How We Control Others -You Must Stop This To Get Your Ex BACK!
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- Опубліковано 18 вер 2024
- Anxiety and fear of abandonment can lead one to try and control their partner into doing what they want and ensuring that their partner stays in the relationship under any conditions. In this video, we discuss the ways in which control can manifest in a relationship and where this controlling behavior comes from for you to be able to identify these behaviors in yourself and in potential partners.
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I am guilty of trying to control my ex-wife's lifestyle but tried to accept some of the differences over time. However, this video reminds me that she was guilt-tripping me a lot which made me feel like a bad partner and trying to make up for her all the time, and she often stonewalled me and belittled me as being an unworthy partner. She finally decided to leave me even after I pleaded and begged. I feel very miserable right now and my self-esteem took a big hit. But at the same time grateful to learn much from your videos, and also my family and friend support during this difficult times. I am doing no contact this period, picking up new hobby and meditation, changing out my wardrobe and trying to improve on myself. I don't know what lies ahead of me but just hope that everything will be ok with time.
Damn. This video hit very close to home. I used to do many of those things to my ex. It's not that I was trying to be evil and manipulative on purpose. It's just that I felt so afraid and vulnerable with her... and she is total avoidant, which only made me panic all the time cuz i thought she was going to abandon me. I was always under tension and an extreme fear of abandonment threat that I didn't even know what I was doing...
Same😢How are you doing now?
One other thing to note is that if you find yourself identifying with these behaviors, please do not beat yourself over them. We are a product of the environment that we were brought up in, so it isn't your fault nor anyone else's. It is however your responsibility to ensure that you don't commit them again.
Be kind to yourself, we all make mistakes, and what's important is identifying them, owning them, and then doing our best to be better.
Well said 👏
I subconsciously was trying to control my ex and after having apologized I'm at peace knowing that I can move on and improve from the mistakes I made, as stupid as they were. We may never be together again but I'll be put back together and I'm better off that way.
What a great panel :) Margaret is so cool - practical and to the point
Coach Victoria has such a nice calming voice. I really like listening to her!
Thank you! 😊
Hi Craig and team - can you please make a video which explains how setting boundaries is different from controlling behavior. For some of these - like giving an ultimatum, it is an attempt of asking for what you need. I would really appreciate your perspective on how to set boundaries in a healthy relationship.
If you want to learn about boundaries check out my Creative Healing Course! There is A LOT of fantastic information in it! Go to the website and you can preview all the stuff in it!
omg! that is what I did in the previous relationship... guilty tripping and punishing him for not doing what I want
I would have loved being your man! I'd do exactly what you wanted all the time!
I’ve been a fan of your channel for a long time now and I’m almost finished with both workbooks. I’m beginning to feel like a psychologist! And I wonder if my future partners might feel intimidated or overwhelmed by all of the relationship skills and knowledge I’ve accumulated?
I am guilty of all of those things and I am grateful to have learned a lot about myself and will work on improving myself. Thank you sincerely for the work that you do...
This is a good video. So informative. Staying in N.C. and working on myself as I go through my timeline until I feel relief again. Such a bad cycle, feels like a test...but this time I blocked in return so that I wouldn't be looking at my phone every hour. 2yrs and still get blocked (without the merit of being blocked for a reason, but just because his "mood"-is is avoidant style and also crazy, like, emotionally mixed up...I now know...kind of man a mother could only love unconditionally). 30days ago, he asked me if I would marry him...and at present I am blocked, ignored and in no contact. It also seems to happen in the beginning of the year in my situation. He is bi-polar unmedicated. Most of this I learned after falling in love and after his mask fell off. He is not physically abusive, but this feels like emotional and mental abuse. He can't go to jail for that, but I feel as though I have been punched in the chest and stomach the anxiety and waking up with too much cortisol doesn't feel good. The disconnect from love, is physically painful. And yet, I have this strong feeling that he is going to reach out again...but this time I have him blocked because now I need space, even though I did not at first, I see now that it is better than walking on eggshells. If he reaches out in no contact, now that I blocked him...I will get the "missed call" and he will get the straight to voicemail, then the tables turn again and we are on opposite sides of the breakup timeline (and then, if he does reach out, which he always does at SOME point in time, I can decide if I want to go back or keep him blocked depending on my heart). He even said before, the last time he returned after no contact (I didn't block him last time) that he FELT me let go, the moment that I just said to myself...it is over (not because I wanted it over, but that I didn't hear from him and had to let go to be healthy). Margaret and Craig call it, the disturbance in the force....but it has to be a genuine disturbance, like your heart actually decides...it is time. Then I hear from him, but it is taking longer this time for me to be able to reach that point because now it is not one year...this is our 3rd year now so I am more attached and committed (btw, he brought up Love, Marriage, Moving in, being together....I reciprocated because I fell in love, but he acts as if I brought that up sometimes and that feels like a crazy move. So that is my situation at present. Thank you for videos...this will be the last time. The last year. If he does come back (my first no contact I was a virgin to N.C. but it does work), and if I want him back after healing and take him...should this happen again, I am changing my number and will just suffer through the stages and keep working on myself instead of someone playing "emotional double dutch" with me. Thank you..🙏😇🙏
Rage is a terrible thing to witness on a partner. I witnessed it on several occasions with my last partner and still disturbing when I have flashbacks to it.
Law of attraction really work for me 🌹
This man can also help you manifest your ex/lover bavk into your life
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Yes, I've waken to my ex staring down at me and telling me she pondered grabbing a knife and plunging it into my chest while I slept. Ever since then I would awaken during the night with a fear. And on one of our arguments I called the police because she became violent. She punched a hole in the wall and then walked outside and I locked the door behind her. She kicked the door in, I pushed her back outside, locked the door and called the police......when they arrived, they ended up locking me up because when I shoved her back out the door she broke in, she got a scratch on her elbow. 🥺 Mind you in all this, we have a then 4 year old who would tell my ex, mommy stop harming daddy. And when the police cuffed me, she watched me with this stone cold look as to imply, take that! Charges were eventually dropped.
5:11 Craig is like "been there, done that" :D
I can’t say I’m guilty of that one. But I hear it a lot
I messed up so bad with my ex said some terrible things, took her for granted, always made her cry. I feel so ashamed she couldn’t take it anymore and left all I want is to do right by her. Been 3 weeks since last talked 6 weeks broken up she doesn’t think I’ll change
😥...head up soldier, you are stronger than you know. Keep watch these videos, a lot of people are spamming our comments with weird numbers, I got same thing in my comment too. But, don't let mistakes drive your spirit down...in time, she may reach out...work on yourself while in no contact. That way, either way, you'll be better than you were before (even if for yourself, and though hars to say at this moment, better for the potentiality of someone new when the time is right, if that is right for you). We all got this!!🙏
At the intro I'm not looking at the screen just listening and the typical introduction Craig, Margaret... then VICTORIA! it serves as a nice little surprise pattern interrupt. Ok now I will listen to the video, you guys always share great stuff.
🤗 here I am!
Certain times I have been a bit controlling, but on some small accounts, nothing big like these. However, a good video to watch again to make sure you don’t make these mistakes again after you get back with your ex.
While I do agree that some of these behaviors can be harmful to a relationship, and I don’t condone abusive behavior, I also know that the only way for one to be in a relationship and not have ANY of these things happen is for you to be a robot. Programmed. You’re a human being, with human emotions. You have feelings. You also question things and others, as you should. You have doubt, it’s part of our survival instinct and our decision making process. No one is perfect. Who would want to be in a relationship with an emotionless, “yes man” all the time? I’d rather be imperfect than inauthentic. That’s just me. I do draw the line at abuse though, be it physical, mental or emotional.
Agreed,m and excellent point. The goal is awareness and improvement, perfection is not possible.
Thank you for sharing...I been in few different types of abuse realionships n grew up in family where punch on n arguing was right ..
Now older cause see very different...
I notice I fear abandoned n can like to control but never works or happens ..
I had to change my voicemail pin so she wouldn't erase my voicemails, obviously she didn't trust me and now that was 14 years ago. My pin is still altered which I don't like. Such a simple little invasion is not forgotten.
Every single video you do are just amazing. THANK YOU to make our lives a bit easier and for all the effort and wisdom you put through these videos 💖
He can also help help you bring back your ex in less than 24 hours 😊
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I have a question.. so when a girl says “if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best”, is that a form of manipulation? Because I see this as a huge red flag. It’s another way of saying “in order to get with me and see my good side, you have to put up with my crazy side first”.
I hear it a lot and it’s an instant turn off. I don’t think most of them know how unattractive and toxic that statement really is.
I'm guilty for this kind of topic 😢I realized all my mistakes but it's too late my husband tell me he needs space and I found out my husband had another women..
Thoughts are terrible sometimes..that n fear anxious seems win out ..
I try hard but dr won't gibeme anything for thoughts negative ones .I grew up in too .I'm generally happy smiling person .
this one is amazing! ♥️
Glad u liked it
I was stonewalled 2 weeks before she moved and a week after before I got broken up with. She is an avoidant so it was a mix of manipulation and trying not to feel things I suspect. I am angry that I only realized this now after watching the video :(
thank youuuuuu coaches :)
this is everything i needed.
I know of a man who can help you get back your ex
Law of attraction really work for me
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My ex broke up with me nearly 2 months ago, and I don’t know why she blocked me and she unfollowed me everywhere. I didn’t reach out to her, I wasn’t harassing her. So I just don’t know why would you unfollow and block someone on every social media.
Probably because she doesn't want to have any reminder of you that could hurt her healing process after the breakup. She's human too and maybe is in pain. The same way as she blocked and unfollowed you from any social media, if she wants to contact you again, she can unblock and follow you
@@richiebri i think you're right :c
I was so controlling with my ex for what I just saw but everything started at the beginning of the relationship when I found him some messages with others girls, since then I became paranoid. 6 years later we are not longer together because he cheated again with a co worker. Mi point is, if you can’t trust your partner, you should leave the relationship because it becomes a pain in the ass for both and if someone doesn’t respect you once, it’s hard to believe that things will change.
I missed these videos
What about the person who feels uncomfortable being on the receiving end of repeated pulling away / breaks? Is it not reasonable to feel and express anxiety? Is it not reasonable to try and get clarity? (if the person has had enough time to work out if they wish to commit or not). Is it not reasonable to state your hurt? (even if the other person may feel guilt). Such behaviours may unfortunately be seen as pushy.
thank you!!!!
Still Have my exes stuff at my house. Should I break no contact and give them back to her or ask her if she wants them back?
Wait it out if you can! She will reach out for them... good luck to you
10 months since the breakup, and I honestly can say I never tried controlling my ex post breakup. Actually, I never even tried to control my ex while in relationship. I gave her plenty of space and let her go see her friends and have fun, never got jealous or something. There was an instance where I reached out to her mom to kind of just get out a certain level of unsure feeling about what were my intentions with her daughter. I said I'll always love her daughter and that I appreciate everything she has done for me. Obviously couple of days later I regretted reaching out to her mom and I reached out to my ex just to finally apologize and tell her I wasnt trying to get her back I was just letting her mom know i'm not some piece of shit guy and i valued her mom for being there for me when things got rough. That was the only true post breakup mistake i made, it led to my ex telling me Im selfish in a sneaky way and that i have to move on. I was under anxiety for sure and I didnt think the things through and I went in bone headed and made a mistake like that. But soon after that mistake, which was just like 3rd week of our breakup, I left her alone and never spoke to her again. Then I took her off instagram to truly heal even though I still loved her and I was being stalked by her friend, 6 months later, she unfollowed me too, my friend told me my ex deactivated her profile cause she still followed him and disappeared. I think shes depressed and here's the craziest thing about it all-knowing myself and my value and how really good of a person I am, I wasnt crying over my ex cause she hurt my ego or cause she took away a certain intimate part of my life...no. its because knowing how good I am of a guy that isnt manipulative and wont sexually use her for my own selfish reasons she hurt herself. I felt hurt cause she hurt herself, and 10 months now...I can truly say I moved on, but I keep these things in my head just to remind myself what not to do again and to continue being a good person
Hey dear....
You're really going through a lot, but i can refer you to someone who can help you.
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I feel like when a person man or woman unilaterally changes your relationship, aka breaks up with you.
That is controlling and disrespectful. Instead of trying work shit out they are like, you not doing something I like, you not acting how I want take this. It's like putting you in prison for a petty crime, and they're the warden. And they goin hurt you and punish you until they feel better about it. Its nutz. Walk away
Wow I totally get that. I think that’s why my gf broke up with me...punishing me cause she felt abandoned
Notification gang
My girlfriend of 6 years told me that she fell out of love with me. Turns out she’s found someone else. I assume they’ve been talking while we were together. I feel so lost without her in my life. I thought we were gonna get married. Idk how to live life without her. All I can think about is the good times we had together. She blocked me on everything. I just don’t understand how someone can just switch on you like that. She always told me everything is okay. COVID RUINED MH RELATIONSHIPS. EVERYBTING was a routine. We couldn’t go anywhere do anything. I guess she got bored? I’m just so heartbroken. She was my first EVERYTHING. My first real girlfriend. Idk how to even be with someone else.
I ...g.o.t ...m.y...e.x...b.a.c.k.....
W.h.a.t.'s>>a.p.p...
Hello dear getting your lover back shouldn't be a problem| just got my ex back
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Hi Craig, what if the message I sent her was "sorry for what I did, I am not going to bother you anymore" does NC still work? I am in 3 months of NC after I did a grand gesture.
dont send anything trust me just focus on ur self move on
@@dark0nightz i am doing the work right now. But, if ever hope for them to come back, did the way i ended our conversation good enough?
@@ChunkyPotium i feel ur pain but no matter what happens in the past you can't change it the only thing u can do now give them space let them miss u and focus on your personal growth
@@dark0nightz thanks man, i still have the hope of her coming back. I think thats stopping me from moving on.
@@ChunkyPotium i hope she comes back to you but u need to focus on yourself so when she see u again she see you different person
please add more content on spotify :(
We have 475 videos on there already. And we release several new ones a week. Be sure to write us a review!
Hmmmm.... would you consider an ultimatum or controling behaviour if i said to her:
“Im getting tired of this, we need to talk” but i didnt had bad intentions behind what i said? My ex and i had some troubles and she is an avoidant (i didnt knew what this meant at the time) and she didn’t wanted to talk,so i was angry and wanted to fix things
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He just helped me get back mine last week.
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Hi Coach.!
👋
Hello dear getting your lover back shouldn't be a problem| just got my ex back
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One question, why would an ex use her friends to stalk my profile. She and her friends often stalk my profile and it is kinda annoying, so I closed my profile, because my profile was always closed before the breakup. They have seen enough and now it is time to cause some absence...
Okay... I just got back my ex with the help of this great man.
He can also help you bring your ex back in less than 24 hours 😊
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