This is a hard video for me to make, but I need you to know the truth. I'm gay. I don't know what this means for my future, but I hope you'll stick with me as I figure it out.
Right?! I've been watching her stuff for the last 3 months and only just came across this. I'm amazed this was only a year ago! Last Year needs to hug This Year! I'm so proud of her!
@Skylar Landucci actually I'm sure your religion what ever that may be might have taught you that God is the only one that can judge and tbh I have bisexual family members and they are the kindest people I have EVER met, it also helped me to find out that I'm gay soooo....
When I first watched this I was upset. Not because she’s gay. Not because the wedding. But because it made me look at my own sexuality and question it. I repressed it so hard, I stopped watching UA-cam and stopped watching Alayna. Welp, I’m back. I’m not bi. I’m a lesbian. Thanks for helping me get there!
I am a heterosexual male. However, I came across your channel because I was trying to help a seriously lovely friend of mine who found herself opening up to me. She is still so reserved and confused. However, she so loved what you have done and what it has done to help her realise that she is gay. Thank you for helping my lovely friend. I hope it is ok to tell you this, Alayna. You are awesome!
As a bisexual woman married to a man who came out in part because of being inspired by you, thank you. I do not feel let down, I do not feel disappointed. it is not our fault the society places expectations on us and that there is a trope of bisexuality being used as a stepping stone to being fully gay. You did not lie, you did not deceive us. Discovering sexuality is a journey that looks different for everyone. I still love you just as much today as ever before. I know this was difficult news to share, but I am happy for you.
I feel the same. While I'm a bi girl in a long term relationship with a man, and while I liked 'claiming' you as a highly relatable ""'role model""", I like the idea of supporting you as an individual navigating the tricky terrain of love and attraction a whole lot more. I look forward to WAY MORE GAY CONTENT, PLEASE.
Yes!! It is so hard that with the stereotypes placed on LGBT people you feel a pressure to defy them, even if it's not true to who you are. No single person has to be "good representation", they just have to be themselves.
@Black Knight Fool "Gay" has been an umbrella term for the LGBTQ community for decades now, even though I understand that some gay men and people talking about them wish for an exclusive term for themselves. But I think it is a moot discussion at this point, because every day language use has already broadly changed past its exclusive narrow meaning.
Absolutely! I more believe in soul circles. There are people we belong with and who belong with us. That doesn’t mean they are meant to stay in our lives in the same way. This happened with my first love. He’s gay. I will always love him, but as a brother. I love his husband. I feel like I’m an auntie to their boys. We don’t see each other every day. I’m happily married to an amazing man. Nonetheless, we still keep in touch because we still belong in each other’s lives.
Not so much. Just until a new relationship comes along. Then that person will want and desire the intimacy, and the platonic person will fall away, organically.
People undervalue platonic relationships. I'm glad to hear your relationship with Dallas, while changed, is still full of as much love as it was pre-realisation :) I hope you're doing well. I'm sure this was a very difficult thing to go through, and I know what a realisation like that can shift within you xXx
I'm sitting here crying with you Alayna, because when I watched this video for the first time, it stirred up something deep inside of me. I tried to battle it as hard as I could but now, nine months later, I finally broke up with my wonderful male partner of three years because I simply cannot be with a man, and it's your coming out video that helped me make sense of what I was feeling. So thank you.
Bi here, not going anywhere either. Sexuality is super complicated for some of us. Some of us have to go through a labyrinth to figure ourselves out. I hope everything for you works out.
Exactly! You are an amazing human. And some of us have been watching your videos for many years, and seen the subject matter change with you. But that is life. Change and growth.
You said "and I'll lose some of you here" and that line just made me feel the opposite. It made me say "I want to support this girl". I hope you feel proud of who you are.
Aylén Arizaga He did. He loved so much he became the godfather of one of her children, left her a lot of money after he died and she’s the one who knows where his ashes are. So no biggie.
@@skully6223 I'm in the same kind of situation, so I totally emphasize with you. Glad you figured it out and hope you can move on from this challenge to live your life to the best 💪
DEE SKULLY I don’t mean this as offensive I’m just quite confused and would love to grow and learn more about the community so if you’re saying your a trans guy does it mean you’re now a guy? Sorry if it’s offensive, I just really want to learn xx
@Nora LallyYou do not have the right to make judgements on someone else's life decisions. It's nonsensical to stop being a relationship with a person you have no sexual attraction to?
Sweetie, I hope you'll read it. I'm 47, bi, from Israel. It took me 30 years to think that maybe I'm bi and 10 years more to be sure I'm bi. Sexuality is complicated. You are young, explore. You are healthy, have a job, family, friends. Everything is ok. You are still you❤
“I felt like I was suffocating”. This is more relatable to anything you have said about you being bisexual. WE SUPPORT YOU. Sexuality is a spectrum and at least I understand why you suppressed it. And it’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok. We love you.
"no bitch! you're not demiromantic, you're gay!" oof i feel that...not to invalidate aromanticism or asexuality, but i went through something similar in high school where i was convinced that i was both aromantic and asexual. I just couldn't imagine myself with anyone and sexual attraction didn't make sense to me. And maybe being young was also a factor here. I never had a typical pubescent "sexual awakening" and I think that's because I just understood the world through a straight lens. And I wasn't interested in that, so asexual and aromantic were labels that I felt really "got" me. Idk what changed (I got older??) but in college I suddenly realized "hmm girls exist" and suddenly that sexual awakening happened and i was like "oh shit! i'm just gay!" So in that sense I relate to what you're going through rn. Internalised homophobia and heteronormativity are really shitty :|
"I feel like I can breathe, when for years I didn't realize I was holding my breath" - Wow, that resonated with me. I've never seen your videos before but I'm so glad this one popped up in my feed.
THIS is why we need representation when we’re kids and why being gay shouldn’t be treated as taboo! Comphet is literally so hard to deal w and i’m happy you finally know yourself and are comfortable enough to share w us🤍
The thing is, even nowadays, since we get a lot more representation, teens are still afraid to come out, even if they know their parents could and will accept them. It's mostly because it's not common in the population and anything different is a lot to handle for people.
I'll be honest I find the double standard slightly hilarious, "your bisexual so go have relationships with woman to explore that side of yourself". But not with guys, why because he was one, like did he not realize that the likely hood of this happening even if she wasn't lesbian was large. And based on what she said he looks like an even bigger Pleeb cause clearly she had a much larger physical interest and attraction in women. I have no problem with her realizing her homosexuality and ending things i think he looks like a fool though.
@@wlev123 if he didn't let her explore then she might not have known she was gay till much later. he was trying to help her understand who she was, and she did find out. she was already having a relationship with a dude so why explore with another guy? i don't really understand what your saying. they felt their relationship was strong enough for her to experiment.
Monogamy is a choice. People in relationships can design them however they choose to, regardless of any standard that society may set. Her boyfriend showed her the ultimate act of love and respect by supporting her growth. He also showed a lot of maturity and security within himself. It's comforting to know people like that exist in the world.
Lephiz but it’s not. Maybe in your bubble (not saying that cruely, just meaning your family friends) it’s not something that comes up, but this is actually more common than you think.
@@skwanchisanchi878 Dallas only allowed her to explore her bisexuality because somewhere in his mind he saw three way sex on the horizon. I as a man understand his logic behind the whole relationship.
i can really relate to you saying you "never questioned liking boys because it was the given" but when you started being with women you understood what its suppose to feel like . i thought i was bisexual in middle school but now im realizing im a lesbian and this video makes me feel valid, thank you
My story is so similar to yours. 14 years and two kids later, my (now ex) husband asks “is it possible your a lesbian?” and just like you, something clicked and I couldn’t unsee it. We were split a month later. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
As a lesbian who identified as bi for upwards of 4 years, this is such an important video to me. Figuring out you don’t like men is such a difficult thing in a society that centers around attraction to men. Thank you for posting this.
Annika Bergstrom yeah I agree! I am going through this now my mom is very very religious and gets very upset when people talk about my sexuality or my interest in woman
at least you realized while you're still young and not married. my mom didn't realize she was gay until after she had 2 kids and married 2 different men. she's happy now at least and has a girlfriend. I hope you will be happy someday soon as well
bluecannibaleyes you do realize... a lot of the older LGBT community were raised in a time where they couldn’t come out? So they were forced into trying to live society’s standards of a normal lifestyle?
@wtfyoudoing People in this country have not been forced to marry or have kids anytime in recent history. These are major life events that have a string of conscious choices leading up to them. I don’t understand how someone can sleep with multiple guys multiple times and be unaware that they didn’t like it. Did it ever occur to you that our modern society’s standards that celebrate alternative sexualities and encourage people to ‘experiment’ might be influencing people to shy away from being a boring ol’ heterosexual? Being gay is practically a bragging right nowadays.
@@bluecannibaleyes Some people who were not raised to believe homosexuality is an option rationalize their experiences. It is easy enough to say "I must just not really enjoy sex like other people seem to" rather than accept being gay.
@@bluecannibaleyes totally not true. Some people dont want to have sex but have sex because it is something that is expected. A person cant know they are gay if they are not aware of their own feelings. Stop trying to pin people into ur own feeling just because you cant understand why they do things. So you justify it into something you believe. I dislike ppl like you, who try to tell others it must be how u say because you said it. Sometimes people just dont know who they are, period.
Oof. Here as a 27 year old, recently split from my husband as of a week ago because I thought I was pan and he suggested I see other people. Fast forward, I'm gay and have a girlfriend and he and I are co-existing as friends. Sending so much love to you and it's wild to see me essentially looking into a mirror.
What you said about the confirmed bisexual merch really hit home. I always thought I was bi because yes, I knew I liked women, but only recently I started to question if I really liked men. The thought had never crossed my mind that I didn’t like men because I sort of took that as a given my whole life. I’m so proud of you for figuring this out and I hope you know that we support you!
As a Real Life Confirmed Bisexual who’s been watching your bi content for years, I’m not at all upset about any of this. I don’t watch you because of your bisexuality, I watch you because of how comfortable you always seemed being the truest version of yourself that you were aware of. So now that you’re aware of a truer version of you, I’d damn well hope you lived consistently with it! That’s been the message I’ve taken from your channel all along. Sending love, I hope both of you are taking care of yourself, and if you happen to speak to Dallas you can send him some love from me as well.
“I feel like I can breathe, when for years I didn’t realize I was holding my breath.” You don’t know till you know, ya know. Thanks for sharing this scary thing with us. I am proud of you. Life’s a journey. Here’s to things staying interesting!
One side of me is sad, because I am a bisexual. Truly, I am. And it kinda hurts to see this, bc it furthers the stereotype that we're just confused. And I'm MAD at myself, for feeling like that toward you. Bc on the other hand I'm SO HAPPY for you. I genuinely am overjoyed that you found who you were. I'm so sorry sorry it's a little bitter sweet. I can't wait to watch you grow and discover more about yourself ❤
@@smolselene9453 "Bisexual" can be used as either an adjective or a noun, just like we can talk about "a lesbian" or "the gays." Most dictionary sites list both uses of the word.
I found out my pan bestie was straight. He didn't want to tell me because he was ashamed (?) for some reason. But I'm like no, I'm glad you found out something new about yourself.
Thank you for making this video. I thought I was bi for 6 years, I realized I wasn't attracted to men, I needed men to be attracted me. This made me feel seen and validated. Thank you. Tiktok also made me gay and introduced me to my girlfriend.
When you said that "it was like being into men was just a given" I felt so seen. I have been struggling for so long to come to grips with my own sexuality and I came out as bi, but I have started to realize that just isn't true, so thank you for sharing this, thank you so much.
@Miss O’Genist it isnt an "just an act", you only say that because you dont know what she is going thru and how hard it is to deal with what she had to deal with. and even if it was just an act it would still be a hell of a great thing to do, because she inspires others to be honest with themselves and with the others. sexualty isnt an easy thing to figure out, and it is a horrible experience to feel the confusion that she felt.
"It was like being into men was just a given" THIS!!!!!!! Alayna I've been following you for years, I think I've probably subscribed to you when I had just come out as bi and I watched your vid also coming out as bi... and now I'm literally going through the SAME thing as you: realizing that no I'm not bi, I'm actually just gay 😂. I relate so much to what you just said you have no idea. Growing up I also had crushes on boys and I always thought that I couldn't be fully gay because of that but the more I allow myself to crush on women and date them and imagine a life with them I realize that I just can't picture myself doing that with a guy ever (meaning that I've probably just liked those guys because of compulsory heterosexuality). Alayna your videos have always been there for me and I'm so thankful that you share your life with us so we'd feel less alone. I wish you the best and I promise I'll always be here to support your channel, I love you girl 💕
exactly... happening the same to me; we all gonna be okay, as said sexuality is a spectrum and it's fine to take our time to understand where we feel we fit the best
I had a very similar experience... Right now bisexual homoromantic or even heteroflexible homoromantic are feeling most accurate for me (though queer is definitely my go-to because those are a mouthful!). I always assumed that the attraction I felt for men was the metric I should measure my attraction in general by, so I had these crushes on guys once in a while but just never wanted to actually date them-I consciously thought for each of them, even the most long-term and intense crushes, that I wouldn't say yes even if they randomly asked me out and that I really just wanted to be friends! I thought that was typical heterosexuality and that I just had commitment issues or something, even though that didn't fit with my personality at all. And then one girl seemed like she could have been expressing romantic interest in me and I was immediately giddy at the thought and when we started dating (though we've broken up now) I wanted to be with her long-term in like two seconds. Compulsory heterosexuality is quite the drug! I'm so glad that I found UA-camrs like Alayna and Ash Hardell or I might have thought I was 100% straight for even longer. Wishing all of us figuring out this confusing mess that is sexuality luck. 💗
@@embroideredatlas4288"I always assumed that the attraction I felt for men was the metric I should measure my attraction in general by" THIS THIS THIS. THis x100, I never had the words to describe this feeling. ♥
Alayna this is something that you need to hear from my heart to yours: You keep saying that what you had on this channel was a lie and felt like a lie because of what you knew or were trying to figure out about yourself. But I'm here to tell you it wasn't a lie. It wasn't a lie because that's the truth you could give at the time and one you might have been wishing was the truth, and you don't have to apologize for that. Your truth and words at that time has helped millions of people and touched the lives of so many. Regardless, your compassion and vulnerability you have shared over the years on this channel has helped me tremendously and so many others in ways I can't articulate in a youtube comment. I've been here since that first coming out video, and you helped me accept myself for who I am, and strangely enough just as you make this video I have recently begun to question myself in similar ways you have even though I have been identifying as bi for about 5 years now too. (lmfao crazy how that works huh?) I know how difficult it can be to leave a person you've been through so much of life with and how it feels scary and foreign and learning how to be alone again is weird. But I can also tell you that in this past year of learning how to navigate my own life and being my own person again has given me the space to grow into someone I didn't know was inside of me. Don't apologize for your story. You would never tell anyone else to, so be kind to yourself the way you would be to me or anyone else here in this amazing community you have built. I am proud of you. I am proud of Dallas. I am sending you both so much love and energy during this time, and I know you will both come out of this as strong and better people. We love you and are here for you no matter what.
the love behind this comment is something so needed these days and it made me cry. I fully agree with what you have said Bianca, I know your journey will lead you to a place of happiness and say to you Alayna
Thank you for being brave enough to be so unflinchingly honest. Your story helps. It took me 13 years and 3 kids to finally accept that I wasn’t bisexual. I too had the loveliest, most supportive man that I didn’t want to lose but I had to set him free. I loved him but I wasn’t in love with him and there was no attraction.
I literally always just sit there and think about my sexuality for agess...Sexuality is weird af..I like guys,I like girls but my feelings for both are so different..
Shit same. I’m sitting here watching this. I have a huge crush on this girl. But I still flirt with men? It’s like I don’t know another way. But like I always say I’m bi. But I’ve never experience sexual pleasure with men. I’ve only had one real gf and honestly the emotions were just... way stronger but I’m always so confused. Hoping I’ll find the person who will just HELP ME KNOW what I am. Sexuality is the longest con because you never know you were faking something until you find out what is actually REAL.
Mia Bermudez, you sound like a lesbian dealing with comphet. Ultimately, your label doesn’t matter that much and nothing dramatic will happen if you use the “wrong” label (if there’s even such thing, I mean in the end you’re the one who defines YOUR labels). But if you’re interested in finding out more, Google “Am I a lesbian masterlist” ;)
@@alexlesbean8739 don't know about all that but what I do know is there is no such thing as bisexual, never met one that stayed that way cuz bisexual is just another term for fence sitting until they decide what their preference is and I understand lesbians cuz lesbians are women with extra emotion cuz women are more sensitive and emotionally charged then men are, so a lesbian is someone who has ever higher sensitivity and even more emotionally charged than you're average woman and men can't keep up with that so naturally they turn to other women who are more emotionally mature but somehow they never end up lasting....plus there are more women then men in the world so it makes sense.........
Clarina Mascarenhas I have a friend who knew she always wanted to marry a man and have a family, but she couldn’t deny that she also loved women. She has a husband that is okay with her needing love from a women, and he is the only man for her (she loves him so much). They have a great relationship. It’s other people who simply sit and observe the relationships of others that complicate things far more than they are or need to be.
Ari Arredondo I’ve been in relationships with boys and I always realise the relationship I had with the only girl I was with like felt stronger or more like attractive to me it’s so hard to explain but it felt more loveable even tho all my relationships have been great. I think about her constantly and wish I never ended it due to fear of my family’s thoughts but at the end of the day that was then and now is now. It’s so sad what happened but as long as your open to your partner and tell him how devastated you are she passed. Even if you just explain it in a platonic way and like dance around the truth it can be nearly as the same as telling him the whole truth. Hope everything gets easier sending love your way❤️
To paraphrase the mom scene in Love Simon: "But these last few years, more and more, its almost like I could feel you holding your breath...you are still you...but you get to exhale now, you get to be more you, than you've been in a very long time. You deserve everything you want"
@@olivialesbian1578 eh I went to the video, and wrote it out but took out the simon specific parts. The "you get to exhale now, simon" just blew me away and I burst into tears the first time I heard it. And Alayna saying she could breath again now...well it reminded me of that.
I cryed so hard watching this and reading some of the comments bc i have came out again during quarentine too, after identifying as bi for 5 years and dating a guy for 3 and a half. The process of questioning and realization was so scary and confusing and nausiating even, but every step i took in the direction of being a bit more sure felt like a huge weight off my chest. I thought i knew myself for so long and yet now i'm seeing things clearly for the first time.
I've identified as lesbian for the most part of my life. Then I started feeling sexual attraction to men but I thought that I don't develop feelings for them. Eventually I did though and I am in a relationship with a man right now. But I miss women. And I've told him that. I love him, but it doesn't compare to the passionate love I had for women. I don't feel comfortable with the bisexual label but I feel comfortable with HIM. I REALLY WISH we would stop looking for labels to stick on us. We as human beings are way too complex and constantly evolving to be labeled. I am me. And I loved women, now I love a man, what will come in the future I don't know but I WON'T LIMIT MYSELF BY LABELS! love is love after all.
wow! i've read a few stories about lesbians developing feelings for men but incapable of feeling sexual attraction to them but never the other way around 😮
I fully agree with this! Sexuality is often a spectrum, and sometimes fluid. And love is love. And attraction is made up of so many aspects - lust, desire, sexuality, affection, emotional intimacy, understanding, humour, respect, intellectual stimulation, mutual connection, soulmate-ism. Basically, it's all good! 💗
I'm bi and when I was coming to terms with my sexuality I watched a lot of videos yours included. You helped me so much to feel validation in myself, self worth, and understanding of my sexuality and eventouh it turns out you're actually gay all of the work you've done for the bi community is still valid and I thank you for that.
Same for me. But suddenly I'm also afraid to be in the same case, bi shakes easily when famous/inspiring bi people turn to be gay or straight because it make them (me) hear more strongly this little society voice who screams BISEXUALITY DOESN'T EXIST YOU PIECE OF CRAP I'm both sad and very happy for our girl but in the same time I'm not in a good place rn...
Yes, exactly. thank you Alayna, you have helped me to be more accepting of my Bi sexuality and I am glad that you understand yourself better now. I wish you all the love and luck as you move forward knowing who you are 💜💜💜
Maybe it was better not to have a wedding then get married and think certain things could have been worked out....and end up getting divorced anyways....think of all the relationships you have been in and it ended...exactly pretty easy right....
I relate to this so hard. I always dated men, have a child with a man, and I couldn’t possibly be more gay. I never even though I might be gay, I just thought it was normal for me to not be happy or like sex. Then the girl that became my first girlfriend started flirting with me and (again didn’t even think about it) so naturally I was into it and after experiencing all these things with her it couldn’t be more clear that I’m just gay. And WHAT A RELIEF that I can be so happy, fulfilled, and sex is unreal. I’m just gay!! 😂
As a woman who has also thought of myself as bisexual but had recently realized I’m gay and had to end a 4 year with relationship with a man I was engaged to, I absolutely relate to this and needed to hear it. You are so strong and I’m so proud of you. I’m glad we both realized before actually being married, and I’m happy to say that I’m so much better off now than I was a few weeks ago when the split happened. My former fiancé and I were going through a lot near the end, arguing, always feeling miserable, unsure what was wrong but knowing that something was. Now I’m coming to terms with being gay, and that’s really hard! I came out as bisexual my freshman year of high school, 7 years ago. I thought myself to be bi all this time, and only recently understood that I was dealing with compulsory heterosexuality and it took me a really long time to understand that and to be okay with it. I’m still not fully there, but it’s something I’m going through every day. Thank you for sharing this, it means so so much 💙
I can't even begin to imagine how hard this must of been for you to record, let alone build up the courage to talk about. Been a fan for almost a decade now (7 years at least) and i've said it many times before but there is very little you can do for me to not be a fan. Your mental health videos have helped me immensely and regardless of anything that happens i genuinely wish you nothing but the best and that you find solace, answers, comfort, anything that can help you along your journey ! Wishing you nothing but the best, for Dallas as well, i loved his interactions and he too deserves the world, like yourself. You got this Alayna : )
“I feel like I can breathe, when for years I didn’t realise I was holding my breath.” Wow. This bit really hit hard. Wishing you all the happiness and love
I've always felt more physically attracted to men but more emotionally attracted to woman. It can be confusing and make me feel weirdly guilty sometimes. Sometimes I'm into men more and sometimes I'm into women more and it depends on the type of person they are.
That’s normal! Sexuality is complicated and a spectrum, a lot of people experience what your going through and you shouldn’t have to feel guilty for this. Don’t worry about putting a label on anything, with time you do figure stuff out and if you want to label yourself as bi, pan, gay, anything that’s ok, but if not that’s ok too. Don’t put pressure on yourself love, questioning this kind of stuff is completely normal ❤️
i have the opposite experience, being emotionally and romantically attracted to men but sexually attracted to women (usually only girls online - never ones i know personally...yet). i’m a bit relieved to know someone else experiences this. sending you all love 💖💖💖
Delfina Meza I feel the thing about only being attracted to girls online rather than irl. There’s always this whole lesbian narrative of falling in love with your straight best friend but I’ve never seen one of my friends in a romantic/sexual way which is why it took me a while to figure out that I actually was gay
"We are all so small..." Girl, I am going through something VERY similar, right now.. I love my BF and want to be with him, but im not happy.. and I cannot shake the feeling that I am in the relationship because it is easiest. He also doesn't support me exploring relationships with women.. The Google doc video you did really changed how I viewed men in the past/currently.. i just want to let you know that your honesty has really helped me process my feelings about all of this, and the fact that I am 27 and just now evaluating all this makes me connect to your page that much more!
Oh my gosh... I hope you find the strength to leave him and explore your feelings more because you don’t know who you truly are until you have the freedom to FEEL what you want. Stay strong ❤️❤️❤️
Then f*cking leave him! Stop furthering the stereotype that bi confused women just use men as a stepping stone to becoming lesbian smh. It's not fair to men like him, you're playing with his feelings. If you don't wanna break his heart anymore then tell him the truth
I also wanna say: Dallas is the most acepting straight man I ever heard about. He is such a loving and caring person. I am glad you guys still love each other.
LL she wasn’t cheating on him. He encouraged her to explore her sexuality. I’m not sure what labels or terms they used but it sounds like an open relationship or polyamory. As long as everyone in the relationship is open and honest. He wanted her to be happy and he knew it would make her happy.
So, he's only accepting for a "straight man"? Why did you have to mention his sexual orientation or gender when mentioning that he's an accepting person?
It really sucks when things are just sad for everyone and there’s no one to blame. I feel really bad for you for having to suppress feelings and getting anxiety from struggling with this. I feel bad for Dallas for any guilt he may be feeling about having a relationship for this long when you were gay the whole time. Of course you guys weren’t stuck together, because you chose this and if either of you were unhappy with each other as people, you would have ended it but you are just two genuinely very good people, and good together. You both still have your whole life ahead of you, you can live authentically now.
BelleBee that’s a very good point, and I appreciate your thoughtfulness in writing that all out. I was referring to a specific person to blame or something like that. It’s just the unfairness of an absurd world that brought two wonderful people people together at the right time, only for them to not be able to share the same type of love. Comp-het didn’t make it Dallas who was the other victim in this, but we are very sad it is Dallas because he deserves to be happy as well.
Watching this video as a trans lesbian who used to think she was a gay man, then a bi man, then a pan pile of "what even is gender" then a pan woman, and now finally, come out as a trans lesbian, how closely your statements mirror my own experiences with men is honestly extremely eye opening for me P.S. In case people are wondering why I thought I was gay, I felt dysphoria since puberty, but I never recognised it as such, I misinterpreted the signs I was a woman, as signs I was a gay man, which is a totally amazing thing to go through /sarcasm, also due to depression, it was hard to actually feel attraction to anyone, and I just had sex with people who lifted the depression temporarily, and men were more likely to be into me back then, so...yeah
I hope no one starts talking FOR Dallas here, he’s a grown ass man, they talked, they were very open about their relationship. No one should shame either side in this scenario.
I thought this was gonna be a click bait for “covid-19 delaying the wedding” or something like that... and now I’m sitting here shocked. I’m sad for you and Dallas, but I’m happy for you, that you’re being true to yourself ❤️ and we will be here no matter what
That's what I thought too! I'm still shocked but I'm happy for her. I had to take a break and bake (it helps me fight anxiety). I'm glad she realised that now and that she's on her journey to be true to herself too :)
i really appreciate this video. i watched it multiple times before and after i came out to my ex and it made me feel so much less alone. i definitely miss his friendship but i really am happier now that i don’t always feel anxious. can’t wait to see what’s down the line:) i’m glad that you’ve grown so much since this has happened💛
Hey! I watched this 6 months ago on repeat. You helped me come out to myself, and to my then-husband. I have 2 kids. Thank you for leaving this here. I needed to know that I wasn’t alone.
Compulsory Heterosexuality is one hell of a drug. In all seriousness Alayna, your videos helped me on my coming out journey and I'll always be so grateful for that. I'm so happy that you are ready to express who you are, I cant imagine how scary this would have been for you. 💕💕
I thought this was going to be an announcement with a clickbaity title about the wedding being cancelled because of COVID. I'm so sorry that you are going through this tough transition. Speak your truth and love & light will be coming your way 💖
The landscapers outside are actually really funny to me. Like truly, we are all so small. Our lives are our own, and what is so big and life-changing to us is literally nothing to the landscapers outside. They don’t know, they don’t care, and they have their own stuff happening. That kind of thing can be very scary to realize (to be that small and insignificant can seem to mean that nothing matters, and it’s not worth it). But I think it’s a very helpful and calming thing to remember. I am my own person, and what is big and scary in my life is not actually that big or scary. Life is happening all around us, and it doesn’t care what we’re doing. I came out as nonbinary to my mom in a little diner in upstate New York, while we ate breakfast sandwiches and drank mediocre coffee. The lesbians across the room were chatting about their day, and the old couple behind us happened to also be from New Jersey, and we chatted with them about that as they were leaving. I had a whole long coming out letter written, and I was genuinely afraid to give it to my family. And then, over breakfast, my mom asked me, “Would you consider yourself cis?” and I just laughed. It was so random and matter-of-fact that I had to answer honestly. And she was so cool about it. We clarified my name (no change), pronouns (he/they), and what sort of language I was and wasn’t comfortable with. And then we drank the last of our coffee, paid, and left. The waitress didn’t care. The lesbians at the other table didn’t care. The old folks from Manahawkin didn’t care. It was just me and my mom. We can very easily forget that we are each just one singular person in the world, and every person has their own stuff going on. What feels like the most daunting thing to us means nothing to the other people around. And that means that the world won’t come to an end because of anything we have to do. I was so afraid to come out, because it felt like it would change the whole world and make everything weird and uncertain. But then I did, and nobody cared except me and my family. My mom and I listened to the Indigo Girls on the way home, stopped at a Starbucks near Albany (where nobody knew or cared that I had just come out), and then we got back to Jersey and I unpacked my stuff from school. And nothing happened. I’m still alive, the world is still spinning, that waitress is probably still working at that diner, and my mom makes an effort not to call me her son anymore. And that’s it. It’s such a relief to remember how little our lives actually impact the world around us. It makes the scary things much more manageable.
I haven't watched all the way through yet, but I wish I could give you a hug and tell you it'll be okay. I'm here to support you no matter what. Whether that's a break or rants or what ever else you need. I love you (and Dallas). You're strong and you will get through this. ❤️
This is nearly step by step what happened with me. My 10 year relationship to a man was full of love but something deep in me kept bothering me until I acknowledged that I could love him as a person, and still be gay. We’re not taught about the complexities and different types of attraction enough. Hearing your story made me feel validated and not crazy. Forever thankful.
Man this hits hard. Redoing your coming out is so, so hard. I did it too. I’m still doing it. Alayna, we love you so much. And we support you no matter what. We love you for you. Nothing can change that.
It's like. The first time in an accepting place is the easiest. Then people are "ok. You are apparently this." Then later they think you know know. And it changes
"oh we are all so small, and it doesn't matter, none of this matters- oh my god I'm having a crisis." ....this is an important video but GOD did I feel this akdjsk
Alayna having an existential crisis triggered by a landscaper is very relatable. In all seriousness, this is such a difficult thing to go through but I promise it is so necessary for your happiness going forward. We love you here no matter what, and take all the time you need to figure this new chapter of your life out!
“like a fog has been lifted, like i can finally breathe, when for years i didn’t know i was holding my breath.” as a lesbian, i’ve also been there. my deep rooted internalised homophobia kept me from accepting myself long after i came out as gay, which isn’t very typical, but it was also something i wasn’t aware that i was holding myself back from. i am so proud of you and i can’t imagine how difficult this has been for you to deal with for so many years. wishing you the best
"It doesn't just disappear once other people know about it." I have come out as gay multiple times in my life but ended up back in the closet because i couldn't cope with the shame i had about being gay. The last time i went back in the closet, i decided to take male hormones so i just didnt have to deal with being a lesbian. I have finally realized that i cannot avoid who i am and i am now off testosterone. What lengths has anyone reading this gone to in order to avoid being gay?
It has taken me so long to get the courage to watch this video, as I think I need to leave my husband because I’m not sure I’m bi. I love him so much and don’t want to hurt him. This video has opened my eyes more and made me cry
I'm so happy that Dallas is still there for you through everything. You guys truly have an amazing bond. I wish nothing but the best for you, Alayna, and I am very supportive of your decision to come to terms with who you are.
I previously identified as bi for 6-7ish years and I'm now beginning to realize that I'm gay. I really resonate with you on this, and I thank you so much for sharing this with people. Comp het is a thing and so many women go through it, so this content is EXTREMELY important
- hey that two genders shit was really off topic, did you just need to rant about? like im nonbinary and I completely disagree, but i’m just confused about where it came from?
Benji Reil right? I did try to educate tem on how gender is a social construct and not a binary/biological thing. I asked the same thing, if they were ok, cause it was really out of nowhere.
everyone who thinks sexuality is a choice rather than just who you are should watch this and realize how little choice we have over our sexuality and how many of us are terrified and confused by it. how could we be confused if we’re “choosing it”
Hi! I just would like to offer a different perspective on this by pointing this really great video if you have time!: ua-cam.com/video/RjX-KBPmgg4/v-deo.html. #lovewins
Ariana Ng I can see this perspective and obviously everyone’s experience is different. but my sexuality isn’t a choice and I always have been gay even when I didn’t want to be. yes it is fluid and some people change over the years. I guess I was more dramatic than I should’ve been. my argument is basically that sexuality isn’t a choice.
Something like this happened to me, I waited until 26 to meet the right girl -- never had any romantic relationships before then. I fell in love with her before I met her in person (she had a beautiful angelic spirit). She meant so much to me. More than I can express with words, only with tears. When our relationship reached its carnal stage, I realised that I might be gay, but held on to the idea that I am bi. After 2 - 3 months of severe panic attacks I started to slowly come out to my friends, family and finally my ex-girlfriend. I broke up with her after finally gaining the courage to peer into the abyss, facing dreadful loneliness again, facing up to the fact that I will have to date men and accepting that I won't ever be able to have a biological child. I can relate to the stories of late bloomer lesbians way more that coming out stories from gay men. Its been 5 months since we've broken up, I still think about her everyday, but I hope that one day I will experience love towards another human being again.
That's funny I realized I was a lesbian (again) in May 2020 so pretty close to you, lol. I identified as a lesbian in high school but didn't tell anyone, then got to college tried to tell a few people I thought were friends that I liked girls, lost two of them for mostly unknown reasons, but before then went out to clubs (TW: Sexual Assault) with them and got groped and kissed by guys when I didn't want it but felt like I had to do it to be normal. I'm also neurodivergent, I have a few disabilities and disorders and I have a hard time socially and was also dealing with PTSD from my NPD father. Anyway I was feeling bad about doing stuff with guys and was trying to rationalize that it was just what I was suppose to do. After losing those friends I got raped by a guy, though I didn't realize it for two years. But just reacted to these traumas by making excuses that I must be bisexual or else I wouldn't let the guys do it or something like that. Then another friend I told I liked girls stopped being friends with me too and I decided the problem was I was too honest so I shouldn't tell anyone about being bisexual but I also think part of it was I wasn't totally comfortable with the label so I didn't want to even broach the topic of liking girls with anyone again. Idk hard to explain. Sadly it wasn't til this year like 5 or 6 years later when I'm 25 that I've finally learned more about that trauma and comphet (compulsory heterosexuality) and mostly the comphet really helped me understand and I figured out that high school me was right, and kid me who only had crushes on girls, and I've been a lesbian the whole time. Funnily enough I pretty much never questioned my feelings for girls, only boys. I still knew liking girls the way I did was considered weird and didn’t know anyone my age that felt that way but I questioned if I did in fact like men. Anyway, I only told my mom, which was basically like "in case it's not obvious I'm a lesbian" who's response wasn't really all that interested "I didn't think it was any of my business" and like okay? But she doesn't have any problems with gay people so idk could be worse. Anyway I'm happy for you and that you realized this and yeah it sucks its taken so long for people like us but at least we've figured it out, it's never too late.
Alana, this is hard and this is such a difficult situation, but I'm really proud of you and happy that you're continuing your journey of self discovery. I wish you all the best as you move forward
I recently realised that I'm a lesbian after thinking I was bi for 5 years and this video is very very relatable. I never dated men but never questioned my attraction to them until the past 6 months and now it all seems really obvious and I can't unsee it. I've been really active in bi meetups and support groups and even met most of my friends through that. Now I'm going through the process of telling people that I'm actually gay and it's really nice to see someone else who has a similar experience. Wish you nothing but love and support xxxx
Just rewatching now as a recently out lesbian and not bisexual. And yeah your not alone. This video probably helped me probably nestled in my subconscious. Thanks for this.
"I was activity participating in heterosexuality" That hit me like a wave of oceans cause same sis, same! It took me a marriage, a baby boy & a divorce later to realize my sexuality! #ComfirmedBisexual 💙💜💗💙💜💗💙💜💗💙💜💗 Sending you love & light on your journey of gayxpolration, hun! 💋
Wow, this almost exactly describes my experience of my relationship with my boyfriend ending after 6 years together. I dealt with so much rationalizing and suffocation without even realizing it until I was honest with myself about being a lesbian. Thank you so much for sharing this, I'm going to show him this video so he can better understand what I'm feeling. Thank you!
That was extremely brave. After the years you've been in this relationship; to be honest with yourself; to be honest with Dallas. I am amazed at how strong you are. The two of you, really. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Your life. Your truth. You are an amazing person. All the love to you and your loved ones.
Alayna, most likely this comment will be lost but I feel the need to do so. You are one of the best in this platform. As a bisexual, you gave us representation and we have loved every part of it. You effort and the love you deposited into it is real and that is what matters. We love you.
This gives me anxiety like what if this is Me? Im really sad because I don't know many bisexuals and now she's saying otherwise :( so like who can I relate to
@@jennifersitha09 I don't know if this biphobia but this makes me sad because I've heard people say bisexuals are confused or just realize otherwise. I've recently confirmed I'm bisexual like I've known it but never really expressed it to myself. many thoughts came to my mind like what if I'm not what if I'm wrong and this sort of situation happens to me. I get so anxious when I over analyze my feelings. I even thought what if I'm wrong and im long in a relationship. There isn't much bisexual UA-cam'rs who I can look for. I don't have many friends either who are part of the LGBTQ community :(
@@FatAssAdventures maybe Melanie Murphy? Im sending loads of love by the way 💜 I know it's scary to feel like you're the only one, but you truly are not. There are sooo many amazing bisexual people out There. Have you checked out Melanie Murphy and Bisexual Real Talk?
Yvette Davila I understand the feeling of not having people that you can relate to or feeling like you’re just going through a phase. However, this video is not implying that bisexuality is just a phase to becoming gay. Bisexuals are real and valid, but many gay people identify as bi at first because we are taught that heterosexuality is inherent or implied. This is especially true for women because we grow up thinking that we need to revolve our lives around men. Sorry I know this message is long but I just want to let you know that you are valid no matter what you identify as and it is perfectly okay to change that identity as you get older and realize more about yourself. I wish you all the best! 💗🏳️🌈
@Sarah Nimri yesss, Sarah, you are loved!! You have every right to be your true authentic self and on your own timeline and terms. I love you, the universe loves you. My daughter is in a beautiful relationship. You will find your true love, she is just around the corner. God created you PERFECTLY!! You are perfection, just as you are. I am sending you love and light sweet one. 💜
Okay over 1 year and change late to comment on this.. but this honestly one of the best videos and best human moments I have seen... on and off youtube. I am privileged to have viewed it and have been touched by it. And while I know you've moved significantly further along since this and can smile, I just wanted you to know, this has touched me and will be with me for a very very long time. Thank you for the courage to honestly not only be going through it and making those decisions, but to share it with the world, Sweetie, you have the courage of Captain Britain :) Hugs and much love retroactively.
I wish we could show her the videos she’d be making a year later and how happy she becomes.
Ikr i just wanna go back and give her a hug and tell her she is doing the right thing
How was this a year ago honestly??
Literally exactly what I was thinking as I saw the thumbnail
Right?! I've been watching her stuff for the last 3 months and only just came across this. I'm amazed this was only a year ago! Last Year needs to hug This Year! I'm so proud of her!
I hope she has seen this comment again. 💞
Ironic that you sold confirmed bisexual merch, I bought said merch, but turns out neither of us are bi. Glad we can both live our truths. Happy pride!
haha that's funny
Love this
Congratulations!!!💕
@Skylar Landucci ew gtfoh biphobic weirdo
@Skylar Landucci actually I'm sure your religion what ever that may be might have taught you that God is the only one that can judge and tbh I have bisexual family members and they are the kindest people I have EVER met, it also helped me to find out that I'm gay soooo....
When I first watched this I was upset. Not because she’s gay. Not because the wedding. But because it made me look at my own sexuality and question it. I repressed it so hard, I stopped watching UA-cam and stopped watching Alayna. Welp, I’m back. I’m not bi. I’m a lesbian. Thanks for helping me get there!
Congrats!
Heyy!! Congrats! I'm really happy for you
Congrats on finding out!!
Same but not because of her. I found her after that 😂
@@lkctom2546 gay fist bump ✌🏽
I am a heterosexual male. However, I came across your channel because I was trying to help a seriously lovely friend of mine who found herself opening up to me. She is still so reserved and confused. However, she so loved what you have done and what it has done to help her realise that she is gay. Thank you for helping my lovely friend. I hope it is ok to tell you this, Alayna. You are awesome!
you are an amazing person
That's very sweet of you, thank you for doing that
♡ :)
Wow! I would love to have a partner/friend like you, you are amazing and very respectful. Thank you for showing me that people like you exist
you were not born heterosexual. No one is heterosexual. Try it out.
As a bisexual woman married to a man who came out in part because of being inspired by you, thank you. I do not feel let down, I do not feel disappointed. it is not our fault the society places expectations on us and that there is a trope of bisexuality being used as a stepping stone to being fully gay. You did not lie, you did not deceive us. Discovering sexuality is a journey that looks different for everyone. I still love you just as much today as ever before. I know this was difficult news to share, but I am happy for you.
Samantha Bielz this is the comment I needed- thank you
I feel the same. While I'm a bi girl in a long term relationship with a man, and while I liked 'claiming' you as a highly relatable ""'role model""", I like the idea of supporting you as an individual navigating the tricky terrain of love and attraction a whole lot more. I look forward to WAY MORE GAY CONTENT, PLEASE.
💞
Yes!! It is so hard that with the stereotypes placed on LGBT people you feel a pressure to defy them, even if it's not true to who you are. No single person has to be "good representation", they just have to be themselves.
@Black Knight Fool "Gay" has been an umbrella term for the LGBTQ community for decades now, even though I understand that some gay men and people talking about them wish for an exclusive term for themselves. But I think it is a moot discussion at this point, because every day language use has already broadly changed past its exclusive narrow meaning.
this makes me really believe that platonic soulmates are a thing
Absolutely! I more believe in soul circles. There are people we belong with and who belong with us. That doesn’t mean they are meant to stay in our lives in the same way. This happened with my first love. He’s gay. I will always love him, but as a brother. I love his husband. I feel like I’m an auntie to their boys. We don’t see each other every day. I’m happily married to an amazing man. Nonetheless, we still keep in touch because we still belong in each other’s lives.
Not so much. Just until a new relationship comes along. Then that person will want and desire the intimacy, and the platonic person will fall away, organically.
Quincey Clouds Oh weird.. I call that a good friend.
It is.
Geeburs McFleeburs Lmao 😂 love this comment
People undervalue platonic relationships. I'm glad to hear your relationship with Dallas, while changed, is still full of as much love as it was pre-realisation :)
I hope you're doing well. I'm sure this was a very difficult thing to go through, and I know what a realisation like that can shift within you xXx
I'm sitting here crying with you Alayna, because when I watched this video for the first time, it stirred up something deep inside of me. I tried to battle it as hard as I could but now, nine months later, I finally broke up with my wonderful male partner of three years because I simply cannot be with a man, and it's your coming out video that helped me make sense of what I was feeling. So thank you.
As a bi person, let me say this: I am proud of you and I'm not going anywhere.
Another bi, not going anywhere!
Bi here, not going anywhere either.
Sexuality is super complicated for some of us. Some of us have to go through a labyrinth to figure ourselves out.
I hope everything for you works out.
I'm the thousandth like here hehe ,also bi !!
Another bi, also questioning if I'm a lesbian after watching this, and having been reading about similar stuff recently, not going anywhere :)
we didn’t love you because you’re bisexual, we love you because you’re you! we love you no matter what!
Well said! 😊
Exactly! You are an amazing human. And some of us have been watching your videos for many years, and seen the subject matter change with you. But that is life. Change and growth.
Couldn't have said it any better
+
I was literally thinking the same
You said "and I'll lose some of you here" and that line just made me feel the opposite. It made me say "I want to support this girl". I hope you feel proud of who you are.
You are mix up / that is you truth self as u saying/ it is your choice
Sorta reminds me of Freddie Mercury’s relationship with Mary Austin. Your relationship with Dallas transcends sexuality.
you took the words right from my head. so beautiful :(
I was thinking the same thing
Did he have a girlfriend? I thought he only dated men
Aylén Arizaga He did. He loved so much he became the godfather of one of her children, left her a lot of money after he died and she’s the one who knows where his ashes are. So no biggie.
He's bi, though...???
“I feel like I can breathe, when for years I didn’t even realize I was holding my breath”. WOW! I. FELT. THAT.
Same.
As a trans guy who spent 25+ years in gender purgatory, I felt that as well!
@@skully6223 I'm in the same kind of situation, so I totally emphasize with you.
Glad you figured it out and hope you can move on from this challenge to live your life to the best 💪
This.
DEE SKULLY I don’t mean this as offensive I’m just quite confused and would love to grow and learn more about the community so if you’re saying your a trans guy does it mean you’re now a guy? Sorry if it’s offensive, I just really want to learn xx
Leaving a loving relationship because your sexuality doesn't align hurts a lot. It takes courage. I hope you and Dallas have love and support.
@Nora Lally yeah, i don't think that word means what you think it means
@Nora Lally so she should've stayed with her soon-to-be-husband? no, that would hurt both of them
@@studionightshade i'm sorry :( that must've really hurt
This is what I'm paranoid about, I love my boyfriend so much and want to marry him but what if I'm not ace and just gay 😰
@Nora LallyYou do not have the right to make judgements on someone else's life decisions. It's nonsensical to stop being a relationship with a person you have no sexual attraction to?
Sweetie, I hope you'll read it. I'm 47, bi, from Israel. It took me 30 years to think that maybe I'm bi and 10 years more to be sure I'm bi.
Sexuality is complicated. You are young, explore.
You are healthy, have a job, family, friends. Everything is ok. You are still you❤
Dang that all happened for me in 2 years and that felt like an eternity of confusion.
FREE PALESTINE
“I feel like I can breathe, when for years I didn’t even realize I was holding my breath.” Mic drop moment
“Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place” - Holt, B99
This was a perfect quote for here. Thank you.
My yearbook quote :)
Didnt someone else say that
Just watching B99 right now. Love that reference.
@@goblin7105 ya we posted the same quote in the same hour 😂 great minds think alike lol
“I felt like I was suffocating”. This is more relatable to anything you have said about you being bisexual. WE SUPPORT YOU. Sexuality is a spectrum and at least I understand why you suppressed it. And it’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok. We love you.
Your comment isn't even toward me yet still I feel comfort by reading it. Lovely thing to say
Ivy Bell I am glad you can feel comforted. This video made me feel comfortable about my bisexuality and knowing that it’s ok to doubt. It’s ok.
@@kelliesmith2412 💓💕 Absolutely. I'm happy you feel positive and peaceful about yourself 💓💕
Ivy Bell only took 25 years ❤️ I hope everyone gets a sense of peace from her videos like I do
@@kelliesmith2412 I definitely do 😌
"no bitch! you're not demiromantic, you're gay!" oof i feel that...not to invalidate aromanticism or asexuality, but i went through something similar in high school where i was convinced that i was both aromantic and asexual. I just couldn't imagine myself with anyone and sexual attraction didn't make sense to me. And maybe being young was also a factor here. I never had a typical pubescent "sexual awakening" and I think that's because I just understood the world through a straight lens. And I wasn't interested in that, so asexual and aromantic were labels that I felt really "got" me. Idk what changed (I got older??) but in college I suddenly realized "hmm girls exist" and suddenly that sexual awakening happened and i was like "oh shit! i'm just gay!"
So in that sense I relate to what you're going through rn. Internalised homophobia and heteronormativity are really shitty :|
I think this might end up being my story too.
What the hell this is the exact same thing that happened to me!
Same 🙌
Ощ
I thought really hard on that first quote for a few seconds. I can't relate, I am in fact bi and demiromantic.
"I feel like I can breathe, when for years I didn't realize I was holding my breath" - Wow, that resonated with me. I've never seen your videos before but I'm so glad this one popped up in my feed.
THIS is why we need representation when we’re kids and why being gay shouldn’t be treated as taboo! Comphet is literally so hard to deal w and i’m happy you finally know yourself and are comfortable enough to share w us🤍
Agreed. This "confronting kids with gay stuff will make them gay" idiotism did, does and will do a lot of damage to people.
The thing is, even nowadays, since we get a lot more representation, teens are still afraid to come out, even if they know their parents could and will accept them. It's mostly because it's not common in the population and anything different is a lot to handle for people.
Ola Elo yeah :) I’m gay and I was terrified to come out even though my mum is very accepting
@@estherisnotcool That must've been hard.. but im glad you did it :)
Ola Elo thank you so much ! I’m glad I did too
I want to give Dallas a lot of respect for accepting her and giving her respect to explorer that side of her
I'll be honest I find the double standard slightly hilarious, "your bisexual so go have relationships with woman to explore that side of yourself". But not with guys, why because he was one, like did he not realize that the likely hood of this happening even if she wasn't lesbian was large. And based on what she said he looks like an even bigger Pleeb cause clearly she had a much larger physical interest and attraction in women. I have no problem with her realizing her homosexuality and ending things i think he looks like a fool though.
@@wlev123 if he didn't let her explore then she might not have known she was gay till much later. he was trying to help her understand who she was, and she did find out. she was already having a relationship with a dude so why explore with another guy? i don't really understand what your saying. they felt their relationship was strong enough for her to experiment.
Monogamy is a choice. People in relationships can design them however they choose to, regardless of any standard that society may set. Her boyfriend showed her the ultimate act of love and respect by supporting her growth. He also showed a lot of maturity and security within himself. It's comforting to know people like that exist in the world.
Lephiz but it’s not. Maybe in your bubble (not saying that cruely, just meaning your family friends) it’s not something that comes up, but this is actually more common than you think.
@@skwanchisanchi878 Dallas only allowed her to explore her bisexuality because somewhere in his mind he saw three way sex on the horizon. I as a man understand his logic behind the whole relationship.
i can really relate to you saying you "never questioned liking boys because it was the given" but when you started being with women you understood what its suppose to feel like . i thought i was bisexual in middle school but now im realizing im a lesbian and this video makes me feel valid, thank you
My story is so similar to yours. 14 years and two kids later, my (now ex) husband asks “is it possible your a lesbian?” and just like you, something clicked and I couldn’t unsee it. We were split a month later. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
This just sounds ridiculous.
As a lesbian who identified as bi for upwards of 4 years, this is such an important video to me. Figuring out you don’t like men is such a difficult thing in a society that centers around attraction to men. Thank you for posting this.
Well said.
Annika Bergstrom yeah I agree! I am going through this now my mom is very very religious and gets very upset when people talk about my sexuality or my interest in woman
I was the same exact way I was bi for a year and dated woman but never even batted an eye that I could be a lesbian cause that was so weird in society
@Miss O’Genist she only means realizing she isnt attracted to men
at least you realized while you're still young and not married. my mom didn't realize she was gay until after she had 2 kids and married 2 different men. she's happy now at least and has a girlfriend. I hope you will be happy someday soon as well
She’s not exactly gay if it took having 2 kids with 2 different men to start disliking men. 🤦🏼♀️
bluecannibaleyes you do realize... a lot of the older LGBT community were raised in a time where they couldn’t come out? So they were forced into trying to live society’s standards of a normal lifestyle?
@wtfyoudoing People in this country have not been forced to marry or have kids anytime in recent history. These are major life events that have a string of conscious choices leading up to them. I don’t understand how someone can sleep with multiple guys multiple times and be unaware that they didn’t like it.
Did it ever occur to you that our modern society’s standards that celebrate alternative sexualities and encourage people to ‘experiment’ might be influencing people to shy away from being a boring ol’ heterosexual? Being gay is practically a bragging right nowadays.
@@bluecannibaleyes Some people who were not raised to believe homosexuality is an option rationalize their experiences. It is easy enough to say "I must just not really enjoy sex like other people seem to" rather than accept being gay.
@@bluecannibaleyes totally not true. Some people dont want to have sex but have sex because it is something that is expected. A person cant know they are gay if they are not aware of their own feelings. Stop trying to pin people into ur own feeling just because you cant understand why they do things. So you justify it into something you believe. I dislike ppl like you, who try to tell others it must be how u say because you said it. Sometimes people just dont know who they are, period.
Oof. Here as a 27 year old, recently split from my husband as of a week ago because I thought I was pan and he suggested I see other people. Fast forward, I'm gay and have a girlfriend and he and I are co-existing as friends. Sending so much love to you and it's wild to see me essentially looking into a mirror.
What you said about the confirmed bisexual merch really hit home. I always thought I was bi because yes, I knew I liked women, but only recently I started to question if I really liked men. The thought had never crossed my mind that I didn’t like men because I sort of took that as a given my whole life. I’m so proud of you for figuring this out and I hope you know that we support you!
As a Real Life Confirmed Bisexual who’s been watching your bi content for years, I’m not at all upset about any of this. I don’t watch you because of your bisexuality, I watch you because of how comfortable you always seemed being the truest version of yourself that you were aware of. So now that you’re aware of a truer version of you, I’d damn well hope you lived consistently with it! That’s been the message I’ve taken from your channel all along.
Sending love, I hope both of you are taking care of yourself, and if you happen to speak to Dallas you can send him some love from me as well.
Couldn't have said it better! Much love 💞
“I feel like I can breathe, when for years I didn’t realize I was holding my breath.”
You don’t know till you know, ya know. Thanks for sharing this scary thing with us. I am proud of you. Life’s a journey. Here’s to things staying interesting!
One side of me is sad, because I am a bisexual. Truly, I am. And it kinda hurts to see this, bc it furthers the stereotype that we're just confused. And I'm MAD at myself, for feeling like that toward you. Bc on the other hand I'm SO HAPPY for you. I genuinely am overjoyed that you found who you were. I'm so sorry sorry it's a little bitter sweet. I can't wait to watch you grow and discover more about yourself ❤
Bi is an adjective, btw. Not a noun. Sentence one is grammatically incorrect. (sorry for being annoying)
@@smolselene9453 "Bisexual" can be used as either an adjective or a noun, just like we can talk about "a lesbian" or "the gays."
Most dictionary sites list both uses of the word.
I found out my pan bestie was straight. He didn't want to tell me because he was ashamed (?) for some reason. But I'm like no, I'm glad you found out something new about yourself.
Selene Brewer time and place, dude
@@hanlore13 Yeah. Sorry.
(also, I don't really like being called dude. even if you mean it in a gender-neutral way)
Thank you for making this video. I thought I was bi for 6 years, I realized I wasn't attracted to men, I needed men to be attracted me. This made me feel seen and validated. Thank you. Tiktok also made me gay and introduced me to my girlfriend.
Ugh I hate how some of you bi girls that turned into a lesbian use men to boost your ego. Don't you feel guilty using men like that?
I feel like this is me but I just don't understand it. This journey is so painful.
"as it turns out" im sorry i can't stop laughing this woman's ability to make light of any situation
When you said that "it was like being into men was just a given" I felt so seen. I have been struggling for so long to come to grips with my own sexuality and I came out as bi, but I have started to realize that just isn't true, so thank you for sharing this, thank you so much.
Hannah Hoffman hope everything is okay!
God I could never have the balls to put my life out to everyone like this holy shit
Its flipping AMAZING
ikr like damn!!!
Miss O’Genist hole intro 😍
@Miss O’Genist yeah, sure, because everyone loves the feeling of feeling vurnerable aand having toons of haters... like wtf
@Miss O’Genist it isnt an "just an act", you only say that because you dont know what she is going thru and how hard it is to deal with what she had to deal with. and even if it was just an act it would still be a hell of a great thing to do, because she inspires others to be honest with themselves and with the others. sexualty isnt an easy thing to figure out, and it is a horrible experience to feel the confusion that she felt.
I don’t even know you and I’m completely straight, but you’re so admirable. I wish you all the best luck.
"It was like being into men was just a given" THIS!!!!!!!
Alayna I've been following you for years, I think I've probably subscribed to you when I had just come out as bi and I watched your vid also coming out as bi... and now I'm literally going through the SAME thing as you: realizing that no I'm not bi, I'm actually just gay 😂.
I relate so much to what you just said you have no idea. Growing up I also had crushes on boys and I always thought that I couldn't be fully gay because of that but the more I allow myself to crush on women and date them and imagine a life with them I realize that I just can't picture myself doing that with a guy ever (meaning that I've probably just liked those guys because of compulsory heterosexuality).
Alayna your videos have always been there for me and I'm so thankful that you share your life with us so we'd feel less alone. I wish you the best and I promise I'll always be here to support your channel, I love you girl 💕
exactly... happening the same to me; we all gonna be okay, as said sexuality is a spectrum and it's fine to take our time to understand where we feel we fit the best
This is so interesting we're all having this experience at the same time...
I had a very similar experience... Right now bisexual homoromantic or even heteroflexible homoromantic are feeling most accurate for me (though queer is definitely my go-to because those are a mouthful!). I always assumed that the attraction I felt for men was the metric I should measure my attraction in general by, so I had these crushes on guys once in a while but just never wanted to actually date them-I consciously thought for each of them, even the most long-term and intense crushes, that I wouldn't say yes even if they randomly asked me out and that I really just wanted to be friends! I thought that was typical heterosexuality and that I just had commitment issues or something, even though that didn't fit with my personality at all. And then one girl seemed like she could have been expressing romantic interest in me and I was immediately giddy at the thought and when we started dating (though we've broken up now) I wanted to be with her long-term in like two seconds. Compulsory heterosexuality is quite the drug! I'm so glad that I found UA-camrs like Alayna and Ash Hardell or I might have thought I was 100% straight for even longer. Wishing all of us figuring out this confusing mess that is sexuality luck. 💗
@@gemjule Right?! I've read so many comments on this video all saying the same! Haha ♥
@@embroideredatlas4288"I always assumed that the attraction I felt for men was the metric I should measure my attraction in general by" THIS THIS THIS. THis x100, I never had the words to describe this feeling. ♥
Alayna this is something that you need to hear from my heart to yours:
You keep saying that what you had on this channel was a lie and felt like a lie because of what you knew or were trying to figure out about yourself. But I'm here to tell you it wasn't a lie. It wasn't a lie because that's the truth you could give at the time and one you might have been wishing was the truth, and you don't have to apologize for that. Your truth and words at that time has helped millions of people and touched the lives of so many. Regardless, your compassion and vulnerability you have shared over the years on this channel has helped me tremendously and so many others in ways I can't articulate in a youtube comment. I've been here since that first coming out video, and you helped me accept myself for who I am, and strangely enough just as you make this video I have recently begun to question myself in similar ways you have even though I have been identifying as bi for about 5 years now too. (lmfao crazy how that works huh?) I know how difficult it can be to leave a person you've been through so much of life with and how it feels scary and foreign and learning how to be alone again is weird. But I can also tell you that in this past year of learning how to navigate my own life and being my own person again has given me the space to grow into someone I didn't know was inside of me.
Don't apologize for your story. You would never tell anyone else to, so be kind to yourself the way you would be to me or anyone else here in this amazing community you have built. I am proud of you. I am proud of Dallas. I am sending you both so much love and energy during this time, and I know you will both come out of this as strong and better people. We love you and are here for you no matter what.
Great mssg 🌻
the love behind this comment is something so needed these days and it made me cry. I fully agree with what you have said Bianca, I know your journey will lead you to a place of happiness and say to you Alayna
I hope she sees this!
@@neversayneverpurple1 thank you so much for your sincere and kind words and i hope they were happy tears!
Thank you for being brave enough to be so unflinchingly honest. Your story helps. It took me 13 years and 3 kids to finally accept that I wasn’t bisexual. I too had the loveliest, most supportive man that I didn’t want to lose but I had to set him free. I loved him but I wasn’t in love with him and there was no attraction.
I literally always just sit there and think about my sexuality for agess...Sexuality is weird af..I like guys,I like girls but my feelings for both are so different..
Shit same. I’m sitting here watching this. I have a huge crush on this girl. But I still flirt with men? It’s like I don’t know another way. But like I always say I’m bi. But I’ve never experience sexual pleasure with men. I’ve only had one real gf and honestly the emotions were just... way stronger but I’m always so confused. Hoping I’ll find the person who will just HELP ME KNOW what I am. Sexuality is the longest con because you never know you were faking something until you find out what is actually REAL.
Mia Bermudez, you sound like a lesbian dealing with comphet. Ultimately, your label doesn’t matter that much and nothing dramatic will happen if you use the “wrong” label (if there’s even such thing, I mean in the end you’re the one who defines YOUR labels). But if you’re interested in finding out more, Google “Am I a lesbian masterlist” ;)
Damn seems like more and more people are just so confused nowadays....... Well sucks to be you
@@layton6202 why do you think? Being told you can’t be yourself because of what a scripture says… fearing of getting sent to a conversion therapy
@@alexlesbean8739 don't know about all that but what I do know is there is no such thing as bisexual, never met one that stayed that way cuz bisexual is just another term for fence sitting until they decide what their preference is and I understand lesbians cuz lesbians are women with extra emotion cuz women are more sensitive and emotionally charged then men are, so a lesbian is someone who has ever higher sensitivity and even more emotionally charged than you're average woman and men can't keep up with that so naturally they turn to other women who are more emotionally mature but somehow they never end up lasting....plus there are more women then men in the world so it makes sense.........
“You can’t be gay because you’ve always dated men” wow I felt that
Clarina Mascarenhas I have a friend who knew she always wanted to marry a man and have a family, but she couldn’t deny that she also loved women. She has a husband that is okay with her needing love from a women, and he is the only man for her (she loves him so much). They have a great relationship. It’s other people who simply sit and observe the relationships of others that complicate things far more than they are or need to be.
@@lone6718 I guess it depends on the individual in that case, and whether they and their partner would feel comfortable with that situation.
@Ari Arredondo I don't know what to say to this.
@Ari Arredondo its so sad.
Ari Arredondo I’ve been in relationships with boys and I always realise the relationship I had with the only girl I was with like felt stronger or more like attractive to me it’s so hard to explain but it felt more loveable even tho all my relationships have been great. I think about her constantly and wish I never ended it due to fear of my family’s thoughts but at the end of the day that was then and now is now. It’s so sad what happened but as long as your open to your partner and tell him how devastated you are she passed. Even if you just explain it in a platonic way and like dance around the truth it can be nearly as the same as telling him the whole truth. Hope everything gets easier sending love your way❤️
To paraphrase the mom scene in Love Simon:
"But these last few years, more and more, its almost like I could feel you holding your breath...you are still you...but you get to exhale now, you get to be more you, than you've been in a very long time. You deserve everything you want"
I don’t even think that’s a paraphrase I’m pretty sure that’s verbatim
@@olivialesbian1578 eh I went to the video, and wrote it out but took out the simon specific parts. The "you get to exhale now, simon" just blew me away and I burst into tears the first time I heard it. And Alayna saying she could breath again now...well it reminded me of that.
this is exactly what i thought of
Does everyone else have a flash back to their coming out and immediately start sobbing when this scene plays?
I cryed so hard watching this and reading some of the comments bc i have came out again during quarentine too, after identifying as bi for 5 years and dating a guy for 3 and a half. The process of questioning and realization was so scary and confusing and nausiating even, but every step i took in the direction of being a bit more sure felt like a huge weight off my chest. I thought i knew myself for so long and yet now i'm seeing things clearly for the first time.
I've identified as lesbian for the most part of my life.
Then I started feeling sexual attraction to men but I thought that I don't develop feelings for them. Eventually I did though and I am in a relationship with a man right now. But I miss women. And I've told him that. I love him, but it doesn't compare to the passionate love I had for women.
I don't feel comfortable with the bisexual label but I feel comfortable with HIM.
I REALLY WISH we would stop looking for labels to stick on us. We as human beings are way too complex and constantly evolving to be labeled.
I am me. And I loved women, now I love a man, what will come in the future I don't know but I WON'T LIMIT MYSELF BY LABELS!
love is love after all.
just dont break his heart please
@@xcalypso4077 I won't. He knows about my struggle and we try to communicate our feelings freely.
I love thissss
wow! i've read a few stories about lesbians developing feelings for men but incapable of feeling sexual attraction to them but never the other way around 😮
I fully agree with this! Sexuality is often a spectrum, and sometimes fluid. And love is love. And attraction is made up of so many aspects - lust, desire, sexuality, affection, emotional intimacy, understanding, humour, respect, intellectual stimulation, mutual connection, soulmate-ism.
Basically, it's all good! 💗
I'm bi and when I was coming to terms with my sexuality I watched a lot of videos yours included. You helped me so much to feel validation in myself, self worth, and understanding of my sexuality and eventouh it turns out you're actually gay all of the work you've done for the bi community is still valid and I thank you for that.
Cecilalalala This comment should be pinned. Same here, I appreciate everything she's done for us 💜
Same for me. But suddenly I'm also afraid to be in the same case, bi shakes easily when famous/inspiring bi people turn to be gay or straight because it make them (me) hear more strongly this little society voice who screams BISEXUALITY DOESN'T EXIST YOU PIECE OF CRAP
I'm both sad and very happy for our girl but in the same time I'm not in a good place rn...
@@avatarlhamo3063 relate to that fear
Yes, exactly. thank you Alayna, you have helped me to be more accepting of my Bi sexuality and I am glad that you understand yourself better now. I wish you all the love and luck as you move forward knowing who you are 💜💜💜
Marissa White you're in the wrong thread my friend you're in the comment of someone else
I can’t imagine how terrifying this was to make or to go through but you’re strong and we love you! We still accept you no matter what
Maybe it was better not to have a wedding then get married and think certain things could have been worked out....and end up getting divorced anyways....think of all the relationships you have been in and it ended...exactly pretty easy right....
I relate to this so hard.
I always dated men, have a child with a man, and I couldn’t possibly be more gay. I never even though I might be gay, I just thought it was normal for me to not be happy or like sex.
Then the girl that became my first girlfriend started flirting with me and (again didn’t even think about it) so naturally I was into it and after experiencing all these things with her it couldn’t be more clear that I’m just gay.
And WHAT A RELIEF that I can be so happy, fulfilled, and sex is unreal. I’m just gay!! 😂
Beautiful
You guys still together? I’m just realizing my attraction to women
That's wild.....you're husband must of not reached the expectation
👏🏽🙌🏽💪🏽🙏🏽🥰😊
As a woman who has also thought of myself as bisexual but had recently realized I’m gay and had to end a 4 year with relationship with a man I was engaged to, I absolutely relate to this and needed to hear it. You are so strong and I’m so proud of you. I’m glad we both realized before actually being married, and I’m happy to say that I’m so much better off now than I was a few weeks ago when the split happened. My former fiancé and I were going through a lot near the end, arguing, always feeling miserable, unsure what was wrong but knowing that something was. Now I’m coming to terms with being gay, and that’s really hard! I came out as bisexual my freshman year of high school, 7 years ago. I thought myself to be bi all this time, and only recently understood that I was dealing with compulsory heterosexuality and it took me a really long time to understand that and to be okay with it. I’m still not fully there, but it’s something I’m going through every day. Thank you for sharing this, it means so so much 💙
Advice to people: don't get engaged and plan to marry if you're still questioning your sexuality. You'll end up breaking both your hearts
I can't even begin to imagine how hard this must of been for you to record, let alone build up the courage to talk about. Been a fan for almost a decade now (7 years at least) and i've said it many times before but there is very little you can do for me to not be a fan.
Your mental health videos have helped me immensely and regardless of anything that happens i genuinely wish you nothing but the best and that you find solace, answers, comfort, anything that can help you along your journey !
Wishing you nothing but the best, for Dallas as well, i loved his interactions and he too deserves the world, like yourself. You got this Alayna : )
“I feel like I can breathe, when for years I didn’t realise I was holding my breath.”
Wow. This bit really hit hard.
Wishing you all the happiness and love
If she made this a shirt/hoodie I'd buy it
I've always felt more physically attracted to men but more emotionally attracted to woman. It can be confusing and make me feel weirdly guilty sometimes. Sometimes I'm into men more and sometimes I'm into women more and it depends on the type of person they are.
That’s normal! Sexuality is complicated and a spectrum, a lot of people experience what your going through and you shouldn’t have to feel guilty for this. Don’t worry about putting a label on anything, with time you do figure stuff out and if you want to label yourself as bi, pan, gay, anything that’s ok, but if not that’s ok too. Don’t put pressure on yourself love, questioning this kind of stuff is completely normal ❤️
Ugh, thank you! I am exactly the same!
Facts 👏
i have the opposite experience, being emotionally and romantically attracted to men but sexually attracted to women (usually only girls online - never ones i know personally...yet). i’m a bit relieved to know someone else experiences this. sending you all love 💖💖💖
Delfina Meza I feel the thing about only being attracted to girls online rather than irl. There’s always this whole lesbian narrative of falling in love with your straight best friend but I’ve never seen one of my friends in a romantic/sexual way which is why it took me a while to figure out that I actually was gay
"We are all so small..."
Girl, I am going through something VERY similar, right now.. I love my BF and want to be with him, but im not happy.. and I cannot shake the feeling that I am in the relationship because it is easiest. He also doesn't support me exploring relationships with women..
The Google doc video you did really changed how I viewed men in the past/currently.. i just want to let you know that your honesty has really helped me process my feelings about all of this, and the fact that I am 27 and just now evaluating all this makes me connect to your page that much more!
Oh my gosh... I hope you find the strength to leave him and explore your feelings more because you don’t know who you truly are until you have the freedom to FEEL what you want. Stay strong ❤️❤️❤️
Then f*cking leave him! Stop furthering the stereotype that bi confused women just use men as a stepping stone to becoming lesbian smh. It's not fair to men like him, you're playing with his feelings. If you don't wanna break his heart anymore then tell him the truth
@@j86485 Dude, be quiet.
I also wanna say: Dallas is the most acepting straight man I ever heard about. He is such a loving and caring person. I am glad you guys still love each other.
Reminds of Evan from Atypical
@@ginandromeda1618 Evan from atypical is a fricken MAN I love him sm
This is just weird. Letting your partner cheat on you is... lmao
LL she wasn’t cheating on him. He encouraged her to explore her sexuality. I’m not sure what labels or terms they used but it sounds like an open relationship or polyamory. As long as everyone in the relationship is open and honest. He wanted her to be happy and he knew it would make her happy.
So, he's only accepting for a "straight man"? Why did you have to mention his sexual orientation or gender when mentioning that he's an accepting person?
It really sucks when things are just sad for everyone and there’s no one to blame. I feel really bad for you for having to suppress feelings and getting anxiety from struggling with this. I feel bad for Dallas for any guilt he may be feeling about having a relationship for this long when you were gay the whole time. Of course you guys weren’t stuck together, because you chose this and if either of you were unhappy with each other as people, you would have ended it but you are just two genuinely very good people, and good together. You both still have your whole life ahead of you, you can live authentically now.
BelleBee that’s a very good point, and I appreciate your thoughtfulness in writing that all out. I was referring to a specific person to blame or something like that. It’s just the unfairness of an absurd world that brought two wonderful people people together at the right time, only for them to not be able to share the same type of love. Comp-het didn’t make it Dallas who was the other victim in this, but we are very sad it is Dallas because he deserves to be happy as well.
Watching this video as a trans lesbian who used to think she was a gay man, then a bi man, then a pan pile of "what even is gender" then a pan woman, and now finally, come out as a trans lesbian, how closely your statements mirror my own experiences with men is honestly extremely eye opening for me
P.S. In case people are wondering why I thought I was gay, I felt dysphoria since puberty, but I never recognised it as such, I misinterpreted the signs I was a woman, as signs I was a gay man, which is a totally amazing thing to go through /sarcasm, also due to depression, it was hard to actually feel attraction to anyone, and I just had sex with people who lifted the depression temporarily, and men were more likely to be into me back then, so...yeah
I can't believe this was only 7 months ago. 2020 truly has been 5 years in one.
I hope no one starts talking FOR Dallas here, he’s a grown ass man, they talked, they were very open about their relationship. No one should shame either side in this scenario.
I thought this was gonna be a click bait for “covid-19 delaying the wedding” or something like that... and now I’m sitting here shocked. I’m sad for you and Dallas, but I’m happy for you, that you’re being true to yourself ❤️ and we will be here no matter what
That's what I thought too! I'm still shocked but I'm happy for her. I had to take a break and bake (it helps me fight anxiety). I'm glad she realised that now and that she's on her journey to be true to herself too :)
Wish clickbait was less of a thing
Honestly really shook by this video
But happy she had the strength
i really appreciate this video. i watched it multiple times before and after i came out to my ex and it made me feel so much less alone. i definitely miss his friendship but i really am happier now that i don’t always feel anxious. can’t wait to see what’s down the line:) i’m glad that you’ve grown so much since this has happened💛
Hey! I watched this 6 months ago on repeat. You helped me come out to myself, and to my then-husband. I have 2 kids. Thank you for leaving this here. I needed to know that I wasn’t alone.
Compulsory Heterosexuality is one hell of a drug.
In all seriousness Alayna, your videos helped me on my coming out journey and I'll always be so grateful for that. I'm so happy that you are ready to express who you are, I cant imagine how scary this would have been for you.
💕💕
I thought this was going to be an announcement with a clickbaity title about the wedding being cancelled because of COVID.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this tough transition. Speak your truth and love & light will be coming your way 💖
Meghan Tetzloff same. In the beginning I was waiting for the let up and joking and then I was like oh wow. 💜💜
I left this comment two years ago. Guess who just came out again as lesbian and not bisexual. I think I was telling myself this as well
I didn't know I was asexual because I assumed that not being gay meant I was hetero. I wish you all the best in your new journey forward.
The landscapers outside are actually really funny to me. Like truly, we are all so small. Our lives are our own, and what is so big and life-changing to us is literally nothing to the landscapers outside. They don’t know, they don’t care, and they have their own stuff happening.
That kind of thing can be very scary to realize (to be that small and insignificant can seem to mean that nothing matters, and it’s not worth it). But I think it’s a very helpful and calming thing to remember. I am my own person, and what is big and scary in my life is not actually that big or scary. Life is happening all around us, and it doesn’t care what we’re doing.
I came out as nonbinary to my mom in a little diner in upstate New York, while we ate breakfast sandwiches and drank mediocre coffee. The lesbians across the room were chatting about their day, and the old couple behind us happened to also be from New Jersey, and we chatted with them about that as they were leaving. I had a whole long coming out letter written, and I was genuinely afraid to give it to my family. And then, over breakfast, my mom asked me, “Would you consider yourself cis?” and I just laughed. It was so random and matter-of-fact that I had to answer honestly. And she was so cool about it. We clarified my name (no change), pronouns (he/they), and what sort of language I was and wasn’t comfortable with. And then we drank the last of our coffee, paid, and left. The waitress didn’t care. The lesbians at the other table didn’t care. The old folks from Manahawkin didn’t care. It was just me and my mom.
We can very easily forget that we are each just one singular person in the world, and every person has their own stuff going on. What feels like the most daunting thing to us means nothing to the other people around. And that means that the world won’t come to an end because of anything we have to do. I was so afraid to come out, because it felt like it would change the whole world and make everything weird and uncertain. But then I did, and nobody cared except me and my family. My mom and I listened to the Indigo Girls on the way home, stopped at a Starbucks near Albany (where nobody knew or cared that I had just come out), and then we got back to Jersey and I unpacked my stuff from school. And nothing happened. I’m still alive, the world is still spinning, that waitress is probably still working at that diner, and my mom makes an effort not to call me her son anymore. And that’s it.
It’s such a relief to remember how little our lives actually impact the world around us. It makes the scary things much more manageable.
This is such a beautiful story!
Man looks like she needs to throw another goodbye party to bisexuality
hello homosexuality
Olinoil Wolfyheart this needs more likes
I guess when she said "hello homosexuality" in that video, it was a Freudian slip.
This is the vidéo UA-cam suggested me right after this one, it hurted me a bit
Yes please lol! This should be a celebration! She is figuring out her identity and she deserves all the happiness ☺️
A Bye-sexuality party? ...okay I'll leave.
I haven't watched all the way through yet, but I wish I could give you a hug and tell you it'll be okay. I'm here to support you no matter what. Whether that's a break or rants or what ever else you need. I love you (and Dallas). You're strong and you will get through this. ❤️
PREACH! Every word!
Same!
This is nearly step by step what happened with me. My 10 year relationship to a man was full of love but something deep in me kept bothering me until I acknowledged that I could love him as a person, and still be gay. We’re not taught about the complexities and different types of attraction enough. Hearing your story made me feel validated and not crazy. Forever thankful.
i’m rewatching this now and i’m so beyond proud of how far you have come! you’re doing amazing and you are amazing
just imagine, this self-realisation likely wouldn't have happened if not for lockdown. imagine if you'd gone on not knowing…
I can only imagine how much harder this would've been for her if she'd gotten married, started a family, and only then realized that she was gay
I've had some realisations myself
Colleen Jay
Good luck with life, man.
@@reneebear3641 you too
@@michaelc.5809 who was she going to marry?
Man this hits hard. Redoing your coming out is so, so hard. I did it too. I’m still doing it. Alayna, we love you so much. And we support you no matter what. We love you for you. Nothing can change that.
It's like. The first time in an accepting place is the easiest. Then people are "ok. You are apparently this."
Then later they think you know know. And it changes
I don't know why yt suggested this to me... this is weird and I don't get it, but you do you. life's confusing. good luck!
kagaminek Yes it is :/
Same here
Same
Me too. This popped up randomly in my feed. But I hope this girl is okay. We all need to find ourselves to be happy. 🌈
I was thinking the same thing. But she seems like such a sweet girl, I couldn’t stop watching!🤍 Sending you all love and positivity!
I'm watching this 3 years after it was made and wow, you have come so far. Love you Alayna, take care
"oh we are all so small, and it doesn't matter, none of this matters- oh my god I'm having a crisis." ....this is an important video but GOD did I feel this akdjsk
Alayna having an existential crisis triggered by a landscaper is very relatable. In all seriousness, this is such a difficult thing to go through but I promise it is so necessary for your happiness going forward. We love you here no matter what, and take all the time you need to figure this new chapter of your life out!
The loud af doorbell when u said “glaring signs” was like the universe confirming your point🤣👏🏼
That made me jump so hard thinking she put that in on purpose 😂😂
@@miabermudez1756 It was so fitting and perfectly timed I love it 🤣🤣
9 months of questioning my identity. I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday
I hope you’re doing alright :)
@@hopemoore2724 thanks!!
@@nerdynadine5892 oh that sounds pretty exhausting but I’m glad you’re doing well emotionally :)
Sending good vibes your way
update: lol I already have a long distance girlfriend that I think is the one and I'm gonna visit her this summer I'm pretty sure 🥰🤓
I couldn’t imagine having to face this, especially since you obviously care about Dallas.
“like a fog has been lifted, like i can finally breathe, when for years i didn’t know i was holding my breath.” as a lesbian, i’ve also been there. my deep rooted internalised homophobia kept me from accepting myself long after i came out as gay, which isn’t very typical, but it was also something i wasn’t aware that i was holding myself back from. i am so proud of you and i can’t imagine how difficult this has been for you to deal with for so many years. wishing you the best
"It doesn't just disappear once other people know about it." I have come out as gay multiple times in my life but ended up back in the closet because i couldn't cope with the shame i had about being gay. The last time i went back in the closet, i decided to take male hormones so i just didnt have to deal with being a lesbian. I have finally realized that i cannot avoid who i am and i am now off testosterone. What lengths has anyone reading this gone to in order to avoid being gay?
Ftm???
It has taken me so long to get the courage to watch this video, as I think I need to leave my husband because I’m not sure I’m bi. I love him so much and don’t want to hurt him. This video has opened my eyes more and made me cry
i wish you peace and support 🫶
Damn sexuality is complicated. I hate when people think it's black and white. Sending love and support to both of you.
I think it is for some women . I’ve know all my life I’m gay . I think there are just loads of bi women and they shouldn’t attach the lesbian label
@@laurathompson8500 I agree. I just don't like it when people assume it's simple for everyone.
Becky Owen 😊
I'm so happy that Dallas is still there for you through everything. You guys truly have an amazing bond. I wish nothing but the best for you, Alayna, and I am very supportive of your decision to come to terms with who you are.
I previously identified as bi for 6-7ish years and I'm now beginning to realize that I'm gay. I really resonate with you on this, and I thank you so much for sharing this with people. Comp het is a thing and so many women go through it, so this content is EXTREMELY important
"It's like being into men was just a given." The definition of comphet.
What I really want to know: Is "I Don't Bi it" going to become "Lezbe honest"?
I thoroughly hope so
Hilarious
- hey that two genders shit was really off topic, did you just need to rant about? like im nonbinary and I completely disagree, but i’m just confused about where it came from?
Benji Reil right? I did try to educate tem on how gender is a social construct and not a binary/biological thing. I asked the same thing, if they were ok, cause it was really out of nowhere.
😂😂
everyone who thinks sexuality is a choice rather than just who you are should watch this and realize how little choice we have over our sexuality and how many of us are terrified and confused by it. how could we be confused if we’re “choosing it”
You’re so pretty !!😍 & yes I completely agree!
Hi! I just would like to offer a different perspective on this by pointing this really great video if you have time!: ua-cam.com/video/RjX-KBPmgg4/v-deo.html. #lovewins
Ariana Ng I can see this perspective and obviously everyone’s experience is different. but my sexuality isn’t a choice and I always have been gay even when I didn’t want to be. yes it is fluid and some people change over the years. I guess I was more dramatic than I should’ve been. my argument is basically that sexuality isn’t a choice.
Twenty twenty A aww thank you so much!!!
I find it offensive when girls say they “ choose “ they’re sexuality . I hated being gay as a young woman .
Something like this happened to me, I waited until 26 to meet the right girl -- never had any romantic relationships before then. I fell in love with her before I met her in person (she had a beautiful angelic spirit). She meant so much to me. More than I can express with words, only with tears. When our relationship reached its carnal stage, I realised that I might be gay, but held on to the idea that I am bi. After 2 - 3 months of severe panic attacks I started to slowly come out to my friends, family and finally my ex-girlfriend. I broke up with her after finally gaining the courage to peer into the abyss, facing dreadful loneliness again, facing up to the fact that I will have to date men and accepting that I won't ever be able to have a biological child. I can relate to the stories of late bloomer lesbians way more that coming out stories from gay men. Its been 5 months since we've broken up, I still think about her everyday, but I hope that one day I will experience love towards another human being again.
Wishing you peace and support. You are loved and supported and not alone.
You can have biological children with trans men
That's funny I realized I was a lesbian (again) in May 2020 so pretty close to you, lol. I identified as a lesbian in high school but didn't tell anyone, then got to college tried to tell a few people I thought were friends that I liked girls, lost two of them for mostly unknown reasons, but before then went out to clubs (TW: Sexual Assault) with them and got groped and kissed by guys when I didn't want it but felt like I had to do it to be normal. I'm also neurodivergent, I have a few disabilities and disorders and I have a hard time socially and was also dealing with PTSD from my NPD father. Anyway I was feeling bad about doing stuff with guys and was trying to rationalize that it was just what I was suppose to do. After losing those friends I got raped by a guy, though I didn't realize it for two years. But just reacted to these traumas by making excuses that I must be bisexual or else I wouldn't let the guys do it or something like that. Then another friend I told I liked girls stopped being friends with me too and I decided the problem was I was too honest so I shouldn't tell anyone about being bisexual but I also think part of it was I wasn't totally comfortable with the label so I didn't want to even broach the topic of liking girls with anyone again. Idk hard to explain.
Sadly it wasn't til this year like 5 or 6 years later when I'm 25 that I've finally learned more about that trauma and comphet (compulsory heterosexuality) and mostly the comphet really helped me understand and I figured out that high school me was right, and kid me who only had crushes on girls, and I've been a lesbian the whole time. Funnily enough I pretty much never questioned my feelings for girls, only boys. I still knew liking girls the way I did was considered weird and didn’t know anyone my age that felt that way but I questioned if I did in fact like men. Anyway, I only told my mom, which was basically like "in case it's not obvious I'm a lesbian" who's response wasn't really all that interested "I didn't think it was any of my business" and like okay? But she doesn't have any problems with gay people so idk could be worse.
Anyway I'm happy for you and that you realized this and yeah it sucks its taken so long for people like us but at least we've figured it out, it's never too late.
Alana, this is hard and this is such a difficult situation, but I'm really proud of you and happy that you're continuing your journey of self discovery. I wish you all the best as you move forward
I recently realised that I'm a lesbian after thinking I was bi for 5 years and this video is very very relatable. I never dated men but never questioned my attraction to them until the past 6 months and now it all seems really obvious and I can't unsee it. I've been really active in bi meetups and support groups and even met most of my friends through that. Now I'm going through the process of telling people that I'm actually gay and it's really nice to see someone else who has a similar experience. Wish you nothing but love and support xxxx
Just rewatching now as a recently out lesbian and not bisexual. And yeah your not alone. This video probably helped me probably nestled in my subconscious. Thanks for this.
Next time someone asks me how I can be gay but I had a baby with a man, I’m going to show them this video then walk away 😂
This level of honesty takes an enormous amount of courage.
"I was activity participating in heterosexuality" That hit me like a wave of oceans cause same sis, same! It took me a marriage, a baby boy & a divorce later to realize my sexuality! #ComfirmedBisexual
💙💜💗💙💜💗💙💜💗💙💜💗
Sending you love & light on your journey of gayxpolration, hun! 💋
Wow, this almost exactly describes my experience of my relationship with my boyfriend ending after 6 years together. I dealt with so much rationalizing and suffocation without even realizing it until I was honest with myself about being a lesbian. Thank you so much for sharing this, I'm going to show him this video so he can better understand what I'm feeling. Thank you!
You giggling while saying 'im in a crisis' feels so familiar lol
That was extremely brave. After the years you've been in this relationship; to be honest with yourself; to be honest with Dallas. I am amazed at how strong you are. The two of you, really.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Your life. Your truth. You are an amazing person.
All the love to you and your loved ones.
Alayna, most likely this comment will be lost but I feel the need to do so. You are one of the best in this platform. As a bisexual, you gave us representation and we have loved every part of it. You effort and the love you deposited into it is real and that is what matters. We love you.
This gives me anxiety like what if this is Me? Im really sad because I don't know many bisexuals and now she's saying otherwise :( so like who can I relate to
@@FatAssAdventures, be patient and honest with your feelings. That is the truest representation you will find.
@@jennifersitha09 I don't know if this biphobia but this makes me sad because I've heard people say bisexuals are confused or just realize otherwise. I've recently confirmed I'm bisexual like I've known it but never really expressed it to myself. many thoughts came to my mind like what if I'm not what if I'm wrong and this sort of situation happens to me. I get so anxious when I over analyze my feelings. I even thought what if I'm wrong and im long in a relationship. There isn't much bisexual UA-cam'rs who I can look for. I don't have many friends either who are part of the LGBTQ community :(
@@FatAssAdventures maybe Melanie Murphy? Im sending loads of love by the way 💜 I know it's scary to feel like you're the only one, but you truly are not. There are sooo many amazing bisexual people out There. Have you checked out Melanie Murphy and Bisexual Real Talk?
Yvette Davila I understand the feeling of not having people that you can relate to or feeling like you’re just going through a phase. However, this video is not implying that bisexuality is just a phase to becoming gay. Bisexuals are real and valid, but many gay people identify as bi at first because we are taught that heterosexuality is inherent or implied. This is especially true for women because we grow up thinking that we need to revolve our lives around men. Sorry I know this message is long but I just want to let you know that you are valid no matter what you identify as and it is perfectly okay to change that identity as you get older and realize more about yourself. I wish you all the best! 💗🏳️🌈
LOVE YOU!! Proud Mom of a Gay daughter. I'm so proud of her everyday! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
L H - I love this 🥰
@Sarah Nimri yesss, Sarah, you are loved!! You have every right to be your true authentic self and on your own timeline and terms. I love you, the universe loves you. My daughter is in a beautiful relationship. You will find your true love, she is just around the corner. God created you PERFECTLY!! You are perfection, just as you are. I am sending you love and light sweet one. 💜
Okay over 1 year and change late to comment on this.. but this honestly one of the best videos and best human moments I have seen... on and off youtube. I am privileged to have viewed it and have been touched by it. And while I know you've moved significantly further along since this and can smile, I just wanted you to know, this has touched me and will be with me for a very very long time. Thank you for the courage to honestly not only be going through it and making those decisions, but to share it with the world, Sweetie, you have the courage of Captain Britain :) Hugs and much love retroactively.