Depression in an Autistic Female | AUTISM IN GIRLS
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- Опубліковано 1 бер 2020
- A raw, informal, unscripted video of what a depression spell looks like for me, a 24-year-old (at the time) female on the Autism Spectrum. This video is a downer and very intense. Please watch at your own discretion (TW).
In the video, I talk about what depression looks like in me when it hits me hard. I feel guilty for everything and like I don't deserve all the amazing things God has blessed me with. Depression is not something you can just make go away. It is a disease, and you are not alone if you experience depression.
If you do experience depression, don't be afraid to go see and talk to someone about it. I have seen a therapist since I was 14 years old, and it has always helped me. Just getting your feelings out of your body can help. If you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to reach out to a help hotline, or even me if you need.
Always remember, your life is WORTH it. YOU are worth it!! No matter what your brain tells you, you are amazing and your life matters.
Instagram: @OliviaHops
Small Business: www.UnbakedBar.com
Autism - Autistic - ASD - Autism Spectrum Disorder - Autistic Female - Autistic Girl - Autistic Girls - Autistic Females - Late Diagnosis Autism - Autistic Adult - Female Autistic Traits - Females with Autism - Girls with Autism - Autistically Me - Olivia Hops - Depression - Autistic Depression
#ActuallyAutistic
Why does it seem like the sweetest, most gentle and caring people struggle with depression the most?
Being taken advantage of? Walked on?
Trying to will away depression is like trying to will away a roaring case of diarrhea. It cannot be done.
LOL fantastic analogy haha true
Trying to avoid attention and turn to self hurting to cut the feeling and shame out. Terms people use as find ways to handle the emotions.
Good example
I disagree. I think your will is the only thing that can fix your depression. Learning the signs, when you feel it coming. Are you hitting a tanning bed once a week in the winter? Vitamin D? Are you watching and reciting positive affirmations in the morning and evening, are you going to the gym?
If you fail to listen to your body, and allow depression to take hold, yes it's not going to be willed a way.
Where the depression toilet
I know this is 2 years in the future, but you have no idea how truly validating your videos (including this one) are for so many people. ❤️
I agree.
I needed this.
Series of sad events. And my depression brain chemicals got switched on, again.
God bless you for being a kind person.
@@musicteacher5757 do you have pain with your depression as I don't no if it's autism burnout or to do with the comorbid hypomobility
I have been dealing with the same feeling and thoughts of depression for 30 years. I was dx 18 years ago with schizoaffective: depression type. I was dx with autism 9 years ago though I was dx with a learning disability at 6. Please hang on and try to understand you aren't horrible. Your struggles are real. I care and hope you don't let it pull you under. Take care.
Feeling your pain. The depression is one of the worst parts. The fact that it’s constant bouts.
I can feel it coming on and I simply can’t stop it. It’s like I just have to ride the depression wave until it’s over. To everyone out there, please stay strong and hold on
Girl, because you posted this video I could get out of bed and shower.
The entire shower I am yelling at your voice (that’s talking in the video) in your head and disagreeing the entire time.
YOU. Are. Helping. Me. Right. Now.
Thank. You.
YOURE NOT A DOWNER I WAS DOWN AND WE WERE DOWN TOGETHER!! DOWNY SISTERS!
I’m beating myself up for not moving forward with my kindle publishing projects.
But you ending your life would be like taking all the lightbulbs out of the world.
I've never had someone flat out explain how I feel to me . I laughed with tears running down my face watching this
That quote about telling an aspie to “get over it” being like telling a physically disabled person to climb the stairs was so powerful.
Yes, this is what my depressive meltdowns are like too. And often after a regular meltdown, whether an almost meltdown or a major one, I can go into a deep depression afterwards. It can last from a half day to a week, depending on circumstances. It’s incredibly hard to get through.
I'm not sure if I'm on the autism spectrum, but every one of your words on depression resonated with me. Thank you for voicing it so well. I hope you are doing okay
I am on meds too. Undiagnosed hfa female 53. The health system in my country is quite happy to dish out free anti depressants and beta blockers like they are sweeties, but it refuses to diagnose my asd.
Every night I wish to not wake up in the morning. Every morning I wake up dissapointed because I am still here.
Nobody who doesn't have clinical depression can understand what it is like.
Keep posting. Thanks again 🙋♀️
Olivia you are the best! I’m a 57 y/o who has struggled thru life feeling exactly like you are describing in this video, I’m currently down my rabbit hole desperate to climb out. I know I will eventually and am learning to try and not put too much pressure on myself because that tends to make things worse. I can’t thank you enough for your videos, they’ve encouraged me to seek a professional diagnosis. I have been diagnosed for depression in my 20’s but not for all my other issues. You are truly one of the most beautiful human beings I’ve never met. You will be in my prayers.
i relate to so much of this :( i'm currently awaiting diagnosis as i strongly suspect i have ASD based off my experiences. The bit about being unable to hold down a regular job or find the motivation to make money hits especially hard for me, especially now we're in a pandemic so the employment field has changed massively. I really can't handle the uncertainty and feel like a burden to my family as i can barely fend for myself and feel so guilty for relying on my mum so much and failing to do basic tasks that should be easy. My sister attempted suicide several times a few years ago and after seeing what it put my poor parents through i could never do that to them but i have no desire to live in this world and feel trapped in it out of guilt.
I feel the same as you. I can’t find a job nor keep one. I fail at everything I try, and I’m only alive because I fear death, and because I feel like I owe family for all the money they waisted on me. I feel you completely. How is life right now for you?
Those that say to us with genuine depression, "Just get on with it, move on," have no real understanding that it's just not that easy, nor do they seem to really sympathize appropriately.
I really, really relate with your experience, Olivia. I have suffered with depression my entire life, as well. Oftentimes, debilitating me to remain glued to the couch, watching tv for hours and days as the back of my mind processed whatever it needed to process while the front of my mind checked out. I still utilize this today as a coping mechanism when I'm depressed or severely depressed. Everything has a gray tone to it during these phases.
When you said, "I don't want to get better..." that sent a familiar shockwave through me. The depression rumination is powerful and permeating. Also when you talked about being around friends when you're depressed, but needing to mask... I felt that straight through me. 🎯
I understand how you feel since I'm also autistic and I also have depression, tho it's gotten better recently. And I know how hard it is, people who have never been through it don't know how painful this is. Meltdowns often make me very depressed too. Your struggles are valid. You seem to be a great person tho depression prevents you from feeling like you're one. I've discovered your channel with your last video. I'm not a girl but I was assigned female at birth, tho I'm transgender so I'm a boy, but I'm perceived as a girl and I go through the struggles women with autism go through, and it helped me feel less alone. I support you and I send you love 💖
Thank you so much for this very sweet message. You made my week! I'm so sorry that you also feel like this sometimes. I'm glad your depression has gotten better recently though. That's amazing to hear! I'm so thankful that you have found my channel and videos helpful and they have helped you feel less alone. You are never alone, and I am always here if you need someone to talk to. God Bless!
@@OliviaHops
You are a brave woman Olivia for showing us this.
I can relate. My son endured bullying and mean teachers who cut him down and embarrassed him in and out if class. Came home daily calling himself a retard. He's different and feels rejected and unloved.
When my brain starts acting up exactly like this I have developed this critical habit of remembering to be kind to myself and not to judge myself too seriously when I’m literally just beating myself up inside. It’s never easy and it always feels like shit at the time but the instinct to remind myself that compassion is not negotiable has really helped me snap myself out of these feelings more gently and with less anxiety than I used to. And every year it gets easier. This and anxiety meds have made my life so much more positive regardless of how my inner critic decides to act on any given day or space of time.
I think I'm autistic and this video was really eye-opening (and tear inducing). Thank you.
Same with me. You're not alone. I cried with you!❤️
@@deanne1671 me too!!
Me too
@Yuqing Lee Get out of here with that scam spam.
You are not the only one. My daughter was much like you when younger and excelled at life, won awards for art and academics. Even got a college degree and began working. Symptoms started showing up but we didn't know anything about it back then. My daughter is to the point now that she is unable to hold a regular job. And I bet she feels a lot like you!
You're going to have good days and bad days. It's just the way life is. You have people around you who love you and want you to have a happy and productive life.Hand You have to solve the problems as they come. Some days you can push through and some days you just CAN'T. And that's OKAY, too. Take life in smaller bites when it gets like that. What are you going to do this morning or what are you going to do for the next hour.
Try your best to adjust to what your body is telling you that it needs. Just don't let it pull you into a ditch. And if it does then get some help. Get somebody to pull you out just like if your car slid in an ice storm and you ended up knocking over a mailbox and sitting in the ditch. Call someone to tow you out. That's what we do. We help each other. And we move forward together. Make sure you have someone you are talking to that knows the real truth about what's going on. That is your secret weapon.
You are an amazing person. It comes through on the videos. You have a good heart. You are valuable no matter what you say or do. We are glad you are here . You can have a bad day or a bad season. It's not a bad life.
You just have to get through the hard ones and hope for the best tomorrow. I'm so thankful I ran across your videos!!! I hope my daughter will be able to find you, and feel better seeing how much you are just like her.
And when you have a good day make sure you write it down so you can read through it later to help remember that they are not all bad days. Take out pictures of the little guys in your life or your pets and let them bring you Joy. Put on some music from times that make you happy and do something like watch movies that can keep your brain in a different direction. Naps are a perfect distraction! A reset to get through the day. I do that for myself many days. Maybe listen to an audiobook. Sounds like reading your aspergirl book would help on some days, too.
Things do get better ...if you just don't quit. Take that strong will from that little screaming baby determination you know you've got inside of you and just never give up on getting through your day... even when it's one day at a time. Thank you for putting yourself out here to help other people. It's a real gift. I'm in tears. You just have to do the best with where you are, and what you have on that day. That's all anyone can do. Wishing you all the best. It's now 2022 and you are still a keeper, smiling or tears. I said so. 💓
Thanks for this video. I recently put the pieces of my puzzling life together and realized I have autism. The things that helped my depression (which began when I was 12) was when I finally changed my diet to be as nutritious as possible. For me this meant forcing myself to eat veggies, spices, and different types of meat. Seafood was very helpful, as well as avoiding sugar and processed food. Our gut micro biome has a huge part to play in our serotonin production. I was on antidepressants for a couple years and they smoothed me out a little bit, but I wasn’t really better. My birth control had the same effect for me. Once I started forcing myself to cook, eat well, and exercise regularly, I started feeling a lot better. I still struggle greatly but it’s mostly because of my financial situation at this point. I can’t afford to eat as well as I’d like, and I directly see the consequences. I hope you’re able to figure out what helps you. Consider that it might not all be in your brain.
It's a gut-brain connection that has been proven, actually, and is quite fascinating and eye-opening.
@@LisaPFrampton I totally agree, an interesting and important topic of conversation and sometimes people have both spectrums and disorders. Personally, if we don't graze in a vegetable garden and eat a few easy fermented foods, we can get brain fog and our symptoms enhanced. My two youngest children have tourettes from Raglan aka Maxolon metoclopramide, an 'anti-nausea' given to me during pregnancy. It crosses the placenta. Our youngest are 24 and 27 now and the penny only dropped 2 years ago when I had a metoclopramide injection for nausea. Wow it totally triggered mi and changed my life, I have tardive dyskinesia and parkinsonism now. Another form of saying drug-induced spasms, tics and Tourette's.. they have the cheek to mislead us and title that kind of thing under "environmental factors" ..
The reality is, the environment that doctors put me in throughout the years and not telling me that this medication comes with a black box warning..
Some about to have some of these spectrums and disorders, can be totally triggered by these types of serotonin and dopamine medications. We have to know our poisons and take those words on as a Moto. We need monitoring each and every time we take new medications.
Very disturbing that they are recommending metoclopramide to pregnant women. I have looked up the government studies. So disturbing some of the studies. They have given women antidepressants during pregnancy to see if it crosses the placenta and a higher risk of autism. In fact it does affect cognitive abilities of the children born, in comparison to the placebo..
The children with autism become a part of the further study. It feels second world war karma to give that same child a similar medication throughout their lifetime, to find out whether it decreases their cognitive ability even more?
It literally makes me Wanna Cry that the professionals recommend medication before gut health, medication before hormonal imbalance tests, medication before understanding and medication before counselling...
Gosh sorry all of that was so long, such an interesting topic and the original comment a good one. I hope other people make comment 🙏👣
We're in your corner honey. You can do this! There's always help and you are always loved!
I was diagnosed at 43. Always feet different, I am an Infj also which has some of the same traits. I have social anxiety and depression but I found out that I’m very gluten sensitive as most with aspergers are and since I cut out flour and sugar I very rarely feel depressed. Girl, all I can say is don’t be so hard on yourself. Live at your pace, not the fast pace of this world. Just do what you can every day and if a shower is not possible cut it out and don’t feel bad, get some dry shampoo and put your hair in a bun. Don’t listen to others because they don’t understand and you can’t be expected to be up to speed with others. I remember with depression Sleep was all that would help. What also helped was to sniff lavender essential oil. It breaks up the gray a little. This video sounds like if I’m talking to myself.
I’m also INFJ and I’m my 40s but haven’t been diagnosed. I have a son who has autism. I’m going to take to my doctor because I think I should get a diagnosis.
I think this is just about the purest video on the internet. I wanna thank you because that was incredibly healing for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Wow. Thank you so much for this extremely sweet comment, Steph. It means so much to me. I'm so honored it could help you.
i am extremely late but i’m an autistic teenager and i’m struggling so hard right now and i have for a while. I really appreciate videos like this because sometimes it’s so easy to think you are the only person who feels like this but you aren’t. It’s bittersweet but it’s nice to know that other people have gone through stuff like this too
No matter what socioeconomic group you are in, no matter how you are raised, your feelings are just as valid. That's all part of that depression mind trying to sabotage you. Just by the comments here, you can see even strangers like, support, & care. I thank you for being brave enough to be be vulnerable & sharing your experiences. Remember, you're not alone. Take care.
I’ve never related more to anything in my life I couldn’t stop crying and nodding my head and thinking “wow this is a real thing, it’s not just me.”
Your previous video said you struggle with empathy but you care so much for others. You’re a very sweet person. Know that depression isn’t your fault. I struggle too. Lexapro saved my life 8 years ago when I started it.
Hey Olivia. It's been 10 months and we all really want to hear about your obsession with cereal. I recently found out that I have Autism, Depression and Anxiety myself and I feel you so much it hurts. I respect that you might be in a state where you don't feel like being active here, but could you please just heart this comment so everyone knows you're still there?
I have an obsession with quantum physics, computer science, music and condensed milk.
I'm dealing with this right now after a serious meltdown. I have bruises on my face and I have to go into work in 30 min. I'm sitting in my car watching this and trying to pull it together so I can function enough to get through the day. Thank you for sharing and it has made me feel like I'm not alone and it's not my fault and I'm not broken. I just need to give myself more space and kindness to navigate this world
Dear Olivia, I’m so glad I stumbled upon this video today.
I am 66 years old and was diagnosed with depression at age 25. Only recently, 2 years ago, I was diagnosed with autism as well.
I was amazed and touched when the exact words I used to explain my depression to my mum were spoken back to me by you in this video.
Thank you for being so extremely brave in making this video. Three years down the track it is still helping others. You are a good and kind person , no matter what that voice in your head is telling you.
May I suggest you focus on managing your autism for now, because it might help to lessen your depression.
Wishing you all the best
Please don't apologize for sharing something real and tough with us. I just discovered you. And I think that we have a lot in common. Including the cereal thing.
I am 45 years old. And in 2020, I discovered that I was ADHD. I couldn't understand how I struggled ALL THE TIME. I'm smart, artistic, kind, I work hard when I find something that I like. I communicate well. I just didn't understand how I couldn't make myself a success. I was always told that I was just lazy, or just 'didn't have what it took'. After doing a lot of research, I started looking into ADHD. I had SOO much in common with women with ADHD, including the struggles. So, I asked my psychologist to have me assessed for it. And YEP!! A big ole ADHD diagnosis.
Well, I didn't stop there. I noticed that my moods were crazy and out of control sometimes. I would go from super happy and upbeat to nearly distraught; I felt like my world was ending. So, that lead me to research Bi Polar disorder. And I now have a diagnosis of BiPolar II.
From there, I realized that not all my responses to stimuli or how I interact with the world didn't fall under ADHD or BiPolar. So, I started researching Autism. I have not been officially diagnosed YET, but I have taken several online assessments and it places me full on the spectrum. I have so many things in common with you, including the I would be okay if I just didn't wake up in the morning. Although, I have been depressed enough to seriously contemplate suicide. Even have a couple of suicide kits laying around. (That's what I call them. Packets of pills I required that will take me away quietly with little pain) Luckily, I have 5 dogs and I am a people pleaser (that comes from C-PTSD--yep--another diagnosis. ). My dogs keep me fighting and moving forward, no matter how HARD it is for me.
I DO hope that you will make more videos. You information is vitally important to many of us out here. I hope that you are okay and I am sending love and hugs to you. Also, if you EVER need anyone to talk to, I am here.. and I understand. You would never be a burden to me because we have a lot in common and I understand the thoughts in your head, as they are in mine as well.
I'm not usually a commenter, but I want you to know that 2 years later this video is still having a positive impact. I'm exploring a potential ASD diagnosis and I have struggled with severe depression since I was about 12. What you shared in this video mirrors my experience strongly, and while I am sorry this is part of your life experience I am also grateful to have watched this and walked away feeling a little less alone. Take care 💛
So far you've been my favorite of all the UA-camrs presenting ASD info and, believe me, that says a LOT. I'm 45 and just getting diagnosed. Thank goodness! FINALLY AN ANSWER! You're so raw and charismatic. I could've watched your channel for days. Where did you go? I hope that you're okay. I know how hard life is when you live on the spectrum and staying on top of any task, hobby, job, whatever, can be a real feat of unimaginable proportions. But you have a real knack for this. You could definitely have a following in a short amount of time, even if you upload only randomly. I watch only randomly so feel free to throw videos out any time, without judgement from my neck of the woods. Take care of you! 🥰
Hi Natisha! I’m a fellow fan of Olivia. I’m always looking for friends, I rarely make them and even more rarely keep them. I don’t stop trying though, and hence my reply to your comment. I hope you are well and handling your diagnosis like a champ! Take care.
My head voice is also very mean. I am waiting on my evaluation, I have struggled similarly to you. Best wishes hun. Your pain is felt and understood. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability. And let me tell you; you are Not a terrible person. You Are A Beautiful Person. Some of the most beautiful flowers are some of the most high maintenance- that happens in Nature, and the flowers do not feel guilty for how they are, and neither should you. Or any of us.
My head voice is a bully to me as well. Thank you for your kind words, they helped me too
Yes sometimes our mean selves can be most crippling of all..
Apparently in some people, it can fall Under the Umbrella of 'invasive thoughts and OCD traits'
For example. A horder can be simply mistaken for a hoarder. But really they are very misunderstood, as most hoarders have some form of OCD, mostly a person who finds it hard to manage and organise their stuff, or let it go.. in my mind, this means they need a lifetime of support.
How she feels during her spells of depression is how i feel! Nice to know I'm not alone.
I really relate to what you go through with the voice in your head. I've been on meds for depression for 35 yrs. I have treatment resistent depression meaning it flares up like you are describing. One thing I do know is that it does get better. One thing that does help me some is taking those thoughts captive. I just say, No. This is not true. This is a lie. My faith in God comes into play here and helps.
Hey Karen, thanks so much for sharing this tip with me. It's super helpful, and I really appreciate you telling me. God Bless!!
((((((((((non-physical HUG from afar))))))))))
I truly appreciate that you created and posted this video. Your rawness and transparency is not only relatable but refreshing to see on here. No my enough humans show their human sides, and you are amazing for allowing us to glimpse into your world - and struggles. Granted, this was three years ago, but it is STILL relevant and super helpful to whomever stumbles upon it.
Please forgive my ramble… I just wanted to say, from 3 years in the future… you’re AMAZING - and thank you. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing. I felt like I was talking into a mirror the whole time. Here's to brighter futures 💕
This is so relatable. Thank you for sharing your inner experiences and thoughts. It is so rare that I ever feel like I "connect" with someone else, but I can sympathize with so much of what you're saying and describing.
I just want to give you a big a hug and remind you that those voices go against EVERY TRUTH that God says about you!!! You are amazing for even bringing this light to others. This is your gift to the world. Thank you.
Thank you so much, Jamie! Your love and support through this means the world to me!! Wishing you a wonderful week. :)
the meltdown part - i completely understand. i have my routines and my scripts, and there are times it feels like i lose my mind and start to spiral when those routines are broken, or the scripts stray from what i had mentally prepared myself for
sometimes my entire day and mood hinges on one spark of joy i've set aside to enjoy later - like a bowl of cereal, right? but when that joy is unexpectedly taken away from me... it's like my mind and body are convinced the world is ending... in a way it is, when you have autism, depression, and a slew of other mental health issues, and your one handhold is taken away, whatever it may be that day. you're in free fall
anyways, don't know what my point is. just, i know what this feels like and thank you for a video that helped me feel less alone. i wish i had more autistic friends in real life
You are a hero, Olivia. Not only to fight the depression every day but for courageously spreading your message so openly. Nothing gloss over, just pure honesty. Wow.
This is one of my favourite videos from your channel. You are so courageous and inspiring.
Struggling with early onset depression and trying to explain it to a neurotypical person who thinks getting a job or leaving the house will help- like it’s something you can stick in your closest until you get home, is infuriating. Then being unable to articulate the words to explain things just adds fuel to it. We’re constantly expected to just get over it and buck up, and those expectations further worsens depression, anxiety, etc.
The only validation I’ve received and have stopped feeling so alone is from videos such as yours.
Thank you ❤
I'm so so happy my videos could help you feel less alone and give you validation, Ashlee. God Bless you 💙
That was sooo brave of you to record that video!! I am so thankful to be connected with you & feel blessed to be a part of your journey. Thank you for sharing such a raw video. Really hope you feel better or at least a little bit more OK soon xx
Thanks so much, girl! I am definitely feeling a little better this week. Keep rocking your videos. Looking forward to seeing your third video!
Wow, your words are helping me understand that I have had this my entire life. My coping mechanism I used for being perpetually misunderstood was to withdraw from everyone who asked how I feel because I didn't have the ability to speak about what was bothering me. Thank you so much
Just found your channel. I hope you are feeling better now. I really appreciate your video and how honest it is. I really relate, I have never seen a video quite like this that shows depression in an autistic female. This makes me feel less alone so thank you for that.
My wife had autism and it killed her at age 60 through suicide. She had everything to live for.
Extremely helpful and you explained so well what I go through. I sent this to some of my family members saying "this is me" ....im a male but experience so much of what you said. Keep up the good work.
Sending love ❤️
Thank you so much, Amanda! I appreciate you watching.
@@OliviaHops hey I really want to connect with u and help u I'm moving to Portland Oregon. Do u have an email so we could chat from time to time. I don't know anyone around me who has Autism. I really want to get to know u and Autism Speaks is helping me. My first name is Timothy. I like u Olivia we should meet each other someday. I struggled with the same problems. Just send me your email if u want to get to know me better. I have Aspergers and ADHD.
@@OliviaHops hobbies helped me I went through depression in High school it got better when I started playing sports and traveling. Olivia I have been struggling financially for the past 3-4 yrs u aren't alone. Stay strong and I really want to connect with u and other Autistic Adults. I know I cannot have a regular job cause I don't connect with the majority of people in this world
I really needed this video. Thank you for making this.
You are brave and this is so powerful. Thank you 💛
Thank you for being so vulnerable. I went through one of these mental faces a few days ago. I hope you're feeling better
No one should be told too push through depression support is the key
So brave, so courageous, so powerful. Thank you for sharing your real, raw self. ❤
I feel you 💛 you're so brave on sharing this.
You're not bad. You're amazing🤗🥰
I'm watching this after you've started uploading, and I'm really glad to have watched this. I relate to this a lot and I appreciate the rawness of it. I can't wait to see where your channel goes!
This is so relatable. I really appreciate how raw this video is and saying the way a lot of us feel but are too ashamed to share. You are so strong for sharing!
Also recently diagnosed last year and I hope you’re feeling better than when you had posted this. I’m also going through it and I needed to hear from other ppl today. Good to not feel alone.
Thank you for sharing this. It must’ve been difficult but to see someone so kind and successful have these moments, it helps me feel less alone.
You are such a blessing to us.
I just came across your channel and love it! Thank you for being so vulnerable and open/honest. 💙
Thank you for sharing this. Being vulnerable in telling your story is incredibly strong. I can relate to depressive thoughts and the guilt we feel. It's a cruel burden to carry. You have helped me today. I am reminded that I'm not alone. I hope that you are doing ok and would love to hear more from you.
Olivia, you are amazing, and I am so grateful for your courage, your insight, your wisdom, your perseverance, and your compassion.
Depression is rough. I have been struggling myself recently and I can relate to everything you said. It makes me hurt knowing you are going through this. Its very hard. It dark. I hope you are doing better now.
Thank you for your bravery in so openly sharing your vulnerabilities and I identified with everything you shared. You are blessed to have been diagnosed in your twenties, I’m 52.5 and have only just learned that I’m autistic. Wow, do I wish I could have found out sooner. You are an awesome human and I appreciate you! 🙏🏽💜🙏🏽💜🙏🏽💜🙏🏽😊☮️
These are the real moments that let us know we’re not alone. Thank you so much for sharing 🤗
Just found you today (4/7/2021) and I am already a fan of your videos! This was such a raw video and it hits home hard. Depression affects many of us so, just remember you are not alone! Thank you for sharing your life with us!
Hi Olivia, I just wanted to say how much I love you and your videos, your personality and your honesty. I have been watching lots of videos on Autism lately, and I can relate to so much as an Introvert. I love the honesty and authenticity that can often be lacking with 'neuro-typicals.' We live in a strange and broken world, and people with Autism react to this rightly. We all have weaknesses, we are human, and we shouldn't try to hide this truth. God's power is made perfect in weakness, so we don't need to hide our weaknesses from Him, but we can turn to Him xx
Thank you for sharing your truth. Sending so much love. I think a lot more of us have been there than you know. This is actually quite validating. 💚✨
I resonate with this so deeply. Thank you for speaking out and allowing me and others to not feel so alone. Sending love and hugs
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with us. It's scary and hard to do, yet, it makes me remember that I'm not alone in my struggles. I'm grateful for the reminder. I hope you put out more videos, I've watched them all so far and you're great!
I just discovered your videos today. I've watched so many, and I keep thinking, here's this girl describing my whole life. But this video...I was crying right with you, because those feelings are exactly the kind of day I was having, and that I have all too often. It's so reassuring to know that there are people like me, that I'm not just some weird, broken, mistake of a person.
Thank you so much for your videos. I am going through the process of being diagnosed as an adult female at 32 years old and it’s very difficult, I’m struggling so hard, I appreciate you so much for making these videos. I also talk a lot and I am very similar to you and that’s one of the issues that everyone keep telling me why I don’t have it, but I know I do. I know I do, professionals know I do, but family and friends don’t and don’t understand, I feel so alone. Thank you for making this
thank you for being so real Olivia, I can totally relate to where you are and have learned a lot of behavioral modification so that I can support myself in making these temporary states pass. but your courage to share this is amazing it’s some thing I have never been able to do which I believe contributes to a feeling of isolation. Thank you so much for your courage and willingness to share.
OMG !!! Olivia, thank you sooo much for sharing this!!! I just sooo can relate! It's such a relief for me in a way I hope you understand. Please keep doing your videos. I'm looking forward :)
Thank you for that video, and the others. I'm not diagnosed, I'm not even sure what I am. But everything you say, and confess, about autism as well as about depression... Is so accurate.
woah, this is so relatable and helpful for me to watch! I don't know a lot of people with autism and depression, anxiety who are like me. Very raw and honest, thankyou!
I absolutely agree with your entire video.
I am slowly realizing that my life has been a classic case of undiagnosed ADHD and Autism, and that my severe anxiety and depression is not the problem, but the symptoms of the disorders, abuse and neglect I've been through.
So at the end of the day, I still appreciate you, and your content. I appreciate that you can relate, even distantly, to how much it hurts to exist. Thank you.
This has helped me today - thank you so much for sharing your struggles with us
I can see myself all throughout this video. Thank you for posting.
I'm very glad that you made this video and I actually felt like I was looking in the mirror while you were talking and I was just me talking to myself. It's been really weird for me watching your videos because I finally feel like I found somebody who understands exactly how I feel and exactly what I've been going through my entire life.
Hi, Olivia! Thanks for sharing your history with us! I've just found your channel and I hope you are ok! I'm from Brazil and I'm a self-diagnosed autist and I also struggle with depression. Actually, I'm recovering from an 2-year epsode right now. So, I'm gonna pray for you!
Thank you so much for sharing your raw, authentic feelings with us and for hanging in there! I struggle with depression too, and it is an absolute monster. Anyone who can get through even just a single depressive episode is a strong warrior in my book, even if they feel more like a rotting couch potato at the time (as I often do)
Thank you so much for sharing this with us! I am 45 years old and I am planning to go get tested for autism. I have watched all of your videos and I relate so much to everything you have shared. I feel an enormous sense of relief, but also a lot of sadness at how much damage and wasted time is now in my past. I'm now 100% sure this has been my issue all along, and a diagnosis will simply make it official😭😭😭 Thanks again. You have been a huge blessing to many people, Olivia!
I so very much appreciate your raw honesty. It makes me feel like I’m not alone in this. Can’t speak for anyone else however, I would welcome any additional raw & honest videos like these in addition to the other upbeat videos. You are my hero.
Wow - THANKYOU for being so open & honest. Good luck. Keep up the good work for yourself & for all the people you share with.
I want to thank you for sharing your story and experiences, your channel has helped me tremendously with communicating with my daughter who was diagnosed in third grade and is now 18. The whole selective mutism thing was very eye opening for me. I literally went and apologized to my daughter for not understanding it when it was happening. Thank you again and I do hope you’re feeling better 💐💕
im really sorry you are feeling like this but im so glad you made this video because i can heavily relate to this. i am 18 years old female and i can relate to seeming accomplished on the outside but not being able to do regular things in reality. it is helpful to realize that i'm not alone in this. i am currently trying to figure out if it's worth pursuing an autism diagnosis and your videos are helping a lot to gain confidence. your channel is very helpful to lots of people and im glad you make this videos.
Watched this wanting to cry over my bowl of cereal. God my voice also constantly tells me what a bad person I am and those feelings of guilt are suffocating me. Thank you for sharing something so intimate and so valuable that really made me feel less alone right now. 💕
I really respect how brave you are to put yourself out there here in such a raw vulnerable way
Thank you. Thank you for your honesty and rawness. You are amazing ❤️
Thanks for posting. I've been feeling really alone, and this video helped.
This is one of the most helpful videos you’ve made, and most real I’ve seen about autism and depression. This struggle is real. Thank you Olivia.
Thank you for explaining this!! My daughter suffers so similarly and youve helped me to help her - even if it's just being even more kind and understanding!
I’m sorry things are rough :( that must be tough. Especially when your meds aren’t working as they should, it just feels even more hopeless. You’ve dug yourself out before and you can do it again. Hang in there 💕
Olivia, you sound just like me all the negative talking in your head all the depression the not being able to take care of yourself. Except, I am 57 years old and it has taken me a lifetime to figure out things about myself and why I feel so different. I was in the grocery store one day with my highly functioning autistic teenage daughter and I told her I was going to have a meltdown and I had to leave. I have never been diagnosed with autism,, but your videos are making me think that perhaps I should talk to my counselor about it. I have suffered with clinical depression my whole life. I was diagnosed when I was an adult. I have seasonal affective disorder. I diagnosed myself with that. It's quite obvious to me that that's what it is every winter. I start feeling a little different in November and by the time January comes I've had recent years that I wanted to just kill myself in January. The depression can be so horrible that I feel like I'm at the bottom of a very deep dark well and hundreds of feet up is the opening with a little pin hole of light at the top. It has frightened me so much, in the summer sometimes, that I really don't want the dark season to come. I need sunlight! And that is on top of the regular depression! I know about craving different foods. I love cereal, because it is so easy to get for myself and it's a comfort food to me. Honey please don't listen to those voices in your head when you're really depressed. What you said is exactly what I go through when I'm in the pit of depression. Why am I this way? I only have first world problems. I don't have any real problems. My husband is 9 years older than me and I feel like he has to be the strong one and take care of me. I'm supposed to be taking care of him now that we're older. I understand not even wanting to feed the dog when I feel pretty depressed. Don't worry my husband looks out for him. I'm a burden to my husband. I'm a burden to my children. Why couldn't I have been a better mother so that I had more energy and wasn't depressed and did more things with them when they were little? When my last child left the nest, I was absolutely terrified at the thought of going back to work somewhere. I'm not lazy and I'm a really good worker. I'm very conscientious and do a good job. But I've always wanted to have my own business. I think it's because I just don't want to go back around a bunch of people who I don't understand and who don't understand me, my coworkers. It was fun talking to customers and helping them. The catty things that other women say that I don't understand. I've had to reschedule dental and doctor appointments for the light season, because I just couldn't get out of my house to go to the them in the dark season. I felt so rude and inconsiderate because they had me scheduled for that day and I just had to change it. I meant to be much more organized about what I said but it just came pouring out. I'm going to try to figure out how to give you privately a way to get ahold of me in case you really need to talk to someone Olivia. It really is good to have a mental health professional. By the way, my name is Angela. It is so wonderful that you were doing this and putting yourself out there for other people. Thank you so much Olivia. Thank you for sharing when you really didn't feel like it. Thank you.
I know how you feel
I'm sorry that you have to go though all that stuff
I have had suicidal thoughts in the past
Barely had any friends growing up except for 1 who had left town.
I was always a hermit until I found God
He has helped me so much to the point I am completely unlike my old self.
Take care Angela and God bless.
I think that you needed to share this video. I, for one, as an autistic woman, am thankful that you shared this video.
You are such a strong person for speaking out. Depression is so hard to deal with and we are our worse enemy. It helps us individually to hear ourself as we talk and share our feelings and you’re also helping others to realize they are not alone. That brings a glimmer of hope to many. Hang in there!
Olivia, I never comment on videos, but I wanted to say thank you for sharing this. Seriously. I’m beginning my own journey of discovery and trying to get officially diagnosed with ASD. I’ve dealt with depression since I was 15, maybe younger, and it has been so hard to vocalize how I feel. Your video mirrored my own thoughts about everything, including employment and trying to run a business while depressed. I constantly question my worth and my ability to handle my business. I’ve binged your videos this week while dealing with a pretty severe bout of depression. Seeing this has helped. Wishing you the absolute best ❤️ You are appreciated.
Olivia! I watch this video all the time and it’s so relatable to me. Depression, poor money management, overwhelming stereotypes for NT and for autism. And everyone constantly trying to help on the worst way possible. I’m feeling like this now and it really sucks. Glad to see you came back because you were sorely missed.
Aw, girl, you definitely are not terrible, but I understand that feeling. You bring so much help and brightness to so many strangers. You really really help!☁⛅☀☀☀
I understand how you feel. I think depression is apart of growth. Unfortunately throughout life there are going to be different scenarios that push us past our comfort zone and break us down. I appreciate you sharing this so openly because it is so hard to be vulnerable, just want you to know you aren’t alone. The inner critic is so hard on us. Thank you for opening up about your depression. Also I want to add that I HATE the grocery store. It’s too bright in there and too many people. The lights make me feel foggy and forgetful so I wear my sunglasses inside, lol.