Estrangement from children is the absolute worst. I will never get over losing all 3 of my children to narcissism. And in addition, all 7 grandchildren. Bless us all grieving estrangement. ❤🌺
I have owned my part and apologized profusely. I'm still working on forgiving myself.- I love to give and help so I am trying to figure out how in the state I am in. - Allison you helping so many of us! Thank you!
@@lynne8755 I believe we are here in this ‘school of life’ to experience all our emotions and then learn to forgive & that all people came into our lives to share and learn lessons together with us and in due time when the lessons completed, they’ll leave and move on to their other destiny. I have wiped my tears knowing ‘goodbye’ sometimes is necessary for me to venture to other experiences without my loved ones. Detachment with love is my strength to go on. 🌹🌈
@@dayhikr140 Revelation 21:4 And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” If we remembered, we would be taking things from this world God didn't want us to love. For this world is a dying corpse and isn't real. When we meet each other again in spirit, and I don't know how that will play out, but I imagine it will be like meeting our true family for the first time.
My relationship with my son changed dramatically after he married. So bad that I couldn't take the pain knowing he lives in the same city. To save myself I moved to Mexico last year. The pain follows you everywhere.
Many women seem to resent their husbands Mothers, don't know why...feeling a need to possess the man. The worst is when they run her down in front of the children. Women can also be the eternal little girl with their own Mothers.
Dearest Alison, I rarely leave comments on youtube, but as I sit alone looking for something on youtube to ease my loneliness and grief of the 11th year of estrangement , the algorithm gave me your video. There are not enough words to say thank you. A fortune spent on counseling , wasted money. I believe estrangement from an adult child is a taboo subject ( I live in the UK) people do not want to speak about it. I have such respect for both your kind, empathetic but sensible approach to difficult subjects that often are left unspoken. Bless you dear lady, and again thank you so very much. 🙏❤️💐
You are not alone with this situation and it can be hard to understand why it happened. Sometimes I wonder how many people are dealing with it and I guess many more than we know. I am so sorry because it does hurt.
I hate ticking the thumbs up sign but I guess it’s an acknowledgment of what you are going through. Daughter, second time being sent to the world of silence, the last time it was 2years we reconnected for, what were for me, 4 lovely years, before being sent back to Coventry. It hurt so much that I actually tried to take my life! I live with hope that we will reconnect and hope is what keeps me going. My husband died last year and this journey of grief has been compounded by my daughter’s actions. I wish I didn’t care, I wish I could say…”Your loss!” I can say it but I don’t feel it. I’m lucky that I have a son who is so very supportive. I can only but imagine how awful it would be to lose all my children in this way. May all, each and every one of you be comforted by the feelings of love. May love pour over you and through you and emanate from you. 🩷🩷🩷
I am 65 and my 42 year old son lives in the same town as I do. We have always been close, but he began to be in a "dark place" and started cutting family members out of his life. Little did I know I would be the next. He made it very clear that he did not want any communication with me ever again and it has been almost one year. It has truly been such a heartache. I never know if I might run into him when I am out shopping, and so I began to isolate not wanting the pain of seeing him somewhere about the town. The other very difficult thing that I constantly worry about is that he is a cancer survivor and although he has been in remission, I worry his cancer could come back. I lost my mother two years ago, and still miss her. But I grieved and "moved on". But I do agree, this situation with my son is very depressing and painful. It was especially painful on his last birthday and I could not even wish him a happy birthday and had thoughts of him as a baby and on his previous birthdays when he was growing up. Mother's Day was difficult too.
My situation is like the exact opposite on steroids. I started learning several years ago in my late forties that most of my relatives especially my mother have been very narcissistic, psychopathic, neglectful and abusive to me my whole life and have abandoned and estranged me from my whole family including my two grandmas and my dad. I've been in a total state of shock since then but also realize I have been my whole life also. It's a long sadistic story. I still feel like I'm twenty or even fifteen years old sometimes, I guess because I've been abandoned by my family my whole life. I wish to God my mother cared about me like you and the lady in this video care about your son's. I'm my mother's only child too, and she and her greedy punk husband adapted a baby girl back in the early 90's after I got back from the Iraq war and from the army. She didn't care, they didn't care, they wanted me dead and went and adopted a total stranger and stole a family and a home from me. It's impossible trying to understand a psychopath or just EVIL people, I don't know. God bless you all.
@@russellm7530That is absolutely devastating but in time try to realize that if your other family members especially your father and grandparents can be so weak minded you are better off without them because they can’t be trusted to be strong enough to have your back having them in your life is allowing them to constantly abuse you. Please seek some counseling to come to terms with your loss and how to move forward with your life in a healthy and constructive way because it’s what you deserve.
The way I move through the grief of estrangement from several children is with frequent prayer and the stance of "holding my peace." I remain a mother over all of my children and will be here in love if they ever want me back. I have a box that I put cards, letters, and gifts into that I would have given to them so that someday they will know that I always loved them. Most days I get by, but some days my shattered heart goes hour by hour. I especially miss my only grandchild who was taken away from me and is 3 years old.
@dayhikr140 Because they will cause your family to desert you. if you don't follow everything they tell you.They'll tell your family not to let you see your grandchildren.And they won't speak to you and they treat you like your Dead
I went through a divorce, and i wanted it. My ex has now passed, but he caused parent alienation. My 3 grown adults still won't talk to me. They blame me for causing the family to fall apart, then my youngest passed away, 16 years ago that too they blame me for, and it really went downhill from there its been hell. It's now 24 years, and there is no resolve they told me they love me but won't have any relationship with me. My heart is forever broken, and I am going to be 70 years old.💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
Thank you for this video it's just what I needed. I'm in the UK I recently separated from my wife and my daughter also left with her, it was a 25 year long relationship it hurts like nothing I've ever experienced in my life. But thanks to this video I now understand the reason why it is still painful after more than 4 months since they left, once again thank you very much.
Oh gosh…thank you for this. My older sister told me, when our mom was dying a few years back, that she only kept our relationship together out of obligation. She said she had no choice in the fact that I was her sister, but she would never choose me as a friend. We were never “Best friend” sisters, but never anything other than normal sibling rivalry. It hurt me immensely. We haven’t talked in 4 years. This happened when I was 50 and she was 54. It still hurts and she’s offered little context to help me understand. ❤
Older children often transfer anger and pain from their parents (from the fact that their attention is lost) to younger children. Perhaps the fact is that your sister could not cope with the situation, and it is not you. Perhaps even if you were perfect, she would treat you the same way. Maybe you will feel a little better.
I saw this is my own family among a pair of cousins and it’s possible the older sister holds resentments & anger towards your mother but felt it was safer to take out those feelings on you. Just remember if she comes around do not let her gaslight you into feeling guilty and that you owe her something, this is her issue not yours.
I lost my mother 3 years ago and I regret not been there for her in her last 6 years , I feel so ashamed of myself and will have to live with it for the rest of my life, Ma'am your story hits right to my soul , I hope your son comes back to you.
So sorry you are feeling this type of pain, Sergio. It is a credit to you that you regret it. I thank you for your kind words to me. Thanks so much for watching!
I agree with all your points. It strikes me that there is only one person with whom we have a relationship throughout the life cycle: and that is with oneself and one's own mind.
"Chronic grief" describes it perfectly. When a family member cut me out of her life, other family, and even some family friends and extended family, apparently felt compelled to pick a side. Due to the successful campaign she waged against me, only a few people gave me the benefit of a doubt and stayed in touch. Grief and self-blame became my constant companions. I love your advice, Allison, to keep moving forward. Eventually I did just that, not because I knew any better, but because I didn't see any other choice. I also found a book that helped me a lot called "Scapegoat Complex" by Silvia Perera. Thanks for the great video, Allison. It hit home.
I love listening to you Allison ❤️ comfort is the word! I miss my two children so much and I can't share it with anyone because I feel shame, embarrassment and out of place. These are just a few emotions, but it has changed how I even interact with other people. I keep to myself and grieve off and on continuously and try to keep busy. Time doesn't heal it just gets more hopeless and darker. I help myself by praying and knowing God, Jesus Christ has everything in his hands. I can't do anything about my children but just pray. I love them and it's very painful not to see or speak to them. Thank you for your wonderful talks, Im so glad I found you...like an old friend❤️ God bless you
Thanks so much for sharing this Shawna! I really feel for you, as I do for anyone in this situation. I understand the pain. Glad you have found my channel!
Thank you, dear Allison. You help me a lot. So smart, so clear, so honest. I live in Serbia, far away from you but my hart is so close to yours. The same problem. You help me to understand and ... not to overcome the situation but to make it easier. Thank you once again.😊❤
Yes our daughter that’s a therapist left us 11 years ago . We lost our son right before she went estranged. She thought within a month or so we should’ve been over the death of her brother. So yes I know two kinds of grief.
The hope is always there, I wish I could turn it off. To have a friend just STOP communicating is awful. I've spent the last couple of years wondering what I did. I must have done something, right? Recently I realized that friend has had her own struggles. I called. What's awful is when that person just dumped me as if I have no feelings. I've decided I don't need a friend like that. I SO love the idea of helping others! That must be the antidote. THANK YOU.
I wrote a long comment but erased it because i was concerned that if it was seen (by the party involved) it would cause them more, and public, pain. But i appreciate your video.
Hello Allison, I'm so glad to have found your channel. As I listened to your story, I realized we have a lot in common. I'm 70, too, and alone. I have a daughter who doesn't want to see me except on rare occasions. This means I am only rarely allowed to to see my 5 year old grandson. Like so many others, I also don't know why. Things changed with our relationship after she got married. I've been devastated for about 10 years, but now am starting to be able to let it go, and find some peace with the situation, as there's nothing more I can do about it. Years of different counselors didn't help. So now, finally, want to live abroad, in Northern Europe. I'm weary and devastated about our country, for many reasons, and hoping I'll find peace in a country with better health care, fewer guns, less religion, and a progressive government. I would love to hear from you! Who knows! Maybe one day we'll meet up and see some sights in France and other countries. I hope to keep in touch!
Hello Allison, I just wanted you to know how much your video "My Son Hasn't Spoken To Me for 12 Years" helped me. Sorry, would have commented there, but comments were turned off. For me, it's my daughter...9 years. It truly is a grief that won't end. Thank for speaking so honestly. I think you are helping a great deal of "boomers" trying to understand and cope with estrangement from their "millenial" kids.
Thank you! I can not talk to any friend about this because they don’t have the patience or ability to hear about my grief for too long. People say “ talk to a friend” but I don’t have a friend who can hear it or are willing to do so. Thank you for advice 🙏
I live in Norway and I don't expect anyone to believe me, bc I wouldn't have myself before it happened to me. Also, Norway is under big lawsuits now for the same thing that happened to me. I have 4 children and they took my youngest 8 years ago for made up reasons, what they put me through to kidnap her was and has been hell. Yet I was allowed to keep my other 3. My other 3 are all teens now and grieve it still too. Anyone who knows me can't believe I lost a child to social services. I am not a perfect mother but I only ever wanted to be a mother and was a stay at home mom. Lived my life just for them. I lost my Emilia to the system and had to just give up bc Norway doesn't believe in reunification. There was no reason to take her. They made things up. Long story short I grieve her to the point I have PTSD I have nightmares each night trying to find her. I got so sick chronic now, fibromyalgia went into me they think it's grief related a lot of it. I was healthy as a horse beforehand. I feel each day like I am dying missing her and only pray one day she will at least want to be my friend. Again, sound unbelievable and I wouldn't have believed it until it happened to me, I would just say bad mom, no child services just kidnaps a baby no reason. It happens in Norway I can't grieve my baby who lives I miss her so
I have heard about this process, although I don’t know the how or why. Very scary for sure. I’m sorry for your sadness and I pray there is hope for your situation. 💕
I've heard about this in the UK. Social Services take young children away from, usually vulnerable,, parent/s. It's all to do with $$$ because children are the biggest money making source than drugs. I pray for you that your child returns.
I needed this today. You are right. Different than the pain i felt when my husband passed. The choice my daughter has made to create the estrangement is mindblowing and very saddening for me but not my choice. I have to accept that. Not sure where i will stand when and if she decides otherwise.
I've lost eight close people over the last ten years. My parents, my partner, two favorite uncles (along with all my other uncles and aunts), and three close friends. In 2024 my best friend died on the 4th of July. My brother is the only close person left. Each death reopens the earlier losses. But I do feel I'm growing immensely as I navigate through the rough seas I'm encountering, and will continue as the basically happy person I am. And I am seeing friends who are more distant in the hope one or more will become closer. I try to have a conversation (or several) with people, either acquaintances or strangers, every day. Thank you for your heartfelt video.
Thank you for addressing this issue. The pain is all consuming sometimes. I'll take your advice and control it, get a journal and write in it when I need to. I'll keep on keepin on.
Thank you for touching on this very sensitive topic from your own perspective personally as well as professionally as a former grief counsellor. Estrangement is like the injury that never quite heals and the pain returns from time to time like a phantom. Your words were encouraging if only to acknowledge we are not alone in this experience.
I balked at you saying we should look at our own part in the estrangement. Please remember, there are those of us who were scapegoated by narcissistic families. These people abused us, lied about us to our faces, and sanctimoniously believed their own lies. They caused us a great deal of harm and heartbreak. What part did we have in that other than to be born? As a survivor of such a family, I blamed and hated myself for years. I bought into their narrative that I was defective and worthless. I'll be damned if I should now have to journal about what I could have done better. I know not every case is like mine, but surprisingly many are. This comment is for you folks. Stay strong.
@@annwe6 I had this situation with my older sister, which I already described on in this thread earlier. For a brief time, she had my parents believing untruths about me, her narrative. I was successfully able to change that. But I’ve come to understand after all these years that she is the narcissist. And my 3 narcissistic relationships I’ve successfully saved myself from were likely because of my experiences with her. All said, life is more peaceful now, but I mourn the loss of my family togetherness.
@@beautifullifesageg.3951 I'm sorry you lost your sister. I know how heartbreaking it is to lose even one family member to estrangement, no matter the reason. Narcissistic attacks can feel so senseless. The narc might feel threatened, jealous or just plain entitled, or needing a whipping dog. I lost my whole family to it and was left feeling suicidal. I'm still healing. Like elder gal said, it's a grief that never really ends. It just gets less painful over time.
In the case of my mom, sibling and my son I have learned that their is a particular genetic form of Autism called Pathological Demand Aboidance (PDA) where a persons central nervous system is misaligned to see threat from everyday things with triggers survival brain reactions which then shuts down other regions of the brain such as thinking/reasoning and memory. In adulthood PDAers can present as narcissistic. You know how you have heard a narcissist can change? Well it is because PDA is a neurological condition.
@@elrodkatie Thank you for sharing, I hadn't heard of PDA before. The possibility for change kindles hope. Sadly, my family are multi-generational, trauma based narcissists. I come from a traditional ethnic culture, so for the most part the men are grandiose and the women are covert. Wishing you well with your family.
I’m not in your situation of estrangement, but I think I can empathize to a degree as I’ve experienced the hurt of losing a friendship. I really wish that your son can somehow see your video and want to reach out to you. It seems that at this point you can both benefit from the love you have for your son.
Good information. Even when they die, you still grieve the estrangement. The difference is that it has ended, so there gets to be time from active estrangement and you can start to get away from it.
Real love is not a switch you turn off and on. We decided to love our children and as long as we are alive we will hold out hope for true reconcilation. I believe this mirrors how The Lord loves us and offers reconciliation as long as we live. His heart breaks but will give us our wish to stay away from Him. Even eternally. We can see how He must hurt because we go through something similar. Pray for your estranged ones. Let the pain drive you to do that. They need our prayers. ❤️🙏Just my opinion.
Oh boy I sure relate to your feelings concerning your son. Really hit me. If that’s not enough I have two sisters who will not speak with me. Even now with the recent loss of our father. We are parentless. They have each other. My daughter has her life and I have my kitty. Thank God. I pray that things will change with my daughter.
Thanks for sharing this, nita! So sorry about the current situation with your daughter (and sisters). I do understand this kind of pain. I also pray that things change with your daughter. Appreciate you watching!
Hi Alison sorry for your situation. Hopefully someday soon……..will be different. Thank you for making this eloquent video. You are truly God’s teacher.
I can't believe you just made this video. Thank you. My 27 year old daughter and I had a terrible blow up a week ago; bad things were said on both sides. I could not be sorrier that I literally lost my mind for a bit and said some awful things. She decided to move out and live with her friends family for an indefinite time. I did send her a sincere apology but she wants nothing to do with me. She will talk to her Dad just a little and she has indicated she is not interested in counseling as a family, very adamant about it, which leaves me little hope for reconciliation. For 25 years we have been so very close, the warmest and most loving relationship. We were truly best friends. This past year she turned into a complete stranger...total personality change, EVERYTHING about her changed (it all coincided with her boyfriend and that toxic relationship). I have struggled mightily to deal with this new "stranger" but we have had a very rocky road this entire year. Part of the issue lies in that I can barely cope with life as it is and my existence is filled with unimaginable grief and sorrow. My 30 year old daughter and her little girls, my only grandchildren, age 5 and 1, were murdered 7.8 years ago by her husband/their father. I have not been the same since and have been diagnosed with CPTSD and severe depression. I only exist, I do not live. They were my world. So having to deal with all of my daughters issues have been made more difficult because I am already so overwhelmed and so over burdened. I just really snapped during that argument due to how bad off I already am...can't cope at all and she kept coming at me and coming at me (despite me begging her to please stop) and was relentless. I hate myself so much for the things I said. I am usually so loving and kind to her and everyone but i just totally lost it. I don't want to think the worst but I have a bad feeling this is going to go on a long time and maybe forever. I feel like she hates my guts. I hate myself even more. I cannot live without my daughter; she is the only reason I stayed alive so as to not make her suffer. I did find a therapist and have already talked to her two times and will continue in therapy, but I cannot function at all..continual shaking, can't eat, can't stop crying, keep having mental breakdowns. I have been in severe mental distress for days. Sorry this is so long....I wish you lived near me as I could use a friend like you. I will not survive this if she permanently wants me out of her life. She is all I have left.
Sorry to read this MJ! You are dealing with so much. Sending you hugs and best wishes to get through this. Glad you did find a therapist. Don't give up on your daughter; you might reconcile someday. Take care!
@@eldergal thank you. I am trying really hard to hold onto hope despite her current hardened heart. I am so sorry you know this pain of estrangement. This is the second worst agony after losing my daughter and grandchildren by murder. My entire life has been filled with loss, and many premature …my mother and father 40 years ago, I have lost 4 siblings, almost all cousins, niece, nephew, etc but none-and they were all so difficult-can compare to losing my 3 babies. I don’t live, I only exist.
@@MJWetmoreI am so sorry MJ. I’m so glad you’re talking with a therapist. You didn’t mention if you and your daughter’s father are still together. I’ve seen traumatic tragedy break up many families in my lifetime. I’m guessing your daughter was about 19 years old when her sister and her children were murdered? This must have had a tremendous impact on her as well. I hope she too will get the therapy she most certainly needs. For some, it’s a beautiful life, for others it can be brutal. If at this stage, you weren’t feeling all the pain- the anxiety, loss, separation, despair, and so on, well, then that would have me concerned. You have every reason to be going through all these emotions. It’s hard to be a human. We all are born with our own dispositions/temperaments, our courage and cowardice. The two hardest things for myself right now are to refrain from the constant loop of rumination: 1. Why? 2.Was I good enough? I guess there isn’t always an answer for‘why?’, as far as ‘good enough’- that’s something we have to work on and accept at some point. I don’t buy into the original sin story but I do believe that we are all flawed, psychopaths? No, I don’t think that’s the norm. I don’t think a parent deliberately wants to harm or neglect their child. If you had words, please stop beating yourself up. Your last little bird is off to find herself. It hurts, but I guess it’s time for you to let her go and let it be. I’m with you all the way. If there’s a way you want to reach out to me, perhaps Allison would know how that works? Again, glad you spoke up and found a therapist. My sincerest thoughts, kim
I saw my father about five times after I turned 18. He wasn't interested in me, and although my parents had persuaded me to go to college, he announced that he wasn't going to support me or deal with it. Over my adult life, I reached out multiple times. I saw him 10 years before he died. I went to his house and we had a meal and everyone acted like it was good, and then I left, and we never spoke again. He had no interest in me. It hurt a lot. It really damaged my life.
What I hate about this topic is when we are children, parents or teachers never tells us that nothing in life doesn’t last forever. When your very young, you can sometimes be or feel very popular among your family and friends or sometimes you can go through abuse from them also. But the incredible truth is as we get older with wisdom and with age, none of your friends and family are going to be around forever. Through time, some will pass away and most will move away, and then the people who once knew you will want nothing to do with you because of everything that was said and done in the past. I spent years complaining and crying as to why I’ve been hurt and then alone as I got older in my life. That’s why what I did to change all that was I got rid of all the photos of family members and friends that I had so I bought a shredder and destroyed them by stop looking at the past. I put up new pictures of anything that’s of nature around my home. I bought new clothes, I legally changed my identity, I joined a gym, started eating healthy, I began financially educating myself. Because I’ll be honest with you, your priorities in life come first, you come first, your life comes first. Your friends and your family doesn’t come first. I’m not talking about your spouse and kids, I’m talking about your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings, and your friends, they are last in life. I’ve gone through all of there drama and there problems and ever since I made a change in my life I’m completely free from all of them.
I can understand what you mean here, Anthony. It can be a good thing to put the past behind us, including people we've loved, in order to move forward and truly live. Thanks for sharing this!
I’m really sorry Alison , yep life is difficult for most of us these days for many reasons 😓 But going through no contact with an estranged family is one of the worst 🥺 It is chronic & detrimental for health reasons in every way 😥 Sadly for many the grief is debilitating & long term 😰 Some cope a little better than others , tho the pain is still there 💔 I can only pray that things can get better for you in life & others who are also going through the grief a child put parents through 🙏 Blessings 💜
You're absolutely right.I have gone through all similar experiences that you've been talking about. So many people everywhere,all around the world,have similar experiences.
Thank you Allison for all you are saying here today. I've been stuffing it. l'm learning a little bit more as l'm listening to you talk and l will try to apply this into my life today. And l hope you too are getting back the same as you are helping me l think l may be accepting this more now since l'm finding myself talking about it. And on journaling l'm doing this as l'm praying in there too....then l toss it out
Thanks for sharing this Tina! Glad you are journaling; it will help unlock some of the pain (and good that you rip it up afterwards). Wishing you well on your healing journey!
I don't know how I came across your channel and I'm so glad i did. I lost my dad when i was 12, lost my mom at 25 and my sibling and I are now estranged now after my mom's passing (a couple years) Thank you - you put into words i couldn't quite find a way to explain how i feel. Emotionally paralyzing is exactly how i feel at times.
So sorry Laura that you lost your parents while so young, and now estranged from your sibling. Emotionally paralyzing is a good way to describe it. Thanks for sharing this and take care!
I'm grieving the past 4 years. Friends and family abandoned me over 3 strokes. Yes. I had bizarre behavior and my mind was compromised. This is why. Now that I have recovered ,I am alone at 57. I will rebuild but will I trust anyone. No. I wish I could. Thanks for your channel
Thank You Allison for sharing this with us! Mine is from death … but I know where they are at and they are happier than they have ever been! I am the one left behind … but know I will soon be with them all for Eternity! Thank you for your guidance and your advice …Take Care and Blessings to you! 🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️❤️🫶🏻🫶🏻
I just listened to your podcast or UA-cam channel about your son. My heart is broken for both you and your son but the way I feel is you have to give it to God pray about this constantly and ask HIM to help you with this. I will keep you and your son in my prayers
Hi, your channel is life saving. I have two children, and they estranged me when I became ill. My daughter actually told me: Mom, I can't deal with you when you're sick, so call me when you're better." It's been 6 months she didn't even ask how I'm doing. Her birthday is coming up in a week, and I can't get myself to say happy birthday to her. I do realize that I will never ever forgive her. I'm grieving so deeply and it's very very painful.
lol. I know I’ve been making a lot of comments about this topic but it is really upsetting me. It’s one thing to maybe have had a misunderstanding with your daughter or she is upset and is being manipulated by the other parent but if it’s true what your daughter said it’s really unforgivable, my two year old granddaughter who thought I was upset even though I was laughing came over to comfort me, I usually say be patient and leave lines of communication with your estranged child/children open but in this case my two cents advice is you do not call your daughter on her birthday.
Hi, thank you for your comment. If feels better when my feelings are validated. So her bday was in the 15th of August. She actually dared to send me a message saying: "Congratulations on the birthday if your daughter" . That's it. She called me too, and that's after not talking to me or asking me if I'm even alive for 7 months, after I got very ill. I didn't reply. However, I got so emotional that I called her the day after. And I asked her if she really still wants to continue like this. She said she does. She confirmed that she doesn't want to have any connection but only wants to know what my diagnosis was.... Can you believe this? @@tracymorgan5386
I’m in a estrangement from my oldest son. I blame myself. I never felt a bond or possibly lacking maternal instincts? I love him dearly, but have to accept what’s going on. My partner is experiencing the same from his two children. He is an excellent dad. He’s offered them unconditional love. None of this makes sense. Spoiled? Entitled? Selfish? My partner and I were raised to respect and be there for our parents.This estrangement is common with other people we know. I believe in the power of prayer and pray for those going through this terrible ordeal.
September is one of the hardest month . My granddaughters birthday which I’m not going to see and attend because my daughter stopped talking to me 4 years ago. There father , my ex husband death anniversary and my wedding anniversary with him. I couldn’t get over the survivor guilt. I couldn’t move on . I thank you for doing this video.🙏
Ex wife for me, but we parted on decent terms. 20 years ago, she decided it was best for her to break all contact, and that's how it's been ever since. I wonder how she's doing, but that's no longer any of my business. Otherwise. I am fortunate.
Yes! And parents that have more 1 child do NOT understand this. What it is like to have only 1 child who is estranged. If you have another child you do NOT know how we feel!
Both of my daughters have been alienated now 4 years but their narcopath father. But they choose that - it’s such a horrible feeling. I was a stay at home and we were “best friends” their words.
I a mom to six babies 21 to 35, including an angel baby who would be 23. My older three kids don't talk to me. When the girls called me, it was to talk to their baby brother who is 21. It Really does hurt especially mothers day, my birthday and Christmas Christmas. I have five grandbabies. Their mom, my youngest daughter, has disowned me, blaming me for her meth addiction for me leaving a bad family situation. And I've never been officially introduced to my older girl two kids. I was introduced as her "friend" and by my first name
My daughter estranged herself from me for 3 years. The grief I experienced was horrible. Then we reunited for 2 years and she estranged herself from me again. 9 months after the last estrangement I got the terrible news that she passed away. My life is an absolute hell. I never got to say goodbye. I miss her so much and my heart has been destroyed.
Your story is heartbreaking, Amanda! So sorry you went through the double-trauma of being estranged and then your daughter passing away. This is likely why you feel devastated by it. Thanks for sharing this. Take care!
Thank you, thank you elder gal! I must tell you that this talk you gave I will return to as often as needed. How you pass on your wisdom matters. Sometimes I feel like the road I continue to travel is too, too much. But your words are wise reminders of ways to cope with the unthinkable. Blessings
I lost my best friend my soul mate 2 years ago and my loving daughter 4 months ago , it hurts and feeling this pain isn’t easy, I cried a lot and I feel so depressed, i don’t even like to talk to friends , I stay at home most of the time except going to church. I keep myself busy by doing my gardening and reading to occupy my mind , trusting in God through prayers had helped me moving forward with my life .. thank you so much Ms. Allison .. love to watch your channel ..God bless 🙏❤️
And with all due respect, I’ve experienced both types of grief and hands down losing a child to passing is 1,000 worse. All hope is gone and time does NOT heal or get better. It gets worse with time. I’m sorry but if you have not experienced the loss of a child, you have no idea what it feels like. I would give anything to be estranged from her again and for her to be alive and be there for her daughter. It will be 5 years this April and I cannot take this another day. I look forward to my own passing.
Could also be described as a mind trap often experienced in a relationship with a narcissist where you are devalued and discarded. Trauma bond was part of the relationship and is very hard to extinguish.
My experience regarding journaling. Because of the shame associated with estrangements, narcissist/scapegoat abuse. I never felt safe enough to keep my personal thoughts and words on paper. The shame of someone else reading my journals, I could never fully express myself. I always felt I had to downplay or change how I worded my entries. And then I would have to destroy my journals when things were going good with my family, because I felt horrible for my words. So I started a few years back, journaling on my iPad (i use Notes in Apple, but there are many other note taking apps). And my IPad is password protected, or each entry can be password protected too. Each year I make a folder ‘named Brain Dump/year’. I bought a keyboard to Bluetooth, so I could type fast enough for my fingers to keep up with my thoughts. And whenever I feel I need to get the garbage out of my head and body (because if not I ruminate until it drives me nuts). It’s works so well. And I find that when writing my feelings out I can look back, and remember things better. Because with shame and abuse, I forgive easily (because I just want it all to be right and good), and then blame myself for all the wrongs doings done to me and forget the part others have played in it. And I constantly beat myself up. Digital journaling has allowed me to truly write out what I’m feeling without any filters and limitations, and it really has made a huge difference in my life in many ways.
I have a friend that is estranged from her Mom and I love them both. But it is killing her Mom who is elderly and I feel terrible for her, and it was over something very petty.
Thank you! I've never journal? I usually move forward and fight through the pain from grief or estrangement. A journal is a personal dairy. I remember someone advising me not to journal for fear of falling into the wrong hands. I only journal one time many years ago and my girlfriend at that time happened to find it. You can imagine the questions I received. Women are really good at finding personal stuff. Anyways, I did start another type of journal recording accomplishments, more positive for me. Great topic of discussion, Allison. Appreciate it.
Thanks so much KeepFocus! Appreciate your support! One thing to consider about journaling is that you can write out anything you want, then rip that up so no one else can read it. It's the process of writing out the feelings that is therapeutic.
Oh Allison my heart goes out to you. I'm always quietly sadly thinking to myself how awful it is now that my grandchildren are in their teens and I see less of them in the flesh, although they do keep in contact over social media platforms sending me photos etc. of what they are up to but I miss not actually being with them very often. We do get together on birthdays and at Christmas and my sons always say they are so busy and this is true. They have very active lifestyles and demanding jobs, so I do "get it" . I guess their lifestyles are so different from those of the people in my childhood. Anyway, we can only do our best so like you say, we just have to soldier on with what we have. Listening to your story and reading the experiences of people who comment on your blogs, I realise how lucky I am.
I'm estranged from my adult daughter since moving away and getting divorced from my ex her dad who was abusive to me all of the marriage. Since I wrote to her and told her the truth about why I left she believed him and doesn't talk to me not even a card on mother's day no it breaks my heart and it hurts alot . But thanks for sharing the video I enjoy watching them and helpful advice .bless you Alison carry on being amazing .
Estranged from my brother who was never caring or close growing up, mostly a bully and harsh with me. Since I’m single I have a handful of friends but after 10 years this group is distancing themselves from me. It sure does hurt not knowing why.
Hi Allison, there’s a recent article in the NYTimes about how some therapists are encouraging estrangement of adult children from their parents. It’s becoming a “trend.”
There are absolutely times when estrangement is necessary for their mental health. I think it's a good trend for the most part. Being related to someone doesn't necessarily make them family, and it doesn't obligate a person to stay in a toxic relationship/s. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."
Two things can making grieving problematic: (a) grieving for someone with whom you have or had unresolved issues, a grief that can combine tenderness and anger; (b) grief and anguish which arise in recurring dreams, making it seem you have no channel of escape. Perhaps consultation with a psychologist might address these issues. I don't know and at my advanced age I probably won't try this.
Thanks for asking. I have not done one specifically on death of a spouse, but my first six videos on the channel are on grief, so you might take a look at those. Thanks for watching!
This is timely as my only grandchild turns 8 next week and my sons bday the following week. The estrangement for both me my exhusband and my other son has been incredibly sad. This is our sons decision and our decision to stay away from the hatred that he has spewd. We have opted to stay away from the energy. Its hard for me to just get over it. I lost my 3rd son at 2 wks. Estrangement is the worst. 💔
I think the worst part of estrangement from family and some friends is that it makes it very difficult for me to trust again, even with appropriate boundaries in place with new relationships. There’s always that nagging thought, “I wonder if and when this relationship will go South.” I try to stay positive and not make it a self-fulfilling prophecy, but still the thought doesn’t go away.
I live with the estrangement of my sister every minute of every day. I’m alone in life. Many times I consider suicide to escape this unending, unyielding pain. I know I’m partially to blame. I miss her so much.
I think I have chronic depression because of my very unhappy childhood and what my father and mother did to me... even though I talk to my mother and my father passed away... my sadness because of what they did to me in the past disappears and appears even when I take antidepressants regularly. I have tried a lot, but it continues and is tiring for me.
I am so glad I found your channel,I have been watching many of your videos. I knew I wasn’t alone in my struggles, you have helped me understand more about these sensitive topics. I will continue to watch your videos as they bring me To a self awareness about self love and moving forward in life and being an elder orphan. Thank you for your time ,comfort and understanding.❤
Much trauma, different types of loss and grief in these 66 trips around the sun. Loosing parents is so very hard at any age. Losing your spouse is huge, but grieving your living estranged child is excruciating. For me, the pain and ache is felt so deeply in every fibre of my being. I am not angry at all. I am gutted, shattered, deeply hurt by the betrayal and estrangement I don't understand. Since the estranged are living it is even more hurtful knowing they are carrying on. We who birthed them and cared for them mourn the loss of what could and in our dreams what would be. We didn't have children thinking we'd be so easily discarded. The gapping wound doesn't have a chance to heal. Death is final. Estrangement goes on. I am certain there was influence a voice that knows me NOT in his ear. I do know stories were fabricated, exaggerated so he would " fit in" . Made me the villan in his story and owns nothing of his abuse. Has lied so much he can't get out and the price paid. .... is me. 💔 Thank you Allison for sharing your own heartbreak. It helps we elder orphans not to feel so alone. Indeed when the grief rolls in, it is all consuming. There is an element of shame to this too. Shame some of us don't own. Never thought in a million years....I don't even know why. He has emotional regulation issues, impulsivity and cannot direct anger or manage anger properly. Deficits ADHD. Professionally addressed from a toddler on. Therapies, therapeutic pre school etc. Exhausted every program where I live. Blessed to have worked with the best. He liked it and as time went on therapies were age appropriate. So much more. Gentle moments of peace and healing to you Allison ~❤ 🍃🌹🍃
Thanks for sharing this deeply painful experience Inner You! You make a good point about the shame involved with estrangement - it adds yet another layer to the challenge of it. Appreciate you being so supportive of my channel - big thanks!
I don't really see my family much. Andrew Huberman a neuroscientist has a video about grief. I also read a book with by a neuroscientist about grief saying your brain is in problem solving mode. Really it is the memories that pop up. Little surprised psychology never talks about memories with grief.
It was interesting listening to a UA-cam video about how back in the day if you didn't have family but the community was more close knit back then. Like maybe someone else in your village or your pastor
Estrangement from children is the absolute worst. I will never get over losing all 3 of my children to narcissism. And in addition, all 7 grandchildren. Bless us all grieving estrangement. ❤🌺
I have owned my part and apologized profusely. I'm still working on forgiving myself.- I love to give and help so I am trying to figure out how in the state I am in. - Allison you helping so many of us! Thank you!
Yes, Selah, bless you too!
One day all of our tears will be wiped away and we'll remember none of this madness.
We may remember, but I believe we won't feel the pain.
@@lynne8755 I believe we are here in this ‘school of life’ to experience all our emotions and then learn to forgive & that all people came into our lives to share and learn lessons together with us and in due time when the lessons completed, they’ll leave and move on to their other destiny. I have wiped my tears knowing ‘goodbye’ sometimes is necessary for me to venture to other experiences without my loved ones. Detachment with love is my strength to go on. 🌹🌈
@@dayhikr140 well said! 🌹
@@dayhikr140 Revelation 21:4
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” If we remembered, we would be taking things from this world God didn't want us to love. For this world is a dying corpse and isn't real. When we meet each other again in spirit, and I don't know how that will play out, but I imagine it will be like meeting our true family for the first time.
Kindest thoughts and prayers for you dear friend.🙏💐
My relationship with my son changed dramatically after he married. So bad that I couldn't take the pain knowing he lives in the same city. To save myself I moved to Mexico last year. The pain follows you everywhere.
Thanks for sharing this Bonnie! Hope Mexico is working out for you though. Take care!
This! I wasn't expecting the changes. We still communicate but it feels like a death that I'm not allowed to acknowledge. Good luck in Mexico. ❤
I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm guessing your son married a controlling person. Hope you can save money and live better financially in Mexico. 🌅🌄
Many women seem to resent their husbands Mothers, don't know why...feeling a need to possess the man. The worst is when they run her down in front of the children. Women can also be the eternal little girl with their own Mothers.
Dearest Alison, I rarely leave comments on youtube, but as I sit alone looking for something on youtube to ease my loneliness and grief of the 11th year of estrangement , the algorithm gave me your video. There are not enough words to say thank you. A fortune spent on counseling , wasted money. I believe estrangement from an adult child is a taboo subject ( I live in the UK) people do not want to speak about it. I have such respect for both your kind, empathetic but sensible approach to difficult subjects that often are left unspoken. Bless you dear lady, and again thank you so very much. 🙏❤️💐
Thanks for your comment RR! You're right, it is a taboo topic and needs to be talked about more. Thanks for being supportive!
@@eldergalgoing through this as well 32 year old son only child. 😢
You are not alone with this situation and it can be hard to understand why it happened. Sometimes I wonder how many people are dealing with it and I guess many more than we know. I am so sorry because it does hurt.
I hate ticking the thumbs up sign but I guess it’s an acknowledgment of what you are going through. Daughter, second time being sent to the world of silence, the last time it was 2years we reconnected for, what were for me, 4 lovely years, before being sent back to Coventry. It hurt so much that I actually tried to take my life! I live with hope that we will reconnect and hope is what keeps me going. My husband died last year and this journey of grief has been compounded by my daughter’s actions. I wish I didn’t care, I wish I could say…”Your loss!” I can say it but I don’t feel it. I’m lucky that I have a son who is so very supportive. I can only but imagine how awful it would be to lose all my children in this way.
May all, each and every one of you be comforted by the feelings of love. May love pour over you and through you and emanate from you. 🩷🩷🩷
Yes I’ve been grieving for years sometimes I wake up filled with tears
So sorry Cindy! Take care!
me too
I am 65 and my 42 year old son lives in the same town as I do. We have always been close, but he began to be in a "dark place" and started cutting family members out of his life. Little did I know I would be the next. He made it very clear that he did not want any communication with me ever again and it has been almost one year. It has truly been such a heartache. I never know if I might run into him when I am out shopping, and so I began to isolate not wanting the pain of seeing him somewhere about the town. The other very
difficult thing that I constantly worry about is that he is a cancer survivor and although he has been in remission, I worry his cancer
could come back. I lost my mother two years ago, and still miss her. But I grieved and "moved on". But I do agree, this situation with my son is very depressing and painful. It was especially painful on his last birthday and I could not even wish him a happy birthday and had thoughts of him as a baby and on his previous birthdays when he was growing up. Mother's Day was difficult too.
I do understand how difficult it can be Cynthia, especially since you are worried about your son's health! Take care!
I’m so sorry. That is sad . I hope your son has a change of heart ❤️
My situation is like the exact opposite on steroids.
I started learning several years ago in my late forties that most of my relatives especially my mother have been very narcissistic, psychopathic, neglectful and abusive to me my whole life and have abandoned and estranged me from my whole family including my two grandmas and my dad.
I've been in a total state of shock since then but also realize I have been my whole life also.
It's a long sadistic story.
I still feel like I'm twenty or even fifteen years old sometimes, I guess because I've been abandoned by my family my whole life.
I wish to God my mother cared about me like you and the lady in this video care about your son's.
I'm my mother's only child too, and she and her greedy punk husband adapted a baby girl back in the early 90's after I got back from the Iraq war and from the army.
She didn't care, they didn't care, they wanted me dead and went and adopted a total stranger and stole a family and a home from me.
It's impossible trying to understand a psychopath or just EVIL people, I don't know.
God bless you all.
@@russellm7530That is absolutely devastating but in time try to realize that
if your other family members especially your father and grandparents can be so weak minded you are better off without them because they can’t be trusted to be strong enough to have your back having them in your life is allowing them to constantly abuse you. Please seek some counseling to come to terms with your loss and how to move forward with your life in a healthy and constructive way because it’s what you deserve.
2023 terrible year...husband passed, brother...cousin...friend of almost 40 years...none were expected. Prayers for anyone going through loss🎉
Your 2023 sounds like my 2024! Beloved cat and beloved brother gone, two children and granddaughter estranged. None expected, and all at once.
@@dayhikr140 I hope this gets better, husband, mother-in-law, sister and mom all in 3.5 years. Not sure I can make it thru all this
So sorry for your losses Janie! Healing hugs to you! Take care!
So sorry that is alot of grief
Janie Peace Love And Blessings To You, You've Gone Through So Much 🙏💐
The way I move through the grief of estrangement from several children is with frequent prayer and the stance of "holding my peace." I remain a mother over all of my children and will be here in love if they ever want me back. I have a box that I put cards, letters, and gifts into that I would have given to them so that someday they will know that I always loved them. Most days I get by, but some days my shattered heart goes hour by hour. I especially miss my only grandchild who was taken away from me and is 3 years old.
IS YOUR FAMILY JW'S
I am so sorry for you. I know how you feel
I understand the pain, believe me, dayhikr! Take it day by day.
@@Becka-h9k No, but what does that matter and what if they were?
@dayhikr140 Because they will cause your family to desert you. if you don't follow everything they tell you.They'll tell your family not to let you see your grandchildren.And they won't speak to you and they treat you like your Dead
I went through a divorce, and i wanted it. My ex has now passed, but he caused parent alienation. My 3 grown adults still won't talk to me. They blame me for causing the family to fall apart, then my youngest passed away, 16 years ago that too they blame me for, and it really went downhill from there its been hell. It's now 24 years, and there is no resolve they told me they love me but won't have any relationship with me. My heart is forever broken, and I am going to be 70 years old.💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
My heart hurts in reading this PT! So sorry for your losses. I can understand how difficult it is. Take care!
@eldergal Thank you, God bless, thank you for your videos it helps so much. I know I'm not alone.❤❤❤❤
Thank you for this video it's just what I needed. I'm in the UK I recently separated from my wife and my daughter also left with her, it was a 25 year long relationship it hurts like nothing I've ever experienced in my life. But thanks to this video I now understand the reason why it is still painful after more than 4 months since they left, once again thank you very much.
Sorry you are in pain over this laryroler! I hope there is still a way you can have a relationship with your daughter. Take care!
Oh gosh…thank you for this. My older sister told me, when our mom was dying a few years back, that she only kept our relationship together out of obligation. She said she had no choice in the fact that I was her sister, but she would never choose me as a friend. We were never “Best friend” sisters, but never anything other than normal sibling rivalry. It hurt me immensely. We haven’t talked in 4 years. This happened when I was 50 and she was 54. It still hurts and she’s offered little context to help me understand. ❤
I understand your feelings on this beautifullife! Sounds very similar to my relationship with my older sister. So sorry. Thanks for sharing this!
Older children often transfer anger and pain from their parents (from the fact that their attention is lost) to younger children. Perhaps the fact is that your sister could not cope with the situation, and it is not you. Perhaps even if you were perfect, she would treat you the same way. Maybe you will feel a little better.
@@user-5d-Y I appreciate that insight. 💕✨
I saw this is my own family among a pair of cousins and it’s possible the older sister holds resentments & anger towards your mother but felt it was safer to take out those feelings on you. Just remember if she comes around do not let her gaslight you into feeling guilty and that you owe her something, this is her issue not yours.
@@tracymorgan5386 that's excellent advice and I appreciate your insight. 🙏
The grief of not having children is similar absolutely chronic
Yes, thanks for sharing that Jane!
I lost my mother 3 years ago and I regret not been there for her in her last 6 years , I feel so ashamed of myself and will have to live with it for the rest of my life, Ma'am your story hits right to my soul , I hope your son comes back to you.
So sorry you are feeling this type of pain, Sergio. It is a credit to you that you regret it. I thank you for your kind words to me. Thanks so much for watching!
Too late Sergio. I'd feel ashamed too.
I agree with all your points. It strikes me that there is only one person with whom we have a relationship throughout the life cycle: and that is with oneself and one's own mind.
I agree but I am also thankful I have a relationship with God as well.
That is true! Thanks Tony!
"Chronic grief" describes it perfectly. When a family member cut me out of her life, other family, and even some family friends and extended family, apparently felt compelled to pick a side. Due to the successful campaign she waged against me, only a few people gave me the benefit of a doubt and stayed in touch. Grief and self-blame became my constant companions. I love your advice, Allison, to keep moving forward. Eventually I did just that, not because I knew any better, but because I didn't see any other choice. I also found a book that helped me a lot called "Scapegoat Complex" by Silvia Perera. Thanks for the great video, Allison. It hit home.
Thanks for sharing this Donna! Glad you are moving forward. We can't forget it, but we can limit it's negative impact on our lives. Take care!
@@donna2394 thanks for the book recommendation. 🙏
@@beautifullifesageg.3951 You're very welcome. It did give me some insight into my situation. I believe it is still available on Amazon. 🙂
I love listening to you Allison ❤️ comfort is the word! I miss my two children so much and I can't share it with anyone because I feel shame, embarrassment and out of place. These are just a few emotions, but it has changed how I even interact with other people. I keep to myself and grieve off and on continuously and try to keep busy. Time doesn't heal it just gets more hopeless and darker. I help myself by praying and knowing God, Jesus Christ has everything in his hands. I can't do anything about my children but just pray. I love them and it's very painful not to see or speak to them. Thank you for your wonderful talks, Im so glad I found you...like an old friend❤️ God bless you
Thanks so much for sharing this Shawna! I really feel for you, as I do for anyone in this situation. I understand the pain. Glad you have found my channel!
Thank you, dear Allison. You help me a lot. So smart, so clear, so honest. I live in Serbia, far away from you but my hart is so close to yours. The same problem. You help me to understand and ... not to overcome the situation but to make it easier. Thank you once again.😊❤
Yes our daughter that’s a therapist left us 11 years ago . We lost our son right before she went estranged. She thought within a month or so we should’ve been over the death of her brother. So yes I know two kinds of grief.
I'm so sorry you have had to deal with estrangement too! Take care!
Getting older isn't easy. Our bodies change but I feel our minds stay young . 💎💎💎💎
How true! Thanks, Linda!
The hope is always there, I wish I could turn it off. To have a friend just STOP communicating is awful. I've spent the last couple of years wondering what I did. I must have done something, right? Recently I realized that friend has had her own struggles. I called. What's awful is when that person just dumped me as if I have no feelings. I've decided I don't need a friend like that. I SO love the idea of helping others! That must be the antidote. THANK YOU.
Thanks for sharing this! I know what you mean about the hope!
I wrote a long comment but erased it because i was concerned that if it was seen (by the party involved) it would cause them more, and public, pain. But i appreciate your video.
Hello Allison,
I'm so glad to have found your channel. As I listened to your story, I realized we have a lot in common. I'm 70, too, and alone. I have a daughter who doesn't want to see me except on rare occasions. This means I am only rarely allowed to to see my 5 year old grandson. Like so many others, I also don't know why. Things changed with our relationship after she got married. I've been devastated for about 10 years, but now am starting to be able to let it go, and find some peace with the situation, as there's nothing more I can do about it. Years of different counselors didn't help. So now, finally, want to live abroad, in Northern Europe. I'm weary and devastated about our country, for many reasons, and hoping I'll find peace in a country with better health care, fewer guns, less religion, and a progressive government. I would love to hear from you! Who knows! Maybe one day we'll meet up and see some sights in France and other countries. I hope to keep in touch!
Thanks for sharing this, Fatima! I hope you can make a move overseas! Take care!
You are wise and eloquent, keep posting, please.
Thanks much, Lisa!
Hello Allison, I just wanted you to know how much your video "My Son Hasn't Spoken To Me for 12 Years" helped me. Sorry, would have commented there, but comments were turned off. For me, it's my daughter...9 years. It truly is a grief that won't end. Thank for speaking so honestly. I think you are helping a great deal of "boomers" trying to understand and cope with estrangement from their "millenial" kids.
Thanks so much for sharing this, wrennan! So sorry you are experiencing estrangement. I do understand too well this kind of pain. Take care!
Thank you! I can not talk to any friend about this because they don’t have the patience or ability to hear about my grief for too long. People say “ talk to a friend” but I don’t have a friend who can hear it or are willing to do so. Thank you for advice 🙏
Thanks for sharing this, jango! This is true for so many people. Often we do have to process grief by ourselves.
I live in Norway and I don't expect anyone to believe me, bc I wouldn't have myself before it happened to me. Also, Norway is under big lawsuits now for the same thing that happened to me.
I have 4 children and they took my youngest 8 years ago for made up reasons, what they put me through to kidnap her was and has been hell. Yet I was allowed to keep my other 3. My other 3 are all teens now and grieve it still too. Anyone who knows me can't believe I lost a child to social services. I am not a perfect mother but I only ever wanted to be a mother and was a stay at home mom. Lived my life just for them.
I lost my Emilia to the system and had to just give up bc Norway doesn't believe in reunification. There was no reason to take her. They made things up.
Long story short I grieve her to the point I have PTSD I have nightmares each night trying to find her. I got so sick chronic now, fibromyalgia went into me they think it's grief related a lot of it. I was healthy as a horse beforehand.
I feel each day like I am dying missing her and only pray one day she will at least want to be my friend.
Again, sound unbelievable and I wouldn't have believed it until it happened to me, I would just say bad mom, no child services just kidnaps a baby no reason. It happens in Norway
I can't grieve my baby who lives
I miss her so
I have heard about this process, although I don’t know the how or why. Very scary for sure. I’m sorry for your sadness and I pray there is hope for your situation. 💕
I am so sorry for your loss 😢❤️
My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine how painful that is. Sending love from Virginia, USA
💔Blessings...
I've heard about this in the UK. Social Services take young children away from, usually vulnerable,, parent/s. It's all to do with $$$ because children are the biggest money making source than drugs. I pray for you that your child returns.
I absolutely agree with dealing with estrangement grief in bursts. That has helped me the most.
Glad that helps Cindi! Thanks for your comment and for watching!
I needed this today. You are right. Different than the pain i felt when my husband passed. The choice my daughter has made to create the estrangement is mindblowing and very saddening for me but not my choice. I have to accept that. Not sure where i will stand when and if she decides otherwise.
Thanks for sharing Mary! I can identify with your pain over your daughter. I hope things improve someday. Take care!
I've lost eight close people over the last ten years. My parents, my partner, two favorite uncles (along with all my other uncles and aunts), and three close friends. In 2024 my best friend died on the 4th of July. My brother is the only close person left. Each death reopens the earlier losses. But I do feel I'm growing immensely as I navigate through the rough seas I'm encountering, and will continue as the basically happy person I am. And I am seeing friends who are more distant in the hope one or more will become closer. I try to have a conversation (or several) with people, either acquaintances or strangers, every day. Thank you for your heartfelt video.
Sorry for all your losses over the past decade, Richard! You seem to have a good perspective on things, and I appreciate you watching!
Thank you for addressing this issue. The pain is all consuming sometimes. I'll take your advice and control it, get a journal and write in it when I need to. I'll keep on keepin on.
Thanks for watching this Vhonda! Journaling would be good for you - take care!
Thank you for touching on this very sensitive topic from your own perspective personally as well as professionally as a former grief counsellor. Estrangement is like the injury that never quite heals and the pain returns from time to time like a phantom. Your words were encouraging if only to acknowledge we are not alone in this experience.
Thanks for your comment, and you are definitely not alone!
Thanks for sharing your true life with your true thoughts. I like it. Ben
Thanks so much, Ben! Appreciate you watching!
thank you for this video. Describes my life right now. Most days I do well, but then it suddenly just hits me.
I hear you on this DG! One day at a time! Take care!
I balked at you saying we should look at our own part in the estrangement. Please remember, there are those of us who were scapegoated by narcissistic families. These people abused us, lied about us to our faces, and sanctimoniously believed their own lies. They caused us a great deal of harm and heartbreak. What part did we have in that other than to be born? As a survivor of such a family, I blamed and hated myself for years. I bought into their narrative that I was defective and worthless. I'll be damned if I should now have to journal about what I could have done better. I know not every case is like mine, but surprisingly many are. This comment is for you folks. Stay strong.
@@annwe6 I had this situation with my older sister, which I already described on in this thread earlier. For a brief time, she had my parents believing untruths about me, her narrative. I was successfully able to change that. But I’ve come to understand after all these years that she is the narcissist. And my 3 narcissistic relationships I’ve successfully saved myself from were likely because of my experiences with her. All said, life is more peaceful now, but I mourn the loss of my family togetherness.
@@beautifullifesageg.3951 I'm sorry you lost your sister. I know how heartbreaking it is to lose even one family member to estrangement, no matter the reason. Narcissistic attacks can feel so senseless. The narc might feel threatened, jealous or just plain entitled, or needing a whipping dog. I lost my whole family to it and was left feeling suicidal. I'm still healing. Like elder gal said, it's a grief that never really ends. It just gets less painful over time.
In the case of my mom, sibling and my son I have learned that their is a particular genetic form of Autism called Pathological Demand Aboidance (PDA) where a persons central nervous system is misaligned to see threat from everyday things with triggers survival brain reactions which then shuts down other regions of the brain such as thinking/reasoning and memory. In adulthood PDAers can present as narcissistic. You know how you have heard a narcissist can change? Well it is because PDA is a neurological condition.
@@elrodkatie Thank you for sharing, I hadn't heard of PDA before. The possibility for change kindles hope. Sadly, my family are multi-generational, trauma based narcissists. I come from a traditional ethnic culture, so for the most part the men are grandiose and the women are covert. Wishing you well with your family.
Spot on for me.
Thank you for your insight. I have estrangement in my family.
Sorry you are dealing with that, Glenda! I do understand how challenging it can be. Take care!
So resinates with me big time😢
Thanks leerod!
@@eldergal I feel your pain,trying to work thru mine.
I’m not in your situation of estrangement, but I think I can empathize to a degree as I’ve experienced the hurt of losing a friendship. I really wish that your son can somehow see your video and want to reach out to you. It seems that at this point you can both benefit from the love you have for your son.
Thank you for your kind words Jules! Anything is possible, of course, but not likely.
Good information. Even when they die, you still grieve the estrangement. The difference is that it has ended, so there gets to be time from active estrangement and you can start to get away from it.
Real love is not a switch you turn off and on. We decided to love our children and as long as we are alive we will hold out hope for true reconcilation. I believe this mirrors how The Lord loves us and offers reconciliation as long as we live. His heart breaks but will give us our wish to stay away from Him. Even eternally. We can see how He must hurt because we go through something similar. Pray for your estranged ones. Let the pain drive you to do that. They need our prayers. ❤️🙏Just my opinion.
Thanks for your comment! Love is eternal.
Oh boy I sure relate to your feelings concerning your son. Really hit me. If that’s not enough I have two sisters who will not speak with me. Even now with the recent loss of our father. We are parentless. They have each other. My daughter has her life and I have my kitty. Thank God. I pray that things will change with my daughter.
Thanks for sharing this, nita! So sorry about the current situation with your daughter (and sisters). I do understand this kind of pain. I also pray that things change with your daughter. Appreciate you watching!
Hi Alison sorry for your situation. Hopefully someday soon……..will be different. Thank you for making this eloquent video. You are truly God’s teacher.
So kind of you Contessa! Thanks for your support!
Life is hard... Thank you for sharing your wisedom.
Thanks so much for watching Istanbul!
@@eldergal 💞🧿🍀
I can't believe you just made this video. Thank you. My 27 year old daughter and I had a terrible blow up a week ago; bad things were said on both sides. I could not be sorrier that I literally lost my mind for a bit and said some awful things. She decided to move out and live with her friends family for an indefinite time. I did send her a sincere apology but she wants nothing to do with me. She will talk to her Dad just a little and she has indicated she is not interested in counseling as a family, very adamant about it, which leaves me little hope for reconciliation. For 25 years we have been so very close, the warmest and most loving relationship. We were truly best friends. This past year she turned into a complete stranger...total personality change, EVERYTHING about her changed (it all coincided with her boyfriend and that toxic relationship). I have struggled mightily to deal with this new "stranger" but we have had a very rocky road this entire year. Part of the issue lies in that I can barely cope with life as it is and my existence is filled with unimaginable grief and sorrow. My 30 year old daughter and her little girls, my only grandchildren, age 5 and 1, were murdered 7.8 years ago by her husband/their father. I have not been the same since and have been diagnosed with CPTSD and severe depression. I only exist, I do not live. They were my world. So having to deal with all of my daughters issues have been made more difficult because I am already so overwhelmed and so over burdened. I just really snapped during that argument due to how bad off I already am...can't cope at all and she kept coming at me and coming at me (despite me begging her to please stop) and was relentless. I hate myself so much for the things I said. I am usually so loving and kind to her and everyone but i just totally lost it. I don't want to think the worst but I have a bad feeling this is going to go on a long time and maybe forever. I feel like she hates my guts. I hate myself even more. I cannot live without my daughter; she is the only reason I stayed alive so as to not make her suffer. I did find a therapist and have already talked to her two times and will continue in therapy, but I cannot function at all..continual shaking, can't eat, can't stop crying, keep having mental breakdowns. I have been in severe mental distress for days. Sorry this is so long....I wish you lived near me as I could use a friend like you. I will not survive this if she permanently wants me out of her life. She is all I have left.
Sending you a big hug, you are beginning a journey but learn to give yourself love and tenderness and start from there, things will begin to change.
Sorry to read this MJ! You are dealing with so much. Sending you hugs and best wishes to get through this. Glad you did find a therapist. Don't give up on your daughter; you might reconcile someday. Take care!
@@pamcox6988 thank you.
@@eldergal thank you. I am trying really hard to hold onto hope despite her current hardened heart. I am so sorry you know this pain of estrangement. This is the second worst agony after losing my daughter and grandchildren by murder. My entire life has been filled with loss, and many premature …my mother and father 40 years ago, I have lost 4 siblings, almost all cousins, niece, nephew, etc but none-and they were all so difficult-can compare to losing my 3 babies. I don’t live, I only exist.
@@MJWetmoreI am so sorry MJ. I’m so glad you’re talking with a therapist. You didn’t mention if you and your daughter’s father are still together. I’ve seen traumatic tragedy break up many families in my lifetime. I’m guessing your daughter was about 19 years old when her sister and her children were murdered? This must have had a tremendous impact on her as well. I hope she too will get the therapy she most certainly needs. For some, it’s a beautiful life, for others it can be brutal. If at this stage, you weren’t feeling all the pain- the anxiety, loss, separation, despair, and so on, well, then that would have me concerned. You have every reason to be going through all these emotions. It’s hard to be a human. We all are born with our own dispositions/temperaments, our courage and cowardice. The two hardest things for myself right now are to refrain from the constant loop of rumination: 1. Why? 2.Was I good enough? I guess there isn’t always an answer for‘why?’, as far as ‘good enough’- that’s something we have to work on and accept at some point. I don’t buy into the original sin story but I do believe that we are all flawed, psychopaths? No, I don’t think that’s the norm. I don’t think a parent deliberately wants to harm or neglect their child. If you had words, please stop beating yourself up. Your last little bird is off to find herself. It hurts, but I guess it’s time for you to let her go and let it be. I’m with you all the way. If there’s a way you want to reach out to me, perhaps Allison would know how that works? Again, glad you spoke up and found a therapist. My sincerest thoughts, kim
I saw my father about five times after I turned 18. He wasn't interested in me, and although my parents had persuaded me to go to college, he announced that he wasn't going to support me or deal with it.
Over my adult life, I reached out multiple times. I saw him 10 years before he died. I went to his house and we had a meal and everyone acted like it was good, and then I left, and we never spoke again. He had no interest in me. It hurt a lot. It really damaged my life.
Thanks for sharing this, Daniel! Sorry your father was not there for you. Take care!
And for the longest time, l thought l was the only one going through this myself. A mom and daughter are suppose to a loving pair l thought
I know Tina! You are definitely not alone in this. Take care!
Wow, your explanation of grief caused by the lose of a living loved one, vs a deceased loved one is spot on!
Thanks Sherlyn! Appreciate you watching!
I would love more videos like this.
This one helped me so much.
Thank you for sharing.
Glad it was helpful Barbara! Take care!
Very informative!! ❤
What I hate about this topic is when we are children, parents or teachers never tells us that nothing in life doesn’t last forever. When your very young, you can sometimes be or feel very popular among your family and friends or sometimes you can go through abuse from them also. But the incredible truth is as we get older with wisdom and with age, none of your friends and family are going to be around forever. Through time, some will pass away and most will move away, and then the people who once knew you will want nothing to do with you because of everything that was said and done in the past. I spent years complaining and crying as to why I’ve been hurt and then alone as I got older in my life. That’s why what I did to change all that was I got rid of all the photos of family members and friends that I had so I bought a shredder and destroyed them by stop looking at the past. I put up new pictures of anything that’s of nature around my home. I bought new clothes, I legally changed my identity, I joined a gym, started eating healthy, I began financially educating myself. Because I’ll be honest with you, your priorities in life come first, you come first, your life comes first. Your friends and your family doesn’t come first. I’m not talking about your spouse and kids, I’m talking about your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings, and your friends, they are last in life. I’ve gone through all of there drama and there problems and ever since I made a change in my life I’m completely free from all of them.
I can understand what you mean here, Anthony. It can be a good thing to put the past behind us, including people we've loved, in order to move forward and truly live. Thanks for sharing this!
I’m really sorry Alison , yep life is difficult for most of us these days for many reasons 😓
But going through no contact with an estranged family is one of the worst 🥺
It is chronic & detrimental for health reasons in every way 😥 Sadly for many the grief is debilitating & long term 😰
Some cope a little better than others , tho the pain is still there 💔
I can only pray that things can get better for you in life & others who are also going through the grief a child put parents through 🙏
Blessings
💜
Thanks for your kind words, Eva! Much appreciated.
You're absolutely right.I have gone through all similar experiences that you've been talking about. So many people everywhere,all around the world,have similar experiences.
Wonderful advice!! 💕
Thanks Brenda!
Thank you Allison for all you are saying here today. I've been stuffing it. l'm learning a little bit more as l'm listening to you talk and l will try to apply this into my life today. And l hope you too are getting back the same as you are helping me l think l may be accepting this more now since l'm finding myself talking about it. And on journaling l'm doing this as l'm praying in there too....then l toss it out
Thanks for sharing this Tina! Glad you are journaling; it will help unlock some of the pain (and good that you rip it up afterwards). Wishing you well on your healing journey!
I don't know how I came across your channel and I'm so glad i did. I lost my dad when i was 12, lost my mom at 25 and my sibling and I are now estranged now after my mom's passing (a couple years) Thank you - you put into words i couldn't quite find a way to explain how i feel. Emotionally paralyzing is exactly how i feel at times.
So sorry Laura that you lost your parents while so young, and now estranged from your sibling. Emotionally paralyzing is a good way to describe it. Thanks for sharing this and take care!
@@eldergal you too!
I'm grieving the past 4 years. Friends and family abandoned me over 3 strokes. Yes. I had bizarre behavior and my mind was compromised. This is why. Now that I have recovered ,I am alone at 57. I will rebuild but will I trust anyone. No. I wish I could. Thanks for your channel
So sorry you did not have any support when you were ill. I understand why you can't trust at this point. Take care and thanks for watching!
Thank You Allison for sharing this with us! Mine is from death … but I know where they are at and they are happier than they have ever been!
I am the one left behind … but know I will soon be with them all for Eternity!
Thank you for your guidance and your advice …Take Care and Blessings to you! 🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️❤️🫶🏻🫶🏻
Blessings to you too Gail! Thanks for your comment!
I just listened to your podcast or UA-cam channel about your son. My heart is broken for both you and your son but the way I feel is you have to give it to God pray about this constantly and ask HIM to help you with this.
I will keep you and your son in my prayers
I appreciate that watchmoivies! Thanks for your kindness!
You’re more than welcome. Have a wonderful wonderful weekend with love to it.
Hi, your channel is life saving.
I have two children, and they estranged me when I became ill. My daughter actually told me: Mom, I can't deal with you when you're sick, so call me when you're better." It's been 6 months she didn't even ask how I'm doing. Her birthday is coming up in a week, and I can't get myself to say happy birthday to her.
I do realize that I will never ever forgive her.
I'm grieving so deeply and it's very very painful.
So sorry Yulia! I understand the pain of this. Take care!
lol. I know I’ve been making a lot of comments about this topic but it is really upsetting me. It’s one thing to maybe have had a misunderstanding with your daughter or she is upset and is being manipulated by the other parent but if it’s true what your daughter said it’s really unforgivable, my two year old granddaughter who thought I was upset even though I was laughing came over to comfort me, I usually say be patient and leave lines of communication with your estranged child/children open but in this case my two cents advice is you do not call your daughter on her birthday.
Hi, thank you for your comment. If feels better when my feelings are validated. So her bday was in the 15th of August.
She actually dared to send me a message saying:
"Congratulations on the birthday if your daughter" . That's it.
She called me too, and that's after not talking to me or asking me if I'm even alive for 7 months, after I got very ill.
I didn't reply.
However, I got so emotional that I called her the day after. And I asked her if she really still wants to continue like this.
She said she does. She confirmed that she doesn't want to have any connection but only wants to know what my diagnosis was....
Can you believe this?
@@tracymorgan5386
I’m in a estrangement from my oldest son. I blame myself. I never felt a bond or possibly lacking maternal instincts? I love him dearly, but have to accept what’s going on.
My partner is experiencing the same from his two children. He is an excellent dad. He’s offered them unconditional love. None of this makes sense.
Spoiled? Entitled? Selfish? My partner and I were raised to respect and be there for our parents.This estrangement is common with other people we know. I believe in the power of prayer and pray for those going through this terrible ordeal.
Thanks for sharing this, Margaret! I do know how painful it is with estrangement. It is all-too-common nowadays. Take care!
💔
September is one of the hardest month . My granddaughters birthday which I’m not going to see and attend because my daughter stopped talking to me 4 years ago. There father , my ex husband death anniversary and my wedding anniversary with him. I couldn’t get over the survivor guilt. I couldn’t move on .
I thank you for doing this video.🙏
So sorry this is a difficult time for you, imee! Be gentle with yourself and take care!
@@eldergal 💕
Ex wife for me, but we parted on decent terms. 20 years ago, she decided it was best for her to break all contact, and that's how it's been ever since. I wonder how she's doing, but that's no longer any of my business.
Otherwise.
I am fortunate.
Very good advise, thank you
Thanks so much Megan!
Hearing this was very helpful, a blessing
So glad it was helpful! Thanks for watching, dlight!
There isn't complete closure when the person abandons but doesn't die. "Chronic grief." Yep.
Yes! And parents that have more 1 child do NOT understand this. What it is like to have only 1 child who is estranged. If you have another child you do NOT know how we feel!
Well said Linda! Thank you!
Both of my daughters have been alienated now 4 years but their narcopath father. But they choose that - it’s such a horrible feeling. I was a stay at home and we were “best friends” their words.
I a mom to six babies 21 to 35, including an angel baby who would be 23.
My older three kids don't talk to me. When the girls called me, it was to talk to their baby brother who is 21.
It Really does hurt especially mothers day, my birthday and Christmas Christmas.
I have five grandbabies. Their mom, my youngest daughter, has disowned me, blaming me for her meth addiction for me leaving a bad family situation. And I've never been officially introduced to my older girl two kids. I was introduced as her "friend" and by my first name
So sorry to read this piratememaw! I understand how painful it can be. Take care!
My daughter estranged herself from me for 3 years. The grief I experienced was horrible. Then we reunited for 2 years and she estranged herself from me again. 9 months after the last estrangement I got the terrible news that she passed away. My life is an absolute hell. I never got to say goodbye. I miss her so much and my heart has been destroyed.
Your story is heartbreaking, Amanda! So sorry you went through the double-trauma of being estranged and then your daughter passing away. This is likely why you feel devastated by it. Thanks for sharing this. Take care!
So sorry yo here this sad news
I am so sorry for your loss. Because you accepted your daughter's return after the first estrangement, she knew you loved her.
Sending love to you.
Excellent video..
Glad you liked it! Thanks Marsha!
@@eldergal I’ll be watching you Saturday..
Thank you, thank you elder gal! I must tell you that this talk you gave I will return to as often as needed. How you pass on your wisdom matters. Sometimes I feel like the road I continue to travel is too, too much. But your words are wise reminders of ways to cope with the unthinkable. Blessings
Blessings to you as well Olivia! So glad you found my channel!
Thanks for sharing! Good advice!
I really understand the estrangement grief.And it doesnt heal.Its grieving with know closure.The pain in my chest never goes away.😢
I understand Linda! Do the best you can to work through your feelings, and move forward even with the pain. Take care!
I lost my best friend my soul mate 2 years ago and my loving daughter 4 months ago , it hurts and feeling this pain isn’t easy, I cried a lot and I feel so depressed, i don’t even like to talk to friends , I stay at home most of the time except going to church. I keep myself busy by doing my gardening and reading to occupy my mind , trusting in God through prayers had helped me moving forward with my life .. thank you so much Ms. Allison .. love to watch your channel ..God bless 🙏❤️
So sorry for your losses Merene! I'm glad your faith helps you through this. Thanks so much for sharing!
Thank you so much for inspiring all of us elders! ❤ bless your life today and in the future!
Thank you so much for your kindness Selah! Appreciate it!
And with all due respect, I’ve experienced both types of grief and hands down losing a child to passing is 1,000 worse. All hope is gone and time does NOT heal or get better. It gets worse with time. I’m sorry but if you have not experienced the loss of a child, you have no idea what it feels like. I would give anything to be estranged from her again and for her to be alive and be there for her daughter. It will be 5 years this April and I cannot take this another day. I look forward to my own passing.
Could also be described as a mind trap often experienced in a relationship with a narcissist where you are devalued and discarded. Trauma bond was part of the relationship and is very hard to extinguish.
Thank you for just saying it, you don't get over it. I'm so sorry for your pain, you're a good person.
Appreciate that, Donna! Thanks!
Thanks for sharing. Your video is helping me very much.
Thanks so much eg! Glad it helped!
I am so thankful for you! U have helped me (and others) so much!❤
@@forestsprite5914 thanks so much! Very kind of you!
My experience regarding journaling. Because of the shame associated with estrangements, narcissist/scapegoat abuse. I never felt safe enough to keep my personal thoughts and words on paper. The shame of someone else reading my journals, I could never fully express myself. I always felt I had to downplay or change how I worded my entries. And then I would have to destroy my journals when things were going good with my family, because I felt horrible for my words. So I started a few years back, journaling on my iPad (i use Notes in Apple, but there are many other note taking apps). And my IPad is password protected, or each entry can be password protected too. Each year I make a folder ‘named Brain Dump/year’. I bought a keyboard to Bluetooth, so I could type fast enough for my fingers to keep up with my thoughts. And whenever I feel I need to get the garbage out of my head and body (because if not I ruminate until it drives me nuts). It’s works so well. And I find that when writing my feelings out I can look back, and remember things better. Because with shame and abuse, I forgive easily (because I just want it all to be right and good), and then blame myself for all the wrongs doings done to me and forget the part others have played in it. And I constantly beat myself up. Digital journaling has allowed me to truly write out what I’m feeling without any filters and limitations, and it really has made a huge difference in my life in many ways.
Thanks for sharing this Sherlyn! Glad this type of journaling has helped you. Take care!
I have a friend that is estranged from her Mom and I love them both. But it is killing her Mom who is elderly and I feel terrible for her, and it was over something very petty.
I know it can often be something like that. Thanks for sharing this, Dennis!
Thank you! I've never journal? I usually move forward and fight through the pain from grief or estrangement. A journal is a personal dairy. I remember someone advising me not to journal for fear of falling into the wrong hands. I only journal one time many years ago and my girlfriend at that time happened to find it. You can imagine the questions I received. Women are really good at finding personal stuff. Anyways, I did start another type of journal recording accomplishments, more positive for me. Great topic of discussion, Allison. Appreciate it.
Thanks so much KeepFocus! Appreciate your support! One thing to consider about journaling is that you can write out anything you want, then rip that up so no one else can read it. It's the process of writing out the feelings that is therapeutic.
@@eldergal Wow! Never thought of that. Thanks
Just an addition, i was the one to walk away!
Oh Allison my heart goes out to you. I'm always quietly sadly thinking to myself how awful it is now that my grandchildren are in their teens and I see less of them in the flesh, although they do keep in contact over social media platforms sending me photos etc. of what they are up to but I miss not actually being with them very often. We do get together on birthdays and at Christmas and my sons always say they are so busy and this is true. They have very active lifestyles and demanding jobs, so I do "get it" . I guess their lifestyles are so different from those of the people in my childhood. Anyway, we can only do our best so like you say, we just have to soldier on with what we have. Listening to your story and reading the experiences of people who comment on your blogs, I realise how lucky I am.
Thanks for sharing weirdfish! I'm glad you do have family connections. Thanks for your kind words!
I'm estranged from my adult daughter since moving away and getting divorced from my ex her dad who was abusive to me all of the marriage. Since I wrote to her and told her the truth about why I left she believed him and doesn't talk to me not even a card on mother's day no it breaks my heart and it hurts alot . But thanks for sharing the video I enjoy watching them and helpful advice .bless you Alison carry on being amazing .
Sorry you are estranged Julie! I understand how much that hurts. Glad you found the channel!
Estranged from my brother who was never caring or close growing up, mostly a bully and harsh with me. Since I’m single I have a handful of friends but after 10 years this group is distancing themselves from me. It sure does hurt not knowing why.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this sherri! Sometimes we never know why people treat us the way they do. Take care!
I find your videos very encouraging. ❤
I'm so glad c_lee! Thanks for watching!
Hi Allison, there’s a recent article in the NYTimes about how some therapists are encouraging estrangement of adult children from their parents. It’s becoming a “trend.”
I know it's a fad & is disgusting.
There are absolutely times when estrangement is necessary for their mental health. I think it's a good trend for the most part. Being related to someone doesn't necessarily make them family, and it doesn't obligate a person to stay in a toxic relationship/s. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."
I have read that as well. Thanks Anna for sharing this!
@@eldergal hi Allison. I sent you the link to the NYTimes article and the therapist’s name is Patrick Teahan. He had a big following on UA-cam.
@@muddpie4785 I feel for those with abusive parents especially parents addicted to alcohol or any other substance.
Grieving the recent loss of my grown child, is the worst of my life. I don’t believe I’ll ever get through this. July 2024. 😢😢😢
❤❤❤
You will. You will find the strength to continue and find good in your life. One hour at a time.
💛💛💛
💔Blessed be, dear one, blessed be. Amen. Xo...
@OSSOLILY - prayers for you, nothing else I can say.
Thank you for sharing !
Thanks for watching Jeanette!
Two things can making grieving problematic: (a) grieving for someone with whom you have or had unresolved issues, a grief that can combine tenderness and anger; (b) grief and anguish which arise in recurring dreams, making it seem you have no channel of escape. Perhaps consultation with a psychologist might address these issues. I don't know and at my advanced age I probably won't try this.
Perspective, addiction, mental illness, family dysfunction its on and on causes unrepairable estrangement.
Have you made a video on grief from the death of a spouse? I am looking for one. Thank you!
Thanks for asking. I have not done one specifically on death of a spouse, but my first six videos on the channel are on grief, so you might take a look at those. Thanks for watching!
@@eldergal Thank you❣️
This is timely as my only grandchild turns 8 next week and my sons bday the following week. The estrangement for both me my exhusband and my other son has been incredibly sad. This is our sons decision and our decision to stay away from the hatred that he has spewd. We have opted to stay away from the energy. Its hard for me to just get over it. I lost my 3rd son at 2 wks. Estrangement is the worst. 💔
Thanks for sharing this Paula! I know it must be difficult. Take care!
I think the worst part of estrangement from family and some friends is that it makes it very difficult for me to trust again, even with appropriate boundaries in place with new relationships.
There’s always that nagging thought, “I wonder if and when this relationship will go South.” I try to stay positive and not make it a self-fulfilling prophecy, but still the thought doesn’t go away.
I know what you mean Mr. Taylor. Trust becomes more challenging. Thanks for your comment!
God knows I have grieved many things over the years.
I live with the estrangement of my sister every minute of every day. I’m alone in life. Many times I consider suicide to escape this unending, unyielding pain. I know I’m partially to blame. I miss her so much.
Thanks for sharing this Shirley! I hope you will choose to live and find your way through this. Take care!
Shirley, my prayer is that you be sent a sign that your story isn’t over yet.
Shirley, how are you doing now? Any better?❤️
I think I have chronic depression because of my very unhappy childhood and what my father and mother did to me... even though I talk to my mother and my father passed away... my sadness because of what they did to me in the past disappears and appears even when I take antidepressants regularly. I have tried a lot, but it continues and is tiring for me.
It's heartbreaking that you suffered like that, Rola! Take care!
💔
I am so glad I found your channel,I have been watching many of your videos. I knew I wasn’t alone in my struggles, you have helped me understand more about these sensitive topics. I will continue to watch your videos as they bring me To a self awareness about self love and moving forward in life and being an elder orphan. Thank you for your time ,comfort and understanding.❤
Thanks for your kind words LFish! You are not alone! Appreciate you watching these videos!
Much trauma, different types of loss and grief in these 66 trips around the sun. Loosing parents is so very hard at any age. Losing your spouse is huge, but grieving your living estranged child is excruciating. For me, the pain and ache is felt so deeply in every fibre of my being. I am not angry at all. I am gutted, shattered, deeply hurt by the betrayal and estrangement I don't understand. Since the estranged are living it is even more hurtful knowing they are carrying on. We who birthed them and cared for them mourn the loss of what could and in our dreams what would be. We didn't have children thinking we'd be so easily discarded. The gapping wound doesn't have a chance to heal. Death is final. Estrangement goes on. I am certain there was influence a voice that knows me NOT in his ear. I do know stories were fabricated, exaggerated so he would " fit in" . Made me the villan in his story and owns nothing of his abuse. Has lied so much he can't get out and the price paid. .... is me. 💔
Thank you Allison for sharing your own heartbreak. It helps we elder orphans not to feel so alone. Indeed when the grief rolls in, it is all consuming. There is an element of shame to this too. Shame some of us don't own. Never thought in a million years....I don't even know why. He has emotional regulation issues, impulsivity and cannot direct anger or manage anger properly. Deficits ADHD. Professionally addressed from a toddler on. Therapies, therapeutic pre school etc. Exhausted every program where I live. Blessed to have worked with the best. He liked it and as time went on therapies were age appropriate. So much more.
Gentle moments of peace and healing to you Allison ~❤ 🍃🌹🍃
Thanks for sharing this deeply painful experience Inner You! You make a good point about the shame involved with estrangement - it adds yet another layer to the challenge of it. Appreciate you being so supportive of my channel - big thanks!
@@eldergal💐😊
I don't really see my family much. Andrew Huberman a neuroscientist has a video about grief. I also read a book with by a neuroscientist about grief saying your brain is in problem solving mode. Really it is the memories that pop up. Little surprised psychology never talks about memories with grief.
You also have anticipation grief
Divorce grief you don't get much support compared to a death
Thanks for sharing hatchet!
No problemo 😂
It was interesting listening to a UA-cam video about how back in the day if you didn't have family but the community was more close knit back then. Like maybe someone else in your village or your pastor