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3 moments when a narcissist reveals their true selves | The Narcissists' Code Ep 701
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- Опубліковано 11 кві 2023
- 3 moments when a narcissist reveals their true selves
Official- www.mentalhealness.net
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Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.
The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.
Website - www.mentalhealness.net
1 on 1's and all my links - beacons.page/mentalhealness
Weekly Newsletter - subscribepage.io/mentalhealness
Thank you so much
The word NO will do it!!! 🚩🚩 Most healthy people respect boundaries.
Narcissists do not respect or accept the word no! They are not healthy people and boundaries are just something to run over and not acknowledge,ever. It goes against their entire Credo.
😢😢😢😢😮😮
The question "why" can also do it.
My niece went from 250 pda to 160 bcuz she kept asking queztion to a narc an saying no. You don't get ask questions or say no. You will b beyond verbally abused. She gets instant migraines am no sleep. Narcs are complete ass'ss
@retiredarthropod3052 trust me narcissist have a way of manipulating you into always saying yes
When you refuse to accept the disrespect.
💯💯
When they’re called out for something that reveals there inadequacy/incompetence, shame, and insecurity....
💯
I love doing this to them.
I just did this today.
@@MentalHealness i really do like your presentations
Sometimes you remind me of things.
And i get the same feelings i had with my ex.
But it only shows me how much work i have to do.
I appreciate your work.
Yes!! I asked mine if he had ever gotten therapy for the abuse his father inflicted on him. He welled up and left the room. He said no one had ever asked him that. So sad. But anyhoo, he attacked me then called the cops and said I attacked him. I spent 3 days in jail over last Memorial Day weekend. Watch em y’all! They are the devil incarnate!!
@@B.I.-EIO_macdonald9786Doesn't that make you just like them?
When you defend yourself to a narcissist. They will say you’re being mean to them
The first moment the mask slips, even early during the love bombing period, is when you say something they might perceive as criticism, challenge their judgment or authority. They lose their marbles.
🎯
And boy is it a massive marble collection!
Thirty one plus year's ago there was no internet - No information out there. Soon into meeting him and spending time with him I observed that he had absolutely no boundaries with all the people in his life. We had very little alone time together. He had what appeared to be an inability to just confidently let people know that he was in a new relationship. It also appeared that he just let these people manage his life. He didn't really parent his son. His son could behave however he wanted to. I brought this to his attention not in an angry way. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. He literally asked me if it was okay for his ex-wife to come and hang out over the weekend....So yah...He got really cold and dark with me. It's bizarre.
Lee, Boy you are so codependent .
@Retired Arthropod Lol!!.. Yes, from very charming, smiling, & gregarious to, "what happened to my echo chamber?!"...GASP!!...
When they know they can't manipulate you anymore. When all their manipulative tactics stop working on you and you don't take the bait anymore.
I'm a 40 year old male in the middle of a diagnosis and that's just my sign to move on to the next one.. I don't break down emotionally or lose it I just know that this one is done so let me go find another
@@SalAcceturraYou're a "male" named Linda?
When you feel you have to tip toe around the other person and dont feel comfortable in your own home its time to go.
I saw the mask fall off about 2 wks after moving in together. At the time I thought maybe it was just learning to live with one another’s differences. Then once we got married it just got progressively worse. Nothing I did was ever good enough. He complained about everything. I just couldn’t do anything right. When we bought our home, I didn’t know what narcissistic personality disorder was but I wish now that I did. I would’ve never moved in & married him. I left him almost a year ago and have filed for divorce. I will never go back!!
Good on you for not having any children.
Good for you. I married mine, though, and it was when I got pregnant that I started to see it all clearly. That was the big commitment to him, a child. After that, I could see he didn't take our relationship very seriously either, when it got "serious" by involving a kid.
I’m in the exact same boat. As soon as I moved in my ex husband became a demon and when we got married he became the devil himself. Unfortunately I have a child with him but it’s the only good thing that came out of the relationship. I’m currently getting a divorce.
@@mesha0932 my twin! Moved in after a a year of dating. It got ugly but every time I tried to leave it would seem that he changed for the better, then two weeks later, back to same ol same ol. Eventually got married and he was even more awful. Currently getting divorced with only one child. Had to get a restraining order yesterday.
Too true, same for me ... After a month of moving in I began to think what and who the hell is this? I'd given up my flat, sold all my furniture, uprooted my daughter from her school, moved away from all my family and friends and thought I didn't really have any other choice but to at least try to make things work. I didn't rush moving in with him either, we'd been together 3-4 years and had spent much time together, however now looking back the signs were there wayyyy before I ever moved in, it just ramped up loads after moving in.
Went on to have a further 3 kids together. I've been out of it a year now and life is so much more peaceful, now enjoying a blame free existence. Just relearning how to make decisions for myself which feels somewhat unnatural after being CONSTANTLY told what to do for the past 16 years.
Telling a narcissist NO may put you in physical harm. Personal experience.😮
In my opinion, it's a good way to find out who narcs are, or at least toxic people. Instant boot from my life, if someone can't be told no or if they tell me no on a boundary.
Amen to that! Learned very quickly that boundaries can only take you so far. Whatever you think you've got set, they eventually find a way around it. Told my narc NO so many times that I eventually stopped saying it and put
it in writing. When you're in somebody else's house you have to be cool in the things you say and do. Makes being trapped mch harder than it already is. Guess that's why (some) narcs love people who are in vulnerable positions.
...😪
It's not hard for me! Time for an Annulment! No one HAS TO deal with you just because you're pregnant! BYE! ME EX- NARC IS A FIEND FOR "HIS" KIDS. SICKENING! MAKES ME SICK! MEAN TO WOMEN THOUGH!
@Charlotte Clark you seriously sound like you need to do some work on yourself
My ex husband was like that. We dated for a couple years and then I got pregnant and moved in with him. As soon as I moved with him, it changed. Mind you, he wanted the baby, not me and he wanted me to move with him. I've actually had several guys want to have babies with me, at first it seems sweet but they're really just trying to trap you...😢
WOW...... especially if they want a baby SOOOOO BADLY!!!!!
@L B That was my ex..he was demanding a baby, yelling at me in drive through telling me I had to have a baby and I was being manipulative wanting to discuss normal stuff like how are we affording it when his whole pay goes to debt..thank God I didn't have a baby with him.
The same thing happened to me wanted a “family” wanted more kids he said. Paid $6500 to have baby 😡 and soon as babies got here. It was down hill from there. He lived with me he was good. Once we moved in and it’s his house man that fool was the devil. And I can’t stand this new person🙄😡
@@Moveforward6 I am so sorry you have had to endure that. The switch up is RIDICULOUS!!!!!! DR JEKYLL and Mr HYDE HAD TO BE ABOUT A NARCISSIST!!!
@@danieladegan8106 I know you are THRILLED ABOUT THAT. CHILDREN ties you to a person unless one of the three of you dies..and who would want the horrible circumstance!!??
1. When you don’t financially support there addiction and delusional state of being rich and famous or well respected successful person
2.when they split or narcissist injured
3. When there enablers insult you and you hold them and there enablers accountable
4.when they project themselves onto you
5.send them one of Lee’s videos the mask will definitely slip
6. Don’t hate the people they hate and they hate everyone literally have 2 faces the mask will slip
7. Leave them
8. Grey rock , no contact , no reaction, stonewalling
9. Record them during a rage when they attempt to gaslight you and you’ll see the black eyes bc they can’t do anything but see themselves and there awful behaviour and they risk public exposure
10. Refuse to be a baby mother , buy a house or make life decisions that will untwine you to them for life be it business or personal.
11. Hold them to high standards
#1 had to cut a grown man off like pay your own crap
Yep, you pretty much covered it all‼️😮💨😮💨😂😂😂😂💯💯
I let mine convince me to have a baby after decades of a firm decision to not have children. I’d recommend that people look into their legal rights around children and make contracts with their partner prior to having children, especially if it’s a young relationship.
When you catch them cheating or stabbing you in the back with dome type of horrific betrayal.. 😐
@@prolelicious1 Mines tried that. Kept trying to knock me up without consent. Had to buy so much Plan B. I think the stores thought I was a street walker. Finally just avoided him.
So accurate, once they get you where they feel you can't leave, they turn into a tyrant.
Yup. Pretty much as soon as the narcissist feels like they've "won" you, and you're not going anywhere, the mask will slowly but surely slip off. It will slip way faster if you trigger their narcissistic injuries, like disagreeing and pointing out their faults.
In my case it is not a romantic relationship. I plunder the emotions and finances of those I have no attachment to
The word NO will drive them crazy!!!
I was pregnant by an awful narcissist many yrs ago. After my child born I started dating someone else. I learned not to care the lease bit about my baby's sperm donor. I haven't spoken to him in over 2 decades! I can't miss what I never had. I'm very happily married to a great man!!!
I am so happy for you! 🥰
Did he try to push that image of being a "great father"???
If I could go back, I'd do the SAME. My children and family are now DESTROYED 😭 To any woman who thinks they can manage this for "the sake of the children," PLEASE understand that is just NOT POSSIBLE. 😭 The narc WILL destroy the children too, all for the sake of being "right."
@@SwtnSourEzell You know they always do. But they know they aren't even capable of being a great father, let alone a decent one.
That is awesome! Happy for you!
This is a good one! I almost moved across the country for a narcissist. She threw some low blows in an argument, and I broke it off instantly. Saved myself some trouble!
My pregnancy was a living nightmare. The discarding started right away. He tortured me for literally everything while I was pregnant. When I went into labor he abandoned me for almost the entire time- left me crawling around by myself on the living room floor while he napped. I love my baby more than life itself but now I’m stuck with this sociopath for the foreseeable future. I’m hoping he gets caught and goes to prison for one of his many crimes. I would cry tears of joy if we were able to be free from this demonic spirit.
I can totally relate. It's awful x
I hear you I'm in the same hell
Same here.
Same. You will get through this. If he isn’t their for you and the child please just cut him off. Even to just heal yourself. Take care of you and your child, baby didn’t ask to be here but as long as you love care and teach your child right you will be good. Blessings to anyone in this situation. It’s hard as hell. But you will overcome❤
I can totally relate to this as well. It’s sheer hell.
When they are stressed out
💯
Yep, I challenged my 80 yr old neighbor on a political issue. He had nothing, so instead of this old guy. A 7 yr old appeared with a demon look and chuckled repeating his inaccurate statement. I ended the friendship right then. Flying monkeys and gang stalking followed. This has been a spiritual awakening for me.
Absolutely. When I was three months pregnant, his mask him off, and he beat the hell out of me. First time ever I have never seen any signs like this before this.
So what did I do? I press charges I put him in jail. My baby is now seven month old. And I just heard that he came home yesterday. Apparently this happen to eight other women and I was the first one to actually go through with the charges, so yeah I’m a little scared right now. But while he was gone and I had the baby, I didn’t put him on the birth certificate. I’m 37 years old. She’s my first baby it took me a long time to have a baby. I actually was under the assumption that I wasn’t able to have any babies so when this happened I was so excited. I was not going to allow him to take her from me and I’m still not if he cared he would not put his hands on me while she was in my belly or period.
Stay strong. You have overcome him. Do not entertain any Conversation from him.
In my younger years, I did not know there was a name called narssist. Over time he showed his true colours. When I pursued child maintenance and he refused to pay, he was sent to prison. When he came out and my son saw him, he blamed my son that it was because of him he went to jail.
He was also using my son, my first child against me and his brother. It was an emotional battle, thank God, the angels came through for me and my son is now a team with me and his brother.
He was telling my son that university was not important. I had to continue to talk to my son to think of the future. Now he is going into his final 4 years in the university.
It was an emotional struggle. My son no longer see him. Almighty God cut the cord.
I am left to rebuild our relationship and it's getting better. He is more cooperative in the house.
This would have been life changing 20 years ago...being nice can ruin your life, thank u Lee...Divorced, no contact, no kids - hovering in progress from the X, holding the fortress tight because of what I've learned from you.
Stay strong....I believe in u!!!!!
Same. Bless you and you've got this
Same
...💙♥️🧡💜🙏😘 Stay strong!
Stay Hard!
They get so mad when you say no...my current bf constantly tries to guilt trip me, bargain or scream at me to do what he wants. It always becomes a huge thing.
I hope you can safely get out of that relationship and never look back. That requires ghosting him entirely
If you like we can hook your boyfriend with my ex girlfriend? Everything you’re saying about him, she did to me exactly as you described!
All just from saying no. Can you believe it? 2 letters, one consonant and one vowel merged together as one word, can cause all this chaos! The look on their face when you say no is crazy too. They look at you like you just swore or did something rude!
The ANGER or RAGE when you tell a narc "no" is the best red flag to notice. Once I heard about this "test", I tried it out. The narc was attempting to "be nice" to me, and offered me a snack or something. (awww, how nice) I said "no" without expression. Her mask didn't slip or crack, it SHATTERED! The rage in her eyes, her face becoming twisted instantly, then stormed away from me.
At that moment, I knew for sure that the entire time she was Nice to me or anyone else - it was always an "act".
Your "BF" is red flags.
@@TexasCat99 oh yes I remember the way my ex screwed he face at me like chucky when he is about to kill. You literally see the dark cloud come float over their head, their eyes go red and the horns start to expose themselves all from those 2 letters!
@@StephenWestSyd I don't want to see that sort of thing in real life again. 105 lb of pure psychopath.
Pointed out his severe E.D. and he immediately cut me off and hired a personal injury lawyer to threaten a lawsuit against me for harassment. Lolololol
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂😂 my x also had ED and he blamed it on me. Lol
What a pos. I was with a very dry woman and I would never ever dare to criticize that
You injured his ego🤣🤣🤣🤣
At the beginning of the comment I thought you were just going to say that he got mad at you for pointing out his ED. I was going to say that's understandable but then I saw the thing about an attorney and I was like wow that is cray cray!!
I started a relationship with a guy, which lasted 2 months. Within the first month, he started asking me to buy a new cellphone for him, I didn't say anything, he asked again after a week or so. When I finally decided ( in my mind) to break up with him. I don't know how he sensed it on that same night. Well, I told him " NO, I WON'T GIVE YOU A CELLPHONE " ... That guy transformed completely from a 30-year-old man to a 7-year-old boy. The mask was off. He was angry as hell, saying that he was giving me sex and I haven't given him anything yet. I was so afraid he was going to punch my face or my nose, I kept quiet, waited for him to get out of my truck, and leave. He left my car saying, " It was nice knowing you". He discarded me. THANK GOD😅😅😅😂😂😂.. the best way to get rid of them is ha e them to discard you. That wasn't planned, but it worked pretty well for me.
Within a few weeks the x wanted me to sign over the title to my car. He also informed me that my money belonged to him. He was mad when I received money and he did not get any. Lol
Where was he from?
He gave you the gift of GOODBY!!!
he is defo insane, you dodged a bullet!!
Lol!! The narc I was married to actually said that to me. I divorced his whack self, he is blocked, the only way he can talk to me is through email and when tried baiting me into a conversation, I asked him if it was about the kids, when he didn’t respond about the kids.. I didn’t respond to him. Now he mainly resorts to trying to make me jealous of his new supply. Who cares about her not me. Her dumb self cheated with him and she probably thought she was getting a prize. Well I hope she likes her prize!!! She gets the side chick of the year award!!! I’m free and my kids and I are healing!! Thank you side chick whoever you are!!!!!😊
A thousand likes to you. 😊
I can almost have compassion for my husband's side chick. She won the highly questionable prize! Thank you for taking him off my hands!!!!!
Kushukuru ni muhimi kwani hao wanawake wamewaondolea taabu...na aibu...
I always think that awareness on narcissism and emotional abuse is key. As many of us have not had ANY awareness of these things we just put up with it, kept blaming ourselves.
Awareness is dynamic
Absolutely agree‼️💯💯‼️
Yep It much easier if you know what you dealing with
For 6 years I believed it was me. Now with these videos and comments I can start healing. Thank you all ❤
The love bombing is so intoxicating that when the mask does slip a little, you just think they’re having a bad day and blow it off until they’ve got you and the mask comes off.
How does everyone feel about a narc trying to get you off of birth control in the first few months of the relationship? He was saying, "When I date, I do it for the long run. I want to have kids and get married." It was rushed and a huge red flag. I went to my doctor and removed my IUD like he wanted but i secretly got a prescription for the pill and took them everyday. I didn't bite into his twisted game, fortunately. He already had children from 2 seperate women who he was no longer with. Didn't even see his kids. My God! The loving bombing really does blind you to the reality of things! I'm sooo grateful I didn't become baby mother #3.
yea that's a quick way to trap you and make you feel like they are super connected to you
I'm glad you trusted your instinct !
No disrespect, but did the fact he never saw his kids not put you off?
You're so lucky and I'm glad you dude that bullet! We always used protection but somehow I became pregnant. Then because I wanted to make things right I got married and when our baby girl was almost 6 months we separated. And now my baby girl is 22 months old and I'm going through the ugliest divorce and child custody. It is hell. But Godbeill see a way for me and my baby girl.
@@loveyourselffirst549I think he might have told her stories why he didn't see them. Mine didn't see his child and made up this story that I believed. That his ex took the child out of state and he fought and still fighting for the other daughter. And it's been 12 years already. Come to find out, all of his words were lies. Insanity how people lie.
Honestly, after 20 years with a narcissist and his family, I cannot see it in you at all, you must have worked extremely hard!
Not sure if he's a grandiose or vulnerable narcissist. Probably the latter of the two, since he's seemingly capable of empathy and willing to do inner work. The grandiose narcissist lacks the empathy needed to want to change for other people and would not want to hear about their flaws and issues from a therapist, because it damages that pristine perfect image they have of themselves and they cannot take accountability.
When something really bad happens to you and you cannot show them the interest they are used to.
Also, when you have responsibilities and cannot provide them with "treats" like traveling etc.
It’s trickier than it sounds. Some boundaries they respect, pretending to be a healthy person.
😞😞
The entitlement and demands from narcissist has been a shock to me. Mine refused to work refused to provide for his family and kids and yet demanded a brand new car, invest in business deals that I had no right to be on as I was only going to loose money while he did not contribute. Basically using me. I got so sick of it, he was grooming me from day one. I don’t know how I stayed married to this fool for 10 years.
Where was he from? Same here and the time flies so quickly . That’s the part that angers me.
I can see my narc have an internal temper tantrum when I say “no!”. I have to be very firm. And yes, he constantly tries to talk me out of my boundaries. Like I’m supposed to do anything he wants‼️
I saw some major 🚩🚩🚩 before I moved in my ex masked slipped pretty quickly as soon as I started getting ill. He thought he could go out and cheat to get his needs met and thought I was still going to move in with him 🤣 as soon as I felt well enough I went to his place packed my stuff and left
There is something about getting sick and them going crazy. I hurt my foot when I was visiting. I think because I could not wait on him is why he went into a rage. I left for good that day.
I once dated a coworker, and his mask fell off when he realized I don't sleep around easily--he was going to have to work to get rewarded. So he broke up with me and showed me his true colors. He was lazy, entitled, cruel with his words, etc. So I had him removed from my work area since I was still his superior. He begged for an explanation, but I gave him none. And then he was gone the next year. Whew!
Why is sex a reward? Don't use sex as a manipulation. It's a mutual thing.
So you dated someone that worked under you (putting yourself in power position) then when that relationship ended you flexed that power to undermine his worklife? Maybe you need to do some looking at yourself.
Something about your story is not adding up. There are some major red flags with YOU as well
Why would you sleep with someone you’re a boss to? Or even at work at all? Yeah, that’s why they say don’t 💩 where you eat.
YOU are the Narc....get a mirror
His face used to change, meaning he looked different at times. Do you know why this happens? It was amazing. He actually looked like different ppl. How does that happen?😮😮
I've seen that too. It's very scary, like you're watching a surreal movie.
I don’t want to believe this but I can’t ignore it. I to saw this happening with my x narc.
Agree with you. I actually have a photo that is not of the man I fell in love with. Totally different. Another thing I noticed is he liked to wear certain dress up clothes, as if he's playing a role. And yes he did play act
Yes, I saw a different looking man as well, erased the photo cause could not believe it
Maybe that's why it's important to talk about the "ordinary" narcissists (albeit with personality disorder) from the extreme marginal evil narcissists who are AND psychopaths. The subject is quite complicated indeed.
You call them for something or text, and it could be days before you hear back from the narc/toxic person. If you ghost them for a couple if days for whatever reason. OHHHHH.... your phone will blow up. "Oh you sending me to voice mail now?" I'm going to show up if you don't answer. Geez....control freaks . Has anyone experienced something like this issue? Wow! 😅
When you get tired of their games and drama and decide to break away. Yeah....they reaaally show their true colors 😮
For me, its morning, noon and night. Because when one truly starts to pay attention and listen to their gut. You see so much more or less of what's underneath that mask.
I broke up with this guy 2 months into the relationship. He was over my house constantly. Stayed for days at a time.He didn't leave until I ran out of food then he would come back when his food was low. I was catching on. I started watching your videos and realized what I was dealing with. I swear he put me through all of the things that you mentioned in that small amount of time. It was like The Carbonara effect. My head was going in circles all the time. Everything would be going great then out of the blue, wham. This person had it bad, all the way down to arguing about aluminium foil. If it should be recycled or trashed. I remember you saying this was a mental illness and I believe it. I will immediately be able to spot it the next time since I got such a whirlwind from the beginning, but I want to remind everyone when a relationship is not good at any point, run and don't look back. This was constant trickery all the time. Not normal on any level
Hiya I was dating my ex partner for 2years when I fell pregnant he became a little disconnected but I didn't really make a fuss because I was so excited for our baby. When I gave birth be completely switched towards me and my family I'm in my first year of motherhood its been absolutely traumatic to the point I am going through family court. Having children with narcissist BIG RED FLAG.
Same experience with me. All the best!
My dad was a malignant narc. He was excited for the first baby, my brother. I was born next and my dad despises women. He despised my mom so I was also hated by my own mom. What a crazy childhood.
This happened to me I've done so much work on this now, il never be fooled again and never rush into anything.
When he put his hands around my throat in an argument.
When we're fishing for some reason. When you try to take care of them. . . " I'm gonna do what I want to do. I'm a grown man!!!"
😩😩😞
Strangulation is threatening. Betty, please be safe & prepare+ plan for future which doesn't involve them.
🙆🌄
Abuse escalates with time.
No hope/prayer will bring back first few weeks of good times together.
🏄♀️🌄
Yup! I told this dude I wasn’t ready to date. He says “it’s okay, we can go slow.” Um, no dude, that’s not what I said. He talked me into going to a baseball game (not a date) cuz I love baseball and everytime I tried to talk to him during the game he had to put his arm around me (sitting in the seats) or touch me in some way…so creepy 😬 He “walked me” to my door, think he was trying to get me to kiss him. Didn’t happen. Funnily enough, he tried to guilt me into something a couple days later, asking me about the rest of a snack he bought at the game and where was it? He wanted to give it to his kid. Um, you handed it to me to hold. It was a Saturday night, obviously we both forgot about it and you didn’t remember til after you saw me at your job and were mad I hadn’t told you I’d be there. He walked by and saw me and told me he was on break. Think he expected me to get up and walk with him on his break. Nah dude, I had 💩 to do. He walked past me at least 3 times waiting to see if I was still there. A little after I left I get the lame a*s text asking about his snack. Then he tells me it’s okay, I can buy his kid a snack and call it even. Um…what? I’m not buying your kid 💩. Wtf. Then he also tells me my neighbors were talking 💩 when he dropped me off…why wouldn’t he say it then? Constantly trying to start drama 🤦🏼♀️ And I don’t even know him that well/long! I can’t even imagine, and don’t want to imagine, how he REALLY is!
I affirm it. His mask fell off a few days after he pressured me to move to his house.
Respect for your honesty and therapy.
He was wealthy and a "man's man" , took him months of grooming and love bombing before I cared at all. the hell lasted over a decade. His kids were involved, ex-wife was grateful!
He took his mask off when he admitted he was a pill junkie. I knew about the "recreational" pills, but not a 40year addiction. In the same conversation, (1st break up) he said "don't tell me I don't care, but I don't know what love is, including my kids".
I always had my own place but lived at his for the most part. Thats one thing I'm glad for! The only time he threw me out of his house I'd just cashed a huge check and he wouldn't let me in to get my $ back. Thankfully his high profile family, one sister in particular works for the government with my cousin and they created a safe place for me to have my thousands of dollars returned. It was not about the $ he didn't want it, he just needed control.
Once families were involved he knew he couldn't expose himself again and that's how it ended.
TELL FRIENDS AND FAMILY THE TRUTH! Yes I lost all contact with them including the kids I loved, but it saved me.
The saying "no" was what unmasked the one in my life. I am to the point of losing my mind. He has found a "new supply" and yet still won't let me go. I can't go anywhere because I have been a stay-at-home mom for over 11 years. I feel so trapped.
Their favorite weapons: FOG ; fear , obligation and guilt
💯
I was married to a narcissist for 13 years after 2 kids ( the last 3 he refused to sign the papers of course) and listening to this has brought back so many confusing , tense and depressing memories. Leaving was the best thing I did for me as well as my children. It was difficult at the time but I didn’t want my kids to see their father treating me the way he did. When the mask comes off, get ready for a completely different person… you won’t recognize them! Unfortunately, he has had an effect on my oldest… it’s been difficult… BUT watching your videos is actually helping me deal with that and I feel our relationship with my son has improved so THANK YOU! And I’ll keep watching!
So true Lee. I moved in with my fiancé after 2 years of love bombing, I thought he was my Prince Charming and when we moved in together he took the mask completely off - Alpha Narc. He was hyper sensitive. A minor infraction warranted 1-2 weeks of silence. Trying to communicate was met with him walking away or ignoring me while looking at his phone. If I cried and pleaded for him to talk to me, it was met with no empathy. As a matter of fact, my tears empowered and emboldened him. He was always the victim and I was always the demon bothering him.
My Boundary: 7 month in, I asked him to move out, put property Mgmt company on notice that he would not be renewing lease (they confirmed with him and he agreed) and called off engagement. Although I am cordial, I give him the same energy he gives me and act like he’s not there. I just enjoy my life like I normally would. I only talk to him concerning business or household matters as he will be moving when the lease is up in a few months. He is a mild mannered Narc, but I can tell it bothers him because I took back my power and moved on not caring about him or his feelings.
Saying NO is when I found out his masked fell off.
I told him no, I am not going to get your car fix. All hell broke loose then. The silent treatment for 3-4 weeks. Then the discard. So predictable
“Boom! You just ruined your life.” I love it. “Tik Toc might get banned.” Sometimes the truth can be hilarious but sad at the same time. Thanks Lee for making us laugh while we try to find our way through the muck and mire of relationships.
#4: criticize them
I've tried to set a boundaries with my Narcissist. I've told them repeatedly to stop and they always come back with an excuse to keep doing it. "I only push because I know the quality you can produce. It was never done with malice only love." Then they get very upset when I ignore the behavior, sorry not getting a rise out of me.
Thank you
You said so many things that gave me a new perspective on my family. My sister is 4y older than me. She is a narcissist. I’m the total opposite. I’m an empath.
My entire existence has been to make her life easier, to take blame, to be the fixer, to be whatever she couldn’t be, because I JUST WAS.
Add my brother, 2.5 y older. He too is a narcissist. Has tried to beat my happiness out of me for years. Until I cut contact completely.
If someone makes you feel awful in their presence or even just thinking about being in their presence, LISTEN TO YOUR GUT, cut contact. You owe them nothing. Save YOU. ❤️
Glad you woke up and took care of yourself!
I saw the mask slip a few times. He was totally dark, evil, raging. He lost his nephews over mask slipping rage. He lost me over mask slipping rage. A truly evil and frightening thing to witness
Lmao I feel so bad you gotta disclaimer the "not everyone is a narcissist" comments... the only people who say that have never genuinely dealt with one. People who deal with one tend to deal with many - it's a dynamic that we're conditioned to find, and entertain, sadly. So it's very disrespectful to further gaslight victims by telling them "nOt EvErYoNe Is A NaRc" - do they honestly think we WANT that person to be a narc?! No! It means they never loved us. It SUCKS.
That irritates me too!!!!!! We KNOW if we lived it!!!!!!!! I don't need a doctor to spell it out!!!! I could teach a class on the subject!!!!
He said phantom of the narcissist 😂😂😂
😂😂😂
... He's funny! 😂
I noticed the mask came off when I showed that NONE of their tactics worked 🤷🏽♀️. They tried EVERYTHING they could think of, Cupid, Casper and then discarding 🙄. Only to come back again 🙄 for more strict boundaries and big NO’s 😂
Ty for this Lee! I am going to pass on to my daughters and son that the first red flag they might notice with a toxic person is boundary pushing. I think it's a good thing to not rush into kissing/petting and getting overly familiar on a first date. That's a great litmus test. I know watching how they treat people who are "serving" them (wait staff, attendents etc.) but I hadn't even thought about how disrespectful demanding a reward for a date is.
I can also confirm that when you tell a narcissist no- even if it is a meaningless sort of no- you will see hellfire light in their eyes! The worst physical abuse times I can remember was telling either of my parents no...even indirectly. Hell if my face betrayed my *desire* to tell them no I could face screaming invectives or even physical abuse. My Mother would proudly tell people how she "curbed" us kids by leaving marks on our bodies. So hell yeah they will even brag about their violence when told no.
Listen to the man if you see red flags....run the fuck away. It's way easier to do that then to try to do it with a couple kids and a dog in tow.
Boundary pushing
Yes it did happen. 🙆🌄
Before having our baby, everything was perfect and we'd been together for yrs, literally the day I had her 8 yrs ago everything has been different, stopped sex and all forms of intimacy. Barely notices im here. He's a different person it's heartbreaking, im trying to get out. Can't afford it yet.
Same here, I wished I could have heard this from someone 40 years ago. But, today it still works for me. Narc Free and Happy
Learnt a lot about narcassim after discard from 10 yr old marriage. Saved me a lot from hovering process. Can now see right through him. Once you know what it is you can’t unsee it. It took a discard to finally wake up!!!
I knew there was SOMETHING wrong with him for the whole 35 years - just couldn't figure out what! When a psychologist friend called him a narcissistic sociopath, I went to utube to educate myself. WOW, was that person right!!!!! I am so thankful we can learn all about what we put up with for lo those many years!!!! No more!!! Now that I know them, I don't allow ANY of them to waste my precious life!!!!! We have their number now!!!!!!
The mask has stayed off since the day I signed the dotted lines for our house
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He said that he missed me and do I want him to come over and I said that I'm good 😂 That's the last convo that we will ever have 😮
My ex literally told me “ you’re trying to leave me and you’re pregnant” I just looked at him with disgust.
Women love using a child to manipulate the situation. You didn't explain much here.
Lee, you are so spot on it’s scary! We did back and forth for 5 years and I got pregnant and then found out he lied about a bunch of stuff and then I questioned other things and if what we had was even real. He broke up with me and I asked how could he break up with me during my most vulnerable time when I need him the most. He said “Because you started doubting everything you ever meant to me” I was so confused like “so that’s a reason to break up with someone? Not prove to them, but break up with them?” Man I’m glad that is over! Whew
I experienced the same thing smh
Such clarity in how you assessed his response to your doubts. That should have made any normal man love you more. I hope you found real love after.
Had I only known this 16 years ago. I mistook the behavior as being stubborn. It was so much more than that. I fully understand now. Coersive violating repeat offender toxic behavior.
Exactly the same- I thought he was just stubborn
My dad was a malignant narc. My mom made so many excuses for his abusive behavior. I grew up thinking g this was normal.
Mask came off when I broke it off and we decided to be "friends". My first conversation as his "friend" got me a lot of backhanded compliments, lol. I never called him a narcissist, but I talked about love-bombing, breadcrumbing, manipulation, trauma bond, and hoovering. I think he knew what I was talking about; my guess is that he's probably been called this previously or somehow knows the lingo. He seemed to know he has some sort of emotional blockage or low EQ.
The x told me he was on SSI for a mental illness. I called him a narcissist one day and his eyes got as big as saucers. Lol. And I really had no idea what a narc was at that time. Lol. We only dated for a couple months. I moved to another state. I wanted to stay friends. But that was not working, so I went no contact.
My narcissist took his mask off as soon as we left our wedding reception to go on our honeymoon. 😱🤢🤮 When I was still single, I told another man "No" on our first date, and he acted demon possessed right in the restaurant. It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. He was 6'3" and a bodybuilder, and I'm 5'3". I don't know how I didn't faint from fear.
Saying no is a trigger and I would 😂😂😂 I made him mad but the flipping out was what I thought was something about that was so strange for years he played games but I played with him too until I scrolled upon a narcissist I read it and I laughed because it finally ALL made sense
I'm going through it now. I told my fiancé no, and his mask fell and cracked. He can't even find all the pieces to glue the mask back together. I am done and planning my exit.
Smart girl!!!! Keep those boundaries!!!!
I moved in to an apartment with my "best friend" all through college after we both graduated. He was insistent he was the lease signer (where i'm from only one person can sign a lease) Wow did the mask ever come off once we moved in together. Not only to me, but he would talk behind all his friends back to me, he saw them as idiots and pawns to his bidding. I'm sure he spoke the same way of me to them. 3 months in he discarded me because I stopped putting up with his BS. Sucked to have to move to another apartment but it was a blessing in disguise. Only regret is the apartment we had together was amazing, one of the only positives of a narcissist is that they know how to get the best stuff for themselves, he somehow found an amazing apartment at a great price. Bring a narcissist to a car dealer, but thats really where they will only help you haha.
The x has a UA-cam channel and he talked about his subscribers in such a mean way. Especially those that disagree with him. Lol
WELL said!!!! Smart gal!!!
“ the grand mask drop “ 😂😂😂😭 that’s the truth ! No longer ignoring small or large red flags
I am in shock because my narcissistic ex-husband literally told me after the birth of our first child that we were now forever connected. I could still get away from a marriage, but with a child I would always be tied to him. those were literally (!!) and several times his words.
I thought it was a silly comment at the time, but I brushed it off. he must have meant well.
9 years later I know better...I divorced him and at first he threatened me that he will never let me go: not now, not in years. And now he hardly lets us hear from him anymore and my son doesn't want to go to him anymore. He has no interest in the children.
bizarre all.
Yep - I said a big no - finally after being too scared for a long time - the walking on egg shells - but finally it was a very clear NO that I backed up with action. It was so not pretty - the true ugliness of my ex-husband made me nautious! So disgusting - and that's what I was tip toeing around! Really scary - but worth it to find out what I was really dealing with. Thank you!!
This is spot on . I left my home moved to his state . Then Bam. It's like Who are you ??
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Saying anything that they don't want to hear like calling them out on a lie or questioning them even not necessarily calling them out like oh I know you just lied but questioning them about their lie because something doesn't make sense even though you're completely unaware that they're lying at the time you just question one part of it or ask a question and they get all shitty with you, that's how I know my current narc is lying or projecting. He gets over the top upset.
I first experienced this at 17yrs old. When moved out of my parents house and into my 22yr old boyfriends home... I experienced it within 24hrs...I had no clue what was going on but I was sure that I had somehow misunderstood something... I was hurt, and confused and so unsure of my future... I was always too embarrassed to go back from my bad decisions...at 55, I've had a lifetime of them... Now I struggle with life alone while every significant narcissist past, tries to hoover. Idk why they often get pretty desperate in their old age.
Hang in there. We all, well at least MOST people, regret their bad decisions and the consequences that accompany those decisions. You are aware now. Keep moving forward!! God’s got you!! 💕🌺
3.5 yrs was quite good and in love. After pregnancy by about month 7, her personality changed. She blames PPD. Then she started throwing things and had massive rage / temper. Then the cheating and stealing and devaluing started...
It started for me when I left my job to stay home with my son. Before i was financially independent, actually was earning more than him. Once I had no money of my own he basically ignored me. I was a cleaner, cook, child minder. I lasted for 8 years. But by God’s grace the tables turned. He is out and I am regaining my financial independence.
I stayed home with my son for 8 months. But I was getting unemployment at 700/week so I still had income and I had 20,000 in savings. He called me "worthless" even though I was taking care of a baby and keeping our home pristine. I wouldn't pay any rent but paid groceries and all baby's needs. I said ph yeah I'm worthless? And he said, yeah, financially. So I went back to work and started making more than him. He hated me for that too. There's no winning.
I often wonder if my extreme narcissistic ex on some level knows that he lost me who was good. He uses everyone, but I saw small rare glimpses of vulnerability. He once said an ex got tired of his shit, that was the only accountability he took.
Was it just my narcissist? He showed up 5 minutes early and I was still getting ready for the date. I was 5 minutes late- in part because I stopped getting ready to let him into my home. On the way there the restaurant he said politely, “In the future you need to be ready on time because my time is too valuable to sit and wait for you.”
I was floored and responded, “If you don’t think I’m worth waiting for we might as well end it here.”
He stuttered out an apology but would have a serious chip on his shoulder whenever I (not others) made him wait. RED FLAG BIG TIME.
I count myself truly blessed that I recognized something off with my so called narcissist before I ever knew what one was. I was love bombed like crazy and given all these amazing compliments constantly. Then came the time I set limits and held my ground with him. I have never been called the names this despicable creature called me. I swear his head spun around and he spit pea soup. 🤮 Until that moment I had only seen the beyond charming and charismatic side of him. I dropped all contact with him. I never responded to any of his pleading messages saying how he has never acted like that before and it was only because he loved me so much and had fears of losing me. Well he did lose me and good riddance. That one incident was enough for me to realize what a future with him would be like. And now after reading the comments I see how very blessed I was that God gave me the wisdom to run! 🙏🏽
As far as pregnancy . . . I remember a conversation we once had about desire for children and what we both would like. I remember him making the comment that he wanted children but he never wanted me to love and give the baby more attention than him. That stuck with me. I remember that scene from the movie Waitress were Keri Russel’s abusive husband said the same to her. 😳
How I wish you’d do a video on how they use law enforcement against us ESPECIALLY the female covert
Every time I talk about our together future he brings up that relationships can’t last longer than 10 years. Because my own mother told me that, after she did everything in her power to drive my father away. All the time, relationships don’t last longer than 10 years.
We are almost 9 years in
He went nuts because I traded my car. We literally knew each other for 2 months. I was so so stupid! I'm stuck now. I pray for all of you
the mask came off when we got married
🥺
That same night
I was just about to say that. That is when my ex wife mask dropped.
Brody..... My ex-wife said after the first child.... You would never leave your son with someone like me so I know you won't leave
@@davidtriplett8105 Damn. Holding you hostage. Get out man.
It took two months of dating for his mask to fall off when i called out his energy changed. He flipped out and did a blame shift and I laughed when he did it. He was losing his mind on the phone. He forgot who he was dating.. I'm a 24 year HR veteran that has managed through every single personality. When it's too good to be true, listen to your gut.
💯🎯🎯🎯
That's exactly what happened. I told him no kiss or holding hands on the first date and he did both. It was a online match up. The date was so perfect and he was such a gentleman and nice guy. Although I didn't want it I let him because I was scared to lose a great guy if I didn't let it happen. Then the love bombing came.
If you've encountered a ex in such pittance of human form and come out the other end healed strong on point with your gut instinct intuition & safely removed your good energy from a low vibrational dysfunctional person you already winning...glow up in every way possible break the mind fog & stangnatcies thats hinder your progression trust the process....K.A.R.M.A will visit guess who will get the first seat for a viewing one of us pour that love and care into yourself were good people that had a lesson of experience to learn 💯 we keeps it moving😊😊😊10 toes stronger
Nothing you do will ever be right or good enough for a narcissist. It doesn't matter what the circumstances are. If you live apart, they just use different tactics, schemes, and other control methods. If a narcissist has a 10, he wants and deserves a 12. To a narcissist, eventually that 10 becomes a 2. You cannot engage them even when in a relationship with them. Keep those boundaries, protect yourself, and keep saying "NO" Make sure you stay in your our own space even in a shared residence.
Especially after MARRIAGE! Even 9 yrs later. It was bad for the 9 yrs, love bombed again and convinced it was time to finally get married after a 9 yr engagement. In hindsight, it got seemingly, immediately worse after the reception was over and no one was around. I'm 3 yrs out of now after 15 yrs. Still so hard but so so so much better. THANK YOU LEE FOR THE KNOWLEDGE AND VALIDATIONS I GET FROM YOUR VIDEOS!!❤❤❤❤
Except 1 man whom genuinely loved me, 64 years spent on asses! Thank God for revealing the evil among us. I am happy and over joyed single. I did 10 years single and flourished. Got into relationship with narcissist and lost everything. Now I enjoy my relationship with Jesus Christ! I am much better person because of the pain and trials I endured!
I love spending all my time with Jesus!
What your narc meant for evil, God used for good!!!! Great attitude!!!!! I, also am loving living single after surviving 35 years with mine. We could have never learned what we did during that time, though. Sure glad it's over!!!!
Amen!
The NO is the biggest trigger to make the mask slip, it seems. I've had relationships in my life that were going swimmingly... until the first time I said no, and stuck to it. I'm a pretty laidback person, so it really sticks out when people get upset when I put up a boundary or say no. Anyway, those people would try to convince me why I don't need the boundary or why I should say yes or why I should make an exception for them, seemingly get angry at me (silent treatment, being rude/petty/passive aggressive), or keep doing the thing on purpose (because once I set a boundary they know how I feel, so if they do it or do it again, it's on purpose) to wear me down to get me to just accept it. All those people found themselves quickly out of my life. I don't take kindly to people ignoring or pushing against my boundaries when I have taken the time to communicate them. Even more when, if you do it to them, it's the end of the world or rage, but you're just supposed to accept it. I don't like that double standard mess, either.
He even started his nonsense in MY PLACE when I paid ALL the rent and utilities
I didn't know what was happening
Oh my
Mine to. Hobosexual. Homeless and jobless and screaming at me in my own home! Bizarre!!
😂😂😂 I'm cracking up because I'm a straight witness!! He hated the word No!!!
😂😂
If I would wait a little longer with moving in together - I definitely wouldn't do that at all.... that was the biggest mistake ever, to let him through my door.
He wanted it sooo much, but a day he moved in, he started the horror show...
I only recently found out about narcisism. Interesting about moving in together! My husband moved into my house for six months out of our two year marriage. I saw the "mask" fall and he gave me the silent treatment for about 3 days before he texted me that he was taking some of his things and going back to his house (where he's cohabitated with his mother for 30 years) for a week. He gave me the silent treatement for 2 1/2 weeks before I reached out to him. That was two months ago. His behavior has been erratic and all over the place since then. He thinks it's depression, but things point to covert narcisism. When he moved out he said he wasn't comfortable in my house. My guess is it's because he can't control the narrative in my house. He's on a silent treatment for four days again. There's also been misrepresentation of himself that I started to find out six months after we were married, in addition to half truths. Telling me I said things that I did not.
Just give him the silent treatment right back!!! Hopefully he will choose to leave!!! I suffered 35 years. It will only get worse!!!
I would also look into fearful avoidant attachment style, which would help explain why he stayed at home with Mommy for so long and has trouble detaching from her and moving into a home with someone else. They want someone they can be really close to, but then their anxiety gets the better of them and they freak out and run away. It usually comes from a very low self-esteem and possibly codependency or enmeshment with his mother.
This is interesting. My daughter's father and I had been together for 5 years when I got pregnant. He said he didn't want the baby and took me to an abortion clinic. I could not go through with it. He never forgave me. He said it was my baby, not his. He did not stay the night with me in the hospital after she was born. He started staying at the bar all night, rarely came home. I always said it felt like he punished me for having the baby.
I am so glad you saved your baby!
I remember when my narcs mask first dropped and if I knew what I know now, I would have run since then because once they are in your life, you can never get rid of them, it’s like a parasite. Especially when you have a child with them 😢
They are like vampires!!!
I can tell you are getting better because you can laugh at yourself.
I really wished then I knew what I know now about this disorder. When you grow up sheltered you believe or at least I believed everyone was good or to give ppl chances because thats what my mom & nana always did. So I just assumed 'theres no way this person I love would intentionally be trying to hurt me' but my ex definitely proved me wrong. The levels of betrayal, manipulation, gaslighting & no accountability is beyond belief. It has taken me months of therapy and healing myself & reading on narcissism to realize what he was & individuals in my family as well that would call me for "help" or anything when needed as they did my mom n nanan. When they do see u getting back to yourself and becoming happy again, exuding good energy, they pretend to be happy for you but despise that too because they want you to be broken like them & try to belittle you for any reason they can find.