Should Ladies STOP Pursuing Men? | Godly Dating 101 Podcast
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- Опубліковано 12 січ 2022
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Comment below if you're pursuing, or if you're a guy that wants to be pursued lol.
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What are the differences between showing interest and pursuing?
I learned my lesson in my younger years, through many times chasing, DMing, constantly texting, and calling back to back. The root cause of that was rejection in my childhood. Once I understood the root cause of why I was excessively pursuing guys, I shifted my pursuit from guys and started to pursue relationship with Christ. Best decision I have ever made. I hate to say this, but I mean, if it's meant for me to be with someone, it'll happen. I'm not really positioning myself anytime soon lol.
Love this sis! Thanks for sharing
@@GodlyDating101 Glad to share🙌🙏
Girl I definitely agree. In my 24 years of living I’ve only taken 3 guys seriously, 1 in which had all the qualities of what I’ve been praying for in a God fearing man, but then like a month in attempting to purse one another, he decided to step back and wanted to consult with God about pursuing me. Which is fine because I want my future husband to pray to see if I’m really who God has for him.Long story short, after that I would hear from him once a year and currently haven’t heard from him since. I don’t want to question God at all but sometimes I ask God Why? , how come this didn’t work out ? Is it because he needs to work on my spiritual life with me more, that’s all I’ve asking God. But I’ve chose to wait on the Lord and be patience and who ever God has for me, will definitely come, for now I’m working on my spiritual, mental and physical health, and also my career as well.
@@shy-annb.21 Yes ma'am, it's hard out here but Sis be encouraged. Take delight in waiting on Him. The waiting is definitely producing something great in you and untimely it is preparing you for His coming. At the end of the day, we are already married. We are the bride of Christ and He's completing us, cleaning us up and preparing us. Just allow God to have His way. Amen🙏
@sheridan thanks for sharing this. I'm on the same boat as you, I too didn't value myself because of traumas from childhood. I'm at peace now with being single and waiting on God 🙏🏽
A nice lady in church showed interrest in me. I didnt really responded to her. Not that i didnt like her (she is really beautiful) but because i am almost sure God gave me the confirmation that i need to get my driver license first before thinking about dating women. (Europe is less car dependent so i avoided getting it for some time) So a man not pursuing means most of time he isnt interrested but can sometimes also mean that he needs to finish some goals in his private life first. I am now praying that she will be still available when i finish my driver license and if she isnt than it wasnt God's plan.
As a woman, I have tried pursuing a man before and I cringed most of the time while doing it lol. God was so gracious and I was spared from being with a ungodly man on top of all of that.
I'm still in my waiting season and I definitely wouldn't pursue a man again.
Unfortunately, I have been that way at one point and the Holy Spirit convicted me. I felt like I was doing the pursuing and that's not God's heart for His daughters. I just gave it to God and told Him that whoever He has for me, is for me. I will not have to pursue him first and I will not have to settle. Just give it to God. Don't make the mistake of giving your attention to the wrong man that is someone else's husband. Let the man pursue you. Let God lead him, so you know he was sent from God. I don't know when I'll get married. It may be soon or not be soon. Just stay focused on Jesus ladies, and the Godly man that you have been praying for will come :)
I can feel when something is wrong. Its like a gut feeling when I'm chasing
I think we need to use a megaphone for the ladies in the back. Lol! I have friends telling me to pursue and even get on to Bumble (which is a site where the female initiates). I think that goes against nature... Men naturally pursue a woman that he wants to get to know. It's then MY responsibility to respond with accepting his pursuit or not.
God made men to pursue, this much is VERY CLEAR to me!
My mother taught me to sit back and give a man space to pursue. She had alot of wisdom!
Completely agree! If a man isn't confident enough to approach me, I'm not interested. 👏👏👏
I use to. All the time. Spent 28 years of my life chasing men. My dad being the main one. That wound was so deep and extremely painful. I was so lost even in Christ. Thank God for therapy. Last year, I was able to work through the trauma. It’s been freeing and a little overwhelming being aware. But God is faithful and patient with me. Good video. 👍🏾
Proud of you sis. Thanks for sharing ☺️
@@Letty_H thank you ♥️
I am probably one of those woman who text first and I show my interest a little by engaging more in the conversation and getting to know someone but it is up to the man to keep moving the conversation, expressing his feelings first, and leading the relationship.
It’s degrading, when you pursue a man you are basically saying “ I don’t feel worthy or I’m not enough for a man to pursue and put effort in getting to know me so I have to do it myself” that’s what I used to do but God has changed that for me
You’re pretty
Wow🔥 sooo good!! Thank you!
I choose not to pursue a man I’m interested in because it’s out of character for me. Honestly, I’d question if he is actually interested in me and what else I would have to pursue in our relationship. It’s safer emotionally and spiritually to wait for God to encourage him to initiate and pursue.
I really agree with you
"It's safer emotionally" 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
I’m naturally a shy person so it feels out of my comfort zone to do so. I’ve tried to be the first to engage thinking maybe I need to put myself out there to show my interest and approachability but it jus doesn’t feel right. I feel like I’m coming off as desperate 😣
For many guys, it can appear desperate as well. So it’s okay if you decide to allow him to lead, that’s probably best in our opinion anyways.
There nothing wrong showing a dude your interested, but make sure that he’s putting the work that your not always the one texting, your not the only one that making plans, a simple approach you can say hi and smile, smile is a best way to show a guy your interest
@@melissacalderon1515 if I guy approached me multiple times, does it mean he likes me
From personal experience, pursuing any man; never ends well for me. So I agree with this message.
No I will not pursue a man.... period! I will not waste my God given favor on a man that's possibly a option.
In my last relationship I felt I was putting more of the work, effort, and it felt one sided. Most of the time I felt like the “man” in the relationship. He didn’t have to work hardly at all to get me, and I truly believe he didn’t value me because of that and maybe some other reasons such as emotional unavailability. Feeling like I’m “forcing” a man to love me or see my worth isn’t right. I have learned my lesson, and refuse to get into another relationship where I am not pursued. The next man will have to know what he has when he has it. Know your worth ladies!
I’ve done it once before, and looking back on it… I am so shame 😂 I now realize that man did not want me. I was just a temporary replacement until the ex girlfriend came back. I definitely won’t do that again!
And you don’t deserve that. God has something great for you. God bless ❤️
I grew up in a 1 parent household where my mom was usually on her phone n would only haphazardly listen to me. As an awkward introvert I was used to being dismissed, overlooked, and struggling to compete attention. Only after trial and error growing up did I learn what standards to hold myself and men to. Honestly, the times I've pursued men or heard/seen other women pursue men was more about wanting to be in control of the situation, trying to make it work in our favor. I also think it's about immediate gratification of getting the answer/results we want rather than waiting on men to initiate and show/tell us what they want. The reality is that did set up a precedent of me always being available, being taken for granted, and the man not having put in much effort. Women tend to know when we want a relationship, but if we're not careful we can be lead by feelings and fantasies that have no basis in reality. Men usually are creatures of action, so they'll make time for who they're interested in. Building a friendship and foundation together before marriage n sex is crucial.
Wooow perfectly stated! Thank you for sharing this!! 🙌🏿 this opened my eyes to some things!
I'm more of the cut off type anything can cause me to just walk away... Like I don't even give chances... I don't like being this way... But rejection and abandonment can sometimes place walls up that we need God to fix
Going to address that soon. Very common problem we can battle with sis
@@GodlyDating101 I have been waiting for that lol also please keep me and my children in prayer you and your wife are a blessing
Very true sis, I’m one for walking away as well. For me, it’s an unwillingness to be vulnerable or get hurt again. Which, like you said, is rooted in rejection. Avoidance will on leave us feeling more hurt and lonely but it’s SO HARD especially when trust has been broken in the past.
@@GodlyDating101 going through this now I Self Sabotage my relationship and IDK if I should fix it or allow him to come back
#1 reason i don't pursue men even when i think there's a "spark" is I've known men who target such women and there's nothing biblical about it. It is easier to juggle multiple women (and even sometimes use them for money) if they are doing all the work to chase you. Allowing men to pursue me is a filter.
I’ve always been this woman …. I don’t or didn’t consider myself thirsty…. 🤷🏽♀️ I do consider myself bold . But moving forward in my singleness I won’t initiate any relationship . Lesson learned I never had an issue with letting a man know I was interested but I had the issue of carrying the friend ship . Would call and text . But it definitely puts a damper in your confidence thank you for sharing
I enjoyed this video. I would never pursue a man. I think he should lead the relationship.
This really opened my eyes alot about why I would do those things (pursuing or chasing a man) Lack of trust in God, rejection, validation, not knowing my worth. The comment section even more so opened my eyes! Thank you for sharing this video as I needed this so much! God been showing me this. I realized now if you're chasing that man, initiating every single thing. a) he won't take you seriously. b) what is there for him to do? As you're doing ALL the chase and what not. 2022 it's time to know our worth and pursue Jesus and KNOW our value and who we are!
People would call me bold for telling a man I liked him, I don't call it bold but foolish lol its not cute. You can show you like but don't outright chase or be so pushy ya know. I regret the times I did that in the past 😪
Thank God for a successful upload! To the prompt, I desire to be pursued. This video is right on time.
I am not ok with pursuing a guy. I agree with what you said. Men go after what they want. If they want you, you will know it.
I totally agree with what was said. I think that, generally speaking, men naturally are driven to pursue a woman they want, and a woman naturally desires a pursuit. If either is not in alignment with that natural way of engaging, I think either one or the other is not really interested, or one or the other is not in alignment with their true selves yet and have a little more developing to do.
I pursued someone that I was really interested in before. After a few years, during which I really went through a spiritual realization, I realized my pursuit of him was because I really was kind of desperate. He seemed to be a perfect match and I wanted to cling on to him and stop wasting time; but if he wanted me, he would have done what he could to get me. I can't imagine doing that in the place I am in now; it just wouldn't feel right. And funny enough now men pursue me more than ever.
I finally learned my lesson on always being the girl that pursued guys. The root of it for me was validation because I loved being validated by men. Now I learned my lesson that will truly wait for the guy to pursue me.
I couldn’t be more accurate brother 🙌🏾 I’ve done it once and I’ve felt so humiliated when the guy rejected me. If he wanted you, he would pursue you.
I don't think as a woman I should pursue a man ,because it can be one street , but nothing wrong if he know that your interested in him , but to try go beyond that means is not worthy, I am a very shy girl , so it would take alot out me to even approach a man I find interest in. If sees and know that I am interested in him and don't do anything about it then that's my que to move on until God send that man to rightfully pursue me
A woman should not be pursuing a man. In the beginning it maybe alright with him, then later she may try to bring masculine energy making him feel less than a man, this is where one of many of the problems start. The man should be led to pursue as well. A spiritual connection is IMMACULATE 💫
This is just my opinion though 😊
This is so good! Thank you!!
I have seen within my girl friends circle of friends pursue men only to end up being heartbroken. It's sad to see because men have cringed about it or have asked me to let the women know that they're not seriously interested.
On the other end I have had men pursue me just as fiercely and it cringes me because I barely even know the men as a friend or a person. And often times they don't even want to build on mutual fondness for each as a friend while getting to know each other.
I had tried online dating and from what I have noticed is that it's almost no different then meeting single men at church. In all I don't mind if a man pursues me but it has to be with sincere interest in getting to know me as a woman of God and not just a woman he can try to get into bed with.
In my opinion, your opinions are spot on! Thank you for this bro!
This video was super helpful and insightful! Thanks for posting!
Quick question.
If he does the pursuing, how does the lady sustain the relationship without being too clingy and on the other hand without it looking as if the efforts to sustain the relationship are just one sided from the man??
I want to know his opinion too
I would never approach a guy first. I used to when I was in my late teens but they never respected me. Guys know when they want you and they will pursue you even the shy ones. Men are the go getters in the relationship dynamic and to now go up to them first just makes so a strange foundation IMO. You can give a little look to show you’re interested but anything more than that it’s up to them. There’s a big difference in showing you’re interested vs initiating
I’m a single parent and God has been leading me to channels that cultivate Godly homes and I love it! Im new here, and this was a good topic.
Your video summed out my past wish I saw this before! Men should pursue.
That’s so good 😊
I’m willing to put in the effort that GOD has for me🙌🏾🙏🏾
This was really good 😊
This was very insightful. I’m a type of woman who will typically engage more in the convo just because I like getting to know people but I REFUSE to pursue a man. Feels desperate to me😔
I’m interest in men who are confident and mature, I just don’t like to pursue men because I think I’m total catch and call me conceited but any men who finds me is one blessed men, I just came to point where I don’t care if your cutest guy in the world if your not willing to put in the work, I love a men who’s willing to step up, I don’t like passive men
So what is the difference between a woman showing interest and pursuing a man. Isnt it one of the same? Most men these days do not pursue because they do not want to experience rejection and it is scary in this post ME TOO movement era. Ladies, Just best leave it to God to send you your Man. He will find you. Proverbs 18:22
I had a narcissitic and chauvinistic Dad myself and was attracted to people who showed just a tiny bit of interest and then totally shut down. I got terribly hurt about 3 times, because they would initiate the pursuit and then leave me to do all the chasing. I escaped most of the others, because I was a counselor among my acquaintances and started focusing my whole attention on keeping them out of the wrong relationship. At 22 (I'm 28 now) I married YAH and broke up with my unholy bf because he was dedicated to his contrary life and while I am still single now, I feel way more fulfilled than when I was out there with all my insecurities and heartache.
I would be sharing for sure
Men and Women are both "the prize". I'm sure this statement speaks volumes about my viewpoint on this issue of who should do the pursuing.
Wow, what an insight.....
Why this is making me cry... 😭🤣
🥲😩😭
“He had no complaints in the middle of the night” 😂😂😂
Yes. I agree. Women don't be anxious. You are valuable. That right man must show that you are worth pursuing. This is your confirmation to you. Trust the leading of the Holy Spirit. Wait. Does he want you? He will show you. Who is he spiritually?
Please do a IG live! this is good!!
True
I loved this video, and I personally wouldn't pursue a man. In the bible we repeatedly read of Jesus pursuing his bride. If Jesus constantly pursues his bride, why would I not want the same from an earthly man. I say that with humility because I know I'm not even worthy of God's pursuit. His grace and love is immeasurable
Smiling is hard for me lol esp to strangers. Unless its business lol.
I look tough but very soft on the inside and I smile and laugh hard with those that know me
Common fallen nature of a man is passivity and lack of action. Common fallen nature for a woman is independence, the mentality that I can do everything myself and I don't need to wait on anyone.
-XO Marriage
Would love to hear from the fellas and male audience on UA-cam.
Initiating a conversation or even reaching out to a man via text or even phone call is not pursuing a man.
I really don’t like the idea of being “chose.” I’m not an impatient woman, I just want to do the choosing.
I have pursued men in the past and it hasn't worked out. I'm learning to show interest more subtely through eye contact. I would smile..but masks lol.
However, I will say that in the past there were a few times when I messaged a guy first and then he pursued afterwards. I could be wrong, but I think the main issue is when you are *constantly* messaging him first, not when you do it once for the first time.
I have pursued men in the past. I believe out of my desire of wanting a relationship for so long and it just wasn’t happening. I am much older now and decided I will do it God’s way. So, I believe a man should pursue. If you’re truly allowing God to lead you, He will not make a mistake with the one that is for you.
🔥
I can like you for months, I'm still not pursuing a man. Never been a pursuer, I'm the Favor Carrier Honey!💯
I'm all for being pursued 100% I do have 1 sister friend in Christ who testifies that her husband had prayed for whoever was his future wife for her to pursue him and they are now 4 yrs. happily married so yeah unless God leads you as the female to lead then that's Gods will for you.
What are the differences between showing interest and pursuing?
No I don’t pursue anymore God had to show me that no ma’am that’s not your part to do. The one I have for you will pursue you and you have to know your part but you can show that you’re interested in him.
No. I’m not ok with me pursuing a guy. I tried that in highschool and was looking crazy. 😂 I wanted this one guy so bad I told him he dropped something and it was a paper with my number on it. Yo never again 😂😂
How do you define pursuit?
I choose to let a man pursue me because I just keep remembering what scripture says about he who finds a wife finds a good thing. I have slightly pursued in the past, but it’s been a couple of years since I have let that happen and in reality if he is interested, he will come to you. I don’t ever want to come off as easy either or like I’m always waiting around for him. I’m ganna be about my fathers business even while that man is pursuing me. I’m not slowing down so he can catch up.
Personally, as a girl i want to be persued.
Persuing men never worked for me. I use to throw bate because I was thirsty. After so many heartbreaks I realized that I played a major part in why things didn't work. Culture would tell me to go after the man I want. But the thing is going after what you want isn't always right. What I wanted almost cost my legacy. It's not worth it to pursue a man. Pursue God everything else will fall into place.
As a woman in her best years I really wish to be pursued. Giving hints, clues and showing genuine interest, but sometimes it is so hard to just wait patiently for that specific guy to recognize me. Yeah. But nevermind. As somebody who knows their value in Christ, I am not complaining or pitying myself. Comes time, comes the right relationship. In the meantime, let's throw ourselves fully into the work of God, it IS fulfilling. And God is good. 🤩 Jesus is Lord!
You can convert your video into a high quality file for the podcast. No need to over work.
I may have to start doing that because my mic didn't even catch the audio and I had to save this audio for my podcast lol. All of this headache, I need to hire someone.
I had a boyfriend who said he felt he was putting in all the effort and he wanted me to surprise him more and do more things for him. What do you think of this?
A guy told me the same thing. It depends on how long you both have been talking and if there is a foundation laid. He and I don’t talk anymore at all. He wasn’t healed from his past.
Yes🔥when you are pursuing as a women, you are lowering your standards and the guys will definitely think twice, hmm she is desperate 🤔it should be the other way round
Personally I used to pursue... now I don't I agreed with everything said. Men pursuing shows they are leading, and scripture says HE who FINDS a good wife. Not the opposite so..
She’s manipulating!!!