Why Is My Ex Hot And Cold
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- Опубліковано 21 гру 2020
- Clay Andrews answers the question, "Why Is My Ex Hot And Cold?"
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"Why is my ex hot and cold towards me?" That's what Clay Andrews is talking about in this video. We're going to talk about what's going on with them emotionally that's causing their hot and cold behavior and how it affects you getting back together.
In this episode, Clay Andrews shares the importance of trust to get your ex back. He also shares his honest breakup advice on how to get your ex back. As you start to build up more of this emotional foundation through being on the same team, through clear communication, and through emotional bonding, you're going to actually start to increase that trust that's going to push them past that midpoint.
Watch the full video to learn more on why your ex is cold and how you can help their family.
**** IMPORTANT ****
This is an internet video, and it should be obvious, but this video and other videos on this channel should not be taken as a substitute for the evaluation of a psychologist, therapist, counselor, etc. This video and other videos on this channel are intended for informational uses only, and only reflect the personal opinions of the creator. The creator of this video is not responsible for your actions or choices or the consequences of your actions or choices. - Навчання та стиль
One second she tells me she’s done 2 leave her alone hour later she’s sending me pictures of her dinner telling me how good it was??? Lol
Exactly. Crazy shit.
Excellent video
A great video 👍
I am a big picture person. Thank you makes sense.
This hot and cold behaviour is so frustrating and painful. She's bouncing between me and her rebound. The past month we spent slowly rebuilding the emotional connection, we reach a peak by spending the whole day reconnecting, then just like that she disappears the next day and I see a photo of her and her rebound happy on Facebook. Shattering 😪 after all that work.
@fordfalcon85 , I understand the frustrations that you feel. especially that you placed your energies and efforts on rebuilding the connection. Experiencing pull-back is part of the process. I definitely hear you and the frustrations that you went through. at times, looking at the bigger picture does help in understanding , not just our point of view but our ex's side as well. Sending more positive energies on your end. :-)
@@ClayAndrews Thank you Clay. I really appreciate all you do. Your videos are great comfort to me. It's so hard because I work with her. But this does have the advantage of rebuilding our emotional connection most days away from her rebound.
It's I love you/miss you/made a mistake. Then stops communicating. He did it once and I swore never again. Well it happened again almost 2 weeks ago. It is hurtful and confusing.
U7t7zif is 063
Clay you’re awesome thank you so much for your advice. You come across so genuine. My ex is hot and cold w/ me, we have a undeniable connection but it requires work. He’s in my face, then he ghosts me through text. It helps to hear I need to look at the big picture
Hang in there. Understanding where your ex is at is one of the keys. The rest with depend on the actions that you will be taking.
Mine is definetly there. Standoffish sometimes and other times sending me pictures of his day and calling just to say hi. I'm getting more of the positive as time goes. For examples he won't text back or he didn't want to be around me and other times he says he's been thinking about me and missing me. More would be when I come to the house to see it daughter he disappears into his room but other times he comes out and is in the same room. Some days we eat dinner together other times we have dinner but he takes it to another room to eat alone. He had invited people over and uses them as an excuse to not be around and other times tells them he just wants time.
@Clay Andrews My Ex came back to me and said that he wanted to work things out. But after a while he is exactly the same way as before we broke up. lack of engagement from his end when we talk. His promise of improvement didnt even last a month. And if i bring it up, his answer will always be, Why is it always his fault? It's a 2 person thing. Seriously no balls to even admit his part. I don't know if i should just tell him lets go our separate ways since there is no improvement and we keep going back to square one. I admit that i do want us to workout but its emotional tiring going round in circles and always wondering why is he cold.
I’m not sure how to connect with my ex - she is in a monkey branch relationship because she felt I wasn’t invested in a relationship with her. She now says “I” represent a really difficult prospect when it comes to talking because she has feelings for me but doesn’t want to be disrespectful of her current situation, so our communication is minimal at best. And I don’t want to push her to speak with me knowing it potentially adds uncomfortable pressure to her situation.
How do you build trust if they were speaking to you and now they wont'?
Hey Clay, before going into No contact I was trying to talk to my ex and still stick around. One day he got really emotional with me, said he needs time to heal, and figure out what he wants because he doesn’t trust the relationship anymore. N then we said goodbye and he hugged me, gave me kisses and everything. He even wanted me to stay longer cause he was scared it might be the last time we speak. Unfortunately, I reached out again 2 days after that. And as we spent time again, he started pulling away again or getting annoyed and then ended up saying its not gonna happen, we should move on. And that he doesn’t see us having a future together and he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore. Thats when I told him we should go back to taking time n space.. I know I probably screwed up reaching out after the first time, please tell me not all hope is lost :( Am I doing right by doing no contact?
Update?
Hi Clay,
My ex and I started our relationship at the very beginning of this year; then we broke it off just before October. I feel very much that the effects of all the various chaos of 2020 were a factor that caused frustration and a decision to part ways. Time away has made me realize that our reasons for breaking up were not as detrimental, but more of a rash decision fueled by this year’s stress. Though the break was my choice; she’s been reluctant to get back together. I at least got her riding the dragon, and am making progress.
Curious on your thoughts particularly of how to take this year’s effects on life and relationships into account when trying to fix a relationship.
Might make for a good video, maybe?
Same happened to me. How did you turn around? Was it after you realized she didnt want it anymore? We are really great friends and text everyday... he did the break up
@@MC-eq7fl About a week or so after the breakup, we were at a social gathering together. Call it dumper’s remorse I guess; but she was making it look pretty clear that she was moving on. All the feelings hit me, and then over the next month were a few attempts by me to try to get her back; eventually with me begging and pleading and her saying we ran our course. The tables turned.
I gave things space for a moment, then just tried building a connection again. I’m sensing her opening up now. I’m just making damn sure I don’t jump the gun on asking to get back again. It’s a patience game now; and I feel better about it.
@@brandonsanborn8527 how are you now?
On one day she says she misses me, my company, my stupid jokes , on the other days after I say or ask something that is related to her life or our past relationship she's super anxious and cold and hostile towards me and insults me, our past relationship and leaves me on read or radio silence. She monkeybranched from our relationship to next and left me alone to cope with my depression and suicidical thoughts, now, after I've succesfully been to therapy and gotten my life somewhat back on track with new interesting work things and hobbies going on and slowly getting my own pieces back and am not that low on self esteem it's almost hilarious how she's more interested in how im doing and to me seems a bit frightened that I might actually move on from her.
Hi Johan, happy to hear about the changes that you have made. Now that you have gained your self-esteem back, you may consider that as an opportunity to let her feel and see the new version of you. :-)
Hello i am having a difficult time right now, my ex has been sending me mixed signals, his actions say he wants me back but when i talked to him on the phone his words were saying he did not want to get back together and how he still cares about me and he said he was thinking a lot about our previous relationship. Now i am confused, i want him back but i don’t think i can stand to be just a friend. I need help for just one couching session what to do. For now me and my ex are giving each other some space to thinks things over. Help me
Weve started "dating" again 2 weeks ago, after 6 mos of broken up, she had 2 failed rebounds, one was her sons dad.. but she is still hot and cold, she tells me she loves me everyday, and when we hang out, things are amazing. But we only see each other 2 days a week, so when we are not together, we fight constantly, she seems to get mad at everything i say, cusses me out, saying shes done, then an hour later saying she loves me again. Is this a test? Seperation anxiety? Or is it the whole trust thing you mentioned?
This just sounds like absolute dysfunction. Sometimes it’s OK to not pursue an ex.
My ex is driving my crazy, she's hot to the point of sex then ghosts me then hugs me and tell me she "misses me...so much" and hugged me tighter then cold again 2 days later, I got her roses for Mother's day knowing I shouldn't and she used being vulnerable as an excuse to be "nice" to me but still accepted them and hugged me, told me she was thinking sbout restarting with me but then 3 days later she has been cold since and has blocked and unblocked me multiple times, what do I do?!
Why my ex never asks how I’m doing?
What if during two different times of the Cold? Of the Hot and Cold. That you walk away? I feel like I'm being wronged. That I myself wouldn't put an ex through Hot and then Cold. It's like a person has to stand up for themselves, rather than just take it. We've been broken up for 8 months. Progress has been made. A weekly team has us face to face. I myself get my hopes seemly to High during the Hot spells. I would love comments and replies.
Can I ask you, what do I do about this.. I was the one who broke up with my ex.. over 2 years ago now. And now I am the one who wants to get back with him and have done for ages, because I learnt so much from the breakup .. but he says he doesn’t want to be with me. It’s complicated, but what would I do in a situation like this? Is it the same as a situation where i were the one who was left? Even so, it’s been so long too. But I know deep down he still loves me but he is so stubborn about it. I wondered what the best approach would be from here - so far I’ve been following mostly everything you teach but because my situation is reversed and so long ago I wonder if I have less chance or if this is all totally useless (I have regretted it since the day it happened) please help!!
@Cameron Jones no sadly not.. I’m a Libra 😟 what would the advice be lol?
I was with my ex for 13yrs. Once 2020 hit my drinking got out of hand. I have been sober for almost 60days, but I’m fearful that my ex is over me. She is hot and cold all the time. I’m trying to give her space but all I want to do is get her back. I’m lost where I believe I should move to make that happen. We separated 2months ago. Our anniversary is coming up and I had already bought things for her for that day.
Hmm difficult how is it going now? I am in a similar sitch right now 2 months apart nearly 14 years together we had our wedding next year she cancelled it am just trying to stay in my own lane now but shed blowing hot and cold all the time pulling me in then pushing me away again plz let me know how its panning out for you
After 1.5 months of breakup and 21 days of no contact, she texted i miss you and then went cold
Me and my ex broke up 18 months ago. She's been going hot and cold the whole time.
Did you go no contact at all like how do you know she’s been going hot and cold for 18 months!!!!😅
@@HueyMullen obviously at the time she was contacting me. How else would I know ❓🤷🏽♂️
My ex is going from hot to cold to silent to talkative to silent to talkative warm to silent. He jumped into a rebound but says he still has love for me. I already asked him if he would be open to letting me know if there's something like an emotional block getting in the way of our communication so we can work through it together and he said yes, but then he still doesn't respond to half of my texts or calls.
Sounds like my ex bf... he came back telling he wants me back and we got back then next day he said he needs some time to adjust... same communication style
Any updates?
@@cynthiab8377 how long did it take for you guys to get back together?
@@droqlet 5 months, but it wasn’t our first break up. Frankly, I feel he came back not all because he is sure that loves me but more about his ego & to find out if he still loves me as much.
We are still “together” . But He’s still avoiding initiating & respond to any flirt messaging, but interestingly he had no issue with sex when we first got back. So was he back for the right reason? I’m not sure. We are in LDR so right now our communication is kinda cold/ like friends. Although I’m addressing him “honey/ baby” but he surely doesn’t address me in same style.
If your bf ever gets back to you.
Don’t make the same mistake I’ve made out of emotions. Don’t sleep with him just because he verbally said he wants you back in a committed relationship. Let his actions speaks first.
@@cynthiab8377 the thing is my ex acted the same the first like 2-3 weeks.
Hot, cold, unsure if he wants me back, emotional and then all of the sudden he got really cold and mean like he purposely tried to hurt me with the things he said. Our breakup is almost 2 months ago and I tried, begged, pleaded for him to give us a chance for a little over a month (which I think is really embarrassing now). I found out that he got Tinder a few days after our breakup and is even talking to someone he met there, he not only was talking to her he also tried talking to girlfriends of mine. He didn’t breakup because of lost feelings but because I’m mentally unstable and therefore I was I little toxic which I tried to change and also acknowledge but it was really hard for me with my depression. I wanted to fight for this relationship. He said he still loved me and we even had "breakup sex" which he initiated and I regret it. It hurt me more now and he seems to not care one bit. The thing is after I found out that he was texting with all these girls already I confronted him and said some mean things like that I regret being in the relationship and that he is a disappointment.. he was giving me so many mixed signals and it was messing with my mental health. After the confrontation he got even meaner and more cold than before and blocked me on everything. I don’t want him back because there is more to the story of things he did shortly after the breakup but it’s so hard for me and I just can’t let go because we were both our fist love/relationship. We were together for almost 1,5 years and we had a really intense connection and emotional relationship, he was basically my best friend. I just feel like he turned into a complete stranger.
Mind games playing is a part of hot and cold. I noticed my exes like playing mind games with my emotions. I feel lead on at times. How to make them stop playing mind games?
Hi Rebecca, Remember that what we can control in this situation is just our own selves and how we would respond to the situation. What do y you think is the best Advanced Relational Skill that you can use to address the said scenario?
@@ClayAndrews be in the present moment awareness. Build up an emotional connection that is deeper. Be an upgrade version of your self then you were in the Past. Tell your ex that you are not the same person when he left you a long time that you changed. Apologizes for past hurts like cheating.
Get rid of these bots 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣
My ex is friendly texting sometimes then next day on world replies.
My ex-girlfriend Tracci Ludwick is hot and cold toward me because she wants to respect my mother.
She also stuck up and snooty.
what if my ex blocked me out of nowhere after 4 months been in no contact the whole time well she's been in a rebound relationship for 3 months
She’s no longer interested in seeing what’s happening in your life.
I just started the reconnection process with my ex we've had a few fairly short but positive conversations but she has pulled back everytime and left the conversation hanging what could this mean?
Hi Brandon, here's a short podcast that might explain why a pull back is happening. >> www.lovetalkfm.com/lt030-why-your-ex-pulls-back-after-positive-interactions/
I'd suggest her to see a doctor for possible Covid-19 infection.
Oh yeah. Do you love me? 😍💋 💝💖❤️
Clay, my wife left me eight months ago after a fight for the guy she previously had an affair with and devastated our marriage. (Our son lives with her parents, btw, while she lives with this guy)
She claims to be so happy with the guy she left me for, yet my gut feelings say something is amiss.
For example, her phone's lockscreen and wallpaper is of last year's Christmas photo of her and our son together, and not of her and this guy, despite how she used to very often proclaim to him to be the "love of her life".
When things were still wonderful between her and I, she used romantic pictures of us (like our wedding photos) together as her phone screens.
And she often probes about my dating life, which you said is a potential sign an ex wants you back.
She also usually greets me with a kiss directly on the lips, and she will often do or say something odd, like "I wish we had left all those years ago".
Which I find to be odd because if her and I had left for one of those many places we thought about with our son way back when, things wouldn't have happened with this other person, and her and I would still be happy together.
And there were two occasions where we had such a good time together, she "accidentally" french kissed me. Like, how do you "accidentally" French kiss someone? I never heard of that, have you?
October, she invited me to trick-or-treat and got all huffy when I refused to give her a straight answer about my dating life.
November, she and our son celebrated thanksgiving over at her parents without the guy, despite him previously being over before for a special occasion.
Last friday, not only was I greeted with a kiss on the lips (which I previously mentioned to be a thing she does), she kissed me a second time later, as well as agreeing to celebrate my new job with me on Christmas.
And when I decided to give her a real answer about my current dating status and what all i've been up to, she played it off as though she was disinterested, despite my love life being some thing she consistently probes about.
And she will often make daydream plans with me while rarely following through.
I have your book on how to communicate with an ex, so i've been making use of it to improve my Advanced relational skills, btw
So what are your thoughts, Clay?