can’t pretend to know what it feels like to have zero options for going no contact . But I can speak to how going no contact did “not “feel like a luxury to me . It felt challenging to say the least because I a share a child with that covert narc .
It was fairly simple to go no contact with his narc family members and the flying monkeys in that family who are dangerously manipulative . But it was very hard to go no contact with the ones that I had known for decades as they were a child and now as an adult . It hurts your heart when you have to cut someone out of your life who has done absolutely nothing to harm you in any way . It felt unfair and cruel . Not at all luxurious .
It was painful to admit that my X didn’t love his child the way a normal father would and that there would be no benefit to the child if he and I stayed in contact ( although he wanted to be friends , eww ) .
The easy part is the social media blocking . No contact on social media is as easy as hitting a button . Instantly your life becomes better .
Stopping people you know in common from talking about or wanting to tell you what stupid thing your x narc has done now , also easy . Just say No to that subject if it comes up . Trust me people will get tired of you shutting them down when they try to tell you what the narcs up to now .
I can only imagine how much harder the healing would be if I still had to have contact because of a shared child .
So the one who losses big here is the child who’s father doesn’t want any custody and has no fight in him for her in his life . It’s so cruel for your child to be rejected in this way .
I have a co worker who’s raising her child with her x narc in the complete opposite way of mine . And both ways
Are damaging to the child and equally hard to watch .
I’m sorry if I went off on a tangent over the word luxury . I appreciate your content and I know you are truly here to help and inform us all . Much gratitude 🙏🏻
No worries. It's never easy and I didn't mean to imply that it was. Every situation has its own unique twists and frustrations. It wasn't meant to be a comparison really. It was more to address people who feel stuck and pray daily that they could go no contact.
And it's always sad when kids are involved. We all can only do our best, and that often feels impossible when only one person is taking responsibility. I hope things are going more smoothly for you now.
That’s one of my fave ones. Why thank you! (facetiously lol).
Thank you i have this king of experience with a director oh my Goodness so jealous tried to upset me invites me to her drama but i do not accept the invitation 🥰🥰🥰
How did you get into all this. Really helpful content!
He used to let me accompany him to his gigs, and then ignore me. Not so much that it would be evident, just enough to make you feel unconfortable. I didn't realise for ages. Then it was all clear. I'd get upset or offended. I tried to keep it to myself but he'd start saying "something wrong?" until I'd mention his behaviour. And then all hell was let loose. He was working! Yes, right. I wasn't allowed to go again unless there were colleague with girlfriends I was friends with. And not always.
constant gaslighting during my marriage and still trying after 3 years of separation/divorce. It's mind blowing how insecure and pathetic they are!! They ride off the backs of their victims. I actually feel sorry for his current victim.
"Oh thank you so much, I like rolls that way too!" With a sickeningly sweet smile would drive them mad. Enjoy their petty pain while killing them with kindness. 😁
Masters of "plausible deniability"
Is it bad that like, I shut down the tactics and find it amusing? I always feel bad but it’s like, I’m not gonna let you gaslight and abuse me. I didn’t know it was narcissism to begin with(none of us do, am I right?). So before I left the relationship, I basically shined a light on everything they were trying to do without reacting too much emotionally and without knowing it was narcissism and their reaction was kind of amusing.
At first I thought they were just in their own way and I wasn’t going to give it to them but it got old and I realized they were just a toxic person.
Thank you! this does not have to be romantic. My neighbor with a similar house floor plan decided to compete/remark how my house is not the best. Went on for 12 yrs. Like the TV show. No contact for 1.5 yrs peaceful! PS Never say anything about their pad! LOL ! Rage!!!
Thank you : )
Check, check, check, check...and check.
All five all the time. Well not anymore since I've gone no contact. Oh and then there's also the fun, "world salad". Ugh I feel exhausted just thinking about this stuff.
Before I heard the expression "gaslighting" I just thought that people that did this were deluded and avoided them.
What do you suggest when its your own daughter and can plainly see they interact with not just now even being myself thrown into the mix, but I've watched her gaslight or underhand so many others who are supposed to be her close family & friends? I am only hoping to guide her to maintain healthy and long relationships. Personality traits I have and find important are things like respect, self-worth, compassion, and ones integrity are all of key importance to me that I con only hope to redirect her towards as a 20yr old adult that Im seeing that her actions are ranging from rude to hurtful, even petty. And yes, all of these types of reactions she has even dealt towards myself as her mother, which on any level is Never appropriate or acceptable. Which is why I am asking what might be suggested as ways to have her self reflect her actions, and ideas of how to help change her mindset....saying its not a permanent part of her personality that I know doesn't do anyone any good in this world. Thank you in advance for any and all advice that is suggested!! 😊🥰
It’s So Correct He has a “Housekeeper Carer” He Delights Sending Me Showing Photos,She’s Brought Tiny Shorts,He’s Cleaning Her Car, O was Excluded From All Family Functions & Christmas Long Text About Log Fires,Board Games So There In Another Lockdown For 8 Weeks I’m Out Off There Sue-Ann
Hey Christina!! I hope you’re doing well!! 😘😍♥️🙏
Hi Pete! ❤
commonly referred to a "backhanded compliment"
😂 totally what I meant to say
@@CommonEgo thought maybe you hadn't heard that term before. Sorry to be helpy helperton. lol
@@PristineTangerine lol, my brain and mouth lost communication 😂 I think "underhanded insult" probably would have made more sense
I was going to call it out in editing, but I decided to roll with it.
And no worries... I always welcome constructive comments!
Thank you
Great video!
here is one for you.. What would you do if you just found out a family member died. and the narcissist in your life made it about her. saying let me tell you about my brain tumors.
Wow they're all alike huh
Oh! That is so typical. It's just annoying how they do that.
What?
I had a relative that had just died and the family narcissist was saying " let me tell you about my brain tumors" She does not have any brain tumors. Now a friend of her's did but not her. So she wasn't crying or anything she just wanted the attention on her.
@@natashagraham9040 they must be. I broke a piece of my hip in August, my parents dropped me off at home, with a wheelchair and all the other equipment and as my mom was juuust about to leave without being a total twat, she turned around and said "my hip hurts too you know, arthritis". Previously, in trying to explain to her why using my disability as evidence of mental illness was evil and wrong, that I "wasn't keeping up my house" because I literally couldn't stand up for more than 5 minutes, she says (with the most disgusting want-to-slap-it-off-her-face-pout) "my leg hurts too you know, and I don't even know why". She also exaggerated a chronic cancer she was diagnosed with and told me and everyone else it was terminal AND lied about her chemo dose...which is LOW, which is why she was on it for 4 years, saying she was "lucky" her hair didn't fall out. Apparently not realizing or understanding that half the people she was saying that to, have conquered life-threatening cancers after enduring ACTUAL chemo, ie short term, high dose that always makes your hair fall out and made a damn fool of herself. She also exaggerated the chills and fatigue it causes...I know that because I have been on the same dose for immune disease for 16 years now. It's like a mild hangover, not soul-draining the way chemo treatments are. Subcutaneous, not IV. UGH. Like, if you've made it to the age of 75 before having any major health problems, you should be GRATEFUL, brave and STOIC, not use it to manipulate sympathy from people, especially when you've abused half of those people most of your life. No sympathy from me, whatsoever.
How can I save this as proof for example if I need to show a judge for a divorce?
My x husband is without a doubt ...
a narc. I am just thrilled he's found another woman to lie to instead of me. THANK GOD everyday......he's just a horrible human being. I was contemplating sending her all the text messages he sends me begging for sex but l just let shitty people do what they do and smile with the knowledge that they will get theirs. Karma is a #!*# no contact is the ONLY way to avoid them trying to drag you back into their dysfunctional bs.
In my case I'm not sure if my ex is covert he's another type I'm stuck in shared custody for now, but minimal contact or he doesn't respond or if he does It's all lies It's very difficult he's trying to piss me off taking all the furniture or close 3 yrs later? I'm trying to not to react, but yeah he's nasty. I've been keeping a journal about his behavior towards the kids that's the only thing court looks at I don't think hes going to settle fighting over petty vindictive nature 3 yrs later trying to leave me with nothing I live in our old place he's disguarded this completely I just want to go to court claims I owe 5000 Horrible person I won't respond directly only through lawyer.
A phycho at work who won’t ease up will eventually have papers drawn up on my behalf from a lawyer next, she’s already documented for harassing myself and another worker . She’s acting like she wants to have a serious problem and that’s just what it’s going to be if she doesn’t find something meaningful to do with her life.
1. 2:20
2. 5:31
3. 7:35
4. 8:27
5. 10:55
"I don't want to be involved".....
Like your doing something to them and then their out there plotting and scheming.
..
Exactly. Or they "don't do drama." ❤🙏
@@CommonEgo That was said to me! I was -gob smacked 🤣. He said it in response to something I had said that he mistook as being against him.
2:18 The Hidden Insult
Hi, can I ask you a question for help in clarification please
How do you handle it when the narcissist is your child?
I've found the Matt Dilahunty on the Atheist Experience channel does this quite often on his show - 'Tunnel Vision', although I'm not saying he is a covert NARC.
The callers do need to backup their position.
I wish I knew all this before I met my ex... She really traumatised me
When you go to a terrace have some coffee with the narcist..he says when there are people next to me and can listen to our conversation, he says like this..you don't have no patience isn't....now I now at last a answer to that..but the first times I get confused. Later on I was fuck up inside.
On gaslighting..I say this
I remember this different,
You see that this way
I don't have a clue where you talking about
You mixed me up with you're girlfriend
when they twist things and accuse you of things that you haven't done, do they believe their lies ?
they do this when you raise a issue and they accuse you of things and put you on the defensive
Watching this video after giving into my narcissist again lol
Really like you content, but the adverts are v invasive (every few minutes) shame, because the content is good
Ooohhh no when they insult me now l just laugh!!! I see the behaviour for what it is.....weakness and insecurity. Actually really pathetic and sad.
my hubby 5 years ago......u would have probably taken that higher paying job, then tried to convince me that was a compliment
So mines invited me to a party and when the day came called me and made a comment that went like oh where can I buy a sundress and I’m thinking what then goes on to say when I didn’t give a reaction was yea I hope some women at the party have on sundress’s with big butts and I’m thinking really clearly he was looking for a reason to make me mad because he didn’t want me to go smh the things narcissistic people do
They didn't want you to outshine especially in a sundress call me next time 😜
@@pieluvr7362 😂😂😂
Her black nail polish kind of matches with her polka-dotted blouse. I got kind of dizzy watching this. I'm just making a fun observation here folks.
p.s. why is she apologizing again and again about this video topic? One may say the topic here can be annoying to address but why apologize? We're all adults here not kids.
oh my, more poka dots to count.
Did you unsubscribe? Or never subscribed? I can only see like 3 cause they are public lol You usually respond and when needed a response most, you didn’t.. I was around when you had like 2,000?subscribers. That’s still a lot just saying.. You spoke a lot more on a personal level to me back then. I went through worst lately and just thought we were always cool.
So just hoping everything is okay
And not to throw me in whichever lol I have a whole county doing that toward me as is just because I’m not allowing whichever to continue.
I’ll be around woman
Been listening to your video as typing this comment..
Well texting it lol
On iPod cause my iPhone crashed as usual when I come back in music but I gotta keep going
I’ll be around >SEEK
Thanks for another video
Helps a lot
Hi Brae, I subscribed but I don't see any notifications.
I almost always respond to comments within the first hour of a video release, but it's difficult to respond to everyone after that. I know you've been around for a long time and I appreciate your support 🙏
I hope things have improved and are going well for you now.
I hope all is well!