Don't tell me you stop dyeing your hair because of my comment on your other video about the skin tones...I fear my ego may explode with ''influencer power'' rush, if that is the case!!! 😀😂🙂
Yeah that's insane. I premade some food (I knew when I was gonna be induced) ahead of time and froze it so he could pop it into the oven for us. He also knows how to make basic stuff or would run out to grab food. He took such good care of me, he'd send me to bed at night to rest and took care of our son all night. He was a champ. 15 years later he's still a great dad/husband.
I work retail. Had a lady come in getting boxers for her husband... 3 days after coming home from open heart surgery. She just about passed out as she was leaving the store
My dad, because he was a professional freelance artist, could take care of a lot of the household duties, while my mum worked 8 hours a day. He cooked, cleaned, did the chores, the laundry and ironed everybody's clothes. He could do that and work in his studio too, it was what made him happy. I remember one day, I must have been a young teen, when I went clothes-shopping with him, and he saw the usual couples: a stern or annoyed women pulling their men behind them to find some clothes, while they either dangled behind with a miffed face, or sat in full inertia on chairs, to wait for their wives to come back with the clothes. My dad looked at them, and then said to me quietly: "Look at them. Useless. All of them. Can't even buy their own clothes." And then proceeded to go shopping with me, merrily. He taught me cooking, DIY, fixing things around the house, all very important life skills - but this moment will always stand out to me. Thank you, Papa.
Heyyy same! 😊 My dad was a full-time painter starting roughly from the time I was in elementary school to college. My mom worked outside the home, and Dad took on most of the day to day household tasks. He took PRIDE in having dinner on the table by the time my mom came home from work (he became an excellent cook). He was often the primary caregiver for my sister and I, and he and my mom had no issue taking turns and balancing all these duties over the years. So whenever I see men acting like they’re incapable of doing the most basic household tasks, it makes me crazy. I know what a good partner looks like, and these guys are bottom of the barrel by comparison.
No that dishwasher one is 100% weaponized incompetence. You cannot convince me he's never taken something out of a clean dishwasher, seen it on TV, or seen someone else load/ unload the dishwasher. I will die on that hill.
I won't lie, I've never loaded a dishwasher, I've never lived in a house with one until literally this year and I'm in my early 30s. However, I just looked for a manual and followed the instructions because I legitimately didn't know how to operate it at all. 😂
I saw someone load a dishwasher like this exactly once in my life. It was a 15yo intern with aspergers, who, after me explaining from which directions the water sprays come from, understood why stacking them didn't work and never did it that way again. Turns out he thought the dishwasher completely filled with water during use like a laundry machine, and thus simply threw the plates in like you would clothes lmao. I had a good laugh that day. Great interns otherwise. I cannot for the life of me find a reason why a grown adult without a disability would ever load a dishwasher like this though. How do you make it to adulthood and do such a thing?
My dad did laundry for the first time last year. He's 60. The only reason he finally did it was because I got so tired of him pretending he didn't know how to that I spent several years making fun of him for it: "Oh, you can get a phd but you can't read the inside of a washing machine?" He finally started doing the laundry. :) If men want to play at being dumb, they'd better get used to being belittled for it.
I also did this to my dad (he doesn't serve the food for himself, someone has to do it or he does not eat) so I started mocking him lightly whenever he did stuff like this and who would have thought... a month later, he was preparing instant soup in the kitchen for all of us on his own, I laughed a bit, but it was still an improvement, so I took it as a win. My mom started doing the same, and now he sets the table , and half of the time puts his dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I'm proud because he was never taught these things, and I think it all starts by changing/challenging that mentality, we still have a long way to go tho.
i do this ALL the time not just with family members with people everywhere.. if your acting like a re*(*tard*&&*ed idiot then ima treat you like one LOL god damn im not babysitting people lol i dont even do that to people in my family def not doing it for randoms LOL
@nickitori I'm an adult and have lived on my own for a while. It took some time for me to get to the point where I was able to comment on his obvious fake incompetence. And it's for sure a dance. I have to phrase it just right and make sure the tone is light enough and do it very rarely. If I were a kid living with them, I doubt I'd do it. Definitely prioritize your safety first.
@@raicrush my cousin dated a guy like that, my entire family plotted against that damned relationship and now, she married an absolute gem of a guy, we're quite proud of ourselves for it
I saw a quote once, "If we empower women to work outside the home without expecting men to work inside the home, we aren't empowering women, we are exploiting them" There's no reason why only one partner should take the brunt of household and childcare chores, when both of them have full time jobs. These husbands come home from work "tired" and spend 6 hours sitting on a couch, drinking beer and watching tv, but expect their wives to clean the entire place, cook dinner, do laundry and other "manly" jobs like putting up shelves when they're equally as tired. So self-centered.
Then they blame 'feminism is making modern women miserable' when in reality these guys are the ones who are not pulling their own weight and make everyone around them suffer
I think they regretted the wife and kids so they passive aggressively wanted out single again. It can happen to married man at any age. A man who still wants you will try better just becuz he cares
And then the red pilled manosphere incels on the Internet turn around and claim that the fact that women tend to get custody as some sort of attack on men, instead of the reality which is that men who try to get custody are almost always granted it, it's just that most men don't even begin to try.
My coworker is a male chauvinist. His whole family went camping for family reunion. The wife asked him to grill the steak thats gonna be the highlight of family supper. it cost roughly $200. My coworker deliberately burned it. He was pleased with himself. He told us at work after he's back from vacation. He said the wife ought to know better than to asked him to cook. Its a woman job. We all thought this guy is an idiot.
@@spookyghostwriter3110 Exactly. I've always viewed "grilling meat" as a stereotypically male job bc many shows portrayed it that way. The male leads from the 90s sitcoms would grill him instead.
Something important to note is that when the husband acts like this, it's not just the wife who hates it - the children notice. Believe me when I say children definitely notice this, especially daughters, and will build up severe hatred and anger against the father, even if he hasn't personally hurt them or done anything to them. Many men complain about mothers "brainwashing" their children to hate the father even if he hasn't been a bad parent, to get custody. I've personally experienced 2 such situations and seen more where they think like this. They may not be a bad parent, but they were a bad spouse and your child will hate you for making mom clean and cook and tire herself out for days on end. It's not true in all cases obv, but men love blaming moms as manipulative witches even though they were the neglectful dads in the first place.
Typically this type of spouse is an unreliable parent. So yeah it makes sense they're going to become detached to the incompetent parent because they're always having to rely on the other parent for actual parenting.
i could've written that word for word. My dad had the cheek to tell me, in a sad voice, what a shrew my mom was, as if i had not been there and seen for myself who did what 😂 you have to laugh or you'd pull your hair out.
I had an incompetent manchild stepdad and I can vouch for this. When he quit his job and made mom cook, clean, and work to make ends meet while he played in his garage I quickly became tired of him and started to hate him and told her every day to get a divorce until she finally left him and I celebrated cause I knew he was a living dead weight. Children do recognize these things, and they hate them. Cause it made me feel guilty as well for being a child and needing my mother cause she was already so stressed.
I’m a child of this kind of relationship. Trust me, if you want to have a good relationship with your child, don’t do this. We got used to him never being there for us when we needed him, especially throughout my childhood. Now, we rarely need him around for anything and he’s become very detached from anything going on in the household. It feels like we can’t trust him to do anything, so we don’t trust him at all. It’s very sad to see, but ultimately the only one who can change that is him, by becoming someone we can rely on. He has never done that. Thank you for attending my therapy session. I have so much more respect for my mother for keeping a household intact while practicing raising TWO CHILDREN on her own.
thanks for sharing, honestly. i grew up with this too, and thankfully our outcome ended with divorce instead of a slow, painful death. that may or may not sound harsh, but it was for the better - for ALL of us. it forced my dad to become (mostly) independent, and he's gotten better for it. but yeah, no, he's nowhere near as close with his kids as he could be - and now that we're all adults and he lives elsewhere, he's feeling that distance. he doesn't take us for granted anymore, and that's the most critical change yet - other than my mom finally taking her life back ❤
This perspective is critical, men don't think about how they're children witnessing them acting worthless to their mothers will in fact render them as worthless with lifelong consequences. THANKS for sharing!!
@@asmokeus fontunetly my dad isn't that bad that it would resolve in a divorce but he don't want to do anything in the kitchen that is not breakfest or supper. One time mom was away for a few days. My dad tried to make me load his dishes to a dishwasher. At first he just said "I don't know how to do it" so I replayed with "if a toddler can put a star-shaped brick to a star-shaped hole you can put a plate in a dishwasher. It's only a one level harder. If you won't do it I will not do it too so they will rot". Then he proceed to put it diagonally. DIAGONALLY. He clearly didn't expect that I would say "see? It wasn't that bad" because he said "b-but I put it wrong" ha! so he know how to put it right... anyway - I replayed with "doesn't matter. Less dishes will fit but they will be cleaned even that way" and I shut the dishwasher and started a program. His face - priceless, haha. Unfortunetly when mom came back she was doing all dishes-related things for him again... but my lesson wasn't completely pointless because he sometimes will load his dishes himself! Or just clean them by hands. It's not much but a progress anyway...
I refused to let my lazy ex husband get away with doing a bad job on tasks. He complained to his family that I wanted him to wait on me hand and foot. I just wanted him to put the laundry away instead of hiding it away on the bunk bed
Mhmmm. People who half-ass everything they do... Or not even half-ass, some even quarter-ass it... But then expect me to do everything perfectly. I have to give 150% but they can't even do 25%. It's just manipulation from lazy narcicists. They think they discovered a life hack when they started manipulating people at the age of 7 and then they stuck with that into adulthood. Embarrassing. "I can get people to do things for me, or give me money or gifts" like they are sooooo proud of it. I've had multiple brag about it openly. I hope to dear god when I decide to date again I will just trust my gut this time around. I'm staying single by choice cuz I'm so fucking mentally done with abusive manipulators. I've survived 6 manipulators total. When you get groomed as a child to tolerate shitty treatment you tend to attract shitty friends and boyfriends too, which happened to me. I've had enough bullshit for a lifetime, I'm using my anti-bullshit nose to sniff them out, usually I'm pretty spot on. I only have to trust myself and I should be fine. When I haven't trusted myself is when disaster happens.
@@authorssdI’m sure that’s exactly what he did as a five year old, and his parents let him get away with it, hence why he’s still doing it as an adult.
If the parents are disappointed that there’s no roast dinner when they come over to see their new grandbaby, then they only have themselves to blame for how they raised their son
And for being obnoxious entitled visitors instead of helpers. The woman should've held better boundaries both with him and his family. For any woman considering getting pregnant read "the lemon clot essay"
They should also be disappointed in themselves, coming over two days after a baby was delivered and expecting dinner to be made. They should be bringing dinner.
That's the kind of sh!t my ex and his dad would have pulled (and did after I had surgery)... Fortunately, after the kids' births, the ex-MIL was around and would bring dinner. We didn't get along, but at least I had that to be grateful for.
The making a roast 2 days after giving birth due to the in-laws coming over...if the in-laws are coming to see the new baby, it is supposed to be to help the new parents, not to make life even harder!
Okay, is this a white people thing? Cause growing up black, we know that if you're going to see the new baby, bring something or offer to do something. New parents are in over their heads and could always use a little help. A Black auntie will stock your fridge with enough food to feed a platoon on shore leave, and still ask if you need a few loads of laundry done.
Soo true. My mom never lets all of my sister in laws works one bit after they gave birth for more than a month!! I tend to get mad because I have to cover for it or my mom will overwork herself to do it. I still get mad to my sister in laws when I have to cover for their chores after they gave birth to be honest, but I get it. 😂
Yup! When my older sister gave birth to her first daughter, my mom, my second sister and I were there everyday for a month and a half to help her and her husband with chores and we would make them lunch. After the month and a half, we would take turns going over to their house to help with anything, whether it was watching my niece while they napped, to helping them with yard work. My oldest sister is pregnant right now and we’ll definitely be helping her and her husband out again the same way. I can only hope though that when I have kids WAY in the future, they’ll help me the same way too
I remember seeing a post someone made where their dad tried that shit. He claimed he didn't know how to clean the kitchen so the mom very sweetly showed him. She cleaned the whole kitchen completely spotless. She then with a big smile on her face spread chocolate syrup all over every surface so he could show her what he learned.
If you're at that level of pettiness (both sides), you need to work on your relationship. Or you're better off getting out (whether it's a partnership or otherwise). Mind you, I'm not taking sides in the above example. For all I know, they both work full time and he skirts his duties - or she's supposed to be stay at home while he works 12 hours a day ... I don't know and I've seen both scenarios. What I am saying is that in a functioning relationship, you communicate with respect and care. When you have a problem, you bring it up without (passive-)aggressive BS and you get a respectful, caring answer. Maybe not always immediately, and maybe sometimes there's some temper involved. But when the dust settles, there absolutely *has* to be a deep need to connect with each other or else you're not going to get things to work long-term. People always think that love is bringing home flowers or engaging in bed-room activity. No, love is respecting your partner/family/friend even when you disagree and wanting to find common ground. Being able to compromise without feeling a sting, being able to give without having to silently keep track. Both parties absolutely must engage in this mutually. It cannot be one-sided. So, if you find yourself out of balance ... figure out what's going on. Sometimes it's the wrong kind of person, sometimes it's the wrong kind of habits. You can't fix the first, you can fix the second.
My dad used to do this all throughout my childhood and my mom would have these big explosive reactions because she felt unappreciated and overworked. I can still see her screaming at the kitchen sink while my dad sat on a recliner watching TV. I would literally rather die alone than be a grown man’s glorified maid, cook, therapist, nanny, etc. She’s now so confused when I explain how I do not want a husband or children lmao
@@kiriki4558 no not at all, I think she deserved way better. What’s “funny” is living through the trauma of that and then having somebody suggest “okay so possibly you next?” And them thinking you’re going to be so ready to happily risk being put in a similar position. To its core it’s not funny at all, it’s just a way people who have gone through this kind of trauma cope with how damaging it was for everyone involved.
@@chlo4299 It does sound traumatic, watching your mom suffer while your dad abused her via neglect. I'm glad you've made a commitment for self-respect/ set standards for yourself that you won't tolerate a "partner" who doesn't understand equality in domestic labor. That must have been so frustrating to witness as a kid.
Same for me. I am Indian and my mom works a full time job along with cooking, cleaning and doing all the household chores. She comes home around 8 pm and does all the chores by herself meanwhile my dad just sits at home all day or hang around with his friends(Also i moved to another city so i cannot help her with the chores but my brother does).Besides, he has cheated on her multiple times and badmouthed her to his friends.She asked him to help her a lot of times but he would just verbally abuse her.I told my mom to divorce him but she is afraid of how others will treat her becauses divorce is kinda like a sin in the indian culture. Although she supports my decision of not getting married and having children. My dream is to become rich and move away from my place to somewhere else with my mom and give her the best life.
I honestly don’t think she’s confused, maybe it’s denial? That’s my case with my family. It took several confer before they finally agreed & started their own discussion about how terrible it is.
@@Peajay007 What did i prove exactly, buddy? that batman does ''group projects'' constantly since the first apearence at detective comics? All i did was trow some easely verifiable facts that contradict your statement. And also sarcasm, i trew some of that too. 🦇🦇🦇
@@Peajay007 yeah, we all know it's a saying but I'm laughing at the fact that you actually were proven wrong, yet instead of admiting that in a lighthearted manner you try to shame the person who made the comment, acting as if they are pathetic for reading comics, nice manipulative tactic😂
I got married in 1978. One of my husband-to-be’s bosses told him that if I ever asked him to do anything, to make sure he screwed it up so I would never ask him again. *sigh*. This makes me SO sad. How are we still here? 😢
@@ruddiko I read 70s and immediately thought about Thats 70s Show with Eric picking the most ugliest couch that Dona had to pick it herself and do it all. Apparently Red had told him this so she wouldnt ask him again.
So sorry to hear that, it’s such a toxic mindset… This is why the modern ladies are going 4B - they’re tired of being stuck in antiquated gender roles too! 👏
Reminds me of times where I've overheard men telling their buddies that they shouldn't have to lift a finger in a marriage because their ONLY requirement is to give the woman a ring & go to work. "Once the wedding is over, it's her job to keep the man from leaving." Bet those are the same types who act surprised when they get served divorce papers.
It's called the "walkaway wife syndrome" and it's exactly what happens to many of these men. But sadly so so many get to exploit the woman for years if not decades before she finally leaves them
@@JustMooshie exactly why I see no real benefit to marriage anymore. It's no longer treated as a mutual union of love or respect & more like ownership of a whole person.
@@v.anessa1451 right? In some ways it's a blessing that many feel so arrogant that they no longer hide it & are easier to avoid. Overall though, it's just disappointing.
Please, my fellow women, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get a feel for how your bf does his chores and takes care of his space before marrying him. Also, if your friends and/or family members are telling you they don't like the guy, LISTEN TO THEM.
funny thing is: my ex husband was perfectly cababke of cleaning, cooking and all other stuff before we got married even while we lived together befire marriage and he ist cabable of doing it since we are seperated. But while beeing married and having two children he used this weaponized incompetenz and also excuses like mowing the lawn once a week to not do anything 😐
@@corvidKinq then your gf would probably know they don't like you because you're trans and nothing about weaponized incompetence or mistreatment in the relationship would apply dude.
@@TheBayzentwhy even bother to get married to a woman you don't love or respect?! I know you're most likely *viciously* single with a personality like that, but you should stay that way for all our sakes. 🙏
When I met my ex husband, he had a clean house and cooked all the time. After we married, he slowly stopped doing all of that and once we had twins, completely stopped all of it. I was a married single mother. Even our children’s drs were asking if I was a single mother because they never saw him. He even refused to change diapers or bathe them because they were girls. 🤦🏽♀️ So I decided if I was going to be a single mom, I might as well be a single mom. Now my house is cleaner, I have way more money, and I have less stress because I don’t have anyone trying to control my life. ❤
To these types of men, especially the ones who have become fathers...You don't say "help the wife take care of the child" or "help my wife clean", because that implies it is her "duty" as a wife to clean and raise the kids, when in reality it is both the mother and the father responsible for cleaning up the house, and raising the kids. You wanted to start a family, step up to the mf plate and be grown- you don't "help", you DO cause it is also your responsibility, it ain't just your wife's.
if feels like men live life like they have to. they have children but don't take care of them, don't know anything about them. they live to live lmao. reminds me of the ask reddit about a 2 year relationship and she was pregnant, she asked us why he's useless rn when she's like 6 months pregnant. in her other posts she mentionned he had a 10 yo daughter too but don't have a room for her in their house, someone speculated it's to avoid doing things for her. (+ potential step mother (so op) having to buy her birthday gifts cause he doesn't know what to get his own daughter)
@@伏見猿比古-k8c My mom did that, after the divorce there was no food in the house and the 5 acres I grew up on went into foreclosure, and she wasn't able to raise 2 kids as a single mother. So just don't be surprised if your kids wash their hands of you for that one when they're old enough to think about it. Deadbeats make excuses for broken homes, not good parents. She still breaks down sobbing because of her time on the street, like she didn't cast everyone else out there years before and throw us to the wolves.
@@TheBayzent Honestly if they don’t want a family they need to be wearing protection every single time they have sex and making that very clear to their partners/hook ups from hour 1 of meeting them. If someone isn’t willing to take no for an answer and tries to change you, leave them. Don’t go along with it until children are in the mix and you abandon them. It’s so easy to get yourself out of that kind of relationship by simply being honest and straightforward from the beginning. Children don’t magically appear out of thin air, they are the result of a choice at least once party has made (cause unfortunately in rape cases only 1/2 people consented to that decision and the other has it forced on them). Yk how people always say “women need to keep their legs closed” or whatever, same goes for men who don’t want kids! Both sexes gotta keep their shit closed or wear lots of protection if they wanna mess around without the consequences.
In my opinion, people who do things poorly on purpose have no self-respect. Don't you want to do well? Don't you want to be proud of your achievements? Don't you want people to be happy when you enter a room? For the people you love to trust you? Truly baffling behaviour to me.
some people's parents only gave one job to their kids: letting them be kids. this definitely doesn't help when they don't have magic chores fairy once they find a partner and end up being a child in an adult body.
to be honest, i really didn’t do a whole lot of chores growing up. my mom liked having control over things so my only real responsibilities were bringing my dishes to the sink, keeping my bedroom clean and walking my dog. i never got specific “training” on how to clean. BUT I STILL KNOW HOW TO CLEAN. it’s not hard! it’s not rocket science! so it really baffles me that people make it to adulthood and still can’t put 2 and 2 together?????? how do you not just fucking figure it out?? WILD. it’s one thing if they don’t know but are willing to learn, but we all know 99% of people like that don’t care about ever learning how to clean anything. i could never date somebody like that, much less marry them and have a kid with them 😂
@@mm-ln9swyeah same I was raised an only child so my mom doesn’t mind doing all the cleaning I mean it’s been like this my whole life but I don’t mind cleaning either way
My kids learned the “I can’t do it right” from their father. They learned that if they weren’t good at something I’d just have them do it more often until they learned. Their father quit using that excuse.
definitely the better approach than the one I was raised with, which was "you didn't do it the exact way I would have done it therefore it's wrong and you were wrong to do it." 😬
@@Romanticoutlaw I have have mix of both, it ready messed with mine confidence. It messed with my confidence so hard that I started to do the weaponized incompetence while not meaning to.
@@rafsandomierz5313 Same. If it's never correct, then why bother? My mom was kind of like that when I tried household chores in her home, so I needed to learn everything as an adult when I got my own apartment. And she still takes over my household when she comes over, so I just tune her out and let her didder around until she's gone, then I do everything my own way again. 😂
@@rafsandomierz5313 Unfortunately, this is very common among people raised by controlling narcissists. "Weaponized incompetence" is judgmental language, and it shouldn't be used because it creates more self-loathing. Instead, the academic term "learned helplessness" is more useful.
If you can’t manage maintaining half your house while in a relationship you shouldn’t be in one. What baffles me is a lot of these people are fine on their own but expect to not do anything once in a partnership? That’s not how it works buddy, we’re dating/living together I’m not your housemaid 💀
@@tatamigalaxy-i5rhonestly I disagree but if you don’t work equal time, you need to do more in the house. It works well as long as everyone is busied around the same time!
A couple of months after my ex and I moved in together, he came up to me and said; 'All my socks are dirty,' in this sad tone of voice and looked at me helplessly. He was 24. Sir.
@@869ofuncertainty we don't know when he started being like that. These people typically don't lead with that, they act like normal decent people until some milestone has been achieved and they feel sure that you won't run if they start showing their real self little by little. Usually starts after you buy a house together or get married or after pregnancy has been confirmed.
I saw a comment from a guy saying weaponized incompetence doesn't exist women are just high maintenance, but the last guy who said that to me was an incel so now I think men who call their partners high maintenance are really the high maintenance ones.
@@itsalwayshalloweenexceptwh5118unfortunately, when they say that you've called them a gaslighter multiple times and it's so reoccurring and they don't reflect on that. Red flag galore.
as a Filipino who manually washes the dishes by hand, it's crazy for me to think that even putting the dishes in the dishwasher is something they couldn't do right. this is why I'd rather be a single mom than to be with someone like that AGAIN.
I read from a Passport Bro that the foreign wives will "work full time jobs and come home and do all the cooking and cleaning". That is what they want and they are going to the Philippines for that. They want to go somewhere where they can still exploit women. Happy you got out of that.
I’m a mid forties white woman in America so I’m basically invisible to these types of men. I’ve lost count of how many groups of ageing American men I’ve heard shamelessly talking to each other in public about this. They target women from “third world” countries or refugees and try to exploit them as you know/read about. They have the entitled audacity to say that what they offer is mutually beneficial. Disgusting. Glad women know this and are educating each other on what to watch for.
My boyfriend took photos of everything in my apartment at one point and used his photos as reference to clean my entire place when i had a rought time at my uni. Its not about their ability, its their will to do learn. IF THEY WANTED THEY WOULD!!
@Lolvi6 he did it because he knew he would like to help around the apartment when he stays over so it was more like planning ahead for a situation that would inevitably happen at some point. He is just super thoughtful🥰
The fact that they have to learn this as adults, instead of being taught as children really shows how little our society expects of men and boys. I've heard so many stories of eldest daughters treated much harsher than their brothers, becoming a 2nd parent and expected to do all the cooking and cleaning for their siblings while their brothers could lay around and do nothing all day. All this while also dealing with school, societal expectations, and growing up with little guidance from their parents. Speaking from experience.
I refuse to help with chores if my brother is allowed to laze around. The "because you're a girl" was said several times and I answered back "we are both children of this household and I don't pick my gender". Thank goodness my brother is capable of basic house chores 🤷♀️
I got slapped with that mess (eldest daughter here). My older brother and younger sister weren’t expected to lift a finger. I was always yelled at for not picking up after them. When I’d argue back, I’d be guilted with “don’t be as bad as them. Just because they’re being bad, doesn’t mean you should. But the thing is, I cleaned up after myself. Not cleaning up after them doesn’t make me anything like them. If I refused to pick up after them, the house would spiral out of control, and my mother would have a meltdown and force everyone to clean. But my siblings would spend like 3 hours bringing a single cup to the sink. So I gradually began doing that too. I’d pick up everything that’s mine, and then spend hours on a single mess someone else had made. I’d be yelled at and punished of course, but it was better than lying down and becoming a maid. So glad I don’t have to deal with that shit anymore. I’d love to see what a trash heap the place has become since I left.
I did that at first, but then I realised that while it's not fair he doesn't have to do anything, that my brother uses weaponised incompetence like a pro and after half a dozen occasions of pouting, grumbling, whining and doing it wrong on purpose, they win and you just stop asking them to help. And at that point, if I don't help my mum with chores, who will? It's not fair to her that neither of her kids help her, so I help for her sake, and because I shouldn't lower myself to his pathetic standards and lack of conscience. Plus it feels good to make my mum happy by helping
It's exhausting hearing people use the "i'm not that smart" excuse as a justification for being useless or lazy. You're smart enough to go online, play video games and figure out how to use your phones. Therefore, I'm sure you're smart enough to figure out some basic shit like boiling 4 eggs and washing your dirty dishes within 24 hours and not a fucking week.
What gets me is most is the stuff they claim they're not smart enough to do, is things that I was doing regularly by middle school. So are you saying you didn't pass 5th grade. 💀 I have a lot more to be concerned about than your ability to do the dishes correctly then. Especially if I made the horrible mistake of procreating with you.
you could literally train an ape to do these things but these men (who also often want to be head of the household...) claim they're not smart enough?? do they just sit at work and dribble all day?
it is truly a toxic and manipulative behavior i just wanted to add a note if it is a neurological difference causing it, it might be an explanation rather than an excuse and they might not be aware of it and call themself stupid and stuff. when you are aware of it and work trough it most things get easier tho.
Women initiate divorce proceedings more often than men. I wonder why?. Men who practice weaponized incompetence end up resentful of their husbands. Eventually, they surprise their husbands with a divorce. It's cheaper in the long run to just do some of the housework and childcare. I just told my husband he was wonderful because he never acted like this in the over thirty years we've been married.
Honestly I know three men who asked for a divorce but refused to/couldn’t be bothered to actually file - forcing their (ex) wives to file - so the men could then act all sad about how she divorced him. Bizarre behaviour.
@@Eshnoazotthat’s why it’s so high. Filing for divorce means who actually does the paperwork. Unfortunately a few men make their wives do it for them, which counts as HER filing for divorce first.
The clip of the poor pregnant woman being asked by her manchild if he should change a poopy diaper gave me a flashback to a friends husband. We were in their living room watching tv and their youngest child (toddler working on potty training, so diapers were still in use) started taking off her dirty diaper right in front of us and he just ignored his child literally right in front of him until she ASKED him to pls change a diaper.
This is the reason why I left my ex's ass after 3 months living together, so much incompetence. Bro was older than me and didn't even know the basics about anything
I don't wonder why. It's because you had infinite choices and that's the best you could do. Birds of a feather flock together, misery loves company and toxic finds toxic. Then y'all wonder why good men don't initiate marriage... it's more entertaining to grab some popcorn and watch the next episode of "trouble in paradise." But I'm sure women are perfect and blameless, it's the men who are the problem.
I remember when my dad threw a tantrum about not being able to cook when we asked him to help in the kitchen. The thing we asked him to do that caused this hissy fit? Empty a salad kit into a bowl. 😑
The dishwasher thing was INFURIATING. I'm a man myself but I was raised in a household that taught all of us kids how to do basic household chores, regardless of gender.
As someone who doesn't have a dishwasher, I cringe every time I hear someone complain about loading or unloading it. C'mon the machine does all the hard work, some people are just lazy.
I say it again and again, some men can take a whole engine apart and put it back together again, but claim they don't know how a washing machine works. It's idiotic.
as an Asian kid with Asian parents i can tell you my dad is dumb and absent enough i forget i have a dad, mum basically raised us on her own from the moment she gave birth a day later he force her back to work. she had to do both nursing/childcare, chores, home cooking and work and all he did was work but even then it was obvious mum did 90% of it
As an Asian, the household where I grew up is kinda different from the typical "man works" & "woman does the chores." While in fact there was a helper/maid, both my parents shared tasks & they did not rely 100% on the presence of the helper because my dad has always been "I'll fix what needs to be fixed" & he simply couldnt settle not doing anything after his precious coffee/newpaper time & afternoon naps. If something needs to be trimmed in the garden, he does it or if the dishes arent washed, he does it. At times it's my mom's turn but everything is shared, incldg the cooking (except when mom is the only person who could cook the dish). There was one moment a relative came to our house & was surprised how my dad simply washed the dishes upon seeing instead of calling my mom or maid, who was at that time, entertaining the guests. "How come your husband does chores?" My mom responded by asking, "how is this weird?" They never answered back.
@@AdiSchwarz same, in my household growing up, my dad did most of the chores and the cooking as well as working 6 days a week. however, both my parents sucked at communicating and their marriage grew apart so they separated after i became an adult. he's enjoying his retirement now since he lives alone and can stay up as late as he wants to watch dramas and read novels.
@@iseul7353 I'm sorry to hear that. But at times, it is more logical to part ways than to keep something that's not longer working. I'm happy for your dad. I hope you & your mom are also doing well. :)
If anything, maybe she'll make a second batch of pumpkin bars with the extra. Pumpkin isn't only for freaking "Thanksgiving", anyway. I put pumpkin in oatmeal and smoothies, too... relatively cheap and filling without being crazy sweet.
i tried that shit as a kid and my mom forced me to sit there and learn how i "didnt know" how to sweep, mom would be like "then learn" and i would learn how to do shit lmao no weaponized incompetence in my house, frfr
Are you glad she did now? That you can have a clean place, clean your own clothes etc? Do you think some guys date girls just so they’ll take care of them but not even really like them?
@@phoenixgirl70 of course, I'm more than thankful that she didn't let that shit slide. and yeah, I think some dudes just want a live in maid that they can boink.
Right? When i lived with my uncle he would do the same. He would look at the dishes i just washed and if one wasn't done correctly, he would take them all and dump them back in the sink and made me redo them.
One thing that sparked a dim light behind my exes eyes was when I told him TO PRETEND I WAS HIS BOSS ASKING HIM. It's EXHAUSTING. He seemed to grasp slightly how ridiculous it was. Didn't end up working, though. My new partner works in childcare- he does fun activities and changes kids diapers all day. He came over and did my whole family's dishes without even asking (while we were arguing actually- he was just killing time!). men who do 50/50 not only exist, but there are men who will voluntarily do more.
I’m glad my dad doesn’t care about gender role thing. He makes money, but when he’s at home, he does chores too. Cleaning up the aquarium, tending the garden, mop and sweep the floor. It’s like automatic to him. Cleaning should never be a gender thing. Even when you’re single, you should have the responsibility to keep things clean and tidy. Starting from your own bedroom. Cleaning is like taking shower, it’s basic necessity.
SAME! My father had a full time career as a mechanical engineer, but when he came home he rarely sat down. My mom did most of the cooking, but my father would step up when needed. My father cleaned, did laundry, knew how to fix things around the house, helped my brother and I with homework, and generally made sure the house was kept together. If anything he was more detail oriented about cleaning than my mom was. I had an easier time transitioning into adulthood because of how diligent my parents were making sure I knew how to take care of myself. It isn’t about gender but about being an adult. If these dudes were in my father’s house he WOULD NOT stand for this piss poor behavior.
Yep, my parents have their flaws but I can never fault my dad for being incapable of the basic chores you have to do to stay alive. He did most of the cooking, all of the yardwork, and was perfectly capable of cleaning up the kitchen and doing his laundry.
Same. My dad is Arab and my mom is a SAM (chronically ill, id the biggest reason as to why she isn't working). Dad did 40% of the chores and child caring (which in my opion is a lot for someone who works fulltime), even though he was the only one working. He did quite a lot, especially for us kids. The one job my mom had that my dad never did was cooking. My dad always did the laundry though. All the other chorse were split. I think what made a big diffrence is that my dads sister was a teen mom and my dad had to help taking care of his nephew until he went off to college. So I think he got used to taking care of chores and children from a young age. And he cant stand dirt.
My dad has no patience for anything but he'd prefer building a deck from scratch over cooking dinner for his family. Ya know why? He'll only do the big, complicated jobs just so he has something to guilt trip us with if we ever asked him to do the little jobs. "I built that deck 3 weeks ago! What do you mean you want me to do laundry?!" I've seen this behavior in other dudes too. They're transactional. They purposely frame housework as worthless, tedious, humiliating little tasks but their work is important and way too complicated for you to figure out so it's value greatly outweighs housework. They only do those big things because they want you to "owe" them. So they can sit on their ass as you work off the imaginary "debt" they've instilled into your relationship. You constantly do the humiliating little tasks that keep the household functioning while he does the rare big project whenever one happens to come along. If you call him out on it he'll call you ungrateful and groan about how hard his work is. But he's the one that that's perpetuating a transactional system of guilt against his family (especially his wife) to avoid doing basic house chores. 🤦♀️
Right. It's not about lack of ability, it's about the lack of will. They couldn't care less and are happy to cause struggle, even purposeful struggle to their "loved" ones.
My parents were exactly like this. Mom did everything, made all our appointments, got us ready for school, worked full time, cooked, cleaned, even did the yard work and washed the cars. Dad had a bunch of tools he never used but claimed were for fixing things and his excuse for why he did nothing ever? "I work." Like my mom didn't? Insane! The only thing I remember about him was that he'd step in to punish us when we were misbehaved, nothing else. Now my younger brother acts similarly useless and lets his twin sister work to support him while he sits around at home doing nothing. Cis men, get it together, help your wives, girlfriends, sisters, roommates. Nobody is going to want you if you're useless, especially if you dont financially compensate enough to be so useless.
@@pedrokantor3997 I'm a trans guy, we don't usually have this problem due to how we're raised (as girls), so I am speaking to a certain group of men. Feel free to make your own comment if you don't like the way I write mine.
Aren't they told by the doctor of the 40 mandatory days of rest after giving birth? In my country that's a big thing, any major movement after birth can land you hospitalized again because your body needs to recover
@Dani_1012 God I wish. American women in particular return to working full time incredibly early. I haven't checked the stats since 2019 (when I had my last baby) but it used to be like half of women return to work within 2 weeks. On an anecdotal level instead of a stats level, I've had an appendectomy and a c section and it's surprising how much more leeway you get for one emergency abdominal surgery than the other. Like I only was given Tylenol for pain for the c section and was generally expected to keep going like nothing happened and when my appendix burst I got decent pain killers and was actually allowed to rest in bed. When you throw a baby in the equation people generally expect you to ignore all your needs and injuries and they only worry about the baby
@Dani_1012 Unasked for update: I just had a second emergency c section and they really do have you running all over the darn place afterwards. At least I got something more than just Tylenol this time around.
Women "Forgetting" how to have sex will solve a lot of those problems. "Oh honey, you are just so good at pleasing yourself, I don't want to try any more. I will just mess it up". Five minutes later husband suddenly knows how to mop, vacuum, and cook.
7:50 OMG ‘HOW TO BUILD ARLECCHINO’ IS ABOUT GENSHIN IMPACT, SHE WOULD HAVE JUST RELEASED SO PEOPLE WERE SEARCHING HOW TO MAX HER DAMAGE OUTPUT BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
My partner and I are 10 years together, he started using weaponised incompetence only about 2 years ago, which is very annoying, so you cannot predict whether your partner is useless from a get go. It takes fucking years of them being normal and helpful, and then, bam! I “forgot” how to do it. Despicable.
If he's being influenced have a talk about you two needing to go into couples counselling about this. This does justify divorce. Inequitable division of domestic labour is abuse.
I would start telling him, he needs to pull his shit together and if he doesn't then start to warn him about leaving him. And then leave him if he doesn't improve. Or see if there are any lessons for home cleaning and sign him up for it.
i've lived with a dad who used this excuse for my entire life and it took my mother 33 years to finally leave him. if i am ever in a situation like that lady in the tiktok who caught covid and left the kitchen in that state, i am instantly divorcing my partner. there's no way i'm dealing with that bullshit for 33 years.
It’s definitely not everyone! I’ve been married to a great guy over 12 years, and my dad is the same. The big things for me were being with someone who proved they’re a good person, not just good to me-so they have strong, internal moral standards regardless-and someone who shows they have good life skills and make a solid team with me
@@user-sg4ov7ng4h It's not average. Every guys I know in relationship doesn't do that at all. The few I knew that was like that was the typical douchebag sexist or mostly old people.
if you care for someone you help them, in a relationship you help eachother if the person who "loves" you, chooses to be incompetent, they love resting and being lazy more than you
The “make a roast after giving birth” clip is why I’m dodging relationship like the plague. Some men don’t understand the gravity of pushing a grapefruit sized head out of a walnut shaped hole that spent hours trying to accommodate said grapefruit. Or getting sliced open like a choice cut to bring life into the world. A lot of women ain’t built like Ciara and can 1, 2 Step they way back to regular.
been waiting for edvasian to cover this topic, it’s pretty insane how a lot of these guys managed to hook up with a woman, start a family with her, and then end up like this. at that point you start to question if they even love their partner, or even their life in general
They wanted a 'mother' kind of existence helping to clean their mess, says a lot abt their r/s with their own mother. They dont reciprocate becuz their mothers tell them they r gd enough just existing 😂
Because women mostly care about looks and status. And that's naturally who they will end up with. If you are a woman and you have standards in the right areas, then this will never happen to you.
Men like that tend to gravitate towards women with low self esteem, because they know they’ll be able to get away with doing less than the bare minimum
That isn't narcissistic behavior. Uneducated people throw that word around like crazy. Ypu probably call him that also with no diagnosis. He isn't helping you cause simply cause he doesn't love. He probably doesn't love you because you throw unnecessary insults calling him me tal illnesses he more than likely doesn't have. You can't even comprehend how rare a diagnosis.of true narcissism even is. I k ow EXACTLY why he stopped helping you.
Yep. Every guy I dated knew how to keep things clean until the second they move in with me and then suddenly, things get dirtier the more they claim to clean it which made taking turns even more unfair.
talking from experience with my husband, men truly believe or make themselves believe that nothing women go through is as bad as what they go through. I just gave birth and I’m postpartum and I’ve been cooking and cleaning and taking care of all of our children, including the newborn all by myself while on two hours of sleep. and every time I tell him I’m exhausted, he starts comparing his eight hours of work to mine and saying that I don’t know how hard it is. I literally had my vagina ripped open. Not only am I physically fucking hurt, there’s also hormones that make me mentally unstable at the moment because I’m handling so much shit. I could literally lose a limb, and my husband would still think that he’s in more pain than me if he has the flu.
“Learned helplessness” or “affected helplessness” is the death for me. I work in a care industry run by bosses who are very politically focused on (being seen) ‘helping the needy’ but have no real-life grasp of how needy anyone can be when they want you to do stuff for them for free. The helpless Bambi eyes and wobbly lips of full-ass-grown-adults who have successful jobs and kids and mortgages and yet somehow can’t handle sending an email or gathering basic documents to help themselves is terrifyingly prevalent.
This makes me so angry and is the reason I broke up with my ex. I wish more women were in the position to walk away when it's obvious their partner has no respect for them. In saying that, mothers need to stop babying their sons. Daughters are always taught how to do this stuff but sons get away with doing nothing (generally speaking). Teach your children how to do things so they can become functioning adults and have a better chance of an equal and successful relationship.
If your partner complains about you "always saying Im gaslighting", thats all the red flags you need. They are even waving it in front of you, reminding you of how many red flags you have picked up on.
Mine would claim he didnt even know what gaslighting was lmfao he was such an expert at it. Glad we're broken up now and I'm not actually crazy, he's just a master manipulator.
"I didn't lie to you! I might have omitted the truth but this only shows we have to work on our communication problems! I understand that it's hard for you to get over your trust issues, but I am not your ex!". He wasn't gaslighting in the original definition (most aren't), but damn was he a good liar and able to turn things around and around until you thought you are the one being crazy and that you might actually have trust issues that you just never noticed or had any impact on your thoughts in any other relationship before. Best decision ever was to refuse to pick up the phone after a fight and force him to spell it all out in writing with no chance to backtrack or successfully deny he ever said that. In this sense, I completely understand why that woman was filming, it's the best thing you can do. I am lucky though, fell for it once and got out quickly in a way that proved me right in listening to my gut feeling. And if you know one, it's so much easier to see the subtle signs in others.
My step dad was 26 years older than my mom, so silent generation, and this wasn't a problem in my house. I think those men were just built different. He kept that house spotless, and we had the best yard in the neighborhood. In fact, his rose garden was featured in a local magazine in the 90s. He did all of this while being a full time department head at a grocery store. Went to work at 4am, 5 days a week and then would get home around 1pm and get the house cleaned and start dinner. Because this is how i was raised, i made damn sure i married a man who could do the same. My husband and i keep the house spotless with 3 kids, 2 dogs, and a cat. You wouldn't even know we had kids and pets. Heck, he vacuums the bed and sprays it with linen spray before making it because he, and i quote "doesn't want his wife climbing into a nasty bed". Find a man who knows what linen spray is.
no girl, men treat women better when those women are hard to get and someone almost 30 years younger than him was hard to get. If your stepdad was two years older than your mom, he would not have treated her that well.
As teenagers, we (me and my lil bro) would try would try to pull this on my mom. She made us repeat the task as many times as necessary for us to get it right. “Practice makes perfect”. “See, did your hands fall off?”
"Ugh us guys are experiencing a loneliness epidemic no one wants to date us anymore😔🥺" *plays dumb so they can get away with playing video games all day and refuse to contribute anything of value to their partners and families* Nooo really? That's crazy- 🙃
Do you realize the guys doing this are, by definition, already partenered right? The guys living the loneliness epidemic have to do their chores, they have no option not to.
@@TheBayzent I'm aware they are partnered but this type of behavior will most likely result in a divorce or separation. And then they question afterwards why they're single or why they were left
It's not "oh well at least they still do chores when they're single" it's that with this trend of weaponized incompetence in relationships, this behavior is expected therefore if women know that this might happen in a relationship they just won't date/marry them to begin with.
@@KashyapKashyap-zb5hg I'm not an all knowing god who knows exactly why all men are single 😭 but it's definitely a wholeee lot more than just a bad personality like for instance lack of emotional intelligence, toxic masculinity, dehumanizing/objectifying women, being overly aggressive, narcissism, etc etc. Those probably have something to do with it. Idk I don't really date men.. 💀 I'm just going of of what I've heard from basically every woman in my life as well as those online
I dated a guy like this when I was in my early 20s and oh so naive. He was in his 30s. Now I was naive but I was still a firm beliver in responsibility... I tell you the _offence_ that was taken when I told him he needed to book an appointment because of his obvious brain issues. Like my poor inocent self was actually worried, and we have some dementia in my family so I know how sensitive/angry people can get when you raise the question, so I keept pushing it. I really can not recommend this course of action enough. Like everytime they fuck up something completely basic like handwashing a glas, push for a neurological exam. Call a medical advice line in front of them to describe the symptoms. Like genuinly taking it seriously.. they have no defence. This or chicken racing them on how filthy you can live (only advice this if you don't share a lease and you are a complete animal. Don't let mold grow in _your_ kitchen. If it's his tho...)
Yep, same goes for people who have no basic knowledge on how to use a computer, or who don't know how to change a tire, or who have no idea of basic craftmanship.
@@tatamigalaxy-i5r There is a difference between not knowing and being willing to learn, and pretending like you are unable to learn. If you are a regular functioning adult able to hold a job and can't fix your outlook signature despite being shown 5 times how to do it a trip to a neurologist might be a good idea. Because something is obviously not clicking as it should. Especially if you forgett basic skills the moment you enter a relationship. Not being able to wash a glas feels more in line with filling the tank on your car than changing the tires, and if you are in your 30s, own a car, and can't go to the gasstation alone the moment you get a partner... _HIGHLY_ _CONCERNING_
can you imagine your body literally tearing itself apart to release you and your partner's spawn and your partner not understanding why you're not excited to get back to cooking and cleaning?
Excited?! If it was only that. They mean bedrest as in lay down and don't stand up unless you have to pee for at least a week, because maybe you end up with incontinence problems and such in old age if you do
@@judgmentangel5413 in old age??? You get incontinence like a week after birth. If you tore bad it can last years or even for the rest of your life. Doesn't matter you age.
My BF (now husband) used to try something like this he always "forgot" to do his housework so he would do it "tomorrow" and then he "forgot" again. Jokes on him I can handle the ultimate mess and ignore piles of trash the whole year if I want to, I don't even nag about it. I just started to clean things strictly for myself, like one plate for myself before eating. In the end he came to me and said that he really can't make me do anything, and he had tough things and came to the conclusion that unlike mom and dad I actually might leave him for this kind behaviour. At home he had a habit to trick his little brother to do more home chores and if that didn't work out parents would do it anyway. He realised that in the long run this kind of strategy wouldn't be really wise and we should be a team that takes care of our home. So he stopped totally and today I have a husband who does his share without problems. So my advice is (hopefully before children because I don't think that they should suffer from this) that don't do anything. If he washes dishes poorly then hi will eat from dirty plates. If he doesn't do his laundry then he is probably ok to use dirty clothes and smell bad. And if he only sees that you are the problem because you don't serve him it might be a good time to leave that relationship. And if he is completely happy around all the mess then you must think that are you okay with this kind of person whose "clean level" is different from you and make some kind of decision
If a man is capable enough to keep his job then he is capable of doing housework, which is just blue collar work, done for free, by women in the household...not sure why women believe that their husbands' IQ is so low that they can't sweep a floor...
This makes me SO grateful to have a husband who is supportive and respectful. We care about each other, have good manners, and value each other's comfort and wellbeing. It's a huge responsibility to have a good relationship. You can't be a shithead to your partner and expect to have a good relationship experience. Lol.
it's so infuriating seeing ts happen with my own two eyes. my cousin's husband is always sitting on his ass doing nothing around the house while she does every single thing because "she's the one who knows about all those things". it sucks because i've always had this spite against him and she knows but i can't say anything about it because i really value my cousin and i's relationship. hell i've even tried to talk her out of marrying him but alas LOL.
@@elliecheepers i'd be so happy if things would turn out that well, but i'm sure it would make no difference for her since it's most likely the norm for her. i guess growing up she saw that most spouses were that way so it seems like that's how marriage is supposed to be like
I used to use weaponized incompetence as a kid because I didn't wanna do chores, but my mom shot that down IMMEDIATELY with a "Guess you're gonna have to keep doing that till you get good at it"
Husbands have been doing this for centuries and it’s been known as weaponized incompetence for decades. But it’s good to see people talking about it more openly!
i remember when i was a crappy kid i used to pull this shit (haphazardly hanging up clothes to dry on the clothesline), my mom def yelled at me afterwards and i never tried doing it again, thank god she did lol
My parents definitely didn't, but their parents were far better. Strict gender roles meant my grand dads were pretty much never home to do any chores anyway. Also both my grandmoms had several maids to help them so it wasn't that bad, on the other hand ,no dishwasher or washing machine. Good times.
I look back often on my childhood and wonder if I weaponized incompetence as a kid even if unintentionally, or if it was just the opposite and it was trained into me. My dad does it, and I think my mom just got so fed up that she didn't let me do chores growing up because I'd "do it wrong", proceed to not teach me how to do it right, then insist I wasn't allowed in the kitchen, laundry room, etc. And it's not like I never tried as a kid, my mom liked to complain that I tried offering to help with chores all the time when I was little so why didn't I when I got older. I think I just got told no enough times as a kid till I just...stopped trying or learning how to because what was the point if I was just gonna get berated for it no matter what I did. Idk, my childhood was ripe full of simultaneously neglectful yet helicopter parenting and it still screws with me. For an example of this, I taught myself how to cook basic dishes when my parents weren't home so neither of them would stop me from using the stove at the age of 14-15ish. I slowly started leaving hints I'd used the kitchen and it took half a year easing my parents into it till they (mostly) didn't complain whenever I tried cooking. And even then they still didn't let me make my own food most of the time. It shouldn't have been that difficult to get one's parents to allow you to learn life skills.
Sometimes parents are a bit of a control freak in insisting how it has to be done *their* way. In that case, it's time for you to move out as soon as it is financially possible for you to do so. That way, you can develop your household skills as you build your own household together. My mom has such tendencies in that it must be done *her* way and if you're not doing it like that or you're "too slow" (because you're still learning), then she'll take over. She means well, but that's why I no longer bother to do any household chores whenever I'm at her house or whenever she's in my house and taking over my household (which isn't too often thankfully), because we're just going to get in each other's way anyway while doing household chores. I just let her whirlwind 🌪️ around my apartment like a storm so she can get out the excess energy, then when she's gone I do things my own way again.
I'm 23, single, BUT I live in this kind of family. Ever since my three younger brothers got a bit older and are able to do any house chores, my stepfather does absolutely nothing saying that "they are old enough, they can do it". Fun fact, he never raised them to be independent (with this attitude, lol), and my mother always did every house chore herself, because it was easier than pestering my brothers to do it (and I worked overseas in the last 2 years, so couldn't help her at all). But now that I had to stay home due to having surgeries, I'm not willing to be a servant with my mother in my own family. I make my brothers clean the bathroom, the kitchen, and if they aren't doing a good job, I make them do it again. If it's not good enough the second time, I tell them to do it again and again. Another funny thing is that I had surgery (knee) the same day as my mother (shoulder surgery). We stayed in the hospital for one night and by the time we got home the next morning, all they had to say was "when will you cook?". Bro, you have a father, too, what did he do until we were in the hospital??
It's not fucking funny!!! This is patriarchal misogyny and it is much more widespread than one might think. And not just when it comes to chores. Men exploit women whenever they can.
Not just husbands, my roommate complains about a lot of stuff around the flat (I'm new) and then I realise he did nothing to fix or prevent it "the fridge isn't producing enough cold anymore (...) No I haven't defrosted the whole thing since I've moved in, why?😮" I discovered a full drawer that was stuck in ice!!! "Did you know it was there?? _Yeah...?" And making decisions without thinking further, he bought a projector we now have to organise our living room around. That we barely use....
At first I was like OK I can fix it he does help but he still complains afterwards, so now I'm doing minimal service also and if he wants something to change he's gonna have to organise it! At least it's giving me motivation to save to get my own place!!!
When my husband very rarely annoys the shit out of me about a chore or something asinine, I will say, “you’re a big boy, figure it out” strongly agree with the wait until your prefrontal cortex is developed before getting married and live together first to make sure they’re not a train wreck.
My litmus test is whether someone says "can you do it for me, you're much better/smarter than me" instead of "can you explain to me/show me how to do it better so I can do it myself next time?". If it's the former, I nope tf out, no matter who asks.
my mum would literally pass out if she saw some of these houses in such a mess. now i truly understand why she always tells me to wash the plates and do basic housework. (i love her sm)
Or actually learn how to cook... However, you are thinking about it like a well adjusted human being. The root cause of this is that he feels the need to establish dominance and assert control. He wants a fight and he wants to win it.
My ex used to freak out when I'd ask him to unload or load the dishwasher because it was "dumb" then he suddenly and for no reason got weird about laundry detergent and I told him if he wanted his clothes washed so specifically he could start washing his own clothes. After about six years of me making more money and still being expected to handle ALL the household work I peaced out when he physically threatened me. We were married 11 years.
My father is a master of this. Growing up, I NEVER saw him do ANY of the house chores eventhough everybody is equally busy with their own jobs because "he cant do it right" according to my mother. He was laid off at one point but all chores was still on me and my mother. Even carpentry or house maintenance was on us. The only time we had a man to help us was when his father visit us and he is always heaven sent. My father is a good person but that weaponized incompetence was fucking annoying.
My parents are like this and now that my dad retired and mum is still working the conflict gets bigger every day. And it's not just them, I see this type of relationship everywhere that even if I wasn't aromantic, I would probably still decide to stay single because ending up like this would be my worst nightmare especially with kids involved.
I mean, you want us to do it after we do all those other things? Because if you say yes then the answer is no. If both do those things then yes, the guy has to contribute in the same measure.
@@TheBayzent brother, you're not building your house from scratch and coming home with animal meat that you hunt bare handed while coming back from war. You can learn to wash your dirty socks and mop a floor.
@@TheBayzent except you have never done any of those things in your life. you're just stealing valour from more capable men because you think it's going to give you leverage by association.
@@TheBayzent Men of valour and bravery had to make their bed, clean and practice living together even before these things. If life was just about being a physically capable meathead and worker pig, this world you stink even more than it already does.
My dad did this but my mom was having none of it. She got so fed up, she took pictures, put it on the big family group chat with ALL the relatives and blasted my grandma and dad saying something along the lines of "your grown son canb't even run a dishwasher right, what'd you teach him?" and since then, my dad's been in top form, not screwing things up lol
My last relationship with a man was with this sort of "man". He was very good in the beginning at pretending to be responsible and competent, and it took a couple years for the mask to start to slip. As much trauma as I still carry from that relationship, at least it helped me realize that I'm gay and don't want kids under any circumstances.
My dad NEVER EVER cleans up after himself - but had ZERO issues doing so when he was staying on his own while overseas!!!!! My mum just tells us to bE paTiEnT wiTh HiM. I will NEVER get married for this reason - marriage seems to completely rot a person's brains and logic and weaken them past the point of no return.
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Don't tell me you stop dyeing your hair because of my comment on your other video about the skin tones...I fear my ego may explode with ''influencer power'' rush, if that is the case!!! 😀😂🙂
asking a wife to make dinner 2 DAYS AFETR LABOUR has to be the beginning of my villain arc. cause what the actual fuck....
I would have lost it on him. She was way too calm for his outrageous ignorance.
Losing all hope in humanity with that one😭😭
Yeah that's insane. I premade some food (I knew when I was gonna be induced) ahead of time and froze it so he could pop it into the oven for us. He also knows how to make basic stuff or would run out to grab food. He took such good care of me, he'd send me to bed at night to rest and took care of our son all night. He was a champ. 15 years later he's still a great dad/husband.
@@cinnamonsparrowdesigns awww❤️😭
I work retail. Had a lady come in getting boxers for her husband... 3 days after coming home from open heart surgery. She just about passed out as she was leaving the store
My dad, because he was a professional freelance artist, could take care of a lot of the household duties, while my mum worked 8 hours a day. He cooked, cleaned, did the chores, the laundry and ironed everybody's clothes. He could do that and work in his studio too, it was what made him happy.
I remember one day, I must have been a young teen, when I went clothes-shopping with him, and he saw the usual couples: a stern or annoyed women pulling their men behind them to find some clothes, while they either dangled behind with a miffed face, or sat in full inertia on chairs, to wait for their wives to come back with the clothes.
My dad looked at them, and then said to me quietly: "Look at them. Useless. All of them. Can't even buy their own clothes." And then proceeded to go shopping with me, merrily.
He taught me cooking, DIY, fixing things around the house, all very important life skills - but this moment will always stand out to me. Thank you, Papa.
Can I marry your dad? 😂 but honestly, that’s the dream right there. That’s what a partner is.
your dad sounds like a great guy ❤
🫂🩷
He sounds like a nice guy! ❤
Heyyy same! 😊 My dad was a full-time painter starting roughly from the time I was in elementary school to college. My mom worked outside the home, and Dad took on most of the day to day household tasks. He took PRIDE in having dinner on the table by the time my mom came home from work (he became an excellent cook). He was often the primary caregiver for my sister and I, and he and my mom had no issue taking turns and balancing all these duties over the years. So whenever I see men acting like they’re incapable of doing the most basic household tasks, it makes me crazy. I know what a good partner looks like, and these guys are bottom of the barrel by comparison.
No that dishwasher one is 100% weaponized incompetence. You cannot convince me he's never taken something out of a clean dishwasher, seen it on TV, or seen someone else load/ unload the dishwasher. I will die on that hill.
Agree
I will also die on that hill.
I won't lie, I've never loaded a dishwasher, I've never lived in a house with one until literally this year and I'm in my early 30s. However, I just looked for a manual and followed the instructions because I legitimately didn't know how to operate it at all. 😂
At first I felt bad because I always load the dishwasher “wrong”. Then I saw the dishwasher in question. I can’t see that happening by accident.
I saw someone load a dishwasher like this exactly once in my life. It was a 15yo intern with aspergers, who, after me explaining from which directions the water sprays come from, understood why stacking them didn't work and never did it that way again. Turns out he thought the dishwasher completely filled with water during use like a laundry machine, and thus simply threw the plates in like you would clothes lmao. I had a good laugh that day. Great interns otherwise.
I cannot for the life of me find a reason why a grown adult without a disability would ever load a dishwasher like this though. How do you make it to adulthood and do such a thing?
My dad did laundry for the first time last year. He's 60. The only reason he finally did it was because I got so tired of him pretending he didn't know how to that I spent several years making fun of him for it: "Oh, you can get a phd but you can't read the inside of a washing machine?" He finally started doing the laundry. :)
If men want to play at being dumb, they'd better get used to being belittled for it.
I also did this to my dad (he doesn't serve the food for himself, someone has to do it or he does not eat) so I started mocking him lightly whenever he did stuff like this and who would have thought... a month later, he was preparing instant soup in the kitchen for all of us on his own, I laughed a bit, but it was still an improvement, so I took it as a win. My mom started doing the same, and now he sets the table , and half of the time puts his dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I'm proud because he was never taught these things, and I think it all starts by changing/challenging that mentality, we still have a long way to go tho.
i do this ALL the time not just with family members with people everywhere.. if your acting like a re*(*tard*&&*ed idiot then ima treat you like one LOL god damn im not babysitting people lol i dont even do that to people in my family def not doing it for randoms LOL
I'm Asian and if I implied even slightly that my dad is dumb, he'd yell at me for an hour about being disrespectful and ungrateful, etc.
@@nickitoriI live in Central Europe and my parents are the same.
@nickitori I'm an adult and have lived on my own for a while. It took some time for me to get to the point where I was able to comment on his obvious fake incompetence. And it's for sure a dance. I have to phrase it just right and make sure the tone is light enough and do it very rarely. If I were a kid living with them, I doubt I'd do it. Definitely prioritize your safety first.
If my partnership becomes a babysitting situation, I no longer want that partnership.
exactly
Amen to that 🙌
My sister’s fiancé is like that and idk how long its gonna take her to realize this.
@@raicrush my cousin dated a guy like that, my entire family plotted against that damned relationship and now, she married an absolute gem of a guy, we're quite proud of ourselves for it
They don't want a partner they want a mom
I saw a quote once, "If we empower women to work outside the home without expecting men to work inside the home, we aren't empowering women, we are exploiting them"
There's no reason why only one partner should take the brunt of household and childcare chores, when both of them have full time jobs. These husbands come home from work "tired" and spend 6 hours sitting on a couch, drinking beer and watching tv, but expect their wives to clean the entire place, cook dinner, do laundry and other "manly" jobs like putting up shelves when they're equally as tired. So self-centered.
That’s such a good quote!
Lol cooking cleaning washing Al are manly not feminine
Exactly
Then they blame 'feminism is making modern women miserable' when in reality these guys are the ones who are not pulling their own weight and make everyone around them suffer
Exactly. Believe it or not, women also only have 24 hours in a day.
If you’re bad at everything related to parenting or housekeeping, good luck getting any custody.
kinda feel like that that's what they'd hope to happen once the divorce is in order
They don't want it 😢
this type of man are the kind that abandon their kids
I think they regretted the wife and kids so they passive aggressively wanted out single again. It can happen to married man at any age. A man who still wants you will try better just becuz he cares
And then the red pilled manosphere incels on the Internet turn around and claim that the fact that women tend to get custody as some sort of attack on men, instead of the reality which is that men who try to get custody are almost always granted it, it's just that most men don't even begin to try.
My coworker is a male chauvinist. His whole family went camping for family reunion. The wife asked him to grill the steak thats gonna be the highlight of family supper. it cost roughly $200. My coworker deliberately burned it. He was pleased with himself. He told us at work after he's back from vacation. He said the wife ought to know better than to asked him to cook. Its a woman job. We all thought this guy is an idiot.
Cooking meat is a woman’s job?
I can see a very long and angry line of pitmasters waiting to have a word with this guy.
I hope you all told him exactly what you think of him.
Men who complain about how "lonely" they are the same men who are never grateful for the women in their life. They all want a s3x maid not a gf/wife.
@@spookyghostwriter3110 Exactly. I've always viewed "grilling meat" as a stereotypically male job bc many shows portrayed it that way. The male leads from the 90s sitcoms would grill him instead.
@@miepmiep3017yeah right, all of my male older family members are the first one on the grill all the time
Something important to note is that when the husband acts like this, it's not just the wife who hates it - the children notice. Believe me when I say children definitely notice this, especially daughters, and will build up severe hatred and anger against the father, even if he hasn't personally hurt them or done anything to them.
Many men complain about mothers "brainwashing" their children to hate the father even if he hasn't been a bad parent, to get custody. I've personally experienced 2 such situations and seen more where they think like this. They may not be a bad parent, but they were a bad spouse and your child will hate you for making mom clean and cook and tire herself out for days on end.
It's not true in all cases obv, but men love blaming moms as manipulative witches even though they were the neglectful dads in the first place.
Typically this type of spouse is an unreliable parent. So yeah it makes sense they're going to become detached to the incompetent parent because they're always having to rely on the other parent for actual parenting.
i could've written that word for word. My dad had the cheek to tell me, in a sad voice, what a shrew my mom was, as if i had not been there and seen for myself who did what 😂 you have to laugh or you'd pull your hair out.
I'm the product of this sort of relationship, every word of this comment is true! I hate my sperm donor.
I had an incompetent manchild stepdad and I can vouch for this. When he quit his job and made mom cook, clean, and work to make ends meet while he played in his garage I quickly became tired of him and started to hate him and told her every day to get a divorce until she finally left him and I celebrated cause I knew he was a living dead weight. Children do recognize these things, and they hate them. Cause it made me feel guilty as well for being a child and needing my mother cause she was already so stressed.
It's like being a single mom with a grown man in the house. Seems like an unnecessary hassle at that point, not a relationship.
I’m a child of this kind of relationship. Trust me, if you want to have a good relationship with your child, don’t do this. We got used to him never being there for us when we needed him, especially throughout my childhood. Now, we rarely need him around for anything and he’s become very detached from anything going on in the household. It feels like we can’t trust him to do anything, so we don’t trust him at all. It’s very sad to see, but ultimately the only one who can change that is him, by becoming someone we can rely on. He has never done that.
Thank you for attending my therapy session. I have so much more respect for my mother for keeping a household intact while practicing raising TWO CHILDREN on her own.
thanks for sharing, honestly. i grew up with this too, and thankfully our outcome ended with divorce instead of a slow, painful death. that may or may not sound harsh, but it was for the better - for ALL of us. it forced my dad to become (mostly) independent, and he's gotten better for it. but yeah, no, he's nowhere near as close with his kids as he could be - and now that we're all adults and he lives elsewhere, he's feeling that distance. he doesn't take us for granted anymore, and that's the most critical change yet - other than my mom finally taking her life back ❤
same.but my mom raised 3 of us daughters
This perspective is critical, men don't think about how they're children witnessing them acting worthless to their mothers will in fact render them as worthless with lifelong consequences. THANKS for sharing!!
I feel like I could have written this comment 😭
@@asmokeus fontunetly my dad isn't that bad that it would resolve in a divorce but he don't want to do anything in the kitchen that is not breakfest or supper. One time mom was away for a few days. My dad tried to make me load his dishes to a dishwasher. At first he just said "I don't know how to do it" so I replayed with "if a toddler can put a star-shaped brick to a star-shaped hole you can put a plate in a dishwasher. It's only a one level harder. If you won't do it I will not do it too so they will rot". Then he proceed to put it diagonally. DIAGONALLY. He clearly didn't expect that I would say "see? It wasn't that bad" because he said "b-but I put it wrong" ha! so he know how to put it right... anyway - I replayed with "doesn't matter. Less dishes will fit but they will be cleaned even that way" and I shut the dishwasher and started a program. His face - priceless, haha.
Unfortunetly when mom came back she was doing all dishes-related things for him again... but my lesson wasn't completely pointless because he sometimes will load his dishes himself! Or just clean them by hands. It's not much but a progress anyway...
I refused to let my lazy ex husband get away with doing a bad job on tasks. He complained to his family that I wanted him to wait on me hand and foot. I just wanted him to put the laundry away instead of hiding it away on the bunk bed
He hid his laundry??? Like a little kid?
That's such a 5-year-old thing to do
Mhmmm. People who half-ass everything they do... Or not even half-ass, some even quarter-ass it... But then expect me to do everything perfectly. I have to give 150% but they can't even do 25%. It's just manipulation from lazy narcicists. They think they discovered a life hack when they started manipulating people at the age of 7 and then they stuck with that into adulthood. Embarrassing. "I can get people to do things for me, or give me money or gifts" like they are sooooo proud of it. I've had multiple brag about it openly. I hope to dear god when I decide to date again I will just trust my gut this time around. I'm staying single by choice cuz I'm so fucking mentally done with abusive manipulators. I've survived 6 manipulators total. When you get groomed as a child to tolerate shitty treatment you tend to attract shitty friends and boyfriends too, which happened to me. I've had enough bullshit for a lifetime, I'm using my anti-bullshit nose to sniff them out, usually I'm pretty spot on. I only have to trust myself and I should be fine. When I haven't trusted myself is when disaster happens.
@@authorssdI’m sure that’s exactly what he did as a five year old, and his parents let him get away with it, hence why he’s still doing it as an adult.
He's lucky you do his laundry.
If the parents are disappointed that there’s no roast dinner when they come over to see their new grandbaby, then they only have themselves to blame for how they raised their son
And for being obnoxious entitled visitors instead of helpers. The woman should've held better boundaries both with him and his family.
For any woman considering getting pregnant read "the lemon clot essay"
They should also be disappointed in themselves, coming over two days after a baby was delivered and expecting dinner to be made. They should be bringing dinner.
The grandparents should be coming over to MAKE dinner for a couple of days and help out as best they can.
That's the kind of sh!t my ex and his dad would have pulled (and did after I had surgery)... Fortunately, after the kids' births, the ex-MIL was around and would bring dinner. We didn't get along, but at least I had that to be grateful for.
The making a roast 2 days after giving birth due to the in-laws coming over...if the in-laws are coming to see the new baby, it is supposed to be to help the new parents, not to make life even harder!
Okay, is this a white people thing? Cause growing up black, we know that if you're going to see the new baby, bring something or offer to do something. New parents are in over their heads and could always use a little help. A Black auntie will stock your fridge with enough food to feed a platoon on shore leave, and still ask if you need a few loads of laundry done.
Soo true. My mom never lets all of my sister in laws works one bit after they gave birth for more than a month!! I tend to get mad because I have to cover for it or my mom will overwork herself to do it. I still get mad to my sister in laws when I have to cover for their chores after they gave birth to be honest, but I get it. 😂
Ahh, you haven't met my ex-inlaws.
Yup! When my older sister gave birth to her first daughter, my mom, my second sister and I were there everyday for a month and a half to help her and her husband with chores and we would make them lunch. After the month and a half, we would take turns going over to their house to help with anything, whether it was watching my niece while they napped, to helping them with yard work. My oldest sister is pregnant right now and we’ll definitely be helping her and her husband out again the same way. I can only hope though that when I have kids WAY in the future, they’ll help me the same way too
You aren’t even supposed to be around a newborn that early after birth since they have fragile immune systems.
I remember seeing a post someone made where their dad tried that shit. He claimed he didn't know how to clean the kitchen so the mom very sweetly showed him. She cleaned the whole kitchen completely spotless. She then with a big smile on her face spread chocolate syrup all over every surface so he could show her what he learned.
😂 that is lovely.
Goals (ur mom I mean)
Awww
She’s a good one because I wont accept someone trying to put that shit on me
If you're at that level of pettiness (both sides), you need to work on your relationship. Or you're better off getting out (whether it's a partnership or otherwise).
Mind you, I'm not taking sides in the above example. For all I know, they both work full time and he skirts his duties - or she's supposed to be stay at home while he works 12 hours a day ... I don't know and I've seen both scenarios.
What I am saying is that in a functioning relationship, you communicate with respect and care. When you have a problem, you bring it up without (passive-)aggressive BS and you get a respectful, caring answer. Maybe not always immediately, and maybe sometimes there's some temper involved. But when the dust settles, there absolutely *has* to be a deep need to connect with each other or else you're not going to get things to work long-term.
People always think that love is bringing home flowers or engaging in bed-room activity. No, love is respecting your partner/family/friend even when you disagree and wanting to find common ground. Being able to compromise without feeling a sting, being able to give without having to silently keep track. Both parties absolutely must engage in this mutually. It cannot be one-sided.
So, if you find yourself out of balance ... figure out what's going on. Sometimes it's the wrong kind of person, sometimes it's the wrong kind of habits. You can't fix the first, you can fix the second.
My dad used to do this all throughout my childhood and my mom would have these big explosive reactions because she felt unappreciated and overworked. I can still see her screaming at the kitchen sink while my dad sat on a recliner watching TV. I would literally rather die alone than be a grown man’s glorified maid, cook, therapist, nanny, etc.
She’s now so confused when I explain how I do not want a husband or children lmao
Are you making fun of your moms suffering? The lmao at the ends implies that you find it funny
@@kiriki4558 no not at all, I think she deserved way better. What’s “funny” is living through the trauma of that and then having somebody suggest “okay so possibly you next?” And them thinking you’re going to be so ready to happily risk being put in a similar position. To its core it’s not funny at all, it’s just a way people who have gone through this kind of trauma cope with how damaging it was for everyone involved.
@@chlo4299 It does sound traumatic, watching your mom suffer while your dad abused her via neglect. I'm glad you've made a commitment for self-respect/ set standards for yourself that you won't tolerate a "partner" who doesn't understand equality in domestic labor. That must have been so frustrating to witness as a kid.
Same for me. I am Indian and my mom works a full time job along with cooking, cleaning and doing all the household chores. She comes home around 8 pm and does all the chores by herself meanwhile my dad just sits at home all day or hang around with his friends(Also i moved to another city so i cannot help her with the chores but my brother does).Besides, he has cheated on her multiple times and badmouthed her to his friends.She asked him to help her a lot of times but he would just verbally abuse her.I told my mom to divorce him but she is afraid of how others will treat her becauses divorce is kinda like a sin in the indian culture. Although she supports my decision of not getting married and having children. My dream is to become rich and move away from my place to somewhere else with my mom and give her the best life.
I honestly don’t think she’s confused, maybe it’s denial? That’s my case with my family. It took several confer before they finally agreed & started their own discussion about how terrible it is.
group projects are the reason why batman works alone.
Alone? - Robin? Nightwing? Batgirl? Oracle? Co. Gordon? Alfred? Catwoman? Lucious Fox?...
Ye...a real lone wolf that one...
@@Dead_Kerbal oh my thanks for proving ed right. you really do open yourself up to criticism. well done
@@Peajay007 What did i prove exactly, buddy? that batman does ''group projects'' constantly since the first apearence at detective comics? All i did was trow some easely verifiable facts that contradict your statement. And also sarcasm, i trew some of that too. 🦇🦇🦇
@@Dead_Kerbal ok I'm trying really hard not to laugh at how serious you're being. lighten up mate. its a saying that's it. its not that deep.
@@Peajay007 yeah, we all know it's a saying but I'm laughing at the fact that you actually were proven wrong, yet instead of admiting that in a lighthearted manner you try to shame the person who made the comment, acting as if they are pathetic for reading comics, nice manipulative tactic😂
I got married in 1978. One of my husband-to-be’s bosses told him that if I ever asked him to do anything, to make sure he screwed it up so I would never ask him again. *sigh*. This makes me SO sad. How are we still here? 😢
I’m sure if you told your husband to treat his boss that way, there’d be hell to pay.
@@WaitingxInxSilence Spoiler alert! We aren’t married any more.
Hope the divorce wasn't that long after bc I'm SURE he obliged in the 70's
@@ruddiko I read 70s and immediately thought about Thats 70s Show with Eric picking the most ugliest couch that Dona had to pick it herself and do it all. Apparently Red had told him this so she wouldnt ask him again.
So sorry to hear that, it’s such a toxic mindset… This is why the modern ladies are going 4B - they’re tired of being stuck in antiquated gender roles too! 👏
Reminds me of times where I've overheard men telling their buddies that they shouldn't have to lift a finger in a marriage because their ONLY requirement is to give the woman a ring & go to work. "Once the wedding is over, it's her job to keep the man from leaving."
Bet those are the same types who act surprised when they get served divorce papers.
It's called the "walkaway wife syndrome" and it's exactly what happens to many of these men. But sadly so so many get to exploit the woman for years if not decades before she finally leaves them
That’s genuinely so disturbing, like these guys don’t actually care about you, they just pretend to get a servant for life!?
men are exposing how they really feel about relationships en masse and are surprised that women are deciding to not date anymore
@@JustMooshie exactly why I see no real benefit to marriage anymore. It's no longer treated as a mutual union of love or respect & more like ownership of a whole person.
@@v.anessa1451 right? In some ways it's a blessing that many feel so arrogant that they no longer hide it & are easier to avoid. Overall though, it's just disappointing.
Please, my fellow women, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get a feel for how your bf does his chores and takes care of his space before marrying him. Also, if your friends and/or family members are telling you they don't like the guy, LISTEN TO THEM.
same goes to men... or we gonna pretend there arent useless women out there that dont even know how to open a fauset 😂
funny thing is: my ex husband was perfectly cababke of cleaning, cooking and all other stuff before we got married even while we lived together befire marriage and he ist cabable of doing it since we are seperated. But while beeing married and having two children he used this weaponized incompetenz and also excuses like mowing the lawn once a week to not do anything 😐
what if ur gfs mom just doesn't like you cuz ur trans
Some men like this are perfectly capable of doing chores alone, but as soon as a woman starts living with them, they ragdoll somehow.
@@corvidKinq then your gf would probably know they don't like you because you're trans and nothing about weaponized incompetence or mistreatment in the relationship would apply dude.
It must be terrifying to have someone's baby and find out they don't care enough about you to inconvenience themselves
Selfishness really is the most broadly taught masculine trait
@-Desire Don't carry his baby then? It's not as if these kimd of behaviors are not telegraphed years becore anything gets serious.
If they would care they would WNAT TO DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE aka NEVER an inconviniance
Do not say things as a task but say it if you MEAN IT
@@TheBayzent We have no clue if he was always bad or gradually became worst. Nevertheless, she isn't to blame for his shitty behavior.
@@TheBayzentwhy even bother to get married to a woman you don't love or respect?! I know you're most likely *viciously* single with a personality like that, but you should stay that way for all our sakes. 🙏
When I met my ex husband, he had a clean house and cooked all the time. After we married, he slowly stopped doing all of that and once we had twins, completely stopped all of it. I was a married single mother. Even our children’s drs were asking if I was a single mother because they never saw him. He even refused to change diapers or bathe them because they were girls. 🤦🏽♀️
So I decided if I was going to be a single mom, I might as well be a single mom. Now my house is cleaner, I have way more money, and I have less stress because I don’t have anyone trying to control my life. ❤
The diaper bathe thing is actually really creepy...it suggests he thinks there is something sexual about changing and bathing his own children...gross
To these types of men, especially the ones who have become fathers...You don't say "help the wife take care of the child" or "help my wife clean", because that implies it is her "duty" as a wife to clean and raise the kids, when in reality it is both the mother and the father responsible for cleaning up the house, and raising the kids. You wanted to start a family, step up to the mf plate and be grown- you don't "help", you DO cause it is also your responsibility, it ain't just your wife's.
They should tell the dudes "If I'm the one doing all the cooking, cleaning and childcare then what do I need you for?"
if feels like men live life like they have to.
they have children but don't take care of them, don't know anything about them.
they live to live lmao.
reminds me of the ask reddit about a 2 year relationship and she was pregnant, she asked us why he's useless rn when she's like 6 months pregnant.
in her other posts she mentionned he had a 10 yo daughter too but don't have a room for her in their house, someone speculated it's to avoid doing things for her. (+ potential step mother (so op) having to buy her birthday gifts cause he doesn't know what to get his own daughter)
@@伏見猿比古-k8c My mom did that, after the divorce there was no food in the house and the 5 acres I grew up on went into foreclosure, and she wasn't able to raise 2 kids as a single mother. So just don't be surprised if your kids wash their hands of you for that one when they're old enough to think about it. Deadbeats make excuses for broken homes, not good parents.
She still breaks down sobbing because of her time on the street, like she didn't cast everyone else out there years before and throw us to the wolves.
What if they didn't want to start a family? It's not as if they have any choice.
@@TheBayzent Honestly if they don’t want a family they need to be wearing protection every single time they have sex and making that very clear to their partners/hook ups from hour 1 of meeting them. If someone isn’t willing to take no for an answer and tries to change you, leave them. Don’t go along with it until children are in the mix and you abandon them. It’s so easy to get yourself out of that kind of relationship by simply being honest and straightforward from the beginning. Children don’t magically appear out of thin air, they are the result of a choice at least once party has made (cause unfortunately in rape cases only 1/2 people consented to that decision and the other has it forced on them). Yk how people always say “women need to keep their legs closed” or whatever, same goes for men who don’t want kids! Both sexes gotta keep their shit closed or wear lots of protection if they wanna mess around without the consequences.
In my opinion, people who do things poorly on purpose have no self-respect. Don't you want to do well? Don't you want to be proud of your achievements? Don't you want people to be happy when you enter a room? For the people you love to trust you? Truly baffling behaviour to me.
some people's parents only gave one job to their kids: letting them be kids. this definitely doesn't help when they don't have magic chores fairy once they find a partner and end up being a child in an adult body.
to be honest, i really didn’t do a whole lot of chores growing up. my mom liked having control over things so my only real responsibilities were bringing my dishes to the sink, keeping my bedroom clean and walking my dog. i never got specific “training” on how to clean. BUT I STILL KNOW HOW TO CLEAN. it’s not hard! it’s not rocket science! so it really baffles me that people make it to adulthood and still can’t put 2 and 2 together?????? how do you not just fucking figure it out?? WILD. it’s one thing if they don’t know but are willing to learn, but we all know 99% of people like that don’t care about ever learning how to clean anything. i could never date somebody like that, much less marry them and have a kid with them 😂
@@mm-ln9swyeah same I was raised an only child so my mom doesn’t mind doing all the cleaning I mean it’s been like this my whole life but I don’t mind cleaning either way
@@dt4654people who had good childhoods are always a pathetic mess
I was thinking the same thing. I’d be mortified if my partner thought of me as an inept slob
My kids learned the “I can’t do it right” from their father. They learned that if they weren’t good at something I’d just have them do it more often until they learned. Their father quit using that excuse.
definitely the better approach than the one I was raised with, which was "you didn't do it the exact way I would have done it therefore it's wrong and you were wrong to do it." 😬
@@Romanticoutlaw I have have mix of both, it ready messed with mine confidence.
It messed with my confidence so hard that I started to do the weaponized incompetence while not meaning to.
@@rafsandomierz5313 Same. If it's never correct, then why bother? My mom was kind of like that when I tried household chores in her home, so I needed to learn everything as an adult when I got my own apartment. And she still takes over my household when she comes over, so I just tune her out and let her didder around until she's gone, then I do everything my own way again. 😂
@@rafsandomierz5313 Unfortunately, this is very common among people raised by controlling narcissists.
"Weaponized incompetence" is judgmental language, and it shouldn't be used because it creates more self-loathing. Instead, the academic term "learned helplessness" is more useful.
If you can’t manage maintaining half your house while in a relationship you shouldn’t be in one. What baffles me is a lot of these people are fine on their own but expect to not do anything once in a partnership? That’s not how it works buddy, we’re dating/living together I’m not your housemaid 💀
Exactly!!
Yep, same goes for finances. If you can't contribute 50% financially, then you are a loser and shouldn't be dating.
@@tatamigalaxy-i5rhonestly I disagree but if you don’t work equal time, you need to do more in the house. It works well as long as everyone is busied around the same time!
A couple of months after my ex and I moved in together, he came up to me and said; 'All my socks are dirty,' in this sad tone of voice and looked at me helplessly. He was 24. Sir.
@K.C-2049 ofc so that partner should do more cuz they weren’t as busy is what I’m saying! Anyways healthy communication is the go to
12:15 "i'm not gaslighting you! you always say i'm gaslighting you and i'm not-"
[velvety old narrator voice] he was, indeed, always gaslighting her
😂
When he said that I was like maa'aaam why'd you have his baby???!!!!
@@869ofuncertainty we don't know when he started being like that. These people typically don't lead with that, they act like normal decent people until some milestone has been achieved and they feel sure that you won't run if they start showing their real self little by little. Usually starts after you buy a house together or get married or after pregnancy has been confirmed.
I saw a comment from a guy saying weaponized incompetence doesn't exist women are just high maintenance, but the last guy who said that to me was an incel so now I think men who call their partners high maintenance are really the high maintenance ones.
@@itsalwayshalloweenexceptwh5118unfortunately, when they say that you've called them a gaslighter multiple times and it's so reoccurring and they don't reflect on that. Red flag galore.
These type of men will literally not even do a single chore or care about their children but then complain about not getting custody
as a Filipino who manually washes the dishes by hand, it's crazy for me to think that even putting the dishes in the dishwasher is something they couldn't do right. this is why I'd rather be a single mom than to be with someone like that AGAIN.
Good for you! I hope everything goes well for you and your children
I read from a Passport Bro that the foreign wives will "work full time jobs and come home and do all the cooking and cleaning". That is what they want and they are going to the Philippines for that. They want to go somewhere where they can still exploit women. Happy you got out of that.
I’m a mid forties white woman in America so I’m basically invisible to these types of men. I’ve lost count of how many groups of ageing American men I’ve heard shamelessly talking to each other in public about this. They target women from “third world” countries or refugees and try to exploit them as you know/read about. They have the entitled audacity to say that what they offer is mutually beneficial. Disgusting. Glad women know this and are educating each other on what to watch for.
A dishwasher is more cost efficient than washing by hand.
Yeah it’s literally one of the easiest tasks to do. A child could do it.
My boyfriend took photos of everything in my apartment at one point and used his photos as reference to clean my entire place when i had a rought time at my uni. Its not about their ability, its their will to do learn. IF THEY WANTED THEY WOULD!!
I love that! Sounds like a keeper, and so do you!
How did he know in advance to take the photos for that purpose
@Lolvi6 he did it because he knew he would like to help around the apartment when he stays over so it was more like planning ahead for a situation that would inevitably happen at some point. He is just super thoughtful🥰
Sounds like a keeper! ❤
The fact that they have to learn this as adults, instead of being taught as children really shows how little our society expects of men and boys. I've heard so many stories of eldest daughters treated much harsher than their brothers, becoming a 2nd parent and expected to do all the cooking and cleaning for their siblings while their brothers could lay around and do nothing all day. All this while also dealing with school, societal expectations, and growing up with little guidance from their parents. Speaking from experience.
I refuse to help with chores if my brother is allowed to laze around. The "because you're a girl" was said several times and I answered back "we are both children of this household and I don't pick my gender". Thank goodness my brother is capable of basic house chores 🤷♀️
I got slapped with that mess (eldest daughter here). My older brother and younger sister weren’t expected to lift a finger. I was always yelled at for not picking up after them. When I’d argue back, I’d be guilted with “don’t be as bad as them. Just because they’re being bad, doesn’t mean you should.
But the thing is, I cleaned up after myself. Not cleaning up after them doesn’t make me anything like them. If I refused to pick up after them, the house would spiral out of control, and my mother would have a meltdown and force everyone to clean. But my siblings would spend like 3 hours bringing a single cup to the sink. So I gradually began doing that too. I’d pick up everything that’s mine, and then spend hours on a single mess someone else had made. I’d be yelled at and punished of course, but it was better than lying down and becoming a maid. So glad I don’t have to deal with that shit anymore. I’d love to see what a trash heap the place has become since I left.
I did that at first, but then I realised that while it's not fair he doesn't have to do anything, that my brother uses weaponised incompetence like a pro and after half a dozen occasions of pouting, grumbling, whining and doing it wrong on purpose, they win and you just stop asking them to help. And at that point, if I don't help my mum with chores, who will? It's not fair to her that neither of her kids help her, so I help for her sake, and because I shouldn't lower myself to his pathetic standards and lack of conscience. Plus it feels good to make my mum happy by helping
It's exhausting hearing people use the "i'm not that smart" excuse as a justification for being useless or lazy.
You're smart enough to go online, play video games and figure out how to use your phones. Therefore, I'm sure you're smart enough to figure out some basic shit like boiling 4 eggs and washing your dirty dishes within 24 hours and not a fucking week.
What gets me is most is the stuff they claim they're not smart enough to do, is things that I was doing regularly by middle school. So are you saying you didn't pass 5th grade. 💀 I have a lot more to be concerned about than your ability to do the dishes correctly then. Especially if I made the horrible mistake of procreating with you.
Ugh my partner uses that one a lot. So deeply frustratingly.
@@korin1131 Surely you meant ex-partner, right?
you could literally train an ape to do these things but these men (who also often want to be head of the household...) claim they're not smart enough?? do they just sit at work and dribble all day?
it is truly a toxic and manipulative behavior
i just wanted to add a note if it is a neurological difference causing it, it might be an explanation rather than an excuse and they might not be aware of it and call themself stupid and stuff. when you are aware of it and work trough it most things get easier tho.
Women initiate divorce proceedings more often than men. I wonder why?. Men who practice weaponized incompetence end up resentful of their husbands. Eventually, they surprise their husbands with a divorce. It's cheaper in the long run to just do some of the housework and childcare. I just told my husband he was wonderful because he never acted like this in the over thirty years we've been married.
It’s WILD to me that someone would rather lose their family than be a responsible functional adult.
Exactly!
Honestly I know three men who asked for a divorce but refused to/couldn’t be bothered to actually file - forcing their (ex) wives to file - so the men could then act all sad about how she divorced him. Bizarre behaviour.
and yet MEN blame women for the divorce rates...how ironic
@@Eshnoazotthat’s why it’s so high. Filing for divorce means who actually does the paperwork. Unfortunately a few men make their wives do it for them, which counts as HER filing for divorce first.
The clip of the poor pregnant woman being asked by her manchild if he should change a poopy diaper gave me a flashback to a friends husband. We were in their living room watching tv and their youngest child (toddler working on potty training, so diapers were still in use) started taking off her dirty diaper right in front of us and he just ignored his child literally right in front of him until she ASKED him to pls change a diaper.
This is the reason why I left my ex's ass after 3 months living together, so much incompetence. Bro was older than me and didn't even know the basics about anything
good for you mate, im glad u got away from that little sh*t
Quick thinking! You dodged a massive bullet!
Glad that you left within a year. Many unfortunately live for years or even decades like this.
"Women initiate most of divorce!", gee i wonder why.
That guilt-trip doesn't even move me anymore. These guys deserve all the divorce they can get
"My wife left me and she took the kids and half my assets!"
Yeah, and you're surprised??? Ridiculous.
I don't wonder why. It's because you had infinite choices and that's the best you could do. Birds of a feather flock together, misery loves company and toxic finds toxic. Then y'all wonder why good men don't initiate marriage... it's more entertaining to grab some popcorn and watch the next episode of "trouble in paradise."
But I'm sure women are perfect and blameless, it's the men who are the problem.
If she took half the assets it means he earned more, why is he doing chores as well?
@@TheBayzent How much he makes has nothing to do with that. Does he live in the house too? Then he does chores.
@@TheBayzentif he would be paid like childcare he wouldn't be the top earner😂
I remember when my dad threw a tantrum about not being able to cook when we asked him to help in the kitchen. The thing we asked him to do that caused this hissy fit? Empty a salad kit into a bowl. 😑
😂🤦🏾♀️
Just flat out tell him, he's a worthless father.
Divorce, babes, divorce.
Funny how no one mentions weaponized incompetence as part of the reason why women initiate most divorces. I can't blame them.
N watch peppa pig
The dishwasher thing was INFURIATING. I'm a man myself but I was raised in a household that taught all of us kids how to do basic household chores, regardless of gender.
As someone who doesn't have a dishwasher, I cringe every time I hear someone complain about loading or unloading it. C'mon the machine does all the hard work, some people are just lazy.
@@Kwijiboblike seriously į never had dishwasher and sering people complain about such a little thing is so stupid
You’re parents did the job they were supposed to which is to raise self sufficient adults!
I saw that and I let out an audible "wtf?!"
That's some high-quality laziness, almost as good as dumping them into the trashcan. I wonder if they even put soap in the machine.
I say it again and again, some men can take a whole engine apart and put it back together again, but claim they don't know how a washing machine works. It's idiotic.
See this is the fear of getting married and or having kids with people. Being stuck in a way with someone who flips and treats you horribly
Exactly, and then when people (mostly women) leave and try to tell their story, they get told they should have “chosen better” 🙄
@@Blakmagic88 I heat that from mostly men. I’ve never heard that from a woman.
But for real, if you take off the rose colored lenses the red flags were already there in most relationships that end like this
@Blackmagic88 Because they should.
@@TheBayzent Troll
as an Asian kid with Asian parents i can tell you my dad is dumb and absent enough i forget i have a dad, mum basically raised us on her own from the moment she gave birth a day later he force her back to work. she had to do both nursing/childcare, chores, home cooking and work and all he did was work but even then it was obvious mum did 90% of it
I feel bad for your mom.
As an Asian who had very overacheiving parents, I feel so bad for your mom.
As an Asian, the household where I grew up is kinda different from the typical "man works" & "woman does the chores." While in fact there was a helper/maid, both my parents shared tasks & they did not rely 100% on the presence of the helper because my dad has always been "I'll fix what needs to be fixed" & he simply couldnt settle not doing anything after his precious coffee/newpaper time & afternoon naps. If something needs to be trimmed in the garden, he does it or if the dishes arent washed, he does it. At times it's my mom's turn but everything is shared, incldg the cooking (except when mom is the only person who could cook the dish).
There was one moment a relative came to our house & was surprised how my dad simply washed the dishes upon seeing instead of calling my mom or maid, who was at that time, entertaining the guests. "How come your husband does chores?" My mom responded by asking, "how is this weird?" They never answered back.
@@AdiSchwarz same, in my household growing up, my dad did most of the chores and the cooking as well as working 6 days a week. however, both my parents sucked at communicating and their marriage grew apart so they separated after i became an adult. he's enjoying his retirement now since he lives alone and can stay up as late as he wants to watch dramas and read novels.
@@iseul7353 I'm sorry to hear that. But at times, it is more logical to part ways than to keep something that's not longer working.
I'm happy for your dad. I hope you & your mom are also doing well. :)
Just buy the dang pumpkin dude. Feed the pumpkin to the dog if you’re so worried about the $3.00 can of pumpkin.
If anything, maybe she'll make a second batch of pumpkin bars with the extra. Pumpkin isn't only for freaking "Thanksgiving", anyway. I put pumpkin in oatmeal and smoothies, too... relatively cheap and filling without being crazy sweet.
Canned pumpkin lasts a little while anyway, unless you’re right on money it’s only beneficial to have extra pumpkin!
@@24shineon well, not worth buying the pumkin, pumkin cans will take up his side of the bed and hide his house and car keys.
If he can't do simple chores, run. You'll never have a partner, you'll have an overgrown toddler.
Stay Single
i tried that shit as a kid and my mom forced me to sit there and learn how
i "didnt know" how to sweep, mom would be like "then learn" and i would learn how to do shit lmao
no weaponized incompetence in my house, frfr
Are you glad she did now? That you can have a clean place, clean your own clothes etc? Do you think some guys date girls just so they’ll take care of them but not even really like them?
@@phoenixgirl70 of course, I'm more than thankful that she didn't let that shit slide. and yeah, I think some dudes just want a live in maid that they can boink.
@@feralperilhaha, that’s why we sarcastically refer to their ideal as a “bangmaid”.
Exactly, this is how these wives should be reacting to their husbands not knowing how to do shit, like, ur an adult so it’s time to learn, tf
Right? When i lived with my uncle he would do the same. He would look at the dishes i just washed and if one wasn't done correctly, he would take them all and dump them back in the sink and made me redo them.
One thing that sparked a dim light behind my exes eyes was when I told him TO PRETEND I WAS HIS BOSS ASKING HIM. It's EXHAUSTING. He seemed to grasp slightly how ridiculous it was. Didn't end up working, though. My new partner works in childcare- he does fun activities and changes kids diapers all day. He came over and did my whole family's dishes without even asking (while we were arguing actually- he was just killing time!). men who do 50/50 not only exist, but there are men who will voluntarily do more.
I’m glad my dad doesn’t care about gender role thing. He makes money, but when he’s at home, he does chores too. Cleaning up the aquarium, tending the garden, mop and sweep the floor. It’s like automatic to him. Cleaning should never be a gender thing. Even when you’re single, you should have the responsibility to keep things clean and tidy. Starting from your own bedroom. Cleaning is like taking shower, it’s basic necessity.
And I hope your mom isn't a loser who can't contribute financially aswell?
SAME! My father had a full time career as a mechanical engineer, but when he came home he rarely sat down. My mom did most of the cooking, but my father would step up when needed. My father cleaned, did laundry, knew how to fix things around the house, helped my brother and I with homework, and generally made sure the house was kept together. If anything he was more detail oriented about cleaning than my mom was. I had an easier time transitioning into adulthood because of how diligent my parents were making sure I knew how to take care of myself. It isn’t about gender but about being an adult. If these dudes were in my father’s house he WOULD NOT stand for this piss poor behavior.
I’m not even sure this is a gender role for many. Rather, sheer laziness.
Yep, my parents have their flaws but I can never fault my dad for being incapable of the basic chores you have to do to stay alive. He did most of the cooking, all of the yardwork, and was perfectly capable of cleaning up the kitchen and doing his laundry.
Same. My dad is Arab and my mom is a SAM (chronically ill, id the biggest reason as to why she isn't working).
Dad did 40% of the chores and child caring (which in my opion is a lot for someone who works fulltime), even though he was the only one working.
He did quite a lot, especially for us kids.
The one job my mom had that my dad never did was cooking. My dad always did the laundry though. All the other chorse were split.
I think what made a big diffrence is that my dads sister was a teen mom and my dad had to help taking care of his nephew until he went off to college. So I think he got used to taking care of chores and children from a young age. And he cant stand dirt.
"they'll google how to build a deck or a whole ass pc" riiight? like these guys *will* learn to do it, if they wanted to - they just don't care.
My dad has no patience for anything but he'd prefer building a deck from scratch over cooking dinner for his family. Ya know why? He'll only do the big, complicated jobs just so he has something to guilt trip us with if we ever asked him to do the little jobs. "I built that deck 3 weeks ago! What do you mean you want me to do laundry?!"
I've seen this behavior in other dudes too. They're transactional. They purposely frame housework as worthless, tedious, humiliating little tasks but their work is important and way too complicated for you to figure out so it's value greatly outweighs housework. They only do those big things because they want you to "owe" them. So they can sit on their ass as you work off the imaginary "debt" they've instilled into your relationship.
You constantly do the humiliating little tasks that keep the household functioning while he does the rare big project whenever one happens to come along. If you call him out on it he'll call you ungrateful and groan about how hard his work is. But he's the one that that's perpetuating a transactional system of guilt against his family (especially his wife) to avoid doing basic house chores. 🤦♀️
Right. It's not about lack of ability, it's about the lack of will. They couldn't care less and are happy to cause struggle, even purposeful struggle to their "loved" ones.
@@Kotifilosofi Ew Ew Ew Ew Ew Ew Ew Ew Ewwwuh
@@NeyamStar I agree 😬
My parents were exactly like this. Mom did everything, made all our appointments, got us ready for school, worked full time, cooked, cleaned, even did the yard work and washed the cars. Dad had a bunch of tools he never used but claimed were for fixing things and his excuse for why he did nothing ever? "I work." Like my mom didn't? Insane! The only thing I remember about him was that he'd step in to punish us when we were misbehaved, nothing else. Now my younger brother acts similarly useless and lets his twin sister work to support him while he sits around at home doing nothing. Cis men, get it together, help your wives, girlfriends, sisters, roommates. Nobody is going to want you if you're useless, especially if you dont financially compensate enough to be so useless.
Men. Not cis men.
You had me until you said CIS.
@@pedrokantor3997 I'm a trans guy, we don't usually have this problem due to how we're raised (as girls), so I am speaking to a certain group of men. Feel free to make your own comment if you don't like the way I write mine.
@@residentidiot9694 Cry.
@@pedrokantor3997 Cry.
Bruh that guy expecting her to cook a roast 2 days after giving birth pisses me tf off. If it was me, he’d get all the sleep…the Big Sleep that is.
I'd cook my placenta 😂
Aren't they told by the doctor of the 40 mandatory days of rest after giving birth? In my country that's a big thing, any major movement after birth can land you hospitalized again because your body needs to recover
@Dani_1012 God I wish. American women in particular return to working full time incredibly early. I haven't checked the stats since 2019 (when I had my last baby) but it used to be like half of women return to work within 2 weeks.
On an anecdotal level instead of a stats level, I've had an appendectomy and a c section and it's surprising how much more leeway you get for one emergency abdominal surgery than the other. Like I only was given Tylenol for pain for the c section and was generally expected to keep going like nothing happened and when my appendix burst I got decent pain killers and was actually allowed to rest in bed. When you throw a baby in the equation people generally expect you to ignore all your needs and injuries and they only worry about the baby
@Dani_1012 Unasked for update: I just had a second emergency c section and they really do have you running all over the darn place afterwards. At least I got something more than just Tylenol this time around.
Women "Forgetting" how to have sex will solve a lot of those problems. "Oh honey, you are just so good at pleasing yourself, I don't want to try any more. I will just mess it up". Five minutes later husband suddenly knows how to mop, vacuum, and cook.
Damn, that was so passive aggressive and savage at the same time, I love it
........you think these men value their wives' consent? that's optimistic.
Unfortunately, they can outsource that too 😢
@@jessie0728iflyor they'll just.....take it by force 😰
@@jessie0728iflyAs the guy from the first tiktok probably does.
7:50 OMG ‘HOW TO BUILD ARLECCHINO’ IS ABOUT GENSHIN IMPACT, SHE WOULD HAVE JUST RELEASED SO PEOPLE WERE SEARCHING HOW TO MAX HER DAMAGE OUTPUT BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
My partner and I are 10 years together, he started using weaponised incompetence only about 2 years ago, which is very annoying, so you cannot predict whether your partner is useless from a get go. It takes fucking years of them being normal and helpful, and then, bam! I “forgot” how to do it. Despicable.
Omg lovely that really sucks :(
probably influenced by these types of videos. wishing you the best ♡
If he's being influenced have a talk about you two needing to go into couples counselling about this. This does justify divorce. Inequitable division of domestic labour is abuse.
I would start telling him, he needs to pull his shit together and if he doesn't then start to warn him about leaving him. And then leave him if he doesn't improve. Or see if there are any lessons for home cleaning and sign him up for it.
tell him u forgot how to do his laundry and make him food 😂
i've lived with a dad who used this excuse for my entire life and it took my mother 33 years to finally leave him. if i am ever in a situation like that lady in the tiktok who caught covid and left the kitchen in that state, i am instantly divorcing my partner. there's no way i'm dealing with that bullshit for 33 years.
That’s so unhinged,🥴
I'm not a woman but if I was in that situation, he is paying for cleaning services.
@@nicole71047 not babysitting an adult child for 33 years is unhinged?
7:55 This is sending me knowing it's Genshin
Genshin takeover is wild😭
As a single person, this trend is terrifying.
It's not a trend... been going on for thousands of years.
that's why i stay single, it's not trend, it's the average
It’s definitely not everyone! I’ve been married to a great guy over 12 years, and my dad is the same. The big things for me were being with someone who proved they’re a good person, not just good to me-so they have strong, internal moral standards regardless-and someone who shows they have good life skills and make a solid team with me
Is not a trend I have been watching this my whole life, that's why I'm single and childfree.
@@user-sg4ov7ng4h It's not average. Every guys I know in relationship doesn't do that at all. The few I knew that was like that was the typical douchebag sexist or mostly old people.
if you care for someone you help them, in a relationship you help eachother
if the person who "loves" you, chooses to be incompetent, they love resting and being lazy more than you
The “make a roast after giving birth” clip is why I’m dodging relationship like the plague. Some men don’t understand the gravity of pushing a grapefruit sized head out of a walnut shaped hole that spent hours trying to accommodate said grapefruit. Or getting sliced open like a choice cut to bring life into the world. A lot of women ain’t built like Ciara and can 1, 2 Step they way back to regular.
been waiting for edvasian to cover this topic, it’s pretty insane how a lot of these guys managed to hook up with a woman, start a family with her, and then end up like this. at that point you start to question if they even love their partner, or even their life in general
My guess is that they want a maid that they can also sleep with. It sure doesn't appear that they actually love their partners
They wanted a 'mother' kind of existence helping to clean their mess, says a lot abt their r/s with their own mother. They dont reciprocate becuz their mothers tell them they r gd enough just existing 😂
Because women mostly care about looks and status. And that's naturally who they will end up with. If you are a woman and you have standards in the right areas, then this will never happen to you.
Men like that tend to gravitate towards women with low self esteem, because they know they’ll be able to get away with doing less than the bare minimum
@@d.d.d.a.a.a.n.n.n”Bangmaid” is the term.
NOT THE ARLECCHINO BUILD RESULT LMAO
GENSHIN BRAINROT SETTLING IN
FR DROVE ME UP A WALL LAUGHING 😂😂
HONESTLY THO I DIED AT THAT PART
THE WAY HE SAID HER NAME TOO
finally someone said it
"Relationships aren't supposed to be so transactional." Thank you! This is such a messed up way to treat someone you supposedly care about.
My soon to be ex-husband does this crap. It's not that uncommon. Not all, but most of the men I know are like this. It's flat-out narcissism.
Selfishness, some of them might be narcissistic but they're all selfish if they do stuff like that.
It's wayyyy too common. We're expected to work and keep up with a household and never complain!
Yesss girl leave him
That isn't narcissistic behavior. Uneducated people throw that word around like crazy. Ypu probably call him that also with no diagnosis. He isn't helping you cause simply cause he doesn't love. He probably doesn't love you because you throw unnecessary insults calling him me tal illnesses he more than likely doesn't have. You can't even comprehend how rare a diagnosis.of true narcissism even is. I k ow EXACTLY why he stopped helping you.
@@reenakemp9132stop blaming her for her husband's laziness gosh you don't know maybe he's just truly a useless lazy narcissistic man
Yep. Every guy I dated knew how to keep things clean until the second they move in with me and then suddenly, things get dirtier the more they claim to clean it which made taking turns even more unfair.
I think their mindsets is like "finally! We lifted the curses of girly job"
Sound like you date shit people
They found a "mommy stand-in" to do it for them again.
talking from experience with my husband, men truly believe or make themselves believe that nothing women go through is as bad as what they go through. I just gave birth and I’m postpartum and I’ve been cooking and cleaning and taking care of all of our children, including the newborn all by myself while on two hours of sleep. and every time I tell him I’m exhausted, he starts comparing his eight hours of work to mine and saying that I don’t know how hard it is. I literally had my vagina ripped open. Not only am I physically fucking hurt, there’s also hormones that make me mentally unstable at the moment because I’m handling so much shit. I could literally lose a limb, and my husband would still think that he’s in more pain than me if he has the flu.
Divorce.
Please leave him
How to tell your significant other you don't find them all that significant.
Im glad my mom gave us chores. What a shitty husband leaving that bomb for his wife after being so sick. Shameful.
I sure hope she got a divorce. Men like that are more work for you, easier to be a single mom.
@@tarablue4472 Absolutely, 100% agree.
“Learned helplessness” or “affected helplessness” is the death for me. I work in a care industry run by bosses who are very politically focused on (being seen) ‘helping the needy’ but have no real-life grasp of how needy anyone can be when they want you to do stuff for them for free. The helpless Bambi eyes and wobbly lips of full-ass-grown-adults who have successful jobs and kids and mortgages and yet somehow can’t handle sending an email or gathering basic documents to help themselves is terrifyingly prevalent.
This makes me so angry and is the reason I broke up with my ex. I wish more women were in the position to walk away when it's obvious their partner has no respect for them. In saying that, mothers need to stop babying their sons. Daughters are always taught how to do this stuff but sons get away with doing nothing (generally speaking). Teach your children how to do things so they can become functioning adults and have a better chance of an equal and successful relationship.
If your partner complains about you "always saying Im gaslighting", thats all the red flags you need. They are even waving it in front of you, reminding you of how many red flags you have picked up on.
Mine would claim he didnt even know what gaslighting was lmfao he was such an expert at it. Glad we're broken up now and I'm not actually crazy, he's just a master manipulator.
"I didn't lie to you! I might have omitted the truth but this only shows we have to work on our communication problems! I understand that it's hard for you to get over your trust issues, but I am not your ex!".
He wasn't gaslighting in the original definition (most aren't), but damn was he a good liar and able to turn things around and around until you thought you are the one being crazy and that you might actually have trust issues that you just never noticed or had any impact on your thoughts in any other relationship before.
Best decision ever was to refuse to pick up the phone after a fight and force him to spell it all out in writing with no chance to backtrack or successfully deny he ever said that. In this sense, I completely understand why that woman was filming, it's the best thing you can do.
I am lucky though, fell for it once and got out quickly in a way that proved me right in listening to my gut feeling. And if you know one, it's so much easier to see the subtle signs in others.
My step dad was 26 years older than my mom, so silent generation, and this wasn't a problem in my house. I think those men were just built different. He kept that house spotless, and we had the best yard in the neighborhood. In fact, his rose garden was featured in a local magazine in the 90s. He did all of this while being a full time department head at a grocery store. Went to work at 4am, 5 days a week and then would get home around 1pm and get the house cleaned and start dinner. Because this is how i was raised, i made damn sure i married a man who could do the same. My husband and i keep the house spotless with 3 kids, 2 dogs, and a cat. You wouldn't even know we had kids and pets. Heck, he vacuums the bed and sprays it with linen spray before making it because he, and i quote "doesn't want his wife climbing into a nasty bed". Find a man who knows what linen spray is.
no girl, men treat women better when those women are hard to get and someone almost 30 years younger than him was hard to get. If your stepdad was two years older than your mom, he would not have treated her that well.
As teenagers, we (me and my lil bro) would try would try to pull this on my mom. She made us repeat the task as many times as necessary for us to get it right. “Practice makes perfect”. “See, did your hands fall off?”
Why would you purposely manipulate the woman who gave birth to you?
"Ugh us guys are experiencing a loneliness epidemic no one wants to date us anymore😔🥺" *plays dumb so they can get away with playing video games all day and refuse to contribute anything of value to their partners and families* Nooo really? That's crazy- 🙃
Do you realize the guys doing this are, by definition, already partenered right? The guys living the loneliness epidemic have to do their chores, they have no option not to.
@@TheBayzent I'm aware they are partnered but this type of behavior will most likely result in a divorce or separation. And then they question afterwards why they're single or why they were left
It's not "oh well at least they still do chores when they're single" it's that with this trend of weaponized incompetence in relationships, this behavior is expected therefore if women know that this might happen in a relationship they just won't date/marry them to begin with.
@@kamii_kaizen all those men who are lonely is because they have poor personality..?
Right..?
@@KashyapKashyap-zb5hg I'm not an all knowing god who knows exactly why all men are single 😭 but it's definitely a wholeee lot more than just a bad personality like for instance lack of emotional intelligence, toxic masculinity, dehumanizing/objectifying women, being overly aggressive, narcissism, etc etc. Those probably have something to do with it. Idk I don't really date men.. 💀 I'm just going of of what I've heard from basically every woman in my life as well as those online
Why would you treat someone who you're in a relationship worse than someone you hate. As someone whos been perpetually single, this baffles me.
I dated a guy like this when I was in my early 20s and oh so naive.
He was in his 30s.
Now I was naive but I was still a firm beliver in responsibility...
I tell you the _offence_ that was taken when I told him he needed to book an appointment because of his obvious brain issues.
Like my poor inocent self was actually worried, and we have some dementia in my family so I know how sensitive/angry people can get when you raise the question, so I keept pushing it.
I really can not recommend this course of action enough.
Like everytime they fuck up something completely basic like handwashing a glas, push for a neurological exam.
Call a medical advice line in front of them to describe the symptoms.
Like genuinly taking it seriously.. they have no defence.
This or chicken racing them on how filthy you can live (only advice this if you don't share a lease and you are a complete animal. Don't let mold grow in _your_ kitchen. If it's his tho...)
Yep, same goes for people who have no basic knowledge on how to use a computer, or who don't know how to change a tire, or who have no idea of basic craftmanship.
@@tatamigalaxy-i5r There is a difference between not knowing and being willing to learn, and pretending like you are unable to learn.
If you are a regular functioning adult able to hold a job and can't fix your outlook signature despite being shown 5 times how to do it a trip to a neurologist might be a good idea.
Because something is obviously not clicking as it should.
Especially if you forgett basic skills the moment you enter a relationship.
Not being able to wash a glas feels more in line with filling the tank on your car than changing the tires, and if you are in your 30s, own a car, and can't go to the gasstation alone the moment you get a partner... _HIGHLY_ _CONCERNING_
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes!
@@tatamigalaxy-i5rah yes, the daily need to change a tire or build something from scratch instead of buying it
can you imagine your body literally tearing itself apart to release you and your partner's spawn and your partner not understanding why you're not excited to get back to cooking and cleaning?
Excited?! If it was only that. They mean bedrest as in lay down and don't stand up unless you have to pee for at least a week, because maybe you end up with incontinence problems and such in old age if you do
@@judgmentangel5413 in old age??? You get incontinence like a week after birth. If you tore bad it can last years or even for the rest of your life. Doesn't matter you age.
@@strivingtoonedaybeuseful6049 true, it can also come in old age as a late medical consequence
That's why it's smarter to not get pregnant.
4B
My BF (now husband) used to try something like this he always "forgot" to do his housework so he would do it "tomorrow" and then he "forgot" again. Jokes on him I can handle the ultimate mess and ignore piles of trash the whole year if I want to, I don't even nag about it. I just started to clean things strictly for myself, like one plate for myself before eating. In the end he came to me and said that he really can't make me do anything, and he had tough things and came to the conclusion that unlike mom and dad I actually might leave him for this kind behaviour. At home he had a habit to trick his little brother to do more home chores and if that didn't work out parents would do it anyway. He realised that in the long run this kind of strategy wouldn't be really wise and we should be a team that takes care of our home. So he stopped totally and today I have a husband who does his share without problems.
So my advice is (hopefully before children because I don't think that they should suffer from this) that don't do anything. If he washes dishes poorly then hi will eat from dirty plates. If he doesn't do his laundry then he is probably ok to use dirty clothes and smell bad. And if he only sees that you are the problem because you don't serve him it might be a good time to leave that relationship.
And if he is completely happy around all the mess then you must think that are you okay with this kind of person whose "clean level" is different from you and make some kind of decision
My advice is to go 4B.
My life is to precious to teach a man basic life skills
@@CordeliaWagner1999 That might be good option for somebody. But it is difficult if one has future dreams about family and romantic relationships. 🤔
The effort it takes to do this more than just getting it done right the first time
But the satisfaction is priceless.
If a man is capable enough to keep his job then he is capable of doing housework, which is just blue collar work, done for free, by women in the household...not sure why women believe that their husbands' IQ is so low that they can't sweep a floor...
My mom always says "lazy works twice". Ends up being true.
This makes me SO grateful to have a husband who is supportive and respectful. We care about each other, have good manners, and value each other's comfort and wellbeing. It's a huge responsibility to have a good relationship. You can't be a shithead to your partner and expect to have a good relationship experience. Lol.
"Divorce babe, divorce" wiser words have never been spoken
it's so infuriating seeing ts happen with my own two eyes. my cousin's husband is always sitting on his ass doing nothing around the house while she does every single thing because "she's the one who knows about all those things". it sucks because i've always had this spite against him and she knows but i can't say anything about it because i really value my cousin and i's relationship. hell i've even tried to talk her out of marrying him but alas LOL.
show her this video or these kinds of tiktoks, i bet she'll change her mind after seeing it herself
@@elliecheepers i'd be so happy if things would turn out that well, but i'm sure it would make no difference for her since it's most likely the norm for her. i guess growing up she saw that most spouses were that way so it seems like that's how marriage is supposed to be like
I used to use weaponized incompetence as a kid because I didn't wanna do chores, but my mom shot that down IMMEDIATELY with a "Guess you're gonna have to keep doing that till you get good at it"
Husbands have been doing this for centuries and it’s been known as weaponized incompetence for decades.
But it’s good to see people talking about it more openly!
It's called.. slavery
as someone whose mom would NOT let anyone in the family get away with such dirty living spaces, this is so crazy to me 💀
i remember when i was a crappy kid i used to pull this shit (haphazardly hanging up clothes to dry on the clothesline), my mom def yelled at me afterwards and i never tried doing it again, thank god she did lol
I actually feel like a lot of our parents and parents parents had no idea what a happy healthy relationship looks like
My parents definitely didn't, but their parents were far better. Strict gender roles meant my grand dads were pretty much never home to do any chores anyway.
Also both my grandmoms had several maids to help them so it wasn't that bad, on the other hand ,no dishwasher or washing machine. Good times.
@@TheBayzent If I had maids, I wouldn't have any relationship problems
I look back often on my childhood and wonder if I weaponized incompetence as a kid even if unintentionally, or if it was just the opposite and it was trained into me. My dad does it, and I think my mom just got so fed up that she didn't let me do chores growing up because I'd "do it wrong", proceed to not teach me how to do it right, then insist I wasn't allowed in the kitchen, laundry room, etc. And it's not like I never tried as a kid, my mom liked to complain that I tried offering to help with chores all the time when I was little so why didn't I when I got older. I think I just got told no enough times as a kid till I just...stopped trying or learning how to because what was the point if I was just gonna get berated for it no matter what I did. Idk, my childhood was ripe full of simultaneously neglectful yet helicopter parenting and it still screws with me.
For an example of this, I taught myself how to cook basic dishes when my parents weren't home so neither of them would stop me from using the stove at the age of 14-15ish. I slowly started leaving hints I'd used the kitchen and it took half a year easing my parents into it till they (mostly) didn't complain whenever I tried cooking. And even then they still didn't let me make my own food most of the time. It shouldn't have been that difficult to get one's parents to allow you to learn life skills.
Sometimes parents are a bit of a control freak in insisting how it has to be done *their* way. In that case, it's time for you to move out as soon as it is financially possible for you to do so. That way, you can develop your household skills as you build your own household together. My mom has such tendencies in that it must be done *her* way and if you're not doing it like that or you're "too slow" (because you're still learning), then she'll take over. She means well, but that's why I no longer bother to do any household chores whenever I'm at her house or whenever she's in my house and taking over my household (which isn't too often thankfully), because we're just going to get in each other's way anyway while doing household chores. I just let her whirlwind 🌪️ around my apartment like a storm so she can get out the excess energy, then when she's gone I do things my own way again.
I'm 23, single, BUT I live in this kind of family. Ever since my three younger brothers got a bit older and are able to do any house chores, my stepfather does absolutely nothing saying that "they are old enough, they can do it". Fun fact, he never raised them to be independent (with this attitude, lol), and my mother always did every house chore herself, because it was easier than pestering my brothers to do it (and I worked overseas in the last 2 years, so couldn't help her at all). But now that I had to stay home due to having surgeries, I'm not willing to be a servant with my mother in my own family. I make my brothers clean the bathroom, the kitchen, and if they aren't doing a good job, I make them do it again. If it's not good enough the second time, I tell them to do it again and again. Another funny thing is that I had surgery (knee) the same day as my mother (shoulder surgery). We stayed in the hospital for one night and by the time we got home the next morning, all they had to say was "when will you cook?". Bro, you have a father, too, what did he do until we were in the hospital??
all 4 of them are trash, keep training them, maybe a girl will actually wanna marry them later 😞😞
I KNEW IT. I tell my husband this is the ULTIMATE conspiracy. All husbands are in on this, I am convinced.
No, only the self-centered immature boys. The husbands who are men act like adults.
Husbands play dumb alot also😂
It's not fucking funny!!! This is patriarchal misogyny and it is much more widespread than one might think. And not just when it comes to chores. Men exploit women whenever they can.
Not just husbands, my roommate complains about a lot of stuff around the flat (I'm new) and then I realise he did nothing to fix or prevent it "the fridge isn't producing enough cold anymore (...) No I haven't defrosted the whole thing since I've moved in, why?😮" I discovered a full drawer that was stuck in ice!!! "Did you know it was there?? _Yeah...?" And making decisions without thinking further, he bought a projector we now have to organise our living room around. That we barely use....
At first I was like OK I can fix it he does help but he still complains afterwards, so now I'm doing minimal service also and if he wants something to change he's gonna have to organise it! At least it's giving me motivation to save to get my own place!!!
When my husband very rarely annoys the shit out of me about a chore or something asinine, I will say, “you’re a big boy, figure it out”
strongly agree with the wait until your prefrontal cortex is developed before getting married and live together first to make sure they’re not a train wreck.
My litmus test is whether someone says "can you do it for me, you're much better/smarter than me" instead of "can you explain to me/show me how to do it better so I can do it myself next time?".
If it's the former, I nope tf out, no matter who asks.
my mum would literally pass out if she saw some of these houses in such a mess. now i truly understand why she always tells me to wash the plates and do basic housework. (i love her sm)
That guy who demanded a roast from his wife, couldn’t he just order takeout? Or heat up one of those ready meals??? 🤨🤨
Or actually learn how to cook... However, you are thinking about it like a well adjusted human being.
The root cause of this is that he feels the need to establish dominance and assert control. He wants a fight and he wants to win it.
My ex used to freak out when I'd ask him to unload or load the dishwasher because it was "dumb" then he suddenly and for no reason got weird about laundry detergent and I told him if he wanted his clothes washed so specifically he could start washing his own clothes. After about six years of me making more money and still being expected to handle ALL the household work I peaced out when he physically threatened me. We were married 11 years.
My father is a master of this. Growing up, I NEVER saw him do ANY of the house chores eventhough everybody is equally busy with their own jobs because "he cant do it right" according to my mother. He was laid off at one point but all chores was still on me and my mother. Even carpentry or house maintenance was on us. The only time we had a man to help us was when his father visit us and he is always heaven sent. My father is a good person but that weaponized incompetence was fucking annoying.
My parents are like this and now that my dad retired and mum is still working the conflict gets bigger every day. And it's not just them, I see this type of relationship everywhere that even if I wasn't aromantic, I would probably still decide to stay single because ending up like this would be my worst nightmare especially with kids involved.
Its crazy how these men are okay with living in a hazardous environment not even thinking about their CHILD's health
Men can build house, go to war, and protect the house but not know how to use a dishwasher or mop???? BFFR 😂
I mean, you want us to do it after we do all those other things? Because if you say yes then the answer is no.
If both do those things then yes, the guy has to contribute in the same measure.
@@TheBayzent brother, you're not building your house from scratch and coming home with animal meat that you hunt bare handed while coming back from war. You can learn to wash your dirty socks and mop a floor.
@@TheBayzent except you have never done any of those things in your life. you're just stealing valour from more capable men because you think it's going to give you leverage by association.
@@TheBayzent Men of valour and bravery had to make their bed, clean and practice living together even before these things. If life was just about being a physically capable meathead and worker pig, this world you stink even more than it already does.
My dad did this but my mom was having none of it. She got so fed up, she took pictures, put it on the big family group chat with ALL the relatives and blasted my grandma and dad saying something along the lines of "your grown son canb't even run a dishwasher right, what'd you teach him?" and since then, my dad's been in top form, not screwing things up lol
Women are honestly better off on their own
I agree, as a man I think the sexes in general are not ready for cohabitation anymore.
THESE women without THESE people
Can we not be a bigger douche and become sexists? Thanks.
Literally and men are getting so upset that more and more women are realizing that.
It goes both ways. There are plenty of wives out there that absolutely useless at everything.
My last relationship with a man was with this sort of "man". He was very good in the beginning at pretending to be responsible and competent, and it took a couple years for the mask to start to slip. As much trauma as I still carry from that relationship, at least it helped me realize that I'm gay and don't want kids under any circumstances.
My dad NEVER EVER cleans up after himself - but had ZERO issues doing so when he was staying on his own while overseas!!!!! My mum just tells us to bE paTiEnT wiTh HiM. I will NEVER get married for this reason - marriage seems to completely rot a person's brains and logic and weaken them past the point of no return.