For the first time, i realized how much I needed to be away from my ex. I truly believed I was a bad person and that everything was my fault. Then I met one woman who supported me, and it was suddenly a whole new world.
2:30 That’s the key . Focus on your growth not if she loves your or not. Fix the issues in you and practice communication in your next relationship to build a better long lasting one
Some of the videos such as this one are very quiet. I listen to these through ear buds in a workshop so its not a silent enviroment but most of the other videos are loud and clear. Brilliant video by the way, very helpful
My ex could never figure me out or get me warped around her finger. And She started to become liberal as the years went buy. sex with her fucking sucked i new it was over . So I just started doing my own thing in till we hammered out the divorce plan . 2 years in the divorce at 45 best move that I ever made. Guys let these horses run wild and don’t try and change a women either it’s big wast of time .
What a lot of men, including my four sons, need to understand is that we don't have control over what other people do. Relationships always take two people. You can be the perfect man, but the other can choose out at any time. And the sad thing is that they often do. Women initiate 69 percent of divorces. Women go through very intense hormonal changes, more so than men. My mother left my father. My ex-wife left me. It's not sexist to say that there is a level of female nature in this dynamic. As a man, learn to take care of yourself. Never give your all to relationships, because if/when she leaves you you will lose it all. Expect that she will very possibly leave at one point, because it's what they do. Have an escape plan, because very often she does years before she leaves. I no longer need reassurance on any of this. Female nature is to leave relationships and break apart families, and the data bears this out.
She blamed me for everything, I was the problem and I was broken and didn’t know how to love her. Hard to believe after being married 35 years. Yeah I am responsible for some of it but I am also figuring out she has some issues she needed to figure out. It was easier to quit than deal with her problems and work with me. She grew up in an abusive home, and she lived in the past forever, always talked about it and even now. I grew up alone so I was always quick to defend myself, my issue… We stopped talking, we stopped loving and we both just grew apart a couple years ago. Guess it was going to happen. She just pulled the trIgger 1st so she could “ find herself and where she belongs in the world as a person.”
Hi Rob, thank you for commenting and sharing. After 35 years together this is a pretty intense blow. I know from many of my clients that it can be hard to put into words how devastating and emotionally brutal this experience is. You already have some good awareness and understanding of both the origins of her patterns and yours, but this is a lot to process. That awareness will help you make sense of it and ultimately choose your path forwards. Do you have some support for yourself on the emotional side of this?
@@robc3887 that's good to hear. If you find along the way that you would like more support or more focused support around healing and moving forward yourself, please feel free to reach out for a consultation call. You can find my calendar here: www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/contact-8 or email me at rachael@rachaelsloancoaching.com
Sometimes it’s helpful to ask yourself this question instead- if you could really know why she left, without a doubt, like you had a letter directly from god or the universe or whomever… how would you feel? The answer to that question is really what you’re looking for.
@@test90020Like your video said, she would not be an accurate source to why she left. I need to look inside to fix what I am looking for in the external source. She is free to leave at any time. Unfortunately, we want answers. It is a futile effort. We do not know why we do what we do sometimes. Then, how can we can we ask the former significant other to give us an answer to why they left.
The odds are definitely stacked against us from the get go - not because women are a certain way or because men are a certain way, but because we live in a society that habitually confuses codependency with love, and which discourages us from processing emotions in healthy ways or communicating about the underlying issues that drive our surface level frustrations and anxieties. We should learn emotional regulation, real self esteem and basic conflict resoultion and communication skills as children... but we don't, so we enter into relationships woefully ill prepared and with heads full of fairy tales about true love and soul mates. So yes, the odds are stacked against us, but each of us has the power to learn these things and transform our relationships and our lives.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach you just described my 24-yr marriage, on hopes and dreams while bringing underlying/unresolved issues which I am now working on. BTW, I am making some financial adjustments and save to hopefully soon join BBD. I will email you for additional details. Thank you for all you do and God Bless you…
@@diegomarquez9505 I'm sorry to hear that, it's so hard after all those years together. Yet I'm glad to know that you're doing the work already on resolving the underlying issues, it will make the future so much better. I look forward to hearing from you about BBD when you're ready.
Hi Ron, I hear you. That can be so frustrating, because it feels like your whole marriage wasn't a big deal to her. How are you doing? What is it that you need right now?
@@ookiee1 if you'd like a roadmap for doing that, it's pretty much exactly what I help clients do through my Better Beyond Divorce Mentorship Program. I'd be happy to discuss it with you if you'd like to see if it's the right fit for you. You're welcome to book a free consultation with me here: calendly.com/rachaelsloan/strategy
That's what they do so very well. She left you long before she told you she was leaving. She was not the One. Take care of yourself focus on you. She is now yesterdays news. Happens everyday to a lot of good people.
Well said. It is so hard. I'm glad you said that, because I know a lot of other people here are feeling it. It's hard. It's an opportunity for growth. It sucks. There is light on the other side. All true, all at once.
Mind games and more mind games. Women thrive on this crap. Men can’t read her mind. And she choses to not tell you what her problem with you is till the divorce papers are delivered. She has taught me NEVER to accept what you think is real when it comes to your marriage and your wifes happiness.
1-social conditioning 2- unrealistic expectations 3- her unfulfilled dreams 4- communication problems 5- childhood trauma 6- attachment issues
100%. I think you’re right on.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach As a divorced man, married for 30 years, this was a very helpful video.
@@trac56 I'm glad to hear that it was helpful. How are you doing? Do you have some good support systems for yourself?
I am going through separation.. the points you have mentioned are spot on..
For the first time, i realized how much I needed to be away from my ex. I truly believed I was a bad person and that everything was my fault. Then I met one woman who supported me, and it was suddenly a whole new world.
2:30 That’s the key . Focus on your growth not if she loves your or not. Fix the issues in you and practice communication in your next relationship to build a better long lasting one
Some of the videos such as this one are very quiet.
I listen to these through ear buds in a workshop so its not a silent enviroment but most of the other videos are loud and clear.
Brilliant video by the way, very helpful
Thank you for bringing that to my attention, Shaun! I'll try to do a re-do on this one :)
My ex could never figure me out or get me warped around her finger. And She started to become liberal as the years went buy. sex with her fucking sucked i new it was over . So I just started doing my own thing in till we hammered out the divorce plan . 2 years in the divorce at 45 best move that I ever made. Guys let these horses run wild and don’t try and change a women either it’s big wast of time .
What a lot of men, including my four sons, need to understand is that we don't have control over what other people do. Relationships always take two people. You can be the perfect man, but the other can choose out at any time. And the sad thing is that they often do. Women initiate 69 percent of divorces. Women go through very intense hormonal changes, more so than men. My mother left my father. My ex-wife left me. It's not sexist to say that there is a level of female nature in this dynamic. As a man, learn to take care of yourself. Never give your all to relationships, because if/when she leaves you you will lose it all. Expect that she will very possibly leave at one point, because it's what they do. Have an escape plan, because very often she does years before she leaves. I no longer need reassurance on any of this. Female nature is to leave relationships and break apart families, and the data bears this out.
She blamed me for everything, I was the problem and I was broken and didn’t know how to love her. Hard to believe after being married 35 years. Yeah I am responsible for some of it but I am also figuring out she has some issues she needed to figure out. It was easier to quit than deal with her problems and work with me. She grew up in an abusive home, and she lived in the past forever, always talked about it and even now. I grew up alone so I was always quick to defend myself, my issue… We stopped talking, we stopped loving and we both just grew apart a couple years ago. Guess it was going to happen. She just pulled the trIgger 1st so she could “ find herself and where she belongs in the world as a person.”
Hi Rob, thank you for commenting and sharing. After 35 years together this is a pretty intense blow. I know from many of my clients that it can be hard to put into words how devastating and emotionally brutal this experience is. You already have some good awareness and understanding of both the origins of her patterns and yours, but this is a lot to process. That awareness will help you make sense of it and ultimately choose your path forwards. Do you have some support for yourself on the emotional side of this?
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I have my sons (grown, 35,32,29) and my family along with go to counseling every other week
@@robc3887 that's good to hear. If you find along the way that you would like more support or more focused support around healing and moving forward yourself, please feel free to reach out for a consultation call. You can find my calendar here: www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/contact-8 or email me at rachael@rachaelsloancoaching.com
This video and the message are 100% correct .
Interesting topic expecially about where to find answers, I was looking at the wrong place. Now more than ever before I understand..
Hey there, how are you doing, I know how it feels to get heartbroken
*Wha ts a pp* him right away for help
±19515998468⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works i can't believe i am with my lover back after many years of break-up.,...
“Do you really want your ex wife to be the source of that information?!” 💙
Very well said. Thank you Rachel!
You're welcome Jeff, thanks for watching!
Replayed this again to moor myself and get off asking why so many times in my mind.
Sometimes it’s helpful to ask yourself this question instead- if you could really know why she left, without a doubt, like you had a letter directly from god or the universe or whomever… how would you feel?
The answer to that question is really what you’re looking for.
@@test90020Like your video said, she would not be an accurate source to why she left. I need to look inside to fix what I am looking for in the external source. She is free to leave at any time. Unfortunately, we want answers. It is a futile effort. We do not know why we do what we do sometimes. Then, how can we can we ask the former significant other to give us an answer to why they left.
So the odds are stacked against us from the get go!!
The odds are definitely stacked against us from the get go - not because women are a certain way or because men are a certain way, but because we live in a society that habitually confuses codependency with love, and which discourages us from processing emotions in healthy ways or communicating about the underlying issues that drive our surface level frustrations and anxieties.
We should learn emotional regulation, real self esteem and basic conflict resoultion and communication skills as children... but we don't, so we enter into relationships woefully ill prepared and with heads full of fairy tales about true love and soul mates. So yes, the odds are stacked against us, but each of us has the power to learn these things and transform our relationships and our lives.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach you just described my 24-yr marriage, on hopes and dreams while bringing underlying/unresolved issues which I am now working on. BTW, I am making some financial adjustments and save to hopefully soon join BBD. I will email you for additional details.
Thank you for all you do and God Bless you…
@@diegomarquez9505 I'm sorry to hear that, it's so hard after all those years together. Yet I'm glad to know that you're doing the work already on resolving the underlying issues, it will make the future so much better. I look forward to hearing from you about BBD when you're ready.
It just burns my ass how fast she moved on. Like it was no big deal
Hi Ron, I hear you. That can be so frustrating, because it feels like your whole marriage wasn't a big deal to her.
How are you doing? What is it that you need right now?
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Acceptance and get rid of this anger that just shows up out of nowhere.
@@ookiee1 if you'd like a roadmap for doing that, it's pretty much exactly what I help clients do through my Better Beyond Divorce Mentorship Program. I'd be happy to discuss it with you if you'd like to see if it's the right fit for you.
You're welcome to book a free consultation with me here: calendly.com/rachaelsloan/strategy
That's what they do so very well. She left you long before she told you she was leaving. She was not the One. Take care of yourself focus on you. She is now yesterdays news. Happens everyday to a lot of good people.
@@davidcoppotelli3957 but how do you overcome all THAT the original comment posted, 20yrs and in less than 1 she UNdid em all..
i’m sure that’s why i told her i know i’m a good man
in my case, the lack of money
this shit is hard , so my fears are where the truth for the answer are for growth
Well said. It is so hard. I'm glad you said that, because I know a lot of other people here are feeling it. It's hard. It's an opportunity for growth. It sucks. There is light on the other side. All true, all at once.
Mind games and more mind games. Women thrive on this crap. Men can’t read her mind. And she choses to not tell you what her problem with you is till the divorce papers are delivered. She has taught me NEVER to accept what you think is real when it comes to your marriage and your wifes happiness.
🎉
I feel bad for the poor dude she marries. Huge shoes to fill.😂
Pretty sure I'm unfixably broken. I'm done with love.
👍
Hey there, how are you doing, I know how it feels to get heartbroken
*Wha ts a pp* him right away for help
±19515998468⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works i can't believe i am with my lover back after many years of break-up.,...
Maybe the majority of women going through divorce are perimenopausal.
Literally said nothing….lol
I'm sorry that's what you took away from this video. I hope you find what you're looking for. Thanks for watching and giving it a try.