This Is One Of The Main Reasons Why Marriages End
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- Опубліковано 30 тра 2024
- Matt Walsh and divorce lawyer, James J. Sexton, discuss the main reasons why couples get divorced.
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Divorce is such a tragic thing that impacts people way more than is sometimes seen…
Especially when there is children involved.
My grandparents divorce affected me and my grandpa died years before I was born.
My aunt hates men, my uncle killed himself, my mom and other aunt are divorced. The only family in the extended family do go through that. My grandpa left grandma with 6 kids and treated all but 1 of them poorly. The 1 success was my uncle. Successful, still married. Etc. I goes deep
Marriage is very risky & best avoided.
@@DavidZ4-gg3dmoh look, someone else who was hurt by divorce
@@juliabuonincontro8617 I've never divorced & never will. There's a foolproof way of ensuring that - by never marrying.
There were times in my 20’s when I looked in the mirror and for some reason I thought “My parents are divorced.” As if it was part of my identity or in my eyes or something. It does effect your children years and decades onward. People lie to themselves during a divorce and say “oh, kids are resilient.” Not exactly true. Kids survive it, but it hurts very much.
My boyfriend’s parents are divorced. It hurts him a lot, even though it’s been a few years yet already. He’s got trust issues because of it, and has a difficult time opening up. It sparked a bad addiction, too. He’s a bit scared of marriage now because he doesn’t want to end up the way it did with his parents.
My dad’s parents are also divorced. He didn’t super have anyone to rely on, and he didn’t have many friends growing up. His step-mom made things worse as he grew older. Luckily, my dad has broken the boomer-divorce trend in his family. He’s determined to make sure his children doesn’t go through the same thing he did.
It changes kids a lot. I wish parents understood how much it hurts, especially the older generation. But sadly can’t do much about that now
Now that I'm in my 40s, I have been able to see these patterns play out. The divorces of my grandparents generation, my parents generation, my generation, my kids generation. Patterns have emerged, and it breaks my heart.
Missing out on a good example of a healthy marriage disadvantages us. The trends speak for themselves.
My wife acted like it'd be no big 13:31 deal for the kids. You can't even argue with someone with this attitude
It's devastating and life altering beyond what we know, including for adult children.
I grew up in a very small town. Population around 500. I was the only kid in my school that had divorced parents. It sucked, but my parents were happier divorced than together
45 years of marriage to my best friend. Wake up saying I love you and the same when we go to bed.
My husband has said thank you for each meal I make and I thank him for his work as well.
Love lives if you choose wisely in the beginning.
Men: Notice she Never said she’s been Monogomous 4 45 Years.
@@UnlimitedWomen2 your attitude will only affect your life.
My values won’t affect yours as well.
@UnlimitedWomen2 lol yes. That's totally something those redpillers would say
@@ewertbon
Men: Notice she STILL has Never said she’s been Monogomous 4 45 Years.
@@UnlimitedWomen2 You are right. I have never met a monogomous woman. Even my great grandmother was an adulterer. Literally had 2 husbands at the sametime. As far as men goes.. I don't know. Women share/brag with women. Men don't share this with us.
I’ve been a marriage therapist for 20 years. I agree with the points this man makes. I will add that marriage therapy works best for couples that actually want to stay married but need better ways of connecting. It doesn’t work well when one or both partners want out and are just checking the box to say, “See, therapy didn’t work either.”
"marriage therapist" lmfao youre part of the problem
@@Jkub101 I’m one of the good ones ;-)
The only therapists married people need are the people inside their marriage.
@@jsm2687 Naturally. Unfortunately, many people lack an understanding of how to do that. So, I help them understand. Similar to physical therapy where people learn ways to take better care of their physical injuries on their own.
@@jsm2687that's not true and is a lie from the pits of hell. Your lie is a by product of a hyperindividualistic culture that shuns a proper community and an appropriate relationship to even extended family.
You won't need a therapist, if as it's with pretty much every culture with very low divorce rates, couples have parents, religious leaders, and a community that helps and also provides guidance. Sorry, but your way doesn't work. Two people who are already having problems and circling in endless toxic pattern cannot just snap and dig themselves out of it, it is normal and human to seek a different perspective and to get help.
I came from a broken home, and I vowed to never do that to my child when we DECIDED to have children. Been married nearly 30 years now. There've been challenges, but we've always knew we had to stay together for our children's sake, and for us. We still make each other laugh, and enjoy so much together. We understand what it means to compromise. We understand the importance behind what it means to show how important we are to each other. We've never taken each other for granted, and never will. Our children respect us, and as adults they are in healthy relationships.
My opinion is some people just isn't ready for it, they don't understand what marriage is. Not ready for the importance of it.
Very true. It takes time and/or experience. Never thought I’d get married and here I am at 23 wanting nothing more plus kids. It’s sad to see so many people my age not recognize it.
Most people don’t understand what marriage is. That’s why so many fail.
completely agree. I believe being ready comes from knowing more about yourself and shedding delusions. That's why I always encourage my younger cousins to stop letting people influence them and to think more deeply about their faith, their personality, their hobbies, their values, who their friends are, their motivations etc. People who are grounded won't be shaken by bad influences.
True. No one understands what marriage will require when they first do it.
The difference is that some people are willing to learn from their mistakes, roll up their sleeves, and do what it takes to make the marriage work, and most are not.
💯 They’re willing to put in the effort and choose to be there for one another and keep a healthy connection.
They also have a purpose in coming together. Not just to exist together
Man, he looks like the last guy you'd think would be so heavily tattooed.
He had his own long life full of experiences, he’s a well aged man with a mind full of lessons learned - he might have some tattoos 😂
He's from NYC 😎....
Right??!
My thouts too. At first I was like - is that tattoo...on him...
Every issue in a relationship stems from being selfish. Thats the root cause.
So there is only one reason for all problems?
@@csouthlandcan you have two truly selfless people divorce? What you would hear is “well we mutually agreed to divorce but *we just wanted different things* .” Even on the best of terms, it is inherently selfish
Yes, I’ve always said this.
Marrying is very risky.
And selfishness is human nature. So the root cause of dicorce is being human. Or, to put it another way, humans are not cut out for marriage. Which is why we had to invent it in the first place. Monogamous animals don't need marriage. They just do what feels natural to them. And so do humans.
When he said "I feel like Apple is more responsible for divorces than it knows" 😂😂
That is like saying, the refrigerator is responsible for you getting fat or the spoon. Apple is no more responsible for your marriage than any other inanimate object.
That was quite funny !
Following God’s standards together is very important.
My significant other not believing in God is significant to me. To each their own.
The removal of the word "me" is helpful.
@@blaketrent8548And if you marry a believer, who later becomes an unbeliever, you'd have no right to divorce or become bitter against her.
@@tryphenarose384 You are WRONG. No Christian is required to be abused by a wicked husband. And we all know that bad men get their rocks off abusing women.
Not just God's standards, but actual biological mandates. We are ment to have men compete and the strongest and best are able to start a relationship with the most desirable females, for whatever reason, and then, when they produce offspring, or hopefully BEFORE, they hook up in a dedicated way so that the male cannot simply impregnate the female and then take off and not caring about his offspring afterwards, but instead, as with various birds, the male helps to feed the offspring while protecting the female and allowing her to concentrate on raising her children. Lions and stallions both keep an eye on their females that bear their cubs or foals, and that is what allows the species to thrive.
I am a child of divorce and I have never been married. Based on my observations, some marriages are doomed to fail from the start. People to this day marry other people for practical reasons like a greencard and health insurance. Some marriages started off under a veil of lies. And no, I don't think people should get married because of love because love is not enough and people fall OUT of love all the time. Aside from some marriages being doomed to fail from the start, I have learned that selfish people should never get married. More adults need to start acting like adults and be mature enough to know who they are. Be honest with yourself to ask, am I selfish? If you are, that's OK. Just don't get married. And also, people need to stop having unwanted pregnancies. Contraception is much cheaper than having kids you didn't plan to have. Divorce and poverty have negative impacts on children. Leave childbearing to people who are mature and financially equipped to take care of kids.
My husband and I have 21 years in. 4 amazing sons. Our families were both broken growing up. And we said from day one, no matter what, we hash it out and fix what’s broken. End of. 🛑
Selfishness.
right on the money
If the 90's Utah jazz had a team full of John Stocktons and no Karl Malones, it would defeat the purpose of having a team full of John Stocktons. Total selflessness defeats the purpose of selflessness.
You could say having children is selfish because you are literally bringing new life into this existence without its consent for the purpose of satisfying a personal goal for yourself.
@@kovacuatorlol no having children is about sacrifice. The moment you realize you have a child on the way, everything you do becomes about them. It makes you a less selfish person and you teach them how to be unselfish by your example.
Unfortunately the modern school and daycare system has made it so people don’t expect to give up as much of their own time and energy for their kids. They expect to be able to pay someone to do it. So the unselfishness of the parent taking on extra hours is farther removed from the actual result in the child’s life from the child’s perspective (them getting care) and the kid doesn’t realize everything the parent is giving up. So when the kid grows up they resent their parents for not being there and working so much. And the kid doesn’t have that one on one example of sacrifice presented as directly. Breeds a more selfish generation who doesn’t know the value of the parent-child connection or why they would want it with their own kid. They see life as abandonment and pain and begin to resent even being born.
This is a big reason kids are healthier when one of the parents stays home. Even if the family isn’t as rich, the kid will have a healthier outlook on life and love and family. I will stay home with my kids.
@@juliabuonincontro8617 I would agree if you said adopting a kid was selfless. But choosing to have your own biological child instead of adopting one of the thousands of children stuck in foster and adoption homes who are looking for a family to be a part of only serves to make the act of having your own biological kids even more selfish.
Infidelity is a sign of unremorseful selfishness. It is very hard to rebuild with someone who is fundamental selfish to the point they will hurt other people. Even if they "say sorry" and you stay- it's never the same.
It's so unhygienic too!
depends what you mean by infidelity, women think its fine to flirt with other men and consider that all okay. This is infidelity
Excuse you. 'Women' do not think that at all though perhaps some with poor morals don't, like anyone...and I would add perving is also cheating.
@@WholisticWomen-wl2sy yes they do lol you clearly must live in some kind of weird bubble
@James_36 no, they don't. Stop picking up chicks with daddy issues at last call.
My husband cheated on me. Not staying with him, that’s for sure.
You caused it to happen. Enjoy your solitude.
@@mniks8860 😂😂
Yes. No one with any self respect would stay with a partner like that.
@@katemiller7874 Absolutely!
People don’t cheat for no reason. You probably stopped having sex with him.
Never take back a cheater. The old adage is true, once a cheater always a cheater.
Yes.
Also a history of that in previous relationships.
Cheater to that specific person but not of their character. My father never cheated on his second wife.
@@goddessglow6996 that you know of...🤷♂️
I’d say… the lead cause to divorce is that the dynamic in the relationship has swapped. Meaning.. in the beginning the woman is swooned by the man, making it easy for her to be in a naturally feminine state.. over time this “swooning” wears off. Once it happens at a certain point the woman starts to emasculate the man. Some men do things to cause the “swoon” feeling to go faster.. but a lot of times it just happens over time.. and some men will stay in the relationship and put up with her emasculating attitude and allow the wife to “wear the pants” in the relationship, and give up dominance in the relationship.. other men will put up a fight.. it may get ugly.. other men may start cheating with a woman that makes him feel like “the man” again.. and some men may just leave before it gets worse.. less and less couples are capable of repairing a relationship where the dynamic flips.. typically when it happens the woman loses respect for the man and once that happens it’s damn near impossible for her to ever see him again in the same way.. when things get ugly, things may be said to each other that are deep cutting.. it’s really a shame. If they both just understood that there are “roles” to play in a relationship and if they just played the right roles for each of them, they’d reconnect.. at least if they become aware of this early on when the indifference begins.
You nailed. Is my history. I have been separated for 18 months.
After 19 years of marriage.
Heading to divorce.
You nailed it! This's totally most of marriage problem. Wow! I wish everybody understood thus!👍👊🙌
“I lost the plot of the story we’re writing together.”
Good stuff. Legit apology that deserves forgiveness.
hey if it goes for some people whatever but on my end
if i had a wife and she cheated on me and i found out
well first i would quietly leave for a day or 2 to go cool off when i would return i would calmly tell her idfc why you cheated i am not interested in hearing any excuses we are getting divorced and for both of us it is better this goes as quickly as possible
@@kurtpunchesthings2411he's not talking about cheating, just the bitterness and resentment that builds up in most marriages.
Each person needs to own up to what they did and each person needs to forgive the other.
Most marriages are "death by 1,000 paper cuts" and adultery is often the symptom of a diseased marriage, not the cause.
Diverging interests, lack of shared interests, lack of intimacy (due to reduction in physical attraction) cheating, coercion, lack of empathy....the list goes on and on, and on....
Yes indeed. 12 years of marriage that had lots, and lots of this!!!
Those all boil down to selfishness.
You should really get to know the person before you even consider getting married to them. I know a lot of people meet someone they fall in love and they lust over them. They end up in bed with them faster than getting to know them then they jump into marriage, and then their marriage turns out bad because they never took time to know the person for who they really are. Divorce is one of the worst and most painful things that you can go through and put your family through if you have a family, please take the time to get to know the other person they’re good side and their bad side
Divorces are provoked by bad men.
@@francikeen it goes both ways. It happened to me. It’s not gender. It’s people in general.
@@albertmarmol7302 Most divorces are provoked by the common male vices: drunkenness, drug abuse, domestic abuse - physical, verbal or psychological, gambling, greed, selfishness, arrogance, pornography, adultery and criminality.
@@francikeen Source? 80% of divorces are initiated by women, are you really excusing women's behavior? It takes 2 in marriage yet you don't think they have ANY responsibility or vices? Gimme a break!
@@anon7684 90% of divorces are provoked by the common male vices: drunkenness, drug abuse, domestic abuse - physical, verbal or psychological, gambling, selfishness, pornography, adultery, or criminality. You are really excusing the common male vices that wreck marriages! A happy marriage takes two. A bad marriage only takes one. Gimme a break!
Couples that are able to get past cheating, you are very strong. Personally cheating is a deal breaker and not something I would bother to stick around for
I don't see it as a strength to stay with a cheater. I sure wouldn't.
@@Ana_1980 Yet people cheat God.
@@MGAF688God allowed men to have multiple wives, and that wasn't considered adultery so...
I learned the hard way. A Cheater is a Cheater. They need the tinkles!!!
@@tryphenarose384if it's with the other party's knowledge and consent that isn't cheating it's a kind of open marriage. Polygamy is a type of open marriage.
I got divorced because my ex was unfaithful and abusive. You can’t have a good marriage with a narcissist.
That's it 😥
@@jeannettebalcom6826 But how do you not know before you say yes?
Post 2015 EVERY woman (and most weak men) claims their ex is a narcissist. They probably aren't. You're just easily influenced by women's magazines. There's a 1 in 350 chance he was.
That part
Said every nagging woman who drive men away. We're done giving you the benefit of the doubt. It was likely 100% you.
My wife got postpartum pretty bad. I was there for her and with her but slowly got depressed myself. She got out of depression and I didn’t until recently when she said she doesn’t feel a connection anymore. Now I’m focusing on myself. Getting better. I hope a side effect of me getting better is saving the marriage but I don’t know.. (married 5+ years)
🙏🏻
Don’t give up. I’m 31 and I’ve been married 10 years. I cheated on my wife 5 years ago, and I regret it more than anything. We worked through that hard time and it took a lot of work on my end obviously but if you love your wife then you’d be willing to do anything to save that relationship. If I could make it work then so could you.
Can she maybe get her hormones checked? They can stay out of whack even long after pregnancy, especially if she was on birth control before.
I'm in a same situation, for 7 years (age of my first son) my wife has been saying that she is leaving and not going to let me see my child, but never did anything. Now she is pregnant and with God's will, our second son will be born in less than a month, and I don't know if she is going to do something about her threatening, I only pray for my sons and wife health and do therapy for me to stay focus on living present and prepare for whatever happens.
We are not alone, everything's going to be alright
You cannot save a marriage alone
This gentleman was absolutely wonderful. I could have listened to him all day
My marriage of 40 years ended when a young woman on holiday looked at my husband. He then thought he was madly in love with her (not reciprocated by her). I think he was going through a mid life crisis and even after a year of marriage guidance, everything was still my fault.... there was no winning so I left him. Now he is married to someone 20 years younger, so good luck to him. She doesn't work or contribute financially in any way so I expect when the money starts running out, the pressure will build. For myself, I Will never marry again. I wouldn't want to half my assets again as it has been hard enough to do what I have done with the half I got.
This called a limerence. Pretty tough stuff to deal with. It's a quasi-delusion.
I agree with the other comment. That definitely was from some kind of mental illness and if he doesn't get treatment I doubt he's going to suddenly be totally normal again.
15 years strong. Looking forward to the next 15 years. Wouldn't trade her for anything.
We did super well for 15 years. At 20 years, it all started crumbling. At 38 years it was over. Stuff happens. People change or get changed. Evil forces are circling like sharks. Be vigilant.
Beautiful and congratulations
Then she is a very fortunate woman
Infidelity. Disconnection sounds like a bs description of the events leading to cheating. Cheaters cannot be trusted , they are basically sociopaths and expecting a solid partnership with a cheater is insanity.
I'm glad he said talking to people who are happily married. That's a huge difference from people who are just "still" married.
I can only speak for one person. I grew fatigued of the incessant disrespect, distrust, anger, insults, accusations and argument after argument after argument. Every week to 10 days a knock down drag them out (figuratively speaking) argument that erupted out of nowhere.
The day the divorce was finalized was a much happier experience than the day I got married. I loved her and still do, but I am so glad I never have to see her ever again. Once was enough, and have remained single ever since. That has been wonderful for me and may even be wonderful for the women I never bothered to chase. Who knows? Not me and I do not care.
that is when the woman suddenly transforms into a man! Then you have two men in a heterosexual relationship which is impossible to define.
I'm sorry you went through that. I can relate, only it's my husband who fights. I didn't know he had anger issues when we got married and he's turned our home into a "yelling house". These inane, cyclical fights about absolutely nothing, all the time, almost like they're scheduled and on a clock. I realized not long ago that I NEVER yelled before him. Ever. Even dating a guy who was bipolar and would pick fights we never actually yelled at each other. Now I have a 6 month old and I gave him an ultimatum because I refuse to raise another child in a yelling household.
I'm sorry your marriage had to end but I absolutely get it. I'm not an angry person, or a yelling person, and I hate fighting so much.
@michaelsteven5558 Thanks for describing how you precipitated your own divorce... then blamed it on her... when you wanted it all along!
@michaelsteven5558 Thanks for describing how you precipitated your own divorce... then blamed her for it... when you wanted it all along.
@@francikeen Talk about missing what happened. I never started a single fight, and only got angry in response to her anger and accusations. I was never disrespectful to her or her family. The reverse was not true. I put up with everything as long as I could and was willing to make the marriage better, but I could not, nor tried to change her attitude. I wanted her to be less volatile but that never happened.
Oh, by the way, she was the one that asked for a divorce and in fact she always used that as a hammer during the arguments that she started. When she asked with a calm voice and not in an argument at all, I agreed.
I can see why you might have difficulty in your relationships by falsely accusing your significant other of what you were doing.
in my divorce she said she never loved me but now she knows she loves this other guy. And maybe she was right because she's been with him for 37 years instead of 6 1/2 years. Shared values keep people together.
You are correct. They may have more in common. The old saying opposites attract. They do but usually don’t stay together
@@katemiller7874 Into that I would add, how open to changing their minds are they.
Self-absorption from one or both parties is the primary cause of divorce.
Usually the husband. Then they are too lazy to file the paperwork. And spend the rest of their hypocritical lives whining that their wives divorced them... after they moved in with their side-piece!
@franciking That's oddly specific and, unfortunately, not at all true. While it obviously happens that way, it's actually about a 50/50 split between self absorbed women and self absorbed men when it's only one or the other. Oftentimes, it's both.
@@julietmurphy8637 That's not "oddly specific." That is completely accurate and descriptive. I know quite a few ex-wives who filed the paperwork AFTER their husbands got themselves a sidepiece or even moved in with their girlfriend or literally disappeared. And their ex-husbands say, "My wife divorced me." They play the victim. You are dating a divorced man.
*Most divorces are provoked by the common male vices:* drunkenness, drug abuse, domestic abuse - physical, verbal or psychological, gambling, greed, selfishness, arrogance, uncommunication, dishonesty pornography, adultery or criminality.
Yes, that is oddly specific. While there are certain commonalities that often appear in divorce, the distinct situation you describe doesn't account for all or even most divorces. I understand that may be your *personal* experience and, as you said, you personally know several people in that precise situation, it doesn't apply to all or even most divorces. Personal experience and anecdotal evidence do not make reliable, universal facts. The world is more than you and your acquaintances.
Many of the reasons you listed are, of course, common reasons for divorce- and the underlying cause of all of those reasons is self-absorption. Self centered people do not or cannot make lasting commitments to their partner and their marriage, which requires thinking about the other person, consequences of one's actions, and often putting your spouse/family before yourself. I'll even go so far as to say immaturity is the second leading cause of divorce as self-absorbed people are often immature.
Actual Facts:
Reasons for Divorce (more than one may apply to a single divorcing couple):
Lack of Commitment 70%
Infidelity 60%
Too Much Conflict/Arguing 58%
Married Too Young 45%
Financial Problems 37%
Substance Abuse 35%
Domestic Violence 24%
(Source: National Library of Medicine, Forbes)
"Interestingly, couples often disagree on what the final straw was that led to the end of their marriage. In fact, not a single couple reported the same deciding issue as the ultimate reason for the end of their marriage." (Forbes)
-The US divorce rate has decreased 68% since 2010 (CDC, NIH, US Census Bureau)
-69% of divorces are initiated by women
Reasons Women Initiate Divorce:
1. Unmet Needs
2. Deficient Work-Life Balance
3. Husband's Infidelity
4. Addiction
5. Abuse
Reasons Men Initiate Divorce:
1. Growing Apart
2. Lack of Respect
3. Adultery
4. Unmet Needs/Intimacy
5. Mid-Life Crises
(Divorce.com)
Divorce laws often benefit women which contributes to why women are more willing to file for divorce. Additionally, men are less likely to report abuse- even if it's happening to them. (Yes, men can be abused.) Infidelity is more of a symptom and final straw than an underlying cause.
Having divorced friends makes people more likely to get divorced, especially women.
Higher education = lower divorce rates
So no, your oddly specific scenario and man-blaming nonsense is not why all or even most divorces happen.
PS "Uncommunication" is not a word.
@@julietmurphy8637 Be definition, it's NOT "odd" because it's common. It's not my personal experience, but the experience of friends and relatives. Those distinct situations account for many divorces. You bicker to defend your boyfriend who dumped his wife.
Most divorce petitions are provoked by the common male vices: drunkenness, drug abuse, domestic abuse - physical, verbal or psychological, gambling, greed, selfishness, rudeness, arrogance, dishonesty, pornography, adultery and criminality. PS You are a prostitute, who insults women to get men's money.
My husband did not put me first. He was always more worried about the feelings of others over mine. You are supposed to put your wife first.
Then why did you! Marry him
Come on , leave her alone @@mikolowiskamikolowiska4993
Can we get your ex husbands side?
Omg, relationships are about "we" you're a team. It's not about putting either one of you first. You're awful.
@@iank3924 👏👏👏
Most couples live together and sleep with each other before marriage, this hurts the relationship as well.
Finally, someone said it thank you
I'm only a couple minutes into the video, but just want to say that money is actually one of the things that bring me and my wife closer to each other. We are not wealthy and we consult with each other on any major (and honestly most minor) financial decisions. We've tried to adopt the "enough is plenty" mindset rather than "more is better" and it has made all the difference for us. I say this not to toot my horn, but to give some merit to the suggestion that money is often a scapegoat for marital issues and can be a reason to come together if you will let it.
Love this ❤🙌
If a person values self-gratification more than the intimacy they gain from a relationship, then they will stop sacrificing for the relationship and are likely to end up cheating.
I would say it's the intimacy that has gone or they would have physical intimacy at home as well. Or sometimes they will have physical connection but no true intimacy so they'll still want an affair.
Im Divorced. And I can say with certainty that I would be very fearful of getting married if I had anything to lose financially, a house , savings etc....
These days all they gotta say is im not happy and you lose your wife. House kids etc etc.. its definitely something to think about.
I think divorce rates are so high because people don't actually understand what marriage is actually about and what is required from the parties. And I think women file more often because their vision of marriage is prior to the wedding warped and they become disallusioned years later. However, women are socialized to chase marriage and get the ring because it's an accomplishment that they think brings validation and checks a box. Unfortunately that novelty wears off and the sacrificial nature of marriage becomes obvious and its no longer what they signed up for. So it makes sense to me that women who chase a fairytales instead of understanding that marriage is a covenant are likely to file for divorce.
People are living longer but maturity is stunted. Just because someone is biologically capable of marriage and kids doesn't mean that they're ready or fit for marriage. My colleague is a divorce lawyer and the vast majority of his divorces involve women who married in their 20s. That's not an accident.
today women are the majority issue... most men are not even getting attention from women let alone married.. so sorry but women are to blame today a lot more than the men
First marriage, I was a very mature 20 year old, he was very immature so it quickly became a dynamic of him messing up, and being sorry and me waiting for him to be ready to build a family and a home. Eventually I got fed up. He never grew up. To this day, he's like a 50 year old man-boy. I remarried and found a fantastic full grown man, who's been my partner for 20 years.
"That's not something people like to talk about publicly.... it's not cool to forgive your partner for an affair." This is so true. Even the "once a cheater, always a cheater" (which is true in many cases) saying makes the victim of adultery feel like (s)he is wrong and weak for staying in the marriage. If you stay and work through it, no one around you supports the union anymore which makes it so hard to keep staying when things get rough. The affair becomes the easy thing to point to when the marriage falls apart, even when that's not the only issue.
Forgiveness and staying together are two different things
And this is also the main reason why couples shouldn’t be venting about their relationship or marriage to friends or family unless if there’s some serious abuse going on where one person is no longer safe. Once you air out the laundry, others will never look at you the same or will constantly judge you for staying even if the two of you are working it out.
My opinion is that we live in a materialist and very selfish society. If you aren’t ready to put the needs of your spouse above yourself when it’s needed you aren’t ready for marriage. You also can’t be thin skinned, you are going to hurt each others feelings (I’m not talking about major issues like infidelity just general issues) I have a special needs child who requires a lot of our time and attention, if my wife and I need to talk we take a road trip so we can talk in the car since my son enjoys car rides….communication is key don’t ignore your spouse.
I’ve been married for 15 years
The grass is greener where you water it.
From what I can see, it is lies. Not telling the truth from the dating stage and faking things for the person you love. Over time your true colors are shown and those colors are not what the other person wants. Not saying either person is bad, they just lied who they were. It would be so much better if we could be ourselves and be accepted for ourselves.
Selfish people do selfish shit.
6 years relationship.. divorced after a month into marriage. She played the long game
I usually blame it on unrealistic expectations via fiction.
The video is about the top reasons divorce happens and the word "feminism" was never said once?
I think that's because they don't get married
Like he says. There are a lot of reasons, and it's appealing to think one reason explains it. Feminism is no more at fault than any of the other reasons.
That's because more divorces are caused by #ToxicMasculinity.
Feminism is why many men like my dad can become a stay at home husband and study parttime for a career change.
My sister is a surgeon making big money because my dad and mum gave her the example of studying to get ahead, sharing domestic loads, going out to work and being a parent are all doable if shared between two adults that love and care for each other.
Over at my folks tonight .... My dad is in the kitchen cooking dinner mum just put a load of washing on .... Later they are likely going to be found holding hands and watching movie together on the couch.
Real men love the flexibility of relaxed gender norms ....
Very much agree, disconnection is the start and the end to marriage/relationships
Lack of respect and appreciation for the husband, which then breeds resentment from the husband and his eventual withdrawal from the wife. Vicious cycle, especially if neither party has the necessary humility to try to understand the other and make a change.
In my opinion, you cannot have respect without appreciation or vice versa. The unspoken aspect is understanding because without that, appreciation is unattainable. You need to understand the person to understand their motives and methods they use to show their appreciation of you.
Relationships are not simple, and they are not stagnant.
More like lack of respect and appreciation for the wife.
This goes both ways. Many wives are not treated with respect from their husbands. If you're told to basically shut up and just be submissive all of the time, that will grow plenty of resentment in the wife.
Lack of respect and appreciated for the WIFE, which then breeds resentment from the WIFE and HER eventual withdrawal from the selfish, porn-addled husband. Husbands are obligated to lead, but modern husbands are pussies.
Excellent interview and information!
Unfortunately in what's left of this immoral society; these are the main reasons why individuals get divorced:
-Financial difficulties!
-Adultery/Infidelity!
-"Unsocial Media"; negative influences from
Hashtags, comments, views!
-Never had a true value and overstanding on what marriage is all about!
If you do not know what true sacrifice, loyalty, respect, integrity, and love is; you should not get married!
Seriously; this is indeed one if the best, logical, intelligent, and thought provoking commentaries on this topic/platform!
I agree completely with both statements , even in that order is what is causing divorce and also that this is the best explanation that I’ve seen through these comments
@@karenjohnson5634
Only thing I forgot was to suggest that you go live your best life!
Incredible conversation!!
If want to grow your marriage or understand it better… I listen to FOCUS ON THE FAMILY.
reason number 1: people are complicated and flawed.
reason number 2: THE STATE FINANCIALLY INCENTIVIZES DIVORCE FOR WOMEN.
reason 1 cannot be changed. reason 2 can.
That, and it's easy. I got divorced. It was so easy and amicable. Tedious and took six months, but neither of us financially gained from it. One lawyer, and I organized the whole thing. It was no more difficult than a high school break up with paperwork.
There used to be social pressures and aid as well. Now the social groups sabotage it. It used to be the larger family helped and hindered and the community heavily frowned upon it.
Reason 2 will never change because we're a nation of sheep
"What can I do not to get divorced?" "There's plenty you can do!" Video ends... LOL
Don’t get married
Imagine a kids with divorced parents, moving between each house. Never having a home.
Now imagine mom or dad have a new baby with their new spouse. The new kid gets to have a home and a family, but the older kids still don’t.
That sort of pain cannot be easy for a kid. It’s one of the sadder things I can imagine.
This was really good! Part 2 please!!!
This needs to be the talked about more👍🏼
Divorce scares your heart. Can you love again, sure, but it won't be the same. Every broken heart creates unseen damage. After a divorce seek counseling. It can help you recover and process the loss.
Brilliant analysis.
Forgiving a cheater is like forgiving an abuser, alcoholic, serious gambler, etc. They will do it again it’s just a matter of when and will you know about it or have they gotten better at hiding it
100% look people if you want to forgive a cheater you do you
but when they do it again
" I Told You So "
boy you must feel Really damn stupid for not listening to me huh
Excellent video; made me a bit emotional watching it. I sent it on to my daughter and her husband.
I am finished with husbands. I now have peace
Excellent clip!
Great analysis thanks
If adultery were punishable with jail time, then you would best bet people would be thinking about their spouses before they had an affair. In a real Christian society that would be the law. We wouldn't need to worry about "affair-proofing" marriages if we threatened them with 30 days in jail or a stoning😂
Fortunately we're never going to live under Christian law.
Yeah, let's go back to the good old days where women were forced into polygamous marriage and had no right to divorce/burn in hell if they remarried. Good times.
We will never knuckle under to religious rule. Never.
@@kenofken9458 sorry but if I switched the word "adultery" with "theft" would you be tipping that fedora like that? Adultery should be punishable by law since it's breaking a contract.
@@tryphenarose384 that never a thing that happened in the USA? Except fundamentalist Mormons. You guys literally read weird harem 🌽 and pretend that actually happened.
Both partners need to be willing to work on it. Once someone quits for whatever reason then it’s impossible besides an act of god to make it work.
Amen! You understand!!
It’s not impossible to “make” it work it’s just not ideal. Stubborn people who refuse to fail will stay together regardless. Statistically I think I’m 60-80% supposed to be divorced but I have no good reason to bother with it, we both end up in worse situations if we do and staying together is tolerable.
Disconnect (in reality lack of connect in the first place) happens little by little. Being denied your needs here and there. Then when you learn to do without, then you really get nothing going forward. Years and years like that and boom....ship has sunk.
This was absolutely terrific
Husband kept flirting and getting females number, which i wasn't ok with but I gave him time because he said he's insecure so he search validation (...🤨) then 2 years later with a 15 month old baby girl, he had s3x with someone and now he he's claiming he has a lust problem and he knows it will hapoen again..I tried to make it work but this isn't what I signed up for, I'm leaving with our daughter to my mom's soon. I believe he loves me, but it's not the love that I want or deserve...
I got divorced because my ex-husband called me the N-word all the time and was physically abusive as well.
I got divorced after 15 years. I tried hard not too but I see where I failed and where even though I tried I couldn’t fix things alone. I refuse to let that happen again and I’m pulling out all the stops for my man.
I couldn't agree more, disconnect. Two people have to make it both work. That's what happened in my first marriage. He didn't care anymore, then I stopped caring.
Most couples enter into marriage these days having fornicated. So why should "cheating" matter when theyve ALREADY condoned extra-marital sex. It's either all wrong or none of it is.
"Love pass, poverty last"
Sometimes the cost of being in a relationship is too expensive.
Because the person who's in marriage don't care anymore to their partner. Disrespectful, when one person doesn't care about the feelings of the other. Alcoholism, vices etc, abusive not necessarily physically but emotionally and mentally. Not performing each other's responsibilities or share to the relationship. Not meeting the needs and wants in the relationship not always about money but in all aspect of being a human. A lot of things. Lack of good communication. One person give also ultimatums .
Yes when excitement gone relationship become so dull and boring.
Though marriage end for me need to maintain the friendship so you never hate each other. But no more expectations and demands.
I wanna share my quote: Love , having an open- mind and non- attachment or no- self - meaning there's no me or mine to cling to can reduce unnecessary sufferings in the world.
Substance abuse
I think the number of _"separated but not offically divorced"_ ; _"miserable but too fearful of the unknown to divorce"_ ; _"cheaper to keep her"_ & the _"jogging along out of habit indifferent"_ marriages are *SEVERELY* underestimated.
I suspect the number of marriages where both parties are actually happy to be married their entire lives is 10% at best.
10% is pretty cynical. Sure, there are marriages that aren't fairy tales but a lot of married couples, despite the problems, know the grass is no greener on the other side and they're at peace with that notion. People who presume that most marriages are miserable are likely just trying to justify their choice (often made out of fear) not to marry or, more likely, their inability to find someone worth marrying. The Red Pill community often brings up legit concerns, but they take it too far in their proposed "solution" to avoid marriage like the plague. Everything comes with risks, including not taking risks.
@@reinedire787210% is generous bud. It’s probably closer to 1-5%
@@reinedire7872marrying a western woman is a foolish endeavor.
You don’t know anything you just think.
Completely agree.
“Don't try to be a hero.. You won't change anything here.. ” -Marriage therapists on up and coming therapists 🤣🤣🤣😂
Fascinating perspective
Selfishness. Plain and simple.
I saw this lawyer back on Soft White Underbelly, it was really an interesting interview. Glad you got him, Matt!
He used vulgar language constantly in that Soft White Underbelly interview and his affect was manic and over the top.
He’s right. A lot of it is about paying attention.
Matt is the man bro! This was seriously, one of thee best podcasts I’ve EVER listened to 💯💯💯💯💯💯
It's mostly unrealistic expectations, mainly by women. They get bored of the man and feel like they "settled" for someone beneath them, so they eventually bail out. And they generally reap the financial benefits when they leave too.
No, women expect to grow together and men become lazy and complacent, take her for granted/or become controlling and try to hold her back when she is growing. This can come in the form of adding more bs work to her load around the house, controlling the money if she's a stay at home mother, prevents her from going back to school or not supporting her in going back to work.Then they turn around and say sh1t like "the man needs to be respected more in the marriage " aka do as I want because I'm too comfortable to grow or try. So then they start talking to lower women or ones that will listen to his nonsense as he looks for sympathy, the wife finds out and things go down hill.
@@Toxicpoolofreekingmascul-lj4yd It sounds like you are too young to know anything about marriage, go back to your play station little one.
@@Toxicpoolofreekingmascul-lj4yd no. What I said is more accurate.
*If a marriage ends due to infidelity:* It seem like the right thing to do, but I feel bad when there’s children involved. It’s hard for me to route for cheaters to fail while knowing that they are a parent as well.
What about marriages where there’s children involved but the wife has been refusing sex with her husband for years and won’t even talk about it?
@@MD-xl1sq Chances are the wife is likely still having sex with someone. If she isn’t cheating then it’s a fair assessment that she just doesn’t want to have sex with her husband but will with someone else. I’m not use to hearing people agreeing to celibacy after marriage. Either way, don’t cheat. End the marriage and come up with a great plan to coparent. I’m not saying you have to find another marriage or relationship.
My aunt didn’t have sex with my uncle for almost 2 years (it was her way of punishing him because he didn’t let her do a kitchen makeover and a few other things; she admitted it). He divorced her and lost half of everything. He rented a house the next block over so he can be close to my cousins. He’s fit, good looking, in his late 40s. He just pays for sex (via fancy dinners, clothes, bags, vacations, etc) with a bunch of women 25-40 who don’t want a serious relationship but like having a good time. He’s still a great father to my cousins(teenagers 13,15,16). He was worried about losing everything in his divorce but now he’s making 3 times now than what he was while married. He did it the right way, he never cheated but he said that using a Fleshlight got old because he missed the intimacy aspect. It’s been 3 years and my aunt has tried to win him back but she’s unsuccessful in doing so.
This attorney is excellent on this topic! I watched his other long video a couple of years ago.
Alcoholism is also a big factor.
Apple is more repaonsible for divorce than anything😂
I’m in the middle of a divorce. I stayed 11 years too long. I tried everything in my power to keep staying. But he treated me so poorly behind closed doors that my health was failing in my early 30s. He had no empathy, no remorse and was an expert at gaslighting, manipulation and looking like a good Christian to everyone else. It almost ended me.
I’m getting out FOR my son. Not every divorce is a bad thing.
Believe me, God wants you out of that kind of marriage because I know Christians like that and they are anything but godly.
All the power to you Lauren no one really knows what goes on behind each closed door. God Speed.
I have two couples in our circle now where the wives cheated and one of the couples had kids. Both situations broke my heart but the kids were my main thought in the whole thing. I look at my sons and think of how things would be for them if they had to go back and forth between my husband and I and I can’t even stomach it. I feel for the kids going through it because, no they aren’t just resilient and “get past it” for the most part. I know so many of my adult friends that were very affected by their parents divorces.
One of the biggest issue I think is besides cheating is pride. When no one is willing to give in or loose everyone wants it their way and can’t take no as an answer.
I was 19 when my parents divorced, and even though I knew it was ridiculous and untrue, I felt tremendous guilt. Although i understand why they divorced, i do wish they would have just tried harder when i was young to be good spouses to each other. Unhappy marriages are hard for kids and divorce is even harder.
It also comes down belief systems. I think first and foremost.
My sons stbxw refused marriage counseling. She said she’d rather be divorced. 3 months later he finally left.
She was physically/verbally/emotionally abusive. She refused counseling for her issues that caused her to be broken.
I’ve never ever seen Matt Walsh smile. Ever. Very interesting.
Emotional abuse is common, not just physical.. Love and trust can't really return after that.
I love how this dude is wearing a formal lawyer's attire, but then his sleeves are up to show the tattoos. Not really sure what he was going for here.
This guy should be a marriage counselor. Hes very insightful
This guy is a joy to listen to, lots of insight here. 😄