Its not the girl itself you were afraid of but the demons within her. Same with me; I was so nervous around him, last time we met my whole body shook. This s DEMONIC.
I feel his Demons as well. Yesterday, I was driving & just began to cry out to Jesus, Lord help me escape this man! I know he’s more than likely demon possessed! I also agree with him, because they will provoke, harass, intimidate you until you fall into temptation to either strike them or just run away! Fight or flight! I have failed with him & then he immediately calls the police on me & I have gone to jail! He institutions, to help him fulfill his promise to keep me his prisoner! I don’t want to become “dark”, I need to get away from him! Staying in my van…no one to help me. 🙏🏽🩸☝🏽
@@lisassucculents4692 I went there too..I abused him back and when he comes again it'll be the final nail in the coffin. Sounds like yours is winning over you. This is very concerning. Do you have your own income? Can you get your own residence+ If you dont get away and have to live with him, he will destroy you, you MUST get away. People today dont care about helping others, they only care for themselves. We're in the last days.
@@lisassucculents4692 Typical for these days. I didnt either and got away, I helped myself and was also homeless with one of them. O mived, got a new apartment, kept my job up and fixed my life. It took several more years for him to quit and go away but.. I won in the end. But it is heartwrenching that people dont help. I had Gods help this time to find friend online who helped me through everything..I suggest testing discord but be careful theres narcs everywhere on it but also heavenly people wo really care.
Narcissist control through fear. They lose control over you once you NO longer fear losing them. Healing is all about learning to overcome your OWN fear of rejection, abandonment, low self-esteem, neglect, etc... It's not that we love the narcissist intimately (subconsciously, we don't because of the emotional abuse they spew on us). But... It's the fear of us facing past childhood or young adult traumas, emotions, situations, etc... should we leave the relationship which keeps us connected to them (NOT love). They have a grip on us because we fear facing our OWN emotional insecurities and weaknesses, so we begin to place more focus on what they are doing to us, rather than what we are doing to ourselves (accepting/allowing physical or emotional abuse). This is why you binge watch narcissist videos instead of the co-dependent ones (your focus is on their toxic behavior, but NOT your own emotional unbalances to heal properly). When you were NO longer afraid of the darkness as a child; you were NO longer concerned about the monster hiding under your bed. The monster was ONLY relevant to you because of your fear of the darkness (not the monster). FACE your unaddressed fears, issues, abuses, etc... and I PROMISE you, just watch how irrelevant the narcissist will become in your life. May The Lord bless you on your journey... Much healing people❤️
I guess I’m lucky in that. I have no feelings for the narcissist I live with. Once I am free and far away from him, I will never think of him in any way other than with distain. He’s always talking about how great his parents are. Clearly! Their adult middle aged son thinks it’s okay to scream, berate and intimidate a woman any time I disagree with him. Bang up job, indeed.
So many ppl say “I stood up to him! Gave him a dose of his own medicine!” Or “he didn’t like being treated the way he treats me!” No. They still get what they want that way. Attention. Don’t even tell them how horrible they are. Stop wasting your energy!!
In fighting them back, you can become just as bad as they are. I have found silence speaks volumes. It's the best weapon against them. It pulls the plug on whatever power they think they have in your life.
Yes! That was the last straw, when I was the one yelling, screaming, cussing, criticizing, crying, spitting (not literally), blaming etc. In the face of my narcissistic husband. I knew I had to go, I was losing or had already lost who I was, and was becoming what he was.
@@triplekids3, good luck to you! ❤ I left my relationship of 18 years a little over a year ago. Left lots behind, still fight the pain, loliness, guilt and shame, however I'm in control of my life now and it gets easier everyday to let go and move on.
When I left my narcassists hubby, that's when I was like that. Every time I was around him it just came out. I only had to actually deal with him a few more times Thank God above. I didn't even go to my divorce hearing it was so bad for me. I lost a great of everything I owned that he didn't outright lie & steal, but I haven't had any communication with him in 5 yrs. I cut all ties. Didn't bite when 2 yrs ago he tried to bait me 3 times. It's incredible how it brings us to that point of being like them. That's not who I am. Thanks for your comment & for listening.
I would strongly encourage anybody dealing with a narcissist to take the opportunity and schedule a one on one session with Kevin. I did that yesterday and it was amazing. I had breakthroughs, and a better understanding of the narcissist and myself. It was very informative, inspirational, and freeing! Thanks again, Kevin!
It’s just so frustrating to try and understand that they can’t love or have empathy. These people should not be out in the world, tugging at hearts and souls. They just want you to feel as crazy and empty.
@Pedro Ivan Sanchez you’re correct. Not all people are narcissists; however, most empathic people are not going to ghost people or turn on how they treat a person. We all have a few narcissistic traits, but we can control them. We may get angry but then apologize and reflect on that. Narcissists need fuel and do not love or feel remorse. They do not reflect. They are likely or could be diagnosed as a narcissist, which is 1% of the population. I’m sure this would be higher if all were actually diagnosed, but yes, not all people are like what is described. Thank you for your thoughts. Take care!
@@wagendorf31 If it’s only 1% how the heck did I end up with so many around me?! 😂 Mom, her husband, my sister, some of her adult children, my uncles, my own husband and now possibly our Son, who my husband is grooming! Praise he Lord! 🙏🏽🩸
@@lisassucculents4692 I truly believe it’s higher than that. The reason they report 1percent is because they aren’t marching themselves into a therapist to get help.
The Narc has offended and disrespected me so much in the past that yes, it created suppressed anger. When the Narc creates an atmosphere of fighting, anger, embarrassment, shame, and so many other things, they make you feel like you are just like them. I knew that I was not like a Narc once I got healed from their abuse. Narcs take real feelings and natural reactions and place them in their perspective and call them behaviors that are just like them, the way they would respond. Causing immediate head spin and confusion. The feelings are the same, but how each person got to those feelings are the rights and wrongs of life. My angered responses were a fear that I've experienced with Narcs, but also fear of their threats was another. I learned that fear of their threats was primarily strongest because I believed their narrative and gave power to the Narc over my life. When I took back my power and went no contact, had no dependence on the Narc, and realized that I believed the negatives that the Narc stated they felt about me, (had to change that through self-esteem building) that is when I began to understand that they were having evil fun with power that I gave them. Trying to scare me into being a slave to fear through them.
You couldn’t have hit the nail on the head with more precision. I am fearful since dating the narc. Paralyzed in making choices, making changes, taking risks, leaving a unfulfilling job, dating. I just continue to keep the cage of fear around me. I resisted the evil abuser. I controlled the monster just like you said.
It'll take time, but pray seek the Lord, listen to channels that talk about this issue. Its real, its happening, but there's nothing the Lord Jesus Christ can't fix. God bless you in your journey, hang in there it's gonna be alright. Take care.
I have done the same around my abuser and her family. I tended to dissociate myself from my emotions and my thoughts. Almost like I was gravitating out of my body and paralyzed by fear of my next move. The double bind is their weapon. This is what causes this. The inability to make a sound choice based on their dichotomy of options. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. My abuser and her family has this trait down to a fine science where unless you know it is coming or can put the definition to good use, you'll feel blindsided every time. I wish you good luck as I too struggle with this. The only way I have begun to find peace is to figure out this game and chose neither option. Try and stand back and see the situation with a wider lens and more stoic thought. Disregarding that emotional muscle that flexes inside and makes me want to lash out without understanding.
Growing up with a narc mother and no other parent to help, I am 50 and still wrestle with that feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I often feel as though I am going to get into trouble any moment. Their abuse is pernicious.
We all have fear of the unknown, but we don't know what we don't know... But when you try to put the narcissist in there place, they don't care.. they will turn it all back on us. We can only controll our self..others can't make us happy only self can...
They can certainly make you UNHAPPY though if you've ever had one cheat on you, hit you, belittle you, empty bank accounts. I always laugh when people say "others can't make us happy' because of course other people's actions have huge effects on our own lives. No one is in a bubble. That's what abuse is all about.
Interesting..YEARS ago. he told me to hit him. Saying it would make me feel better. I declined and told him it would only make him feel better. I didn't know anything about this narcissist stuff at the time but,, so Glad I answered as I did.
Wow! My ex husband wanted me to punish him too. I think he was abusing me as he would have loved to abuse his cold mother but I don't think he could have hurt her. She couldn't care less (he wasn't physically abusive but he was destroying my overall health. Some narcissists believe that their female partners can't complain if they are not physically abusive, that's what he told me and I think there are far too many like him. Thanks for your comment 😊
Thank you. God bless you. Kevin you will be surprised to get this msg from a 80 yrs old single parent. I have suffered abuse from my daughter in law since seven yrs. I was very afraid of her. Suffered emotional mental and physically because I have never heard of meaning of narsist people. I'm highly educated respected and loved by all my life by family It was your videos that explained and gave me the courage of going no contact . Surprised I'm happy to get away with no fear or anger. She is not worthy of my hate or anger also. Feel sorry for her. She has lost a something that she thought no one can take away from her. I'm sick and alone. Was worried for my son and grandson. It was fear of being the monster like her. Ecaxctly as you are telling. God bless you. I'm sure you have never heard this from a old sick mother. I'm from India. I resisted a d got over my fear of being alone. ❤❤❤❤😂. I'm healed.
I've been asking The Most High True GOD how to stand up to narcs and was sent to this video. And WOW!! this makes a lot of sense! the narcs want you to react. The fear is yourself engaging in evil but NEVER engage. You are NOT weak when you don't react and stoop to their level, that's strength. Thank you kevin!!
I'm afraid because I don't want to go through the same painful emotions again. They don't feel good and they caused a lot of psychological damage. I'm afraid my trauma will become worse if I put my foot down and say "no." I'm better at setting boundaries and standing up for myself now, but I'm still fearful. I cut those people out of my life over a year now, but yet they still have control over me.
I’m afraid that I will be viewed as the very people who are hurting me. When you push back the same way they do you, you become just as bad. I’m not them, I never have and never want to be. It seems as though no matter what I do or say, or even what I don’t do or say, will turn me into them anyway. It’s so heavy. I don’t understand why all of this is happening. Seems like everything is being taken away from me all over again.
I just realized, it hurts me the fact that they hate me for the sake of it, or use me or play games, yet if you show them that you need them, and you believe your own lie(probably provoked by them, they make you believe lies), then you are feeling hurt by a lie... They have their mentality... I think the key is not to get sticky sticked with their mud... Being independent... And, of course some times are easier than others... 🙏❤️🎈
I get this 100 percent. Thank you for showing your strength, wisdom and vulnerability. You cannot let anyone provoke you to anger, that’s why we have police to handle things, no matter who it is, you cannot be someone’s punching bag.
One of the reasons why I left after 14 years was because in a way I had become like the narcissist . Now after being away for more than a 1 year whenever I read or hear something about him everything comes back , is a heaviness over me. I stay away 🙋🏻♀️
I’ve never been afraid of the narcissist in my family because I dealt with them since youth. Ex. I remember being teased terribly by an aunt calling me stupid repeatedly at age 7 saying “ha ha you can’t even tell time” and challenging me in front of people when I was enjoying looking at a book learning. At some point I accepted that she was being mean and just allowed it. We were at her friends in the projects, subsidized housing. I tell you, about 15 years later, she was living in those same projects if not the exact same unit! During that time I was graduating college and the first to do so. She didn’t finish high school. The things people say says more about them. Watch your mouth because you might write a check you can’t afford to cash, literally. As Christians we have the holy spirit to lose. God is not the spirit of fear and rebuking is righteous. Speak the truth as it is in your heart.
I think you are right! I pray I will not fear acting upon the dark side in accordance with 1 john 4:18, binding every fear of punishment in my life, in the name and blood of Jesus Christ, amen and glory to God, hallelujah!
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." Timothy II 1:7...."To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men." Titus 3:2.
Definitely needed to hear this. I’ve been ruminating on how to one up a narcissist in my life, probably to an unhealthy degree. I need to let it go and not stoop to his level. Last thing I wanna do is become evil myself. Thanks for the great video!
While that's true, that's not how the sinful world operates. And because of that, most of the human population will perish. Much sooner than later, too.
Catherine, love doesn't necessarily drive out hate. I've been loving wicked, narcisstic people my whole life and guess what, they are still hateful, dispicable people. JESUS showed the greatest love of anyone. His love can't stop the hate in others because they make choices to hate and not receive love.
First, they(narcissists) NEVER operate from a place of fairness and justice. As well as righteousness too. Knowing this, we become consumed with avoiding being drawn into any conflicts with them. To some, that appears as fear. We fear the whole injustice that ALWAYS comes from engaging with narcissists. Because it ALWAYS turns against us. They're masters at decimating their victims. They lose when WE refuse to be any part of their process. If that says "afraid" then so be it. God bless everyone.🙏☺👍
Yup. Don't want to catch the evil from narc. Thanks for making this clear. Try my hardest not to retaliate, but rather hurt privately and turn to safe person for support. Deep inside of me, I am free.
I was just thinking that today. I do still struggle like Anakin did. When Anakin says I am not the Jedi I should be I say I am not the Empath that I should be. I am not a loving Empath like other Empaths.
Yes ! I also think they fear us when we know who they are , see through them and expose them. This last relationship has made me fearful of the next relationship. I need to build that trust. He slept with people behind my back even during the love bombing!! It’s crazy how many people out there are like this. Evil bastards.
This hit with me like a train ! Thanks Kevin been fallowing you for over a 1 year . You been apart of my healing for quit some time. Thank God for you .
This message is right on time. I was literally just thinking about my anger and sadness as I’ve said a lot of things and done a lot of things I regret. Going to watch this one again. Ty Kevin 👑
That you have regret and are contemplating your part in things is cause for happiness. Forgive yourself and grow from the experience. These things the Narcissist cannot do because they refuse to acknowledge their wrong.
This video was excellent! Thank you for being vulnerable to illustrate your point. Fruit of the spirit - self control....Humble yourself under the hand of God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you!
Walking away was my answer facing a malignant coercitive narcissist at work. I refused to give into the fight to take back the results of my work that she had stolen from me. I imagine that she knows that her style of management is part of her shadowed side. Be aware. Walk away. Stay away. Thank you for the video.
I was also worried is was become like narc when I reacted but without understanding . Thank God I woke up. I get what you mean . I done want ever be in that dark pit again .
I had an employer/landlord who kept trying over and over to anger and provoke me with nasty words and all the other tools of the coward. I never responded in the way he wanted. Finally he ran out of "buttons" to press. He even said it. Just before I left for a new living situation (he didn't see it coming) he said, "Alright. You win. Have it your way". I said nothing, even then. Of course I won. I moved to a new place and job one day later. Haven't seen him since.
It's not our nature to hurt others. When he put the rage in me. I cried out to God. I used that rage I ran I walked I pushed myself. I made myself tougher. What the enemy uses to destroy. God turns around. For you to make you into the warrior you are. And I LOVE LOVE LOVE. AND I DECLARE VICTORY OVER MYSELF
Thank you, Kevin for your honesty! I get it! Yes, my fear is with myself. I have the potential of taking the bait & physically hurting the narc with my words & fists. Silence is a very effective tool & so is going no contact. Powerful tools.🌻🌸🌺
You right my fear was me hurting my brother or end up killing him. And I honestly didn't have it in me to deal with this fool I was at a low point when he attacked my mom had just passed he attacked when I was weak.
Wow, thank you! Spot in and timely - got a text yesterday, up all night drafting 3 times, I chose kindness. We cut off a piece of their garment hem, it's lost on them that we didn't destroy them.. Vulnerability shows Strength. The dark side, Jedi analogy is so right - karate kid part 3 also. We love you with a wholesome love Kevin, wish you were my brother to grab a coffee 💖 God bless all your endeavours, love from England
You're absolutely right kevin, the fear is you going dark. I remember this point , very hard like withdrawal from addictive substances amplified. I had weapons at hand and how easy it would have been to end him but at what cost? Jail and loosing everything? No. He got so frustrated cause he couldn't break me. I did get some pleasure in watching him and his goons loose their shit, men trying their hardest to break a pregnant woman, that's another reason they came after me during that time , a woman is more vulnerable during pregnancy, how weak of them, but they got a rude awakening. Great work you're doing kevin, Thank you. 🙏❤️💪
That is so sick for those monsters to do what they did to you while you're pregnant especially. Sounds like something my ex narc will do. They're very demonic and have no souls. Believe me when I say God will get revenge leave it in his hands. He is a very just God and His word does not lie. He's watching everything these monsters are doing. And his Wrath will be Swift and without remorse.
@@angelaslaton3211 Thank you Angela, they were trying to kill me and my baby. The thing that got me the most was the people that I thought were friends or at least good acquantances one if them a pastor, how they fell for his bullshit, some even helped him. The Narc and his goons could have killed me and all of these so called friends wouldn't have cared. All their bullying all because I didn't want him. It was a shit storm but the lessons and learning who's I am and who I am, was way more valuable. God has other plans. Blessings to you warrior 💪❤️🙏
❤❤❤❤❤❤I'm a native of the south Bronx and trust me I can fight. But that fear... of getting arrested, getting a criminal record, going to jail. I live with this fear constantly, because I know what I am capable of, and envious shallow people don't stop provoking. This is one of the best videos I've seen in my life! If you're a New Yorker, this message is so for us! Because of the amount of people that live here, hence the provocations are more. Thank you Kevin for sharing your wisdom. God bless you. Greetings from the Bronx USA 🗽🇺🇸
You finally put it in perspective for me. I always said I didn't want him to put me on his level but he would push until he did and I hated where he made me go. It's an awful place of total darkness. I've tried everything I know to get him to leave this is my home I invited that devil in. I've tried legally but there's no evictions now so I feel stuck but I'm not going to stop trying. Thank you so much
And it is futile to fight a narcissist. They love to see you have such rage and anguish. You always feel like such a terrible person and you need to make amends with the narcissist for behaving so badly and they have you right where they want you. You have a working conscience so playing this game you will be so screwed.
Yesss. It’s the temptation to enter into that dark space. A Warrior of the Light recognizes the potential but exercises restraint and takes the high road 🙌
This is the best video I've heard yet to help explain what I have been going through for years with different people. I have been trying so hard to not react. The only way is either getting away or walking super close to the Lord to stay on track. Thank you so so much. This was amazing.
I feared hurting them more than I feared them hurting me....now they FEAR.me ..the smear campaign begins...after 4years No Contact... I'm at peace...my creativity is coming back...my Peace of mind is priceless... thanks for the video 👑👑👑👑
My resistance has caused her to say over and over again, “what are ‘we’ going to do do with you???” We= her and her flying monkey minions. I will never succumb. And I will get out but timing is everything. Thank you for what you do, Kevin! Awesome insight (ahhh, insight, what NARCS absolutely lack!).
So very true. I recall feeling like he had 'possesed' me because I felt like him, even though I know I wasn't. I recall recoiling when I started acting the same. I didn't want to be like this and it frightened me. I feared that I was not real, that I was in fact just like him. Thank you, I needed to hear this...
What a beautiful revelation Kevin! I just had a AhhHaa moment. I've been no contact and am afraid of myself if I run into this friend that has hurt me! I also realized that my "loyalty" was just my broken child wanting love and kept going back for more. The Lord doesnt want me doing that any more. He has made it clear. This is so beautiful..your ministry is annointed. God Bless you Mightily!!
I am now in no contact with my 2 narcissistic brothers. I have been yelled at and several years ago I responded in kind. I know I can connect with my "dark side"----we were raised by a yelling mother and a dad I feared as a child. In the last 5 years or so, thru a lot of work on self-love, I've learned to observe/stay silent/not engage/no contact. It's not what I want, but it is much more peaceful. This is a great video. It really put this into perspective for me. I am not mad. I don't feel shame or guilt over anything I've done or said. It's important to know HOW I feel to keep it all in perspective.
This is so insightful ! I did not want to be a Narcissist and strived very hard not to act like the Narcissist. Eventually someone has to drop the stones of harsh words and actions and the best way is not to engage and stay away from the drama. But yes that is the biggest fear is we personally will become dark. I often have said I don't want another human being to feel what I felt during the abuse. No one wants to feel worthless , fatigue, and constant anxiety and walking on Egg shells. Life is to beautiful to stay down in the muck and mire a Narcissist will put you through ,and the actions of a Narcissist are very dark.
I fear his rage & revenge… but after watching this video I realize that I actually fear ME not being able to respond properly & walk away unaffected. That gives me hope that I can change & quit giving my power away & letting him control me.
More straight up knowledge right here. Such an amazing comparison with the dark side and the light side. I too am afraid of me. Of what I would do or say to the narc in my life, if I took the bait and engaged and went to the dark side to put them in their place. I needed this right now. Thank you for your words.
Yes!! I will nevervstoop to their level but I will Stand my ground and give them none of my energy leave be silent the strength is in your silent and absence and peace. Don't get angry and never act like them. Never. ❤
Thank you for sharing your story. There is no shame, we.learn from those willing to open themselves up. 🌈m be blessed in your going about your Fatner's work 🙂
Wow!! That's All I Can Say!! Wow!! I Use To Think About Myself As Dr. Bruce Banner! Being A Marine From The Streets I Knew Exactly What I Was Capable Of Doing. At The End Of My Dysfunctional Relationship I Exploded And Then I Was The Bad Guy! I Begged The Judge To Place A Restraining On Me: Save Me From Myself Your Honor. That Was 3 Years Ago And I've Since Created A Life Of Peace.
So spot on that I truly didn't recognize my inner battle on this till now. It really has brought me to tears. It's been 5 yrs & I take it to the Lord all the time. It's like I'm hardened in a way. My heart is hardened, not so trusting of course but it's not the heart that God gave me. It's there but I find I just feel hardened. Not like the softness I had before. I wish I had the words to express what I mean. I can't at times verbalize correctly, articulate as I'm waiting for the fight I think with people I know & don't know well. It's the confident or professionals especially. My ex was actually a psychologist & we hung with drs a lot & other professionals. That where he thought he belonged even though he never practiced as a psychologist. Ran a small business. At times I am so frustrated at my lack of ability to communicate with people now. It's horrible feeling. I sometimes isolate too much because I don't feel comfortable enough to communicate with people in the way I should be able to. Thank you for this video. It's been eye opening.
My mother’s expression for that was “don’t lower yourself down to someone else’s level “ it’s so true but sometimes hard to do when your forced to defend yourself. When someone pushes me it shows more in my eyes. I won’t sit back when someone else is being bullied so I consider myself very unorthodox Jew 😁. I know what I’m capable of and that alone scares me. Since I’ve been dealing with my knee pain I haven’t been able to do my hiking which is a good source of releasing energy but it’s necessary for me to take care of myself so eventually I can and also get out on the ski slopes ⛷😁. Good one Kevin thank you. Listening to you keeps me to stay on track. Hugs 🤗 and love ❤️ coming your way.
Thank you for sharing this. You rock! This is so my life. He has been arrested and was furious saying I should have been arrested as well. So he will do things to push buttons in hopes I'll do exactly what you're talking about. Me stopping to his level would be so sweet. I'm proud to say I've grown so much and learned so much about me. You are a genius.
This is exactly what happened to me after months of being psychologically and narcissistically abused by a man that I love is that I broke I have complex PTSD with hyperarousal and severe anxiety disorder and he knew it and he played me. I had no idea why I was flip out as bad as I did because I am a good person and I'm a teacher and I just do not flip out and get that angry and literally throwing bottles of water down the stairs because he was so wildly verbal to me. And then he must have taken great pride to see that he broke me to the point that I have lost all, compassion within my life and I was trapped in his house cuz he had just moved me in because we were going to start a life together and once I was in the house and tagging eyes me and provoked me to the point where I lost any type of self-control trying to reason with him. All the fight we had came from me trying to reach out to him and rationalize some of his hurtful behaviors and why did you want to do that for why did you want to hurt me and it's to his comment was always I didn't hurt you that's your opinion. He would constantly deny the fact that he did things to hurt me and say things to hurt me and then when I would break big he would say see you're the one who's losing your mind and I truly felt that because I was afraid of him this is the man who paid to move me into his home because he wanted to start a life with me then once I was there he punished me with verbal assaults or silence 4 days. She would refuse to shower he would refuse to eat what I cooked and then said that I was trying to make him in into a puppet in the year that we have been in communication in the six months that we live together he showed me how weak I was and how fragile I was because his behaviors did everything he could to devalue insult or degrade me I feared him yes he always told me he loved me and I thought he did he is a covert narcissist which pathologically he believes his own lies
The worst part is as a woman of strong Christian spiritual beliefs Oh, I thought this man's believing God in Jesus Christ was authentic and genuine but he didn't even know the Lord's Prayer looking back I think he was just faking it because his daughter was married to a pastor the confusion I look back on some a man who treated me with such unkindness and unchristian-like behavior just terrifies me know because I believe it was a man of God
Wow I have not heard this perspective before. It is interesting to hear about a fear that is based on losing oneself down a dark path. The idea of this fear has been such a mystery to me. My girlfriend was way smaller than me but I still felt ‘unsafe’ around her. It has always been difficult to put into words. The issue of safety is perhaps a different facet of fear or perhaps it is the same. Chaos can be quite frightening. Thank you so much for putting your ideas into Star Wars terms that I can truly understand!
Absolute Brilliant video and insight to these sick evi jealous demons !!! Thank you for your videos God bless you and any of us who have had to deal with such sick evil narrsissists!
Thankyou you this truly could not have come at a better time. This knowing is going to get me through a very long wait waiting for family court case dispute that’s full of lies smear campaigns etc. I’m going to listen to this one every day to keep me from going under
EXACTLY, Kevin! And it is hard to pinpoint. I’m afraid of getting pulled into his sick world because I know my verbal retaliation would inevitably cause so much narcissistic injury, he’d likely never recover and my goal is not to hurt anyone on purpose. To avoid engaging in their insanity I respond with, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” “your entitled to your opinion,” “that was not my intention” et al until they realize it’s impossible to get a rise out of me because I simply refuse to participate. This actually makes them even more angry, but who cares? They are forced to slither off with absolutely zero narcissistic supply and I’m convinced this actually hurts them even more deeply because their anger has nowhere to go but in a loop, albeit that’s not the purpose; it’s a secondary perk. They put us in these untenable situations and expect that we’ll be compassionate and patient forever. Nope.
Wow that insight is so good! God given it really hits home. Please pray for me Kevin I obeyed God and left my toxic ex boyfriend but I'm feeling so lost and lonely. I know I have the Lord. I just don't have close friends and he was my best friend.
What a profound message! Thank you, Kevin..lately it certainly has felt like a battle within myself. Almost like a battle between good and evil but I was shaming myself thinking I was being too dramatic, until I just couldn't take it anymore and chose myself instead of the relationship.
Its not the girl itself you were afraid of but the demons within her. Same with me; I was so nervous around him, last time we met my whole body shook. This s DEMONIC.
I feel his Demons as well. Yesterday, I was driving & just began to cry out to Jesus, Lord help me escape this man! I know he’s more than likely demon possessed! I also agree with him, because they will provoke, harass, intimidate you until you fall into temptation to either strike them or just run away! Fight or flight! I have failed with him & then he immediately calls the police on me & I have gone to jail! He institutions, to help him fulfill his promise to keep me his prisoner! I don’t want to become “dark”, I need to get away from him! Staying in my van…no one to help me. 🙏🏽🩸☝🏽
@@lisassucculents4692 I went there too..I abused him back and when he comes again it'll be the final nail in the coffin. Sounds like yours is winning over you. This is very concerning. Do you have your own income? Can you get your own residence+ If you dont get away and have to live with him, he will destroy you, you MUST get away. People today dont care about helping others, they only care for themselves. We're in the last days.
@@Vixinaful I have absolutely nothing and no one.
@@lisassucculents4692 Typical for these days. I didnt either and got away, I helped myself and was also homeless with one of them. O mived, got a new apartment, kept my job up and fixed my life. It took several more years for him to quit and go away but.. I won in the end. But it is heartwrenching that people dont help. I had Gods help this time to find friend online who helped me through everything..I suggest testing discord but be careful theres narcs everywhere on it but also heavenly people wo really care.
Your are spot on!!! It's so true!!!
Narcissist control through fear. They lose control over you once you NO longer fear losing them. Healing is all about learning to overcome your OWN fear of rejection, abandonment, low self-esteem, neglect, etc... It's not that we love the narcissist intimately (subconsciously, we don't because of the emotional abuse they spew on us). But... It's the fear of us facing past childhood or young adult traumas, emotions, situations, etc... should we leave the relationship which keeps us connected to them (NOT love). They have a grip on us because we fear facing our OWN emotional insecurities and weaknesses, so we begin to place more focus on what they are doing to us, rather than what we are doing to ourselves (accepting/allowing physical or emotional abuse). This is why you binge watch narcissist videos instead of the co-dependent ones (your focus is on their toxic behavior, but NOT your own emotional unbalances to heal properly). When you were NO longer afraid of the darkness as a child; you were NO longer concerned about the monster hiding under your bed. The monster was ONLY relevant to you because of your fear of the darkness (not the monster). FACE your unaddressed fears, issues, abuses, etc... and I PROMISE you, just watch how irrelevant the narcissist will become in your life. May The Lord bless you on your journey... Much healing people❤️
Jesus directed me to this comment. God bless you. Thank you
Thank you for your comment, it's true... God be with you....
@@swethamonicajennifera3354 Thanks for the prayer... Needed it❤️!
Brilliantly said TY
I guess I’m lucky in that. I have no feelings for the narcissist I live with. Once I am free and far away from him, I will never think of him in any way other than with distain.
He’s always talking about how great his parents are. Clearly! Their adult middle aged son thinks it’s okay to scream, berate and intimidate a woman any time I disagree with him. Bang up job, indeed.
So many ppl say “I stood up to him! Gave him a dose of his own medicine!” Or “he didn’t like being treated the way he treats me!”
No. They still get what they want that way. Attention.
Don’t even tell them how horrible they are. Stop wasting your energy!!
I started gaslighting him. He hated that so much he ended the relationship. I'm finally free.
In fighting them back, you can become just as bad as they are. I have found silence speaks volumes. It's the best weapon against them. It pulls the plug on whatever power they think they have in your life.
Yes! That was the last straw, when I was the one yelling, screaming, cussing, criticizing, crying, spitting (not literally), blaming etc. In the face of my narcissistic husband. I knew I had to go, I was losing or had already lost who I was, and was becoming what he was.
Oh my the say thing happened to me with my husband I left my narc husband of 33years I left 4 months ago finally finding peace and freedom
@@triplekids3, good luck to you! ❤
I left my relationship of 18 years a little over a year ago. Left lots behind, still fight the pain, loliness, guilt and shame, however I'm in control of my life now and it gets easier everyday to let go and move on.
When I left my narcassists hubby, that's when I was like that. Every time I was around him it just came out. I only had to actually deal with him a few more times Thank God above. I didn't even go to my divorce hearing it was so bad for me. I lost a great of everything I owned that he didn't outright lie & steal, but I haven't had any communication with him in 5 yrs. I cut all ties. Didn't bite when 2 yrs ago he tried to bait me 3 times. It's incredible how it brings us to that point of being like them. That's not who I am. Thanks for your comment & for listening.
Love your comment. Absolutely true!!
I've spit lol not ganna lie
I would strongly encourage anybody dealing with a narcissist to take the opportunity and schedule a one on one session with Kevin. I did that yesterday and it was amazing. I had breakthroughs, and a better understanding of the narcissist and myself. It was very informative, inspirational, and freeing! Thanks again, Kevin!
It’s just so frustrating to try and understand that they can’t love or have empathy. These people should not be out in the world, tugging at hearts and souls. They just want you to feel as crazy and empty.
@Pedro Ivan Sanchez you’re correct. Not all people are narcissists; however, most empathic people are not going to ghost people or turn on how they treat a person. We all have a few narcissistic traits, but we can control them. We may get angry but then apologize and reflect on that. Narcissists need fuel and do not love or feel remorse. They do not reflect. They are likely or could be diagnosed as a narcissist, which is 1% of the population. I’m sure this would be higher if all were actually diagnosed, but yes, not all people are like what is described. Thank you for your thoughts. Take care!
So don't even try to understand.
@@wagendorf31 If it’s only 1% how the heck did I end up with so many around me?! 😂 Mom, her husband, my sister, some of her adult children, my uncles, my own husband and now possibly our Son, who my husband is grooming! Praise he Lord! 🙏🏽🩸
@@lisassucculents4692 I truly believe it’s higher than that. The reason they report 1percent is because they aren’t marching themselves into a therapist to get help.
Toxic people are 40% of the population.
The Narc has offended and disrespected me so much in the past that yes, it created suppressed anger. When the Narc creates an atmosphere of fighting, anger, embarrassment, shame, and so many other things, they make you feel like you are just like them. I knew that I was not like a Narc once I got healed from their abuse. Narcs take real feelings and natural reactions and place them in their perspective and call them behaviors that are just like them, the way they would respond. Causing immediate head spin and confusion. The feelings are the same, but how each person got to those feelings are the rights and wrongs of life.
My angered responses were a fear that I've experienced with Narcs, but also fear of their threats was another. I learned that fear of their threats was primarily strongest because I believed their narrative and gave power to the Narc over my life. When I took back my power and went no contact, had no dependence on the Narc, and realized that I believed the negatives that the Narc stated they felt about me, (had to change that through self-esteem building) that is when I began to understand that they were having evil fun with power that I gave them. Trying to scare me into being a slave to fear through them.
You couldn’t have hit the nail on the head with more precision. I am fearful since dating the narc. Paralyzed in making choices, making changes, taking risks, leaving a unfulfilling job, dating. I just continue to keep the cage of fear around me. I resisted the evil abuser. I controlled the monster just like you said.
It'll take time, but pray seek the Lord, listen to channels that talk about this issue. Its real, its happening, but there's nothing the Lord Jesus Christ can't fix. God bless you in your journey, hang in there it's gonna be alright. Take care.
I have done the same around my abuser and her family. I tended to dissociate myself from my emotions and my thoughts. Almost like I was gravitating out of my body and paralyzed by fear of my next move. The double bind is their weapon. This is what causes this. The inability to make a sound choice based on their dichotomy of options. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. My abuser and her family has this trait down to a fine science where unless you know it is coming or can put the definition to good use, you'll feel blindsided every time. I wish you good luck as I too struggle with this. The only way I have begun to find peace is to figure out this game and chose neither option. Try and stand back and see the situation with a wider lens and more stoic thought. Disregarding that emotional muscle that flexes inside and makes me want to lash out without understanding.
Fear is an enemy. The paralyzing feeling is just awful. Continued healing, to you. You deserve it :)
@@joyslove3858 Very kind words. Thank you for the thought. We have to now help the ones who cannot see yet.
Growing up with a narc mother and no other parent to help, I am 50 and still wrestle with that feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I often feel as though I am going to get into trouble any moment. Their abuse is pernicious.
Hang in there, it takes work but you will get better. Keep doing self care, watching videos like this, therapy, prayer,has all helped me. God Bless🕊️
We all have fear of the unknown, but we don't know what we don't know...
But when you try to put the narcissist in there place, they don't care.. they will turn it all back on us.
We can only controll our self..others can't make us happy only self can...
👍 very true
They can certainly make you UNHAPPY though if you've ever had one cheat on you, hit you, belittle you, empty bank accounts. I always laugh when people say "others can't make us happy' because of course other people's actions have huge effects on our own lives. No one is in a bubble. That's what abuse is all about.
Yesss!!!!!
So true brother, Amen to that. Stay away, it'll all get better. Bad company corrupts good character. God bless
Interesting..YEARS ago. he told me to hit him. Saying it would make me feel better. I declined and told him it would only make him feel better. I didn't know anything about this narcissist stuff at the time but,, so Glad I answered as I did.
Wow! My ex husband wanted me to punish him too. I think he was abusing me as he would have loved to abuse his cold mother but I don't think he could have hurt her. She couldn't care less (he wasn't physically abusive but he was destroying my overall health.
Some narcissists believe that their female partners can't complain if they are not physically abusive, that's what he told me and I think there are far too many like him.
Thanks for your comment 😊
Thank you. God bless you. Kevin you will be surprised to get this msg from a 80 yrs old single parent. I have suffered abuse from my daughter in law since seven yrs. I was very afraid of her. Suffered emotional mental and physically because I have never heard of meaning of narsist people. I'm highly educated respected and loved by all my life by family
It was your videos that explained and gave me the courage of going no contact . Surprised I'm happy to get away with no fear or anger. She is not worthy of my hate or anger also. Feel sorry for her. She has lost a something that she thought no one can take away from her. I'm sick and alone. Was worried for my son and grandson. It was fear of being the monster like her. Ecaxctly as you are telling. God bless you. I'm sure you have never heard this from a old sick mother. I'm from India. I resisted a d got over my fear of being alone. ❤❤❤❤😂. I'm healed.
I can't thank you enough for this insightful explanation, Kevin. Have a wonderful day and God bless you.
Yes. Wish I hears this 5 hours ago. They really do want to create a monster of me. Thank you.
Yes, they want you to act out so that they can finger point and get the attention off of themselves.
@@joyslove3858 really its so boring. They completely lack substance. They just wonder around aimlessly looking for more hostages.
@@sospita_ True that!
@@joyslove3858 stay strong!
I've had that same fear your talking about.Ive had to pray that the Lord would restrain my old sin nature,and help me walk in newness of life.
I had awakening 7 years ago and my fear of people left me no more fear of people god is with me always
I've been asking The Most High True GOD how to stand up to narcs and was sent to this video. And WOW!! this makes a lot of sense! the narcs want you to react. The fear is yourself engaging in evil but NEVER engage. You are NOT weak when you don't react and stoop to their level, that's strength.
Thank you kevin!!
I'm afraid because I don't want to go through the same painful emotions again. They don't feel good and they caused a lot of psychological damage. I'm afraid my trauma will become worse if I put my foot down and say "no." I'm better at setting boundaries and standing up for myself now, but I'm still fearful. I cut those people out of my life over a year now, but yet they still have control over me.
Also in the Mean Girls movie, Lindsay Lohan's character which started as fighting the bully 'Plastics', ended up becoming the bully herself.
So true.
Very very true 👍 👌 👏 😀 🙂 😊
Bur Narcisstic Abuse goes beyond "bullying".
@@wolfgang7812 True, but that's usually where it starts.
I love that movie
I’m afraid that I will be viewed as the very people who are hurting me. When you push back the same way they do you, you become just as bad. I’m not them, I never have and never want to be. It seems as though no matter what I do or say, or even what I don’t do or say, will turn me into them anyway. It’s so heavy. I don’t understand why all of this is happening. Seems like everything is being taken away from me all over again.
100% right.
This video made so much sense.
Thank-you.
Its not strength to stand up.
The strength is actually not taking the bait and moving away.
I just realized, it hurts me the fact that they hate me for the sake of it, or use me or play games, yet if you show them that you need them, and you believe your own lie(probably provoked by them, they make you believe lies), then you are feeling hurt by a lie... They have their mentality... I think the key is not to get sticky sticked with their mud... Being independent... And, of course some times are easier than others... 🙏❤️🎈
This is powerful....it's what I've been doing the work on since my last narcissistic encounter... I no longer engage🙏🏾 #resistance
I used to struggle with engaging. I will call out and condemn hateful behavior, but I'm no longer going to wrestle with it.
I get this 100 percent. Thank you for showing your strength, wisdom and vulnerability. You cannot let anyone provoke you to anger, that’s why we have police to handle things, no matter who it is, you cannot be someone’s punching bag.
I agree and called the police due to stalking. Quiet since, thank God!!
One of the reasons why I
left after 14 years was because in a way I had become like the narcissist . Now after being away for more than a 1 year whenever I read or hear something about him everything comes back , is a heaviness over me. I stay away 🙋🏻♀️
I’ve never been afraid of the narcissist in my family because I dealt with them since youth. Ex. I remember being teased terribly by an aunt calling me stupid repeatedly at age 7 saying “ha ha you can’t even tell time” and challenging me in front of people when I was enjoying looking at a book learning. At some point I accepted that she was being mean and just allowed it. We were at her friends in the projects, subsidized housing. I tell you, about 15 years later, she was living in those same projects if not the exact same unit! During that time I was graduating college and the first to do so. She didn’t finish high school. The things people say says more about them. Watch your mouth because you might write a check you can’t afford to cash, literally. As Christians we have the holy spirit to lose. God is not the spirit of fear and rebuking is righteous. Speak the truth as it is in your heart.
Thank you for this. The realistic approach to this issue has been truly helpful. Thanks again from Nairobi,Kenya. God bless you.
I think you are right! I pray I will not fear acting upon the dark side in accordance with 1 john 4:18, binding every fear of punishment in my life, in the name and blood of Jesus Christ, amen and glory to God, hallelujah!
The fear kept me trapped. Its done
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." Timothy II 1:7...."To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men." Titus 3:2.
@I Sanchez at least one part of that declarational multistatement is correct, i do take it literally...
Thank you so much for the biblical reminders. I am about to sticky these reminders :)
@@joyslove3858 if i only got the reminder to you, the whole things worthwhile... for me.
@@Imnotyourdoormat xoxos ... I needed it!
Definitely needed to hear this. I’ve been ruminating on how to one up a narcissist in my life, probably to an unhealthy degree. I need to let it go and not stoop to his level. Last thing I wanna do is become evil myself. Thanks for the great video!
Darkness cannot drive out darkness’ only LIGHT can do that Hate cannot drive out hate only LOVE can do that ( Martin Luther Jr)
While that's true, that's not how the sinful world operates. And because of that, most of the human population will perish. Much sooner than later, too.
@@nckhed Yes, JESUS said, Men loved darkness more than the light.
Catherine, love doesn't necessarily drive out hate. I've been loving wicked, narcisstic people my whole life and guess what, they are still hateful, dispicable people. JESUS showed the greatest love of anyone. His love can't stop the hate in others because they make choices to hate and not receive love.
First, they(narcissists) NEVER operate from a place of fairness and justice. As well as righteousness too. Knowing this, we become consumed with avoiding being drawn into any conflicts with them. To some, that appears as fear. We fear the whole injustice that ALWAYS comes from engaging with narcissists. Because it ALWAYS turns against us. They're masters at decimating their victims. They lose when WE refuse to be any part of their process. If that says "afraid" then so be it. God bless everyone.🙏☺👍
Great analogy 👍 . I truly believe that vulnerability is our greatest strength. Thank you for sharing 🙏.
NO CONTACT..is having the power to weild it but not!...thank you brother..much love..💜
We can return fire and even stronger fire back to them. But later we feel bad about it. Thats when we find out we are not like them.
Yup. Don't want to catch the evil from narc. Thanks for making this clear. Try my hardest not to retaliate, but rather hurt privately and turn to safe person for support. Deep inside of me, I am free.
I was just thinking that today. I do still struggle like Anakin did. When Anakin says I am not the Jedi I should be I say I am not the Empath that I should be. I am not a loving Empath like other Empaths.
Yes ! I also think they fear us when we know who they are , see through them and expose them. This last relationship has made me fearful of the next relationship. I need to build that trust. He slept with people behind my back even during the love bombing!! It’s crazy how many people out there are like this. Evil bastards.
Same here!! It nearly destroyed me!! But there is joy on the other side.
This hit with me like a train ! Thanks Kevin been fallowing you for over a 1 year . You been apart of my healing for quit some time. Thank God for you .
This message is right on time. I was literally just thinking about my anger and sadness as I’ve said a lot of things and done a lot of things I regret. Going to watch this one again. Ty Kevin 👑
That you have regret and are contemplating your part in things is cause for happiness. Forgive yourself and grow from the experience. These things the Narcissist cannot do because they refuse to acknowledge their wrong.
Ty Joy 🤩
This video was excellent! Thank you for being vulnerable to illustrate your point. Fruit of the spirit - self control....Humble yourself under the hand of God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you!
Walking away was my answer facing a malignant coercitive narcissist at work. I refused to give into the fight to take back the results of my work that she had stolen from me. I imagine that she knows that her style of management is part of her shadowed side. Be aware. Walk away. Stay away. Thank you for the video.
I was also worried is was become like narc when I reacted but without understanding . Thank God I woke up. I get what you mean . I done want ever be in that dark pit again .
Any kind of abuse creates fear.
It sure is a good thing we have Kevin. Thank you for loving humanity. You have helped me walk upright again.
I had an employer/landlord who kept trying over and over to anger and provoke me with nasty words and all the other tools of the coward. I never responded in the way he wanted. Finally he ran out of "buttons" to press. He even said it. Just before I left for a new living situation (he didn't see it coming) he said, "Alright. You win. Have it your way". I said nothing, even then. Of course I won. I moved to a new place and job one day later. Haven't seen him since.
It's not our nature to hurt others. When he put the rage in me. I cried out to God. I used that rage I ran I walked I pushed myself. I made myself tougher. What the enemy uses to destroy. God turns around. For you to make you into the warrior you are. And I LOVE LOVE LOVE. AND I DECLARE VICTORY OVER MYSELF
Yes
Thank you, Kevin for your honesty! I get it! Yes, my fear is with myself. I have the potential of taking the bait & physically hurting the narc with my words & fists. Silence is a very effective tool & so is going no contact. Powerful tools.🌻🌸🌺
Is that a picture... Of... You? 🤔🖼️😁
@@holisticenergymedicineappr7898 ha ha! No, it’s a pic of my doggie, Sweetie🐶
makes sense. because it's truth.
You right my fear was me hurting my brother or end up killing him. And I honestly didn't have it in me to deal with this fool I was at a low point when he attacked my mom had just passed he attacked when I was weak.
Wow, thank you! Spot in and timely - got a text yesterday, up all night drafting 3 times, I chose kindness. We cut off a piece of their garment hem, it's lost on them that we didn't destroy them..
Vulnerability shows Strength.
The dark side, Jedi analogy is so right - karate kid part 3 also. We love you with a wholesome love Kevin, wish you were my brother to grab a coffee 💖 God bless all your endeavours, love from England
You're absolutely right kevin, the fear is you going dark. I remember this point , very hard like withdrawal from addictive substances amplified. I had weapons at hand and how easy it would have been to end him but at what cost? Jail and loosing everything? No. He got so frustrated cause he couldn't break me. I did get some pleasure in watching him and his goons loose their shit, men trying their hardest to break a pregnant woman, that's another reason they came after me during that time , a woman is more vulnerable during pregnancy, how weak of them, but they got a rude awakening. Great work you're doing kevin, Thank you. 🙏❤️💪
That is so sick for those monsters to do what they did to you while you're pregnant especially. Sounds like something my ex narc will do. They're very demonic and have no souls. Believe me when I say God will get revenge leave it in his hands. He is a very just God and His word does not lie. He's watching everything these monsters are doing. And his Wrath will be Swift and without remorse.
@@angelaslaton3211 Thank you Angela, they were trying to kill me and my baby. The thing that got me the most was the people that I thought were friends or at least good acquantances one if them a pastor, how they fell for his bullshit, some even helped him. The Narc and his goons could have killed me and all of these so called friends wouldn't have cared. All their bullying all because I didn't want him. It was a shit storm but the lessons and learning who's I am and who I am, was way more valuable. God has other plans. Blessings to you warrior 💪❤️🙏
❤❤❤❤❤❤I'm a native of the south Bronx and trust me I can fight. But that fear... of getting arrested, getting a criminal record, going to jail.
I live with this fear constantly, because I know what I am capable of, and envious shallow people don't stop provoking. This is one of the best videos I've seen in my life! If you're a New Yorker, this message is so for us! Because of the amount of people that live here, hence the provocations are more. Thank you Kevin for sharing your wisdom. God bless you. Greetings from the Bronx USA 🗽🇺🇸
You finally put it in perspective for me. I always said I didn't want him to put me on his level but he would push until he did and I hated where he made me go. It's an awful place of total darkness. I've tried everything I know to get him to leave this is my home I invited that devil in. I've tried legally but there's no evictions now so I feel stuck but I'm not going to stop trying. Thank you so much
Thank you for sharing this video.
When he told me the relationship wasn't going to work, I walked away and never looked back.
This is so good. Thank you
Thank you for continuing to bring the sanity!
And it is futile to fight a narcissist.
They love to see you have such rage and anguish. You always feel like such a terrible person and you need to make amends with the narcissist for behaving so badly and they have you right where they want you. You have a working conscience so playing this game you will be so screwed.
Yesss. It’s the temptation to enter into that dark space. A Warrior of the Light recognizes the potential but exercises restraint and takes the high road 🙌
This is the best video I've heard yet to help explain what I have been going through for years with different people. I have been trying so hard to not react. The only way is either getting away or walking super close to the Lord to stay on track. Thank you so so much. This was amazing.
I feared hurting them more than I feared them hurting me....now they FEAR.me ..the smear campaign begins...after 4years No Contact... I'm at peace...my creativity is coming back...my Peace of mind is priceless... thanks for the video 👑👑👑👑
My resistance has caused her to say over and over again, “what are ‘we’ going to do do with you???” We= her and her flying monkey minions. I will never succumb. And I will get out but timing is everything. Thank you for what you do, Kevin! Awesome insight (ahhh, insight, what NARCS absolutely lack!).
Words are Tools!..Thank you Kevin.
Woow! Totally right 😬 the problem is that a narc never ceases of attacking you in new ways and techniques they just wouldn’t back off
So very true. I recall feeling like he had 'possesed' me because I felt like him, even though I know I wasn't. I recall recoiling when I started acting the same. I didn't want to be like this and it frightened me. I feared that I was not real, that I was in fact just like him. Thank you, I needed to hear this...
What a beautiful revelation Kevin! I just had a AhhHaa moment. I've been no contact and am afraid of myself if I run into this friend that has hurt me! I also realized that my "loyalty" was just my broken child wanting love and kept going back for more.
The Lord doesnt want me doing that any more. He has made it clear. This is so beautiful..your ministry is annointed.
God Bless you Mightily!!
Thanks, Kevin! 👍🏼 Illuminating! 👍🏼
I am now in no contact with my 2 narcissistic brothers. I have been yelled at and several years ago I responded in kind. I know I can connect with my "dark side"----we were raised by a yelling mother and a dad I feared as a child. In the last 5 years or so, thru a lot of work on self-love, I've learned to observe/stay silent/not engage/no contact. It's not what I want, but it is much more peaceful. This is a great video. It really put this into perspective for me. I am not mad. I don't feel shame or guilt over anything I've done or said. It's important to know HOW I feel to keep it all in perspective.
This is so insightful !
I did not want to be a Narcissist and strived very hard not to act like the Narcissist.
Eventually someone has to drop the stones of harsh words and actions and the best way is not to engage and stay away from the drama.
But yes that is the biggest fear is we personally will become dark.
I often have said I don't want another human being to feel what I felt during the abuse. No one wants to feel worthless , fatigue, and constant anxiety and walking on Egg shells.
Life is to beautiful to stay down in the muck and mire a Narcissist will put you through ,and the actions of a Narcissist are very dark.
I have a lot of Fear.
"The only way to truly fight narcissism is to prove them wrong." Thanks Kev
I fear his rage & revenge… but after watching this video I realize that I actually fear ME not being able to respond properly & walk away unaffected. That gives me hope that I can change & quit giving my power away & letting him control me.
More straight up knowledge right here. Such an amazing comparison with the dark side and the light side. I too am afraid of me. Of what I would do or say to the narc in my life, if I took the bait and engaged and went to the dark side to put them in their place. I needed this right now. Thank you for your words.
Yes!! I will nevervstoop to their level but I will Stand my ground and give them none of my energy leave be silent the strength is in your silent and absence and peace. Don't get angry and never act like them. Never. ❤
Thank you for sharing your story. There is no shame, we.learn from those willing to open themselves up.
🌈m be blessed in your going about your Fatner's work 🙂
So candid.
So true.
Thank you
Wow!! That's All I Can Say!! Wow!! I Use To Think About Myself As Dr. Bruce Banner! Being A Marine From The Streets I Knew Exactly What I Was Capable Of Doing. At The End Of My Dysfunctional Relationship I Exploded And Then I Was The Bad Guy! I Begged The Judge To Place A Restraining On Me: Save Me From Myself Your Honor. That Was 3 Years Ago And I've Since Created A Life Of Peace.
Amen. Its possible, go no contact if you can, it'll pass. God bless you and take care.
@@gratefulsoul1661 I've been no contact ever since that court date. Thankful And Blessed...
Wow I needed to hear this. As a 29 year old a 21 year old girl ruined me. Thank you sosososo much. I’ve felt so embarrassed for so long
So spot on that I truly didn't recognize my inner battle on this till now. It really has brought me to tears. It's been 5 yrs & I take it to the Lord all the time. It's like I'm hardened in a way. My heart is hardened, not so trusting of course but it's not the heart that God gave me. It's there but I find I just feel hardened. Not like the softness I had before. I wish I had the words to express what I mean. I can't at times verbalize correctly, articulate as I'm waiting for the fight I think with people I know & don't know well. It's the confident or professionals especially. My ex was actually a psychologist & we hung with drs a lot & other professionals. That where he thought he belonged even though he never practiced as a psychologist. Ran a small business. At times I am so frustrated at my lack of ability to communicate with people now. It's horrible feeling. I sometimes isolate too much because I don't feel comfortable enough to communicate with people in the way I should be able to. Thank you for this video. It's been eye opening.
Thank you for actually saying this. It took me decades to understand why I was afraid. I'm still working on losing the fear. But I'll get there.
My mother’s expression for that was “don’t lower yourself down to someone else’s level “ it’s so true but sometimes hard to do when your forced to defend yourself. When someone pushes me it shows more in my eyes. I won’t sit back when someone else is being bullied so I consider myself very unorthodox Jew 😁. I know what I’m capable of and that alone scares me. Since I’ve been dealing with my knee pain I haven’t been able to do my hiking which is a good source of releasing energy but it’s necessary for me to take care of myself so eventually I can and also get out on the ski slopes ⛷😁. Good one Kevin thank you. Listening to you keeps me to stay on track. Hugs 🤗 and love ❤️ coming your way.
Thank you for sharing this. You rock! This is so my life. He has been arrested and was furious saying I should have been arrested as well. So he will do things to push buttons in hopes I'll do exactly what you're talking about. Me stopping to his level would be so sweet. I'm proud to say I've grown so much and learned so much about me. You are a genius.
This is exactly what happened to me after months of being psychologically and narcissistically abused by a man that I love is that I broke I have complex PTSD with hyperarousal and severe anxiety disorder and he knew it and he played me. I had no idea why I was flip out as bad as I did because I am a good person and I'm a teacher and I just do not flip out and get that angry and literally throwing bottles of water down the stairs because he was so wildly verbal to me. And then he must have taken great pride to see that he broke me to the point that I have lost all, compassion within my life and I was trapped in his house cuz he had just moved me in because we were going to start a life together and once I was in the house and tagging eyes me and provoked me to the point where I lost any type of self-control trying to reason with him. All the fight we had came from me trying to reach out to him and rationalize some of his hurtful behaviors and why did you want to do that for why did you want to hurt me and it's to his comment was always I didn't hurt you that's your opinion. He would constantly deny the fact that he did things to hurt me and say things to hurt me and then when I would break big he would say see you're the one who's losing your mind and I truly felt that because I was afraid of him this is the man who paid to move me into his home because he wanted to start a life with me then once I was there he punished me with verbal assaults or silence 4 days. She would refuse to shower he would refuse to eat what I cooked and then said that I was trying to make him in into a puppet in the year that we have been in communication in the six months that we live together he showed me how weak I was and how fragile I was because his behaviors did everything he could to devalue insult or degrade me I feared him yes he always told me he loved me and I thought he did he is a covert narcissist which pathologically he believes his own lies
The worst part is as a woman of strong Christian spiritual beliefs Oh, I thought this man's believing God in Jesus Christ was authentic and genuine but he didn't even know the Lord's Prayer looking back I think he was just faking it because his daughter was married to a pastor the confusion I look back on some a man who treated me with such unkindness and unchristian-like behavior just terrifies me know because I believe it was a man of God
Love isnt supposed to hurt
Wow I have not heard this perspective before. It is interesting to hear about a fear that is based on losing oneself down a dark path. The idea of this fear has been such a mystery to me. My girlfriend was way smaller than me but I still felt ‘unsafe’ around her. It has always been difficult to put into words. The issue of safety is perhaps a different facet of fear or perhaps it is the same. Chaos can be quite frightening. Thank you so much for putting your ideas into Star Wars terms that I can truly understand!
Absolute Brilliant video and insight to these sick evi jealous demons !!! Thank you for your videos God bless you and any of us who have had to deal with such sick evil narrsissists!
You are a source of positivity .Thanks kevin
Thankyou you this truly could not have come at a better time. This knowing is going to get me through a very long wait waiting for family court case dispute that’s full of lies smear campaigns etc. I’m going to listen to this one every day to keep me from going under
This explanation is awesome. And relatable. Lol as a believer, always the struggle of dark and light. Need to be salt and light.
EXACTLY, Kevin! And it is hard to pinpoint. I’m afraid of getting pulled into his sick world because I know my verbal retaliation would inevitably cause so much narcissistic injury, he’d likely never recover and my goal is not to hurt anyone on purpose.
To avoid engaging in their insanity I respond with, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” “your entitled to your opinion,” “that was not my intention” et al until they realize it’s impossible to get a rise out of me because I simply refuse to participate. This actually makes them even more angry, but who cares? They are forced to slither off with absolutely zero narcissistic supply and I’m convinced this actually hurts them even more deeply because their anger has nowhere to go but in a loop, albeit that’s not the purpose; it’s a secondary perk.
They put us in these untenable situations and expect that we’ll be compassionate and patient forever. Nope.
Heal up fam! We can get sways from this crazy way of thinking from toxic behaviors by people that haven’t healed. ❤
I needed this! Thank you!
Great video. Wow. This one is going to take a while for me to unpack. Thank you for spreading the good word.
This is so deep and profound. Thank you for sharing all of this to all of us.
Wow that insight is so good! God given it really hits home. Please pray for me Kevin I obeyed God and left my toxic ex boyfriend but I'm feeling so lost and lonely. I know I have the Lord. I just don't have close friends and he was my best friend.
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I had this fear after leaving a narcissist!
My fear was I was afraid of him coming back and doing this again! Engaging in this again!
Don't let it happen again. You are in control not him. God bless you and take care.
What a profound message! Thank you, Kevin..lately it certainly has felt like a battle within myself. Almost like a battle between good and evil but I was shaming myself thinking I was being too dramatic, until I just couldn't take it anymore and chose myself instead of the relationship.