Your point about conversation should be the main focus when dining out is spot on. If you finished eating before everybody, you wern't adding to the conversation, if you finshed much later than everybody, you spoke too much.
One of the best bits of advice that I ever received was, "pay attention to how she treats the waiter because eventually she'll treat you the same way." Wonderful advice that I've never forgotten.
I work in a fine dining restaurant, and before working there I really believed these ideas were all unimportant, I used to despise the types of people that came into these restaurants to eat, and I started working there as a teenager that was uneducated, unpolished, and unaware. After working there, I have became a much more polished worker as well as person, and now I admire people that go to these restaurants, especially when they follow the basic restaurant etiquette. It’s admirable, and as a 19 year old working in such environment, I take in a lot of information and knowledge from the people that eat and spend their time there. Working there has expanded my vocabulary, helped my tone of voice, understand manners, respect, and understand the habits and conversation of successful folks. You can tell a lot from a person from the way they act at these types of places
I agree about the cell phone. If someone's phone goes off, they should, as I do, step away and answer, or answer curtly. I have walked away from anyone who answers their cell phone and begins a long conversation. Don't object, but just show them they are impolite. Another matter. A lady does not talk to the waiter if the man is paying. She tells the man what she wants, and the man orders. She can talk to the waiter if addressed for clarification. Otherwise, no. Tips should not be given if there is a service charge.
@ LOL well done. I remember the scene where Mike Meyers (I think in The Spy Who Shagged Me") has a chat with his father, and they switch to _"Real English"_ which was, for them, the secret code--word "Cockney" dialect. That was absolutely hilarious.
One thing I dislike seeing in a more elegant restaurant is when everyone dresses properly and one table group comes in shorts n shirts or something that’s goes against unwritten dress code
Totally agree. My wife and I were enjoying a fine meal for our anniversary when a sloppily dressed family came in. They gave off the attitude that because they were wealthy & "hard working", they could just be 'relaxed' about their presentation. They were noisy, with unruly infant children, showing complete disdain for the chef, the restaurant staff and the guests in their manner, making it very hard for the rest of us to fully enjoy the dining experience that the restauranteur wanted us to have.
@@darkprotector9562My wife and I were having dinner at an upscale casual restaurant where most patrons were dressed in a similar upscale casual look and in walks an overweight female wearing a nude colored Spanx body suit with heels. Not what I wanted to see and disruptive to the overall atmosphere. Call me uptight but I’m seeing this more frequently. A general increase of coarseness in society.
@@darkprotector9562My wife and I were having dinner at an upscale casual restaurant when in walks an overweight female wearing a nude colored Spanx bodysuit with heels, not even a jacket. Call me uptight but I’m seeing this sort of thing more frequently. A general coarsening of society.
@@darkprotector9562 LOL. Perhaps you should actually go to a stuck-up dipshit type of restaurant that DOES have an enforced dress code for tools such as yourself. Can't afford it, fancy pants?
Everything you listed, sir, are things I notice in others and avoid personally. The pet peeve of mine that stands out is the person who addresses the server with anything but friendliness and respect. Even if things go terribly wrong, I think you elevate yourself by not getting upset and by voicing any concerns or complaints in a calm, unruffled manner.
This for certain, and I think it goes for how to treat the staff at adjacencies, as well. I've seen people at high class establishments and business class flights treat their servers and attendants like their personal peasants. Remember, their job is to assist you, not to be your personal servant, and there are some people who self inflate their egos to the point where they think they're high class but their demeanor says very much otherwise.
@davelafferty605 A few weeks ago, wife and I were eating at a restaurant (not upscale, but not a greasy spoon, either), and this one woman two table over was finding something wrong with her meal constantly, and addressing the waitress in a snarky tone. If something is not to your liking, or the food is cold, just quietly call attention to the wait staff; no need to ream them out in front of other people. I had a hard time keeping my mouth shut to that woman after the waitress left, but I did it. No need to escalate it. I did glare at her evilly, though!
As a physician I would never ask someone on a date when I’m on call. Utensils on your plate -leave them at the 4 o’clock position when you’re done with the fork turned over. When you’ve made your choice close your menu or turn it over/ place it on the table to signal the wait staff you’ve made your choice.
Adding salt or pepper to your meal without having a taste first is a big pet peeve of mine. It sends the message that you don't trust your chef and are assuming that the cook did'nt season your meal to ur liking in the first place.
A point I learned early in my business career was a clear understanding of place settings at fine dining establishments. Specifically, when faced with multiple small plates (eg, bread or appetizer plates) or glasses (water, wine), it sometimes can be confusing which plate or glass is for each diner. The acronym I learned was SLLR (prounounced "slur")--Solids Left, Liquids Right. That is, at a given place setting, the associated plates for bread etc. will be on the left side of the setting, and the glasses will be on the right. This has served me well at multiple large and elaborate dining events. Another point is, in instances with multiple forks/utensils, knowing which to use for a given dish. The general rule to follow with multi-course meals is to work from the outside in when faced with more than one utensil (eg, forks). As the courses come and a fork is needed, begin with the outermost fork and work your way in as the following courses are served.
@demongo2007 It's a bit tough when you get seated at a small table. We try to ask for a booth if one is available just to have room for proper placement.
All good advice. I was taught at a young age to put the napkin on my lap, when I sat down. It is just something I do, without thinking about it. I always keep conversations pleasant and avoid certain subjects. Before I retired I was on call, but kept my phone out of sight and on vibrating mode. Now, I just put it away, until the evening is finished. As far as tipping, I always tip on the high-end. I worked in restaurants for a dozen years, during my younger days and I know how much work the staff puts in, each night. I'm also very courteous and don't air any problems at the table or try to get anyone in trouble, for any reason. The things that bother me at restaurants, are phones and loud talkers. Sometimes, they go together. Keep your phone on silent and if you have to have a conversation, speak in a normal tone.
I always find it helpful when dining at a new restaurant, to look at their menu and reviews online. It helps you be ready to order more quickly and you can help a dining partner if they ask “what’s good here?”
My wife and marvel at the number of couples dining together that never put their phones down and barely acknowledge each other. My wife and I will often leave our phones on the table but I will say “excuse me, darling while I quickly check this” and put it down promptly. We both realize we are there together but also acknowledge that life is happening too.
Great content. ( baby boomer here ). During my teenage, high school years… I subscribed to Esquire Magazine… I learned so much about being a gentleman…dressing, manners, etc. Still carry them with me today. ,
Your advice on putting cell phones on silent and AWAY during dining is an exactly correct, proper, and needs to be the NORM! It is my biggest dining pet peeve. People are overrun with thinking they need their phones at every moment. It's infantile unless you're a medical doctor or emergency responder.
This video is my first introduction to your channel. I appreciated the experience. I would say you are about a decade younger than I am. I thought chivalry was dead, especially in this current generation. I am often appalled at the level of etiquette displayed here in the US. (I was born here) and at the fact when I act a gentleman and hold a door for a lady for example, I am looked at more often than not, with surprise and shock. All of your advice is spot on. Especially the bit about focusing on your companions and not your phone. A good judge of a person is how they treat waiters, or any "service" personnel. Thank you for the belief in what is proper, and in upholding it. You earned a new subscriber.
The next time I go out to dinner, I'm taking you with me.... The thing I really loathe about going out to dine is rudeness to the waiters - there's absolutely no excuse for it. Though I did get a little peeved with a waiter who tried to compensate for warm white wine by offering to tip ice into it. I remained polite - my companion, a former head of health services for the Ministry of Defence, and thus a very determined lady, gave him a look that really should have chilled his bones, and probably did... But it wasn't his fault that the wine wasn't properly stored and presented. One does have to avoid blaming the most immediate person - it's almost never their fault. I admit to being embarrassed by tipping in the UK - I pray for clearer rules and expectations - sometimes it's included in the bill, sometimes the staff never see the tips and I resent paying the management if they don't pass it on; and this being Britain, some staff get embarrassed, so - so does the customer. On the whole, I dislike the practice, and wish restaurants and hotels would just pay their staff properly.
Hear hear! Passing the responsibility to compensate for the staff's low wages on to the customers - in other words "tipping" - is something we could all do without. Countries like Japan are virtually tipping-free, and the service there doesn't suffer any decline. There's a lesson in that.
@@AttilatheNun-xv6kc Tip is an anagram for- to insure promptness . This way the theory is it makes the wait staff more attentive. Tipping counter person for putting bagels in a bag, no way.
@@kenhoyer8601 "Tip is an anagram for- to insure promptness . " Actually: The word "tip" was first used as a verb in 1707 in George Farquhar's play The Beaux' Stratagem. Farquhar used the term after it had been "used in criminal circles as a word meant to imply the unnecessary and gratuitous gifting of something somewhat taboo, like a joke, or a sure bet, or illicit money exchanges." And I think you meant a different word than anagram. An anagram is just the rearranging of the letters in a word to make another word, like "silent" can be an anagram of "listen". Otherwise I agree. Tipping is illogical. Like that character in "Reservoir Dogs" said at the coffeeshop table, we don't tip the staff in McDonald's. He was right about that. And we don't tip our dentists, drug dealers or flight attendants. The whole system is nuts.
My biggest pet peeve with restaurant etiquette is when people order something but then expect the chef to alter the dish; remove some ingredients or swap something in it for something different. I've worked in a kitchen before, and altering recipes like that isn't always as easy as customers think. Even if it can be altered, it will take extra time, and that will mean everyone at the table will be waiting longer for their meal. If a dish has something in it that you don't like or can't eat, just order something different.
1. Don't start eating until the hostess or most senior person starts 2. Don't eat large mouthfuls of food ; 3. If you are not naturally charismatic remember a funny deptecustory event or situation to mention if there is a gap In the conversation ; 4. If you have trouble choosing from the menu simply say ‘ I’ll have what (S)he’s having. 5. If you initiated the lunch or dinner and you invited guests you must pay the whole bill
Agree with all of these! There’s also the even more subtle things like always filling other people’s glasses before your own (everyone for water) or if it’s a date, refill your date’s glass before refilling your own. Given you’ve likely got a bottle for the table already, it’s won’t come across as pushy or over assumptive like if you’d ordered her another cocktail whilst she’s using the bathroom, and if she declines a refill, it doesn’t reflect badly on your character, you’re merely providing a measure of something that you’ve already ordered.
Nice outfit, James. As far as being rushed, my wife and her close lady friend had spent maybe an hour at a somewhat nice place for dinner and wine. Up comes the waiter and asks them to move along. My wife is not one to make a scene and they finished their wine and left. She told me there were plenty empty tables and didn't know why they were chivvied out. Of course, she left no tip for that schmuck. I'm working on keeping my phone in my pocket; my wife has hers out at table all the time. She might get an "important text" from one of our adult children, or other. Question for you, or others here about tipping. What is the opinion about leaving a cash tip instead of adding one to the check? That is, if the wait staff doesn't have a card reader on their person. My two biggest beefs about restaurant etiquette are men not removing their baseball caps at table, even if it's at a chain burger joint. And out of control children. You know, the ones that their parents let them leave the table, or crawl under it (eeew).
I try and always leave a cash tip. Long ago when I worked as a waiter, there were times I didn't get the tip till the payment went through the next day. This was back in the nineties so things have probably changed by now.
Leave a cash tip as I’ve witnessed the owner keeping 60% of the tip that I’ve left on my card, and preferably giving the tip directly to the server themselves. The bus help, other customers have “helped” themselves to that tip 😠😡
My uncle went on a business trip to china and had to re learn restaurant etiquette. There they don't stagger meals cook times to come out at same time. They come out when they are ready. Its considered rude to wait for others meals to arrive and you may have to start eating when you are the only one with food. Chefs are more active there, they come out and ask for feedback on the meal. He was told "doesn't matter if everyone has food yet, start eating and when the chef comes out tell him you enjoy the meal, if you are not eating he will feel the meal isn't to your liking."
That's interesting because I was raised, it's impolite to eat before everyone is served. I wonder why certain cultures come up with particular rules of etiquette. I wonder where elbows off the table came from and why?
@@rickl2834I always disagreed with waiting for everyone to be served before eating. Especially in large groups. The early served end up with a cold meal.
@ Most American restaurants stack when they start cooking so everyones food is ready at same time. In china, they just start cooking and bring it out when it's done.
This is common in many Asian cultures, not just China. I'm in the US but my city has a notable amount of people from Thailand, Vietnam and Korea and their families all seem to own restaurants and this is common across all of them. The food comes out as it's ready. It's also common for them to assume you will share a little so they always bring a small plate too.
@@rickl2834it apparently comes from the middle ages in europe (which country specifically, I don't know). In some settings, the table wouldn't really be a table, but a plank of wood put on top of the feet without proper connection. So, if you were to put your elbows on the table, you would put weight on it and risk making it fall over. But this may just be a children story, and the real reason is that (depending on your height) elbows on the table make you crouch a little and it's seen as more respectful to stand straighter
As a gentleman, I only split the bill when I am out with friends; otherwise, if I am on a date with a lady, I will certainly pay regardless of the outcome.
If your wait staff has done an exceptional job, it is nice to tell the dining room manager. My friend, who had been a waiter, asked our waiter to tell the manager he wanted to talk to the manager. The waiter was scared that he had done something to upset my friend. The manager was very relieved when my friend just wanted to tell the 2 men about the great service we were receiving. Tipping should be considered at the end of the meal based on the behavior of the wait staff. One waitress listened to our political conversation, didn't like what she heard and tossed the salad bowl on our table. She actively refused to attend to our table needs for the meal. Her tip was very low so that she knew we did not like her service and didn't "forget " to leave a tip. She was never taught that she was supposed to ignore the table conversation unless it was directed towards her.
Been there, done that, at the Ritz Carlton in S.Laguna. Wanted to make sure that our water would have a notification (from the Maitre 'D) in his personal File should he want to be considered for advancement in the infrastructure.
@paulwoida8249 Some years back, my wife and I along with our special needs son were at a Red Robin burger joint.The waitress immediately noticed our son was "different" (not very easy to tell), and she engaged him in conversation right there and then. We were so impressed with her. I went beyond the local manager and told "corporate" about her and her kindness to our son. From that day on, whenever we went there, we made sure we were seated in the area where she worked. She always took time to chat up our son and us beyond what you normally get at a chain restaurant. What a sweet girl she was, and is.
Totally agree with you on the phone etiquette. Something my father taught me was eat something beforehand to take the edge of your appetite so that you order an appropriate size dish and eat it at a casual pace and pause to enjoy the flavours of the meal. 🐟
I am excited for the video, and I hope you are having a nice day Gent Z, I want you to know that I enjoy your content, and I appreciate your goal of helping young men on their journey of becoming gentlemen.
Regarding phones at the table, the rule in my family is no devices at the table, period. This rule holds true whether at home or dining out in a fast food or fine restaurant. TVs are definitely a no-no. A while ago we had lunch with another family at a large chain restaurant. The type where you’re sitting at a high top table on stools. Upon sitting down the dad and his son immediately pull out their phones. The look of shock on my 12 year old son’s face was priceless. Recognizing that no one in my family had their phones out the mother embarrassingly asked her husband and son to put their phones away.
YOU ARE DOING GOD'S WORK JAMES, thank you for everything. I do not know why men do not know these things anymore, even basic table etiquette. I am using your videos and advice to help shape my newly teenage younger brother into the gentleman he needs to be. I would love to hear you give even more advice aimed at younger "men", and talk about how teenagers these days can start acting differently then their peers to start their journey to being a gentleman. You are the role model the next generations need to be looking up to!!!!
I believe chair etiquette is important. If the host does not seat the lady, then you must do so. Also, in a group setting a brief standing up when a lady arrives at the table is called for. This applies to cloth napkin establishments....less so to casual places.
My mother taught “dining with etiquette” classes to Girl Scout troops, Boy Scout troops, and companies who wanted their best foot forward at luncheons and dinners. She is no longer with us. Thank you for keeping good dining manners alive!
These are all very useful and important guidelines in dining. I worked in restaurants during my college years, mostly as a server, and having done so I vary a bit in a couple of your points. I am willing to bet my bottom dollar, that do to the fast pace of the business, the server doesn't have the time to wash or sanitize their hands every time they go back to the kitchen, I know I didn't. With this in mind,I will wait to see how the server brings me my wine glass. If they place it by the bowl, I will drink it holding the stem. If they place it by the stem I will drink holding the bowl. I favor a red wine so temperature is of no consequence. Next, if the table is bare and has no table cloth, I will wait to place my napkin on my lap until the first plate arrives. I then can transfer my silverware from napkin to plate. I do this, again for cleanliness reasons.
Believe me I would love to hold my wine glass by the stem but I suffer from a severe hand tremor. To avoid showering wine over everyone at the table I hold the glass by the bowl, which does draw unwelcome stares at some events. At least they are dry!
I enjoy your channel. I grew up poor, but was raised with proper etiquette. I was taught that when out dining and a lady gets up, the men stand. The napkin goes on the chair if you leave for the restroom etc, and you’re not done w your meal. If you leave on the table it signals I’m finished. Also cutlery placement on the dinner plate, and where to put knives etc etc. Like I said, grew up poor, not rich today by any standards, but I see the well educated and wealthy completely unaware of most etiquette rules
My pet peeve is a man failing to remove his hat in a restaurant. I realize many men have poor manners, but their wives/girlfriends could tactfully remind them. Often they don’t.
@@gnothisauton2116 societal norms change, this hasn’t been a big deal since like the 80s. That’s 40 years ago. I understand no hats in a fancy restaurant, but anywhere else that isn’t fine dining is fine.
Thanks for including your comments about cell phones. There are few things sadder than seeing a restaurant table of "friends," half of whom are glued to their cells.
Well done. You demonstrate well that manners and etiquette are all about courtesy to others, as a proper gentleman should take pride in treating others with respect, as he has respect for himself and good self control.
The officers mess often has a rule that you never talk about religion, politics, or "shop" ( the army/ navy) breaking these rules can cost you a fine of bottles of wine or worse.
Hello James! Thank you for sharing the video. I really appreciate how you used to conclude your videos by showcasing your outfit from the bottom up. The outfit in this video is truly beautiful. Thanks once again! Cheers!
Very important observation is, how your company treats waiting staff, be it a friend or a romantic date. Bullying staff at such occasion shows the true character of a person. It helps to separate the wheat from the chaff. I had a good friend and likeminded one that I avoided to go out to eat with because he had to alter any order of the menu, say pizza, but without cheese, tomato, onion or garlic. Not talking about more sophisticated dishes, mind you. Now comes the subtle but mean part: we went out to a three star restaurant in France( can it get any better?)and a other friend had boasted about his eating ventures a lot. ( was out on expense accounts)Seeing the menu( right side) he had beads of sweat on his front and suddenly was little hungry, you get the picture. Just one dish will do. So he kept the server busy at our table for minutes, we took a set menu and he one plate. He was asked with which of our 5 courses he wanted his. Took a while to translate. Then, in sort of desperation, he made a wrong move: now, you guys are the Gourmets here, I let you chose the wine. Gentlemen we were , we did not order a 300$ bottle, but a decent one. Then came the check which we split by our number of persons. He was not happy. So never go out to fine dining with someone who doesn’t know the trade. It was embarrassing.
Tipping: Many things beyond quality of service are factored into my tip. Of course good service gets a strong tip, but I also increase my tip if we stay at our table longer than normal. This helps offset the loss the server may suffer by not immediately seating the next guests. I also factor in special requests such as holding the this or that, substituting, or dressing on the side. It helps correct any misconceptions by the server that we are unappreciative of what they do for us.
Beautifull video James :D and wow....that brown sport jacket with jeans shirt and brown tie is an incredible rustic yet beautiful combination that i love soo much ! you have a lot of style.
One of my biggest pet peeves is a server abruptly bringing the check to my table before even asking if I would like anything else. I'm usually a good tipper, and the server would get an even better tip if I was given the chance to order something more, such as dessert. Bringing an unannounced check out of nowhere is a clear signal that they want you out of there fast, in order to cycle through more customers. I used to wait tables in college, and we were required to ask first, "May I bring you anything else?" Or, "Are you ready for your check?" If we rushed our customers out the door, we would be reprimanded or even fired. Another thing that some servers do is to take customers' plates without asking first. It takes no effort at all to first ask, "May I take your plate?" I can't tell you how many times a server has taken my plate when I'm not even finished.
pet hate? Those people who seem unable to control the volume of their conversation, usually men but a lady a few meals ago in the restaurant had obviously just got back from the hunting field and thought she was calling the hounds to heel. Their voices boom out and you know more about their wife or husbands medical issues than you really wanted to. I understand some people are a little deaf but when eating surely the volume could be tempered.
Great recommendations, especially the phone one. I'd also add: 1) keep your mouth closed when chewing (restaurant or not, I realize this "should" be obvious), and 2) if your food comes out early, WAIT to start until everyone's order has come.
@@HYPERxSONICxFANx2012 Because it's rude not to wait, and it's all being sent at once so unless the restaurant makes a mistake you're waiting a minute or two at most.
Regarding tipping, My father when dining at a high end restaurant he frequented enough to be quite familiar, would take with him name labeled envelopes with tips and polity and discretely hand them out on arrival. He would go to the trouble to know the names of all the staff and (without being pandered to), would get a level of offerings and service well above the normal high standard. Manners and etiquette are the social lubricant that maintains the wheels of provision. Great mission and channel. Thanks for the advice.
@@andymatmar a dark suit and tie is always appropriate. Never any loud colors. Unless the invitation specifies a dress code or it’s a Royal occasion that calls for a morning coat/tails etc.
If it's red wine, one can hold the glass with a hand half on the stem and half on the glass, particularly if it's a large glass often used with a full bodied wine (cabermet vs a beuajolais). Also, after dinner drink like cognac (in a snifter) encourages the hand's body temperature to warm the cognac to bring out more flavor notes, but one cradles it in one's palm and not grab it like a beer bottle
I enjoy your videos. You are always dressed so well. You have made style videos, but usually based around a suit or sport coat. Could you make some videos on dressing well in casual gear? Thanks
If it’s available, take advantage of the coat check. it makes room for other people sitting at your booth, and it minimizes the chance of you damaging whichever jacket you’re sitting on or hanging on the back of your chair.
Nice video. Thank you for the tip on holding the wine glass. It drives me crazy when I see people do otherwise. In just about every movie or TV show I watch the actors seem to alway hold the glass by the bowl. It's unbelievable that they haven't figured this out. Take care.
A lifetime ago, I made "friends" with a toxic person who had never learned to read. He had a ruse he used dining out, to keep that a secret from the waiter. He would pretend to peruse the menu, then hand it over to the waiter and grunt, "Gimme a Steak!" If they could it was all good. If they said it wasn't on the menu, he would scream, "Well What DO you have?!?' The waiter would be so gobsmacked he would start listing items verbally out of surprise and shock. And then he would calm down and order one of those. It always humiliated me, being an ex- bartender myself, and after a couple of scenes, I cut him loose, but way too late in life...
Your tipping comments were spot on and I caught that you prefaced them with “in the United States.” I noted some complaints about the whole practice of tipping. Fair enough, but the real gentleman will be aware of the local customs or practices and follow those accordingly. Leave judgement outside the restaurant and enjoy the food and company of those in your presence.
Do not sit down before the ladies. Help ladies sit down by standing behind, holding and gently pushing their chair towards the table, then sit down (at least in fancier restaurants).
Good one! And if the lady gets up to go leave the table, stand up out of respect until she has left. And do so when she returns or if another lady arrives
Pretty much everything you list is growing up 101 where I come from. Except for the wine glass and that’s only because I don’t drink wine and neither did my family growing up. However, my wife does and I believe that is how she holds her glass. My restaurant pet peeves: 1). Remove your hat at the table (if you wear one). You’re not supposed to be in a hurry and it is courteous to remove your hat at the table and indoors in general. 2). Do not put your elbows on the table. It looks lazy and slovenly and could potentially put yourself in the way of the person seated next to you. 3). Do not talk with your mouth full. If somebody asks you something right after you took a bite, let them wait, they’ll understand and if you think you must politely indicate with your finger or nod that you need a few seconds. Again, they’ll understand. 4). Do not lean back in your chair to rock. Again, looks slovenly and disrespectful to not only others but to yourself 5). Do not play, point with, gesture with or fool around with utensils. Use them in the manner they were intended. 6). (American rule, except for the northeast) Do not eat with the back of your fork. Use the back of your fork to hold in order to cut but turn the fork rightside up to eat. This is the form of not being in a hurry. 7). If you eat at a place that has a buffet where you take food back to your table, like a salad bar or a chef serving food from a buffet. Do not overload your plate to where things are falling off the plate (or you’re having to struggle to keep that from happening). Get a modest amount, you can always go back for more if you are really that hungry and as long as you are not holding up your eating companions. 8). Use utensils from the outside working in. Fork(s) on left, knife and spoon on right. Desert spoon on right inside of knife. Salad fork on outside from dinner fork. That way you are using things in order of the meal. 9) Don’t holler, point or whistle for the waiter. Simply watch and use simple facial and body language like a look or hand or finger wave when they are looking your direction. 10). It is okay to NOT tip if the service was downright awful, negligent or rude. A tip is a gift that is earned from appreciation and respect and it works both ways. Not tipping sends a message as much as generously tipping. (And don’t be afraid to speak to management. If they really care, they don’t want problems with staff either)
Nice video. Please include a segment about paying the cheque if you're hosting the dinner. Should your guest know the bill amount , or do we take extra care to hide it? Also if it's polite to pay cash or by card?
The size determines how you unfold a napkin in your lap. Large napkins are unfolded halfway. Smaller napkins are unfolded completely and cover the lap fully.
American here. I’ve found in 🇬🇧 and Scandinavia it can get awkward if I tip because it isn’t always expected. The worst/funniest was the first time I attempted to tip in a pub when I picked up the drinks. The bartender was puzzled. My British friend just told her ‘he’s an American. Just take it’.
Spot on about placing your napkin in lap upon sitting. When temporarily leaving the table though, you place your napkin in your seat. This spares the others at your table from having to observe a soiled napkin, and it signals to the restaurant staff that you are returning. Placing the napkin on the table when you get up lets them know you’re not returning so they may begin setting up for the next diners.
We were in a casual restaurant one day and a man (of course) started loudly blowing his nose at a neighboring table, honking and all. It was funny as well as disgusting. That is something everybody should know not to do.
German napkin ettiquette is a bit different. The napkin has to be folded rectangular but the napkin has to be folded only about at least third or a half of the way up and then got placed on your lap so that the fold is facing the table and the open side is facing you. This way the napkin can actually catch things falling into your lap and you can bring the inside half of that shorter side to your mouth and the then "dirty area" stays hidden inside. Therefore the part of the napkin that comes into contact with your clothes always stays clean. The "German parking place" for the napkin during a break in the meal is not the chair. That is actually a "No Go/Fauxpas" The longer bottom side got folded in to the point where the shorter upper side starts then the whole napkin got folded once more like a briefcase in the middle and the "parking place" for the napkin during a break in the meal is then to the left of the place setting/to the left of your plate. After dinner you fold the napkin loosely against the original fold (as sign for the service that it is not used anymore)- but any traces of dirt has to be covered - and placed to the left of your plate = the former mentioned "parking space"
Asking for an extra Champaign bucket in case of an unexpected chunder is high class. I always order a large white towel instead of a napkin when eating pasta or meat with gravy. Rarely remind diners of raw minced beef or fish of the hideous death of your Uncle due to tapeworm infestation. Want until the remove is almost finished before asking for a loan.
Great instructions (on how to handle a wine glass) for Americans who have absolutely lost the important art of subtlety. I always say, "We'll be ready (to order) in two minutes" if a waitperson attempts to rush. James, you must also cover handwritten thank you notes - another lost art in America (emphasis on legible hand writing).
I recommend wearing a dinner jacket (dress well) ; in addition, if ordering wine, try to know the wine list before going; sometimes, the most expensive wine is not the best.
These videos really helps a lot, I appreciate it sir, it helps me learn lot of stuff I never learnt in school, but I do have a doubt: In many times, I see people in crowded restaurants cutting the que, to tip a restaurant staff to arrange a table fast, its kinda neat, but confusing whether it is good etiquette, like it shows dominance of a man to handle a situation and also helps people we dine with have a pleasant mood, but is it good etiquette? Like due to that people we dine have good time but who were waiting long time will have bad experience right?
Interesting video. As a world traveller I have experienced many fine dining opportunities throughout the world. I will say, culture plays huge part in the experience you will receive. One experience came to mind. While enjoying a wonderful meal in a restaurant while in St Moritz. A $450. per plate meal. An argument broke out between two guests who had been behaving loudly throughout their stay. It was disruptive to say the least. A guest complained to the Maître D’ only to be faced with " We don't get involved with customer complaints" The pair remained disruptive until they departed the restaurant. Most common annoyance for me is definitely. loud and disruptive guests in a fine dining restaurant.
My wife is from a refined European family. Cheers with water is a big no, as it signifies tears - as in you are wishing tears upon your companion. Only do that with wine or soft drinks. Similar in a way to leaving chopsticks vertical in rice in Asia, which signifies death.
I have contempt for people who start drinking before the other person receives their drink and that goes for food too. Dining is a ritual and I believe that it follows a liturgy. A drink doesn’t start until there is some acknowledgment whether that be a toast or a simple raising of the glass with eye contact followed by the first sip together.
This is very good basic information. It may seem like common sense or something your parents should have taught you, but many have never been in such an envoriment and having these pointers can help those who are new to this sort of thing.
a great video again - thank you for this. I like your calm and clear way to explain these topics - even if they should be naturally in most of the time. I would like to share my thoughts regarding the tip/tipping: I know the situation in the US and that the staff requires the tips to pay theire bills and living. You recommend giving even up to 25% tip if you want to come again and so on... But how do you (or others here) handle or think about the point, that giving more tip than usual could be interpreted as bragging? (sorry, english is not my mothers tounge, but I asume you could get the meaning)
Fun fact regarding the holding of a wine glass: people originally held the stem of the glass/goblet because the servers would pick it up by bowl itself when recharging it and they didn't want to touch more of the things the dirty lower class touched than they absolutely had to. Another fun fact for serving: always serve from the right and take from the left.
Excellent comments, Gents! Keep them coming because I will make a follow-up video addressing your questions and more common misunderstandings
Your point about conversation should be the main focus when dining out is spot on.
If you finished eating before everybody, you wern't adding to the conversation, if you finshed much later than everybody, you spoke too much.
One of the best bits of advice that I ever received was, "pay attention to how she treats the waiter because eventually she'll treat you the same way." Wonderful advice that I've never forgotten.
Same with him😊
Seeing this comment after watching that waiter episode of Key & Peele made me laugh. But it’s so true.
7628 Well stated !
I work in a fine dining restaurant, and before working there I really believed these ideas were all unimportant, I used to despise the types of people that came into these restaurants to eat, and I started working there as a teenager that was uneducated, unpolished, and unaware. After working there, I have became a much more polished worker as well as person, and now I admire people that go to these restaurants, especially when they follow the basic restaurant etiquette. It’s admirable, and as a 19 year old working in such environment, I take in a lot of information and knowledge from the people that eat and spend their time there. Working there has expanded my vocabulary, helped my tone of voice, understand manners, respect, and understand the habits and conversation of successful folks. You can tell a lot from a person from the way they act at these types of places
Soak it all in. Watch, learn and practice. At 15, I worked in a fine dining country club. The things I learned there remain 40 years later 👍🏽
I agree about the cell phone. If someone's phone goes off, they should, as I do, step away and answer, or answer curtly.
I have walked away from anyone who answers their cell phone and begins a long conversation. Don't object, but just show them they are impolite.
Another matter. A lady does not talk to the waiter if the man is paying.
She tells the man what she wants, and the man orders.
She can talk to the waiter if addressed for clarification. Otherwise, no.
Tips should not be given if there is a service charge.
Thank you for taking the time to learn good manners. It will improve the quality of your life!❤
McDonald’s?
@ No…you can’t get his kind of quality at McDonald’s. He’s First Class.
Wow. I didn't realize I was a gentleman. These all seemed like natural actions.
good for you... Mr. Bond.
@@Carl-LaFong1618 more like Austin Powers, actually.
@@williampalchak7574 Can you translate that in English ? _Real_ English ??
@@mtlicq jolly good, old so and so.
@ LOL well done.
I remember the scene where Mike Meyers (I think in The Spy Who Shagged Me") has a chat with his father, and they switch to _"Real English"_ which was, for them, the secret code--word "Cockney" dialect. That was absolutely hilarious.
One thing I dislike seeing in a more elegant restaurant is when everyone dresses properly and one table group comes in shorts n shirts or something that’s goes against unwritten dress code
Totally agree. My wife and I were enjoying a fine meal for our anniversary when a sloppily dressed family came in. They gave off the attitude that because they were wealthy & "hard working", they could just be 'relaxed' about their presentation. They were noisy, with unruly infant children, showing complete disdain for the chef, the restaurant staff and the guests in their manner, making it very hard for the rest of us to fully enjoy the dining experience that the restauranteur wanted us to have.
@@darkprotector9562My wife and I were having dinner at an upscale casual restaurant where most patrons were dressed in a similar upscale casual look and in walks an overweight female wearing a nude colored Spanx body suit with heels. Not what I wanted to see and disruptive to the overall atmosphere. Call me uptight but I’m seeing this more frequently. A general increase of coarseness in society.
@@darkprotector9562My wife and I were having dinner at an upscale casual restaurant when in walks an overweight female wearing a nude colored Spanx bodysuit with heels, not even a jacket. Call me uptight but I’m seeing this sort of thing more frequently. A general coarsening of society.
@@darkprotector9562 LOL. Perhaps you should actually go to a stuck-up dipshit type of restaurant that DOES have an enforced dress code for tools such as yourself. Can't afford it, fancy pants?
If the place doesn’t have a dress code don’t go there if you don’t like being around inferiors.
Everything you listed, sir, are things I notice in others and avoid personally. The pet peeve of mine that stands out is the person who addresses the server with anything but friendliness and respect. Even if things go terribly wrong, I think you elevate yourself by not getting upset and by voicing any concerns or complaints in a calm, unruffled manner.
This for certain, and I think it goes for how to treat the staff at adjacencies, as well. I've seen people at high class establishments and business class flights treat their servers and attendants like their personal peasants. Remember, their job is to assist you, not to be your personal servant, and there are some people who self inflate their egos to the point where they think they're high class but their demeanor says very much otherwise.
Someone said, "The person who is nice to you and rude to the waiter isn't a nice person"
@davelafferty605 A few weeks ago, wife and I were eating at a restaurant (not upscale, but not a greasy spoon, either), and this one woman two table over was finding something wrong with her meal constantly, and addressing the waitress in a snarky tone. If something is not to your liking, or the food is cold, just quietly call attention to the wait staff; no need to ream them out in front of other people. I had a hard time keeping my mouth shut to that woman after the waitress left, but I did it. No need to escalate it. I did glare at her evilly, though!
As a physician I would never ask someone on a date when I’m on call. Utensils on your plate -leave them at the 4 o’clock position when you’re done with the fork turned over. When you’ve made your choice close your menu or turn it over/ place it on the table to signal the wait staff you’ve made your choice.
Forgot to say don’t leave a spoon in the serving dish. Place it on the plate or saucer.
Actually, in Europe it's 4:20 position. And don't forget to turn the sharp side of the knife blade towards yourself and not towards your counterpart.
@ I haven’t even started on bread and butter etiquette.
Well, as a medical professional, you don't always get the luxury of avoiding evenings out if you're on call. It's a risk that must be taken sometimes.
@ depends on how well I know someone but if I’m just beginning to date someone I’ll find someone to cover for me.
Adding salt or pepper to your meal without having a taste first is a big pet peeve of mine. It sends the message that you don't trust your chef and are assuming that the cook did'nt season your meal to ur liking in the first place.
I know i like a lot of salt. My fave restaurant does as well. They automatically put a ton of salt for me before tabling the food
A point I learned early in my business career was a clear understanding of place settings at fine dining establishments. Specifically, when faced with multiple small plates (eg, bread or appetizer plates) or glasses (water, wine), it sometimes can be confusing which plate or glass is for each diner.
The acronym I learned was SLLR (prounounced "slur")--Solids Left, Liquids Right. That is, at a given place setting, the associated plates for bread etc. will be on the left side of the setting, and the glasses will be on the right. This has served me well at multiple large and elaborate dining events.
Another point is, in instances with multiple forks/utensils, knowing which to use for a given dish. The general rule to follow with multi-course meals is to work from the outside in when faced with more than one utensil (eg, forks). As the courses come and a fork is needed, begin with the outermost fork and work your way in as the following courses are served.
@demongo2007 It's a bit tough when you get seated at a small table. We try to ask for a booth if one is available just to have room for proper placement.
The phone is certainly the rudest of them all.
All good advice. I was taught at a young age to put the napkin on my lap, when I sat down. It is just something I do, without thinking about it. I always keep conversations pleasant and avoid certain subjects. Before I retired I was on call, but kept my phone out of sight and on vibrating mode. Now, I just put it away, until the evening is finished. As far as tipping, I always tip on the high-end. I worked in restaurants for a dozen years, during my younger days and I know how much work the staff puts in, each night. I'm also very courteous and don't air any problems at the table or try to get anyone in trouble, for any reason. The things that bother me at restaurants, are phones and loud talkers. Sometimes, they go together. Keep your phone on silent and if you have to have a conversation, speak in a normal tone.
Boy, this is so much better than the food fights I learned from the Three Stooges.
I always find it helpful when dining at a new restaurant, to look at their menu and reviews online. It helps you be ready to order more quickly and you can help a dining partner if they ask “what’s good here?”
My wife and marvel at the number of couples dining together that never put their phones down and barely acknowledge each other. My wife and I will often leave our phones on the table but I will say “excuse me, darling while I quickly check this” and put it down promptly. We both realize we are there together but also acknowledge that life is happening too.
That seems like a reasonable balance.
Great content. ( baby boomer here ). During my teenage, high school years… I subscribed to Esquire Magazine… I learned so much about being a gentleman…dressing, manners, etc. Still carry them with me today.
,
Your advice on putting cell phones on silent and AWAY during dining is an exactly correct, proper, and needs to be the NORM! It is my biggest dining pet peeve. People are overrun with thinking they need their phones at every moment. It's infantile unless you're a medical doctor or emergency responder.
Right! Try to get a woman to put her mobile away. If on the table, it will usually be face down.
This video is my first introduction to your channel. I appreciated the experience. I would say you are about a decade younger than I am. I thought chivalry was dead, especially in this current generation. I am often appalled at the level of etiquette displayed here in the US. (I was born here) and at the fact when I act a gentleman and hold a door for a lady for example, I am looked at more often than not, with surprise and shock. All of your advice is spot on. Especially the bit about focusing on your companions and not your phone. A good judge of a person is how they treat waiters, or any "service" personnel. Thank you for the belief in what is proper, and in upholding it. You earned a new subscriber.
The next time I go out to dinner, I'm taking you with me....
The thing I really loathe about going out to dine is rudeness to the waiters - there's absolutely no excuse for it. Though I did get a little peeved with a waiter who tried to compensate for warm white wine by offering to tip ice into it. I remained polite - my companion, a former head of health services for the Ministry of Defence, and thus a very determined lady, gave him a look that really should have chilled his bones, and probably did... But it wasn't his fault that the wine wasn't properly stored and presented. One does have to avoid blaming the most immediate person - it's almost never their fault.
I admit to being embarrassed by tipping in the UK - I pray for clearer rules and expectations - sometimes it's included in the bill, sometimes the staff never see the tips and I resent paying the management if they don't pass it on; and this being Britain, some staff get embarrassed, so - so does the customer. On the whole, I dislike the practice, and wish restaurants and hotels would just pay their staff properly.
Hear hear!
Passing the responsibility to compensate for the staff's low wages on to the customers - in other words "tipping" - is something we could all do without.
Countries like Japan are virtually tipping-free, and the service there doesn't suffer any decline.
There's a lesson in that.
@@AttilatheNun-xv6kc Tip is an anagram for- to insure promptness . This way the theory is it makes the wait staff more attentive. Tipping counter person for putting bagels in a bag, no way.
@@kenhoyer8601
"Tip is an anagram for- to insure promptness . "
Actually:
The word "tip" was first used as a verb in 1707 in George Farquhar's play The Beaux' Stratagem. Farquhar used the term after it had been "used in criminal circles as a word meant to imply the unnecessary and gratuitous gifting of something somewhat taboo, like a joke, or a sure bet, or illicit money exchanges."
And I think you meant a different word than anagram. An anagram is just the rearranging of the letters in a word to make another word, like "silent" can be an anagram of "listen".
Otherwise I agree. Tipping is illogical. Like that character in "Reservoir Dogs" said at the coffeeshop table, we don't tip the staff in McDonald's. He was right about that.
And we don't tip our dentists, drug dealers or flight attendants. The whole system is nuts.
Thanks, your videos really help.
My biggest pet peeve with restaurant etiquette is when people order something but then expect the chef to alter the dish; remove some ingredients or swap something in it for something different. I've worked in a kitchen before, and altering recipes like that isn't always as easy as customers think. Even if it can be altered, it will take extra time, and that will mean everyone at the table will be waiting longer for their meal. If a dish has something in it that you don't like or can't eat, just order something different.
1. Don't start eating until the hostess or most senior person starts
2. Don't eat large mouthfuls of food ;
3. If you are not naturally charismatic remember a funny deptecustory event or situation to mention if there is a gap In the conversation ;
4. If you have trouble choosing from
the menu simply say ‘ I’ll have what (S)he’s having.
5. If you initiated the lunch or dinner and you invited guests you must pay the whole bill
And hats off at the table
Agree with all of these! There’s also the even more subtle things like always filling other people’s glasses before your own (everyone for water) or if it’s a date, refill your date’s glass before refilling your own.
Given you’ve likely got a bottle for the table already, it’s won’t come across as pushy or over assumptive like if you’d ordered her another cocktail whilst she’s using the bathroom, and if she declines a refill, it doesn’t reflect badly on your character, you’re merely providing a measure of something that you’ve already ordered.
Nice outfit, James. As far as being rushed, my wife and her close lady friend had spent maybe an hour at a somewhat nice place for dinner and wine. Up comes the waiter and asks them to move along. My wife is not one to make a scene and they finished their wine and left. She told me there were plenty empty tables and didn't know why they were chivvied out. Of course, she left no tip for that schmuck. I'm working on keeping my phone in my pocket; my wife has hers out at table all the time. She might get an "important text" from one of our adult children, or other. Question for you, or others here about tipping. What is the opinion about leaving a cash tip instead of adding one to the check? That is, if the wait staff doesn't have a card reader on their person. My two biggest beefs about restaurant etiquette are men not removing their baseball caps at table, even if it's at a chain burger joint. And out of control children. You know, the ones that their parents let them leave the table, or crawl under it (eeew).
I try and always leave a cash tip. Long ago when I worked as a waiter, there were times I didn't get the tip till the payment went through the next day. This was back in the nineties so things have probably changed by now.
Leave a cash tip as I’ve witnessed the owner keeping 60% of the tip that I’ve left on my card, and preferably giving the tip directly to the server themselves. The bus help, other customers have “helped” themselves to that tip 😠😡
My uncle went on a business trip to china and had to re learn restaurant etiquette. There they don't stagger meals cook times to come out at same time. They come out when they are ready. Its considered rude to wait for others meals to arrive and you may have to start eating when you are the only one with food. Chefs are more active there, they come out and ask for feedback on the meal. He was told "doesn't matter if everyone has food yet, start eating and when the chef comes out tell him you enjoy the meal, if you are not eating he will feel the meal isn't to your liking."
That's interesting because I was raised, it's impolite to eat before everyone is served. I wonder why certain cultures come up with particular rules of etiquette. I wonder where elbows off the table came from and why?
@@rickl2834I always disagreed with waiting for everyone to be served before eating. Especially in large groups. The early served end up with a cold meal.
@ Most American restaurants stack when they start cooking so everyones food is ready at same time. In china, they just start cooking and bring it out when it's done.
This is common in many Asian cultures, not just China. I'm in the US but my city has a notable amount of people from Thailand, Vietnam and Korea and their families all seem to own restaurants and this is common across all of them. The food comes out as it's ready. It's also common for them to assume you will share a little so they always bring a small plate too.
@@rickl2834it apparently comes from the middle ages in europe (which country specifically, I don't know). In some settings, the table wouldn't really be a table, but a plank of wood put on top of the feet without proper connection. So, if you were to put your elbows on the table, you would put weight on it and risk making it fall over. But this may just be a children story, and the real reason is that (depending on your height) elbows on the table make you crouch a little and it's seen as more respectful to stand straighter
As a gentleman, I only split the bill when I am out with friends; otherwise, if I am on a date with a lady, I will certainly pay regardless of the outcome.
Depends on who asked out who.
I always offer first. If there is an objection we can negotiate.
If your wait staff has done an exceptional job, it is nice to tell the dining room manager. My friend, who had been a waiter, asked our waiter to tell the manager he wanted to talk to the manager. The waiter was scared that he had done something to upset my friend. The manager was very relieved when my friend just wanted to tell the 2 men about the great service we were receiving.
Tipping should be considered at the end of the meal based on the behavior of the wait staff. One waitress listened to our political conversation, didn't like what she heard and tossed the salad bowl on our table. She actively refused to attend to our table needs for the meal. Her tip was very low so that she knew we did not like her service and didn't "forget " to leave a tip. She was never taught that she was supposed to ignore the table conversation unless it was directed towards her.
Been there, done that, at the Ritz Carlton in S.Laguna. Wanted to make sure that our water would have a notification (from the Maitre 'D) in his personal File should he want to be considered for advancement in the infrastructure.
@paulwoida8249 Some years back, my wife and I along with our special needs son were at a Red Robin burger joint.The waitress immediately noticed our son was "different" (not very easy to tell), and she engaged him in conversation right there and then. We were so impressed with her. I went beyond the local manager and told "corporate" about her and her kindness to our son. From that day on, whenever we went there, we made sure we were seated in the area where she worked. She always took time to chat up our son and us beyond what you normally get at a chain restaurant. What a sweet girl she was, and is.
Looking very sharp today James...fantastic haircut/ctyle and love the outfit!
Totally agree with you on the phone etiquette. Something my father taught me was eat something beforehand to take the edge of your appetite so that you order an appropriate size dish and eat it at a casual pace and pause to enjoy the flavours of the meal. 🐟
As always, great content and great delivery..GOD BLESS
I am excited for the video, and I hope you are having a nice day Gent Z, I want you to know that I enjoy your content, and I appreciate your goal of helping young men on their journey of becoming gentlemen.
Regarding phones at the table, the rule in my family is no devices at the table, period. This rule holds true whether at home or dining out in a fast food or fine restaurant. TVs are definitely a no-no.
A while ago we had lunch with another family at a large chain restaurant. The type where you’re sitting at a high top table on stools. Upon sitting down the dad and his son immediately pull out their phones. The look of shock on my 12 year old son’s face was priceless. Recognizing that no one in my family had their phones out the mother embarrassingly asked her husband and son to put their phones away.
The way someone uses, or rather doesn't use, the phone is probably the best indicator of class in this day and age.
My pet peeve: when its time to go and everybody is standing up and someone take his glass and drinks to the last drop head back standing up.
YOU ARE DOING GOD'S WORK JAMES, thank you for everything. I do not know why men do not know these things anymore, even basic table etiquette. I am using your videos and advice to help shape my newly teenage younger brother into the gentleman he needs to be. I would love to hear you give even more advice aimed at younger "men", and talk about how teenagers these days can start acting differently then their peers to start their journey to being a gentleman. You are the role model the next generations need to be looking up to!!!!
I believe chair etiquette is important. If the host does not seat the lady, then you must do so. Also, in a group setting a brief standing up when a lady arrives at the table is called for. This applies to cloth napkin establishments....less so to casual places.
My mother taught “dining with etiquette” classes to Girl Scout troops, Boy Scout troops, and companies who wanted their best foot forward at luncheons and dinners. She is no longer with us. Thank you for keeping good dining manners alive!
These are all very useful and important guidelines in dining. I worked in restaurants during my college years, mostly as a server, and having done so I vary a bit in a couple of your points. I am willing to bet my bottom dollar, that do to the fast pace of the business, the server doesn't have the time to wash or sanitize their hands every time they go back to the kitchen, I know I didn't. With this in mind,I will wait to see how the server brings me my wine glass. If they place it by the bowl, I will drink it holding the stem. If they place it by the stem I will drink holding the bowl. I favor a red wine so temperature is of no consequence. Next, if the table is bare and has no table cloth, I will wait to place my napkin on my lap until the first plate arrives. I then can transfer my silverware from napkin to plate. I do this, again for cleanliness reasons.
Believe me I would love to hold my wine glass by the stem but I suffer from a severe hand tremor. To avoid showering wine over everyone at the table I hold the glass by the bowl, which does draw unwelcome stares at some events. At least they are dry!
I enjoy your channel. I grew up poor, but was raised with proper etiquette. I was taught that when out dining and a lady gets up, the men stand. The napkin goes on the chair if you leave for the restroom etc, and you’re not done w your meal. If you leave on the table it signals I’m finished. Also cutlery placement on the dinner plate, and where to put knives etc etc. Like I said, grew up poor, not rich today by any standards, but I see the well educated and wealthy completely unaware of most etiquette rules
My pet peeve is a man failing to remove his hat in a restaurant. I realize many men have poor manners, but their wives/girlfriends could tactfully remind them. Often they don’t.
This drives me crazy as well, excellent point^
Women don’t care about that
As a man, I care about it. Very rude behavior.
@@gnothisauton2116 societal norms change, this hasn’t been a big deal since like the 80s. That’s 40 years ago. I understand no hats in a fancy restaurant, but anywhere else that isn’t fine dining is fine.
@@tonypreston7278 Agree to disagree.
A Romanian once taught me to never put my glass on the table after cheering before having at least one sip.
Yeah I think that's the norm here in the UK too.
Thanks for including your comments about cell phones. There are few things sadder than seeing a restaurant table of "friends," half of whom are glued to their cells.
Well done. You demonstrate well that manners and etiquette are all about courtesy to others, as a proper gentleman should take pride in treating others with respect, as he has respect for himself and good self control.
The officers mess often has a rule that you never talk about religion, politics, or "shop" ( the army/ navy) breaking these rules can cost you a fine of bottles of wine or worse.
The chambray shirt with your jacket and tie is a great look! It hits that perfect in between of formal and casual.
Hello James! Thank you for sharing the video. I really appreciate how you used to conclude your videos by showcasing your outfit from the bottom up. The outfit in this video is truly beautiful.
Thanks once again! Cheers!
Very important observation is, how your company treats waiting staff, be it a friend or a romantic date. Bullying staff at such occasion shows the true character of a person. It helps to separate the wheat from the chaff. I had a good friend and likeminded one that I avoided to go out to eat with because he had to alter any order of the menu, say pizza, but without cheese, tomato, onion or garlic. Not talking about more sophisticated dishes, mind you. Now comes the subtle but mean part: we went out to a three star restaurant in France( can it get any better?)and a other friend had boasted about his eating ventures a lot. ( was out on expense accounts)Seeing the menu( right side) he had beads of sweat on his front and suddenly was little hungry, you get the picture. Just one dish will do. So he kept the server busy at our table for minutes, we took a set menu and he one plate. He was asked with which of our 5 courses he wanted his. Took a while to translate. Then, in sort of desperation, he made a wrong move: now, you guys are the Gourmets here, I let you chose the wine. Gentlemen we were , we did not order a 300$ bottle, but a decent one. Then came the check which we split by our number of persons. He was not happy. So never go out to fine dining with someone who doesn’t know the trade. It was embarrassing.
Tipping: Many things beyond quality of service are factored into my tip. Of course good service gets a strong tip, but I also increase my tip if we stay at our table longer than normal. This helps offset the loss the server may suffer by not immediately seating the next guests. I also factor in special requests such as holding the this or that, substituting, or dressing on the side. It helps correct any misconceptions by the server that we are unappreciative of what they do for us.
Beautifull video James :D and wow....that brown sport jacket with jeans shirt and brown tie is an incredible rustic yet beautiful combination that i love soo much ! you have a lot of style.
One of my biggest pet peeves is a server abruptly bringing the check to my table before even asking if I would like anything else. I'm usually a good tipper, and the server would get an even better tip if I was given the chance to order something more, such as dessert. Bringing an unannounced check out of nowhere is a clear signal that they want you out of there fast, in order to cycle through more customers. I used to wait tables in college, and we were required to ask first, "May I bring you anything else?" Or, "Are you ready for your check?" If we rushed our customers out the door, we would be reprimanded or even fired.
Another thing that some servers do is to take customers' plates without asking first. It takes no effort at all to first ask, "May I take your plate?" I can't tell you how many times a server has taken my plate when I'm not even finished.
pet hate? Those people who seem unable to control the volume of their conversation, usually men but a lady a few meals ago in the restaurant had obviously just got back from the hunting field and thought she was calling the hounds to heel. Their voices boom out and you know more about their wife or husbands medical issues than you really wanted to. I understand some people are a little deaf but when eating surely the volume could be tempered.
YES. As children, we used to be taught “use your inside voice”. Keep your conversation at your table, other people don’t need to hear it.
Elderly and hearing damaged get a pass. If they're heard of hearing, that's the only way they're able to hear one another talk.
Spot on. Anyone who drinks from a glass by holding the "bowl" of the glass instead of the "stem" is immediately OFF my list of associates.
I just loved this!!!
great vid... rolled my eyes when it came to the french.. tho I found this video helpful.. enjoy.
Great recommendations, especially the phone one. I'd also add: 1) keep your mouth closed when chewing (restaurant or not, I realize this "should" be obvious), and 2) if your food comes out early, WAIT to start until everyone's order has come.
why should i wait till everyone gets their food?
@@HYPERxSONICxFANx2012 Because it's rude not to wait, and it's all being sent at once so unless the restaurant makes a mistake you're waiting a minute or two at most.
@@JustMe-fo4ev but what makes it rude?
Your food might be hot and others may give you pernission to start so tge food does not get cold. Should you start or wait?
@MrBulky992 i just start. i honestly don't see the point in waiting
Regarding tipping, My father when dining at a high end restaurant he frequented enough to be quite familiar, would take with him name labeled envelopes with tips and polity and discretely hand them out on arrival. He would go to the trouble to know the names of all the staff and (without being pandered to), would get a level of offerings and service well above the normal high standard. Manners and etiquette are the social lubricant that maintains the wheels of provision. Great mission and channel. Thanks for the advice.
would you consider making a video with dressing etiquette and other tips for attending a wedding as a guest?
Have one coming up in May near Madrid.
@@andymatmar a dark suit and tie is always appropriate. Never any loud colors. Unless the invitation specifies a dress code or it’s a Royal occasion that calls for a morning coat/tails etc.
If it's red wine, one can hold the glass with a hand half on the stem and half on the glass, particularly if it's a large glass often used with a full bodied wine (cabermet vs a beuajolais). Also, after dinner drink like cognac (in a snifter) encourages the hand's body temperature to warm the cognac to bring out more flavor notes, but one cradles it in one's palm and not grab it like a beer bottle
VERY good and, at the same time, very simple tips
Putting the phone away should be top of the list.
Great video, james! These kinds of videos are really the best. Thank you
Love your videos Sir...excellent quality and diction ❤
Basic manners such as please/thanks and a smile are the most important etiquette, all the other advice here is a bonus.
I enjoy your videos. You are always dressed so well. You have made style videos, but usually based around a suit or sport coat. Could you make some videos on dressing well in casual gear? Thanks
If it’s available, take advantage of the coat check. it makes room for other people sitting at your booth, and it minimizes the chance of you damaging whichever jacket you’re sitting on or hanging on the back of your chair.
Often there is not one available, nor is there much room at the table for my coat and hat.
I love these etiquette videos!
Nice video. Thank you for the tip on holding the wine glass. It drives me crazy when I see people do otherwise. In just about every movie or TV show I watch the actors seem to alway hold the glass by the bowl. It's unbelievable that they haven't figured this out. Take care.
Excellent advice all the way around.
Very well said, thank you.
Thanks 🥃
great outfit james!
A lifetime ago, I made "friends" with a toxic person who had never learned to read. He had a ruse he used dining out, to keep that a secret from the waiter. He would pretend to peruse the menu, then hand it over to the waiter and grunt, "Gimme a Steak!" If they could it was all good. If they said it wasn't on the menu, he would scream, "Well What DO you have?!?' The waiter would be so gobsmacked he would start listing items verbally out of surprise and shock. And then he would calm down and order one of those. It always humiliated me, being an ex- bartender myself, and after a couple of scenes, I cut him loose, but way too late in life...
Your tipping comments were spot on and I caught that you prefaced them with “in the United States.” I noted some complaints about the whole practice of tipping. Fair enough, but the real gentleman will be aware of the local customs or practices and follow those accordingly. Leave judgement outside the restaurant and enjoy the food and company of those in your presence.
Do not sit down before the ladies. Help ladies sit down by standing behind, holding and gently pushing their chair towards the table, then sit down (at least in fancier restaurants).
Good one! And if the lady gets up to go leave the table, stand up out of respect until she has left. And do so when she returns or if another lady arrives
Great points. Never even considered some of these things. Thank you. One pet peeve is definitely phones or just bad attention
Pretty much everything you list is growing up 101 where I come from. Except for the wine glass and that’s only because I don’t drink wine and neither did my family growing up. However, my wife does and I believe that is how she holds her glass.
My restaurant pet peeves:
1). Remove your hat at the table (if you wear one). You’re not supposed to be in a hurry and it is courteous to remove your hat at the table and indoors in general.
2). Do not put your elbows on the table. It looks lazy and slovenly and could potentially put yourself in the way of the person seated next to you.
3). Do not talk with your mouth full. If somebody asks you something right after you took a bite, let them wait, they’ll understand and if you think you must politely indicate with your finger or nod that you need a few seconds. Again, they’ll understand.
4). Do not lean back in your chair to rock. Again, looks slovenly and disrespectful to not only others but to yourself
5). Do not play, point with, gesture with or fool around with utensils. Use them in the manner they were intended.
6). (American rule, except for the northeast) Do not eat with the back of your fork. Use the back of your fork to hold in order to cut but turn the fork rightside up to eat. This is the form of not being in a hurry.
7). If you eat at a place that has a buffet where you take food back to your table, like a salad bar or a chef serving food from a buffet. Do not overload your plate to where things are falling off the plate (or you’re having to struggle to keep that from happening). Get a modest amount, you can always go back for more if you are really that hungry and as long as you are not holding up your eating companions.
8). Use utensils from the outside working in. Fork(s) on left, knife and spoon on right. Desert spoon on right inside of knife. Salad fork on outside from dinner fork. That way you are using things in order of the meal.
9) Don’t holler, point or whistle for the waiter. Simply watch and use simple facial and body language like a look or hand or finger wave when they are looking your direction.
10). It is okay to NOT tip if the service was downright awful, negligent or rude. A tip is a gift that is earned from appreciation and respect and it works both ways. Not tipping sends a message as much as generously tipping. (And don’t be afraid to speak to management. If they really care, they don’t want problems with staff either)
Nice video. Please include a segment about paying the cheque if you're hosting the dinner. Should your guest know the bill amount , or do we take extra care to hide it? Also if it's polite to pay cash or by card?
The size determines how you unfold a napkin in your lap.
Large napkins are unfolded halfway.
Smaller napkins are unfolded completely and cover the lap fully.
American here. I’ve found in 🇬🇧 and Scandinavia it can get awkward if I tip because it isn’t always expected. The worst/funniest was the first time I attempted to tip in a pub when I picked up the drinks. The bartender was puzzled. My British friend just told her ‘he’s an American. Just take it’.
Spot on about placing your napkin in lap upon sitting. When temporarily leaving the table though, you place your napkin in your seat. This spares the others at your table from having to observe a soiled napkin, and it signals to the restaurant staff that you are returning. Placing the napkin on the table when you get up lets them know you’re not returning so they may begin setting up for the next diners.
We were in a casual restaurant one day and a man (of course) started loudly blowing his nose at a neighboring table, honking and all. It was funny as well as disgusting. That is something everybody should know not to do.
German napkin ettiquette is a bit different.
The napkin has to be folded rectangular but the napkin has to be folded only about at least third or a half of the way up and then got placed on your lap so that the fold is facing the table and the open side is facing you. This way the napkin can actually catch things falling into your lap and you can bring the inside half of that shorter side to your mouth and the then "dirty area" stays hidden inside.
Therefore the part of the napkin that comes into contact with your clothes always stays clean.
The "German parking place" for the napkin during a break in the meal is not the chair. That is actually a "No Go/Fauxpas"
The longer bottom side got folded in to the point where the shorter upper side starts then the whole napkin got folded once more like a briefcase in the middle and the "parking place" for the napkin during a break in the meal is then to the left of the place setting/to the left of your plate.
After dinner you fold the napkin loosely against the original fold (as sign for the service that it is not used anymore)- but any traces of dirt has to be covered - and placed to the left of your plate = the former mentioned "parking space"
Asking for an extra Champaign bucket in case of an unexpected chunder is high class.
I always order a large white towel instead of a napkin when eating pasta or meat with
gravy.
Rarely remind diners of raw minced beef or fish of the hideous death of your Uncle
due to tapeworm infestation.
Want until the remove is almost finished before asking for a loan.
Great instructions (on how to handle a wine glass) for Americans who have absolutely lost the important art of subtlety. I always say, "We'll be ready (to order) in two minutes" if a waitperson attempts to rush. James, you must also cover handwritten thank you notes - another lost art in America (emphasis on legible hand writing).
I recommend wearing a dinner jacket (dress well) ; in addition, if ordering wine, try to know the wine list before going; sometimes, the most expensive wine is not the best.
All I know is I'm not drinking any f-ing Merlot!
I typically ask for the house wine.
These videos really helps a lot, I appreciate it sir, it helps me learn lot of stuff I never learnt in school, but I do have a doubt:
In many times, I see people in crowded restaurants cutting the que, to tip a restaurant staff to arrange a table fast, its kinda neat, but confusing whether it is good etiquette, like it shows dominance of a man to handle a situation and also helps people we dine with have a pleasant mood, but is it good etiquette? Like due to that people we dine have good time but who were waiting long time will have bad experience right?
Interesting video. As a world traveller I have experienced many fine dining opportunities throughout the world. I will say, culture plays huge part in the experience you will receive. One experience came to mind. While enjoying a wonderful meal in a restaurant while in St Moritz. A $450. per plate meal. An argument broke out between two guests who had been behaving loudly throughout their stay. It was disruptive to say the least. A guest complained to the Maître D’ only to be faced with " We don't get involved with customer complaints" The pair remained disruptive until they departed the restaurant. Most common annoyance for me is definitely. loud and disruptive guests in a fine dining restaurant.
One thing I will add, is that when you do leave good tips, your repeat service is at a standard usually higher than average patrons.
Thanks James
Thank you...
I love the mixed grills with 5 side dishes lol yum
My wife is from a refined European family. Cheers with water is a big no, as it signifies tears - as in you are wishing tears upon your companion. Only do that with wine or soft drinks. Similar in a way to leaving chopsticks vertical in rice in Asia, which signifies death.
I have contempt for people who start drinking before the other person receives their drink and that goes for food too. Dining is a ritual and I believe that it follows a liturgy. A drink doesn’t start until there is some acknowledgment whether that be a toast or a simple raising of the glass with eye contact followed by the first sip together.
Good Job! Awesome comments.👍
Thank you for this man to man video!!! I love your videos James, keep doing what you are doing! 🙏
This is very good basic information. It may seem like common sense or something your parents should have taught you, but many have never been in such an envoriment and having these pointers can help those who are new to this sort of thing.
a great video again - thank you for this.
I like your calm and clear way to explain these topics - even if they should be naturally in most of the time.
I would like to share my thoughts regarding the tip/tipping:
I know the situation in the US and that the staff requires the tips to pay theire bills and living.
You recommend giving even up to 25% tip if you want to come again and so on...
But how do you (or others here) handle or think about the point, that giving more tip than usual could be interpreted as bragging?
(sorry, english is not my mothers tounge, but I asume you could get the meaning)
Well done James. You covered most of my peeves, especially looking in one's phone all the time.
Love your outfit. ❤
Fun fact regarding the holding of a wine glass: people originally held the stem of the glass/goblet because the servers would pick it up by bowl itself when recharging it and they didn't want to touch more of the things the dirty lower class touched than they absolutely had to.
Another fun fact for serving: always serve from the right and take from the left.