I'm struggling with social anxiety big time and have been for years but I'm starting to realize that I'm a grown 25 year old man and a father most importantly. I can't be scared. I CAN'T be scared anymore. I guess what I'm trying to say is please keep making these videos for us. I watch em daily. Listening and Learning and a matter of fact just watchingyou speak upon my greatest fears give me confidence. Keep it up man I'll make it there
1. Bold Action 💪😤 - Confidence is a by-product of action. - With social anxiety, you developed a pattern of avoidance. You must re-train your brain to see the world differently. - Social anxiety is a perception that there is something lacking in you and, therefore, people won’t like you (rejection). - Social anxiety is the feeling that you don’t deserve the love. - The root of social anxiety is a self-esteem issue. The way to change that perception is through action. - Action can invalidate your preconceived judgements. - Bold action should be consistent and repetitive. - Action also makes your realize that even when you do get rejected, you can handle it. - You don’t have to start off with doing the craziest things but through gradual exposure. - You will never break out of social anxiety unless you take consistent and repetitive action. 2. OMOS 🙂 🧠 - “On My Own Side” - Means to control the toxic inner coach and challenging the critic. - Learn how to talk to yourself differently. - Practice will build this skill. - Learn to regulate your nervous system when you are freaking out inside. - Self-acceptance. - Self-compassion. 3. Upgrade Your Identity 🤩 - Upgrade how you see yourself. - Realize that you can reinvent yourself. - Realize that you can like who you are. - You cannot just power through because you need to solve the root of the problem. 4. Become Unapologetically You 😜🥺😤 - Builds up your muscle of authenticity. - Understanding your rules. - Living in your own reality. “When is the best time to plant a tree?” “20 years ago.” “When is the 2nd best time to plant a tree?” “Right now.”
"Confidence is a by-product of action." What happens when action is met with manipulation? And when you are in toxic environment where your action is mocked, attacked, criticized for your mistakes, flaws and lack of knowledge? And you grew up in complex trauma environment where you were programmed to feel irrational guilt (trained like circus animal or Pavlovian dog) whenever you make a mistake, flaw or ignorance? "You must re-train your brain to see the world differently." Ok, so what happens when you are in the same room with a serial killer. And uncomfortable feelings rise up, anxiety and social discomfort. Do you retrain your instinct and gut to ignore it? What happens when you are in the same room with a narcissists - more common type of psychopath. Do you ignore your feelings telling you to cut contact especially when there is none of obligation to form any type of contact with that person? "Social anxiety is a perception that there is something lacking in you and, therefore, people won’t like you" That is not true. Social anxiety is trauma from being exposed to toxic people. It is picking up clues so now you have excellent sense to pick up the clues extremely quickly other people's toxicity. "Social anxiety is the feeling that you don’t deserve the love." That is not true. All beings are prone to seek satisfaction and move away from discomfort. The trouble with growing up in toxic environment that our definitions about what is love was never defined through healthy prism. Toxic people are the only problem here. If we pathologize our social anxiety, we will feel worse.
My experience has been that my mind still often wants to be socially anxious but I see it as my choice what to do about it. Watching your videos helped me put social anxiety in a jail cell but it still tries to escape, but I want to make sure it does so as little as possible
" my mind still often wants to be socially anxious but I see it as my choice what to do about it." This leads to pureOCD. If you react to anxiety, you build up more anxiety. Any reaction to anxiety will create more anxiety. The question here is why you react? If we look deeply - the obvious answer is that we were traumatized and hurt by people - and now this is a wound, injury inside us. When you have sore spot on your body, you will be very sensitive and you will feel more pain if you hurt it at the same spot again. The same thing happens with social anxiety. Instead of being obsessed about hurt and pain - which are totally normal reactions when you are injured - the more creative, helpful and constructive goal would be to find out what happened that injured you. How can you help yourself for not getting injured again: how can you protect yourself other than avoidance and run away. Perhaps there are some other ways, too?
@@vianeygalvan7959 "take any medicine or go to therapy to help control the thoughts?" If Johnny Depp went to therapy or take medicine to control his thoughts during Amber's abuse - he would be broke now, bankrupt, he would be labeled as abuser by the whole world including his fans, and his career would be over. Instead he listened to his instinct and he documented the abuse and got out- where borderline narcissist stab people in the back when they abandon them. If we are in abusive situation, if there are toxic people around us - it is normal to feel anxiety. Self-pathologizing is never good path to take. "Is Social Anxiety always a bad thing? No! Anxiety is a normal and healthy of being human. It mobilizes... Social anxiety helps us to remain sensitive to the feeling and needs of others, which is a core foundation of cooperation and building relationships. Even strong social anxiety can occasionally be useful; we'll likely do better if we're extra careful in choosing our words and our outfits. Social anxiety become a problem only when it is so sever that it is excessive or outside the "norm", and when it causes major problems in our overall functioning and quality of life. several studies (such as that of Blair et al., 2008) have found that certain areas of the brain, such as small, almond-shaped area called the amygdala, can be more active in individuals with social phobia. The catch here is that while we're successful in temporarily escaping...we miss chances to find out that our negative assumptions may not always be correct. gradually enter these situation while accepting your anxiety and allowing it to naturally dissipate." socialanxietysupport
I am reading your book for the fourth time. I had changing environment due to war and immigration when I started reading your book, I struggled with bad social anxiety and low self-esteem. Now that I am settled, The Solution to Social Anxiety is the book that I would go back to. I find new things every time I read. I am seeing changes, the most important tool for me was how to talk to the internal critic. Thank You, and May we have the courage to be who we are, and to know we are awesome on a deep level.
Hi :) I’m not diagnosed with social anxiety, but I’m 100% sure I have it :/ I’ve talked to my parents about it but they say it’s “just a phase” and there’s nothing wrong with me. Whenever I show symptoms or I have a physical reaction to something I’m not comfortable with, my parents don’t even think anything of it and just say I’m being miserable and I’m ruining their day! Please give me some advice :(
Parents are obvious culprit here. AS children, emotional wellbeing is the same as physical one. Usually in dysfunctional homes we get physical shelter however we do not experience love and validation. The equivalent to invalidation is if you shake baby - baby cannot withstand the pressure of being physically attacked. The same way our emotions are developing in childhood. If we are shaken by invalidation, there will be injury - since it happens in times when our persona is developing. It still has not solid core to withstand being exposed to adult hysteria, constant and relentless criticism, nagging and complaining and being exposed to invalidation. "and I’m ruining their day" Yep - that is is. When we are in toxic environment we are taught to be parents to our parents in dysfunctional environments. We as kids are taught to serve and cater for our parent's feelings. We are taught to take care of their emotions and make them feel pleasant, we learn that our role in life is to regulate emotions of other people. In normal and healthy environments you are a child that is allowed to express yourself. You do not self-censor yourself in order to protect yourself from anger and punishment of narcissistic parent who is borderline and cannot centre themselves and emotionally regulate their adult emotions. That is not healthy if we as children have to parent our parents. "Please give me some advice " The point is that we know what is going on and that we become our own advice givers. When we grew up in environment where we must cater emotions of authority figure - we will grow up being codependent and trauma bond with other people. This means we will attract toxic people who are similar to dynamics we grew up with - usually alcoholic and addicts and borderliners. The one constant here are toxic people. Our social anxiety is ability to detect toxic people and toxic behaviour. So - our goal is to trust ourselves - and this means to trust your own social anxiety as well. The education is your way to re-parent yourself. That you learn what healthy means. You cannot learn it by yourself what is healthy - if you were programmed in childhood to be unhealthy and surrounded with toxic behaviour. Check out psychology books, learn about Complex Trauma, dysfunctional childhoods, so that you can detect what is toxic. Learn about narcissism and narcissistic abuse - so that you can learn to detect toxic people and learn how to retort to them. This way you will trust yourself and build self worth. When we are in toxic environment, the first thing that is attacked is our self worth. The point of virus is that it takes control of your body. When you doubt yourself, you are much easily target for manipulators who seek control and see you as narcissistic supply that will regulate their emotions and being a punching bag when they feel down. Social anxiety is like our inner GPS that help us detect toxic environment and toxic people. The point of toxic people is that we are slaves to them, that we do not know what love is and that we are zombies to them, servants. Toxic people do not know how to lead and manage healthy life. Instead they depend on slaves to provide regulation for them. Social anxiety is ability to detect these Machiavellian narratives, it is red flag to recognize when we are in danger of such exploitative people. Now - that is better than self-pathologizing your social anxiety as your fault and deep toxic shame proof that you are abnormal and different from others who supposedly do not have social anxiety - because they build up narcissistic mask of superiority and appear confident in order to impress and control socially scared people.
yesterday i was at the metro station and i accidentally gave the woman at the counter 500 rupees instead of 200, and this made me frustrated to the point i tried bleeding myself, and i managed to surprise myself by how much i could overreact. i just feel stupid, worthless and nothing, like "im already 16 and i couldnt tell that it was a 500 and not a 200". help
You are beating yourself for not so big of a deal bro. Your inner critic uses something as small as this against, listen to the good coach part of you. What will he say? He will say 'hey man it's no big deal, anyone can make mistake and will and has been making, so even if when I become as confident Dr Aziz, I might be able to make to make similar mistake" You will overcome social anxiety man. Don't give up trying.
No. Social anxiety is red flag that you are in the presence of manipulators. Manipulators manipulate - their whole purpose in life is to trick people and to wear mask so that no one recognize them as toxic. Our social anxiety sees through that mask. It is like having an x-ray vision. Why would you get rid of it? If you self-pathologize your abilities as something to get rid of, you will destroy your self worth in the process - and you will depend on toxic people to guide you and to handle problems in life, you will make yourself codependent to them - because you will be convinced that your discomfort and anxiety is proof that you are abnormal and unworthy, damaged and different from "normal" people. Instead of 30 mins visualizations, help your anxiety in the process of discovering and learning how to handle toxic people and how to uncover dark psychology behind manipulators (also called Machiavellians). Learn how to handle narcissistic abuse. There are amazing resources here on You tube - DrRamani, Lisa Romano, practically any narcissistic abuse video is amazing resource, the supportive community is great on you tube for learning about narcissism. See if it helps - rather than self pathologizing and distrusting your own feelings and emotions of hurt, pain, fear and discomfort. If you hurt your finger when you hit it with hammer, the pain is natural. You are suppose to feel it. It is abnormal to visualize that you do not feel pain anymore in life. Pain is our teacher to learn how to protect ourselves from future pain, how to get better at skills how to use hammer. The point of pain is not that you become neurotic and try to avoid it and run away from it. You run away from self harm, and to learn how to handle life in better and more quality way that will avoid pain in the future - by knowing better, not by rejecting it and ignoring it.
"What it turns out that your predictions were true?" Great question! And it is true. Our social anxiety is signal that our predictions are true. Toxic people will never admit they are toxic if you confront them directly. So with their mask on, the only way to get penetrated inside their lies and web of deceit is our ability to see through the mask. If we self pathologize our own feelings, our fears, our social anxiety as our fault and our illusion and that we hallucinate fears - we will destroy self worth inside us, we will become codependent and we will be exploited and taken advantage of toxic, manipulative people who take advantage of healthy, normal, socially open people like us.
"eft tapping helps?" Be pragmatic. If you try - and it doesn't help - it is useless to be obsessive about something that clearly does not work. I would never self pathologize myself and self blame myself if I did not also take into consideration and inspection of external factor, too. Social anxiety is problem with toxic people. It is not problem from us, we are not the cause of it. I would rather see if it helps to learn about narcissistic abuse and how to handle and manage manipulation, Machiavellians, psychopaths, emotional vampires, borderliners and how to protect oneself from their abuse and aggression. Just imagine if Johnny Depp was eft tapping himself when he was abused by Amber. If he did not document the abuse - take action as described how to handle toxic people - he would lost the court and she would take his money. That is what parasites do - they gnaw us and exploit us. The social anxiety we feel is only red flag and signal that we are in the presence of conniving, toxic people like Amber.
I'm struggling with social anxiety big time and have been for years but I'm starting to realize that I'm a grown 25 year old man and a father most importantly. I can't be scared. I CAN'T be scared anymore. I guess what I'm trying to say is please keep making these videos for us. I watch em daily. Listening and Learning and a matter of fact just watchingyou speak upon my greatest fears give me confidence. Keep it up man I'll make it there
I love you Jason alot
1. Bold Action 💪😤
- Confidence is a by-product of action.
- With social anxiety, you developed a pattern of avoidance. You must re-train your brain to see the world differently.
- Social anxiety is a perception that there is something lacking in you and, therefore, people won’t like you (rejection).
- Social anxiety is the feeling that you don’t deserve the love.
- The root of social anxiety is a self-esteem issue. The way to change that perception is through action.
- Action can invalidate your preconceived judgements.
- Bold action should be consistent and repetitive.
- Action also makes your realize that even when you do get rejected, you can handle it.
- You don’t have to start off with doing the craziest things but through gradual exposure.
- You will never break out of social anxiety unless you take consistent and repetitive action.
2. OMOS 🙂 🧠
- “On My Own Side”
- Means to control the toxic inner coach and challenging the critic.
- Learn how to talk to yourself differently.
- Practice will build this skill.
- Learn to regulate your nervous system when you are freaking out inside.
- Self-acceptance.
- Self-compassion.
3. Upgrade Your Identity 🤩
- Upgrade how you see yourself.
- Realize that you can reinvent yourself.
- Realize that you can like who you are.
- You cannot just power through because you need to solve the root of the problem.
4. Become Unapologetically You 😜🥺😤
- Builds up your muscle of authenticity.
- Understanding your rules.
- Living in your own reality.
“When is the best time to plant a tree?”
“20 years ago.”
“When is the 2nd best time to plant a tree?”
“Right now.”
"Confidence is a by-product of action."
What happens when action is met with manipulation?
And when you are in toxic environment where your action is mocked, attacked, criticized for your mistakes, flaws and lack of knowledge? And you grew up in complex trauma environment where you were programmed to feel irrational guilt (trained like circus animal or Pavlovian dog) whenever you make a mistake, flaw or ignorance?
"You must re-train your brain to see the world differently."
Ok,
so what happens when you are in the same room with a serial killer. And uncomfortable feelings rise up, anxiety and social discomfort. Do you retrain your instinct and gut to ignore it?
What happens when you are in the same room with a narcissists - more common type of psychopath. Do you ignore your feelings telling you to cut contact especially when there is none of obligation to form any type of contact with that person?
"Social anxiety is a perception that there is something lacking in you and, therefore, people won’t like you"
That is not true.
Social anxiety is trauma from being exposed to toxic people. It is picking up clues so now you have excellent sense to pick up the clues extremely quickly other people's toxicity.
"Social anxiety is the feeling that you don’t deserve the love."
That is not true. All beings are prone to seek satisfaction and move away from discomfort.
The trouble with growing up in toxic environment that our definitions about what is love was never defined through healthy prism.
Toxic people are the only problem here. If we pathologize our social anxiety, we will feel worse.
Thank you 😊
My experience has been that my mind still often wants to be socially anxious but I see it as my choice what to do about it. Watching your videos helped me put social anxiety in a jail cell but it still tries to escape, but I want to make sure it does so as little as possible
" my mind still often wants to be socially anxious but I see it as my choice what to do about it."
This leads to pureOCD. If you react to anxiety, you build up more anxiety. Any reaction to anxiety will create more anxiety.
The question here is why you react?
If we look deeply - the obvious answer is that we were traumatized and hurt by people - and now this is a wound, injury inside us. When you have sore spot on your body, you will be very sensitive and you will feel more pain if you hurt it at the same spot again.
The same thing happens with social anxiety.
Instead of being obsessed about hurt and pain - which are totally normal reactions when you are injured - the more creative, helpful and constructive goal would be to find out what happened that injured you. How can you help yourself for not getting injured again: how can you protect yourself other than avoidance and run away. Perhaps there are some other ways, too?
Did you take any medicine or go to therapy to help control the thoughts?
@@vianeygalvan7959 "take any medicine or go to therapy to help control the thoughts?"
If Johnny Depp went to therapy or take medicine to control his thoughts during Amber's abuse - he would be broke now, bankrupt, he would be labeled as abuser by the whole world including his fans, and his career would be over.
Instead he listened to his instinct and he documented the abuse and got out- where borderline narcissist stab people in the back when they abandon them.
If we are in abusive situation, if there are toxic people around us - it is normal to feel anxiety.
Self-pathologizing is never good path to take.
"Is Social Anxiety always a bad thing?
No! Anxiety is a normal and healthy of being human. It mobilizes...
Social anxiety helps us to remain sensitive to the feeling and needs of others, which is a core foundation of cooperation and building relationships.
Even strong social anxiety can occasionally be useful; we'll likely do better if we're extra careful in choosing our words and our outfits.
Social anxiety become a problem only when it is so sever that it is excessive or outside the "norm", and when it causes major problems in our overall functioning and quality of life.
several studies (such as that of Blair et al., 2008) have found that certain areas of the brain, such as small, almond-shaped area called the amygdala, can be more active in individuals with social phobia.
The catch here is that while we're successful in temporarily escaping...we miss chances to find out that our negative assumptions may not always be correct.
gradually enter these situation while accepting your anxiety and allowing it to naturally dissipate."
socialanxietysupport
I am reading your book for the fourth time. I had changing environment due to war and immigration when I started reading your book, I struggled with bad social anxiety and low self-esteem. Now that I am settled, The Solution to Social Anxiety is the book that I would go back to. I find new things every time I read. I am seeing changes, the most important tool for me was how to talk to the internal critic. Thank You, and May we have the courage to be who we are, and to know we are awesome on a deep level.
Dr. Aziz aged like fine wine. 😩
Really good video. I need to be nice to myself. I will practice getting on my own side!! Great advice
Thank you ever so much.
I can’t wait to do your course thank you 🙏
You absolutely incredible, I feel your every word and it’s deeply resonating with me
Really worth watching. Thank you!
I really needed this, thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience and for wanting to help others
Hi :)
I’m not diagnosed with social anxiety, but I’m 100% sure I have it :/
I’ve talked to my parents about it but they say it’s “just a phase” and there’s nothing wrong with me.
Whenever I show symptoms or I have a physical reaction to something I’m not comfortable with, my parents don’t even think anything of it and just say I’m being miserable and I’m ruining their day! Please give me some advice :(
Parents are obvious culprit here.
AS children, emotional wellbeing is the same as physical one. Usually in dysfunctional homes we get physical shelter however we do not experience love and validation.
The equivalent to invalidation is if you shake baby - baby cannot withstand the pressure of being physically attacked. The same way our emotions are developing in childhood. If we are shaken by invalidation, there will be injury - since it happens in times when our persona is developing. It still has not solid core to withstand being exposed to adult hysteria, constant and relentless criticism, nagging and complaining and being exposed to invalidation.
"and I’m ruining their day"
Yep - that is is. When we are in toxic environment we are taught to be parents to our parents in dysfunctional environments. We as kids are taught to serve and cater for our parent's feelings. We are taught to take care of their emotions and make them feel pleasant, we learn that our role in life is to regulate emotions of other people.
In normal and healthy environments you are a child that is allowed to express yourself. You do not self-censor yourself in order to protect yourself from anger and punishment of narcissistic parent who is borderline and cannot centre themselves and emotionally regulate their adult emotions. That is not healthy if we as children have to parent our parents.
"Please give me some advice "
The point is that we know what is going on
and that we become our own advice givers. When we grew up in environment where we must cater emotions of authority figure - we will grow up being codependent and trauma bond with other people. This means we will attract toxic people who are similar to dynamics we grew up with - usually alcoholic and addicts and borderliners.
The one constant here are toxic people.
Our social anxiety is ability to detect toxic people and toxic behaviour.
So - our goal is to trust ourselves - and this means to trust your own social anxiety as well.
The education is your way to re-parent yourself. That you learn what healthy means. You cannot learn it by yourself what is healthy - if you were programmed in childhood to be unhealthy and surrounded with toxic behaviour.
Check out psychology books, learn about Complex Trauma, dysfunctional childhoods, so that you can detect what is toxic. Learn about narcissism and narcissistic abuse - so that you can learn to detect toxic people and learn how to retort to them. This way you will trust yourself and build self worth.
When we are in toxic environment, the first thing that is attacked is our self worth. The point of virus is that it takes control of your body. When you doubt yourself, you are much easily target for manipulators who seek control and see you as narcissistic supply that will regulate their emotions and being a punching bag when they feel down.
Social anxiety is like our inner GPS that help us detect toxic environment and toxic people.
The point of toxic people is that we are slaves to them, that we do not know what love is and that we are zombies to them, servants. Toxic people do not know how to lead and manage healthy life. Instead they depend on slaves to provide regulation for them. Social anxiety is ability to detect these Machiavellian narratives, it is red flag to recognize when we are in danger of such exploitative people.
Now - that is better than self-pathologizing your social anxiety as your fault and deep toxic shame proof that you are abnormal and different from others who supposedly do not have social anxiety - because they build up narcissistic mask of superiority and appear confident in order to impress and control socially scared people.
yesterday i was at the metro station and i accidentally gave the woman at the counter 500 rupees instead of 200, and this made me frustrated to the point i tried bleeding myself, and i managed to surprise myself by how much i could overreact. i just feel stupid, worthless and nothing, like "im already 16 and i couldnt tell that it was a 500 and not a 200". help
You are beating yourself for not so big of a deal bro. Your inner critic uses something as small as this against, listen to the good coach part of you. What will he say? He will say 'hey man it's no big deal, anyone can make mistake and will and has been making, so even if when I become as confident Dr Aziz, I might be able to make to make similar mistake" You will overcome social anxiety man. Don't give up trying.
@@ferozreviews yeah thanks
Hey Aziz, will 30 mins visualisation daily help my social Anxiety
No.
Social anxiety is red flag that you are in the presence of manipulators. Manipulators manipulate - their whole purpose in life is to trick people and to wear mask so that no one recognize them as toxic. Our social anxiety sees through that mask. It is like having an x-ray vision.
Why would you get rid of it?
If you self-pathologize your abilities as something to get rid of, you will destroy your self worth in the process - and you will depend on toxic people to guide you and to handle problems in life, you will make yourself codependent to them - because you will be convinced that your discomfort and anxiety is proof that you are abnormal and unworthy, damaged and different from "normal" people.
Instead of 30 mins visualizations, help your anxiety in the process of discovering and learning how to handle toxic people and how to uncover dark psychology behind manipulators (also called Machiavellians). Learn how to handle narcissistic abuse. There are amazing resources here on You tube - DrRamani, Lisa Romano, practically any narcissistic abuse video is amazing resource, the supportive community is great on you tube for learning about narcissism.
See if it helps - rather than self pathologizing and distrusting your own feelings and emotions of hurt, pain, fear and discomfort.
If you hurt your finger when you hit it with hammer, the pain is natural. You are suppose to feel it. It is abnormal to visualize that you do not feel pain anymore in life. Pain is our teacher to learn how to protect ourselves from future pain, how to get better at skills how to use hammer. The point of pain is not that you become neurotic and try to avoid it and run away from it. You run away from self harm, and to learn how to handle life in better and more quality way that will avoid pain in the future - by knowing better, not by rejecting it and ignoring it.
Fix: Do not care about others, do what you want to do but do not harm anybody.
What if it turns out that your predictions were true?
"What it turns out that your predictions were true?"
Great question!
And it is true. Our social anxiety is signal that our predictions are true.
Toxic people will never admit they are toxic if you confront them directly. So with their mask on, the only way to get penetrated inside their lies and web of deceit is our ability to see through the mask.
If we self pathologize our own feelings, our fears, our social anxiety as our fault and our illusion and that we hallucinate fears - we will destroy self worth inside us, we will become codependent and we will be exploited and taken advantage of toxic, manipulative people who take advantage of healthy, normal, socially open people like us.
Do you think eft tapping helps?
"eft tapping helps?"
Be pragmatic.
If you try - and it doesn't help - it is useless to be obsessive about something that clearly does not work.
I would never self pathologize myself and self blame myself if I did not also take into consideration and inspection of external factor, too.
Social anxiety is problem with toxic people. It is not problem from us, we are not the cause of it. I would rather see if it helps to learn about narcissistic abuse and how to handle and manage manipulation, Machiavellians, psychopaths, emotional vampires, borderliners and how to protect oneself from their abuse and aggression.
Just imagine if Johnny Depp was eft tapping himself when he was abused by Amber. If he did not document the abuse - take action as described how to handle toxic people - he would lost the court and she would take his money. That is what parasites do - they gnaw us and exploit us. The social anxiety we feel is only red flag and signal that we are in the presence of conniving, toxic people like Amber.
EFT has absolutely helped me! Check out Brad Yates' channel