WHY ONLY THE TRULY CONFIDENT CAN KEEP UP WITH THE INFJ
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- Опубліковано 2 сер 2024
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INFJ Life Coach Lesson: Are you an INFJ who's had someone suddenly back off after some seemingly promising connection? Chances are, it was because they weren't truly confident. It might be a friend or coworker that ghosted -- but whenever there's no closure and things seem to go south with little warning, lack of confidence is usually the culprit!
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Do you feel it's often difficult for people to accept and keep up with you when you are not "dimming your light"?
most of the time
Yup
Only when identifying as a spiritual sniper
Uncomfy yes, which all the more proves i am infj...
Yes all the time
My ex-girlfriend said I polarize people by "being too open." I was taken aback because I have always valued being authenticly open for many , many decades!
Don't change that
there's a balance for sure. Authentic isn't word vomiting all your problems to everyone.
Generally everone is going thru something and not everyone is for you. So I can understand the otherside of it
It’s so extremely validating to hear someone else formulte all this stuff i’ve felt so clearly but still been questioning if it’s all in my head
He’s it is all in our head , Thad is the problem you see !
My wife of 18 years is naturally a perfect handler of my INFJ self. It’s like she knew something.
May I guess she knows...your worth.
Omg! I am 60 years old and THIS video explained everything I have dealt with. I never knew what the heck was wrong with me...people would say, "you can't talk like that" and I had no idea what I was doing? I am just honest and I speak up if I hear something untrue. I even wondered if I was autistic or something. ha! 😄
You are just amazing, Wenzes and I am so very grateful for your videos. Thank you so so much.
Welcome 🤗 to the club beautiful lady 🥰 Lol
@@laughatmewithmebymeornotla9328 Aww...ty. :)
I'm 56 and feel the same. I have heard my mom and so many others say "you can't talk like that". Why? Well this is the explanation. People like her and many others understand life as always playing this game where you just let people posture and say whatever bullshit that they happen to be spewing that day. We INFJs don't play that game and we are the ones who are always remembering that just last week this person said or did the exact opposite of what they are now saying or doing. And we call them out on it. And they don't like it so they get away from us. Its always been this way with me. But sometimes its me that moves away from a person when they insist that I now see them as they want to portray themselves and I know its not who they really are at their core. What it all boils down to for me is that I am not the person who is likely to have long term friends. When I meet someone new I take them as they present themselves..to a fault sometimes. But after I get to know that person over time and they start changing in more superficial ways and don't want to acknowledge it, then we are done. Wenzes is brilliant in her analysis!
@@YAMISOOLD2009 I love this. You described it perfectly. Tyvm for sharing!
@@sagebay2803 you are very welcome and I am glad you see this in a similar way!👍
You’re the smartest INFJ. This just happens to me and the lightbulb makes perfect sense.
We can tell when people are being fake. I love authentic people. Give me your messy You're vulnerable, your imperfections. I'm okay with all that.
this society unfortunately fears vulnerability more than anything. many are also cowards with no depth but will happily save face and invalidate and downplay your views and opinions while their opinions of course are always valid and superior or you simply cant ever be right. ive been over this clown ass bullshit world for awhile now ppl can get whats coming to them
True that my fellow Infj. The insecure & cowards or those wearing a facade & not self awared will take off running cause they can't handle us, but like you said, the self awared & real confident will be able to catch up with our kind. Obviously the evolved ones that have gone thru certain processes in life & will be able to identify with us as well as us with them. Cause authentic recognizes other authentic ones too. And in that order.
Blessings! 🙂✌🏻
I think for a non INFJ can be like standing under stadium lights. It’s too bright and you forgot to wear your towel. I know myself I live exemplary morals and am motivated by helping others. Stand up and protect others. I am very open and interact/reveal quickly. Seeing an INFJ live an authentic life can dim others in comparison. I know more about others than they would like straight away, this is confronting to other people. I don’t take it personally when people shy away any more. I guess the few right ones will push through. You are hard people to stand next to. The comparison and your attention can be hard to deal with. You just can’t conduct skin deep relationships or conceal from an INFJ. That leaves everyone vulnerable. Just be yourself. If you need to make yourself small to be accepted, you’re not amongst worthwhile people. It took me far too long to realise that
Wenze's people in my life don't like me outshining them they try to bring to their level which I won't do.Wenze's I thank you for teaching me and to understand me.I'll never conform to societal pressures.Jerome
It's only a select few in your life who you will tell all you see about them, the rest will never get to experience the full immersive package of thoughts. If one has a will to improve they will consider the infj's deep opinion but it's not something you can force on people so don't try, only if the other side is interested enough in accepting 😉. Great video! 😄👍❤️💫
This is true. Painful when you see more value in another than they see in themselves. But it's not possible to convince someone of anything they refuse to see. Kinder to let go, and move on. #infjproblems
This is true. I get sick of keeping fake people in my life. I mean, just stay who you are and build up your own self-esteem, and pls do it in an authentic way, okay😂? I am sick of people who is faking confident and using my empathy as a way of coping mechanism. Time for those people to grow up and stand on their own feet. I have my own life to work on. ❤
Being gay definitely makes this more difficult because most people in the LGBTQIA+ community has low self esteem. At least, the lesbians in my town 😢
I've noticed that as well.
By some romantic notion I have come to the revolutionary conclusion that the androgynous archetype is the most highly evolved individual… 🦸♀️
It’s so crazy that everything you explained for section two is what I’m dealing with right now. You nailed it right on the head. Had to break off a friendship because of that very reason. Thank you so much for wording what I’ve been feeling for so long.
" I'm not cocky, I'm confident "
Jadakiss ~
Sometimes blowing people's minds is a result of not taking the time to truly get to know who I am on many levels. People form opinions on interactions and what they see and extremely limited views. They don't see the whole picture(or have the awareness ).
This is easy for us INFJs to identify with. And it can help us to remember to be our genuine selves, even if some people will feel intimidated by us.
It happened to me when I started working in radio communication . I caught quickly to the work, and tried to be friendly - but there were at least two people who found me to be a threat. They were also unapproachable. But even though some of this started before my Myers-Briggs days, I devised a system of being friendly and greeting people when I when coming in to the station. Then I chose not to initiate much talking after that - and then let them come to me rather than the other way around. It worked out a whole lot better that way and I became more friendly with one of them. The other one, I had to do a "clapback" version (successful, BTW) similar to your video on that subject without, of course, having seen your video; this was in 1980 🙂. Both times I was dealing with a lot of insecurity on their part l, that I'm sure dated a long way back for them.
I think it's important to know that we INFJs can have a lot of good intuitive wisdom if we trust ourselves and have faith in ourselves. Listening to this video has proven that. I did make some good choices back then and continue to make them now. So this is an encouragement to listen to.
This gets REALLY fun in boot camp, INFJ on INFJ. I'm used to being the one who gets avoided when I let loose, but with some more developed, self aware INFJs, they make me realize scarier subconscious parts of myself that I'm not ready to face. So I end up being the one who ghosts. It's kinda cool to experience both sides of it 😛
That internal life that you refer to as scarier subconscious is stimulated by divine inspiration… 🧚♀️
Holy heck! The timing and relevance of this precise topic is uncanny! Thank you for explaining so eloquently and cohesively something that I have been struggling to express. This video is being shared.
Does anyone else feel that they constantly run into total incompetence in other ppl? All the time I have to tell professionals to do their jobs and how to do it. Contractors have become worse than musicians and actors as far as the flake fake levels. I've worked with all of them, but refuse to any longer. Totally a solo artist now. Then you get the fakers who pretend confidence and have ability, but like you said, NO confidence to follow thru or to go pro. It sickens me. Show me ONE person who really wants to succeed! I am @ my wit's end with humans.
With some mentees, yes I feel that. And then I am disappointed.
What was hard for me to internalize is that - depending on the field/domain you are in, people just aren't as deeply into self improvement as you may expect. Sure, everyone wants to be a better person, but the scale at which it is approached highly varies on so many different things that are going on in their lives, their pasts, etc. that you may not have the insight into. At the end of the day, people just want to be happy.
I think it's also contingent upon what our perception of self actualisation is. I think this can vary amongst cognitive type albeit I think many, many ESFPs and ISFPs mistype as INFJs as they are in fact intuitive feelers with Fi-Ni convergence contrary to popular MBTI stereotypes. Self growth is a very multifaceted construct and can also depend upon what axis is we're on; as an ENFJ with a highly fluid axis I can present like a Ti dom as I'm rated by CPT as 50/50 so my biggest form of growth comes from developing my Fi-Si unconscious pairing which I'm working on 😊
@@Tified967 Alohomora! First we all have all 8 functions at the latter decades. Second, we develop the first at babyhood and get the 3 others at school one by one. Enfj would be Loving, Dreamy, Worldly and Clever in that order. As for developing our shadow functions, I feel as if I were not being very NiFeTiSe if I am sad or distressed or happy or wanting to be efficient. And I try to hold hands with my inner ENFP and ESTP. Let's do it the right way if we can't avoid shadowing...
Lets unite!
My harsh life in my past is making me hate my own name like in the Spirited Away, whenever someone calls me my first thought is to feel scared. I am going to change it.
I meant to write something encouraging to make you feel better about your name and to comfort you even with your harsh past...but I feel so blank. Have an easier future being you anyways!
This is not just about others’ difficulties in dealing with an infj. Less evolved infjs who either aren’t truly honest with themselves or are uncomfortable with facets of who they are will also run away, even door slam. We’re a challenge even for each other. 😂
3 infjs and counting :p
Hello Leroy Copher Jr here and I just wanted to let you know your videos are the key to my new way of living. I'm working on the changes that I have to make to become more of the person that I know that I am inside. I've never heard anyone speak as if they new me from a youth up into adult hood. I have never known exactly what was the matter with me, but I have never been able to find out what it was and I thought I was just one of a kind that there was no other person like me and had to deal with the situations that I had to deal with all of my life. I am never understood, no one ever listened to anything that I had to say, I always have great ideas to do things that others hardly ever think of, but it would always get shot down by each and every person that I would tell about the idea. I don't feel that I have ever truly felt loved by anyone all I remember is most of the time it was pure all out pain and being hurt to the fullest extent. No one has ever told me that they Love me and truly mint it when it was said. I can feel if it was ment or just saying what they think that I wanted to hear just to get whatever it is I have and they are waiting from me. I am lied to be most everyone in and around my family and so called friends,that's because I don't really have a true friend and I have never really had one.I'm alone most of the time and there are times when I really do want to be alone and I need the peace and quiet to get myself back to the point that I am able to continue my caring for my parents because I am always somewhat tired and I never feel rested and I'm all feel rundown. I'm new to this INFJ type, but I am feeling that I cane to this a little older than I would have liked, but it is better late then never I would have to say. I'm so happy that I found your videos and to know that you yourself are a IMFJ so you can do this for yourself in changing your life then I know that it is truly possible for me to do the very same thing. I am wanting to do this for myself. I want to learn how to truly Love myself, but I don't know what true love is because I have never had a feeling that feels like Love. Everyone in my family have always been distant and cold as far as feeling go. It continues to be as it always has been loveless, none caring and hate is the only feel that I have ever felt the most of and that is how it was then and how it is to these very day. No one sees anything wrong with things the way they are and not one of them have ever tried to make any kind of changes. I think that I am the most feeling person that we have in the family. There are no others lije me through out the entire lot of them. Thank You so much for doing what you are doing through the videos and your knowledge of the INFJ it's so easy for me to listen to you it's because I feel your sincerely and your passion toward all INFJ'S We need someone like you to guide us with the most positive and trusted that's the way I am seeing you as a concerned person with others not just yourself in mind it's every INFJ around the world. I watch your videos everyday when I get a chance and I watch for hours at a time. I sabe all of your videos to my UA-cam account so I can go back and review what I may have missed. Thanks Again for your work please keep it going. With everything within myself I am so happy to have found you and your UA-cam channel. It's extremely what I needed at this point in my steps towards making a INFJ life that I know that I am able to obtain it within my reach I'm so excited to watch the videos each and every day. I think I have found what I have always been looking for in my life. It's exactly what I need to help guide me to the place where I'm full,whole and inspired to continue this journey that's the pathway to my brand new life. I've got some work to do, but it is important to me that I do this for myself. I'm sure I will find myself not knowing something, but I will figure it out and continue on to completing the transaction into the person I want to be. Thank You again for all your doing for me.
I used to have a lot of "friends" when I used to "dim my light" as you say. But, in the last 3-4 years I've made this change to be myself and let them decide if they still want to be part of my life, I now only have 2 friends... but they are true real friends that I can completely be myself and they can as well.
Found having 2 real friends is far far better than having 50 "friends".
Perfect timing!
I've been following your videos dated back to 2016 and they have been immensely helpful, encouraging and inspiring to live my own truth. Naturally, I see the disapproval of people to these new changes but I've experienced the relief in being authentically me.
Thank you, Wenzes.. Loved this video ❤
I have an immense talent for romantic strategies… 👩❤️👨
U really have a beautiful mind
I just shared your channel in my 2 large INFJ groups because your advice is awesome! I'm very figured out but you help tie up the loose ends quite often. i hope you get more subscribers due to this because you definetly earned em!!! keep up the fantastic work!
So much truthfulness and wisdom in how you explain us INFJ”s
Thank you.
I often get mistaken for many unsavoury labels especially by anyone unintentionally triggered. 😂
Is this why it's hard for me to make friends?? Lol
I don't have person yet that I consider a good friend, I've had some in the past but it doesn't last long.
I’ve watched many of your videos in the past few weeks. This one really hits home!!!! Thank you so much for your insights that help us.
charging ahead straight into the epic life
We are pushing ourselves to reach our own goals, it has nothing to do with you!
🤯😂
I find that some people who seem really confident in a room full of people can actually be unconfident in themselves. They will act one way one on one and an entirely different way when around certain friends. I can't handle being around people like that because it comes off as fake to me. I find I can't even be around family friends because they will have these prejudiced views of others which is wrong, but they believe that they are in the right. It also sucks when they tell me I'm too young to understand and will understand when I'm older. Like, what does that even mean? That I will understand them more when I'm older and prejudiced like them?
they need to feel superior
I feel like I finally have the answer!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wenzes thank you so much.This is making so much sense to me.💯
Love this 👏
What you put out there into the world it will come back to you so if you have a façade your gonna attract shallow people If you are your authentic self authentic people will come into your life .I'm a firm believer in that .
Ask wonderfully receive graciously . Kosmic karma 🧚♀️
this was extremely accurate.. wow!!! thank you.. ❤
This is a channel that I am grateful for ❤ thank you for all of the information you share with us 👏 😊
I subscribed from just this one video. 🙏🏼
I honestly don't know what category I fit into; but I can really relate about being super self aware. I like authenticity; but at the same time, I like to put on different personas, to see how life will treat me, or what capacities I can tap into; how OTHER people will treat me. It helps me to sus out those who don't like me for me (my soul); but for what I represent; some image of me that they've become addicted to.
DM
Confident is SILENCE
Thank you SO much, this sounds like music to my ears! ✨💃🌈 Everytime I'm doubting myself, I am gonna listen to this, over and over again👌😊
Thank you for the job you are doing, know that you are helping alot of people, and that doesn't only apply to Infjs, cause being and living as my true self can only make the relationships in my life better, and in the end that will make other people's lives better as well 😊 I highly believe in living your life as an inspiration to others! What can be more inspiring than seeing somebody being 100% true to themselves, living according to their own inner values, walking to the beat of their own drum? I can't think of anything more inspiring than that! I definitely want to be that person! 🌟💪😄
Wow this is 👌
This explains so much how and why some of my dating situations ended…thank you so much Wenzes for your content! ❤
Thank you.
This is the most important video you have ever made.
Mind blowing… you’re brilliant ❤ I feel so much better now 😂
exactlyyy😪to be with authentic ppl💓
A truly amazing perspective! Spot on! Thank you!
Truly i desire to remain i and not pretend by all means and walk knowing that the one that truly see i jus as i will like.
Love the part about being self aware.... sentience is everything lol Once I digested Plato's "know thyself" as an older teen, accomplishments came in droves. Recently I came across the 16 personalities page/test. And here I am. Interesting!
It's like accessing a balance with our introverted feelings.
That's absolutely true.
hello😅 im an infj are you single
Your words create worlds , absolutely true . 🌎
We should not self doubt ✨🎉
"What is wrong with me?" LOL! That is the biggest pitfall of the INFJ. It seems natural to think there's something wrong with me, because I'm so accommodating anyway. In actuality, there probably isn't anything wrong with me--other than my lack of confidence--nor with the other person! Chances are good it's just a communication barrier caused by two very different ways of connecting with others. Realize that, and then both sides can start figuring out how to actually communicate.
The heart always prevails over the mind😘
Through our actions 🤫
ALL THE TIME . All THE TIME. So I dimmed my light again
Lmho wow so true!!!
I am that then,I may offend,I am not that tomorrow.
Get at me.
I have reasons,trust the process if I must.
Wenzes have you come across many infjs who think they may be autistic or who have been professionally diagnosed? I thought maybe I was, but maybe it’s just an infj thing? I’ve been deep diving into studying both autism and topology lately trying to see my blind spots. I’m very curious as to what you’ve experienced in your coaching program in terms of autism and/or being an INFJ.
Hi, I did a few months ago an AQ test and got that there was a likelyhood people with my score were diagnosed with Autism. I have started to wonder about the INFJ and autism connection. I am not self-identifying yet as I still want to continue doing research before I go ahead and seek an official diagnosis.
Autism has a core of not being able to read others or interact with others. INFJs are extremely not Autistic due to hyperawareness. ASD can’t look into others inner world like we do
It has a high overlap with asd and adhd and especially the combination as well as dyslexia, hsp’s and artsy people. In short people who can be highly intelligent but think/ experiance diffrently
There is nothing wrong with Us!
Am I the only one who likes to talk personally? Warm and goofy personally yet cold and distant virtually 😅
What if we just struggle with being INFJ in the first place.
🥇❤️
😘
I dont think this deeply and work on a simple formula. I want to be the best, success wise and is this person a time waster. I apply the same rule to my social life as well including dating that keeps a lid on my empathy. For eg I had this woman love bomb me recently. That put me on my guard as I avoid getting romantically involved. I just dont have the time for another person and I know I am highly empathic and would be an utter disaster if I broke this rule. Anyways she kept invoking her victimhood. Always something quite anxiety causing. Anyways, there were too many red flags and I had to call time on this person who seems to be headed towards a life of perpetual wandering. And this is so common these days that it causes one as an empath to set up rules for ones empathy. So I look less for confidence and more for just old plain common sense.
I want the right to be INFJ and have something wrong with me.
When you are selective with who you want in your life like people being confident all these expectations are going to leave you alone and miserable INFJ'S see the potential in people you judge people and so people who judge will struggle with healthy relationships
🥰😍🤩
Do INFJ attract catty women? I keep getting these stinging remarks from the jealous long married woman. She needs to announce her prestige by making crude inquiries. She needs to explore my life and assumes hers is the way I need to be. She sleeps with a man for her home, ins. and retirement, and then goes around needing to disgrace others with lewd covert insinuations.
We attract insecure people in general
@@redefinedliving5974 how do we deflect them from the get go, only found being abrupt and crude back works, but it is not a good working relationship?
@@naturelover1284 Based on my exp, there are no signs to look for. We need to do the inner and shadow work. There's no getting around it as long as we have self-worth issues ourselves we'll be in places where we find ourselves with these kinds of individuals. It's a hard pill to swallow but it is how it is. We always improve tho and almost always trump others with this aspect.
fake people fake people ~
"truly confident" - you mean ENTPs who are their golden pairing? lol
I’m yours
I’m exhausted but I’m happy that you are here I’m going to bed I have to get up at 4am I love to hear your voice you’re amazing please message me and take care of me
How do you know so much about me? I’m working out of town 4 days a week everyday I’m under the microscope every thing that you said is true would you marry me?