This is one of those videos where the comments section is super important! If you have anything to add, please share your experiences below. I've heard similar things from new moms and retired folks - it's such a strange feeling!
I written a dozen comments since watching this vid and I can't seem to write anything that isn't a rant about poverty, Profiteerism, and wealth inequality.
Have you made any videos about journaling? I know it would be helpful for reflection and understanding myself outside of work but I can’t seem to get started. Would love to hear your thoughts/tips around it.
So curious... As I’m on a forced (but happily in) funemployment due to lay off... Did you save enough money? Like if you decided to truly not work, would the money you saved have been enough for you to maintain your standard of living? Any financial surprises?
I saved 14k to travel for a year when I was 41. Hustle/grind culture is fruit of the slavery tree. Black women are taught our value is in being a hard worker. That’s where the shame comes from. Now I’m a house sitter. Eff that shame.
I literally have your post saved in my phone from the Black Travel Movement group about house sitting! I even joined TrustedHousesitters to check it out!
I was funemployed for 6 months last year my lessons learned: 1.Watching your savings go down every month is very disconcerting.Having no job means you have to entertain yourself which means more money being spent. I personally wouldn't do it again without having streams of income in place. 2. Isolation - you might be funemployed but your friends, family and acquaintances are all at work.Have a strategy to connect with new people. 3. You must have routine that accomplishes something constructive everyday. It's very easy to get lazy. 4.Weekends no longer have significance, as everyday is a weekend to you 5.Be prepared for friends to ask "what did you do all day?" 5. Dont feel guilty to just do nothing there are very few moments in life where you get space to just breathe, 6.Be realistic removing your job from your life will not make your life happy it just gives you more time to work on your issues.This was a big one for me i thought all my issues were because I didnt like my job, but that wasnt the case
It’s a good point. I tend to ruin my days off or vacation time cause I keep fretting about if I’m being too lazy. So I find things to do. Then when it’s over I’m mad at myself for not enjoying my time off more. We work our fingers to the bone, some of us since we were teenagers. Why can’t we cut ourselves some slack?
I quit my job and was off for a year. Everyone had something to say. "Why did you leave that government job?" "People would kill for that opportunity". I just tuned them out and did what was best for me. It was the best year allowed me to grow mentally and take a much needed rest. I'm almost ready to do it again. It sucks being 27 and trying to find your will and purpose. Nothing seems to fit and jobs just feel like jobs. Still looking for that fulfilled feeling.
I felt this. Worked so hard to get into a government position and was like, "If I put my year in, I can shift to HR and build my career". But I hated it. The experience wasn't what I was building in my head. I was trying to find fulfilment in work that wasn't there. And though I had a great relationship with my coworkers and boss and received positive assessments, they could tell there was something missing too. I didn't want to be that drone who watched the clock and counted down their twenty years
I’m in the same situation. I have a government , extremely secure job, and I’m still miserable. It’s not even the job itself, it’s mostly the ignorant white people I have to work with. It’s so tiring. I hope you find your purpose 💗 you’re not alone in feeling that way. ✨
I did this last year. I quit my job. I was gone 5 months. It was a break I NEEDED!! I interviewed for another and job got it. Walked out, called my old job and said I wanted to come back. They were thrilled to have me back. Called the new job thanked them and told them I had to turn down the offer. Lesson: always do your best wherever you work, and always leave on good terms because you never know what the future holds.
As someone who worked in HR, I always caution against going back to old positions. Have your ducks in a row because regardless of how happy they have to have you back, there's a measure of trust that has been eroded. Especially given our age and how we're already seen as a flight risk
@@Animefreak242 yup, I just left my job in the worst way my manager yelled at me and I yelled I quit and hung up then called HR crying then the VP at the company texted me saying she'd love to have me back and the door is open but it didn't feel genuine it felt like their ego was hurt because I was a top preformer who left them and they only want me back to make miserable and fire me eventually maybe I'm paranoid af
Dang, I got a little emotional when you started talking about the shame. Sigh...I've been battling this since I quit my job as a Civil Engineer almost 4 years ago. The kicker is, I've been working at another job for the past 3 years, but when I tell people I'm an Admin. Assistant (with an engineering degree) there's so much shame and so many questions that stress me out, ya know? It really bothers me that I still associate so much of my worth with what I do for work - but I've been actively working on it. I'm turning 28 in less than a month, but the pressure to figure out what I want to do career wise has been overwhelming for the past year or so. I know so many other young adults are going through this.
Not just young adults, my sister, but us in our forties are struggling as well. Be proud of what you're doing and your path. It's not meant to look like anyone else's anyway. Everything will work out in the end. It always does!
Im 28 and in the same situation. I have no idea what I want to do for a career. Know that there is no shame in doing any job. People will judge but figuring out what you want to do is important and admirable.
I understand you! I have a Mortuary Science degree and I'm constantly being judged for becoming a CNA helping people in need 🙄! I've recently decided to go back to school to become a RN and I still get judged for my decisions and feel embarrassed sometimes!
I think the biggest thing people don't realize about time off, is that no matter HOW much you save, there will always be unexpected costs. (car repairs, clothes, eating out with friends, gifts, etc) Which can lead to more stress.
Sincerely Eccentric additionally the most serious unexpected bills are medical bills, tax debt, family emergencies. Dinners out and gifts for people must be cancelled/postponed. Prioritizing essentials is a must
@@crownjewel832 Right?! I was like...wait lol. Unexpected expenses should not include gifts, dinner with friends and eating out. Prioritizing those things are essential to balancing your life but unexpected expenses are medical bills, family emergency etc.
Omg Evelyn I feel u on feeling like you're wasting time. I took a year and a half off to travel the world. Got to explore 19 countries over Africa and SE Asia...and still felt like I was wasting time 😂. I think I put so much pressure on myself to produce something to justify my travels...but why? I just wanted to see the world. So I did! Mission accomplished!
I left my job and took an entire summer off. I had my money saved for a rainy day and enjoyed myself before I found a new job. The biggest thing I learned is that: 1) I can sleep a good 10 hours 2) A lot of people who were not in the financial position to do what I did were very negative. 3) I felt re-energized going back to work with a new attitude. The other thing people need to understand is that you can get PTSD from working. It can impact you at your next job so be kind to yourself. Especially for minorities they tend to assign us more work because they feel black people are stronger and can withstand more. Its not fair but the reality of the situation in corporate America.
its too late , african internet cousin . During a meeting I already sent in that resignation lol. But I will be transitioning to new one through the grace of God
Hahah! I remember one job not knowing how to tell my boss I was leaving bc I knew she’d probably cry. Then when I received the highest review possible and was then told the company wasn’t giving out raises, I sent the email from my phone during the meeting 🤷🏾♀️... She cried but she understood. We’re still cool until this day.
I left my full-time job, traveled, returned to the states, met my husband, and now I'm a proud wife and homemaker. Traveling completely changed my perspective on my life, my womanhood, and my relationships. It was completely worth it.
The Shame is real. I spent 7 yrs w/ a company and rose up through the ranks to become a Team Lead and promptly quit while i was out with my hubby for his emergency surgery. The stress was already overwhelming and I could not go back, BUT the shame received from friends and family was more hurtful.
I quit my job almost 6 months ago to be self/fun-employed. Honestly... no regrets, i'm more creative now than I've ever been in my life. I finally post videos regularly and started my web series lol I love it here!
smilergal89 I did have some money saved but I went on a trip to California and spent everything. So I’ve been saving up again for the past few months. Luckily I live with my mom who supports my creative journey so she cuts me a loooot of slack.
Ya girl is a whole Stay at Home Mom taking time “off” working to care for my babies and I STILL feel bad for not hustling and doing more. Like whaaaaa?!? Social Media is all about moms having it all and doing it all. Instead of just enjoying my babies and focusing on raising them, I’m “supposed” to take pictures of every outting and activity and figure out how I can monitize it. 🙄 Or I’m supposed to juggle my own business. Or go to school. Or do SOMETHING more than “just” spend time with my babies. I have to work hard to reprogram myself to understand that tending to their needs is enough. Trying to raise whole balanced progressive kids is enough. I’m not in survival mode anymore like my single mother was. I don’t need to hustle to feed my kids, we good. So I should just be able to enjoy my kids without guilt.
Right there with you. Just gave birth to my 9th kiddo, I homeschool and yes, I'm a UA-camr 😂😂!! My hubby had 2 months paid leave and we felt so awkward taking "time-off" for my recovery. He started going back to his part time job after week 2. I ain't gonna lie, though, I want atleast another 6 months off, 2 weeks by myself, 2 weeks w/ my hubby only and traveling w/ the family. I can hope 😌.
TOO LATE!!! Instructions unclear, now I lay awake at night and feel disheartened and question my worth and will anyone hire me again? HIRE ME PLEASE I’m nice and like money.
When Evelyn said prepare for time wasting people, that should have been a bigger lesson! Lol I dealt with that with some friends when I was self employeed. They didnt seem to get that just because i dont have set work hours doesnt mean I am not "busy". They would ask are you free to help with xyz and i would say yes at first because they are a friend but it quickly became they had no respect for my time and that I dont get paid unless i produce work.
Admittedly, this has been one reason why I'm not good with having female friends my own age. I'm 30 and do not want children. In fact, I don't exactly like kids, lol. I don't hate them but wow they make a lot of noise! And I'm an introvert who likes to have a lot of quiet. I'm scared I'm going to get roped into babysitting or something (this also permeates to my two brothers as well, who do not have children yet). No, I'm technically not doing anything on my days off but that's also how I've intentionally structured my life. I think it would make me a bad friend (or sibling/aunt) to not be able to give back in such a way, to help a friend/brother out in the way they probably need it the most. Over the years, I've begun to instead drift over to speaking more with older coworkers at jobs and have found I prefer that more. Their kids are grown, usually about my own age or a little younger and it's interesting to hear their stories and life lessons :)
When i stay home and dont travel while being on vacation from work. My Friends take up all my time to help with their Problems. While I cant deal with my own projects/Problems. I cant do while working .
TyAna Wheeler I had to block my phone during 9 to 5 when I worked for myself. People are stupid. Like I said before stay around only like minded people.
This has nothing to do with capitalism. And trust me, you wouldn't want to be in socialist Venezuela where they are forced to eat their family pets due to starvation.
mascara1888 that happens in both capitalist and “socialist” countries not that their are really truly socialist countries just oligarchies where the rich rule and capitalize off of every one else’s labor. We don’t rlly know what true socialism looks like. It’s always co opted
Wow I just quit my job 3 days ago.....this resonates so deeply! The shame i currently feel is real. I worked hard to get my job and discovered I hated it and quit within a month( I'm tired of working jobs I HATE)....plus my child has special needs and I wanted to be more present with him. I have money saved to survive but I still can't shake the guilt. Now I'm looking into working for myself and work from home opportunities.
I'm 40, I've been with my employer for 16yrs. 3 different departments. I'm sick of working a job I hate as well. It's depressing. Shame people made you feel guilty if you quit because you weren't happy. I hope you're good now.
I’m glad you’re allowing yourself to create content that’s unapologetically you and without the pressure to perform. It’s refreshing. I love you. I see you.
I wish this video came out two years ago. I was frustrated at my job and decided to “find a better job/take some time off/accept the layoff”. It’s been almost 3 years on un-fun “FUN-employment” and I am currently getting turned down for $10/hr retail jobs. I took all of the advice from my Boomer parents (go to college, graduate [without BABIES 👼🏾], work and go get the graduate degree) to get that elusive “GOOD JOB”. However, the Boomers can’t afford to retire/evacuate the good jobs so now I’m out here with multiple degrees getting turned down for simple jobs yet being shamed by the Boomers for being a “lazy and entitled xennial”. HOW SWAY?!?!
Facts..... The thing is nobody tells you the the degrees are a trap. The debt and the lack of jobs. I love I came across this video. You are more than what you do. I pray that you receive an idea that puts you in the space to blaze your own trail. #Godspeed #Youarewinningaslongasyouliving
Yep. Thank God I didn't listen to my Boomer parents. They just don't get that times have changed. Jobs are crap; they don't pay the bills and if they do your still living pay check to pay check. Housing is purposely overpriced. Careers like you said are not being given up by our elders they have to keep them because retirement doesn't pay enough, school is just ridiculous, expensive (financial aid only pays for so much) and teachers make it difficult just to pass easy classes. The economy😐. Everything is so different now.
I was reccomended to take temporary leave by my manager to manage my rapidly declining mental health and as the daughter of an immigrant field worker I dont know how to not work without feeling guilty and its stressing me out :/
The Wishbone reference had me gaging😂😂 loved that show growing up. I always fely poor for not having cable as a kid, but now I have the knowledge bank of PBS from the 90's carrying me through my adult life.
"Taking time off doesnt necessarily mean it's time to accomplish more things!" 😭😭😭 You recalibrated my funemployment with this one video. I STAY overcompensating for not having a traditional job anymore. I quit my last job because the environment ate away at my mental health and I really didn't like it. While I don't regret leaving, the guilt of not 9-5ing like everyone gets real, often. Thank you for the video!
Talking to you in both IRL and watching your content online as you know helped me to truly define my sabbatical carefully. There's a reason I gave my self 6 months and not a year, also I realized I didn't want to nap per say -- I just wanted the chance to produce videos of my own choosing. I think that was why I kept saying to you "what if we just started this webseries for fun! Remember when writing and filming was fun." That helped me figure out launching Sans Gluten and exploring my personal channel to see if I could like you said pivot and make my side hustle the main hustle.
I'm in college and even though I'm not on a break from work, I feel like I'm on a break from life, like the real world. I'm told to just focus on school, and learning and growing up, but even the pursuit of education in order to acquire a job that will pay me money, seems less important than just already having a job that is paying me money. I see my peers doing both, and feel so left out because I'm young and should be able to juggle every aspect of life while doing a thousand things at once and becoming rich before I'm 30. Hustle culture is damaging! Even though i'm doing something productive, it still feels like I'm wasting time cuz I could be doing more. If It's not immediately financially beneficial, it doesn't matter in this constant grind society.
As a 34 year old lady, I can tell you that much of what is glamorized about hustle culture is a lie. All of that hustle takes a village, a team, and a factory to keep it going. I suggest figuring out your priorities and do those. They will almost never be perfectly "balanced" but when things or people demand attention at the same time, you'll know which or whom to put first.
I feel you, there's a huge amount of pressure in college to do all the things in order to be super hireable after. You must be president of 8 clubs, volunteer, work in your industry and get straight As. It's way too much pressure!
If you need to take a gap semester or a gap yr off for mental health reasons, do it. You can always get an education but you can’t get back your mental health once it’s gone. Prioritize your health over your schooling. If you need to talk to a mental health professional I suggest you do that too.
fuck hustle culture and fuck college tbh. it's totally a break from life, if you have the privilege of looking at it that way. it can be such a gift if you're able to do a lot of the things evelyn said to do during a gap year -- journal, think about why you're there, make a plan for after. college was somehow the most pressure and the least responsibilities i've ever had?? take advantage of that weirdness if you can. whatever you're doing, it's enough
Quit my corporate job July 2019 because both my coworkers & the building were toxic (literally had chemicals beneath the surface from an old company that used to be there). Wanted to leave for years but got so frustrated from the deterioration of my mental and physical health, I just sat down at my desk, wrote my resignation and gave them my one month's notice. I started school p/t & got a job paying minimum in another city, I felt more fulfilled than I had in years... I had to move back home to help my mom after my father passed this year so I'm currently unemployed BUT I have not regretted my decision to resign last year... Yes, I do wish I had some savings left & do hear the whispering of family & friends but I need to express creatively with my next job and that's what I'm going to do. Yes, the journey may be rough at times but it is your journey and no one else's.
Although I had already watched the "funemployment" and "I Saved $20,000 To Quit My Full-Time Job" videos, it had been awhile, so I rewatched them before watching this video. I'm realizing I need a mixture of funemployment, pure rest, and self-employment. I cannot keep working for other people when they don't care about my well-being (especially as a Black woman), I can't keep running on a near-empty tank, and I can't keep denying myself time to do things (namely self-care and creative endeavors) that would be better done on weekdays during the hours I typically work instead of these 2-day weekends.
Wow. This reminded me of the six months between my college graduation and my first job. Before i even crossed the stage i knew i was BURNT OUT, TIYYYADDD. I needed to rest desperately. I wanted to make sure I was valuing the time in between getting hired. HOWEVAHHH it was hard bc there was definitely DAILY shame for not finding a job yet. Like one can just snap their fingers and BOOM, they got a full time gig. i dont think so mom LOL ive been at my job for 3 years and WHEW CHILE i knew it was good from the start and often think back to the 6 months before i got hired, i cared for myself alot better then. and even thinking of taking sick days or vacation time seems so Taboo. REST IS REST, doesnt need a validation. Because the "i'll sleep when I die" mentality is OVERRATEDDDDDD lmao
Safe space? Okay? Okay. I was laid off from a job I HATED in December. I even danced the morning I was laid off. But I have 0 safety net, so the gift of having time to reflect, to rest, and do nothing has turned into a bit of a curse BECAUSE of shame. Writing is my passion. I love communication. The fear and reality of being broke has made it so difficult to create. So I am taking your advice about revisiting the "why" to combat the shame.
I quit my job the end of February only because God spoke to me. I was stressing at first but I stay in the word faithfully which relieves a lot of my stress. We need to take a break from corporate jobs because the things you are doing for those companies, you can do for yourself to grow your own “brand.” It’s the “just living” part that creates those “Aha”moments that will bring us the most joy and blessings will start to pour in. I don’t feel bad for taking time off working for someone else building their dream! I have dreams too. So this time is for me to discover me and fulfill my life’s purpose. Don’t ever feel bad for not working for another human being. We were all created equally so we all have our own unique gifts. God or the Universe or whatever Higher Power you believe in is there to support you. When you allow people to shame you you’re wasting perfectly good energy that you could be using to discover who you truly are and the things you love. I cut out the entire world even family and friends because this is my time. I wasn’t rude or hateful about it. If they took it personal then that’s something wrong from within themselves. It has nothing to do with the way I choose to live my life. I don’t want to hear anybody’s negative comments or questions about the way I choose to live my life. All they need to know is that I’m doing me whatever that maybe. No matter what you do in life there is always going to be people around that aren’t satisfied with what YOU are doing or how you live. Don’t allow anyone to shame you for being you not even yourself. Easier said than done but I’m learning it. People judged me when I was working and didn’t know what I was mentally and emotionally going through. I made a conscious decision not to allow the outside world influence MY decisions anymore. We know why we left a job we didn’t have a passion for and that’s all that matters. YOU KNOWING! God isolated me because HE knew that I would be asking others for their opinion and that would discourage me. So I’m good with being by myself for now with no family and friends support. Once they see that God did exactly what HE promised all of us then they will see why I’ve been distant. I have passion for a lot of things so this is my time to get my ducks in a row so I can live the life I’ve always dreamed of. Some are just jealous because they don’t have the courage to do it so they try and shame you. That’s the enemy. When you shame yourself that’s the enemy within you because we’ve been conditioned to think our value is in working for others. Your value is within oneself and the only way most of us will be able to discover who we truly are is by cutting off the distractions from the world around us. Change your mindset, change your life! We can do it ladies! 💫💓🌈
Capitalist Shame is very real... people DEFINITELY use their careers or job titles as an description of what they do or who they are and that’s not necessarily a good thing or healthy.
COUSIN! This really hit home! Quit my job to go back to school fullltime to obtain a Masters degree. When I should have been focusing on school, I ended up depressed from feeling I should be working. Thanks for the video! Oh, and the seclusion of feeling the shame, I was a recluse.
Alisha Compton literally me! Quit my job August 2019 and I had saved so much a years worth of salary. I started going to Masters program full time Fall 2019. That program did not plan out and now that I’m in a program designed for people who work I feel like I’m just not being productive and I am always thinking about being employed and applying for jobs and etc.
@@goodwonderful3189 I saved a lot of money before I left my job. I did not use any of my student loans. My student loans were only used to pay the tuition.
whewwww that performing rest part shook me 😮 that really hit because it's so so pervasive especially on social media! like to really rest for rest's sake is so different from what it can look like when watching someone's morning routine where they meditate and drink tea and all that cute self care stuff but then realizing that they had to set up their camera and meditate knowing that the camera is there. thank you for putting words to that, I appreciate this 💛
The shame is real and so many of us have experienced it and continue to experience it. I'd recommend folks to read a book called "The 6 Pillars of Self Esteem". It really tackles some of the underlying drivers of shame and how to overcome them through self efficacy and self respect.
EVELYN! When I tell you the things you hit on in this video are REAL! I'm about 3 months into my sabbatical/funemployment time and whew, the day-to-day can be TAXING! I decided to chronicle my 'unemployed life' here on UA-cam (but to be clear, that was NOT the reason why I left my behind my regularly scheduled paychecks) and I don't regret my choice to purposely leave my job, but sometimes in the quiet of the day I wonder what I'm actually doing lol. The uncertainty of what the future holds can be a real downer, but when I think back to how things aligned for me to be able to quit in the first place, I realize that it's going to be just fine. The way my soul feels now that it is not being crushed by the weight of that job I outgrew is amazing. To anyone thinking of taking time off, just make sure you're taking into account how much higher your light bill may be will be now that you'll be at home with the tv and stove on more often lol
The shame part resonates with me so much! My situation is a bit different but I can still relate a lot. A year ago, I made the decision to do freelance work as a virtual assistant so I can have the time and flexibility to start a sexual health education non-profit (which is progressing nicely!). Some people applaud me while others (namely some family members) don't understand why I'm not using my two Masters to work for the CDC or other public health agency... Even though there were moments where I seriously questioned my decision (I worked a seasonal job at Target and contemplated staying but thankfully decided against it), I'm glad I made this choice. I understand my WHY and that's what keeps me going 😊
Awesome that you're pursuing your passions!! I'm also studying an "unconventional" degree from what I went to college for and the response was initially far from encouraging. Thanks for your story. It's inspiring!
Goodness! I'm from the UK and so glad to read your comment. I'm thinking of doing the same due to certain things wearing away my mental health... Do you have any advice on where to look for virtual assistant work?
I’ve been working for 20 years with little progress career wise despite maxim ambition and hard work.In the last 5 years since becoming a single mom (from birth) I’ve had multiple corporate jobs as an admin assistant in a world that ridicules the position ( but glorifies idiots) while struggling through the ‘work my way up’ lie. I’ve been recently let go from a job I loved after being purposefully transferred from my ideal department. I’ve since quit any and all toxic friendships ;shut down my social media to them (and myself for less pressure); began cooking the best high quality meals at cost ; started demanding that family members respect and assist me without shame during my motherhood for the first time and thought MY OWN deep thoughts about my relationship with society, my consumerism and more. For the first time I have no plan and after seeing so many of my efforts come to nothing due to the ridiculousness of existence, I don’t care to build one. I’ve built nest after nest for the future only to see it disappear in the cycle of unemployment then begging for a job with another headhunter and running about to ‘interview’ at scam jobs. Shame is wallowing. Shame is overvaluing others opinions. NO ONE KNOWS YOUR STRUGGLE OR HOW STRONG YOUVE BEEN IN IT. F-SHAME WHEN YOUVE DONE ALL YOU CAN.
Ooh that point about performing rest and resting not being the same is so reall. Thank you for sharing these thoughts. I am going to be able to take a sabbatical in a year or two and so it's good to think about what I want to do with that time.
I’m 40 and about to resign and take some one off. I just returned to work from 6 weeks off after having surgery. Though I Was recovering it was great. I’m back at work and already stressed again. I am beyond those feelings of guilt or shame. This whole system is rooted in extracting energy and health from people, Especially Black people. F- it all. Looking forward to my time off.
I’ve considered taking a year off just to be more present in life. I’m a single mom with a 4 year old. I work full time with a part time job. And I just started my own business. Busy isn’t even the word to describe my life. I fill that if I didn’t take a year off I would be shamed because I am a mother. IDK I’m just tired of being tired all the time.
This girl is crazy 🤣🤣🤣 ❤ her. However this video is right on time. I'm into month 4 of being unemployed and the people around me stress me out about it. And I'm not in a rush. 🤷🏾♀️
I was forced out of my job and sat around 3 months burning through savings, just before you told us about quitting your job to take a year off. I was happy for you, anxious, and high key jealous af. Not only this video but all of your videos over the last year explaining that time in your life, how you did it, why, etc really make it all make sense and the fact is you didn't have to explain it so just know the transparency is appreciated. You are absolutely right. Too much time is real if you have nothing to fill it with and that normally means work. And with that again the lack of identity without work again is so very real. At 28, with no career just a job, I still feel that societal pressure of I'm just not doing enough so you're making sense.
Hi Evelyn! I want to say thank you for this video. The universe/my phone secretly keeping tabs on what I say when I'm not using it👀 showed this video on my home feed. I'm currently a software engineer and doing the whole 9-5 corporate life. I'm 24 and I've decided that I needed to take a career break. It was difficult to find those words. Career break. I worked hard through my early education so I can get into a great college because that was my only option. I wanted to take a gap year before college but I couldn't afford to. So I went to college and I was burnout. I was burnout and fell deep into depression. Luckily, I had some amazing, quality friends that helped me get through my 4 years of college, majoring in computer science. The job I started working right after college gave me a start date that was just a few weeks after my graduated (while my peers had 2-3 months before their start date) and I was done. Everyday I was always on the verge of tears because I just wanted a chance to breath. Coming from a immigrate broken family who couldn't provide any assistance for higher education was not easy. I saw obtaining an education and a job right after a way for me to improve the unfortunate circumstances I was given. Long story short, I've decided to take a career break and I'm beyond happy about my decision. I'm saving up money now and plan to move to a state I've always wanted to live in. I'm planning to take between 3-4 months off to be a better programmer and rediscover why I want to be in tech as a Haitian American Black Woman. I do plan on working a part time job for just any curve balls that may need some coins lol. Thank you again😘. I plan to rewatch this video again when I've finally hand in my two week notice. 😆
The shame can be real!! I chose almost five years ago to not work and homeschool my children. Me. A black woman. With a Masters Degree, after deep discussion with my husband chose to not work to homeschool my children. The questions in the beginning made me feel like I failed at life. Thankfully over time I have gotten good at putting some folks (who I know aren’t asking for constructive conversation) in their place who try me *bloop*. And I’m just loving the multiple videos lately.
Today was my last day of the serious job I held for the past 2,5 yrs. I’m scared as hell but I had to do it. My health is... nonexistent really. And so is my ability to rest and do nothing. So I guess your video came at the very right time for me
So accurate. I took 6 months off and totally had the envious and intrusive questions, especially around how I was affording it. I took inspiration from yourself and used the term ‘funemployed’ as I had too, quit my job intentionally. I also followed the Nap Ministry on Instagram, who explore the issues of capitalism, grind culture and white supremacy being interlinked. Making us, in particular black women, feel driven to work ourselves into the ground. I plan to take 3-4 months off every year as I’m not feeling winters in the U.K. Thanks for sharing and your always honest and funny take on things x
The shimmer of joy that went through my heart when you said "I also have a larger one for $105." Working retail was not financially sustainable for me but damn do I miss the days when work stayed at work. *sigh* And honestly, after teaching high school four 14 years and having a baby, selling jewelry and home decor doesn't even seem like work. That seems like... a vacation.
I've gone through a couple different iterations of this. I'm 30 and I've been in tech for the last 11 years. For the last 3 years, I've had very high-stress jobs at extremely prestigious, successful companies in the industry. The toll that pace and level of work took on my mental health can't be overstated. I quit one incredibly stressful job and got another because I thought it'd be different. Nope, quit that one too (after about a year and a half each). After 3 months of chilling, traveling, and relying on my savings to get some semblance of my sanity back, I went to work for a startup in a new role I'd never done before - and found I absolutely hated the role after a month. Luckily in a startup things are generally flexible, so I moved into a different position at the same company that I like much more. Unfortunately, though, there's not enough work in it right now for it to be full time, so now I make about half of what I made before. I'm working part time in this tech role while I try to build the creative side hustle that I love up to a level where I use it to make up the other half of the income I used to make. It's complicated and hard, but if I can do this it'll be 100% worth it for my mental health. Do you, y'all.
I love seeing all these amazing women who have, are in the process of, or plan to be funemployed sharing their stories and being honest about their experiences. It’s very validating and makes you feel less alone (and ashamed) about the decision to do it. I saved 14k to quit my job for 4-6 months to move to another country, be with my long-distance boyfriend, and study for a licensing exam I have to take in California. The question is whether or not I’ll go back and really start my career/business in Cali or try life in London. But I have for sure felt those conflicting feelings of shame and freedom. It’s been an absolute dream to have time for myself (I had an emotionally taxing job), but now that I have that time, people always ask you what you’re doing with it or when you’ll have a job again...so it’s really hard finding that balance of being productive and being able to rest.
not quite the same, but i'm currently in a job where i don't have to work a full 40 hour week. I work way less.... however instead of feeling good and resting better and working on my own personal projects, i just feel guilty. Guilty that i'm not doing enough I'm my job, that i'm not doing enough for my self, that i'm not being productive, that I'm not taking full advantage of my time. i have no idea how to mentally get through it
This is the second time Evelyn has mentioned her daydream of working in a pottery store, that is a very specific idea. Why pottery I wonder, are ceramics seen as particularly calming?
I love this video. I’m dealing with keeping a “corporate” job or doing something that I actually want to do. The shame I feel about thinking about when ppl ask me “what do u do” is real. And I hate that. I just want to be happy
When people realize that you are not what you do. The first step I’m learning is to relearn everything. People are confused themselves. People only ask that question when they want to place your value to them. I pray you fight for your “Happy”. You deserve to do what you love. #Yourockregardless
C L S I’m sorry I’m just seeing this. Thank you!!!! This is the sweetest thing. You’re so right. I pray for you as well that u get all ur blessings. #yourocktoo!!!
I've been in this season for two years now since I left my job as a news reporter. I could never articulate the feeling of being shamed for 'not working,' until watching this video. All those feelings for me are intensified, a I am a millennial mother -- navigating my life and my son's life too. Thank you Evelyn for putting this out! I am still #funemployed for the most part, doing odd jobs cuz baby gotta eat!!!! But, this video has definitely changed the way I will steward over my time and work toward my own creative projects including UA-cam. Thank You!
Omg I’m watching this at such a crucial time. I’m full time in college and have a part time job. I had a talk with my boss today and felt so embarrassed telling him im struggling so much in general, and that I’m not doing my best academically. Like i felt like a failure saying i might have to quit 😰 And I’m not even a failure!! I just need to reprioritize lol
I have quit two jobs in my life, and it was the absolute BEST decision I made in both occasions. Especially if you're in an abusive work environment which I was. I stayed in one of the workplaces for almost 3 years and I really regret it because the abuse was so bad, I still have flashbacks (and this was 10 years ago!).
As a person that is currently "funemployed" this is everything I've needed 6 months in. It was cool at first because I KNEW what I was doing & i wasn't worried about other people. But the feeling of wasting time?! I literally just had this conversation with someone and used those words! You get me girl. Thank you for your posts; you're videos are for me 🤣
I am currently funemployed and I haven’t done much of anything from my list lol. I guess I did read a little and I’m trying to workout but failing miserably 😂 it’s been 4 months so hopefully I can develop a healthier lifestyle as I only wanted to take a year off and that was my main goal of this. Oh and the guilt is real! I can’t shake it 😩
Timely video and all of what you said made sense, Evelyn👍🏾 Today is a year since I stopped working and uh the guilt, shame (and embarrassment kinda) is definitely there. The plan was to rest and figure out what I really want from life and it started well BUT, this gap year doesn't look the way I thought it would. It's less travel and 'accomplishment' (I made a list of random things too) and more only getting out of bed to go to therapy and questioning everything (e.g. did our parents really know what they were doing when they raised us?, are my 'friends' really my friends?, what's the point in rejoining capitalist society when the earth is dying and poverty still exists?, what should I do with the decades of suppressed anger from childhood?) My question(s): How did you know it was time to get get back into official work mode? What steps did you take to mentally prepare for getting back into work?
First off I LOVE this video b/c this subject matter is *so* important, second who is playing the recorder in the intro of this video Evelyn 😂third that "fun work, is still work" part is key for me. I feel that on a spiritual level because I am so blessed to have a job I enjoy, working on projects that I like, but like I'm still working so I still get tired and need to rest/take a step back. Like I have all this vacation time but I feel like I shouldn't use it (read: need a break) because I am lucky enough to have a job I like. Whew, excuse me while I continue to unpack that!
I'm only half way through, but LAWD, this is so on point! Between the video and the comments, I feel SEEN. I just quit my job to return to full-time creative/entrepreneur and chiiiiile the validity here is mind boggling. The SHAME is so real. Before I quit, the stress was so real it made me ill, and put me on medical leave (which I had to go on twice because I didn’t know how to REST and felt SHAME). The performative rest part is SO applicable. And FUN WORK IS STILL WORK! Jesus, the gems!
I took a gap year from school a year ago and I agree with everything you said! Especially the shame part because at first I was fine but when family members told me to lie to their friends about the fact that I was still in school, I hated doing it. I hate how we can't just take breaks with feeling or other people seeing us as being lazy, irresponsible, unfocused, etc.
You sound like a very responsible and sensible person who's been raised well by immigrant parents (you've mentioned your parents in a "black American culture has no culture" video, which I found fascinating). You basically sound like me! You're a thinker and do so overly. I used to work in the corporate world and eventually quit working for an employer and became self employed. As I worked in an investment bank I managed to build my business. My current work looks amazing to another person looking in, I get up when I want and pretty much do as I please. Before I left work I'd saved a fair amount too and no amount of savings will ever keep worry at bay. I even slipped into depression because I became isolated and had a lot of time to think/worry. I'm the type of person who worried about not worrying when I was a kid at uni "why aren't I worried about the exam". Even though have a lot of time I have a self imposed schedule of meals, exercise regime and when I generally do stuff. The fun side is we can go on holiday within a week of leaving, it's not all bad. Being a planner also means I've managed to manage debt ahead of schedule, which only means I worry about other things now. I thoroughly enjoy your videos. Hi from London (currently in Egypt - it's a tough life but I soldier on 😉, Chinese British wavy in her 40s 👋
I feel this also applies to those of us who want to pursue early retirement so we can take a job or volunteer doing something that speaks to us and not have to worry about what it pays, how many hours we’re getting, blah, blah, blah. I want my “retirement job” to reflect who I am, not my current professional identity. Thanks for putting all this out there. I always look forward to your videos.
When I was laid off, I was out of a job for 7 months, best months ever but I definitely didn’t utilize my time off well. I felt like I could’ve done more than just be lazy cause once that unemployment money ran out it was like low key panic mode.
Everything you said made sense!!! While I am not at the point to quit my job to rest, I do feel it coming so I am saving and getting things in order. I know the hardest thing for me will be sitting still. I always need to feel productive and when I don’t I feel weird... Just listened to the the preview of the book, and OMG I am hooked...
Lol, I just put in my notice THIS WEEK!! So when I saw the title of this video, I was like "OH NO, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!" 🤣🤣🤣 This video resonated so much with me b/c I too have equated my value in society with my income/career for the past 11 years. But I'm looking forward to this next chapter in my life! Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. BTW, you said "Come thru Wishbone.." and I almost spit my water out!! 🤣
I feel like these -mistakes- lessons can also apply to recent college grads- especially those that are in an in-between job until they can find one related to their degree or waiting to get into graduate/medical school. I am in the waiting period between graduate/medical school decisions/acceptances, and the too much free time lesson really hit home. I have way more time than I'm used to and finding the balance between "rest" and doing an activity is hard, but I'm trying.
I'm entering my 7th year of retirement, and even though I have immersed myself in a myriad of meaningful activities and projects, your points resonate with me. Basically there's not enough "me" time in my retirement. Not enough time for me to contemplate what it is I want in this stage of my life.
Dang, I lost my first full-time job earlier this month (didn't quit but got fired 😔) and this month has been a rollercoaster of emotions and I've felt every word you said
This comment section is truly everything, I don’t think many in this section know just how much of a blessing it is to see what has been going on in your head, be put into words, and OTHERS GET IT! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I’m from a rural area, and was told literally to go to college, study ANYTHING, get a degree, get a government job, and retire with your retirement, pension, and SSI. Then 2008 happened, and I graduated college in 2010. THERE WERE NO JOBS! I had friends who went to grad school to avoid going back home to their parents like a lot of us did! And now, 10 years later, after doing “what I was told” al these years, I’ve decided to throw caution to the wind and do what I feel is right for my career. Mentally, it is NOT easy! I really hope anyone who needs to hear/see this know it is NOT easy. Your emotions and all that will be jacked up, because if you’re like me, you were set on a “sure thing,”’and it didn’t work. Now you gotta figure out a blueprint designed specifically for you. Just keep goin! We gon’ figure it out!!! 💜💜💜
Shame is an insatiable beast!!! I’ve felt that way for years now. I went from a full time job to a part time one because my job is physically taxing and I needed the rest. Even though I am working, I still feel shame. My roommate asked me “what do you do with yourself all day?” And I felt the need to list all of the “productive” things I do so as to not look lazy. My mom calls me all the time to do things for her because she now feels I have the time so there shouldn’t be a reason to say no. The strain that this “time off” has put on my mental and emotional health is terrible. Worrying and dealing with guilt and shame has become a full time job in addition to my part time one.
“performing rest is not the same thing as resting” whew a WORD. I’m one of those people who constantly wants to be productive, so truly resting is a concept that I haven’t mastered yet.
I am currently a unemployed LPN and I am loving my time off from work. I quit my job almost a month ago, and it's the best decision I could have made for my mental health. I am also a single mother. My kids like that I am more available to them. I do plan to return to working within the next 3 months. I feel absolutely no shame because I am financing my break. No regrets over here.
this even feels relevant to someone like me :) only 23, only have a couple associate degrees and I've been taking time off because i felt really helpless and overwhelmed with school, even employment. im lucky to have ppl willing to let me live with them rent free, but even after basically a year of not doing much (i stand in a silent gallery once a month to make sure no one gets too close to the art, that is it) i still feel overwhelmed in a way and I don't feel like I've been resting cause I've been worrying this whole time and after watching this i realized i wasn't focused on what I needed. i figured i was fine, just needed like 3 months of sleeping in and not worrying about assignments. well 3 months turned into a year and i realize i should have made a goal from the beginning to get therapy. it's really just been that the whole time, i just wasn't keeping it in the front of my mind and so i still have not gotten any and still am not ready for college. but yeah i like the time off tips, wish i was considering these things from the start ❤️❤️
Super Helpful, Super Relevant. I took a year off to write a book and spent 70 % of the time fighting with my self esteem and guilt about doing what I want in the face of capitalism and family expectations. I have been under a MOUNTAIN of guilt and confusion. However, all the real work was done on the inside. Deep shadow work on what I really believed vs. what I thought I believed. Heart vs. Society pressure. Spiritual transformation takes place when you courage to step out of society . But Yea for self love, for figuring it out, for all the good stuff. I appreciate not being alone in my feelings and all of it. I guess I needed someone to say it's ok and nobody did, so I have to every day , all day .
Internet cousin, did you just look over my shoulder and read my list of all the things I'm going to try and do after my job ends next week?! Here is a sample of the many things I put on this list: find a new job, rest and relax, write a novel, go to museums, start new hobbies, join a book club, fully organize/clean out all the papers I've been hoarding since college, complete 8+ years of scrapbooking I intended to do but never got around to. Thank you for calling me out before I make mistakes! I really needed someone to help me understand that just because I am not spending 50-ish hours of my week at work, I still do not have an infinite amount of time and I cannot do this many things at once...and that if I do actually write my novel, that is work and I am probably not going to feel very rested and relaxed.
Speaking the truth!! I’ve definitely felt like this when I took a break from work lol now I’m back working and the stress is real 😂😂 but we shall press through.
"I don't know how to sit" punched me in my ribs. I 100% feel that. I find myself saying I need to take time off work to relax and then the moment I do, I create a list of 500 things that need to be done around the house - and find myself going back to work even more exhausted.
EVERY👏🏿 WORD👏🏿 OF 👏🏿THIS 👏🏿 MADE 👏🏿 SENSE! EVERY WORD!!! You out here saving lives and rescuing edges. I have learned so much from your journey, as a full time creative artist. Thanks for giving us the not-so-cute, unfiltered truth.
You're right! We can't wait to grow, get our own money to pay bills and not have anyone tell us what to do. Yet we get that work to make the money and have our own home. Then we realize there's more rules than ever. Rules about where to park or where visitorscan park; how loud to play music, what times you're allowed to play music; where you can put your satellite dish, what's allowed in your driveway. Just a host of rules on the job or at home where there's an HOA. Adulting can be crazy at times.
Experienced the a lot of the same thoughts after I decided to leave corporate America. I was able to travel solo for a portion of that year. I did not book a ticket for the anxious voices in my head and found a lot more clarity during my travel.
so glad this video exists. currently in my funemployment stage and your first point about still worrying about finances even when i have enough saved up is SO REALLLLLL
Honestly, you've helped me so much Evelyn. I love how your videos have evolved as you've gotten older. P.S. I just quit my job as well and the shame is reallll. I'm not destitute. I have money saved up but the shame is still there.
I'm planning to take a little break at the end August. I've been at my job for almost 2 years and it'll be almost 2 1/2 by the time I leave. planning to have saved about 10k for that time, and I also want to pick up a few jobs here n there. This video is super helpful
Thank you! I’m going through every emotion and thought you’ve shared and I’m still trying to turn in my two weeks notice. It’s never the “right” time. Prepare, save and just do it.
This is one of those videos where the comments section is super important! If you have anything to add, please share your experiences below. I've heard similar things from new moms and retired folks - it's such a strange feeling!
I written a dozen comments since watching this vid and I can't seem to write anything that isn't a rant about poverty, Profiteerism, and wealth inequality.
I thought about this for a few seconds today before the ancestors gave me a hard "No."
This video is right on time.
Have you made any videos about journaling? I know it would be helpful for reflection and understanding myself outside of work but I can’t seem to get started. Would love to hear your thoughts/tips around it.
I had to pause this video to say... There was a WHOLE LOT of “to do” on that list, period! 😂🤣😂
So curious... As I’m on a forced (but happily in) funemployment due to lay off... Did you save enough money? Like if you decided to truly not work, would the money you saved have been enough for you to maintain your standard of living? Any financial surprises?
I saved 14k to travel for a year when I was 41. Hustle/grind culture is fruit of the slavery tree. Black women are taught our value is in being a hard worker. That’s where the shame comes from. Now I’m a house sitter. Eff that shame.
Right!!!!
Wow. Love this statement
I literally have your post saved in my phone from the Black Travel Movement group about house sitting! I even joined TrustedHousesitters to check it out!
This 36-year-old needed to hear that.
Please tell us more about this House Sitter lifestyle! Lol this is a serious inquiry
I was funemployed for 6 months last year my lessons learned:
1.Watching your savings go down every month is very disconcerting.Having no job means you have to entertain yourself which means more money being spent. I personally wouldn't do it again without having streams of income in place.
2. Isolation - you might be funemployed but your friends, family and acquaintances are all at work.Have a strategy to connect with new people.
3. You must have routine that accomplishes something constructive everyday. It's very easy to get lazy.
4.Weekends no longer have significance, as everyday is a weekend to you
5.Be prepared for friends to ask "what did you do all day?"
5. Dont feel guilty to just do nothing there are very few moments in life where you get space to just breathe,
6.Be realistic removing your job from your life will not make your life happy it just gives you more time to work on your issues.This was a big one for me i thought all my issues were because I didnt like my job, but that wasnt the case
I felt all of this especially lesson nr 6. I haven't been funemployed yet, but I have been thinking about it. Thank you for your input
christieomojo whew chile! #6!
This list along with the video is a gold mine! God bless and thanks
This was great
Yaaaas all of this! The isolation is the toughest part and #6 hit home HARD!
“If your doing nothing, but thinking about how your doing nothing, you’re doing something” idk whether to laugh or to clap lol 😂👏🏽
Sierra LaFaye good one!!!
I was sitting there like...well damn, she's got a point lol
Sierra LaFaye you’re
It’s a good point. I tend to ruin my days off or vacation time cause I keep fretting about if I’m being too lazy. So I find things to do. Then when it’s over I’m mad at myself for not enjoying my time off more. We work our fingers to the bone, some of us since we were teenagers. Why can’t we cut ourselves some slack?
Or cry!
"I saved my money 'legitly', but I still felt bad. That's a ripoff."
I felt that. I felt that hard.
Same. It happened to me.
I quit my job and was off for a year. Everyone had something to say. "Why did you leave that government job?" "People would kill for that opportunity". I just tuned them out and did what was best for me. It was the best year allowed me to grow mentally and take a much needed rest. I'm almost ready to do it again. It sucks being 27 and trying to find your will and purpose. Nothing seems to fit and jobs just feel like jobs. Still looking for that fulfilled feeling.
Totally relate on that part of being fulfilled. I am 25 and the pressure is real !
I felt this. Worked so hard to get into a government position and was like, "If I put my year in, I can shift to HR and build my career". But I hated it. The experience wasn't what I was building in my head. I was trying to find fulfilment in work that wasn't there. And though I had a great relationship with my coworkers and boss and received positive assessments, they could tell there was something missing too. I didn't want to be that drone who watched the clock and counted down their twenty years
I feel this completely
Try looking for fulfillment outside of work. Work is work
I’m in the same situation. I have a government , extremely secure job, and I’m still miserable. It’s not even the job itself, it’s mostly the ignorant white people I have to work with. It’s so tiring. I hope you find your purpose 💗 you’re not alone in feeling that way. ✨
I did this last year. I quit my job. I was gone 5 months. It was a break I NEEDED!! I interviewed for another and job got it. Walked out, called my old job and said I wanted to come back. They were thrilled to have me back. Called the new job thanked them and told them I had to turn down the offer. Lesson: always do your best wherever you work, and always leave on good terms because you never know what the future holds.
As someone who worked in HR, I always caution against going back to old positions. Have your ducks in a row because regardless of how happy they have to have you back, there's a measure of trust that has been eroded. Especially given our age and how we're already seen as a flight risk
Yes
@@Animefreak242 yup, I just left my job in the worst way my manager yelled at me and I yelled I quit and hung up then called HR crying then the VP at the company texted me saying she'd love to have me back and the door is open but it didn't feel genuine it felt like their ego was hurt because I was a top preformer who left them and they only want me back to make miserable and fire me eventually maybe I'm paranoid af
@@freedom4391 Did you go back?
Dang, I got a little emotional when you started talking about the shame. Sigh...I've been battling this since I quit my job as a Civil Engineer almost 4 years ago. The kicker is, I've been working at another job for the past 3 years, but when I tell people I'm an Admin. Assistant (with an engineering degree) there's so much shame and so many questions that stress me out, ya know? It really bothers me that I still associate so much of my worth with what I do for work - but I've been actively working on it. I'm turning 28 in less than a month, but the pressure to figure out what I want to do career wise has been overwhelming for the past year or so. I know so many other young adults are going through this.
Not just young adults, my sister, but us in our forties are struggling as well. Be proud of what you're doing and your path. It's not meant to look like anyone else's anyway. Everything will work out in the end. It always does!
Im 28 and in the same situation. I have no idea what I want to do for a career. Know that there is no shame in doing any job. People will judge but figuring out what you want to do is important and admirable.
I am 27 years old and I totally understand sis, I understand.
I understand you! I have a Mortuary Science degree and I'm constantly being judged for becoming a CNA helping people in need 🙄! I've recently decided to go back to school to become a RN and I still get judged for my decisions and feel embarrassed sometimes!
Tenecia Coleman please, don’t be. I wish you much success!
I think the biggest thing people don't realize about time off, is that no matter HOW much you save, there will always be unexpected costs. (car repairs, clothes, eating out with friends, gifts, etc) Which can lead to more stress.
Sincerely Eccentric additionally the most serious unexpected bills are medical bills, tax debt, family emergencies. Dinners out and gifts for people must be cancelled/postponed. Prioritizing essentials is a must
Ya I think it is likely the thought of those things that causes people to stress during time off even when they have a good amount saved
True.
@@crownjewel832 Right?! I was like...wait lol. Unexpected expenses should not include gifts, dinner with friends and eating out. Prioritizing those things are essential to balancing your life but unexpected expenses are medical bills, family emergency etc.
THIS!!!
"I can grow cabbage!" It was at this moment, I went to glory.
Omg Evelyn I feel u on feeling like you're wasting time. I took a year and a half off to travel the world. Got to explore 19 countries over Africa and SE Asia...and still felt like I was wasting time 😂. I think I put so much pressure on myself to produce something to justify my travels...but why? I just wanted to see the world. So I did! Mission accomplished!
I love this. I'm gonna do same
As you should! Congratulations! I want to see the world too someday!
That's really amazing! I'm glad you did that for yourself 😁
One of my life goals!
I left my job and took an entire summer off. I had my money saved for a rainy day and enjoyed myself before I found a new job. The biggest thing I learned is that:
1) I can sleep a good 10 hours
2) A lot of people who were not in the financial position to do what I did were very negative.
3) I felt re-energized going back to work with a new attitude.
The other thing people need to understand is that you can get PTSD from working. It can impact you at your next job so be kind to yourself. Especially for minorities they tend to assign us more work because they feel black people are stronger and can withstand more. Its not fair but the reality of the situation in corporate America.
its too late , african internet cousin . During a meeting I already sent in that resignation lol. But I will be transitioning to new one through the grace of God
blissful rebel 🙏🏾
Yo I love your username
Hahah! I remember one job not knowing how to tell my boss I was leaving bc I knew she’d probably cry. Then when I received the highest review possible and was then told the company wasn’t giving out raises, I sent the email from my phone during the meeting 🤷🏾♀️... She cried but she understood. We’re still cool until this day.
Fully resigned from my job this morning 😭
@@babyluv7834 you got this. ✊🏾
I left my full-time job, traveled, returned to the states, met my husband, and now I'm a proud wife and homemaker. Traveling completely changed my perspective on my life, my womanhood, and my relationships. It was completely worth it.
The Shame is real. I spent 7 yrs w/ a company and rose up through the ranks to become a Team Lead and promptly quit while i was out with my hubby for his emergency surgery. The stress was already overwhelming and I could not go back, BUT the shame received from friends and family was more hurtful.
The stock photos with the watermarks 🤣🤣🤣 I feel you tho because they be unnecessarily priced high lol
But there are so many quality free stock photos these days.
I quit my job almost 6 months ago to be self/fun-employed. Honestly... no regrets, i'm more creative now than I've ever been in my life. I finally post videos regularly and started my web series lol I love it here!
I wish you the most success 🥳🎉
Congrats!!!
Did you save/ are you making money? Feel free to not answer if too personal, just curious.
smilergal89 I did have some money saved but I went on a trip to California and spent everything. So I’ve been saving up again for the past few months. Luckily I live with my mom who supports my creative journey so she cuts me a loooot of slack.
@@Nosleepsusan
I love a supportive Mom/ patent
Congrats to her as well for raising a successful woman 😊💞
Ya girl is a whole Stay at Home Mom taking time “off” working to care for my babies and I STILL feel bad for not hustling and doing more. Like whaaaaa?!? Social Media is all about moms having it all and doing it all. Instead of just enjoying my babies and focusing on raising them, I’m “supposed” to take pictures of every outting and activity and figure out how I can monitize it. 🙄 Or I’m supposed to juggle my own business. Or go to school. Or do SOMETHING more than “just” spend time with my babies. I have to work hard to reprogram myself to understand that tending to their needs is enough. Trying to raise whole balanced progressive kids is enough. I’m not in survival mode anymore like my single mother was. I don’t need to hustle to feed my kids, we good. So I should just be able to enjoy my kids without guilt.
Right there with you. Just gave birth to my 9th kiddo, I homeschool and yes, I'm a UA-camr 😂😂!! My hubby had 2 months paid leave and we felt so awkward taking "time-off" for my recovery. He started going back to his part time job after week 2.
I ain't gonna lie, though, I want atleast another 6 months off, 2 weeks by myself, 2 weeks w/ my hubby only and traveling w/ the family. I can hope 😌.
TOO LATE!!! Instructions unclear, now I lay awake at night and feel disheartened and question my worth and will anyone hire me again? HIRE ME PLEASE I’m nice and like money.
Wow, twinsies.
Gen lmao 🗣she forgot to mention the fine print!
Same. Oof. I even bring my own box of candy. Hire me.
When Evelyn said prepare for time wasting people, that should have been a bigger lesson! Lol I dealt with that with some friends when I was self employeed. They didnt seem to get that just because i dont have set work hours doesnt mean I am not "busy". They would ask are you free to help with xyz and i would say yes at first because they are a friend but it quickly became they had no respect for my time and that I dont get paid unless i produce work.
Admittedly, this has been one reason why I'm not good with having female friends my own age. I'm 30 and do not want children. In fact, I don't exactly like kids, lol. I don't hate them but wow they make a lot of noise! And I'm an introvert who likes to have a lot of quiet. I'm scared I'm going to get roped into babysitting or something (this also permeates to my two brothers as well, who do not have children yet). No, I'm technically not doing anything on my days off but that's also how I've intentionally structured my life. I think it would make me a bad friend (or sibling/aunt) to not be able to give back in such a way, to help a friend/brother out in the way they probably need it the most. Over the years, I've begun to instead drift over to speaking more with older coworkers at jobs and have found I prefer that more. Their kids are grown, usually about my own age or a little younger and it's interesting to hear their stories and life lessons :)
When i stay home and dont travel while being on vacation from work. My Friends take up all my time to help with their Problems. While I cant deal with my own projects/Problems. I cant do while working .
TyAna Wheeler I had to block my phone during 9 to 5 when I worked for myself. People are stupid. Like I said before stay around only like minded people.
@@cyndisays thats a good idea. I need to use do not disturb more and more. Lol
Noire Knight I have learned not to tell people when I take time off from work because they immediately start trying to fill up my time.
Capitalism enduced shame whew chile. I've taken an 8 month break and I can relate to that 100%.
This has nothing to do with capitalism. And trust me, you wouldn't want to be in socialist Venezuela where they are forced to eat their family pets due to starvation.
mascara1888 that happens in both capitalist and “socialist” countries not that their are really truly socialist countries just oligarchies where the rich rule and capitalize off of every one else’s labor. We don’t rlly know what true socialism looks like. It’s always co opted
Wow I just quit my job 3 days ago.....this resonates so deeply! The shame i currently feel is real. I worked hard to get my job and discovered I hated it and quit within a month( I'm tired of working jobs I HATE)....plus my child has special needs and I wanted to be more present with him. I have money saved to survive but I still can't shake the guilt. Now I'm looking into working for myself and work from home opportunities.
Girl... I can totally relate... bless u!
I'm 40, I've been with my employer for 16yrs. 3 different departments. I'm sick of working a job I hate as well. It's depressing. Shame people made you feel guilty if you quit because you weren't happy. I hope you're good now.
I got it. "As long as you are continuing to grow as a person and expanding your mind and life skills, there should be no shame in not making money."
I just agree.
Sadly, what "should be" doesn't always equate with the reality of what "is'.
@@grrlMel True, but improvement is still improvement, regardless of the degree.
I’m glad you’re allowing yourself to create content that’s unapologetically you and without the pressure to perform. It’s refreshing. I love you. I see you.
I wish this video came out two years ago. I was frustrated at my job and decided to “find a better job/take some time off/accept the layoff”. It’s been almost 3 years on un-fun “FUN-employment” and I am currently getting turned down for $10/hr retail jobs. I took all of the advice from my Boomer parents (go to college, graduate [without BABIES 👼🏾], work and go get the graduate degree) to get that elusive “GOOD JOB”. However, the Boomers can’t afford to retire/evacuate the good jobs so now I’m out here with multiple degrees getting turned down for simple jobs yet being shamed by the Boomers for being a “lazy and entitled xennial”. HOW SWAY?!?!
Facts.....
The thing is nobody tells you the the degrees are a trap. The debt and the lack of jobs. I love I came across this video. You are more than what you do. I pray that you receive an idea that puts you in the space to blaze your own trail. #Godspeed #Youarewinningaslongasyouliving
Yep. Thank God I didn't listen to my Boomer parents. They just don't get that times have changed. Jobs are crap; they don't pay the bills and if they do your still living pay check to pay check. Housing is purposely overpriced. Careers like you said are not being given up by our elders they have to keep them because retirement doesn't pay enough, school is just ridiculous, expensive (financial aid only pays for so much) and teachers make it difficult just to pass easy classes. The economy😐. Everything is so different now.
I was reccomended to take temporary leave by my manager to manage my rapidly declining mental health and as the daughter of an immigrant field worker I dont know how to not work without feeling guilty and its stressing me out :/
The Wishbone reference had me gaging😂😂 loved that show growing up. I always fely poor for not having cable as a kid, but now I have the knowledge bank of PBS from the 90's carrying me through my adult life.
Natalie Moliterno same! Wishbone was my fav show and I didn’t have cable until I went to college. 🤣
"Taking time off doesnt necessarily mean it's time to accomplish more things!" 😭😭😭
You recalibrated my funemployment with this one video. I STAY overcompensating for not having a traditional job anymore. I quit my last job because the environment ate away at my mental health and I really didn't like it. While I don't regret leaving, the guilt of not 9-5ing like everyone gets real, often.
Thank you for the video!
Talking to you in both IRL and watching your content online as you know helped me to truly define my sabbatical carefully. There's a reason I gave my self 6 months and not a year, also I realized I didn't want to nap per say -- I just wanted the chance to produce videos of my own choosing.
I think that was why I kept saying to you "what if we just started this webseries for fun! Remember when writing and filming was fun."
That helped me figure out launching Sans Gluten and exploring my personal channel to see if I could like you said pivot and make my side hustle the main hustle.
I'm in college and even though I'm not on a break from work, I feel like I'm on a break from life, like the real world. I'm told to just focus on school, and learning and growing up, but even the pursuit of education in order to acquire a job that will pay me money, seems less important than just already having a job that is paying me money. I see my peers doing both, and feel so left out because I'm young and should be able to juggle every aspect of life while doing a thousand things at once and becoming rich before I'm 30. Hustle culture is damaging! Even though i'm doing something productive, it still feels like I'm wasting time cuz I could be doing more. If It's not immediately financially beneficial, it doesn't matter in this constant grind society.
As a 34 year old lady, I can tell you that much of what is glamorized about hustle culture is a lie. All of that hustle takes a village, a team, and a factory to keep it going. I suggest figuring out your priorities and do those. They will almost never be perfectly "balanced" but when things or people demand attention at the same time, you'll know which or whom to put first.
I feel you, there's a huge amount of pressure in college to do all the things in order to be super hireable after. You must be president of 8 clubs, volunteer, work in your industry and get straight As. It's way too much pressure!
If you need to take a gap semester or a gap yr off for mental health reasons, do it. You can always get an education but you can’t get back your mental health once it’s gone. Prioritize your health over your schooling. If you need to talk to a mental health professional I suggest you do that too.
fuck hustle culture and fuck college tbh. it's totally a break from life, if you have the privilege of looking at it that way. it can be such a gift if you're able to do a lot of the things evelyn said to do during a gap year -- journal, think about why you're there, make a plan for after. college was somehow the most pressure and the least responsibilities i've ever had?? take advantage of that weirdness if you can. whatever you're doing, it's enough
Quit my corporate job July 2019 because both my coworkers & the building were toxic (literally had chemicals beneath the surface from an old company that used to be there). Wanted to leave for years but got so frustrated from the deterioration of my mental and physical health, I just sat down at my desk, wrote my resignation and gave them my one month's notice. I started school p/t & got a job paying minimum in another city, I felt more fulfilled than I had in years... I had to move back home to help my mom after my father passed this year so I'm currently unemployed BUT I have not regretted my decision to resign last year... Yes, I do wish I had some savings left & do hear the whispering of family & friends but I need to express creatively with my next job and that's what I'm going to do.
Yes, the journey may be rough at times but it is your journey and no one else's.
Lol...so you got a job yet?
@@lhoward360 COVID-19 had other plans for the world... now I have to wait until restrictions say, "you shall now go forth."
Although I had already watched the "funemployment" and "I Saved $20,000 To Quit My Full-Time Job" videos, it had been awhile, so I rewatched them before watching this video. I'm realizing I need a mixture of funemployment, pure rest, and self-employment. I cannot keep working for other people when they don't care about my well-being (especially as a Black woman), I can't keep running on a near-empty tank, and I can't keep denying myself time to do things (namely self-care and creative endeavors) that would be better done on weekdays during the hours I typically work instead of these 2-day weekends.
Wow. This reminded me of the six months between my college graduation and my first job. Before i even crossed the stage i knew i was BURNT OUT, TIYYYADDD. I needed to rest desperately. I wanted to make sure I was valuing the time in between getting hired. HOWEVAHHH it was hard bc there was definitely DAILY shame for not finding a job yet. Like one can just snap their fingers and BOOM, they got a full time gig. i dont think so mom LOL ive been at my job for 3 years and WHEW CHILE i knew it was good from the start and often think back to the 6 months before i got hired, i cared for myself alot better then. and even thinking of taking sick days or vacation time seems so Taboo. REST IS REST, doesnt need a validation. Because the "i'll sleep when I die" mentality is OVERRATEDDDDDD lmao
Safe space? Okay? Okay.
I was laid off from a job I HATED in December. I even danced the morning I was laid off. But I have 0 safety net, so the gift of having time to reflect, to rest, and do nothing has turned into a bit of a curse BECAUSE of shame.
Writing is my passion. I love communication. The fear and reality of being broke has made it so difficult to create. So I am taking your advice about revisiting the "why" to combat the shame.
I quit my job the end of February only because God spoke to me. I was stressing at first but I stay in the word faithfully which relieves a lot of my stress. We need to take a break from corporate jobs because the things you are doing for those companies, you can do for yourself to grow your own “brand.” It’s the “just living” part that creates those “Aha”moments that will bring us the most joy and blessings will start to pour in. I don’t feel bad for taking time off working for someone else building their dream! I have dreams too. So this time is for me to discover me and fulfill my life’s purpose. Don’t ever feel bad for not working for another human being. We were all created equally so we all have our own unique gifts. God or the Universe or whatever Higher Power you believe in is there to support you. When you allow people to shame you you’re wasting perfectly good energy that you could be using to discover who you truly are and the things you love. I cut out the entire world even family and friends because this is my time. I wasn’t rude or hateful about it. If they took it personal then that’s something wrong from within themselves. It has nothing to do with the way I choose to live my life. I don’t want to hear anybody’s negative comments or questions about the way I choose to live my life. All they need to know is that I’m doing me whatever that maybe. No matter what you do in life there is always going to be people around that aren’t satisfied with what YOU are doing or how you live. Don’t allow anyone to shame you for being you not even yourself. Easier said than done but I’m learning it. People judged me when I was working and didn’t know what I was mentally and emotionally going through. I made a conscious decision not to allow the outside world influence MY decisions anymore. We know why we left a job we didn’t have a passion for and that’s all that matters. YOU KNOWING! God isolated me because HE knew that I would be asking others for their opinion and that would discourage me. So I’m good with being by myself for now with no family and friends support. Once they see that God did exactly what HE promised all of us then they will see why I’ve been distant. I have passion for a lot of things so this is my time to get my ducks in a row so I can live the life I’ve always dreamed of. Some are just jealous because they don’t have the courage to do it so they try and shame you. That’s the enemy. When you shame yourself that’s the enemy within you because we’ve been conditioned to think our value is in working for others. Your value is within oneself and the only way most of us will be able to discover who we truly are is by cutting off the distractions from the world around us. Change your mindset, change your life! We can do it ladies! 💫💓🌈
I’d love to hear the promises God fulfilled after your time off! I’m believing Him to do the same.🩷🙌🏾
Capitalist Shame is very real... people DEFINITELY use their careers or job titles as an description of what they do or who they are and that’s not necessarily a good thing or healthy.
COUSIN! This really hit home! Quit my job to go back to school fullltime to obtain a Masters degree. When I should have been focusing on school, I ended up depressed from feeling I should be working. Thanks for the video!
Oh, and the seclusion of feeling the shame, I was a recluse.
Alisha Compton literally me! Quit my job August 2019 and I had saved so much a years worth of salary. I started going to Masters program full time Fall 2019. That program did not plan out and now that I’m in a program designed for people who work I feel like I’m just not being productive and I am always thinking about being employed and applying for jobs and etc.
Were you able to live off your student loans?
@@goodwonderful3189 I saved a lot of money before I left my job. I did not use any of my student loans. My student loans were only used to pay the tuition.
Feyi Oreagba thank you for your response
whewwww that performing rest part shook me 😮 that really hit because it's so so pervasive especially on social media! like to really rest for rest's sake is so different from what it can look like when watching someone's morning routine where they meditate and drink tea and all that cute self care stuff but then realizing that they had to set up their camera and meditate knowing that the camera is there. thank you for putting words to that, I appreciate this 💛
The shame is real and so many of us have experienced it and continue to experience it. I'd recommend folks to read a book called "The 6 Pillars of Self Esteem". It really tackles some of the underlying drivers of shame and how to overcome them through self efficacy and self respect.
EVELYN! When I tell you the things you hit on in this video are REAL! I'm about 3 months into my sabbatical/funemployment time and whew, the day-to-day can be TAXING! I decided to chronicle my 'unemployed life' here on UA-cam (but to be clear, that was NOT the reason why I left my behind my regularly scheduled paychecks) and I don't regret my choice to purposely leave my job, but sometimes in the quiet of the day I wonder what I'm actually doing lol. The uncertainty of what the future holds can be a real downer, but when I think back to how things aligned for me to be able to quit in the first place, I realize that it's going to be just fine. The way my soul feels now that it is not being crushed by the weight of that job I outgrew is amazing. To anyone thinking of taking time off, just make sure you're taking into account how much higher your light bill may be will be now that you'll be at home with the tv and stove on more often lol
"In the quiet of the day I wonder what I'm actually doing" that part was hilarious. I hope you continue to find what works for you!
The shame part resonates with me so much! My situation is a bit different but I can still relate a lot. A year ago, I made the decision to do freelance work as a virtual assistant so I can have the time and flexibility to start a sexual health education non-profit (which is progressing nicely!). Some people applaud me while others (namely some family members) don't understand why I'm not using my two Masters to work for the CDC or other public health agency... Even though there were moments where I seriously questioned my decision (I worked a seasonal job at Target and contemplated staying but thankfully decided against it), I'm glad I made this choice. I understand my WHY and that's what keeps me going 😊
Proud of you for going against the grain & pursuing your dreams, goals and aspirations. Keep it going!
Awesome that you're pursuing your passions!! I'm also studying an "unconventional" degree from what I went to college for and the response was initially far from encouraging. Thanks for your story. It's inspiring!
@@ThatGirlMoi Thanks! And you're welcome. I'm glad I can provide some encouragement!
Congratulations. That program sounds wonderful.
All the best and thank you for your contribution.
Goodness! I'm from the UK and so glad to read your comment. I'm thinking of doing the same due to certain things wearing away my mental health... Do you have any advice on where to look for virtual assistant work?
I’ve been working for 20 years with little progress career wise despite maxim ambition and hard work.In the last 5 years since becoming a single mom (from birth) I’ve had multiple corporate jobs as an admin assistant in a world that ridicules the position ( but glorifies idiots) while struggling through the ‘work my way up’ lie. I’ve been recently let go from a job I loved after being purposefully transferred from my ideal department. I’ve since quit any and all toxic friendships ;shut down my social media to them (and myself for less pressure); began cooking the best high quality meals at cost ; started demanding that family members respect and assist me without shame during my motherhood for the first time and thought MY OWN deep thoughts about my relationship with society, my consumerism and more. For the first time I have no plan and after seeing so many of my efforts come to nothing due to the ridiculousness of existence, I don’t care to build one. I’ve built nest after nest for the future only to see it disappear in the cycle of unemployment then begging for a job with another headhunter and running about to ‘interview’ at scam jobs. Shame is wallowing. Shame is overvaluing others opinions. NO ONE KNOWS YOUR STRUGGLE OR HOW STRONG YOUVE BEEN IN IT. F-SHAME WHEN YOUVE DONE ALL YOU CAN.
Ooh that point about performing rest and resting not being the same is so reall. Thank you for sharing these thoughts. I am going to be able to take a sabbatical in a year or two and so it's good to think about what I want to do with that time.
"...but the camera's rolling so their not asleep..." 😂😂😂 I thought I was the only one cuz. Listen your videos are therapeutic. No joke.👏😊
8:15 - I don't know why but the "learn about space got me"
Is everyone present for the day's proceedings?. Ok good.
I’m 40 and about to resign and take some one off. I just returned to work from 6 weeks off after having surgery. Though I
Was recovering it was great. I’m back at work and already stressed again. I am beyond those feelings of guilt or shame. This whole system is rooted in extracting energy and health from people,
Especially Black people. F- it all. Looking forward to my time off.
I’ve considered taking a year off just to be more present in life. I’m a single mom with a 4 year old. I work full time with a part time job. And I just started my own business. Busy isn’t even the word to describe my life. I fill that if I didn’t take a year off I would be shamed because I am a mother. IDK I’m just tired of being tired all the time.
This girl is crazy 🤣🤣🤣 ❤ her. However this video is right on time. I'm into month 4 of being unemployed and the people around me stress me out about it. And I'm not in a rush. 🤷🏾♀️
Yeah I don't get that. If I have a plan, I'm working on it and I'm not pressed, why are you trying to MAKE me stressed?
I was forced out of my job and sat around 3 months burning through savings, just before you told us about quitting your job to take a year off. I was happy for you, anxious, and high key jealous af. Not only this video but all of your videos over the last year explaining that time in your life, how you did it, why, etc really make it all make sense and the fact is you didn't have to explain it so just know the transparency is appreciated.
You are absolutely right. Too much time is real if you have nothing to fill it with and that normally means work. And with that again the lack of identity without work again is so very real. At 28, with no career just a job, I still feel that societal pressure of I'm just not doing enough so you're making sense.
Hi Evelyn! I want to say thank you for this video. The universe/my phone secretly keeping tabs on what I say when I'm not using it👀 showed this video on my home feed. I'm currently a software engineer and doing the whole 9-5 corporate life. I'm 24 and I've decided that I needed to take a career break. It was difficult to find those words. Career break. I worked hard through my early education so I can get into a great college because that was my only option. I wanted to take a gap year before college but I couldn't afford to. So I went to college and I was burnout. I was burnout and fell deep into depression. Luckily, I had some amazing, quality friends that helped me get through my 4 years of college, majoring in computer science. The job I started working right after college gave me a start date that was just a few weeks after my graduated (while my peers had 2-3 months before their start date) and I was done. Everyday I was always on the verge of tears because I just wanted a chance to breath. Coming from a immigrate broken family who couldn't provide any assistance for higher education was not easy. I saw obtaining an education and a job right after a way for me to improve the unfortunate circumstances I was given. Long story short, I've decided to take a career break and I'm beyond happy about my decision. I'm saving up money now and plan to move to a state I've always wanted to live in. I'm planning to take between 3-4 months off to be a better programmer and rediscover why I want to be in tech as a Haitian American Black Woman. I do plan on working a part time job for just any curve balls that may need some coins lol. Thank you again😘. I plan to rewatch this video again when I've finally hand in my two week notice. 😆
Well done girl!
The shame can be real!! I chose almost five years ago to not work and homeschool my children. Me. A black woman. With a Masters Degree, after deep discussion with my husband chose to not work to homeschool my children. The questions in the beginning made me feel like I failed at life. Thankfully over time I have gotten good at putting some folks (who I know aren’t asking for constructive conversation) in their place who try me *bloop*.
And I’m just loving the multiple videos lately.
Today was my last day of the serious job I held for the past 2,5 yrs. I’m scared as hell but I had to do it. My health is... nonexistent really. And so is my ability to rest and do nothing. So I guess your video came at the very right time for me
Marie Michaels thank you 💛😭
So accurate. I took 6 months off and totally had the envious and intrusive questions, especially around how I was affording it.
I took inspiration from yourself and used the term ‘funemployed’ as I had too, quit my job intentionally. I also followed the Nap Ministry on Instagram, who explore the issues of capitalism, grind culture and white supremacy being interlinked. Making us, in particular black women, feel driven to work ourselves into the ground.
I plan to take 3-4 months off every year as I’m not feeling winters in the U.K.
Thanks for sharing and your always honest and funny take on things x
The shimmer of joy that went through my heart when you said "I also have a larger one for $105." Working retail was not financially sustainable for me but damn do I miss the days when work stayed at work. *sigh* And honestly, after teaching high school four 14 years and having a baby, selling jewelry and home decor doesn't even seem like work. That seems like... a vacation.
I've gone through a couple different iterations of this. I'm 30 and I've been in tech for the last 11 years. For the last 3 years, I've had very high-stress jobs at extremely prestigious, successful companies in the industry. The toll that pace and level of work took on my mental health can't be overstated. I quit one incredibly stressful job and got another because I thought it'd be different. Nope, quit that one too (after about a year and a half each). After 3 months of chilling, traveling, and relying on my savings to get some semblance of my sanity back, I went to work for a startup in a new role I'd never done before - and found I absolutely hated the role after a month. Luckily in a startup things are generally flexible, so I moved into a different position at the same company that I like much more. Unfortunately, though, there's not enough work in it right now for it to be full time, so now I make about half of what I made before. I'm working part time in this tech role while I try to build the creative side hustle that I love up to a level where I use it to make up the other half of the income I used to make. It's complicated and hard, but if I can do this it'll be 100% worth it for my mental health. Do you, y'all.
I love seeing all these amazing women who have, are in the process of, or plan to be funemployed sharing their stories and being honest about their experiences. It’s very validating and makes you feel less alone (and ashamed) about the decision to do it. I saved 14k to quit my job for 4-6 months to move to another country, be with my long-distance boyfriend, and study for a licensing exam I have to take in California. The question is whether or not I’ll go back and really start my career/business in Cali or try life in London. But I have for sure felt those conflicting feelings of shame and freedom. It’s been an absolute dream to have time for myself (I had an emotionally taxing job), but now that I have that time, people always ask you what you’re doing with it or when you’ll have a job again...so it’s really hard finding that balance of being productive and being able to rest.
I did that also. I called it my sample retirement. Learned sooo much!
not quite the same, but i'm currently in a job where i don't have to work a full 40 hour week. I work way less.... however instead of feeling good and resting better and working on my own personal projects, i just feel guilty. Guilty that i'm not doing enough I'm my job, that i'm not doing enough for my self, that i'm not being productive, that I'm not taking full advantage of my time. i have no idea how to mentally get through it
This is the second time Evelyn has mentioned her daydream of working in a pottery store, that is a very specific idea. Why pottery I wonder, are ceramics seen as particularly calming?
Could definitely use a summer long “I’m exhausted” break.
I love this video. I’m dealing with keeping a “corporate” job or doing something that I actually want to do. The shame I feel about thinking about when ppl ask me “what do u do” is real. And I hate that. I just want to be happy
When people realize that you are not what you do. The first step I’m learning is to relearn everything. People are confused themselves. People only ask that question when they want to place your value to them. I pray you fight for your “Happy”. You deserve to do what you love. #Yourockregardless
C L S I’m sorry I’m just seeing this. Thank you!!!! This is the sweetest thing. You’re so right. I pray for you as well that u get all ur blessings. #yourocktoo!!!
@@dtatt3dup360 Thanks love.
I've been in this season for two years now since I left my job as a news reporter. I could never articulate the feeling of being shamed for 'not working,' until watching this video. All those feelings for me are intensified, a I am a millennial mother -- navigating my life and my son's life too. Thank you Evelyn for putting this out! I am still #funemployed for the most part, doing odd jobs cuz baby gotta eat!!!! But, this video has definitely changed the way I will steward over my time and work toward my own creative projects including UA-cam. Thank You!
"baby gotta eat" 😂😂😂
Omg I’m watching this at such a crucial time. I’m full time in college and have a part time job. I had a talk with my boss today and felt so embarrassed telling him im struggling so much in general, and that I’m not doing my best academically. Like i felt like a failure saying i might have to quit 😰 And I’m not even a failure!! I just need to reprioritize lol
I have quit two jobs in my life, and it was the absolute BEST decision I made in both occasions. Especially if you're in an abusive work environment which I was. I stayed in one of the workplaces for almost 3 years and I really regret it because the abuse was so bad, I still have flashbacks (and this was 10 years ago!).
As a person that is currently "funemployed" this is everything I've needed 6 months in. It was cool at first because I KNEW what I was doing & i wasn't worried about other people. But the feeling of wasting time?! I literally just had this conversation with someone and used those words! You get me girl. Thank you for your posts; you're videos are for me 🤣
I am currently funemployed and I haven’t done much of anything from my list lol. I guess I did read a little and I’m trying to workout but failing miserably 😂 it’s been 4 months so hopefully I can develop a healthier lifestyle as I only wanted to take a year off and that was my main goal of this. Oh and the guilt is real! I can’t shake it 😩
Timely video and all of what you said made sense, Evelyn👍🏾
Today is a year since I stopped working and uh the guilt, shame (and embarrassment kinda) is definitely there. The plan was to rest and figure out what I really want from life and it started well BUT, this gap year doesn't look the way I thought it would. It's less travel and 'accomplishment' (I made a list of random things too) and more only getting out of bed to go to therapy and questioning everything (e.g. did our parents really know what they were doing when they raised us?, are my 'friends' really my friends?, what's the point in rejoining capitalist society when the earth is dying and poverty still exists?, what should I do with the decades of suppressed anger from childhood?)
My question(s):
How did you know it was time to get get back into official work mode? What steps did you take to mentally prepare for getting back into work?
Ooh the suppressed anger
This hit home. I'm in the process of saving money up to eventually quit my job and follow my passion. Great pointers and in information.
First off I LOVE this video b/c this subject matter is *so* important, second who is playing the recorder in the intro of this video Evelyn 😂third that "fun work, is still work" part is key for me. I feel that on a spiritual level because I am so blessed to have a job I enjoy, working on projects that I like, but like I'm still working so I still get tired and need to rest/take a step back. Like I have all this vacation time but I feel like I shouldn't use it (read: need a break) because I am lucky enough to have a job I like. Whew, excuse me while I continue to unpack that!
Take time off if you can. Even "fun" jobs can end up burning you out. Don't wait until you're exhausted to take a break. :)
I'm only half way through, but LAWD, this is so on point! Between the video and the comments, I feel SEEN. I just quit my job to return to full-time creative/entrepreneur and chiiiiile the validity here is mind boggling. The SHAME is so real. Before I quit, the stress was so real it made me ill, and put me on medical leave (which I had to go on twice because I didn’t know how to REST and felt SHAME). The performative rest part is SO applicable. And FUN WORK IS STILL WORK! Jesus, the gems!
I took a gap year from school a year ago and I agree with everything you said! Especially the shame part because at first I was fine but when family members told me to lie to their friends about the fact that I was still in school, I hated doing it. I hate how we can't just take breaks with feeling or other people seeing us as being lazy, irresponsible, unfocused, etc.
You sound like a very responsible and sensible person who's been raised well by immigrant parents (you've mentioned your parents in a "black American culture has no culture" video, which I found fascinating). You basically sound like me! You're a thinker and do so overly. I used to work in the corporate world and eventually quit working for an employer and became self employed. As I worked in an investment bank I managed to build my business. My current work looks amazing to another person looking in, I get up when I want and pretty much do as I please. Before I left work I'd saved a fair amount too and no amount of savings will ever keep worry at bay. I even slipped into depression because I became isolated and had a lot of time to think/worry. I'm the type of person who worried about not worrying when I was a kid at uni "why aren't I worried about the exam". Even though have a lot of time I have a self imposed schedule of meals, exercise regime and when I generally do stuff. The fun side is we can go on holiday within a week of leaving, it's not all bad. Being a planner also means I've managed to manage debt ahead of schedule, which only means I worry about other things now. I thoroughly enjoy your videos. Hi from London (currently in Egypt - it's a tough life but I soldier on 😉, Chinese British wavy in her 40s 👋
I feel this also applies to those of us who want to pursue early retirement so we can take a job or volunteer doing something that speaks to us and not have to worry about what it pays, how many hours we’re getting, blah, blah, blah. I want my “retirement job” to reflect who I am, not my current professional identity. Thanks for putting all this out there. I always look forward to your videos.
I want to retire early even if it means moving to Thailand. I can't make it to 65 to retire.
When I was laid off, I was out of a job for 7 months, best months ever but I definitely didn’t utilize my time off well. I felt like I could’ve done more than just be lazy cause once that unemployment money ran out it was like low key panic mode.
How are things now?
ruvie things are good, thanks for asking.
Everything you said made sense!!! While I am not at the point to quit my job to rest, I do feel it coming so I am saving and getting things in order. I know the hardest thing for me will be sitting still. I always need to feel productive and when I don’t I feel weird... Just listened to the the preview of the book, and OMG I am hooked...
Lol, I just put in my notice THIS WEEK!! So when I saw the title of this video, I was like "OH NO, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!" 🤣🤣🤣 This video resonated so much with me b/c I too have equated my value in society with my income/career for the past 11 years. But I'm looking forward to this next chapter in my life! Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. BTW, you said "Come thru Wishbone.." and I almost spit my water out!! 🤣
I feel like these -mistakes- lessons can also apply to recent college grads- especially those that are in an in-between job until they can find one related to their degree or waiting to get into graduate/medical school. I am in the waiting period between graduate/medical school decisions/acceptances, and the too much free time lesson really hit home. I have way more time than I'm used to and finding the balance between "rest" and doing an activity is hard, but I'm trying.
I'm entering my 7th year of retirement, and even though I have immersed myself in a myriad of meaningful activities and projects, your points resonate with me. Basically there's not enough "me" time in my retirement. Not enough time for me to contemplate what it is I want in this stage of my life.
I had to pause at "COME THROUGH WISHBONE" cause I lost my mind
Benny Hope me too!😀
Dang, I lost my first full-time job earlier this month (didn't quit but got fired 😔) and this month has been a rollercoaster of emotions and I've felt every word you said
This comment section is truly everything, I don’t think many in this section know just how much of a blessing it is to see what has been going on in your head, be put into words, and OTHERS GET IT! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I’m from a rural area, and was told literally to go to college, study ANYTHING, get a degree, get a government job, and retire with your retirement, pension, and SSI. Then 2008 happened, and I graduated college in 2010. THERE WERE NO JOBS! I had friends who went to grad school to avoid going back home to their parents like a lot of us did! And now, 10 years later, after doing “what I was told” al these years, I’ve decided to throw caution to the wind and do what I feel is right for my career. Mentally, it is NOT easy! I really hope anyone who needs to hear/see this know it is NOT easy. Your emotions and all that will be jacked up, because if you’re like me, you were set on a “sure thing,”’and it didn’t work. Now you gotta figure out a blueprint designed specifically for you. Just keep goin! We gon’ figure it out!!! 💜💜💜
1:00 i personally appreciate all the intact watermarks on these stock photos.
Shame is an insatiable beast!!! I’ve felt that way for years now. I went from a full time job to a part time one because my job is physically taxing and I needed the rest. Even though I am working, I still feel shame. My roommate asked me “what do you do with yourself all day?” And I felt the need to list all of the “productive” things I do so as to not look lazy. My mom calls me all the time to do things for her because she now feels I have the time so there shouldn’t be a reason to say no. The strain that this “time off” has put on my mental and emotional health is terrible. Worrying and dealing with guilt and shame has become a full time job in addition to my part time one.
“performing rest is not the same thing as resting” whew a WORD. I’m one of those people who constantly wants to be productive, so truly resting is a concept that I haven’t mastered yet.
I am currently a unemployed LPN and I am loving my time off from work. I quit my job almost a month ago, and it's the best decision I could have made for my mental health. I am also a single mother. My kids like that I am more available to them. I do plan to return to working within the next 3 months. I feel absolutely no shame because I am financing my break. No regrets over here.
this even feels relevant to someone like me :) only 23, only have a couple associate degrees and I've been taking time off because i felt really helpless and overwhelmed with school, even employment. im lucky to have ppl willing to let me live with them rent free, but even after basically a year of not doing much (i stand in a silent gallery once a month to make sure no one gets too close to the art, that is it) i still feel overwhelmed in a way and I don't feel like I've been resting cause I've been worrying this whole time and after watching this i realized i wasn't focused on what I needed. i figured i was fine, just needed like 3 months of sleeping in and not worrying about assignments. well 3 months turned into a year and i realize i should have made a goal from the beginning to get therapy. it's really just been that the whole time, i just wasn't keeping it in the front of my mind and so i still have not gotten any and still am not ready for college. but yeah i like the time off tips, wish i was considering these things from the start ❤️❤️
I lived alone for a year and realized I waste a ton of money, food, and resources. You live and you learn🤷🏾♀️
Super Helpful, Super Relevant. I took a year off to write a book and spent 70 % of the time fighting with my self esteem and guilt about doing what I want in the face of capitalism and family expectations. I have been under a MOUNTAIN of guilt and confusion. However, all the real work was done on the inside. Deep shadow work on what I really believed vs. what I thought I believed. Heart vs. Society pressure. Spiritual transformation takes place when you courage to step out of society . But Yea for self love, for figuring it out, for all the good stuff. I appreciate not being alone in my feelings and all of it. I guess I needed someone to say it's ok and nobody did, so I have to every day , all day .
Internet cousin, did you just look over my shoulder and read my list of all the things I'm going to try and do after my job ends next week?! Here is a sample of the many things I put on this list: find a new job, rest and relax, write a novel, go to museums, start new hobbies, join a book club, fully organize/clean out all the papers I've been hoarding since college, complete 8+ years of scrapbooking I intended to do but never got around to. Thank you for calling me out before I make mistakes! I really needed someone to help me understand that just because I am not spending 50-ish hours of my week at work, I still do not have an infinite amount of time and I cannot do this many things at once...and that if I do actually write my novel, that is work and I am probably not going to feel very rested and relaxed.
Speaking the truth!! I’ve definitely felt like this when I took a break from work lol now I’m back working and the stress is real 😂😂 but we shall press through.
"I don't know how to sit" punched me in my ribs. I 100% feel that. I find myself saying I need to take time off work to relax and then the moment I do, I create a list of 500 things that need to be done around the house - and find myself going back to work even more exhausted.
EVERY👏🏿 WORD👏🏿 OF 👏🏿THIS 👏🏿 MADE 👏🏿 SENSE! EVERY WORD!!! You out here saving lives and rescuing edges. I have learned so much from your journey, as a full time creative artist. Thanks for giving us the not-so-cute, unfiltered truth.
You're right! We can't wait to grow, get our own money to pay bills and not have anyone tell us what to do. Yet we get that work to make the money and have our own home. Then we realize there's more rules than ever. Rules about where to park or where visitorscan park; how loud to play music, what times you're allowed to play music; where you can put your satellite dish, what's allowed in your driveway. Just a host of rules on the job or at home where there's an HOA. Adulting can be crazy at times.
Your personality is so beautiful and your honesty is so impactful. Thank you thank you thank you!
Experienced the a lot of the same thoughts after I decided to leave corporate America. I was able to travel solo for a portion of that year. I did not book a ticket for the anxious voices in my head and found a lot more clarity during my travel.
so glad this video exists. currently in my funemployment stage and your first point about still worrying about finances even when i have enough saved up is SO REALLLLLL
Honestly, you've helped me so much Evelyn. I love how your videos have evolved as you've gotten older. P.S. I just quit my job as well and the shame is reallll. I'm not destitute. I have money saved up but the shame is still there.
I'm planning to take a little break at the end August. I've been at my job for almost 2 years and it'll be almost 2 1/2 by the time I leave. planning to have saved about 10k for that time, and I also want to pick up a few jobs here n there. This video is super helpful
Thank you! I’m going through every emotion and thought you’ve shared and I’m still trying to turn in my two weeks notice. It’s never the “right” time. Prepare, save and just do it.