What Is Childhood Emotional Neglect
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- Опубліковано 22 сер 2024
- To learn much more about Emotional Neglect, how it happens and how to heal, sign up for my Emotional Neglect Awareness Challenge at this link: bit.ly/cenchal.... I will teach you so much more about yourself and how to change your life from the inside.
Dr. Jonice Webb, a clinical psychologist, talks about Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), what it is, why it's so invisible, and how it impacts us as adults. Dr. Webb wrote the groundbreaking book, Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect.
Dr Jonice, You have to post this video without that music, The topic is too serious for that music....Its disturbing
Norman Bfifteen I know, I really should re-record it. I'll try to get it done!
Dr. Jonice Webb Thanks. I appreciate it.
Dr. Jonice Webb That's only one persons opinion about the music. I think it's a way to draw in people to listen to your words and it's catchy too. Like you're intending it for perhaps parents who are starting out. IDK?? My opinion. . Plus, we shouldn't be walking around wounded still. We need to heal also.
+Dr. Jonice Webb, Both videos on this topic would be good without the music. Both videos on the topic are also good with the music, because it helps lift people up who like having the music in the background. It is important to have the therapy with the music, and without the music. Thank you for the videos! This is very important, because some people function with music, and some people function without music. They were like this in high school too, so please do not take this music thing personal.
+Dr. Jonice Webb, Hope you have a good time re-recording this. You are super to do all this. You would have four videos -- if you will please leave the ones on with the music too. Thank You!
You just explained my entire life. I took your questionnaire and circled yes for all of them. Thank you so much, I can start feeling less guilty about who I am.
Hayden T
First I wish to say thank you to all who have viewed and shared this video or any of my other videos about CEN. I especially appreciate all of the thoughtful, personal and insightful comments and experiences that you have shared. I am affected by every comment. Knowing that the concept of CEN is making a difference for each of you is very important to me. This was the first video that I ever made, and making movies is not my skill or forte. Several folks have given feedback about the music. I apologize for that! I did change it for later videos. This is a process, and I am learning as I go along, so thanks for bearing with me. I hope you'll be able to "tune out" the music to listen to my message. All my best to you!
Thank you for sharing this, I finally understand What my problem has been all my life 🙏
For me it helped soften any realizations of this condition in me. Which I truly needed.
I hate my parents. They tossed away any humanity and self respect I had. I just can't believe how pathetic my life is. Constantly re creating my relationship with my parents well into my adulthood. Thanks mom for my empty, painful, pathetic existence
After 27 years in the mental health system, I just unwound where my "mental illness" came from, that being told not only by my parents, but the system, that my emotions were out of proportion to situations and then being counseled and drugged to avoid feelings that were natural to my childhood treatment. When I was an infant, I would have "fits of rage" "out of nowhere" so I was isolated from the family to "cry it out on my own" then I was rewarded for "calming myself down" (as an infant!). My brother is 4 years older than me and I was ignored as I sank into depression at age 9 while my parents dealt with his violent steroid and other substance addictions, hunting him down when he ran away (which he did as our house was empty of furniture since we were moving cross country the next day and I was left to a neighbor I didn't know well at the age of 9 while I had chicken pox as my parents scoured a metropolalitn area looking for my brother). In the middle of another cross country move, my brother wrecked his brand new car in a DUI at the age of 17, dropped out of school and I was starting to show rage. As soon as my brother got settled down, my mom's mother was dying go breast cancer 1000 miles away and my mom spent most of her time there while I was between the ages of 13 and 14. Also, my dad worked 4 hours from our home while I was 12 and my brother's violence and abuse was running the household. So, when I behaved bad because I was never allowed to have feelings, my behavior was a pathology, my emotions mental illness as mental health provider asked my parents how I acted, me how I felt, but no one asked what my childhood was like and I got "set apart" from healthy people in the mental health system when I should have been made "a part of" a loving community. I'm 41, just now figuring this out ON MY OWN even though I've been in the system for 27 years. I've finally set boundaries with my mother, which includes not seeing my kids, and am so scared because I have a mental health diagnosis as a result of her, not only emotional neglect, but manipulative behavior as long as I can remember including manipulated my children with gifts and money and telling them to keep it a secret from me all while bashing me to them behind my back. It's really scary, legally, what can be done in court without the "mentally ill" person there to defend themselves or even witnesses being heard to strip that person of every right they have. Most times, when a person "is spilling out of the box" with mental illness, there are many sick and demented puppeteers pulling their strings to create the reaction they want from that person. EVERYBODY sees how my poorly my parents treat me and push my buttons and at the age of 41, I shouldn't have to be part of it and I shouldn't be threatened to stay in the sick dynamic.
We need a person with mental health credentials to fight for our civil rights. A criminal apprehended has more rights than a "sick" person apprehended under magistrate warrant based on just one person''s petition with literally no evidence. We don't get a lawyer, we don't get to refuse treatment, we don't get to refuse our dehumanizing of being made to wear paper scrubs then be transported counties away by sheriff, still in paper scrubs. As an adult, they still take other people's word to illegally detain me - people who consistently cross my boundaries, neglect me, abandon me but for some reason seem to know what's best for me while never knowing me. Because they have never sought help and kept it between the lines even though they are very sick, they seem to have more pull than the person petitioned against. After being beat then my ex going to the magistrate to file IVC on me before I could criminal papers on him, bruises and scratches documented by staff, when the attending psychiatrist saw me for the first time and I told him what happened, he said, "Oh I know you are a smart woman." Never looking at my chart. Never getting paperwork from a tele psychiatrist with whom I had a technically faulty 10 minutes to talk to while I was in the ER and that ended in being attacked by room mate on a weekend, unable to be discharged for my safety until monday and no other available beds to keep me safe. And, also, no availability to a phone if attacked again to file criminal charges on my attacker. This CEN stuff is HUGE. Because we don't know how to feel and are told we shouldn't have the feelings we do and end up in a system, branded for life., discredited by an often erroneous label from the system while our abusers just make things worse, but act like normal people to "authority" (doctors, police). My current psychiatrist and psychologist know why I am the way I am now and we are working on healing rather than diminishing perfectly understandable emotions with meds. Thanks for my rant, people need to be aware of what's going on on all levels of the mental health system.
This is true. My brother has been in the mental health system for 30 years. He was terribly neglected by our parents, shamed constantly and treated like he was 'less than' all his life. The mental health system has NEVER gotten to the root of his troubles (much violence including a sexual assault by an uncle in our home at age 9). What they have done however is drugged him, labelled him, profited off him and left him a shell of a person unlikely to live much past age 50 if he is lucky. Naturally this feeds into the false narrative that my dysfunctional family have bleeted for years that he is a 'problem person'. Thanks for spreading awareness, I have also seen this dynamic in action. As long as the mental health system is really a 'mental illness' system that piggy backs off the profits of big pharma we are unlikely to see any real change. The last person I would see for my C.E.N is a psychiatrist, some have a genuine interest in people but others are narcissists in it to feel important and powerful and line their own pockets. They get paid to label and drug, no money (or training) to discover and address the multi-factorial experiences that led to a persons suffering. This is a clear conflict of interest. Truthstream media has interesting videos on the history of psychiatry and it is not pretty.
Today was Mother's Day. After calling my mother, I noticed that I felt disconnected from her. Then I thought about my father, and how I felt disconnected from him. My parents have been good parents and were never abusive, yet I still felt hurt and sad - like there was something missing from my childhood. I'm 25 and living on my own, but have always felt lonely. I cried for a few minutes wishing that I had grown up with parents that would console and understand me. Then I did a quick google search and found your website. Anyways, thanks for the video.
How are you holding up now? Wondering as a 25 year old who feels lonely and like somethings missing
@@KarolinaLopez Hi, I can't believe it's been 2 years. I'm holding up pretty well. I've taken time to understand my parents' childhoods and the ways that they express care. They grew up with much less support, and it doesn't make what I feel any less, but it does offer perspective.
I recognize the pain my family has endured, and I've come to see myself as the part of the family where the pain ends and the healing begins. I feel that my life is fulfilling a greater purpose in our family history.
I draw strength from the hopes and prayers that I imagine my ancestors had for themselves, along with all the hurt and failure they went through.
I was the first person to start saying "i love you" at the end of phone calls. Things have slowly progressed from there. I feel like my part of this story is to set the foundation for a future with less loneliness and less things missing.
@@mojojojo485 I don't know you personally but I am so proud of you. Your reply really made me happy because you never know what someone chose to do for their lives. And I"m sure things aren't perfect, but the fact that you're aware of things and want to change things for the better really gives me hope.
I bet it was weird for your family to hear "I love you" at first. But I totally understand what you mean about understanding your families and ancestors perspective and that they weren't perfect but they did better than the generation before them. Can't wait to grow and heal and 2 years later see what I become. Here's to us!
@@KarolinaLopez cheers! and good luck! !
I always thought "My childhood is fine. My parents have never hit me, never said insults to me, barely anything that I read about online. So why am I like this? It's stupid, I shouldn't feel like this when I don't have a reason to." But looking at your article online and listening to this video made me realise that yes, I do have a reason for being like this.
I'm going to attempt the feelings challenge where you try to identify your feelings every day. I know it won't be easy, but not all things in life are meant to be, right?
I really hope I will be able to sort this before adulthood.
(I'm 14, so kind of young, I guess. ^-^' My MBTI type is also INFP, if that's relevant at all.)
Huh. Same here on the former, but I'm an INTP.
Damn this is an old post. It's kinda cringy o.o
Figured out since then that I'm autistic, oops. Though i can't really remember what the video's about.
minty mocha Interesting that you should say this; I had thought I had Asperger's not too long ago.
Sneauxphlaque q hii I'm also an INTP. I was also feeling this way for a long time, and I blamed it on my anxiety, but now I've come to realize that my anxiety was also partly cause bc of my parents! Lol kinda funny innit. Well anyways, I was looking for another reason why i don't trust myself in the slightest, or why I'm depressed, and I stumbled upon the fact that my parents never trust me either. They think I'm an incapable child (and they prefer it that way) bc then it's easier for them to control me. They don't let me out of the house alone, and they don't let me do things with friends. But it's not like they want to spend time with me themselves, no, I'm supposed to stay in my room and not talk to them. They just don't want to deal with me. I've been nice to them anyways, tried to be a good daughter, but then they insult me and lash out, but when I'm a bitch to them, and don't talk to them at all (right now) then my mom tries to be nicer. They laugh at anything and everything I have to say, regarding my plans for the future, and don't take me seriously which I regrettably makes me even more distrustful of myself. And the worst thing is that I don't even know why they distrust me so much, since I've never done anything "wrong". I've always tried to please them with good behavior, top notch grades, and minimal socializing. I think they're just trying to convince themselves that I will always just be a helpless child, who needs no attention whatsoever. When I was younger, my parents and brother used to like me more, but things have changed so much. In year 9 I tried to express my feelings of anxiety but I was shushed up instantly. They didn't want to hear any of it. They were relatively nice to me, up until I told them how bad I feel. Now they think I'm an absolute waste of time. Even before that incident, when my father started working more he'd be even crankier and let it out on me and my mom most of the time, who then in turn let it out on me. Shocking for me when it first started. In contrast, they treat my brother like a king, and let him have whatever he wants. My brother hates me too, so no way can I talk to him about it. And I've asked my mom about therapy, for my anxiety, but she scoffed at me and told me to stop being weak. I'm 15 at the moment, so there's nothing really I can do. I've distanced myself from friends after realizing how shitty I'm feeling, and I don't want to talk to anyone. I feel empty. If there's any advice, please share it. If u took ur time to read all this, thanks a lot. And have a nice day.
Its easy for me to remember growing up with CEN - no one in my household took the time to get to know me, not even my mother who I was closest to. I guess they assumed because I didn't complain and didn't know how to relay when I was feeling down to others that everything must be ok because I never said anything. Any hardship I had I always dealt with on my own. I grew up feeling very isolated and like I didn't really belong anywhere. The impact of CEN you described fits me exactly. Add on to that the verbal abuse from my dad - it didn't happen a lot because I learned that in order to get along with my dad I had to say quiet and out of his way. It would hurt a lot when he called me names because I figured your parents are supposed to love you the most and if even your parent says these bad things about you then it must be true. I always wonder what my life would've been had I hadn't had to deal with these things
wow,..a mirror of my childhood. At the time, it was "normal" to me. With nothing to compare to,..it shaped me into the most worthless person. All the actions and behaviour i presented then and up to now are the result of neglect. Empty is the only way I can describe it. I'm still here and deal with it every day. I cry so much now, it is symptomatic of PTSD. I can't forgive my parents,..I can only take my hand and say,"you're special and are worthy of goodness".😢....😊
Fantastic content but PLEASE change the music. its too upbeat for such a serious topic
Agree... your delivery is just perfect.
For those of us who are disturbed by the background music then there is a work around. Simply turn on the 'Subtitle / Closed Captions' and mute it.
I was thinking the same thing!!! It takes away from the message which is such a serious topic.
@@wherethereslifethereshope9858 that’s not a good idea at all. Hearing her tone and annunciations are important to the message. A simple workaround for those who do not agree with other’s opinions should simply move to a comment that better resonates with them instead of downplaying the commentators concerns.
@@charde9739 oh please. I was NOT downplaying her concerns AT ALL. I was just as disturbed with the poor choice of background music yet wanted to learn from the video, so used the above workaround in order to do so.
Thanks for sharing this video. I did not begin to address my CEN issues until my late forties in therapy. Learning about CEN has really me understand why I felt my life was off center. I realize I have alot of anger at my father, he subject us to so much CEN, but always wanted his children to meet his needs as an alcoholic and widowed father from the age of 40-85, his age at death. I took care of my father the last 3.5 years of his life and loved him, but was still very angry with him and my one sibling who was his partner in my CEN. I never married or had children and people said I was selfish, little did they realize I recognized my issues and refused to impose them on others.
Thank you so much for this. I have had struggles with anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts (I won't act on those), and Complex PTSD. The anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts all appeared by the time I was 9, despite a seemingly normal childhood. My parents can't tell when I'm upset, and if I am, they either don't know what to do/say or they try to tell me that I shouldn't feel how I'm feeling. My sister won't listen to me talk about most of my emotions. I had an anxiety attack the day before Thanksgiving and she was too busy playing a game on her phone to comfort me. When I said I wasn't sure if I was okay, she implied I was a burden by saying that there was only so much "not okay" she was up to dealing with. She also said later that she was "not my therapist" and shouldn't have to do things like that. My dad at least gave me a hug, but when I talked to him later, he admitted he'd rather be spending his time on things that didn't involve comforting me. I was floored. He also didn't notice that my sister and I have had ongoing arguments for the past 8 years, and I had to point this out to him. Those two family members in particular act like I'm extremely high maintenance in terms of emotions, but I really don't think it's unreasonable to ask a family member for a hug or reassurance during a difficult time, especially if this isn't a constant thing. They don't know this, but I gave up on long time ago on telling my family about the vast majority of my problems because they tend to be unhelpful. When I was sick as a kid, my mom would take me to the doctor but she'd also be visibly distressed and I'd wind up calming her down. I stopped telling her when I was sick when I was 9 or 10, even though I had a respiratory infection that got so bad that I couldn't talk or even breathe for brief intervals of time. I was able to hide this from them but I felt ashamed anyway for being a burden by being sick.
I can relate to this in many ways. It’s not our fault xx
I suffer and struggle every day with this, i knew i was different, my parents gave me everything physically, money, clothes,food but they neglected my emotions , they didn't care about my thoughts and feelings, they didn't know me as a person. I was never told i was loved, i was never cuddled. From the outside people thought i had an ideal life. But whenever i brought things i'd drawn or made at school, i just got told by my mother....it would look better if it was bigger or a different colour or you could have drawn a butterfly as its prettier than an ant.....all my life i got told that what i was doing was not good enough. I wasn't allowed to cry as it made them uncomfortable. Both my parents had their emotions ignored. But i reacted different for both my boys that have disorders, i fought their corner all their lives. I married my husband June 8th 2018 and he has filled the need of touch, care, understanding. I am going back into counselling and have started antidepressants. I don't know if i can get better but now i feel really loved. I always wondered why i felt empty inside, why i didn't feel like i fitted in , why i only feel ok when im in my house with my husband. I read the book running on empty and saw how many others struggle. It put into words what i struggled to explain
I've always known I suffered from neglect and this culminated in later life problems. I studied a psychology degree and read a number of brilliant self-help books but I can honestly say this is the first list of symptoms that fit me to a T. People often asked me 'why' were you abused, raped etc looking for a specific reason as I did for many years. The truth was I was the unwanted 3rd child of a single, remote and depressed mother. She did her basic duty but ignored my every emotion and sometimes physical care to. I thought she was a saint as she worried endlessly and I did everything I could to help her but she could never look me in the eye and on the rare occasions she spoke to me said 'I don't know you and don't like you'. I thought this was because there was something wrong with me. I felt guilty at not feeling anything when she died and this started me questioning why? and it still feels like an endlessly unsolvable question. I felt I must be a hard, horrible person but I guess now we just had not bonded. To have identified emotional neglect and my ...well personality is a revelation.
memyself andi my ex was told he was unwanted and was made feel that he was unneeded he is very insecure needy and becomes aggressive and obese with getting attention from people talking to strangers all time
I said to my husband this morning that it wouldn't bother me if i never saw my mother again, and now reading what you wrote about you're mother has helped me to see ,what i think is normal, when you have had CEN.
Omg. Your story is EXACTLY the same as mine. 3rd child to a depressed mother. She did bond with my brother and sister and so they've grown to be secure adults. The whole town hates me because all they can see is that my mother is lovely. Everyone thinks I'm horrible for not wanting to speak to her.
Wow! I had just sent a text message to a friend since I was feeling down again. Instead of giving in... I decided to browse for 'Why do I feel on the outside?' And I found you... Truly appreciate you decided to write. Time to move on...
Thanks for your interest! I'm honored that Network Magazine offered me the opportunity to reach folks in Ireland. Take care.
I would imagine this is past down generation after generation. My parents undoubtedly had more extreme case, especially my mother. For us kids she was overwhelmed with postpartum depression. At least I had my much older sister to do some mothering. She had no one and suffered her entire life. The love I gave her and the love of others never had meaning without the love of a mother. She ended her life.
This is great work, a real help for those of us who are in the process of trying to figure it out. My mom was a sexual abuse survivor who didn't start remembering things until in her 50's She did a great deal of damage to her children through neglect. I know I am not supposed to blame the victim, but there is plenty of blame in my head as I start to work on these issues. For example, she was aware that I was drinking and smoking with older kids when I was ten and she did nothing. I had developed a tic due to being bullied daily, and she did nothing. Nor did she prevent her abuser from sexually abusing my sister. She was living in a very limited part of herself and it constrained her emotional availability and awareness of others' suffering. This is highly invisible. I once tried to explain my mom's shortcomings to a mutual friend and was told flatly that I was wrong. She was sooo good at faking being normal, mostly everyone around her bought it. It was survival for her.
What you said made perfect sense. The music didn't match the gravity of this subject.It was inappropriate.
That moment where it click and suddenly you understand why you feel and act the way you do
I have found this book revelatory. It’s like someone knows all my secrets. And I can see these experiences so plainly in several people I know and love. Am recommending this book all over the place and people are interested. Bought it for my sister :)
Excellent, thoughtful and caring video Doctor. Thank you.As a child I had such severe depression, I would will myself to die, only to be frustrated because I wouldn't die. I have had 4 years of intense counseling, because as an adult, I nearly worked myself to death and was so ill, I was bedridden for months. I'm better now, only because people like you cared enough to help me. Thank you again.
you have no idea how much this video helped me
I feel like I've found what I've been struggling my entire life
thank you very much
I agree with lightbumble. You made an empowering choice to add music that doesn't even affect much of the topic. It isn't harmful to have such music. Whether it's "serious" or not. It doesn't add or take away from the subject at hand. I know it's important to respect others but they also need to learn that stuff like that isn't targeted to attack or disrespect anyone and that it wasn't made for just them, but for everyone, so they are going to have to accept that it's not just for their preference. In fact, although there was probably good intention, I think it's a little rude for someone to criticize your video when you're just trying to provide helpful information. And yes, that is just my opinion.
+cobainzlady no I did not realize that, thanks for letting me know in a non judgmental way!! Cause that sure let's me know you're considerate to the possibility of me being ignorant to the fact. Thanks, cobain for being in touch with my feelings as well!
Brilliant video with the best explanation I've heard thus far. If i had one critique it would be that the music is too lighthearted for the topic, and distracting at times.
Wow ! I like the "invisible" Description ...Just brought your book on line.
Completed the quiz and thought you had read my mail ...
Looking forward to the read ...
Suffered from anxiety and depression most of my life. Blamed myself absolutely..Thank you for the insight this morning... going to stop beating myself up !
That is pretty much what my childhood was like. My 2 siblings were out of the house by the time I turned 5. Being neglected caused me to try self harm. I tried to break my arm several times but all I did was leave myself with bruises which also went unnoticed.
Never knew what was going on in our house till 60 years later... my mother was always "there," doing housework, but did not realize that one of her children, my older brother, was traumatizing her baby daughter. He would say, "if you tell mom, I'll kill you." So I clammed up and never spoke about stuff that mattered to my mom. She was too busy housekeeping to notice anything. She never even held me close or told me she loved me. It was really eerie. I have had mental illness all my life.
I be your friend
I think I need to find the money to buy the book. I answered yes to EVERY question in the questionnaire (to one degree or another, and a few are mostly in the past). Add ADD to the mix and I have to say I am finding a tiny shred of self esteem just knowing I made it this far in one piece!
CEN absolutlly shapes the basic architecture, and other aspects of the brain. Due to the fact that 17% of U.S. children are not on a typical development projectory, l hope you continue to investigate, enumerate and disseminate this issue, and it continues to be your goal.
I knew something was wrong with me and when my former wife and I found out we were pregnant, I began to get worried. How do I raise this new little being without causing the damage her father once suffered with? Luckily, I found Gordon's book "P.E.T." and I began to change my language and finally my thinking. I am so lucky I diid....
My parents caused my emotional problems, then neglected me.
Leaving this feedback for Ms. Webb.
00:24
"Not enough" makes it sound like the child is partially at fault because that child was the one who wasn't fulfilled. Like a child who likes to eat , but wasn't fed enough.
Absolutely admire your work Dr. Webb. Might you have a version of this WITHOUT the background music ? Im completely unable to focus on what you're saying with that going on constantly. PLEASE
You just described my childhood to a T. Get outta my head woman! Haha! You have amazing insight.... Rock on Dr!
Yes. Something I know all too well. I didn't notice this until recently. Still happening today.
Love love love your books on CEN. Hubby & I both have CEN and we’re working through the books together. So helpful! Ty! 🌷👍
You are so welcome!
Very good. I was always whipped with the belt by my father and he always tried to lodge in my head that I don’t need compassion from anybody. My spankings/belt whippings began at a young age around 5 and at 9 years old my dad wanted to kick me out of the house. I don’t want to be around him at all. He’s always yelled and tried to be little me saying things like “I’m your father” when I would cry in front of him begging for him to love me. I’m 23 now and I knew about this problem a while ago but I’m finally starting to listen to my emotions more and I know I’m not crazy. I’m so glad I have the internet to help me out but I still feel like there is that void missing. I’ve always ignored that empty feeling and now that I’ve started to pay attention to my emotions I had a nightmare last night. It’s tough as fuck dealing with this because I feel out of place every fucking where. My issue lies in my head but it’s so hard to identify exactly what I’m feeling. I won’t give up. I won’t resort to drugs either like I did in the past. I’m also the oldest of 4 so I feel like I need to figure this shit out so I can teach my siblings too. My parents don’t have a clue even though I already sat my dad down and told him my honest feelings and cried in front of him. It went like this “I feel like you don’t trust me Dad” “no son that’s not true you’re a grown up now that has nothing to do with me”then tears began to flow effortlessly out of my eyes. He doesn’t know nor do I think he really cares. My mom opened up to me about her emotional neglect as a child and I know my dad went through it too they just need to open up with us. I’ve never ever insulted my parents or tried to make them feel bad like they’ve done to me. Yet here I am still fighting this. I know I have a problem I feel it every single day and I can’t communicate with people well and it shows.
CEN is Real.parents that neglect you are unaware of the pain and hurt they cause thier children.These parents are so intune with thier own life.They throw thier kids to the wind emotionally and mentally!
This video hits the nail on the head.... thankyou!
Thanks for your input Southerner316. I agree, and I'll make sure my next video has different music.
Yes, please the music is way too distracting.
It is what is not there...Yes. I go along with this . Fully. I belong when away.i experienced CEN for sure.
truly eye opening.. thank you ❤
thanks for this. it's my core issue.
I really wanted to share a video on this topic, appropriately, by Dr. Jonice Webb. It is such an important topic, I am SO disappointed by the circus music drowning out and creating a confusing vibe about such a serious concept.
this is quite possibly the answer to all my questions. cen. its no wander i dont feel right. because ive suffered emotional abuse.. i have autism/disability. during secondary i never got the right support and i felt i had no choice but to suppress myself. i felt weak, embaressed and rejectable for who i was, and angry.. i also felt very sad, lonely and disconnected from everyone else. i think youve answered it though. its because im not in touch with my emotions... i do feel this way, i feel confused about what i feel and why i feel this way... and often wandering how i even ended up here. i just feel like some alien... i need to start following my heart, no matter what...
For those of us who are disturbed my the background music then there is a work around. Simply turn on the 'Subtitle / Closed Captions' and mute it.
Looks like I'm the only one in the whole world whose not bothered at all my the sounds in the background😄Actually find it relaxing while I'm listening to the kind of sad message behind it!
I loved this. Thank you!
By observation, the behavior of most people shows that almost all of them have some form of emotional neglect as children/adults and then repeat the behavior towards adults -- if they can get away with this. Some form of getting together -- as a group of adults, as counselor to adult, or as going to school and this is part of the non-graded assignment, -- to examine 1. What people are doing that helps. 2. What people are doing that does not help. 3. To practice putting into effect what does work.
+Ruth Rogers Honestly, adults will not take the next step to be even friends, because they wounded and afraid to be friends. Time that we said hello to our neighbors -- and had neighborhoods or communities again. NOT THAT WE DO NOT. Only I have traveled plenty and moved plenty, listened plenty, to find some people feel so bad -- that many people cannot say hello to them. This is not just politics, or me, or something that I am doing. This is something I can say I have observed in some people.
Hi Dr. I am the mom of a narcissist, she has almost all of the traits, she had what you called a "fine" childhood. Her dad was probably a narc, but I thought he was just a controlling, womanizer. She has started saying that I was too busy with his B.S. To concentrate on her which is true, We were not hugged and kissed growing up but we knew we were loved. My question is: did we create her narcissism OR did her narcissism make her think she was emo neglected? (She was adored, kissed tons, held as an infant) there was certainly stress due her dad ,
Hi Kimberly, there are no clear answers to your question. CEN is a part of the cause of narcissism but other factors must be present as well. Nothing in the world of psychology can be boiled down to one common cause. I encourage you to ask this question to a trained therapist who has far more information about you and your daughter. Wishing you all the best.
I was emotionally neglected as a child, i am a sensitive person as well, today i am suicidal and borderline narcissistic, with performance and social anxiety.
Does anyone else get the " your career choice, your life, your job, your aspirations doesn't seem like a good idea I think you should live this way instead" from your parents. Yeah that was my last straw.
Professional care-taking/help beats parent(s), who find it hard to adjust to something slightly unique I wish the reversal. Thanks 🙏
Hi, I appreciate that you are raising awareness of how if a child’s feelings aren’t acknowledged then this child will likely grow up to a life of loneliness, disconnected from self and from others. But why not mention that Haim Ginott was saying this back in the 60’s, and Nathaniel Branden from the 70’s on, and then Marshall Rosenberg, and John Bradshaw and Pia Mellody?
I like that by focusing on how emotional neglect is difficult to see when one has been subjected to it, you make it easier for people to realize they are affected. But I’m annoyed to see you don’t mention your predecessors and you present your work as if it’s a new development, because I think it hinders the spread of information that is important for making this world a better place for all.
I’m curious, have you really not heard of these people, or is there something I’m missing and your work is truly new? Please say.
I can't get the questionaire to work, but I'm going to read the book. I really want to know your thoughts on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and the response that can be given that essentially it's our thoughts about activities that cause us to feel bad. I've really struggled with this because as you said, there really is no apparent reason that I should feel bad about myself and lack the ability to have good relationships that make me feel like my needs are met. It is more of an abstract, generalized feeling that I'm missing something very important but I don't know what it is and can't articulate it in words that traditional CBT would propose that I challenge. Please explain if there is a particular therapeutic approach I can use to heal.
What it is to me is a distant and emotionally dry upbringing, a lack of guideance leaving me lacking in skills (coming from guideance & interactions). My parents basically didnt want to me to have the miseries of strictness so they were very liberal & gave me so much space & freedom ..it was nice but you dont get confidence from freedom you get it from lifeskills. Lifeskills come from deep level interactions. I know now thats why little kids raise hell when they arent getting high quality social experiences from tired parents. Cos they need it like food to grow & be healthy. I wish all mothers had the right to stay at home & give that quality time in our society if they wish to do so.
Now as an adult I try to form dry friendships and end up feeling distant
I took the test. I got 18/22
I ran down the questionnaire where you have to circle the ones where the answer's 'yes'. So, what do I do when I answer 'Yes' to all of them...? o_O
so.. i've been trying to figure out whats happening to me for a while now.
when i was young, my parents got divorced. my dad is now with someone. however she is just his girlfriend (i say shes just my stepmom). I go to my dads during the school year every other weekend and the rest im with my mom. now.. this girlfriend of his.. kinda teases me ? Some of my.. FAVORITE conversations are:
im full - me
no, you arent youre just saying you are so you dont have to eat more because you dont like it. -her
no.. i do like it its very good but i am full. -me
no.. you arent! -her
then i am threatned to not get desert.. i mean who does that?
"im full"- me
"done with your burger you ate 2 bites out of?"-her
every time we get in these conversations, i always end up backing down. im afraid. afraid that she would hurt me even more.
however.. when it doesnt come to food im perfectly content... with just me and her. she almost alters my dads mind so he'll ignore me. however when she isnt around i am not ignored and cared for. loved. have you ever seen the couple with their kid walking behind them alone? that kid is me. take out the wife, and i become important. i always find myself counting down the days until i go back to my.. loving.. mothers house when my stepmom is around. however when shes not, i want to stay here forever. i love my dad and mom. minus my stepmom.
i am trying to find out if this is child neglect, as i am becoming extremely sad because of it. i have decided that when they mention me in a bad way i will just raise my eyebrows. hopefully she gets the hint. im just so fucking done with this bullshit. i cant take it.
The music feels distracting and annoying. Good info!
i am 48 and don't even know what my emotional needs are from others verses what i can give myself.
i see it and ill remember it alrght.
I keep waiting for some goofy character to bound out with this insipid music. Made it almost unwatchable.
I do agree it would be better without the music BUT is that because I dont want to get emotional? Eg people with this problem do we avoid certain movies as slop or cheesey and emotional tv?
hate that music...bad choice bad taste
I can't find the place on the website to ask questions/post anything, so I'll ask here.. So I relate to what people are saying about "I have no reason to feel this way; my childhood was fine, but now I see that they neglected me" etc. But I don't remember mine quite well. My memories start around 5/6, and even those are bits and pieces. Around 7 they get more consistent, but then the gaps return around 8 and 9. Big things I should remember but don't. Does anyone else have these memory gaps?
Yes. I’m not sure why either. Could it be suppression of emotional pain? Dissociation? I don’t know if the memories will ever come back.
Why the heck would you put the same video link in the description
A parents failure to ... cos i had to spend periods away from home. Yes. The not so true me was what mum wanted. I had no voice. Sibling rivalry. At 16 I wanted to leave on a ship that I saw departing . I have become healed, too n I need the surgery the most. To run. In return TY. I don't think there is a cure other than living a good life.
Great message, but the background music is very irritating. The happy music doesn't fit the serious message being delivered.
Why make it easy for people to listen when you can play irritating music at the same time and make people work for every word.
Well....I'm pissed now
Is CEN the same as NPD and if so what is the difference?
PARENTS THAT DIDNT GET THE RIGHT CEN .WONT DO. THAT FOR YOU.AND CANT WAIT FOR YOU TO GRADUATE SO THE PARENTS CAN PUT YOU OUT!
All the insights are great but PLEASE get rid of the music. It is annoying and distracting.
I'm very much the same
Now I'm adult
How can over come it
Mum tried , my f never did. I didn't matter. This is on topic. Narcissism is less so.
Please remove that music.
Could you please not have music and words at the same time? That is very hard to listen to for the 6% op people who have no filter.
no my mum neglects me and knows shes doing it
I fkn blame myself so much
But yeah my parents did it?
Omg
Ruspurgivesthepawsup
less music please!
Music weird talking about serious subject listening bouncy jolly music
I like the perky music in the background.