We didn't want to violate our daughters trust. So we installed a hidden camera inside a stuffed bear that we pretended to give her for not creepy reasons and violated her privacy rights because we don't view her as a human being. You should tell her so she has the opportunity to disown you forever.
@@dietotaku I probably wouldn't forgive them, but some people can forgive others who do them wrong. I was pissed to find out my dad read my diary. It definitely added to my reasons to not want to spend time with him.
It is also illegal for two reasons. 1. It is illegal to record footage of someone without their knowledge or consent when there are reasonable expectations for privacy. Someone’s bedroom falls well within the “expectation of privacy”. 2. If the camera caught her getting changed, or doing things that I frequently did at that age in the privacy of my bedroom, the parents are in possession of Child Sexual Exploitation Material. Which is a serious sex crime. Very illegal.
Holy hell these parents truly are insane. Whenever my older daughter gets into a preteen moodiness episode I feel like the worst parent ever, but she recently came out to me by way of asking "Hey Mom, what age am I allowed to have a girlfriend?" and telling me she had a crush on her friend and that was it. I realized I'm not doing such a bad job after all. She was really excited when I got her a lesbian flag for Christmas. 💞
As a teenager who gets into teenager moods sometimes, I can safely tell you there's a good chance you're not the problem. I mean I don't know you so I can't say you've been a good parent, but you don't have to be a bad one for them to be moody. We're just kinda like that sometimes.
That's really sweet. Congratulations to BOTH of you for having such a good relationship. OTOH, don't lean so hard on her lesbian identity that she feels *_obliged_* to cling to it. She may not remain in that space her whole life. She may, or she may not. Make sure that she knows her most important identity is *_herself,_* and her most important relationship with you is as her daughter.
I remember seeing a video on instagram reels of this couple that were like “our kids will be what they are BORN as no choosing 😡” then learned that the couple are cousins so
When I was younger, my parents would often force me into wearing only skirts and dresses, I doubt I even had a proper set of trousers at the time. They also were forcing me to follow their beliefs. . I'd always hear "being Queer is a mental illness, just straight up wrong, and quite di̶s̶g̶u̶i̶s̶t̶ing if you think about it. . " everywhere me and them would walk past same gender couples. They said that they were trying to raise me right. . . . And eventually ended up with a trans son. No matter what you say to them or "don't allow your child" to be, you have no control over their identity!
"If you think about it" Thinking about it is what made me be like "wait why are they bad exactly" and just couldn't work anything out so concluded they must actually be fine
Cis-hets may be in the majority, but it never occurs to them that being cis-het isn't a choice they, or anyone else made for themselves, either. I hope you feel more freedom to make your own decisions about who you are, now.
Similar thing with a sectarian tradcath family member I had. I hated skirts and dresses, only wore trousers. It annoyed the hell out of her that my parents told her I had the right to wear trousers if I wanted. And no matter what they did or taught me, I would always lean towards being masculine. ...but they did damage me a lot. It's hell to be an afab trans boy in a fascist tradcath cult.
You know, there's an old saying, "Becoming a parent doesn't come with an instruction booklet." However, the "r/InsaneParents" subreddit is an entire Workbook of _how _*_NOT_*_ to parent._
"We wanted to violate our child's privacy without violating her trust, so we violated her trust." I think the daughter needs to know what happened so she can make informed choices and set boundaries that will clearly need extra effort to enforce.
IDK...I really do not know which would be better for that unfortunate young woman. Regardless, her parents need to get that fucking teddy bear out of her bedroom before something happens that causes her to find the camera on ehr own. Discovering it for herself would break her heart so badly it would turn this story from a country-western song into an opera.
A lot of people say that the story is fake. Whether or not it is, the daughter has a chance of getting her parents in legal trouble depending on what footage was possessed.
I personally would not want to know. Simply finding out that we had a camera in our living room (because of misbehaving cats) had me super stressed out for MONTHS, until i ended up figuring out how it was oriented. And that was in a place that made sense. I would be so traumatized if i found out there had been a camera in a toy, that it would be a constant fear the rest of my life. Get that camera out Immediately, and never let her know
Parents who shelter their kids to an extreme degree will find that their children won’t be equipped to handle the worlds once they become adults and leave the home. I was a resident assistant for three years in college and the people who behaved the worst tended to be kids with super controlling parents.
100% Parenting, especially adolescents, is all about preparing them for independent adult lives. I just can't imagine getting in the way of that and then feeling good about them going into the world.
Too bad my corporate elitist f’ckhead “parents” KNOW that and are actively using it as part of their circular logic to justify my “mom” babying me while gaslighting me to hell and back.
Too bad my el!tist parents GOT the memo and are actively using it to justify their circular logic to baby me. (Why did UA-cam censor the word el!tist?)
They heard their daughter taking with her college room mate... This mean they are also recording the room mate with out her knowledge. I hope to god this is not a shared bedroom? Spying on your own adult child is bad enough but recording a complete stranger!!!!
As far as the camera in the teddy bear, something that immediately came to mind was... like what if something DID happen in her room? She was a teen with a boyfriend, if she did anything sexual with him, as teens sometimes do, then her parents are technically guilty of producing CP.
Even if she didn't have sex in front of the bear, it was in her bedroom and she presumably changes her clothes in there. Just footage of her naked would count as illegal in that way, that story is really disgusting.
@@Alicein4711yepper. I made the same point elsewhere: it was criminal for adults to be watching a minor do those kinds of things. CP and child abuse charges, no doubt. And continuing to film if she had reached the age of 18 was still a crime bc you can't put video surveillance on someone without their knowledge or consent, especially bedroom videos. And since that was done to the roommate too, it would be double the charges.
Was literally thinking the same thing. She's a teenager and it's HER room. She's *gonna* do what she wants in there, even if it's weird and questionable. It's only natural when having your own space. Unfortunately, she doesn't live alone, so she has to worry about her parents for seeing something they shouldn't see or straight barging in her room if she does something they don't approve of (which definitely seems like something they would do since they went as far as to straight up spy on her by installing a camera on her teddy bear).
That was my first thought, as well as if she was changing in there and it got caught on camera. I really hope that story is fake because it's disgusting.
They could also just turn off / delete the software they're using to spy through the bear, but since they're clearly terrible and insane people, I don't know if they'd even consider that.
I'm also intrigued about how it was powered. It must have a very long battery life to work at college, because the daughter would never be charging it at college.
Most students share rooms too, so were they filming a random student as well? Even if daughter doesn't press charges i absolutely would if i foundut my roommate's parents did and i was on it at all.
I’m a gender therapist, and I have a client who was homeschooled and completely isolated from the world, and they still ended up figuring out they are trans. It’s not a choice. It just is. Love your content!
@@itzTeTe - this particular client had more issues with trying to socialize after being so isolated from others than they had with figuring out gender issues and how to navigate gender expression. To this day, they are one of my favorite clients I have ever worked with but still have to keep the gender issue a secret from their parents. It's very sad.
I was homeschooled back in the 90s before the internet was particularly wide-spread. I grew up on a farm and my access to other children was limited to a singular friend I made at summer camp and my sibling. So I think I'm a pretty good example of how controlling it can get, I can explain it no better than this: I was 10 years old when 9/11 happened. My brother was 14. NEITHER OF US WERE AWARE OF IT UNTIL 2 YEARS LATER when we were attending a private Christian academy and there was a memorial. For two years we were completely unaware that 9/11, the thing that was blasted all over news channels everywhere for months, years after the fact, which changed the shape of American communities, happened. I remember being unable to continue the activities on the military base my dad worked on, suddenly at that time. It was never explained to me why those things were cancelled and why we, his family, were no longer allowed on the base. Imagine having so much control over what a child is able to learn that you could prevent them from knowing about 9/11 when it happened and for years after the fact.
Wow - sorry you went through that! I was a child in the UK and we basically watched it live on the news: we had a small TV (typical 90s/00s yellow cuboid one) in the kitchen at the time and I have a distinct memory of being stood in the kitchen watching the events unfold. It didn't just change the US, but global airport security practices changed that day. It seems jarring nowadays watching old films and programmes and random people who aren't even catching a flight just wander up to the gate!
As a parent, it can be extremely difficult and draining. Like, you kinda have to be a high energy Labrador to really enjoy it because you normally fall into camp “I don’t remember how to play” or “I don’t have the energy to do this right now.” Thankfully though, as they get older it gets easier. I sign my child up for sports so she gets lots of activity, we play video games together at home (games explain how to play!), we joke and laugh, and find things to do together which aren’t exactly ‘playing.’ I also make sure she has lots of time around other kids. Like, kudos to the people for whom imaginative play and goofy games come easily. When I was younger I never imagined I would have trouble with it (especially as a writer), but the burnout hits fast. Personally, my favorite part of being a parent is seeing how she explores her world and answering questions, seeing how she becomes her own person. EDIT: Gonna add here that I do try to play with my daughter, I just suck at it. Growing up I was never played with, so I really don’t understand how to play. I’ll be perfectly level here, sometimes I just steal ideas from Bluey
It can be really tiring depending on the kid. I have compassion for all good parents trying their best, and I completely understand that first parents perspective. I also think that while playing with your kids is good, it's not necessary. They need play, but it doesn't need to be with their parents (although I do think parents have the responsibility to provide playtime). All that being said personally I usually LOVE playing with my kids. But some kinds of imaginative play can be especially exhausting when you're already tired and they expect you to provide all the ideas. Just not something I've ever been good at.
Depens on your personality, energy level as well as on the kid. When I started going out with my now husband, his little sister was only 6 years old. I enjoyed playing with her for like the first 15 minutes of it and then I was totally drained. I would never refuse to play if she wanted to, but I'm sure as hell happy that I don't have to do it on a daily basis.
@@tisvana18 Absolutely steal your ideas from Bluey. 100%. Also Mr. Rogers, if you want help with a deeper understanding of play and the ways children use it to understand the world.
i just came out to family last night and it was about an hour and a half of them trying to convince me im just a masc lesbian and not a guy. thank you Jamie for being a safe space for all of us and showing us that the future is bright (edit) thank you all so much for the support, encouragement and kind words. it really means a lot to me and i know if anyone else who is struggling is able to see those words they will feel loved as well. it's going to be a rough ride into adulthood, but im hoping life gets good for all of us. just gonna listen to The Taste of Ink on loop until it really sets in
i tried 2 times to come out to my parents...i mean it's more them forcing me to, and the two time they kept denying and threatening me so i go back on what i've said and say that i'm straight cis while i'm not. good luck mate
i recently came out as non-binary to my parents and *dear god* am i glad that they're supportive. they're not perfect, and they slip up sometimes, but they try, and i love 'em
My parents were like that at first as well. It’s been 3 years since I came out to them and now they very rarely slip up, always call me by my new name, etc. Plus my mum even went to a trans supporting protest! They will get used to it with time. :)
@@meiscoolbutmo In most places, that’s child abandonment and very much illegal :/ Perhaps consider talking to your doctor about options if possible. Regulations vary in different areas on whether you can go to a doctor’s appointment alone and idk your situation obviously. But I hope you can find some help and support.
@@aeolianaether In the UK you can make your own doctors appointments from the age of 13, but regardless there are charities like the NSPCC who can help children.
Depending on where they are, it's a crime if it made cp or not, because mamy states in the US are two-party consent states, where it is a crime to record people without their permission
I'm also intrigued about how it was powered. It must have a very long battery life to work at college, because the daughter would never be charging it at college.
@@SimonClarkstone They could've replaced it when she was at school maybe? The post didn't mention when she first took the bear to college, but it could've been recent
I hate it when parents are like “I PAY FOR YOU TO LIVE!!!!” like you owe them something for doing the bare minimum???? Like if you didn’t want to pay for a kid, why the hell did you have one to begin with?
It's along the lines of "I didn't MURDER you so you OWE me". They're fulfilling only their legal obligation, nothing more, and that does not deserve praise.
"My kids won't choose their gender!" Well, no one actually chooses their gender identity, since it's an innate sense of self that can't be changed from the outside. So you're halfway there.
@@gearscore349I’d say they already have a fairly good understanding of it. It’s rather people trying to stop people from being themselves and gatekeep who you are allowed to be, who would need to hear it.
@@gearscore349alot of people who are xenogender already feel as though their identity and gender aren't along the lines of binary or even nonbinary, and also, xenogenders are used by quite a lot of autistic or neurodivergent people who already have struggles with understanding gender in the first place.
@@Saturnm0ss also yeah ive read about this but it still makes no sense to me, how can you be neither binary nor non-binary? Isnt non-binary meant to encompass anything thats not "binary"?
Sometimes my parents can be like these parents. I honestly can’t wait til I can afford my own place. Thank you Jamie for calling out this terrible behavior in these parents.
i will admit i don't really "play" with my kids either, it's just not an interaction that comes naturally or is comfortable for me. but i wouldn't say i'd rather DIE than play with them, that's a bit extreme.
@@TheWerewolfOfNorway-mf5jz he says, while deliberately showing up in the comments to post what i assume was some bigoted nonsense that was rightly deleted.
‘Stashing’ or the phenomenon of hiding partners from family and or loved ones exists for a reason. If you’re not ready to have a conversation about non-familial relationships, then don’t act surprised when you don’t know stuff. And then there’s an exit clause by the parents which is “We don’t want to hear from other people so just tell us quickly what’s happening so we can disapprove.”
And even when teens do trust their parents, that doesn’t automatically mean they’ll tell their parents about a new romantic relationship immediately, even when they’re not actively hiding the relationship from their parents.
I'm an adult and my now fiancé was "a /group of colleagues" at first! Especially in early days you usually want to keep it fairly private until you know if it's likely to go anywhere or not.
@@watsername this is part of the reason I had a few boyfriends in my twenties my mum knew nothing about (well, I think she didn't know, I suspect she probably did know I was seeing someone in spite of me keeping it hushed up, cos there's been times I thought Scotland Yard would do well to give her a job!).
Family isn’t just genetics, it’s about a place where you can feel safe. If you don’t feel safe at your own home, you may be their child, but they aren’t your parents
I've got a big extended family, and part of that for the last decade has been through my stepmother (her parents, her children, etc.). Last Christmas, I got to meet my niece, her first grandchild through her son. It was, by far, the highlight of my holiday.
As a homeschooled kid, that second post is the opposite of how you are supposed to do it. I learned so much by getting opportunities to go outside the house and interact with other people that were not necessarily from inside my own circle. It worked for me because I got to learn in a way that was interesting and engaging so I was able to absorb a lot of information and work on my critical thinking skills. Personally, it was a wonderful experience, and while it had pros and cons like most types of schooling do, it was not a "your whole world is this house and only this house" situation at all, nor should it have been
My mom literally took lessons on LGBTQIA kids for adoption, and we always had conversations about it, so why can't I live my ace/aro agender life? It all came down to her religion and the church, although I've already debunked everything. 17 pages of research wasted, it's like talking to a brick wall.
You can't reason somebody out of a position they didn't reason their way into. My impression is that the whole "no sex before marriage" thing is supposed to be a method of control. But that does not work if you are aro/ace.
@@jamesphillips2285”before marriage” implies that marriage will happen eventually, and it will happen according to their religious rules. That’s obviously not for everyone.
Homeschooling was actually a very positive experience for me. I’m physically disabled and my school just didn’t have the resources for me especially to help me when I was out “sick”. The classrooms were on the second floor (no elevator only stairs) so it was down to the cafeteria ladies to help me with math 😭 needless to say homeschooling was an immediate improvement especially because my mom was so chill in teaching me about things I was actually interested in and stuff
same for me here, it sucks that so many people assume we were all just locked inside our houses and never saw other people (not saying that can't happen obviously)
I dropped out and got my GED because trying to navigate school while disabled was beyond challenging. Even when i got help the helper couldn't understand the difference between a physical disability and a mental disability. Even if I had a learning disability or anything else the the way they treated me was completely inappropriate. Most schools are so ill-equipped.
All homeschooling is not bad. However I think when the homeschooling methods rely on isolation from the outside world and depriving them of structure and access to resources such as technology lies an issue. Basic socialization and tech literacy is extremely important nowadays in order to get most jobs.
Some of the arguments against homeschooling are whacko - "They need to learn social skills from the other students!" Yeah, just like they need to learn good table manners in the cafeteria? OTOH, some schools are simply unprepared for some students. A school which only has classrooms on the second floor and has no elevator is a school which is unprepared for ANY students with limited mobility. It is NOT sufficient to have the lunchroom staff teach a student. Good grief! Three of my own kids came from a country where war and internal dislocation made it impossible for them to go to school, so they arrived in the U.S., able to speak two languages but neither of those languages common in the U.S. nor even Indo-European languages, and completely illiterate. They were enrolled in the school district's ESL program which was designed for literate Spanish speakers and not much help for anyone else. Every school should have programs for ESL, for special education and for supporting homeschooling families. Any school that doesn't should be provided with outside assistance to bring it up to speed.
The thing about parents not playing with their kids. That was my mom. She would tell me constantly that "I am not your friend, I am your mother!" She thought that being my friend would mean letting me get away with doing stupid stuff. I never went to her for anything unless I was sick. I also have no memories of playing with my mom, even as a 4-5 year old.
My mom also said "I'm your mother, not your friend", but her take on that was so different from what you describe. For her it was that she was my mother first, so I could always rely on her (for me with a friend I would first check if they have the time or disposition to help), and her priority is what's best for me (with a friend they could have other people or goals they care about involved in the problem). Also, she 100% played with me.
My parents were like that too, but I had siblings and cats, so I did have playmates and never really thought anything of it. But now I've got a kid, and I play with her all the time. It's hardly boring--watching them learn about the world and grow and develop through play is quite interesting! And I love making her laugh. She's funny and silly and quite smart.
@@キャサリンkatherine I have siblings, however, my fully biological sister (5.5 years older than me) didn't like me as a kid. And my 3 step siblings at my abusive bio fathers house bullied me. I had imaginary friends all through school.
My mom also maintained that she was my mother, not my friend, but that was when I was younger. She always said that the older I got, the less like a mother she would have to act because I would behave more like an adult. These days, my mom is another part of my friend group that I talk to routinely. We rib each other, gossip about relationships, talk about dumb shit, as friends do, and every so often, she checks in as my mother to make sure that I'm eating properly and taking care of myself (I have a history of depression and ED). I appreciate it alot that she can be my friend and also be my mom. She isn't perfect, early life she definitely would have gone on this sub, but in recent years, even before I moved out, she's been an amazing mother and is one of my best friends.
I can relate to that middle one. My parents, particularly my biological mother, were psychotically abusive. One of the many ways: I was not allowed to use any appliance, even up to the age of 19 (when I finallly had the means to leave) - bc "You'll just break it." I had no history of being a careless or clumsy child, nor of breaking things. I could not do my own laundry (even though she frequently shrunk my clothes in the dryer, wasting money and leaving me less to wear). I was not allowed to use the oven, so I could not cook for myself when they would leave me alone all day as a teen (we didn't have a microwave). I was not allowed to cook on the stove top either, with the single exception of using the kettle to boil water for oatmeal or instant soup. I was not allowed to change lightbulbs or use the iron. I was not allowed to use the vacuum cleaner. It was all about control and punishment. Part of that was so my egg donor could prevent me from helping around the house, so she could then bitch that she didnt get any help from me and I was a self absorbed "princess" (she loved calling me that). Part of that was to keep me developmentally stunted so I wouldnt know how to take care of myself, so I couldn't leave. Part of it was to make me dependent on her and my step father, so they could then have a "valid" reason to resent me and once again call me a "spoiled princess." Part of that was so my egg donor could spy on me as much as possible: know exactly what I eat and when, know what kind of clothes, particularly underwear I had so she could approve/disapprove what I wore (bc having some nice underwear that weren't granny panties of course made a girl a slut). Keep in mind this continued well into adulthood, ages 18 and 19. I took to hiding my nice bras and undies then hand washing them when my parents were gone. My step father went so far as to note when and how often I used the bathroom. They both timed how long I was in the shower. So that person's parent yelling at them through text about laundry was actually about the controlling behaviors of abuse.
@abigailr.9601 Thank you for the kind comment. I'm much older now, and thankfully safe. Unfortunately it took numerous abusive, even dangerous, relationships in adulthood as a result of the child abuse before I found that safety. And has kept me in therapy pretty regularly since I was 19.
That's so horrific I'm so sorry you had to go through that! I'm just wondering about your process of adjusting to living independently, are you now at a point where you can do these skills?
@justsomeone929 Thank you for the empathetic words. It was kind of a sink or swim situation. Working was fine, bc I had been working from a young age. But learning to cook, how often to clean, etc took some time. I learned some from my roommates in my 1st apt after I moved out. One of them was my best friend so she would tell me things like, hey when you're sick you need to empty the garbage can bc having it sit there full of tissues is like storing the bacteria/virus and it could also make others ill. I had a habit when I came home from work of just dumping my shoes and pantyhose (they were required), etc anywhere I walked. And she had to tell me, hey, you can't just shed your stuff in the middle of the floor, esp when you live with other people. I was a very responsible person, intent on making a life and putting the past behind me, so I kinda learned quickly. I think if I had been by myself I would've had a harder time adjusting. There was no internet at that time, so I couldn't just Google "how long do you boil eggs?" I was just lucky to have people around me who were patient enough to set me straight. Did you ask bc you were in a similar situation?
Just ... 🫂💜 ... I'm glad you are safe and healthy, and so glad you had people around you (when you were learning) who knew the 'why' and did show you patience and kindness ... the idea that someone didn't know, and mistook your carefully nurtured ignorance for precisely what the 'donor' wanted? 🫂 (I _do_ like 'egg donor' I hadn't thought of that, even though we have one 'sperm donor' attached to the family ... I will have to remember that 🙂 It applies to someone I know - not my parents, thank god, they're amazing ... but there are too many "donors" out there. I would never unwish the children, but definitely _do_ wish that they'd never had to endure the proximity of the deliberately, cruel-by-design.) The psychological abuse of the child is disgusting enough, but knowing that it often/usually sets up a cycle of abuse? There should be more 'we', society, can do to hold to account, if not somehow punish - as if there were any punishment to fit these crimes. It sounds trite but, I'm glad you survived those that took your childhood, and the ones your childhood put you at the mercy of. There is the old saying, 'the best revenge is living well.' I hope that you are _thriving_ ... 🫂🫂🫂
The parents who placed a hidden camera in their daughter's dorm room could face a lawsuit from the family of the daughter's roommate. Can you imagine the fallout if someone were caught filming another person's daughter on a hidden camera in her bedroom? The parents could be facing jail time. Their own child could also have grounds to press charges if she were of a mind to do so.
The parents do not feel too much guilt because they are continuing to watch through the teddy bear, they need to delete the app on their phone or where ever they watch her.
I'm also intrigued about how it was powered. It must have a very long battery life to work at college, because the daughter would never be charging it at college.
The one where the parents literally spied on their teenager with camera inside of it all the way to college is creepy beyond measure. There's no way that they'll tell her that without her being upset with them for the rest of her life. And they would very well deserve it, I would never talk to them ever again. There's some things that could have been happening that they weren't meant to see while spying on their teenage daughter and their college age daughter, that's just creepy af
Yep. My parents have tried to guilt me into agreeing to care for them when they're older by reminding me that they fed, clothed, and housed me growing up. Like oh great, that's literally the bare minimum. Actually it's less than the bare minimum because I was medically neglected because I got sick "too often" (aka more than my sister) therefore I was faking it. So if I ever get a call from a nursing home asking me to sign anything for them, I'm gonna apologize to the person I'm talking to and tell them my parents can do the same thing they told me to do growing up "It doesn't affect me or your ability to go to school*, you're fine, stop whining". *pain, fever, contagious illness, surgeons orders and joints that won't bend do not apply
@@waffles3629 I can kind of relate, but in different ways - I moved out and my adoptive mum had an accident two months later; I moved back in to look after her dog while she was in hospital, but fought for most of the two months after mum came home to be able to go back to my own new home. She had carers so wouldn't have been alone, she just wanted me for overnights and to pick up what she perceived as the 'slack' in between carer's visits during the day. I wasn't able to take even a couple of hours' respite outside the house without getting a text asking when I'd be back and don't be too much longer! But one of the guilt trips she used to try and get me to stay, was about how she and dad had "always looked after you and been kind, caring etc" when it wasn't 100% true. A-dad was an alcoholic, and covertly/overtly abusive in several ways, including being inappropriate towards me as I was growing up, a-mum would dismiss my feelings and shame me for crying if I was upset etc. We did have some good times, too, but there's no way I'd want to relive being raised as their daughter.
The only thing hiding your kids from the world will make them hate you when they do get to go out and see how much there is. Kids who have strict parents just learn how to lie really well.
One of the very few mistakes my parents made when raising my sister and I was when I found some less than savory things online. My parents just tried to shield my eyes from it and just said I was too young to understand when I asked what was wrong. I was like 6-7 years old. I learned how to circumvent their limits and explore all that stuff on my own and it was only a few years later that they realized that they needed to teach me why it was bad and not just blindly shield me from it. I'm still way too good at sneaking around and coming up with half-truths on the spot even when I don't need to.
Yep. I'm an excellent liar, all thanks to my parents. Growing up "the truth" was whatever they wanted to hear, not the actual truth. So I could either tell them their preconceived notion of what they thought was the truth and get punished, or I could tell the actual truth and get punished for not telling them "the truth" and then get punished again for not telling them the actual truth when they learned the actual truth (yes, they punished me for telling the truth and then for not telling the truth, don't try to make it make sense, you'll get a headache). And yet they think they know exactly when I'm lying because I would let them "catch me" in inconsequential lies. Wanna guess whose in a long term relationship and whose parents think they're single? And yeah, their sheltering me from "the real world" backfired magnificently. I was"warned and prepared" for all the things I would encounter when I went off to uni because the world is a sinful devilish place. Like from the way they talked I was expecting to see people having sex in the open. I literally shared a room with a couple and never saw anything. That complete disconnect made me reevaluate everything and I figured out so much stuff. Like that I never was Catholic, they just brainwashed me into thinking I believed. And that their opinions on many things were not grounded in reality or any kind of sense. Oh, and they wonder why I never talk to them if I can avoid it.
It really can be so damaging when parents refuse to play with their kids. My mom never played with me; my dad played with me when I was too young to remember it, but as soon as I hit around four years old he started going silent whenever we played video games together and eventually I stopped asking him to play with me because he would just get so angry at me. God I hate people who don’t think through their finances and emotional issues before they start popping out a bunch of new humans who can’t fix them and shouldn’t be asked to
Had one of these parents. Dad would kick me and my brother (when we were under 10) out of the car and abandon us on the side of the road. He'd come back later but it still left me and my brother traumatized with abandonment issues. I could go on for pages of all the creepy, controlling and manipulative shit my parents did to their kids. Some people truly should not be allowed to be parents.
It deserves to be mentioned, some kids are home schooled because of troubles with bullying, discrimination, and accessibility of education in the public system. Especially children who are subject to multiple intersectionality benefit from using it as an alternative to the public option; of course, it can still be used by parents to harm the child. No simple answers here.
My sister had to be homeschooled for a year bc she was behind in reading. It really helped And i was homeschooled for a few years and it put me ahead academically, but it did have the drawback of kinda putting me behind socially. But I also had strict parents and didn't get to go play with other kids much so that was part of it Homeschooling is such a difficult thing to talk about bc it can be done really well or really badly, and it can both help or hurt development in different ways. It's complicated in a way I think some people don't think about
@@wmdkitty I wouldn't consider it a punishment to be removed from a dangerous situation after my parents exhausted every avenue for trying to get the situation fixed. Luckily there was an affordable private school available until we were able to move to a better district.
The spying parents DESERVE the consequences of their OWN ACTIONS. The way she started the thread "We didn't want to destroy the trust between us, but did it ANYWAY, by installing a CAMERA in her stuffed teddy bear..." WTF? That was 100% DESTROYING the trust. They don't mention anything else they "heard" from spying on their daughter, just the her praising them for their NON-EXISTENT TRUST. This is disgusting. If they tell her, she may never forgive them. But THEY put this whole thing in motion and will have earned her response.
I hope for more people, children with awful parents especially, to learn how to identify hidden cameras, microphones, trackers, etc. I want there to be more PSAs and education about this as it is a growing problem
"we sent our daughter to college with a nanny cam and didn't feel bad about it until she said we're good parents" lol. also love the weakest link vibe of "parents: you are the assholes."
In case you're still wondering, Jamie (or anyone else): some parents treat their children like this because they don't see their children as people. To them, their children are either their property or their Problem (as in they blame their unplanned child for everything wrong with their lives). Sometimes, their children are both. Yes, my parents are like this, although I think my dad is finally starting to realize I'm a person. Took him 40 years, but better late than never, I guess.
Regarding the parents who put the camera in the teenage daughter’s teddy bear. My mother didn’t believe in children having privacy at all. Even when I was a teen she read my diary (which I discovered by accident), opened and read my personal mail, listened in on phone calls. As a result, I don’t trust anyone.
Laughing so hard at the gran being angry over a devil horn filter on a baby 😂 When my niece was about 9 months old, my mum put ear plugs on her head to make her look like a devil baby 😂 (they were clean new out of the packet) It's so weird how people can be so angry over something so silly , it's a baby , it's not that serious, the kid will be fine
Positive homeschooling story: My sister decided to homeschool her girls when her family moved to Florida from Georgia. The decision was made for quality reasons, but both girls were consulted before anything was set. Both girls have been encouraged and supported in maintaining school friendships, AND to try extracurriculars in order to find things they love. The elder is now 19, just got a job, and is working on testing out of her gen eds. The younger just turned 15, and is such a bright, strong, compassionate human being. Homeschooling was exactly the right choice for them. I just wish all kids could have that kind of quality experience.
I've only personally heard of excellent home school situations but I know this can not be all the time. The secret was guiding them at their pace and having lots of outside influence. Do not isolate anyone into an echo chamber. That's a disservice to any one.
I also heard about positive homeschooling stories, school really crushed my motivation to learn and I saw so many depressed students around me that I get why parents think about homeschooling even though it's a ton of work... I'm glad Jamie presented things very respectfully and that alternative voices can exist in the comments
I'm all for homeschooling. Honestly I have no problem at all with it. It seems like a great way to genuinely spend time with your kids and teach them yourself. It's just such a shame people sometimes use it to completely control how their children see the world
Love this for everyone! There are some actually great homeschool stories but I believe the problem with so many arises because (at least here in the US) there is no regulation and oversite of homescooling. Any old cult can say they homeschool and the kids can be taught any "facts" or nothing at all in most states here. We have enough problems with public schools being robbed of funding by private schools without also telling people it's ok not to educate kids at all. Let's stop dumbing people down please!
As someone who was homeschooled for the majority of my childhood, parents who aren't religious nuts usually form groups with eachother so their kids get plenty of other kids to play with, either that or they take them to a different activity where they can make friends.
One little thing about tha camera/bear. When the daughter was telling her roommate all about how wonderful her parents were and how she was grateful for their trust --- Does she really know? This could be master-class mind games.
I'm also intrigued about how it was powered. It must have a very long battery life to work at college, because the daughter would never be charging it at college.
@@SimonClarkstone I hadn't thought of that. Was this a real thing or is it one of the made-up-for-outrage stories? I'd really like to think this didn't actually happen.
@@SimonClarkstone Spotted a camera "just for show" that way at the security desk of a downtown building that way. No cords implies no power. The security staff informed me that the camera is portable and is used when something happens outside.
10:01 to be fair, this isn’t as unsafe as it would seem. Alligators/Crocodiles don’t really attack with anything other than their mouth. Taping the mouth shut neutralizes the threat almost entirely since their jaws are made for clamping down, not forcing them open, and thus it doesn’t take much to keep them restrained. For the purposes of the photo, the kid is pretty much safe (although having it on top of the kid was probably still not the best move). That being said, trying to make your kid more open to the idea of wrestling alligators is an incredibly irresponsible thing to do, as doing so with an unrestrained alligator/crocodile can be a very easy way to get yourself needlessly killed. Even small ones still have incredible bite force and could be capable of removing an appendage or two if agitated.
Tbh I know it's bad parenting, but my cute baby reaction is taking precedent over that and I'm just thinking about how cute both the baby alligator and the human baby are. I want to cuddle both.
I'm also concerned about the alligator since duct tape is really hard to remove from a lot of surfaces. There has to have been a more humane way to restrain it.
Jamie, your the reason why I’m still alive, I found who I am because of your videos, whenever I felt hopeless and alone I would watch your videos and it would make me feel better
My mother borrowed my laptop "to apply to jobs" when I was a teenager, and later revealed she was going through my emails, through my SENT AND DELETED EMAILS, and now I can't bring myself to let anyone other than my partner touch my technology. It was horrifying and ruined my trust and we haven't spoken in years because of it, and a handful of other horrible things. I don't know if I'd be better off not knowing or not. Maybe I'd be fine if she wanted to change, like the parents in the article.
As the parent of two young adult children, it's absolutely awful how some people treat their children. I've been trying to break cycles from my past and help my spouse to also break cycles. My spouse's parents spanked them, hit their hands with wooden spoons, and yelled quite a bit. I was so glad that my spouse agreed to not spank our children. There are some of my family members who pay for their (adult) children's phones and use that as a way to stalk them with Find My Phone. I don't mind helping adult children get on their feet and help pay for things, but stalking fully adult children is just too much for me. Build a trusting relationship and then maybe they'll voluntarily tell you what they're up to or when they have a new partner.
On the topic of homeschooling: I was homeschooled from 1st grade to around 5th grade because I did poorly in school not academically (I was the top of my class, actually) but socially - plus, my 1st grade teacher hated me, so my mom pulled me out halfway through 1st grade. She taught me up until she couldn't teach me anymore, and that's when I went back to school again (this time, at a different school since we moved). I brought this up on another video where the UA-camr was saying nobody should homeschool their kids, and I was ripped apart in the comments saying not to "coddle" kids, and I felt pretty bad because I would have done horribly had I kept going to public school with all the bullying I was facing. Plus, my mom is a teacher (sort of, she's actually a reading specialist, but I still consider her a teacher) and she made sure I went to a special school 1 1/2 days a week where I could do art and science and be around other kids (who were actually really nice!)
I’m so sorry other people were so rude to you in those other comments! It sounds like you had a truly healthy experience. I was actually homeschooled my entire life in an unhealthy way and super isolated as well, so college and being exposed to the world, like other ppl here are saying, has made it very difficult for me to function. But I still believe that there is a way to do homeschooling in a truly helpful, healthy way for certain kids who need it, and I think you are/were a good example of that . :)
It's funny, the mothers day text reminded me of something that happened with me: By the time mother's day rolled around in 2022, I was on really rocky terms on my side with my mom, she'd been a completely different person to who I saw her as because of stress from new things going on in our lives and lashing out at me because of it. So during Mother's Day, I made her a present but I didn't mention it. She eventually mentioned it but she lashed out, asked me how I could not say anything at all (as I was making her present) and called me selfish. I apologized and gave her the gift and she acted as if nothing happened. The next year, I told her happy mother's day in advance, so she wouldn't react the way she did the year before and bought her a tea cup I thought she'd enjoy using, somehow to make up for my mistake which I was only feeling guilty about because of her overreaction. It's been almost a year since then and she only used that tea cup once and has had it sitting at the back of the fridge since and I don't plan to buy her a mother's day gift with my money again.
I don’t blame you. If I had a mother like that she’d be severely disappointed her entire life. I have remembered ONE, Mother’s Day in over two decades… and lo and behold… it was the American one, which is not on the same day as Mother’s Day in my country. I did not buy anything, and I did not give anything, mostly out of principle, and I said “happy Mother’s Day” to my mom, and it ended at that. My principle explained since it might not make sense otherwise; I do not believe in giving for the sake of giving. That include a gift because it is expected for a specific day, such as Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas, birthdays etc. This does not mean I do not ever give people gifts. But rather I firmly believe the entire point with a gift is for it to have a meaning. The entire; “I bought a gift because of social expectations to do so on this day.” does not qualify for that. However; “I bought this gift to you because I saw it, and thought you’d appreciate it.” counts. Hence by principle I only give things to people when it comes naturally to me, and it’s genuine. Because I refuse to be fake and buy a gift when I first of all don’t feel like giving anything at that point in time, either because of financial situation or simply emotional reasons; or secondly buy something without meaning behind it because I need a gift for you right now. I much rather prefer to look for good deals, on things I know you’d enjoy and have use of, and buy it whenever it makes sense to do so, regardless of season, day, or traditions. Edit: Forgot a word in a sentence.
If I was going off of just the information you gave, I would say that you are right about her having issues with stress. Not using a valued gift and keeping it in a weird spot where no one else would use it, where it could be found or seen occasionally is a common stress response. The persons mind can place too much importance on an object leading to the person either ignoring the object or hiding it or putting it somewhere they think it won’t get touched. My sister does this. Has always done this. So many gifts end up in the trash or never opened. or just sitting somewhere. if we give her any gifts now we try to keep them light hearted and not get offended if it ends up somewhere strange. Ps trying to explain that the thing is meant to be used does not work. Anyway I’m not defending her. Don’t let her issues add you your own issues.
@@kimberly_erin wow, this is an eye-opener, thank you. My own mum does this with so many things - for example, says a diary with nice editing (e.g. colourful photos taking up pages by themselves etc) is 'too nice to use', and the cute chocolate dog I bought about 3 years ago is still sitting there on the counter, never unwrapped (just two examples, but it's been going on for possibly decades at this point). I admit I've done similar, too, but nowhere near to the same extent as mum does it.
Homeschooled my kids for 6 years. Critical thinking was top on my priorities, as well as knowing how to learn, how to find information. We have great conversations. We don’t agree on everything, but we all bring receipts when we state our views. Youngest is now a sophomore at the local high school and is doing great.
The "don't touch in case you break it" hits close to home. Dad always blames me and my brother when something gets broken at home, so there are things that I directly don't touch, I find excuses so he or mom do it if I need it. I know it's him because of the way he treats things. For example; I've had the phone I'm writing with since 2019, he's had three different phones since then
I really do relate to being isolated with no internet access. My parents found out about my long distance relationship with a girl (I identified as a woman atp) and completely isolated me from school and other things in my life other than my raging homophobic parents and their same family. I had regained respect from my parents now and my mother doesn’t seem to care about my partner’s gender anymore so she’s improved. But those two years where I had no one to talk to and was isolated from everyone was so difficult and hard for me. I can’t imagine being isolated from society for my whole life like those kids. I hope they get properly educated sooner rather than later because the culture shock will destroy the kids and the relationship with the parents when those kids learn later on about how horrible the parents were.
Previous homeschooler here, the alt right homeschoolers always make us normal homeschoolers look bad.. I used to be in public school but was taken out because the school system was ableist to me (I'm disabled) and I wasn't getting the best experience I could have, so homeschool it was (and in my experience I preferred homeschooling)
I'm an older gen x, and I had relatives that behaved in this way as a child. I'm undecided on whether the lack of social media back then is a good or bad thing. But as someone who has been there, please know that it's better with the family you find ❤
I personally want to homeschool my children. Not to keep them away from the world and it's truth. I just want to keep them safe from active shooters...... I'm not american, but I'll be living in america for a few years when my boyfriend and I will adopt, and i'm just so scared for their safety.
I think depending on the state it might be okay, I've gone to school in america all my life except for one year in Australia, and have never experienced a shooting incident which is possibly because I've lived in a state where there are very few school shootings. Which state are you planning to move to, if you're comfortable sharing?
Sometimes I feel like Republican legislators are doing nothing to reduce gun violence because they want to abolish public education, and if parents are too scared to send their children to public school they won't protest too much when the school isn't there anymore. Other days I wonder if my tinfoil hat is just on too tight.
You can get some really good guided curriculum through programs like K12, I was homeschooled for a few years and it actually put me ahead of my peers. It sucks that school shootings are so prevalent that it's such a genuine concern and people still do nothing but thoughts and prayers 😮💨 I hope you and your boyfriend are ok and everything goes well when you move and adopt my friend 💜
Like @alim.9801 said, there are a lot of good guided curriculums out there, or online schooling programs from properly accredited schools that will still issue your child a diploma without them having to physically be at a school building. You will still need to have a homeschooling parent involved in order to assist the child for programs like that one, but it ensures your child is able to keep pace with public schools and still get the kind of environment they need to be in to thrive.
I think the job of being a parent is to provide the child the means to do well, preferrably better than the parent, in life. Restricting their access to new knowledge and socializing in school is restricting their chances of thriving as adults.
@@AD-dg3zz At the very best (and this is me being generous and assuming non-existent innocence on the part of her parents...) morbid curiosity? If I had kids, I wouldn't want to know what was going on in their private spaces unless there were signs something harmful was going on (but then, I'd hope I was a parent they could talk to about their concerns if anything was wrong or they needed help). I certainly never wanted to know what was going on with my parents when they sought privacy.
For what it's worth, we homeschool our youngest, who is autistic. Homeschooling allows us to spend more time on his challenge areas and to accelerate through those areas that just click for him (typically math related). It also allows us to couch his lessons in the topics of his hyperfocus areas, which really helps his engagement and learning. So, not all homeschooling families do it to be crazy... but there is a depressingly large portion of families that use it as a tool to manipulate and control their children.
"I don't LET my children do this and that to their identity" Well you can say goodbye to having contact with your kids when they grow up, you can say goodbye to having grand kids and you can think about it every single day when you are dying alone. These people really think they can forever keep them "under control" when they are fully grown adults and realize you are toxic and disgusting.
Honestly as a parent and former teacher I’m glad they homeschool if they don’t vaccinate. Obviously it would be better to believe in science, but if they’re not going to at least they’re not putting other kids in danger.
For real! You vaccinate not only to protect yourself, but to protect others. Herd immunity is a real thing & it shocks me how little people know about it.
The parents that had a camera in their daughter’s bear-unbelievable. They have been watching her for years. They could have just not looked at it again but they are still watching her, and now her roommate, undress, among maybe other things. I have a hard time believing that the boyfriend was the only reason *both* of them thought this was a good idea.
putting tape over the mouth of a gator means they can’t bite you. it does not mean the gator is now a tame and gentle creature that’s safe for children.
sometimes i'm SO GLAD that my parents were the uncaring neglectful alcoholic kind of abusive and not the overbearing controlling kind of abusive. like at least i was mostly allowed to be myself
That laundry story... I have a similar one. I never even learned how to use the washer/dryer till I was an adult. My employer had to show me how to do it at work which was super embarrassing all because my mom would not allow me to do it. She also refused to even wash certain articles of clothing that had snap buttons on them because my mom was convinced they would break the machine. Apperently Washer/dryers use to be made of porceline and she's actually seen those old machines damaged before but the newer models are all metal, putting a jacket with button snaps in there is not going to break it but I'm not allowed to do that so those just never get washed.
There were a few poor examples of homeschooling on here today, and I just want to say we aren't all like that! We homeschool for a variety of reasons - I like being able to make our own schedules, I want to be able to spend time with my kids, and I can make sure our curriculum is more inclusive than what they would get in public schools. But I also want them to love learning , and have more time being kids and playing outside.
I love hearing positive homeschooling stories online. All the homeschooling parents I know in real life are doing a great job and doing it for good reasons, but sometimes it seems like the only thing we hear about online is the horror stories.
@@wmdkittyA couple minutes ago in a different reply section I replied to your whining, and said it doesn’t match the definition of child abuse or abuse at all.
@@wmdkitty some people genuinely had a good experience with it dude. Why do you feel so strongly about it, were you homeschooled and had a bad time with it??
On that "alligator wrestler" child, i have actually seen some random advise telling that at least crocodiles cant open their mouths very well despite being able to close them incredibly strongly, so the fact that the alligators mouth was taped shut is actually a relatively good safety measure, tho the claws can still do damage, and even if it was safe, it wouldnt make it less unhinged
The thing with the camera: one, what if someone else had hacked into it and spied on the daughter; two, I can imagine kids, teens and others having been gifted something, now checking it for hidden cameras 😱
10:25 The duct tape is fool-proof, alligators have extremely weak jaw opening muscles as opposed to their strong jaw closing muscles. The claws still pose a risk. A bigger problem that the parents overlooked here is the fact that the baby may put their hands in their mouth or press up against the alligator with their face. Alligators live in swampy, dirty water, where there is an insane amount of bacteria that can and will infect your child’s fragile immune system. When I was a kid I went to a zoo and got to hold a crocodile. Didn’t wash my hands. Cue me having to treat mouth ulcers for a month, couldn’t eat or talk properly.
I would definitely want to know that I’ve been spied on for years. Since the parents don’t fully understand the scope of their wrongdoings, they might do something else that they think keeps their child safe, when in reality they are doing something that impedes on their child’s rights and privacy.
Fun fact about alligators and crocodiles they only have extreme downward bite force when it comes to opening the mouth there's almost nothing there. And if they are alligators or crocodiles raised by humans since they hatched they're actually quite tame and don't see us as food.
Yeah, that movie is great, I love it, but that was scene was just messed up on many, MANY levels, her annoying brother has his friends over all the time, she has a new stepfather that she doesn’t even LIKE, her mom was basically pimping her out
@@Lalaland666-k3x Not to mention the casual racism and the fact that ANNA supposedly learned a “lesson” from being thrust into a world she wasn’t ready for?! Not only that, but her mom did JUST FINE as a teenager, basically solidifying the idea that SHE was right all along and Anna should’ve just sucked it up?! That’s so fucking dismissive, and her mom didn’t even experience the other hardships of her daughter’s life! Where was her restriction of freedom? Her being told that her thoughts and feelings don’t matter? Being a kid sucks!
Positive homeschool story for you. My recently retired co worker, has some grandchildren. Two of which are being homeschooled due to their advanced brains. They were doing highschool level math at age 9. They're 11 now. One uses sign language over speaking because her brain goes faster than her mouth and it's quicker for her to sign properly than it is for her to verbally articulate herself. They are smart kiddos, getting the proper homeschool education. And it's because they are so smart and advanced. They even beat my old co worker at chess often, even once said " you know, Nana, you don't need to go easy on us" and she wasn't xD she was trying her best. Also due to one of them not needing to be bullied for being a trans girl as well, helps prevent bullying at such a young age too. This is an example of a positive homeschooling.
I know someone whos uncle let her 12 year old cousin cut up branches with a chainsaw with zero protection on. No glasses, no gloves, no boots, no nothing
It is literally abuse to never let your kids go out to socialize with their peers. Homeschooling can be fine, but that's when the parents make a huge effort to get their kids into sports or clubs or something that let's them make friends on a regular basis. If a child has no friends as a direct result of their parents' actions, those parents are guilty of child abuse.
I've always considered the role of a parent to be helping teach their kid(s) how to navigate the world safely. You can't keep your kids in a box forever, whatever you're afraid of them learning, they'll learn it themselves eventually, so they might as well hear it from you.
I don't care if my kids send me mothers day or birthday cards. What I care is that we have a good relationship and are able to share our lives and thoughts.. I particularly love it when they call me when something has changed in their lives. That means a lot more to me then when they complete obligitory social rituals.
That kid absolutely had a reason not to tell the parents about her boyfriend. They’re absolutely controlling and crazy. She obviously can’t trust them and they proved why she can’t with the camera being set up.
The Teddy bear one is just horrendous!!! I honestly don’t know if I’d want to know about it. I imagine I would get incredibly paranoid and feel like I’m being spied on all the time even after that teddy would be thrown in the trash. And the trust issues that would come with it… My parents made a joke once like “haha yeah but what if we hid a camera in your room” and ever since I’ve been so paranoid in my room or just generally in our house. It just feels unsafe and uncomfortable. And also the fact that they’ve installed this after their daughter got a boyfriend. What do they hope to record?? It’s just disgusting on so many layers… whether or not the daughter finds out, which I think she eventually will, I hope she gets as far away from the as possible
Re: parents not playing with kids. I'm an only child, and my dad was overseas a lot while I was young, and my mum worked really hard and didn't always have a lot of time to play with me (and when she did, she had back problems that made it hard to play for long: totally not her fault!). My parents are amazing; so supportive in literally everything. Even if they don't agree with all my choices (tattoos for example), they give me the room to make them. But I was recently talking to my psych and had a bit of a realisation: the result of being left alone a lot as a kid was the expectation that I could be mature enough and self-sufficient enough to be ok. I've internalised that I MUST always be independent and okay at ALL times. I'm not necessarily afraid to ask for help, but when I do I feel like I'm being a burden. I appolagise a lot. When someone looks like they're getting frustrated or struggling to help me, I immediately say, 'oh, don't worry then! I'll be fine!' It might seem benign, but refusing to play with your child has consequences, both good and bad. It's made me really creative; I do everything from play piano, to drawing, writing, animating, even creating my own music on occassion. But it's also left me struggling in romantic relationships. I can't process deep emotions, I literally hide them from myself. Everything from anger to love. I know I'm in love right now because I constantly talk about my girl, miss her when I don't see her for 2 days etc etc, but I've only ever felt deep romantic love after breakups, because the emotions get so intense they FINALLY spill over. Same with anger. Nothing... nothing... then BAM I'M FURIOUS AND I HATE THE WORLD AND- It's awful. I'm having to reconnect with my own emotions because I've buried them so deep, and the initiator of all this was being expected to be able to look after myself in every way. God forbid I feel anything other than relaxed or happy. A lot of the time I just... don't feel much of anything. I look happy on the outside, though. People think of me as cheerful, but the emotion I feel most often is probably anger. It spills over the most easily, perhaps. Like Jamie said, play is a massive part of childhood, and it's not fair that any kid misses out. It might be doing more damage than you realise. (This is not to say I don't love my girlfriend or that my parents are bad people; they were busy people, doing their best to raise an unexpected child - mum had me at 40 and thought she couldn't have kids. Honestly? Fair. And as I got older I got a lot more attention, but I've realised those early years have had a lasting impact. It's not a blame thing. Just a realisation.)
Why do parents even "announce" mean posts about their children?? Its insane? I keep all that stuff private, to myself out of respect for myself and my kids. My kids also dont go around posting things about me, even if we do have a disagreement. It looks as though their failure as parents needs to be shared in a desperate search for validation.
I remember when my mother heard that a woman she knew secretly read her daughter's diary. She was disgusted at the invasion of privacy. I was so proud of her. There's no way the teddy bear is the first offence. She needs to know she can't trust them.
my father recently went off his rails and took away all my ways of accessing the internet, said a lot of terrible stuff to my bf made it seem like i was actually saying it and made him sh, asked his friends who like can check every single person i talk to (which is not alot but still weird) to check what im talking about and then cut them off, cut all my sources of income, took all my cards and even the spare coins i had in my desk, constantly tries to guilt trip me into staying (along the lines of "u are going to leave, do u even think of me, i WILL die"). And after all this he still likes to pretend that he is a loving and caring father. also for some context im 17
I'm really sorry you're going through that, I also had a super controlling abusive parent growing up (a family full, shocker!). Took most of my youth to acknowledge (22 now), and I'm no contact with one side of my family, slowly going no contact with the other (it really is a process lmao). But I've found chosen family now, support groups, etc. I know these things are super difficult to navigate, and feel rightfully super hopeless and impossible. But I did too at one point, and now I'm wiggling my way free. If you want resources I've found tons over the years I could post in this thread. Idk how useful some of them might be, but hey, worth a shot to offer. I hope you're okay!
We didn't want to violate our daughters trust. So we installed a hidden camera inside a stuffed bear that we pretended to give her for not creepy reasons and violated her privacy rights because we don't view her as a human being.
You should tell her so she has the opportunity to disown you forever.
I am leaning toward this too. Maybe in time and *lots* of therapy, the daughter could forgive them.
@@lynnhettrick7588 i hope she doesn't. they do not deserve her forgiveness.
@@dietotaku I probably wouldn't forgive them, but some people can forgive others who do them wrong. I was pissed to find out my dad read my diary. It definitely added to my reasons to not want to spend time with him.
@@zinobimy thoughts exactly like is there a giant battery in the bear? 😂
It is also illegal for two reasons.
1. It is illegal to record footage of someone without their knowledge or consent when there are reasonable expectations for privacy. Someone’s bedroom falls well within the “expectation of privacy”.
2. If the camera caught her getting changed, or doing things that I frequently did at that age in the privacy of my bedroom, the parents are in possession of Child Sexual Exploitation Material. Which is a serious sex crime. Very illegal.
Apparent hot take in the US: kids aren't property.
extremely hot. scalding, even. /gen
Also a hot take in many conservative countries
Yes, it sadly is a ghost pepper take here.
@@faith-by-faith Isn't there a pepper now declared hotter than that?
Genuinely.
All children deserve good parents, not all parents deserve children
True !
So true, you don't choose where your born
Truth right here
OMG so truee
Indeed
Holy hell these parents truly are insane. Whenever my older daughter gets into a preteen moodiness episode I feel like the worst parent ever, but she recently came out to me by way of asking "Hey Mom, what age am I allowed to have a girlfriend?" and telling me she had a crush on her friend and that was it. I realized I'm not doing such a bad job after all. She was really excited when I got her a lesbian flag for Christmas. 💞
That's really sweet. Wishing you and your daughter well!
This is the nicest thing I've heard today. I hope your daughter and you are both doing great!
That's so cute! I wish I'd had a mum like you, you're doing great!
As a teenager who gets into teenager moods sometimes, I can safely tell you there's a good chance you're not the problem. I mean I don't know you so I can't say you've been a good parent, but you don't have to be a bad one for them to be moody. We're just kinda like that sometimes.
That's really sweet. Congratulations to BOTH of you for having such a good relationship.
OTOH, don't lean so hard on her lesbian identity that she feels *_obliged_* to cling to it. She may not remain in that space her whole life. She may, or she may not. Make sure that she knows her most important identity is *_herself,_* and her most important relationship with you is as her daughter.
I remember seeing a video on instagram reels of this couple that were like “our kids will be what they are BORN as no choosing 😡” then learned that the couple are cousins so
eww
Gross
Makes sense, Alabama is a red state..
@@Beegirl12345 unfortunately that kind of stuff can lead to genetic issues
Checks out 😂
When I was younger, my parents would often force me into wearing only skirts and dresses, I doubt I even had a proper set of trousers at the time. They also were forcing me to follow their beliefs. . I'd always hear "being Queer is a mental illness, just straight up wrong, and quite di̶s̶g̶u̶i̶s̶t̶ing if you think about it. . " everywhere me and them would walk past same gender couples. They said that they were trying to raise me right.
. . . And eventually ended up with a trans son. No matter what you say to them or "don't allow your child" to be, you have no control over their identity!
"If you think about it"
Thinking about it is what made me be like "wait why are they bad exactly" and just couldn't work anything out so concluded they must actually be fine
Cis-hets may be in the majority, but it never occurs to them that being cis-het isn't a choice they, or anyone else made for themselves, either. I hope you feel more freedom to make your own decisions about who you are, now.
Similar thing with a sectarian tradcath family member I had. I hated skirts and dresses, only wore trousers. It annoyed the hell out of her that my parents told her I had the right to wear trousers if I wanted. And no matter what they did or taught me, I would always lean towards being masculine.
...but they did damage me a lot. It's hell to be an afab trans boy in a fascist tradcath cult.
i used to echo the beliefs of my parents (queerphobic beliefs) because they shoved their agenda down my throat, and now im gay and have a boyfriend!
@@OctavKitty Sending hugs sir 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
You know, there's an old saying, "Becoming a parent doesn't come with an instruction booklet."
However, the "r/InsaneParents" subreddit is an entire Workbook of _how _*_NOT_*_ to parent._
Very true
Also r/RaisedByNarcissists
"We wanted to violate our child's privacy without violating her trust, so we violated her trust." I think the daughter needs to know what happened so she can make informed choices and set boundaries that will clearly need extra effort to enforce.
IDK...I really do not know which would be better for that unfortunate young woman.
Regardless, her parents need to get that fucking teddy bear out of her bedroom before something happens that causes her to find the camera on ehr own.
Discovering it for herself would break her heart so badly it would turn this story from a country-western song into an opera.
also her roommate getting her privacy invaded by the bear
A lot of people say that the story is fake. Whether or not it is, the daughter has a chance of getting her parents in legal trouble depending on what footage was possessed.
I personally would not want to know. Simply finding out that we had a camera in our living room (because of misbehaving cats) had me super stressed out for MONTHS, until i ended up figuring out how it was oriented. And that was in a place that made sense.
I would be so traumatized if i found out there had been a camera in a toy, that it would be a constant fear the rest of my life.
Get that camera out Immediately, and never let her know
Personally, I would want to know about that, but it would destroy my trust in my parents probably forever.
Parents who shelter their kids to an extreme degree will find that their children won’t be equipped to handle the worlds once they become adults and leave the home. I was a resident assistant for three years in college and the people who behaved the worst tended to be kids with super controlling parents.
100% Parenting, especially adolescents, is all about preparing them for independent adult lives. I just can't imagine getting in the way of that and then feeling good about them going into the world.
Too bad my corporate elitist f’ckhead “parents” KNOW that and are actively using it as part of their circular logic to justify my “mom” babying me while gaslighting me to hell and back.
Too bad my elitist parents GOT the memo and are actively using it to justify their circular logic to baby me.
Too bad my el!tist parents GOT the memo and are actively using it to justify their circular logic to baby me.
(Why did UA-cam censor the word el!tist?)
Too bad my el!tist abusers GOT the memo and are actively using it to justify their circular logic to baby me.
They heard their daughter taking with her college room mate...
This mean they are also recording the room mate with out her knowledge.
I hope to god this is not a shared bedroom?
Spying on your own adult child is bad enough but recording a complete stranger!!!!
Oh, if I were that roommate and found out about that bear, I'd be lawyering up.
As far as the camera in the teddy bear, something that immediately came to mind was... like what if something DID happen in her room? She was a teen with a boyfriend, if she did anything sexual with him, as teens sometimes do, then her parents are technically guilty of producing CP.
Even if she didn't have sex in front of the bear, it was in her bedroom and she presumably changes her clothes in there. Just footage of her naked would count as illegal in that way, that story is really disgusting.
@@Alicein4711yepper. I made the same point elsewhere: it was criminal for adults to be watching a minor do those kinds of things. CP and child abuse charges, no doubt. And continuing to film if she had reached the age of 18 was still a crime bc you can't put video surveillance on someone without their knowledge or consent, especially bedroom videos. And since that was done to the roommate too, it would be double the charges.
Was literally thinking the same thing. She's a teenager and it's HER room. She's *gonna* do what she wants in there, even if it's weird and questionable. It's only natural when having your own space.
Unfortunately, she doesn't live alone, so she has to worry about her parents for seeing something they shouldn't see or straight barging in her room if she does something they don't approve of (which definitely seems like something they would do since they went as far as to straight up spy on her by installing a camera on her teddy bear).
That was my first thought, as well as if she was changing in there and it got caught on camera. I really hope that story is fake because it's disgusting.
Spying on the daughter via teddy bear cam is already unthinkably awful. But now they are also inherently spying on the roommate.
and illegal, though if the parents are smart, they'd make it impossible for the daughter to get proof of illegal activity
They could also just turn off / delete the software they're using to spy through the bear, but since they're clearly terrible and insane people, I don't know if they'd even consider that.
So, like, by posting it online?
EXACTLY. They're literally spying on other people now. Whoever goes into that room has their business at the disposal of those parents!
I don't understand how that's possible exactly. Cameras need charging. Unless this bear is plugged to an outlet, the camera would die within hours.
BearCam there is federally illegal in the US, as none of the parties being filmed has consented.
I'm also intrigued about how it was powered. It must have a very long battery life to work at college, because the daughter would never be charging it at college.
It is worse than that. They were trying to film a minor girl having sex with her boyfriend. Sounds like Child Porn to me.
Most students share rooms too, so were they filming a random student as well? Even if daughter doesn't press charges i absolutely would if i foundut my roommate's parents did and i was on it at all.
Depends on the state. Some states only one party needs to consent, others require both/all.
@unclebozo9845 I think the rules are different with minors, though. She was
I’m a gender therapist, and I have a client who was homeschooled and completely isolated from the world, and they still ended up figuring out they are trans. It’s not a choice. It just is. Love your content!
Damn
Thank you! I’ve been trying to drill into peoples heads that trans people are born not influenced or manipulated. 😮💨
@@itzTeTefr and if people find out earlier with access to the outside its more like they know more abt being trans than influenced!
@@itzTeTe - this particular client had more issues with trying to socialize after being so isolated from others than they had with figuring out gender issues and how to navigate gender expression. To this day, they are one of my favorite clients I have ever worked with but still have to keep the gender issue a secret from their parents. It's very sad.
I was homeschooled and am Trans. My parents didn’t homeschool for brainwashy reasons but still, it happens no matter what you are taught.
I was homeschooled back in the 90s before the internet was particularly wide-spread. I grew up on a farm and my access to other children was limited to a singular friend I made at summer camp and my sibling. So I think I'm a pretty good example of how controlling it can get, I can explain it no better than this: I was 10 years old when 9/11 happened. My brother was 14. NEITHER OF US WERE AWARE OF IT UNTIL 2 YEARS LATER when we were attending a private Christian academy and there was a memorial. For two years we were completely unaware that 9/11, the thing that was blasted all over news channels everywhere for months, years after the fact, which changed the shape of American communities, happened. I remember being unable to continue the activities on the military base my dad worked on, suddenly at that time. It was never explained to me why those things were cancelled and why we, his family, were no longer allowed on the base. Imagine having so much control over what a child is able to learn that you could prevent them from knowing about 9/11 when it happened and for years after the fact.
Wow that is shocking!
Wow - sorry you went through that! I was a child in the UK and we basically watched it live on the news: we had a small TV (typical 90s/00s yellow cuboid one) in the kitchen at the time and I have a distinct memory of being stood in the kitchen watching the events unfold.
It didn't just change the US, but global airport security practices changed that day. It seems jarring nowadays watching old films and programmes and random people who aren't even catching a flight just wander up to the gate!
But playing seems like one of the greatest things about parenthood. Like you can do childish shit again without some looking weird at you
As a parent, it can be extremely difficult and draining. Like, you kinda have to be a high energy Labrador to really enjoy it because you normally fall into camp “I don’t remember how to play” or “I don’t have the energy to do this right now.”
Thankfully though, as they get older it gets easier. I sign my child up for sports so she gets lots of activity, we play video games together at home (games explain how to play!), we joke and laugh, and find things to do together which aren’t exactly ‘playing.’ I also make sure she has lots of time around other kids.
Like, kudos to the people for whom imaginative play and goofy games come easily. When I was younger I never imagined I would have trouble with it (especially as a writer), but the burnout hits fast.
Personally, my favorite part of being a parent is seeing how she explores her world and answering questions, seeing how she becomes her own person.
EDIT: Gonna add here that I do try to play with my daughter, I just suck at it. Growing up I was never played with, so I really don’t understand how to play. I’ll be perfectly level here, sometimes I just steal ideas from Bluey
As a neurodivergent mum I always struggled playing with my kids. Just glad I had 2 close in ages so they could play together.
It can be really tiring depending on the kid. I have compassion for all good parents trying their best, and I completely understand that first parents perspective. I also think that while playing with your kids is good, it's not necessary. They need play, but it doesn't need to be with their parents (although I do think parents have the responsibility to provide playtime).
All that being said personally I usually LOVE playing with my kids. But some kinds of imaginative play can be especially exhausting when you're already tired and they expect you to provide all the ideas. Just not something I've ever been good at.
Depens on your personality, energy level as well as on the kid. When I started going out with my now husband, his little sister was only 6 years old. I enjoyed playing with her for like the first 15 minutes of it and then I was totally drained. I would never refuse to play if she wanted to, but I'm sure as hell happy that I don't have to do it on a daily basis.
@@tisvana18 Absolutely steal your ideas from Bluey. 100%. Also Mr. Rogers, if you want help with a deeper understanding of play and the ways children use it to understand the world.
i just came out to family last night and it was about an hour and a half of them trying to convince me im just a masc lesbian and not a guy. thank you Jamie for being a safe space for all of us and showing us that the future is bright
(edit) thank you all so much for the support, encouragement and kind words. it really means a lot to me and i know if anyone else who is struggling is able to see those words they will feel loved as well. it's going to be a rough ride into adulthood, but im hoping life gets good for all of us. just gonna listen to The Taste of Ink on loop until it really sets in
geez, I wish you're doing good though
Good luck sir, hope you’re ok
Hope you are ok hugs 🫂 and comfort sent your way!!
i tried 2 times to come out to my parents...i mean it's more them forcing me to, and the two time they kept denying and threatening me so i go back on what i've said and say that i'm straight cis while i'm not. good luck mate
@@KarmicIDi had that for to experience something similar for a while, best of luck to you too dude
i recently came out as non-binary to my parents and *dear god* am i glad that they're supportive. they're not perfect, and they slip up sometimes, but they try, and i love 'em
My parents were like that at first as well. It’s been 3 years since I came out to them and now they very rarely slip up, always call me by my new name, etc. Plus my mum even went to a trans supporting protest!
They will get used to it with time. :)
Wow y'all are lucky. My dad said if I transitioned that I would have to move out. I'm 12...
@@meiscoolbutmo In most places, that’s child abandonment and very much illegal :/
Perhaps consider talking to your doctor about options if possible. Regulations vary in different areas on whether you can go to a doctor’s appointment alone and idk your situation obviously. But I hope you can find some help and support.
congracts to you. so happry to hear that. hope they'll support you forever. you're valid as ever❤❤
@@aeolianaether In the UK you can make your own doctors appointments from the age of 13, but regardless there are charities like the NSPCC who can help children.
can we talk about how the teddy bear thing was a literal crime bc they were probably creating cp??
Depending on where they are, it's a crime if it made cp or not, because mamy states in the US are two-party consent states, where it is a crime to record people without their permission
@@ItRemindMeOfHome true true
I'm also intrigued about how it was powered. It must have a very long battery life to work at college, because the daughter would never be charging it at college.
@@SimonClarkstone They could've replaced it when she was at school maybe? The post didn't mention when she first took the bear to college, but it could've been recent
@@ItRemindMeOfHome the girl did not consent, she did not know about it
I hate it when parents are like “I PAY FOR YOU TO LIVE!!!!” like you owe them something for doing the bare minimum???? Like if you didn’t want to pay for a kid, why the hell did you have one to begin with?
It's along the lines of "I didn't MURDER you so you OWE me". They're fulfilling only their legal obligation, nothing more, and that does not deserve praise.
"My kids won't choose their gender!" Well, no one actually chooses their gender identity, since it's an innate sense of self that can't be changed from the outside. So you're halfway there.
@@gearscore349labels and gender arent the same thing
@@gearscore349I’d say they already have a fairly good understanding of it. It’s rather people trying to stop people from being themselves and gatekeep who you are allowed to be, who would need to hear it.
@@gearscore349alot of people who are xenogender already feel as though their identity and gender aren't along the lines of binary or even nonbinary, and also, xenogenders are used by quite a lot of autistic or neurodivergent people who already have struggles with understanding gender in the first place.
@@Saturnm0ss also yeah ive read about this but it still makes no sense to me, how can you be neither binary nor non-binary? Isnt non-binary meant to encompass anything thats not "binary"?
@@ArbitraryCodeExecution I meant non binary as in the identity like using they/them
Sometimes my parents can be like these parents. I honestly can’t wait til I can afford my own place. Thank you Jamie for calling out this terrible behavior in these parents.
@@TheWerewolfOfNorway-mf5jz
Stay away from us
i will admit i don't really "play" with my kids either, it's just not an interaction that comes naturally or is comfortable for me. but i wouldn't say i'd rather DIE than play with them, that's a bit extreme.
@@TheWerewolfOfNorway-mf5jz he says, while deliberately showing up in the comments to post what i assume was some bigoted nonsense that was rightly deleted.
I hope you find people who will be more supportive to you
@@fiusionmaster3241 thank you, I really appreciate it🙂
‘Stashing’ or the phenomenon of hiding partners from family and or loved ones exists for a reason. If you’re not ready to have a conversation about non-familial relationships, then don’t act surprised when you don’t know stuff.
And then there’s an exit clause by the parents which is “We don’t want to hear from other people so just tell us quickly what’s happening so we can disapprove.”
And even when teens do trust their parents, that doesn’t automatically mean they’ll tell their parents about a new romantic relationship immediately, even when they’re not actively hiding the relationship from their parents.
I'm an adult and my now fiancé was "a /group of colleagues" at first! Especially in early days you usually want to keep it fairly private until you know if it's likely to go anywhere or not.
@@watsername this is part of the reason I had a few boyfriends in my twenties my mum knew nothing about (well, I think she didn't know, I suspect she probably did know I was seeing someone in spite of me keeping it hushed up, cos there's been times I thought Scotland Yard would do well to give her a job!).
That ‘I won’t play with my kids’ parent sounds like the sort to complain that Bluey’s setting an unrealistic standard for parents 🙄
I mean, it DOES set unrealistic standards. No human being can ever compare with a dog...
@@AylaMarine I was getting ready to get angry at your comment, but, you're not wrong 😂
Tbh, at least they do the other things. I personally wouldn't want to play with my parents anyway, I want to play with my friends.
@@AylaMarineI was about to reply angerliy to this but then I finished reading it and it is so true
Family isn’t just genetics, it’s about a place where you can feel safe. If you don’t feel safe at your own home, you may be their child, but they aren’t your parents
I've got a big extended family, and part of that for the last decade has been through my stepmother (her parents, her children, etc.). Last Christmas, I got to meet my niece, her first grandchild through her son. It was, by far, the highlight of my holiday.
This is why I like the term progenitor for biological parents. Not all progenitors are parents, and not all parents are progenitors
@@quisait5794 plus, progenitor is a cool word
I have a saying for this. "Family is not blood, it is heart."
the full phrase "blood is thicker than water" was "the blood of love is thicker than the water of the womb"
As a homeschooled kid, that second post is the opposite of how you are supposed to do it. I learned so much by getting opportunities to go outside the house and interact with other people that were not necessarily from inside my own circle. It worked for me because I got to learn in a way that was interesting and engaging so I was able to absorb a lot of information and work on my critical thinking skills. Personally, it was a wonderful experience, and while it had pros and cons like most types of schooling do, it was not a "your whole world is this house and only this house" situation at all, nor should it have been
My mom literally took lessons on LGBTQIA kids for adoption, and we always had conversations about it, so why can't I live my ace/aro agender life? It all came down to her religion and the church, although I've already debunked everything. 17 pages of research wasted, it's like talking to a brick wall.
You can't reason somebody out of a position they didn't reason their way into.
My impression is that the whole "no sex before marriage" thing is supposed to be a method of control. But that does not work if you are aro/ace.
@@jamesphillips2285”before marriage” implies that marriage will happen eventually, and it will happen according to their religious rules. That’s obviously not for everyone.
@@jamesphillips2285 why are you talking about marriage? I literally just said I was aro.
@@jamesphillips2285 I do like the quote though.
They let someone like that adopt?!
Homeschooling was actually a very positive experience for me. I’m physically disabled and my school just didn’t have the resources for me especially to help me when I was out “sick”. The classrooms were on the second floor (no elevator only stairs) so it was down to the cafeteria ladies to help me with math 😭 needless to say homeschooling was an immediate improvement especially because my mom was so chill in teaching me about things I was actually interested in and stuff
That's great! I love hearing positive homeschooling stories and it honestly sucks that so many schools don't have the resources for disabled people.
same for me here, it sucks that so many people assume we were all just locked inside our houses and never saw other people (not saying that can't happen obviously)
I dropped out and got my GED because trying to navigate school while disabled was beyond challenging. Even when i got help the helper couldn't understand the difference between a physical disability and a mental disability. Even if I had a learning disability or anything else the the way they treated me was completely inappropriate. Most schools are so ill-equipped.
All homeschooling is not bad. However I think when the homeschooling methods rely on isolation from the outside world and depriving them of structure and access to resources such as technology lies an issue. Basic socialization and tech literacy is extremely important nowadays in order to get most jobs.
Some of the arguments against homeschooling are whacko - "They need to learn social skills from the other students!" Yeah, just like they need to learn good table manners in the cafeteria?
OTOH, some schools are simply unprepared for some students.
A school which only has classrooms on the second floor and has no elevator is a school which is unprepared for ANY students with limited mobility. It is NOT sufficient to have the lunchroom staff teach a student. Good grief!
Three of my own kids came from a country where war and internal dislocation made it impossible for them to go to school, so they arrived in the U.S., able to speak two languages but neither of those languages common in the U.S. nor even Indo-European languages, and completely illiterate. They were enrolled in the school district's ESL program which was designed for literate Spanish speakers and not much help for anyone else.
Every school should have programs for ESL, for special education and for supporting homeschooling families. Any school that doesn't should be provided with outside assistance to bring it up to speed.
The thing about parents not playing with their kids. That was my mom. She would tell me constantly that "I am not your friend, I am your mother!" She thought that being my friend would mean letting me get away with doing stupid stuff. I never went to her for anything unless I was sick. I also have no memories of playing with my mom, even as a 4-5 year old.
My mom also said "I'm your mother, not your friend", but her take on that was so different from what you describe. For her it was that she was my mother first, so I could always rely on her (for me with a friend I would first check if they have the time or disposition to help), and her priority is what's best for me (with a friend they could have other people or goals they care about involved in the problem). Also, she 100% played with me.
My parents were like that too, but I had siblings and cats, so I did have playmates and never really thought anything of it. But now I've got a kid, and I play with her all the time. It's hardly boring--watching them learn about the world and grow and develop through play is quite interesting! And I love making her laugh. She's funny and silly and quite smart.
@@キャサリンkatherine I have siblings, however, my fully biological sister (5.5 years older than me) didn't like me as a kid. And my 3 step siblings at my abusive bio fathers house bullied me. I had imaginary friends all through school.
My mom also maintained that she was my mother, not my friend, but that was when I was younger. She always said that the older I got, the less like a mother she would have to act because I would behave more like an adult. These days, my mom is another part of my friend group that I talk to routinely. We rib each other, gossip about relationships, talk about dumb shit, as friends do, and every so often, she checks in as my mother to make sure that I'm eating properly and taking care of myself (I have a history of depression and ED). I appreciate it alot that she can be my friend and also be my mom. She isn't perfect, early life she definitely would have gone on this sub, but in recent years, even before I moved out, she's been an amazing mother and is one of my best friends.
I can relate to that middle one. My parents, particularly my biological mother, were psychotically abusive. One of the many ways: I was not allowed to use any appliance, even up to the age of 19 (when I finallly had the means to leave) - bc "You'll just break it." I had no history of being a careless or clumsy child, nor of breaking things.
I could not do my own laundry (even though she frequently shrunk my clothes in the dryer, wasting money and leaving me less to wear). I was not allowed to use the oven, so I could not cook for myself when they would leave me alone all day as a teen (we didn't have a microwave). I was not allowed to cook on the stove top either, with the single exception of using the kettle to boil water for oatmeal or instant soup.
I was not allowed to change lightbulbs or use the iron. I was not allowed to use the vacuum cleaner.
It was all about control and punishment. Part of that was so my egg donor could prevent me from helping around the house, so she could then bitch that she didnt get any help from me and I was a self absorbed "princess" (she loved calling me that). Part of that was to keep me developmentally stunted so I wouldnt know how to take care of myself, so I couldn't leave. Part of it was to make me dependent on her and my step father, so they could then have a "valid" reason to resent me and once again call me a "spoiled princess."
Part of that was so my egg donor could spy on me as much as possible: know exactly what I eat and when, know what kind of clothes, particularly underwear I had so she could approve/disapprove what I wore (bc having some nice underwear that weren't granny panties of course made a girl a slut). Keep in mind this continued well into adulthood, ages 18 and 19. I took to hiding my nice bras and undies then hand washing them when my parents were gone. My step father went so far as to note when and how often I used the bathroom. They both timed how long I was in the shower.
So that person's parent yelling at them through text about laundry was actually about the controlling behaviors of abuse.
That is so horrible. I hope you are safe now 💙
@abigailr.9601 Thank you for the kind comment. I'm much older now, and thankfully safe. Unfortunately it took numerous abusive, even dangerous, relationships in adulthood as a result of the child abuse before I found that safety. And has kept me in therapy pretty regularly since I was 19.
That's so horrific I'm so sorry you had to go through that! I'm just wondering about your process of adjusting to living independently, are you now at a point where you can do these skills?
@justsomeone929 Thank you for the empathetic words. It was kind of a sink or swim situation. Working was fine, bc I had been working from a young age. But learning to cook, how often to clean, etc took some time. I learned some from my roommates in my 1st apt after I moved out. One of them was my best friend so she would tell me things like, hey when you're sick you need to empty the garbage can bc having it sit there full of tissues is like storing the bacteria/virus and it could also make others ill. I had a habit when I came home from work of just dumping my shoes and pantyhose (they were required), etc anywhere I walked. And she had to tell me, hey, you can't just shed your stuff in the middle of the floor, esp when you live with other people. I was a very responsible person, intent on making a life and putting the past behind me, so I kinda learned quickly. I think if I had been by myself I would've had a harder time adjusting. There was no internet at that time, so I couldn't just Google "how long do you boil eggs?" I was just lucky to have people around me who were patient enough to set me straight.
Did you ask bc you were in a similar situation?
Just ... 🫂💜 ...
I'm glad you are safe and healthy, and so glad you had people around you (when you were learning) who knew the 'why' and did show you patience and kindness ... the idea that someone didn't know, and mistook your carefully nurtured ignorance for precisely what the 'donor' wanted? 🫂
(I _do_ like 'egg donor' I hadn't thought of that, even though we have one 'sperm donor' attached to the family ... I will have to remember that 🙂 It applies to someone I know - not my parents, thank god, they're amazing ... but there are too many "donors" out there. I would never unwish the children, but definitely _do_ wish that they'd never had to endure the proximity of the deliberately, cruel-by-design.)
The psychological abuse of the child is disgusting enough, but knowing that it often/usually sets up a cycle of abuse? There should be more 'we', society, can do to hold to account, if not somehow punish - as if there were any punishment to fit these crimes.
It sounds trite but, I'm glad you survived those that took your childhood, and the ones your childhood put you at the mercy of.
There is the old saying, 'the best revenge is living well.'
I hope that you are _thriving_ ... 🫂🫂🫂
The parents who placed a hidden camera in their daughter's dorm room could face a lawsuit from the family of the daughter's roommate. Can you imagine the fallout if someone were caught filming another person's daughter on a hidden camera in her bedroom? The parents could be facing jail time. Their own child could also have grounds to press charges if she were of a mind to do so.
The parents do not feel too much guilt because they are continuing to watch through the teddy bear, they need to delete the app on their phone or where ever they watch her.
I'm also intrigued about how it was powered. It must have a very long battery life to work at college, because the daughter would never be charging it at college.
“Watch through the teddy bear”? That’s an interesting expression, I’ve never heard it before
@flamingpaxtsc its not an expression. You should watch the video.
@@SimonClarkstone also how they are getting the footage? cos she wouldn't have connected it to wifi either?
@@flamingpaxtsc did you watch the video? The parents put a video camera in one of the teddy bears eyes, so yes, they watched her through the bear.
The one where the parents literally spied on their teenager with camera inside of it all the way to college is creepy beyond measure. There's no way that they'll tell her that without her being upset with them for the rest of her life. And they would very well deserve it, I would never talk to them ever again. There's some things that could have been happening that they weren't meant to see while spying on their teenage daughter and their college age daughter, that's just creepy af
Parents need to remember that your kids don't automatically owe you fealty just for you providing for them, because they didn't choose to be here.
Right if u choose to a bring a child into your life then you are signing up for that! It’s a requirement not a favor
Yep. My parents have tried to guilt me into agreeing to care for them when they're older by reminding me that they fed, clothed, and housed me growing up. Like oh great, that's literally the bare minimum. Actually it's less than the bare minimum because I was medically neglected because I got sick "too often" (aka more than my sister) therefore I was faking it. So if I ever get a call from a nursing home asking me to sign anything for them, I'm gonna apologize to the person I'm talking to and tell them my parents can do the same thing they told me to do growing up "It doesn't affect me or your ability to go to school*, you're fine, stop whining".
*pain, fever, contagious illness, surgeons orders and joints that won't bend do not apply
@@waffles3629 I can kind of relate, but in different ways - I moved out and my adoptive mum had an accident two months later; I moved back in to look after her dog while she was in hospital, but fought for most of the two months after mum came home to be able to go back to my own new home. She had carers so wouldn't have been alone, she just wanted me for overnights and to pick up what she perceived as the 'slack' in between carer's visits during the day. I wasn't able to take even a couple of hours' respite outside the house without getting a text asking when I'd be back and don't be too much longer!
But one of the guilt trips she used to try and get me to stay, was about how she and dad had "always looked after you and been kind, caring etc" when it wasn't 100% true.
A-dad was an alcoholic, and covertly/overtly abusive in several ways, including being inappropriate towards me as I was growing up, a-mum would dismiss my feelings and shame me for crying if I was upset etc. We did have some good times, too, but there's no way I'd want to relive being raised as their daughter.
The only thing hiding your kids from the world will make them hate you when they do get to go out and see how much there is. Kids who have strict parents just learn how to lie really well.
One of the very few mistakes my parents made when raising my sister and I was when I found some less than savory things online. My parents just tried to shield my eyes from it and just said I was too young to understand when I asked what was wrong. I was like 6-7 years old. I learned how to circumvent their limits and explore all that stuff on my own and it was only a few years later that they realized that they needed to teach me why it was bad and not just blindly shield me from it. I'm still way too good at sneaking around and coming up with half-truths on the spot even when I don't need to.
Yep. I'm an excellent liar, all thanks to my parents. Growing up "the truth" was whatever they wanted to hear, not the actual truth. So I could either tell them their preconceived notion of what they thought was the truth and get punished, or I could tell the actual truth and get punished for not telling them "the truth" and then get punished again for not telling them the actual truth when they learned the actual truth (yes, they punished me for telling the truth and then for not telling the truth, don't try to make it make sense, you'll get a headache).
And yet they think they know exactly when I'm lying because I would let them "catch me" in inconsequential lies. Wanna guess whose in a long term relationship and whose parents think they're single?
And yeah, their sheltering me from "the real world" backfired magnificently. I was"warned and prepared" for all the things I would encounter when I went off to uni because the world is a sinful devilish place. Like from the way they talked I was expecting to see people having sex in the open. I literally shared a room with a couple and never saw anything. That complete disconnect made me reevaluate everything and I figured out so much stuff. Like that I never was Catholic, they just brainwashed me into thinking I believed. And that their opinions on many things were not grounded in reality or any kind of sense.
Oh, and they wonder why I never talk to them if I can avoid it.
It really can be so damaging when parents refuse to play with their kids. My mom never played with me; my dad played with me when I was too young to remember it, but as soon as I hit around four years old he started going silent whenever we played video games together and eventually I stopped asking him to play with me because he would just get so angry at me. God I hate people who don’t think through their finances and emotional issues before they start popping out a bunch of new humans who can’t fix them and shouldn’t be asked to
Had one of these parents. Dad would kick me and my brother (when we were under 10) out of the car and abandon us on the side of the road. He'd come back later but it still left me and my brother traumatized with abandonment issues. I could go on for pages of all the creepy, controlling and manipulative shit my parents did to their kids. Some people truly should not be allowed to be parents.
It deserves to be mentioned, some kids are home schooled because of troubles with bullying, discrimination, and accessibility of education in the public system. Especially children who are subject to multiple intersectionality benefit from using it as an alternative to the public option; of course, it can still be used by parents to harm the child. No simple answers here.
It would have been a godsend for me, but my Mom just wasn't confident enough to do it.
Oh, yes, further punish the victim by isolating them from their peers! Genius!
@@wmdkittysometimes their peers are like you, in which case they should most definitely be homeschooled.
My sister had to be homeschooled for a year bc she was behind in reading. It really helped
And i was homeschooled for a few years and it put me ahead academically, but it did have the drawback of kinda putting me behind socially. But I also had strict parents and didn't get to go play with other kids much so that was part of it
Homeschooling is such a difficult thing to talk about bc it can be done really well or really badly, and it can both help or hurt development in different ways. It's complicated in a way I think some people don't think about
@@wmdkitty I wouldn't consider it a punishment to be removed from a dangerous situation after my parents exhausted every avenue for trying to get the situation fixed. Luckily there was an affordable private school available until we were able to move to a better district.
The spying parents DESERVE the consequences of their OWN ACTIONS. The way she started the thread "We didn't want to destroy the trust between us, but did it ANYWAY, by installing a CAMERA in her stuffed teddy bear..." WTF? That was 100% DESTROYING the trust.
They don't mention anything else they "heard" from spying on their daughter, just the her praising them for their NON-EXISTENT TRUST.
This is disgusting. If they tell her, she may never forgive them. But THEY put this whole thing in motion and will have earned her response.
I hope for more people, children with awful parents especially, to learn how to identify hidden cameras, microphones, trackers, etc. I want there to be more PSAs and education about this as it is a growing problem
"hidden cameras, microphone, trackers" Coulda said "smart phone" and be done.
"we sent our daughter to college with a nanny cam and didn't feel bad about it until she said we're good parents" lol. also love the weakest link vibe of "parents: you are the assholes."
In case you're still wondering, Jamie (or anyone else): some parents treat their children like this because they don't see their children as people. To them, their children are either their property or their Problem (as in they blame their unplanned child for everything wrong with their lives). Sometimes, their children are both.
Yes, my parents are like this, although I think my dad is finally starting to realize I'm a person. Took him 40 years, but better late than never, I guess.
Regarding the parents who put the camera in the teenage daughter’s teddy bear. My mother didn’t believe in children having privacy at all. Even when I was a teen she read my diary (which I discovered by accident), opened and read my personal mail, listened in on phone calls. As a result, I don’t trust anyone.
Ah yes the opening private mail… a classic and expected social norm in my f up family
Laughing so hard at the gran being angry over a devil horn filter on a baby 😂
When my niece was about 9 months old, my mum put ear plugs on her head to make her look like a devil baby 😂 (they were clean new out of the packet)
It's so weird how people can be so angry over something so silly , it's a baby , it's not that serious, the kid will be fine
To be fair, nothing needs to be done to make a baby into a devil. They already are one.
This feels so cultish? I don't know why exactly
@@HexagonSun990Why? Are you religious? Maybe the devil is a kind of real thing to you?
Positive homeschooling story: My sister decided to homeschool her girls when her family moved to Florida from Georgia. The decision was made for quality reasons, but both girls were consulted before anything was set. Both girls have been encouraged and supported in maintaining school friendships, AND to try extracurriculars in order to find things they love. The elder is now 19, just got a job, and is working on testing out of her gen eds. The younger just turned 15, and is such a bright, strong, compassionate human being.
Homeschooling was exactly the right choice for them. I just wish all kids could have that kind of quality experience.
I've only personally heard of excellent home school situations but I know this can not be all the time. The secret was guiding them at their pace and having lots of outside influence. Do not isolate anyone into an echo chamber. That's a disservice to any one.
I also heard about positive homeschooling stories, school really crushed my motivation to learn and I saw so many depressed students around me that I get why parents think about homeschooling even though it's a ton of work... I'm glad Jamie presented things very respectfully and that alternative voices can exist in the comments
I'm all for homeschooling. Honestly I have no problem at all with it. It seems like a great way to genuinely spend time with your kids and teach them yourself. It's just such a shame people sometimes use it to completely control how their children see the world
Love this for everyone! There are some actually great homeschool stories but I believe the problem with so many arises because (at least here in the US) there is no regulation and oversite of homescooling. Any old cult can say they homeschool and the kids can be taught any "facts" or nothing at all in most states here. We have enough problems with public schools being robbed of funding by private schools without also telling people it's ok not to educate kids at all.
Let's stop dumbing people down please!
Child abuse is never positive. Please stop acting like homeschooling is anything other than abuse.
As someone who was homeschooled for the majority of my childhood, parents who aren't religious nuts usually form groups with eachother so their kids get plenty of other kids to play with, either that or they take them to a different activity where they can make friends.
I feel like some people only becomes parents, so they have power and authority over someone else
One little thing about tha camera/bear. When the daughter was telling her roommate all about how wonderful her parents were and how she was grateful for their trust ---
Does she really know? This could be master-class mind games.
We can hope.
I'm also intrigued about how it was powered. It must have a very long battery life to work at college, because the daughter would never be charging it at college.
@@SimonClarkstoneand have a SIM card. This does not seen possible.
@@SimonClarkstone I hadn't thought of that. Was this a real thing or is it one of the made-up-for-outrage stories? I'd really like to think this didn't actually happen.
@@SimonClarkstone Spotted a camera "just for show" that way at the security desk of a downtown building that way.
No cords implies no power. The security staff informed me that the camera is portable and is used when something happens outside.
10:01 to be fair, this isn’t as unsafe as it would seem. Alligators/Crocodiles don’t really attack with anything other than their mouth. Taping the mouth shut neutralizes the threat almost entirely since their jaws are made for clamping down, not forcing them open, and thus it doesn’t take much to keep them restrained. For the purposes of the photo, the kid is pretty much safe (although having it on top of the kid was probably still not the best move).
That being said, trying to make your kid more open to the idea of wrestling alligators is an incredibly irresponsible thing to do, as doing so with an unrestrained alligator/crocodile can be a very easy way to get yourself needlessly killed. Even small ones still have incredible bite force and could be capable of removing an appendage or two if agitated.
Tbh I know it's bad parenting, but my cute baby reaction is taking precedent over that and I'm just thinking about how cute both the baby alligator and the human baby are. I want to cuddle both.
I'm also concerned about the alligator since duct tape is really hard to remove from a lot of surfaces. There has to have been a more humane way to restrain it.
Jamie, your the reason why I’m still alive, I found who I am because of your videos, whenever I felt hopeless and alone I would watch your videos and it would make me feel better
I’m so happy you’re still here and found a safe space I hope you’re doing better❤
i hope you stay safe and healthy. you deserve love more❤❤
💜
My mother borrowed my laptop "to apply to jobs" when I was a teenager, and later revealed she was going through my emails, through my SENT AND DELETED EMAILS, and now I can't bring myself to let anyone other than my partner touch my technology. It was horrifying and ruined my trust and we haven't spoken in years because of it, and a handful of other horrible things. I don't know if I'd be better off not knowing or not. Maybe I'd be fine if she wanted to change, like the parents in the article.
My dad had an entire program that’s spy on my computer. Same.
As the parent of two young adult children, it's absolutely awful how some people treat their children. I've been trying to break cycles from my past and help my spouse to also break cycles. My spouse's parents spanked them, hit their hands with wooden spoons, and yelled quite a bit. I was so glad that my spouse agreed to not spank our children. There are some of my family members who pay for their (adult) children's phones and use that as a way to stalk them with Find My Phone. I don't mind helping adult children get on their feet and help pay for things, but stalking fully adult children is just too much for me. Build a trusting relationship and then maybe they'll voluntarily tell you what they're up to or when they have a new partner.
On the topic of homeschooling: I was homeschooled from 1st grade to around 5th grade because I did poorly in school not academically (I was the top of my class, actually) but socially - plus, my 1st grade teacher hated me, so my mom pulled me out halfway through 1st grade. She taught me up until she couldn't teach me anymore, and that's when I went back to school again (this time, at a different school since we moved). I brought this up on another video where the UA-camr was saying nobody should homeschool their kids, and I was ripped apart in the comments saying not to "coddle" kids, and I felt pretty bad because I would have done horribly had I kept going to public school with all the bullying I was facing. Plus, my mom is a teacher (sort of, she's actually a reading specialist, but I still consider her a teacher) and she made sure I went to a special school 1 1/2 days a week where I could do art and science and be around other kids (who were actually really nice!)
I’m so sorry other people were so rude to you in those other comments! It sounds like you had a truly healthy experience. I was actually homeschooled my entire life in an unhealthy way and super isolated as well, so college and being exposed to the world, like other ppl here are saying, has made it very difficult for me to function. But I still believe that there is a way to do homeschooling in a truly helpful, healthy way for certain kids who need it, and I think you are/were a good example of that . :)
It's funny, the mothers day text reminded me of something that happened with me:
By the time mother's day rolled around in 2022, I was on really rocky terms on my side with my mom, she'd been a completely different person to who I saw her as because of stress from new things going on in our lives and lashing out at me because of it. So during Mother's Day, I made her a present but I didn't mention it. She eventually mentioned it but she lashed out, asked me how I could not say anything at all (as I was making her present) and called me selfish. I apologized and gave her the gift and she acted as if nothing happened.
The next year, I told her happy mother's day in advance, so she wouldn't react the way she did the year before and bought her a tea cup I thought she'd enjoy using, somehow to make up for my mistake which I was only feeling guilty about because of her overreaction. It's been almost a year since then and she only used that tea cup once and has had it sitting at the back of the fridge since and I don't plan to buy her a mother's day gift with my money again.
I don’t blame you.
If I had a mother like that she’d be severely disappointed her entire life. I have remembered ONE, Mother’s Day in over two decades… and lo and behold… it was the American one, which is not on the same day as Mother’s Day in my country. I did not buy anything, and I did not give anything, mostly out of principle, and I said “happy Mother’s Day” to my mom, and it ended at that.
My principle explained since it might not make sense otherwise;
I do not believe in giving for the sake of giving. That include a gift because it is expected for a specific day, such as Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas, birthdays etc.
This does not mean I do not ever give people gifts. But rather I firmly believe the entire point with a gift is for it to have a meaning.
The entire; “I bought a gift because of social expectations to do so on this day.” does not qualify for that.
However; “I bought this gift to you because I saw it, and thought you’d appreciate it.” counts.
Hence by principle I only give things to people when it comes naturally to me, and it’s genuine. Because I refuse to be fake and buy a gift when I first of all don’t feel like giving anything at that point in time, either because of financial situation or simply emotional reasons; or secondly buy something without meaning behind it because I need a gift for you right now.
I much rather prefer to look for good deals, on things I know you’d enjoy and have use of, and buy it whenever it makes sense to do so, regardless of season, day, or traditions.
Edit: Forgot a word in a sentence.
If I was going off of just the information you gave, I would say that you are right about her having issues with stress. Not using a valued gift and keeping it in a weird spot where no one else would use it, where it could be found or seen occasionally is a common stress response.
The persons mind can place too much importance on an object leading to the person either ignoring the object or hiding it or putting it somewhere they think it won’t get touched.
My sister does this. Has always done this. So many gifts end up in the trash or never opened. or just sitting somewhere.
if we give her any gifts now we try to keep them light hearted and not get offended if it ends up somewhere strange.
Ps trying to explain that the thing is meant to be used does not work.
Anyway I’m not defending her. Don’t let her issues add you your own issues.
@@kimberly_erin wow, this is an eye-opener, thank you.
My own mum does this with so many things - for example, says a diary with nice editing (e.g. colourful photos taking up pages by themselves etc) is 'too nice to use', and the cute chocolate dog I bought about 3 years ago is still sitting there on the counter, never unwrapped (just two examples, but it's been going on for possibly decades at this point).
I admit I've done similar, too, but nowhere near to the same extent as mum does it.
Homeschooled my kids for 6 years. Critical thinking was top on my priorities, as well as knowing how to learn, how to find information. We have great conversations. We don’t agree on everything, but we all bring receipts when we state our views. Youngest is now a sophomore at the local high school and is doing great.
The "don't touch in case you break it" hits close to home. Dad always blames me and my brother when something gets broken at home, so there are things that I directly don't touch, I find excuses so he or mom do it if I need it. I know it's him because of the way he treats things. For example; I've had the phone I'm writing with since 2019, he's had three different phones since then
I really do relate to being isolated with no internet access. My parents found out about my long distance relationship with a girl (I identified as a woman atp) and completely isolated me from school and other things in my life other than my raging homophobic parents and their same family. I had regained respect from my parents now and my mother doesn’t seem to care about my partner’s gender anymore so she’s improved. But those two years where I had no one to talk to and was isolated from everyone was so difficult and hard for me. I can’t imagine being isolated from society for my whole life like those kids. I hope they get properly educated sooner rather than later because the culture shock will destroy the kids and the relationship with the parents when those kids learn later on about how horrible the parents were.
Previous homeschooler here, the alt right homeschoolers always make us normal homeschoolers look bad.. I used to be in public school but was taken out because the school system was ableist to me (I'm disabled) and I wasn't getting the best experience I could have, so homeschool it was (and in my experience I preferred homeschooling)
I'm an older gen x, and I had relatives that behaved in this way as a child. I'm undecided on whether the lack of social media back then is a good or bad thing. But as someone who has been there, please know that it's better with the family you find ❤
I personally want to homeschool my children. Not to keep them away from the world and it's truth. I just want to keep them safe from active shooters......
I'm not american, but I'll be living in america for a few years when my boyfriend and I will adopt, and i'm just so scared for their safety.
I think depending on the state it might be okay, I've gone to school in america all my life except for one year in Australia, and have never experienced a shooting incident which is possibly because I've lived in a state where there are very few school shootings. Which state are you planning to move to, if you're comfortable sharing?
Sometimes I feel like Republican legislators are doing nothing to reduce gun violence because they want to abolish public education, and if parents are too scared to send their children to public school they won't protest too much when the school isn't there anymore. Other days I wonder if my tinfoil hat is just on too tight.
You can get some really good guided curriculum through programs like K12, I was homeschooled for a few years and it actually put me ahead of my peers. It sucks that school shootings are so prevalent that it's such a genuine concern and people still do nothing but thoughts and prayers 😮💨
I hope you and your boyfriend are ok and everything goes well when you move and adopt my friend 💜
Like @alim.9801 said, there are a lot of good guided curriculums out there, or online schooling programs from properly accredited schools that will still issue your child a diploma without them having to physically be at a school building. You will still need to have a homeschooling parent involved in order to assist the child for programs like that one, but it ensures your child is able to keep pace with public schools and still get the kind of environment they need to be in to thrive.
I think the job of being a parent is to provide the child the means to do well, preferrably better than the parent, in life. Restricting their access to new knowledge and socializing in school is restricting their chances of thriving as adults.
good time to reiterate that family isn't who you're related to, but the people that care for and accept you
Putting a spy camera on your adult daughter is a sure fine way to see things you don't want to see ...
Maybe her parents are major league pervs.
Right? It seems like a no-brainer. If you don't wanna see that stuff, WHY would you look??
You say that last part like it's universally true when unfortunately...
@@AD-dg3zz At the very best (and this is me being generous and assuming non-existent innocence on the part of her parents...) morbid curiosity?
If I had kids, I wouldn't want to know what was going on in their private spaces unless there were signs something harmful was going on (but then, I'd hope I was a parent they could talk to about their concerns if anything was wrong or they needed help).
I certainly never wanted to know what was going on with my parents when they sought privacy.
All the sheltering of children in this is reminding me of the Tangled movie
For what it's worth, we homeschool our youngest, who is autistic. Homeschooling allows us to spend more time on his challenge areas and to accelerate through those areas that just click for him (typically math related). It also allows us to couch his lessons in the topics of his hyperfocus areas, which really helps his engagement and learning. So, not all homeschooling families do it to be crazy... but there is a depressingly large portion of families that use it as a tool to manipulate and control their children.
"I don't LET my children do this and that to their identity" Well you can say goodbye to having contact with your kids when they grow up, you can say goodbye to having grand kids and you can think about it every single day when you are dying alone. These people really think they can forever keep them "under control" when they are fully grown adults and realize you are toxic and disgusting.
Honestly as a parent and former teacher I’m glad they homeschool if they don’t vaccinate. Obviously it would be better to believe in science, but if they’re not going to at least they’re not putting other kids in danger.
As a parent and former teacher, I am totally with you on this and delighted that you survived the covid pandemic in spite of the lunacy pandemic.
Yet...
Lol
For real! You vaccinate not only to protect yourself, but to protect others. Herd immunity is a real thing & it shocks me how little people know about it.
The parents that had a camera in their daughter’s bear-unbelievable. They have been watching her for years. They could have just not looked at it again but they are still watching her, and now her roommate, undress, among maybe other things. I have a hard time believing that the boyfriend was the only reason *both* of them thought this was a good idea.
putting tape over the mouth of a gator means they can’t bite you. it does not mean the gator is now a tame and gentle creature that’s safe for children.
sometimes i'm SO GLAD that my parents were the uncaring neglectful alcoholic kind of abusive and not the overbearing controlling kind of abusive. like at least i was mostly allowed to be myself
That laundry story... I have a similar one. I never even learned how to use the washer/dryer till I was an adult. My employer had to show me how to do it at work which was super embarrassing all because my mom would not allow me to do it.
She also refused to even wash certain articles of clothing that had snap buttons on them because my mom was convinced they would break the machine.
Apperently Washer/dryers use to be made of porceline and she's actually seen those old machines damaged before but the newer models are all metal, putting a jacket with button snaps in there is not going to break it but I'm not allowed to do that so those just never get washed.
There were a few poor examples of homeschooling on here today, and I just want to say we aren't all like that!
We homeschool for a variety of reasons - I like being able to make our own schedules, I want to be able to spend time with my kids, and I can make sure our curriculum is more inclusive than what they would get in public schools. But I also want them to love learning , and have more time being kids and playing outside.
see thats how it should be!
I love hearing positive homeschooling stories online. All the homeschooling parents I know in real life are doing a great job and doing it for good reasons, but sometimes it seems like the only thing we hear about online is the horror stories.
Ugh. Quit LYING about home "schooling"! It's child abuse, full stop, and should NOT be celebrated or encouraged!
@@wmdkittyA couple minutes ago in a different reply section I replied to your whining, and said it doesn’t match the definition of child abuse or abuse at all.
@@wmdkitty some people genuinely had a good experience with it dude. Why do you feel so strongly about it, were you homeschooled and had a bad time with it??
On that "alligator wrestler" child, i have actually seen some random advise telling that at least crocodiles cant open their mouths very well despite being able to close them incredibly strongly, so the fact that the alligators mouth was taped shut is actually a relatively good safety measure, tho the claws can still do damage, and even if it was safe, it wouldnt make it less unhinged
The thing with the camera: one, what if someone else had hacked into it and spied on the daughter; two, I can imagine kids, teens and others having been gifted something, now checking it for hidden cameras 😱
10:25
The duct tape is fool-proof, alligators have extremely weak jaw opening muscles as opposed to their strong jaw closing muscles. The claws still pose a risk.
A bigger problem that the parents overlooked here is the fact that the baby may put their hands in their mouth or press up against the alligator with their face. Alligators live in swampy, dirty water, where there is an insane amount of bacteria that can and will infect your child’s fragile immune system.
When I was a kid I went to a zoo and got to hold a crocodile. Didn’t wash my hands. Cue me having to treat mouth ulcers for a month, couldn’t eat or talk properly.
"no, i need a mom" is such a raw and hardcore response
My husband has been NC with his mum for about 17 years. She has never met our youngest child. Our lives have been so much better without her around.
I would definitely want to know that I’ve been spied on for years. Since the parents don’t fully understand the scope of their wrongdoings, they might do something else that they think keeps their child safe, when in reality they are doing something that impedes on their child’s rights and privacy.
These parents must have had terrible childhoods.
That's still no excuse.
@@lucypreece7581 True
Sometimes, sometimes not, and people instead just deside to be assholes for any variety of reasons
They will definitely use it as one.@@lucypreece7581
Cycle of abuse, really.
Fun fact about alligators and crocodiles they only have extreme downward bite force when it comes to opening the mouth there's almost nothing there. And if they are alligators or crocodiles raised by humans since they hatched they're actually quite tame and don't see us as food.
I was gonna say the same thing!
But would you put one on your baby, though?
@saundraschaefer If it's also a baby... Maybe not super safe but damn that pic was cute. Babies of different species cuddling is just insanely cute.
The teddy bear incident reminds me of “Privacy is a privilege, Anna.” from ’Freaky Friday’.
That movie was so fucked up on so many levels
Yeah, that movie is great, I love it, but that was scene was just messed up on many, MANY levels, her annoying brother has his friends over all the time, she has a new stepfather that she doesn’t even LIKE, her mom was basically pimping her out
@@Lalaland666-k3x Not to mention the casual racism and the fact that ANNA supposedly learned a “lesson” from being thrust into a world she wasn’t ready for?! Not only that, but her mom did JUST FINE as a teenager, basically solidifying the idea that SHE was right all along and Anna should’ve just sucked it up?! That’s so fucking dismissive, and her mom didn’t even experience the other hardships of her daughter’s life! Where was her restriction of freedom? Her being told that her thoughts and feelings don’t matter? Being a kid sucks!
Positive homeschool story for you.
My recently retired co worker, has some grandchildren. Two of which are being homeschooled due to their advanced brains. They were doing highschool level math at age 9. They're 11 now. One uses sign language over speaking because her brain goes faster than her mouth and it's quicker for her to sign properly than it is for her to verbally articulate herself. They are smart kiddos, getting the proper homeschool education. And it's because they are so smart and advanced.
They even beat my old co worker at chess often, even once said " you know, Nana, you don't need to go easy on us" and she wasn't xD she was trying her best.
Also due to one of them not needing to be bullied for being a trans girl as well, helps prevent bullying at such a young age too. This is an example of a positive homeschooling.
As a longtime resident of North Carolina I would never have known "NC" meant "No Contact" had you not said so.
I love how one of Jamie’s *evil voices* is just pitched up, as if he’s reverted to his pre-T voice and that pitch has come back to haunt us all
"It's not 'this is the right way [and the] wrong way', it's just 'This is the Way.'"
*Disapproves in Mandalorian*
God those texts remind me so much of my parents. Going no contact was the best decision I’ve ever made
I'mma hug my parents now, ugh, this subreddit always just makes me sad
IKR? I really need to make sure my mother knows how grateful I am.
I know someone whos uncle let her 12 year old cousin cut up branches with a chainsaw with zero protection on. No glasses, no gloves, no boots, no nothing
It is literally abuse to never let your kids go out to socialize with their peers. Homeschooling can be fine, but that's when the parents make a huge effort to get their kids into sports or clubs or something that let's them make friends on a regular basis.
If a child has no friends as a direct result of their parents' actions, those parents are guilty of child abuse.
Speaking of bad parents, I bought your book to help teach my dad about my being trans. Thanks Jamie ❤
I've always considered the role of a parent to be helping teach their kid(s) how to navigate the world safely. You can't keep your kids in a box forever, whatever you're afraid of them learning, they'll learn it themselves eventually, so they might as well hear it from you.
I don't care if my kids send me mothers day or birthday cards. What I care is that we have a good relationship and are able to share our lives and thoughts.. I particularly love it when they call me when something has changed in their lives. That means a lot more to me then when they complete obligitory social rituals.
That kid absolutely had a reason not to tell the parents about her boyfriend. They’re absolutely controlling and crazy. She obviously can’t trust them and they proved why she can’t with the camera being set up.
The Teddy bear one is just horrendous!!! I honestly don’t know if I’d want to know about it. I imagine I would get incredibly paranoid and feel like I’m being spied on all the time even after that teddy would be thrown in the trash. And the trust issues that would come with it…
My parents made a joke once like “haha yeah but what if we hid a camera in your room” and ever since I’ve been so paranoid in my room or just generally in our house. It just feels unsafe and uncomfortable.
And also the fact that they’ve installed this after their daughter got a boyfriend. What do they hope to record?? It’s just disgusting on so many layers… whether or not the daughter finds out, which I think she eventually will, I hope she gets as far away from the as possible
“I would rather die than play with my kids”
“Why did my kids put me in a nursing home?”
Re: parents not playing with kids.
I'm an only child, and my dad was overseas a lot while I was young, and my mum worked really hard and didn't always have a lot of time to play with me (and when she did, she had back problems that made it hard to play for long: totally not her fault!).
My parents are amazing; so supportive in literally everything. Even if they don't agree with all my choices (tattoos for example), they give me the room to make them. But I was recently talking to my psych and had a bit of a realisation: the result of being left alone a lot as a kid was the expectation that I could be mature enough and self-sufficient enough to be ok.
I've internalised that I MUST always be independent and okay at ALL times. I'm not necessarily afraid to ask for help, but when I do I feel like I'm being a burden. I appolagise a lot. When someone looks like they're getting frustrated or struggling to help me, I immediately say, 'oh, don't worry then! I'll be fine!'
It might seem benign, but refusing to play with your child has consequences, both good and bad. It's made me really creative; I do everything from play piano, to drawing, writing, animating, even creating my own music on occassion. But it's also left me struggling in romantic relationships. I can't process deep emotions, I literally hide them from myself. Everything from anger to love. I know I'm in love right now because I constantly talk about my girl, miss her when I don't see her for 2 days etc etc, but I've only ever felt deep romantic love after breakups, because the emotions get so intense they FINALLY spill over. Same with anger. Nothing... nothing... then BAM I'M FURIOUS AND I HATE THE WORLD AND-
It's awful. I'm having to reconnect with my own emotions because I've buried them so deep, and the initiator of all this was being expected to be able to look after myself in every way. God forbid I feel anything other than relaxed or happy. A lot of the time I just... don't feel much of anything. I look happy on the outside, though. People think of me as cheerful, but the emotion I feel most often is probably anger. It spills over the most easily, perhaps.
Like Jamie said, play is a massive part of childhood, and it's not fair that any kid misses out. It might be doing more damage than you realise.
(This is not to say I don't love my girlfriend or that my parents are bad people; they were busy people, doing their best to raise an unexpected child - mum had me at 40 and thought she couldn't have kids. Honestly? Fair. And as I got older I got a lot more attention, but I've realised those early years have had a lasting impact. It's not a blame thing. Just a realisation.)
Why do parents even "announce" mean posts about their children?? Its insane? I keep all that stuff private, to myself out of respect for myself and my kids. My kids also dont go around posting things about me, even if we do have a disagreement.
It looks as though their failure as parents needs to be shared in a desperate search for validation.
I remember when my mother heard that a woman she knew secretly read her daughter's diary. She was disgusted at the invasion of privacy. I was so proud of her.
There's no way the teddy bear is the first offence. She needs to know she can't trust them.
my father recently went off his rails and took away all my ways of accessing the internet, said a lot of terrible stuff to my bf made it seem like i was actually saying it and made him sh, asked his friends who like can check every single person i talk to (which is not alot but still weird) to check what im talking about and then cut them off, cut all my sources of income, took all my cards and even the spare coins i had in my desk, constantly tries to guilt trip me into staying (along the lines of "u are going to leave, do u even think of me, i WILL die"). And after all this he still likes to pretend that he is a loving and caring father.
also for some context im 17
I'm really sorry you're going through that, I also had a super controlling abusive parent growing up (a family full, shocker!).
Took most of my youth to acknowledge (22 now), and I'm no contact with one side of my family, slowly going no contact with the other (it really is a process lmao). But I've found chosen family now, support groups, etc.
I know these things are super difficult to navigate, and feel rightfully super hopeless and impossible. But I did too at one point, and now I'm wiggling my way free.
If you want resources I've found tons over the years I could post in this thread. Idk how useful some of them might be, but hey, worth a shot to offer.
I hope you're okay!
❤🧡💛💚💙💜🏳️🌈
Daily reminder; You are valid and amazing just the way you are!
🏳️🌈❤🧡💛💚💙💜
Thank you, luv. So are you.❤
Unless you're a pedo, abuser or something of the like, then you can gtfo