6 Reasons Highly Intelligent People Struggle Finding Love
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- Опубліковано 4 лип 2024
- From Sherlock Holmes to Shikamaru Nara, the highly intelligent have a harder time finding love for various reasons. Do you consider yourself a highly intelligent person? Do you wonder why it has been so hard for you to find love or keep love? Finding love for intelligent people could be very tough, because intelligent people are more likely to analyze and overthink things, more likely to choose their independence, more likely to prioritize career goals, more likely to have higher but unrealistic standards, and the list goes on. If you relate to these signs, maybe this video can help affirm some of the personal challenges you're going through.
Writer: Sara Del Villar
Script Editor: Denise Ding
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
VO: Amanda Silvera ( / amandasilvera )
Animator: Ira Alifia
UA-cam Manager: Cindy Cheong
References:
Caerlang, A. (2020, November 27). 10 reasons why intelligent people have a rough time finding love. Thought Catalog. Retrieved April 16, 2022, from thoughtcatalog.com/angelo-caerlang/2017/06/10-reasons-why-intelligent-people-have-a-rough-time-finding-love/
Krauss Whitbourne, S. (2017, May 30). The compelling link between love and Intelligence. Psychology Today. Retrieved April 16, 2022, from www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201705/the-compelling-link-between-love-and-intelligence
Which anime is your fav? Mine is Jujutsu Kaisen!
Anime is for people with low IQ who can't comprehend good movies or books.
I generally find the limited character tropes present in most Japanese media, boring. Not to mention the cultural conservatism & generally basic gender roles.
@@corvanphoenixIn other words you like western woke culture
@@moseslalmuanpuia8988 Not at all what I was saying, but as this is a forum for highly intelligent people, that should be assumed.
Naruto
Hello fellow highly intelligent single people😂
Im not single.
Ig that means im highly stupid.
Nah, im dumb but love this videos
Hi to you!
@@TW33KTW34K Just break up & join our club 😂
Hello fellow stupd single people
"The intelligent person understands that their happiness is their own responsibility, not their partners" nailed it.
So true
True
True
True so I’m intelligent
@@vhyu9040 your other half feel kinda out of place but suit yourself
Something worth pointing out: The socially awkward smart guy trope is not representative of all high IQ people. There are those who are socially graceful, not syper analytical, and easily find love. They just happen to be extremely smart. They may leverage their intelligence to figure out how to thrive socially. The awkward smart guy trope is inspired by high iq people who apply their intelligence in non social pursuits, like the hard sciences. Thus, high iq is not synonomous with issues socializing, just that those who are that way are over represented in the high iq conversation.
"not super analytical" I don't think anyone intelligent is like that. Intelligent people tend to think about everything all the time, that's just their passion and it's good for brains
Eh, disagree. Intelligent people are always thinking about SOMETHING, that's for sure. But definitely NOT always thinking about EVERYTHING.
Some of the smartest people I've got to known were people that could actively decide when to apply analytical thinking. Trying to consider everything all the time is just inefficient. With good pattern recognition skills (which smart people usually also have) it also becomes unnecessary. The mark of true intelligence is the ability to figure out WHAT warrants active thinking.
Not just trying to think about everything all the time.
One size fits one. Intelligence is a spectrum. Thinking is just one factor to measure IQ(which we will never be able to truly measure). Someone you know is just mesmerizing with cooking or drawing or making music, would you not call that person a genius if they are world class at what they do? There is obviously no assurance that the same person may hold a good conversation or even have the same views. There is obviously so many scenarios you can play out with different people in different fields and the only conclusion that comes after this, in regards to the topic of love is that its a choice and not a feeling.
Not super analytical = not high IQ 😂 you can’t be an athlete without continuous training 😂😂
@@sz9443 having a high IQ has a lot more to do with genetics than training. Some people are born with great genetics for sports, but simply don't have the interest in pursuing it. I know guys who stay lean and strong despite only casually training, and they can do all kinds of physical feats with ease in their spare time. These people are gifted. But no plans to train hard or do anything professional with it. Same with brilliant people who have potential but don't have the interest. They might score well on an IQ test despite never pursuing typical high IQ activities. I have a friend who can outsmart anyone I personally know. But most of his time is spent at bars drinking with friends and snowboarding in the winter. He went to business school in his 40s on a whim, aced the whole thing, graduated, and went back to the bars. Doesn't even use his degree. Very social and charismatic guy. He just wants to party.
I was called stupid in 6 ways
No, just not intelligent! 1st answer!
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Don't think that. This video is highly simplified.
Emotional vulnerability can be a choice. What this video fails to represent is that intellectual and emotional intelligence may or may not go hand-in-hand. The intelligent person in the video is intellectually intelligent but not emotionally intelligent. They aren't able to be vulnerable because their intellect is all they can rely upon and they are otherwise insecure.
I have been with some very smart men. I consider myself to be a smart woman. None of these applied really because we all knew that love does come first and there is something much more unique about love and relationships than fulfilling goals such as delivering a thesis. No-one on their death bed ever said "I wish I had delivered my thesis earlier".
If intelligence turns you on, go and find someone who is intelligent but also vulnerable enough to depend on you a bit. Don't go away from a UA-cam video thinking you are not worthy of someone smart.
Good luck and have a great day!
7. Highly intelligent people are much more aware of possible consequences when a relationship turns sour and often find that it's not worth the risk.
8. People are boring, social patterns are always the same. People talking to me makes me want to fall asleep half the time. General question general answer, repeat. Nothing counterintuitive to be found there.
@@AnonYmous-spyonmepls Find people that are not boring, yes they exist :p
@@Lavrec True, but the odds of that are extremely low. Most gifted people study and work all the time. They produce extremely good results and often get opportunities taking them around the world, so even if you find someone the odds of anything that lasts is low, on top that you may want different things to begin with, usually neither of you wants to compromise their goals. Then there is the problem with age differences, I usually don't care, but a 4-5 year age difference is likely to break people up, because of kids someone either already has kids or wants kids while the other person has it different. These are just some issues, that are likely to come up. On top of this, you are already limited to a small fraction of the population. So even if you optimize your search, the odds are quite terrible. This is not about wanting perfect, just anything that has the potential to last. I would calculate the exact odds, but I don't think knowing that is going to help.
@@AnonYmous-spyonmepls I dont think you can calculate that anyway, yeah thats why we say someone can have bad or good luck in love, the possibilty of finding perfect partner for them to tell you that they dont want kids or something thats exact opposite from what you want is a bit terryfying. I obviously agree the odds are low, i just may have too high of a standard myself wchich i know is wrong but its very hard to get rid of
LITERALLY
Finding someone who is emotionally intelligent secured and not manipulative is the real challenge.
Bigger challenge is making them actually love you
true
There’s no such thing as emotional intelligence. There’s emotional competence, but emotional intelligence doesn’t exist.
Not to flex or sound like that but I am. LOL..
@@balsamon69 Thinking about it less in terms of making them love you, and more in terms of making already existing love deeper could help you.
7. High intelligence doesn't necessarily mean high tact. We're used to being smarter than other people, and tend to assume they won't understand us. So either we never talk to begin with, or we sound like a know it all, which doesn't make us very popular.
Also, usually intelligent people want to tell the truth as they see it, and forget to think about how it may affect someone else's feelings. For all our overthinking, sometimes we think too much about the wrong things.
This happened to me, I had a friend who liked me, and she was curious about why was I single, and why wasn't I making any "moves" on anyone, I told her my view of humanity and it's nature and why I preferred not to take part on it's continuity.. she started crying and that broke my heart, now I'm a lot more careful with how and whom to share my ideas with, and accepted that sometimes it's better to let people think whatever they want and learnt to be far less affected by people having the wrong ideas about me
Lol I totally agree I feel like I always need to correct someone when they are wrong and that gets… complicated.
Facts .soo true
I'm glad somebody else said it, because I didn't want to sound arrogant. Knowing me, I probably would have worded it in a way that would make me sound full of myself, lol.
Like an INTP.
I'm intelligent, but I'm not sure I'd call myself highly intelligent, but I definitely do relate to this. I overthink about everything when I date, I love my independence and want to make sure it's still something I have in a relationship, I prioritize my goals and plans, I have high standards (that people try to talk me into lowering all the time to "not be alone"), I have good boundaries after some working on them, I love with my heart, but my mind has to agree with it, and I don't mind being single, so right now in my life, I'm single by choice. Not even sure I'll ever date again, tbh.
Same
And my friend still trying to get me to date. I think if someone was made for me, it wouldn’t ruin the flow of my life and waste my time
Same bro
Especially that I stoppedtrusting anyone because they can potentially just betray me and break my heart.
0:45 they overthink
1:49 they love their indepentence
2:33 they prioritize their job
3:11 they have high standards
3:44 they think with their head,not their gut
4:27 they are single by choice
Waiting for the right one is way better than risking your peace of mind❤
@Utb00 007 😻
well...there are no brains in the gut....
There's really no "right one", because it would imply that there's only ONE person you can be with. There are millions of people like that, problem is that they are scattered around the world and super hard and rare to find in this society (especially with Instagram making unrealistic expectations and Tiktok ruining some parts of mental health lol).
You are sooo right
Thank you
"Loneliness is often the byproduct of a gifted mind"
Singed?
@@bno0on32 maybe
Whose quote?
Would like to know who quoted this
the quote is from a series called Arcane, spoken by the character Singed
#2 They love their independence.
I can relate. When I am more sleepy, and when by brain is just too tired to think, my whole concept of love just switches.
I think a major point that was overlooked in this video is that since intelligent people don't see the usefulness in pointless socializing, and they fill their lives with what they see as worthy pursuits - regardless of whether anyone else is there with them - they spend a lot of time alone. A majority of their time alone. This drastically reduces the odds of finding a romantic partner.
Socializing is vastly overrated in getting wmn, because your "friends" are not going to make the opposite sex find you attractive, which, actually, shows how useless "friendship" is, as a whole.
Also, if you really want to, you can go out on your own and cold-approach or warm-approach by joining a club, in order to use manipulation tactics during a longer period of time.
Honestly, if you struggle, it's because you're not good-looking.
To be more precise: it does reduce the odds of finding a less intelligent partner. Possibly a evolutionary mechanism to maximize offspring intelligence.
This is true to me
Fax tho. You can't meet a possible partner if you don't... meet people.
You might wanna read about the dynamics of social status. Women (or, more generally, people) DO estimate your social value by evaluating your social circle.
(next to other factors)
It's way easier to get a woman's interest while being out with 2 to 5 friends, than being out alone.
This is painfully accurate. I’m not claiming to be overly intelligent or anything, but after years of psychological growth, hard truths and life experience, I have set almost impossibly high standards for both dating and friendships. I’m very kind and friendly with everyone I cross paths with but it’s been very difficult to find “close” friends and partners that I actually trust with all of my personal growth and knowledge. I will always prefer being solo over settling for someone/something that doesn’t feel right, though. Single by choice for now and loving it. ❤️ (loved this video btw!)
same here- lets hope we find love. Someday. ❤
Sorry to call you out, but downplaying your own intelligence is sus. 🤣 I'd suspect you are quite smart. ❤️
Same story and same traits bro ✨
@@CandyHatsuneWolff The averagely intelligent man can also underestimate his intelligence, just as how someone with an IQ of, for instance 130, can be complacent enough to hold the belief that he is Albert Einstein. The truth is that an average level of intelligence, or any other level downwards, does not always act as an immunity shield from the waves of intellectual underestimation, just as high intelligence does not always preclude the effects of overconfidence.
I cant bring myself to Respect this UA-camr here,
ever since they f-cked-up-so-hard-im-still-in-shock.
Highly intelligent people don’t struggle with love, they struggle with finding people that are up to their standards and not just playing games.
4:34 Leebit! Wasn‘t expecting him to accompany us in this video. Love this small detail
I came from Pinterest to see if leebit is actually in this video 😂😂
@@dimphomokhomo4873 same💀💀
I would also add the controlling perspective. Being in a relationship means having an "out of control factor" in life. Intelligent people usually want to have everything under control.
That's it for me
That's me
Totally. It might sound a bit narcissistic but it’s true that I hate things that uncontrollable.
"Had to be me. Someone else might've gotten it wrong." - Mordin
Fr if I don’t know what gonna happen I wouldn’t bother
This explains so much about my wife. She is an incredibly intelligent person. She simply decided to love me. I brought into the relationship everything she lacked, vehicle care, lawn maintenance, and grabbing things off high shelves. It has worked for 22 years. Also she says, it is too much work to train a replacement and the kids say she can't fire me.
😄😂😂 lucky you!
Romance goals right there
@@TheKiaraLady Romance is great and we do that too, but she loves it when I warm up her car and scrap the windows in the winter. It's the little everyday things that we do for each other that makes the difference.
@@dyderich Oh I was being serious, my partner and I are very similar. Acts of service and sarcasm are our biggest ways of showing our love for each other
That last line got me laughing cause I’m exactly like your wife lol
This video cleared up insights drastically thank you so much. Felt alone in the tendency to use intellect as a means of understanding intuitive reasoning.
I agree with all of these but tbh the one thing that made finding a partner so difficult was probably my dad's advice. He told me I had the power to choose whoever I wanted to love, none of that "the heart wants what it wants" or uncontrollable hormones and emotions as he put it and it's been that way ever since. 😅
I think all of this gets even harder when the intelligent person has never had the good fortune of personally experiencing a good relationship previously. Then they're much less likely to even feel motivated to pursue one at all, especially as they get older.
I can relate to this.
very true.
yeah
I still would like
Maybe. My IQ was scored very high as a child in school. I don't like quoting it much because they're all perceptually scored tests. Either way I struggle with relationships because I can't communicate with someone the way I'd prefer. I'd like to talk philosophy and solutions to serious issues Instead of the Kardashians. And the women who want to discuss the same things I do, are academic and proper while I'm a tattooed jokester. I attract Kardashian like simpletons while dreaming of the librarian who can school me in a wise debate.
0:48 - 1. They Overthink
1:50 - 2. Love their independence
2:35 - 3. Prioritize their goals
3:12 - 4. Have high standards
3:28 - Pretty strong boundaries.
3:44 - 5. Think with head not guts
4:28 - 6. Single by choice
I match all those points. And let me add another : 7. gave up as the dating scene is a massive clusterfuck full of entitled spoiled promiscuous brats not worth our time, money and energy.
Thank you 🙏🏼❤
All of them excepted 6 maybe. It is never a choice when you have literally no choice...
Let's simplify these: they think.
I can relate
I’ve never considered myself to be all to smart, but recently (this month) I’ve been watching a ton of psych2go videos about intelligent people. The vast majority of the videos’ points correlated to my life and lifestyle. Not to mention, but in the past I had very high academic achievements, and when I didn’t, teachers and professors would tell me that I just needed to apply myself, a few even stating that the application and focus would be all it takes for me, thus I feel as though I am at least pretty intelligent. The points of this video specifically apply well, as it was a conversation I’ve had with a lot of people for a couple of years, and why I’m so uninterested in dating. I’m glad for videos like these that I can relate to, because it seems as though most people don’t relate to me, not because I consider myself to be better or even smarter than others, but simply because I have different ideas, goals, preferences, perspectives, and needs. Thank you Psych2Go.
Whoever read this (that’s you, reader), You are the GOAT, and I hope you have a great day.
Amazing! So relevant and helpful, I'm this intelligent geeky person who analyses every little thing in detail & have been taking so long to just act on my feelings and make a move on the girl I love. I'll do it now ❤ Thanks for boosting my confidence! 💖
An important point that was missed: As the intelligence gap gets wider, it gets increasingly difficult to *meaningfully* communicate and build any kind of rapport. This isn't just for romance, this is for *any* kind of relationship.
You can still befriend others around common interests, but you might struggle to build a deeper friendship outside of those common interests.
I personally disagree, but I don't wanna discredit your point. I'd say a good example to combat this belief is the loving relationship between pets and man. They may not be able to fully grasp as much, but that doesn't make their love and support any less valuable. Perhaps youre suggesting that if someone finds intellectual stimulation valued in a relationship that it might become a requisite for their personal satisfaction. But I like to think that some people don't mind searching for that joy in other things, or their conversations with other people, and that they can still fully love, and desire to be with someone despite the iq gap. But honestly I have no idea, I'm just shooting ideas in the dark here.
@@christopherthompson5400 Pets are way different their like family members, they give you unconditional love and are emotional good, while people can vary from person to person (of course their is generalization). A pet will always love its owner no matter what as they depend on them.
yeah i 100% agree, one of my friends is not the most intellectually gifted.
Oh my god thank you for putting it in to words
Hello, I see a WoT player here!
Yeah you said it right. It's about all kind of intelligence and especially emotional intelligence I'd say
(Sorry for bad english lol)
I came to the point where I pretty much understands what makes me happy und I can control very firmly the way I act in presence of someone. I mean emotionaly. Showing kindness at all times, and expecting same thing. But as you said, with this gap, it's hard to meaningfully communicate and convect feelings. I feel like that other people usually don't understand how unique and awesome the life is. At least, it's a gift, and it's limited. As so, only knowing that I exist and interact with you, who seem intelligent, makes me happy. I deviated a bit, I'm sorry. Yeah. People usually can't control themselves enough. They might only care about themselves, not intentionally but they don't do anything toward you in particular I think. But this gap is also synonym of misunderstanding. As you try to build strong relationship, they do not appreciate rightly the value of the friendship you're building. You're ending up with some superficial waist.
I'm so sorry for not being comprehensible, I just threw down these words without thinking too much (english is not my mothertongue)
Fortunately, some of them are a bit more able to meaningfully communicate. Just damn thrive lol
Grind
I feel like one key factor you missed is interaction with emotional immaturity. It is really hard for me to connect with someone that does not understand their own emotions or how to communicate without letting their emotions take the better of them. When I communicate with people I expect to be able to discuss my feelings, hear theirs, and then communicate on how to move forward. When it comes to romantic relationships, I have found most get too emotionally invested into a conflict and in doing so never truly figure out a solution to their feelings.
I strongly agree with you. I broke up because of this reason. But I’m the one who emotionally immature. She is good at expressing herself. But I don’t even understand myself to fully express myself and it made her frustrated. So she left. She said she’s okay with us being friends. But I still feel very awkward and now our communication became even more murkier 🥲
That part.
u assuming u smart ?
@@crunchygs8771 It seems quite obvious to me that they’re quite emotionally intelligent? Sure, at first glance talking about yourself like that may be interpreted in a negative light. But, from their comment we can assume that they’re good at setting boundaries and communicating how they feel. Which is honestly more than you can say about most
@@Szystedt did I find the jackpot of intelligent internet speakers, u managed to disagree with me, explain you own thoughts, WITHOUT CALLING ME A DUMBASS OR SMT OML I love you guys
My GOD why is all of the stuff she said so true I understand and go through all of this dang this is why I’m subbed for this stuff thanks for the insight!!!
I'm glad there's concrete proof to why I'm single without it being the fact that I've just got no game, no self confidence, no self appreciation.
There's no doubt that I'll start blaming my intelligence for my problems.
I definitely felt that part about being "whole" from a relationship, as if you're somehow less of a person or complete without one. I feel like a relationship isn't worth it until both people are secure by themselves beforehand, then it's not because you NEED them but because you WANT them around - it's frosting on the cake of life, not the cake itself, so to speak. Dependency is fucked up in a relationship.
Exactly independence from both parties and being secure in where you both are is essential to any working relationship. I think if you start to feel too dependant on your gf/bf then it becomes a problem and you might need time to work things for yourself without them.
I just stay away from relationships as its easy to lose everything cause of it. Especially since the law usually favours women in divorces and other relation disputes
Yin without yang is nothing. It could be the most powerful thing, overcoming all, but without it’s equal, it is still nothing. Something is something because of nothing.
@@hobojofreb5121 I don't get it, are you agreeing or disagreeing? lol
I would disagree.
Codependence in a relationship can be a strong bonding experience as long as two people are compatible.
This goes for emotional dependence too.
The most romantic thing imaginable is two people who can't imagine being without one another, not two individuals who can walk away any moment with no regret.
There is nothing wrong with one partner providing for another, in fact many people prefer it.
Many women like their men to provide for them and many men are happy to be providers - it is simple human instincts that didn't go anywhere just because we invented civilization or became smarter.
Reason 1: *Overthinking*
Reason 2: Independence
Reason 3: Goal Prioritization
Reason 4: High Standards
Reason 5: Thinking with their heads and not their gut.
Reason 6: They’re single by choice
I identified with everything but number 3, the best is that i wasn't using Confirmation Bias.
thank u!!
Thank you 😊
@@Daisukiii me 2
Edit: I mean Me too
I hope both sides of your pillow are cold tonight
Between the content of this video and the comment section, I have never felt more seen! Glad I am not alone.
This is an interesting way of looking at this. Thank you for making this content.
I think one of the things biggest things I have found, is much of society seems to WANT the “polite” lies. They want candy coated platitudes, etc.,while I see it as pointless and harmful. It really blew my mind just how off putting people find my honesty. I also don’t just “want” logical responses and clear communication, I NEED it. In a society that prefers facade over substance, straight forward people can find themselves incredibly isolated, by choice but also by a quiet ostracization.
Man I'm so grateful for what I have. I wish you luck brother inshallah
Yo I have been like this since I was child I also think it’s crazy people can rely on “white lies”. It shouldn’t be a matter of whether to say the truth or not but of HOW to say it, for example if a friend asks you if you think a dress suits them you might say “I don’t really like that dress but if you do go for it”, nothing offensive in that regard even if it might pass off as paternalistic but I’m not going to refine that phrase, another thing is if you say “you look like s*it with that dress” unironically which makes you honest but also an asshole.
The greatest problem I find with lies is that they uselessly complicate things because maybe someone by being “polite” will alter your perception of reality and you can’t really do anything about reality if yours is different from what it truly is and a problem might just grow bigger or an error becoming unknowingly repeated, I don’t think someone asking something is asking for a lie unless otherwise specified and if I had a mildly bothering behavior I would want to know because I don’t want to be annoying.
The other greatest problem and probably even more so is what I call “compliment inflation”. By always being “kind” and not reporting what you truly think out of fear of upsetting someone or wanting them to be happy utilizing “white lies” you’re actually detracting value from those compliments because most people know this social dynamic exists. At the same time while compliments go lower in value because people think about the possibility you might just be kind or just don’t feel them as much as they would otherwise (not like all people behaves the same but it’s stuff I see being talked about so it’s still an unhealthy mechanic that is present), insults and negative feedback bears the same value, because you wouldn’t assume someone was actively trying to hurt you unless they have an history of stuff like that, in which case, wtf are you doing around them? So if they don’t want to deliberately give you negativity just because it means they are being sincere, while if you receive a compliment they might be lying. Such is the great paradox of this social mechanic
Being on dating apps for a while now, I can say without question that I 100% agree with this comment. That last line is a great quote.
Yep, quiet ostracization, you perfectly described my situation
I 100% agree. Most arguments I've had with others was me just seeking clarity in what they're saying instead of relying on implications and they just get angry and assume I'm thinking the worst. Almost as if they forget that certain sentences gain multiple meanings as you get older because they're no longer just casual conversation. They're now social cues describing the current environment and/or sometimes innuendos to communicate sexual interest.
eg. I used to love talking about cats and snakes as a kid, but now as an adult, i need to first get a understanding of the person talking to me before I continue sharing about my different levels of fascinations and be very selective of my choice of words and it's excrutiatingly frustrating. Because i often think i've reached a comfort zone and think i can talk freely and it's not the case. I have to emphasize that i'm talking about owning a pet cat or snake and their behaviors each time just so when the person next to me (who may or not be influenced by the media gallore of overly sexualized content - even in kids shows now) doesn't think i'm having a weird bisexual fetish and am trying to cue them in. (i'm not even bi)
I literally skipped the D&D phase in my teens for this reason. Cant have a Snake Tamer Druid with a contract to a Drake Basilisk (giant petrifying snake) and be yelling at the dungeon boss "I got a huge snake and i'm not afraid to use it!" for reasons I'm sure men will understand quicker than the women. Only close friends would probably enjoy the joke, while everyone else reads too much into it and suspect im into "dungeons" and "dragon toys".
I suppose what didn't help is where I lived, where the bottom line of the culture was tellng their sons they're not men if they're still virgins... at 11 years of age. And us girls had to deal with that by building a fortress of standards as a boundary or conform to being a "proper girlfriend" to someones little prince. Again, at 11. The standards get more flexible as we get older, which is logical, because we mature and you're not of legal marital age until 17-21 depending on your state. But still. The constant "How dare you not comply with my need for fornicating pleasures." attutude I got for most of my life has been extremely offputting. Being an adult trying to find connection with another adult doesn't make it any easier. Because as the video stated, most adults now are extremely impatient. They believe that because were both adults capable of making big decisions we should be more than ready to couple because there's nothing legally stopping us from doing so... But making rash decisions based on a fleeting tingling feeling we got when we met eachother is exactly how we wound up arguing about abortion in the first place. I'm not here to discuss the complexity of the topic revolving unwanted fetuses. But i will state that i don't want to bother risking one based on a tingle as oppose to whether or not I feel invested in a person.
It is strange and quite the paradox: highly intelligent people seems to be better prepared to have a healthy relationship. All theses points can be easily trade by "6 reasons why you are in good shape for a healthy relationship". The point is: most people don't take these point to the heart. Sure, "high standards" can be good or bad. Good if you focus on core values, now if you are picky and every detail needs to be exactly as you picture, than it is a problem.
I totally agree with you.
I agree with you too.
Unfortunately, the point in high standards is to qualify pickiness as discerning. From a certain point of view, only a lush will buy anything they can afford.
Yeah I completely agree with this
I am on agreement with this, good source of statement.
Smack, this is me. The feeling out of control element is also a big thing. Adding a relationship to your life and to your checklist of things to invest in puts a huge unknown factor in an individual’s life, and we really hate feeling uncertainty about anything.
Currently saw a Leebit in the 'Single by choice ' part which I relate a lot, so nice to meet you STAY 💚💙
relatable. it's good to see another stay here.
I am not sure if I would call myself "highly intelligent" but dang did this hit every nail on how I go about relationships.
Same, I can relate with at least 3 of the 6 reasons. I don't know if I am highly intelligent, never tested my brain lol. But I like to spend a lot of time alone because I can't talk with most of my friends about topics I find interesting, same with my dates. It's frustrating to struggle with finding people with a similar brain and interests, and I think that's the key problem why intelligent people is single or engage themselves less in relationships.
Maybe you’re a logical person. I think people who lean toward logic more than feeling would definitely resonate with most of these.
@@tulipmars This. I think this video is more about being a logic/rational person than being very intelligent, although if you are very rational there is a good chance you are also quite intelligent.
Same
This
Speaking from personal experience, an important thing that is missing here is that Highly intelligent people are actually also highly sensitive. In the dutch academic world they find more and more causality between the two. Their curiosity and drive to see things through comes from their strong emotions. The curiosity part comes from a positive one and learning new things makes them happy. However because they set such high standards not just for others but also and maybe even especially for themselves, seeing things through and completing their tasks is their attempt to meet the impossible standards they set for themselves. The sad truth is that they will always fail because they could have done things faster and more efficient. They will say things to themselves like: "you finally get it." or "you moron why did it take you so long to learn such a simple thing?".This gives them incredible low self esteem. So having a love relationship with others is indeed difficult for highly intelligent people. But having a love relationship with themselves is sometimes even more challenging.
so true!!
I like this cmt. You say lots of right things about setting standards for that other person and me. How this suffering of mine will come to an end? Idk…
@@breadcrumb2893 one thing that might help is giving yourself compliments and say them out loud.
Not just with the difficult tasks but also with the simple ones like cleaning the toilet. Everytime, when i have cleaned the toilet I say "well done" to myself. I know this sounds incredibly childish, but hearing a compliment about my work does trigger a positive thought in my brain about myself, thus releasing a positive feeling about myself. In other words you have to consciously decide to feel good about your work. Give it a try. Being highly sensitive also means you have a good sense of self reflection. Giving yourself compliments will be easier than you think. ;)
"You finally did it" and "why did it take you this long" hit too close to home, ouch
This comment rings so true I copied and pasted it for later : )
This video really makes me feel better. I've never been able to find love because all people do is react to their emotions and then they realize it doesn't work out, so there are violent storms in the couple and they break up bad, and it's just nonsense to me. Like this video said: I need to "analyse" the situation before progressing and it feels right. But NOBODY gets it.
If only people could just take a step back from their emotions and have a serious talk before engaging in emotions. If people were like: "oh, you love staying at home all the time? I love to go out all the time. This is either gonna be impossible between us or we will have to be very aware of each others needs. What do we do?" it would prevent so many fights and miscommunication. But no, people just go kiss and figure out this stuff too late and be sad; if you dare think before the emotions, you're labeled as weird, stuck, obsessive, or other stupid names...
Thank you for this video, I feel less alone in this world.
This!! That is me.
Wow. This happened to me recently. Me and a girl I've known for years have been really serious about each other, but we're both broken souls who have been hurt too many times, and neither of us can afford another mistake. I wanted to plan everything, to make sure we had a happy future together, to make sure we were both ready, and right for each other, and that our individual traumas and toxic traits wouldn't tear us apart and ruin our lives. I wanted to focus on personal growth, and helping her to heal, while making sure that we were truly right for each other, before making our relationship official... But she took that as me losing interest and not wanting to be with her anymore, so she backed away. I had all the best intentions, but she said we could've just got together and figured out all those details as we went along, like it would've just worked out, but I thought that was too much of a risk, and I was thinking of her happiness as much as my own...
I was lol'ing at this video so hard. It perfectly describes how my husband and I approached dating! We're both super analytical and independent and never found someone interesting enough to date before meeting each other. The passion for each other followed though, so being thoughtful didn't stop romance. It just put the lovey-doveyness on hold until we both felt we had gathered enough information to determine we would be a good match for each other.
That’s actually an adorable story in its own way. Thank you for sharing!
You are very lucky. I’m like that, but most everyone else isn’t. I like to know a person before I jump in the sack, but by that time, I’ve slid off into the, “Like a brother”, zone.
@@alphagt62 It might just be that you just haven't found the right person, not that there's anything wrong with you. My husband and I didn't sleep together until after we got married. There's no guarentee that starting with casual sex will turn into something more meaningful. If you and a potential dating partner don't have the same perspectives on sex, that might point to being incompatible long-term.
hello everything I've ever wanted-- that's the cutest thing I've ever heard
I hope I can meet a person like that in the future because I will consider my future relationship to be a lifetime thing and not just a long relationship, I want to communicate with them properly, solve problems together, and get to know each other so meeting the same person with the same mindset as me will be great and reassuring.
I would also add. "They are power imbalanced". Being self sufficient and capable makes it very hard to find someone with equal influence. It is easy to feel exploited if you are always giving in a relationship and never need to ask for anything in return.
I suspect it's not all rainbows and unicorns for the other one either.
My ex-wife had never lived on her own, while I was just this side of "free range parented" I'd been an officer in the Army and graduated with dual degrees from a top 50 university.
Pretty big power imbalance.
She wanted to be a SAHM and I had the means to make that a reality.
Well, I thought I did.
Turns out, she self-medicated with retail therapy and never having had to meet a budget, etc (mom and dad paid for everything) she was both unaware and dependent.
So yeah, a pretty big power imbalance.
When she failed to follow multiple budgets we mutually agreed upon, it came down to spend less or go to work.
She chose work and eventually an affair.
I'm sure much of it was taking some power of her own.
Instead of using her words and having a discussion with me about how she felt or what she wanted, she just acted out.
My mistake. I chose more wisely the 2nd go around. Someone who brought more power of her own to the table.
She will freely admit I'm the higher IQ person. She's the higher EQ partner. We make it work and both leverage our relative strengths to make for a great relationship.
Power imbalance is a serious issue that we seldom consider.
YES OMG. this is how I’m feeling right now with my best friend. Not sure if I’m overthinking it but I feel like she needs me to do everything thing for her. There’s only so much I can do for another person before I get tired of continually servicing them. I feel like this in a lot of my relationships with friends and even with siblings. Like why am I always the one who’s thinking and planning for the the both of us? Why I am being considerate of you all the time , while you get to run around all brainless and free because you know I’m gonna be responsible for everything. One thing that keeps me from jumping into dating relates directly to this. I need someone who is self sufficient and not so dependent on me. I would like to feel taken care of for a change. I’m tired of feeling like a servant or like I’m babysitting. This is a requirement.
Quite true, not just romantic relationship. People tend to rely everything on you, feeling secured because you are next to them, and in the process, making them lazier to suffice themselves. That passiveness is annoying and exhausting.
Idk if it's just me but I even feel uncomfortable to need someone else
Being self sufficient and capable is not a reliable indicator of intelligence.
I didn't expect that I could relate so much to this video. I'm glad that I'm not the only person who thinks along these lines.
You actually solved mystery about me so thanks a lot . Love the content
In my opinion, highly intelligent people usually feel secure physically and emotionally on their own. There is no one around them who’s making their lives complicated. They can make any kind of decision without putting someone’s feelings into consideration. They are already comfortable with who they are, with what they have, and with where they are. They don’t need someone else to make their lives complete. This makes them not really good at socializing, that's why it's hard for them in finding lover.
When I was at school I was deemed a genius I was often asked "how do you come up with this type of stuff?", "how do you know things before the teacher explains them?" or straight up told "I perfectly understand it now that you explained it, but I would never come up with something like this, let alone in a test!", "you're not human!", people respected and recognized my intelligence because they could see I was the best in the class with no effort and they liked me because I helped others and was a good teacher.
Coming out of school/college everyone is suddenly convinced that they know the truth about everything and I have the wrong opinion, especially feminist women.
Agree 💯%
@@kirito3082 you're not as smart as you've been led to believe if you have a problem with feminism my guy.
@@monopolizedopamine Feminists are bad partners because they are too dumb to tell friend from foe, every feminist I've met in my relationships or career turned against against men who helped them because of petty and verifiably false reasons created by their own victim mentality, and then they went on to social media to complain that they earn less.
@@monopolizedopamine Also, I wasn't led to believe anything, I have verifiable accomplishments that I don't need to mention because I have no need to dox myself.
I was in a relationship with a highly intelligent person, and this is really relatable. I asked them out and it took them 3 months to finally make up their mind, and throughout the relationship they focused on solving our problems rather than building a deep emotional connection with me. I was extremely insecure and clingy at that time, and they knew what they want which means that they don’t want to be relied on and attached by me. We finally parted ways as they realised that he couldn’t give me what I want and I couldn’t keep up to their standards. It was quite a painful experience, but on the good side we had lots of in-depth conversations of various topics and they had an incredible sense of humour, which gave me lots of good memories. I still regret that I didn’t understand them at that time, but they surely taught me a lesson and it enables me to move on and cherish my current relationship.
edit: i didn’t expect any discussion over this comment so it surprised me a bit haha
i was a young, insecure person when i was dating them and i didn’t know what i want in my life. all i valued back then was someone who listens to all my problems and gives me the affirmation and attention i wanted. i understand that he wanted to help me but i didn’t back then. i didn’t blame them for wanting to solve the problem and i know this is the practical solution, but i had a huge emotional need which they failed to give (which, by all means, isn’t their fault at all!)
also the use of they/them pronouns is just a habit that i developed when i hanged out with a gender neutral friend. i’m not a native english speaker too so please forgive me if i’ve made any grammatical mistakes 🙏
:") that's sweet. It works out, it sucks but we realize what we need to improve on. And maybe what we need. I like that
Ah. this is so sweet.
i love this interpretation. thank you for sharing
I’ve been on the other end of this so many times relationship wise. I just hope that the people I had to break up with are ok. I didn’t want them to feel hurt or bad, I’m just a bit of an atypical person to date…
Wow impressive
You not only talked good about your ex, what is very rare, you also reflect your and his/her actions and thanked him for the lesson while making it clear that your over him.
Wow this explains how I feel 100% I want to first finish college and get a job before getting into a relationship and also I enjoy my freedom and alone time SO MUCH and I'm scared of losing it. Great video btw!
That “finishing other tasks” and not feeling like I need a partner, and overthinking felt so close to home. I want love but I want someone I can live with like a friend.
Personally being at least fairly intelligent, my struggle has never really been finding relationships or people I was attracted to, but finding a relationship actually worth anything when I could tell months in advance things were failing and still couldn't do anything about it. In other words, finding the right person feels damn near impossible.
I am in a relation, and everything is going great, except for the fact that I have known for months that she isn't the right person. I have trouble with communicating that, because the relation is going great and she has done nothing wrong in the slightest and I don't want to make her feel like she did. Just hard to tell someone you have taken an objective and rational look at the relation, and have come to the conclusion there is no logical reason to continue it anymore.
@@sandervandeneynden253 I would say logically, if you don't see a reason to continue romantically, but you won't exactly be on the market for a new SO, using a relationship as a support system can still be a good way to avoid falling off socially or run into career burnout
"when I could tell months in advance things were failing"
I relate SO SO SO hard. So many times I could sense the instant there was a shift in the other person but when I was younger I wasn't as good at putting it to words, so I had to suffer through it in a sense until things played out and really did go south.
Depending on your age say your still in high school hypothetically it doesn’t matter if you know it’s gonna last at most a month ask him/her out anyways because who cares but if your an adult yea good luck
My most recent affair was like that. During the Summer we got along famous! Enjoyed going and doing things together. But as soon as Winter set in, and we were confined to watching movies on tv, it didn’t take a few days for me to see she was flat out insane! I didn’t break it off., but I knew our romance was doomed. And sure enough, as predicted, I didn’t hear from her for 48 hours, and she had married her ex, right out of the blue. I guess it hurt, but, I knew it was going to happen, long before, and was glad she was gone for the most part. As the old saying goes, better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.
A year or more later she called me. Said she was doing well, and was I still mad at her. I told her I would always cherish the time we spent together. She asked if she could stop by, and I said no. I see couples break up and get back time and time again, I just can’t do that. Once it’s over, there is no going back.
To me, as the thoughtful, analytical type, the most romantic thing someone could say is not “I need you” or “You complete me” but the accurate, straightforward and honest, “I really want you in my life.”
I would fall in love with someone if they say that to me
@@kenzieb5800 I hope you find someone that makes you want to say that and who will say that to you.
I’m not sure that’s the best idea, that exact idea turned my last relationship toxic and codependent.
@@andrearomero3226 which idea? If you mean saying “I need you” leads to codependency then I totally agree. If you’re referring to someone saying “I want you” then I am a little confused. Can you explain?
Sure, I meant the “I need you” “You complete me” “can’t libe without you” etc. At least for me, these words created a toxic codependency to my last boyfriend which I’m still struggling with today. I think for me it’s more important to let the person know you love them and care about them without convincing yourself that you NEED them to continue existing.
I wonder how many other people were thinking about what was being said and then had a thought that was instantly repeated in the video. 😂
Wow! You literally explained to me the reason why I'm struggling now with this!!!! Tyyyyyy
Being in a relationship with another highly intelligent person is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me love wise.
then you better not F it up
Same, it makes it a lot easier to understand each other
The problem with me and relationships in general is that other than high standards and making what's better for my own life as the main goal
I don't trust people, no matter how loyal someone looks to be, i'm always expecting betrayal/cheating and i never even went into an actual relationship to think like that or anything
It's just that literally 99% of the internet apparently had awful "love" stories that ended in shit
@@Zerorenren4761 not to trust, is not equal to intelligence? Of course a lot of people cheat. But mostly it is a form of either stupidity/impulsiveness (not a part of intelligence..) or lack of interest in the relationship - already half way out.
The video, and I concur, states that the intelligent person does not deeply invest in the other person, as to which if someone is prone or chooses to cheat - the intelligent person does not care/mind that. The other person did not want/like or need the relationship anymore, hence the intelligent person does not care that much.
Of course it hurts to have been cheated, though it is lack of truthfulness or communication from the other part that is the cause for the deed
@@Fuck9oogleAskMe I never sair that i was inteligent i just watched the video because i was bored (and because it got relatable to a certain extent, also i think that calling anyone with the things mentioned in the video "Inteligent" is stupid)
"Struggling" to find love implies actually looking for romance and feeling like one's life isn't complete without it. A lot of people (myself included) simply don't prioritize having a romantic relationship. It's sort of like "if it happens, I'll give it a chance but I don't feel the need to be working towards it."
Same, wouldn't call myself smart though, but it's scary how accurate I felt this was for me atleast :D
If something comes up that peaks my interest i'll give it a go as well!
@@Zesserie I've also found a great response for when people are pestering you about not having / looking for a relationship: "Love is a lot like a fart: if you have to force it to happen, it's gonna be shit."
@@Senki207 I hate that I kind of laughed at that. I do agree with it though
@@DazsdWTP I laughed out loud when I first read it. It's very accurate, though
@Preston Hunt The video is about finding love, not having sex.
Definitely relate to all the points mentioned and a few strewn qithing the comments.
At some point my best friend mentioned to me that I turn down certain opportunities when it came to potential relationships and even job offers. Refering to my high standards which at the start I didn't see as demanding at first and had to think on it for a while before realising that they might be unrealistic with an almost impossible chance of all of all them being met 😅.
Just made me rethink overall what really is important.
I feel so called out 😅😅😅 especially the being at peace with yourself, leading by logic rather than the gut & the analyze before considering making a move.
As an overthinker and overanalyzer I found out the best strategy is to reject the typical flow of love (meeting someone and then get to know) and go straight for just have friends. Then feelings can come from a person you already know, accept and like to hang out with.
I think the same! It flows easier and more naturally when you already connect mentally or emotionally with that person.
I definitely agree it took me being friends with a person for 10 years before I took the step to go beyond that. By that point we already knew we liked to hangout, were compatible and shared an incredibly strong connection
I’ve friendzoned many unattractive or much older guys like that😬 Still gonna die alone tho most prob…
Same
I don’t even consider having close relationships even if it’s with a friend. I keep friends at a distance and never get closer. It makes everything not complicated
I suffered so much being in the friend zone by a friend
did i just see leebit on the shelf at 4:38...
I can't believe that I found a video that describes my life perfectly, literally every aspect of the video talks about my life in detail, I thought I'm the only one like this and I was starting to have an existential crisis, thank you for this video, it really means alot
although I did find love and planning to get married in the next 4 years, but still the thoughts in my head and the "prioritize goals" and "over thinking if i should make a move" is too accurate for me.
The situation at 1:21 is exactly what happened to me on a first date lol. Sitting on a bank for hours, constantly thinking how to make a move or if I even should most likely made me overlook the signs she gave, I also wasn't really able to listen to her because my thoughts disctracted me too much.
I'm so glad I realized this. Now I try to focus more on what the other part does or says and not the voices of insecurity in my head.
Perfectly describes my gf. At times it was hard to understand her. I’m more clingy and needy type, so I felt hurt on many occasions. But she always assured her love for me while she puts her dreams on priority. I decided to just be supportive and giving her everything I can because I love her so much.
You sound like a very supportive partner and your gf definitely communicated well to you.
Support is the best thing you can give her. I always tend to put my dreams and goals on priority as well, but unfortunately, some of the people I have been with simply do not understand this. It is very easy to hurt someone because they think you do not care about them, but this couldn't be further from the truth. This is especially true for women as society does not see us as hard workers/over-achievers. But some women are just wired this way and there is not much we can do about it. Getting to meet someone who accepts this wholeheartedly is hard but worthwhile. I'm sure your support is highly valuable to her, she is lucky to have someone like you by her side.
I'm in the same situation as you. Thanks. I needed this.
Definitely do not forget yourself and your own wellbeing. I was like this in my previous relationship, ended up taking it too far and mentally drained myself to the point of needing therapy (didnt really help my ex-gf had toxic person disorder but alass). While supportiveness is an amazing trait you definitely should cherish: Do. Not. Forget. You're. A. Person. With. Needs. That. Need. To. Get. Respected. Too.
Things in a relationship should be balanced, as all things should be. You deserve to be with someone that gives you the attention you need and vice versa. Watch out for yerself, lad.
@@Psych2go I don't feel loved.
“Should I make a move? Are they just being friendly?” Got me!
Very legitimate concern. If I misread someone who's just being friendly, I'm in for an awkward situation.
@@noneofyourbusiness4830 exactly
@@noneofyourbusiness4830 heres the thing though, you will never ever really know, untill you ask. And if you ask and its awkward, at least you know the truth. If you never ask because you fear it will be awkward (which is short last anyway) you will never know and have the possibility to progress. Try to think that they might actually say "yes" :).
These days where a woman can easily accuse a man of sexual harassment with no reason you have to be careful
these all sound like me except #5. I definitely need my intuition to be aligned with my head ("Wise Mind"). When it's not, I either feel abundant anxiety, or indifference. That's a sign in itself
Actually I don't consider myself as a highly intelligent person, but I still can relate to the most of the issues you mentioned in the video. Overthinking takes a huge part in causing troubles in relationships. Last summer I've got a crush on a guy and insted of thinking 'okay, so I've got a crush' I started to analise WHY EXCACTLY I've got a crush and what should I do about it. Now when I think about it, it seems hilarious but also helped me a lot in understanding my emotions. And the part about being afraid of losing independence hits really hard.
Asking why, is apparently a massive part of intelligence, it's wild that something so basic is intelligent. I don't hold much merit in IQ test, but it is a measure of it, but take one, to mess around and find out. Because I think you'll find your smarter than you think. The scary thing about intelligence is knowing how much you don't know, and the more you know, the more you don't know. Because you are always asking questions. Cos I was blown away by how big that test number was, and I was like, hold up, lies, I'm a fool, this can't be accurate.
So I went to my friends (which I like chilling with people that I can see intelligence in), and they are like, no Nick, you are a genius, you just need to apply yourself more.
Usually intelligent people don't think that they are intelligent...Daning Krueger effect :D
@@simiktek Not as common as usually.
Inspired by a Greek philosopher I assume? 😉
You can be intelligent in different ways. I mean you don’t have to be obsessed with math or science, or be super smart. You can be smart in your own way. I feel that I have high intellect but may lack some common sense. Some people just different.
My problem is as many have described here - I have a litany of expectations.
I want my partner to be emotionally mature (understand their feelings).
I want my partner to be straightforward with their goals (don't "beat around the bush").
I want a relationship that has clear intent. Let's not vaguely talk about the purpose of why we like each other and our future. Let's push forward as a unified front and make each other more alive and productive. That, to me, is a good relationship :)
Damn we're the same :(
Nothing wrong with that.
I don't think that's irrealistic
Unfortunately, very few are like that who are in the dating pool...
Yeah, there has to be a goal to it. It has to be something like "We're together to have children and we'll raise them in a way that we agree upon beforehand"
I definitely relate to some of this stuff. I will say, I often feel I don't overthink about "why do I feel this way", I more overthink "does she feel the same way". And that's worse for me because that's hard to gauge, especially when I'm always overthinking.
Thank you for describing me so clearly!
Don't forget that the people we are interested in usually get "taken" by someone more forward/bold than us because the fear of the consequences of rejection and ruining a good relationship (friendship wise) can also cause MASSIVE anxiety
Exactly 🙈
Goodness you just read my soul
Nailed it.
you consider yourself higly intelligent?
WTF this just felt so personal to me rn
Took me until 24 for my first serious relationship. Now two years and going strong!
There was another comment here that actually lists point 7 really well: they don't meet many people in casual social settings, since they see less value in them - therefore less potential partners.
My problem was also point 1, but my gf was tenacious enough to overcome me 🤩
You give me hope! I’m 20 and lately I’ve been feeling that I need to be in a relationship. But, at the same time I want to develop myself and become independent. I think I will have to be patient for now. I wish you the best for your relationship!
@@vaidik03 yes, go for it, naturally, calmly
Could you elaborate on "[your] gf was tenacious enough to overcome [you]"?
@@dvegan314 It's mostly a combination of her initiating contact(in contrast to previous women) and her pushing through my seasonal depression induced reclusion. During our 3rd/4th week of dating i was difficult to get ahold of, but she didn't give up. I recommend not doing the same reclusion. Not healthy. I should've gone to therapy for many other symptoms of depression and a girlfriend is not a cure no matter how great the relationship is. But I'm better at giving advice than following it😉
@@trillionbones89 I am the one who never fell in love so easily, thinking I'm surrounded by immature ppl who can't understand my deeper expectations from a future committed relationship
Also I'm introvert , so I don't like dating some random person wo emotional maturity just based on looks, I am not that materialistic
But Somehow I did Fell for one of my classmates, Maybe he passed the test of 'great conscience, maturity and good vibes and was also good looking', even my parents knew him, but LoL , I understood very late that he isn't interested in 'COMMITMENT', And Even I failed to make him believe in it
So, I am Single ,and haven't found a person like him 'WHO MUST ALSO BELIEVE IN COMMITMENT ' till date 🤣🤣🤣
And Am Fearful of dating now lol🥲
this video completely describes me. I've learned programming, and turned it into a job, rather than finding love, and now when I've got a job, I've been more interested in at least trying to find the one to fit into my life, not the one that can complete anything, because my life feels complete. I do have high standards too, but I've experienced being intetested in girls that doesn't match my standards, but guess what? they're completely gone from my life
Highly intelligent people suffer with love ≠ People who suffer with love are intelligent.
Just a reminder.....
Can definitely relate to this on another level. Especially, the part about being single by choice. There are times where you do feel that the presence of someone in your life will make your life better; but in reality you exactly know how you can keep yourself happy.
I met someone. Not all that attractive, but nice. I immediately had my boundaries pushed. It felt like I was dealing with a naughty child. I decided I would rather be single than be with her after the fifth date.
Is it only about happiness? Are lovers always happy don't think so media made up all this stuffs not sure
@@mr.giraffe7076 I felt the same being around a toxic partner and it was my first relationship as well so that made me think about staying single for ever XD
@@chahinezwasmou8670
The need for romantic love is real. You can live without it, but there is something within you that wants to share some affection with someone. And in a healthy romantic relationship, it’s kinda hard to feel lonely when there is someone who gets you and gives you the desired affection.
By exterminating the human species? Because really not much else is going to do it for me.
Frankly, I'm not even sure I would be able to handle a relationship right now. I'm going through college, I'm introverted and shut-in because of my own self-loathing, and I just feel empty for most of the time. I don't want someone to have to have that experience in their life and I don't want to burden myself with that when I am currently in no mental condition to maintain something like that along with despising myself. Really, though, I'm lonely and feel detached from society, and I can't seem to make friends because of my inability to have clear, concise communication skills with others which is amplified from my ASD. If anyone reads this, I appreciate your time.
Everyone wants something from a relationship, be that love, care or the the acknowledgement that someone is thinking about you. The thing if you want to have any of these or something else you also have to provide something they want from it, do you think that you are capable of doing that? Ask that to yourself.
Self-loathing, feeling empty, alone laying on your bed doom scrolling on your device to find something that doesn't exist.
Looking for situation for your brain, how long you plan on doing this, one hour? one day? one week? One month? One Year? How long? Ask yourself.
I know that me, a random person on internet saying this will not change your condition, only you can change yourself but do you want to? And if you think that you aren't capable of changing things, then ask for help, don't be afraid to ask for things thinking what others will think of you or are you even allowed to ask. Just ask as many times as you can, someone will help and help you.
Don't take too much time thinking about asking and just ask, it might not result like you wish but you will get useful information out of it.
Take care and have a good day.
@@Zephyrus0 good comments this
I’m in such a similar position, it’s tough!! I honestly think it shows a level of strength some never have though, hopefully you can reframe the perspective in that way somewhat and I hope we can both find more connection
Same except having ASD, even if I met the "ideal match" I have in my head they d probably hate me given how stupid I am these days. I am just a shell of my former self at this point, I wish I could go back to high school when my brain actually worked properly and I wasnt anywhere near failing my classes....I have a few friends though
@@edi0157 I feel u. Being out of hs my attention span has dropped so much
This sounds too much like me, except for the getting things done part, due to my ADHD. I over-analyse to the point of not committing to anything, because it feels too enormous to tackle. Walked away from many relationships due to this, but I am highly independent and love to be by myself, and I value independence in my partner too. It feels like its a curse, and a blessing in other aspects that is not a relationship.
This video and even so many of the comments are descriptions of my exact mindset
I consider myself as an overthinking person. Many times I have a hard time sleeping because I stay up all night thinking about every single action that may affect me or my relationships. In my opinion, you nailed it. I also relate a lot to having high standards, it's really hard to find someone that can make me want to be with them all the time. Amazing video!
Hey just thought I would reply to say if you find it hard to stop thinking when you go to bed try writing down what you’re thinking of. I do it when I have a lot on my mind and it helps me not think about it when going to sleep
When there is nothing but me to think about it, all it's fine. As soon as some woman catches my interest, everything in my mind is set on fire and barely can sleep thinking how I should had done differently last time I saw her
HELL NUSH BRO gojo_kun
gojo_kun
hace 1 día
I consider myself as an overthinking person. Many times I have a hard time sleeping because I stay up all night thinking about every single action that may affect me or my relationships. In my opinion, you nailed it. I also relate a lot to having high standards, it's really hard to find someone that can make me want to be with them all the time. Amazing video!
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Same one action keeps me up for so long.
@@jackmccabeorganist849 thanks👌💛
Do you watch anime? Comment below. Super curious.
I do
Edit: can this get 100 likes?
Another edit: OMG THANK YOU GUYS I GOT PAST 100!
no
YEP!!! obey me and jojo
i do
Yes
I can relate to this. I think my turning point was looking at relationships in a statistical point of view from my own reference. The analysis is all fuzzy with standard deviations (predictive and educated guesses with continuous re-evaluations). A useful hypothesis is there are lots of people out there that are suitable for relationships with you based on whatever purpose you are intending to satisfy (there is no law of the 'one'). You don't engage in relationships without a purpose (which can be for just simple things like enjoyment or companionship... or perhaps for family with reproductive success). Different levels of investments as 'acceptable losses' are factors and it's not the same for every purpose (it's not a 'one size fits all'). It's not a 'do this' and you 'get that'. It's a 'do this' and measure what 'that' is and if 'that' includes 'acceptable loss' to achieve your intended purpose (or strays into 'unacceptable losses'). The level of exhaustion a partner introduces is a factor as well (is it sustainable). Generally, a lot of 'high maintenance' is going to be a problem unless it's your own children (not a wife or girlfriend... as you factor in a higher level of maintenance for your kids, not your mate... a good rule of thumb per se). You have to have clearly defined 'healthy boundaries' and be ready to defend them (as you can find yourself revisiting the same struggles with her over 'boundaries'... perhaps initially underestimating the level of exhaustion she introduces and you need to run the numbers again on her). You make estimates and best projections about people you elect to invite into your life... adjust over time... and ensure that relationship stays within an acceptable margin of losses you're willing to take on AND you're still on target for the primary purpose of said relationship.
You're not looking for 'perfect'... you're looking for 'acceptable' within parameters and account for expected deviation. That means you have lots of potential mates to consider over your lifetime as that aligns to your purpose at that stage of life.
All said, you just ignore people who are up front with 'unacceptable losses' they expect you to accept (that filters through all the trash people in real life possibly complaining on UA-cam or Tiktok looking to 'win the lottery' in dating). Note: another way to avoid exhaustion from ladies well outside of 'acceptable losses' you may be willing to entertain.
I will say that I am a 'talker' and I can strike up a conversation with anybody. I sometimes find myself more interested in 'finding that topic' to spur the exchange rather than the topic itself. So I will engage in small talk and wit and perhaps charm to 'break the tension' just to entertain myself and perhaps make a new friend (very friendly... but I don't go down the rabbit hole on deep topics with people not in my inner circle... perhaps analogous to not talking about politics and religion over a family dinner).
And I'm a father these days and it's not my 'first rodeo' on this topic... but a fairly dispassionate take on the subject.
Quite sad but I completely agree. Also want to say your voice is so soothing and pleasant to hear.
I felt so described here and I like that some people will watch this and understand why we just don’t jump into relationships like kids jumping from puddle to puddle
I never had one and all what I read here 100% describes my feelings. Its kind of scary but makes all sense. The only thing I question if I am "highly intelligent" xD
@@TheH1st0ry hahah feel the same way!
r/iamverysmart
I don't consider myself a genius and I don't usually trust UA-cam channels I've only seen on video of, where the title starts with "6 reasons why..." But dang. Spot on.
ya. seriously, the sheer amount of time a relationship takes away is HUGE. Why jump to one if it ain't worth that time?
4:31 Leebit from SKZOO! I mean, that rabbit on the left shelf, I sure wasn't expecting that one 🤣 I love your references
Concerning the video, the funny thing is that I usually can't relate to videos like "5 signs you're a highly intelligent person" that much, but this video specifically makes me truly highly intelligent 😂
I noticed it too HAHAHAHAH
Me too HAHAH
ME TOO!!!
I ALSO NOTICED THAT I WAS LIKE OMG THIS MUST BE LEEBIT
Psych2go summoned the whole fandom lmao
Finally!! I can express with words what I was complaining with!! THANK YOU
Ngl I could fall asleep to these videos. The voice is just so, SO soothing.
I mean this as a compliment btw
I’m especially guilty of overthinking every social situation I’ve ever been in. Being a perfectionist too, I always nitpick every detail and every word spoken and I always find something to worry about because I always think I mess up in every conversation I have
I’m that way too, I always feel like maybe I said something wrong because I tend to over analyze people’s responses to me, but I found that the problem is within myself, and my own insecurities, I’ve had to work on that, to somewhat fix or at least diminish the overthinking.
Omg people like me exist haha
Wait. I commented 3 months ago and my yt name is Ryan? Since when??
That is 100 percent me too!
I am such a perfectionist and oberthinker that i often struggle to talk full sentences without some sort of stutter when i mix 2 words. I think of one word, but decide to use an other similar word eben though i did not finish the word before. I try to say perfect sentences but fail because i change and mix words to often. Then i stutter and cant keep my calm which makes it worse.
@@alexanderjanke1538exactly the same here, I think about 10 variants of a sentence and then when actually saying it out loud, I mix everything up...
@@jarnoojasaar Kinda nice to hear that others struggle with the same things haha
And in the end the sentence does not make sence and you need to add more words to make it make sence..
Wow I hate even writing about it
#1 is the biggest problem for me. I always get stuck in my head and overthink things. It really messed up a lot of potential relationships. And I'm not posting this to try to make myself seem highly intelligent lol I can just really relate to that one
Same here
You're not alone bro...
@@KBQuick81 although I'm glad I'm not alone I hate to hear that other people are going through the same thing
@@ilyasovich sorry to hear that. keep your head up.
Same
I relate to a lot of these things. It takes me an extremely long time to make the first move, because I‘m constantly analyzing their behavior and if just one thing speaks against them having feelings for me, I won‘t do anything.
I relate to this video more than most oddly enough. I never though of my methods of processing love and relationships as something "highly intelligent". I wish I could say more about my love life, but it's more practical than anything worth mentioning. I struggle because of the reasons in this video to a T, but at least I am not alone in this. Honestly it's a little bittersweet hearing it because at the end of the day I will always love myself. But not knowing the unknown, and what my future holds, makes it harder to hope to find love if love is uncertain and always comes and goes for me.
I’m an INFJ and yet I relate so much to this, along with past experiences. Love doesn’t really sound great, especially when everyone in this world seems to hurt rather then love others
I struggle with these letters. Sometimes I'm INTP, sometimes INTJ... to me, that scale isn't very accurate of what your personality is..
What is infj
@@jpraise6771 an mbti personality type. I think it's Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling(as opposed to thinking), and Judging. I'm a steady INTP, Introverted iNtuitive, Thinking, Perceiving, but personality traits do sometimes shift as you mature and depending on your mood. Something cool to me is that INTP seems to be a detective type, since Sherlock Holmes and Edogawa Ranpo are both INTP types. You should look up the test, it's always fun to retake for me!
@@ayuumorienjoyer5913 wow.....no offense but ua-cam.com/video/Lrr_VVtyUA8/v-deo.html
@@NietonoNoShana243 I mean it’s just letters. It’s literally impossible for a label to sum up your entire, unique personality. I may be an INFJ, but I’m likely very different from the guy above
Many of those traits are present within my girlfriend, so I wondered how and why she acted in those ways sometimes. She has a high IQ and studies for a PhD. Eventually, I realised that she’s simply more logical than most when it comes to love, and that her calculated decisions aren’t anything personal!
Once you realise that, being around a highly-intelligent person is actually one of the most refreshing things intellectually that are out there.
Edit: There is more to intelligence than just a high IQ. There is emotional intelligence, social intelligence, and many other forms. She doesn’t lack in those areas either, however IQ does quantify “logical” intelligence, which is what I was referring to.
Mad respect for your approach to this video. I suspect if you approach her this way you're probably pretty intelligent yourself. Probably just not what Meyers Briggs calls the INTJ personality type which I suspect is what this video is describing. It certainly correlates with intelligence quite a bit but doesn't have a monopoly on it.
education is not intelligence
@@ewrwrasggre4151he literally said she has a high iq
Same with my partner but she is stupid
If women are more educated and successful than you. Good odds she will grow to despise and leave you. Heads up.
Points 2 and 6 resonates the most with me
I’m intelligent, but not naturally. I’ve had to work (as am still working) on my maths and physics as I want to get into aerospace and to get into a good job (as aerospace is my passion). I’d much rather try and achieve this that find a partner. This video nailed everything about me, from the overthinking, to the thinking hard before making a move on anything, and analysis for everything in great detail.
Point 2 is actually a really healthy relationship characteristic in general. I believe that it’s really important to be able to be independent and not ‘need’ your partner in an unhealthy way. It is important to be able to depend on your partner and receive love and support from them, we all need love and support, but it’s also important to be able to be happy and enjoy life when you’re not with them. I think it’s important to be able to have separateness, as well as intimacy.
I think they should add to your world and bring joy and delight to it, not define it and become someone you can’t live without. It’s about being free to be ourselves and having the space to do things on our own, and support each other in the process. Having friends and other people to spend time with and be supported by is also really healthy.
This is me speaking from what I’ve seen and learnt from very healthy and happy relationships, but every relationship is different. As long as both are happy in the relationship and can be who they are, that is what matters. Great video 😃
Can be tough if it's the only person you have atm, which is probably also the reason why it's the only person you have. You have to be strong and take it slow.
It’s finally here: ua-cam.com/video/Ymfusj1Wegc/v-deo.html
well said!
Can't agree. Adding to one's world allows for only so much love. Of course I understand, having the ability to be independent is great (and also needed, no question), but your partner should be you should be able to depend on. That's what makes us human. We are a social being, who can't live without dependencies created through a social environment (emotional support, ability to share thoughts etc.). Most importantly, if two feel love for each other, they should want each other in their lives. Perhaps not not every wake minute, but daily still. I get the point you're trying to bring across, but if you really want to love someone, then just "adding" to the world of someone isn't enough. The phrase "I can't live without you" doesn't come from the one saying it thinking he can't survive without the one important to him/her, but rather from the emotional dependency to the significant other.
@@rudolfdirks9253 yeah I completely understand and agree with what you’re saying. We all need love and support, especially from those people are in relationships with. The important thing is that both people are happy and free to be themselves, and receive what they need from each other. Obviously they will be a very important part of your life, but I meant more in the sense that I don’t think they should become your whole world, as it’s really healthy to receive support from
Others as well such as friends and family, so you’re not completely dependent on your partner. All the things I’m saying is from what I’ve seen and learnt from very happy, mature and healthy relationships. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I really appreciate and respect your insight 🙂
People lie and think we don't understand it. This is my biggest issue, honesty is rare
Fr
Frrrrrrr
What have the ladies lied to you about this week, Mohammadreza Jan?
You may have abandonment issues, perhaps more so than me...
I recommend reading about attachment personalities from both parental and romantic perspectives, helped me reflect more on myself.
@@locomotive9000 perhaps he does not have a problem with women (or men?), give him the benefit of the doubt...
Bro this hole video basically discribes my personality and the way how I think
Little bit of Aromantic rep on that last bit?
Lovely 😊
"They have the luxury of already having a good time on their own" That is such a good summary of my personality and unfortunate biggest social struggle. So many people don't get that I'm super happy on my own, but also me myself I often think "I'd honestly rather do this alone" when I'm thinking about doing an activity
Same
Yeah, it was definitely the point that most related to me
Someone put it best. Finding licras an introvert is finding someone you value more than your alone time
Number 1... is the biggest problem of all. Seeing that they can actually create more and more scenarios that can be both good or bad.
We're smart enough to know that these objects that wears makeup like a clown aren't important.
You keep thinking of all infinite possibilities and end up getting lost in that. 1 and 5 is me
@@mbbuckets4509 yeah that's why we choose better corpses
That's probably why it's number 1
I needed this video so much ☺️🤝
What a beautifully smooth voice and a beautifully smooth animation to boot 💙