Never Be Manipulated Again! - 7 Ways To SPOT Manipulation & Gaslighting | Dr. Mariel Buque
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- Опубліковано 15 сер 2023
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When it comes to love and relationships, being love-bombed only to be manipulated and gaslighted by your partner is an easy trap to fall into. When you don’t have words to put to the experience and you’re not even sure what is happening at the time it’s confusing and scary.
This is why Women of Impact is committed to bringing you experts and some of the most inspiring women around. Homie! I want you to have the knowledge and the tools you need to spot the bullsh*t early and act accordingly knowing your value and your self-worth.
Women like us appreciate the No B.S. approach because we’re serious about changing our frikin’ lives and being a badass woman with zero frikin’ excuses and as much success as she pleases for herself.
My guest today is practically a real life superhero for herself and her patients. If you’re not familiar with Dr. Mariel Buque and all of her awesomeness, you will be after this episode.
Mariel is here to help us break down exactly what you need to do to end the gaslighting and say ‘so long’ to manipulative cycles you keep finding yourself in. In addition to breaking down the 7 stages of manipulation we can start breaking up with today, Mariel exposes:
The side of love bombing no one ever talks about:
- How to diffuse being gaslit when you’re in the moment
- Partners that create more triggers than safety for you
- Breaking the default “sorry” mode we’ve all fallen into
- Ways to cut off that “Hoovering” ex that’s always lurking
Ladies! We’re done with feeling like we’re crazy and we’re flipping the damn tables with this episode. To make sure we’re capable of protecting our hearts and able to heal and show up able of love again, stick around for this BONUS episode with the Boundary Boss, herself, Terri Coles.
Terri exposes for us the danger of codependency, why many of us don’t recognize it in ourselves, and why broken boundaries have real consequences.
Check out Dr. Mariel’s book, Break The Cycle: A Guide to Healing Intergenerational Trauma: www.amazon.com/Break-Cycle-He...
MARIEL BUQUE QUOTES:
“People that have toxic traits tend to be fairly predictable. You’re going to see the signs show up eventually.”
“When we’re truly dealing with a manipulation strategy, we tend to get gaslit into believing that what we’re seeing happen, didn’t happen.”
“Clarity can be very helpful, but also labeling and allowing everybody to be on the same page about what’s happening.”
“It’s a really tragic socialization for all of us because we’re not only taught not to express our needs, but we’re also taught to be self-sacrificial and to service the needs of everyone else around us.”
“Whatever it is that happens here, I understand what my non-negotiables are, and everything else, there’s space for compromise, for grace, and for compassion.”
“Gaslighting can be very debilitating especially when we don’t know that gaslighting is happening and we can’t call it out as a result.”
“When a person is in submission they’re chronically saying, ‘I’m sorry’ [...] who made you believe that you were always at fault, so much so that you apologize by default.”
“The more grounded you are, the more mental clarity you have, the more capacity you have to be attuned to yourself, the more we can finally find out who that core self really is.”
“The weaponizing of our vulnerabilities is something that happens in these toxic cycles.”
Follow Dr. Mariel Buque:
Website: www.drmarielbuque.com/
Podcast: breakthecyclewithdrmariel.buz...
Twitter:: / drmarielbuque
Instagram: / dr.marielbuque
UA-cam: / @dr.marielbuque
Follow Terri Coles:
Website: www.terricole.com/
UA-cam: / @terri_cole
Instagram: / terricole
Ladies… UA-cam Premium may be one of the most empowering apps on your phone and desktop. Can you imagine what you can accomplish and how much more motivated you’ll be on with UA-cam with NO ADS!?!? This is for the ladies that are making waves. UA-cam Premium is here and you can get a FREE month just by clicking the link below. ua-cam.com/users/premium?cc=LisaBilyeu
I was soooooo excited to hear this conversation. Until Lisa made her own ad when I always pay for UA-cam premium. Commercials mess up my adhd so I'm out.
❤❤❤
@@janelmiller5935content creators provide you FREE CONTENT and you’re mad because they have to make their money back with sponsorships and ads? Grow up and get over yourself. I have ADHD as well and would never be so entitled to think I should condemn a video because it had a built in ad or that I should tell the creator that I’m not going to watch their video because of it. Seriously, find a therapist to help you manage your brain and behaviors.
Hey Lisa…I always get so much from your interviews. I hope your health is getting better, I totally relate and having to back away from many of my visions for awhile. May your journey continue to be blessed full of Hope, Health and Happiness!
Not just the lady’s you know!❤️
Watch out for when they get irritated or annoyed as if you have become a chore.. end it for sure.
Bingo!
💯
Yes not able to tolerate others emotions
Happened to me, then when I would say hey you’re doing this I’m leaving… he would do everything right. Then stop after doing it for a bit.
That’s exactly my ex.
I love this. A close male friend told me years ago to never ever believe a man when he says he’s too busy. At the time, he was a radio personality, he did the morning show, he had special appearances and shows to do all the time and he now works for TVOne. In the midst of all his busyness, he said he still always find the time to spend with the woman he loves.
A text takes less than a minute
Amen!
You shouldn’t have male friends if you are in a relationship
@@Clevelandsteamer324 It's false. It's impossible to maintain a friendship with someone you had a romantic relationship with. Nevertheless, when he said this to me, I was single and attending college. I questioned him about how he could possibly make time for a woman considering his demanding work schedule. He advised me to always remember that a man will make time for the woman he loves, and later on, I discovered this to be accurate.
Can we talk about how beautiful this lady’s skin is. She is beautiful 🤩.
I was thinking the same thing!
❤me as well shining
Stunning ❤
Yeah I was literally just thinking she's beautiful inside and out. Just gorgeous ❤
She looks like a movie star ⭐️🌟
It was such an honor to sit with you and help us all to break the cycle!!! Thank you for having me Lisa! ❤
You were great😍
Your skin, hair, foundation colour match, the way you carry yourself….everythinggggg - beautiful!
OMG seriously my homie it was MY pleasure!!! YOur powerful words and insights are going to help so many people!!! So much you know you gotta come back on! ❤️💥🥰
Thanks for doing so! I am exploring a lot of these videos having just gotten out of a 2 year relationship with all the toxicity you described! This is so empowering thank y'all!
Dr. Mariel your words are so anchoring to the soul. You are so wise, and are SEVERELY beautiful inside and out. Thank You for doing this interview.
Yes!! I realized I attracted liars and cheaters because I wasn’t being honest or telling the truth about how I felt and how uncomfortable I felt in the relationship and how I new they were lying and gaslighting and manipulating and I was scared to hurt their feelings!!
Hahaha. Same here. I had accepted many gifts snd favours practically was bought! Stuck! Now a coward. After this i am determined.
Cut a finger off. Then another till you are left finger less. Tremendous pain every time they cut off a part of you. Triggers fear.
@@gabrielleaumont3971 Hard saaaame!! My parents are very narcissistic so I realize I was conditioned into accepting this kind of behaviour. Got me into a lot of troubled relationships.
I did the exact opposite. I couldn't even help it I called him out every single time my gut went nuts. It didn't help
That's stupid lol
I was love bombed for 2 years. We married and had kids and I spent 11 more years trying to get back the man who had love bombed me. I didn't know about narcissism then.
Ooooh I feel you on this! I’m now happily remarried for the last 7 years. I hope you find your person if you haven’t already!
Simple solution. Be friends first for 6 months to 12 months (No Sex) become authentic friends... a good guy and gal will wait... and really get to know him, his family, his friends, his job, etc... this rule has saved my life and time.
I agree 👍
I like this comment. Definitely agree.
@@DustinRich-bp1zo Dustin... are you a bot? i see tons of comments coming from bots?
Don't sleep with them and they will leave on their own.
Actually, that is not true. My ex husband waited until the wedding day then barely was intimate with me because he was getting it elsewhere all along.
That's true, talking does bring closeness, that's why manipulators dont want to do it. They deflect and dismiss
Facts
I've seen some situations where the love bombing doesn't stop until she is married and pregnant and then he becomes an entirely different person.
Meee
As a psychologist myself-I’ve found myself in the most destructive relationship with a covert malignant narcissist for the last 20 years! Empath and WAY too many chances-it’s a “job hazard” I think!!! Thank u for this validation!! ❤❤
How do we heal? I was in a relationship with someone for 5 years that cheated on me and other girls the whole time.
You a psychologist and you still got sucked into the hole with a narc?, then what’s the hope for a regular person?
@SR-mv2mf anyone can be a psychologist. Especially the mentally ill.
@SR-mv2mf My ex is a covert malignant narc and he is a neuropsychologist! So she’s absolutely right-absolutely anyone-even a covert malignant (bordering on sadistic in my opinion) can be a psychologist!
@@nicolehuggins4526
Oh God! What i think we must do is : slow down, make sure we are together in ourselves. AN THEN CHECK ON OUR GUT FEELINGS!
also: what kind of a track revord do/ did they hsve?
As a highly sensitive person, I am always open to expanding my knowledge on how to interact with manipulators. My current boss is a manipulator and I am glad I established my boundaries early on.
HOW did u establish boundaries immediately with YOUR BOSS? Appreciate your feedback. Thanks
HOW DID YOU ESTABLISH your boundaries early on? What did u do or say? Thanks
You can tell when you are being manipulated and abused to SOME extent. Some have more experience actively working on themselves and have been more self aware. We KNOW the signs by the gut feeling we make a CHOICE to ignore it based on self esteem, past experiences, level of self worth and etc. Most people ignored the signs and deal with the after math later.
Wow wow wow. It’s so sad how little of the population is capable of healthy relationships. I’ve been verbally and emotionally abused for my needs and standards by many people. It’s very hard, prob impossible, to find someone who is capable of acknowledging someone else’s needs.
Im so sorry you have had to go through that homie!
It's very possible
It's hard for men because they like to fill the needs of a woman for only a limited time, then they want the relationship to thrive with no more maintenance. If we could find someone who is mature enough to KNOW that's what a relationship IS. It's ongoing maintenance forever, or just don't get into a relationshhip. THat is ok too. But stop misleading women into thinking you will do the maintenance when you WON'T.
“how can anyone ever authentically love you if you never let anyone authentically know you?”!!!!!!!! Best question EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is so helpful!! I was love bombed so hard and I was hooked. I dipped out after stage two bc my spirit felt off with the whole situation. I was literally losing myself in the love bomb smoke.
Brave you! We must listen to our intuition and gut feelings. I had explakned the red flags away,
I told them that I don't like feeling indebted. They doubled down. You can't BUY my friendship!😊
This interview should be shown throughout the world, including the education system as early as high school. You two are a blessing.
great idea!
Seriously… this should be required textbook material and then some in elementary school or as soon as possible building throughout… could save countless people from a lifetime of suffering… It’s been 30 years since my first heartbreak, and I’ve struggled with relationship ever cents.
A week ago I decided that "devaluation" is not for me and just left him. Now i blocked his numbers and avoid him at all cost because he would either try to restart with love bombing or go full rage if he understands there is no way back into manipulating me.
It was the first cycle ... nobody devalues me without consequences
I have been "gaslit" by family members. I always knew how I stood with certain individuals, but tried to avoid a confrontation when possible. I went along to get along, not to rock the boat. I just felt, there is not many family members left, so just say nothing. So now I just "feed them with a long spoon", I keep to myself.I must keep my self esteem and sanity.SMH...🤦🏽♀️
It’s embarrassing, humiliating and damaging
I tried to teach the narcissist to deal with their original trauma to address his behavior which led me to realize how I was traumatized as a child into never feeling safe or loved unconditionally and therefore I learned to try and fix my narcissistic parent and codependent parent to feel safe. I felt asa child in order to survive I had to figure out what hurt my parents as children to understand how they could be so hurtful
Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects. To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control. Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com,,
What do you do for a living I may have missed it in your message if so I apologize . But how do you know so much you explained it much better than the people in this show lol
I almost forgot that shit you said twilight zone is exactly what I said before to describe how I felt like I was in the f twilight zone . And the hoovering made it worse I always say we're done when they are done with us in a relationship like tf hat and trust me it is no joke it's real when they discard bc it will happen especially when your trying to escape the relationship they discard you first then you feel like you got dumped instead of you leaving them it's twilight zone man!
I have been manipulated of recent & been made to believe I deserved it. I apologized for people actively hurting me & ruining my & my child’s life. When in reality I was taken advantage of from the start. I felt crazy. Hearing this has been an eye opener.
Thank u.
Great topic!
My concern is that when dating we are encouraged to be vulnerable to allow deeper connections. I was vulnerable and didn’t realise I was giving up precious information to a narcissist that used this information to his advantage to align with me and then the abuse followed. Guidance on vulnerability would be appreciated for people like me ,recovering from narcissistic abuse.
2nd Speaker: Terri Cole
"Giving is Love.
OVER-Giving Is Dysfunctional"
Thanks Lisa for mentioning your favorite quote from Terri.
Politicians and religious organizations also Gaslight people.
You asked such great questions that allowed her to open up and feel relatable. So often it can feel like people are talking at you and not from experience, and I love her you both were able to bring it to a sense of, “I’ve been right there with you”
Thanks so much my homie!
I’m at the beginning of the video but journaling saves me every time! Keeps me out of that delusional state!
I took to journalism the 3rd time I was targeted by a sick narcissist. It helps with analyzing the facts and putting things straight.
When they love bomb they also devaluate and by recording the facts we can see clearly the pattern…
When you say sorry, almost by default. Wow. That hit me because even when I’m expressing sadness, I apologize. It seems no emotion is ever appropriate.
26:02 they can be super shifty too when i comes to having a real conversation. They dont want to discuss.
I have experience with gaslighting and love bombing. I went through a years long relationship with a narcissist. Very damaging to me for years and I haven't been able to trust another man because of it. These videos help us that have been traumatized.
Yeah yeah you are holy, tell US HOW much Money he had and how tall he was and why di you Ghost 90% of good guys on socials or reality, i Guess they are boring
@@sandralavegana9773 Your reaction to someone who’s sharing their pain says so much more about you than it does about them. I hope you find peace and better ways to deal with your pain.
What a beautiful Black woman! Thank you for confirming I've been taking the right approach in my eating life. There are way too many ego -driven men who "chase" women.
I am AMAB, but I'm also the product of CPTSD and bonded closely with my mother who is the codependent in a narc relationship. The talk about how women are socialized to be nurturing and giving to a fault to their partners, their children, etc, resonates so much with me because I really took on all of my mothers stances and attitudes when I was a child because I saw her as the nonviolent, stable, 'healthy' one. I am now undoing a lot of the damage my childhood did to me. Understanding that stating needs in a relationship is not 'needy' but assertive and healthy is so validating, because for so often I have struggled to voice them and when I did my partners would often immediately call me selfish and make my needs my problem to deal with in isolation. My heart goes out to every woman who has experienced this.
So true 👆🌺
It currently is so very difficult to navigate the dating and relationship arena, when far too many men and women so easily choose to selfishly manipulate each for their own personal gains.
80%of WOMEN sleep only with 10% of men btw
31:00 People will tell you your standards are too high when they know they aren’t good enough to reach them. Tell them this: “If I’m too much then go find less!”
Oh what a BEAUTIFUL woman! Her brown, glowing skin and those eyes! Beautiful teeth, radiant smile! The short hair suits her! 🏵☘🔥😍👏
@Dr.MarielBuque I love what you’re saying about dissociation and being immobilized when it comes these toxic relationships.
I’ve been in many narcissistic relationships and as a personal trainer I had no idea why my body wasn’t working properly. Until I put the puzzle pieces together and became a trauma-informed personal trainer. I help women awaken their bodies from a dissociated state with kind and gentle movement.
My heart brakes when clients of mine say “I’m sorry” during workout sessions while they didn’t do anything wrong. As you said it has become their default.
Thank you again 🙏
Oh my goodness! What an amazing concept! That’s a lightbulb 💡 moment for me!
Learned alottt but aside, sis is absolutely gorgeous. Her skin tone is so goldennn😍😍😍
And our willingness to be vulnerable actually puts us in an incredibly powerful position because it allows us to see (hopefully early on) how that person will respond. It's a good idea to lead with something that's not going to be devastating if we put ourselves out there and then get ghosted.
Very well said.
Sometimes, our ghosters get freaked out cause maybe, they weren't sure how to take what was said or done.
@@yolandagrabowski6043 Yes, I'm sure you're right. Many are simply avoiding a subject.
I broke it off with my partner of almost 3 years because of such behaviours. I was starting to not even like him, let alone love him. I pretty quickly rekindled with an old flame and what was initially a mature breakup has now turned into him now slandering my name and playing the victim. I’ve become the villain now.
It would be easy for me to get upset and buy into his bull shit story that he actually wanted the relationship but having been away from his energy I can now see clearly past the mist. If there’s one thing he did teach me, it was…. I shouldn’t care what other people think. Their perception is theirs to have 🥳
Just to note… I’m deeply in love with the guy I should have committed to 12 years ago. It’s everything a relationship should be and I’ve never been so happy in my life. He makes me feel seen, valued, loved and wanted more than I’ve ever experienced in my life combined and treats me like his princess ❤ everything happens for a reason.
I can't stand manipulation in a relationship.. I just walk away 😊
Sometimes it sneaks up on you from behind and overtakes you when you were never taught what it looks like you may not even recognize it at first.
@@legalservices8856 I agree, that's how it happens. It took me a lot of lessons to learn how naive I am or have been. Now I've got a brick wall up. And I'm happy single. How to treat people should be taught in schools,imo anyway.
You won't have a relationship then
She..Mariel Buque explained/ taught and helped all of us so much more than hardly anyone else that has ever tried to tell/ explain relationships with narcissists…detach emotionally from all narcissists period…they are nothing but trouble…they are walking talking acting BS and dangerous
I’m gonna break this cycle. Thank you 🙏
I LOVE that you said “I’m sorry you went through that”- survivors rarely ever hear that! ❤❤
Thank you @LisaBilyeu for asking @Dr.MarielBuque for concrete examples. Advice is easy to give. Framing it in a real life example is extremely helpful, especially when one is working their healing journey away from a tricky situation. THANK YOU both!
People pleasers' say yes because they believe that is the only way for them to be liked.
And not because they are dishonnest or not emotionally trustworthy or 'bullshitters'.
Even making up a migrain is a way to say no. Until they do enough work and get to the place where they start to say 'no' to others and 'yes' to themselves.
THANK YOU ~I am setting 🌈 My Bar HIGHER. I was always taught since childhood to be a GIVER & Overachiever.
It has only brought WRONG people into my life. 🗽My INNER PEACE & SANITY is far more VITAL🎈
Self-Love: Being nice vs dishonest how YOU TRULY FEEL with others & yourself. "How can one authentically love you, IF you never allow them to authentically know you?!?!? 🛑 STOP the Auto-Yes!
* Years ago, I did start saying, "Let me sleep/pray on it" when I'm unsure.
I'm practicing the Speaking-Up immediately VS biting my tongue; Otherwise, it brings me RESENTMENT later. Oops, the Resentment File Cabinet gets bigger! Shrinking that baby NOW♨️
Thank you for your comment this hit home wholeheartedly..❤
@@susanmartinez1006 you're kindly welcomed. I strongly believe writing these comments instills this... into my brain/mind, body, soul & spirit😇 WE CAN DO THIS. Keep on SPEAKING TRUTH...sooner the better!😎
In my experience, for the past ten-ish months..there is ALOT of waiting, waiting, waiting..and lots of punishment. I do not consider myself to be a passive person. In my life, I solve problems and see things through. I complete tasks. It’s frustrating that I can’t solve this. Thank you.❤
That's good to want to see things through. The thing is to be discerning because some things don't need your energy.
Literally I'm breathing and breaking cycles again ❤🎉🎉🎉
Oooo, I love how she says to call out the process, like I'm feeling super nervous about bieng vulnerable having this conversation. This is so helpful!!!
Right? That hit me too!
Just don't expect them to change. And, IF they change, it's likely for only a few weeks (watch them use the love-bombing tactic). IF they back off, it's likely because they don't know how to counteract it -- YET.
Calling something out is for your benefit only -- you're stating your (the) truth. But, expect backlash later (weeks, months ...) as they don't want you to know your truth. Be prepared to escape to safety in the near future.
Exactly even in life in general. Not only love relationships it could happen with colleagues, friends, family etc. Very true words.
ABSOLUTELY
I'm so glad you asked how do you know the difference between loving someone and love bombing someone. I was wondering the same exact thing❤
This is so eye opening. I’ve realized some of this on my own as I was in the thick of stage 4 and 5. But hearing what the other stages have in store for me makes me so thankful for my friends’ and family’s support to leave before I really lose my self. Thank you so much for putting words to the complicated feelings involved in the beginning stages of an abusive and toxic relationship.
Absolutely
So glad it helped!!!
We need us women to SAVE our mental health relationships for the world snd children!
Yes it happens. Most people cant be nice or stay nice for too long. Lastly, please accept the fact that you could be gaslit by multiple people at same time. So its not like one person is better than another. You have to cut out their bad behavior.
I used to think he was busy because of his "demanding" job. Until people would say to me "oh I saw Laurel Gordon today" and I would wonder how he was in my community but didn't call or even stop by. Grateful for my new knowledge though.
My mother is a covered narcissist.
I know you understand me.
I have no life or energy left.
I can relate but do know that your life is waiting on YOU to take it by the horns and make it YOUR OWN. It's a decision to love and choose YOU daily. Be blessed❤
I'm sorry. If you are still at home . . .
Learn all the patterns so you can separate your own way of dealing with life. It is valuable that there is so much info on narcissism today. I'm in my 50's and when I lived under it, the only abuse recognized was physical abuse, so everyone just thought I was a disgruntled, sour, ungrateful girl and my parents were amazing (narcs are great at public display).
The lack of empathy in my young life set me up for long-term anger/non-resolution, which made me completely vulnerable to marrying a covert narcissist - I was patient with him being like my mom (famililar) and he was patient with my anger (having been raised by an overt narc) as long as I did everything he didn't want to deal with. (cooking, shopping, cleaning, yard work, bills, laundry, cars, holidays, plans). (He drove, went bowling and rode his bike - and had a bigger allowance because his hobbies cost money and I didn't have any). Vacations centered around his interests.
Anyway, learning what is not healthy will help you grow up better instead of just being confused.
My sister is one - letting her go, but it comes with complications. I am Ill at ease because it’s alien to me and I’m getting physical symptoms, but, I am determined to get there.
Are you able to get way from her??
@@ellevinny I've been praying for a job to leave. But in this country you can only get a job if you know someone inside already working. I know no one. But I won't give up. Otherwise I'd be lost and dead in a few months.
3 mins in i heard her accent but wasn't sure, kept watching. 41 mins in and I'm convinced she's 🇯🇲.
I no longer allow myself
To be subconsciously and consciously manipulated by another agenda that hinders my own goals
And aspirations
I’m so glad I came across this video. I have been in the manipulating cycle with this person for 3 years and just realized it by watching this show. It was always my fault and I felt I could never do anything right. I keep trying to get that person I had in the beginning back. He was so loving and caring. He said everything I wanted to hear. He was so loving and then boom! He was set empty promises all the time just to get what he wanted. Thank God I’m in the process of breaking free. I’m stressed out at this point. And I need my peace back. The peace I had before him. Please ladies run before it happens to you. ❤
I was in a situationship prior to meeting my husband. The man I had been hanging out with, texting and calling, told me there was no relationship when I asked him about adding a title to our relationship. I was shocked and confused but completely cut off our situationship because what he wanted was not what I wanted. And thank goodness my husband came along and wanted a long term relationship, marriage, and kids, like me. Whew! I am not for situationships.
I really needed this video. It was so confirming of my past gaslighting relationships.
So pleased its helped!
🎉Keeping MY PEACE & JOY~Thank you Lord for me now attracting the BEST!
Wow, just watching this I realize I was love bombed and gaslighted in my last relationship. It all makes sense now!! Thank you Lisa and Dr. Buque! I'm glad I'm on a healing journey and am figuring it all out.
So glad it brought you value! 🥰
@LisaBilyeu for sure!! Thank you for consistently giving us food for thought on our healing journeys ❤️
Me too
I just realised
If those signs come up relentlessly, I’m out.
I was doing good when I gave up on being that woman. That cares a lot about falling deeply in love with men that had nothing to offer. I allow myself to take pain that took a while to get over it and move on. Here I go again. This crap hurts so bad I can't believe that I fell back into this trap again. Got me good and it's my fault. I saw the gaslighting but didn't understand it . I saw the twist when he realized that the game wasn't working on me. Towards the end he asked me. About where my money is going. I can't believe that I fell in love again with the wrong . Now I'm fighting in pain to win my heart and soul and mind back. Yeah it's all my fault.
Don' be so hard kn yourself. You survived. You learned. You got wise! As this program teaches us..we are learning what to watch out for
@@gabrielleaumont3971 yeah you right. If it wasn't for the pain I'll be okay.
Oh my homie so many of us have been there so dont beat yourself up! Knowledge is power and we weren't educated on this before. You are human, with a big heart!
I love the fact that there are solutions here to recognize gaslighting and manipulation, step back from it, and reground and nurture self back to a healthy state of mind. Its all right here.💖
I must just be pathetic. This is my 3rd cycle of long term manupilation. He even said I was naive. I said please don't use this against me😔😔😔😔
Oh homie you definitely are NOT pathetic! You just didnt have the knowledge!
This happened twice in my life,so recognize it now. Usually the person is a narcissist. They also have con man type personality. Trying to get people to give them money or expensive things but they start out charming and love bombing. RUN AWAY if you start to experience this kind of behavior. They will dissolve and disappear if you don’t engage with them.
I love mariel! I dont have that often that someone is so extremly sympathic to me! She is so lovely and settled.💛
I love Dr. Buque!! Glad to see her on this show. "The tea is hot!"
This is such valuable information. I really appreciate that you're offering practical guidance for getting back to self instead of the typical narcissist bashing. We sometimes get resistant to hearing all the things that's "wrong" with the person (or the feeling) that we've fallen in Love with, but to have the tools to remember who we are is empowering.
Well said!
Great information delete these manipulator out your life for good.
Sensitive and intelligent conversation. I am taking notes to improve my relationship and to avoid hurting each other. Love is a good thing to enjoy and requires hard work. Thank you
They can be doing this to you and other women at the same time. There are real wolves out there! Be careful!
They never mention gender but women are the ones who fall under the 'love bombing' technique because they are the ones looking for connection. Men don't fall for 'love bombing' since they are mainly looking for sex, not love
I love listening to your interviews, I always learn and gain so much from them. However, THIS session just might be THE most important ever.
LIFE Changing
LIFE Saveing
LIFE Bringing
❤🙏 Thank you
SOOOO glad you liked it homie!
How about selecting Man Who are not out of your League
I want to especially say this can happen in friendships.
Thank you for bringing this excellent guest on.
what a lovely lady Dr. Buque is🥰😍💖🖤& so eloquent & knowledgeable..thx ladies💖
A women's social grp friend made me feel good about our pets, common community, common friendships then she started putting me down, being accusatory, trying to shut down my voice. She would have fights with her mother in front of me, I have begun to withdrawal and guard my conversations with her. Because I take care of her mother and offer support while her daughter is on vacation I have started to create distance to avoid DRAMA.
Wise move!
My Bible study leader/friend is nice to me one on one but she can be snarky towards me on the bible study calls. Because of my childhood abuse, I don't want to think she's a nard but I have distanced myself. Thanks to my parents for giving zero tools I have to go through any of this in my adult life. I have tools now, but years wasted in emotional pain and loneliness.
This was a great interview. Thank you! I've heard "The Seven Stages" before but really appreciate how it was broken down so clearly. Also, sometimes when watching interviews , it appears neither is really listening to the other, i really like how both of you listened to each. Will definitely be watching your channel.
Wow thanks so much homie!!!
In my experience, the moody Dr. Jekyll/ Mr. Hyde demeanor of the narcissist is what keeps you hooked. They'll scream at you one moment then smile at you the next, and somehow the empath continually hangs on to the good times to justify hope in the future. We say to ourselves (despite all previous evidence) "They've finally heard me! They're being nice and we have a chance at happiness." Of course, once the narc is stressed, frustrated or irritable out pops that monster again. In my case, my undiagnosed unrealized and untreated NPD/OCPD mother was my first and last and most difficult narc to leave because it's human nature to want close connection to our maternal parent especially. At age 50, I have finally given up and gone no-contact with her. It was either that or suicide unfortunately, as she was a violent gaslighter too.
I completely understand. ❤
This! This! This! Thanks for an awesome expansion on topics that I thought I'd read everything/heard everything/lived through...and yet so much here to use as tools! Very empowering.
This video became the nail
On the coffin of the manipulator of my life for 10 years. Love bombed- too
Many times. Gaslighting - since I met him 10 years ago. Submission- immobilised me years ago. Emotional feeding- that’s what happens every time we get back together. I was told last night that we weren’t even dating during those years. He fathered a child while I was seeing him and have asked him
So
Many times but didn’t get real
Answer. Now he is back and told me the truth. Which triggered
Me to see how affectionate he is to this child but never got close to my only one as a single parent.
I have so many questions to feel reassured that this time it’s different. Instead during the two hours he went from gaslighting and da lying and became enraged and criticising me of being irrational according to him , while it’s just me suffering the pain and looking for reassurance. He couldn’t even give a safe space and wound even want to see my pain. He left in such dramatic way and left me feeling like I’m the crazy one who has made him rage. As soon as he left I grounded myself I just drove and drove away in the middle
Of the night and by the time I came home I already know what to do. He is out of my life. I sent him a factual text of who I really think he is. He left in such a drama because he could see himself being so shamed by the realisation what he actually done to me. He told me we weren’t dating hence he could what he wanted to do and apparently I had to mind my own business. I don’t think he realised that he wasn’t doing himself a favour at this time. He knew he was exposed , he saw how he was enraged and I’m calm with my piercing questions and establishing her character and spreading it on the table. I think he saw a glimpse of it that he probably had a cognitive dissonance that I’ve had for years. He always have believed he is a very good man , very kind , and with high morals. He always have blown his own trumpet about these things. But last night came the final trigger! He is out of my mind and had an epiphany. He keeps knocking on my door and that’s he comes back again and again. But I think this time all his mask has fallen off! I saw him for what he really is. This video is just an amazing wrap to the empowerment I felt last night. It’s like a knife has been pulled off my poor heart. I’m so glad I finally come to this point. I have meditated, prayed and asked for any powers higher than me or my higher self if you like to help me in this and suddenly I just saw the situation as it is. Like Doctor said here, I tuned in to my body during the confrontation and asked myself is this really the kind of man I want to have in my life? Who can’t admit his lies even it’s all now in the open. To blame
Me for how I’m processing my pain. To gaslit me that I don’t even have the right to be in pain. And got irritated by my questions which I specifically said I need to know the answers because I need reassurance. Clearly he couldn’t give me them and I saw a liar that I can never feel safe with. I always have felt him to a shifty like he was always hiding something. Now he has come
Back and
Literally validated me of my suspicions years ago. I ought to thank him and I’m grateful that he just confirmed I am not paranoid and that my intuition and guardian angels if you prefer are always looking out for me and never have fallen deeply for this man. He made a child with someone , which by the way turned out to be not his becaue the woman he had it with was even the biggest manipulator l. He has spent so much money in courts and in the end he doesn’t even have a child. He is just and unwanted party in a family of three. The real day turned up. Well folks, he got his karma quite immediately and living in it now. I am hurt but I’m less and less angry towards him because I see how he is serving his karma already.
I saw it but still went back 3 times. Each time was a very quick cycle. Then I finally cut it of for good. Hardest thing I ever had to do. Such a mind F#$@k.
I really love this channel! There’s a topic for everything I need knowledge on. I also really loved Dr. Mariel for the great information!
I have been wanting, waiting and your passion to share the knowledge is so appreciated. I am now not alone..insane and submissive. A person I never was or new before can now not just dream of freedom. It gives me a direction Hope that its possible to change ,own and love ME.
Thank you so much Lisa for making a channel that's for us and all these types of issues no one talks about. I have always watched impact theory with your husband. But your channel caught my attention because it speaks to me on a different level. God bless you both on how much awesome content you bless us with. I appreciate you both thank you😘❤️
I play these segments at work. I feel my spirit and heart shifting. I’m know stating what I need now instead of being vague. I’m putting it somewhere that I can remember it
Thank you. What I really value in this is that there were moments when What Does Work, and, How to Move Through Those Awkward Moments of Vulnerability, got to be spoken about.
These whole two hours were so amazing. I really enjoyed this episode so much❤
I sure wish I had this education years ago. Dr. Buqué has a very deep and wide understanding of this very complex topic, and explains the nuances in such an incisive way. I really enjoyed this conversation, and I do think very many people have this kind of experience in their lives, and education is absolutely critical in helping people avoid the pain and loss of identity that can result from these relationships over time. My mother is one who died never having had this education. I look forward to reading Dr. Buqué's upcoming book. Thank you for sharing this conversation.
11:35 I think many of the less "successful" manipulators rush the process. If they'd spend a little more time in the Love bombing stage, and be less sloppy with their gaslighting, they'd be much more successful in whatever objective they're trying to accomplish. But they rush and get sloppy and they show their hand way too early.
Whew! This was so helpful for me. I keep pausing to take breaks and think about why I'm so "invested" in ensuring others are doing ok and that I shouldn't burnout on trying to help others before I finally decide to step back.
Oh my gosh Lisa! This one was sooooo helpful to me and at a perfect timing too! I have to tell you that I have saved every video of yours that I have watched.
Thank you so much for the information and help!
Much Love and Light coming your way and to Everyone watching! 💙🌟✨😘
Dr. Buque, bravo! Your information is clinically proven and much needed. Blessings to you. 💜
Two beautiful women spreading a beautiful message. Thank you!
Maaan, I wish I could be there to sit, chat, absorb, and share with in this convo. Im sitting hear with my cuppa tea, feeling completely HEARD, UNDERSTOOD, SUPPORTED, AND EMPOWERED. By hearing EXACTLY whst I experienced, but hearing you apply the names and descriptions to what I witnessed, i no longer feel like I was missing the boat, im not broken, and tools to keep me from ever falling through that crack in the floor again! Thanks ladies. I WANT BOTH DR.'s BOOKS!
Lisa , you are such a blessing. To me 🙏☮️
Thank you so much. This has helped me so much. Sending both of you, lots of love and light 🙏🏽❤
Wisdom . Once more. Fabulous insight.