SENDING MONEY (Sensitive Issue of The Filipino Culture) | TheFrostFamily
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- Опубліковано 12 жов 2016
- Hi! We are the Frost Family! This channel originally started out by Mike Frost, while he was waiting to get out of the military. He thought it would be fun to film our daily lives and upload it here on UA-cam. Now, it's me, Stephanie Frost who have kept up with the uploads since Mike got a new job.
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i dont have parents anymore to support in the Philippines because they passed away since 2008, i have 1 brother who is now 25yrs old and have own family of his own but still he want me to support them..i kept telling him, its not my obligation anymore to send him money , he needs to learn how to earn money and not always "ate, ate"..being here in U.S doesn't mean that we are rich, my God!! there's a lot of bills here to pay..thanks for this video..
Di mo naman matitiis kapatid mo eh
Same here.. same situation.. i told him never expect me to support anyone .. we were given the same opportunities before.. even if i make more he’s the one living the life like theres no tomorrow.. me and my husband are living frugally.. if they are old enough never support laziness and they’re YOLO life .. its not you’re responsibility..
You’re smart ❤️
KAYA hindi makakaahon ang Pilipinas dahil sa mentalidad na ganito. Its a circle na paulit ulit at pasa sa susunod na generation. Survival of the fittest, ang unang mamamatay ay ang mga pamilyang ganito.
Kung wala ka sa situation na ganito para kang nanalo sa lotto. Yun nasa ganitong situation, sorry your life & your childrens life is in a mess.
@@rejolaro6767 True. yung mga kapatid(panganay) pa ang sumusuporta at nagtataguyod ng pamilya kaysa mga magulang. 🤦 this is the reason why our country is still a shithole.
Thank you for posting this video. It exposes a raw nerve in almost every Filipino/American marriage. Let's be honest. You know damn well that your foreign husband did not marry you with the expectation that he would be supporting various members of your family for the rest of his life. Filipinas rarely discuss this expectation to support her family with their foreign fiances. If this is truly part of the culture, then it should be discussed openly BEFORE marriage. To all you filipinas out there, imagine if your American husband suddenly informed you that you will be expected to contribute your paycheck to send his little brother to college here in the U.S. You would say, "BULL*!)*!!!" And if he said, "Well, that is my family tradition, and if you can't accept that then you shouldn't have married an American", you would reply "I'm outta her loser!!!". You must realize just how hypocritical that sounds when you demand that your cultural traditions be followed, but your husband's culture does not matter at all. A reasonable filipina would at least expect a compromise between their two cultural views, and not demand that she always get her own way or she'll tampo you forever. That attitude indicates a lack of emotional maturity and shows the manipulation that is prevalent in Filipino culture.
That being said, I think it is perfectly reasonable for a filipina to expect that some money be provided to her aging parents to keep them in food, clothing, and shelter. And if the family budget is sufficient enough, sure why not put a sibling or two through college so they can go on to support themselves and stand on their own two feet. Then, that sibling graduate can go on to help another younger sibling go to college, and so on down the line. But don't think your going to lay the bill for the education of your entire family in the lap of your unwitting and gullible foreign husband and he's supposed to like it.
During the course of my 25 year marriage to my filipina wife, I have sent untold thousands to my wife's family in the Philippines. When it was for Nanay and and Tatay, I was happy to do it. When it was to help out brothers, sisters, etc., after the typhoon hit, I was happy to do it. But money for nieces, nephews, and cousins for everyday stuff also? Sorry, no way. It's not my fault that nobody in the Philippines seems to know what birth control is, and they all have to have eight children that they cannot afford.
Bottom line, it's always nice to be able to help out disadvantaged family in the Philippines but there's a limit. It should be included in the family budget, and when that is spent - NO MORE!
Jason James
Jason James you are correct....filipina here 😊....been helping all my life, can't even receive a xmas card or bday card....Anyway, God bless us all!
Absolutely true. Kahit nga bday or x´mas sms man lang , once a year lang yon, Hindi nga makabili ng load.
Also true for most families that live in impoverished country, I have co-workers that are from Laos and that seems to be a "universal" thinking if your married to a American,U.K., etc.
others call that as part of Filipino culture, but it's not, you can always say no. it's only a matter of will, if you stand by your decision to not give. even if that relative or family tries to manipulate or cause you to feel guilty or feel bad for not sending money. it's still on the person's conscience or can you stand by your decision to tell them no I don't have enough or spare money to give you. it's not bad to give money if it's an emergency or if the situation is life threatening. it's all about do you have the budget to give. but then again before you enter into marriage, study and know first the priorities of that person your marrying.
I don’t agree, as a Filipino woman living in Australia, it’s not ok to continue doing something just because it’s “part of the culture”. This is the exact reason why things won’t change because we just accept it as a cultural norm. This is not ok.
I am the eldest of 12 siblings and i did not finish high school because of financial problem. But then i wirked hard at 14 left home and send every cents to them until now i'm 29 still sending like i'm atm machine damn im tired sometimes when i ignore them i felt guilt of having a good life while they are not. So i kept sending like i am the health insurance, emergency insurance, allowane, etc. I'm tired but what can i do i don't want to see them zuffer while im in good condition. Our culture sucks!!!!!
Here’s why you should stop sending money:
1. It makes them lazy.
2. It encourages them to keep asking for more.
3. Their problems will never be solved.
4. They never invest it to make more.
5. They can never help you when you need any help.
6. Most of them are ungrateful, once they get the money they disappear until they need more money again.
7. Just save your money and enjoy life. Stop spending life in your 20’s and 30’s trying to solve other peoples problems.
👆🏽💯👆🏽
Anytime someone asks me for money, I ask What for? They might say to pay a light bill, kids tuition… I follow up with a, Provide me the acct numbers and I will pay directly. Right away they shut down!
My family is from the Caribbean and radomly you’ll get a call or message from someone that never checks in to see how you are but they want to ask for like, Backpacks for their kids. One cousin had the nerve to ask me to “check out” wigs/hair.
Facts!! My wife and experience 1 - 6 and I'm reminding her about no. 7. Most of the family didn't even take the time to wish us happy anniversary and they were in our wedding party...smfh
iam been married to a Filipina for 2yrs she doesn't believe sending money back home because they spend it on foolish things we do agree help them for food which is more important she's from the province.
Just wanna share my experience when I landed my first job in the Netherlands back in 2007, (I haven't met my husband yet) A lot of my relatives started asking if they could borrow money, and made a lot of promises when to pay it back. I told them I don't like to lend them money because if they can't pay me back, I'd be disappointed, and would only cause animosity between us. I couldn't allow that to happen so I'd rather GIVE a Little instead of lending--and they should work/find the rest of the money they need. Since then, none of them came back to borrow money and most importantly there's no bad blood coz everytime I go for a visit they are all happy to see me. You see, when you set boundaries, people will respect you and they will not take advantage of you.
That's codependent.
My own mother lied being confined in a hospital just for me to send money..... I called the hospital and was told that no one in that name is listed as a patient at the moment. Omg. Lol
Sad, how does one deal with that being it was your mother? Thanks for sharing.
@@delaluz4634most Filipino parents use their children as retirement funds and ATMs unfortunately. The underlying reason why they push their kids to be successful is so they can take care of them in reality. It’s like spawning out out your own worker bee/ future care provider. It’s a very messed up mindset that places a big burden on the children (especially the oldest) and feeds into the cycle of generational poverty
From my experience in the five years I have been here, it is true that families are close, but I see a lot of abuse. Family members who freeload, make up reasons why they need the money. I mean a lot!
Bob Mason abuse..... like 70 year old you marrying that 22 year old in your picture?
Jillian Rubin
I mean if they’re both adults and it’s consensual who cares?
@@shecklerLOVER712 Honestly, you´re stepping WAY too far over a line here and you´re being disrespectful as fuck. What 2 people do out of their free will is never as in *NEVER* something you should be the judge of or interfere with.
Thats disgusting. JUST ACCEPT it? That's like saying "Its ok if my husband slaps me, its the culture, just accept it"
True - it's an unwritten rule for us Filipinos to help and give back to the family .... I am married to an American guy , and never did I ask any money from him for myself nor for my family back in PI. It's not right to burden others for the culture that we Filipinos practice ....so I say , as long as it's not inconveniencing my husband or our family here - I'm always happy to work harder and send help .
When I watched it, I found it offputting. I was expecting Stephanie to explain more into detail the cultural nuances, reasons, and background about Pilipinos sending money back to their families rather than saying that one should accept.
That is disgusting! That’s not acceptable at all.
@@leannealexisExactly I'm sicked and im a Filipino myself 😢
@@annaspitz5165Correct po. Kasi this is not right, but what you say was correct aslo g as you aren't a burden to yourself or your family
yah, I have been married to a to a Philippino for twelve years. I can say for sure that the family expects that money on a regular basis. They have lied and stolen many times to get more money. It's my opinion that the family believes they are married into a financial outlet and not just a foreigner making his way in life.
Neighbors actually compare and compete on who gets the best lifestyle over a married off daughter. It can be really despicable.
I am an international contractor married to a pinay and living in the philippines. I pretty much support her whole family however the actual cost is not very much by american standards. I do draw the line when suddenly a relative comes to visit and suddenly decides he or she lives in our home. Especially males. I also drew the line on her mother who as soon as our home was built she was suddenly in charge . Like seriously bossy as in who could come and go and when . She told me to my face she had that right . I corrected that quickly by informing her she was a guest and if she wanted to remain as a welcome guest then to respect my wife as queen of castle . I only had to take the gate keys from her once to prove i was serious. Problem solved. Small culture clash and big drama but we handled it. We enjoy helping the kids in school very much though. It gives a feeling of pride and achievement when they graduate or get recognized for doing some achievement.
Never give any money to any relatives for any reason! When you give your hard earned money to your relatives you are keeping yourself poor and you are keeping them lazy and dependant. So nobody is benefiting. That is why the provinces of the Philippines are so dirt poor because the people that live there do not work. They just wait for remittances from those who work in Manila or abroad. Those relatives are worthless parasites. Stop sending them money. Delete them, block them. If you do that your life will improve and they will have to get off their ass and find jobs or start a small business. Trust me, I live in the Philippines now and this is a major problem in this country.
To all westerners in Thailand or the Philippines. Every morning spend ten minutes in the mirror repeating over and over again "I am old, ugly, balding, and over weight." And if you are short and poor add that and any other of your short comings also. Other wise they will have you thoroughly convinced that you look like Richard Gear within forty minutes.
Children should not be obligated to send money to their families, but rather it should be done because of love, not because of the "paying back" culture. By giving them money all the time, we train them to be lazy and dependent on us. They wouldn't make any effort anymore to have their own source of income as they can just ask from us. We are not helping them stand on their own. That's why I believe, everyone (parents and children) must work hanggang kaya pa. Families back home have the tendency to abuse their relatives abroad and they could even lie for money. We have a family-oriented culture and that's beautiful but most of the time, using the "family card" cuts the wings of the children who have other goals to pursue, aside from helping family. It's ugly to have this cycle. Sana lahat ay nagtutulungang may income, hindi inaasa, lalo pag nakapag-asawa ng foreigner, mas tataas pa ang expectation nila - and that is so sad.
They thought we are their ATM.
Many people get the idea that since America is a rich country then all Americans are also rich. Most of us are working hard just to get by and there are a lot of poor people here too. When I was married (to an American) her mother expected money so this isn't just a thing with Filipinas. Be careful guys, set boundaries early.
I am so proud of you as a daughter and a Filipina, and for speaking in behalf of all Filipinos our culture and how we dearly loved our families. Keep loving your mother the best way you can show it to her.
Unfortunately my Filipina girlfriend loved my wallet more than she loved me, hopefully one day I can find a lady who loves me for me.
Not all Filipinas are like that. Sad to hear that you found a fellow Filipina who is just after your money. Hopefully you find the right one for you. God bless you Sir!
trappermario40 what was your age difference? :/
I am a Filipina and I don't go for someone's wallet or citizenship. I earn my own money.
No, its literally present in every culture
I'm so sorry too hear that, and you will find love ❤️..I feel I'm in the same boat, so I stopped sending money and slowly the calls and texts went away..
I send only to my mother and I don't freaking care about other relatives..I am also married to foreigner,it's not my husband responsibility to give me money just to please my family back home.
Princess Franz I respect you to stand on your grounds. People are getting lazy these days.
I can relate to this but in my experience it is better to help as much as we can help without sugar coating and be sincere on that because once someone married in my opinion they are fully responsible for their own family. just be understanding for back home not too much taking anything for granted if it is still working out without asking help just keep on working things out just be empathy in right way between relative without faking it help as much as we can not spoiling in sense they need to understand value of money and working hard. In my case we siblings helped to build house and basic education up till high school for food they can afford once house established and after graduated they got work and I told them to pay it forward meaning helping other family in right way especially education. It seems it's not only issue for those whom married to foreigner
No!!! Help as much as you WANT! Not help as much as you can!!!
May I ask how was you able to tell your family no support except for your mother?
You can help your mom out as long as you have enough.. but love yourself first.. i myself have bad experienced with my own parents, when i was an unemployed for almost couple of months they treated me like a trash 🗑️ but when i got a call from HR and got my job as a software tester then they treated me like a princess. so i came to know and realized that helping much your family could lead into bad reality.. so love yourself first instead..
If you are married to a Filipina, she has to be strong and draw the line of when she will or will not send money. My wife has had a some people that she only met a few times ask her for money because they seen she lives here in the USA. And I agree if you are married to a Filipino she will be sending money home to her parent (most, not all). I am very lucky, my wife comes from a good family and a lot of her family works so they share at taking care of her mother.
Very accurate info and I agree 100% I've had plenty of Filipinos ask my wife/me for money without even knowing me or being close to her. Just because she's married to an American they assume she should give them money... Rather weird if you ask me
+C F - Yeah sadly enough it´s kinda an inherent part of Filipiono culture. I honest find it sad.
I dated a girl from Cebu in Philippines. I heard all the lies, hospital, surgery, rent, etc.
We lived in NYC, and every other week there was an emergency, I average sending $2000 USD to them a month. I decided to go to the Philippines, and see what was going on.
I asked the nephew is he ok, he said yes, I asked him if his heart, and kidneys were ok.
He said I have never been in the hospital, no one has.
I was so upset, then I find my wife's three sisters are prostitutes since the age of 15, and the my wife was a prostitute for 7 years before I met her.
They had to give all the prostitution my to the Father.
And all the little kids they said we the mothers kids were from my wife, and her sisters.
What kind of family bond is that, and one million lies from the first time I meet them.
I divorced my wife in the USA within 40 days. I was awarded my two children in the divorce.
Here is a situation I had. Finding out family members didn't really need the money they were asking for. They had plenty and just thought since we live in America, we were rich. Me and my wife didn't send any money but my step children (grown married adults) were hit up all the time. Once they found out, they didn't want to have anything to do with their relatives in the Philippines. Even though one of them is a sister. Both of my wife's parents are dead. I could write a book on Philippine woman. Good and bad. I married first in 1982. Best woman I have ever met. Since past in 1986 car accident. Left me with 4 step children to take care of. Made a mistake in marrying second wife too soon. Worst Philippine woman i had ever met. Gambler, cheater, liar and a thief. Should have been put in jail. The only good thing that came out of that was my daughter. So i could answer many questions about marrying a woman from the Philippines. In an Americans point of view. Great vlog young lady. You are very much like my first wife. I salute you for being a fantastic mother and wife. If I was there I would give you a giant hug for your service. P.S. The picture I'm using is my 12 yr old granddaughter. Sorry people for the long comment.
I am married to a filipina. I am British and she is from Zamboanga City. We lived in Bohol for several years but relocated back to Europe. I supported my step daughter through school and college and now she is a trained and qualified midwife. I was happy to pay these bills and do my best for her. She now earns enough to get by. I send her a little now and again but not much as she needs to be self reliant in life. My wife has three sisters, they should take care of the mother not me. I haven't been asked to finance the mother in law and I wouldn't do that anyway. I am interested in your video message as when we lived in Bohol it was a regular monthly thing to see people doing a month's shopping when the $500 or whatever came from the son or hubz working overseas. But the extended family also felt entitled to free money which is totally wrong. The sense of entitlement was surreal and yet very real, it made me sick. I like watching your films and will get my wife to do so too. I might even make a few myself from an older expat's perspective.
If you marry a poor Pinay, you marry the whole clan as well. It's some sort of "Catch 22" for these white people. They want to marry poor Pinays that they can afford but wouldn't want to shell out money. Because no normal Filipina would ever marry an old white dude.
@@alfredhitchcock45 The white husbands and wives have no obligations to anyone except the wife/husband and step kids. Saying the rest of the family is entitled to the wealth of the white person is just being a leech. Especially if they don't try to get a job or get an education.
She's saying it the way it is you marry the girl you marry the family it only stops when the woman dies !
Your children are growing fast and adorable. Filipino culture of helping family is good, and a lot of what you said about the pros and cons with that culture is 100% right. In my family we were raised by our parents to be independent and not rely to other people to be successful. First, my responsibility is to my parents and my husband. If I had children then my responsibility is to raise them to be responsible, god fearing, respect to one another, and love for family. When my parents was alive, there's nothing that they asked that I didn't give. I knew that some of my financial help didn't go to their personal needs but went to siblings who they thought needs help. When my last parent died, me and my siblings had a family meeting. My sister (eldest) told my siblings that from now on each of us should strive for our future and not rely on financial help. Happy to say that everybody in my family are doing fine, if I send money it's for birthdays, Christmas, donate if someone died, and other small things. 👍👍
You guys have a great family, great inspiration, thanks for sharing you life here
I am blessed to have a husband who is willing to help my family back home when they need it. When we met, I was still supporting my younger sister in college and as much as my husband would want to marry me as soon as possible, I refused and explained to him my reasons. He loves and respects my culture and so am I to his. I know that many
Americans or other nationality for that matter who are being treated as an ATM machine by his Filipina bride's family. As much as I love my family in the Philippines, I love my husband too! And there is no way that I would want anyone to take advantage of him even if it's my own family. So I made my sister finished college and sent money to my parents to open a little business and then we got married. Before we got married my husband told me that he is willing to send money to my parents in the Philippines monthly but I told him not to do so because as the time passes and he get to have heavy responsibility of his own, it will be burdensome for him.
Before we got married, I explained to my parents that I won't be marrying a millionaire and that he is just a regular worker like most of the Americans who have bills to pay. They understood and didn't demand anything from us. We send money to them from time to time when they need a little help and gifts for birthday or Christmas but that's it. We're living a very simple life and spoiling anyone in the Philippines is a big "NO" to us.
To Filipinas who have foreign husband:
Protect your husbands too from your families' unnecessary demands.
To Foreign husbands:
Do not close your heart if your wife's family especially her parents do really need help. They are now your family too.
To both: Talk and have a heart willing to understand and not just to be understood. God bless you all!
Ate, you're very sensible! I wish more Filipinos were like you. And you took responsibility for your family's expectations and drew that line for them not to overstep.
+Drummond Fengdahl I am blessed to be able to do that for my family. But sadly, others can't even if they want to. I think the key is to be candid with their situation and families' expectation. If the guy can accept her and her family, that should be determined before marriage to avoid lots of heartaches and bitterness. Because there are many good willed Filipinas out there who really love the guy but at the same time feel bad that they are eating nice food while their families are striving to eat 3 times a day and just genuinely want to help them especially their old parents without any motive to show off or make their husbands an atm machine. If you're a Filipino, you know how the children are expected to look after their aging parents.
I think it is vital to talk about expectations from both sides in different aspects of life before you get married and see if you can, somehow, still work things out and meet in the middle.
when 2 person married think about your and kids future ,,yes help is ok when you have extra money ..but its does not mean sending money to wife all the relatives ,its sound crazy ,yes help parent when they need you. thats common sense
Watching this... I highly want to slap my face. Yeah respect & be loyal... Only when able! Why do we have to break our body here for them to be pampered? Why should my children go hungry here, while they get to travel around?
I use to have work. All my salary went to bills OR his hubbies (gas / nitro airplanes, helicopter RC, RC toys for the big boys, etc) I'm totally drained everyday just so he is happy & to fill in the rest of the bills. The only thing i bought for myself were $20/month... Not per week... Per month! $5 per week!
When i stopped working, (my sons needed extra help in their basic reading & writing) hubby had to do two jobs and did not get to do ANYMORE of his fav pass times. Our family should have been ok right?
But no... Since he got so tired all the time, hubby now wants an immediate balik bayan experience. No financial prep... So we are on a huge loan due to the grrrr tickets. Ok fine right?
Now the worst are starting to pile in. He keeps telling ppl we are coming to visit... Here comes everyone wanting pasalubong. I TOTALLY detest that word!
Adding, his mom (my mother-in-law) wants to be beautiful upon our arrival. She's asking for his HARD earn money (for bills) to pamper herself. She totally said to do this and that (I would have been less heartbroken if she said: Please help us with the grocery)
While she will be pampered... We are here 3 months delayed in bills and apartment landlord is advising us to pay on time or move out.
I cry everytime I see my husband gets home super tired... But still have so much more work to do to be financially holding on.
I told my mother-in-law about it. You know what she said? Stop faking! We all know your fridge is full of food... When in reality... My family's fridge only has milk, water, and food for a few days. Not even a week... So i have to ration what we have until the next paycheck 😭
Why are filipinos so blinded by false expectations? I wish my mother-in-law can come here and experience the reality of life.
$4k/month is just for the daily needs. We have not gone shopping for clothes for so long! All our clothes we wear now were all from people feeling bad for us.
We are poor. But relatives back home see us rick. I blame my husband. He takes pictures of things that looks like he was doing well. Falsehood is haunting him now.
I hate false expectations! That there is no words to describe my anger. Oh and the "cherry on top" of all of this... I have to act like i love all of those ppl that will be exalting my husband when he arrives in his province. (I won't be able to reach out to my family... This trip is focused solely on his part of the family... and neighbours)
PS: when i went back as a balikbayan... I came as a tourist (and my mom used one of my luggage as the balikbayan box... Which is fine. I gave it to relatives.) I detest ppl looking at me like im important. I pleaded for them to treat me equally... Cuz... I'm not a royal.
when HE cometh ikr
im proud of u girl,u being a filipina in foriegn land that is successful and having a happy family
I'm South African American and I thought that I was the only one who had this problem.
If you open up the dour and start sending funds, the family in The Philippines can become very dependent on you sending the funds. I see the relatives in the islands setting around watching tv and I am working two jobs. I have two jobs because I can find two jobs. They can not find a job or so they say. I am nearly 70', my asawa is nearly 67, and she still works. Sending funds us a touchy subject. I say, use great caution. God bless!
First thing is Filipino Culture is Family Related When one of our family member working abroad or living abroad either married foreigners they expect it has always to get a dollars on you pocket. Helping to our Family its Good but has limitations. Depends on your situation how you can sustain them to support.. Don't Tolerate them Instead teach them how to be an Independent. especially if they are able to find a job and to work. If you are an Eldest in your Family you have Obligations to support your parents because is honor to us. if you have brothers and sisters and able to work to support they need teach them to be an Independent you can help them if needed. Filipino family has First class to middle class standard of living but If you are raised from a poor Family without Nothing we couldn't blame each situation instead work hard and pursue your family to build up. Being raised from a middle class family although I have some rich relatives and some poor relatives too.. When I starting working Abroad for almost 6 years and I'm Single mother I raised my Family alone I help my parents. Well theres is Nothing wrong with that but I suggest you can help them if needed but has limitations. don't tolerate them if they are able to work. Just be Independent to yourself. But Our parents we have Obligations to support them especially if they are Old and Unable to work and sick. Thank you my Dear steph 😘 I love your Family!
times are changing ang people getting wiser..especially those who work their asses off and fully understand money doesn't grow on trees.....just a balanced view and reasonable generousity when it comes to money. and by the way,family ties and closeness shouldn't rest upon our abilities to send and give money. sadly, though, a lot of resentments between families stemmed from the "giver's" (ofw, tubigan family member, etc etc) now changed, more practical views about giving, and thus refusal to be the breadwinner of those who can make bread themselves, if they really want to. supporting elder parents is a different issue, but only slightly, since this can also cause a rift amongst siblings. i think the secret to being a happy giver is to First ensure you don't become a charity case yourself because of giving. put your needs first, may sound harsh but reality is, we are no good for anybody if we can't even stabilize our own lives and prepare a sustainable lives for future children.
Thank you for posting this! I would say if you're gonna give, only give if you can afford it and when you do, don't give too much. Giving too much will only enable them and you're setting yourself up for a trap. You'll be expected to provide for everything and when you decline, you'll be portrayed in a bad light. When giving money, be firm and clear that that's what you can afford. It's not your problem if your relative/s don't know how to manage their finances properly. You're not their savior. Filial piety is the worst thing in our culture and I fucking hate it. I'm speaking from experience unfortunately.
true... it's our culture, we love our family so much.
If your parents are old, disabled or otherwise incapable of working this is a great thing, and sometimes necessary as age discrimination in the workplace and lack of jobs is a real issue in the Philippines; however, that isn't always the case as there are some lazy parents there who are pressuring their children to "do their duty" and handle their responsibilities for them while they play e-bingo, drink red horse, and sing karaoke. Clear limits and priorities need to be set as something like this can destroy a relationship or marriage when money is expected to be delivered, but the husband or wife doesn't agree. When you are married you start your own new family, and that new family is your first priority. Not your only priority, but your first.
I just got here, [to your site]. Btw, ur English is quite impressive. So, I take it that verbal communications with your american spouse is not a big hurdle. Beautiful family u got there! NOW, I agree that the money issues with regard to Filipino families back in the Philippines is indeed prevalent, and is unfortunately a culture that is open to critcisms. For a foreign spouse, specially those from the west, it's a head scratching puzzle. It is indeed a "guilt trip", "emotional trap" part of the "family bond" culture, not only of the Filipinos, but Asians in general. I call it KINDNESS on DEMAND. This is such a contentious issue between the Filipino and their foreign spouse. And more likely, the foreign spouse is left feeling emotionally ambushed. To respect this Filipino culture is one thing, and to be pressured to actually allow it in your marriage, specially if funds are tight, is another. It is a unfair burden. So, here's what I feel is the better compromise, the Filipino spouse should not demand this practice from their foreign spouse. However, if the Filipino spouse is adamant in fullfilling this culture, then they should finance it themself with funds, separate from their joint income. If their foreign spouse decides to give, it should be free from any pressure. Goodluck.
wish I could find a strong, intelligent, graceful lady like you.
omg your children is so cute. you speak very good english, actuallu just as well as me, and i live in the states. did you learn in school. Thank you for sharing.
hi thx. do u use the canon rebel camera for also streaming the video?
5:41 to cut to the chase.
My mom cut off family in the Philippines they have the nerve to demand money quickly when they themselves were pretty well off. They thought that if you live in America you are rich af and don’t have to work hard for money. Just overall bad experience with them with lies and stealing from her. My sister went off on them and haven’t heard from them since 😊
My fiancée definitely does take care of her dad back in the Philippines, as well as sending boxes and taking care of education fees. It truly is a cultural thing!
Time now to follow your culture. Equal opportunity of cultures.
love how Emma "just feels it" ( she rocks her head) when you say Maayong Buntag..haha
I agree some Family they are lying about the situation just to ask money from their family abroad which is not good. Yeah I know it's a culture but the family must also respect the person who is working really hard abroad
As a Filipino myself, I am not always negative but this is one of the Filipino traits of being lazy.
Even though there where vacancy jobs and opportunities available in Philippines, the family will be like "Kasi, my Auntie/Uncle etc. is working and living good in (USA/UAE/Brunei/Singapore/etc) I will just rely on him/her!" Another trait is "Oh my Cousin/Sibling is working a good job like Call Center etc, so I will just rely on her/him to send money to me!"
This is the trait of an excuse of being lazy, not physically, but mentally.
Awesome content 👍🏽👍🏽 Massive thumbs up from a new subscriber. I thought this only happened within African families
happy couples frost family.god bless you
Good to see you got the wheels. Mike's only word on the video was "UM" - I eat the chicken taco salad no cheese and no sour cream with extra chicken and load the New Mexico salsa on top - Thanks for always sharing and look forward to the next video -oh what is an OFW - i am guessing overseas Filipina Wife
So Filipinos are the only ones that are struggling? There are people here in the US that are struggling also?
My Filipino family is very proud to ask for help, but i pay attention as best i can to their needs. Every time I try to send a gift ( things that are needed) i am told its too much lol . I figure we do well and I really don't mind sharing some of what my beautiful wife and I have been blessed with :)
I'm so happy I found you guys! I'm sure you watch the Travis Family on itsjudyslife here on UA-cam, you guys have very similar material 💗 love from Canada
I tell my blood sucking relatives, you can pick up the money at Raffy Tulfo. I have not heard from them anymore.
Where is that
I'm from a well to do Filipino family, we could afford luxuries that most Filipinos can't and I also have a high paying job. Knowing that, my siblings who live in other countries (NY, USA and Dubai) still send money during holidays or whenever there's an emergency. Note that I don't even ask for money they just voluntarily give it. It really is part of our culture.
shaninagans
Yes, it's true. It is like the "pasalubong" culture of Filipinos, whether they live in another country or inside the Philippines.
Are you male or female?
Nice video good information thanks I send money home once a month to my kid's .
Very nice video. Such a beautiful family and great information too
Well.. That culture is one of many that I refuse to do, mainly because I don't think it's fair for my husband considering that he's foreign to Filipino culture. It's not that we won't send any dime at all.. Don't get me wrong., we do send like presents, thanksgiving and emergencies, those cases for me is no explaining needed, my husband gets it and doesn't need my word.
Well of course my story would be totally different if I married a millionaire, that case I could feed the whole village without me complaining.
Point is, as a someone in between I have the role to make both parties understand the facts, this way marriage is all good.
Cheers
Maria Fran True! Im a homemaker and my husband is the one bringing income and we have our own family to take care of. We have bills to pay and my relatives in the Phils. keep asking for money (my parents passed away) so i'm talking about aunties, etc. I'm not liking the fact that they make me feel like I'm obliged to help them. I'm not. We send money to them if we have extra but if we refuse to send money, I'm made to feel as if I'm a bad person. It annoys me to be honest.
That's the reality I guess when it comes to Filipino culture kala nila humahakot Ka ng dolyar sa abroad Kung makahingi wagas
This clear and so true... This is the right way and when i read this, you just nailed it. Sometime, in while for easter or Xmas is all ok. or when they need so bad and is emergency, this is understandable. But when i ask Filipinos how about send money to their parents, They said it is all depend, he named some examples: The cases of Familie where they still doing this, Non-Educated, People living far from the big cities where they keeping there old ways, because back in time before WWII it was the same thing here in Belgium to, What you see in the province was in belgium start 20 century and when you Go to the big cities you will not see this often,, this become kinda rare thing, there you can start comparing it to the western world... That is the way the filipinos told me of corse, they know it better than us western :D.. But than i was thinking, some filipinos make tone and say it is our Culture (What already not to the culture belongs in fact) and do understand that they want to help there parents, but look a white guy to upgrade there parents life is just wrong, it is not correct, you just said if you rich you would well me to but in fact everyone struggles with paying bills, buy food, clothes, pay the school and go on and end of the month luky you have 3000peso left en hopely to safe this for something important.. This is how life is, yes there are families have it all good, lot of money and can afford to do that, but my guess, this is 1 on 10 the chance. If i read all forums, discussions and need to make conclusion that maybe 5% of the foreigners do agree with this because they able to do that.
Some filipino relatives and friends think that you're well off and living the life when you're abroad or married to a foreigner. We would always tell our relatives living abroad to not send pasalubong too often because we know that they also have bills to pay and other more important obligations.
Anyway, ate steph, this is not relevant to the topic but what nail polish are you wearing? Looks really nice on you.
Danelle M m
pasalubong is something from very long time ago, when Philippines didn't buy lot of International goods. Today you can buy everything in Phil and is even Cheaper to buy in Phil incase send a big box that cost to much money, all what they send in the box you can find in the mall. It was just tradition from back in time when it was so hard to find international things in phill. So be smart and ake your Box in Phil, same stuff just that you safe a lot more.
hi steph. husband ko mike(michael) din ang name, im from davao bisaya pud, i have 2 kids like yours, where from colorado:-) like your video here, i do the same thing sending allowance for my family in the philippines twice a month. Sometimes its hard specially if they keep asking more :-) but we try to limit what we are sending to them. thanks for sharing your video!
This is so true....👍👍👍
Ode&IanVlog
Truth. People abuse kindness terribly. A relative of ours constantly requests money. My mom will help in a heart beat when she sees the need. That relative is not so much good at managing money, spending on unnecessary things. They requested money from my mom and other relatives living abroad. A second cousin of mine a few years back got a heart stroke. His wife did not ask my mother for me money, but she was in such need. My mom voluntarily gave the money. Certainly, one should not have to be in such extreme pain as recovering from a stroke to request money. However, there are limits. My mom tried really hard to put herself in the first situation, so that she may understand where the first relative came from. My mom has lived the poverty life and experienced nothing but rice and a tiny fish for much time. She saw and has spoken of the means my grandfather went through to get her and her other 7 siblings an education or a secure investment (i.e. within farming). Aid must be given, but not abused.
Everything you said about the pasalubong, money, and just our culture was perfectly explained. It's very hard for others to understand a different culture if they haven't had to experience it. Thank you for educating the audience. Ingat po!
Ps. I may have overused the word "need", but the difference between wants and needs is so prevalent.
I earn close to 100k a year. I only support my immediate family only. I don't give anything to my girlfriends Family who are from the Philipines. I've learned to only take care of myself and my daughter and girlfriend.
That's why rich people only f*ck each other. They know that if they marry someone who earns less than they do, it will cause some problems. But in a way, a young and beautiful Filipina who marries a man older than her, it is normal that she gets something in return. You have to be delusional to think that an old and ugly man can marry a young and beautiful Filipina without any counterpart from her.
very true..I hope american people who married Filipinas will have the opportunity to watch this so that they can understand.. like your vlog ms. Steph and the whole frost family.. :) keep it up.
Raciel De Venecia .. I'm ready. just opened an account with LBC, MoneyGram and WesternUnion also applied for a Home Equity loan..
Marie Dajeno .. The only thing I'm afraid of is President Rodrigo Duterte is getting more and more angrier at americans then issuing the order no longer accepting Dollars.
are you ready for what Mr.?
We'll. . It looks like Chinese yuan or Russia rubles. . with the money changers. .
good job steph! nice video and information .. its like we filipino wanted to bring back all the things that our family or parents did for us. for all the things they have given us, all the things they have done to for us to be a better person .. like u said its our culture and our duty, we're just helping them right .. godbless and takecare
you said it right girl..my sister is married to a canadian gladly my brother in law understands this culture and even help my sister buy pasalubong..they dont have that much but they share something for the family
Yes, we can understand the parents, but often the parents are too kind and will give the money to adult children who refuse to work. Even known some who had a job and quite and then asked for money from the OSW or the American spouse.
I agree to u that is very true
You guys are a tonic, you are cute little family and interesting, good role models. Mike and I share guns as a common interest (having lived in Rhodesia for eight years with plenty game around) Be blessed, Joe, South Africa.
God bless you guys. Tha is for the video I agree too. My wife is filipina and im from Canada. Filipina is the best partner a man can have in their life. ❤
Nope, so many friends married philipina they all divorced coz wife cheat, dishonest & liar, some good some bad
Here in the USA, sending money to adult family members makes them lazy. Here, even poor folks here are rich compared to Filipinos
I am from India. My culture is same. I always take gifts for my family and at times even for neighbors. That is Asian culture. People who are criticizing that part of Asian culture, need to understand the difference between love and extortion. In true love, no one extorts the other person. In love between family members, earnings and expenses are common. My family does not let me spend a cent of my money when I am in India. That is how they show their love for me. I send them gifts and take gifts with me. That is how I show my love. That is, of course, in addition to doing things for each other that family members do.
I am married and I still send money to my family . Not a lot! But just to help! Living in the US is hard,too and people in the PH dont have any idea about that. They have this wrong impression that when you live in America, everything is very easy or you are pooping money. Which is absolutely not the real deal.
And you are right, we help but there is a limit to it. Coz we are also providing for our own family. We our helping. It is not an obligation. We help when we can.
Re: Sending money home. I suggest for anybody wanting to marry a Filipina to establish a prenuptial in that regards. It's not only good protection for the non-Filipino spouse but also the Filipino. With Catholic guilt and respect for elders, it puts the Filipino in a difficult position for a lifetime. The extended family can always find a reason why they need the money! There are hundreds of stories of families using the "Breadwinner" and them becoming dependant establishing a welfare system. I experienced it firsthand 10 years straight- it sucks!! Except for my Father, everybody was too good to get a job- they weren't hungry enough. So there I am working three jobs trying to earn money for the whole family. I've seen my Titas and Titos working hard labor in senior living facilities sending money home. The kids get spoiled just waiting for their remittance getting educated but not really pursuing career, they're too good to do entry-level work, getting girlfriends pregnant, getting addicted drugs. Mrs. Frost be careful , set limitations or a matching program because despite your love and good intentions- it can become a lifelong habit and actually cultivates bad qualities in your loved ones.
yes its true we have to help our family but one thing is helping and another things is someone becoming the walfare department. Some family will take advantage. like i said i don't mind my wife helping her immediate family but am sorry i am not planing to take care of cuz, friends neighbor and ants. if there is a real need then sure why not but hell no am not sending them on a regular basis.
Very true this is a serious sensitive topic
Thanks for sharing.
I don’t mind my partner supporting his elderly parents. But sometimes these families back home think soon as you land in UK/US monies falling from the sky.
It’s abit annoying. I brought my husband to the UK we have children now. His sister’s have partners and children. They expect my partner to support them both and his nieces and nephews like their his children. Someone said to me the other day money discourages effort and I agree. My partner needs to learn how to say no and tell them to find a job he has his own family now.
I don’t know where this entitled behaviour comes from. It’s unacceptable anymore.
You guys have a really cool Fam🙂
ang cute ng kids mu they reminds me of my nephew
omg I can relate am married and I lived abroad family expect so much from u
My fiance older siblings 3 of them work abroad and they are supporting only their kids, sometimes giving something for the parents, i am paying for my fiance's college and allowance, it's suppose to be their job doing that, and i was recently told that after we are married we will be supporting her parents +++ and a niece and deal with any family emergency, i told her no that is not fair.. however it seems i can't win this fight. side note i have no problem helping the parents 15k 20k peso a month but the rest of the family who could not help her with studies and allowance are on their own as far as i am concerned.
You have to talk about all this before married, and you need to have sole custody of your bank account, because if you don't your never going on vacation and enjoy working till you die because they will squeeze you for ever cent you earn if you let them. not every Filipina will do this but many will they will remember the suffering and give away everything she earns and everything you earn.
I can understand helping parents here and there but only if they are older in age but sisters and brothers,NO.
Well you know we Asian, and family value is always in our culture. My ex was from Thailand, and I sent money to her family every month, because they was poor. A 100$ you can do a lot over there , and food is so cheap. But here 100$ you waist that on grocery and that wont be enough. South east asia have more poor people and poverty, to me I have a big heart to help her family. But I know some people would make up lies to get money, what we do we ask familys or relative is it true what that person is telling us before we send her the money. But as long you can afford to give just give. Asian culture is so different from American. I know an Asian girl marry a white guy, and he had a lot of money. She send money to her famiy to build house , buy a car. One day the husband got tire of it, and the girl left him because he wasn't on her side to help her poor family . So remember if your the husband and have an Asian wife be ready to do anything for her and her famiy when help calls. But one thing I know about Asian females, they will do anything for there husband, they will take care of the family good!!!
My parents have been divorced for over 10yrs, never talked or saw each other since then. My dad is retired, renting a room from a friend for nearly 4yrs now and he hates it. He has been hemming and hawing indecisive about getting his own place.
Well, my mom recently pass away leaving me the house which I plan to sell, and my dad keeps nosing around.
I said repeatedly I am not letting anyone in the house.
He gives me a ride because I had to quickly pick up somestuff, and after i ran in he on the porch asking me to let him in… why? Stay in the car, what you need to be in here for? I love my dad and I know he has also be sneaky and does lie.
A lot of loved ones are truly vultures and I know my Caribbean folks, when ppl have nothing they try to wiggle themselves into someone’s situation.
I bet… my dad is going to ask me to live there until he finds a place. Caribbean ppl especially Barbadians like my family, they talk talk talk. No doubt he talking to his friends and they encourage him to insert himself. 🙄🙄🙄 Won’t be happening mmmkay
LOL that 1:59 min look!!!! Love love love you guys!
every family situation is different. my Filipina and I both work and barely cover all our expenses. but we send $400 or more each month. We have an old home and an old car with high mileage. the average Filipino has no idea how much stress and insecurity we have in the USA. if I sound a bit defensive.... sorry... we also support our church and her home church and so I guess this kind of touched a nerve...
Sir, I'm a Filipino living in the US and I'm appalled at your generosity. You and your wife are sacrificing your own financial security for the sake of others; will they extend the same if something emergent happens to you or your wife? Please reconsider investing more in yourselves as no-one else will.
Good luck to you both.
Adorable kids 😍
what the heck. wheel stolen? in america? In our city, someone's vehicle engine got stolen and it happened overnite. He just parked his vehicle at night and in the morning when he is about to leave, he's vehicle wont start then he opened his hood and found the engine missing.
100% agree sis!
This isn't unique to the PI. I think its more obvious because of the large numbers of Filipinos who are OFW (Overseas foreign workers). You have to set limits and establish the boundaries, because this will be a major issue as time goes by. Unrealistic expectations, increasing family pressure, dishonesty are not uncommon. But when done responsibly its a wonderful thing.
Whetu Rangi
A lot of my father's relatives work abroad or are pretty well-off. But we never expect anything from them. In all my 16 years of existence in this world, there has been only one time... one time where we received a gift from those relatives; and that happened very recently.
I don't think a lot of Filipinos expect anything from those working abroad. I believe this is only applicable when the one working abroad is either your: sister, brother, daughter, son or any relative that are pretty close to you by blood. Therefore in general, no one expects anything -- however, I do acknowledge that there are a lot of people who think that when you're abroad, you have your hands full with green.
When we were back in the US, we sent money every month and at least 6 BBBoxes per yr to my mother in law. Now, we moved here to the PH in 2013. My mother in law is in our care fulltime (she is 100% blind). I think there is a certain expectation of responsibility esp. if they know youre coming and made/make a living abroad. Just the way it is.... miss my kids at that age.... they grow quick. We have family vlogs too. Stop by, if/when u have time.
p.s.
Yup, I know all about the lying part and use their kid as a reason and/or even God. Disgraceful!
TokTok Cali Vlogs ..you a good man Tok Tok..
It's a sensitive subject, I as a foreigner met a Filipino woman online and helped her financially several times in need. she has a brother and sister abroad who support the family. Due to the pandemic, the loss of work and other problems, her sister has not sent money for some time and her brother only just enough to pay the bills but no extras for the groceries. except for some rice left, there is no food for the rest. actually it is assumed that I will again offer help for which I do not actually feel obliged to, but because I had offered help before, it feels like being put on the spot. Once you've offered help, it's hard to get rid of it and puts you in a dilemma. my last help was about 24k to undo a wrong installment purchase which would otherwise end up costing twice as much as doing it with monthly installments
just subscribed love you videos. I am learning alot from them. Im going to meet my gf's family for the first time. Is it still save to visit?
I feel
You girl
Not about obligations. . And I'm also married to an American, but helping my family is not about being married to a foreigner, and you are right Stephanie, about the fact the we are bond to our family. We respect the needs of our family. But some will just take advantage of them. I don't depend from .y husband to help my family. I do work for me to support my family. So at least no one will aggravate the fact of milking some one that from their hard work. EVERY one has their own story.
TEACH A MAN TO FISH, THINK ABOUT IT.
Marry a Filipina and off course you marry the whole extended family. Guys just remember ???
Jeff UK well that’s what you get for trying to marry a girl half your age
Yes we need to financially help Our PARENTS but not siblings who don't and won't work and would just rather smooch of their parents, what a freaking shame !!!!!
This only tells part of the "story" of our culture. Remember "Panatang Makabayan?" In that oath, one swears to be a responsible and productive citizen of Phil. What does that entail? Well, like Lola said, you should be independent, learn to stand on your own 2 feet, don't ask for hand-outs, don't live above your means, etc. A lot of my relatives seemed to fail in those 2 mores. As an example, my family was always the go-to family for financial assistance, and we were poor too! Did we get any help when we needed it? Nope. Lola (who emigrated to the US) bailed us out a few times, but those were the only times that she gave us money. So, in my family's case, we would help, but it better be a real emergency. We've cut quite a few relatives off recently when we found that we were being scammed (don't you just love Facebook?)
Stay true to your Mom, and I'm glad that you're mindful of your responsibilities to your growing family that's HERE in the US.