You are all amazing and I am so thankful for your support. xoxo What are some of the things people have said that you found helpful? Or other ways people could offer support? Let's keep sharing what's helpful! xoxo
I love the "I'm here for you if you need anything" but sometimes I think it can feel overwhelming - like I don't even know what I need right now. So, depending on how close you are with the person, I think sometimes it can be helpful to also offer up a specific thing. When my best friend's mom died - I told her I would take care of the laundry. It was a small but specific thing that freed up space for her. :) Love your videos Kati!!
Sometimes that I'm here for you if you need anything almost seems empty. Although it's well-meaning for the most part. Maybe just don't know what else to say. I know the good memories double and DIN the bad memories . My two oldest children's mom died when they were very young. A teacher gave me a book called The Ten good things about Barney. To help children understand and learn to deal with death. It was a lifesaver. Because I didn't know what to say to them
@Kati Morton: could you please do in the near future, a video about how do work with refugees, from the Ukraine war, that are traumatized and lost loved ones! Even as a social worker I am at a loss how to actually work with people that come out of a war, were they saw, how there loved ones have been killed or even tortured! Maybe it’s maybe not so important for people from the USA, but in Europe so many people do take refugee families in their homes and I think a video like that could be very helpful for millions of people in Europe right now! Maybe a video like this what to say and what not to say… but sure your videos are planed long ahead! So I don’t know, if you have the time to fit it in your schedule!
Kati Morton we are all thankful and appreciate all your videos and advice you give us I will always follow and support you Kati its good that you was open and shared how you are feeling with us ❤️
I lost my husband of 20 years last year. I have two small kids so they lost their amazing dad. It’s been nonstop stress. Hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. Missing my best friend every single day.
Thank you for all your videos. I have learnt so much. I'm guessing these last two were probably the hardest for you. Cherish all the beautiful memories of your grandmother 🥰
My mother passed away 3 years ago :(. My half-sister from my father's side of the family said, "Maybe it's time to say goodbye", only 3 months after her passing. It was one of the most insensitive things I have ever heard in my life.
My loss isn't recent & I lost my child on Christmas Day. It's never felt like it's "over" and "in the past." I always wonder "why are you trying to put my child in the past?"
Another rather dismissive one in terms of grief, that I've heard being said before is 'Shouldn't they, him, her be over that by now' 💗 Grief doesn't have an end- date it just gradually gets easier over time and, I don't mean that mildly, said with love and kindness only 😘❤💜 xo
When I lost my father a friend said to me: "I'm sorry you're going through this. It will get worse for a little while but it will get better after. I promise." He was right and it helped me a lot.
Absolutely true. Another thing is, you will think about them almost everyday for rest of your life. I am 48 years old, I lost my dad when I was 39. To this day, I still go "well...dad would you do. I should ask him." in that nanosecond thought process, before realizing you can't.
I have heard this said to me when my mother died: "You're an adult, get over it." That is one of the worst things you can tell anyone who has lost a parent. It doesn't matter if the son or daughter is a child, teenager or adult. We feel the loss of our parents. Terrible thing to say.
"Anyone who has lost a love one knows that you don't recover. Instead you learn to incorporate their absence and memories into your life and channel your emotional energy toward others and eventually, your grief will walk beside you instead of consuming you." Rashida Rowe
My Dad died suddenly when I was 4 yrs old and an aunt said to me ‘God needs your father more then you’. That planted a feeling of being abandoned that took me decades to shed. Be very careful to what is said to a child.
I remember hearing it said not to me but in front of a sunday school class that another little girls baby sister died because god missed her too much and took her back. Which through the mind eye of a small child is just...terrifying
A year after my mom passed away, someone told me I should be over the grieving. I wasn't, and that was really hurtful to put an expiration date on my grief. It took me years to start to feel ok about it, but I'm still grieving. I think the statement "if you need anything let me know" is disingenuous. It puts the responsibility on the person that is grieving to reach out. Checking in on them and just being there is a better option but if it's a close friend you know what they need and would be easier for them to reach out
I had someone tell me that recently about me still grieving my 51 yr old husband passing 6 yrs ago and my 31yr old daughter passing 2 yrs ago. Now she was divorced 12yrs ago and hasn't lost any children, thank goodness. So I am not real sure how she knows the grief time line.
We are never done grieving. It never leaves us, because the person never comes back. It just gets easier to carry along. Sometimes it surprises us with getting suddenly heavy, again.
I agree a 100%. I lost my mom and my dad 20 years ago when I was in my early twenties. I'm still grieving... What I learned is that time doesn't heal but teaches us to live beside the grief... It's never over... for me anyway
If you need anything let me know ...like what exactly? You should make a lost of people who said that and then phone them up everyday and ask for stuff, like milk, cigarettes, carrots, tissues.
Thanks for this. I’m 20 and my dad died from a motorcycle accident in September, my cats died soon after, and so did my grandmother. My older brother also passed away three years ago and it’s always so strange dealing with others. People often don’t know what say and they’re trying. But often, the comments can feel empty.
Omg that's hard. I hope you're doing allright and found ways to heal a bit by now. I feel your loss. Now I'll watch the video and I hope I didn't just say sth completely stupid.
I’ve been grieving the loss of my best friend so thank you for this. She was 92 and my next door neighbor, but she was my best friend I loved her more than anyone.
I'm sorry for your loss. I feel the same. I lost my friend to ALS in February. She was also older than me (62 years old) but no matter what age it sucks to lose someone you love.
my therapist who was like a family member to me died a few weeks ago, and i miss her so much. i’m still grieving, and i feel so lost without her, but your videos give me so much comfort. so i just wanted to say thank you for your videos, your kind voice and amazing personality always bring me a little peace.❤️
“It’s weird isn’t? Are you alright?” and “Ah crap, that is shit” are two of the things said to me when I lost a friend, who was 28, to cancer. Both helped as it made me realise they felt it too (even though they had a clumsy way of putting it!) and they were happy to listen. I’ve done the same with my friend who’s just lost family. Asking them what there Dad did for work, hobbies, that sort of thing. I think it helps to talk about lost ones. I know I relish the chance to to tell folk about people who I thought were great but are no longer around. And I’m always here if you need a chat. Maybe you could tell us about the stages of grief? And I’d love to hear about your Grandmother. Tell us about her if it helps.
I love that.. asking about the lost loved one. Thank you so much for sharing!! And I am more than happy to work on a video about the stages of grief :) xoxo
When my brother was diagnosed recently with stage 4 lung cancer, a pastor friend said that this is really a good thing because it will bring the family closer to God. He also said that this will give us all a deeper understanding of the death experience. I was horrified and not sure I will ever get over that lack of understanding and compassion.
I do hope that you will draw more on your relationship with God as you take this journey one step at a time. I am sure your pastor friend was well intentioned but unfortunately being a Christian and a pastor doesn’t mean your wise. This comment was very insensitive and lacking in wisdom and understanding though I’m sure this person loves you and cares deeply. God did NOT give you this journey but He can walk it with you and provide strength and comfort when you need it. Please give grace to your friend, I pray for your peace and that you and your family will draw closer to one another and to God, and I pray that you will find many precious moments of joy despite your circumstances. I pray for a great outcome! Xo ❤️❣️
You are as insensitive as the pastor. Who are you to use their grief to advertise for your deity? A more respectful thing to say has nothing to do with God. Something more along the lines of, I'm sorry to hear that, that must have been awful - is a more appropriate response.
There is a lady in my grief support group that says, "This to shall pass". This gets on my last nerve! Grief never passes. It changes but never goes completely away! I lost both my parents, brother and most recently my 29 year old son. What do you think about this comment?
Yeah, it's also invalidating because even if the frequency or intensity "passes" like that isn't the point right, it invalidates what I'm feeling right now, like absolute hell. And the reality that is so hard to accept right now... it "passing" and more future without them is NOT a good idea to me. And it sort of feels like the other person is placating /themselves/ sometimes even though sometimes it is actually said with good intentions. I think though that most people are shit with things like this so i do try to explain why it didnt come off okay.
The police offer that came to our house when my Dad suddenly passed said that exact thing *while* they were picking his body up. Come oooon. But then again, there is some truth to it. I'm glad grief changes over time. I hope it's not tasteless to ask or phrase it that way but losing so many loved ones...how do you even carry on with everything?
@@ladyvader3173 it has not been easy to carry on! I fortunately have a wonderful church family. They have never once told me to "come on, get over it". These deaths all took place within about the last 6 years. I will be honest. When my son passed away totally unexpected I went into a deep depression. I was even suicidal. Plan and all! With all my family gone I had nothing. I sought out at my pastor's suggestion a therapist that focuses on grief. It has literally saved my life. Everyday is still a struggle! I have to hold on to people and not be afraid to be honest about my feelings with them.
@@kellihastings5987 Wow, that is rough.. I'm glad you are here still and wish you all the best in dealing with this struggle, one stranger to another. And your pastor sounds like a good man.
You have to be careful with that one too. If you know that they are grieving, maybe, but not everyone experiences actual grief right after a loved one dies (or at all), but they still might be having a hard time with their loss. They might even feel bad about not grieving.
I personally don’t like “I’m sorry for your loss” as a response because it feels like they’re saying that just to say it and that they don’t really care. Again, this is a personal opinion and it might be because of my past experiences with grief.
I had someone say to me when I lost my son he’s in a better place I wanted to stab that person wtf says that to a mom sending u love and a hug mama 🥲🥲🥲💜💜💜🙏🙏🙏🤣
I heard the same thing when my 19 year old brother died. I looked at him dead in the eye and told him that I understand he means well but to never say that to anyone again because the best place for my brother would be right there by my side, happy and alive.
The one I hated the most was "They're in a better place now." It cut me in so many ways. My mom loved her kids and we loved her. How was a place where we were not with her better? One of the nicest things I heard after the loss of my brother, who had schizophrenia, was that his soul was free of that and will receive a higher place in heaven. PLEASE! When someone loses a furkid, don't act like the age of their pet shocks you. Just because they had their pet 12, 15 or 18 years does not mean the pet lived too long. Or imply that. Yes, that may be a long time but it wasn't long enough. The most comforting thing I was told after losing a pet and what I share with others now was The pain is in equal proportion to the joy they gave.
I haven’t finished the video, but you nailed the fur babies part!!! It already sucks they don’t live long enough as it is💁🏼♀️ My first dog I got as an adult had to be euthanized a little after a year old and it was my fault, then I let family tak me into getting a puppy to help my ex fiancé’s dog grieve not having the one I failed… I had learned what I did wrong with my baby Lil Vinyny (the one who was euthanized) to make sure to train the newest member, Kylee to be friendly with all ages of people and all pets. 6 months later My ex and I lost my ex fiancé’s dog and Kylee… It wasn’t my fault that time at least, but devastating even though one was only a year and one was 5…. After that experience although I spoiled them and usually took them everywhere with me when I could and they died wayyyy too young, I couldn’t imagine thinking and actually saying “at least they lived that long”… I mean the more time you have with a fur baby, the more memories and the harder I imagine it has to be without them… and some people just flat out aren’t fortunate enough to understand the connection to fur family… But yeah I’m going to finish the video before responding to anything else you said Edit:still haven’t finished the video and am I kinda all over the place with my thoughts because I just lost my big brother and my attention span was hot garbage before that… YOU NAILED IT WITH THE JOY THEY GAVE PART!!! I think I was trying to say that originally but couldn’t find the words until I reread the end of your comment. Thank you! :)
I was 32 when my husband died. The comment I heard most from people was, "You're young. You'll get married again." It was like a knife going into my broken heart.
I lost my husband last year. This is one of the worst things people have said and continue to say to me... and while they believe they mean well, it doesn't help at all.
My most vivid memory of my dad's funeral was one of my boy scout leaders, who had recently lost his dad as well, coming up to me, looking me straight in the eyes, and simply saying "It *sucks*" with the full weight of his own grief. He wasn't explaining that he knew how I felt. He was acknowledging that wherever I was in grief... it was a place of tremendous pain and that it must feel truly awful. I was 13 at the time, and after hearing so many "I'm sorry for your losses" it meant so much for an adult to just be candid with me. I don't know if other people would feel the same way if that was said to them, but I think there really is something to someone simply acknowledging how shitty a situation is that helps lighten the crushing feelings even a little.
Oh Kati ❤️ I’m so sorry to hear about your grandma. I also thank you for this video because despite losing a number of loved ones I never know what to say other than I’m so sorry. I’ve also told people that the pain is unreal but that it will get easier as time goes on. When my brother died, right before I woke up by the coroner knocking on my door, my brother came to me and told me, “it’s not going to be easy but I promise that you will eventually be okay” when I opened the door I immediately asked the coroners investigator how my brother died. This was before he identified himself. He asked if someone called me and I said no, but my brother came to me. The man lost the color in his face and asked to sit down. I don’t think many people believe that my brother came to me but he did.
When my Grandmother was nearing the end of her life I had no phone. I had dreams about the home she had lived in all her life being emptied. And then she came to me in my sleep and said Goodbye. I was so moved I woke up in the dim light of a breaking day. And there was a knock on my door. It was my neighbor who had a phone and been called by my parents to share the sorrowful news. I hear it said the reason we feel the pain of death of our loved ones is our souls are connected. I believe you. I know . When my son's father was getting close to his death I said " the veil between heaven and earth is very thin over my house" Following his sweet soft drift away...a Good Death... I discovered there is no veil. Bereavement is not a thing we learn or get mastery , it seems to me the human body and mind shuts down for the duration to survive the overwhelming pain . The good habits sort of propel us , if we can get up at all. And it takes its own time...moments of durable suspended minutes hours days months and miserable bouts of grieving anguish. Thanks in my heart to everyone who spoke to me, whatever they said, and included me by calling, the meals, the walks. The arms that wrapped around me and shared the miracle of life love compassion and understanding. Then one day...sitting in the spectacular beauty of another breaking day...I was surprised to discover my own natural inclination to be happy had turned up again. Maybe what my Mom said over and over helped. She said " remember the happy times" She said , with her glorious movie star best sincere smile " The day I die will be a happy day because that's the day I go to be with Jesus!" ( It was not " happy" for us...we were trauma victims . But bless her heart she said what every mother alive wants for her children . Be happy for me). Live and tell the tale.
A woman told me that her 100 year old mother passed away...and her neighbor said..."Oh, she finally died?" I told her I was sorry she made that insensitive comment...and that we are NEVER ready to say goodbye and I was sorry for her loss......
I lost my daughter at 24 weeks and the most important thing for me has always been people acknowledging that sometimes the time you have together does not always=the depth and importance of your relationship together Thanks Kati
We love you Kati! #4 pissed me off especially when my aunt died at 51. She had so much life left in her and I was so angry that cancer took her too soon.
Anger was a big part of what I felt when my mom died. She had so much weight to carrying by still taking care of her grown son, his daughter and her 3 kids!! A few others in my family took advantage of her kindness. I know those things caused her stress. I didn't tell them off like I wanted. My son and daughter listened to me. I was surprised by having anger as a first response.❤️
8 weeks ago, I suddenly lost my husband of 44 years. “I’m sorry for your loss,” is said by everyone. I would have rather had them say, “He was a great guy and I’ll miss his smile……or…..”Can we talk in a couple of weeks” (The grieving person needs to hear other people talking about the loss). SO DON’T FORGET TO CALL OR STOP FOR A VISIT. When you are at the funeral home, there is no time to tell stories as others are waiting to pay their respects. BESIDES…..I’m SURE THATS WHAT EVERYONE SAID “I’m sorry for your loss.” I really don’t remember, I was in such a state of shock, I hardly remember anything.
When my daughter passed away, one “friend” said: “be glad you have a big family. (My parents and only sibling have passed….2 in devastating ways). You have 2 other children. Think about me…..I only have one daughter and if something happened to her I would have no other child”. Needless to say, I can forgive her total ignorance and lack of empathy, but have written that woman out of my life!
I have been married twice and both of my partners have died in my arms. The pain was and still is unbearable but I consider myself fortunate that I was there at the time. I could not sleep for weeks until I had some very good advice from my local GP. She said the reason for my not sleeping was that I was frightened that when I awoke I would have forgotten the last words we had spoken together. she told to sit down and write down everything I could remember about those last few hours. Every word, every action. touch scent and so on. When I felt I had finished to put it an envelope, seal it and put it away safely so that I could read it anytime if I so wished. It did help and I would recommend it to any one who is grieving for their partner.
I had a guy who I hadn’t spoken too since high school DM me about 4 days after my mom passed. He asked me out on a date and when I told him the circumstances of no, he then proceeded to say “well when you get over that, let me know” Glad to say I blocked him immediately
Love this video. Also a reminder to those who feel ashamed to grieve someone who isn’t deceased: it’s okay, you can grieve someone who you’ve lost who hasn’t passed. Grief doesn’t only apply to those who have lost someone to death. Grief is defined as “deep sorrow” or a “response to loss.” Any loss is a loss.
I lost a coworker to covid in 2021 and I can remember going to her funeral and just being so emotional not even for me but for her sister. I didn't have the words to really say but I hugged her and she squeezed me so tight back as if that was just what she needed. As I was leaving out I was saying my good-byes and my supervisor came and gave me a warm hug and I don't know if he just knew but I just became overwhelmed with emotions. Sometimes a hug (in certain situations) is perfect. It's just your way of saying, "I'm here."
I appreciate this so much. When my grandma died, I had a really hard time and still am. There were things said to me that still haunt me, but they came from someone who didn't have good intentions. On a more positive note, a coworker randomly started playing/singing Que Será, Será at work the next day. My grandma sang that song all the time. This person had no idea and never played it around me before
My husband died a year ago. I so agreed with your list of "what not to say." It still brings comfort to me when some says "I'm sorry for your loss." One statement I don't care for at all is "Life will get better". I still can't imagine my future without him so how in the world will my life be better without him?
I didn't know you had lost your Grandma - I've been off the grid for a while - I am so, so sorry for your loss. Today was the 4th anniversary of my Mum's passing, & I am still grieving. Please don't worry about us, on UA-cam - take gentle care of yourself, in your own time. Love to you & your family. xoxo
When my mom passed away two years ago I've been told a lot of this kind of stuff. Sometimes people's words were so awkward or stupid it's hard to believe. I think people just don't know what is appropriate to say (or not say) because we kind of avoid the topic of death in our daily lives and we're not educated to deal with. So, your video is really important.
First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you had good support ever since, from friends and family. I guess often people just want to say something supportive but don't realise how their words make others feel. From personal experience I often find it hard to say the right thing even when someone is "normal" sad or crying for other reasons than grief. Especially in times of covid where you can't just go hug your friends and family but have to use words to express compassion I think many people feel unsure of how to be there and support their loved ones. At least that's what I eperienced. I also hope this video helps people to change perspective and find a good way to be more compassionate with their words. I hope, Amelie, I didn't say anything offensive or upsetting. Just wanted to share some thoughts/experiences on the subject :)
When my Partner died, people were surprised when i said he was in a better place as i had seen him suffer terribly before he died so it was a relief but it reassured them that i was ok about what had happened and that it came from me. People do say things that are well meant because they feel they would rather say something than not at all and think they are not being caring. It is a tricky one.
@@TinaMey Hi Tina, thanks for your comment ! I don't blame people for their awkward words - I understand they meant well. What I wanted to say is that we often don't have the correct words or tools to help people because nobody teaches us that. So this video is really great.
@@racheldemain1940 Hi Rachel. First of all I'm very sorry for your loss and what your partner had to go through. I totally agree with your comment. Personally, reading the book "The Grief Recovery Handbook" helped me a lot with understanding why people sometimes said really strange or awkward things.
My roommate killed herself in September. We’re both nurses. I should have taken time off to grieve but didn’t. I kept her dog, who helped me keep Lindsay’s memory alive. Doggy is actively dying and I gotta make those decisions real fast. Im a mess. I take good meds, in therapy, etc but I’m scared to let her go.
Thank you so very much Katie… I appreciate the years that you have ALREADY dedicated to helping so many people through your platform. Refreshingly authentic! Wishing you health, comfort and wellness.
Thank you Kati! It hasn't even been a year since my Mom committed suicide and my Brother doesn't understand why I am still so sad about it. He actually said "motherfuckers kill themselves everyday! You need to move on with your life!" Unreal!?! How can he be so insensitive???
Seeing you grieve reminds him of his pain …. Is my guess. Maybe the thought of allowing himself to feel the pain of grief causes him to feel out of control and/or like he won’t be able to stop once he starts. I’m so sorry for your loss. My husband’s brother died by suicide and I had a cousin die by suicide. In our experience … death in this manner seems to lack an extra punch. I’ve noticed for our family that the death of my father has brought up a lot of childhood pain. Something to consider. My heart goes out to you ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
I always struggled at what words to say, and then one day I just said, "There are no words I can say to easy your pain, but know I understand your grief."
"I'm sorry for your loss" is awesome in its simplicity. I've experienced the effect of it in both directions. I think I'd combine it with the second half of your favorite and say, "I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm here for you" and be available to listen to whatever they need to say about the one they lost or how they're feeling. (I agree with what you said about "I know how you feel," but "I can't imagine how you feel" sounds to me like they could be saying they don't want to know or couldn't relate.)
I loved hearing stories about my Mom and oddly I really felt comfort when hearing stories of how other people's families had passed, I thought that was kind of an odd one. My Mom is the first person I physically witnessed pass away and we had a very special experience--hospice nurses are angels. But just hearing another person's process really helped me feel not alone. The moments of grief shift. Times I just think about her just to hold on to every bit of memories that I possibly can. My Mom and I used to go do things together of course and I've thought about maybe going and still doing those things as if she was still there and spending that time every once in a while and imagining that she's there. It sounds a little sad when I think about it, but I do like the idea of doing little things that we did together while thinking about her to dedicate time holding her in my heart. I miss my Mom so much
As a medical doctor, it's so important to be able to break bad news or comfort people. I am surrounded by a lot of religious/spiritual people at work, so I usually just wish them comfort and ease through this difficult time with prayers and support. The dead people are gone to whatever afterlife is real but being compassionate to the people who are left behind is what's important. Sometimes just being present when a family is grieving is enough
Most doctors are jerks …my doctor downplayed mum’s death by saying “ I have seen a thousand of these and most don’t end well “ total A-hole but his turn is coming .Everyone eventually loses their mum .I only wish I could be there to tell him the same silly remark
It totally sucks because I hate all of these as well, but I also cannot think of one single thing you can say to anyone that's just had someone they truly love die. There are literally no words.
I wish this could be taught in a life skills class in high schools. Some emotional intelligence classes would be so helpful… so many situations we ALL face could truly benefit us. It could be taught in a way that makes space for people’s religious beliefs without discussing the particulars of a person’s religion.
I lost my youngest son in November of 2020 to suicide. Shortly after he passed I had an ex coworker ask me how old he was and when I told her he had just turned 30, she said, "well at least you had him for 30 years". That was a horrible, horrible thing to say. I'm sure she was trying to be comforting but it was not. It was just ignorant and hurtful. So add that to list of shit not to say.
Great video, between my husband and myself, in the last 10 years we have lost 12 people close to us, from parents, best friends, and extended family. The lateest being my brother unexpectedly 6 months ago. Having only delt with loss of distant family years ago, i had not experenced real grief until my bff passed, followed by my mother a year later. Since then 10 years ago, to this latest loss, i have found i grieve very different every time. This latest being the absolute hardest. Unexpected passing of someone so close has me all messed up. I do find i hid my grief, and shut down....aside from my husband sometimes. I agree with "im so sorry for your loss" that for me is the best to recieve, as i dont want to talk about it, and it keeps me from having to have any real response, and with having had so much loss, and being a very empathetic person. I truly mean it when i say it to someone. But if you do mean what you say by "let me know if i can do anything" Just do something, dont say that, because the state they are in they are not going to ask. Ask around to people close to them, see if you can make a meal, watch the kids, clean, or just send flowers or a coffee. Just do something dont ask. And definetly dont say it if you dont mean it.
I've lost my dad and maybe one person was really supportive and respectful with their words, a lot of other people were so weird and uncomfortable to talk about it, which is interesting because death touches all of us, yet no one seems educated about it and knows how to deal with it or properly support who is grieving.
Losing a parent is one of the worst losses. It used to be something that happened to other people, until last year when my dad died suddenly. His last known words were "Oh, no!" Despite paramedics doing everything they could to revive him, we were told "I'm sorry. He's gone."
One of the most sincere reactions came from a girl, I believe 15/16 at the time, “oh, I’m so sorry for you, I know how close you two were.”. My mom very suddenly passed away in 2007 at 57, I still remember some awful things said to me. One of my cousins said “maybe it was for the best, she had no man, no grandkids, was looking for a job, what did she have left to live for”. (loosely translated from Dutch) I hated her for it, severed contact not too long after. Who says that?! Another was a random person who came up to me while we were clearing her apartment, to say they had already inquired about the apartment with the rental company, after reading the obituary. Slightly less grating was the coworker casually saying “hey, my condolences.”, while walking past my office. Not even walking in. As if he mentioned the weather. At that point, it’s better to not say anything. The “you’re so strong” comments are incredibly annoying. To me it’s almost like they’re saying “you look like you can deal with it on your own, you don’t need my support.”. I’ve heard it so often, and kept most of my pain compartmentalized and went back to work far too soon. We’re not very religious in my area, but one thing that used to be said a lot when my mom was still alive, and she had heard too often was “God calls those that are dearest to him.” Not a good thing to say, especially to parents losing a kid, or a kid losing a parent.
I've been irritated for a long time at people saying ''They're in a better place'' as if they know for sure what happens following death. For all we know they could be burning in Hell. Hate to be morbid but I just despise these assumptions.
One thing I've found, having sadly lost both parents now, is that after the funeral is over people will stop talking about the person you've lost. I believe it comes from a good place, they don't want to upset you, but it feels strange. I truly believe that nobody is completely gone while they still live on in memories and some of the most healing times are sharing stories about that person, daft or deep it doesn't matter. Just talking about them helps.
Excellent video Someone asked me if I thought I would ever get married again two days after my husband’s funeral. I know it was that they didn’t want me to be alone but totally not good question. My husband was 34 and we were happily married 10 years when he passed by Suicide.
I would add that "If there is anything I can do..." is so overused that it genuinely gets old hearing it. It's a very empty phrase too because it burdens the grieving person with thinking of a suggestion for you AND burdens them with asking too which they likely won't. Instead offer something yourself such as "I'll bring you dinner on Thursday." MOST IMPORTANTLY be there for them in weeks and months AFTER the funeral. There is such a floodgate of support in the immediate aftermath of the loss and it then vanishes after the funeral which can be a difficult transition.
One that was hard to hear a few months after my husband died was, "now you can do what you want to do and not have to compromise". We were a team, compromise was not a burden for us.
I had the same experience after my husband died, too. We were a good team as well and did as many things together as time would allow. I think sometimes people subconsciously project their own experiences.
I don't find the comments like "If there is anything I can do to help . . ." being helpfull at all. I've been there, I've needed help, and "they" were absent. You can't really mean it, so don't say it. A few years ago, when my wife of 52 years passed away, someone said to me (something like) "My heart aches for you. A small spark of her life's flame will live within your heart forever!"
You do have some valid points, but I sure wouldn't want you being my grief counselor. You seem to have a real problem with "religion." Well, I think that that's your problem and you really need to deal with that. My beliefs are not just "religion," my beliefs are my relationships with my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. You have no right to deny someone of hope. Also, I don't believe that I am shoving my religion down someone's throat. Maybe some of you counselors should have a big list of what not to say, and be ultra specific. Wil, we have to sign a waiver when
Another comment to avoid, "Well, at least she died doing what she loved." She loved falling off a cliff to her death while rock climbing?? I have found silence to be most helpful when I have suffered a powerful loss. Sit with me. Hold my hand. Hug me. Those actions speak volumes more than any words!
God never gives you more than you can handle. What utter BS! There would be no suicides if that were so. Two years ago we lost our youngest child to suicide, then last September we lost my brother’s only child to suicide. Our son was 30, our nephew 41. Other family members have recently died, but those two left a big hole in my heart 💔💔
My daughter died 10 years ago, aged 4. I was told,"....At least you have your son", who was then 2. That l should be satisfied with my life, At the worst time of my life.
The comment “God will never put more on you than you can handle.” is actually a misquote I don’t know chapter and verse but it’s supposed to be “God will never allow you to be tempted beyond your ability to resist.”
While spiritually people try to override mourning, the Bible even acknowledges grief and mourning, while the phrase “they’re in a better place” in Matthew it states “bless those who mourn for they will be comforted” I just feel like people want to try and be uplifting without allowing others to go through their grieving time
Sometimes when you are grieving, you miss talking about your loved one! Some visitors just do not mention the person, like they never existed, due to not knowing what to say! I cherished the sweet remembrances!
I was together with my boyfriend for 32 years before he had a stroke. He was in full time longterm care for another year and a half. I knew he was going to die but did not know when. Every day I would go see him. In the beginning he could be loaded up in a wheel chair and wheeled to a commom room. As time went on he lost the ability to recognize people and slept during most of my visit. I did not give up on him and kept going to see him everyday. Up to the evening before he died I would ALWAYS kiss him and tell him I loved him. During my last visit to him I walked out without the kiss and telling him I loved him. I turned around went back into his room and kissed him and said I loved him. I then left to go home. At 8:00 the next morning I got a call from his nurse that said he had passed at 6:15 am. I had been greiving since the day he went into the hospital. The pain was still there but the intensity wasn't blinding. My only comforting thought was that the last thing he heard (?) from me was I loved him. All the time together the last thing we said, no matter how upset we were with each other, before we went to sleep was we loved each other. Because if one of us died in our sleep, the last thing we heard was the other one loved us.
(I was saying the you're so brave one sometimes and would follow that with what they were brave for, which was for taking the hard steps after the loss or for sharing their grief with me, but it makes sense that it is invalidating, and I hadn't thought about it that way.)
When my MIL passed my husband was devastated. I would just bring him a soda or glass of water, sit next to him and ask him if he wanted to talk about her or just sit together and remember her. It was 50/50. Sometimes we would just tell funny stories, sometimes we would just cry.
When my husband died 9 yrs ago I can only remember 2 things people said to me that were actually helpful. The first was "grief is too big to go around. You just have to go through it."I don't know why but that actually really helped me. The second was someone giving me the advice that when someone asks what they can do to help to tell them check on me in 6 months when every one else is over it and gone back to normal and I'm still stuck in hell. On the list of things not to say I'll add "take it one day at a time". A day is a long long time when you're grieving. The most painful thing anyone ever said to me was "don't you wish now you guys had children." I'm child free by choice and was sterilized yeard before I ever even met my husband. No I don't wish now that we had children. In fact the only thing I can think of that would be worse than the situation I'm in is trying to be in that same situation while trying to care for children.
I don't like Im sorry for your loss. Because i was like in denial when my parents and sister died. I like I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I di like the one you said ( If you need anything or anyone to talk to I will be here for you.)
I have come to hate 'I'm sorry for your loss.' To me it feels like a formula, a rote line that issues from the mouth or the pen or the keyboard without a single thought behind it. Just cut and paste. No names--not of the person spoken to or the person referred to. So easy to say. No feelings attached. You don't even have to look at the person. No, I hate it.
Wish my parents spoke English, then I would send this to them... 2 days after my friend passed away my mother told me I shouldn't get dragged down by this. WTF?! There's so much she could have said or even just say "I don't know what to say. This sucks." but no she is an emotional stone. I told her grieving is normal. Since then she not even once asked about this topic or how I feel. It's ridiculous. One of my best friends was diagnosed with ALS 2,5 years ago. Out of nothing. She was on holiday and suddenly couldn't speak anymore. In February she passed away. 😢😢😢 I couldn't even go to the funeral due my own physical health issues. I miss her so much. She was the only one who really helped my when I got sick 6 years ago and now I couldn't actually be there for her. We wrote but we couldn't visit each other anymore. I couldn't even attend her funeral because I can neither sit nor walk. I know she understands but still it feels horrible. And now I'm even more lonely than before 😢
My father and I used the same doc. After my father passed the doc advised me after a medical that I must not mourn my father cause I shall be joining him soon.
Please don't say to a mother that has lost a child...thank goodness you still have others......you are young and there will be more...along with the rest of the not thinking get off the hook statements.
Just two weeks ago my oldest sibling passed, my older sister. Not even a year ago, my father passed. My adult son has severe heart failure at 15% ef and he is constantly suffering and that just wrecks me. I am dealing with 30% lung function COPD and I'm way past any false belief. I know what makes sense to me, especially when I constantly struggle just for oxygen, just to breathe. I've really held myself together after many years of my loved ones suffering and their failing health. My truth that bears out is that I hold so much honor and respect for my life now, as it is, is that as I live, I learn, my understanding evolves, and my appreciation for life itself deepens. When I interact with anyone, my first feeling is empathy. How are they doing? Hope they're ok.
"You have to be ok with it" is what I think I'm hearing in a lot of these. (I'm fortunate enough not to have lost anybody close, but having someone say that kind of thing must be unbearable)
Me and my daughter were just talking about this today. we just lost my husband (her dad) and said how annoying most comments are that people make. It makes me a little bitter towards people for the things they have said. I know they didn't mean it that way but they've said it over and over that I don't know how to act around them, im upset at how they "tried" to make me feel better. Like his life didn't matter that much or my feelings of grief are too much because "Hes in heaven now" and why would I be so upset at that?! Ugh life just sucks right now.
The one about _God wouldn’t give you more than you can handle_ is a twisted version of what the Bible actually says. What the apostle Paul wrote was _And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear_ Big difference but still not helpful to say to someone grieving.
Yes!! This drives me crazy because it is so misquoted! Also, God’s desire is that we depend on Him, not handle things on our own, so this comment needs to go away!
I would also add, that people handle death and grief differently. When my loved one's died, I was at different stages in my life. My father, then my mother, and now my twin sister. My father was my hero. My mother and sister were my best friends. What I needed was the respect from my colleagues and friends without judgement. I preferred going to work the day of or after each one's death. I had a responsibility to my employer and employees, and that was important for me to fulfill my duties. Things would get done for the deceased. Funeral arrangements would be made and a day off for the burial could be scheduled. Allow others to live and laugh as if nothing happened. It's the best cure for their soul. The one left behind should be respected to know their vulnerabilities without judgement. Sometimes not saying anything is best. The worst thing to hear from someone is: " I know how much you are dying inside. I can't imaging what you are going through." These words were repeated to me over and over from neighbors and friends when my twin died. Little did they know I wasn't dying inside. I felt joy, peace and wholeness for my sister. People expected me to grieve when I didn't need too. Love someone from a far. It's OK.
I miss my mom a LOT still, she passed from a sudden Heart Attack back on April 27th, 2021...then I lost my Dad to Cancer we were WAY to late to do anything about back on September 20th, 2022.. I also lost my Soul/Heart Kitty Cat on August 31st 2022 so i was still very much grieving over him when my Dad passed..😭 I also recently lost my Mom's Doggo back on April 25th..so it was like losing her again, even though we figured he was going to pass soon, it still hit hard..
People don’t talk about the deceased and that’s wrong. I always want others to bring up my loved ones that have passed, but no one ever does. Also, no one should tell others about the stages of grief because everyone is different. And, there’s no text book grief process.
You are all amazing and I am so thankful for your support. xoxo What are some of the things people have said that you found helpful? Or other ways people could offer support? Let's keep sharing what's helpful! xoxo
I love the "I'm here for you if you need anything" but sometimes I think it can feel overwhelming - like I don't even know what I need right now. So, depending on how close you are with the person, I think sometimes it can be helpful to also offer up a specific thing. When my best friend's mom died - I told her I would take care of the laundry. It was a small but specific thing that freed up space for her. :) Love your videos Kati!!
Sometimes that I'm here for you if you need anything almost seems empty. Although it's well-meaning for the most part. Maybe just don't know what else to say. I know the good memories double and DIN the bad memories . My two oldest children's mom died when they were very young. A teacher gave me a book called The Ten good things about Barney. To help children understand and learn to deal with death. It was a lifesaver. Because I didn't know what to say to them
I never received anything helpful or supportive
@Kati Morton: could you please do in the near future, a video about how do work with refugees, from the Ukraine war, that are traumatized and lost loved ones! Even as a social worker I am at a loss how to actually work with people that come out of a war, were they saw, how there loved ones have been killed or even tortured! Maybe it’s maybe not so important for people from the USA, but in Europe so many people do take refugee families in their homes and I think a video like that could be very helpful for millions of people in Europe right now! Maybe a video like this what to say and what not to say… but sure your videos are planed long ahead! So I don’t know, if you have the time to fit it in your schedule!
Kati Morton we are all thankful and appreciate all your videos and advice you give us I will always follow and support you Kati its good that you was open and shared how you are feeling with us ❤️
I lost my husband of 20 years last year. I have two small kids so they lost their amazing dad. It’s been nonstop stress. Hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. Missing my best friend every single day.
Thank you for all your videos. I have learnt so much. I'm guessing these last two were probably the hardest for you. Cherish all the beautiful memories of your grandmother 🥰
My mother passed away 3 years ago :(. My half-sister from my father's side of the family said, "Maybe it's time to say goodbye", only 3 months after her passing. It was one of the most insensitive things I have ever heard in my life.
My loss isn't recent & I lost my child on Christmas Day. It's never felt like it's "over" and "in the past."
I always wonder "why are you trying to put my child in the past?"
Another rather dismissive one in terms of grief, that I've heard being said before is 'Shouldn't they, him, her be over that by now' 💗 Grief doesn't have an end- date it just gradually gets easier over time and, I don't mean that mildly, said with love and kindness only 😘❤💜 xo
It takes as long as it takes!
Thank you. Just… thank you❤️
Might be helpful to discuss bereavement by suicide or the loss of a child?
When I lost my father a friend said to me: "I'm sorry you're going through this. It will get worse for a little while but it will get better after. I promise." He was right and it helped me a lot.
My friend just lost her Mom. I gave her the same advice. I wish someone would have told me that when I lost my Mom.
Sometimes that honesty is very helpful.
Absolutely true. Another thing is, you will think about them almost everyday for rest of your life. I am 48 years old, I lost my dad when I was 39. To this day, I still go "well...dad would you do. I should ask him." in that nanosecond thought process, before realizing you can't.
The pain becomes less but never goes away. You were one of the few who were lucky enough to have known them
Personally I don’t think mine ever got better .. or ever will .. but you learn to accept it and live with it
I have heard this said to me when my mother died: "You're an adult, get over it." That is one of the worst things you can tell anyone who has lost a parent. It doesn't matter if the son or daughter is a child, teenager or adult. We feel the loss of our parents. Terrible thing to say.
"Anyone who has lost a love one knows that you don't recover. Instead you learn to incorporate their absence and memories into your life and channel your emotional energy toward others and eventually, your grief will walk beside you instead of consuming you." Rashida Rowe
My Dad died suddenly when I was 4 yrs old and an aunt said to me ‘God needs your father more then you’. That planted a feeling of being abandoned that took me decades to shed. Be very careful to what is said to a child.
I remember hearing it said not to me but in front of a sunday school class that another little girls baby sister died because god missed her too much and took her back. Which through the mind eye of a small child is just...terrifying
A year after my mom passed away, someone told me I should be over the grieving. I wasn't, and that was really hurtful to put an expiration date on my grief. It took me years to start to feel ok about it, but I'm still grieving.
I think the statement "if you need anything let me know" is disingenuous. It puts the responsibility on the person that is grieving to reach out. Checking in on them and just being there is a better option but if it's a close friend you know what they need and would be easier for them to reach out
I had someone tell me that recently about me still grieving my 51 yr old husband passing 6 yrs ago and my 31yr old daughter passing 2 yrs ago.
Now she was divorced 12yrs ago and hasn't lost any children, thank goodness. So I am not real sure how she knows the grief time line.
THIS
We are never done grieving. It never leaves us, because the person never comes back. It just gets easier to carry along. Sometimes it surprises us with getting suddenly heavy, again.
I agree a 100%. I lost my mom and my dad 20 years ago when I was in my early twenties. I'm still grieving... What I learned is that time doesn't heal but teaches us to live beside the grief... It's never over... for me anyway
If you need anything let me know ...like what exactly? You should make a lost of people who said that and then phone them up everyday and ask for stuff, like milk, cigarettes, carrots, tissues.
Thanks for this. I’m 20 and my dad died from a motorcycle accident in September, my cats died soon after, and so did my grandmother. My older brother also passed away three years ago and it’s always so strange dealing with others. People often don’t know what say and they’re trying. But often, the comments can feel empty.
Omg that's hard. I hope you're doing allright and found ways to heal a bit by now. I feel your loss. Now I'll watch the video and I hope I didn't just say sth completely stupid.
Sorry to hear about your losses. My dad also passed suddenly when I was 20.
I’ve been grieving the loss of my best friend so thank you for this. She was 92 and my next door neighbor, but she was my best friend I loved her more than anyone.
This is so beautiful
Hugs 💜
So sorry you lost your best friend.
........
I'm sorry for your loss. I feel the same. I lost my friend to ALS in February. She was also older than me (62 years old) but no matter what age it sucks to lose someone you love.
my therapist who was like a family member to me died a few weeks ago, and i miss her so much. i’m still grieving, and i feel so lost without her, but your videos give me so much comfort. so i just wanted to say thank you for your videos, your kind voice and amazing personality always bring me a little peace.❤️
I'm sorry :( I know how close the therapeutic relationship can be, and it must feel painful to have such an important person in your life gone.
@@LindaQueLeenda she really, truly was the most amazing person i’ve ever known🤍
@@d-a-i-s-ywhat the fuck
“It’s weird isn’t? Are you alright?” and “Ah crap, that is shit” are two of the things said to me when I lost a friend, who was 28, to cancer. Both helped as it made me realise they felt it too (even though they had a clumsy way of putting it!) and they were happy to listen. I’ve done the same with my friend who’s just lost family. Asking them what there Dad did for work, hobbies, that sort of thing. I think it helps to talk about lost ones. I know I relish the chance to to tell folk about people who I thought were great but are no longer around. And I’m always here if you need a chat. Maybe you could tell us about the stages of grief? And I’d love to hear about your Grandmother. Tell us about her if it helps.
I love that.. asking about the lost loved one. Thank you so much for sharing!! And I am more than happy to work on a video about the stages of grief :) xoxo
I love that asking about the lives one! Getting to share happy memories is a way to help keep my dad alive with me.
@@Katimorton are my comment even showing up.i am getting reactions ethir from anyone.
@@Katimorton That will be so helpful
@@shakurwonders5216 TV .
My dad has died recently and my family still in grieving time. Thank you for this video ❤
I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad this video was helpful :) xxoo
I’m so sorry… me too. 💕
I am so sorry!
Lost my father recently too. He was hit by another driver who ran a red light.
@@felixcat9455 So sorry for your loss.
When my brother was diagnosed recently with stage 4 lung cancer, a pastor friend said that this is really a good thing because it will bring the family closer to God. He also said that this will give us all a deeper understanding of the death experience. I was horrified and not sure I will ever get over that lack of understanding and compassion.
I do hope that you will draw more on your relationship with God as you take this journey one step at a time. I am sure your pastor friend was well intentioned but unfortunately being a Christian and a pastor doesn’t mean your wise. This comment was very insensitive and lacking in wisdom and understanding though I’m sure this person loves you and cares deeply. God did NOT give you this journey but He can walk it with you and provide strength and comfort when you need it. Please give grace to your friend, I pray for your peace and that you and your family will draw closer to one another and to God, and I pray that you will find many precious moments of joy despite your circumstances. I pray for a great outcome! Xo ❤️❣️
You are as insensitive as the pastor. Who are you to use their grief to advertise for your deity? A more respectful thing to say has nothing to do with God. Something more along the lines of, I'm sorry to hear that, that must have been awful - is a more appropriate response.
There is a lady in my grief support group that says, "This to shall pass". This gets on my last nerve! Grief never passes. It changes but never goes completely away! I lost both my parents, brother and most recently my 29 year old son. What do you think about this comment?
Yeah, it's also invalidating because even if the frequency or intensity "passes" like that isn't the point right, it invalidates what I'm feeling right now, like absolute hell. And the reality that is so hard to accept right now... it "passing" and more future without them is NOT a good idea to me. And it sort of feels like the other person is placating /themselves/ sometimes even though sometimes it is actually said with good intentions. I think though that most people are shit with things like this so i do try to explain why it didnt come off okay.
The police offer that came to our house when my Dad suddenly passed said that exact thing *while* they were picking his body up. Come oooon. But then again, there is some truth to it. I'm glad grief changes over time. I hope it's not tasteless to ask or phrase it that way but losing so many loved ones...how do you even carry on with everything?
@@ladyvader3173 it has not been easy to carry on! I fortunately have a wonderful church family. They have never once told me to "come on, get over it". These deaths all took place within about the last 6 years. I will be honest. When my son passed away totally unexpected I went into a deep depression. I was even suicidal. Plan and all! With all my family gone I had nothing. I sought out at my pastor's suggestion a therapist that focuses on grief. It has literally saved my life. Everyday is still a struggle! I have to hold on to people and not be afraid to be honest about my feelings with them.
@@kellihastings5987 Wow, that is rough.. I'm glad you are here still and wish you all the best in dealing with this struggle, one stranger to another. And your pastor sounds like a good man.
I feel like it’s not the grief that passes, but the acuteness of any given moment that will also pass.
I’m so sorry to hear about your grandma. My dad died recently and this video was very helpful. Grief is so difficult 😞
"Grief is an expression of love". Grants permission to feel and express that grief.
You have to be careful with that one too. If you know that they are grieving, maybe, but not everyone experiences actual grief right after a loved one dies (or at all), but they still might be having a hard time with their loss. They might even feel bad about not grieving.
I personally don’t like “I’m sorry for your loss” as a response because it feels like they’re saying that just to say it and that they don’t really care. Again, this is a personal opinion and it might be because of my past experiences with grief.
Kati, what you're doing is really meaningful and precious to me. Everything you say tugs at my heartstrigs and sounds so in tune with how I feel.
xoxox
I had someone say to me when I lost my son he’s in a better place I wanted to stab that person wtf says that to a mom sending u love and a hug mama 🥲🥲🥲💜💜💜🙏🙏🙏🤣
Wow that’s heartbreaking no parents should loose a child
People can be so ignorant. I am so very sorry.
I heard the same thing when my 19 year old brother died. I looked at him dead in the eye and told him that I understand he means well but to never say that to anyone again because the best place for my brother would be right there by my side, happy and alive.
So many things that are meant to be soothing can be a trigger when we're grieving. 💜🙏
The one I hated the most was "They're in a better place now." It cut me in so many ways. My mom loved her kids and we loved her. How was a place where we were not with her better?
One of the nicest things I heard after the loss of my brother, who had schizophrenia, was that his soul was free of that and will receive a higher place in heaven.
PLEASE! When someone loses a furkid, don't act like the age of their pet shocks you. Just because they had their pet 12, 15 or 18 years does not mean the pet lived too long. Or imply that. Yes, that may be a long time but it wasn't long enough. The most comforting thing I was told after losing a pet and what I share with others now was The pain is in equal proportion to the joy they gave.
I haven’t finished the video, but you nailed the fur babies part!!! It already sucks they don’t live long enough as it is💁🏼♀️ My first dog I got as an adult had to be euthanized a little after a year old and it was my fault, then I let family tak me into getting a puppy to help my ex fiancé’s dog grieve not having the one I failed… I had learned what I did wrong with my baby Lil Vinyny (the one who was euthanized) to make sure to train the newest member, Kylee to be friendly with all ages of people and all pets. 6 months later My ex and I lost my ex fiancé’s dog and Kylee… It wasn’t my fault that time at least, but devastating even though one was only a year and one was 5…. After that experience although I spoiled them and usually took them everywhere with me when I could and they died wayyyy too young, I couldn’t imagine thinking and actually saying “at least they lived that long”… I mean the more time you have with a fur baby, the more memories and the harder I imagine it has to be without them… and some people just flat out aren’t fortunate enough to understand the connection to fur family… But yeah I’m going to finish the video before responding to anything else you said
Edit:still haven’t finished the video and am I kinda all over the place with my thoughts because I just lost my big brother and my attention span was hot garbage before that… YOU NAILED IT WITH THE JOY THEY GAVE PART!!! I think I was trying to say that originally but couldn’t find the words until I reread the end of your comment. Thank you! :)
I was 32 when my husband died. The comment I heard most from people was, "You're young. You'll get married again." It was like a knife going into my broken heart.
I lost my husband last year. This is one of the worst things people have said and continue to say to me... and while they believe they mean well, it doesn't help at all.
How does anyone even think that's helpful? Like, they're just telling that person their loved one is replaceable
Yes! I had a similar experience a few weeks ago right after the loss of my husband. It was hurtful.
My most vivid memory of my dad's funeral was one of my boy scout leaders, who had recently lost his dad as well, coming up to me, looking me straight in the eyes, and simply saying "It *sucks*" with the full weight of his own grief. He wasn't explaining that he knew how I felt. He was acknowledging that wherever I was in grief... it was a place of tremendous pain and that it must feel truly awful. I was 13 at the time, and after hearing so many "I'm sorry for your losses" it meant so much for an adult to just be candid with me. I don't know if other people would feel the same way if that was said to them, but I think there really is something to someone simply acknowledging how shitty a situation is that helps lighten the crushing feelings even a little.
Oh Kati ❤️ I’m so sorry to hear about your grandma. I also thank you for this video because despite losing a number of loved ones I never know what to say other than I’m so sorry. I’ve also told people that the pain is unreal but that it will get easier as time goes on. When my brother died, right before I woke up by the coroner knocking on my door, my brother came to me and told me, “it’s not going to be easy but I promise that you will eventually be okay” when I opened the door I immediately asked the coroners investigator how my brother died. This was before he identified himself. He asked if someone called me and I said no, but my brother came to me. The man lost the color in his face and asked to sit down. I don’t think many people believe that my brother came to me but he did.
Yes, friends come to me and we have a short conversation
When my Grandmother was nearing the end of her life I had no phone.
I had dreams about the home she had lived in all her life being emptied.
And then she came to me in my sleep and said Goodbye. I was so moved I woke up in the dim light of a breaking day.
And there was a knock on my door.
It was my neighbor who had a phone and been called by my parents to share the sorrowful news.
I hear it said the reason we feel the pain of death of our loved ones is our souls are connected.
I believe you. I know .
When my son's father was getting close to his death I said " the veil between heaven and earth is very thin over my house"
Following his sweet soft drift away...a Good Death... I discovered there is no veil.
Bereavement is not a thing we learn or get mastery , it seems to me the human body and mind shuts down for the duration to survive the overwhelming pain .
The good habits sort of propel us , if we can get up at all. And it takes its own time...moments of durable suspended minutes hours days months and miserable bouts of grieving anguish.
Thanks in my heart to everyone who spoke to me, whatever they said, and included me by calling, the meals, the walks. The arms that wrapped around me and shared the miracle of life love compassion and understanding.
Then one day...sitting in the spectacular beauty of another breaking day...I was surprised to discover my own natural inclination to be happy had turned up again.
Maybe what my Mom said over and over helped. She said " remember the happy times" She said , with her glorious movie star best sincere smile " The day I die will be a happy day because that's the day I go to be with Jesus!"
( It was not " happy" for us...we were trauma victims . But bless her heart she said what every mother alive wants for her children . Be happy for me).
Live and tell the tale.
A woman told me that her 100 year old mother passed away...and her neighbor said..."Oh, she finally died?" I told her I was sorry she made that insensitive comment...and that we are NEVER ready to say goodbye and I was sorry for her loss......
I lost my daughter at 24 weeks and the most important thing for me has always been people acknowledging that sometimes the time you have together does not always=the depth and importance of your relationship together Thanks Kati
We love you Kati! #4 pissed me off especially when my aunt died at 51. She had so much life left in her and I was so angry that cancer took her too soon.
Ughhh!! Right?!?! The worst! I am so sorry for your loss. xoxoo
Anger was a big part of what I felt when my mom died. She had so much weight to carrying by still taking care of her grown son, his daughter and her 3 kids!! A few others in my family took advantage of her kindness. I know those things caused her stress. I didn't tell them off like I wanted. My son and daughter listened to me.
I was surprised by having anger as a first response.❤️
8 weeks ago, I suddenly lost my husband of 44 years. “I’m sorry for your loss,” is said by everyone. I would have rather had them say, “He was a great guy and I’ll miss his smile……or…..”Can we talk in a couple of weeks” (The grieving person needs to hear other people talking about the loss). SO DON’T FORGET TO CALL OR STOP FOR A VISIT. When you are at the funeral home, there is no time to tell stories as others are waiting to pay their respects. BESIDES…..I’m SURE THATS WHAT EVERYONE SAID “I’m sorry for your loss.” I really don’t remember, I was in such a state of shock, I hardly remember anything.
When my daughter passed away, one “friend” said: “be glad you have a big family. (My parents and only sibling have passed….2 in devastating ways). You have 2 other children. Think about me…..I only have one daughter and if something happened to her I would have no other child”.
Needless to say, I can forgive her total ignorance and lack of empathy, but have written that woman out of my life!
I have been married twice and both of my partners have died in my arms. The pain was and still is unbearable but I consider myself fortunate that I was there at the time. I could not sleep for weeks until I had some very good advice from my local GP. She said the reason for my not sleeping was that I was frightened that when I awoke I would have forgotten the last words we had spoken together. she told to sit down and write down everything I could remember about those last few hours. Every word, every action. touch scent and so on. When I felt I had finished to put it an envelope, seal it and put it away safely so that I could read it anytime if I so wished. It did help and I would recommend it to any one who is grieving for their partner.
I had a guy who I hadn’t spoken too since high school DM me about 4 days after my mom passed. He asked me out on a date and when I told him the circumstances of no, he then proceeded to say “well when you get over that, let me know”
Glad to say I blocked him immediately
Love this video. Also a reminder to those who feel ashamed to grieve someone who isn’t deceased: it’s okay, you can grieve someone who you’ve lost who hasn’t passed. Grief doesn’t only apply to those who have lost someone to death. Grief is defined as “deep sorrow” or a “response to loss.” Any loss is a loss.
Noah- this is so true. Divorce can create this same grief. The loss of someone you loved. For sure, lots of types of grief from a loss.....
I lost a coworker to covid in 2021 and I can remember going to her funeral and just being so emotional not even for me but for her sister. I didn't have the words to really say but I hugged her and she squeezed me so tight back as if that was just what she needed.
As I was leaving out I was saying my good-byes and my supervisor came and gave me a warm hug and I don't know if he just knew but I just became overwhelmed with emotions. Sometimes a hug (in certain situations) is perfect. It's just your way of saying, "I'm here."
I appreciate this so much. When my grandma died, I had a really hard time and still am. There were things said to me that still haunt me, but they came from someone who didn't have good intentions. On a more positive note, a coworker randomly started playing/singing Que Será, Será at work the next day. My grandma sang that song all the time. This person had no idea and never played it around me before
Ironically enough I just sent a compassionate message to a grieving friend today. Glad I chose good words for them.
xoxo
I find that saying ‘’I ‘m so sorry for your loss’’ has been used so much in the last few years, that it has sort of lost its impact.
My husband died a year ago. I so agreed with your list of "what not to say." It still brings comfort to me when some says "I'm sorry for your loss." One statement I don't care for at all is "Life will get better". I still can't imagine my future without him so how in the world will my life be better without him?
I didn't know you had lost your Grandma - I've been off the grid for a while - I am so, so sorry for your loss. Today was the 4th anniversary of my Mum's passing, & I am still grieving. Please don't worry about us, on UA-cam - take gentle care of yourself, in your own time. Love to you & your family. xoxo
When my mom passed away two years ago I've been told a lot of this kind of stuff. Sometimes people's words were so awkward or stupid it's hard to believe. I think people just don't know what is appropriate to say (or not say) because we kind of avoid the topic of death in our daily lives and we're not educated to deal with. So, your video is really important.
First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you had good support ever since, from friends and family.
I guess often people just want to say something supportive but don't realise how their words make others feel. From personal experience I often find it hard to say the right thing even when someone is "normal" sad or crying for other reasons than grief. Especially in times of covid where you can't just go hug your friends and family but have to use words to express compassion I think many people feel unsure of how to be there and support their loved ones. At least that's what I eperienced.
I also hope this video helps people to change perspective and find a good way to be more compassionate with their words. I hope, Amelie, I didn't say anything offensive or upsetting. Just wanted to share some thoughts/experiences on the subject :)
When my Partner died, people were surprised when i said he was in a better place as i had seen him suffer terribly before he died so it was a relief but it reassured them that i was ok about what had happened and that it came from me. People do say things that are well meant because they feel they would rather say something than not at all and think they are not being caring. It is a tricky one.
@@TinaMey Hi Tina, thanks for your comment ! I don't blame people for their awkward words - I understand they meant well. What I wanted to say is that we often don't have the correct words or tools to help people because nobody teaches us that. So this video is really great.
@@racheldemain1940 Hi Rachel. First of all I'm very sorry for your loss and what your partner had to go through. I totally agree with your comment. Personally, reading the book "The Grief Recovery Handbook" helped me a lot with understanding why people sometimes said really strange or awkward things.
When my father died, many people would tell me how much they loved and appreciated him. It was a testimony to him and a kind way of support.
I love this too ❤️
My roommate killed herself in September. We’re both nurses. I should have taken time off to grieve but didn’t. I kept her dog, who helped me keep Lindsay’s memory alive. Doggy is actively dying and I gotta make those decisions real fast. Im a mess. I take good meds, in therapy, etc but I’m scared to let her go.
My older brother passed on 04/04/22 he was 31 years old. Thank you for this. One foot Infront of the other , til we meet again. 😓
❤
Thank you for this. I am the most awkward person at the funeral home and I never know what to say. My condolences on your recent loss.
Thank you so very much Katie… I appreciate the years that you have ALREADY dedicated to helping so many people through your platform. Refreshingly authentic! Wishing you health, comfort and wellness.
Thank you Kati! It hasn't even been a year since my Mom committed suicide and my Brother doesn't understand why I am still so sad about it. He actually said "motherfuckers kill themselves everyday! You need to move on with your life!" Unreal!?! How can he be so insensitive???
Seeing you grieve reminds him of his pain …. Is my guess. Maybe the thought of allowing himself to feel the pain of grief causes him to feel out of control and/or like he won’t be able to stop once he starts.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My husband’s brother died by suicide and I had a cousin die by suicide. In our experience … death in this manner seems to lack an extra punch.
I’ve noticed for our family that the death of my father has brought up a lot of childhood pain. Something to consider.
My heart goes out to you ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Thats horrible.. I'm sorry for your loss.
@C NB Thank you for saying what I was gonna say
Maybe that’s his way of dealing with it? It’s really hurtful and insensitive way of dealing with it for you though and I’m so sorry.
Lost my youngest daughter to suicide March 2020. 32 yrs old. So grief and sadness, and heartbreaking will never end for my and her 3 older siblings
I always struggled at what words to say, and then one day I just said, "There are no words I can say to easy your pain, but know I understand your grief."
"I'm sorry for your loss" is awesome in its simplicity. I've experienced the effect of it in both directions. I think I'd combine it with the second half of your favorite and say, "I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm here for you" and be available to listen to whatever they need to say about the one they lost or how they're feeling. (I agree with what you said about "I know how you feel," but "I can't imagine how you feel" sounds to me like they could be saying they don't want to know or couldn't relate.)
I loved hearing stories about my Mom and oddly I really felt comfort when hearing stories of how other people's families had passed, I thought that was kind of an odd one. My Mom is the first person I physically witnessed pass away and we had a very special experience--hospice nurses are angels. But just hearing another person's process really helped me feel not alone. The moments of grief shift. Times I just think about her just to hold on to every bit of memories that I possibly can. My Mom and I used to go do things together of course and I've thought about maybe going and still doing those things as if she was still there and spending that time every once in a while and imagining that she's there. It sounds a little sad when I think about it, but I do like the idea of doing little things that we did together while thinking about her to dedicate time holding her in my heart. I miss my Mom so much
So sorry for your loss. 🙏❤ 💐
As a medical doctor, it's so important to be able to break bad news or comfort people. I am surrounded by a lot of religious/spiritual people at work, so I usually just wish them comfort and ease through this difficult time with prayers and support. The dead people are gone to whatever afterlife is real but being compassionate to the people who are left behind is what's important. Sometimes just being present when a family is grieving is enough
Most doctors are jerks …my doctor downplayed mum’s death by saying “ I have seen a thousand of these and most don’t end well “ total A-hole but his turn is coming .Everyone eventually loses their mum .I only wish I could be there to tell him the same silly remark
'You're so strong"
And then they were gone.
Yeah, I've hid my emotions for so long that you have no idea what I feel!
Thanks ❤🌹🙏From India
It totally sucks because I hate all of these as well, but I also cannot think of one single thing you can say to anyone that's just had someone they truly love die. There are literally no words.
I wish this could be taught in a life skills class in high schools. Some emotional intelligence classes would be so helpful… so many situations we ALL face could truly benefit us.
It could be taught in a way that makes space for people’s religious beliefs without discussing the particulars of a person’s religion.
That is inappropriate. Schools are parents
I lost my youngest son in November of 2020 to suicide. Shortly after he passed I had an ex coworker ask me how old he was and when I told her he had just turned 30, she said, "well at least you had him for 30 years". That was a horrible, horrible thing to say. I'm sure she was trying to be comforting but it was not. It was just ignorant and hurtful. So add that to list of shit not to say.
Anything that starts with at least is dismissive. My son died just before his 30th birthday. No parent should have to have this much pain 💔
@@lindareubens5174 I'm so sorry, it is a horrible, unrelenting sorrow. I still cry and miss him so much.
Great video, between my husband and myself, in the last 10 years we have lost 12 people close to us, from parents, best friends, and extended family. The lateest being my brother unexpectedly 6 months ago.
Having only delt with loss of distant family years ago, i had not experenced real grief until my bff passed, followed by my mother a year later. Since then 10 years ago, to this latest loss, i have found i grieve very different every time. This latest being the absolute hardest. Unexpected passing of someone so close has me all messed up.
I do find i hid my grief, and shut down....aside from my husband sometimes.
I agree with "im so sorry for your loss" that for me is the best to recieve, as i dont want to talk about it, and it keeps me from having to have any real response, and with having had so much loss, and being a very empathetic person. I truly mean it when i say it to someone.
But if you do mean what you say by "let me know if i can do anything"
Just do something, dont say that, because the state they are in they are not going to ask.
Ask around to people close to them, see if you can make a meal, watch the kids, clean, or just send flowers or a coffee.
Just do something dont ask. And definetly dont say it if you dont mean it.
I've lost my dad and maybe one person was really supportive and respectful with their words, a lot of other people were so weird and uncomfortable to talk about it, which is interesting because death touches all of us, yet no one seems educated about it and knows how to deal with it or properly support who is grieving.
Losing a parent is one of the worst losses. It used to be something that happened to other people, until last year when my dad died suddenly. His last known words were "Oh, no!" Despite paramedics doing everything they could to revive him, we were told "I'm sorry. He's gone."
One of the most sincere reactions came from a girl, I believe 15/16 at the time, “oh, I’m so sorry for you, I know how close you two were.”.
My mom very suddenly passed away in 2007 at 57, I still remember some awful things said to me.
One of my cousins said “maybe it was for the best, she had no man, no grandkids, was looking for a job, what did she have left to live for”. (loosely translated from Dutch) I hated her for it, severed contact not too long after. Who says that?!
Another was a random person who came up to me while we were clearing her apartment, to say they had already inquired about the apartment with the rental company, after reading the obituary. Slightly less grating was the coworker casually saying “hey, my condolences.”, while walking past my office. Not even walking in. As if he mentioned the weather. At that point, it’s better to not say anything.
The “you’re so strong” comments are incredibly annoying. To me it’s almost like they’re saying “you look like you can deal with it on your own, you don’t need my support.”. I’ve heard it so often, and kept most of my pain compartmentalized and went back to work far too soon.
We’re not very religious in my area, but one thing that used to be said a lot when my mom was still alive, and she had heard too often was “God calls those that are dearest to him.” Not a good thing to say, especially to parents losing a kid, or a kid losing a parent.
I've been irritated for a long time at people saying ''They're in a better place'' as if they know for sure what happens following death. For all we know they could be burning in Hell. Hate to be morbid but I just despise these assumptions.
One thing I've found, having sadly lost both parents now, is that after the funeral is over people will stop talking about the person you've lost. I believe it comes from a good place, they don't want to upset you, but it feels strange. I truly believe that nobody is completely gone while they still live on in memories and some of the most healing times are sharing stories about that person, daft or deep it doesn't matter. Just talking about them helps.
Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all. Just be present and utterly available.
Excellent video
Someone asked me if I thought I would ever get married again two days after my husband’s funeral. I know it was that they didn’t want me to be alone but totally not good question. My husband was 34 and we were happily married 10 years when he passed by Suicide.
A little over a year and I still can barely breathe when I think about my Dad. I loved him more than anyone in the world.
I miss him so much.
I'm sorry for your loss. He sounds like a wonderful man.
I would add that "If there is anything I can do..." is so overused that it genuinely gets old hearing it. It's a very empty phrase too because it burdens the grieving person with thinking of a suggestion for you AND burdens them with asking too which they likely won't. Instead offer something yourself such as "I'll bring you dinner on Thursday." MOST IMPORTANTLY be there for them in weeks and months AFTER the funeral. There is such a floodgate of support in the immediate aftermath of the loss and it then vanishes after the funeral which can be a difficult transition.
One that was hard to hear a few months after my husband died was, "now you can do what you want to do and not have to compromise". We were a team, compromise was not a burden for us.
I had the same experience after my husband died, too. We were a good team as well and did as many things together as time would allow. I think sometimes people subconsciously project their own experiences.
You released this video on the day of my friend's funeral. It couldn't have been better times for me, finding this today. Thank you.
I don't find the comments like "If there is anything I can do to help . . ." being helpfull at all. I've been there, I've needed help, and "they" were absent. You can't really mean it, so don't say it.
A few years ago, when my wife of 52 years passed away, someone said to me (something like) "My heart aches for you. A small spark of her life's flame will live within your heart forever!"
You do have some valid points, but I sure wouldn't want you being my grief counselor.
You seem to have a real problem with "religion." Well, I think that that's your problem and you really need to deal with that.
My beliefs are not just "religion," my beliefs are my relationships with my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.
You have no right to deny someone of hope. Also, I don't believe that I am shoving my religion down someone's throat.
Maybe some of you counselors should have a big list of what not to say, and be ultra specific. Wil, we have to sign a waiver when
My dog died in December and I'm still devastated. I miss him so much. People say to me you should get a new dog. They just don't get it.
Another comment to avoid, "Well, at least she died doing what she loved." She loved falling off a cliff to her death while rock climbing?? I have found silence to be most helpful when I have suffered a powerful loss. Sit with me. Hold my hand. Hug me. Those actions speak volumes more than any words!
God never gives you more than you can handle. What utter BS! There would be no suicides if that were so. Two years ago we lost our youngest child to suicide, then last September we lost my brother’s only child to suicide. Our son was 30, our nephew 41.
Other family members have recently died, but those two left a big hole in my heart 💔💔
My daughter died 10 years ago, aged 4.
I was told,"....At least you have your son", who was then 2.
That l should be satisfied with my life, At the worst time of my life.
The comment “God will never put more on you than you can handle.” is actually a misquote
I don’t know chapter and verse but it’s supposed to be “God will never allow you to be tempted beyond your ability to
resist.”
While spiritually people try to override mourning, the Bible even acknowledges grief and mourning, while the phrase “they’re in a better place” in Matthew it states “bless those who mourn for they will be comforted” I just feel like people want to try and be uplifting without allowing others to go through their grieving time
Sometimes when you are grieving, you miss talking about your loved one! Some visitors just do not mention the person, like they never existed, due to not knowing what to say! I cherished the sweet remembrances!
I was together with my boyfriend for 32 years before he had a stroke. He was in full time longterm care for another year and a half. I knew he was going to die but did not know when. Every day I would go see him. In the beginning he could be loaded up in a wheel chair and wheeled to a commom room. As time went on he lost the ability to recognize people and slept during most of my visit. I did not give up on him and kept going to see him everyday. Up to the evening before he died I would ALWAYS kiss him and tell him I loved him. During my last visit to him I walked out without the kiss and telling him I loved him. I turned around went back into his room and kissed him and said I loved him. I then left to go home. At 8:00 the next morning I got a call from his nurse that said he had passed at 6:15 am. I had been greiving since the day he went into the hospital. The pain was still there but the intensity wasn't blinding. My only comforting thought was that the last thing he heard (?) from me was I loved him. All the time together the last thing we said, no matter how upset we were with each other, before we went to sleep was we loved each other. Because if one of us died in our sleep, the last thing we heard was the other one loved us.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I was saying the wrong thing, and I will do better. This was helpful! Much love to you!
(I was saying the you're so brave one sometimes and would follow that with what they were brave for, which was for taking the hard steps after the loss or for sharing their grief with me, but it makes sense that it is invalidating, and I hadn't thought about it that way.)
@@natalieedelstein We are all just doing our best!! I am glad this was helpful :) xoxo
When my MIL passed my husband was devastated. I would just bring him a soda or glass of water, sit next to him and ask him if he wanted to talk about her or just sit together and remember her. It was 50/50. Sometimes we would just tell funny stories, sometimes we would just cry.
When my husband died 9 yrs ago I can only remember 2 things people said to me that were actually helpful. The first was "grief is too big to go around. You just have to go through it."I don't know why but that actually really helped me.
The second was someone giving me the advice that when someone asks what they can do to help to tell them check on me in 6 months when every one else is over it and gone back to normal and I'm still stuck in hell.
On the list of things not to say I'll add "take it one day at a time". A day is a long long time when you're grieving.
The most painful thing anyone ever said to me was "don't you wish now you guys had children." I'm child free by choice and was sterilized yeard before I ever even met my husband. No I don't wish now that we had children. In fact the only thing I can think of that would be worse than the situation I'm in is trying to be in that same situation while trying to care for children.
I don't like Im sorry for your loss. Because i was like in denial when my parents and sister died. I like I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I di like the one you said ( If you need anything or anyone to talk to I will be here for you.)
I have come to hate 'I'm sorry for your loss.' To me it feels like a formula, a rote line that issues from the mouth or the pen or the keyboard without a single thought behind it. Just cut and paste. No names--not of the person spoken to or the person referred to. So easy to say. No feelings attached. You don't even have to look at the person. No, I hate it.
I would have taken any of the first 7 examples of what not to say over what I was told: "you need to get over it" and "you can't cry every day".
Wish my parents spoke English, then I would send this to them...
2 days after my friend passed away my mother told me I shouldn't get dragged down by this. WTF?! There's so much she could have said or even just say "I don't know what to say. This sucks." but no she is an emotional stone.
I told her grieving is normal. Since then she not even once asked about this topic or how I feel. It's ridiculous.
One of my best friends was diagnosed with ALS 2,5 years ago. Out of nothing. She was on holiday and suddenly couldn't speak anymore. In February she passed away. 😢😢😢
I couldn't even go to the funeral due my own physical health issues. I miss her so much. She was the only one who really helped my when I got sick 6 years ago and now I couldn't actually be there for her. We wrote but we couldn't visit each other anymore. I couldn't even attend her funeral because I can neither sit nor walk. I know she understands but still it feels horrible.
And now I'm even more lonely than before 😢
I'm sorry your mom wasn't there for you, that sounds really hard. Best wishes from a random person on the internet ♥️
@@elwing335 Thank you! 🙏
My father and I used the same doc. After my father passed the doc advised me after a medical that I must not mourn my father cause I shall be joining him soon.
Please don't say to a mother that has lost a child...thank goodness you still have others......you are young and there will be more...along with the rest of the not thinking get off the hook statements.
Just two weeks ago my oldest sibling passed, my older sister. Not even a year ago, my father passed. My adult son has severe heart failure at 15% ef and he is constantly suffering and that just wrecks me. I am dealing with 30% lung function COPD and I'm way past any false belief. I know what makes sense to me, especially when I constantly struggle just for oxygen, just to breathe. I've really held myself together after many years of my loved ones suffering and their failing health. My truth that bears out is that I hold so much honor and respect for my life now, as it is, is that as I live, I learn, my understanding evolves, and my appreciation for life itself deepens. When I interact with anyone, my first feeling is empathy. How are they doing? Hope they're ok.
let's just remember that in all of this Wonder and mystery, God's greatest gift is when he calls us home.
I lost my wife a year ago, it never gets better.
For me it was "call me to remind me when the funeral is"
Not even a close friend or relative but someone who apparently was a family friend
"You have to be ok with it" is what I think I'm hearing in a lot of these. (I'm fortunate enough not to have lost anybody close, but having someone say that kind of thing must be unbearable)
I agree!
Me and my daughter were just talking about this today. we just lost my husband (her dad) and said how annoying most comments are that people make. It makes me a little bitter towards people for the things they have said. I know they didn't mean it that way but they've said it over and over that I don't know how to act around them, im upset at how they "tried" to make me feel better. Like his life didn't matter that much or my feelings of grief are too much because "Hes in heaven now" and why would I be so upset at that?! Ugh life just sucks right now.
I lost my mother in February. It does suck. Gives new meaning to the word "awful"
The one about _God wouldn’t give you more than you can handle_ is a twisted version of what the Bible actually says. What the apostle Paul wrote was _And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear_ Big difference but still not helpful to say to someone grieving.
Yes!! This drives me crazy because it is so misquoted!
Also, God’s desire is that we depend on Him, not handle things on our own, so this comment needs to go away!
@@micheleonel5068 Just like _Money is the root of all evil_
I would also add, that people handle death and grief differently. When my loved one's died, I was at different stages in my life. My father, then my mother, and now my twin sister. My father was my hero. My mother and sister were my best friends. What I needed was the respect from my colleagues and friends without judgement. I preferred going to work the day of or after each one's death. I had a responsibility to my employer and employees, and that was important for me to fulfill my duties. Things would get done for the deceased. Funeral arrangements would be made and a day off for the burial could be scheduled. Allow others to live and laugh as if nothing happened. It's the best cure for their soul. The one left behind should be respected to know their vulnerabilities without judgement. Sometimes not saying anything is best. The worst thing to hear from someone is: " I know how much you are dying inside. I can't imaging what you are going through." These words were repeated to me over and over from neighbors and friends when my twin died. Little did they know I wasn't dying inside. I felt joy, peace and wholeness for my sister. People expected me to grieve when I didn't need too. Love someone from a far. It's OK.
Hello 👋 Rhonda
How are you doing today?
My grandma and dog passed away last year from their hearts. I am missing them both
When my husband died, I hated hearing how he was an angel, or more specifically, my angel now.
I miss my mom a LOT still, she passed from a sudden Heart Attack back on April 27th, 2021...then I lost my Dad to Cancer we were WAY to late to do anything about back on September 20th, 2022.. I also lost my Soul/Heart Kitty Cat on August 31st 2022 so i was still very much grieving over him when my Dad passed..😭
I also recently lost my Mom's Doggo back on April 25th..so it was like losing her again, even though we figured he was going to pass soon, it still hit hard..
I've cried/Grieved over all of my Kitty Cats passings then my parents's though...
People don’t talk about the deceased and that’s wrong. I always want others to bring up my loved ones that have passed, but no one ever does. Also, no one should tell others about the stages of grief because everyone is different. And, there’s no text book grief process.