As a sp sx 4, I do hold a lot in. I think that the only people who have gotten a sense of how intense my emotions are, are my closest friends. I'm always worried about overwhelming these friends with the intensity of the emotion that I hold back most of the time--especially because that has happened a time or two.
I once participated in a seminar of the enneagram. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had a 4 fixation even thought I didn’t know the subtype ( self preservation) . We had to form groups of the fixations. One of the 4s ( social subtype ) got angry at me because she didn’t think that I belonged to “her” group. She felt threatened by me. I was hiding my insecurities and the self-loathing. I denied envy and didn’t show any weakness. I always tried to keep an image of a strong woman. I am very glad that this image crumbled away. But it took me 56 years to become relaxed and more and more authentic.
I felt understood and appreciated. Thank you very much. People think I'm a 7, a 1, a 9 or even a 6, but almost never a 4. I hide. I suffer so much without saying a word. I've felt extremely alone, living just with the void. Now I'm becoming healthier, I express my needs and wishes more often. It seems like the rocks I carry are slowly disappearing. I think self preservation fours are very, very strong and resilient. And we can be even more strong if we share our feelings when we need to do so. Express yourself. You deserve love just like anyone else. You are brave and beautiful. And remember: discipline is not the same as punishment. You can commit to accomplish your goals with kindness, love and discipline ❤💜💜
Wow. I feel like you just described my life. Down to every last detail. I suffer in silence while pretending like everything is fine, I can endure more pain and suffering than seems humanly possible (like decades worth), my living space reflects comfort, warmth and beauty, and my whole life I have been involved in the physical arts (dance, gymnastics, yoga etc) and I certainly have a competitive streak. One thing you didn't mention is how sp 4s might dress. Any ideas there? I know that for me personally, I prefer comfortable and simple clothing while still elegant and attractive. I feel most comfortable in anything sporty as well as anything that has a masculine flare to it (ie women's biker jacket) since I've always identified as being strong and capable. If I dress up, I usually like to wear black and red and don't like too many embellishments or jewelry that could annoy me. Basically, sexy, sophisticated and chic while still relatively comfortable. (I should mention I think my sexual variant sits pretty close to my self preservation, so it probably comes out a lot in how I dress). Thank you for your videos!!!
I’m sp 4 as well and tend to dress very casually. I’m in yoga pants quite a lot but I never like to look fully sloppy. When I’m going more for style I like to keep it edgy, casual and never over the top. Black boots, moto jacket, simple staple jewelry that goes with everything. I relate to wanting to dress “strong” and it is very therapeutic for me to use my physical body. I love doing tough sweaty workouts that show off how capable and strong I am.
This was such a helpful description! I relate so much to the concept of creating emotionally supportive spaces (I tend to be preoccupied with how spaces feel). I also relate to keeping my emotions close to my chest even though I'm still a very emotional person. Did you ever see Sense and Sensibility with Emma Thompson as Eleanor? Her character seems so even keel and responsible, yet suffers in silence emotionally and finally can't contain her emotions anymore by the end of the movie.
I feel like I may be a self-pres four. I cover up my emotions with a smile, because I don’t want others to know I’m suffering, but I think of myself as extremely weak in every area of life. Can you still be a SP four and feel weak at the same time?
Clarity Coaching Los Angeles where can I learn more about a self preservation 4? I have read the book wisdom of the enneagram amazing read but it never mentioned what you talked about in this video
As a sp sx 4, I do hold a lot in. I think that the only people who have gotten a sense of how intense my emotions are, are my closest friends. I'm always worried about overwhelming these friends with the intensity of the emotion that I hold back most of the time--especially because that has happened a time or two.
Same for me. Im a social 4 and do also hold a lot in and only close people know how intense I am
I once participated in a seminar of the enneagram. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had a 4 fixation even thought I didn’t know the subtype ( self preservation) . We had to form groups of the fixations. One of the 4s ( social subtype ) got angry at me because she didn’t think that I belonged to “her” group. She felt threatened by me. I was hiding my insecurities and the self-loathing. I denied envy and didn’t show any weakness. I always tried to keep an image of a strong woman.
I am very glad that this image crumbled away. But it took me 56 years to become relaxed and more and more authentic.
I felt understood and appreciated. Thank you very much. People think I'm a 7, a 1, a 9 or even a 6, but almost never a 4. I hide. I suffer so much without saying a word. I've felt extremely alone, living just with the void. Now I'm becoming healthier, I express my needs and wishes more often. It seems like the rocks I carry are slowly disappearing. I think self preservation fours are very, very strong and resilient. And we can be even more strong if we share our feelings when we need to do so. Express yourself. You deserve love just like anyone else. You are brave and beautiful. And remember: discipline is not the same as punishment. You can commit to accomplish your goals with kindness, love and discipline ❤💜💜
I relate, I am really striving to grow a stronger trust in the creator of the universe, because the weight can be very heavy.
That would explain why i never completely related to other 4s... Hmm.... I do relate to the goals and duties part.Thanks for that video ^^
Wow. I feel like you just described my life. Down to every last detail. I suffer in silence while pretending like everything is fine, I can endure more pain and suffering than seems humanly possible (like decades worth), my living space reflects comfort, warmth and beauty, and my whole life I have been involved in the physical arts (dance, gymnastics, yoga etc) and I certainly have a competitive streak. One thing you didn't mention is how sp 4s might dress. Any ideas there? I know that for me personally, I prefer comfortable and simple clothing while still elegant and attractive. I feel most comfortable in anything sporty as well as anything that has a masculine flare to it (ie women's biker jacket) since I've always identified as being strong and capable. If I dress up, I usually like to wear black and red and don't like too many embellishments or jewelry that could annoy me. Basically, sexy, sophisticated and chic while still relatively comfortable. (I should mention I think my sexual variant sits pretty close to my self preservation, so it probably comes out a lot in how I dress).
Thank you for your videos!!!
I’m sp 4 as well and tend to dress very casually. I’m in yoga pants quite a lot but I never like to look fully sloppy. When I’m going more for style I like to keep it edgy, casual and never over the top. Black boots, moto jacket, simple staple jewelry that goes with everything. I relate to wanting to dress “strong” and it is very therapeutic for me to use my physical body. I love doing tough sweaty workouts that show off how capable and strong I am.
Same as me 😀
Thank you so much for putting this out! The outright slander and mischaracterization we get as stereotyped 4s is unbearable sometimes. 🙏
This was such a helpful description! I relate so much to the concept of creating emotionally supportive spaces (I tend to be preoccupied with how spaces feel). I also relate to keeping my emotions close to my chest even though I'm still a very emotional person.
Did you ever see Sense and Sensibility with Emma Thompson as Eleanor? Her character seems so even keel and responsible, yet suffers in silence emotionally and finally can't contain her emotions anymore by the end of the movie.
Yes I have seen the movie and see what you mean about Elinor! Deeply emotional but holds it close to the chest. Thanks for the comment :)
This explains so much. Mind blown! Thank you for this video.
I feel like I may be a self-pres four. I cover up my emotions with a smile, because I don’t want others to know I’m suffering, but I think of myself as extremely weak in every area of life. Can you still be a SP four and feel weak at the same time?
Photographer here: What is a good way to grow in the self-preservation? I’m finding that part causes a block in business.
Drive for consistency. Interesting descriptor.
Thanks for this, for some reason this was relieving.
Nice job, Clarity Coaching!
Thank you
I’m an SP 4w5. Good content!
Me too
yay
thank u
oh good you found it, was just going to put a link for you. :) enjoy
Clarity Coaching Los Angeles where can I learn more about a self preservation 4? I have read the book wisdom of the enneagram amazing read but it never mentioned what you talked about in this video