They are all dirtbags I agree ... nowadays society has been reformed by an different Agenda.. The government nor the TV or media is promoting how better it is to be single for men and women... Families are getting broken for someone who has silicone breast or a Brazilian but lift... Imagination that...
Flirting is the gateway to traditional cheating on all levels. If u want attention, want to feel masucline/feminine. You should go to your spouse you vowed to be with above all other choices you had. Flirting also creates dishonesty,loyalty and many more things that contradict your wedding vows. I mean seriously if one wants to flirt aimlessly at whatever has a pulse at least be single and not drag on a relationship with a spouse and God forbid have children whose lives you could greatly impact with that poor decision.
I do agree flirting is cheating. The person flirting has some insecurity they have not dealt with. They can have a gorgeous spouse but because they are insecure they constantly need the outside validation . It hurts because you want to Know that the flirting would be special, sexual, exciting and just between those involved .It definitely crosses boundaries...which is how cheating ALWAYS begins.
Rosie Rich I agree 100%. my bf is insecure and all tho he always says he loves me and calls me beautiful all the time he still flirts shamelessly with other women....with one woman in particular, and she returns his advances she's even becoming more bold and more disrespectful toward me.
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I agree 100%! Giving that attention to someone other than your partner is a betrayal and SO hurtful. Especially if it is done behind your partner's back. It will destroy all trust, and most likely, the entire relationship.
What it opens the door to is one of the biggest negatives about it. It may not be our intent for anything more, but the risk is there and flirting only increases it.
someone who flirts when they are in a relationship is a person that is not of marriageable quality. People who say it's ok are probably just trying to get away with being selfish. The general rule is that you should always ask yourself if something your going to do is going to help your partner or harm them. Any partner who says it wouldn't harm them is lying to themselves, they are suppressing it and maybe countering it with flirting of their own making for a hideous marriage.
Frank Walker You are absolutely right on this. My take on this is very simple. If people actually realized what they are asking of each other when entering an exclusive relationship, this topic would be quite simple. When you’re asking your partner to be in an exclusive relationship and they agree, then you two have now consciously agreed to make each other the sole providers of sexual engagement which includes flirting. If you are actively seeking out opportunities to flirt and looking for and welcoming flirtatious behaviour while in a relationship then you’re simply not ready for and exclusive one. Plus you do not deserve any trust. Just be honest with each other. It makes everything so much easier. If you just can’t help yourself then tell your partner that sex playmates or friends with benefits is all you can offer at this time. My girlfriend did this in front of me in a few situations and it was incredible to watch how she reacted when I switched the tables on her. She got super upset and emotional. It is sad to realize that the same medicine is the only equalizer. It’s still way better to find out about these before a marriage or an engagement. With social media today, it is impossible to ‘track’ your partner’s activity. All you can do is observe and give them enough rope and see if they hang themselves.
I just got out of a Relationship and it ended Bc he was a player and that he flirted with other girls all the time! And he kept telling me it wasn't cheating but to me it is Bc it's wrong, to flirt with another female while ur with someone.. it's wrong
What I can say for certain is that when my husband flirts with other women.. it FEELS like he's cheating to me! And when a woman is flirting with my husband right in front of me I definitely feel disrespected. And yes it lowers trust and the quality of our relationship
Thank you for sharing how flirting makes you feel. These feelings often get dismissed because it's not the intent of your husband or perhaps the other woman to make you feel this way, but the feelings are there regardless and are an understandable result of the flirting behavior.
Kurt Smith yes and what makes it worse is sense most cheaters don't realize the damage because they're not the victim of the emotional damage they've caused the other person until the shoes on the other foot when the damage is done to them. Then of course they have the ah ha moment. Then the cheating or aka flirting becomes the problem in the relationship. My thoughts are it's all abuse so what blows my mind is when the two people know they are in a relationship yet they still care nothing for others only for the thrill they seek in playing games as if it's all worth it.
When you are in a committed loving relationship your partner should never go out of the relationship by giving there sexual energy to a stranger or some one out side of the relarionship, as this has nothing to do with you and all about them and there own insecurities.
So succinct and accurate Jayne. My BF was sending out sexual energy all the time and he would flip the script on me and make it about MY insecurities. No, sorry , I just have a highly tuned bullshit detector.
After losing our son my husband was grief talking it out with another girl when I was at home crying wishing he was Grieving with me. This broken my heart to the core.
Great point, Bethanie! The affect on the other person is almost always assumed to be positive. When in actuality it could have a negative and even cruel impact.
@@DrKurtSmith Thank you for validating a belief I've held since I was a child. And have been challenged for believing in it during my years of dating. Loyalty is not even looking at another in a sexual manner let alone making any sort of advance.
My take has always been that flirting is cheating. In some relationships, couples are more relaxed and see flirting as harmless fun. If they are both happy with this then that is up to them. If one partner 'has a problem' with this kind of behaviour and doesn't agree with flirting, then you don't do it. It's as simple as that. Bottom line, flirting when you know it hurts your partner (whether you think it should hurt them or not is irrelevant) is just disrespectful. I am now divorcing my wife, and her flirting is one of the main factors.
Hey Andrew, Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience. Sorry to hear flirting has contributed to your divorce. You're right that it's often seen as harmless fun, but it's very easy for it to cross lines even when you don't intend it to.
I lost someone I loved to my core bc he couldn't see the damage flirting (and also kissing co-workers wives/GFs on the lips in greeting). We went to 3 different therapists and they last one, a male told him "Isn't it enough, that it hurts your girlfriend? " He would continually justify it and say that's how he talks to everyone, males and females and old ladies... said it was his personality. (Gaslighting) Sorry, I can tell the difference between normal friendliness and flirting, and so can my gut.
Facts, I dont care if they liked her selfies but it's the reciprocating back and liking their selfies back is what bothers me. Especially with 🔥😘🥰 emojis. Just extra and unnecessary in my book
So, I'm actually very heart broken, my girlfriend was texting this guy behind my back saying, "aw. Your so fucking hot" and he would say it back, I feel like I've been cheated on, but she doesn't feel like she was cheating. Should I just end the realtionship. And it's only been 6 months and she's already doing it....
+Christopher Pardy that's tough to see. Communication like that with someone else while you're in a committed relationship is betrayal, so your feelings are normal.
Yes break up with her before it gets worse...it's only been 6 months and she already flirting with some one else,so just imagine staying with her longer...she could end up cheating on you on something sleep like kissing or sex or what ever
Those kinds of words are meant for you and you only in an exclusive relationship. This is such a double standard with a lot of women out there. The good ones will never hurt you like this. It has happened to me so just remember that she’s not relationship material.
I was at a store sitting in my car when the woman who works at the store came out to the car laughing told me that she is my boyfriends side chick and his wife doesnt know it. I told my boyfriend this happened and he became angry with me. He told me i am too jealous. Im hurt because he doent care how disrespectful this is to me. What should i do? I am tire of being treated this way
Kurt you hit the nail on the head buddy! I am dating a woman who feels the need to have to flirt ALL the time! She will even flirt with guys in the same chatroom we are on! Maybe if I share this with her she will see the light!
I hope she will be responsive and open to watching it. You might present it to her as something that is important for you to share with her (as opposed to, "You need to see this and change your ways!"). Best of luck in resolving this issue in your relationship.
Kurt Smith IT WORKED!!! You truly are a miracle worker Kurt I sent it to her right away via mssg with the note, Please watch this. After a few minutes her reply was "OMG honey I watched this and put myself in your shoes and now I understand what you've been telling me!" I bow to you sir, you have just made my life with her so much more enjoyable now! Thank you so very very much! Your fan, Chuck
Mmmmm yep...who doesn't like getting their ego stroked, I pick up on people's sexual energy, I know when someone is flirting with me...I know when someone is flirting with my partner, I've set boundaries and now get branded as insecure...jealous, It's a no win situation and since saying something it's as if it's made it worse like wtf
Sorry to hear setting boundaries has made things worse, but that's not uncommon in the short-term. While boundaries are healthy and good for us, they aren't always immediately liked and well received.
I totally relate to and agree with you Carol. It's really painful when our loved one does this stuff, but on top of the flirting also act like the problem is that we were insecure or jealous.
I agree. Wish that I was interested in men that thought the same way. Sadly I only attract and date those who do all these things and more and pretend that what they are doing isn’t harmful to the relationship
My wife used social media to flirt. Loving guys pics them messaging her calling her baby. She acts like if its not physical its not cheating. We have 3 kids and it contributed to the the downfall of are relationship.
I gotta agree with the guy. I think flirting is cheating because my female fiancé flirted with other men and women and it hurt me. I thought I was suppose to be the only one she even had eyes for. Like it hurts deeply.. I get i wasn’t giving her attention but wow.. going behind my back and talking to others flirtatiously without my knowing so? NOT ME KNOWING? Hiding it from me? Is cheating.
It sure does hurt when it's happening to you. Good job to own that your lack of attention probably played a part, but there's usually a lot more to it than just that.
Any time there is secrecy involved it certainly erodes trust. So you have to ask yourself why your partner would actively attempt to damage trust in your relationship?
Let me add.... flirting is a foreplay. Married men having suggestive small talks with the opposite sex is like a loaded gun to their marriage. Flirting creates a hidden, prohibited relationship. A vulnerable woman receiving a wink, a suggestive smile or maybe a compliment will get men into trouble if the woman shows she is available. Some men believe that they can flirt as long as nothing physical takes place. Not true, engaging the mind in lust w a woman makes the married man a sinner in Gods eyes and breaks the Golden Rule and the rule of Empathy within the Marriage.
Good point on flirting being a form of foreplay. What you say about men flirting goes the same for women doing so too. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Good questions Bonnie. I think it does need to get addressed and immediately. My suggestion would be to politely interrupt, and advised that you're in a relationship and not interested. Just saying you're in a relationship unfortunately isn't always enough anymore. Ignoring it I think is a mistake and could lead to more problems.
Yes. Flirting is cheating. It should be reserved for the person with whom you're in a relationship, married or committed as you said. A discussion I've had about flirting is even if the flirting is not reciprocated, listening to them is cheating. My question is, "Do you abruptly interrupt the flirter to announce you're in relationship? Do you wait to politely reject the flirty remarks reiterating you're in a relationship? Or simply ignore the flirtation all together?
I disagree that a common courtesy such as holding a door open is likely to be construed as flirting. Although it's possible for people to read more into anything. Flirting has a sexual component to it that we all can recognize when paying attention.
yes , an a partner texting other women talkin bad of their other half and want in to tell the other women they get jelous of them an miss them is Def cheating !!
I have many life long female friends and some short term too. I know for certain nothing would ever become of those friendships. I have had maybe 3 over the years that flirted and made there intentions known but once I explained my position the friendship remained afterwards. But I do understand that sometimes these friendships can be misunderstood as something else. If you’ve nothing to hide then don’t delete.
before I got involved with my fiancee, I used to flirt a lot. Anyway people that are single, and in a commitment relationship, or any relationship do it all the time, I don't know why, maybe because they are not happy or they do it for the attention and not get involved with nobody. why do that when u really love your spouse. why flirt with someone else when you can flirt with your partner and give him the sexual interest and attention that they deserve make sense I think so. love being a flirt and a freak towards my fiancee. also one last thing, when women decided to get married some women don't flirt anymore, we'll 89% of women don't I don't know about the rest of them.
You're on to one of the primary reasons people do it -- attention. We all want it - even if we already have it from a partner. Thanks for commenting Stef.
"Sexy smile" is the phrase used by another commenter, so she'd be best to define what she meant. But I'd say the difference between a 'smile' and 'sexy smile' is that the latter says I'm interested in you.
yes, it most definitely is especially eye contact. When you start looking/staring constantly into another person's eyes for no reason, feelings can get involved alot more than you would think. People actually fall in love from eye contact. Hair playing, blushing, touching are other obvious ones as well. However, I don't see anything harmful with being over friendly, laughing or joking as those can be considered other less obvious forms of flirting as well.
It's easy for those lines to get blurred though and before you know it "over friendly" becomes extra "eye contact." Being conscious of what you're doing, what you're getting out of it, and why is crucial.
@@DrKurtSmith Exactly!! A single guy in my community started flirting with my fiance, opening the car door for her and repeatedly saying "Your chariot My Lady" Then giving her things and eventually hugging her tightly whenever we passed on the sidewalk while calling her sweetie. All of this right in front of me.. I kept mentioning these things to her and she said he is just a nice guy. Additionally, every single interaction with this guy I've distinctly noticed that he Always made some kind of reference to male genitals. My girlfriend said, But that is how all guys talk.. Absolutely Not!!! Yes, it has all quickly affected me emotionally in a huge way.. It was said that I am the one who has a problem.. She never stuck up for me in front of him.. Everything was fine till this one bad boy. Perhaps it was insecurity in her. I have Always treated my girlfriend with dignity and respect and given her loving attention.. Flirting that crosses that line is Cheating!!!
@@danjones3009 Thanks for sharing your story. This is often what it looks like. It also exposes issues in the relationship as one partner's feelings are dismissed and minimized, which we shouldn't do when we love each other.
he flirts even if it hurts me, it makes me feel like i’m not good enough. i told him to stop last night and he said “no” and hasn’t responded since, it been almost 7 hours. he knows i don’t like being ignored either yet continues to do it
I thank you for your video because my boyfriend that I have been with for a year and a half doesn't feel like he is doing anything wrong. He is a dishwasher at a soup kitchen that feeds low income and homeless people a free hot meal. Volunteers come into help at every level. Young ladies who are 19 or 20 years old help my guy out which is ok but he doesn't know the difference between being nice and flirting nor setting boundaries with any woman period which I feel is hurtful to be and very disrespectful. How can I show him the difference between being nice and flirting? Do you have a video for that?
+Tammy Goulet - I don't have a video specifically addressing that at the moment. Obviously have him watch this video. You could have him read the articles on the Guy Stuff Counseling website under the topics Cheating Spouse and Understanding Men. Here's a link to one to start with - goo.gl/AuFYh1
I told my partner this same thing and he thinks i am over reacting. Flirting can also be complimenting and asking personal questions. Emotional cheating also exist, like having emotionally bonding with another person that you should be having with your partner. I even mention that it dont respect my boundaries and i was told i was over reacting. I will not marry again for this exact reason.
*Is Flirting Cheating? Yes, Here's Why.* *Is flirting cheating? A couple of weeks ago I posted here on Google+ that flirting is cheating* (here's the post goo.gl/Oj6vV). The statement that flirting is cheating got a lot comments and a number of questions about why I would believe if you're flirting you're cheating, so here's an explanation of why I believe it's true. *Take a listen and tell me whether you **_agree or disagree - Is Flirting Cheating?_* #cheating #flirting #cheatingpartners
wow,powerful & i agree 1million percent...but i think yer gonna piss off alot of PETERPAN kinda guys on here that troll n stock after their wives n spouses go to sleep n vice versa....sad...
Culture should be counted as well. Someone from a culture where physical touch is a sign of affection (not sexual affection) / friendship, touching a person from a culture where personal space is the accepted social behavior might come across as flirting when they're not. As a whole though, I do agree with you Kurt.
Men interpret 1 touch from a woman 2 ways. Either she is being friendly or she is flirting. The 2nd touch makes him lean towards she is flirting. By the 3rd touch, she is flirting in his mind. Grow up ladies, it's not how you intend the touch to be interpreted, it is how he interprets your touching him. Act like a civilized, loyal and faithful adult... not like a teen with raging hormones.
@@glennbosworth1423 you basically confirmed what I said. you're interpretation of things doesn't mean they are as you perceive them. There's a very simple and easy way to figure it out though - ask. Don't assume 😉
@@YifatCohen My gf of 16 months was touching a guy immediately after he sat down at our table, next to her, She even moved her chair closer to him. She ignored me, faced him and touched him a whole lot. After approximately 40 minutes of this crap, I was seconds away from taking the fake trip to the men's room and leaving when she redirected her attention to me (I think he signaled her that I was pissed). I had a talk with her about it the next day after she was sober. By the way, I dont consume alcohol. She said she was being friendly. I told her it was flirting and that is how the guy interpreted her actions. He kept giving me eye contact as if to say, Sir, I am not encouraging her and I am uncomfortable with this. I told her if this is her then her values do not align with mine and I have a decision to make. She said she was sorry and it would not happen again. I asked her to consider how she would feel if an attractive lady sat next to me, and I moved my chair closer to the lady and away from her, and if I directed my conversation toward her and touched her several times. That kinda got her attention.... I will take your advice. If this ever happens again, before I make the fake trip to the mens room and leave her there, I will ask her if she is flirting in a loud enough voice to let him hear my question as well.
Flirting is cheating when you are married. Flirters are looking for some thing they are not getting in their relationship. Communication is the key. Ask your partner, what do you want and what do you need? Do not allow your partner to trash your feelings by being disrespectful and dishonest. Start the sentence with, I. I do not appreciate you treating me like ......... Explain what you want out of your relationship and do not settle for less.
Yes, it's cheating, but micro cheating. I have had a couple of serious gf(s) do that to me. Both had daddy issues and during their teen years their dads were missing. One of them, her dad actually was a bum and a child molester. The other one was my ex. And it turned out she cheated with at least 3 other guys during the time we were a couple. If they need that attention from other guys, and they do it in front of me, What are they doing when I'm not there?? Think about this. It paves the way to cheating, IMO. Totally disrespectful. If your partner is doing this, have a serious talk with them. Tell them how you feel. If they keep doing it, and doing it some more, show them the door. Get out of that relationship. Chances are, it's over anyways. If a guy comes on strong, tell him where to go. If she gets really upset with you about that, she's showing her true colors. Dump her!!IF they are narcissists, they are looking for more supply btw. And they could care less about your feelings or boundaries.
Thanks for sharing your experience. You bring up a good question about what the behavior is when you aren't around. Some people have 2 sets rules they follow. We should be the same person whether our partner is with us or not.
Some people can be a bit clueless and do need help in learning where the boundary is between being friendly and flirting. But it sounds like you believe your husband is just making excuses, which happens a lot with this topic.
Thank you for your explanation. Hopefully my spouse will understand my reasoning better with your video. I define cheating as showing attention to someone not your spouse which includes social media comments, any type of messages/images via social messenger/text.
I agree flirting is cheating because guys will get into relationships then try to talk to their ex's the same way they use to talk... like sexual talk.. then think that their other half will never know.. what do you think should a man be talking to his ex in a sexual way if he is with someone now???
My wife of two years has been having inappropriate conversations with a male friend they check up on each other and exchange picture through the day she insists it's not cheating, cheating is only sex.
Many years ago I walked off a second date because he was flirting with & keep complimenting a woman to me. No anger no scene. Then he later reached out wanting to be friends & was shocked I said no. Ladies cut that mess ASAP!!
@@DrKurtSmith yes, I know and I am deeply grateful for your view on this. As much as we have to be respectful, I particularly believe that not understanding that flirting is cheating is profoundly toxic.
100% Agree that any human being in a committed relationship should NOT allow anyone or engage with anyone who's displaying flirtatious behavior. When the "were just friends" or " he's married" comments come into play. watch out and get out.
if you are not ready for commiment to one person. don't waste the other person's life, or be honest you want a open relationship. Don't be rude and mean to someone who gives their 100% to the relationship. Flirting is cheating and not caring how your partner may feel, that's childish and immature, get it done.
I absolutely agree. When I have caught a partner intensely flirting right before Christmas, it absolutely broke me. This included pictures back and forth, giving her the nick name “cake” based off her turd cutter, talked about how “awful” sex had been during a short period of time where I was exhausted from burn out at work, my car had been totaled, false allegations were made to CPS so they were there periodically when my son gets nothing but love. He told her he regretted not going to a sleep over she was at when she was in town, made sure to only talk when I was working and would even say things like “i hope you come up this way soon”. He couldn’t understand why l was so hurt and one month later when something would remind me of it, get down. I wouldn’t want to bring it up but he would pry and pry then get upset when I expressed I was feeling scared because I had a bad day and was tired.
Begin by asking for an explanation rather than the assumption you've already made. How you approach him can make a big difference in the response you get.
If the person I loved was flirting with someone else I wouldn't care unless it went beyond my boundaries. Which includes actual sex. Not some paranoid fear over flirting
Haven't you heard the saying, give an inch and they take a mile? Flirting is the gateway to sex. That's how people get comfortable being sexual around one another
My sister in laws husband just went to prison. Now she is flirting with my husband all the time. She is constantly complementing his appearances. She asked him how old he was and then made a joke of how that would make her a cradle robber. I didn’t find it funny. She is telling women at church that I’m not his wife. I feel that she is crossing lines. And I’m feeling very upset by her actions. What is your advice?
Is it cheating if a married man subtly flirts? For example, if he compliments a single woman (says you have a nice tan), smiles a lot through conversation, turns to look back at her and smiling when she’s not aware (unless he wanted to get caught). What if it’s subtle flirting like he smiles a lot, smiles and looks at you when he doesn’t think you’re looking, lips part when he sees you, he grooms himself i. e. rubs his chin as you’re speaking, pats his pants down (grooms) etc? Is this dangerous territory for a married man? I don’t flirt back except for smiling when I’m speaking to him. It’s not intentional on my end as I just find him attractive. Thanks!
Thanks Kurt. I was always concerned whether or not I'd provoke verbal or physical attack. In these times of recycled love, it is much like that box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get because you never know for certain what's going on inside a person.
My Ex-Fiance was a terrible flirt. We'd go to a friends house and my friend would approach me in private and say they think she's flirting with them. This happened much more then once. Another thing she was flirtatious with her boss, i saw it firsthand the first time and nearly broke up with her there and then. I wish I did, would've saved myself alot of pain and confusion. I guess my question is what to do when the person doing the flirting isn't doing it consciously or doesn't remember doing it? I mean, yeah I left her already, but she would always deflect the situation back to my self esteem issues and I just didn't know what to do other then leave her. In the end, it didn't even hurt anymore I just found it annoying, so did my friends. They're wives hated her and one of them actually wanted to beat her up at one point. We all sat down and they expressed to me they thought maybe she was autistic, due to the lack of empathy, boundaries and inability to learn from mistakes. I dunno im still confused about it. Sometimes she seemed highly intelligent like she was manipulating everything, other times completely naive. Truth is im gonna have to just let it all go. Just keeps running through my head that she must've been cheating, but again ive gotta just let it go. Fuck sakes man
Thanks, Jared, for sharing your experience. Great example of how complicated and confusing this behavior can be. It's not true that's she wasn't conscious of it. That's an excuse to avoid accountability. However, it can become so automatic that a conscious choice may not be happening to initiate it, but while she's doing it there's awareness or she wouldn't be able to interact with the person. There's more to it than this. But again, it's complicated.
If they think flirting is ok, tell them to go flirt because, "you're dumped". They obviously aren't taking you or the relationship seriously, no exceptions. I don't have time for anyone who wastes my time.
Yes, thanks Yifat for pointing the obvious...it takes a little growing up to distinguish if the casual touch is part of the culture or it has a bit of something extra that tells you: "I'm interested in you..." How do you read the difference between a culturally well meaning touch on your arm, and the flirt by touching? after lots of them, you notice the one that last a second longer, goes together with a locking of eyes, is repetitive, or any other "extra" body signal. Not counting soft words!
I would agree with most of what you have to say. I don't necessarily believe that the definition of flirting is as universal as you portray though. I think it will be very specific to every individual at least in the sense of their own paradigm. One could construe flirting as something as simple as holding their door open for someone or not consider a casual conversation as flirting. Even in the sense of sapiosexual person, one side could be completely oblivious.
Flirting is cheating and is the prelude to sexual relationships outside of marriage...simple, if he/she is a flirt then save yourself a lot of pain and end it.
will i found out my husband is flirting with other girl he said its not cheating just flirting but their conversation is real saying i love you to her. and everything instead of fixing our marriage he choice other woman to comfort him and telling im a bad person and his pitiful its hard for my side to move on past months by we have two kids together and he just give up telling me his done to me instead of fighting for our relationship 😭😭😭
I agree but my question is if it doesn’t stop is it enough to leave? We have a baby together. He’s constantly asking for sexually explicit pictures and flirting at the expense of neglecting me. We talk 10 min a day and we live together. Never in the same room for long. I just don’t want to overreact
Only you can make that decision, but leaving is a really big step, especially when you have a child together. It also sounds like your issues are much more than just his flirting. I'd talk to a professional counselor to learn what more you can do to influence him to change his behavior before leaving. Your child needs him to change too.
Hey Kurt. Thanks for this video. Can you please explain to me what the difference is between a smile and a sexy smile? Are there other variations of a smile we should know about? Thank you so much for your infinite wisdom. Keep up the great work.
Hi Jamie, A smile is a 'friendly' gesture, while a sexy smile implies 'romantic or sexual' interest. The difference lies in the motivation for the gesture and the message being sent. We've all seen the difference. -Dr. Kurt
Thank you, there’s nothing worse than someone saying it didn’t happen/ I never meant to/ I didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all in your head and if I did! Flirting is nothing anyway.
In other words, gaslighting you. You're exactly right. Taking no ownership and blaming you. Anytime this happens there are more problems than flirting.
@@DrKurtSmith thanks for your reply, unfortunately the mechanics of are relationship are lined with children/mortgage/childcare and other nuances, otherwise I’ll be gone in an instant. I can work with the truth and accept it, but tangle of lies is a psychological mess.
Would you say to a man the same things that you just said to that woman? No? Then it's flirting. Unless you're bi, then it's hard to tell what the fuck is going on.
Flirting is fine, but if it crosses the line it becomes more than a casual flirtation. For example, if my girlfriend was becoming overy flirtatious with someone else I would ditch her.
Need some advice: My husband was out for a guys night. And ended up at a night club with his buddies. (They are all single) My husband is the only married man in the group. I was upset he was at the club so I crashed guys night and caught him talking to girl and buying her a drink. I confronted him and he gave me a big hug and laughed (he was very drunk) should I be concerned about this behavior? I’m still really upset about it
My girlfriend told me about her flirting and was open about it , simple conversation you have had your one chance of it happens again and I find out which I will as I have many friends who go the places you do it’s over period. It never happened again
I’m done with relationships. Life is a lot simpler and better. It’s all about me now. End of story.
Sorry to hear that. They don't all have to be bad. Hope whatever you choose makes you happy.
not all, but pretty close to most I'd say..
I’m with you on this.......
They are all dirtbags I agree ... nowadays society has been reformed by an different Agenda.. The government nor the TV or media is promoting how better it is to be single for men and women... Families are getting broken for someone who has silicone breast or a Brazilian but lift... Imagination that...
Me too. I don’t get what’s so bad about being alone… I like it.
Flirting is the gateway to traditional cheating on all levels. If u want attention, want to feel masucline/feminine. You should go to your spouse you vowed to be with above all other choices you had. Flirting also creates dishonesty,loyalty and many more things that contradict your wedding vows. I mean seriously if one wants to flirt aimlessly at whatever has a pulse at least be single and not drag on a relationship with a spouse and God forbid have children whose lives you could greatly impact with that poor decision.
I do agree flirting is cheating. The person flirting has some insecurity they have not dealt with. They can have a gorgeous spouse but because they are insecure they constantly need the outside validation . It hurts because you want to Know that the flirting would be special, sexual, exciting and just between those involved .It definitely crosses boundaries...which is how cheating ALWAYS begins.
You're right, insecurity can be on of many reasons.
Rosie Rich I agree 100%. my bf is insecure and all tho he always says he loves me and calls me beautiful all the time he still flirts shamelessly with other women....with one woman in particular, and she returns his advances she's even becoming more bold and more disrespectful toward me.
GOD is love I would tell him to break ties or you’re out.. he needs to be respectful .. and her as well
Right on
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I agree 100%! Giving that attention to someone other than your partner is a betrayal and SO hurtful. Especially if it is done behind your partner's back. It will destroy all trust, and most likely, the entire relationship.
You're right on, Julia. And I see the affects that you describe happen every day. If only more people would accept this truth.
Oh my god yes so hurtful my husband stays behind my shoulder and flirts with women in my face he’s terrible I ask god to remove thanks Julia
❤🎉 I agree!
@@DrKurtSmithamen! How do I educate my wife? 😢
How about if she does right in front of you and everyone?… asking for a friend
I agree. Flirting is opening the door to more.
What it opens the door to is one of the biggest negatives about it. It may not be our intent for anything more, but the risk is there and flirting only increases it.
someone who flirts when they are in a relationship is a person that is not of marriageable quality. People who say it's ok are probably just trying to get away with being selfish. The general rule is that you should always ask yourself if something your going to do is going to help your partner or harm them. Any partner who says it wouldn't harm them is lying to themselves, they are suppressing it and maybe countering it with flirting of their own making for a hideous marriage.
Frank Walker You are absolutely right on this. My take on this is very simple. If people actually realized what they are asking of each other when entering an exclusive relationship, this topic would be quite simple. When you’re asking your partner to be in an exclusive relationship and they agree, then you two have now consciously agreed to make each other the sole providers of sexual engagement which includes flirting. If you are actively seeking out opportunities to flirt and looking for and welcoming flirtatious behaviour while in a relationship then you’re simply not ready for and exclusive one. Plus you do not deserve any trust. Just be honest with each other. It makes everything so much easier. If you just can’t help yourself then tell your partner that sex playmates or friends with benefits is all you can offer at this time. My girlfriend did this in front of me in a few situations and it was incredible to watch how she reacted when I switched the tables on her. She got super upset and emotional. It is sad to realize that the same medicine is the only equalizer. It’s still way better to find out about these before a marriage or an engagement. With social media today, it is impossible to ‘track’ your partner’s activity. All you can do is observe and give them enough rope and see if they hang themselves.
Yes,. I agree. Total bs.
I just got out of a Relationship and it ended Bc he was a player and that he flirted with other girls all the time! And he kept telling me it wasn't cheating but to me it is Bc it's wrong, to flirt with another female while ur with someone.. it's wrong
I agree, it is wrong, and disrespectful and unloving. Sorry to hear this happened to you.
That’s how cheating starts. People think it’s inicent and then all of a sudden you’re in an affair. That’s how it happened to my husband
Yep - they think it's innocent is the biggest mistake. It may be at the start, but going farther than that is very easy to do. Thanks for sharing.
agree with this that flirting is destructive. it creates distrust however small
Rene M. Distrust has a way of multiplying and sometimes something small can become big without our ever intending it to.
Absolutely!!!
What I can say for certain is that when my husband flirts with other women.. it FEELS like he's cheating to me! And when a woman is flirting with my husband right in front of me I definitely feel disrespected. And yes it lowers trust and the quality of our relationship
Thank you for sharing how flirting makes you feel. These feelings often get dismissed because it's not the intent of your husband or perhaps the other woman to make you feel this way, but the feelings are there regardless and are an understandable result of the flirting behavior.
Trust your intuition. If it's got alarms going off about a specific flirtee your man may actually be cheating or soon to cross that line.
totally agree flirting is cheating 100%. Flirting crosses boundaries as you mentioned that should only occur between 2 exclusive people. Trust no one.
Unfortunately, not enough people believe that, Pam. As a result we have some many hurting and broken relationships.
Kurt Smith yes and what makes it worse is sense most cheaters don't realize the damage because they're not the victim of the emotional damage they've caused the other person until the shoes on the other foot when the damage is done to them. Then of course they have the ah ha moment. Then the cheating or aka flirting becomes the problem in the relationship. My thoughts are it's all abuse so what blows my mind is when the two people know they are in a relationship yet they still care nothing for others only for the thrill they seek in playing games as if it's all worth it.
If your married don't flirt!!! Periodt!!
Agree, but many of us struggle to know where and how to draw the line.
When you are in a committed loving relationship your partner should never go out of the relationship by giving there sexual energy to a stranger or some one out side of the relarionship, as this has nothing to do with you and all about them and there own insecurities.
Well said, Jayne.
jayne pearson Your comment is 100% spot on! :)
So succinct and accurate Jayne. My BF was sending out sexual energy all the time and he would flip the script on me and make it about MY insecurities. No, sorry , I just have a highly tuned bullshit detector.
After losing our son my husband was grief talking it out with another girl when I was at home crying wishing he was Grieving with me. This broken my heart to the core.
I'm sorry that you didn't have your partner at a time when you really needed him.
Agree. I also think it’s extremely unfair on the person you are flirting WITH! Giving someone mixed signals to gratify your own ego is really cruel.
Great point, Bethanie! The affect on the other person is almost always assumed to be positive. When in actuality it could have a negative and even cruel impact.
Great point!
*Emotional cheating is Cheating*
You're right, it is cheating. There are many forms of cheating besides physical.
@@DrKurtSmith Thank you for validating a belief I've held since I was a child. And have been challenged for believing in it during my years of dating. Loyalty is not even looking at another in a sexual manner let alone making any sort of advance.
My take has always been that flirting is cheating. In some relationships, couples are more relaxed and see flirting as harmless fun. If they are both happy with this then that is up to them. If one partner 'has a problem' with this kind of behaviour and doesn't agree with flirting, then you don't do it. It's as simple as that.
Bottom line, flirting when you know it hurts your partner (whether you think it should hurt them or not is irrelevant) is just disrespectful.
I am now divorcing my wife, and her flirting is one of the main factors.
Hey Andrew, Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience. Sorry to hear flirting has contributed to your divorce. You're right that it's often seen as harmless fun, but it's very easy for it to cross lines even when you don't intend it to.
I lost someone I loved to my core bc he couldn't see the damage flirting (and also kissing co-workers wives/GFs on the lips in greeting). We went to 3 different therapists and they last one, a male told him "Isn't it enough, that it hurts your girlfriend? " He would continually justify it and say that's how he talks to everyone, males and females and old ladies... said it was his personality. (Gaslighting) Sorry, I can tell the difference between normal friendliness and flirting, and so can my gut.
Facts, I dont care if they liked her selfies but it's the reciprocating back and liking their selfies back is what bothers me. Especially with 🔥😘🥰 emojis. Just extra and unnecessary in my book
@@beegee5305 what is your take on keeping people you had relations with while in a committed relationship?
@@JaPaNeSe_MxD_707You mean keeping them as friends?
So, I'm actually very heart broken, my girlfriend was texting this guy behind my back saying, "aw. Your so fucking hot" and he would say it back, I feel like I've been cheated on, but she doesn't feel like she was cheating. Should I just end the realtionship. And it's only been 6 months and she's already doing it....
+Christopher Pardy that's tough to see. Communication like that with someone else while you're in a committed relationship is betrayal, so your feelings are normal.
Yes break up with her before it gets worse...it's only been 6 months and she already flirting with some one else,so just imagine staying with her longer...she could end up cheating on you on something sleep like kissing or sex or what ever
thanks for the great advice! means alot
Those kinds of words are meant for you and you only in an exclusive relationship. This is such a double standard with a lot of women out there. The good ones will never hurt you like this. It has happened to me so just remember that she’s not relationship material.
Set the boundaries with your partner. Everyone's different.
You're right. Healthy boundaries are so necessary.
Hell yeah if your taken ...flirting is cheating
Thanks, Satsui.
I was at a store sitting in my car when the woman who works at the store came out to the car laughing told me that she is my boyfriends side chick and his wife doesnt know it. I told my boyfriend this happened and he became angry with me. He told me i am too jealous. Im hurt because he doent care how disrespectful this is to me. What should i do? I am tire of being treated this way
Sounds like some kind of change is in order. If he's not willing to make one that leaves it up to you.
Yes. Without equivocation, flirting, even when not intentional is a subtle kind of emotional cheating.
Thanks for sharing your opinion. Good point that it can be subtle, but nevertheless still cheating.
I agree whole heartedly
Thanks for watching!
@@DrKurtSmith you have great advice thanks!
Kurt you hit the nail on the head buddy! I am dating a woman who feels the need to have to flirt ALL the time! She will even flirt with guys in the same chatroom we are on! Maybe if I share this with her she will see the light!
I hope she will be responsive and open to watching it. You might present it to her as something that is important for you to share with her (as opposed to, "You need to see this and change your ways!"). Best of luck in resolving this issue in your relationship.
Kurt Smith
IT WORKED!!! You truly are a miracle worker Kurt I sent it to her right away via mssg with the note, Please watch this. After a few minutes her reply was "OMG honey I watched this and put myself in your shoes and now I understand what you've been telling me!" I bow to you sir, you have just made my life with her so much more enjoyable now! Thank you so very very much! Your fan, Chuck
Charles Bacon So glad to hear it!
You bet Kurt. Keep up the great work you are doing for relationships!
Chatroom?
Mmmmm yep...who doesn't like getting their ego stroked, I pick up on people's sexual energy, I know when someone is flirting with me...I know when someone is flirting with my partner, I've set boundaries and now get branded as insecure...jealous, It's a no win situation and since saying something it's as if it's made it worse like wtf
Sorry to hear setting boundaries has made things worse, but that's not uncommon in the short-term. While boundaries are healthy and good for us, they aren't always immediately liked and well received.
I totally relate to and agree with you Carol. It's really painful when our loved one does this stuff, but on top of the flirting also act like the problem is that we were insecure or jealous.
Dam same here bro except it's online for me. I addressed it and I got called insecure and jealous.
@@JaPaNeSe_MxD_707but it's fun when me and my wife do it with other people
The ones that were upset were the ones that flirt/cheat! 🤣
I agree. Wish that I was interested in men that thought the same way. Sadly I only attract and date those who do all these things and more and pretend that what they are doing isn’t harmful to the relationship
It's good that you recognize who you attract. Now you've got to figure how to change that. There are men who don't do that out there.
@@DrKurtSmith 👍
My wife used social media to flirt. Loving guys pics them messaging her calling her baby. She acts like if its not physical its not cheating. We have 3 kids and it contributed to the the downfall of are relationship.
It doesn't have to be physical to be cheating.
I gotta agree with the guy. I think flirting is cheating because my female fiancé flirted with other men and women and it hurt me. I thought I was suppose to be the only one she even had eyes for. Like it hurts deeply.. I get i wasn’t giving her attention but wow.. going behind my back and talking to others flirtatiously without my knowing so? NOT ME KNOWING? Hiding it from me? Is cheating.
It sure does hurt when it's happening to you. Good job to own that your lack of attention probably played a part, but there's usually a lot more to it than just that.
Any time there is secrecy involved it certainly erodes trust. So you have to ask yourself why your partner would actively attempt to damage trust in your relationship?
Good question to be asking, Macio.
Let me add.... flirting is a foreplay. Married men having suggestive small talks with the opposite sex is like a loaded gun to their marriage. Flirting creates a hidden, prohibited relationship. A vulnerable woman receiving a wink, a suggestive smile or maybe a compliment will get men into trouble if the woman shows she is available.
Some men believe that they can flirt as long as nothing physical takes place. Not true, engaging the mind in lust w a woman makes the married man a sinner in Gods eyes and breaks the Golden Rule and the rule of Empathy within the Marriage.
Good point on flirting being a form of foreplay. What you say about men flirting goes the same for women doing so too. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Good questions Bonnie. I think it does need to get addressed and immediately. My suggestion would be to politely interrupt, and advised that you're in a relationship and not interested. Just saying you're in a relationship unfortunately isn't always enough anymore. Ignoring it I think is a mistake and could lead to more problems.
So many people have cheated with someone after flirting with them yet people still thinks its okay. This is why i am not getting married again.
Yes. Flirting is cheating. It should be reserved for the person with whom you're in a relationship, married or committed as you said. A discussion I've had about flirting is even if the flirting is not reciprocated, listening to them is cheating. My question is, "Do you abruptly interrupt the flirter to announce you're in relationship? Do you wait to politely reject the flirty remarks reiterating you're in a relationship? Or simply ignore the flirtation all together?
Ignore if someone is flirting with you and they won't bother doing it again. If they do, then put them straight and tell them you are not single.
I love your perspective about this!❤❤❤
Thank you.
I disagree that a common courtesy such as holding a door open is likely to be construed as flirting. Although it's possible for people to read more into anything. Flirting has a sexual component to it that we all can recognize when paying attention.
Dr. Kurt Smith you obviously are an adulterous person. You’re profile pic is on a sexy smile. Shame!
yes , an a partner texting other women talkin bad of their other half and want in to tell the other women they get jelous of them an miss them is Def cheating !!
Krystal Smith You're right, sometimes it does turn into talking bad about their other half, which makes it worse and even more wrong.
I have many life long female friends and some short term too. I know for certain nothing would ever become of those friendships. I have had maybe 3 over the years that flirted and made there intentions known but once I explained my position the friendship remained afterwards. But I do understand that sometimes these friendships can be misunderstood as something else. If you’ve nothing to hide then don’t delete.
before I got involved with my fiancee, I used to flirt a lot. Anyway people that are single, and in a commitment relationship, or any relationship do it all the time, I don't know why, maybe because they are not happy or they do it for the attention and not get involved with nobody. why do that when u really love your spouse. why flirt with someone else when you can flirt with your partner and give him the sexual interest and attention that they deserve make sense I think so. love being a flirt and a freak towards my fiancee. also one last thing, when women decided to get married some women don't flirt anymore, we'll 89% of women don't I don't know about the rest of them.
You're on to one of the primary reasons people do it -- attention. We all want it - even if we already have it from a partner. Thanks for commenting Stef.
"Sexy smile" is the phrase used by another commenter, so she'd be best to define what she meant. But I'd say the difference between a 'smile' and 'sexy smile' is that the latter says I'm interested in you.
Some people just have that smile and you can’t assume it’s a sly hint to wanting sexual attention.
yes, it most definitely is especially eye contact. When you start looking/staring constantly into another person's eyes for no reason, feelings can get involved alot more than you would think. People actually fall in love from eye contact. Hair playing, blushing, touching are other obvious ones as well. However, I don't see anything harmful with being over friendly, laughing or joking as those can be considered other less obvious forms of flirting as well.
It's easy for those lines to get blurred though and before you know it "over friendly" becomes extra "eye contact." Being conscious of what you're doing, what you're getting out of it, and why is crucial.
@@DrKurtSmith Exactly!! A single guy in my community started flirting with my fiance, opening the car door for her and repeatedly saying "Your chariot My Lady" Then giving her things and eventually hugging her tightly whenever we passed on the sidewalk while calling her sweetie. All of this right in front of me.. I kept mentioning these things to her and she said he is just a nice guy. Additionally, every single interaction with this guy I've distinctly noticed that he Always made some kind of reference to male genitals. My girlfriend said, But that is how all guys talk.. Absolutely Not!!! Yes, it has all quickly affected me emotionally in a huge way.. It was said that I am the one who has a problem.. She never stuck up for me in front of him.. Everything was fine till this one bad boy. Perhaps it was insecurity in her. I have Always treated my girlfriend with dignity and respect and given her loving attention.. Flirting that crosses that line is Cheating!!!
@@danjones3009 Thanks for sharing your story. This is often what it looks like. It also exposes issues in the relationship as one partner's feelings are dismissed and minimized, which we shouldn't do when we love each other.
@@DrKurtSmith I tried to post to you but yt deleted it
he flirts even if it hurts me, it makes me feel like i’m not good enough. i told him to stop last night and he said “no” and hasn’t responded since, it been almost 7 hours. he knows i don’t like being ignored either yet continues to do it
Sorry to hear he's being so inconsiderate and disrespectful toward you. These are even bigger issues in your relationship than the flirting.
Facts
I thank you for your video because my boyfriend that I have been with for a year and a half doesn't feel like he is doing anything wrong. He is a dishwasher at a soup kitchen that feeds low income and homeless people a free hot meal. Volunteers come into help at every level. Young ladies who are 19 or 20 years old help my guy out which is ok but he doesn't know the difference between being nice and flirting nor setting boundaries with any woman period which I feel is hurtful to be and very disrespectful. How can I show him the difference between being nice and flirting? Do you have a video for that?
+Tammy Goulet - I don't have a video specifically addressing that at the moment. Obviously have him watch this video. You could have him read the articles on the Guy Stuff Counseling website under the topics Cheating Spouse and Understanding Men. Here's a link to one to start with - goo.gl/AuFYh1
I told my partner this same thing and he thinks i am over reacting. Flirting can also be complimenting and asking personal questions. Emotional cheating also exist, like having emotionally bonding with another person that you should be having with your partner. I even mention that it dont respect my boundaries and i was told i was over reacting. I will not marry again for this exact reason.
I'm sorry you got a response that shifts the blame. Unfortunately, that can be common on this topic.
*Is Flirting Cheating? Yes, Here's Why.*
*Is flirting cheating? A couple of weeks ago I posted here on Google+ that flirting is cheating* (here's the post goo.gl/Oj6vV). The statement that flirting is cheating got a lot comments and a number of questions about why I would believe if you're flirting you're cheating, so here's an explanation of why I believe it's true. *Take a listen and tell me whether you **_agree or disagree - Is Flirting Cheating?_*
#cheating #flirting #cheatingpartners
wow,powerful & i agree 1million percent...but i think yer gonna piss off alot of PETERPAN kinda guys on here that troll n stock after their wives n spouses go to sleep n vice versa....sad...
No
Wow i agree so true it is cheating
NO IT'S NOT
YA IT IS!!!!!! -_-
Culture should be counted as well. Someone from a culture where physical touch is a sign of affection (not sexual affection) / friendship, touching a person from a culture where personal space is the accepted social behavior might come across as flirting when they're not.
As a whole though, I do agree with you Kurt.
Men interpret 1 touch from a woman 2 ways. Either she is being friendly or she is flirting. The 2nd touch makes him lean towards she is flirting. By the 3rd touch, she is flirting in his mind. Grow up ladies, it's not how you intend the touch to be interpreted, it is how he interprets your touching him. Act like a civilized, loyal and faithful adult... not like a teen with raging hormones.
@@glennbosworth1423 you basically confirmed what I said. you're interpretation of things doesn't mean they are as you perceive them.
There's a very simple and easy way to figure it out though - ask.
Don't assume 😉
@@YifatCohen My gf of 16 months was touching a guy immediately after he sat down at our table, next to her, She even moved her chair closer to him. She ignored me, faced him and touched him a whole lot. After approximately 40 minutes of this crap, I was seconds away from taking the fake trip to the men's room and leaving when she redirected her attention to me (I think he signaled her that I was pissed). I had a talk with her about it the next day after she was sober. By the way, I dont consume alcohol. She said she was being friendly. I told her it was flirting and that is how the guy interpreted her actions. He kept giving me eye contact as if to say, Sir, I am not encouraging her and I am uncomfortable with this. I told her if this is her then her values do not align with mine and I have a decision to make. She said she was sorry and it would not happen again. I asked her to consider how she would feel if an attractive lady sat next to me, and I moved my chair closer to the lady and away from her, and if I directed my conversation toward her and touched her several times. That kinda got her attention.... I will take your advice. If this ever happens again, before I make the fake trip to the mens room and leave her there, I will ask her if she is flirting in a loud enough voice to let him hear my question as well.
I agree!
Yes
Flirting is cheating when you are married. Flirters are looking for some thing they are not getting in their relationship. Communication is the key. Ask your partner, what do you want and what do you need? Do not allow your partner to trash your feelings by being disrespectful and dishonest. Start the sentence with, I. I do not appreciate you treating me like ......... Explain what you want out of your relationship and do not settle for less.
Good points, Michele. I wouldn't say this just applies to marriages though, but to any committed relationship.
Yes, it's cheating, but micro cheating. I have had a couple of serious gf(s) do that to me. Both had daddy issues and during their teen years their dads were missing. One of them, her dad actually was a bum and a child molester. The other one was my ex. And it turned out she cheated with at least 3 other guys during the time we were a couple. If they need that attention from other guys, and they do it in front of me, What are they doing when I'm not there?? Think about this. It paves the way to cheating, IMO. Totally disrespectful. If your partner is doing this, have a serious talk with them. Tell them how you feel. If they keep doing it, and doing it some more, show them the door. Get out of that relationship. Chances are, it's over anyways. If a guy comes on strong, tell him where to go. If she gets really upset with you about that, she's showing her true colors. Dump her!!IF they are narcissists, they are looking for more supply btw. And they could care less about your feelings or boundaries.
Thanks for sharing your experience. You bring up a good question about what the behavior is when you aren't around. Some people have 2 sets rules they follow. We should be the same person whether our partner is with us or not.
Well my husband NEVER really knows he is flirting. lol He says he is just "naive". BS!!! He should be a politicians.
Some people can be a bit clueless and do need help in learning where the boundary is between being friendly and flirting. But it sounds like you believe your husband is just making excuses, which happens a lot with this topic.
Thank you for your explanation. Hopefully my spouse will understand my reasoning better with your video. I define cheating as showing attention to someone not your spouse which includes social media comments, any type of messages/images via social messenger/text.
Hope it helps too.
If you flirt with other women when you date me, I am leaving. It's a form of cheating, the only person you should flirt with is your partner.
Well said.
Come then flirt with me I won't cheat 😂
@@ty70056I love to watch my wife flirt with other men
agree!
Thanks, Victoria!
I agree flirting is cheating because guys will get into relationships then try to talk to their ex's the same way they use to talk... like sexual talk.. then think that their other half will never know.. what do you think should a man be talking to his ex in a sexual way if he is with someone now???
+Isabella Thorpe No, I do not. I also do not think it's just guys who does this. Flirting is something women can do just as much as guys.
agree completely.
I totally agree. Thank you for this info
Thanks for saying so.
My wife of two years has been having inappropriate conversations with a male friend they check up on each other and exchange picture through the day she insists it's not cheating, cheating is only sex.
Cheating takes many forms, not just physical or sexual. If she' giving attention and emotional connection to someone else that's cheating.
@@DrKurtSmith thank you for your reply I eventually found out she had been spending time and going on dates with the guy,we've since seperated.
I agree.
Thanks, Rosalinda. Appreciate your watching and commenting!
Many years ago I walked off a second date because he was flirting with & keep complimenting a woman to me. No anger no scene.
Then he later reached out wanting to be friends & was shocked I said no. Ladies cut that mess ASAP!!
Good practice of a boundary. I hope when you walked away you told him why.
Absolutely!!! Obviously, flirting is cheating!!! How can anyone not see it??!¡
There are differing views. Just read the comments and you'll see. Thanks for sharing yours.
@@DrKurtSmith yes, I know and I am deeply grateful for your view on this. As much as we have to be respectful, I particularly believe that not understanding that flirting is cheating is profoundly toxic.
100% Agree that any human being in a committed relationship should NOT allow anyone or engage with anyone who's displaying flirtatious behavior. When the "were just friends" or " he's married" comments come into play. watch out and get out.
You're right that those sayings are justifications and warning signs. Thanks for the comment, Matthew.
Agreed it is cheating. I confronted my wife and she does not even acknowledge that she is flirting by touching the other guys hand a lot.
Sorry she won't acknowledge that her behavior is wrong. Not respecting physical boundaries is a common aspect of flirting.
Flirting leads to cheating
Yes, it certainly can.
if you are not ready for commiment to one person. don't waste the other person's life, or be honest you want a open relationship. Don't be rude and mean to someone who gives their 100% to the relationship. Flirting is cheating and not caring how your partner may feel, that's childish and immature, get it done.
Thank you for sharing. You make a good point noting the commitment component. Unfortunately, most people don't see that aspect.
I absolutely agree. When I have caught a partner intensely flirting right before Christmas, it absolutely broke me. This included pictures back and forth, giving her the nick name “cake” based off her turd cutter, talked about how “awful” sex had been during a short period of time where I was exhausted from burn out at work, my car had been totaled, false allegations were made to CPS so they were there periodically when my son gets nothing but love. He told her he regretted not going to a sleep over she was at when she was in town, made sure to only talk when I was working and would even say things like “i hope you come up this way soon”. He couldn’t understand why l was so hurt and one month later when something would remind me of it, get down. I wouldn’t want to bring it up but he would pry and pry then get upset when I expressed I was feeling scared because I had a bad day and was tired.
Hi Olivia, I'm sorry you had so many things pile on you at once. Be careful - this is right on the edge of becoming much more than flirting.
Kurt. He hasn't called me and diesntvspeak to me at all. It's been 4 days. I'm just so hurt. What should i do.
I totally agree!!!!! 100%!!!!
Thanks!
I totally agree with you, Sir.
Thank you, Michelle.
Begin by asking for an explanation rather than the assumption you've already made. How you approach him can make a big difference in the response you get.
If the person I loved was flirting with someone else I wouldn't care unless it went beyond my boundaries. Which includes actual sex. Not some paranoid fear over flirting
Haven't you heard the saying, give an inch and they take a mile? Flirting is the gateway to sex. That's how people get comfortable being sexual around one another
"Oh no! My girlfriend is smiling to the hot delivery pizza guy! She must be cheating on me! Or eventually will ! " - I mean... Seriously?
It’s very disrespectful to o flirt with others in front of you or behind your back.
Are you calling everyone else paranoid? You sound narcissistic.
@@ayrmontSEXUAL ENERGY WAS GIVEN. read your bible.
flirting is not only a simple act of cheating but an ultimate betrayal..
It's a simple act for sure. The ultimate betrayal is where it can lead.
Where all your videos go
My sister in laws husband just went to prison. Now she is flirting with my husband all the time. She is constantly complementing his appearances. She asked him how old he was and then made a joke of how that would make her a cradle robber. I didn’t find it funny. She is telling women at church that I’m not his wife. I feel that she is crossing lines. And I’m feeling very upset by her actions. What is your advice?
I'd talk to your husband about him setting better boundaries with her and avoiding contact as much as possible.
Is it cheating if a married man subtly flirts? For example, if he compliments a single woman (says you have a nice tan), smiles a lot through conversation, turns to look back at her and smiling when she’s not aware (unless he wanted to get caught). What if it’s subtle flirting like he smiles a lot, smiles and looks at you when he doesn’t think you’re looking, lips part when he sees you, he grooms himself i. e. rubs his chin as you’re speaking, pats his pants down (grooms) etc? Is this dangerous territory for a married man? I don’t flirt back except for smiling when I’m speaking to him. It’s not intentional on my end as I just find him attractive. Thanks!
Flirting is flirting. No matter how subtle or outlandish.
Thank you for answering my question, Dr. Smith.
You're welcome.
Thanks Kurt. I was always concerned whether or not I'd provoke verbal or physical attack. In these times of recycled love, it is much like that box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get because you never know for certain what's going on inside a person.
Wait what?! You didn't know whether or not you'd abuse someone? That is what you wrote 🤔
I agree with you.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks!
I agree that flirting is cheating and disrespectful. My value and my standard are loyal and respect.
Yes, it is disrespectful, even if that's not the partner's intent.
I agree 100%
Thanks, Jocelyn for watching.
Agree... it is emotional cheating.
Thanks for commenting.
My Ex-Fiance was a terrible flirt. We'd go to a friends house and my friend would approach me in private and say they think she's flirting with them. This happened much more then once. Another thing she was flirtatious with her boss, i saw it firsthand the first time and nearly broke up with her there and then. I wish I did, would've saved myself alot of pain and confusion.
I guess my question is what to do when the person doing the flirting isn't doing it consciously or doesn't remember doing it? I mean, yeah I left her already, but she would always deflect the situation back to my self esteem issues and I just didn't know what to do other then leave her. In the end, it didn't even hurt anymore I just found it annoying, so did my friends. They're wives hated her and one of them actually wanted to beat her up at one point. We all sat down and they expressed to me they thought maybe she was autistic, due to the lack of empathy, boundaries and inability to learn from mistakes.
I dunno im still confused about it. Sometimes she seemed highly intelligent like she was manipulating everything, other times completely naive. Truth is im gonna have to just let it all go. Just keeps running through my head that she must've been cheating, but again ive gotta just let it go. Fuck sakes man
Thanks, Jared, for sharing your experience. Great example of how complicated and confusing this behavior can be. It's not true that's she wasn't conscious of it. That's an excuse to avoid accountability. However, it can become so automatic that a conscious choice may not be happening to initiate it, but while she's doing it there's awareness or she wouldn't be able to interact with the person. There's more to it than this. But again, it's complicated.
If they think flirting is ok, tell them to go flirt because, "you're dumped". They obviously aren't taking you or the relationship seriously, no exceptions. I don't have time for anyone who wastes my time.
Dumping them immediately sounds a bit extreme, but setting a boundary regarding it is appropriate and necessary.
@@DrKurtSmith ....They're old enough to know better, and know me well enough at the beginning to not try me.
@@DrKurtSmith I have a post at the top about my LDR, YT deleted my edited post and was a big paragraph oh I was angry
@@DrKurtSmith I believe if it's something constant, then he or she should leave..
Yes, thanks Yifat for pointing the obvious...it takes a little growing up to distinguish if the casual touch is part of the culture or it has a bit of something extra that tells you: "I'm interested in you..." How do you read the difference between a culturally well meaning touch on your arm, and the flirt by touching? after lots of them, you notice the one that last a second longer, goes together with a locking of eyes, is repetitive, or any other "extra" body signal. Not counting soft words!
I would agree with most of what you have to say. I don't necessarily believe that the definition of flirting is as universal as you portray though. I think it will be very specific to every individual at least in the sense of their own paradigm. One could construe flirting as something as simple as holding their door open for someone or not consider a casual conversation as flirting. Even in the sense of sapiosexual person, one side could be completely oblivious.
Agree
Thanks, Paulo.
I gotta let this husband go
Hes not
Worth it he has put me through a lot of pain I will go to
Court tomorrow
Important point Yifat regarding culture. Unfortunately, we don't always know those rules, or the cultural rules of the other, in advance.
100% Agree.
Thanks, AA.
Flirting is cheating and is the prelude to sexual relationships outside of marriage...simple, if he/she is a flirt then save yourself a lot of pain and end it.
Yes, it can be, but also doesn't have to go that far. However, much damage can be done to respect and trust regardless.
as long as you know your boundaries and don't take it too far in a relationship
You're right, knowing your boundaries is crucial.
will i found out my husband is flirting with other girl he said its not cheating just flirting but their conversation is real saying i love you to her. and everything instead of fixing our marriage he choice other woman to comfort him and telling im a bad person and his pitiful its hard for my side to move on past months by we have two kids together and he just give up telling me his done to me instead of fighting for our relationship 😭😭😭
I'm sorry.
Flirting is cheating.
Thank you, Tammy.
I agree but my question is if it doesn’t stop is it enough to leave? We have a baby together. He’s constantly asking for sexually explicit pictures and flirting at the expense of neglecting me. We talk 10 min a day and we live together. Never in the same room for long. I just don’t want to overreact
Only you can make that decision, but leaving is a really big step, especially when you have a child together. It also sounds like your issues are much more than just his flirting. I'd talk to a professional counselor to learn what more you can do to influence him to change his behavior before leaving. Your child needs him to change too.
Hey Kurt. Thanks for this video. Can you please explain to me what the difference is between a smile and a sexy smile? Are there other variations of a smile we should know about? Thank you so much for your infinite wisdom. Keep up the great work.
Hi Jamie, A smile is a 'friendly' gesture, while a sexy smile implies 'romantic or sexual' interest. The difference lies in the motivation for the gesture and the message being sent. We've all seen the difference. -Dr. Kurt
I clicked bc of the Scooby plushie in the back- got life advice
Thank you, there’s nothing worse than someone saying it didn’t happen/ I never meant to/ I didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all in your head and if I did! Flirting is nothing anyway.
In other words, gaslighting you. You're exactly right. Taking no ownership and blaming you. Anytime this happens there are more problems than flirting.
@@DrKurtSmith thanks for your reply, unfortunately the mechanics of are relationship are lined with children/mortgage/childcare and other nuances, otherwise I’ll be gone in an instant. I can work with the truth and accept it, but tangle of lies is a psychological mess.
Would you say to a man the same things that you just said to that woman? No? Then it's flirting. Unless you're bi, then it's hard to tell what the fuck is going on.
Flirting is fine, but if it crosses the line it becomes more than a casual flirtation. For example, if my girlfriend was becoming overy flirtatious with someone else I would ditch her.
Need some advice: My husband was out for a guys night. And ended up at a night club with his buddies. (They are all single)
My husband is the only married man in the group. I was upset he was at the club so I crashed guys night and caught him talking to girl and buying her a drink. I confronted him and he gave me a big hug and laughed (he was very drunk) should I be concerned about this behavior? I’m still really upset about it
Jen, You should talk about it more when he's not drunk and get agreement on a plan that will keep it from happening again. -Dr. Kurt
My girlfriend told me about her flirting and was open about it , simple conversation you have had your one chance of it happens again and I find out which I will as I have many friends who go the places you do it’s over period. It never happened again
You set a clear boundary. Good job. Glad to hear it was respected. However, it's not always that easy for people to stop the behavior.