As a trans person, I find that people sometimes ask inappropriate questions because it’s the only way they know how to interact or show interest. Due to the lack of education and representation in their lives, they hear that you’re trans and immediately think “oh! Sex! Genitals! Surgery! Traumatic coming out experiences!” and they ask about those things because they think they should in order to show interest. I’m not saying that makes it right, but I think it shows that education and representation is important because often it’s not meant to be transphobic or intrusive but they’re so uneducated that they don’t even understand that it is
I’m glad I watched this. I’m so called straight and 73. When you spoke about the horribleness and gross inappropriateness of old interviews, it reminded me of when the first question for successful African Americans used to be nothing about their expertise or craft but “What are you going to do with all that money?”I loved the frankness of this discussion. Thank you.
This conversation reminds of me when lady gaga was in an interview a few years back and she straight up told the interviewer “who cares if I have a male appendage or not?” Now that was a long time ago and to think people haven’t really came far and still have the audacity to ask such irrelevant personal questions like that is quite appalling :/
Dear friend transitioned. I never once asked about bottom surgery. I figured she'd tell me when and if she felt like it. It made no difference to me except for celebrating her happiness. We went to see The Nutcracker 2 days before her December surgery. She's driving again and so happy! I'm so happy for her. I love this human very much. I do not care what is or isn't in her pants. It's none of my business unless she cares to share. She knows she has my full support. I just want her safe, respected and happy, and she is!
Extremely sad. No one should be forced to feel like a dirty secret or an object for cisgender people to know everything about. These women are fabulous.
Wow. None of this surprises me. Absolute truth about "straight men." I used to work in an industry that allowed me to see behind that curtain. Everyone would be a lot happier (and less angry/violent) if we just stopped worrying about who folks had sex with.
Thank you. Thank you for talking about this. I still keep pretty quiet about my sexuality, my fishnets, where I shave- whose business is it what I do and why should I ask about what you do? I don’t ask my Mom, the guy who sits next to me on the bus, my supervisor and I dont want to hear what they do. And if I do hear- unless there’s a series of dead cats along with - I don’t care. (Unless it’s from my Mom. That would actually really grease me out.) And friends can be a different conversation. Just do your best and be kind to other humans. Heart you 2️⃣
Haven't been watching Drag Race lately, but I remember it boggling my mind when season 12, TWELVE, Jeff Goldblum asks about tucking. Like first of all, twelve seasons in that just feels like a question you don't need to ask anymore. Second, you know someone like Jeff had to have known the answer already, and that had to be a producer influenced question.
Yes! Jeff is definitely not the type to go out of his way to offend someone and if he accidentally did, he would feel bad about it... I know I don't know him personally, but he's super open and candid and even genuinely curious about the world in interviews or his demeanor in general... I mean, check him out in Conan Obrian interviews, he's very curious and candid and genuine... Also, if you search up "Jeff Goldblum fan tattoos" the way he rates them on a scale of "1 to 10 Goldblums" and his fascination with the curious nature of some of the tattoos is so genuine and endearing.
Not a drag queen, but can relate to some of this as a pre-op trans man who has extensive experience with chasers. For context, I have mainly had experience with cisgender men, many of whom had either never met a trans man before or whose only conception of trans men came from watching porn. Luckily I've never sustained a physical injury against my person that led to disability, but definitely psychological wounds for sure which I am still tending to.
So glad they touched on this topic because so many trans women have been the brunt of hatred and violence as a result of these attitudes. Thank you Trixie and Katya 🙏🏻
1:27 I have (apparently) taken it upon myself to go around and point out any and all Soapdish references that are made by Katya on UA-cam. I mean, somebody has to do it. You're welcome!
I'm Genderfluid and Panromantic and often people basically ask what is in my pants, sometimes at first conversation and I tell you something that is even sadder... If they are straight, they basically ask in a roundabout way, "Will this make me Gay if I like you?!"... It's wild!...You think, being Panromantic and Genderfluid would give someone more options to find someone you can truly care for, but it actually gives you less options, because straight men don't want to look GayG for liking you AND most lesbians find it gross you would ever kiss or date a man, so you are gross and not even on their radar because don't want to look straight in any way shape or form and vice versa... Then when it's like, "Well you must not be Pan if you are with someone straight and you must not be straight if you are with someone Gay and anyway, I'll be the one to make up your mind because you are just confused anyway." 🙄😒
Literally the only times I’ve had conversations like that is when trans friends are talking to me about their upcoming surgery. Like, there is no other reason for it to be a topic of conversation
It’s so true. I feel like it’s gotten worse over the years. I remember when o was introduced to drag I never even thought about how they tucked. Like of everything they are providing with looks and performance, why would anyone’s even be curious. but also: straight people.
Omg What’s crazy - I’ve seen both of those movies and i guess I must have been asleep for the crying game because I talk about the scene with tone loc and Sean young and Jim Carrey all the time. I am glad to know the source. But Jim Carrey’s impressions of gay men at the height of the plague on in living color are truly shocking to me; he’s got issues with the issue, clearly. And then years later come to find out that the TS-totaler herself, Dave chapelle, cites jim Carrey as her favorite comedian. The interlocks sharpen the picture a bit; thanks for that connection, Kat.
4:15 Now I am not disagreeing with that in any way, but the men that intentionally come up to Katya's place, know what they want. The ones that vomit in media? They did not know, and expect their main audience to be transphobic. It's considered the "norm". It's the media that chose the people exhibiting this reaction, not the ones that wanted it and thus seeked out for it. This trope is one of the most harmful tropes, perpetuating the fact that we should all think like this, it's not normal or good to be trans, and we should laugh. Anyway sorry to ramble on here, it's just there is a very clear distinction, and there is almost always a chance of danger and toxicity in both incidences, wanted or not, the straight men like Katya said, will have "post-nut clarity" and may end up being violent and homophobic if they were before and after being turned on.
I agree with all of this and would never ask these questions. I also think some drag queens out there need to think about their boundaries with women's bodies and women's experiences. Don't mock women's experiences by incorporating miscarriages, abortions, childbirth, etc. into a performance.
With respect, not everyone who has a womb is a women, and not everyone who does drag has a penis. While cis male drag queens may not experience childbirth, miscarriage, or abortion firsthand, I'm sure many of them have watched their female friends and family experience them. I do not believe that just because you have not experienced something firsthand means that you cannot joke about it at all. Drag is, historically, a very irreverent form of art. It has always covered taboo subjects because the very nature of it is taboo. Crossdressing is considered the ultimate taboo in many, many cultures. Modern drag is very much about taking gender presentation to the extreme. If it is "mocking" anything, it is mocking the boundaries that society sets regarding gender. The entire point of it is to cross those boundaries. You do not have to be comfortable with those boundaries being crossed, but I think it is important to understand the history and meaning of the art that you are enjoying. Drag queens are artists, and you may not enjoy every artist, but even if you don't enjoy them, I think it is important to understand the meaning behind that art.
(3:50) Safe Space ---- Can we talk about that scene from Ace Ventura? I find it to be both homophobic and heterophobic (if this is an actual thing) ... but not transphobic. From my viewing of the movie, Ray Finkle assumes the identity of a missing women Lois Einhorn to get revenge Dan Marino -- but there is no indication that the character personally identifies as a woman. So when the reveal happens, both men AND women react by spitting/vomiting (a la The Crying Game). I am still trying to wrap my head around this ... but I will happily defer to the opinion of Trans women on this movie.
I’m not sure I agree that there is never a time to ask a particular question. How can you be curious about something and not offensive? I think it comes down to intent, and whether the question is being asked from a genuine sense of curiosity or if the question is asked with the intent to offend the subject. After all, asking questions is one way to bridge the differences of each other and learn about how and why people do things that are different from ourselves. Perhaps it’s a time, place and tactfulness in the question, and also the subject has the same right not to answer a question if it makes them uncomfortable, but the idea of prohibited questions seems unreasonable.
Some questions are just not appropriate to ask. It's about interpersonal respect and having a clear sense of boundaries. You can try searching things on the Internet. The act of asking "innocent" question with no sense of propriety or establishing consent around the topic first is very entitled.
dont ask strangers about their genitals. use google. trans people have written about all this extensively, so go read their works and stop asking random trans people
I do think that asking questions is important to learn about people who are different then you, but I also think that you have to make sure that the person you are talking to doesn't feel unsafe. I, personally, will pretty much answer any questions about my transness because I am already a very open person, but I also have not experienced any violence due to my transness, so I don't have trauma associated with those questions. Unfortunately, many other transgender people and gender-non conforming people HAVE experienced violence because of their gender presentation, so I think cis people should be wary of what kind of questions they are asking, HOW they are asking the questions, and WHO they are asking those questions. Unfortunately, just because you have good intentions doesn't mean that the other person will always sense those good intentions.
In fairness to the male character in ‘Crying Game,’ he had fallen in love with her not knowing she was trans because she never told him. So he didn’t find out until she just disrobed in front of him. So he was literally in shock.
And he chooses her, once he comes to terms with it. It's not handled in the most sensitive way, but then how often were trans characters portrayed at all in 1992? And the Ace Ventura send-up is awful.
As a trans person, I find that people sometimes ask inappropriate questions because it’s the only way they know how to interact or show interest. Due to the lack of education and representation in their lives, they hear that you’re trans and immediately think “oh! Sex! Genitals! Surgery! Traumatic coming out experiences!” and they ask about those things because they think they should in order to show interest. I’m not saying that makes it right, but I think it shows that education and representation is important because often it’s not meant to be transphobic or intrusive but they’re so uneducated that they don’t even understand that it is
“I leave it in the microwave” perfect response. Also stop asking about people’s genitals.
I’m glad I watched this. I’m so called straight and 73. When you spoke about the horribleness and gross inappropriateness of old interviews, it reminded me of when the first question for successful African Americans used to be nothing about their expertise or craft but “What are you going to do with all that money?”I loved the frankness of this discussion. Thank you.
This conversation reminds of me when lady gaga was in an interview a few years back and she straight up told the interviewer “who cares if I have a male appendage or not?” Now that was a long time ago and to think people haven’t really came far and still have the audacity to ask such irrelevant personal questions like that is quite appalling :/
Yep! Lady Gaga was like..."WHO CARES IF I HAVE A MALE APENDAGE OR NOT LIKE SOME SPECULATE...I DON'T CARE AND MY FANS DON'T CARE...SOOO! 🤷♀️ 🤷♂️"
Didn't she also once answer "my beautiful vagina is offended by that question?"
"she could use some hips"
Dear friend transitioned. I never once asked about bottom surgery. I figured she'd tell me when and if she felt like it. It made no difference to me except for celebrating her happiness. We went to see The Nutcracker 2 days before her December surgery. She's driving again and so happy! I'm so happy for her. I love this human very much. I do not care what is or isn't in her pants. It's none of my business unless she cares to share. She knows she has my full support. I just want her safe, respected and happy, and she is!
The Nutcracker hahahahahahhhah
katya with the constant silence of the lambs references is my FAVORITE THING
They're so funny but this is also so sad.
Extremely sad. No one should be forced to feel like a dirty secret or an object for cisgender people to know everything about. These women are fabulous.
Wow. None of this surprises me. Absolute truth about "straight men." I used to work in an industry that allowed me to see behind that curtain. Everyone would be a lot happier (and less angry/violent) if we just stopped worrying about who folks had sex with.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
why did this 7min conversation seem like 25 lol. In a totally good way, like there was so much here for it to have only been 7min
I felt for Katya with that last sentence 🥺
Thank you.
Thank you for talking about this.
I still keep pretty quiet about my sexuality, my fishnets, where I shave- whose business is it what I do and why should I ask about what you do? I don’t ask my Mom, the guy who sits next to me on the bus, my supervisor and I dont want to hear what they do. And if I do hear- unless there’s a series of dead cats along with - I don’t care. (Unless it’s from my Mom. That would actually really grease me out.)
And friends can be a different conversation.
Just do your best and be kind to other humans. Heart you 2️⃣
Icons, with nives in the apartment
I'm old and happy we've come this far, pissed off at how far we still have to go.
old here too, why did they have to bring up my grey old floppy lips tho?
I love when they talk about more serious subjects. It's in moments like this that I feel like I do a good job by following and stanning their work.
I think 2:15-2:24 should be a UA-cam ad - because that is so true.
I wanna see a Katya in a boxing ring with someone in her weight class, that’d be a fight worth payperviewing
"i'm also extremely strong and have alot if knives in my apartment" 😂
Haven't been watching Drag Race lately, but I remember it boggling my mind when season 12, TWELVE, Jeff Goldblum asks about tucking. Like first of all, twelve seasons in that just feels like a question you don't need to ask anymore. Second, you know someone like Jeff had to have known the answer already, and that had to be a producer influenced question.
Yes! Jeff is definitely not the type to go out of his way to offend someone and if he accidentally did, he would feel bad about it...
I know I don't know him personally, but he's super open and candid and even genuinely curious about the world in interviews or his demeanor in general...
I mean, check him out in Conan Obrian interviews, he's very curious and candid and genuine...
Also, if you search up "Jeff Goldblum fan tattoos" the way he rates them on a scale of "1 to 10 Goldblums" and his fascination with the curious nature of some of the tattoos is so genuine and endearing.
He seemed kind of out of it when he was a guest. I thought he just has a strange personality
Not a drag queen, but can relate to some of this as a pre-op trans man who has extensive experience with chasers. For context, I have mainly had experience with cisgender men, many of whom had either never met a trans man before or whose only conception of trans men came from watching porn.
Luckily I've never sustained a physical injury against my person that led to disability, but definitely psychological wounds for sure which I am still tending to.
I hope you never have to experience fear like that again 😔
So glad they touched on this topic because so many trans women have been the brunt of hatred and violence as a result of these attitudes. Thank you Trixie and Katya 🙏🏻
This was so deep. Thank you for sharing ❤
I LOVE the Talking P.J.'s dress pattern you have for wallpaper! It was my fav. Doll as a kid. ♥
thanks for identifying it! I knew it was mod barbie but couldn't place it ^_^
1:27 I have (apparently) taken it upon myself to go around and point out any and all Soapdish references that are made by Katya on UA-cam. I mean, somebody has to do it. You're welcome!
We finally know what is in Katya’s deposit box in Boston
Amen, it’s what’s in the heart and soul. Love you Trixie and Katya
I'm Genderfluid and Panromantic and often people basically ask what is in my pants, sometimes at first conversation and I tell you something that is even sadder...
If they are straight, they basically ask in a roundabout way, "Will this make me Gay if I like you?!"...
It's wild!...You think, being Panromantic and Genderfluid would give someone more options to find someone you can truly care for, but it actually gives you less options, because straight men don't want to look GayG for liking you AND most lesbians find it gross you would ever kiss or date a man, so you are gross and not even on their radar because don't want to look straight in any way shape or form and vice versa...
Then when it's like, "Well you must not be Pan if you are with someone straight and you must not be straight if you are with someone Gay and anyway, I'll be the one to make up your mind because you are just confused anyway." 🙄😒
You guys have such great insight but manage to make it funnny! ❤😊
They did this with Gabe in 90 day fiancé too but it was like a year ago 😫😫😫
"I'm also extremely strong and have a lot of knives in my apartment" 💀
Thank you Katya. Thank you Trixie. 🏜🕺🏻🐕🏖
Katya ain’t going out like that! She’ll fight! 😂❤
this is a good episode.!
I want Laverne Cox cast as Storm from the X-men in the MCU. Spread the word!
w lol p
Yes, please!
4:50 “This ain’t build a b*tch”
Literally the only times I’ve had conversations like that is when trans friends are talking to me about their upcoming surgery. Like, there is no other reason for it to be a topic of conversation
Did we ever knew what was in that deposit box in the end? 😂
does anybody have a clip to what katya was mentioning about carmen carrera and laverne cox? was there actual shhing? :0
It’s so true. I feel like it’s gotten worse over the years. I remember when o was introduced to drag I never even thought about how they tucked. Like of everything they are providing with looks and performance, why would anyone’s even be curious. but also: straight people.
The organization- Katya lmao.
No interviewer would ask a male celebrity if he dresses to the right or left
I live near Bethesda MD!
Sadly the last line is very true
Omg What’s crazy - I’ve seen both of those movies and i guess I must have been asleep for the crying game because I talk about the scene with tone loc and Sean young and Jim Carrey all the time. I am glad to know the source. But Jim Carrey’s impressions of gay men at the height of the plague on in living color are truly shocking to me; he’s got issues with the issue, clearly. And then years later come to find out that the TS-totaler herself, Dave chapelle, cites jim Carrey as her favorite comedian. The interlocks sharpen the picture a bit; thanks for that connection, Kat.
this is showing up on job applications now….WHY
ooh there ain't no other way
Where my double as at? Lols
sheesh that was deep
BASED
"I get straight guys all the time" with respect I don't think they're like. entirely straight. XD
Did Katya identify as trans at some point or is she saying she just liked sex as a cross dresser with straight men?
The latter.
4:15 Now I am not disagreeing with that in any way, but the men that intentionally come up to Katya's place, know what they want. The ones that vomit in media? They did not know, and expect their main audience to be transphobic. It's considered the "norm". It's the media that chose the people exhibiting this reaction, not the ones that wanted it and thus seeked out for it. This trope is one of the most harmful tropes, perpetuating the fact that we should all think like this, it's not normal or good to be trans, and we should laugh.
Anyway sorry to ramble on here, it's just there is a very clear distinction, and there is almost always a chance of danger and toxicity in both incidences, wanted or not, the straight men like Katya said, will have "post-nut clarity" and may end up being violent and homophobic if they were before and after being turned on.
I agree with all of this and would never ask these questions. I also think some drag queens out there need to think about their boundaries with women's bodies and women's experiences. Don't mock women's experiences by incorporating miscarriages, abortions, childbirth, etc. into a performance.
With respect, not everyone who has a womb is a women, and not everyone who does drag has a penis. While cis male drag queens may not experience childbirth, miscarriage, or abortion firsthand, I'm sure many of them have watched their female friends and family experience them. I do not believe that just because you have not experienced something firsthand means that you cannot joke about it at all.
Drag is, historically, a very irreverent form of art. It has always covered taboo subjects because the very nature of it is taboo. Crossdressing is considered the ultimate taboo in many, many cultures.
Modern drag is very much about taking gender presentation to the extreme. If it is "mocking" anything, it is mocking the boundaries that society sets regarding gender. The entire point of it is to cross those boundaries.
You do not have to be comfortable with those boundaries being crossed, but I think it is important to understand the history and meaning of the art that you are enjoying. Drag queens are artists, and you may not enjoy every artist, but even if you don't enjoy them, I think it is important to understand the meaning behind that art.
Just tell them to watch drag race they will learn a lot
(3:50) Safe Space ---- Can we talk about that scene from Ace Ventura? I find it to be both homophobic and heterophobic (if this is an actual thing) ... but not transphobic. From my viewing of the movie, Ray Finkle assumes the identity of a missing women Lois Einhorn to get revenge Dan Marino -- but there is no indication that the character personally identifies as a woman. So when the reveal happens, both men AND women react by spitting/vomiting (a la The Crying Game). I am still trying to wrap my head around this ... but I will happily defer to the opinion of Trans women on this movie.
His teeth look so bad, fake and funny at the same time😂😂😂😂😂
I’m not sure I agree that there is never a time to ask a particular question. How can you be curious about something and not offensive? I think it comes down to intent, and whether the question is being asked from a genuine sense of curiosity or if the question is asked with the intent to offend the subject. After all, asking questions is one way to bridge the differences of each other and learn about how and why people do things that are different from ourselves. Perhaps it’s a time, place and tactfulness in the question, and also the subject has the same right not to answer a question if it makes them uncomfortable, but the idea of prohibited questions seems unreasonable.
Great, can you please describe your genitals in detail? I'm curious.
Some questions are just not appropriate to ask. It's about interpersonal respect and having a clear sense of boundaries. You can try searching things on the Internet. The act of asking "innocent" question with no sense of propriety or establishing consent around the topic first is very entitled.
dont ask strangers about their genitals. use google. trans people have written about all this extensively, so go read their works and stop asking random trans people
I do think that asking questions is important to learn about people who are different then you, but I also think that you have to make sure that the person you are talking to doesn't feel unsafe. I, personally, will pretty much answer any questions about my transness because I am already a very open person, but I also have not experienced any violence due to my transness, so I don't have trauma associated with those questions. Unfortunately, many other transgender people and gender-non conforming people HAVE experienced violence because of their gender presentation, so I think cis people should be wary of what kind of questions they are asking, HOW they are asking the questions, and WHO they are asking those questions. Unfortunately, just because you have good intentions doesn't mean that the other person will always sense those good intentions.
In today's society there are many other ways to get your questions answered. Many many people share their experience on the internet.
In fairness to the male character in ‘Crying Game,’ he had fallen in love with her not knowing she was trans because she never told him. So he didn’t find out until she just disrobed in front of him. So he was literally in shock.
And he chooses her, once he comes to terms with it. It's not handled in the most sensitive way, but then how often were trans characters portrayed at all in 1992? And the Ace Ventura send-up is awful.
I think you’re missing the point
Trixie once asked if it was ok to say a woman was pretty lol. Like she’s so over the top PC it’s cringey
who tf complains about "PC" in 2024 😂