"The Manipulative Signs I Wish I Saw Sooner!" THIS Traps Women... | Najwa Zebian
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- Опубліковано 9 чер 2024
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Change is scary, and it can be really tempting to stay with the devil you know rather than face the pain, set the boundaries, and make the hard decisions.
But it’s NECESSARY to live the life you want and make the little girl inside you feel SOOO safe and proud. This episode of Women of Impact is CHOCK FULL of nuggets to empower you to break the toxic cycles and find the courage to live your life YOUR WAY!!
Today my girl Najwa Zebian is back and she’s on a frikin’ mission to empower women like you and me to heal from past traumas, express yourself fearlessly, and create a life you love! Najwa is an activist, author, poet, educator, and speaker whose words have pierced the hearts of millions of women around the world. Her latest book, “The Only Constant” is a guide to embracing the changes you must make (or endure) on the journey to living the life you want!
Order your copy of “The Only Constant” here: www.amazon.com/gp/product/059...
In this episode, we’re going DEEP and digging into:
- The EARLY warning signs that he might actually be manipulating you
- The importance of speaking up about issues early in a relationship & the dangers of staying silent while just sweeping them under the rug
- How your own judgment, blame and shame are the biggest things holding you back from leaving
- Why you should NEVER fall for a zombie (unless they do this 1 thing)
- The red flags in his behavior that you miss or minimize until it’s too late & you’re in too deep
- The key to breaking the cycle that keeps you people-pleasing, trapped, and NEVER speaking up for yourself
So if you’re ready to not only change for a moment, but ACTUALLY be in the driver’s seat of your life, this one's for you my homie!
Chapter Markers:
👀 [00:00] Warning Signs of a Bad Guy
🧟 [21:08] Zombies, Ghosts, and The One That Got Away
❤️ [41:08] Love Shouldn’t Be The Hard Thing
😔 [52:33] Change for Them, Lose Yourself
😖 [1:18:33] Letting Go and Embracing the Pain
✌️ [1:39:00] Past Traumas & Finding Peace Within
👉 [1:47:06] Bonus Episode: Audrina Patridge
***Bonus Episode: How to Walk Away BEFORE it’s Too Late with Audrina Patridge***
Keep watching for a BONUS conversation with my homie Audrina Patridge where we talk about betrayals, how toxic relationships chip away at our strength, and why it’s SO DAMN IMPORTANT to actually walk away from someone before they can ruin your life forever!
🔥 FIRE QUOTES FROM NAJWA ZEBIAN:
"If I want to live a different life, I have to do something differently. If I'm going to live authentically, I'm going to have to choose differently for myself."
"Is the story that you have with this person one that you would be proud to tell in 30 years to your grandchildren and to your children and to your friends?"
"So your standards are going to start to become lower and lower, and your expectations are going to become lower and lower. You're going to forget what the word “needs” means. You're going to forget what “wants” means. Because all your focus is on how you are meeting them, where they are, not where they are meeting you, where you are, or not where you are meeting yourself where you are."
"And so part of moving on from a romantic partner could also be moving on from the toxic family dynamics that you had breaking those trauma bonds."
"And if your woman is constantly out working and focusing on herself or whatever, she's selfish and women are put in a position. That's why we carry so many roles and we're like, I need to do it all. I need to be able to cook and clean and go after my education and build a career and be the one that never inconveniences anybody else."
Follow Najwa Zebian:
Website: najwazebian.com/
Instagram: / najwazebian
Order “The Only Constant”: www.amazon.com/gp/product/059...
Follow Me, Lisa Bilyeu:
Website: www.radicalconfidence.com/
Instagram: / lisabilyeu
Facebook: / lisabilyeu
X: / lisabilyeu
If you want to dive deeper into my content, search through every episode, find specific topics I've covered, and ask me questions. Go to my Dexa page: dexa.ai/lisabilyeu
Themes: Confidence, Relationships, Business, Mental Health, Self-Improvement - Розваги
WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!
I’m overly nice and so does this make me a red flag? I disagree with her and yes could be love bombing but not always. Dont be so triggered as you could miss a wonderful person. We need to be smart. I missed good people in my life and ended up with a narracist and these are NOT always true! My body was fine with a narc!!!!! If you have trauma your body will not tell you!
Our gut is not right when you’re numb. Your body feels comfortable with the norm and uncomfortable with new strange. We will not feel comfortable with a guy or gal that is not normal. Normal makes us excited and think it’s great.
I am also nice and give people compliments But it's not from a place of pleasing others or from a place of behavior change But from a place where I see him as good And I want him to know that and I want hin to know it think that if we don't take opposite actions that lead to this issue then it won't happen
Hey Lisa, why do you stitch together two people's interview as one episode? The way Tom does as one long episode with one interview is much better.
She is by far the most calm,sensible person with utmost emotional maturity that I’ve seen. Each time you bring her on board LISA,it’s an amazingly inspiring episode. What is the best way to reach out to her to get all the wisdom nuggets. Thank you so much for empowering women and sharing with us the knowledge through this platform. More power to you girl. Keep it going.
Toxic loyalty and toxic shared history, thats a trap for sure
They are master manipulators and Emmy award winning actors!
Our bodies don’t always know!!!
💯
One has to walk away with respect for themselves, and the ability to rebuild themselves to who they were before they ended up in relationships such as this. Is it easy? No I’m not saying it’s easy because it will do a number on your brain. I don’t care how strong a person may think they are emotionally and mentally when dealing with the toxic individual it does a serious number on your brain And you are left to rebuild you. Like a hurricane or tornado that wipes out a neighborhood you have to leave something of you to rebuild and you have to do it. No one else can.
This conversation made me emotional too...when you get to 45 and it takes so much work to stand up for yourself and say no...establish boundaries. You deserve to be loved. After years of partners and family members putting me down.....I have decided NO MORE. Its not easy but its worth it. ❤🎉
Najwa showcases so much tlc, self worth and empathy for herself. She clearly has come a long way. Loved every word she said, which resonated with me. Glad to have found this channel, every interview is a true pearl! Thank you Najwa and Lisa..
1:20:00 #Challenge #Avoidance
I share this opinion wholeheartedly 😊
Interesting. Lisa I HAVE to share my gobsmacking observation that youre such a stand out listener, interviewer, always up to speed, remembering and summarising main points, super sharp responses and insights, never me me me ( honouring your guests) no humdooley dooley BS, and, very real. Its quite RARE. Go you! So glad I accidented upon your 'channel';)) (nz)
Thank you Lisa for saying that a ‘silent treatment’ can also be an emotional shut down 🙏🏼🌺
I have language processing issues and I shut down when ppl dominate verbally when I try to get my point or my feelings across. It’s annoying bc I’m smart and know myself well, ppl just don’t want to listen, they want to ‘win’ or look down on me, pretend I’m an idiot.
I also stop speaking to ppl who gaslight me, sometimes it takes weeks (after googling or listening to/reading posts like yours) for me to train myself to say what I need to say. 🙏🏼🌺 As a solo mom I did manage to raise a verbally very empowered daughter though 😅 As for a partner, he would need to have a patient & peaceful communication style and definitely a growth mindset 🙌🏼🍀🤞🏼
This. I freeze when I come into a situation that I haven’t been in before. I honestly can't respond unless I’ve gone through the answers I want to give and it gives the impression of the typical “silent treatment” it gets so frustrating.
@@flutetobassmusicianthat's not the silent treatment though.
Silent Treatment is when you refuse to speak or interact with someone else. Sometimes for days or even weeks.
You're TREATING someone badly.. its not when you don't know what to say in the moment
@@jenster29 I understand that, but there are definitely some people who have trouble seeing the difference between giving the silent treatment and going silent for emotional stability. If someone just doesn't like to talk over another person and the other person keeps going wondering why the quiet one isn't responding, depending on the person, it can be perceived as giving the silent treatment.
For example. If the quiet person has encountered some extreme narcissism, that is their protection and sadly can come out as a trauma response towards other people when everything seems normal.
Sometimes, people may feel like they are left with little more option than to protect themselves by not speaking. When asking for change doesn’t work and someone is repeatedly denigrated, belittled, or negated…sometimes people stop speaking to protect themselves. Silent treatment can be defensive…a reaction to a narcissist that isn’t ever willing to compromise.
Exactly! I'm not the silent treatment type, but if I'm repeatedly shut down and communicating isn't two sided, I don't bother anymore. I will go silent, I won't not speak if asked a direct question, but I also won't bother to go blue trying to either.
And then they come back and say they feel lonely and unloved. I literally told my hubby last week, sorry about the consequences of your actions bro! Refusing to engage in their nonsense is a valid tactic but you will be gaslit about it afterwards! Stay firm in your boundaries and refusal to give in to their nonsense.
Thats not the silent treatment. That's grey rocking... not reacting to give the narc their supply.
The silent treatment is purposely not interacting with someone to prove a point... to even get completely ignored.
It's not the same thing
I do the same because whatever I say falls on deaf ears ears
18:30
It's like watching my past life in slow motion. I pray my story will save other women and children from the same drama and trauma. The devil is busy, and he's subtly conniving...until he isn't.
“Don’t negotiate your Change with ppl who want you to stay the same” 💯 🙌🏼 Najwa! 🫶🏼
Your body will let you know for sure. People think butterflies in the stomach, means love, when in all actuality it means stress and anxiety. Pay attention to your thoughts or things that happened prior or may be happening g at the time.
I think they try. There are some people such as myself that will exhaust me, and trying to find a resolution to create harmony. But listening to my body my intuition and my thoughts is usually my snapping point where I have to walk away to preserve me.
@@Someoneoutthere67same here
Well said 👍
You have to be selfish to be the best you to share selflessly.
She is so wise and this is everything I need to hear right now, finally dealing with the childhood trauma that got me into a long marriage I must now leave.
Excessive charm is a huge red flag 🚩 I wish I knew this years ago… 🤦♀️
OMG, so many powerful, ah ha moments! Silly me for starting to watch this video with the mindset that I've probably heard it all before! What a breakthrough. Thank you, Lisa, for this video.
WOW!! So many mic drops and impactful moments in the first hour. This is such an incredible episode!!
I have just broken free from a very toxic relationship, which was only a year-long....however, we have in many ways been connected through the last 25+ years, first dating as teens. The one thing I am struggling with though is just about the 1 hr mark, where it gets into the chance (and realize this won't apply to all) but the connection to parents. I very much grew up in a very loving family overall. However, my sister was very sick as a child. Listening back, I can identify with breaking the trauma bonds from childhood, but where I struggle is I don't feel my parents ever spoke down to me, and they didn't directly make me feel like I constantly need to do more to gain their love. I feel like this is something that I solely decided for myself as very young child. My younger sister is the sick one, that causes the stress, so I, MYSELF, decided that I needed to always be doing more, be the perfect one, to ensure there was no extra stress created. I think I battle this immensely in my healing journey, and finding the compassion for myself in what I see caused my own scenario, not directly may parents - who are amazing and massively loving....but had a lot dealing with my very sick younger sibling.
I thought about this for years, but couldn’t process and turn it into words. Najwa makes it so clear. So concise. She is incredibly talented but also just so very human. Thank you 🙏🏻
Only 11 minutes into this, so helpful.
lol I am always overly nice to someone when I first meet them bc I don’t want them to be mean to me and also I have social anxiety.
The stop. Mean people will still be mean. Just be yourself.. even if you're anxious
@@jenster29True, I've learned this the hard way. Mean people will always be mean, not matter how good you were to them. TY
I loved this so hard. I love how she explained "taking things personally". How she honors her younger versions of herself. Partner could be anyone. Wisdom at its finest. So much misguided advice. Processing your emotions is as important as processing your food. Emotional constipation. Projection is real. That's why it's called "stank attitude". Unprocessed emotions/waste that get stuck in our systems become toxic. Absorb the nutrients (lessons, blessings, energy for change, etc) and pass the rest. Loving is being honest and clarity. Self love is understanding grown. Giving grace and space.
1:30:00
A break down before a breakthrough is a reality and a constant in multiple aspects of life.
I'm in a new relationship where I feel no tension in my body when we are around each other. There's no nervous energy. And he is so kind and giving. I got out of toxic relationships and keeping those out. I'm not judging myself, and having compassion for myself.
I needed this talk exactly right now... thank you girls you are so appreciated!!
That's why I am single because I don't like lying or controlling or aggressive men. I don't like dealing with men like that.
Whew this content went deep! Some of it made me cry. Thank you to both of you for living in your purpose. 🙏🏻
Looooved this episode sm 💗 thank you Lisa!
Excellent interview!
This resonates so much I was in a highly abusive relationship for 30 years… when I decided to leave it just clicked… I have to get out of this and I did ❤
Brilliant! The piece about the yoga breath completely resonates.
At what time (minutes) can I find the piece about yoga?
How much I love Najwa and I am grateful for these deep helpful and compassionate considerations. I see that she knows deeply what she is speaking about and it is a shared experience that we need to rewrite in a healthy and with truthful words 🌈
I really appreciate this interview. Thank you ❤
I dont trust words or actions. I dont fall for potential anymore either. I trust patterns and vibes that are consistent and long term.
Wow,one of the best interviews I have ever heard!
i love this wise beautiful guest, thank you
Najwa is wonderful, thank you!
It's painful when you let the other person know that you need a break and the discussion is getting too much for you, and they still won't get off your back
I have watched najwa's almost all videos on UA-cam seriously this women isy therapist ❤❤❤
This interview was perfect I got lots of new lessons, thank you so much ❤
I agree to a point but also I don’t!! when you try to express your issues & concerns & you’re dealing with a narcissist they don’t like when you bring things up with them which means they get mad, defensive & angry so they lash out & yell at you so am I to just sit there & take it ? Sit there & get screamed at directly in my face ? Or what about on the phone? Just sit there & take it ? I do what makes me comfortable which is calmly asking them to calm down & if they don’t then I walk away or I hang up the phone until they’ve calmed down. Not all the time is ignoring manipulative behavior sometimes it’s because you’re emotionally upset & shutting down from being disrespected . I wish this was elaborated on a little more.
yeeeeeey been Waiting for this❤
I needed this so bad! Thank you Thank you ❤
Very good conversation
thank you sooooo much for this
Man this was good!
I love love her❤ We need her to be here more often
I love Najwa so much! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
If you don't take action when you see the RED FLAGS, your body will suffer and become unwell after you do finally leave. The longer the toxic abuse is endured, the more Cortisol damage happens in your body.
We may not have known about Narcissistic abuse 15 years ago but we do now. Education like this podcast is clearly giving us a valuable opportunity to save our precious time for a healthier life. Good luck to you all. Be brave.
This is so powerful! Thank you! I have wondered why my body felt things before my mind caught on.
The timing of this!
Thank you Lisa! Please tell your guests thank you too. I resonate so much with this topic. I needed to hear this today.❤❤❤
Wow! I really needed to hear this at this exact moment!!!! Ty!❤
"They knew that that's what it took to get you." Yep. The deceptive plotting and manipulation are real...and then using religion to continue to manipulate and control...
1:20. WOWWWWW that coercion is violent.
this is SO TRUE
but our lives are mirrors of out past
❤❤ great stuff but after many years of living, this is true for friendships as well!! every! relationship
So so true. What a smart, self-aware and enlightnened woman❤
Thank you for this gem 💎
Someone who loves u wants to see u love urself
Respects u
Appreciates u
Someone who doesn't love u
Will find flaws
I used to coin my mistake with my narc spouse as “the sin of familiarity”…
I was 18
He was 18
Same college same degree
I am 28 now
When i found out about narcisssism i was 21
But at 18 he emotionally psychologically abused me
I knew something was off
Disrespect was something i saw as a red flag
I cheated on him
Wow
Audacity of him n his friends to hate me
a rather notch concepts
brilliant.
Damn!! She’s so right 😮
Absolutely wonderful descriptions and thoughts on the process of relationships and life. ❤
❤Woah, Luv you both, 🥰Queens!
Sixteen minutes of watching and I already have goosebumps
Excellent Interview!
I love the distinction between familiar safety and expansive safety. It brings so much clarity.
Yes!!!! So much clarity 💜💜
❤i didn't get to hear whole interview. Please send to me again. Very powerful ❤
Experienced it. The over nice. The intuition screaming
Brilliant minds
This is so powerful ❤
Thank you. Spot on.
Once you start to see red flags, RUN!!
If a person's words and actions do not align , something is wrong. Protect yourself. ❤
wait im confused
a toxic person is not someone you want to outsmart, a toxic person is someone you want to get away from
if you cant get away from them like someone you work with you tell them what they want to hear and let them think they are winning then set a trp that will expose them for what they are
I'll buy her book
What the hell I was watching Najma previous videos from last week on repotitive mode. And in other channels as well. And hell she is jere again. I love you lisa for bringing her. Thanks a lot.❤❤
Dirty Pain and Murky Waters. LOVED these terms and their descriptions 💝💝💝💝💝
I love Najwa. She's still so empathetic, kind, and real. With all she's been through she's still not jaded and hard, but wiser and so brave.
I didn't realize you live in Tampa, too❗️ I've done the Gasparilla 5k a handful of times years ago. THANK YOU 🙏 Seeing this, I'm inspired to attack this Gasparilla challenge next year. 💪🙌 #Basic2Badass #KuntKoalition
Yep!
Great Video as Always. Lisa, is it possible to add subtitles for your videos? I've shared with Brazilian friends in Brazil that they say no Subtitles for Portuguese. They don't speak English. Thank you! Have a Happy Easter ✝️🙏
Audrina looks great!
She's telling my current story, where my life is rn. 🤔🗣️👣
So true thank you so much ♥ great very wise conversation, so informative, I experienced what she talks about. I did walk away from that toxic person. Thanks be to God. God bless you both 🙏 ❤ Have a great blissful day 🙏
She has the most amazing insights into human psychology and body.
Hilan ?
Cheaters need to listen to this…when people come back into our lives!
I want to send this to my mom because she helped me get out of a toxic relationship that I just left. But if I sent this to her, I know she’d take it personally, because of how my dad treated me. I know if she listened to the part where they r relating healing from a toxic relationship with also needing to heal childhood things, she’d know and accuse me of accusing my dad and take his side
Writing this, I feel like I want to delete my comment because I don’t like feeling so vulnerable and I’m afraid of looking like someone with a victim mentality.
Love and light to you, beautiful Soul.
Dating sets boundaries for both
I grew always being scared of anything that had feather. Never came close to a chicken. Even a dead one. Was always scared to touch it. Never understood why. Until my mom told me that when I was about three. My naughty older brother, now deceased ( may his soul Rest In Peace), once thought it was funny to lock me up in a chicken cage. Chickens waled and floud around while I too screamed with fear at the same time. It was apparently complete chaos in there. Was in the cage for about 10min. My mom searched for me when she heard my screams and when she finally found me, she thought I was dying. Still don’t remember that incident, but my body surely does. I know exactly what I she’s talking about.
I'm sorry!😫
oh no! sounds very frightening. Sorry! @@KarmaKookie5
thats so sad and traumatic
#SRA
@@kimgordon3695what’s does SRA mean? :)
This is one of the most authentic women i have ever met! Tq so much Lisa for bringing her in! 😘 😘
That friend was betrayed by the 2 friends and the boyfriend. That boyfriend probably really considered that a high moment of his high school experience.
33:00 love for them is a transaction... 😢
24:30
That description of the silent treatment is like you have lived my life the past 10 years! I have been looking for the words for years.
I hope you find the courage and the right support to leave this situation. Warm cheers to you
Oh I found my freedom! I fought for it. But I struggle to explain (even to myself ) how do the silence was abusive.
@@ellenheilbron3058 oh I’m so SO happy to read that! Bravo in leaving!! I suggest writing especially when you first wake up in the morning (automatic writing) will help you clear your thoughts and tong 🤍🫶🏼
The Bible says that a neighbor who platters you sets a trap for your feet. Your body has discernment.
Where is that located in the Bible ?
Proverbs 29:5 also read Proverbs 26:28, 28:23, 20:19, 7:5, Psalm 12:2, 5:9 & Job 17:5@@sharimiddlebrooks5375
@@sharimiddlebrooks5375 3:14
@@sharimiddlebrooks5375proverbs 26:28 , psalm 78:36
Psalm 55:21 , 1 Thessalonians2:5 and there are many more ! Flattery is dangerous ! Because there is evil intent involved.
Our body is wiser than our mind.
YUP!! 💯👌 I AGREE! Whenever a guy is super nice 2 me, i question his intentions & his motives...99% of the time its just cuz they hope 2 get sex out of it & thats the only reason theyre even bothering to talk to me. 🙄
Lisa, what about counting how many times You use " powerful "?
On top of all that what about shedding a closer view towards Your OWN relationship? 🤔
Do you mean she is dealing with a similar situation? (Narc)
@ceciliamac4283 what about applying own algorithms when trying to objectivise? 🤔🤭
@@henrikelanschuetzer4261 Could you explain? Thank you