10 Subtle Signs of Narcissism Exposure
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- Опубліковано 16 тра 2024
- This video answers the question: What are the subtle signs of narcissism exposure? Support Dr. Grande on Patreon: / drgrande
Narcissism:
There are two types of narcissism: With grandiose narcissism we see characteristics like being extroverted, socially bold, self-confident, having a superficial charm, being resistant to criticism, and being callous and unemotional. Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by shame, anger, aggression, hypersensitivity, a tendency to be introverted, defensive, avoidant, anxious, depressed, socially awkward, and shy.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a Cluster B personality disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. It has nine symptom criteria, five of which are required for a diagnosis.
1: Grandiose sense of self-importance
2: Fantasies
3: Special or unique
4: Requires excessive admiration
5: Sense of entitlement
6: Manipulative
7: Lacks empathy for others
8: Often envious
9: Arrogant attitudes or behaviors
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: Author.
Feeling like you are always walking on eggshells around them -exhausting to say the least.
yep exactly, can someone elaborate what's happening? our our subconsciouses saying run away?
isn’t that more BPD?
arguing with narcissists feels more like a competition, whereas interacting with borderliners feels more like having to tiptoe around their emotions imo
@@thenarrator4786 why not both? There can be an overlap of behavior, particularly in people with vulnerable narcisstic traits. Dual diagnosis is an option.
@@chrissearcher3563 sure, someone can have both NPD and BPD. but if i’m trying to look at these two things as constructs, then i tend to associate NPD with competitive behavior and BPD with hypersensitivity
I have a name for that. Have you ever heard the expression, "When the cat's away, the mice will play."? When you're stuck with a narcissist, you'll know it because you get that, what I call the "when the cat's away, the mice will play," feeling whenever they're not around, like when they leave the house, or call in sick out of your workplace for example. You feel like they're the cat and you're the mouse and when they leave you can finally relax!
I find that a lot of people that's never been around a narcissist have a hard time grasping how someone like that behaves. It's almost like you have to see it to believe it
They think you are the problem. Until they experience it.
Yep totally
Those who have never contended with whatever problem have difficulty comprehending it. I have learned not to mention the narc's tricks because in so doing I am seen as disloyal, wimpy, malingering or even narcissistic myself; furthermore, I do suspect that my own loved ones and friends have been gradually co-opted by the narc, so yes, it weighs and wears me out and now I know: this is how the abused remain abused. People do not want to hear it, being tired with their own concerns; they cannot comprehend it and often blame the victim. The victim has to be her own freedom-fighter. Now for a medical example: I suffered migraines from early teens to mid-forties, and there were people who would ask me if I couldn't "think them away" or suggest that they were "all in my head." (!!!) I told my doctor at every appointment about them and he passed them over, doing nothing, until the day I had to leave work, green around the gills, barely able to drive, and went to his office unannounced. "Why, you're splinting! Come in! Here, this prescription should keep you on your feet!" Thus after 10 years of 18-hour migraines, I got medicine that, if taken when I first had the precursor signs, actually did keep me on my feet. I reiterate: it is rare for those who have not experienced something to imagine it. Even empaths can only go so far.
They are so terrible. But when i left someone else replaced me. Then another. Then another. And they ALL "betrayed" the narcissist.
rite, they may think or say its all in your head, u r 2 sensitive or denial.etc etc
"You feel better or relief when they're not around"....My wife went away overseas for 3 months to house sit for a friend. It was the happiest and most peaceful I had felt in 38 yrs of marriage.
I would of been tempted to tell her that when she returned. I hope you are no longer in a relationship with this women. You will never be happy and at peace with that sort of partner.
Hahaha fuck yeah
😂🤣🤣🤣
Mine would never leave for that long. He can’t because he has to know everything I’m doing, and if he can’t, drives him crazy. So I’m not as lucky as you are 😂 Hopefully soon, I’m trying. He’s fighting me more than ever. Turning my kids against me. That’s what is hurting me the most.
@@joycebegnaud9645 Sorry for your pain. Learn all you can about keeping your emotional balance. They thrive on your overreaction and cite it as an example of your "craziness". No reaction is your best defence. Stay strong, keep calm. See them for what they are. The children will eventually see through him too...I hope. All the best my friend.💛👍
"..the narcissist... expends very little energy to cause damage. but you expend a great deal to prevent damage.." i likely the BEST, most accurate, succinctly stated description of that dynamic.
thank you Dr.Grande.
5:20 This reminds me of my Dad. I remember one summer I came home from jury duty and told my Dad that I had jury duty with Laura Bush. As I was blabbering away about how interesting it was in our long car ride back home he ignored me. Once we got home he was in a bad mood and started yelling at everybody over small things. My sister asked me what I did because he was fine when he left to come and get me and I told her I didn't do anything.
In hindsight, that is a consistent pattern I noticed throughout my life. Every accomplishment I ever had was met with either dismissal, anger, or both. I couldn't even graduate college without my dad getting mad. I graduated with honors and made the Dean's list, but my dad was more concerned with being mad at small things that had nothing to do with graduation and then complaining and yelling once we got home from the ceremony.
Narcissists really are toxic people.
"WatchKassiopia."
You showed impressive inner strength in attaining your scholastic achievements while living in a difficult and destructive and hostile environment.
Congratulations!!!
Your accomplishments sounds amazing! I'm sorry you didn't have a father who warmly celebrated you. It really sucks that people who are supposed to love and support you unconditionally is covertly sabotaging you... I have people like that in my family too. After realizing who they are and what kinda people they are, I finally feel free to celebrate myself on achievements that make me happy ☺️
You have been through quite a lot. Very sorry and hope you recover.
WatchKassiopia, man I really understand what you've been through! In my case my Mom & one of my older sisters are Narcissistic. What made things worse in my case was this sister was "Mom's Golden Child" and I was (and still am) "The Scapegoat." I am so sorry you went through what you did. It sounds to me like you applied yourself and worked so hard. You truly did deserve to celebrate these achievements without abuse. May God bless you richly in the future and heal your heart & soul!
My Dad used to respond to any success I had with violence. The outside world has no clue what he actually is. Same with at least 2 of my other 3 NA. One of those is dead though, so we'll see how many I outlive. My Dad has a whole cradle-to-the-grave thing with me, so I'm waiting for him to make his final play.
YOO THE TIREDNESSS
The suspicion of others because of the flying monkeys oh LAWD. It feels so great to be away from it all
I have been exposed to a lifetime of narcissistic abuse by a parent and an elder sibling and I approve this message.
I dearly hope that many people will see this *before* being harmed (or harmed further) by narcissists.
Thankyou Dr Grande.
@Am better then everyone and Everything am a GOD You are not wrong on either count - that is still a possibility if your circumstances force you to be exposed to a narcissist. However, I would reason that it is still valuable to recognise narcissism such that you can start to do whatever you can to limit your exposure, and also realise that their abuse is less about you and more due to their own unhealthy coping strategies.
I wish you well - for me, as horrid as the landscape is now that it's been revealed, I'd rather navigate the 'real' territory than stumble around 'blindfolded' in the false territory I was in before.
@@HandbrakeBiscuit me too, I'm sorry you went through that. It sucks.
The narcissistic parent commits psychological child abuse against both children; the one used as a weapon and also the one who is targeted by both the parent and the favored child. This destroys the children's relationship with each other for their entire lives.
Yes, if you're a child you didnt know, so you get abused and hurt and the damage ruins you for adulthood.
Low self-esteem, self loathing, suicidal thoughts. Having narcissistics as parents is devastating.
Modern Day Warrior - I feel for you - I also have an older (14 months) sibling who is a narcissist. I recognised pretty much all of the traits Dr Grande lists here in myself. My partner of nearly 30 years says that, when he first met me I was like a cult member - unable to see that the problem was with my sibling's behaviour and not mine. Whenever we had a fight I would think 'if only I was a better person - if I treated them better - we could get along.' Trouble is I still love them so I have to try and have a relationship without it harming me (and my partner) too much.
I have found that understanding that they cannot help who/what they are has helped me - I am less angry and hurt by their behaviour and this is useful in deflating what used to be mammoth arguments/fights over our childhood - or anything really.
sanity looks insane in an insane world. saying my daughter told me that I often use to remind myself. Great video. On point.
Insanity is becoming the new "normal".
Yikes, I hope ur doin alright Connie. Covid really amped the hell out of Narcs, so I really hope ur hanging in there
@@aharry31 what do you mean
The best protection you have against toxic people are clear boundaries.
I agree. Keep reminding them you are not going to cross those boundaries and you expect them to take you seriously.
These are the signs that the individuals exposed to a narcissist will detectect in themselves.
3:45: nervousness and perfectionism
5:00: reluctance to say anything that indicates weakness
5:40: distorded view of relationships... the new standard is that relationships cause suffering
6:18: feeling as yours goals are too small
6:50: feeling as your goals don’t matter... you have no right to be happy
7:15: feelings as though you are completely at fault... inappropriate guilt caused by manipulation or gaslighting
7:41: elevated level of distrust... reasonable when dealing with a narcissist
8:13: continual fatigue... you are on the defensive side
8:37: suspicious of others... narcissist recruits agents
9:00: no expectation of hearing the truth or hold the narcissist accountable
Youssef Mebarki Thank you for doing this!
Laura Whitaker you are welcome.
Thanks so true 🤔
Go to the top of the class and fall off?
Thank you! Very helpful service. I’m a note taker, lol.
Unfortunately, if you've made it this far into a narcissistic relationship, that you're actually seeing these signs, you're already way too far in...
Narc Helsin, true but never too late to run.
While I agree with that statement in part, I have to disagree with the apparent nuance of hopelessness. I've only began to consider that this is what this is.
Been gone ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Love how you took the statement of narcissists flashing red seriously and answered accordingly
Narcissistic rage is a real thing. They flash red, but it is at you and being on the defensive tricks you (intimidates you against) seeing that he/she has an addiction to being abusive.
😂
I also appreciate your giving the sign of feeling nervous all the time, knowing that nothing i did would ever be good enough. My top grades were never good enough. My looks were never good enough. My existence was never good enough. He even told me that I was the ugliest baby he had ever seen, and I was his baby. ..... I am no longer under the influence of that person, but does still hurt a little when I write it out like this. Thank you for all you do!
Mermaid Mansion so sorry that happened to you. My father was a terror when I was a child as well. Unfortunately, my siblings, some grandparents, an aunt and some cousins. I hope you are better. 🙏🙏
@Mermaid Mansion, I’m so sorry you had to endure this. Praying that you are enjoying peace in your life now. His behavior was inexcusable. You deserved so much better!💕
@@juliamarie8551 thank you!!! Yes, I am fine now. These awesome videos help me to understand what happened and that it want my fault. Thank you so much!!!
@@seaglass7943 you are so kind. Thank you! You are a kind soul! I am fine now: I went thru counseling and thought I understood it very well. These videos are shedding even more light on the situation!!!
Both my parents were like this. I can't remember a single word of praise from my father. I dumped him 40 years ago and never regretted it. I didn't have the courage to do it with my mother, but I wish I had. But she was more cunning, and to orphan yourself is a huge decision to make. And I just didn't know better. But I wish I had.
One other thing - the reason you feel exhausted after being with a narcissist must be the constant stress/alert (cortisol level). It also may lead to a number of medical conditions.
I wonder if this has been assessed in any studies.
I can tell you this...i developed deadly thryoid cancer and almost died twice before they even knew i was sick, let alone cancer. Got it removed, went to an eastern, integrative endo and she took 23 vials of blood, hair, urine ajd stool samples. She was in tears when she read me my results. My cortisol levels were through the roof and my WBC count was that of someone fighting lymphoma. Her exact question to me was "What the HELL have you been through?!?!" Raised by an abusive mother, abusive, absentee father, bullied by my siblings and at school and then married a narc 25 uears ago amd here i am at 41.
@@flamingsword777 Through the years, as a child, siblings who I suspect are narcissistic, a former friend who I realized is a narc and 25 years in a sorry marriage, dealing with narc behavior I developed chronic illnesses, severe cardiomyopathy, kidney failure on dialysis for 11 years (received transplant in 2016), anterior uveitis which could have led to blindness, (no more episodes), extreme fatigue and currently have a stomach blockage. I have had to fight for my life. The exnarcbands' brother who knows him well told me that the exnarcband (divorced from narcband), is the reason for my health deteriorating. Narcs are not worth your health or your wealth, which they seek to steal from you in order to feel superior. But their feelings of superiority are not facts and they are a living lie.
@@flamingsword777 my WBC was above detection limit at urgent care so I was told to go to the emergency room, plus IgA rock bottom. Unceasing fight/flight response, for months. Small intestine so inflamed I couldn't eat without instantaneous diarrhea and no nutrient assimilation. This continued 7 weeks and all tests for pathogens and parasites negative. I felt like I would die and could barely move. Thought maybe Crohns disease. Finally did get better but it could've gone the other way.
Yes yes JCMDA. I think it's where you develop a medical condition called "I-Don't-Give-A-Damn-Itis.' Living it is all the assessment one needs...peace.
Yep I was a fit footballer when I got to know her. Loved her with all my heart, but we always had fights. Couldn’t convince her to abandon the negative shortsighted thoughts. But on some naive Love is stronger than fear tip that lasted years, I fought for her and against the tide with all the stress and disappointments you could imagine and I became fat, like really ugly fat. Not drinks too much beer and now has a potbelly fat, but just completely out of normal proportion. Never weighed more than 103 kg at any point (I’m 1m87) but I didn’t even notice how bad I looked. She on the other hand looked actually obese, like really unhealthy, despite having pretty looks. My decreased fitness and efforts just empowered her to become more evil and sinister. She was looking at other guys on the mobile I bought her. Lol Gddm how could I’ve bn so stupid. It’s comical, but I lost nearly a decade to this woman. Have been 2 years single with no one even remotely in sight. Really living on my own, trying to figure out what I did wrong (neglecting myself), what exactly should be my new composure. The fact that she’s a huge narc from the dark side only came to me when everything was lost. Stay away from damaged goods is my best advice to anyone
Better yet - 3d glasses where the red lens detects narcissists and the blue psychopaths
...and green for serial killers! 😨
@Deanna Testarossa That was cute! 😀
@@blueeyes6852 That makes a murky indistinguishable color if they are all three.
Over explaining from narcissistic abuse, a trauma response.
How does that work? I am thinking. It could benefit from some pictures.
Feeling like I didn’t get to express myself properly, it’s always in hindsight
Detour in my plans and realizing it too late
It's not like you didn't express yourself properly it is that the narc manipulated things so it sounded like he didn't understand because he is being selfish.
Realizing that the conversation has been hijacked, (or inordinately prolonged), and they did all the talking.
There needs to be a narc offenders registry where people can be warned about these people! LOL! But, no, really. We also need narc alerts like tornado warnings on our cell phones, on news broadcasts and on highway signs!
I LIKE THE IDEA OF THE DISORDERED NUT BAG WARNING SYSTEM..
Good Gracious - Do you remember Foghorn Leghorn? He is a cartoon character- it’s just recently that I found out a Leghorn breed of chicken is from a Italy. I’m guessing he was a depiction of a narcissist.
i thought so too for sure
Brand them.
Yeah but you can't protect people's rights by taking away others' rights
Lol your deadpan humour is refreshing 🙃
My experience: They move in fast and don’t give you an opportunity to say no, to negotiate arrangements, to have a day to yourself to determine what is happening. It sweeps you off your feet then drop you once you’ve forgotten who you are.
Best description I have ever heard! 👏👏👏👏
Dr. Grande, can you please make a video talking about the most effective ways to recover from narcissistic abuse?
For me the best thing has been education about all the tactics. When I was 17 and met a covert narcissist, I was totally confused and devastated. Now, many years later, if someone tries the same tactics, I will think to myself, “Ha! That’s called future faking. That’s an example of gaslighting. That’s dog whistling. That’s stonewalling.” I may not call out the narcissist on these tactics, so I don’t get hurt. But I label them in my mind and just avoid that person. It gives me power to know what all the tricks are and that it was never my fault.
Look after the inner child inside 💚☝️😉 trust you’re intuition and gut instinct. be carful of what you share with new people you meet. Remember you can walk away from these scum bags and never ever let them drag you down. Fight back , fight hard mentally for you’re survival. never ever forget that you deserve better respect than having to cow tow to these demonic pieces of shit. I wish you well
Get back to totally loving and pampering yourself. The hurt and confusion finally fade once you can stay well away from them. Be totally selfish for a while and the healing does come. Good luck
@@bumberClart1000 " look after your inner child. Trust your intuition and gut instinct" . thank you so very much
The subtle signs are spot on. Its interesting to look at the practical ways in which you 'feel' the Narc. The most obvious for me, is the "everything you say will be used in evidence against you". I lived that for years. I once tested it, by telling him I thought I was drinking too much. It was a throw away remark, not a fill blown conversation. Within hours, literally, he was telling me I made no sense at all as I was blatantly drunk. I wasn't drunk, I was testing a theory. 🤢
You are spot on with these points! They never take responsibility for their actions. As a matter of fact they are masters at arguing and switching around the entire conversation so that you alone stand "guilty" Their competitive style of conflict resolution is pretty exhausting.
They do that so we never question them or bring up difficult conversations where they might be exposed in a bad light.
“when i thought about it, i realized it might have some unexpected consequences... like what about driving...?” 😂
lolol
I thought this was funny too. It would be more than a little distracting to see a great big guy looking like a light bulb going on and off- yet continue to drive legally. If he wanted to stir up some driving tickets this would do it. Is there a law against forking this hideous guy off? Like a noisy red good year blimp flashing in dense traffic, but pretending he wasn’t distracting everyone.
Thanks for this, my mum is a narcissist and she's done a lot of bad things. I like that you spread awareness to people, in case they get into a relationship with one.
Thank you for this, doctor. 🌹 One example how NPD-people estrange you from relationships I'd like to add to this, in this case it's about NPD in males:
Once one complains about their abusive verbal style, they tell their partners, siblings, kids etc., that you can consider yourself lucky, since the other men beat their wifes, sisters, kids etc instead of talking. I think they expect an answer like "Thank you oh so much, that you don't beat me up, I'm endlessly grateful for that." I've actually heard this male statement a few times in my life myself. Clearly not one of the best experiences I've had so far. I wish a healthy day without physical and emotional bruises to everyone. 🧡
That’s so true Esther! While growing up in Brazil I saw plenty of statements like this. Another common one would be - “ oh be grateful that I don’t cheat on you.” So women were supposed to be grateful for not being physically abused or being cheated on. This was more prevalent during my mother’s generation. Now things have changed but the consequences of it are still visible in society.
My ex, who was physically abusive used to tell me to be grateful he never bruised my face. In their eyes, there is always a worse partner.
@@chrissearcher3563 That's shocking even for me. 😱
@@rejaneoliveira5019 Oh, yeah, Rejane, this is another typical one, indeed... 🙁 it has become a little bit better now, but for the most part I think it's more hidden - it's not said, but done. Thank you for your comment!
WOWWW! You are so right. I had one tell me that I wasn't being abused because he wasn't beating my ass.😩
Re: Headaches from "narcissist-detection glasses" (in the film the Doc referenced from 1988)....
🎵"Doctor, my eyes have seen the years...I have done all that I could to see the evil and the good without hiding...Doctor my eyes -- tell me what is wrong; was I unwise to leave them open for so long?"🎶
-- Jackson Browne, 1972*
*I'm a little older than Dr. G -- but it's a classic....😉
Born 1968, died 1986, reborn 1999 (divorced)
- every day is a fun day!
I just checked out the song. It's amazing! thanks for posting!
Love JB. Late for the Sky is one of my favourite albums ever; he's been through a lot that bloke and yet he brings it to his music in a way that is both incisive and cathartic.
TUCK - Hidden Values, that's beautiful. It's funny at the time I listened to that song so many times as a teen and never truly listened to what it was saying, I just liked the tune. And now *way out of my teens* I can see the guy was really trying to tell us something with this song. Or teach us. Makes me wonder what else I've missed listening to life so shallowly.
Always one of my favorite songs. JB was important to me during college.
Guilty! You characterized me to a T.
Sure wish I were as aware THEN, as I am NOW. But, it will be difficult to play the Narc card on me ever again!
When my former best tennis buddy told ME, what had happened at the tennis lesson, two days before that,(he was not present), I had with a professional instructor, I literally gasped! and took a step backwards! The light went on! this was a few years ago. All of your videos and comments about NPD are spot-on about these disgusting emotional vampires that I used to associate with. Thank you so much, Dr. G., for contributing to my awareness and enlightenment.
Wow dude! Good for you!
Hows the "recovery" been? i dont want to use that word, but cant really think of a better one. Is it a struggle to step back and look at your actions through 3rd perspective? Or has that moment been a clear beacon for you?
While not narcissist i also had a moment where i finally realized it was my actions that were causing me distress, and ever since then ive changed.
@@bigkh3 May be instead of using the word recovery, reborn rebirth is more appropriate. Being reborn is not being blind to this evil. The ability to see the truth and not be afraid.
Mart Cichocki can you elaborate on the emotional vampires and associated feelings?
Any form of egg-shell walking and I’m out of there. That’s my first sign outside of just intuition.
They think everything you have belongs to them even your sanity
My husband was raised by a nariccistic mother. It’s been sad! He is very hard to deal with sometimes. From all the abuse. He was the black sheep all his life. His sister is the golden child. Sad.. thank you for this Doctor ❤️❤️❤️❤️
This is true, but unfortunately, some of these signs make the target look like the narc to outsiders (it looks like the target is the one who is distrustful, highly sensitive to criticism, doesn't get along with anyone, and so on...). Could you make a video as to how the reactions to being a target of narcissism actually make the target look like the narcissist to outsiders? They turn the situations completely around. And if the person is not careful, they may indeed turn into a narc themselves, isn't that true?
Yeah, like when you don't want to talk because they'll make you seem foolish, so you come off seeming aloof. Or you become an expert to prove yourself - and thus come off like persnicketty hyperintellectual little twit. Check my box on both.
It is true that most people will not understand the victim or her reactions-as the narc’s mental illness is almost always shifted onto the victim in the eyes of society. People will see the battered wife as mentally ill when it’s really the charming, gorgeous husband who has the illness. But a victim will NEVER become a narc and warning them that they will if they are “not careful” is one of the most damaging things you can do to a victim. Victims have empathy and they do not engage in intentional abuse in order to confuse, hurt, and destroy others. The victim’s self-protective behavior is NOT narcissism and they should never worry that it is. That’s the whole problem-the sweet one worries about her behavior, and the monster does not. Everyone else worries that the sweet one’s behavior is too much-and can’t see the glaring differences between that self-protective behavior and the monster’s behavior. Good God.
@@ravenel2 you explained that very well, thank you!
Well said!
I agree with this. I’m generally a happy person yet I felt mostly drained and annoyed when with him.
On a negative note, some counselors aren’t familiar with Narcissism and some might even be Narcissists. It’s good to screen them. On a positive note, there is so much good info out there to help you especially here on UA-cam. My last counselor wasn’t very helpful but I will be looking for a better one in the future! Wish me luck!
I would like to see Dr grande design glasses which could be used to detect narcissists, murderers, and the green alien lizard people!
Do you think the whole "crying over spilled milk" thing is a sign of narcissism exposure? You know what I mean? Like the cliché they show in so many movies about abused children, where the kid spills a glass of milk or something and then they immediately start crying because they think the adult they're with is going to freak out on them, but they don't and the kid is surprised and learns that abuse is not normal? Do you think there are many adult versions of this type of behavior and it's an indicator that the person has become used to dealing with a narcissist?
Check out Adult Children of Alcoholics
Yes. Since they often tell you you’re being “too sensitive” (gaslighting) you often tend to become more sensitive, not less, and you end up always thinking you’re doing something wrong, and that something must be terrible. I’m not a psychologist, but that has been my personal experience.
the phrase “crying over spilled milk” is really a phrase that is said to invoke a more mature perspective on how one should delegate their tears…
maybe in some scenarios… the child is crying due to abuse 😬 which would be a whole other issue at that point 😭😮💨 but ultimately crying over spilled milk is really referring to when someone is crying about something bad that has already happened and your only solution is to MOVE FORWARD… unless you can rewind time or scoop the milk off the floor and use it regardless 😖 then the only thing that can be done is to clean up and or start over…
best not to cry over what is already said and done…
They Live is such a good movie. It's running on cable again.
I was raised by narcissistic parents. I don't miss my deceased mother one bit and some people who never knew her are heartbroken over this. Please...
Great video! Narcissist would definitely spin "flashing red" as a way to get attention and feel special, lol.
"Only great people flash red." 😂 very accurate.
I remember the constant dragging frustration, just never really being able to shake that feeling off properly.
I became so so self conscious, as they’d even get angry and made out I was odd when I showed caring towards anything, even an animal in distress.
Found myself always waiting..waiting around for crumbs of whatever..anything...even a bit of eye contact would’ve been something.
Jeez, looking back I can’t believe I fell into that state.
Thank you Dr Grande, that was a valuable little clip! 😊
Well, Dr. Grande, you have done it again. I checked off everything single thing you listed today as being absolutely accurate. Having been raised by a narcissistic mother, I was easy prey for my narcissistic ex husband. Abusive behavior was all I had ever known. I finally divorced him after 20 years. By then, I was so drained and exhausted that I didn't even care. You are the first professional I have ever seen describe the profound exhaustion they will cause you. Thank you so very much for you amazing videos. I also loved the reference to the movie They Live. Best. Analogy. Ever. Thank you, thank you.
I think this is the second time I have heard Dr Grande reference "They Live". Outstanding!
816 views - even listening to this expert, I never go away feeling my goals are not big enough.
The small stuff matters, THANK YOU DR. GRANDE. 😂👋😂
Really interesting list. I think I’m most afraid of gaslighting.
And well you should!
believe none of what you hear and half of what you see…
i’m not sure how polished ur intuition is, but for me, most of the time i can literally FEEL when something is wrong. understand that once a liar… always a liar…
(i’m really looking forward to seeing a few different psychiatrists so i can get a general understanding on if i’m doing the right thing in the long term)
if possible, try not to get your information from one source…
DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH!!
THIS is your best ever....the ten tips are wonderful...i was raised like that....had relationships with women like that, friends , bosses....you name it.
If you dont KNOW this stuff, you fall victim immediately....HARD...
you think, because of the false charm and hoovering, that you HAVE found the ONE....and then one day you inquire about them infringing on your boundaries,
and what can be done to solve these issues, and they lose their minds....
THATS when you go NO contact.
before THAT...., they will be the BEST sexual partner, financial provider .....girlfriend wife or mother youve ever seen....
Till they realize theyve GOT you and they dont HAVE to work so hard anymore.
then its a nightmmare.everything turns 180 degrees and you have to figure out what YOU did wrong.
Thumbnail "They Live"
🤣👍
I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick @$$. And I'm all out of bubblegum.
So accurate, once again! I checked off every single box a couple of years ago. Kinda made me feel dissapointed in myself, I should've not allowed such manipulation, and the weird thing is I noticed the manipulation in many ways yet was blinded by my codependency. Dr Grande, I just want to thank you, I'm learning a great deal because of this channel, and I'm becoming better and better at observing possible personality pathology in the hospital. I just got a nice compliment about that from my colleague today. You're making a real difference!
I always said that my narc spouse turned me into someone I didn't want to be. I barely recognized myself after years of exposure to him, and find myself trying to rediscover the real me.
Stay true and go to therapy, blessings to you
They make everything your fault. It is so true. I was injured by a very bad sunburn two years ago. I’m much more careful now and these tips are not only warnings but comforting in understanding how the wound occurred.
Holy cow. I had pretty much just walked away from a really frustrating (to say the least) experience with my mother when I saw this. I've been subbed for a little while so I threw it in my queue amongst some other stuff to keep my mind off it while I regained composure. I was vibing til about 4:00 then ugly cried the rest (and then some). I sent it to my dr. the second it was over because I don't think I could explained what I was feeling and going through any better than what you did in less than 10 fucking minutes. So I just wanted to say thank you. It really felt like putting the glasses on, especially in a time where I felt like I needed a lot of clarity.
You will at times see the narcissist take pleasure in your pain. They are good actors. But they cannot hide their pathology all the time. Also, the casual lying is a true sign. They use manipulative language to mislead you about what they knew or what they said.
And again Dr Grande goes next level with this subject. Thank you...
Can you also shed some light about why vulnerable narcissists are socially awkward? What is that link?
I love your videos...keep 'em coming!
I was married to a narcissist for 10 very long years. It was miserable! It took me a long time to feel worthy of being happy. Shortly after separating, (the divorce took 4 years), I have been with an amazing man who has taught me how happy I can be. We have been together now for 6 years.
Every bit of your video, I agree with whole heartedly. He turned my own family against me, I wasn't allowed access to the bank account, so I had no means to get away. It wasn't until he stole from my mom, that she finally started to see the light and helped me leave.
I am now seeing a Psychologist weekly to help me overcome narcissist abuse. Along with MDD from losing my dad in the line of duty at age 12, and then PTSD from also working as a deputy sheriff. It is crazy that I, as a deputy sheriff, ended up in an abusive relationship. Too long of a story to type....I just wanted to say THANK YOU for making videos. 💞🧠👨⚕️
No matter how much love you give them it's never enough, you're always on guard and while they enjoy your praise for a time they enjoy just as much twisting a knife in you and seeing you squirm. Your assessment is spot on.
I remember that movie about the glasses and aliens! It starred a famous wrestler named Roddy Piper. I use the glasses analogy to understand the frustration of trying to explain/warn others about my narc h. They don’t “see it” bc they don’t have the “glasses” (personal experience).
Which movie? Greetings from faraway Norway 🤗
Sylwia in Norway “They Live”
Yep, my narc ex-BF had perfected this "nice guy" persona as a public face. Behind closed doors, he was a raging asshole. I told one of my friends about his shenanigans after we broke up. Several months later, she was so excited to tell me that she was going to introduce one of her other friends to my nice male friend! I was like, do you realize this is the douche bag I told you about?
My MIL. She pretends and she lies all the time about everything, I am not exaggerating or generalizing, she is always the victim, and I am the only one with glasses. It is sad sad and exhausting.
It's frustrating to seek understanding and validation from others when telling them about the Narc because they only see the fake public persona. When they invalidate your feelings it's actually another form of abuse to you. Speak only to those who understand NAS. An African proverb says, "Only those who live in the house know where the roof leaks." ...outsiders don't know or even don't care. Spare yourself this secondary abuse.
Welcome to my life...I even thought I was evil and a bad person. Thank you Doctor Grande. In therapy I finally found out it was C-PTSD all along which had become a cluster B party: mainly quiet BPD. Through EMDR I can feel emotions again!!! :D There is hope!
Dr. Grande you have described my life perfectly. I walked around in confusion and unease not really understanding what was happening to me.
Great video and precise. Narcissists want their 'target' to be believe they don't have a right to be happy or succeed. Lessons learned from the past has taught me to minimise contact with the narcissist.
gosh. i spent over a decade with someone who was a narc. everything was a tactic. everything was a fight. if the tactics didn't work, a mug smashed over my head would. or the destruction of a prized possession. or a hook up with a stranger off the internet. it was all my fault.
what a trip. i still don't trust people, 15 years later and i read a lot into the smallest of things. i'm always trying to predict where things are going. what the possibilities are, and the possibilities are always skewed towards getting a pot of boiling water thrown in my direction. at least in my mind.
the worst part is that i knew from day one. first encounter i was like, stay away. but they just force their way in. and aren't without their charms. then they find out your secrets and fears and blackmail you with them if you try to end the relationship. i'm lucky to have escaped with my life. i barely did.
God I needed to hear this today. I’ve been in a right state. Post trauma. Feeling a little better. Thank you.x
I’ve listened to most of your videos... this is your best one! This is so helpful. Thank You!
After watching your video, one specific person (I got out of my life three years ago) kept coming to mind. I couldn't believe all the similar behavior this person has with your descriptives. Your analyses is so perfect.... I truly hope people that are dealing with a narcissist find your video. It really will help them! It sure validated a lot for me!! These people can really warp your mind. I've always been generally a very happy person, then this friend came into my life and turned it upside down (I became different and it didn't feel good). Now, I'm my old self again, without this person in my life. Life couldn't be better (with the exception of C-19). Doctor Grande, once again I must thank you for your time and tell you, it's really wonderful I found you....😀
Excellent summary! Thank you.
Hi Dr. Grande! ☀️ Ok, gotta go watch the video! Thanks in advance!
Wow, this is right on target. When I discovered the narcissists in my life were not normal it was so easy to move on and generate new friendships that are not anything like the ones I had before, that were agonizing. The family structure of narcissism that I grew up in had all these elements you describe. I will never get over the shock of realizing how awful these people are and that they are in their 70's and have not changed in all those years.
Great informative presentation! Thank you Dr. Grande!
“They Live” is my favorite Carpenter movie so that just gives me more reason to love you 😊
Sometimes, this is your employer. I don’t think this needs to be a 1:1 relationship. Is there an organizational form of narcissism, does it align with these characteristics? I kept humming ( no clue) “Should I stay or should I go?” By The Clash, terribly upset daily, always ready to be attacked. I finally resigned! With no future prospects, in a way, I feel freed. Yet sad for patients who receive treatment under this strange hierarchy. Great talk! Be Safe!
I have made it that this point as well. I keep holding on because I will have to leave my clients behind & I know that will be treated horribly.
Excellent information! You have explained this so well. Thanks
Thanks Dr. Grande! Excellent information ❤️
I find videos like this very comforting (of course informative as well), having endured a great deal of narcissistic abuse throughout my life. It helps keep the gaslighting from truly getting to me, and reenforces not only that I’m not crazy but also that I’m not overly sensitive when I pick up on patterns like those discussed. Have a hearty stamp of approval from a child with narcissistic parents, and thanks.
I’m glad the emotions I have been involved all my life are all scientifically proven and I’m just acting normal.
Thank you Dr.Grande 🤗
Please keep making more videos like this. Every one of the 10 subtle signs would make for a great in depth video.
Oh, yes. The relief I felt after moving away from home. I was 19, and spent many years putting myself back together.
Could the "sunburn" by a narcissistic parent followed by a narcissist spouse be severe enough that no sense of self develops? Can a sense of self be acquired in adulthood? How? Because leaving such a marriage requires a belief in oneself, especially when no parental support is available. And leaving requires financial independence, which requires skilled employment, which evades someone who is badly "sunburned." What intervention breaks the catch-22?
Maybe that much sunburn feels like it just leaves you one big blister.... 😬😔
It requires planning, hopefully some outer support system, including therapy, and eventually faith to take the plunge and separate. People can be told by the narcissist they can't survive without them. It's time to stop believing them.
Just take it one day at a time and develope reasonable goals. Rock on!
I have come here to chew bubblegum, and provide a scientifically informed, insider look at mental health topics. And I'm all out of bubblegum.
This is the most helpful video I’ve seen regarding figuring out if I’m dealing with a narcissist or just an asshole. I’ve gone back and forth like most victims do… “am I the narcissist or is he?”. The gaslighting really screws with your head, but after watching this video, I know 100% I’m dealing with a narcissist.
Thank you Dr Grande. Narcissistic exposure is a part of life and I am grateful for the tools you give us to deal with it.
The best aid to have when interpreting the behavior of others: Self-knowledge. I feel X when encountering a narcissist.
This may be the most insightful lesson on understanding narcissistic personality and behavior. Have spent decades trying to unravel my emotional responses, with one or possibly two parental units with strong signs of narcissistic personality traits. The most significant sign has been lifelong nervousness, and at times serious anxiety disorders. The other sign has been constant vigilance, second guessing own needs and desires, or feelings of guilt for wanting those needs fulfilled. A big thank you for covering this topic, Dr. Grande!
Me too, unfortunately!
Me also, we’ve been made to feel we don’t matter for so long, we can unconsciously carry this belief long after the narcissist(s) have passed on. At least this is what I feel I’ve experienced.
Brilliant advice. You made some unique points I hadn’t heard expressed as succinctly. 4 and 5 particularly resonated.
This is why my years of chronic fatigue could not be diagnosed or founded by a blood test by doctors, this explains a lot, the continual fatigue of having to protect myself and my mind from the emotional abuse. Thank you for this insight.
Also it's miraculous that when I was able to substantially reduce my contact with the narc, the fatigue slowly started to fade away.
I remember this girl who broke up with her boyfriend (because he cheated or was a d*ck or something). After that, they had a big fight and the boyfriend demanded that she forgave him, otherwise "he couldn't continue with his life".
Yeah, that was one big narcissist...
Yep, happened to me.
@Am better then everyone and Everything am a GOD narcissism can be comorbid with BPD, I guess?
So the fact that she had to forgive him otherwise he could not live on feels like a bit of both.
Like someone who thinks of having intimacy as being a sign of patching up from a prior disagreement and not seeing that both are detached from one another.
Yeah assholes like that one that you discriebed just now
She should have said what to that? Go have a therapy.
After 6 years of dealing with a Man who came in and out of my Life in and out of Jobs in and out of Locations I finally learned that I was dealing with a Narcissist and it is so true I walked on eggs everyday the more I did for him the less I've got in return. Nothing was ever good enough. I blamed myself and was always happy when he left the house. I finally learned but was still in denial. I could never win and he never took responsibility for anything. Right now I've got rid of him after he hoovered me but called me from a private Number. The last straw was when he changed his number and called me every day under a private Number and he refused to give me his new Number. He said Well nobody has my number except my clients. I just hung up and dealing with the aftermath once more. No more. I'm so trauma bonded and list. I hate him and I want him back at the same time. Thanks for explaining the Narcissist. One day at a time. NC ever.
One thing I know is I allowed my intuition to be abused in my relationship and I realized that and began the journey of recovery of my super power. Why it was a target for this person. Oh my million dollar lesson
PS Dr Grande Thank you for your videos!!!
Clear explanation as always!!!👍👍👍
❤️ Dr. Grande, thank you for your work.
The 6 "Dislikes" are from Grandiose Narcissists that don't like their trash being put on display!
Xaxa!
It is my right as a living God to demean you. My narc insights also accurately point out the endless flaws in lowly beings such as you. I am going to write a best selling novel and make a million bucks.
Very good clues. Thank you.
Great video. Thank you for sharing your impressive knowledge!
Thank you so much for this video.
Thank you confirming something for me! My narcissistic cousin, among millions of acts, violated social distancing guidelines and took one of her neighbor friends to my 86-year-old mother's house. I was livid when I learned of this. I KNEW that she had done it in order to go twist my mothers mind the way she has done for years. Mother is a soft touch for that narc, and I just wanted to call my cousin, with whom I have cut all ties for over a year, and tell her to leave my mother alone, ESPECIALLY during quarantine! I rethought it, though, as I imagined the conversation that would follow; she would turn it around and blame ME for being uncaring. Omg I'm feeling the narcissistic abuse and manipulation as I write this. ... I ended up talking with my mother about it and left the rest to the Univrse. Both my psycho cousin and I are over 60, and I have no expectations of her changing because she has learned where she can get her ego fix.
Since narcissism exists on a spectrum and isn't a binary disposition (i.e. narcissist or not), would the glasses that detect narcissists cause them to also be displayed on a spectrum?
Another out-of-the-box take on mental disorders. Thanks, Dr. Grande!
Dr. Grande thank you so much . This video was precisely on point and very helpful
Love these videos most insightful, thank you
Thanks, Dr. Grande
1. Nervousness & Perfectionism 3:50
2. Reluctant to Vulnerable 5:03
3. Distorted view of relationships 5:43
4. Feeling as your goals are too small 6:20
5. Feeling like your goals don't matter 6:55
6. Feeling as though you are completely at fault 7:18
7. An elevated level of distrust 7:44
8. Continual Fatigue 8:15
9. Suspicious of others 8:37
10. No expectation of hearing the truth 9:02
ua-cam.com/video/MXp9amsiMyY/v-deo.html
10 ✔'s, well there it is.
Thanks again for a helpful video, Dr. Grande. I watched with tears in my eyes, as I deal with every one of the 10 signs, and have for a very long time. I know for sure that my ex-husband was a source of a lot of this, but I have a strong feeling he was not the first. Over 12 years later, I am still not recovered, and I know that I am very difficult for my current husband to live with. I wish I had the financial resources to see a therapist.
Don’t give up! 🤗
Great video. As I mental health clinician I see narcissistic exposure in my patients every day. Gaslighting prevents them from seeing that this has happened to them. Such a shame. Boundary work ensues 🙂
Your videos have helped me so much in the last few years, i am indebted to you for real. Discerning with my own personal experiences with these people, npd or subclinical, with clinical analyzation of the pathology is the key to having them "flash red" without giving them the glory of a special feature. Im doing so much better than i was many years ago when I would rationalize people's behavior and allow them to evoke my own undesirable behaviors that i have had to face and overcome with the same knowledge it takes to recognize one at first countenance. I was diagnosed with PTSD from dealing with these people. Its been a rough road that youve saved me some miles traveling, as well as it has been fun to learn about. Obviously you cant always recognize a narcissistic person with a brief meeting, even clinicians have overlooked it in some circumstances, but for the most part i can smell them from a mile away when i meet new people. Having a better grasp on how they think has saved me so much trouble, drama, and anguish. Having psychological grasp on narcissism has helped combat my instinct to give the benefit of the doubt as well as help undo much of the damage to my mental state they have imposed without direct counselling. I couldnt be more grateful for you and your channel :)
Can you please go once more in depth, between the differences in being in a relationship with a perfectionistic, who has OCPD versus the perfectionistic demands of a grandiose and/or a vulnerable narcissist? I noticed not all people with OCPD are narcissistic, but narcissists are always selfish and (often) do have perfectionistic demands towards the other. Thanks for this fantastic video
Dr. Grande 😃🇳🇱
Great question! Love it, interested too
Yeah Lucia 😃👋
Yes! I would like to see that too.
You asked another really good question the other day and this one too. I'm now curious to discover your other unasked questions :) It's nice, they're interesting to ponder upon.
Ben, as I was thinking about this, it came to mind that with OCPD we see rigidity and we tend to like rules, we are scrupulous and have particular preferences about things. The perfectionism you see with OCPD has a reason for being. But, with a narcissist, the perfectionism that they seek is an unrealistic, impossible ideal that no one can meet. With a narcissist there isn't a list of things to do or not to do. The narcissist devalues the person for who they are and oftentimes it doesn't matter what you do. So the criticism that comes from a narcissist will be much more personally oriented than the criticism that someone with OCPD might give you. So, with OCPD it's more about one particular action that they don't like. I'm just guessing and I'm sure I'm missing many, many angles and I'm not a professional. Just a quick guess. It's just what came to mind. I hope you might find this helpful somehow?
On a side-note, in the past month, all of my doctors appointments, including my therapist, have been over the phone.
Just thought to mention, it's an interesting way of interacting with medical professionals, like this may be the new "house call".
Excellent video of the effects that come from exposure to narcissists. Mind blowing what they can do.
I always find your channel very educational and you give the viewer enlightenment on so many mental health issues. Your topics have tiers of depth and many I get lost in. But I always learn something that I didn't know before. As usual I find your videos most intriguing.